IN Magazine: November/December 2023

CELEBRATING CANADA’S 2SLGBTQI

COMMUNITIES

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

QUEER SINGER-SONGWRITER RÊVE OPENS UP ON PAST LIVES AND THE PROCESS BEHIND HER DYNAMIC DEBUT WHAT A TRANS MAN WANTS YOU TO KNOW ABOUT BREAST CANCER 12 2SLGBTQI+-FRIENDLY PICTURE BOOKS YOU’LL WANT TO READ WITH KIDS ARE THERE WAYS TO DISARM THE CULTURE WARS? 1

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inmagazine.ca PUBLISHER Patricia Salib EDITOR Christopher Turner

CONTRIBUTORS Jesse Boland, Adriana Ermter, Bianca Guzzo, Elio Iannacci, Karen Kwan, Luis Augusto Nobre, Ivan Otis, Stephan Petar, Brian Phillips

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ON THE COVER: RÊVE PHOTOGRAPHER: GARRETT NACCARATO STYLIST: AMBER WATKINS HAIR: ROGER MEDINA MAKEUP: ADAM OAKNINE

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Above: Bilal Baig and Fab Filippo, co-creators, executive producers and showrunners – with Baig also the star – of the critically acclaimed dramedy Sort Of. The final eight-episode season will premiere in Canada on the free CBC Gem streaming service beginning Friday, November 17 (two episodes will be available per week), with the series finale set for Friday, December 8.

Photo by Michael Gibson, courtesy of CBC

Issue 115 November | December 2023 INFRONT

FEATURES

06 | CO-CREATION TO HELP ADVANCE HEALTH EQUITY CAAN & Gilead Sciences Canada partner to support Indigenous communities living with or at risk of HIV and viral hepatitis

16 | IS IT SAFE TO SAY GAY AT THE DINNER TABLE? How to navigate uncomfortable conversations with family about gender identity and sexual orientation during the holidays

08 | FIVE WAYS TO WARD OFF THE WINTER BLUES What you can do to boost your mood this winter

18 | 2SLGBTQI+-FRIENDLY BOOKS YOU’LL WANT TO READ WITH KIDS This collection of 2SLGBTQI+-friendly picture books for storytime introduces children to important figures from history, features characters that live in diverse families, and celebrates self-expression and individuality

09 | NURTURING HOPE, RESILIENCE & EDUCATION AMONG CHILDREN AFFECTED BY HIV Rajesh Pisharody, executive director at The Teresa Group, discusses some of the unique challenges facing Canadian children and youth living with HIV, and the supports that are available to them to access at The Teresa Group 10 | NEW YEAR’S REVOLUTION In 2024, let’s focus on changing “small” things as the first steps towards a future where we won’t be afraid of our identities 12 | ORGANIZATIONS SUPPORTING 2SLGBTQI+ YOUTH IN CANADA The future is queer: These 2SLGBTQI+ organizations across Canada are cultivating affirming spaces for queer youth to thrive

20 | WHY WE NEED TO DOCUMENT OUR EXPERIENCES FOR THE FUTURE Telling queer stories transmits our history, providing the opportunity to learn about our experiences and inspire the next generation.

Storyteller Jeffrey Canton gives us some tips on how to document our stories, and tells us why they’re important to share 22 | YOUR BREAST SELF What Spencer, a trans man, and 30 other Canadians want you to know about breast cancer…especially if you think it’ll never happen to you 24 | MY STORY Seven women from across Canada share their stories about their breast cancer diagnosis

26 | RÊVE: SONIC SUPERNOVA Queer singer-songwriter Rêve opens on the past lives, the growing pains and the processes behind Saturn Return, a dynamic debut cementing her status as a bona fide pop artist 30 | THE PROPER ETIQUETTE FOR BEING A HATER The perfect recipe for finding the sweetness within one’s bitterness 32 | LET’S TALK ABOUT QUEERBAITING Traditionally, the issue has applied only to fictional characters, but can celebrities queerbait us too?

44 | ARE THERE WAYS TO DISARM THE CULTURE WARS? The answer is pretty crucial, especially when 2SLGBTQ+ lives are being used as weapons to make a point 46 | WELCOME TO SAN JUAN LGBTQ+-owned and operated Dreamers Welcome works stylish, sustainable design and thoughtful amenities into cool holiday hideaways 50 | FLASHBACK: NOVEMBER 11, 1994 IN LGBTQ+ HISTORY Real World star and AIDS activist Pedro Zamora dies FASHION 34 | SWEET DREAMS Where angels go to play dress-up

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INDIGENOUS HEALTH

CO-CREATION TO

HELP ADVANCE HEALTH EQUIT Y CAAN & Gilead Sciences Canada partner to support Indigenous communities living with or at risk of HIV and viral hepatitis

Meaningful change requires thoughtful listening and collaboration. When CAAN Communities, Alliances & Networks and Gilead Sciences Canada began work on developing the GLOWS Indigenous Health Grant to support Indigenous communities with or at risk of HIV and viral hepatitis, they knew the road ahead would need to be guided by open conversation and a shared mission to drive action.

An opportunity for positive change Indigenous people continue to experience a significantly higher incidence of HIV and viral hepatitis infections compared to non-Indigenous populations. While Indigenous Peoples make up five per cent of Canada’s total population, they represent 18 per cent of all new HIV infections, and are two to five times more likely to acquire hepatitis C than non-Indigenous groups.1, 2 More than just health issues, these illnesses are the scars of colonialism and structural oppression which persist today.

Indigenous communities continue to face systemic barriers that hinder their access to care.

To begin addressing these inequities, Gilead Sciences Canada approached CAAN, the only national Indigenous-led organization with HIV and viral hepatitis care at the core of their mission, to co-create a grant program that would help reduce the transmission of these diseases in Indigenous communities. The program would align with the Truth and Reconciliation Commission’s call to highlight the value of Indigenous healing practices, and bridge the gap between traditional medicines and western diagnosis and treatment.

“Indigenous ways of knowing and doing are essential to the health of our communities, and that includes the many Indigenous Peoples across this land who continue to live with HIV and viral hepatitis,” says Margaret Kisikaw Piyesis, Okimaw and CEO for CAAN. “We welcomed this opportunity to join hands with Gilead to help ensure our communities can access the care they need.”

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

Christophe Griolet, GM and vice-president, Gilead Sciences Canada, and Margaret Kisikaw Piyesis, Okimaw/CEO of CAAN, attending the GLOWS Grant launch event in Regina. (Candy Fox Photography)

CAAN Elder in Residence Betty McKenna and GLOWS grant project coordinator Tawnya Crowshoe at the Grant launch. (Candy Fox Photography)

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Partners above all CAAN and Gilead marked the beginning of their partnership in April 2022 with a bundle ceremony led by CAAN Elder in Residence Betty McKenna. In the months that followed, CAAN generously shared their guidance and expertise to ensure the joint effort would align with Indigenous teachings and address the real needs of Indigenous Peoples on this land now known as Canada. Together, the organizations worked to set their shared goals, determine their opportunity to create impact and develop a program that prioritizes accessibility and equity.

INDIGENOUS HEALTH

For Christophe Griolet, general manager and vice-president for Gilead Sciences Canada, it was critical that the grant program be co-led with a community leader like CAAN.

Australia. They are pledging a total of US$6 million in funding over three years with the hope of expanding its reach to more communities in the years to come.

“At Gilead, we are committed to promoting health equity through robust community partnerships, and the GLOWS grant is a shining example of that commitment coming to life,” says Griolet. “The grant’s framework was developed hand-in-hand with CAAN to ensure it would be supportive of Indigenous Peoples’ right to autonomously shape their own path towards healing.”

The first cohort of funded projects in Canada will be announced in December 2023. For more information about the program, visit CAAN.ca/GLOWS.

GLOWS GRANT FUNDING

This co-creation gave birth to the GLOWS Indigenous Health Grant: Guiding Local Opportunities for Wellbeing. Brought into ceremony and officially opened for applications on September 21, the GLOWS Grant is a three-year commitment that aims to advance health equity within Indigenous communities by enhancing engagement in cultural, HIV and viral hepatitis care.

PRIORITIES

Bringing it to life The GLOWS Grant offers a financial commitment of US $3 million (approximately C$4 million) over three years and is open to Indigenous-led organizations whose work aims to improve the holistic health and well-being of Indigenous populations, with a specific emphasis on addressing HIV and viral hepatitis.

EDUCATION

HOLISTIC CARE

Build awareness of symptoms, drivers of transmission, and available care through Indigenous-led health information and services.

Enhance the capacity to deliver HIV / viral hepatitis and traditional care, addressing the physical, mental, social and spiritual needs of Indigenous Peoples.

Funded initiatives will be guided by Indigenous ways of knowing and doing, and align with at least one of the grant’s funding priorities: Education, Peer Support & Navigation, Holistic Care and Capacity Building.

PEER SUPPORT & NAVIGATION

CAPACITY BUILDING

Improve access to care services that align with Indigenous ways of knowing and doing, creating safe environments for Indigenous Peoples to navigate care.

Support Indigenous-led organizations to continue delivering HIV / viral hepatitis services and expand organizational sustainability and community-based leadership.

CAAN and Gilead are supported by the Indigenous Advisory Circle, a national group consisting of seven representatives who reflect the diverse Indigenous population across Canada and bring with them years of experience supporting Indigenous people living with or at risk of HIV and viral hepatitis. These individuals will play an important role in shaping the program to align seamlessly with the vision and priorities of Indigenous communities.

Looking to the future “I’m excited to see this program come to life after our months of collaboration and thoughtful work,” says Kisikaw Piyesis.

“My hope is that this program can serve as an example of how existing health systems can work with Indigenous communities and enable real change.”

The GLOWS Grant is Gilead Sciences’ largest global commitment to health equity for Indigenous communities in Canada and

GLOWS GRANT GLOWS is a collaboration between Gilead Sciences Canada, Inc. and CAAN. Funding is provided through grants which are assessed and administered by CAAN. Gilead is not involved in the selection and assessment of Grant applications and Grantees.

Canadian Aboriginal AIDS Network. CAAN UNDRIP Action Plan. March 2023.

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2 Dunn, K. P., Williams, K. P., Egan, C. E., Potestio, M. L., & Lee, S. S. (2022). Echo+: Improving access to hepatitis C care within Indigenous communities in Alberta, Canada. Canadian Liver Journal, 5(2), 113–123. https://doi.org/10.3138/canlivj-2021-0027

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5 To Ward Off The

HEALTH & WELLNESS

Ways

Winter Blues What you can do to boost your mood this winter

By Karen Kwan Photo by Ivana Cajina on Unsplash

With dark skies greeting us in the morning and the sun setting by the time we finish our work day, winter can trigger many of us to feel blue. This low mood can also be accompanied by feeling sluggish and unmotivated – and for an estimated three per cent of the Canadian population, this can progress into seasonal affective disorder (SAD), which can include major depression and having no interest in activities that once brought joy. For most people, however, the winter blues and mild symptoms of SAD can be better managed by adopting a few simple lifestyle changes.

#1 - Spend time outdoors every day

Even if it’s cloudy outside, head out to spend some time in daylight.

If possible, get that natural light into your routine in the morning.

As you wake up, being exposed to natural light will help you feel more awake and give you a bit of an adrenaline boost. Bundle up when you awaken and get outside with a travel mug filled with a hot beverage to enjoy as you walk around your neighbourhood for 20 minutes to start off your day.

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

#2 - Make sure you get enough vitamins D and B12

Our vitamin D levels tend to drop in the fall and winter thanks to the fewer number of daylight hours. Supplementing with D can help ensure your body is producing “feel-good” hormones. Vitamin B12 is also important – low levels of this B vitamin may be linked to depression. Speak to your doctor about any supplements you’re considering adding to your routine – they can do a blood test to check your levels and determine if you are indeed deficient in certain vitamins.

#3 - Find a new hobby for winter

Having a new interest to focus on and look forward to can provide a lift to your mood during these blue winter months. Is

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there something you’ve seen on social media that’s piqued your interest, or a skill you’ve always wanted to learn? Make the long, dark days of winter more fun by picking it up as a new craft. If it’s an outdoor activity with other people, even better – exposure to natural light and socializing can both give your mood a lift.

#4 - Embrace the concept of hygge

Incorporate the Danish custom of hygge and find pleasure in the small joys in life by making your home extra cozy. Treat yourself to that soft blanket and designer candle, for example, so that your quiet moments at home give you a great sense of comfort. Cook heartwarming meals that soothe you from the inside out. Keep your pantry stocked with your favourite tea and a great mug, and set up a library of books so you always have a great read ready.

#5 - Invest in a light therapy box

Experts recommend boxes that have an intensity of 10,000 lux, and try to position the light box so it’s shining on you from above as the sun does. You may also want to consider a dawn simulator wakeup light. These devices work by gradually brightening your bedroom so that your body is triggered to wake up more naturally… compared to being jolted awake by a blaring alarm clock.

KAREN KWAN is a freelance health, travel and lifestyle writer based in Toronto.

Follow her on Twitter at @healthswellness and on Instagram at @healthandswellness.

Nurturing Hope, Resilience & Education Among Children Affected by HIV

HIV can affect anyone, no matter their age, sex, gender, sexual orientation, race or ethnic origin. However, certain populations carry a disproportionate burden of HIV, and children, adolescents and young adults represent a growing share of people living with HIV (PLHIV) worldwide. Studies also show that a significant number of youth, particularly those who identify as members of the LGBTQ+ communities, engage in high-risk health behaviours and experiences, including reduced condom use and increased substance use, both of which can increase rates of exposure to HIV. The statistics are echoed in Canada. According to CATIE (the Canadian AIDS Treatment Information Exchange), 25 per cent of all HIV diagnoses across the country in 2021 were among youth between the ages of 15 and 20.

Among the barriers faced by all PLHIV, our children and youth face unique challenges: something that The Teresa Group is all too familiar with. Based in Toronto, The Teresa Group is Canada’s oldest community-based charitable organization focused on working with children and youth affected by HIV/AIDS and their families.

Established in 1990, it has evolved from providing support to a handful of children and families, to an organization with a dedicated team of professional staff providing a broad range of frontline services to hundreds of local children, youth and their families. It was originally founded on providing support to those up to 18 years of age, but has now expanded to include those up to 25 years of age.

One of The Teresa Group’s biggest annual initiatives is Camp Mandala, a one-week summer camp experience for children and youth between the ages of nine and 17 from Ontario. The program allows children and youth living with and affected by HIV to connect with their peers, build support, and empower themselves to live self-sufficient and independent lives. The camp prioritizes anonymity as it relates to the HIV status of campers, understanding that disclosure is a difficult topic for all PLHIV, particularly amongst children and youth.

We spoke with The Teresa Group’s executive director, Rajesh Pisharody, who has dedicated his career to child rights, social justice, global health care and the empowerment of marginalized communities, to find out more about this community-based organization and the supports they offer children and youth living with HIV. When it comes to living with HIV, what are some of the unique challenges that youth face compared to adults?

There are very few AIDS Service Organizations that support children and youth living with HIV specifically. We are focused on the practical support required for children and youth transitioning into adulthood. These practicalities can include a range of activities such as applying for housing subsidies, accessing income and food security, medical coverage and linkage to treatment and care, to locating food stamps to navigating other medical concerns. Our goal today is to minimize the viral load in the body, preventing

transmission of HIV from mother to child, but our youth are struggling with navigating the system to maximize the resources available to them to help reach that goal.

Can you tell us a bit about some of the programs The Teresa Group offers?

We offer a number of programs, including support groups for expectant mothers, for new moms and toddlers. We also have a support group for dads, recognizing that it is important to support this demographic as well. In addition, we have a parents’ club.

This is where parents can convene and have the space to be safe and discuss their experiences around pregnancy and parenting.

We have a team of family support coordinators who fulfill case management and counselling in terms of access to supports, linkage to treatment and care, food and income security and housing stability. Additional programs include back-to-school support, an infant formula program for pregnant women and new mothers, education scholarships and holiday programs.

Could you talk about Camp Mandala: what are some of the objectives for the program?

Camp Mandala is another important summer program we’ve created. It’s an overnight camp for children and youth infected and affected with HIV, managed by a team of 18 camp counsellors in our Leadership Development Program, many of whom are youth and children who went through The Teresa Group themselves.

The camp offers children and youth aged nine to 17 a chance to develop their life skills, leadership qualities and self-esteem. It is an opportunity to bond with new friends, share life experiences and create lifelong memories. The camp is made possible by donation, in particular from ViiV Healthcare Canada, who is a major sponsor.

What’s the benefit of having youth-focused HIV programs and services?

It is very critical today. There are very few conversations that shed light on the impact of HIV on children and youth. Youth can feel very isolated, not feeling comfortable discussing certain topics with their parents – we are the safe space for them to communicate their feelings and access supports they require.

If you could leave the reader with a few thoughts on why it is important to support youth living with HIV to reduce stigma, what would you say?

Firstly, it is important to recognize that HIV is still real and still an issue that needs a lot of attention, even in Canada. Many issues arising from the stigma around HIV include access to treatment, access to specialized care, youth-focused programs, helping youth living with HIV build their life skills and more. We must help them have access to these opportunities. Additionally, there needs to be more advocacy for youth impacted by HIV focusing on their sexual and reproductive health and rights.

To learn more about The Teresa Group and to access resources, visit teresagroup.ca/index.php/resources/.

This article is sponsored by ViiV Healthcare Canada

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COMMUNITY

Rajesh Pisharody, executive director at The Teresa Group, discusses some of the unique challenges facing Canadian children and youth living with HIV, and the supports that are available to them to access at The Teresa Group

PRIDE AT WORK

NEW YEAR’S REVOLUTION

In 2024, let’s focus on changing “small” things as the first steps towards a future where we won’t be afraid of our identities

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

By Luis Augusto Nobre

Photo by Javier García on Unsplash

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We are in 2023-2024, not in medieval times. It’s sad to deal with and have to handle these regressions after so many years of inclusion progress and improvements. The provoked division creates more social segregation, reflecting many intersectional identities and keeping the more vulnerable under constant threats from vigilantes.

Because of that, I want to do an exercise about imagining a better future we can build together. You might think it’s a silly and utopian idea, but as I learned with Amélie Poulain, “Times are tough for dreamers.” Bear with me, make yourself comfortable, and try to visualize our future, with the conviction that we will make those dreams come true.

The first thing I would love to see in 2024 is a collective refusal of all anti-trans projects in Canada and worldwide, mainly those that are dressed up to say they protect children but exclude trans and queer kids. Many of us have experienced bullying directly related to our identities and sexuality, or had to be a wallflower to avoid direct violence. We see atrocities in movies and TV shows that have been inspired by real cases; each school environment will have nuances to say we are not welcome. On the other hand, some schools, classmates and teachers will be our best allies and ensure that we are safe. They support initiatives like the one that created Pink T-shirt Day.

“ M a n y o f u s h a v e experienced bullying directly related to our identities and sexuality, or had to be a wallflower to avoid direct violence.”

I didn’t grow up in Canada, but being bullied was my reality, pushing me not to live authentically in school. For sure, it affected my confidence and my coming out process – two things that I don’t wish for any queer person. I want to see more friendly school environments that celebrate a sex education curriculum that is ageappropriate and teaches important topics about consent, harassment, bullying, toxic masculinity, sexual orientation, inclusion and, most importantly, respect. Those who are against it haven’t read the curriculum or want to maintain the abusive status quo.

Addressing those sex-ed topics would put us in better positions to educate future generations and ensure inclusive spaces. It would be impossible to go backwards as we are witnessing today with so many

anti-2SLGBTQIA+ movements and legislation popping up. Our queer and trans communities would be protected and intentionally included in decision-making and leadership initiatives. Hopefully, many of us will occupy leadership roles in governments and the private sector, assuring access to future generations. So far, it’s a not-enough reality.

Another change I would love to see is the disassociation between politics and religion in all countries and levels. I understand and respect people’s faith, but civil rights should govern us, ensuring that no one would be prosecuted because of their sexuality, religion, ethnicity, race, or any other aspect of their identity. It’s a fact that queer prosecution in many countries is based on some religious beliefs, convicting LGBTQIA+ people to capital punishment or their own fate. Some people can afford to seek protection in other countries, like Canada; others have to hide and fight for their lives.

Talking about fights for people’s lives, one more wish is to end the housing crisis. Everyone deserves affordable housing, and there are many social groups where a lack of housing impacts them harder, not just because of a lower income. We must be aware that the housing crisis isn’t just economic but social. All too often, landlords consider other aspects of potential renters before making their decision on whether or not to rent to that person, and their decisions could be based on the renter’s identity and background.

I once heard from an active member of the trans communities in Toronto that many property owners deny rent to trans folks without explanation. Only two words come to mind: transphobia and prejudice. This experience isn’t exclusive to queer and trans community members. I have seen Indigenous people, Black people, non-white immigrants and people with visible disabilities sharing similar struggles to find a place to live without so many boundaries.

This feeds the housing crisis beyond the financial aspect.

My last but not least wish for next year is a combination of learning and empathy. I’m not just suggesting formal education processes, but learning about life with our own experiences and with compassion for someone else’s journey. Somehow, we lost this process of getting new knowledge by imagining ourselves in others’ shoes. It is such a simple exercise, but it could take us deep in understanding what we can change for everyone’s betterment.

The suggested combination leads us to delve into ourselves while we develop our people skills, respecting people for who they are and creating safer spaces. The sense of belonging and doing the right thing comes when we achieve that capacity of balancing individualism and collectivism. Exclusion isn’t a word that is present in collective societies, as everyone has their defined contribution to the group’s well-being in all scales. They learn with each other while they ensure and respect everyone’s identity as a welcome individual.

I could have thought bigger, asking for the end of white supremacy and the negative impacts of capitalism, and no more economic, political and social ills. But for next year, I wish to change “small” things as first steps towards a future where we won’t be afraid of our identities, with a place to live and be with our loved ones. Those steps are more tangible, and would be enough to break the machine and start the revolutionary movement for our inclusive future.

LUIS AUGUSTO NOBRE is the senior communications coordinator of Pride at Work Canada/Fierté au travail Canada, a leading national non-profit organization that promotes workplace inclusion on the grounds of gender expression, gender identity and sexual orientation. For more information, visit prideatwork.ca.

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PRIDE AT WORK

The end of the year is a perfect time to reflect on our attitudes and behaviours and to plan what we want to achieve in the following year. 2023 has been so intense that talking about it would require years of studies and more verbiage than this space allows, not to mention mental health support. But I want to write something other than a recap about what happened, for good and evil. I’m proud of the advancements that we experienced in Canada and worldwide related to our queer rights. I’m terrified by the legislative setbacks witnessed in this country, our neighbour to the south, and other countries. We still have a couple of weeks to see the end of 2023.

QUEER YOUTH RESOURCES

ORGANIZATIONS

SUPPORTING 2SLGBTQI+ YOUTH

IN CANADA The future is queer: These 2SLGBTQI+ organizations across Canada are cultivating affirming spaces for queer youth to thrive

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

By Brennen Neufeld

Photo by Katie Rainbow on Unsplash

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Our community has always taken care of each other, and that is on clear display with the following organizations that provide life-changing support for 2SLGBTQI+ youth. Let’s take a quick tour from coast to coast to coast as we highlight some of them.

For full listings of the programming and services offered by these organizations, look them up online or follow them on social media.

British Columbia: QMUNITY (https://qmunity.ca) QMUNITY’s main location is in Vancouver but they have a combination of in-person and virtual programming for a variety of age groups across BC. Youth programming includes drop-ins, special events and the Bra and Binder Exchange Program, which provides free gender-affirming chest-wear to trans and gendervariant youth who are otherwise unable to access it.

They have a fantastic resource section on their website, and also offer a variety of training and consulting services for organizations looking to be more inclusive for all members of the 2SLGBTQI+ community.

Alberta: Fyrefly Institute (https://www.ualberta.ca/fyrefly-institute) Fyrefly Institute is best known for their annual summer camp called Camp fYrefly, which was recently featured in the documentary Summer Qamp. However, they also offer programming year-round aimed at supporting 2SLGBTQI+ youth and their families, reducing discrimination and bullying, and providing education.

Their Fyrefly in Schools workshops are available in-person or online, which makes them accessible to schools across Alberta. Part of this programming includes the educational initiative Where the Rivers Meet, which focuses on bringing culturally relevant teachings based on Indigenous ways of knowledge. This initiative is mostly based in the Edmonton area but is expanding to serve Indigenous communities, schools and organizations across Alberta.

Saskatchewan: UR Pride Centre for Sexuality & Gender Diversity (https://www.urpride.ca) UR Pride Centre for Sexuality & Gender Diversity is located on the University of Regina campus but offers programming to the entire community of Regina. Their advocacy for 2SLGBTQI+ youth extends across the province, with letter-writing templates, petitions, and the Direct Action Assistance Fund, which supports organizers and organizations looking to take on direct actions surrounding anti-trans policy and government action.

They currently host a combination of virtual and in-person programming like their Group Z Group for ages 16-24 and their Youth Group for ages 13-18.

They also offer workshops and training sessions which include things like public workshops, individualized training, class talks, public lectures, and presentations that educate people about 2SLGBTQI+ inclusion and equity.

Manitoba: Rainbow Resource Centre (https://rainbowresourcecentre.org) Rainbow Resource Centre in Winnipeg has youth programming for a variety of age groups that is focused on resilience, increasing self-esteem and self-confidence while building social networks and peer support. A highlight for a lot of youth is the annual summer camp, Camp Aurora, for gender and sexually diverse youth ages 14-19. It’s Manitoba’s only summer camp for 2SLGBTQI+ youth.

Rainbow Resource Centre’s library provides a safer, welcoming environment where people can learn, socialize and network. All of the content available at the library is written by 2SLGBTQI+ authors and/or contains 2SLGBTQI+ subject matter.

They also offer diversity, equity and inclusion (DEI) workshops, presentations, consultations and other events for a variety of sectors and audiences. These services are available online and in-person, making them accessible across Canada.

Ontario: Friends of Ruby (https://www.friendsofruby.ca) Friends of Ruby provides a variety of services, including a first-ofits-kind transitional house designed specifically for 2SLGBTQI+ youth. Their drop-in centre is a place for 2SLGBTQI+ youth in the GTA (ages 16-29) to find support and community.

The Friends of Ruby team also provides help for 2SLGBTQI+ youth with informal counselling, life-skills development, assistance overcoming barriers, and help navigating systems to find housing, employment and health care.

They also have a great resource section on their website that covers topics such as navigating family gatherings, financial literacy, self-advocacy, and navigating the workplace as a trans and/or non-binary person.

Québec: Project 10 (https://p10.qc.ca) Project 10 offers bilingual (French and English) in-person (in Montreal) and virtual programming for 2SLGBTQI+ youth and young adults ages 14-25. Their support services coordinator is able to provide support in a few different ways, including active listening, help finding 2SLGBTQI+-friendly services, and accompaniment to certain events or meetings like school or the healthcare system.

There are also specific programs for youth in care and QTBIPOC (Queer, Trans, Black, Indigenous, People of Colour) youth and young adults.

Each summer, Project 10 hosts a variety of Pride Month events in collaboration with community partners. This past summer they also hosted a bilingual camp for 2SLGBTQI+ youth and a young adult retreat.

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QUEER YOUTH RESOURCES

While we have been seeing an increase in hate directed at the 2SLGBTQI+ community, there have never been more organizations providing life-changing support for queer folks of all ages as there are today. Gone are the days when people had to move to larger cities like Toronto or Montreal to access community and queer programming.

QUEER YOUTH RESOURCES NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

Photo by Stefano Ghezzi on Unsplash

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They have been hosting drop-in events at the Fredericton Public Library, but recently secured their very own permanent space. Find them on Facebook for upcoming events and more information about their new space.

Nova Scotia: The Youth Project (https://youthproject.ns.ca) The Youth Project’s mission is to “make Nova Scotia a safer, healthier and happier place for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youth through support, education, resource expansion and community development.” They do this through a variety of programming such as supportive counselling (available remotely), drop-in nights, classroom workshops and professional development sessions.

There are also two summer camps: Camp Seahorse for 2SLGBTQI+ youth and Camp Coyote for trans-identified youth. Both provide youth with the opportunity to make new friends in a positive and affirming environment.

Yukon: Queer Yukon Society (https://www.queeryukon.com) Besides putting on annual Pride celebrations, the Queer Yukon Society also hosts monthly events in different communities such as movie nights, craft nights, community meals, and a support group for parents and guardians of 2SLGBTQI+ youth.

The society’s vision is for the Yukon to once again be a welcoming, safe home for 2SLGBTQI+ people with strong, connected queer communities.

Northwest Territories: Northern Mosaic Network (https://www.northernmosaic.net) Northern Mosaic Network’s Rainbow Youth Centre in Yellowknife offers programs and services for youth under 19, including their Rainbow Centre Day Camps, Performing Arts & Queer Justice Camp, Northern Mosaic Mentorship Program, Rainbow Library, Holigay Basket Program and Community Closet.

There are also programs for different age groups, parents and specific communities within the 2SLGBTQI+ such as their Two Spirit Tea + Social, BIPGM (Black, Indigenous and People of the Global Majority) Hangout and Ace/Aro Space.

They also offer workshops and training sessions on a variety of 2SLGBTQI+ topics and for specific sectors.

Prince Edward Island: PEERS Alliance (https://www.peersalliance.ca) PEERS Alliance runs a lot of fantastic programming, including the PEI Rainbow Youth Club that welcomes 2SLGBTQI+ community members and allies under the age of 19. They currently meet once a month in Charlottetown, Summerside and King’s County for discussions and fun activities. All sessions are led by trained personnel and include a healthy snack.

Nunavut: Positive Space Nunavut (https://www.positivespacenu.ca) Positive Space Nunavut is a branch-off of the Positive Space club at Inuksuk High School in Iqaluit, which offers a safer space for all students. While the Positive Space club in the high school has hosted Pride Week celebrations, a Pride prom and a flag-raising, community members outside the school (including younger children) were not able to attend those events as they were school specific.

The Roots & Shoots program, which operates in Summerside and Charlottetown, provides a supportive and non-judgmental space for families with trans or gender-diverse children.

Positive Space Nunavut received funding from the federal government to develop Inuit-specific educational resources, gather community knowledge, and hold events that are open to all community members.

In the future, they’re hoping to offer a physical space for community members. Earlier this year, they put on a community-wide Pride Parade and celebration in Iqaluit.

They also run a Queer Youth Writing Club in collaboration with the PEI Writers’ Guild that meets at the PEERS Alliance office in Charlottetown. Participants are able to get feedback on different forms of writing and have their work published in an anthology at the end of the year.

Newfoundland and Labrador: Quadrangle (https://www.thequadnl.com) Quadrangle offers a combination of in-person and virtual programming aimed at wellness, community building and connection. Their Octagon Library at the Quadrangle centre is St. John’s newest 2SLGBTQI+ library and is accessible to community members without ID, allowing folks to use their self-declared name.

The Quadrangle Community Counselling Line, which is available province wide, provides vital mental health support via phone, video, text or drop-in.

These are just a handful of the impactful 2SLGBTQI+ organizations providing valuable services and programs across Canada. To find even more community resources from across all 10 provinces and three territories – from St. John’s to Victoria, Yellowknife to Windsor, and everywhere in between – visit Canada’s National 2SLGBTQI+ Community Resource Directory, presented by IN Magazine, at inmagazine.ca/directory.

BRENNEN NEUFELD is IN Magazine’s manager, community partnerships, and a small-town guy with a big heart.

He’s passionate about cultivating inclusion, belonging and community wherever he goes. In his down time, he enjoys listening to audiobooks, dancing to disco in his kitchen and watching queer films, especially documentaries.

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QUEER YOUTH RESOURCES

New Brunswick: Imprint Youth Association (https://imprintyouth.ca) Imprint Youth Association was founded in 2015 after community conversations about what was needed and missing for 2SLGBTQI+ youth and young adults. They offer programming and special events like their Trans, Gender Diverse, 2 Spirit Swim; clothing swaps; and family picnics.

PERSPECTIVE

IS IT SAFE TO SAY

GAY

AT THE DINNER TABLE? How to navigate uncomfortable conversations with family about gender identity and sexual orientation during the holidays

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

By Jumol Royes

Photo by Nicole Michalou Pexels

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Uncomfortable conversations with family members? Not so much. ’Tis the season of heading home for the holidays to spend time with loved ones. If we’re to believe popular depictions of what that looks like, it’s supposed to be filled with feasting, merrymaking and lots of good cheer. The reality is that the holidays tend to be the most stressful time of the year instead of the most wonderful.

For 2SLGBTQI+ individuals who find themselves estranged from their bio families, the holidays are a reminder of fractured familial relationships. The yearning for true belonging and the pain of not belonging to your own family can be devastating.

Then there are those of us heading home to families who don’t fully understand issues pertaining to gender identity and sexual orientation – issues that directly affect our lives and the lives of 2SLGBTQI+ Canadians – but aren’t shy about expressing their opinions and their often controversial views.

“ CIVILITY IS A CORNERSTONE FOR CONVERSATIONS BASED UPON MUTUAL RESPECT.”

If your family is anything like mine, they enjoy having heated debates about what’s trending in the news, which can lead to flared tempers and hurt feelings.

prepares everyone for what’s to come. That doesn’t mean that there won’t still be passionate disagreements. However, getting clarity beforehand on what the conversation is really about can encourage more meaningful dialogue. Brené Brown, author of Braving the Wilderness, believes intention gets to the root of why an issue is important to us. “We have to understand what truly matters to us and learn why this topic is so important to the other person as well,” she writes. If the intention is to cultivate compassion, connection, deeper understanding and empathy, it’s probably a conversation worth having.

Be civil and call out bad behaviour We’ve all been in situations where a conversation goes left, and civility gets thrown out the window. In these cases, no one walks away from the interaction feeling good. Civility is a cornerstone for conversations based upon mutual respect. The definition of civility is “claiming and caring for one’s identity, needs and beliefs without degrading someone else’s in the process,” say Cassandra Dahnke and Tomas Spath, founders of the Institute for Civility.

Civility goes hand in hand with using inclusive language. There’s no room in a civil conversation for hate speech or language that aims to dehumanize. If a family member uses anti-2SLGBTQI+ slurs, or repeatedly deadnames or misgenders someone, call them out on it. We have a collective moral responsibility to maintain the dignity of every human person.

Choose differently The hardest thing to do, when triggered while having an intense conversation, is to not react from that activated place. Instead, you need to create space between the trigger and your knee-jerk response, and then make the conscious choice to choose differently. This practice isn’t for the faint of heart: it requires patience, self-awareness and a commitment to doing the deeper work of uncovering what triggers you, how those triggers make you feel and what your go-to responses are when those triggers are activated. When you create space between a trigger and your response, you also create space to get curious about what might be triggering the other person… which opens the door to compassion. This isn’t easy to do within families with deeply rooted dynamics at play where individuals revert to familiar roles and ways of behaving when conflict arises.

But if you’re able to put this practice into action, it can be liberating.

Don’t raise a glass before checking out these tips to help you navigate uncomfortable conversations with family during the holidays while standing in integrity and protecting your peace.

It’s okay to disengage Sometimes all you want to do when gathering with family over the holidays is open gifts, eat dinner and then call it a night. If a family member tries to engage you in a conversation about gender identity, sexual orientation or any other hot-button issue, and you’re just not feeling it, you’re allowed to say no. If you happen to be in the middle of an uncomfortable conversation and you feel like your physical or emotional safety is at risk, you have the right to disengage and walk away. Given all the chaos in the world today, you might not have the mental or emotional capacity for conversations that have the potential to escalate quickly, especially if people are drinking or have been overserved. Protecting your peace and well-being is the best gift you can give to yourself.

State your intentions Putting your intentions on the table prior to participating in a hard conversation is a bit like laying a table setting: it sets the tone and

Here’s hoping that the only thing you’ll be cutting with a knife when sitting down for dinner with family this holiday season is the turkey, not the tension.

There’s no shortage of divisive topics to pick from this holiday season: from school pronoun policies and the recent protest on Parliament Hill opposing 2SLGBTQI+-inclusive education in classrooms, to the NHL banning theme nights and players from using Pride tape on their hockey sticks, it’s all a recipe for some tense moments around the dinner table this December.

JUMOL ROYES is IN Magazine’s director of communications and community engagement, an Ottawa-based poet and storyteller and glass-half-full kinda guy. He writes about compassion, community, identity and belonging. His guilty pleasure is watching the Real Housewives. Follow him on Instagram @jumolroyes.

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PERSPECTIVE

I generally love deeper conversations. Soul-stirring conversations that cut straight to the heart of the matter and help shift perceptions from fear to love are my favourite kind.

12 2SLGBTQI+-Friendly Books

BOOKS

You’ll Want To Read With Kids

This collection of 2SLGBTQI+-friendly picture books for storytime introduces children to important figures from history, features characters that live in diverse families, and celebrates self-expression and individuality The news cycle throughout the past few months has been dominated by voices both for and against 2SLGBTQI+ education and, in some provinces, new pronoun policies in schools.

To bring the conversations home with little ones, consider reading one of these 12 picture books for storytime. With charming illustrations and engaging text, they reflect on the power of love for all, introduce children to important figures from history in a digestible manner, feature characters that live in diverse families, and celebrate self-expression and individuality.

Red: A Crayon’s Story

By Michael Hall (Suggested for ages 4 to 8) This adorable picture book tells the story of a crayon labelled Red. But try as he might, he can only draw the colour blue. His crayon friends and teachers think that Red just needs more practice. The art supplies try to help; the masking tape holds Red together and the sharpener tries to make him sharper. But in the end, Red happily realizes that he was just mislabelled, and that he is really Blue.

My Two Dads and Me

By Michael Joosten and Izak Zenou (Suggested for ages 0 to 3) In this little board book for toddlers, children with two dads happily go about their day, starting with a yummy breakfast, playing with blocks, and finishing the night with a bubble bath and lullaby.

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

Kai’s Tea Eggs

By Karina Zhou (Suggested for ages 3 to 7) Nineteen-year-old Vancouver author Karina Zhou’s just-released Kai’s Tea Eggs is a sensitively told story about a young Chinese girl named Kai who learns more about her family’s heritage and gains a better appreciation for who she is. The beautifully illustrated children’s book is a charming story for anyone who, like Kai, has felt the frustration of trying to fit in before finally learning to appreciate who they are.

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IN MAGAZINE

Julián is a Mermaid

By Jessica Love (Suggested for ages 4 to 8) In this book celebrating individuality and self-expression, little Julián spots three women dressed as glamorous mermaids on the bus. When he gets home, he is eager to dress up like a mermaid too. But what will his Abuela think?

Prince & Knight

By Daniel Haack and Stevie Lewis (Suggested for ages 4 to 8) In traditional fairy tale fashion, this book begins “once upon a time” when a prince’s parents start searching for a bride for their son. But instead, the prince falls in love with the brave knight who fights by his side.

BOOKS

Pride: The Story of Harvey Milk and the Rainbow Flag

By Rob Sanders and Steven Salerno (Suggested for ages 5 to 8) This picture book, inspired by the life and legacy of Harvey Milk, opens with a man lying in the sun daydreaming that one day, “everyone – even gay people – would have equality.”

The book proceeds to recount Milk’s path to activism and later political office, and his role in the design of the rainbow flag, in an easy-to-digest and hopeful story for children.

Minnow: The Girl Who Became Part Fish

Pink is for Boys

By Robb Pearlman and Eda Kaban (Suggested for ages 6 to 8) In this picture book, girls can like blue and boys can like pink. And even more than that: girls can race cars and boys can play dress-up. This sweet story encourages children to express themselves beyond traditional gender binaries.

Princess Puffybottom…and Darryl

By Willie Poll and Bailey Macabre (Suggested for ages 6 to 10) In this tale, a young Indigenous water protector named Minnow goes on an underwater journey, learning from our ocean-living relatives. This children’s book (available in hardcover and softcover) is told in lyrical rhyme and helps children gain a better respect for Indigenous water and land protectors, the environment and the world around them; and helps show children activism at an early age.

By Susin Nielsen and Olivia Chin Mueller (Suggested for ages 3 to 7) Everything is going well for Princess Puffybottom, a pampered kitten with two loving and attentive owners (who are depicted, in the background to the story, as a lesbian couple), until an intruder arrives: a silly new puppy named Darryl. The story follows as Princess Puffybottom eventually learns to welcome this newest member of the family.

Love the World

From the Stars in the Sky to the Fish in the Sea

By Kai Cheng Thom, Wai-Yant Li and Kai Yun Ching (Suggested for ages 3 to 8) In this book, a child is born to a loving and accepting mother. Because they are born in the moment right between night and day, they cannot decide whether they are a girl or a boy, a bird or a fish, or a flower or shooting star. Instead of choosing just one, this shape-shifting child continues to evolve and grow.

The Important Thing About Margaret Wise Brown

By Todd Parr (Suggested for ages 3 to 6) This book for preschoolers celebrates love for all creatures, people and objects.

Using whimsical drawings and rhymes, it teaches children to go into the world with kindness, love and empathy for all.

By Mac Barnett and Sarah Jacoby (Suggested for ages 4 to 8) This picture book tells the true story of Margaret Wise Brown, the author behind children’s classics such as Goodnight Moon and The Runaway Bunny, who brought joy to generations of nurseries. Over the course of 42 pages of text and whimsical watercolour illustrations, this book covers important parts of Margaret’s 42 years of life, discussing her childhood, her work as an author, the time she fell in love with a man named Pebble and a woman named Michael, and the pets she had.

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QUEER STORYTELLING NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

Why We Need To Document Our Experiences For The Future

Telling queer stories transmits our history, providing the opportunity to learn about our experiences and inspire the next generation.

Storyteller Jeffrey Canton gives us some tips on how to document our stories, and tells us why they’re important to share

By Stephan Petar

Jeffrey Canton at the Queers in Your Ears 25th Anniversary Concert at Tranzac Club, May 2022; Photo by Matt Hetendy Design

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IN MAGAZINE

STEPHAN PETAR is a born and raised Torontonian, known for developing lifestyle, entertainment, travel, historical and 2SLGBTQ+ content. He enjoys wandering the streets of any destination he visits, where he’s guaranteed to discover something new or meet someone who will inspire his next story.

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QUEER STORYTELLING

If you open QueeringTheMap.com, a website by Luca LaRochelle, “Ask why you want to tell this story,” he says. Ask yourself, “What you’ll find anonymous notes from people sharing what certain does it tell others about you as a member of the queer community?” locations worldwide mean to their queer experience. These micro- Also, don’t be afraid to get personal, if you’re ready, he advises, stories are about dressing in drag, first kisses, dancing, heartbreaks, encouraging people to think of transformative moments in their life. He recommends getting the story on paper, even if it is bare memorable dates and more. bones, and to really consider the who, what, where, when and why.

The map illustrates that queer stories – particularly relatable ones about daily life – are everywhere. Yet we hardly hear them, and Details are important, and as memories fade, we may need to if we do, they’re shared among close friends or anonymously turn to outside resources to piece everything together. “Start by finding things where you are. What does the landscape look like?” documented on websites like Queering the Map. This could be revisiting the backdrop of your story and observing We all have stories that can contribute to the 2SLGBTQI+ narrative. it. However, as cities evolve, that memory you’re searching for Documenting our history, big or small, is something storyteller could be lost to time. Luckily, local archives or Google Maps Street Jeffrey Canton urges us to do. Canton hosted a Storytelling Toronto View can take you back. Canton also mentions Facebook groups workshop with The ArQuives, Canada’s largest independent like Vintage Toronto or those of defunct establishments, as group 2SLGBTQ+ archives, called Keeping our Stories Alive: Processing members may recall details like decor and atmosphere for you. “It’s LGBTQ2S+ Histories, that explored the importance of preserving the little details you add to your story that make it come to life.” personal stories as a way to contribute to queer history.

He also suggests talking to others who were there. “Memory is Canton, a former teacher and children’s book reviewer, has been a flawed. One way to challenge yourself is to have other people storyteller for more than three decades. He is a member of Queers in – friends or family – talk about it.” This gives another point of Your Ears, Toronto’s oldest 2SLGBTQI+ storytelling collective, and view, a perspective into parts you may have forgotten and how hosts the online course Transformations with Storytelling Toronto you made others feel. (which returns in January). I spoke with him to better understand why 2SLGBTQI+ individuals may be hesitant to share their stories, After documenting your piece, consider sharing it. Canton encourages visiting the Storytellers of Canada website to find in-person and how to document them, and why they should. virtual events. However, if you’re like me, then publishing online or finding other artistic forms of expression can work as well.

The challenges of telling a story Speaking to people in the community, I discovered that some keep their stories private because of a fear of repercussions or because Why do we need to document our stories? they think it’s too personal or embarrassing. Others noted that All queer stories have historical value. “Our world changes, and they feel their stories are not significant enough – to which Canton because we have not been documenting our stories, there are huge responds, “I think a lot of queer people think they have to talk about gaps,” Canton notes. “It’s hard to find evidence of the 2SLGBTQI+ being a part of something big for their story to be worth telling.… presence prior to the 1960s in a meaningful way.” Instead, he points That for me is an enormous mistake.… It’s the small stories that out all the anti-queer material from mainstream media. are a way of transmitting our history as queer people.”

Not to mention, a majority of 2SLGBTQI+ stories are of white, gay Stories of the Bathhouse Raids, HIV/AIDS and queer protests men, as those from diverse groups or other parts of the 2SLGBTQI+ are all extremely important, but Canton notes that smaller tales spectrum were overlooked. “People who are from the BIPOC [Black, are also impactful. Stories of first loves, public hand holding and Indigenous, People of Colour] community, we need to hear their cruising, among others, are also important historical records, but story. We need to hear from queers with disabilities…as well as he believes we don’t tell them because many “don’t think ordinary trans experiences.” people’s experiences are important.”

Lastly, stories provide the opportunity to compare. By having Canton recalls his first time going to St. Charles Tavern…almost. stories throughout time, we have a chance to see the evolution of “I went down to the St. Charles when I was about 18 and walked queer life. For example, Canton wonders how a story about hand up and down Yonge Street, terrified to go in because I had never holding from 30 years ago would relate to one that is set today. been to a gay bar. I never managed to get in.… I was too afraid.”

While that story may seem typical of many first gay bar encounters, 2SLGBTQI+ history is a living document that is always being added that’s okay. It’s a universal and relatable story that’s important to to. Our stories have been hidden for too long and lost with time. Yet, they can inspire, provide a sense of belonging, help people through understanding our overall experience as a community. confusing moments and allow those beyond our community to have He also acknowledges some stories may be difficult to tell. a greater understanding of who we are. “Storytelling is a perfect “Sometimes you’re not ready to tell a story.… Sometimes they’re way to keep those experiences and learn from them,” Canton ends. too hard to tell at a particular moment, and waiting is okay.”

So, get out your laptop, sharpen that pencil or fire up your ring light and open TikTok. We all have tales to tell.

How to document your story Another challenge is the storytelling aspect. “Telling a story isn’t as easy as many think.… A good story has to be well crafted, have a trajectory and draw an audience,” he explains.

BREAST CANCER

Your Breast Self What Spencer, a trans man, and 30 other Canadians want you to know about breast cancer…especially if you think it’ll never happen to you

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

By Adriana Ermter

Photos by Hilary Gauld, One for the Wall Photography

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IN MAGAZINE

I Want You to Know campaign, which showcases the disease’s expanding diversity – that breast cancer impacts people at any age and of all races and gender; that it is no longer the 60-plus, white cis-woman’s disease. Spencer’s story and personal experience, alongside 30 others, has been captured in a groundbreaking photo essay shot by award-winning photographer Hilary Gauld, and featured in the non-profit’s awareness-building campaign, which launched this October. (See “My Story” on page 24.)

According to the Canadian Cancer Society, breast cancer is the most common cancer and the second leading cause of death from cancer in women – 78 women are diagnosed every day, while 15 die daily. And men and trans men are not immune. The Canadian Cancer Society notes that across the country in 2022, approximately “We wanted those who think breast cancer will never happen to 270 men were diagnosed, and 55 men died from the disease. In a them to see themselves in the faces we portray,” shares Jennie Dale, 2020 study published by the (US) National Library of Medicine, executive director of Dense Breasts Canada, who was diagnosed female-to-male (FtM) transexuals using testosterone therapy for with breast cancer in 2014. “Breast cancer can happen to anyone. masculinization were also shown to have an increased risk of Women young and old, women of colour, men and trans men.” developing breast cancer.

Spencer agrees, emphasizing, “You can be male, female, cis, trans, Black, white, gay or straight, or somewhere in between all of those things. Everyone has breast tissue.”

“ A ccording to the Canadian Cancer Society, breast cancer is the most common cancer and the second leading cause of death from cancer in women – 78 women are diagnosed every day, while 15 die daily. And men and trans men are not immune.”

Spencer, a 52-year-old trans man, is part of this ever-growing statistic. After finding a lump on the right side of his chest and being diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer in 2021, he opted for a double mastectomy as part of his treatment.

“Even though there was no sign of cancer on the left side, at my behest, the surgeon performed a double mastectomy because I had already received Ontario Health Ministry approval for top surgery,” explains the Ottawa local. “My oncologist wanted me to stop taking testosterone. As a trans man, this made for a very difficult decision.… I would rather have 10 good years of taking testosterone, where I feel happy in my skin, than have 20 years of being miserable.”

Following a difficult journey that included surgery and chemotherapy, Spencer is now healing and continues to take a limited amount of testosterone daily. He also advocates for breast health through self-agency, such as preventive screening, breast self-examinations and booking an appointment with a doctor when you find a lump – even if you don’t believe you’re at risk. Like 30 other Canadians, Spencer has stepped forward as part of Dense Breasts Canada’s

To read more about Spencer’s story, and others, turn the page, and log on to densebreastscanada.ca.

ADRIANA ERMTER is a Toronto-based lifestyle-magazine pro who has travelled the globe writing about must-spritz fragrances, child poverty, beauty and grooming.

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BREAST CANCER

Breasts, boobs, tits, ta-tas, cans, glands, milkers…whatever you want to call them, like them or lump them, we all have them. Which means we’re all susceptible to being diagnosed with breast cancer.

Because if you think it can’t happen to you, stop.

BREAST CANCER

My Story Seven women from across Canada share their stories about how breast cancer has affected them, as part of the I Want You to Know campaign

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

Photos by Hilary Gauld, One for the Wall Photography

Christine, diagnosed at 52 “I live in London, Ontario, with my wife of 22 years,” says Christine, who with her wife has two sons ages 17 and 20, and an Australian Shepherd named Charlie. I Want You to Know, “not all cancers are seen on a mammogram or ultrasound. If you have concerns after a clear mammogram or ultrasound, push to have a biopsy or MRI. Trust your gut! Cancer was a wake-up call for me to prioritize myself and my well-being.”

Christella, diagnosed at 35 “My partner and I met only a month before my diagnosis process began, and I’m so grateful to her and my friends for supporting me through cancer!” exclaims Christella. I Want You to Know, “YOU are in charge of your body, your research and your health.

As much knowledge and education as the Adeeba, diagnosed at 32 people on healthcare teams have, they don’t “I was diagnosed with stage 3 invasive ductal carcinoma with metastasis in the lymph know YOU or live in YOUR body! Listen nodes,” shares Adeeba. I Want You to Know, “the Indian community has a lot of pride to your instincts, and don’t be afraid to and emphasis on their reputation and how they look to others. Having cancer is not advocate or make decisions for yourself, something to be ashamed of; it is not anyone’s fault, and sharing our journey helps even when they go against the grain!” educate so many women.”

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IN MAGAZINE

BREAST CANCER Christina, diagnosed at 35 “I am first-generation Canadian of two hardworking immigrants; I am half Laotian, Vietnamese and French,” proclaims Christina, who lives in Ottawa with her husband and two sons. I Want You to Know, “young women of colour are not represented when breast cancer is discussed. It can happen to anyone. If you have breasts, you can Robin, diagnosed at 24 get cancer.”

“I first found the lump in my breast in the summer of 2021,” says Robin, who, following months of being told she was too young to have breast cancer, was diagnosed in April 2022. I Want You to Know, “breast cancer is not exclusive to those over 50; young women can get it too. So if you notice a change, advocate for your health!

Usha, diagnosed at 29 I did, and it saved my life. And it can save “As younger and younger people get yours, too.” diagnosed, we really need more research into the unique challenges that younger people face with the disease,” says Usha, who was diagnosed with grade 3, stage 2 estrogen receptor (ER)/progesterone receptor (PR) positive cancer. I Want You to Know, “there are many treatments, and being vigilant and informed can save your life. It’s not a flex to ‘never go to a doctor’ – age-appropriate testing and prevention are important.”

To read more stories of survival, and others, log on to densebreastscanada.ca.

Sharon, diagnosed at 52 “I am Indigenous; Nipissing First Nation is my community,” says Sharon, who is a stage 4, triple negative breast cancer (TNBC) metastatic survivor. I Want You to Know, “cancer has no preference. I need members of my community to know that the traditional medicines we often rely upon are not always enough. Western medicine saved my life.”

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COVER

RÊVE:

SONIC SUPERNOVA

Queer singer-songwriter Rêve opens on the past lives, the growing pains and the processes behind Saturn Return, a dynamic debut cementing her status as a bona fide pop artist

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

By Elio Iannacci

PHOTOGRAPHER: Garrett Naccarato STYLIST: Amber Watkins HAIR: Roger Medina MAKEUP: Adam Oaknine

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IN MAGAZINE

Did queer club and dance culture become a sanctuary or a type of church for you?

Yes. I never identified with religion growing up. I was never involved in sports teams. When I started getting out into the clubs and connecting with people via music, I felt like I had found my community for the first time, and it really felt spiritual. I think there’s so much red tape around religion and institutions that make you feel excluded rather than included. In a club environment, I felt nothing but welcome.

Believed to be the “teacher of the zodiac” by the astrologically obsessed, Saturn is commonly connected to newfound discipline and wisdom. With the planet’s return, Saturn signifies a celestial moment when it resumes its exact position during your birth. This important event – which is supposed to occur in your late 20s – is assumed to bring forth life lessons which prompt you to reassess your values, desires and ambitions.

So how would you define a spiritual club epiphany?

This is an environment where I feet 100,000 per cent myself. I never felt like I had to dilute any parts of myself to fit into a mould.

I was lucky because my parents were not religious, but I saw my friends go through it and feel so afraid to be who they were. I found this amazing community in clubs. It was just like someone finally saying: ‘No, you’re just perfect as you are. You’re good, you’re bad, you’re ugly, it’s all welcome here.’

The debut disc’s standouts – “Breaking Up With Jesus,” “Tongue,” “Release Me” and “Past Life” do this in spades. While these songs keep the harmonic and melodic exquisiteness of Rêve’s two-time Platinum-certified, Juno award-winning cut, “Ctrl + Alt + Del,” they extend her talents into verses that exalt her from mere dance floor darling into a potent pop artist.

Rêve’s knack for explaining what galaxies needed orbiting and which comets needed colliding to create her first album is quite impressive. In fact, she approaches her chorus-creation as more of a novelist than a songwriter following TikTok hacks. This artistic ambition comes across loud and queer when she classifies Saturn Return as more than just a debut and defines it as reclamation. In fact, Rêve says she aims “to recover dance music” and take it back from the clutches of what she calls “EDM bros,” a.k.a. the tacky confines laden with toxic masculinity and a crystal-by-the-case VIP mentality. Instead, Rêve sees this disc as a return to her early days at Montreal’s Velvet and other queer and queer-friendly clubs that created, nurtured and restored dance floors for the 2SLGBTQIA+ community. We talked with her about the sights, sounds and spirits behind her journey.

Fast-forward 10 years from now, when you get the rights to make your biopic. Where would the first scenes be?

In Montreal in a couple of spots in the queer village. I was 16 when I started going to those clubs and seeing my first drag show at [Montreal cabaret] Mado. Velvet was the first place that I fell in love with dance music – it’s queer friendly and it was very offbeat.

The crowd was young, old, all sexualities kind of thing. There’s

You once said that making Saturn Return was like going into therapy. Which songs brought the most healing?

It was created during a global pandemic, so Saturn Return has its roots in some dark moments. The music I was making helped me get through so many of them. Tracks like ‘CTRL + ALT + DEL’, ‘My, My Mind (What a Life)’ – which are fun, upbeat songs – reminded me that life would get better. The whole album was built on the hope that we would get to better days where we could all be together again.

What prompted you to write ‘Release Me’?

I was going through a horrible breakup. I had this bad habit of getting into relationships and losing myself in them. I was with a person at the time who was much older and was making me feel ashamed of growing up and going through growing pains. He was basically trying to fast-forward my growth. The only escape that I really had from the situation, from this ultimate seriousness, was music.

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COVER

Taking the stage name of Rêve comes with intense expectations and more layers than a Wes Anderson movie. In French, the word means dream. In Armenia, the term is used to refer to a rave. In the Ukraine, reve is usually designated to describe a roar. Judging

by Saturn Return, singer-songwriter Brianna Donolo’s recentlyreleased first disc under the Rêve moniker, all of these translations apply. The Montreal-born, Toronto-based talent’s first major artistic statement is both dreamy, dance-y and daring, and it brings with it just about everything that a Saturn Return promises.

COVER

taxidermy on the walls. It’s dimly lit. It’s no frills, and it’s really just about the music.

You have a few ’90s house nods in your music. For example, ‘Skin 2 Skin’ takes inspiration from ‘The Bomb’ from Bucketheads.

Tell me about what you think about ’90s fashions and vibes.

It’s the ultimate era of glamour and the diva, but it lasted into the 2000s. I remember when I first started going out, there was just this element of glitz and glamour that you don’t find as commonly these days, where people dressed up for an evening. It was like a slow meal. You would go, and you would be in love with the process of getting ready and maybe having a glass of wine and getting dolled up and getting dressed to the nines and going out and people watching. And the night would start slow. There was a buildup. The drinks would start flowing, and the music would get louder, and then people would start to let loose, and there was just a crescendo. It was an evening out versus ‘let’s go out and rage without a purpose.’ It was really just a romantic experience.

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

“ T HERE IS SO MUCH QUEER GREATNESS. I SURROUND MYSELF WITH AMAZING QUEER COLLABORATORS.”

I would often think, ‘Oh, this girl makes me nervous because I’m deeply, deeply attracted to her.’ This is the case for women and men. I worked with three of my favourite collaborators for the song: Carl Ryden, Bryn McCutcheon and Kirstyn Johnson. Bryn is queer. An instrumental on Carl’s collection was called ‘Tongue’ with no context. I thought it was disgusting and sexy-sounding, and I love things that are like, ‘Made you look,’ so that’s how it started. The instrumental reminded me of meeting a woman and lusting after her. So I basically wrote it from the POV of a night out. Having Bryn in the room made for some fun riffing. I had written about women before, but this song made me feel like I was ready to tell this part of my story to everyone. It gave me the strength to be like, ‘You know what? It’s time.’

There’s such a history of queer people in music collaborating with pop artists. From someone who’s in the trenches, what do you think that collaboration means to you?

There is so much queer greatness. I surround myself with amazing queer collaborators. Not just writers, but also my choreographers, my glam team and musicians. There’s so much of queer culture that is to be celebrated, and the life they lead and the art they make are the nucleus of what so many people draw from every single day. But they don’t credit. It’s really important to credit the source and where it came from.

Your song ‘Whitney’ – which you namecheck Whitney Houston in – certainly does that. What would you say her impact has been on you?

There will likely never be a voice like Whitney Houston. She is one of one. She’s such a powerhouse that I think people will be sampling sound bites and lyrics from her ’til the end of time. She faced a lot of adversity. She was able – for a very long time – to overcome some of it and just be the great performer and human being and icon that she was despite all of it.

The lyrics to ‘Contemporary Love’ touch on dating app culture – which is anything but romantic. What experiences led you to write the track?

I got onto the dating apps for the first time after my breakup, but a Songs like ‘Disco at the Strip Club’ have these cool lines like big part of me still believes that love is how it is in the movies. The ‘girls who smell like crème brûlée’ – referring to the dancers. chase and the crescendo is something I romanticize ad nauseam. Was this also from nights out?

I was going into this new modern dating pool suddenly – even It was a real-life story…probably in a strip club called Kingdom though I’m such a relationship person. I soon realized on the apps in Montreal or one that is now closed down called Kamasutra. I that we’re now in this culture where it’s commonplace that these love when lyrics have odd details. I remembered how the clubs apps feel like you are Uber Eats-ing your feelings. smelled and how I felt being there. I love writing lyrics where you can close your eyes and reach out and touch and taste what the What was the most anti-romantic thing you experienced on person is trying to sing about. I also love empowered women, and the apps? you don’t always find that in every strip club. There have been a People’s attention spans tend to be so much shorter these days. I’m couple of nights where I just met incredibly strong dancers who like, ‘Where’s the chase that I love? Where’s the back and forth? were so incredible. My girlfriends and I would end up sitting in Where’s the tension?’ the private rooms and not getting lap dances from these girls and just tipping them but having conversations instead.

So do texts, gaslighting, mind games and ghosting make for great pop songs?

Tracks such as ‘Breaking Up With Jesus’ and ‘Hypersexual’ Listen, what’s bad for the heart is good for the art. I think that any really go against what is going on with ‘Don’t say gay’ laws in sort of reflection, whether that be positive or negative or shocking, Florida and the recent protests surrounding queer and trans makes for good music. kids. Do you think being outspoken is necessary?

One hundred per cent. Music is one of the most powerful forces in Let’s talk about ‘Tongue.’ Some would call it your coming out the world that transcends language. It transcends everything. I think track. Is that accurate? the possibilities are endless where there is unity. Anywhere there’s Well, I’m now an out and proud bisexual woman. From a young unity, all of that can flourish. To be as loud as possible to combat age, I always knew that it wasn’t just like, ‘Oh, that girl is so pretty.’ what we’re facing now, as a community, is important right now.

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IN MAGAZINE

COVER

ELIO IANNACCI is an award-winning arts reporter and graduate student at York University whose research interests include ethnomusicology and gender studies. He has contributed to more than 80 publications worldwide, profiling icons such as Barbra Streisand, Lady Gaga, Aretha Franklin and Beyoncé. His academic work is supported in part by funding from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council.

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STAY POSITIVE NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

The Proper Etiquette For Being A Hater

The perfect recipe for finding the sweetness within one’s bitterness

By Jesse Boland

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

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Times are rough, and for that it only seems fair that we ourselves are getting rough as a way of surviving it, but at what point does our sardonicism drift into the very same nihilistic misery that is slowly poisoning our world? While many of us feel pulled into the polarizing ends of the philosophical spectrum of toxic-positivity optimists and pessimistic sadists, there exists a group of people within the lush lavender middle ground who can lead us through these turbulent times: The Haters.

Despite the first four letters of this word, we haters for the most part lack genuine hate within our hearts; we simply find joy in stripping it from others, and that’s okay…sometimes. Being a hater exists on the underlying rule of It’s really not that deep, wherein one may vent their frustrations to their friends, peers and acquaintances as a cathartic release of aggravation that can not only relieve stress but also create communal bonds through shared disinterests. Furthermore, creative insults and expressions of disdain have at times been some of the most profound proverbs of language, ranging from Oscar Wilde using his dying breath to bemoan the wallpaper surrounding his deathbed to Azealia Banks referring to Elon Musk as “Apartheid Clyde.”

The issue is that the art of shit-talking is slowly being unlearned by younger generations because of the shift in how people are able to communicate with one another in the digital age. Back in the olden times (before the existence of screenshots), people could air their dirty laundry with their full chests without fear of it being encapsulated sans context by their opps and having their isolated moment of frustration being used to assassinate their character. The act of expressing one’s catty and unkind words among confidants is commonly referred to as “kitchen table talk,” in reference to the concept of sharing problematic hot takes in an intimate setting…with the understanding that said conversation will not leave such space. But our modern culture’s deprivation of third places – the sociological term for social interactions outside of the home and workplace – leaves you with few intimate locations to congregate and dish about how Geena in HR is attempting to nostalgically pull off ombré hair again because 2013 was the last time she actually had a man.

Instead, you’re left sending querulous quips in your WhatsApp group chats – knowing that Justin in the chat will probably send your text as a screenshot to Geena in their group chat because he’s still mad at you for referring to his new striped Zara buttonup as “daring.”

“ H ate can be a weapon but it can also be a tool”

Talking shit – much like taking an actual shit – is part of being human, and something that we are all guilty of and participate in several times a day whether we acknowledge it or not. What becomes dangerous, however, is when we vehemently fear being accused of being mean-spirited for casually making unflattering passive remarks and seek to justify our humane bitterness under the guise of virtue signalling. This mindset is seen egregiously online, especially in the celebrity-obsessed virtual realm of stan Twitter and pastel infographic Instagram, where hive-minded losers meticulously seek a justifiable reason to tear down public figures while keeping their keyboard-pounding hands clean. Instead of simply denouncing Halsey because you think her music sucks or because she seems like the person who drinks a glass of milk with her dinner, the seemingly justifiable way to criticize her is to write 1,100-word Medium essays accusing her of commodifying mental illness and perpetuating racialized neo-ablism because of her “tri-bi” comment from 2015, so that you can knock her down a peg while staying morally plateaued yourself. In our desire to avoid being perceived as the villains in the narratives we ourselves dictate, we have turned normal human discussion into a communal pseudo-creative writing debate class to assert our tenable malice, as opposed to simply tweeting “kill yourself, ugly” and going on with your day.

Embracing your appellation as hater is a cathartically freeing experience, but it also comes with its own set of boundaries and limitations. The line between cattiness and cruelty is invisible, and requires a great deal of tact and personal accountability to ensure that you do not mistakenly cross it and go from hater to straightup bully. Ed Sheeran and Post Malone may be two of the most overplayed pop artists of our times and it can be understandable that the general public holds a certain dismay towards them, yet seeing how comfortable everyday people and even professional music publications feel bashing their physical appearance in highly publicized settings is just jarringly mean. To refer back to the golden rule of being a hater, It’s really not that deep, making catty remarks about and/or to a person should only ever be surface level and flippant, but never the reason someone is deprived of their sense of self-worth because you wanted to make a mean joke to feel clever. Be a hater, not an asshole.

The world is a bad place, and we don’t need to make it worse.

The thesis of being a hater is that it should ultimately lead to something good, whether it be venting your frustrations so you can release that negativity and move on with your life; knocking out a clever comment that makes other people laugh; or raising a valid critique that changes the way others view a particular issue.

Anger, frustration and dismay are all essential elements of being a human: when used productively, they can create the change we want to see in the world by showing that we refuse to tolerate the things that make us feel this way, but when mishandled, they can further fan the flames of hatred. Think about how entire subgenres of rock music have been eradicated because sad white boys stopped channelling their angst into music and started making incel Reddit forum pages. What a loss for the culture.

Hate can be a weapon but it can also be a tool, and once we find the balance of how to navigate these unpleasant feelings, only then can we create a dancery from our hateration.

JESSE BOLAND is that gay kid in class who your English teacher always believed in. He’s a graduate of English at Ryerson University (now Toronto Metropolitan University) who has a passion for giving a voice to people who don’t have data on their phones and who chases his dreams by foot because he never got his driver’s licence.

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STAY POSITIVE

As we wake up every day to news that our basic rights are being stripped away from us in the illusion of a just democracy; as we slowly starve to death from not being able to afford the “cost of living”; as our natural ecosystems burn around us in an Anthropocene of NFT-fuelled forest fires; is it so wrong that what feels like our only salvation can be to groan, roll our eyes, tweet “Fuck Camila Cabello!” with no context and keep it pushing?

MEDIA

LET ’ S TA LK ABOUT QUEERBAITING Traditionally, the issue has applied only to fictional characters, but can celebrities queerbait us too?

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

By Bianca Guzzo

Photo by Koolshooters/Pexels

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The desire to expose celebrities who are supposedly queerbaiting has almost become an obsession for some, with entire online communities dedicated to doing so – but can it ethically be used to call out public figures like actors and musicians the same way as it’s used to call out fictional characters? There seems to be a line that gets crossed when we hold real people to these same standards, which makes the discussion around what is and isn’t queerbaiting more complex than ever.

Queerbaiting is a marketing term and tactic where a 2SLGBTQI+ character or storyline will be hinted at without actually ever clearly identifying a character as queer. The term was popularized in the 2010s within online fandoms, most notably for television shows like Supernatural and Sherlock. In reality, queerbaiting has been used for decades as a way to market works of fiction (including books, television shows and movies) to queer people by enticing them with art they can connect and identify with, while also appealing to a heterosexual audience.

Let’s be real. It sucks. It can not only make queer fans feel like their stories aren’t important enough to be told, but also like they’re really only being used to make more money for someone else. In these cases, calling out queerbaiting is necessary. Shows and movies that use queerbaiting reinforce the idea that queer identities and narratives aren’t worthy to be the stars of their own stories. Calling out these series has also created a demand for shows that prioritize queer stories and characters, and as a result, shows like HBO’s Our Flag Means Death and Netflix’s adaptation of Heartstopper have completely changed the way we consume queer media.

As the need for genuine and unapologetic queer representation in mainstream media continues to grow, entertainers have also been the target of queerbaiting accusations. Musicians like Nick Jonas, Ariana Grande, Billie Eilish and Harry Styles have all been called out for frequenting gay bars in their free time, for lyrics or Instagram captions that hint at them being part of the queer community, or (in the case of Harry Styles) for wearing a dress on the cover of Vogue. When confronted, all of these artists have given vague statements on their sexuality.

And then there’s an entire online community dedicated to finding out if Taylor Swift is queer. Fans spend hours dissecting and decoding lyrics that align with a queer-coded narrative they’ve gotten from her work over her entire career. Swift, who “came out” as a strong ally and supporter of the LGBTQ+ community during the promotion of her Lover album, has been pretty silent on ongoing issues facing queer and trans individuals since the album’s release in 2019. Her use of the term “Lavender Haze” upon the release of her album Midnights got her a lot of backlash from her queer fanbase, who believed she was queerbaiting them after

she revealed the meaning of the song was a Mad Men reference and not a nod to the lavender that has been a long-time symbol of the gay and lesbian community. Aside from one interview where she aligns herself as an ally, Swift has never publicly commented on her sexuality, nor responded to the queerbaiting accusations.

“ L ET’S BE REAL. IT SUCKS. IT CAN NOT ONLY MAKE QUEER FANS FEEL LIKE THEIR STORIES AREN’T IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO BE TOLD, BUT ALSO LIKE THEY’RE REALLY ONLY BEING USED TO MAKE MORE MONEY FOR SOMEONE ELSE.” For many fans, it’s a fine line between what could potentially be queer-coding and queerbaiting when it comes to what these celebrities wear, or reading between the lines of their lyrics, which makes accusing them of queerbaiting more complicated. Are they hinting to their queer fans that they’re just like them? Or are they simply adopting an aesthetic to sell more records? For the most part, aside from a vague statement about “not labelling themselves,” they stay silent, but sometimes the push of the accusations goes so far that celebrities feel they have no choice but to respond.

After Heartstopper premiered on Netflix in 2022, some fans of the series became obsessed with finding out if the on-screen chemistry of the actors translated to real-life relationships behind the scenes. Once photos started circulating online of one of the show’s leads, Kit Connor, holding hands with a female co-star from another project, a number of fans started questioning if he was an appropriate choice to continue playing Nick Nelson since he was “obviously straight.” A small number of fans were even calling for the role to be re-cast. Connor, who had previously left Twitter due to the toxicity of the Heartstopper fandom, came back only to reveal that like the character he plays, he is in fact bisexual.

In his statement, he also made sure to let certain fans know they had pushed him to publicly come out before he wanted to.

This was disappointing for a number of reasons. Connor’s sexuality is really none of our business, and we’re also not owed any sort of explanation or statement on his personal life. Connor was playing a character as his job, and these so-called fans had completely missed the entire message of the show. What happened to Connor left an impression on fans in online communities, and many still use it as a cautionary example when others try to pry into the personal lives and relationships of other entertainers.

It can get incredibly frustrating to see public figures seemingly using the queer community as a marketing scheme in order to cash in on whatever they’re selling. Representation of queer identities in mainstream pop culture is needed now more than ever, but the quest for genuine representation can lead us into dangerous territory if we’re not careful. As queer people, we know there may be factors that could influence someone’s choice to not come out publicly. Are they clearly dipping their toes in queer culture and wearing it as a costume to sell us something? Or are they instead only sharing small bits of their true selves as protection?

We may never get clear answers, but for the remainder of 2023 and looking ahead to a new year we also have the opportunity to uplift celebrities and stories that are unabashedly queer and hope that sometime in the future queerbaiting will be a thing of the past.

BIANCA GUZZO is a writer based out of the GTA. She spends her free time watching Trixie Mattel makeup tutorials, though she has yet to nail the look

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MEDIA

Over the past few years, more and more celebrities have been accused of queerbaiting their fans. What started as a way to identify and call out a fictional work for falsely marketing characters or stories as queer to grow an audience has now led to accusing some celebrities of that same false marketing. In some cases those accusations have even forced certain entertainers to come out publicly before they’re ready.

FASHION NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

Sweet D Where angels go to play dress-up

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Dreams WHITE BUBBLE COLLARED COATS 35

FASHION

PHOTOGRAPHER: Ivan Otis WARDROBE STYLIST: Brian Phillips (worldSalon) HAIR STYLIST: Brian Phillips (worldSalon) using WORLD Hair and Skin MODELS: Jordan Radics (LeDrew Models), Michael Rayson (LeDrew Models) CLOTHING: Hoax Couture

FASHION NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

BLACK SILK FROCK COAT - BLACK SILK ORGANZA DICKIE - BLACK KNIT PANTS 36

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FASHION BLACK ASTRO TURF TUXEDO JACKET 37

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NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

FASHION

FASHION SHEER ORGANZA COWBOY SHIRTS 39

FASHION NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

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INSIGHT

Are There Ways To Disarm The Culture Wars?

The answer is pretty crucial, especially when 2SLGBTQ+ lives are being used as weapons to make a point

By Paul Gallant

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

Photo by Nikolas Gannon on Unsplash

Over the years, I have adopted a question that I regularly ask after consuming certain kinds of national and international news: Is there a way to escape from the culture wars, that painful polarization of left and right, especially where 2SLGBTQ+ lives are being used as weapons to make a point?

Firstly, is there a way to communicate with people we don’t agree with without treating (most of them) like they’re evil or crazy?

Because it seems to me that most people in the world aren’t evil or crazy, and that talking things out could lead to mutual understanding and – God forbid – solutions to real problems.

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Secondly, is there a way to disagree with people on “our side” without seeming like a traitor or a weak link in the line of defence?

I’m a pretty progressive person who thinks better community and government interventions can improve the world, but sometimes I’m afraid of pointing out failures in progressive policy or programs for fear I’ll be labelled a reactionary. When I apply the feelings I have to people who sit on other parts of the political spectrum, I worry that when others are afraid to speak about their low-key doubts about things, or are belittled for doing so, they’ll start climbing down rabbit holes, their feelings of discomfort and confusion morphing into paranoia and delusion. And that we’ll

The easiest answer is probably: stop consuming social media unless it’s photos of the kids, pets, parties and travels of people we actually know. There is something about online interaction which promotes distrust, callousness and hyperbole. Get off the internet and talk to real people.

But miscommunication and missed opportunities can happen anywhere. I was visiting a friend’s home recently, in the run-up to September’s 1 Million March 4 Children, which was sold to its participants as a demonstration to “defend children from LGBT indoctrination in schools.” The dad of the family I was visiting – whom I have known for years to be a pretty openminded gay-friendly straight guy in his 50s – hadn’t read up on the event at all. From what his co-workers had told him, he thought that the protest was by parents who broadly wanted to have more involvement in school curriculums and that, even if there were some transphobic and homophobic people taking part in the demonstration (which he didn’t approve of), it didn’t mean the overall protest itself was hateful – parents should be more involved in their child’s education.

“ These days so many people seem to want to bear their raw emotion to the world, but that’s not going to get us anywhere.”

His early 20s university-attending daughter, rightfully appalled that her father had not looked deeper into what the demonstration was really about, immediately started berating him that he was transphobic, supported hate speech and was, in part, responsible for violence against trans students. Dad wondered aloud if there was something valid about the protesters’ claims if his (admittedly annoying) wondering triggered such vehement defensiveness. The argument got so heated that the mom had to interrupt and insist that everybody hit the sack.

This, it seemed to me, was a lost opportunity to bring a naive middle-aged white man onside, rather than leaving him annoyed and confused about what was wrong with his point of view. He’s not going to be an enemy, but at this point, he’s not going to be an ally. Though his daughter was, to my mind, on the right side, and I admired her passion, her tactics left something to be desired.

The emotional temperature got too high too fast to get to the facts we should have been discussing: What were the organizers claiming the protest was about, and what were the protesters themselves attacking, and why were the organizers being so misleading? What exactly are the school policies and curriculums in question (they certainly were not the “indoctrination” that the protesters were claiming they were; the demonstration sounds like a response to a vague fear, not reality)? What is the right balance between parental involvement in their child’s education and the privacy

and safety of young people? Why is it the school’s role, and not the parents’, to pass on beliefs about gender and sexuality that the parents wish for their children to have? Why is it the school’s role to tell parents about their child’s gender and sexuality: if you were a good nurturing parent, shouldn’t you know and be having those conversations yourself?

Getting to these questions – and many others that will help determine whether our country becomes a more inclusive place where citizens with different backgrounds and values understand and broadly agree on what inclusivity means – will, I think, require abandoning certain overblown responses to people who aren’t as invested in or knowledgeable about 2SLGBTQ+ issues. That means, unless the conversation has really gotten out of control, setting aside reflexive assertions that the person on the other side of the argument is transphobic or homophobic. People shut down when they’re labelled, so I think it’s better to keep talking with people who are on the fence. Of course, institutions and people in power who hold reprehensible opinions should be held to account for them. But your family member or neighbour might just need a few nudges over the course of your relationship with them – few people change their minds completely in a single conversation.

One of the ugliest parts of the current culture wars is the innocent casualties. Not just the trans and non-binary kids who are being demonized and targeted; they’re struggling with their gender and we’re going to treat them like a contagion? What strikes me about people who are opposed to not just support of, but acknowledgment of, 2SLGBTQ+ humans and especially young people, is how foul and hateful they’re prepared to be in front of children and young people – the very group they’re supposedly trying to protect. Even if you think drag queens are a bad influence on kids (I don’t, unless they’re being raunchy), aren’t hateful words and seething anger much worse?

Learning to control one’s temper is one of the most important passages to adulthood. Even the anger in protests needs to have some strategy giving it shape. Anger can get people out in the streets to fight back against racist or homophobic attacks, like the protests against Toronto’s bathhouse raids in the early 1980s.

But it’s the numbers of participants, the compelling messages and the personal testimonies that change people’s minds. Gay men who were being harassed by the police were basically saying to the straight world, “Whatever gay sex is for us, it’s none of your business and doesn’t affect you, so leave us alone.” The argument will be different for kids in classrooms, but there has to be one that doesn’t involve people screaming at each other.

These days so many people seem to want to bear their raw emotion to the world, but that’s not going to get us anywhere. We need a sense of proportion; in 2021, about 0.33 per cent of Canadians aged 15 and older identified as trans or non-binary, about 101,000 people.

In schools, we’re talking about a few thousand children across the country, a few hundred who may need medical interventions at a young age. This is a very important issue for these kids themselves – and not an important issue at all for pretty much everyone else.

Treating kids right, and with respect, should hardly be a polarizing issue. We’ve got to find a language to prevent it from being one.

PAUL GALLANT is a Toronto-based writer and editor who writes about travel, innovation, city building, social issues (particularly LGBT issues) and business for a variety of national and international publications. He’s done time as lead editor at the loop magazine in Vancouver as well as Xtra and fab in Toronto. His debut novel, Still More Stubborn Stars, published by Acorn Press, is out now.

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INSIGHT

lose helpful suggestions that get withdrawn or buried in piles of conspiracy theories.

TRAVEL

Welcome

San Juan

To

LGBTQ+-owned and operated Dreamers Welcome works stylish, sustainable design and thoughtful amenities into cool holiday hideaways

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

By Doug Wallace

La Factoria (photo by Doug Wallace)

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Walking into the courtyards of the Dreamcatcher by DW in San Juan, Puerto Rico, is like entering a secret garden – greenery and filament lights everywhere, a couple of fountains bubbling away, stained glass, wrought-iron chairs angled around a glass table, a Buddha shrine. A few cool people are just chilling, which automatically makes me cool by association.

The DW stands for Dreamers Welcome, an LGBTQ+-owned hospitality group founded by life partners Stephan Watts and Roy Delgado. They have created not only San Juan’s only vegetarian hotel, but also a series of high-design holiday rental apartments set within the gated beach community of Ocean Park and neighbouring Santurce.

“We love the area – it’s a very metropolitan experience, close to the airport and a good starting point for exploring the island,” says Stephan, a German-born real estate entrepreneur. He adds that Ocean Park used to be a very gay neighbourhood, back when the island landed on the radar of hip New Yorkers in the 1960s. “It has a history of small guest houses run by mostly gay men and women, a safe haven for people coming to enjoy themselves without being afraid. The Caribbean is fairly religious for the most part, and that comes with certain problems with regard to openness. Ocean Park is the opposite – you feel welcome and safe, and not judged. And there are so many smaller businesses here run by gay people.”

Ocean Park Beach (photo by VisitPuertoRico)

San Juan has always felt comfortable to me in this respect. Puerto Rico continues to enjoy a high score at Equaldex.com – almost as high as Canada’s – and has a tourist board that actually spends money to market to the LGBTQ+ communities. In fact, the International Gay and Lesbian Travel Association held its annual conference in San Juan this past October.

Stephan says that he and Roy, who is a Puerto Rican-born artist and interior designer, are catering mostly to “the metropolitan millennial – city people who appreciate the effort we put into the design language and the environment that we create. They want a certain level of comfort, but are ready to explore something new.”

Moving through the quiet courtyards to our room, we let the Dreamcatcher design slowly seep into our minds. A thread of nostalgia ties together a mix of repurposed retro furniture, statement macramé, stained glass, ironwork, unexpected colours, a few jazzy patterns – it’s an engaging, homespun mix, like the home of a bohemian buddy. “We’re mixing a lot of different elements, old with new, creating an environment that’s different from your standard hotel,” Stephan says. “Every unit is different – we add one special thing to each unit that makes it unique.”

In addition to the 19 rooms of the hotel, the 40 apartments across 11 properties range in looks – from ornate to minimal – and yet they’re all vintage-accented, slightly unconventional and artsy. Guests enjoy oversized soaking tubs, sunny little terraces, record players, small kitchenettes and inviting hammocks. Prices also vary, from US$200 for a curated loft apartment to US$1,500 for a four-bedroom villa in the rainforest one hour away from town, which sounds like a birthday

La Placita (photo by Fernando Ortiz)

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TRAVEL

We can barely see the hotel entrance for all the tropical foliage, but I spy an attendant with “Dream Team” in big letters on her T-shirt, so I know we’re in the right place.

TRAVEL

I usually manage to down at least one $5 mojito at El Cafetín – always on the sidewalk, because that’s where the real action is. And I’m in love with most of the bartenders at the shabby-chic series of bars within La Factoría. Closer to the Dreamcatcher, the animated Santurce neighbourhood has a busy cultural scene, overflowing with hot restaurants and designer shops.

While the streets of San Juan are always energizing day and night – not to mention exceedingly pretty – my toes are happier in the sand. This trip, I need to veg out a bit, which is very unlike me. Turns out, I’m really good at it.

Our little stretch of Ocean Park Beach is a hit with kite surfers for some windy reason.

A cluster of them entertains us with their El Cafetin (photo by Doug Wallace) late-afternoon defiance of gravity. I’m weekend to me. (The pair also runs a five-room hotel and a three- amazed that they don’t collide with each other or with one of the bedroom bungalow in Wilmington, North Carolina.) personal watercraft buzzing around. The odd jogger provides a bit of eye candy. Perfect.

“I like small properties that have personality,” Stephan says. “Every building speaks to us differently. They’re mostly structures from the At the end of the day, I wish every city had a Dreamers Welcome, not 1940s, ’50s and ’60s, and quite solid. But over the years, they’ve been just because it’s gay friendly, but because it’s really filling a gap in neglected. We like coming in to restore them and give them a new life. the market, an affordable step up from the homestay brokers – which To do that, we have to deal with what we are given – and that’s very I never trust – and way cooler than the many boutique hotels that try much our design approach.” too hard. This is something different, and I like different.

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

The properties are mostly self-check-in like other homestay online “As a gay traveller, I want to go to places where I feel safe and appreciated, marketplaces, yet guests have access to the Dreamcatcher amenities, not just tolerated,” Stephan says. “We did this to mirror the way we as most are within walking distance of the hotel. I spend quality time like to travel ourselves. And we have very high expectations when we scrolling through the list of off-property excursions led by local experts go somewhere and pay for something.” Me, too. that showcase the city – bookable through a virtual concierge. There’s also a city guide to aid in my planning, with a list of gay-owned businesses, bars and restaurants. The work of local gay artisans enriches the decor, and as you would expect, the bulk of the staff is part of the LGBTQ+ community, which amps up my comfort factor.

San Juan never fails to impress I like this town more every time I visit, though I’ve yet to run into either Ricky Martin or Wilson Cruz. The streets are safe at night, there’s a vibrant café culture and the street art is incredible – on an international scale.

The cuisine is a smorgasbord of seafood and barbecue comfort, from the traditional-food cafés to the restaurants by celebrity chef Mario Pagán to the food trucks at outdoor emporium Lote 23. Everything is delicious and the prices are reasonable, which is more than I can say for Toronto. No wonder I always come home a kilogram heavier.

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Dreamcatcher (photo by DW Common Space)

DOUG WALLACE is an international travel and lifestyle writer, photographer and custom-content authority, principal of Wallace Media and editor-publisher of TravelRight.Today.

He can be found beside buffet tables, on massage tables and table-hopping around the world.

ARE YOU SEARCHING FOR 2SLGBTQI+ COMMUNITY SUPPORT AND CONNECTIONS? The IN Directory has you covered.

VISIT INMAGAZINE.CA/DIRECTORY The IN Directory is Canada’s newest 2SLGBTQI+ community resource directory of 2SLGBTQI+ specific programs, services and supports.

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FLASHBACK

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

Real World Star And AIDS Activist Pedro Zamora Dies (November 11, 1994)

Pedro Pablo Zamora was only 22 years old when he died on November 11, 1994, but in his short lifetime he helped shift North Americans’ perspectives on gay people living with HIV and AIDS in the ’90s.

His newfound fame gave Zamora a platform to reach people worldwide, shattering myths about HIV/AIDS in the process and jolting the general public awake from ignorance and inaction.

As one of the first openly gay men with AIDS to be portrayed in popular media, Zamora brought international attention to HIV/AIDS and a range of other LGBTQ+ issues and prejudices through his appearance on MTV’s uber popular reality television series, The Real World: San Francisco. In fact, the Cuban-born reality star – who died from complications of AIDS after contracting HIV five years earlier through unprotected sex – was the first person openly living with the disease to ever be featured on reality television. His commitment ceremony to his partner, Sean Sasser, which was filmed for the show, was also the first same-sex ceremony in television history.

“Over the past few years, Pedro became a member of all our families. Now, no one in America can say they’ve never known someone who’s living with AIDS,” said then-US President Bill Clinton in a speech given from the White House at the time.

Before ever stepping foot on the reality show, Zamora had already spent years raising awareness about the illness and advocating about the importance of education and prevention.

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“Pedro is a role model for all of us. He’s shown the courage and strength to move beyond himself, reaching out to others while struggling with his own illness,” Clinton added. “The challenge to each of us is to do something about it and to continue Pedro’s fight.”

Zamora died just hours after the finale of The Real World: San Francisco aired on MTV. It was the third installment of the reality series, and Zamora’s presence on the show would help catapult it into popularity for decades to come.

Photo by Ece AK/Pexels

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