HOLIDAY EDITION 2015
Shaking up the Capital
En choisissant VIA Rail pour vos voyages d’affaires, vous aidez le gouvernement à réduire ses dépenses et permettez aux contribuables d’économiser. De plus, vous maximisez votre productivité. N’attendez plus, partez en train dès aujourd’hui!
MC
Marque de commerce propriété de VIA Rail Canada inc.
Liaison
Distance
Temps productif en train
Temps non productif en voiture*
Coût du voyage en voiture**
Coût du voyage en train (à partir de seulement)
Économies pour le contribuable (voyage en train)***
Ottawa
Toronto
Jusqu’à 16
450 km
4 h 01 min
4 h 34 min
467 $
44 $1
423 $
Ottawa
Montréal
Jusqu’à 12
198 km
1 h 47 min
2 h 27 min
227 $
33 $1
194 $
Ottawa
Québec
2
482 km
5 h 23 min
4 h 39 min
488 $
49 $1
439 $
Jusqu’à 17
541 km
4 h 34 min
5 h 30 min
562 $
44 $1
518 $
Toronto 1
Nombre de départs par jour
Montréal
Les employés du gouvernement du Canada profitent d’un rabais de 10 % sur les meilleurs tarifs pour tous les trains et classes de VIA Rail Canada. Valable si vous voyagez par affaires ou pour le plaisir. Des conditions s’appliquent. Pour plus de renseignements, communiquez avec les services de TPSGC.
*** 30 minutes ont été ajoutées à la durée totale du voyage en voiture afin d’inclure les retards dus au trafic et au mauvais temps. *** Le coût du voyage en voiture est calculé selon la formule suivante : coût en $ du voyage en voiture (Taux de 0,55 $/km établi par le Conseil du trésor pour l’Ontario pour une voiture conduite par un employé du gouvernement X distance parcourue) + (taux horaire moyen d’un employé gouvernemental de 48 $/h selon un salaire de 100 000 $ par année, y compris les avantages sociaux X durée du voyage) = coût total en $ pour le contribuable. *** L’économie pour le contribuable associée aux voyages en train est calculée selon la formule suivante : Coût du voyage en voiture – coût du voyage en train = économies pour le contribuable.
Contents
Columnists/ Editor Contributors James Baxter Susan Delacourt Deputy Editors Michael Harris Doug Beazley Tasha Kheiriddin Ian Shelton L. Ian MacDonald Lisa Van Dusen Andrew Mitrovica Reporters Jeff Sallot Selina Chignall Chloe Girvan Amanda Connolly Ariel Vered Janice Dickson Business Team Kyle Duggan John Butterfield, COO Elizabeth Gray-Smith Sally J M Douglas, Kelsey Johnson Deputy Publisher Dean McRobie Callie Sanderson, James Munson Deputy Publisher Alice Musabende Yamina Tsalamlal BJ Siekierski Project Managers Mackenzie Scrimshaw Elizabeth Gray-Smith Elizabeth Thompson Ariel Vered Kirsten Smith (Researcher) Design & Graphics Claire Wählen Sarah West Photographer Emily Francis Matthew Usherwood
Contact 17 York Street, Suite 201 Ottawa, Ontario, Canada K1N 5S7 Office – 613 789 2772
4
PACKING A PUNCH AS A PARTY OF ONE
6
HOW TO SURVIVE AN INTERVIEW WITH MARK CRITCH
10
HIDDEN GEMS
12
ADVICE FROM THE HILL VETS TO THE NEW KIDS
14
THE CHANGING OF THE SOCIAL GUARD
15
MUST-READS FOR THAT CERTAIN POLITICAL SOMEONE
16
THE PARLIAMENTARY PARTY PRECINCT MAP
18
CARTOON GALLERY
20
SARCASTIC THANK YOU CARDS
22
CHRISTMAS COOKIE RECIPES
24
A DOZEN DOS AND DON’TS FOR THE NEW KIDS ON THE HILL
26
PARLIAMENTARY SARTORIALISTS
28
RED CROSS AND CANADA’S NEW SYRIAN REFUGEES
30
A NEW ERA BEGINS
Ipolitics is your digital source for independent, up-to-theminute coverage of Canadian politics and the business of government. Learn more at iPolitics.ca
SeaSon’S GreetinGS to Parliament Hill meilleurS vœux à touS Sur la Colline du Parlement! cpacanada.ca
Packing a punch as a party of one Lessons on being an MP with impact from the Green Machine By Kyle Duggan
When Elizabeth May opened her parliamentary office in 2011, she had to start from scratch and work her way through House proceedings without any fellow Green colleagues. Yet she’s made a name for herself as an outstanding MP. She was named Maclean’s Parliamentarian of the Year in 2012, voted hardest working MP in 2013, and best orator in 2014. May has long been active in politics, but what’s her secret to running such an effective MP’s office in a party of one? To start, she has a good source of inspiration and model idea of what an MP should be. “I adopted as my role model Angus McLintock,” May tells iPolitics. McLintock is the main character of Terry Fallis’ political fiction novels Best Laid Plans and The High Road, a rookie Liberal MP from Cumberland-Prescott who speaks truth to power and refuses to toe the party line. “He became my role model very early,” she said. Fictional, yes, but she’s translated her role model and the ideas he represents into a tangible force to be reckoned with. For her successes, May credits her staff and interns. She packs eight people into the normal space of an MP’s office — nicknamed the intern hatchery. “We knew how to recruit very brilliant young people — people who are dedicated to what we were offering,
because obviously it wouldn’t be the salaries we could offer.” Tip 1: Be in the House. A lot. May treats her seat in the House as her main office. Anytime she needs a file, her team is there. “I can send them an email that says ‘we just switched topics here, can you bring me my file on mandatory minimums’ or whatever topic it is. I’m really, really blessed I’ve got brilliant young people who don’t mind hoofing it up to Centre Block, and having a page bring me a file I need.” The more she’s in the House, the more she can speak for her constituents and party. Tip 2: Listen to what others say; respond thoughtfully. It’s no surprise that while she isn’t the most frequent speaker in question period, May has the record for most interventions in the House. “Any time the Speaker says ‘questions et commentaires, questions and commentary’, I’m on my feet... in case it gives me an opportunity to speak to the issue, raise a question, raise a point, apply a piece of information I think is relevant.” For the most part, she’s well listened to because she speaks from the heart or the head, not off the page. “I don’t ever have written-out notes in advance. I just have a pile of research,” she said. Her one concession is when things get very technical.
Proud to announce The Alpheus Group’s latest services for the new Parliament:
MP Guide
Snapshot Reports
AN INTERACTIVE DIGITAL RESEARCH TOOL OF ALL SITTING MPS
CUSTOMIZED COMMITTEE MEETING & QP MONITORING
Contact Sally for more details: sallydouglas@ipolitics.ca | 613.789.2772 ext.239
We are more than daily news.
4
E L M W O O D S C H O O L – C E L E B R AT I N G 1 0 0 Y E A R S O F E D U C AT I N G G I R L S A N D Y O U N G W O M E N .
The best place for her future is a place with a lot of history.
We have learned a lot about teaching girls over the past century—and how to inspire them to reach their full potential. Come for a private tour, see the school in action and learn more about how we foster creativity, growth and academic excellence in our supportive and collaborative environment.
Call (613) 744-7783 or email admissions@elmwood.ca to arrange your tour today.
www.elmwood.ca
“One massive point of order that took me half an hour to present to the Speaker as to why Bill C-38 was not in proper form, was not a proper omnibus bill and should be rejected... that I had to read because I included quotes from previous Speakers, from decisions of the federal court — I wasn’t going to wing it.” Tip 3: Read. A lot. May takes advantage of the long flight from her West Coast riding to Ottawa. “I bring legislation and other work with me on the plane and I just keep working.” When Bill C-51 was tabled on a Friday, May read and analyzed it over the weekend and was first to condemn it as a ‘secret police act’ come Monday. And she’s read all the rules. Not just the Standing Orders but also the House of Commons Procedure and Practice, which has allowed her to at least consider invoking obscure rules from time to time, a handy chip to play. “I think in a larger party, MPs are instructed: don’t worry about the rules, we have people who will tell you what to do, don’t worry about procedure because we’ll tell you what to do, and don’t worry about reading any of the legislation because we’ll tell you how to vote.” Tip 4: Constituents, not leaders. Issues, not parties. “The boss is not the leader of their party,” May says.
An MP’s boss, in her view, is their constituents. May uses downtime periods like Christmas break and January, and between Labour Day and the House returning, to do town halls, reach out to constituents about issues they care about, and tell them what she’s doing in Ottawa. That, she says, also refreshes her sense of purpose, and lets her talk with more authority in the House about how her constituents feel. It’s the kind of thing that can help inform an MP about what kind of private members’ bills they should bring forward. She also recommends making friends in Ottawa’s often acrimonious environment. “[Ask] where are your alliances and allegiances — particularly when you can find, across party lines, people who want to work on the same issue.” A final point in setting up an office — May previously told iPolitics all new MPs should ask themselves how they can create a constituency office “that’s really going to kick ass.” “That’s an underestimated place where we make a difference as MPs. Every one of us can do more for our constituents without being off-message, without having to ask permission.” 5
An interview with Mark Critch
on how to survive an interview with Mark Critch By Elizabeth Gray-Smith
You must be pretty pumped to have this whole new canvas. Fresh faces, fresh prey.
It’s strange because I’m realizing I have more experience than some cabinet ministers, just from mucking around the Hill. I used to go up there, the young guy in my mid-20’s, hoping to get an interview, with these guys brushing me off. Now, it is different. They know the show so they look at it as part of their civic duty. What about these new kids on the block, not just MPs but also staffers, what should they know about you? I know ambush-style is not necessarily your trademark move, but if they see you coming with a mic in hand and a cameraman, they only have moments to prepare. In that instant, what should they think about?
It is always worse if they try to stop it or shut it down. Whatever happens, I’m going to air it anyway. Listen, if you are a voting member of the public and you see someone being open, relaxed, and comfortable in their own skin, no matter who they are or from what political party, you think, “oh, this is an alright guy or gal. They’re approachable, they’re humourous, they have a human side — all good.” The flip side is staff with BlackBerrys trying to get between me and them. Or if they say, “no
Great Canadian Theatre Company WITH PERMISSION FROM GROUNDWOOD BOOKS, GCTC PRESENTS BRIAN DOYLE’S
comment” or run away. To the person at home, it looks like they’re hiding something, or ashamed of something, or they look grumpy. The optics of not doing it have never worked out well for anybody. And, if it is rushed and I have to say something quick, Don Rickles style, it is going to be me taking a shot at them. I can’t wither away. Then I’ll look like a tool. So I go on the attack. You don’t want that to become a caricature of yourself. Tony Clement has been on the show like a million times, same with MacKay. These things can be brushed off and laughed at, or they can define your whole career. It depends how you want to play it. John Baird ran away once down the hall and the door was locked. Just because they run away doesn’t mean you’re not going to film it.
And now it is just better: I have him running away down the hallway. It looks amazing. Generally, I find the politicians with the longest lasting power — who do well, are well-liked and remembered right into retirement — are the ones who played along. Like your Chrétiens and people like that. I’m basically just a clown and you don’t want to lose power to a clown. You can be on equal footing. But, if you are supposed to be a minister of something and you’re seen running away from basically a children’s birthday clown, you look ridiculous.
“Charming holiday offering for the whole family.” THE OTTAWA CITIZEN
Adapted by
Janet Irwin
FAMILY PACK OF 4 TICKETS ONLY $100
DIRECTED BY JANET IRWIN PREVIEWS TUE & WED, DECEMBER 1 & 2 OPENS THU, DECEMBER 3, 2015 BOX OFFICE: 613 236-5196 WW.GCTC.CA 1233 WELLINGTON ST. WEST
6
#GCTCAngel
I don’t want to give away all your secrets, but do you have a signature move to get them to talk if they seem uncomfortable?
I form a relationship over time and I don’t screw them over. I like them to have a say. And if they can get the funniest line, that’s great. Trudeau with, “You are not going to hotbox my office.” I gave him the last line. It worked. Or Chrétien, you could just walk up to him and let him talk. The weird thing about Stephen Harper, he is arguably the funniest, wittiest, and quickest, but nobody saw that side of him because they clamped all that down. Part of the reason a lot of Canadians didn’t warm up to the guy is because he seemed cold and aloof. If he had been himself more, a lot of that would have eased up. Is there some satisfaction when you get someone to crack up on camera?
Oh yeah. I love that. If someone is actually enjoying it, they laugh and it is fantastic. Bob Rae was always great for that. Bob is a big laugher. Oftentimes, we would have to stop shooting because he was laughing so hard. If they see the humour in themselves and they play along and are not afraid to look silly, there are strengths in that. Like Danny Williams, when he was premier, his whole thing was fighting with the government, fighting with Harper, and taking down the Canadian flag. Whenever I played him, I played him as a complete and utter madman, this out-of-touch, rich guy. He would play along because he knew that by addressing that image of him, it could take all the air out of it. And, Tom Mulcair. After losing, Tom said, ‘I had this idea... the Drake video.’ First time out of the gate, he’s doing a kick-ass job of the Drake dance. And you kept playing it because you can’t stop watching it. It was that good.
Sometimes, when you are going through a stressful time, a good laugh is the best way to shake the sillies out, reboot, and move forward. A good laugh is a great release.
Do you think as a political leader, as an MP, as a minister, you can gain public trust through comedy?
Absolutely. If you’re not pretending to be something you aren’t, if you are not trying to control a message, if you can just sit there and take it. People can become a fan of someone through the show whether they believe in their politics or not. We have great news media in Canada, but some people watch our show more than the news. As a political figure, you can actually reach a lot of people who don’t know who the hell you are. There will be so much fodder for you in the year ahead.
It goes through cycles where it gets a bit stale and then it has new life. Now, with new people brought into the process in government, we have a whole new set of fresh faces. We get to mould them all as characters on our show. I’ll be up there a lot more nowadays because I can get there without getting tased. It is going to be awesome. See you around town.
7
Canada’s forest produCts industry
GrowinG a Greener tomorrow Learn more about how Canada’s Forest Products Industry is part of the solution to climate change at: FPAc.cA/climATechAnge
The ForesT ProducTs AssociATion oF cAnAdA ·
8
@FPAc_APFc ·
/FPAc.APFc
of wo thirds t n a h t ore e year - m s up north, so w is h t d o puddle , is all the were go e it h e t f w o t e u k e o r in g ab 'll ag o th as , hope you t you were sayin n. Which, come t a t e n w a ockings, t t S u s r b f , a o o r h b d a Dea w g r e in a e on c uite a y Speak e heard aders an ic . q w le s r , n p g s ld e e in r a e y o k b t c w d u o on st It's ! An e to p oal in our laying the charm stick would mak p to vote guy who wants c u f d o e w p o m h a lu be, on a us s elfie ore than t around the glo ind, we think a s the dice d m lle t o u r p n o eve t se in m ou t on for y r continues to je selfie. With this “Canada s s a d e r r o e w r e mo th iste ical rime min kind of the polit o remove e parliamentary iod p t w le e b n a r e ou tb per ome m th you migh he’s bec g stuffer. nds” fro omach question , y ie s a r n w f e y y iz n it m a c in s st d“ . nt stock there wa over-use and simply can’t or a good cause f an excelle also wondering if s,” and the ever season r nation’s Phrase’ n u n h io o e ia c t r d t c in e a a w le n ic e ‘C e t a W ma . sC vive wire lly proble ew faces iddle Clas managed to sur ur elves could re n ia M c “ e 14 ,” p 2 k s e c e a e som is is is b rely e yo called Th y are. Th ed with learning ? We ba in. Mayb e e y h id e r t u v a g o lo n l h P io a w t k dic ea tas ne M olitic e p like a p Ps. We have no id affers are now w service: an onli s (befor u it b d e o s w s t e e st M dr eir iPolitics n ose new lists and put in th About th lobbyists, journa ign us up for the d if they might ou s aske here ed. capital, w less plug — can y e Per Cent have y return oxes back. ally e n o m e ir n m O ilb he t they re t a ’s u a b e m d , k li r s a u e n ’d o a ir So — sha y h C g e st gettin ir recent hare). Th hamber? Green C ax plan takes a s be happy with ju of heat over the t uld ’s t Trudeau of us, though, wo e been taking a lo ryone! v eve The rest in and Sophie ha nies for n a n o w t t s u Finally, J n to something — be o seem to , Sincerely n Voter adia The Can
RESOURCES · RESEARCH · COMMUNITY
FOR PEOPLE WHO LOVE POLITICS
Wishing you a stronger democracy and a better Canada in 2016! 9 TO LEARN MORE VISIT WWW.SAMARACANADA.COM OR FOLLOW US ON TWITTER AT @SAMARACDA
HIDDEN GEMS Ottawa’s tourist maps are full of illustrious museums, historic architecture, and market offerings — most within a walk of Parliament. But stretch your range a little and you’ll find that some of Ottawa’s best offerings are beyond the bubble. Here’s a wholly uncomprehensive list of five.
A place to get cold
An oddly English pub
No, seriously. Le Nordik Spa is a gem that quite literally crowns the Gatineau Hills with an infinity pool offering a view clear over the Ottawa Valley. Le Nordik’s eight baths and seven saunas are just the thing to release the stress of capital life in any season. The lounge and restaurant mean you have no reason to change out of your cozy robes for hours on end. For the experienced spa-goer, though, the day is incomplete without an invigorating dip in a cold pool fresh out of a hot sauna.
The Old Mill at Ashton started live grinding Ottawa Valley grain with the power of the Jock River, but has been serving steak and kidney pies since 1986. With its Tudor finish on the outside and extensive collection of old country coasters and supporter scarves keeping the inside colourful, the Old Mill has enticed Ottawans to tiny Ashton for decades. It was only in recent years, though, that it was acquired by the Hodgins publican family and adapted into a brew pub, producing the Ashton Brewing Company beers on offer at dozens of Ottawa pubs.
#ELEBRATE THE SEAS AT THE #LOCKT h§ "REWING LOCAL gAFT BEh SINCE
10
GLEBE · NEW EDINBURGH · ELGIN · BYWARD MARKET · WESTBORO
A place to hear great music There are a few, actually, but for touring bands off the beaten path, there’s nowhere quite like the Black Sheep Inn in Wakefield, Quebec. Wakefield itself is worth a day trip and you’ll need to consider transportation options — Wakefield is a 30-minute drive from downtown. But with Lakes of Canada, Amelia Curran, and Bobby Watt all booked for January alone, Black Sheep is worth the trip. And no, the Inn does not have rooms on offer, but by all means make a weekend of it with a stay at the Wakefield Mill resort spa or La Grange yoga retreat, to name just two options.
A place to relive a misspent youth The average age of Canada’s 42nd parliament edging just a couple months over 51 years old, there’s a good chance that many MPs came of age in the era of arcade halls and video games that outweighed a small horse. For them — and anybody with a love of pinball — there’s House of TARG. Just south of the Bank St. Bridge, in a basement unit, TARG offers not only the largest collection of pinball and arcade games in Ottawa, it also boasts craft beer and a singular culinary focus: perogies.
A real rink of dreams Ever laced on skates in a cavern? Taken slap shots under the icicles of a frozen waterfall? Have your crossover strides carried you around the base of a stone pillar carved from bedrock? Didn’t think so, but that’s exactly what you can expect — if the conditions are right — at the Wallingford-Back Mine, just past Buckingham, Quebec. The little-known accidental rink was splashed across Facebook walls thanks to an Ottawa Magazine post earlier this year, so you might need to expect more company than in years past. But nowhere else can you slap a puck around in a landscape straight out of Tolkien’s imagination.
11
11
ADVICE
FROM THE HILL VETS TO THE NEW KIDS You may have received an official MP handbook, but where are you going to learn all the unwritten rules of the Hill? Look no further; we've got the inside scoop. iPolitics asked some seasoned Hill vets to reminisce about their introduction to the Hill, bestow words of wisdom and share handy tips on how to navigate the ins and outs of the House's hallowed halls.
The Honourable Don Boudria, P.C. Former Cabinet Minister; Senior Counsellor, Public Affairs, Hill & Knowlton Strategies
Coming from the metropolis of Sarsfield, ON (pop 230), I first landed on the Hill as a busboy. My brightest memories of those first years are meeting famous Canadians such as Prime Minister Pearson and, later, PM Pierre Trudeau and former PM John Diefenbaker. I remember telling my colleagues that someday I, too, would be an MP. It was hilarious (for them). Having been on the Hill for a brief 41 years allows me to pass along some sage advice. Early on, try to butter up the boss (however defined). He/ She knows where to get the best seat in the House (however defined). Make sure that you always carry a binder and keep an eye out for Bob Fife (just ask a certain Senator). Always remember to thank your constituents as being an MP is a privilege and not a right.
12
Beatrice Raffoul
Vice President, Public Affairs, HealthCareCAN Coming from just down the road, I first landed on the Hill in December 1988. My brightest memories of those first years are the camaraderie and the fun we had on our floor in the Confederation building; how helpful people were; and how willing they were to share information about getting set up. Having been on the opposition side first and then the government side, allows me to pass along some sage advice. Early on, try to butter up the Whip and her/his staff. They know where to get the best speaking opportunities in the House. Make sure that you always carry a smart phone and portable charger – the days get long and you may be away from the office for most of it. In the ‘old days,’ it was just a black notebook! Always remember to be respectful to colleagues, be discreet, and work hard. That’s what is recognized in the long run. And be sure you keep an eye out for your MP to try to keep some balance in her/his life.
DON NEWMAN
Greg MacEachern
Senior Counsel at Navigator in Toronto and Ensight in Ottawa; Chairman of Canada 2020
Vice President, Government Relations Environics Communications
Coming from Toronto I first landed on the Hill in 1969. My brightest memories of those first years are the beer machine in the Press Gallery; roast beef lunches in the old Press Club; and evening sessions of the House of Commons. Having been on the Hill since Justin’s father was Prime Minister allows me to pass along some sage advice. Early on, try to butter up your boss and a colleague who has been there at least five years. They know where to get the best haircut, steak, and table at the Métropolitain. Make sure you always carry your Hill pass, a credit card, and keep an eye out for cabinet ministers, sources of information, and social invitations. Always remember to dress so you can accept any lunch invitation or go anywhere interesting. And be sure to check the names of the people you are about to meet before you goof and get their names wrong.
Coming from Nova Scotia, I first landed on the Hill early 2004. My brightest memories of those first years are more hazy than bright, of the awe I felt, and still feel, seeing the Peace Tower. Having been in government, opposition, and across the table from people in both allows me to pass along some sage advice. Early on, try to butter up the Speaker. He knows where to get the best scotch (with his name on it) in Ottawa. Make sure that you always carry a business card and keep an eye out for MPs secretly recording conversations on spy cameras. Always remember to be nice to the staff everywhere, but especially at the Met, the Shore Club and D’Arcy’s. It’s good not to have to wait long for drinks on Budget Day and the like. And be sure to remind yourself how lucky you are to have this opportunity before you get too cool for school.
GOING THE EXTRA MILE FOR THOSE WHO HAVE TRAVELLED THOUSANDS The Canadian Red Cross is ready to welcome thousands of refugees and to meet their immediate needs. Helping the most vulnerable is our mission. redcross.ca/refugees
13
The Changing of the Social Guard By L. Ian MacDonald
There’s a story going around Ottawa that the main reason the Trudeau government called the House back for a week in early December was so that everyone on staff could be in town for the Liberal Christmas party. Since Justin Trudeau became leader, the Liberal Christmas party has become the hottest ticket in town. Now that he’s prime minister, it’s also a power trip. The Liberals are party animals and in the run-up to the holidays, they have already transformed the afterhours life of the capital. For nearly a decade under the Conservatives, Ottawa became the town that fun forgot. There were two notable exceptions to the rule of Stephen Harper’s PMO that ministers and staff should avoid Hy’s, the famous watering hole where politicos and journos check their guns at the door. One was Jim Flaherty, who as finance minister gave a dinner there every year on budget day, making it the only place in town that night. The other was John Baird, who several times a year would invite his staff for drinks at a banquette in the bar. Flaherty and Baird were convivial and kindred spirits, known for having minds of their own. Hy’s is actually closing at the end of February, so if Finance Minister Bill Morneau wants to continue the budget night tradition, he’ll have to table his budget before then. Hy’s has seldom been busier than since its owners announced its closing in September, partly over a dispute with the landlord on Queen Street. The spike in its business is partly driven by nostalgia, and partly by the arrival of the Liberals in power. One of the losers in the transfer of power has been Brixton’s, a pub on Sparks Street that is a favoured hangout of the NDP. When there were more than 100 New Dem MPs and the staff of Official Opposition, the place was packed. Now there are only 44 NDP members of the House, and the skeleton staff of a third party. One of the winners is the Café Métropolitain, just down from the Château Laurier at the corner of Sussex Drive and Rideau Street. The Met has long been a preferred lunching place of the city’s lobbying firms, notably the Earnscliffe Strategy Group, whose consultants refer to it as “the cafeteria.” Two booths by the bar are reserved for them every day, and one is named for the late Charles King, who was renowned for his good-natured berating of waiters and sending plates back to the kitchen. 14
Since the election of the Liberals, the joint has been jumping, day and night. It’s not unusual to see several cabinet ministers there on any evening. “They’ll work till nine at night and then they come here for dinner,” says bartender Mike Hannas. “We’ve noticed, and you have to, that people are having a good time.” The bar at the back of the Met is heavily booked in December with office Christmas parties. It’s also the scene of political book launches in the spring and fall. Justin Trudeau launched his 2014 autobiography Common Ground there, as did Brad Lavigne with Building the Orange Wave, his 2013 bio of Jack Layton. One of the biggest parties of the holiday season is the annual reception and dinner hosted by the Canadian American Business Council in the ballroom of the Château Laurier. In Washington, no one would pay much attention to such an event. In Ottawa, it’s a ticket coveted by politicians, consultants, and journalists alike. Gary Doer, our ambassador to Washington for a few more weeks, will be stepping down by year’s end. Currently, he said, he’s spending “most of my time briefing ministers” on their new files. U.S. Ambassador Bruce Heyman and his wife Vicki moved through the cocktail crowd, as did Trudeau’s principal secretary, Gerry Butts. Even the Conservative MPs who showed up appeared to enjoy themselves, though they were unsparing and even scathing of their party’s campaign, notably the tipping points of the barbaric practices “snitch line” and Stephen Harper’s mystifying decision to close his campaign in the Greater Toronto Area in the presence of Rob and Doug Ford. Their Christmas party was also scheduled for the week the House was sitting. Harper was not expected to attend. Christmas began officially on Parliament Hill on December 2, with the lighting of the tree, the Peace Tower illuminated in Christmas images, and a choir singing Christmas carols. Afterwards, thousands streamed off the Hill. At the corner of Queen and O’Connor, a man held his two daughters’ hands as they waited for the light to change. “How was the tree lighting?” he was asked. “Magical,” he said. Merry Christmas.
New Year’s Resolution: Make 2016 clutter-free with YPIT DIGITIZE YOUR BUSINESS
FAST | COST-EFFECTIVE | SECURE
Learn more: 613.599.2400 or email inquiries@ypitdata.com
Must-reads
for that certain political someone in your family ‘Tis the season when we are surrounded by loved ones – the brother who can’t stop talking about how ‘they’ spend our taxes, the aunt who discusses the education system into the ground, the might-be daughter-in-law who tries hard to impress the parents with her grasp of Canadian history, the new boyfriend who thinks he’s got all the answers for tomorrow’s government. It can make or break the holiday dinner table chatter. Reading up on the issues can help them all stay up to speed on the actual political landscape, for better or for worse. The authors of this season’s must-reads have made it easy for you, writing the gift tags for all those members of your family.
an
ci iti l po . the ng mily i fa or F udd ur b yo in
For the aker peacem ily. m in your fa
g in v o the y-l ly. r r o to e ami F is di f h o ur fo yo in
For the ssive progre y visionar ily. fam in your
r the arrio r o w F py ily. hap ur fam o in y
Making a Difference, Dalton McGuinty; Grit: The Life and Politics of Paul Martin Sr., Greg Donaghy; Sir John’s Table: The Culinary Life & Times of Canada’s First Prime Minister, Lindy Mechefske; The Diplomat: Lester Pearson and the Suez Crisis, Antony Anderson; What’s Happened to Politics?, Bob Rae.
15
Parliamentary Party Precinct
10 8 1
7
3
5
6
9 11 2
4 12 13
16
14
Métropolitain Brasserie. Arguably one of the hottest locales for lunch, receptions and the late-night dinners that follow. Meet Marty — the bartender who knows what we all sip. 700 Sussex Drive. The Shore Club. Just right for private meetings over steak and vino. 11 Colonel By Drive. D’Arcy McGee’s holds court on Sparks where the live music sometimes channels the spirit of the the pub’s namesake. Sparks Street & Elgin Street. Bier Markt. 150 beers available, but don’t let that define the place. It has a full menu, and a full house of staffers on the weekend. 156 Sparks Street. Brixton’s Pub. Frequented by the N-dippers, this watering hole is progressively snug. 210 Sparks Street. Hy’s Steakhouse. While its days are numbered, there is still time to see the place where finance ministers would cap the long budget day with a scotch. 170 Queen Street. Moscow Tea Room. For late-night loungers, it boasts an extensive cocktail menu for the vodka enthusiast. 527 Sussex Drive. Schad and Wolf & Zed. Two stores joined at the hip offering all the latest trends to cover you from head to toe. 519 & 521 Sussex Drive. Social. A long-standing beacon for food and drink in the Market. 537 Sussex Drive. House of Barons. A quick stylin’ trim for the lads. 481 Sussex Drive. Beauty + Sussex. A one-stop-beauty-shop for the ladies. 700 Sussex Drive.
Who is that? Visit iPolitics.ca to see who has been shutter-bugged in the Precinct over the holiday season
Beckta Dining & Wine. Elegant eatery offering a window view of the Duffy Trial paparazzi. 150 Elgin Street. The Clocktower Pub. Doors recently opened on Elgin to a thirsty, locally brewed beer lovers crowd. 200 Elgin Street. Mamma Teresa. The LPC haunt. Having each banked decades as loyal servers, Walter, Johnny, and Frank have witnessed more changes in government than changes in the menu. 300 Somerset Street West. 17
CARTOON GALLERY
Some of our favourites of the season
18
19
en, uch t h tep so m g po S ar you omin p. e D ank elc sou Th the w tock ible s S for Old impos ut I he of was ow, b rip t erIt swall d to upp ts! to nage hite to bi ma f of w ead , loa st br truly cru ours Y stin Ju
Dear Stephen, I can’t believe you made me prepare that Old Stock soup! I think it got me sacked! Thanks for nothing. Yours truly, Tim Wasylko
20
Dear Tatia na Gutsu, Thank you so much for coaching me in gy mnastics. N ow that I have mas tered heads tands and cart wheels, my position al options for holding your country ’s flag are limitless . Yours, in continuing s olidarity with Ukrain e, Tony Cleme nt
rs, e b m Me y t r a P ^&* ^. n e e % r r G so $#@ ( #$% a e D &* you ^ n’t k a c % n a d # an Th e$ t h i (^ t * d r e o v & f o ^ l much %^&*$ e how $% ev $ I # *(% beli e. r & %$^ tful you a h thoug rs truly, y You eth Ma ab Eliz
k . rac beer ed t to hat hang , g o c e n t ugi tryi or ave to d o f th D or r s thing O f a u e e s D ank tev e m no , h Th n S eh... well er. w h do eird, . Oh rot b s W ber big num h us, wit eers, Ch b Ro
MIC HAE Dear J L DU ustin, FFY Thank you so from t m he Tru uch for the dea bea know it will nev u Maison de utiful hairpie ce er look magnifi Cheveux cent m . a s I a u t an he reduce my exp e, but it mig ntic as your ht help enses. Yours me to truly, Mik P.S. D o I sm e Duffy ell chin chilla?
You can hire any consultantor the one that gets results.
Bluesky Strategy Group specializes in public affairs, strategic communications, government relations, and media relations advice and execution. We deliver results. 210 Dalhousie Street | Ottawa, ON | K1N 7C8 | 613-241-3512
blueskystrategygroup.com
@blueskygroup
COOKIES HOLIDAY FAVOURITES Christmas cookies are a staple of any holiday party. They’re the natural sidekick to holiday cocktails or a frothy mug of eggnog (preferably spiced with rum). We asked some MPs for their personal favourites. They were more than happy to oblige. Elizabeth May’s Sugar Cookie Stars Ms. May and her daughter Cate make these cookies together every year. Ingredients 3 cups all-purpose flour 3/4 teaspoon baking powder 1/4 teaspoon salt 1 cup unsalted butter, softened 1 cup sugar 1 egg, beaten 1 tablespoon milk Powdered sugar, for rolling out dough Instructions 1. Sift together flour, baking powder, and salt. Set aside. 2. Place butter and sugar in large bowl of electric stand mixer and beat until light in color. 3. Add egg and milk and beat to combine. 4. Put mixer on low speed, gradually add flour, and beat until mixture pulls away from the side of the bowl. 5. Divide the dough in half, wrap in waxed paper, and refrigerate for 2 hours. 6. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. 7. Sprinkle surface where you will roll out dough with powdered sugar. 8. Remove one wrapped pack of dough from refrigerator at a time, sprinkle rolling pin with powdered sugar, and roll out dough to 1/4-inch thick. Move the dough around and check underneath frequently to make sure it is not sticking. If dough has warmed during rolling, place cold cookie sheet on top for 10 minutes to chill. 9. Cut into star shapes and place at least one inch apart on greased baking sheet, parchment, or silicone baking mat. 10. Bake for 7 to 9 minutes or until cookies are beginning to turn brown around the edges. Rotate cookie sheet halfway through baking time. 11. Let sit on baking sheet for two minutes after removal from oven. Move to wire rack to complete cooling. 12. Serve as is or ice as desired. Store in airtight container for up to one week.
22
Mark Eyking’s Speculaas “They’re my favourite cookie!” (Fun fact: the combination of spices in these traditional Dutch cookies date back to the 15th century.) Ingredients 1 cup unsalted butter, softened 2 teaspoons vanilla 1 cup white sugar 1 1/4 cups dark brown sugar 2 large eggs 3 1/2 cups flour 2 teaspoons baking soda 2 1/2 tablespoons speculaas spice* 1 teaspoon kosher salt *Speculaas spice: 8 parts cinnamon 2 parts nutmeg 2 parts ground cloves 1 part white pepper 1 part ground ginger 1 part cardamom Instructions 1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. 2. Cream butter, vanilla, and both kinds of sugar until light and fluffy. Add both eggs and blend well. 3. Whisk all of the dry ingredients together and slowly add to the butter mixture, combining until the dough pulls from the side of the bowl. 4. Divide the dough in half. Wrap each half in plastic wrap and refrigerate for several hours or overnight. (Dough can be kept in the fridge for several days if need be) 5. Roll out dough to 1/4” or 1/8” thick and cut with cookie cutters. (Traditional designs are often pressed into the tops of them with moulds). 6. Bake at 350 degrees for 10-12 minutes.
Bev Shipley’s Whipped Shortbread A family favourite, enjoyed by both Shipley and his grandchildren. Makes three dozen. Ingredients 1 cup butter 1 1/2 cups all purpose flour 1/2 cup icing sugar Red and green sugar sprinkles Instructions 1. Combine first three ingredients and beat for 10 minutes with an electric mixer. 2. Drop from a teaspoon onto a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper. 3. Decorate with red or green sugar sprinkles. (optional) 4. Bake at 350’ F. for approximately 15 minutes or until bottoms are lightly browned (sometimes it only takes 10 minutes – so watch them).
Lisa Raitt’s Grandma’s shortbread cookies A Cape Breton family tradition – where Christmas cookies rule. Ingredients Cookie: 1 cup butter 2 cups flour 4 tablespoons icing sugar Icing: 1 cup of icing sugar 2 tablespoons of butter A little milk Red and green cherries Instructions 1. Preheat oven to 325F 2. Mix cookie ingredients until you have a nice texture. Drop onto cookie sheets. Bake for 10 minutes or until golden (watch them closely). 3. Combine the icing ingredients. Be careful not to make it too thin. Add a little more icing sugar if need be. 4. Top with red and green cherries. 5. Place them in a big box and put on the sofa in the living room.
Ruth Ellen Brosseau’s Jam Diagonals “They’re very good!” Ingredients 1/2 cup butter, softened 1/4 cup granulated sugar 1 teaspoon vanilla teaspoon salt 1 1/4 cups flour 1/3 cup raspberry jam (or favourite jam) Instructions 1. Cream butter, sugar, vanilla, and salt until creamy and fluffy. 2. Gradually stir in flour until blended. Divide dough into fourths. 3. On lightly floured surface, with hands, roll each fourth into a 9" rope. 4. Place 3" apart on greased cookie sheet. 5. With finger, make ½" depression down center of each rope. Ropes will flatten to about 1" wide strips. 6. Fill depressions with jam, using a small spoon. 7. Bake in a preheated 350 degree oven for 12-15 minutes or until golden. 8. Cool on cookie sheet.
23
DOs&DON’Ts
A Dozen Dos and Don’ts for the New Kids on the Hill Lessons Gleaned From A Historic Year
DO let it be known, once you have
been elected, that you could whip out your CF-18 if called for.
DON’T have a fit when your deficit
plan is suggested to be teensy-weensy during a federal campaign.
DO have faith and remain respectful of
other’s beliefs.
DON’T name Jesus as your accomplice when being questioned about generous monetary transfers.
Canada’s
39,000 pharmacists
A prescription for better health, better care and better value The role of pharmacists is expanding. From renewing and extending prescriptions, delivering vaccines, conducting medication management services and prescribing for minor ailments and conditions, Canada’s pharmacists are providing solutions to our country’s healthcare challenges. We look forward to working with the new Parliament to improve the health and wellness of Canadians. And, we want you to be healthy too. So, if you haven’t had your yearly flu shot, go see your pharmacist. To learn more: visit www.pharmacists.ca or contact Joelle Walker at 613-523-7877 (ext. 387) or jwalker@pharmacists.ca CPhA_ipolitics_halfpage__withbleeds.indd 24
1
11/25/2015 8:43:30 AM
Keep UR-IN-Er circle close, but keep your coffee mug closer.
DO use social media as an important tool of engagement.
DO take good care of your health.
DON’T take a political fall when
slipping on Twitter’s like button.
your fake phone orgasm to the local pharmacist and proceed immediately to Wicked Wanda’s on Bank Street.
DO use judgment when in proximity to
DO keep it above the belt.
DON’T fear the Senate’s Black Rod.
DON’T let your best arguments get clouded by a puff of smoke.
a certain Senator’s Brass Rail.
DON’T hesitate to hang up during
Cold camembert and broken crackers are tolerated much better than a hot mess. When flying, DO help yourself to bags of complimentary almonds.
DO bring us your brilliance, enthusiasm, and work ethic.
DON’T be nuts and claim a suitcase full of cash in travel expenses.
DON’T think for a second that this country isn’t thrilled that you are here.
DO pursue positive media relations.
DO dress for the chilly Ottawa winter.
DON’T “Go stuff yourself!” at salty
DON’T be afraid to cover up your
Tory supporter luncheon seminars titled, “I stand by what I said. They really are all lying pieces of shit.”
face anytime, anywhere because this is Canada!
25
The Parliamentary Sartorialists So, you landed on the Hill. Now’s time to learn the files, meet the network, navigate around and, yes, dress the part. We asked three Ottawa style authorities for advice on how to build that Parliamentary wardrobe. These tips can help any MP streamline the shopping process while building that brand.
A ndre Schad
Owner of Schad, Ottawa’s local quality brand name style HQ on the Sussex strip.
F rank Sukhoo Ottawa-based fashion designer and owner of Sukhoo Sukhoo Couture.
What is the first thing these new MPs and staffers need to know in building their wardrobe?
H
“Keep up with this generation coming up fast behind us. Don’t lose touch with your voter base, with what they want to see.”
A
“For the men, be sure to buy properly-tailored classic pieces that are timeless. You need that charcoal suit, you need that black suit. Then, be sure to keep up with your wardrobe. That suit you bought years ago likely doesn’t fit properly this year — your body changes.”
F
“Whatever you do, wherever you go, whoever you are, it is important to stand out, but not jump out. Stay within your style.”
What accessories can make the outfit?
A
26
“Pocket squares are always in. How you fold it changes — the simple one-fold vs. the two-folded crest. For more formal events, go for the pocket square. A black suit with a white pocket square — that’s crisp.”
H enrietta Southam
An image and style consultant with Ottawa roots.
H
“Socks can be a conversation piece, a bold statement. If you want to do the pocket square, this is where you can have fun. But fold it properly.”
F
“When transitioning from day to night, from office to reception, simple changes can help vary it up. For the women, keep the big purse at the office and throw your BlackBerry and cards into a clutch. For the men, make a statement with the tie knot. We have the Eldredge knot, the Trinity knot, the Fishbone knot, the Rose knot, and the Boutonniere knot. And, why not add that third piece to the suit at night?”
Does the right outfit matter in front of the camera?
F
H
A
“At these receptions, there are cameras; be ready for them. Women need to think about the dresses they wear. Don’t go for revealing, form-fitting, low-cut, or sheer. The camera lens will capture all of it and the flash will go right through the sheer material. Not a good look. Stay elegant.” “To go on camera during a scrum or interview, men should wear crisp, white, ironed shirts. People talk with their hands, so the cuffs will be visible; they should come out further than the suit. If you want to be heard, look simple but elegant. Look at Justin Trudeau. At the debate, he pulled out a midnight blue slim tie. The effect was immediate.”
Who, on and around the Hill, is doing it right?
H
“Look at Rona Ambrose: hair down and wearing leather on the Hill. She’s not just pulling it off, she does it very well. Her message, in her outfit, is strong, simple and clear.”
H
“Don Newman has always been a sharp dresser. He is on-trend every single day.”
H
“Evan Solomon does a good job at being timeless. He knows how to wear a narrow tie to make his shoulders look broader, and his suit is an impeccable fit. And, he mastered that starched modern collar.”
H
“Check Justin Trudeau. What we see now is not what he looked like a year ago. What he did so well over the campaign was simplify his look to match with his message, which was increasingly grounded. His suits are made local, in his riding. And, he chooses to be environmentally-suited – he is particular about the fabric.”
“When in front of the camera, remember that black is slimming. Don’t get risky with a lot of busy patterns. When in doubt, stick with the classics.”
Y
you can count on being home for the holidays. Canada’s airports bring loved ones together. YXU YQQ YQB YUL YKF YKA YMM YYC YXE YEG YSJ YLW YFC YXC YTZ YQT YXT
YXE
YEG
YSJ
YLW
YFC
YXC
YTZ
YQT
YXT
YXU
YQQ
YQB
YUL
YKF
YKA
YMM
YYC
YQB
YUL
YKF
YKA
YMM
YYC
YWG
YJT
YYB
YZF
YGK
YLW
YYC
YQR
YHM
YXY
YXX
YQB
YUL
YKF
YKA
YMM
YYC
YWG
YJT
YYB
YZF
YGK
YLW
YYC
YQR
YHM
YXY
YXX
YLW
YYC
YQR
YHM
YXY
YXX
YHZ
YQY
YCD
YYR
YSB
YYT
YVR
YQF
YHZ
YEG
YMX
YLW
YYC
YQR
YHM
YXY
YXX
YHZ
YQY
YCD
YYR
YSB
YYT
YVR
YQF
YHZ
YEG
YMX
YYT
YVR
YQF
YHZ
YEG
YMX
YOW
YAM
YXH
YQX
YYG
YYJ
YYZ
YXS
YQM
YDF
YXE
YYT
YVR
YQF
YHZ
YEG
YMX
YOW
YAM
YXH
YQX
YYG
YYJ
YYZ
YXS
YQM
YDF
YXE
YYJ
YYZ
YXS
YQM
YDF
YXE
YEG
YSJ
YLW
YFC
YXC
YTZ
YQT
YXT
YXU
YQQ
YQB
YYJ
YYZ
YXS
YQM
YDF
YXE
YEG
YSJ
YLW
YFC
YXC
YTZ
YQT
YXT
YXU
YQQ
YQB
YTZ
YQT
YXT
YXU
YQQ
YQB
YUL
YKF
YKA
YMM
YYC
YWG
YJT
YYB
YZF
YGK
YLW
YTZ
YQT
YXT
YXU
YQQ
YQB
YUL
YKF
YKA
YMM
YYC
YWG
YJT
YYB
YZF
YGK
YLW
YWG
YJT
YYB
YZF
YGK
YLW
YYC
YQR
YHM
YYT YSB YXX YXYC A N AYHZ DA SYQY A I RYCD P O RYYR T S .C OM
YWG
YJT
YYB
YZF
YGK
YLW
YYC
YQR
YHM
YXY
YXX
YHZ
YQY
YCD
YYR
YSB
YHZ
YQY
YCD
YYR
YSB
YYT
YVR
YQF
YHZ
YEG
YMX
YOW
YAM
YXH
YQX
YYG
YYJ
YHZ
YQY
YCD
YYR
YSB
YYT
YVR
YQF
YHZ
YEG
YMX
YOW
YAM
YXH
YQX
YYG
27 YYJ
YOW
YAM
YXH
YQX
YYG
YYJ
YYZ
YXS
YQM
YDF
YXE
YEG
YSJ
YLW
YFC
YXC
YTZ
YOW
YAM
YXH
YQX
YYG
YYJ
YYZ
YXS
YQM
YDF
YXE
YEG
YSJ
YLW
YFC
YXC
YTZ
YYT
Red Cross and Canada’s New Syrian Refugees By Janice Dickson
Conrad Sauvé with Canadian Red Cross
Just over a year ago, a desperate Syrian refugee mother in northern Lebanon tried to hand off her threeyear-old child to a stranger from Canada, Conrad Sauvé, whom she may have recognized as a helping hand from the Red Cross. “A woman came out with a three-year-old in her arms,” Sauvé, president and CEO of the Canadian Red Cross, recalled in an interview with iPolitics. “It appeared there was some kind of illness in the camps, two kids had died already, and so she was really desperate. She was begging me to take her child and of course we couldn’t take her.” Neighbours took the woman aside and exhorted her not to give up 28
her child. “You feel hopeless, there’s nothing you can do in that moment,” said Sauvé. In Lebanon, there are no official refugee camps set up, other than the camps for Palestinian refugees who have been there since the late 1940’s. In the northern part of the country, however, there are makeshift camps where Syrians displaced from their war-torn country have set up temporary homes. Most of the time, local communities allow them to do this. Sauvé’s team was able to help that one particular community with the support of the Canadian government, which provided a ‘generous’ donation for that operation, he said.
Unlike in Turkey and Jordan, there is no structure in Lebanon to help displaced Syrians and so refugees are scattered throughout the country. Nearly one third of Lebanon’s current population — 1.1 million — are Syrian refugees. The United Nations High Commission for Refugees (UNHCR) is actively contacting refugees through text message in an effort to interview Syrians who are interested in migrating to Canada. So far, the UNHCR has texted 7,832 refugees in Lebanon and interviewed hundreds of refugees daily. Ten thousand privately sponsored Syrian refugees are expected to arrive in Canada between December 10th and January 1st. In the new year, 15,000
publicly sponsored refugees will be flown to Canada until the end of March. The refugees expected to arrive in mid-December will land during the most generous time of year — the holiday season. The people coming are resilient and have fled with very few belongings. The majority will be families, not unlike the woman and her threeyear-old child in the makeshift camp. Canadians should put themselves in refugees’ shoes, said Sauvé, when they’re asking themselves, ‘what do refugees need?’ “People are going to need furniture, but exactly when they will need furniture, we don’t know in terms of the process. There are a lot of kids who are going to need toys, a lot of basic things,” he said. Sauvé cautions against donating for
the sake of donating, however — it’s more important to determine what specific goods refugees need. Right now there’s going to be an outpouring of support for refugees, he said, which is helpful, but he recalls an outpouring of support in 2010 after the earthquake in Haiti. When a group in Montreal asked for clothing donations to send to Haiti, the majority of donations included winter coats and clothing that wasn’t helpful for people in a warm climate. There will be a lot of people in need and a lot of initiatives happening at the local level, said Sauvé. Canadians can volunteer with the Red Cross, or donate. The Red Cross has two funds to support refugees. One helps refugees who are arriving in Canada and the other supports displaced Syrians in Syria and its neighbouring countries.
Conrad Sauvé, President and CEO, Canadian Red Cross
Sauvé noted that right now we have a window of time where everyone is concerned about refugees and Canadians are eager to support them, but we must take advantage of this time before something else dominates the news. We can’t predict events, he said, but what we can do is seize the moment to help those who need it. “We’ll see the faces of people fleeing war. They’re not leaving because they had a choice,” he said. “Some people say, if the problem looks too big, why help? What difference does it make? I think you always have to take it from the perspective of the people we help. This is a time for giving.”
Conrad Sauvé with Canadian Red Cross
THE WORLD’S FIRST INFLATABLE TRADE SHOW EXHIBIT
UNPACK
INFLATE
INSTALLED
TRAVELS AS CARRY-ON. IT’S SO EASY, EVEN THE BOSS CAN DO IT. info@skylineottawa.com · 613-820-2550 · www.skylinewindscape.com
29
A New Era Begins By Michael Harris
First off, the document appears genuine. It came to iPolitics in the form of a list. It contains the names of all the politicians and their minions who played a part in Canada’s national drama in 2015. Beside each name, there are two check marks. Everyone knows who makes lists at this time of year and checks it twice. Yes, it appears that we have the Naughty and Nice list leaked to us from a disgruntled elf with NDP leanings at Santa Claus Inc. I cannot divulge who was bad or good. It is, after all, the season of peace on earth and goodwill towards politicians. But I am able to share with you the gifts they will receive from Santa. Draw your own conclusions. Former Conservative MP Paul Calandra broke all of the North Pole’s rules. He cried, he pouted, and he didn’t watch out. His gift? A leather-bound copy of Hansard containing every word he spoke in the House. He must read it for an hour every day until he is really, really sorry. Chris Alexander, the boyish MP who lost his seat after losing his credibility as Immigration minister, can expect a recording of Bill Joel’s I Go to Extremes. His stocking will also contain a framed picture of himself at the podium over a sign reading “Zero Tolerance for Barbaric Cultural Practices.” Kellie Leitch will be copied by the Man in Red. Senator Leo Housakos, the former Speaker of the Senate, insists that he didn’t leak the Auditor General’s report on Senate expenses to the media. I can tell you that there are grave doubts in the North Pole. Housakos will be receiving a pocket dictionary with the word “embargoed” highlighted in neon pink. After his recent Open Letter claiming that the Senate is an independent House, he will also get a used video of the Disney movie Pinocchio. MP and former cabinet minister Pierre Poilievre, who survived the Conservative meltdown on October 19th, will receive an “I’m already missing you boss” T-shirt”, featuring the MP’s head on Lassie’s body. There will be two other gifts - a chrome-plated dog whistle whose former owner now lives in Calgary, and a partial anatomical skeleton, the back-bone I believe. Jenni Byrne, the Conservative Party’s answer to Ann Coulter on a bad hair day, will be given a trip to the Bad 30
Elf Re-Education Centre. It is a sanctuary of peace where a controlling person’s inner commandant can mellow out. There is no robocalling, no cheating at Monopoly, and no shouting at the other elves. Instead, Byrne will surrender her cellphone and spend two weeks listening to Perry Como albums and old speeches from Fidel Castro. An internship with Kathleen Wynne will complete the process. Nigel Wright, the former chief of staff of the former prime minister, will be getting Legos. The idea is that he can use them to build even higher ethical walls around himself than he did in the pre-Duffy days. Wright will also receive a new App that will force the people he communicates with to read his emails. Defeated NDP candidate Pat Martin leaves Ottawa without a Curser in Chief. There was more salt in Pat’s language than in a pound of bacon. From “rat-faced whores” to “political sluts” Pat could turn the air blue in a jiffy when extolling the virtues of his opponents. Santa will be dropping a bar of soap into Martin’s stocking. It is not intended for his hands. Stephen Harper, now just an ordinary MP, narrowly escaped a lump of coal for his years of being the opposite of Santa Claus while running Canada. The Pole has arranged for the former PM to spend Christmas in Attawaspikat, followed by a month in a Middle East refugee camp. His personal “A Christmas Carol” complete with the ghosts of Christmases past. And finally Justin Trudeau. The Pole never knows quite what to do with newly elected politicians. Their record of bellyflops is simply too outstanding. So Justin will be receiving an inspirational but noncommittal photo of his father carrying him into 24 Sussex in the days when Canadians still believed in Camelot. Inspiration rather than endorsement. I should add that even Santa Claus Inc. can make mistakes. Remember the length of their gift list. It seems that Rob Ford will be getting Santa’s old pipe. Father Christmas apparently misread his copy of the Toronto Star. For the record, Santa, that was crack, not cracked, pipe. And so, with little tin horns and little toy drums, rooty toot toots and and rummy tum tums, Santa Claus is coming to Ottawa. God Bless us, every one.
When you choose VIA Rail for your business travel, you help reduce government expenses and create value for taxpayers. Plus, you maximize your productivity along the way. So get on board with train travel today.
TM
Trademark owned by VIA Rail Canada Inc.
Route
Distance
Productive train time
Non-productive car time*
Cost of travelling by car**
Cost of travelling by train (as low as)
Taxpayer savings by choosing train travel***
Ottawa
Toronto
Up to 16
450 km
4 h 01 min
4 h 34 min
$467
$441
$423
Ottawa
Montréal
Up to 12
198 km
1 h 47 min
2 h 27 min
$227
$331
$194
Ottawa
Québec City
2
482 km
5 h 23 min
4 h 39 min
$488
$491
$439
Up to 17
541 km
4 h 34 min
5 h 30 min
$562
$441
$518
Toronto 1
# of daily departures
Montréal
Government of Canada employees receive 10% off the best available fare on all trains and classes of service offered by VIA Rail Canada. Available for both business and personal travel. Conditions apply. For more information, contact PWGSC Shared Travel Services.
***30 minutes was added to the total travel time by car in order to account for traffic and bad weather en route. ***The total cost to the taxpayer of travelling by car is calculated based on the following formula: $ cost of travel by car (Treasury Board kilometric rate for Ontario of $0.55/km for car travel by a government official X total distance travelled) + (average hourly rate of $48/h for a government official, based on a salary of $100,000 per year including employee benefits X travel time) = $ total cost to taxpayer ***The value of travelling by train is calculated based on the following formula: Cost of travelling by car – cost of travelling by train = taxpayer savings
31