Checking it Twice — iPolitics Holiday Edition 2014

ON THE FIRST DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SENT TO ME: A DWINDLING BUDGET SURPLUS

HOLIDAY PRINT 2014

CH IT ECK T W IN IC G E

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CHRISTMAS AT 24 SUSSEX P10 CULINARY CURE FOR QP P21 MIXING HOLIDAY SPIRITS P6

CONTENTS EDITOR James Baxter DEPUTY EDITORS Doug Beazley

04 FAVOURITE HOLIDAY FLICKS 05 CURLING ‘CROSS PARTY LINES

Ian Shelton Lisa Van Dusen REPORTERS Janice Dickson Elizabeth Gray-Smith Kelsey Johnson James Munson

06 MERRY MIXOLOGISTS 09 LETTER TO SANTA 10 CHRISTMAS AT 24 SUSSEX

Alice Musabende Elizabeth Thompson Yamina Tsalamlal BJ Siekierski Kirsten Smith (Researcher)

12 RECEPTION SEASON 14 BEST DRESSED OF 2014

Kristie Smith COLUMNISTS Paul Adams Scott Clark Peter DeVries

16 THE HUNT FOR RED DECEMBER 18 WHO SAID WHAT?

Michael Harris Tasha Kheiriddin L. Ian MacDonald Andrew Mitrovica Linda McQuaig Steve Sullivan PHOTOGRAPHERS

19 CROSSWORD PUZZLE 20 INSIGHT UNLIMITED 21 QP POTLUCK

Cynthia Munster Matthew Usherwood WEB EDITOR

22 READS TO PUT UNDER THE TREE

Deane McRobie BUSINESS TEAM John Butterfield, COO Sally Douglas, Deputy Publisher Callie Sanderson, Business Development Mgr Emily Francis DESIGN AND GRAPHICS Jackpine CONTACT 201-17 York Street Ottawa, Ontario, Canada, K1N 9J6 Office: 613-789-2772 iPolitics is your digital source for independent, upto-the-minute coverage of Canadian politics and the business of government. Learn more at ipolitics.ca

ON THE SECOND DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SENT TO ME: TWO CHINESE PANDAS AND A DWINDLING BUDGET SURPLUS

ON THE THIRD DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SENT TO ME: THREE STALLED TRAINS, TWO CHINESE PANDAS AND A DWINDLING BUDGET SURPLUS

FAVOURITE HOLIDAY FLICKS What your MPs are watching this season Presents wrapped, family fed, and everyone hunkered down for a long winter’s night — what do your MPs throw in the VCR? We asked a few about their favourite holiday flicks.

It’s a Wonderful Life December 20, 1946. 130 minutes MP: Scott Armstrong, Conservative for Cumberland-Colchester-Musquodoboit Valley “It’s a Wonderful Life” is a classic redemption story about a man who is reminded of the generosity he provided others throughout his life. For Armstrong, the lesson on altruism is what keeps him coming back.

“The message in it is that no matter what choices you make in life, as long as you try to support and help other people, you contribute to yourself and your fellow man.”

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation December 1, 1989. 97 minutes MP: Glenn Thibeault, NDP for Sudbury “It reminds me of a lot of my own upbringing and family,” said Thibeault. “Every family has their own Aunt Bethany. When they show up, you’re like ‘How are we going to deal with this for the next 12 hours?’”

Thibeault’s own father shared a key Clark Griswold trait. “My father once put a stereo system outside and he was playing records of Christmas music with all the trees covered in lights… My dad was retired when he was doing this so I think he had a lot of time on his hands.”

One Magic Christmas November 22, 1985. 89 minutes MP: Carolyn Bennett, Liberal for St. Paul’s Bennett’s favourite flick hits close to home: her husband, producer Peter O’Brian, created it. Starring Sarah Polley, “One Magic Christmas” was filmed in Meaford, Ontario. “It’s a sort of Canadian version of ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’,’” said Bennett. Her family screens it every year on her birthday (December 20), she said. To this day, Bennett’s family cottage has the Canadian flag and flagpole used in the movie’s town hall, which director Phillip Borsos gave to them because of O’Brian’s fight with Disney to keep the Canadian flag in the movie. “Disney thought it should all be American, so this was a big fight.”

The Christmas Choir December 9, 2008. 90 minutes MP: Tyrone Benskin, NDP for Jeanne-Le Ber Benskin actually stars in “The Christmas Choir”, a made-for-TV movie. It’s based on the true story of Montreal’s Mission Accueil Bonneau group, a men’s choir started by residents of a homeless shelter. The choir ended up travelling internationally and helped some men leave their life on the street, said Benskin.

The MP plays the lead homeless character, who is ‘discovered’ while singing for tips at a bar by a dispirited businessman looking for meaning. The shelter’s director is played by Rhea Perlman and it features cameos by the actual members of the choir. Asked what makes it his favourite, Benskin said he generally falls for all things Christmas. “I’m a Christmas wuss.”

The Sound of Music March 2, 1965. 174 minutes MP: Scott Brison, Liberal for Kings Hants Growing up, Brison used to always watch “It’s a Wonderful Life,” “Miracle at 34th Street” and “The Sound of Music” with his father, now 91. But the elder Brison has stuck with the Julie Andrews epic throughout his life. “The Sound of Music” was the first movie the MP saw in a theatre. “Dad used to say it’s nice to watch a movie where cars aren’t being smashed up or building exploding or somebody getting killed… It’s nice to watch a story about good people and a happy ending.” There’s a 45-year age difference between both Brisons and the movie offers a connection. The MP is anxiously awaiting the day when his two daughters are old enough to make it into a tradition.

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iPolitics Holiday Print Edition 2014

MP Randy Hoback, right, and former president of the Canada Grains Council Richard Phillips - iPolitics / Matthew Usherwood

CURLING ‘CROSS PARTY LINES KELSEY JOHNSON

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t’s the bread and butter of most small towns from the western prairies to the eastern shores. Canadians of all ages and skills play it. Some come for the beer, others for the conversation, more come for the challenge and a few use it as an excuse to sport the most ridiculous pair of pants they dare attempt in public.

It’s curling.

In parts of this country, well thrown stones and an able sweeper can elicit a roar as loud as any heard in a hockey arena.

Which is why on a snowy Tuesday night in early December I found myself standing on a sheet of ice in the capital’s south end, sliding tape on my running shoe and a curling broom tucked precariously under my left arm, learning how to throw a stone from the hack.

Along for the ride were MPs Randy Hoback and Bruce Hyer, Hyer’s wife Margaret, and our coach Richard Phillips, a former president of the Canada Grains Council.

Randy and Margaret had curled a couple of times before — “schoolgirl curling,” Margaret called it

— although they both admitted it had been a while.

Meanwhile, Bruce called himself a “curling virgin,” sheepishly admitting his constituents would be shocked to learn he’d never thrown a rock. I wasn’t much better — my one experience resulted in more falls to the ice than draws to the button.

Richard took it easy on us — forgoing lessons in sweeping for a focus on staying upright and throwing rocks from the hack. We laughed when stones curled counter to our wish, and cheered when we managed through sheer luck to land them in the house.

It was a sight to see: the Conservative MP and the Green deputy leader, the (ex) industry rep and the Hill reporter, tossed together for a story and finding common ground on the ice. Randy and Bruce soon discovered they both owned fishing lodges, prompting comparisons of trout sizes that grew as fishing tales do.

The jokes were endless and one-liners ricocheted like a double takeout.

Our two-end game would wrap up in a draw.

Everyone said that was fitting. iPolitics.ca

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ON THE FOURTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SENT TO ME: FOUR SENATE SCANDALS, THREE STALLED TRAINS, TWO CHINESE PANDAS AND A DWINDLING BUDGET SURPLUS

MERRY MIXOLOGISTS Holiday cocktails with a twist There is a lot of mixing and shaking going on in the Parliamentary Party Precinct this holiday season.

Local mixologists share their secrets on how to make the libations enjoyed by fellow poli-minded partiers.

GREEN NASTY

MOULIN ROUGE

TOASTED ALMOND

Julie McCarthy of Brixton’s British Pub concocts what is called the Green Nasty, a cocktail originally created for political staffer, Peter Cullen.

Marten Pauker, a familiar face at Metropolitain Brasserie, mixes his version of a Moulin Rouge before serving MPs at the raw bar.

Dustin Whyte of Parliament Pub, at the foot of the Hill, whips up a Toasted Almond.

½ ounce banana liqueur ½ ounce Blue Curacao 1 ounce pineapple juice 1 ounce vodka

Drop muddled mint, cranberries and ice in a short glass, then pour in 1 oz of Jack Daniels and a splash of simple syrup. Fill with bubbly.

1 ounce Kahlua 1 ounce Amaretto 2 ounces cream (goes in last) Shake it, pour it on ice and garnish with a cherry.

Presentation matters.

CHEERS TO GOOD DESIGN

jackpine.co • 613.680.7463 6

iPolitics Holiday Print Edition 2014

704 Somerset St. West

CRÈME DE NOËL

CHRISTMAS ON THE BEACH

NEW YORK SOUR

Adam Stienstra, at The Shore Club, goes sweet, cold and minty with a green and red martini he coins the Crème de Noël (not found on the menu).

Michael DiPietrantonio at Hy’s Steakhouse shakes a Christmas on the Beach, a popular cocktail that takes on another moniker during the off season.

Jeff Taylor at D’Arcy McGee’s on Sparks takes a break from the 20+ taps and mixes a classic: the New York Sour.

¾ ounce crème de menthe ¾ ounce crème de cacao ¾ ounce Chamabord ¼ ounce peppermint schnapps Serve on crushed ice and doll it up with a cherry (The Shore Club makes their own cocktail cherries).

1 ounce Chambord 1 ounce melon liqueur 1 ounce fresh pineapple juice Shake, pour on rocks in a martini glass and garnish with an orange slice.

2 ounces Maker’s Mark ¾ ounce fresh lemon juice ¾ ounce simple syrup Rim glass with sugar cane, pour mixture in then float an ounce of shiraz on top (pour it slowly over the back of a spoon).

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Our congratulations to the City of Ottawa and the Ottawa Sports and Entertainment Group (OSEG) for their vision, creativity and commitment to the Lansdowne Park redevelopment.

Laurin General Contractor is very proud to have been a part of the delivery of these magniiicent public spaces.

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E-mail: email@laurin.ca

ON THE FIFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SENT TO ME: FIVE CHARTER DEFEATS (OR MORE?), FOUR SENATE SCANDALS, THREE STALLED TRAINS, TWO CHINESE PANDAS AND A DWINDLING BUDGET SURPLUS

MY PROMISE, OUR PRESENTS, AND THE NORTH POLE’S FUTURE

With election season in full swing, the Liberal Party of Canada, Sophie and myself have had a chance to reflect on our values and aspirations for Canada, including your marvellous homeland in the North. If I am elected prime minister, I promise you that I will strive to nurture and protect one of this country’s most iconic national treasures while ensuring one of Canada’s most quintessential Canadians will have a home that is forever safe so that you may continue serving Canada’s children for generations to come.

Now. Here’s what you can do for me.

These luscious locks for which I am oh so famous do not coif themselves. As I prepare for many hours of visiting with the citizens of Canada, there is nothing I fear more than flat hair. At the risk of sounding vain, could you supply my campaign hairstylist with a sleigh-load of hair gel? It’d be much appreciated.

Sticking with the eighties theme, some of my advisors have suggested I seek out a magic eight ball. I admit, but only to you dear ol’ Nick, that in the past we have whipped out some decisions without full consideration of the outcomes. Gerry and Kate seem at their wits’ ends, so it might be time to delegate some decision-making elsewhere.

Continuing along the preparation vein, I would really, really like a pair of rock ‘em sock ‘em robots so that I can plan my knock out blows against the Conservatives accordingly.

They just so happen to come in red and blue which is perfect! Mr. Harper won’t know what hit him (although Brazeau might be able to give him an idea).

Now I’m sure Ella and Xavier will mention the next item in their own letters, but for some reason the children have gotten it into their heads that our house would not be complete without a ‘shiny pony’. They think it would make an excellent pet. I have no idea where they got this from, but might take it up with Ezra.

In closing, if you could figure out a way to keep my book in print long enough to fund the party’s next campaign, that would be great — the Liberal mittens just aren’t selling so well.

Joyeux Noel.

P.S. A smattering of extra votes in Alberta next election is always welcome…

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ON THE SIXTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SENT TO ME: SIX MPS A QUITTIN’, FIVE CHARTER DEFEATS (OR MORE?), FOUR SENATE SCANDALS, THREE STALLED TRAINS, TWO CHINESE PANDAS AND A DWINDLING BUDGET SURPLUS

CHRISTMAS AT 24 SUSSEX ELIZABETH THOMPSON

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row of Christmas trees mirroring the winding staircase at 24 Sussex Drive. Christmas morning at Harrington Lake. The joy of finally being able to pry a busy father away from his duties as prime minister to devote himself to his family.

For those who spent part of their childhood growing up in the elegant riverside mansion reserved for Canada’s prime ministers, their memories of Christmas at 24 Sussex stand out years later.

Ben Mulroney, who lived at 24 Sussex between the ages of six and 16 while his father Brian Mulroney was prime minister, remembers his mother arranging three Christmas trees to mirror the spiral staircase at 24 Sussex and the house coming alive with dozens of parties as the holidays approached.

“It was wonderful. It was the perfect place to host those parties because with the grounds the way they are, even though you were two minutes from downtown Ottawa you felt like you were secluded with the snow off the back yard that led to the Ottawa River. It felt the way Christmas in Canada is supposed to feel.”

Christmas itself was spent at Harrington Lake, the PM’s country home nestled in the Gatineau Hills.

Mulroney said the house and guest cottage were big enough to house their entire extended family who joined them for rounds of meals, presents

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iPolitics Holiday Print Edition 2014

and midnight mass at a French Canadian Catholic church in Gatineau.

“We would all, as a family, spend the morning opening presents, having breakfast, just enjoying eachother’s company and then there was always time to go skating and playing hockey down on the ice. We would clear enough space to play hockey and when everything got quiet my father would often take all the kids for a walk, just up and down the dirt roads of Harrington Lake. It was just us with him.”

Catherine Clark was three when her father Joe Clark was prime minister for one Christmas in 1979. She still remembers her mother Maureen McTeer in the kitchen of Harrington Lake, cooking Christmas dinner.

“Images of my mom and all my aunts in the kitchen with silly Christmas aprons on. It was very much a family celebration just like any other Canadian would have – it just happened to be an official residence.”

While the moms cooked, the kids would play, she recalled.

“Whenever my cousins came it was just pandemonium because there weren’t a lot of girls – there were a lot of boys,” said Clark, an only child.

At Stornoway, where she lived while her father was leader of the opposition, the family would invite dozens of people to an annual Christmas tree cutting party.

Trudeau family Christmas

“People would cut down a tree then everyone would come back to Stornoway and they would use the whole third floor which was a big open room where they would put up a screen and all the kids got to sit and watch some kind of movie... while the adults had a big Christmas party downstairs.”

Liberal Leader Justin Trudeau, whose parents were living at 24 Sussex when he was born on Christmas day in 1971, says it is the time with

family and his father at Christmas that stands out.

“For me, it’s always about family,” he explained outside the House of Commons.

“Gathering together, dealing with birthdays of both myself and my brother on Christmas Day and just getting time as a family to bring my father away from this place, and you know, respect and remember family time is what Christmas is about.”

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ON THE SEVENTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SENT TO ME: SEVEN RIDINGS SWINGING, SIX MPS A QUITTIN’, FIVE CHARTER DE

Corner Gas actor Gabrielle Miller and MP Susan Truppe - iPolitics/Cynthia Munster

RECEPTION SEASON The halls are decked, the bills are passed (mostly) and parliamentarians are looking forward to a long winter’s nap. But before members can jet back to their ridings, there’s time to ring in the holiday season.

MPs Candice Bergen and Kirsty Duncan - iPolitics/Cynthia Munster

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iPolitics Holiday Print Edition 2014

Steve Benson of Ottawa Cocktails shows flare while making a martini iPolitics/Cynthia Munster

EFEATS (OR MORE?), FOUR SENATE SCANDALS, THREE STALLED TRAINS, TWO CHINESE PANDAS AND A DWINDLING BUDGET SURPLUS

Former Senate speaker Dan Hays with Senator Joan Fraser - iPolitics/Cynthia Munster

Conservative MP Peter Kent - iPolitics/Cynthia Munster

Scottish Society Chair Kevin MacLeod gives a wave at Earnscliffe as U.K. High Commissioner Howard Drake looks on - iPolitics/Cynthia Munster

MP Candice Bergen with Glass Tiger’s Sam Reid (L) and Alan Frew - iPolitics/Cynthia Munster

Senator Joseph Day, Senator Claudette Tardif and Leonard Kinsella, brother of Noel Kinsella - iPolitics/Cynthia Munster

Actor Lorne Cardinal and NDP MP Linda Duncan - iPolitics/Cynthia Munster

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Andrew Cash

Maxime Bernier

Eve Adams

Justin Trudeau

Paul Dewar

On stage or in the House, Cash rocks the tailored suit while channeling the style idols of Rockabilly past.

While he’s moving away from his trademark three-piecers, Bernier continues to standout with bespoke cuts, unexpected hues and interesting lines.

Piercing the monochromatic sea of suits, Adams favours bright colours, chunky accessories and eye-catching bling in her hautestyle collection.

Justin picks up points for the peak lapel and the pocket square.

He suits up for when he’s standing up. Dewar’s relaxed hands-inpocket stance works in the House because of the suit he sports. The tailored lines allow him to ask the question with aplomb.

PARLIAMENT HILL FASHION A what-to-wear tutorial for those looking to land on the Hill ELIZABETH GRAY-SMITH

MPs live and breathe in the public eye. Standing in the House, scrumming in the halls, posing at podiums, swooshing through galas, flipping pancakes and picking up babies — there is no hiding from the camera. So, given the many public adventures (and potential misadventures) facing MPs in a given day, how important is their fashion finesse and mastery of style?

“Let’s get right to it…their image matters,” says Lynne Mackay, an image consultant with 30 years of experience coaching people – some senior politicians – on how to look, behave and communicate. Mackay advised Conservative candidates in the ’93 and ’97 federal elections.

“Persona and sincerity – all of it matters on camera – as does how you look,” says Mackay. “People are absorbed by that, especially in North America…we are a very visual society.”

Laura Peck, an established leadership trainer with McLoughlin Media, agrees that an individual’s appearance should invoke a positive response.

“First impressions really do count,” says Peck. “You want people to feel better about themselves after they’ve had an interaction with you.”

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While Peck coaches mostly corporate leaders these days, she has experience on the Hill. She worked as a political assistant in the early ‘80s, just down the hall from P.E. Trudeau.

“He was the most unique style icon you’ve seen,” says Peck recalling the corduroy jackets, the emblematic cape and the trousers made famous from the gunslinger pose. “It all looked good on him…and the rose in his lapel, that was his brand, he would be among the first with a personal brand…like Pearson and his bowtie.”

“These people – of their time and of their day – sent a clear and compelling message.”

“There is this UCLA study that was done some time ago,” notes Peck. “It said that 55 per cent of what people think of you is from the non-verbal sources, that is the way you look, dress and the way people see you…38 per cent is your tone and attitude and only 7 per cent is what you actually say.”

With an election in sight, it begs the question: what should candidates think about as they prepare to dress the role of an MP at the top of their game on the Hill?

According to Mackay, becoming the savvy sartorialist is the first step. “Trends come and go but what really matters is how a garment fits – that is key at this level.

iPolitics Holiday Print Edition 2014

ON THE EIGHTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SENT TO ME: EIGHT HEADS A TALKING, SEVEN RIDINGS SWINGING, SIX MPS A QUITTIN’, FIVE CHAR

Hedy Fry

Michelle Rempel

Laurin Liu

Scott Brison

Rona Ambrose

Those boots were made for walking the halls of Parliament.

Fry has been delivering on all style fronts for 20 years.

There is a lot to be said about Rempel’s wardrobe versatility – she seamlessly integrates the classic and classy black dress into her busy 24/7 week.

The sharp fringe and deep red lipstick have become hallmarks in Liu’s irrepressibly stylish looks.

Brison remains at the helm of fashion-forward apparel. Rumour has it some of his suits feature a lining in his favourite red.

The right blazer – every time.

The right hair – every time. The right accessories – every time.

Ambrose broadcasts confidence at press conferences, in part because of her fashion decisions.

TOP 10 BEST DRESSED OF 2014

If you are rushed on scrums, appearing up close on camera, and your clothing is ill-fitting it is a complete distraction to the viewer.”

Peck adds that the right blazer is essential to the MP’s wardrobe. “You want to make sure your outfit is ready, willing and able…when you go out the door, you should have that uniform blazer on…it makes a big difference.”

And, keeping a finger on the pulse of fashion while staying current with the headlines can’t hurt. “Don’t date yourself,” says Mackay. “If you are wearing suits that are five, six or seven years old, chances are your outfit is dated.”

In an arena where the choice of hues can corner you in the ring – with four popular colours taken by party brands – what is left to pick from on the palettes?

“People still think of Tory blue, they think of Liberal red, they think NDP orange and, of course, Green is green…there is a semiotic message that it sends,” says Peck.

Many MPs have made their party brand their own insignia. Olivia Chow was known for her orange gowns, Carolyn Bennett’s closet is filled with red accessories and Elizabeth May has more than a few green items.

“But the new big colour is purple,” says Peck. “You

see a lot of politicians in it…it is a royal colour and is not [party] specific.”

Mackay agrees with staking plum, wine, orchid, violet and eggplant as safe non-partisan colour choices.

No matter how clever the colour choice is, the outfit as a whole has to translate well on screen. “It all has to look good on camera,” says Mackay. Under the rays of fluorescent lighting, she warns, black suits can often look green. Plus, solid black is linked to weddings and funerals and can look overwhelming on certain individuals. Mackay recommends taking a departure from the solid navy or charcoal grey norm and going the route of slate greys or ink blues and introducing a stripe or subtle check in bordeaux or oxblood.

“Blue-greens and teals are also interesting in ties and work well on camera,” says Mackay. In summer, she urges MPs to favour seasonal elements like taupe or beige in light weight wools or cotton. She is also a fan of the seersucker sport jacket which can instantly add variety to conventional suit picks.

The big take-away from the experts: no matter what, be true to yourself. Be genuine. Know your body. Know the day ahead of you. And be prepared for that camera in your face.

RTER DEFEATS (OR MORE?), FOUR SENATE SCANDALS, THREE STALLED TRAINS, TWO CHINESE PANDAS AND A DWINDLING BUDGET SURPLUS

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ON THE NINETH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SENT TO ME: NINE STAFFERS STAFFING, EIGHT HEADS A TALKING, SEVEN RIDINGS SWINGING, SIX MPS A QUITTIN’, FIVE CHARTER DEFEATS (OR MORE?), FOUR SENATE SCANDALS, THREE STALLED TRAINS, TWO CHINESE PANDAS AND A DWINDLING BUDGET SURPLUS

THE HUNT FOR RED DECEMBER IAN SHELTON

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thought it was a fool’s errand at first. Now I know it was much worse than that.

The call came in late on the same day news broke about Franklin’s ship. I didn’t understand why the employment minister cared about a sled rumoured to have sunk in Arctic waters decades ago. But he said to keep quiet about the search. It’d be bank rolled by out-of-province donations to his riding association, he said.

“Unless you want James Moore to be the next prime minister of Canada, you’ll keep your trap shut.”

Honestly, I didn’t know what he was talking about, but Arctic explorers are seldom faced with an embarrassment of riches, so if Jason Kenney wanted me to go in search of the missing Claus sled — who was I to argue?

The best information we had was not great.

Claus had been setting down somewhere off Steffanson Island on his homeward trip for centuries, but Arctic ice in the early ‘80s just wasn’t what it used to be. Claus himself apparently didn’t see it coming, and though he safely limped into the North Pole with a herd of frost-bitten reindeer, he wouldn’t talk.

Something about the sled’s stealth capacities and how Lockheed’s been after him for years.

That should have been a red flag.

But funding is funding, and Kenney had plenty.

We were sworn to secrecy and told to steam north under radio silence. We traced our search

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iPolitics Holiday Print Edition 2014

lines through that wild and savage sea for weeks.

West by northwest for the first thirty nautical miles, east by southeast for the next. Plodding along at ten knots, each square grid took almost four days.

It gave me time to read: The conspiracy theories of what was down there; the notes Kenney had sent along.

“We wish Mr. Claus all the best in his Christmas Eve duties again this year,” Kenney said last year.

“And rest assured, as a Canadian citizen living in Canada’s North, he can re-enter Canada freely once his trip around the world is complete.”

Re-enter freely, sure. But he still had to dodge the dragnet of fighter jets all trying to get a look at his new sled. Was this why I was here? Industrial espionage?

When we finally found it, we initially didn’t even realize what we were looking at — the densest, darkest reflection off the floor that we’d yet seen.

The technicians had said it was a glitch.

Then it struck us — could the secret to Santa’s sled be that it actually sucked in radio waves? Is that why all those fighter jets — the Russian, the Chinese, Americans and the rest — is that why they never caught sight of Santa’s sled?

With nothing else to guide us, we dumped out AUVs into the water. They were on loan from the Forces. Apparently Kenney had some dirt on Rob Nicholson and the drones were handed over no questions asked.

We sent down divers — they hitched grappling hooks but returned half asleep, asking nonsensically if Santa had come.

We hoisted for what seemed like hours. But in the end, there it was, bobbing in the water. We stood in awe, though I couldn’t say why. It was certainly beautiful. But that didn’t explain the stupefied gaze that captured us all.

Eventually we came to and began lifting the sleigh from the water. As the sled finally settled on our deck, there was a flash and a swirl of snow.

I don’t know how long I was out. My eyes struggled to focus in the blowing snow kicked up by the helicopter blades. When they managed to triangulate on the sled’s left runner, I could see it sliding first along and then away from the deck.

I rose to my feet amid all the clatter, threw up my hood and took in the scene.

He was in the cockpit. Kenney, with one hand resting on the edge of the sled, the other raised in the air.

And he was smiling.

What he said next sent a shiver down my spine.

=

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a very merry election, indeed.”

His words curled into a cackle and then he disappeared — enveloped by the same snow that obscured him from view.

We limped back into harbour at a snail’s pace.

We tied up to the wharf and cast our bags ashore.

I walked into the harbour master’s office where I found all eyes on the TV. “Jason Kenney, minister of national defence… “ the anchor man began.

National defence? Wasn’t this the guy who signs EI cheques?

“And minister responsible for multiculturalism...”

Well that made more sense.

“As well as foreign affairs...”

Huh. “Announced Canada was annexing the North Pole...”

I’d heard enough.

FESTIVE

Wishing you and yours a happy holiday season and the very best for 2015.

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ON THE TENTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SENT TO ME: TEN PREMIERS POUTING, NINE STAFFERS STAFFING, EIGHT HEADS A TALKING, SEVEN RIDINGS SWINGING, SIX MPS A QUITTIN’, FIVE CHARTER DEFEATS (OR MORE?), FOUR SENATE SCANDALS, THREE STALLED TRAINS, TWO CHINESE PANDAS AND A DWINDLING BUDGET SURPLUS

WHO SAID WHAT? As 2014 draws to a close, you may be familiar with the honourable members who introduced Canada to porno spies, bozo eruptions, and besmirchment-preventing cameras. Since even the most diligent observer of federal politics misses the occasional debate, committee meeting, and charity event; we’ve made you a list of some of the more memorable lines from 2014. You’ll just have to guess who said what.

1) CHANNELING ROGER EBERT “It reminds me of the movie ‘Dude, Where’s My Car?’ I haven’t watched the whole movie; I just watched a little bit on TV one night. It’s about two guys who get stoned and drunk and can’t find their car in the morning. That’s, I think, the premise of the entire film, but it sounds like it’s based on reality.”

2) SWEARING FOR CHARITY

Liberal leader

Justin Trudeau

Conservative MP

“I’m going to tell you, there is no experience like stepping into this ring and measuring yourself… All the — your name, your fortune, your intelligence, your beauty — none of that fucking matters.”

Ted Falk

3) RESTRAINT “Min. Aglukkaq is making it SO hard to keep my pledge to never heckle. That last whopper in QP was off the charts.”

Conservative MP

Terence Young

4) RELEVANCE “I could get up right now and talk about muppets, puppets, and other things with no relevance whatsoever to what is happening.”

Liberal MP

John McKay

5) WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? “You referenced my best friend Jesus at the end of your treatise, and you seemed to imply that you know what he would do. I’m not so bold as to make a statement like that.”

6) BETTER REPORT NAMES NDP MP

Charlie Angus

“I hope somehow or another that the researchers are able to work into the report the phrase ‘community planning around your anus.’ It seems to me it might even be a title for the report.”

NDP MP

Megan Leslie

7) THE MAKE UP OF THE HOUSE “Mr. Speaker, dinosaurs still walk among us.”

8) THE HOUSE OF COMMONS CIRCUS Green Party Leader

Elizabeth May

“The fact is, we are dealing with a report that is undermining the basic legitimacy of this parliamentary tradition, yet we see Bozo the clowns on the back bench jumping up and down and cheering whenever the government throws red meat at them.”

Liberal MP

Scott Simms

For the answers, go to bitly.com/WhosTalking

Bruce R. Burrows

Has joined TACTIX as a Senior Associate Bruce Burrows draws on strong advocacy skills and more than 30 years of experience in the transportation and infrastructure sectors to help clients meet their business objectives. After holding progressively senior positions at Canadian Pacific in Canada and Europe, Bruce served as a senior executive at the Railway Association of Canada for 13 years, including Acting President/CEO. 18

iPolitics Holiday Print Edition 2014

Bruce's experience spans from research and policy development to strategic communications and advocacy. He has attained a distinguished list of achievements for the organizations he has represented including tax freezes, capital cost allowance improvements, and federal government funding for major capital projects.

A graduate of Queen's University with a business degree, Bruce is active in his community and serves on the board of The Vimy Foundation.

Bruce may be reached at 613 696 0864 or bruce.burrows@tactix.ca.

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ACROSS 2) Cowgirl in the oilsands singer 6) Fast-track flop 7) A Canadian citizen, Kenney says 10) Barbaric banner 13) Member’s running grounds 14) Referendum negative 17) Waiting for Harper to drop it 19) HOC participant 21) Red robe take two 22) East or West 23) Red robes reject 25) His daughters had a lemonade stand 27) He only whips out jokes 28) Usher of the black ______ 29) Rookie Giller champ 30) __ Town, Ottawa once 34) A split issue 39 Not a pro 40) Keystone waffler 41) Home and native land DOWN 1) On the Beach imbibing steakhouse 2) Northern food subsidy flop

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3) 40’s office geometry 4) National Chief no more 5) CNR rival 8) Green Month 9) Hill hero, or Brit biplane 10) Ferguson, briefly 11) Mayrand’s agency, briefly 12) Forces agency 15) Under my umbrella (protest) locale 16) Was at Barefax 18) ____ Party, Ezra’s Kin 19) Don’t call him Thomas 20) Irish eyes we’re missing 24) Best Dressed night?

25) Party in Parliament 26) Canada’s top trading partner in Middle East and North Africa 31) His new cell’s not a burner 32) Big Ears Teddy’s shame 33) OMG of old 35) Not an Lt. 36) Ethynol, once 37) Years are backwards 38) Page, previously

Find answers at bitly.com/iPoliticsCrossword

TEXTILES

BIO-ENERGY BIO-FUELS

FOOD ADDITIVES BIO-CHEMICALS PULP + PAPER

BIO-PRODUCTS BIO-PLASTICS SOLID WOOD

fpac.ca/innovation #FutureofForestry /FPAC.APFC

@FPAC_APFC iPolitics.ca

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ON THE ELEVENTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SENT TO ME: ELEVEN FLACKS A FLACKING, TEN PREMIERS POUTING, NINE STAFFERS STAFFING, EIGHT HEADS A TALKING, SEVEN RIDINGS SWINGING, SIX MPS A QUITTIN’, FIVE CHARTER DEFEATS (OR MORE?), FOUR SENATE SCANDALS, THREE STALLED TRAINS, TWO CHINESE PANDAS AND A DWINDLING BUDGET SURPLUS

INSIGHT UNLIMITED From our opinion section iPolitics’ columnists spar each day with sharp analysis and biting wit. Follow the links to full columns, or check out everything we have to offer at ipolitics.ca/opinions.

Linda McQuaig

L. Ian MacDonald

Why the robocalls conspiracy will happen again — quietly

When the price of oil drops, everything changes

“In the name of clamping down on ‘voter fraud,’ the Conservatives have brought in election reforms that will actually make it easier for voter suppression to go undetected in the future.”

“The question is whether Canada needs all the proposed new pipeline capacity. And the answer is still, hopefully, ‘yes’ — by the time it’s all built.” bitly.com/LIanOil

bitly.com/McQuiag Paul Adams

Tasha Kheiriddin

Heads need to roll at the CBC

Mulcair pushes the panic button

“From what we know now, if you were a woman working at the CBC, would you have confidence in the judgment of your managers to handle a complaint of sexual harassment? To ask the question is to answer it.”

“The NDP will get pushback from rural ridings. The Tories will leap on this as a fundraising opportunity. And the Liberals will accuse Mulcair of dividing Canadians as Trudeau seeks to unite them.” bitly.com/KheiriddinMulcair

bitly.com/AdamsCBC Scott Clark and Peter DeVries

Michael Harris

Is cheaper oil bad news for Harper? Not entirely.

Fantino is the fall guy.The problem is Harper.

“Mr. Harper and Mr. Oliver have every reason to be happy. They also have every reason to be anxious, because so much could still go utterly wrong.”

“Harper doesn’t fire people for doing what they’re told — which is why Fantino still has his job. But he does fire people when they become liabilities. Fantino has reached that place where what he brings to the feast is far less than what he devours.”

bitly.com/ClarkDeVriesOil

bitly.com/HarrisFantino

Severe weather events are on the rise.

Be aware.

Be prepared.

ibc.ca 20

@insurancebureau

iPolitics Holiday Print Edition 2014 IBC-iPolitics-Ad-(1-3-hor)-v01.indd 1

2014-11-19 8:48 AM

WHAT QP NEEDS IS A CULINARY MAKEOVER CHRIS KNIGHT

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s we stumble headlong towards the holiday season let us pause between trips to the mall and consider the PR plight of our hard-working MPs. No, seriously.

Public service is a stressful, demanding and often thankless calling. I have yet to meet an MP (and I’ve met many) who was not passionately dedicated to the welfare and well-being of his or her constituents.

Yet most Canadians view Parliament exclusively through the greasy, smudged lens of Question Period.

Ah, QP. Forty-five embarrassing minutes of party line platitudes, name calling and mind-numbing shenanigans that leaves us average Canucks shaking our heads.

It is to weep.

So, allow me to advance this modest proposal for improving the tone of discourse during QP. The first thing we do is clear off that big table in front of the Speaker’s chair and cover it in a colourful nappe – something quilty, methinks, that represents all the regions of the country.

And then our MPs take turns bringing something delicious from home. Imagine a groaning board of exceptional Canadian food, piled high, as members mingle and nosh.

Alex Atamanenko favours the House with dreamy wines from the Okanagan, Gerald Keddy dishes out sweet Digby scallops and Mauril Bélanger pours drams of maple syrup nectar (bet you didn’t know there’s a sugar bush in downtown Vanier).

Quebec cheeses slathered on Manitoba bread courtesy of Mennonite grammies. Thick wedges of PEI spuds cooked in Quebec duck fat. And in the spring, much business gets done - ever so quickly - as sweet B.C. spot prawns and smoky Yukon morels are rushed in while Speaker Scheer cracks open a Regina Rebellion craft beer.

Giggle not, hardened electorate. For isn’t food and wine the lubricant that improves social discourse? Do

we not gather around the dinner table to laugh and cry and celebrate and discuss? Even a heated debate can be tempered with tempura.

Disagree on a Bill? Try my summer peach pie. Nibble on a raspberry instead of blowing one.

Soon our QP becomes the gold standard of global participatory democracy. Governments the world over “go Canadian” and begin to legislate over lunch.

Acrimony is set aside as politicians find common ground and share lasagna recipes.

The only fight is over who gets the last pirogue.

Visiting heads of state invited to speak before the House do so while heaping Schwartz’s smoked meat on top of rye. The Queen addresses Parliament whilst sipping Canadian breakfast tea and nibbling on a wee bit of rarebit. Ottawa’s diplomatic corps fills the gallery, tossing down all manner of manna and the room is filled with love and fellowship and bonhomie.

Work gets done. Bills get passed. The economy rallies and all is well in the land as the fallow land in front of Parliament Hill is turned into a community garden and people come from all over the country to plant seeds.

Farmers and fishermen and butchers and bakers run for office.

Politicians of all stripes rise up as one and declare that no Canadian child shall ever go hungry again in this, the greatest, most delicious country in the world.

And it all starts with QP. So c’mon MPs, it’s time for Question Pot Luck.

Because the only true Canadian Party is a dinner party and remember: it’s impossible to be mad at someone when you’re eating their butter tarts.

Chris Knight is the president and CEO of Gusto TV, Canada’s new food and lifestyle channel, available on Bell Satellite/Fibe Ch. 619/1619, Eastlink Ch. 743, and TELUS Optik TV/Satellite TV Ch. 315 (HD)/Ch. 619.

iPolitics.ca

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READS TO PUT UNDER THE TREE Best books for the politics lover on your gift list Get your loved ones gifts that get them current. These Canadian political must-reads of 2014 are sure to get all your family members up-to-speed on the issues you want to talk about around the fire this holiday season.

To make the shopping easy, we asked the authors to fill in the gift tag for you. Here’s what they had to say.

Who We Are: Reflections on My Life and Canada

Two Days in June: John F. Kennedy and the 48 Hours that Made History

by Elizabeth May For the green thinker in your family.

by Andrew Cohen For the New Frontiersman/woman in your family

The Morning After: The 1995 Quebec Referendum and the Day that Almost Was

Common Ground

by Justin Trudeau For the hopeful hard worker in your family

by Chantal Hébert with Jean Lapierre For the political junkie in your family

The Future and Why We Should Avoid It: Killer Robots, The Apocalypse and Other Topics of Mild Concern

by Scott Feschuk For the soon-to-be sentient toaster in your family.

ThE Rideau Canal Expertly engineered for winter fun

22 iPolitics Holiday Print Edition 2014 engineerscanada.ca

Party of One: Stephen Harper & Canada’s Radical Makeover

by Michael Harris For the mountain climber in your family.

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iPolitics.ca

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ON THE TWELFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SENT TO ME:TWELVE CABINET MEMBERS WHO WANT TO BE PRIME MINISTER BUT PROBABLY DON’T HAVE TIME TO CATCH UP WITH KENNEY’S MASSIVE FUNDRAISING LEAD! ELEVEN FLACKS A FLACKING, TEN PREMIERS POUTING, NINE STAFFERS STAFFING, EIGHT HEADS A TALKING, SEVEN RIDINGS SWINGING, SIX MPS A QUITTIN’, FIVE CHARTER DEFEATS (OR MORE?), FOUR SENATE SCANDALS, THREE STALLED TRAINS, TWO CHINESE PANDAS AND A DWINDLING BUDGET SURPLUS

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