Mediator student’s Notebook Course 2016/17 Name:_______________________
Coordination Meetings: MAIN ABILITIES FOR PEER MEDIATION 1. Meaningful listening: showing interest, paraphrasing, reflecting, asking, sumarizing
Date:
2. To structure 3. To be able to put in others’ shoes 4. Messages in the first person:
Date:
When we listen to a mate actively, we need to say some things Paraphrase: I repeat what they tell me so that they know that I understand. Examples:
You mean that (I repeat what the person I am listening to is saying). You mean that you understand (I repeat what the person I am listening to has just said). You mean that you consider (I repeat what the person I am listening to has just said).
Coordination Meetings:
I REFLECT what the speaker is transmitting:
examples:
Date:
If the speaker is sad, or worried, I will show my empathy, if the speaker is nervous, I will show the need for him or her to calm down.
I openly ask about what I don’t understand: Examples:
¿What?, ¿How?, ¿Why?, ¿ what for?, in order to encourage the speaker to go on, if needed.
I ask SPECIFIC QUESTIONS when the other person (the speaker) manifests that he or she wants to make a decisión:
Examples:
Are you willing to ask her/him to go out?
Are you determined to tell him/her that you won’t let him/ her do that again?
What exactly have you just told him/her ? Answers can be more or less specific.
Date:
I SUMMARIZE, with a couple of sentences what he/she just told me. Example:
Then, what is happening is that “this person” despises you. This person does not value you and makes you feel bad and you need a solution.
Coordination Meetings:
HOW TO REFRAME A PROBLEM? THE PEER MADIATOR’S TASK Here are some tips which can help see a conflict under a different perspective
Date:
1. Highlighting the points in common of both perspectives. 2. The problem must be presented without generalizations or personalizations, that is to say, a problem must be presented in specific and managable terms, with an optimistic and positive attitude and showing that it is solvable. 3. They have to find the way to make them empathize with each other (For example: ask A to explain how B sees the problem; A explains his/her problem and B repeats it with his or her own words) 4. Focus the problem according to the different possible solutions by looking at the future, not the past. Do not discard those solutions we had not thought about in advance (mainly when both parts seem to focus only on one or two of the possible solutions). 5. Looking for solutions. Mediation depends on the ability to find new solutions with which both parts agree. To do so we may: Create a safe environment. Make them think about a solution also suitable for the other part. Promote a positive focus on the problem. Choose one of the two basic strategies to search for solutions:
A. TO AGREE. To reach an agreement and then try to consolidate the details. (Sometimes the basic agreement can focus on the procedure more than on the problem itself). B. THE DIVISION. It consists on dividing the problem in order to find a solution for each part. All the above said does not guarantee success, but it allows mediation, that is to say, to try that a third part ease the process of solving the conflict.
Date:
Coordination Meeting: date:
Date:
Coordination meetings:
PHASES OF THE SCHOOL MEDIATION PROCESS Phases and Objectives PREMEDIATION Phase previous to the mediation Objetive: To create the right environment for the right mediation PRESENTACIÓN Y REGLAS DEL JUEGO PRESENTATION AND RULES OF THE GAME ¿Who are we? ¿How is the process going to be carried out? Objective: To create confidence in the process
TELL ME What happened? Objective: To expose the problem and be able to express their feelings about it so that they feel they are being listened.
Development What mediators have to do: -To talk with the implied parts separately so that they get a general perspective of the problem. -To state the procedures: rules and commitments. -To state how important their colaboration is. To determine if: -Mediation is possible for this problem. -It is necessary to take previous measures or to talk to other people… Peer Mediator’s intervention: -To introduce the people. -- To briefly explain the process: Objectives, Expectation, role of the peer mediators. -To remind of both how important confidentiality is and the peer mediator’s role. --To accept basic rules: Do not interrupt, do not use offensive language, do not diminish your interlocutor. -To plan in advance: A space, time, notebook, coordination among peer mediators. Peer Mediators’ intervention: - To create a positive environment and to control the exchange of messages. - To generate ideas about the conflict: Personal objectives and how to achieve them, personal feelings on both sides. - To explore the real problem through questions and paraphasing, not the details. -To encourage them to tell more by avoiding interrogations. - To listen to each part’s worryings and feelings by using techniques such as clarifications, reflections, summaries... -Do not value, or advice, do not define what it is or not true. -Pay attention to both content and relationship among the two parts. -To support the dialogue between them. -To respect their feelings and their silence.
Date:
Date:
RECORD OF AGREEMENT FOR PEER MEDIATION This document reflects an agreement between_____________________ and ___________________________ in order to solve a problema or situation which brought us to peer mediation. It means a commitment to use the solutions agreed through the dialogue along the peer mediation process. Taking into consideration the confidentiality agreed among us, we establish: Name:
I commit to:
Name:
Phases and Objectives TO DEFINE THE PROBLEM Where are we? Objective: To identify the conflict and agree about the most important issues for the implied parts.
TO PROPOSE SOLUTIONS How do we solve this? Objective: To approach each topic and search for different ways to solve the problem.
I commit to:
Valdepeñas on _____ of ______________ of 201 _________ Signature
Signature
Mediator’s Intervention: -Make sure that both parts agree about how to solve the conflict. -To make a consensus versión of the conflict. - To specify what points can unblock the conflict. - To approach the common and easiest issues first, as this creates confidence and keeps interest. -To explore the underlying interests of the positions and direct the dialogue in terms of interests.
Mediator’s Intervention: -To facilitate spontaneity in the rearch for solutions (brainstorming) -To explore each part’s demands. -To highlight the positive comments of each part about the other. - To ask them to value each one of the possible solutions. - To ask whether both parts agree or not with the proposals.
Mediator’s Intervention: -To help both parties to clearly define the agreement. - To write the agreement (it avoids misunderstandings and it favours its fulfillment . Who does what?, How, when and where? - To congratulate both parties for getting involved. -To take into consideration all agreements’ features: Objective: balanced, reallistic and feasible. To evaluate the proposals, advantages and To specify: clear, acceptable to both parties, assessable and disadvantages of each it keeps expectations for improvement in their one, to reach an relationship. agreement. TO REACH AN AGREEMENT
The current document will be revised by us and our peer mediators in a period of, _________ estimated date: _________
How to develop them
REPORT OF THE MEDIATION PROCESS
Proposal of agreement
1. Statement, presentation, rules. How to start? Date:
Notes
2. Tell me. How to listen? The past. Process and moment of the conflict: How long has it been happening? Is it polarized, stuck, relaxed, alive? Protagonists: Who are they? Are there other people implied? Meeting points and confrontation: Priorities. Part “A” (name)
4. To offer solutions. How to solve it? The future. Part“A” (name)
Part “B” (name)
Part “B” (name)
5. To reach an agreement. ¿How to give up? Brief summary of the conflict, like a headline:
Brief summary of the conflict, like a headline:
Does it offer, ask, gets?, Is it fair and feasible?, Is it correct and assessable?, Does it repair, solve, reconciliate? Agreement:
3. To establish the problem. How to state it? In the present Relationship: not much/ very good; friendship/Hostility... Positions, emotions, sentiments: What is his/her position, what does he/she want? How does he/she feel? Interests, needs: What does he/she want to solve? Why? What for? Límits, legitimacy: Fair criteria, rules Type of violence, intensity: (direct, cultural, structural); (intensity high, low) Part “A” (name) Part “B” (name)
Starting date:_____________________ Ending date:______________________ Type of conflict: Of relationship/Communication: rumours, misunderstandings, insults, agressions. Of interests/needs: to have, Access, Works, tasks, time, space. Of identity/values: trust, responsibility, competence, individualism, ... Of power/leadership: domain, manipulation, cheating, not respect for rules, disrespect. Of eficiency: dismotivation, lack of effort.