Island Parent Winter 2024

W I NTE R

2024

Vancouver Island’s Parenting Resource for 36 Years

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Taking Care

Nurturing the Family Ecosystem

Creating Authentic Connections

The Importance of Self-Care

© Max Waugh

Mar 1— Jun 2, 2024 rbcm.ca/wildlife

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Island Parent Magazine

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Winter 2024

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INTHISISSUE

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Need to Know

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Taking Care

Jim Schneider Publisher publisher@islandparent.ca Stacie Gaetz Editor editor@islandparent.ca

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The Honeymoon Is Over

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Making Self-Care a Priority

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A Dad’s Definition

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Your Social Needs

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Soul Hygiene Practices

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Baby Group Nostalgia

Erika Palmer Associate Editor erika@islandparent.ca RaeLeigh Buchanan Account Manager raeleigh@islandparent.ca Kristine Wickheim Account Manager kristine@islandparent.ca

Island Parent Magazine, published by Island Parent Group Enterprises Ltd., is a bimonthly publication that honours and supports parents by providing information on resources and businesses for Vancouver Island families. Views expressed are not necessarily those of the publisher. No material herein may be reproduced without the permission of the publisher. Island Parent is distributed free in selected areas. Annual mail subscriptions (7 issues) are available for $21 (GST included). Canadian Publication Mail Product Sales Agreement 40051398.

ISSN 0838-5505.

For distribution inquiries, please email publisher@islandparent.ca

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E D ITO R ’ SN OTE

Taking Care

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ew year, new you. We’ve all heard it 1,000 times. Then, suddenly, it’s February and life got hectic and you have already dropped all of your resolutions.

What if we altered our mind-set on what a new year should bring and instead of feeling like we must change or improve, we just take care of what we have?

You may be thinking, “taking care takes time” and I know as a busy parent, time is one of those things you don’t have (probably along with money, sleep and sometimes sanity!). Between work, school and extracurricular drop offs and pick-ups, making meals, grocery shopping, cleaning … there isn’t much time for anything else.

However, many of the elements of “taking care” don’t need to be time-consuming.

Self-care should be a top priority. I know you have heard this repeatedly as well. It turns out, this one is true. You can’t take care of others if your needs are not met.

This doesn’t have to mean getting a babysitter and spending a whole day at the spa; grab that book you’ve been meaning to read since before your kids were born, take a bath, go for a walk by yourself after dinner or purchase that new item you’ve been looking at. Thinking about the little things that would make your day better and doing them can make a big difference.

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Take care of your relationships with your friends. Parenting is a 24/7 job that doesn’t leave a lot of time for socializing but you can (and should) maintain important relationships outside of the family. If your visit needs to be virtual, via phone or even a quick text to say “I’m thinking about you,” staying connected with your friends will brighten both of your days.

Speaking of relationships, if you are on this parenting journey with a partner, it is crucial that you take care of each other.

Check in, ask how they are doing, do something for them without being asked, most importantly, be forgiving—they are juggling a lot as well.

As a working mom of two, I know these “taking care” measures are easier “said” than done. But if you can put in the effort to mindfully take care of yourself and those around you, it might just be the New Year’s resolution you stick with for years to come.

– Stacie Gaetz

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Pink Shirt Day 2024 Pink Shirt Day Canada is on February 28 this year. This is an important day to raise awareness of bullying of all types. Everyone is encouraged to wear pink on this day to show their support for this wonderful initiative.

Pink Shirt Day Canada is also proud to put on an interactive show for schools featuring Funkanometry, a hip-hop crew from Vancouver Island who were finalists on the 2022 edition of America’s Got Talent! Visit the website to learn more about Pink Shirt Day, get tickets to their event and purchase specially-branded pink shirts, designed by a Toquat on Vancouver Island. pinkshirtdaycanada.ca

Sidney Museum’s LEGO Exhibition The Sidney Museum and Archives is bringing back the super popular LEGO exhibition for the 18th consecutive year! Visit the Sidney Museum as many times as you want until April 1 to see a huge, impressive variety of displays that all ages will appreciate. Hundreds of sets of LEGO are set up on both floors, and family events are ongoing. Admission is by donation and no tickets are required, just stop by during the museum’s daily opening hours of 10am to 4pm. sidneymuseum.ca/lego-exhibition

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Online Parenting Programs The BC Council for Families has partnered with Online Parenting Programs to offer a wide range of online parenting courses. These courses are for parents of children of any age and offer useful tips to help overcome any parenting challenges you may be facing and help build a solid family foundation.

These cost-effective courses can be taken at your own pace, online and will help certify you to handle co-parenting issues, parenting conflicts, divorce, parenting styles, discipline and nutrition at all stages. bccf.ca/program/online-parentingprograms

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I am proud to continue my support of parents, families and youth in Oak BayGordon Head.

MLA Murray Rankin Oak Bay – Gordon Head Murray.Rankin.MLA@leg.bc.ca

250-472-8528

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Bus Ready Are your kids ready to start taking transit by themselves or with friends?

BC Transit wants to help your kids stay safe while riding the bus and offer lots of great tips with their Bus Ready program. Read through the online guide and watch the videos with your kids to learn bus stop safety, bus etiquette and everything else you need to know for a safe ride on BC transit. There are even fun games and activities your kids can complete to help them become bus ready. busready.bctransit.com

1000 x 5 Literacy South Island-based 1000 x 5 Literacy Program wants to get your kids off to a great start. Their philosophy is if a child hears or reads 1000 books by age five, they will be more prepared to succeed in learning, build language skills and cultivate imagination. Volunteers collect books by donation and help to ensure that all children have access to reading material. The site gives helpful tips for finding books, reading to your kids and how you can donate or help volunteer with this incredible program.

1000x5.ca

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I ❤ ISLAND

Ulivit

Ultimate Microgreens

Two island-based sisters have created the ultimate feel-good food. Ulivit (pronounced You Live It) offers delicious pulse-based protein crumbles from sustainable Canadian crops to replace meat in your favourite recipes. Pulses provide clean eating that can feed the world and save our planet. ulivit.ca

Using organic non-GMO seeds and zero pesticides, Ultimate Microgreens are grown in ideal conditions in a dedicated enclosed year-round growing facility on the Saanich Peninsula. A variety of fresh, nutritious microgreens are available for home delivery or wholesale. ultimatemicrogreens.ca

Moonshine Mamas

Inspired by a cancer diagnosis, Saltspring Islandbased Moonshine Mamas was created to nourish the mind, body and spirit using ingredients from nature. Their powerful elixirs are a blend of ingredients proven to reduce inflammation and provide antioxidants. moonshinemamas.ca

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Winter 2024

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PA R E NTI N G

Taking Care: Nurturing a Thriving Family Ecosystem A

s parents, our lives are a delicate balance of responsibilities, love and constant growth. In the intricate tapestry of family life, the theme of “Taking Care” resonates on various levels—be it self-care, supporting each other, fostering a sense of community or prioritizing health. In this article, we’ll explore the multifaceted dimensions of taking care within the context of parenting on our beautiful island.

1. Nurturing the Roots: Self-Care for Parents

Parenthood is an incredible journey, and like any adventure, it comes with its challenges. Amidst the joys and responsibilities, it’s crucial for parents to prioritize self-care.

Just as a tree’s roots must be nourished for it to grow tall and strong, parents must invest time and energy into their well-being. Taking a moment for self-reflection, pursuing hobbies or simply enjoying a quiet cup of tea, can provide

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the mental and emotional rejuvenation needed to navigate the demands of family life.

2. Tending to the Garden: Family Dynamics

In the realm of family, taking care involves more than just meeting basic needs. It’s about cultivating a thriving ecosystem where each member is valued, understood and supported. Communication is the water that nourishes these familial roots. Regular family meetings, open dialogue and actively listening to each other’s perspectives create an environment where everyone feels heard and cared for.

3. Building Bridges: Community Connection

Our island is not just a geographical location; it’s a community where neighbours are like extended family. Taking care extends beyond our homes to the vibrant tapestry of

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‘Communication is the water that nourishes these familial roots.’ our neighbourhood. Simple acts of kindness—helping a neighbour with groceries, organizing community events or participating in local initiatives—contribute to the strength of our island community. By taking care of each other, we create a support network that enriches the lives of all.

4. Balancing the Scales: Prioritizing Health

Health is the cornerstone of a fulfilling life. As parents, we play a crucial role in instilling healthy habits in our children.

From nutritious meals to regular exercise, teaching our children the importance of taking care of their bodies sets the foundation for a lifetime of well-being. Additionally, regular health check-ups for the entire family ensure that potential issues are identified early, promoting a proactive approach to well-being.

5. The Dance of Partnership: Taking Care of Your Spouse

In the dance of parenthood, the partnership between spouses is the rhythm that keeps everything in harmony.

Taking care of your spouse involves not only sharing the load of parenting duties, but also nurturing the emotional IslandParent.ca

connection. Regular date nights, open communication and understanding each other’s needs contribute to a strong and resilient partnership, providing a solid base for the entire family.

In the grand symphony of family life, “Taking Care” emerges as the melody that binds us together. By prioritizing self-care, nurturing family dynamics, connecting with our community, prioritizing health and fostering strong spousal relationships, we create a harmonious environment where our families can thrive. As we navigate the unique challenges and joys of parenting on our island, let “Taking Care” be the guiding principle that shapes a fulfilling and meaningful family journey.

Dr. Jillian Roberts is a registered psychologist, Professor at the University of Victoria, Founder of MindKey Health Clinics, speaker and author of children’s literature. You can learn more about her work at drjillianroberts.com.

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The Honeymoon Is Over S o, the honeymoon’s over. You no longer cling to every word that your partner says with that same kind of openness and positivity. Dynamics have changed as you’ve gone from the role of partners to the role of parents. There is so much to do and getting your needs met is difficult during this time.

It can help to think of the three legs of a milking stool: couple care, self-care and childcare. The idea is that to have balance, you want to keep each leg at the same length. Of course, this changes when you have young children. Child-care is constant with young ones leaving you little time for yourself and each other. However, you need to be mindful of your self-care and couple-care while balancing everything that comes along with parenting.

so they go further outside the boundaries. Then, you go from frustrated, to irritated, to doing that thing that you swore first thing in the morning, you wouldn’t do (yelling, perhaps). Then, you feel guilty again and around it goes.

It may be time to correct your thinking, figure out what level of maturity is expected for your child’s age and combine that with information about your child’s unique temperament. This will give you more peaceful perspective: • My child is dealing with stress the only way they know how.

• This is typical immaturity, it’s a stage that will pass.

• I can handle this and even add a little fun and humour to the situation.

Parenting

If you are parents with young children, there is a good chance that the couple-care leg of your stool is a nub. This is one of the more challenging times in a relationship and standing back to acknowledge this is important.

Your appraisal of one another can quickly turn negative when stress and fatigue are ongoing. Did you know that we all fall into typical behaviours in our intimate relationships when we are stressed? Think of the last time you felt spent, did you notice that you had some critical thoughts about your partner?

With parenting, we need to monitor our expectations. Do you think you can stay calm and carefully measured with your skills when you are sleep deprived or dealing with typical, challenging behaviours in your children? If you believe this, your inner critic is going to have a field day and that will spiral you into the guilt/anger cycle. Your guilt will have you trying harder to be nicer to your children and spouse. Guess what?

Being nicer doesn’t always work, it can just confuse your child, 12

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Couple-care

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This sounds like an easy thing to be aware of; it isn’t. We can be annoyed by one thing and completely focus on our partner’s shortcomings. Be on the lookout for this destructive trickster, it’s powerful.

What is the story you are telling yourself? It is often speckled with ways your partner has fallen short; this creates a heavy load of toxic resentment. Observing the situation for what it is can stop you from being absorbed by it.

How to keep your relationship leg standing strong:

• Correct your narrative. Change the story to something more peaceful, kinder, and toss the coin to the positive.

• Create a ritual. Something easy you can do every day without fail. Perhaps eye contact and a 30-second hug first thing in the morning and when you see each other at the end of the day.

Kids may be clinging to your leg as you do this. What a great message for them to see you showing up for each other this way.

• Talk carefully and purposefully when you are having a difficult conversation. Take the time to really listen. What is your partner feeling? Why do they feel this way? Don’t argue, just listen. Clarification can come later when it’s your turn to talk.

• Tell your partner what you want rather than complaining, criticizing or throwing the blame ball. Be specific. What exactly would you like your partner to do? Yes, you do have to ask, people don’t read minds.

• Watch your body language. What is your face saying? Is your tone condescending? Aggressive? Soften that, people can’t hear you when they feel threatened.

• Take the time to acknowledge the little things and show appreciation. Without being phony and insincere, stop to notice those everyday things. We all want to have a sense that we are appreciated, accepted for who we are and to be given affection.

Affection goes beyond the physical, it conveys a sense of adoration. We grow our self-esteem within the loving gaze of a caring other.

• You already know one or two little things your partner would love. You know this person and what has meaning for them, and yet when you feel dried up yourself, it’s hard to give.

Do those things for a week and see what happens.

Family Day at the Legislature Please join us for free family friendly activities at the B.C. Parliament Buildings

Monday, February 19, 2024 9:00 a.m. - 4:00 p.m.

Nurture your coupledom and know this is a stage that will pass.

Dr. Allison Rees is an educator, counsellor and author of Sidestepping the Power Struggle and The Parent Child Connection. To see her course online, go to lifeseminars.com.

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www.leg.bc.ca | tours@leg.bc.ca Winter 2024

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A Dad’s Definition of ‘Take Care’

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e often use the phrase “Take care” when wishing others well. It’s a simple way for us to convey our desire for others to be safe, healthy and happy while acknowledging the challenges and uncertainties of life. It’s like saying “Hey, I hope you don’t trip on a banana peel, or get attacked by a flock of pigeons on your way home.” How appropriate, because as a working dad to three kids, eight years old and younger, being told to “take care” opens the door to a whole world of challenges and uncertainties full of banana peels and pigeons.

Taking care of a busy family of five can be like juggling flaming bowling pins, while riding a unicycle blindfolded. It’s a balancing act. You are always one bowling pin away from complete disaster, while trying to keep it all together. On the typical day, you are making breakfast and packing lunches, while trying to let the dog out for a pee and waking the kids and wife up all at the same time. None of whom are morning people.

Weekends are reserved for chauffeuring and cheerleading as you volunteer your time to coach that soccer and football

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team, with dreams of years past. During that “down time” at home, you’re a jungle gym or pummel horse, as little feet climb all over you like monkeys at the zoo, all while trying to have a conversation with your wife. Sometimes it’s just easier to email each other amidst the chaos. All that comes with the territory.

As a dad, it’s important you prioritize your family’s wellbeing, and make quality time for them, despite how busy you may be. Take care of your kids and be involved in their upbringing by being a positive role model. Show them what hard work and humbleness look like. Be that superhero that can magically clean up messes in a single leap, fix all cuts and scrapes and find those missing toys. It means ensuring their needs are met, encouraging their passions and providing an environment that fosters their growth and development.

And that was just the kids! What about that lady who constantly nags you about wearing your shoes in the house or using the wrong cookware for certain meals. Your wife. Yeah her.

You must take care of her too? Absolutely. Taking care of her needs involves being supportive, understanding and attentive.

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You need to be a reliable partner and dare I say, be emotionally present. Much easier said than done. That dreaded “E” word is not one that enters the dad vocabulary very easily. In fact, in many cases, we fight it, tooth and nail. We try and avoid that word because it’s so much easier to talk about sports or cars, than to dive into the murky water of feelings.

It’s like trying to swim in a pool of Jello, but hey, who doesn’t love Jello? At the end of the day, it’s all part of making sure that family network is churning and humming like a well-oiled machine.

The demands of work and family and everything else in between, can sometimes feel overwhelming. Amidst all that chaos, however, way down deep on some days, there is a sense of fulfillment after taking care of them and seeing your family thrive.

Being a busy parent usually means making sacrifices. Sometimes big ones, but it all seems worth it when you see your kids’ faces light up over that surprise you have been planning for weeks, or the smile on your wife’s face after she sees the fresh bouquet of flowers you got for her, just because. Those moments are like treasures and can never be replaced.

Taking care of your family is exhausting some days and is a roller coaster of emotions that can take you from anger and frustration to pure joy and everything in between. It’s a crash course in patience, resilience and unconditional love. Through all that, it’s best to buckle up and try to remember to just embrace the mess and wild adventure you are on.

It could be worse … you could be juggling flaming bowling pins while riding a unicycle.

Christopher Theeparajah works in International Trade for the Canadian Government and is a newcomer to Vancouver Island. He lives in a zoo, along with three monkeys, a dog and his wife, and enjoys anything sports related.

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Learn a new sport or refine your skills: come join our rock climbing teams!

Book a Birthday Party with us on Saturday or Sunday!

Details and registration at climbtheboulders.com

The Boulders Climbing Gym 1627 Stelly’s Cross Road | Saanichton, BC | 250.544.0310 Winter 2024

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Four Simple Soul Hygiene Practices O

ur world is in a constant state of transformation. Yet we can cultivate peace and nonviolence by tending to our inner lives. And we must.

Think of it as soul hygiene (as important as brushing and flossing your teeth!). It’s a way to prevent our inner lives from atrophying.

Thomas Merton names one of our deepest needs: “to protect and nurture the ‘root of inner wisdom’ that makes work and life itself fruitful. Fed by the taproot some call the soul, we need neither to flee from the world nor exploit it. Instead, we can love the world with all its (and our) flaws, aspiring to the best of human possibility.”

Try these four simple practices and repeat:

Meditation

Meditation can help your restless mind relax. On the other side is a state of deep inner peace. All the pieces of ourselves can begin to settle and even become friends!

What’s possible?

• Negativity and aggression lose their power.

• Frustration, tension, and difficult emotions diffuse.

• Unkindness and harmful thoughts stop.

Meditation is one way to stop your inner thoughts from being at war. Human goodness becomes available, even familiar with practice and awareness. You’ll also notice and increase in

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clarity and insight. A stable mind is the gift that keeps on giving because with clear seeing, our ego shrinks and confusion evaporates.

The way we look at ourselves changes. Giving space to our emotions, means we can learn from them and become free from their grip. You’ll begin to respond instead of reacting.

Cultivating presence will allow you to stop prolonging the past and stop inviting the future. Without presence, we get caught by our emotions and are of no use to anyone or any situation. Think of the difference this could make!

Meditation practices are available everywhere. From library books and audio resources, to online or in-person courses.

Check offerings in your local community calendar or from a spiritual centre near you.

Transform Blame

Stop to notice what happens in your body when we’re blaming somebody. Where is the gentleness in your interactions with others? Watch your impatience and judgments. Could you choose to love instead?

Five steps to transform blame: Step 1: Let it be.

Step 2: Wait. Protect the pause.

Step 3: Recognize the feeling as discomfort.

Step 4: Don’t judge yourself. Don’t make yourself wrong for it.

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BUS I N E SS E S YOU N E E DTO KN OW Step 5: Place your hands on your heart. Breathe and then speak aloud, “May you be happy and know the roots of happiness. May you be free from suffering and the roots of suffering.”

These local businesses are family-focused and committed to our community and helping you.

Cultivate Humility

Humility is a modest or low view of one’s own importance; humbleness. Do not build yourself up and do not tear yourself down. This requires trust. Trust the world and then you can see the sacredness and magic of the way things are.

It also requires a lot of letting go!

Grab a journal to scribe or contemplate (practice deep reflective thought) without trying to fix. Ask yourself, what could you let go of? What is getting in your way of tranquility?

Awareness is the key to living our lives well. Indulge in these soul hygiene practices as often as you brush your teeth!

Lindsay Coulter is a writer, educator, facilitator, naturalist, creator of culture, soul activist and mother of two. She’s the co-founder of EPIC Learning Community, a forest and nature school in Victoria BC, Program Coordinator at Victoria Nature School and in the process of attaining her certification in Equine Facilitated Wellness.

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The vagus nerve connects the body and mind. It’s our social engagement system or the “physical manifestation of the soul.” How do you get vagal tone? It can be easy. Try laughing, singing, humming, yoga, acupuncture, even a splash of cold water on the face.

Breath is the remote control to the brain. So, it’s no surprise vagal activity is highest (and the heart rate lowest) on the exhale. Practice breathing in for five seconds and then exhaling for five counts to bring calm.

Touch is also powerful. Proceed slowly and mindfully starting with the head, using your fingertips and hands like this: • Start with the ear lobes. Move them up and around, whatever feels good, at whatever pressure.

• Now press above eyebrows. Get curious about what you need.

• Next press around the cheek bones.

• Touch the chin.

• Cup your face in your hands. Imagine a beautiful landscape, a beloved pet or dear person as you cup your face.

• Move to the sides of the neck, pressing and stroking.

• Take both hands over the heart. Stop to notice temperature and pressure here.

• Then move to the belly and expand the rib cage.

Close the vagal massage by checking-in on all sensations.

No need to assign “like” or “dislike.” Be with it.

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A Vagus Massage Sequence

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Making Self-Care a Priority T ake Care.

Two simple words I have used countless times over the years when closing off letters, emails and cards to family and friends.

Take care of yourself.

But what exactly is self-care? For many families where both parents juggle full-time employment along with raising children in our modern climate of everincreasing inflation, self-care may seem

on top of a full day of work—meals to prepare, cleaning and laundry to be done, driving to and from appointments/activities/school, bedtime routines of baths and homework—the list goes on and on.

Some days the only way to get everything done is to “burn the midnight oil.”

And yet, self-care for parents is so critical. After all, if we don’t look after our own well-being, we have less to offer our family. As parents, we typically lead

larly. But taking care of our emotional/ mental health is less clear. How do we do that? How do we model effective destressing at the end of a day or whenever we are at a low ebb? For some, it might be listening to or playing calming music; while for others, it may be engaging in a favourite hobby like crafting or reading; and for still others, it may be as simple as an uninterrupted cup of coffee and a newspaper at the kitchen table.

like a pipe dream. There simply isn’t the time or the money for pampering oneself.

And as parents, we are the glue that holds the family together—we are the ones to provide care. Raising children is a full-time job, leaving little to no time at all for the luxury of self-care. There are countless things to do in the space of a day, all of them needing to be completed

by example with our children—by our selfless acts, we demonstrate what loving others is all about. But equally important is the need to teach our children about self-love or self-care, both in a physical and an emotional sense so they will be better equipped to face life’s challenges.

Taking care of our bodies is welldefined—eat a healthy diet, exercise regu-

Interestingly, many children instinctively develop outlets on their own for coping with stress or anxiety. Even young children are very adept at this when they engage in self-soothing behaviours such as twirling their hair, chewing their nails, or rocking themselves. And many children carry these behaviours well into adulthood because they have been so

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effective. I distinctly remember my own sons’ way of coping with stress when they were in middle school. By that point, they were into some pretty serious rough housing when they got home from school. One day when I called them on it, my older son very articulately explained that it took all of their effort to stay focused and well-behaved in school all day, so much so, that they simply had to “cut loose” when they got home. Fair enough (other than it typically ended up with one of them crying foul … ).

Despite many children developing coping strategies on their own, parents need to bring awareness to the importance of making the effort to carve out moments for our mental/emotional self-care. I think our society is better at teaching children the importance of caring for our bodies physically—the need to eat properly and exercise daily—than it is in teaching our children the importance of caring for our mental/emotional/wellbeing. That’s a harder thing to define for a child. They can easily understand a physical body and what needs to be put into it, but it is much harder for them to conceptualize the health of our minds.

Prioritizing a healthy mind could mean reaching out occasionally to family, friends and even local organizations to help share the load, so self-care can be a priority, and there is no shame in that.

At the end of the day, self-care is a choice, one that we have to make for our own well-being, one that we somehow have to squeeze into our busy lives, and one that we should be sure to teach our children. It doesn’t have to involve a big time commitment or even something done every day—it’s just a matter of finding those things that help us unwind and bring us comfort and contentment.

So, take care. Easier said than done, but definitely worth the effort.

Susan Gnucci is a local author and proud “nonna” to three young grandchildren. She enjoys sharing her experiences as a grandparent.

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Drop-in events & Pro D Day Camps

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Winter 2024

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PA R E NTI N G

Taking Care of Your Social Needs as a Working Parent W

hether you’re new to the island, or you’ve grown up here, chances are your social life will have changed as a working parent.

Work takes up a lot of time, and with family responsibilities, it may feel like you’re spending all your energy on someone else’s agenda, passively observing friends on social media or people you admire on podcasts, you may realize when your head hits the pillow that you’re missing the live interaction you thrive in.

This was me three years ago, before I took the bold step of immigrating from the UK to Vancouver Island. It wasn’t easy to build a friendship circle here on the island and 18 months into the pandemic, I was already feeling like a passive spectator in my friends’ lives.

Since then, I have spent two years researching the science of connection and friendship. According to Dr Robin Dunbar, our brains can maintain only a limited number of social connections—150 to be precise—but it’s our innermost circles, our closest 12 to 15 relationships that have a significant impact on our health and happiness.

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What stops us from connecting?

1. Time can easily disappear if we are not intentional with

it.

2. Social media can dilute the energy we have, from those important to us, to people outside our 150. Studies suggest we spend three hours a day on social media and only 27 minutes with friends. Do some platforms fill you up and others bring you down? Becoming aware can help you to understand if they are serving you.

3. Trust. Shared experiences can be a great way to cultivate trust with new friends. If you struggle to know what to say, consider relationship deepening games (e.g., 39 Questions by Arthur Aaron), which help you to share pieces of yourselves, with reciprocal vulnerability. In my experience, going to level two is typically enough with new friends.

4. Fear of rejection. Inviting old and new friends into our lives is a gift of our time, but it can feel vulnerable. We often make up stories—particularly when we see the glamorous lives they portray on social media! While this is an illusion, why not look your friend up, and/or, do something to bring your vibration up, before reaching out.

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How much social time do I need?

2. Remember who your people are—near or far. Who could you invite back in that may be on a similar page as you? If someone keeps coming to mind, see this as a clue, and while it may feel vulnerable, imagine yourself as the receiver. How good would it be to hear from them?

3. Imagine and visualize the kind of friend you want to call in. And when you feel the impulse to speak to someone, be courageous and spark that conversation!

4. Trust that “what you seek also seeks you” (Rumi), and if you do feel called to reach out, do so without expectation.

Not everyone will have space for you in their lives, they may not even reply, and that’s okay, trust that the right people will, and your circles will evolve—as life does.

How can you find authentic connections?

Shelley Ceridwen Doyle is a mom of two and a Personal Community Strategist, helping expats, digital nomads and remote teams go from feeling like passive spectators in life, to feeling more connected than ever, at the heart of their own hybrid community. Learn more about her work at communiverse.vip/5-150.

Learning the social needs of your family can help you understand what to commit to each week, and when you need to decline invitations to keep a healthy balance. As an extrovert, living with an introvert, my social needs are greater than my fiancé’s. I have started gathering with a group of expats, digital nomads and entrepreneurs, in Langford on Friday afternoons, to get my social fix before the weekend begins. How much social time do you need? You may find it useful to test and adapt to find your sweet spot.

My children (aged five and seven) get plenty of social time at school, so in the week, I have found that one activity in the week and one at the weekend is enough for playdates, anything more can be overwhelming.

1. Get to know yourself. Remember who you were, shadows and all. Remember them, and then let them go. Ask yourself the kind of questions you would want to know of others.

Allow time for the answers to come–melt into the pause.

Embody this authentic version of you when you meet old and new friends.

IslandParent.ca

Winter 2024

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PA R E NTI N G

Baby Group Nostalgia W

hen my daughter was a newborn, I went to a baby group for new moms every Monday. Each week there would be a different theme and facilitators would ask us about our experiences and encourage us to compare notes on the various trials and tribulations of new motherhood: nap schedules, teething, introducing solids.

I looked forward to it all week and following the session, the stories from the other moms stayed with me–how one woman described her little girl as “baby Jesus” since her pregnancy was so unlikely, another woman expressed disappointment at how her friends responded to her newborn struggles with “but I thought this is what you wanted,” a single mom whose dad flew in from France for her delivery. It was nice to be surrounded by people at the same stage of life, saying things that made so

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much sense to me but didn’t resonate with my own immediate circle. I also loved that it was on Monday mornings, when it felt like the rest of the world would disappear after the weekend to the “more important” things they had to do while I was home again in a blur of feed, nap, get groceries, change diapers, repeat. If it wasn’t for my baby group routine, every day would run into the next.

Now my daughter is in Kindergarten and I’ve felt a wave of unsettledness come over me again. Not because I need help with the basics of keeping her alive like I did when she was a newborn, but because this is the part of parenthood where everyone told me it would get easier. Now she’s not a little kid anymore, she’s not as exhausting as a toddler or needy as a baby–but I thought I would be closer to my pre-kid

self by now. From a practical perspective, she is less dependent on me, but I’ve grown more attached to her, and I don’t want to upset my delicate balance of work and family time by taking on any more “me” things. What’s more, there’s a whole new host of parenting challenges to contend with: fights with friends, the logistics of playdates, whole summers off school, kids pushing in line. Only now, the other moms are all working and don’t have time to sit around for an hour sharing survival tricks.

When my daughter was a newborn, someone told me “It doesn’t get easier, it just gets different.” I was so annoyed by this “advice” that I could have thrown my breast pump in their face. And yet, although many things are easier now, it also seems like every time I find a new routine, something in the

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mix changes and I’m scrambling to find my stride again.

When I look at parents with small kids, I almost feel like I’m getting off easy. I’m still mom-ing but I don’t need to carry Baby Mum-Mums, a bottle, a change of clothes and a muslin with me all the time. I’m not sleep deprived anymore, only sleepy. Bursting into tears is no longer a regular event. My child is taken care of, for free, most of the workday. It is not as all-encompassing as the early years. And yet, sometimes I still wish a nice public health nurse would call me and say: “There are people who get it, there are people who are waiting to talk to you about afterschool snacks and playdate etiquette and whether to make your kid stick with extracurriculars they don’t like.

You are not the only one who finds this hard.”

I think of what I loved about that mom group: feeling understood, having people around who were genuinely interested in listening to my parenting troubles, being in an open-minded group of peers, having a routine and something to look forward to. Perhaps the people I’m looking for are at drop-off in the morning or parenting my daughter’s big buddy or doing plies beside me at Barre class. Perhaps I need to recreate this group in a different form–Baby Group 2.0 could take place in a book club, at the PTA, with mom friends at the office. Maybe I can find another space where I’m surrounded by people at the same stage of life who say things that make sense to me.

But for now, I sure do miss that baby group.

Julia Mais is a policy and communications professional in Victoria. She looks for beauty in the everyday through writing, photography and the outdoors. She lives in a messy, cheese-filled home with her husband and preschooler.

IslandParent.ca

Winter 2024

23

LE A R N

Spring Into Reading

A

s the weather turns warmer and lures us outside with pretty cherry blossoms, beautiful hyacinths and dazzling daffodils, it can be difficult for our children to hunker down and study all day long. This is why spring break is super important, it gives our children the much-needed opportunity to breathe in the fresh floral scents and crisp spring air. But at the end of the day, when you’re trying to get them to relax and calm down so they can go to bed and you can get your much-needed break, it might be helpful for them to have a few new books to devour. Of course, keeping in mind that spring break is also a chance to have a mental break, none of the books in this list are serious. They are all funny and lighthearted and I hope you enjoy them.

First off, we have Pugs Cause Traffic Jams by Jennifer McGrath and illustrated by Kathryn Durst (Kids Can Press, 2022).

In this story, we learn that all dogs have special abilities or traits. Huskies like to sing. Chihuahuas like bling. Basenjis won’t bark. But pugs, well, pugs cause traffic jams. And you can follow along as Kirby the pug does just that while his owner runs all over the neighbourhood trying to find him before he gets into too much trouble. If you choose to get this book, don’t be surprised if your children start telling you random facts about dog breeds you might not have known existed. For ages 4 to 7.

Next up is Chickadee Criminal Mastermind by Monica Silvie and Elina Ellis (Kids Can Press, 2022). I know what you might be thinking: Do we really want our children to read about criminal masterminds? Well, let me assure, Chickadee wasn’t always this way. Everything was fine and dandy during his first spring, summer and fall. But, once the winter came, all the food went away. The only food he could find was locked away in a box dangling from a post in someone’s backyard. If you enjoy crime capers and want to introduce your children to the genre with an age-appropriate story, Silvie and Ellis have you cov-

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ered. This tiny caper tale is hilarious, and the illustrations are fantastic. If you’ve ever wondered how the birds scope out your backyard, you will need to wonder no longer because you will have a chickadee drawn map. For ages 4 to 7.

The third book on my list is I Am Not a Tin Can by Barroux (Kids Can Press, 2022). We all meet friends in strange and sometimes silly ways. The two characters in this book are no exception. In fact, they become friends by arguing about whether the robot is a tin can. One downside to this book is the font can be a bit difficult to read when it is the robot speaking, so your child might need some help until they memorize the simple story. If you have two children, you could even encourage them to act it out to give you a break from listening to them argue about who was sitting on the couch first. For ages 4 to 7.

The fourth book is Garden of Lost Socks by Esi Edugyan and illustrated by Amelie Dubois (HarperCollins, 2023). In this book we meet Akosua, who is a very curious child, or, for those who are annoyed by her curiosity, a very nosey child. Akosua is also an expert finder, which is a good thing because socks are turning up missing all over the place. To find them, Akosua teams up with a budding journalist named Max and together they wander all over the place. This book is beautifully illustrated and even if your children can’t read all of the words by themselves yet, they may enjoy studying the pages and seeing

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all of the details Dubois has included for them to find.

For ages 4 to 7.

While the first four books on this list are all picture books, the final book, Izzy’s Tail of Trouble by Caroline Adderson and illustrated by Kelly Collier (Kids Can Press, 2022), is a short novel. This means, if your children read at a relaxed pace, they might even get more than one night out of this book. In this story, Izzy and her friend Zoë love dressing up Izzy’s dog Rollo in baby clothes and playing Baby Stealer with Zoë’s older brother Lionel. Unfortunately, good things can’t last forever and suddenly Lionel is a teenager and he doesn’t want to play anymore. What’s worse is that Rollo isn’t a baby anymore either. He doesn’t fit in the doll clothes, the baby bed or the stroller. And Rollo keeps causing trouble too, it’s like he’s a

Spring Break WEEK 1 - March 18-22

teenager. Your children can follow along with Izzy and Zoë as they try to find a way to cope with all of these changes. For ages 6 to 9.

There you have it. While I hope you and your children can get outside and enjoy spring, I also hope you find some time to calm down, cozy up with a book and giggle your way through some of these silly stories.

Christina Van Starkenburg lives in Victoria with her husband, children and cat. She is the author of One Tiny Turtle: A Story You Can Colour and many articles.

To read more of her work and learn about her upcoming books visit christinavanstarkenburg.com.

Facebook: facebook.com/christinavanstarkenburg and Twitter: @Christina_VanS. IslandParent.ca

AGES

3-4 Chickadees: Arts and Crafts Chipmunks: Enchanted Explorers 5-6 7-9 Ravens: Floating Classroom Gryphons: Floating Classroom 10-12 11-14 SIVA Volleyball

WEEK 2 - March 25-28 Chickadees: Book Club Chipmunks: Little Athletes Skills & Drills Ravens: Multi Sports Gryphons: Art REX Basketball

AGES 3-4 5-6 7-9 10-12 11-14

Register at gnscamps.campbrainregistration.com

Winter 2024

25

E AT

The Comfort of Soup

T

here is something comforting about wrapping your hands around a bowl of soup. The best soups are warm and filling, simple to make and packed with flavour.

The adults in our house love all sorts of soups; everything from spicy dahl to vegetable-packed minestrone. Our kids aren’t as enthusiastic.

In our household, we make one or two repertoire expanding meals a week. It has worked out great. My teen is now reaching for the bottle of hot sauce!

However, creamy soups are something we all enjoy. My kids love the creamy deliciousness. I like how easy they are to make. They’re perfect for packing in a lot of vegetables without spending much time chopping or dicing. Since creamy soups are typically pureed at the end, the vegetables just disappear.

Here is a creamy soup recipe that is perfect for featuring whatever vegetables are affordable in your grocery store.

Traditional cream soups use a potato base. However, I’m not patient enough to make a soup that isn’t a complete onepot meal. This soup uses white beans to add fibre and protein.

Serve it with a slice of bread and you have a hearty meal.

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Cooking Dried Beans (Makes 6 cups = 3 cans of beans)

This soup recipe uses canned beans for speed. However, if you have time, dried beans are an incredibly affordable protein. Here’s how to prepare dried beans from scratch and freeze them so you can use them as a replacement for canned beans.

2 cups dried beans 1 tsp baking soda

Water to cook and cover

1. Place the beans in a medium-sized pot. Add 4 cups of water. Put the lid back on the pot and let the beans soak for at least 8 hours and up to 12 hours.

2. Drain the soaking water, then add 4 cups of fresh water. Stir in 1 tsp of baking soda. This helps to break down the skin on the beans, resulting in a softer, creamier bean. If you’re using your beans for chili, then skip the baking soda. However, it’s a nice option for creamy soups.

3. Bring to a boil, reduce the heat and simmer until the beans are soft. This can take between 45 minutes to 1½ hours depending on the age of the beans.

4. When the beans are soft, drain the boiling water and rinse the beans.

5. To freeze cooked beans, place them in freezer-friendly containers and cover with water. In general, 1½ cups of cooked beans will replace 1 regular-sized can of beans.

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Creamy Bean & Vegetable Soup

I haven’t specified what type of vegetable to use for this soup, because it’s perfect for all sorts of different vegetables. Use your favourite vegetables or mix and match with whatever is affordable!

4 cups roughly chopped vegetables 1 onion, roughly chopped 2 cloves garlic 3 tbsp olive oil 8 cups low-sodium broth or water 2 cans white or butter beans 2 tsp salt, to taste 1 tsp ground black pepper, to taste 1 cup whipping cream 1. Roughly chop the onion, vegetables and peel the garlic.

2. Warm the olive oil in the bottom of a large soup pot. Add the onion, vegetables and garlic. Sauté until the onions have started to soften, about 5 minutes.

3. Pour the broth over the vegetables, add the beans and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat and simmer for about 20 minutes.

4. Remove from heat and puree until smooth. This is easiest with a stick blender, but you can also puree in batches in a regular blender.

5. Season with salt and pepper to taste. The amount of salt will depend on the saltiness of the broth.

6. Stir in the cream and serve! The leftovers are even more delicious, so I recommend making a double-batch if you have an extralarge soup pot.

Emillie Parrish loves having adventures with her two busy children. You can find more of her recipes in her recently released cookbook Fermenting Made Simple. fermentingforfoodies.com

IslandParent.ca

Winter 2024

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H E A LTH

Made with Love:

Nurturing the New Mother I

think it’s time to set a new standard for baby showers; let’s give the onesies a break.

Now, don’t get me wrong, onesies have their charm, and of course, babies need to be dressed. However, following the excitement of creating baby registries loaded with pricey gadgets and gifting new parents with adorable outfits their little ones will outgrow in the blink of an eye, we often overlook a crucial point: The ultimate gift for new parents can be the nourishing gift of wholesome meals.

When I became a mother, I realized the profound significance of feeding friends and family who had just welcomed a baby. What I had perceived as a thoughtful gesture turned into a lifeline, a most genuine and profound blessing.

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The old saying “it takes a village to raise a child” is particularly true, underlining the essential role that caring for the new mother plays.

The postpartum period is a delicate and transformative time for mothers, both physically and emotionally. The body undergoes numerous changes during pregnancy and childbirth, and proper nutrition is essential for recovery.

Adequate nutrient intake supports the healing of tissues, replenishes energy reserves and helps the body regain strength after the taxing process of giving birth.

Whole-food nutrition is fundamental for postpartum recovery, helping to address the intricate needs of the body during this complex healing process. The importance of nutrition for new parents

extends beyond merely satisfying hunger; macronutrients fuel the body, while balanced micronutrients promote a healing journey. The primary emphasis is placed on the new mother, acknowledging her distinct requirements during a time of significant transformation. By tending to her well-being, she can, in turn, focus on and nurture her newborn with the vital energy required. Choosing a balanced diet becomes an intentional act of self-care, a conscious decision to nurture both body and mind throughout the challenging yet fulfilling stages of early motherhood.

Bringing homemade meals or organizing a meal train to offer support to new parents are wonderful options. A meal train is a collaborative effort where friends and family sign up to provide

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homemade meals on a scheduled basis.

This collective effort not only lightens the load for the new parents but also strengthens the bonds within the community, creating a network of support that extends beyond the confines of the kitchen.

Here is one of my favourite nourishing meals for a mother’s recovery. This Mediterranean Mason Jar Salad was designed to nourish and restore during the challenging postpartum phase. This flavourful dish not only supports physical healing but also provides a feeling of comfort and self-care for the new mother.

And if cooking isn’t your thing, no worries! Victoria offers various local businesses that specialize in providing nutritious fresh and frozen “ready-toserve” meals for those who may not have the time or interest in preparing meals.

Nurturing the new mother is a heartfelt initiative that goes beyond a simple act of kindness. Providing nutritious meals to a recovering mother is a tangible way to support her physical and emotional well-being during the postpartum period. By focusing on a well-rounded diet that includes essential nutrients, you contribute to her recovery, energy levels and overall resilience as she embraces the transformative journey of motherhood.

Mediterranean Mason Jar Salad (Servings: 2) 2 tsps Greek seasoning 2 Tbsps extra virgin olive oil 1 Tbsp lemon juice 1⁄4 cucumber (large, diced) 1⁄2 red bell pepper (large, diced) 6 oz whole rotisserie chicken (cooked, meat only, bones removed) 1 cup white navy beans (cooked, rinsed) 1⁄4 cup red onion (chopped finely) 1⁄4 cup sun dried tomatoes (drained, chopped)

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1⁄4 cup feta cheese (cubed)

2 cups mixed greens 2 Tbsps pumpkin seeds (toasted) In a small bowl, whisk together the seasoning, oil and the lemon juice.

Assemble the Mason Jar Salads: line

up your mason jars. To each jar divide equally the dressing, diced cucumber, red peppers, shredded chicken, beans, red onion, sun dried tomatoes, feta cheese, mixed greens and the seeds.

Put the lid on and store in the refrigerator for up to four days.

Isabelle Bulota is a registered holistic nutritionist, recipe developer and food photographer who passionately navigates the challenges of motherhood with two vibrant teenagers. As the proud founder of SuperBorn, she guides women on their pregnancy journey through personalized nutrition counselling.

Winter 2024

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E X PLO R E

Ever Wondered Where Bugs Go When It Gets Cold Outside?

T

ilt your head back on a warm sunny day. Look just above the Ocean Spray and Nootka Rose bushes. What do you see? Turn your gaze down, peer at the tops of flowerheads, investigate the soil. What do you see? What don’t you see? They are everywhere and they have been for hundreds of millions of years: Insects!

At any given moment there are estimated to be ten quintillion (10,000,000,000,000,000,000) insects roaming the planet.

Insects are often tiny in size, but mighty in their impacts on ecosystems and human societies.

Insects are more than just pollinators; they are clean-up crews for waste (decomposers), food for an abundance of wildlife, dispersers of seeds and much more. Our six-legged friends are also valuable to human society. Insects are the heavy lifters in the pollination of one of every three bites of our food. They are a direct food source themselves for around two billion humans also. So, how do they survive the winter?

Different insects have different strategies for surviving the colder months, and many don’t survive, they die. Insects are ectotherms, meaning that like reptiles, they derive their heat from the outside environment. Because of this, it can be very tricky for insects to stay warm in the winter.

Bagworms, for example, generally do not survive the winter, 30

Island Parent Magazine

but females lay their eggs in brown-coloured pouches that survive overwinter and hatch the following spring. Many insects’ eggs survive over winter through diapause. Diapause is when the animal stops development for a period and then begins again in response to an environmental cue (such as light, or warmth).

Like bagworms, dragonfly adults lay eggs before the winter and adults often die. But that is not the only way this species survives the winter. Dragonfly juveniles (also known as nymphs or naiads) live in freshwater and can survive the winter too!

They either stay active, especially in warmer places like Southern Vancouver Island, or they can enter diapause. If the nymphs stay active, they have the advantage of eating and growing throughout the season; however, they have the disadvantage of being a potential snack for fish!

Some types of dragonflies, and many other species of insects have a different method completely, … they migrate. Migration is a tactic of survival used by many animals in which they move away for a period, often to find warmth or food as seasons change.

Insects that migrate include some types of butterflies, moths, true bugs and beetles. The most impressive insect migration might be that of the monarch butterflies which can migrate IslandParent.ca

4,000 km to overwinter in the warmth of Mexico. Many insects migrate one way, lay eggs, die and their hatchlings make the migration back to their homelands.

Another unique method of winter survival, and a less “natural” one is invasion. Organisms that were brought to a place because of human activity and are causing negative effects on the environment, human health or the economy are called invasive species. Unfortunately, there are several invasive insects spreading throughout British Columbia.

The ways in which insects survive winter are fascinating and vast. Some methods are as specialized as having antifreeze proteins that stop them from freezing overwinter. Others can control what parts of their bodies freeze and keep vital organs thawed in the coldest months. Their unique adaptations to winter go on and on. They are impressive, and despite their size, excel in survival. Unfortunately, insects are largely threatened globally. Over 40 percent of insect species are at risk of extinction.

Want to be an ally to our tiny neighbours? Here are three calls to action to protect insects: 1. If you must use them, use ecofriendly pesticides: Using harmful pesticides can kill terrestrial wildlife and leach into waterways, causing algal blooms and harming freshwater invertebrates like dragonflies.

2. Rewild your lawn: Planting native species and adding dead wood to your yard can make it an oasis for pollinators and many other native species. You can learn more here: crd.bc.ca/ education/natural-gardening.

3. Protect and restore ecosystems: Vote for nature when you can, and volunteer with local organizations to restore native habitat!

Madi Haller is a Community Educator at Swan Lake Christmas Hill Nature Sanctuary. Madi is enthralled by the often unnoticed corners of the natural world, like slime molds, fungi and insects!

MARCH

VICTORIA PET EXPO 2024

2 for 1 COUPON 

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Winter 2024

31

PL AY

COMOX VALLEY

Family Day FREE Event at Sportsplex Bring your family to the Sportsplex in Campbell River this Family Day between 9am and 1pm for a variety of free, fun events suitable for all ages spread throughout the rec centre.

There will even be a free book giveaway! Come early to enjoy a pancake breakfast hosted by, and with proceeds going to, the Kinsmen Club. campbellriver.ca

COWICHAN VALLEY

Anne of Green Gables – The Ballet This playful ballet production is based on the beloved favourite Canadian novel Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maud Montgomery. Be transported back in time to Avonlea, PEI with Anne and her family and friends in this charming ballet. Get your tickets now to view this performance at the Cowichan Performing Arts Centre on February 16. jorgendance.ca/event/anne-of-green-gablesthe-ballet-duncan-bc NANAIMO & AREA

Mini Pops Kids LIVE The Mini Pops LIVE team is back with their Good Vibes Tour!

Take the whole family to the Port Theatre on March 23 to sing and dance along with all your favourite hits. Channel your inner Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, Dua Lipa and Beyonce in this fun show. Get your tickets now. porttheatre.com/event/mini-pop-kids-live-good-vibes-tour

GREATER VICTORIA

Esquimalt Rec Centre Family Day Event Celebrate Family Day on February 19 at the Esquimalt Recreation Centre from 9am to 4pm. The Esquimalt Lions will be putting on a pancake breakfast by donation with funds being put back into the community. After you eat, your family can check out a variety of events such as swimming, skating and kindergym in the rec centre for free! esquimalt.ca/community-events/events-listing

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Ready Set Grow Preschool.....250-472-1530 Preschool 9:30-1:30 Join our learning through play preschool located in Hillcrest Elem. Our caring ECEs offer an enriched Program for 3-4 hour, 2-5 days a week and help with kindergarten transition. heoscmanager@gmail.com

Families can register for: Monday-Friday, Monday, Wednesday, Friday or Tuesday and Thursday

4-year-old Class Monday. Wednesday and Friday

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For more information please visit our website: www.cloverdalechildcare.com register please email: cloverdale@shawbiz.ca 3427 Quadra St Victoria BC V8X 1G8

Need help with the Affordable Child Care Benefit?

Looking for child care? Taking care of children?

Need child care training?

Call your local CCRR for free referrals and resources.

Victoria & Gulf Islands: 250-382-7000 Sooke: 250-642-5152 ext 239 West Shore: 250-940-4882 Cowichan Valley: 250-746-4135 local 231 PacificCare (Ladysmith North): 250-756-2022 or 1-888-480-2273 gov.bc.ca/ChildCareResourceReferralCentres IslandParent.ca

Your community’s best source of child care information and resources.

Funding for the CCRR is provided by the province of B.C.

Winter 2024

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G R A N D PA R E NTI N G

Becoming a Step Grandmother

I

have never given birth to a child, so it looked like I was never going to get a chance to be a mother—let alone a grandmother.

And then, eight years ago, I married a beautiful man with a beautiful family—a widower with three children and nine grandchildren. The only experience I had up to that date was as an aunt, and a sister to my younger siblings. Let the adventure begin!

I started out in fear and trembling. I didn’t want anyone to think that I imagined I could just walk into their grieving hearts and replace a beautiful mother and grandmother who had passed away only six months ago. I wasn’t even a cook or a baker, and there were 21 close family members at the time. But no worries! Everyone contributes to a part of a meal when we all meet. When nine-year-old Carter asked if I could bake cookies, “you bet!” Chocolate chip cookies, coming right up. Everywhere, there were signs of a warm welcome.

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I was included in the big phone call from the oldest granddaughter, even before we were married: “Grandpa, you are going to be a great-grandfather!”

When we were dating, my fiancé turned up at his daughter’s house one morning without me. Nolan, 4.5, got right to the point: “Where’s Lynn?”

At the first full-scale family gathering, I got the names mixed up. I called Hayden Carter and Carter Hayden. They don’t even remember the incident.

Our wedding included everybody. Nolan and his sister Angela, age two, were ringbearer and flower girl. An adult granddaughter did a scripture reading. The rest of the grandkids helped with the decorations and the cleanup. It was so much fun.

I leave it up to the family what to call me—Lynn, grandma, great grandma. My favourite was “Great Lynn” That’s the way I sometimes sign their birthday cards.

The whole family is always there for me.

When we went hiking as a family for the first time on the west coast of the Island, I slipped on the trail and found myself hanging over what felt to me like a cliff. Only a tuft of grass between my legs was holding me up. Then two strong hands rushed to pull to safety, as I looked into the eyes of the concerned (and relieved) grandson-in-law.

Another time out hiking with the family, I fell and broke my arm. They all ran to my assistance. One daughter turned back on the hike to help my husband get me safely over the roots and mud to the trailhead, and his daughter-in-law, a nurse, was there with treatment and advice. Everybody kept asking “how are you doing, Lynn?” It was so reassuring.

A few weeks ago, I caught a mild case of COVID and had to isolate myself. My husband became my servant: Get me a coffee! I would like ice cream! I had a craving for boiled potatoes. He followed my instructions and they appeared on my plate. In the meantime, his daughter texted me about how I was doing with the illness. Aha! I could relate the funny story about her Dad learning how to make boiled potatoes.

“I’m sure he was pleasantly surprised at how easy it is to cook potatoes,” came back a text with a laugh emoji. (But I need to be fair here: he cooks lots of dishes tougher than boiled potatoes, like penne primavera and Texas hash.)

That big family, and those enormous grandma shoes, looked pretty scary when my husband-to-be first asked for a date. But I’m glad I didn’t let them frighten me off. So if you’re ever in my position, let me tell you this: “Don’t be afraid to join a family. Go ahead and marry a warm-hearted widower, and don’t forget to just be yourself.”

Lynn Weedmark married her husband, Richard, nearly 10 years ago.

He brought three adult children, nine grandchildren and four great-grandchildren into her life. Lynn and Richard live in Victoria and see the whole family whenever they get a chance.

IslandParent.ca

H E A LTH

Canadian Dental Care Plan What You Need to Know

O

ral health is an important part of overall health and wellbeing. Regular visits to an oral health professional have proven to reduce the risk of tooth decay, gum disease and other serious health problems, such as cardiovascular disease and stroke.

Yet, a third of the people living in Canada do not have dental insurance, and in 2022, one in four Canadians reported avoiding visiting an oral health professional because of the cost.

In December, the Government of Canada announced the details of the upcoming roll-out of the Canadian Dental Care Plan (CDCP).

Once fully implemented, the CDCP will help ease financial barriers to accessing oral health care for up to nine million uninsured Canadian residents with an annual family income of less than $90,000.

“The Canadian Dental Care Plan will be transformative for our country,” says Minister of Health Mark Holland.

“It will significantly improve health outcomes, reduce a burden on our health care system, and build a foundation of equity by expanding access to oral health care for the millions of Canadians that currently do not have access to this critical care.

The Government of Canada is making life more affordable by helping families and their loved ones.”

based on when each group can apply, when the application is received and when enrolment is completed. This coverage start date, details of coverage and member card will be sent by Sun Life, the contracted service provider, in a welcome package.

What’s Covered

A wide range of oral health care services will be covered under the CDCP to prevent and treat oral health disease.

Examples of these services include preventive care such as scaling (cleaning), polishing, as well as other services such as exams, x-rays, fillings, removable dentures and root canal treatments. As part of a continuous improvement approach, the CDCP will be reviewed regularly based on data and evidence to ensure it meets the needs of Canadians.

Oral health professionals play a vital role in delivering oral health care, and this plan will allow more Canadians to receive their care. Resources and tools on how to assist and inform their patients about the CDCP will be provided to the oral health professional community.

For more information on the CDCP, eligibility, the phased application roll-out and examples of what will be covered, visit canada.ca/dental.

Seniors

To meet anticipated demand and ensure a smooth onboarding process, the CDCP will be rolled out using a phased approach over the coming months, starting with seniors.

“Dental care shouldn’t be a luxury. It’s basic health care,” says Minister of Labour and Seniors Seamus O’Regan Jr. “Seniors are often on fixed incomes and have more health care bills, so they’re a priority in our dental plan. We want every Canadian to age in health, in comfort and in dignity.”

Applications will first open for seniors aged 87 and above in December 2023, expanding in phases to those aged 77 to 86 in January 2024, followed by those aged 72 to 76 in February 2024, then those aged 70 to 71 in March 2024. Individuals in these age groups who may be eligible will receive letters inviting them to apply, with instructions on how to validate their eligibility and apply by telephone.

In May 2024, applications will shift to an online portal and will open for eligible seniors 65 and older.

Children

Persons with a valid Disability Tax Credit certificate and children under the age of 18 will be able to apply online starting June 2024. All remaining eligible Canadian residents between the ages of 18 and 64 will be able to apply online starting in 2025.

Canadians who are enrolled in the CDCP will be able to start seeing an oral health provider as early as May 2024, starting with seniors. The start date to access oral health care will vary IslandParent.ca

Quick Facts

• The Canadian Dental Care Plan (CDCP) will be administered

by Health Canada in collaboration with Employment and Social Development Canada (ESDC), through Service Canada and Sun Life.

• Budget 2023 announced an investment of $13 billion over five years, starting in 2023–24, and $4.4 billion ongoing, to implement CDCP. • The estimated value of the contract with Sun Life is $746,698,598.22. The duration of the contract is five years and includes two 24-month option periods and one 12-month option period, for a total of five additional option years.

• The Canada Dental Benefit will continue to support families with children under the age of 12 until June 30, 2024. Parents and caregivers will be able to apply for the CDCP for children under the age of 18 as of June 2024.

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S PE C I A L N E E DS

How Come I Am Not Like Other Kids?

T

his can be an incredibly difficult question for parents of children with special needs or a disability to answer.

After a diagnosis, parents require time to process the information, learn about their child’s challenges and reach out to the professionals who can help them.

However, parent often don’t even talk to their children about the information they have learned.

Your child’s challenges are a part of their identity. Their disability effects how they live life day-to-day. They deserve to be part of the conversation.

Although it is important to be thoughtful about how you discuss their special needs with your child, it is crucial that you discuss it.

Learning about their challenges will help reduce feelings of shame, embarrassment or confusion about their thoughts, feelings and actions.

Here are some pointers on how to talk to your child about their special needs:

Getting started

A good way to broach the subject is to read a book together about a child with special needs. Some great options include 36

Island Parent Magazine

It’s OK To Be Different by Todd Parr, Uniquely Wired: A Story About Autism and Its Gifts by Julia Cook and Don’t Call Me Special by Pat Thomas.

Books are a great way to start the conversation and find parallels between the characters and your child. Try asking them some questions about the struggles the kids in the book face and whether they have ever felt that way. How did the character seek help? What steps did they take? What did they learn?

Talk about uniqueness

Books are also a great way to open the conversation about the fact that everyone is different—not just those with disabilities. Starting the discussion in this vein can help children feel less isolated and “weird.”

Let them know that everyone has strengths and challenges.

Talk about the things you find tricky and tell them it is okay to ask for help when something is difficult for them. Share a success story about the time you reached out for assistance.

Then, point out the things they do incredibly well. We all thrive on positive feedback and knowing they are good at something can sometimes give a child the self-confidence boost they need to overcome a struggle.

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Be honest

As parents, we have an innate instinct to protect our children. This can translate to keeping certain aspects of their disability from them. However, being as open and honest as you can with your children will help them process the information and give them the tools they need to talk about their challenges with others. This can help them to advocate for themselves when you are not around, in settings like school.

Make sure you use age-appropriate language and if they ask you something that you don’t know the answer to, be honest about that and work together to find the answer.

Ongoing conversation

As you probably know, trying to learn everything about your child’s disability can be overwhelming. It is best to introduce the topic to your child in a gradual way with small bits of information.

Their challenges will also change and evolve over time, so it is important that you leave the door open to discussion. Let your child know that they can come to you and ask any questions they have about what they are going through.

As they get older, they will be able to understand more about their condition and learn to use more advanced tools to help them cope.

Things to avoid

It is just as important to know what not to say and do when talking to your child about their disability.

CAMP SHAWNIGAN CAMP SQUAMISH CAMP WINFIELD IslandParent.ca

Avoid long, complicated conversations with a lot of medical or technical jargon. Although their condition or diagnosis may be very involved, it is important to talk about their challenges as they relate to their daily lives.

Keep conversations simple like, “It is hard for you to sit still for a long period of time, so we are going to use this wiggle seat to help you focus.”

More than anything you want to be there for them to answer their questions, rather than inundating them with too much information and overwhelming them.

Also try to limit the amount of negativity you use when describing their disability. Try to focus on their strengths as much as possible and let them know that you are here to help them solve the problems they are facing. Give them some ownership and let them help come up with solutions as well. Ask them what would help them. We all know kids are more willing to try something when it is their idea.

Creating and keeping an open dialogue about your child’s challenges will help mould their self-image and let them know that they have a support system that can help them when things get tough.

Stacie Gaetz is the managing editor of Island Parent Magazine and the proud mama of a delightful daughter and silly son who fill her days with love and chaos.

Reach her at editor@islandparent.ca.

Inclusive and fully accessible overnight summer camps for children and teens with any type of cognitive and physical disabilities.

Choose from 3 locations across BC.

eastersealsbcy.ca Winter 2024

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S PE C I A L N E E DS

Creating a Community for Children with Diverse Needs

C

hildren with diverse needs, encompassing physical, emotional and cognitive challenges, require a robust support network to help them navigate their unique journeys and unlock their full potential in all aspects of living. Let’s explore the crucial roles played by the various individuals and groups needed to create an inclusive environment for children with diverse needs.

Immediate Family. Parents and any family members who are around the child regularly serve as the cornerstone of a child’s support system. Their understanding, advocacy and bonded love form the foundation for the child’s well-being. By actively participating in identifying their child’s needs, collaborating with educators and ensuring a supportive home environment, parents contribute significantly to fostering a sense of belonging and acceptance.

Friends and Community. Friends within the school and neighbourhood communities all contribute to creating an inclusive environment where children with diverse needs feel accepted and supported. These relationships foster connections that go beyond differences, promoting a culture of empathy, inclusion and support.

Teachers and Special Education Professionals. Educators, including classroom teachers, educational assistants (EAs) and special education professionals, play a pivotal role in the academic development of children with diverse needs. Inclusive teaching practices, individualized education plans (IEPs) and tailored lesson plans are essential components of their approach. By collaborating with parents and other professionals on the child’s support team, educators create an environment where every child can thrive both academically and socially.

Healthcare Professionals. Family doctors, pediatricians, therapists and other healthcare professionals contribute to the support network by providing vital medical assessments, therapies and guidance. Regular check-ups, early interventions and ongoing communication between all healthcare providers and parents are crucial for addressing physical and developmental challenges, ensuring the child’s overall well-being.

Psychologists and Counselors. Mental health professionals, such as psychologists and counselors, contribute significantly to the support network by addressing emotional and behavioral well-being. Whether working directly with the child or providing guidance to parents and teachers, mental health professionals contribute to creating a supportive environment that nurtures the child.

Speech Therapists. Speech therapists play a critical role in supporting children with diverse needs by addressing any communication challenges. They help children develop and enhance their communication skills, enabling effective interaction with their peers and educators. Speech therapists collaborate with educators and parents to integrate strategies that foster communication development within the child’s overall educational plan.

Occupational Therapists. Occupational therapists bring a unique perspective to the support network, focusing on enabling 38

Island Parent Magazine

a child’s ability to participate in their daily activities. They address sensory and motor challenges, among other barriers, helping children develop essential life skills and support the child’s independence and well-being.

Specialized Instructors. Other specialized instructors, such as behaviour specialists or learning support coaches provide targeted assistance to address specific challenges the child may have.

Their expertise enhances the child’s learning experience by offering specific interventions and strategies to overcome obstacles and create a sense of accomplishment.

Adaptive Technology Specialists. Professionals specializing in adaptive technologies play a vital role by implementing technological tools and devices that enhance accessibility and independence for a child. From customized learning tools to communication devices, these specialists contribute to creating an accommodating, inclusive learning environment.

Community Organizations. Local community organizations focused on support groups for families along with recreational activities geared towards diverse needs contribute additional resources to the support network. These organizations provide a sense of community, offering both practical assistance and emotional support for children and their families.

Advocacy Groups. Advocacy groups, both at the local and national levels in BC, play a crucial role in promoting inclusive policies, raising awareness and supporting the rights of individuals with diverse needs. For children needing more support with equal access to education within the public school system, advocacy is also available through the district and provincial Parent Advisory Council levels in BC. Government Services. Government agencies and other policymakers are instrumental in creating and implementing inclusive policies that guarantee equal access to education, healthcare, and all other essential services.

Erika Palmer is a writer living in Victoria with her husband and daughter. She believes most problems can be solved with a good cup of tea and a huge piece of chocolate.

IslandParent.ca

IslandParent.ca

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Mother’s Day Tea

Mother’s Day Tea This Mother’s Day, give Mom the gift of making a difference!

All proceeds support youth mentoring programs in our community.

Afternoon Tea

Silent Auction

Prizes

Saturday, May 11 2:00 p.m.

Tickets at bbbsvictoria.com