How I Became a Woman of Balance

By Vicki DePasse

And the award for the Music Teacher of the Year goes to….! (applause, applause). It is the annual state music convention. The most important event of the year for many music teachers, an opportunity for professional growth and to acknowledge the hard-working teachers throughout the state. Reasons for the award are given before they call the person up to the stage for their walk of fame.

“She was the first to arrive and the last to leave.” “She went above and beyond by attending her students’ extra-curricular events outside of the school day.” “She gave hundreds of extra hours to her school and organization.” I was a young twenty-something teacher just starting out and couldn’t wait to learn from the best of the best. This is who I wanted to be. An award-winning choir director. My mentor from college expected it from me. I immersed myself in the organization. There were years that I was in demand as a young choir director. Being a part of a statewide organization which held its conventions in the very city I lived in, made it easy for me to become the “chair” of several committees, year after year. I was climbing the ladder to eventually be ranked as outstanding in my field. However, what I had been actually observing at these conventions were tired, overworked musicians, who were being acknowledged for depleting themselves of their energy and for giving more time to their jobs than their families should have to endure. I worked a full-time job as a music teacher. I had no choice. Since I could not be a stay-at-home mom, I gave my daughter priority at night. She wanted to be home with me to color, read, and play. I could sense her need to feel grounded by receiving my full attention. So knowing I had to keep my daytime teaching job, I slowly dropped out of chair positions, dropped my role as a community children’s choir director and turned down many requests and offers for extra income and community recognition. I was a mother first, and then a teacher. My actions had to prove this.

I didn’t struggle with letting go of my extra duties. My role as a mother and wife were really who I was. It bothered my college mentor. Colleagues were shocked when I left a prestigious high school choral position for an elementary music position with less evening activities. Where was I headed? Why have I changed?

Success can be defined in many ways. One view from Kekich’s Credo states: “You’re successful when you like who and what you are.” I liked being a “friend” to a bully in high school. It made me feel good about myself because I was accepted by her, until I realized that this was toxic. What was I seeking? Acceptance? Validation? It took me many years to define “real” success. I have come to discover that success is living a balanced life. Moderation. Saying “no” more often. Nowadays, I think carefully before I say “yes” to an offer that might flatter me. Receiving acceptance and validation from being busy is toxic. How do I know? Because even when I used to finish everything on my list, it still wasn’t enough. Busyness with false priorities leaves you feeling empty, whereas balance allows you to feel at ease with your real priorities. Omid Safi writes: “This disease of being ‘busy’ (and let’s call it what it is, the dis-ease of being busy, when we are never at ease) is spiritually destructive to our health and wellbeing,” Safi writes. “It saps our ability to be fully present with those we love the most in our families, and keeps us from forming the kind of community that we all so desperately crave.” (from On Being).

Being a woman of balance doesn’t mean to add more to your plate for the sake of selfcare such as spas, pedicures, massages, bubble baths, even naps. It means to take things OFF your plate. That is the reset we need. We wouldn’t need all of those other costly and time-consuming self-care activities if we just become less busy. If more responsibility doesn’t mean time away from who should come first in your life, then that can be your definition of success. Balance can look different for every individual.

We’ll never forget the year 2020. Schedules were brought to a sudden halt through stayat-home orders. People either enjoyed staying home or struggled with the adjustment. Was God showing the world something through this worldwide shutdown? There were no conventions to be had. No evening activities, weekend tournaments, shopping trips, or business trips. It took a worldwide event to finally stop the busyness. We can look at the shutdown as merely a season in our lives, but hopefully we have learned that once we feel well-rested, we won’t desire to go back to being “crazy busy.”

Now here we are in 2021 and I’m nearing the end of my career. I never did receive an award for going above and beyond in my organization. But I did receive a reward for learning how to be a “woman of balance.” The results are seeing my daughter live a balanced life as she becomes a wife and starts a family. I can be with my husband at night and truly enjoy having a conversation without limiting our time for my next project. Lightening my busy schedule didn’t take away my identity. It helped me find it.

My definition of an award -winning teacher has changed to “one who can model BALANCE for their students.” There is no award certificate for balance. But balance is an earthly reward that God is pleased with. Rom. 12:1-2 says “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” We live in the age of grace. Is His message from Eph. 2: 8-9 received loud and clear? “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, let any man should boast.” No amount of doing can get us to heaven. Jesus has done it all for us. Being too busy can’t steal our salvation but it can steal our path to a closer relationship with our Lord who speaks to us in the quiet moments. We should be a reflection of our God, not of this busy fast-paced world. Let us not get our identity from being busy but rather pray daily that the Lord shows us how to prioritize our families and our faith.

A woman of wisdom and discretion is a woman whose heart is quiet in its passions. Because her soul looks to the Lord and trusts in him, she can live with or without the things of this world. Matters of position, possession, and passions fail to unnerve her or control God's woman of wisdom. She finds all she truly needs in the Lord and rests in him. As the Proverbs teach, "a sound (or tranquil) heart is life to the body." Prov.14:30 (Elizabeth George)

Vicki DePasse’s Vision Board

Vicki DePasse considers herself a lifelong learner with a desire to find the “best practice” in all areas of her life, including her faith, her job, her role as a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend and as a spiritual and professional mentor. Her experiences of overcoming challenges in her life have made her a woman of faith, by the grace of God. Vicki has been a teacher for 29 years and is currently teaching Music at Houdini Elementary School in Appleton, WI. She earned her Master’s Degree in Teaching and Learning and serves as a cooperating teacher for future music educators, having mentored over 10 college students in the last 11 years to begin their teaching careers. When she reaches year 30 as a teacher, she will explore a different career in which she can learn something new. She prioritizes hospitality and looks forward to hosting people in her home. Her favorite roles in life are those of mother and wife. She likes to go on nature walks with her husband to admire God’s creation.