Fall 2020

r e t h g u a L is the Best Medicine

by Shelly Esser

WHEN YOUR FRIEND STRUGGLES WITH MENTAL ILLNESS

g n i r e v e s r e P

One Day at a Time

TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF IS AN ESSENTIAL NEED

by Jen Allee

THE GOD WHO KEEPS HIS PROMISES HELPING OTHERS THROUGH TRAUMATIC LOSS

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MORE AT JUSTBETWEENUS.ORG

LIVE IN THE WORD AS YOU LIVE IN THE WORLD New Bible Studies from Favorite Authors

welcome from the editor SHELLY ESSER

We are thrilled to have four new columnists joining us: Lysa TerKeurst, Arlene Pellicane, Gail Goolsby, and Dorie Etrheim. You’ll also continue to hear from women you’ve grown to love: Joni Eareckson Tada, Anita Carman, Melva Henderson, Michelle Nietert, and Pam Farrel. Several of our returning columnists have new columns with a new focus. I hope you will find both the new and familiar voices helpful and encouraging as you live out your life of faith. More importantly, I hope these women will become your trusted friends.

Surprise! We hope you love our new look as much as we do! It’s my prayer that you will settle into your favorite spot and linger through each page, drinking from the well of beauty, depth, creativity, and spiritual refreshment. The issue is filled with special touches from our new designer, Julie Krinke, whom we welcome to our team! And we thank Kelly Perso for giving us a decade of beautiful design.

When we started planning the redesign to celebrate our 30th anniversary almost a year ago, we never imagined the pick-me-up we would all be needing now. It’s been tough.

Our way of life as we knew it is gone, replaced by face masks, social distancing, isolation, illness, sheltering at home, and fear. But in the middle of the chaos and uncertainty, one thing hasn’t changed—God! And He has continued to be ever-faithful (our word for the year) in what has felt overwhelmingly impossible at times.

The Names of God: His Character Revealed

by Melissa Spoelstra

Lose Control: The Way to Find Your Soul

by Mary Shannon Hoffpauir

Participant Workbook | 9781501878084 | $16.99 Leader Guide | 9781501878107 | $14.99 DVD | 9781501878121 | $49.99 Leader Kit | 9781501878190 | $79.99

Participant Workbook | 9781791004354 | $16.99 Leader Guide | 9781791004378 | $14.99 DVD | 9781791004392 | $49.99

Have you ever thought you had life under control—until you didn’t? Lose Control is a six-week journey through the Book of 1 Samuel, which is an epic story about a fight for control.

Mary Shannon Hoffpauir encourages women to lose control in order to find their soul through a trusting relationship with their faithful God.

Participant Workbook with Leader Helps | 9781791006174 | $14.99 DVD | 9781791006198 | $44.99

In Renewed, a four-week study of the Book of Ruth, women glean wisdom from Naomi’s perspective, a woman who lived a story she didn’t choose or like. With insight from her own journey of living with a story that is not easy, Heather M. Dixon teaches women to flourish, even as they live hard stories, by trusting in God and trading their heartache for hope.

Explore study excerpts and video teaching samples at AbingdonWomen.com.

We hope you are as excited about the makeover as we are and will continue to enjoy the pieces from the past scattered throughout this anniversary year, as well as the new pieces we’re launching with this issue.

Here’s to another 30 years of God’s faithfulness!

With gratitude,

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Abingdon Women Bible studies are available wherever books are sold.

We’re also excited to introduce you to, “15 Minutes in the Word,” a devotional Bible study on different aspects of our word for the year.

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Popular Bible teacher Melissa Spoelstra leads women on an exploration of the many names of God—from El and Yahweh to Abba, Jesus, Holy Spirit, and many more. Through this study women will not only know more about God but also will know Him better—because through the discovery of God’s names, they will discover Him.

Renewed: Finding Hope When You Don’t Like Your Story

by Heather M. Dixon

We want to be a bright spot in this journey with you, a spiritual hug when most of the human ones still have to wait, and a hug from your faithful Father’s heart to yours. You have been prayed for continually, and it's been all about you as we have thought through this redesign with new columns and features to uplift your soul with hope and encouragement. We hope this issue will help get you through this challenging road that we’re on together. C.S. Lewis said it best: “We read to know that we are not alone.”

In recent years, poetry has become popular again. So, we decided to make our founder Jill Briscoe’s poetry part of every issue—designed for you to cut out and frame as encouragement for yourself or to give away to a friend.

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VOLUME 30

NO. 4

features

21 Shelter From the Storm

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As the world rages, we can find our safety and comfort in the Father’s arms.

by Jill Briscoe

Safer at Home

I n this season of coronavirus, home has taken on a whole new meaning. Discover where you can find your heart’s true and permanent home.

by Elizabeth Murphy

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The Grief Tree

How one woman found healing from her traumatic grief after the violent death of her sister.

by Karen Rhea

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Love Versus Truth

Discouraging conversations about sexuality are part of our everyday lives. Instead of fighting about right and wrong, find a better way filled with grace and truth.

by Dr. Julie Slattery

FALL 2020

on the cover 14 Rx: Soul Medicine

Discover how the gift of laughter can get you through some of life’s toughest times.

by Shelly Esser

Renewals Manager Nancy Krull

General Manager Mary Perso

Marketing Julie Santiago

Assistant Editor Suzan Braun

Director of Mission Advancement/ Social Media Ashley Schmidt

16 Perseverance One Day at a Time

We don’t find joy in the trial, but in the opportunity for our spiritual growth.

by Jen Allee

24 Are You Available?

Encouraging a friend with mental illness.

by Marilyn Hunt

26 Permission to Need

Taking care of yourself is not selfish, it’s

necessary to be all God created you to be!

by Michelle Stiffler

28 Assured of His Faithfulness

No matter what you’re facing, you can count on God’s promises to provide for your every need.

by Lisa Elliott

32 The Empathy Gap

to enter into someone’s unimaginable pain and loss because it’s uncomfortable. A little compassion will go a long way.

by Mel Lawrenz

in every issue 3

Welcome from the Editor

40 My Story 41 Living Well 42 Strengthening

6 Between Us Your Soul 8 Happy Home 10 Heart to Heart 44 Discovering the Word 11 EncouragingWORDS 46 Mental Wholeness 12 Transparent Moments

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Frameable Poetry

15 Minutes in the Word

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Software Support Rebecca Loesche

faith chats

18 Translation of Hope

Ayako Kawasaki is changing women’s lives with the gospel in Japan.

by Suzan Braun

Advisory Board Anita Carman Pam Farrel Judy Briscoe Golz Nancy Grisham Pam MacRae Elizabeth Murphy Jackie Oesch Stephanie Seefeldt

ADVERTISING Ellie Dunn For more information call (856) 582-0690 ext. 2# or email ellie@carldunn.com.

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Laughter is the Best Medicine

by Shelly Esser

WHEN YOUR FRIEND STRUGGLES WITH MENTAL ILLNESS

Persevering

One Day at a Time

by Jen Allee

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TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF IS AN ESSENTIAL NEED THE GOD WHO KEEPS HIS PROMISES HELPING OTHERS THROUGH TRAUMATIC LOSS

fall 2020 |

Just Between Us is a member publication of the Evangelical Press Association.

FIND MORE AT JUSTBETWEENUS.ORG

JBU Conference Canceled

Sadly, due to COVID-19, we won’t be having the October 2020 conference.

For refunds, call (715) 427-5341.

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Subscriptions Rebecca Loesche Julie Matthews Mary Richards Lin Sebena

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Editor Shelly Esser

Art Director Julie Krinke

call toll-free 800-260-3342 or visit our website justbetweenus.org From Canada call 262-786-6478

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Circulation Manager Suzan Braun

Editorial Assistants Carol Becwar Ann Cook Constance B. Fink Gayle Gengler Betty Hinds Cherry Hoffner Melinda Papador Jen Symmonds Danae Templeton Susan Vanselow

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Founder/Executive Editor Jill Briscoe

Web Director Mary Ann Prasser

Life-altering loss is all around us. Don’t be afraid In celebration of our 30th anniversary, we will be giving you a peek into the past in each issue this year! Look for this logo.

CREDITS

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BETWEEN US

When I Want to Be Mean

Lysa TerKeurst

I

looked at the text message in complete disbelief.

Why couldn’t this person see how insensitive and hurtful she was being?

I don’t know who made up the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Either they had nerves of steel, or they lived on a deserted island with no other people. Not only do words hurt me but they make me want to fight back and be mean, too.

Have you ever had a situation with someone where you just knew you were right and they were wrong?

Or at least you could make a really good case for your side of things?

Oh how I have this burning need to state my case in these kinds of situations. It’s like an inner attorney rises up desperate to defend my rights and get the other person to see things my way. This is pretty normal, right?

Yes. But normal doesn’t always mean good. Especially in light of Colossians 2:6-7 which reminds me, “So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.”

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I should live rooted in Jesus’ teaching and overflow with thankfulness. The opposite of this is when I’m rooted in self-centered opinions and overflowing with grumbling. I need to let God show me how to see things from this other person’s side and gain a different perspective. In doing so, I will be strengthened and taught.

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Colossians 3:12-14 reminds me, “… as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.

Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

My job isn’t to fix this person or make them see my side of things. My job is to obey God by offering an extension of the forgiveness I’ve been given. But I can also stay healthy in this situation by remembering forgiveness doesn’t mean giving this person access in my life that sets me up for destructive patterns.

I need to let God show me how to see things from this other person’s side and gain a different perspective. In doing so, I will be strengthened and taught.

Finally, Colossians 3:17 reminds me, “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”

When everything in her life came to a stop, Pastor Juanita Rasmus found that she had to learn to be—with herself and with God—all over again. Offering both practical and spiritual insights, she shares a wise, frank, and witty account of her own story of exhaustion and depression, acting as a trustworthy companion through dark days.

Lysa’s newest book is Forgiving What You Can’t Forget: Discover How to Move On, Make Peace with Painful Memories, and Create a Life That’s Beautiful Again (Thomas Nelson, coming in November 2020).

Lysa TerKeurst is a mother of five and the president of Proverbs 31 Ministries. She is the New York Times bestselling author of Uninvited, The Best Yes, Unglued, and Made to Crave. Lysa was recently awarded the Champions of Faith Author Award and has been published in multiple publications such as Focus on the Family, and CNN online.

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T LysaTerKeurst F Lysa TerKeurst

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HAPPY HOME

A Bible designed with you in mind!

God Before Google

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Arlene Pellicane

here do you immediately turn when you need help with your kids or grandkids? In this digital age, many of us grab our phone or computer. We quickly Google a question to find out the answer.

“Is my baby's fever dangerous?” Google will know.

“My child is getting bullied; what should I do?” Google will offer me advice.

“What can I make for dinner that is gluten-free?”

Google will give me delicious recipes.

Although technology can be a blessing, it can also be a curse when we turn to Google before we turn to God. We need God first, not Google.

Consider Ps. 121:1-2, “I lift up my eyes to the hills–where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.” Today’s parent might find the following statement more of a reality: “I turn my eyes down to my phone—where does my help come from? My help comes from Google, the holder of all information.”

In this screen-driven world, we can get our wires crossed. The answers to your family’s problems aren’t found on homepages or search engines. The answers you need are found in God’s Word and by speaking to the source of wisdom Himself.

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My husband James has all sorts of humorous ways to answer the telephone if a telemarketer calls. He might use a greeting like, “You got the questions? We got the answers!” That usually makes the telemarketer hang up! Of course, James doesn’t have the answer for every question, but God does. When God picks up the phone in response to your call, you can imagine Him answering enthusiastically, “You got the questions? I have the answers!”

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James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” In other words, when your toddler is screaming or your teenager is rebelling, ask God for wisdom first.

Scripture tells us that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. It means having a deep awe and re-

Packed with features, including: • Daily devotions • Biographies of biblical women spect for His name. You recognize that He is God, and you are not. (And neither is the phone in your pocket.)

Let’s be honest. Our phones are becoming increasingly important. We rely on them to make decisions where we should eat to where we should send our kids to school. I’m not saying it’s wrong to Google information, but we must be careful to depend on God first, not technology.

• Study notes and time lines • Articles to tackle life challenges • And much more—all written specifically for women ages 16–21

What’s true of us becomes true of our daughters and sons.

If you’re frustrated with the amounts of time your kids are spending with screens, pause to consider the way you use (and perhaps depend on) your screens.

We check the weather, traffic, and school updates at our fingertips. We have more confidence and more control—and less need of God. Could you go a day without talking to God? Probably. Could you go a day without your cell phone or Wi-Fi? Ouch, that would hurt more, wouldn’t it? We are ever dependent on our fitness trackers, social media posts, playlists, texts, and emails. Instead of nurturing a dependency on the Divine, we’ve nurtured a dependency on data. We talk to God once in a while at our convenience, but we need our phones and devices 24/7. Our children are watching and learning from our example.

Yes, technology should and can be used for good in your family life. But if you follow the culture’s growing dependence on technology, you won’t need God nearly as much as you need Wi-Fi. It’s time for us as parents to go against the grain and make sure God comes first.

Arlene Pellicane is a speaker and author of several books including Parents Rising and 31 Days to a Happy Husband. Arlene has appeared on the Today Show, Fox & Friends, Focus on the Family, and FamilyLife Today, and is the host of the Happy Home Podcast. She lives in San Diego, Calif., with her husband James and their three children.

arlenepellicane.com ArlenePellicane

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F ArlenePellicaneAuthor I ArlenePellicane

Available in two bindings

www.kregel.com

encouraging WORDS

HEART TO HEART

E

Joni Eareckson Tada

After my diving accident, I was stuck in a hospital for nearly two years before I was released to go home.

My first family dinner was, for me, a miserable, yet unbelievably sweet time around the table. My wheelchair could not fit under the table, and so, my mother and dad quickly removed hot casserole dishes and transferred everything to a side counter. At the same time, my sisters lifted the table to place phonebooks under the legs.

I felt embarrassed to be causing so much trouble.

Once everything was in place, I felt worse when peas and carrots kept sliding off my special spoon. I had worked so hard in occupational therapy to feed myself, but in the end, my sister Jay spoon-fed me between her own bites of mashed potatoes and roast beef. I felt weak and needy.

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…we will have our sorrows, disappointments, and griefs, but we can be rejoicing at the same time.

Long before time, God knew humans would fall into sin. God knew suffering would be let loose into the world. He allowed the Fall of mankind because He knew how He would resolve it. God knew He’d send His son Jesus to die. He knew that His church would eventually triumph through many trials and that justice would be served at the final judgment. What’s more, God knew without a doubt that heaven would make up for it all. God would receive the glory due Him, and we would know more joy than if the Fall had never happened.

Let that thought today make up for every hardship you experience. You will find that you, too, can be sorrowful yet always rejoicing.

Joni Eareckson Tada, the founder of Joni and

Friends, is an advocate for people with disabilities. She has delivered over 100,000 wheelchairs and Bibles to disabled people in developing nations. Her daily devotional, A Spectacle of Glory, contains fresh biblical insights from her battle with cancer and chronic pain. She and her husband, Ken, live in Calabasas, Calif.

joniandfriends.org

% response@joniandfriends.org

THERE IS AN UNWAVERING PEACE TODAY WHEN AN UNCERTAIN TOMORROW TO AN UNCHANGING GOD. IS

trusted

— Ann Voskamp

PEACE I LEAVE WITH YOU, MY PEACE I GIVE UNTO YOU: NOT AS THE WORLD GIVETH, GIVE I UNTO YOU. LET NOT YOUR HEART BE TROUBLED, NEITHER LET IT BE AFRAID. — John 14:27

peace

WHEN WE PUT OUR PROBLEMS IN GOD’S HANDS IN OUR HEARTS. HE PUTS HIS

LET THE PEACE OF

Christ

— Unknown

RULE IN YOUR HEARTS. — Charles Spurgeon

presence

PEACE IS NOT THE ABSENCE OF TROUBLE OF CHRIST. BUT THE — Sheila Walsh

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There’s good biblical precedence for that! Second Corinthians 6:10 says we are “sorrowful, yet always rejoicing.” As a Christian, we can expect to experience both emotions simultaneously. Why? Because Jesus did. Isaiah 53:3 says that “He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.” And yet, the Lord Jesus also knew great joy.

Just hours before He goes to the cross, Jesus shares words of great encouragement with His closest

We can experience the same. Yes, we will have our sorrows, disappointments, and griefs, but we can be rejoicing at the same time. That isn’t to say that we slap a smile on our face and meet tragedies with superficial cheer. We follow in the footsteps of our Savior—of being sorrowful, yet always rejoicing—by having God’s point of view.

— Unknown

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At the same time, I was touched at how caring and supportive everyone was. We were family. Our eyes were wet, but our smiles were tender and real. None of us had ever experienced such a sweet sense of togetherness and neediness. I’m sure you’ve faced similar times of experiencing joy and pain at the same moment, being sad and glad all at once.

friends, then adds, “I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them” (John 17:13). The Man of Sorrows—a man of suffering—also is the Lord of joy.

P E A C E

A Season of Mourning and Rejoicing ven people who are not familiar with the Bible have heard these words: “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity...a time to be born and a time to die… a time for war and a time for peace” (Eccl. 3:1-2, 8). In the way only possible through poetry, Ecclesiastes 3 reminds us that just as the summer and winter solstices bring seasonal change, we can also expect contrasts in the seasons of our life. You and I both know the strange conflict within ourselves when we experience “a time to weep” followed by “a time to laugh,” and a time in which weeping and laughter come together.

peace

SERENITY IS NOT FREEDOM FROM THE STORM, AMID THE STORM. BUT

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TRANSPARENT MOMENTS

When a Pandemic Remaps Your Life

I

Anita Carman

n this unprecedented pandemic requiring social distancing, shelter-in-place orders, and countless other disruptions, the emphasis has been to get back as quickly as possible to what we were doing before. Could it be that God has allowed this upheaval so we can rethink what we were doing? Perhaps for some of us, the best thing that could happen is not going back to life the way it was. David said in Ps. 39:4, “Show me, LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is.” What have you been learning in your time at home? How does your life need to be reset?

Perhaps you’ve gotten away from God's purpose for your life. I’ve learned that I have to settle why I am running the race. Do you care about the mission God gave you and enough about the God who gave you the mission? It boils down to “How much do I really love God? Do I love Him enough to take care of what He cares about?”

After you settle that, the next hurdle is your own heart.

Do you care enough about the people God sent you to serve? If you don’t love people, you won’t have the staying power to keep serving. The apostle Paul tells us in 1 Cor. 13:8 that “love never fails.”

Years ago, I was in a devastating car accident that paused my life much like COVID-19 has paused our lives. During my isolation, God recharted my life. He reminded me of a divine encounter in my past that I had forgotten.

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Have you had moments of unflinching clarity in the past where you knew the path you should take? What was it then that stirred your spirit? Have you forgotten those moments and allowed the urgency of other things to overtake your true purpose?

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I f you go back to your formative years, you may be surprised at the clues to your future that were planted in your path. God planted clues in the details of Jesus’ birth that were connected to His ultimate purpose. In Jesus’ case, historians and researchers have discovered that a manger in Bethlehem took the form of a stone trough from which the shepherds fed the sheep.

The research also revealed that Jesus was probably not born in a stable but in a cave, because in Bethlehem, the shepherds were Levitical shepherds who raised sheep used for sacrifice. These lambs were born in a cave, not in a stable. They were kept pristine by being wrapped in cloths after they were born.

Knowing this context makes the Scripture come alive and helps us to experience what the shepherds understood in the angel’s announcement of Jesus’ birth.

Luke 2:8-12 reads: And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night.

An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

Coming from a context where sacrificial lambs were birthed in a cave and wrapped in swaddling cloth, the shepherds being told that Jesus was wrapped in swaddling cloth communicated that He was God’s sacrificial lamb.

Are there details from your past that you’ve missed which serve as clues to God’s ultimate purpose for your life? It would be tragic to get to the end of our lives without living out our purpose or having our purpose in our grasp, but letting it slip through our fingers because we were too busy or distracted to see it. Use this time to let God remap your life by revisiting your purpose!

Anita Carman is the founder and president of Inspire Women, an organization that inspires women across ethnicities, denominations, and economic levels to discover God's purpose. It also funds biblical resources and scholarships to train women for missions and ministry. She has an MBA from Dallas Theological Seminary. Anita has authored several books and lives in Houston, Tex., with her husband. She has two grown sons. inspirewomen.org

Dave is having increasing pain and needs help getting to the bed and to the couch, he still has his sense of humor and gets me laughing at different times during the day.” Laughing during cancer? Yes, laughter was God’s way of increasing their strength in the midst of the impossible. This couple was experiencing the medicine for their souls that comes in the relief of laughter.

Rx: Soul Medicine

Laughter can help heal life’s most difficult times.

by Shelly Esser

N

ot long ago my family was sitting around the dinner table after finishing a meal just lingering in the joy of each other’s company. I don’t even remember what we were talking about, but soon we were all erupting in laughter—the deep belly, tears-running-down-your-cheeks kind—and I remember thinking it felt so good to laugh like that. In fact, I couldn’t remember the last time I had laughed that hard.

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God has a remedy for us. In the middle of our hardships, God can come in and heal our souls through the simple medicine of laughter or humor. Not that the hardship is funny in any way; it isn’t! But we are given some relief through the laughter itself in the middle of it—something our soul desperately needs if we are to live uncrushed in spirit. Nehemiah 8:10 further confirms this: “The joy of the LORD is your strength” (emphasis added). In the Greek, joy means “cheerfulness.” And a cheerful heart is a continual medicine strengthening us both inwardly and outwardly.

Several years ago, I was struck by the comments of one of our missionaries whose husband was dying of cancer. While he was in hospice care she wrote, “Although

Laughter lightens your burdens, inspires hope, connects you to others, and keeps you more focused on the positive. make the time pass.” Bob braved snow in his pink tutu.

He even traveled to Italy—in his pink tutu! All to cheer his wife’s heart in the face of a devastating disease. He was always on the lookout for creative ways to capture himself in the tutu—all to make his wife and friends laugh. “Oddly enough,” he said, “her cancer has taught us that life is good. Dealing with it can be hard, and sometimes the very best thing—no, the only thing—we can do to face another day is to laugh at ourselves, and share a laugh with others.” Laughter gives us a sense of comfort that often provides us with the encouragement we need to face what is before us with a renewed strength.

God created laughter and humor because He knew that we would need the soul medicine it provides in this fallen world. So how do we take this soul medicine and make it part of our daily spiritual health regimen?

Find your funny bone and tickle it. One of the nightly rituals I started during some really hard years was to watch Frasier reruns before bed. They made me laugh

I had the blessing of growing up in a home with a mother who had a great sense of humor. It has been a therapeutic blessing throughout my life to spend time with her and to be reminded to laugh and enjoy life, even in hard times. Laughter has a way of bonding us together, saying we’re in this together, so let’s have some fun along the way.

Find something to laugh about. Look for the funny, lighthearted things in life. There are a lot of joyful things in our lives when we train ourselves to look for them.

Even when there has been nothing to laugh about in my circumstances, God has helped me to find the humor in some small thing.

Count your blessings. As you begin to intentionally count your blessings, you will find your heart becoming more cheerful instead of discouraged. We can find something to be thankful about even in the difficult times. As we practice thanking God, we begin to see our blessings more clearly. A grateful spirit does wonders for our heart and outlook in general.

Develop a sense of humor. Too often we take ourselves too seriously. Certainly there are those times in life that are not occasions for laughter, but most of life is ordinary living and we can choose whether to find laughter and joy or not. It can begin by learning to laugh at yourself and look for the funny around you.

James Martin said, “Joy, humor, and laughter should be part of everyone’s spiritual life. They are gifts from God.” Hand-in-hand, faith and laughter are the best medicine for your soul. From the beginning, God knew how important laughter would be in our lives, long before the medical world would discover the incredible benefits to our physical and mental health. It’s an important practice to develop if we are to survive in this broken world.

So look for things to laugh about. Try focusing on your blessings rather than only on the difficulties in your life.

Find ways to tickle your funny bone. Use the gift that God has given you and laugh! It’s good medicine for your soul.

Shelly Esser has been the editor of

Just Between Us for 30 years. She and her husband have four adult daughters and two sons-in-law, and live in Menomonee Falls, Wis.

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There are over 48 references about laughter in the Bible. In the verse in Proverbs, it says that laughter holds as much healing power as medicine. Medical science agrees with what the Bible has said about the therapeutic benefits of laughter. According to a study conducted by the University of Maryland, laughter is a powerful remedy for stress, pain, and conflict. In fact, there are health centers across the country treating patients suffering from conditions like depression, stress, and diabetes with laughter therapy. Nothing works faster or more dependably to bring your mind and body back into balance than a good laugh.

Perhaps, there is no greater time in our life for the soul medicine of laughter than when we are going through life’s most difficult times. If you think about it, those times are too often characterized by just the opposite, depleting us of all our strength—making it difficult to persevere. Once our strength disappears, our spirits so easily become crushed.

A while back, I read about Bob Carey whose wife, Linda, was battling cancer. He began to take beautiful, but completely ridiculous photos of himself in a pink tutu.

He said, “When Linda would go in for treatment, she would take the images on her phone and the women would look at them and it would make them laugh and

Surround yourself with joyful people. Have friends in your circle who know how to have fun, have a good sense of humor, and can make you laugh: those people who can find humor in the day-to-day events. Laughter is contagious.

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In those precious moments something happened to my soul. I was no longer carrying around the heaviness of the difficult days and circumstances which had crushed my spirit for months, but instead felt a sense of release as I allowed myself to have a good laugh. I felt a surge of strength come into my spirit that I hadn’t felt for a long time and so desperately needed. Proverbs 17:22 says in the New Living Translation, “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.” I think that’s what happened at the table that night. Suddenly my sapped strength was being re-energized by laughter—and it was good medicine for my soul.

Laughter lightens your burdens, inspires hope, connects you to others, and keeps you more focused on the positive. Furthermore, experts confirm that it relaxes the whole body, relieving physical tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes later.

It boosts the immune system, triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals promoting an overall sense of well-being, and can even temporarily relieve pain. Laughter even protects the heart. God knew what He was doing when He gave us the prescription of laughter.

Somehow laughter interspersed with the days and weeks of deep grief and sadness—like these coronavirus days we are currently living in—can make the unbearable bearable. Life can get so heavy and laden with burdens, but laughter gives us a break so that we can carry on in the midst of them. It doesn’t take the pain away, but it does provide a much-needed emotional break. Again, Proverbs reminds us that laughter is good medicine for our beaten down souls. That’s what the missionary wife was saying. It was her husband’s humor that was giving them relief—strength for the next moment. There will still be tears, but there can also be joy from funny, light-hearted moments.

so hard, and for an hour every night my weary soul was strengthened. Those minutes of laughter lightened the load of my heart and gave me a break. Find what tickles your funny bone and make it a habit to build laughter into your life.

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Perseverance One Day at a Time We don’t take joy in the trial, but in the opportunity for growth.

by Jen Allee

There’s a Bible passage that is often misunderstood and, as a result, leaves us missing its great worth.

“Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (Jas. 1:2-4).

At first glance, verse 2 can read like we should be joyful about our trials. This must be for the super spiritual, for those who look hardship in the eye and say, “Praise Jesus!”

I have three words for that: No. Thank. You. I will never be super spiritual, and I hate trials.

If verse 2 is misread, we often stop there. If we do press on to verse 3, we stop at perseverance. Yuck! Who likes that? Amazingly, if we make it to verse 4, we arrive at being mature, complete, and not lacking anything. The problem is, if loving trials and perseverance is the prerequisite to maturity, we give up.

These verses appear loaded with negative connotations, but they shouldn’t be. Verse 4 is a promise, and it’s God’s desire for us. So, let’s start reading verse 2 correctly, so we can achieve the intended goal in verse 4.

We are not being asked to consider our trials pure joy.

Rather, we are to consider facing those trials with pure joy. Joy is when you know with certainty that Jesus is going to work in it and through it for you.

I

didn’t grow up using an iron. I either wore wrinkle-free clothing or just didn’t care. I never operated one until college—the day my roommate was in a wedding. That morning she asked if I would iron her dress. Sure, I thought. How hard could it be? She handed me a bright green, taffeta gown and said, “Make sure you iron it on cool.”

That was my first mistake.

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Clarifying can make a big difference. If we miss the mark from the beginning, we might miss out on a lot!

Don’t rush past that!

There are no trials where Jesus tells us to fend for ourselves, or trials that are too devastating for anything good to occur. Every trial gives us the opportunity to trust Jesus and, if we choose to trust Him, there is a 100 percent success rate. He will see us through to the end and make us more mature and complete in the process.

So, what does it look like to trust Him with a trial? One word: perseverance.

This word plays out in what you believe and how you act. In your heart you trust Him, and, in your actions, you honor Him. Both line up together. You may not like your situation, but you trust that He is in it, and you let integrity and conviction lead you through it.

You don’t have to stare down the barrel of a trial and muster up enough perseverance for the entire thing, whether that be days, weeks, or even years. No! Your only responsibility is for today.

Persevere… today.

Trust He is in this… today.

Act with integrity… today.

Make choices that honor Him… today.

I can do anything for a day. It’s imagining having to do it for a week, a month, or a year that leaves me defeated. That's the kind of perseverance I cannot do.

Currently, I’m in a trial that keeps morphing into more trials. Today, in fact, I got an email with more bad news.

I immediately reminded myself that I only had to persevere for today. I cried, told God how I felt, and then fixated on verse 4. My prayer was simple: I will trust You with this email, knowing You are in it, not surprised by it, and fully prepared to walk me through it. In trusting You with this, I will become more mature and complete. Thank You for that promise. Amen.

This was not a once-and-done prayer. I repeated it every time the pain crept back up. As the day went on, though, do you know what slowly bubbled up from deep within my heart?

Joy. Not overflowing joy, just a quiet effervescence, assuring me that this will end one day, and I will be more mature.

Pastor and author Tim Keller says, “Trials will either make you much better or much worse. But they will not leave you the same.”

By the way, the bridesmaids carried their beautiful bouquets below the waistline for the big day. No one even noticed and no plans changed. And most importantly, I carried the lesson with me for life! If we don’t look for clarification, we can miss the real meaning behind things, especially in God’s Word—meaning that can change the course of our lives.

I am choosing better.

I am choosing trust.

I will persevere.

One day at a time.

Jen Allee is a speaker and the author of Release, a six-week Bible study on overcoming fear and other areas of enslavement. Jen lives in Houston, Tex.

jenallee.com

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As I placed the (hot) iron on the skirt, it immediately caught on the fabric. Instinctively, I pulled up the iron and along with it came the skirt that had been suddenly, and permanently, melted to the iron’s plate. I peeled the dress off, leaving a gaping hole (the size of an iron) on the front of the skirt.

Now let me clarify: we are not required to be happy about suffering. We are allowed to and fully expected to cry, grieve, get angry, etc. as we journey through difficulty. We do not have to love the trial or the process of the trial. The only thing to love is the promise that Jesus will see us through and make us stronger as a result.

You only have to persevere one day at a time.

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I didn’t clarify her instructions. Being too embarrassed to admit my lack of experience, I assumed she meant for me to iron it to look cool. Odd, I thought. Were there ways to iron something to make it not look cool? Nonetheless, I turned the iron on and set the dress on the board.

Let me paraphrase this differently: consider it pure joy when you get the opportunity to trust Jesus with a trial.

We don’t take joy in the trial, but in the opportunity to trust Him with it. Big difference!

Before you cringe, let me stop you. There’s a vital aspect to this word that is a game changer. Ready for it?

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faith CHATS

Just Between Us caught up with Ayako recently to learn more of her story.

Translation of Hope

Ayako: I met my husband at a church in Kyoto

where he served as assistant pastor and we have been married 27 years. Our 25-year-old daughter, Mana, is in Bible school training and our son, Junya, is 19. He has an intellectual disability. Despite the challenges and discrimination, he has been a great blessing to us. Junya welcomes newcomers and children at the church where my husband and I serve as pastors. We have formed a support group for special needs parents, where I have shared the gospel with them.

Ayako Kawasaki is on a mission to see women’s lives changed with the gospel in Japan.

by Suzan Braun

W

ith a heart for the lost and the spiritual strength of a mighty warrior, Ayako Kawasaki serves Jesus at her local church in Japan and around the world through her website, JBU Japan. The site provides Christian articles for women searching for faith in a country where less than 1% of the population are believers and Christian resources are scarce. Ayako translates articles from Just Between Us for this website; she has been a reader and friend of JBU for many years.

As a child, her mother’s Christian faith led her to a church school. When depression and loneliness struck at age 16, Ayako remembered her teacher saying, “We live a life to reveal God’s glory,” so she decided to pursue that and was baptized as a believer.

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Realizing her own people’s desperate need for God, Ayako gave up her desire to be a missionary to China and has been serving alongside her husband for years in her unique calling as a missionary from Japan to Japan.

JBU: What are the spiritual needs

of women in Japan?

Ayako: Women in Japan are seeking family unity.

They are lonely—living with busy husbands and rebellious kids. They compare themselves to others in regard to money, kids’ education, and social position. Only biblical values and a change in lifestyle will heal their wounds.

I also have friends who are serving the Lord faithfully. It has comforted me to know, through reading JBU over the years, that Christian women face similar struggles all over the world. I think the secret to true friendship among us is to share our hearts without pride or without the fear of being judged.

JBU: What has the Lord been teaching you through these coronavirus times?

Ayako: Even though we are weary of preparing for

online worship alone each week, God has given me a passion to write a tract about anxiety and the need for Jesus during this stressful season of isolation and fear, to share with many others.

sisters in the West?

Ayako: I’d like to say thank you for your prayers and

love for so many years so that we could hear the gospel and meet Jesus. Most Japanese churches have their roots in ministry from the West. I also want you to know that Japanese Christians have a passion for outreach to the world and that our faith DNA has been inspired by your desire to reach our country with much sacrifice.

JBU: What keeps your relationship

with Jesus alive?

Ayako: Daily devotions with Him. For a decade, I have

been reading through the Bible every year.

God also frequently gives me opportunities out of my comfort zone. To fight my fears, I respond by saying, “Yes, Lord, I want to do this with You.” It’s like daily skydiving with Jesus.

When I fly in the air, I can only stick to Him and He holds me and takes me to the places He wants me to be.

JBU: What encouragement would you

offer women longing to live a life of faith today?

Ayako: Life with Jesus is such an adventure! There

are ups and downs, joys and sorrows, encouragement and criticism. I always feel like I am a freshman in ministry! Facing unexpected situations that are always changing, I keep learning that God is in control. Never give up. You are not alone. He will always be there with you providing support and friends to walk the journey with you.

“Yes, Lord, I want to do this with You.” Suzan Braun is the circulation manager and assistant editor for Just Between Us magazine. She has been married 40 years, has three children, one daughter-in-law and son-in law, and two grandsons. She and her husband Ed live in Wales, Wis.

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“Japanese culture and customs are based on ancestor worship in Buddhism,” says Ayako. “We are told not to be different, so to become a Christian in Japan is to rebel against your family. Most think only about the benefits of their current lifestyles, so it is difficult to get them to talk about death and spiritual needs.”

JBU: What would you want to tell your

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In university, Ayako traveled to China, where she heard a persecuted Chinese pastor say, ”My friends, the harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few” (Matt. 9:37). From that moment on, Ayako knew she would lay aside her dream of becoming successful in the marketplace, so she gave up studying law and politics to serve God full-time.

JBU: Tell us about your family.

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“I was having an identity crisis years ago as a pastor’s wife in Japan,” says Ayako. “I struggled with my role and expectations from people and became discouraged and depressed.”

Not finding any helpful Japanese resources, she read a book by Jill Briscoe in 2003, and discovered information about Just Between Us magazine at the end of the book. She immediately subscribed. Even though her reading in English wasn’t very good at that time, she was so encouraged by what she found in each issue that she began dreaming about how she might share that hope with other women in Japan.

“The year 2006 was remarkable for me,” Ayako remembers. “I had an opportunity to attend a 25-day international seminar for female leaders in Singapore. It was there God told me that my struggles were not in vain and that He would use them for building up other women.”

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DREAM IS BORN

We often look back to see how God has used some of our darkest moments to birth new callings in our lives. Such is the case with Ayako Kawasaki and her connection

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“My goal in starting the website was to make sure that other women never had to go through similar struggles without any valuable resources to help them. I have been invited to share about JBU Japan at the Japan mission conference and women tell me the impact of the content in their lives.” Ayako even has non-believing friends say they have been impressed with the depth and insight in the articles.

One woman’s dream has become a voice in the wilderness, nourishing souls and growing God’s kingdom for His glory. ~ Suzan Braun

You are always safe in your Father’s arms.

T

by Jill Briscoe

hough I was barely six years old, I well remember sitting by a roaring fire on a Sunday during World War II. Our family had fled the bombs that rained down on us one night, chasing us hundreds of miles away to the beautiful English Lake District—William Wordsworth’s country. This area of Britain kept the poets in business, and John Keats’ “season of mists and mellow fruitfulness” became part of my heritage.

I have thought about that day many times, and I have realized how my heavenly Father shelters me from the storms of life. When torrents of sorrow swamped me at my mother’s funeral, I sought the reassurance of my heavenly Father’s presence. When winds of worry whipped away my confidence as I faced gangs of young people in street evangelism, I glanced up to see my Father’s face. When floods of fear rose in my spirit when I waited in a hospital for the results of frightening tests, I sensed my heavenly Father saying, “Come here, little girl.” And I climbed into His arms, leaned against His shoulder, and murmured, “This is a grand place to be!”

But this particular day was different. The mists were gone, and a storm had broken over our heads. The rain slashed against the windowpane like giant tears, and the thunder grumbled away as if angry that it had to hang around all day. I didn’t like storms.

As I rest in that safe place, knowing that my Father is bigger than any storm that beats against the windowpane of my life, I can watch the rain and listen to the thunder and know that everything is all right. Here I can feel the beat of my Father’s heart!

I was old enough to understand that a bigger storm was raging—a war involving the entire world. But at that moment it all seemed far away.

“Jesus, lover of my soul/Let me to Thy bosom fly,/While the nearer waters roll,/While the tempest still is high./ Hide me, O my Savior, hide,/‘Til the storm of life is past;/ Safe into the haven guide,/O receive my soul at last” (Charles Wesley)!

The fire was warm. My father, relaxed and reading the paper, was sitting in his big chair. Suddenly, as if he were aware that I needed a bit of reassurance, he put down his paper and smiled at me. “Come here, little girl,” he said in his soft, quiet, but commanding, voice.

And then I was safe in his arms, lying against his shoulder, feeling the beat of his heart. What a grand place to be! Here, I could watch the rain and listen to the thunder all day.

Originally published by the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association.

Jill Briscoe was born in Liverpool, England. She has partnered with her husband in ministry for over 50 years, written more than 40 books, and traveled on every continent teaching and encouraging ministry leaders. Jill is the founder of Just Between Us. She can also be heard regularly on the worldwide media ministry called Telling the Truth. She and her husband, Stuart, live in southeast Wisconsin.

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Ayako selects the articles she wants to translate and post to the JBU Japan website. Several other women offer their suggestions as well. Amazingly, the articles are relevant to women in Japan because women’s heart needs are the same all over the world—and God’s Word can transcend every culture.

FROM THE

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with Just Between Us magazine.

By the time Ayako read about the annual JBU conference in 2007, she was burned out, discouraged, and depressed. She began praying that somehow the Lord would provide a way for her to come to Wisconsin, not just for herself but so she could take back encouragement to the women in her country. Miraculously, the Lord did and the JBU team had the great joy of meeting her face-to-face. It was her first trip ever to the U.S. Her dream of translating articles into Japanese was already burning in her heart and began to become a reality once she returned home. In 2008, JBU Japan was born!

Shelter Storm

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Our Home is Permanent

In our search for the peace and comfort of home, it is easy to look at what the world offers and think the task impossible. But if we focus on the face of Christ, an ease sets in, a trust that we have the care and concern of an all-knowing, all-loving, ever-present and unchanging God, and a reminder that He alone offers us a permanent home. Our home in Christ is not just an eternal one, bringing hope for the long haul, but a present one, the kind we need right now when times are tough.

SAFER at HOME

Find your permanent home in the company of Christ.

by Elizabeth Murphy

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Our Home is Safe

He opened for us the kind of home that only He could.

His home is a place of safety because we are fully known, yet fully loved, totally forgiven, and assured of a residence with God for all eternity. This is the kind of home we long for, even if we don’t know it. I picture Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz clicking those ruby slippers together and saying out loud from a strange and far off land, “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home,” and she is right. Home is elusive—immigrants long for their homeland, adoptive children sometimes long for the home of their birth, soldiers off at war ache for home, and we followers of Jesus, as aliens here on earth, long for our heavenly home. We search for that place where we can settle when everything around us feels off balance.

In times of struggle and stress, I search for comfort and think a home away from home will help. It doesn’t take long to find out that it won’t. I work too much then not enough, eat either the wrong things or too much of the right things, then over-exercise to correct the calories.

I have already binge-watched six seasons of Downton Abbey, and Netflix has a list of similar series to occupy my mind. The word that best describes the state of homelessness I have occupied during this pandemic is “uncomfortable.” I have forgotten where I live.

Our Home is Found in Christ

As followers of Christ, we will never be comfortable until we find our comfort in Christ alone.

This means settling into His Word and letting the Scriptures fill my thoughts rather than the latest news or my biggest fears. It means I need to clean up the space in my mind where my sin wants to sit and keep an attitude of confession and humility. I need to keep a quiet environment around me so I can hear the tender voice of God as He reassures me of His comfort and care.

I need to remember that just as my physical home reflects my personality, my spiritual home reflects my own very personal relationship with God. I need to surround myself with the beauty of God’s creation in occasional fresh flowers and the sound of uplifting music, and I need to move my body as a reminder of what a gift it is not to be literally stuck at home.

When I remember that Christ is my home, He helps me see things from His perspective. The past no longer sticks on me, the future is filled with His company, and the present rests on the promise that nothing will ever separate me from Him. Choosing His company means I have found my hearts true home, and there is no place safer than that.

Elizabeth Murphy has been a sought-after speaker for the last 20 years.

She serves on several non-profit boards, teaches Bible studies, and is an author and regular writer for JBU. She and her husband, Mike, have four sons and three granddaughters. They live in Brookfield, Wis. espeaks.net

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I recently read a story about a dad trying to juggle work and childcare in the same space. He had tried everything he could think of to occupy his young son so he could get some work done, but nothing worked. As he stared at his overflowing desk and fretted, he saw a magazine flipped open to a large picture of the earth taken from space. It only had a few colors in it, and not much detail, which would make it a difficult puzzle to put together—then he had an idea. He tore it out and tore it up, handed it to his son, and said, “Take this puzzle in the other room and don’t come back until you are finished.” Just as the dad finished his first small task and his second deep breath his son came running back, declaring it done. “How can this be?” the dad asked his son. “It was easy,” the boy replied. “There’s a person on the other side of the page. When you put the person together, you put the world together.”

This is the kind of home we long for, even if we don’t know it.

Only Jesus offers that place. He is both present for us, “Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us” (Rom. 8:34), and present in us through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, “Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst” (1 Cor. 3:16)? Wherever we dwell, God dwells—so, though permanent, our home travels. It goes behind and before, in the darkest places and the lightest (Ps. 139). When we wander, it waits with an open door and open arms. We need never be homeless, yet sometimes we still are.

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n this strange season of pandemic and quarantine, home has taken on a whole new meaning. It is no longer the retreat from work, school, and life that it was intended to be, but instead has become the center of it all. What was once a sanctuary has become an office, a classroom, a gym, a restaurant, and for some, may feel like a prison. Home is supposed to be a place where we feel safe and secure. The people we know best and love most live there. At home, we can find who and what we need when life becomes overwhelming and we need a place to both regroup and recharge. Yet, these days, it is easy to find yourself homeless—not because you don’t have a home, but, for a variety of reasons, you choose not to be there. You may be physically present, but spiritually absent.

When quarantine started, I missed church the most. I attended in my pajamas in front of my computer, stood for the singing, passed the peace with my husband and my dog, sent in my offering, and tried so hard to find the feeling of Sunday service. I know better, but something in my spirit thought that God was at church and without that gathering, something was missing.

Then I remembered the Israelites didn’t just feel that God only dwelt at church, they knew it. God’s earthly dwelling was the Tabernacle, and His people could only access Him through priests and sacrifices until God became man, in Jesus. “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning” (John 1:1-2). Then, “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us” (John 1:14). When Jesus died on the cross, the curtain separating the people from God’s presence was torn from top to bottom (Mark 15:38), and our access was no longer dependent upon anything but accepting the sacrifice of Christ on the cross. Our belonging was settled, our adoption secured.

Our Home is Always with Us

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A RE YOU

AVAILABLE?

Encouraging a friend with mental illness.

By Marilyn Hunt

o you know a woman who has been diagnosed with a mental illness? If so, you have a unique opportunity to serve as God’s instrument of comfort and encouragement.

According to the American Psychological Association, “Published studies report that about 25 percent of all U.S. adults have a mental illness.” Surprisingly, she may not identify her condition as a mental illness. Until a year ago, I didn’t know that I have lived with bipolar disorder for 30 years.

How Can I Recognize a Mental Illness, so I Can Help?

2 Seek a deeper friendship.

If the Lord leads you to develop a closer friendship, start by asking her if she would like to exchange phone numbers and if you can text her sometime. Approach the relationship naturally as you would any other relationship. Invite her to lunch. Meet her for coffee. Laugh with her!

She may carry feelings of shame about her illness. It’s called “self-stigma,” which is defined as internalizing negative stereotypes about mental illness. She may prefer to keep quiet about it or she might live without self-stigma and share freely about her condition. Whatever the case, she is your sister in Christ.

Invite her to your small group. Share about your own ups and downs. Text her occasionally and ask, “How can I pray for you today?” Give her a request of your own so she can pray for you. Interceding for her is one of the most valuable ways you can help your friend.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

If I am feeling downhearted, I find great hope when I read Rom. 15:13 which says, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

However, don’t alienate her by implying that a few verses of Scripture is all it takes for her to “snap out of it.”

kindness in times of crisis.

When I returned home from the hospital with my initial diagnosis of bipolar disorder at the age of 35, my church embraced me. They knew about what had happened and sent cards, brought meals, and babysat my children. Because people in my church demonstrated such love and acceptance, I actually felt little shame.

Their tangible acts of service meant the world to me.

If your friend suffers through an especially difficult mental crisis, ask her if you can drop by for a visit. When I suffered from a traumatic episode of mania followed by severe depression, my friend Marge came to my home with a loaf of homemade banana bread and sat with me. I don’t remember what we talked about, but her simple kindness and presence touched me deeply.

Don’t worry about “getting it all right.”

God will teach you as you go.

4 Understand the need

for medication.

Accept the fact that your friend may require medication for her illness. It’s not a lack of dependence on the Lord to see a psychiatrist who prescribes medication in order to normalize a chemical imbalance, stabilize a mood, or diminish depression or anxiety. Understand that it helps her to function well in her daily activities and to serve Christ more effectively, just like medication helps many other people with medical conditions function well.

If God brings a woman with mental illness into your life, you have the privilege of meeting her need for friendship, regardless of her illness. Don’t worry about “getting it all right.” God will teach you as you go. Whether you wish to keep the friendship casual or close, God will bless the connection you form. You may never realize what a difference your loving compassion will make in her life. Your influence might even save her life.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Call 1-800-273-8255.

Marilyn Hunt earned a Master of Arts in Biblical Studies at Dallas Theological Seminary and works as a freelance writer.

I enjoy decorating, spending time with my four grandchildren, and going on coffee dates with my husband in Georgetown, Tex.

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ROMANS 15:13

In times of vulnerability, a friend with mental illness may tell you that she is struggling to find joy and battling feelings of discouragement. Let her know she has your empathy. Share an encouraging verse of Scripture that has meant a lot to you in times of trial.

3 Show intentional acts of

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My primary means of support are relationships with God, my family, and with Christian women. That’s why your relationship with her is so significant. As you mingle with women at church, greet her with a warm, friendly smile. Be yourself, not a projection of the perfect person you might want others to think you are.

If a new acquaintance goes into a lot of detail about her condition, be sure to converse with her again. Your continued interest will assure her that you haven’t shunned her. About four years ago, I met with a young mom at a coffee shop for the first time, and I “overshared” the details of my illness. Later, I felt embarrassed that I had revealed so much to her, and I wondered what she thought of me. The next time I saw her at church, I went out of my way to greet her and make small talk. I desperately wanted to assure her that I was “normal.” She continued to keep up the friendship, and I felt so relieved. That’s how much the stigma of mental illness affected me.

There is no magic way to recognize a woman with mental illness unless she tells you. Just like you, she has feelings, faith, and fears. She wins battles and loses them. She is sometimes weak because of her illness.

However, she is often strong due to her ability to face obstacles and overcome them. She could be you! She might live a very productive life and serve in a church or ministry. Or she may find it difficult to leave her house or take on a job. Attending church may be a giant step for her as well.

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1 Build a relationship.

When she tells you, “I have an anxiety disorder,” follow up with, “How are you doing?” No need to say more, unless you perceive that she wants to talk. If she brings it up again and wants to talk about it, be ready to listen to her without judgment or pity. Always be confidential about her information unless she tells you otherwise.

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How can you encourage her?

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This habit of dismissing my needs would have been fine had it meant temporarily shifting my attention away from myself, but I rarely circled back.

As I pulled out from the driveway that morning, stomach already growling from skipping breakfast by mistake, I looked at the apple. I realized two things: one, an apple wasn’t going to cut it; two, I had become my own afterthought, a shadow, unworthy of having needs and undeserving of having needs met. I didn’t like the way that felt.

Permission TO

Need We are worthy of our own attention.

by Michelle Stiffler

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he first time I met with my counselor, Vicki, I didn’t have a clue what I’d say. I only knew an hour of uninterrupted time and observation would probably help me figure it out. I was at the point where I was willing to pay for these things.

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As the eldest of three, I learned to shelve my wants early. Learning selflessness is necessary in childhood, and the practice helped me see there was little harm in exercising patience or going without. As a single, teen mom, motherhood demanded much of me, and it suited me to want and need less. Marriage taught me another facet of selflessness, as did the addition of every baby. Dismissing my needs helped me attend to whatever, or whomever, without complaint or longing.

This habit of dismissing my needs would have been fine had it meant temporarily shifting my attention away from myself, but I rarely circled back. As far as I was concerned, true needs were basic—exercise and sleep, food that could be eaten quickly, Scripture and prayer, and scraps of time for relationships with people outside of my home. Anything else was reframed as a want, and wants weren’t important.

Permission to Need

My mind was fooled, but my body wasn’t. My heart wasn’t either. My attempts to suppress my needs with “Everything and everyone but you” only made them burn hotter. I did have needs. I also had frustration, exhaustion, mounting anxiety, and even a little bit of bitterness—indicators that my needs weren’t being met.

But what were my needs? I was somewhat out of touch with myself and inept at noticing what my mind and emotions were telling me. However, over time, I began observing my thoughts and feelings and heard a negative loop of lies, insecurity, and unworthiness. You don’t need a lunch today, stop being “needy.” You don’t need to speak up, your thoughts aren’t important. You don’t need to heal that painful memory, you just need to forget about it. You don’t need to write, it’s just a hobby anyway. There’s no need to be sad, just get over yourself.”

I did know my needs, but when they came up, my mental pattern was to minimize them and criticize myself.

The only way to relearn how to meet my needs was to go back to what I was good at—being a mom. When a need came up, I addressed it like I would as a caring mom. If you’re hungry, why don’t you take a minute and make yourself some lunch? You sound a little drained.

How about you spend a half hour journaling? I bet some friend time would do you good. Why don’t you schedule a coffee date?

When I spoke to my needs as if they were the needs of someone else, it was easier to accept them. I was a human with needs—perfectly normal.

Taking the time to meet my needs was a little more challenging. A mom rarely has time to accomplish all the demands of a day, but that was another thing I was good at—making time. Love for my children had taught me to pause for their needs. Tasks could wait. Caring for another person was a privilege, and I learned caring for myself was, too. Not surprisingly, it made me a better person and a better mom.

Permission to Want and Dream

Meeting my needs renewed my sense of worth and confidence, allowing me to admit that as much as I enjoyed cooking and home improvement, it was no coincidence they were convenient hobbies that served more people than myself. Some of my deepest needs were the wants and dreams of creative expression.

They were unspoken, but they were not quiet.

I wanted to dream, but I didn’t want to be disappointed.

I wanted to try things just for fun, take a few risks, and see what brought untapped parts of myself to life, but being honest about these things would require me to take action—the most intimidating part of all.

I now had permission to need and meet those needs.

I had worth and permission to dream. I had freedom.

Did it come with a little fear? Sure. However, what use is freedom if you don’t move?

At our last session, I told Vicki I had pursuits to explore and I wouldn’t be back for a while. She knowingly nodded.

Michelle Stiffler is the content writer,

OneMoreTruth.com

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grant writer, and trauma-informed care specialist for a Phoenix nonprofit that serves women in crisis and poverty. Her work has been featured in Focus on the Family, Incourage, the Better Mom, and ProGrace. She and her husband have four children and live in Mesa, Ariz.

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The morning of the apple had been an ordinary morning. Consumed by love, my ingrained routine was packing lunches for my kids and husband. I had no regrets about my labors of love—those weren’t the problem.

The problem was responsibility. My needs were usually dismissed, later becoming an afterthought. I’d been doing it for decades.

Blurred Lines Between Needs and Wants

Meeting My Needs

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The first sentence out of my mouth surprised me, “I went to work last week with an apple.” Vicki nodded and I paused, preparing for the conversation that was about to unfold, knowing it was the narrative of a mother of four who’d lost herself.

Every visit, Vicki had me open our sessions. As random as my comments sounded at first, they always led me exactly to where I needed to go. Vicki listened, shared Scripture, and assured me that wants and needs were human, reminding me even a mom is worthy of her own attention.

I responded to the needs of my children with grace and respect, but I responded to my own needs harshly, telling myself I should be ashamed.

Experience assures me that

W H AT G O D S AY S H E W I L L D O , H E W I L L D O .

As I walked, I began pouring out my financial concerns to the Lord. “God, you led me to Bible college. But my resources have run dry. How do you expect me to graduate without a job?” My rant went on for blocks. All of a sudden, I looked down on the sidewalk and there was a penny. I stooped down to retrieve it. I put it in my pocket then continued my conversation with the Lord, “Where am I going to get the money, Lord?” I looked down and saw another penny. I put it in my pocket and picked up where I left off in my complaint. A few steps further, I looked down and saw another penny. It wasn’t until I held all three pennies in my hand that God had my full attention. And He finally had a chance to speak.

I’ll never forget His three words as I stared at the three pennies. “I will provide.” And He has! Time and time again. Right down to the very last penny.

It’s not unlike the way He provided for Abraham on Mount Moriah. Or Job when he got to the end of his rope. Or Jeremiah, the weeping prophet. Or Mary, the mother of Jesus. Nothing is too difficult for God (see Gen. 18:14; Jer. 32:17; Luke 1:37). He is the owner of the cattle on a thousand hills after all (Ps. 50:10).

ASSURED OF HIS

Faithfulness

THE STORY OF T WO PENNIES

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I took a job as a waitress. It wasn’t exactly my dream job—nor, apparently, was it my gifting. One day my boss pulled me aside to a table for two tucked away in a corner of the restaurant (not as romantic as it sounds). He told me that as nice a girl as I was, things just weren’t working out. So, he gave me a choice. He could fire me or I could quit. Quitting looked better on my resume. So, I promptly handed in my uniform and began my 45-minute trek home.

As I stood there on the pavement, I began to sob.

Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I knew that the Lord had placed them there just for me. I’m positive they would have otherwise been overlooked and perhaps remained there indefinitely until a street sweeper swept them up with the winter debris.

Upon picking them up and putting them in my pocket, I knew exactly what they meant. You see, just that morning I had turned to Scripture to allow God’s Word to seep into my broken heart. As I turned to Jeremiah 30 and 31, I glanced at several highlights on the pages of my Bible. All of them simply stated, “I will…” I didn’t take the time to read the rest of the verses. But you can be

• I will restore you to health and heal your wounds, declares the LORD (Jer. 30:17).

• I will bring [you] near and [you] will come close to me, for who is he who will devote himself to be close to me? declares the LORD (Jer. 30:21).

• So you will be my people, and I will be your God (Jer. 30:22).

• I will come to give rest (Jer. 31:2).

• I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt (Jer. 31:4).

• I will lead [you] beside streams of water on a level path where [you] will not stumble (Jer. 31:9).

• I will turn [your] mourning into gladness; I will give [you] comfort and joy instead of sorrow (Jer. 31:13).

• I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint (Jer. 31:25).

• Just as I watched over [you] to uproot and tear down, and to overthrow, destroy and bring disaster, so I will watch over [you] to build and to plant, declares the LORD (Jer. 31:28).

My two pennies are taped next to these verses on the flimsy page of my Bible to remind me of God’s promises. Experience assures me that what God says He will do, He will do. Whether it’s here on earth, or in heaven.

He was faithful then, so why wouldn’t He be faithful now? He doesn’t merely provide money, He simply provides. Exactly what we need. Often when we least expect it. But just when we need it most. His Word alone stands sure and holds true: speaking life, hope, peace, and comfort to our hearts and minds. “For the One who calls you is faithful, and HE WILL do it” (1 Thess. 5:24, emphasis added).

Lisa Elliott is a speaker and awardwinning author of The Ben Ripple and Dancing in the Rain. She and her pastorhusband David live in Ottawa, Ontario.

They have four adult children (three on earth, one in heaven), a son-in-law, and three grandchildren.

% lisakelliott22@gmail.com

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I

found two pennies the other day. That’s right two pennies! Not one. Not three. Two pennies! Pennies and I go waaaaay back. The significance of pennies takes me back to when I was in Bible college with limited funds. And I mean limited. I was being raised by a single mom with three children and no financial support, so it was up to me to come up with my own cash.

Those three pennies were important then, but now I’m facing a new challenge in my life—a devastating blow. I went for a walk to pour out my heart to the Lord. And lo and behold, freshly exposed beneath the melting winter snow and ice, right there at my feet I looked down to find not three, but two pennies (American pennies mind you, but pennies nonetheless).

Below are a few of the “I wills” I discovered (I added emphasis). See if any of them apply to a situation you may be facing or have faced:

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by Lisa Elliott

Since that day of personal provision, I’ve found hundreds of pennies. And with each one I’ve recited God’s three words to my heart. Now that they are extinct in Canada, the Lord plants nickels and quarters and even loonies or toonies on my path. And I smile when I consider His appropriate response to the cost of inflation.

sure that that was going to be the first thing I looked up when I got home again. I nearly ran to see what God was waiting to tell me “He will” do. And I was assured that whatever He said would be aimed straight for the inner sanctum of my heart.

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Grief THE

TREE

Release came when God removed my idol of pain.

by Karen Rhea

S

ue was killed May 22, 1983. The finality of my only sister’s death didn’t fully set in when I received the phone call. No. For me, her earthly time clock stopped days later when I saw her at the funeral. Watching my mother and father crumble as they enveloped her lifeless body, my emotions welled with sorrow, then fury.

Attempting to shield my parents’ focus from her lifeless face, I pointed out the cut above her right hand. We concluded the injury likely happened when she fell on the pavement as the gunman’s bullet pierced her stomach three days earlier. The autopsy report from the Connecticut State Department of Health stated, “Gunshot wound to abdomen with penetration of stomach, aorta, and liver.”

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Missing Sue did not keep Jim and I from moving forward and entertaining frequently. If guests arrived in the winter months, several of us would be gazing out the frosty windows at the ornamental tree. The other three seasons, the swing was often occupied. I informed all newcomers, “That’s Sue’s tree.”

In the middle of the night of September 6, 2003, Jim and I were restless. Hurricane Isabel was pounding Maryland.

The rain and wind seemed to have no end. Finally, I fell into a fitful sleep. Awaking after daybreak was unusual for me. Shuffling into the kitchen for coffee, I glanced into the sunroom. Jim heard me cry out, “Sue’s tree!”

When my nephew Michael visited annually, we would sit on the swing and reminisce about his mom. My heart ached the day he told me he had forgotten the sound of her voice. I had too. I’d share her wit and even her shortcomings, but especially her deep love for him. He often asked me to repeat his favorite stories of her. I hated thinking about him growing up without his mother.

The wind and soaking rain had uprooted my flowering plum. Our patio furniture was smashed by its weight as well as a good section of our wooden deck. The swing was reduced to kindling.

Other mornings, I became paralyzed for a half hour or more.

It’s where I would ruminate, tucking those thoughts away and leaving them at the tree.

And so, my days began.

It’s what we all wanted to shout.

The difficultly of moving beyond the deep pain of grief can be compared to a festering wound. Picking the scab away prematurely, contaminated blood begins to flow. There isn’t a Band-Aid big enough to stop the tide.

Healing stalled as we wrote family statements to the judge, waited for jury selection, anticipated the trial date, and awaited sentencing. Deep sorrow permeated the process. Focusing on the horrendous nightmare surrounding the circumstances of her death made it virtually impossible to move on to actual memories of Sue’s full, vibrant life.

Shortly after her funeral, friends planted a flowering plum tree in her memory in my backyard. It became a focal point of beauty behind our home. My husband, Jim, built a deck surrounding it. The following year, he added a sunroom off the back of our house. In the early morning hours, I would curl up on the loveseat with my mug of coffee. Our three dogs tucked close by as I would settle into my quiet time in full view of the tree.

Each year the tree grew in height. Its branches towering over a good part of the deck. In the spring, buds revealed pink and white blossoms. When the hot summer

As it took root over two decades, so did my longing for the early morning hours. Sitting on the loveseat, I prayed and read my Bible. Grabbing a second mug of coffee, I daydreamed about nothing and everything and began planning my day. Joy and contentment spiraled into sorrow as daybreak revealed the tree.

Sometimes I settled into five minutes of opening the wound. Other mornings, I became paralyzed for a half hour or more. It’s where I would ruminate, tucking those thoughts away and leaving them at the tree. And so, my days began.

My parents’ declining health accelerated due to their grief. It was baffling to all of us as to why the parole board granted an early prison release to the man who gunned my sister down. As additional trying events unfolded through the years, others marveled at my ability to laugh and smile despite mounting sorrows. No one knew how I compartmentalized my sadness, alone gazing at the tree. I missed Sue with every fiber of my being.

My joy was truly genuine because my certainty of Sue’s heavenly home with Christ remained my firm foundation. Yet when I would watch news coverage of school and workplace shootings, a physical ache crept in.

Jim dealt with our brokenness by immediately starting his chainsaw and cutting up all the branches and its trunk for hours on end. He stacked wood over the next three days. For both of us it was three days of mourning.

I couldn’t walk into the sunroom. That vacant depression resembled a newly dug grave.

Four days after Hurricane Isabel’s arrival, my old routine returned as if by rote. Finding myself on the loveseat, my eyes were closed for no particular reason. Heat inundated my face; a sensation I never recalled before.

Opening my eyes, I flipped open my Bible. Jesus’ red letters appeared in Matt. 15:13, “Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be pulled up by the roots.”

Looking up, sunlight streamed through the window, bathing my face in its warmth. The sun God created had been masked by the flowering plum tree for 20 years.

With every passing year, it became increasingly difficult to experience the fullness of grace from the Son of God. The homonyms, “sun” and “Son” collided in my mind.

Regardless of the season, each morning the tree spiraled my thoughts into the horrific details surrounding Sue’s death and the aftermath affecting our family.

The scab had barely healed as I picked, scraped, and scratched it away. Sorrow flowed through my veins.

Landing on Jesus’ words in my Bible stopped my daily tide of despair. God used the storm to literally take away Sue’s tree.

Do I miss the tree? Sure. Yet the memories of my sister are sweeter now. God knew what I needed to begin healing. Though visually beautiful, that plant had taken an ugly root, becoming an unlikely idol of sadness and grief.

Karen Rhea is a speaker, author, mom, and grandmother. Her books, The Mule and Sick Kids and Those Who Love Them are available on Amazon. She lives in Stanardsville, Va.

Karenrhea.com

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For two days, these images were recycled at the top of the hour until the morning of the service. Dressed in our funeral attire, the family half watched the local New Haven news station, numbly awaiting the hour to leave the house. A video, not previously shown, zoomed in on Sue talking to an EMT as her stretcher was loaded into the ambulance. The sensational effect worked. We all sobbed uncontrollably as Mom bellowed, “Oh, my Lord, look at her. She was alive then.”

Scorched in my mind was the vacant, confused expression on her five-year-old boy's face at his mommy’s funeral. During her eulogy, little Michael put his hands over his ears and bellowed four words, "This is not happening."

Violence is so contrary to God’s perfect design in the Garden of Eden and the sweet, everlasting life offered

by Jesus. At times, life’s twists and turns were simply conflicting.

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Anyone who has lost a loved one to a violent death knows that a murder is newsworthy. The coverage can be cruel, riddled with inaccuracies and speculations by reporters. Photographs of Sue were provided by her husband, yet just as much coverage centered on the accused gunman. Prior to his arrest, a photographer captured him standing amongst the detectives appearing as a curious bystander at the crime scene.

For us, Sue’s physical pain and fear the hour before she died on the operating table left us speculating her last words and final thoughts.

sun blazed, our dogs and cats settled underneath its shade. As the crisp air fell over Maryland in autumn, Sue’s tree turned into a stunning array of crimson red buds. Jim hung a swing from one of the sturdy branches.

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The

Empathy Gap

By Mel Lawrenz

Four months after our daughter Eva died, I was struck by how different each passing phase was. The early days had been so terrifying. I thought back to how it seemed, in those early days, that death was like a grizzly bear that had invaded the camp of our small family and dragged one away, and I lived with excruciating anxiety that this monster could at any moment drag someone else away without notice. I had to force myself to focus intently on the alternative view of death, that it is part of life, that life is a gift no matter how long, and that the providence of God guarantees that God’s love is never diminished. I remembered this sense that Eva was falling off a cliff right before my eyes, and my outstretched arm was not long enough to catch her.

But that moment had passed. There was this new reality that could not be denied. It was time to focus on this truth, and I said it over and over out loud: “Right now, Eva is not suffering. Right now, she is not in pain. I don’t have to rescue her.” I said it to myself, often out loud, over and over. It helped. It helped a lot.

We cannot ignore loss, and we must not multiply it. I am running into more and more people who have suffered one loss on top of another—within their families, in their jobs, in their churches. Some losses we cannot prevent.

But we should avoid creating more loss.

Extending love and understanding out over someone's traumatic loss.

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There is nothing generic about grief. Somehow, we have to have empathy. To try to understand. To put ourselves in the shoes of the mourner. At the same time, to realize that we will never comprehend what this particular loss means to this particular person. It is a kind of “empathy gap.” It’s no one’s fault. It is just inevitable. But knowing we have an empathy gap, we can choose to have compassion that goes as far as our comprehension and then something more.

Along the way, if it is indeed true that “faith, hope, and love” are “the things that remain,” then we rehearse what we really believe (faith), trust that things will be okay (hope), and cherish, cherish, cherish (love) those within arm’s reach and those who have slipped beyond. Love has no end.

So, what do we do? What we can and must do is to spend a little mental and emotional energy to try to comprehend the friend’s loss, but then remember that we cannot fully understand, that there is an empathy gap. It is no one’s fault. There is no way to close the gap.

We have to assume the gap and then try to extend our love out over it.

When a friend goes through the worst, whatever that is for them, we are never going to be able to fully understand it if it is not something we have been through.

When a friend is plunged into the worst, we can—and should—try to imagine what it would be like if the same happened to us.

So, we shouldn’t say, “I understand,” if we have not been through the same thing. We might say “I have no words” or “I can’t imagine” or “I’m so, so sorry” or “I am here. I am thinking of you today.” That is honest, and it is helpful.

If we can do that for others, we are not filling the hole but standing around it with them, showing that while something or someone good is gone, not everything is gone.

Mel Lawrenz trains an international

network of Christian leaders, ministry pioneers, and thought leaders throughout the world through the Brook Network.

Additionally, he is the author of numerous books and serves as minister-at-large at Elmbrook Church in Brookfield, Wis.

Adapted from A Chronicle of Grief by Mel Lawrenz. Copyright ©2020 by Mel Lawrenz. Published by InterVarsity Press, Downers Grove, IL. ivpress.com. See ad on back cover.

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You see this empty spot when you walk past the bedroom or look at that chair at the dinner table where no one sits now and there is less conversation, or that speed dial list on your cell phone with a name that goes absolutely nowhere. It is challenging enough in life to adjust to someone who has come into your life, more challenging still when it is someone who has disappeared. In that space they used to occupy, now an empty hole, is a loud silence.

That leaves us with a dilemma. When a friend goes through the worst, whatever that is for them, we are never going to be able to fully understand if it is not something we have been through. When a friend is plunged into the worst, we can—and should—try to imagine what it would be like if the same happened to us. But we are just not able to fully comprehend it if we ourselves have not experienced that particular kind of loss.

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S

ometimes people say that their severe loss is like a hole in their hearts. It is so hard to describe that empty space, that tear in the fabric of the universe.

When it happens, we struggle to adjust to something or someone who is not there.

We are adjusting to a negative space, which is completely different from adjusting to a new presence in our life, like when we find a new friend or take home a new baby. What is hard to describe is that we are not just sad about missing someone beloved. We are hearing a whistling wind coming from a space that was filled and is now empty.

Over the years I have tried to have empathy for those who suffer loss. After all, that’s pretty central to the calling of a pastor. But I realize that we tend to put loss in categories. People whose loved one died of cancer. Or who lost a spouse. Or who lost a child. But there is nothing generic about grief. It is all personal. Even within my family, the loss of Eva is one thing to Ingrid, something else to Christopher as sole sibling, something different to other relatives and friends. I know it is different for me.

I loved being the father of a daughter. It was one of the truly great parts of my life. To try to be reliable, to guide, to learn together, to work together, and, so importantly, to protect. It is hard not to feel like an utter failure when I could not protect my kid from disease and death. That sticks with me. All the time. It is an oppressive thought, but not surprising, and necessary to deal with.

I have known many people over the years who have lost one of their kids. But only after our loss, did I know that I had no idea what their pain was like. I was trying to be empathetic. When I did funerals for young people, I tried so hard to comprehend their devastation. But I could not fully understand until it happened to us.

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love versus truth YOU NEED BOTH

by Dr. Juli Slattery

The tension between standing on truth and extending love is one of the greatest challenges of the Christian life and perhaps the greatest puzzle in addressing sexual issues.

Lori Wildenberg knows this well. Her adult daughter, Courtney, is same-sex attracted, unsure about her gender identity, and preparing to marry another woman.

Lori felt as though she were standing at a crossroads of truth and love. If she affirmed her daughter’s sexual and identity choices, she would be ignoring what she believed the Bible teaches about sexuality and gender.

But if she stood on God’s truth, she would be rejecting her daughter.

LGBTQ issues aren’t the only ones causing Christians to feel as though they must choose between love and truth. What should a family, Christian school, or church do in response to unwed pregnancy or young couples living together? And what about divorce? The tension between grace and truth is not a new problem.

When we believe love wins without also holding firmly to the truth of the Bible, we compromise God’s holiness and fail to be distinctive as Christ followers. On the other hand, clinging to biblical truth without also showing love and grace is just plain offensive. Francis Schaeffer got it right when he said, “There is nothing more ugly than a Christian orthodoxy without understanding or without compassion.”

Jesus was fully love and fully truth. He ate with sinners but never partook of their sin. Jesus’s life and ministry were completely consistent with and were the fulfillment of everything written in the Old Testament. His deep love for people never compromised truth, and His standard of holiness never made Him cruel or hard-hearted.

This seemingly impossible integration of love and truth is imperative as we tackle real-life questions and interact with hurting people. How do you counsel a friend who is in an unhappy marriage but has no biblical grounds for divorce? Should your church be LGBTQ friendly in order to reach more people? What if your pastor admits to a struggle with pornography? In each of these scenarios, we may individually tend to pull more toward truth or love. How can we be like Jesus, perfectly integrated in His response to each situation He faced?

The good news is that through the power of the Holy Spirit, Jesus is able to make us like Himself. He can help us live both truth and love through our very human lives. As I have gotten to know Lori, I see this reality in her relationship with her daughter. Every day Lori and Courtney are navigating real-life issues in their mother-daughter relationship. Will Lori call Courtney by a chosen male name as she once asked her to? Can Courtney have her fiancee over for a family dinner?

Will Lori and her husband celebrate their daughter’s upcoming gay wedding?

Lori told me, “Living in the tension of grace and truth is the most difficult journey to navigate. I have realized grace and truth belong together. We cannot have one without the other.” Grace is best shown and truth is best spoken. When we demonstrate grace, truth is better received.

The character quality I see in Lori as she navigates the perplexing road of truth and grace with her daughter is humility. This is the essence of Jesus’s nature on earth.

Our inability to effectively integrate God’s truth and love is ultimately rooted in our lack of humility. Pride is at the center of both our rejection of God’s holy standard and our judgmental application of that truth. In Phil. 2:3-8, Paul tells us to pursue the humility of Christ. He defines humility as doing nothing out of selfish ambition but valuing other people above ourselves.

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In humility, we need to accept that God created sexuality. He has been clear in expressing through His Word His design for sexuality and the consequences of our misuse of this great gift. Come. Let us bow before the Lord. Let us worship Him, affirming that all He says is right and true.

Humility Toward Others: Putting Others First

The Sermon on the Mount begins with the beatitudes: blessed are the poor in spirit, those who mourn, the meek, those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, the merciful, the peacemakers. Jesus goes on to tell us that we are the salt of the earth and the light of the world. We will be different from the world not primarily because of what we believe but because of how we live. Specifically, because of how we love.

It’s not enough to hold on to and even live by biblical sexual morality. We are also called to the morality of loving others, even those who might consider us their enemies.

Pastor and author Caleb Kaltenbach wrote, “Christians don’t have the best track record in loving people who are different from us. Sometimes we do a better job of wounding others over our differences than we do in building them up.”

Caleb should know. He was raised by two lesbians and a gay father. He remembers marching in gay rights parades and detesting Christians because of how hateful they were toward his parents. Caleb, now pastoring a Christian church, noted that Christians often don’t feel permission to love those who believe differently. “We think that we are not supposed to love people who live in a way that is contrary to what God says…. Paul said that while we were still sinners, God extended an offer of relationship toward us! We need to express that same kind of love—a love that doesn’t wait for people to be perfect or get everything in order before beginning a friendship with us.”

God s' compassion

NEVER CANCELS OUT HIS TRUTH AND HOLINESS.

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With all our sophisticated theology, our kind hearts, and our desire to make God more marketable, we have given ourselves permission to edit God Almighty. We water down the significance of male and female, warnings of eternal damnation, and God’s clear call for us to live with sexual integrity. Even with good motives (such as not wanting the Bible to be offensive), we can pridefully try to alter God’s plan. This is exactly what Peter did on several occasions. He was a good guy and loved Jesus.

In one of those situations, Jesus told the disciples that He was going to suffer and die. This offended Peter, who

Like Peter, we may think that we are helping God with our adaptations, revisions, and reinterpretations. This is evidence in what I call sins of compassion. God’s love is limitless, but it does have boundaries. God’s compassion never cancels out His truth and holiness.

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Humility Toward God: God Knows Best

“took him aside and began to rebuke him, saying, ‘Far be it from you, Lord! This shall never happen to you.’

But he turned and said to Peter, ‘Get behind me, Satan!

You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man’” (Matt. 16:22-23, ESV).

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Again, humility is a bridge to practice the kind of love Jesus demonstrated.

True humility, as Jesus modeled, requires great strength and confidence.

We can strive to humble ourselves by remembering four things right out of Philippians 2.

The world often views Christians as unloving and judgmental partly because we are. We believe we have truth that other people lack. Applied to the sexual arena, I become proud when I feel morally or spiritually superior to others.

It’s easy to adopt an us-versus-them mindset. In truth, there is no distinction between “us” and “them” apart from Jesus Christ. Humility and love can result only when we remember that it is 100 percent by God’s grace that we even have a relationship with Him. We have no right to judge, condemn, or look down on anyone. The truth is, we are all in need of grace.

Jesus told us, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged” (Matt. 7:1) Right after this statement, He explained that we must first take the log out of our own eye before we can see clearly to take the speck of dust out of our brother’s eye. We are subject to the same standard of holiness and need to walk with great humility as we share God’s love with others.

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Let Go of Your Agenda

(Look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others.)

Do you recognize that we have an agenda in every relationship and personal encounter? Most of the time we are not even aware of our self-centered perspective, even as it dictates how we feel and interferes with how we love.

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A mom discovers that her teenage daughter is sending sexual pictures to her boyfriend. Mom is grieved at her daughter’s lost innocence. She is angry at the boyfriend. She is ashamed of her failures as a parent. Even though she deeply loves her daughter, her response to her daughter’s actions will mostly likely be rooted in these powerful emotions that are ultimately about her, not her daughter’s well-being. Our personal agendas will almost always keep us from loving others well.

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I asked Lori what she would say to Christians who, like her, feel they are at a crossroads of truth and love. She said, “Keep building your relationship bridge and never give up. The issue isn’t really about sexual choices; rather, it’s about one’s relationship with the Lord and past wounding. I would say show love always and ask God to whom and when He would have you speak truth.” Allow the Holy Spirit to guide you in both truth and love.

3

Don’t Defend Your Reputation

(Jesus made Himself nothing.)

It’s impossible to be defensive and loving at the same time. We become mean-spirited not because we passionately want to defend God but because we ourselves feel threatened. Instead of loving the world, we want the world to love and accept us. We think we can present a theology and lifestyle that reasonable people will admire and embrace. We hope that if we perfectly integrate truth and grace, people will appreciate us. Nothing in the Bible suggests this as a goal or even a possibility.

Affirming God’s truth about sexuality will pit us against the world, despite our efforts to be humble and loving.

The values of the sexual revolution and of the Christian faith are and will always be in opposition to each other.

The true test of our love and humility will be in how we respond when this conflict inevitably happens.

Yes

4

Be a Servant

(Jesus became a servant and became obedient, even to death.)

Author Russell Moore challenged us with how we should be servants, loving those who seem to oppose us in the sexual revolution: The loudest voices against…the hounding and intimidation of gay and lesbian persons around the world should be from the wing of the church most committed to a biblical Christian sexual ethic. The people most concerned about working to end gay and lesbian homelessness, for kids who’ve been thrown out of their homes by parents who’ve rejected them, ought to be those who believe the full counsel of God on these matters. The people most willing to love and receive strippers and porn stars and prostitutes who need to be seen for more than the use of their parts, ought to be the church of Jesus Christ.

Imagine if we took Moore’s advice to heart. What if people knew Christians as the greatest servants and the people most willing to sacrifice for others? God doesn’t want you to choose between standing on His truth and being a gracious person. The world will see the gospel when we are people with both a high view of truth and tender hearts toward all people. God is both truth and love. Jesus displayed both as He ministered on earth.

The Holy Spirit is able to work both of them fully into our lives and character.

Yes in today, to Your word, I heard, Deep in my mind About lost mankind, Yes in these hours With all of my powers, Yes, Lord. Yes, Lord, yes!

Yes to the trouble I’ll meet In the street, Out and about Learning to shout Loudly and clear, Even in fear, About You, Lord. Oh yes, Lord, yes!

Yes to the brothers and sisters Together, Hearts and minds one Whatever the weather.

Yes, to the team and our holy endeavor, Yes, Lord. Oh yes, Lord, yes!

©2009 Jill Briscoe Faith Dancing

1

You and Me…We’re the Same

(Humbly consider others more important than yourself.)

Yes to Your heart for the lost and the lonely, Yes to the cost, Yes to You only.

Yes to Your will; so abide with me still— Yes, Lord. Yes, Lord, yes!

Yes to Your call about “leaving and Cleaving,” Yes to Your Spirit I now am receiving, Yes to the power of faith and believing, Yes Lord. Yes, Lord, yes!

Adapted from Rethinking Sexuality: God’s Design and Why It Matters. Copyright ©2018

by Juli Slattery. Used by permission of Multnomah, an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC.

✃ Clip along dotted line for an 8x10 inch print—perfect for framing!

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15

minutes in the

WORD

Finding God

By Dorie Etrheim

W

faithful

e are living in unprecedented times! Uncertainty, fear, and anxiety are all around us.

The book of Lamentations in the Bible was written in a very difficult season of chaos, fear, and suffering, not unlike what we are currently experiencing and yet in the middle of their circumstances we see a renewed hope and trust in the faithfulness of God! “Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lam 3:22-23).

Look up the following verses at Biblehub.com and note the words used for “faithfulness” in the different versions. (Deuteronomy 32:4; Psalm 33:4; Psalm 91:4; Psalm 100:5; Psalm 119:138; Psalm 146:6) Write out what you learn about God and faithfulness.

What does the faithfulness of God mean?

Digging Deeper Look up Lam. 3:22 at Biblehub.com.

How is “the LORD’s great love” described in the different versions?

This “great love” is the idea of faithful love in action, faithfulness to a relationship, a covenant love that carries the meaning of strength and steadfastness.

Because of God’s great love, in a time of immense pain and fear in my life, God showed me what I clung to for strength and security. I had to let go of some things. He loves us too much to leave us attached to something other than Himself.

What can you be faithful to other than God?

They are new every morning; great is your

LAMENTATIONS 3:22-23

For Your Journal Is there a time when you doubted God’s faithfulness?

Take a moment and journal how you have seen God’s faithfulness in your life.

God’s faithfulness also expresses the idea that He is always faithful to His promises. People in our lives may not keep their word, but God will always do what He says He will do. God’s faithfulness is based on His character, not our circumstances.

Is there a place in your life you need to trust Him more? As the saying goes, “Trust is like a muscle, the more you exercise it the more it grows.”

Summarize in one or two sentences what you have learned about the faithfulness of God. Journal a prayer thanking Him for all the ways He has shown Himself faithful to you.

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faithfulness.

Picture yourself in the middle of your circumstances, secure in the steadfast loving arms of your heavenly Father. God’s faithfulness doesn’t mean He keeps us from the trials, but we can know that He is with us and draws us closer to Him through them. He is our strength and our security—forever!

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“ Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.

“His truth,” “fully trustworthy,” and “very faithful” are used for “faithfulness.” All of these are derivatives of the Hebrew root verb “aman,” which carries the meaning to provide stability and security to be secure or firm, the firmness of that which supports or holds something up, like pillars that provide support for doors or a child carried by a parent.

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MY STORY

LIVING WELL

Putting Mr. Busy to Rest!

Reminders from a God Who Cares

T

listened to my 40-year-old coaching client for several minutes as she relayed this full health crisis and period of discouragement.

hings were tough. Very tough. The dollar amounts on the dentist’s quote blurred as my eyes filled with tears. So much money for repairing teeny tiny cracks in my back teeth.

Stress-related, they say.

A few weeks ago, I became sick for the longest time in my life. I was unable to get out of my bed for two weeks. My mother and husband had to take over the house and parenting duties for our two children. What was I doing wrong to crash so badly? What was God trying to teach me?

Tears dropped onto my journal as I sat in the living room of our rented home. “Father God, how are we going to pay for this dental work? We are already struggling.”

My eyes were drawn outside. A mama sparrow was earnestly plucking thin strands from a twisted discarded rope on the ground. With the strand free, she returned to her nest-building operation in the tree nearby. I watched her progress for quite a while, fascinated with the sparrow’s determination.

Then it dawned on me, this mama sparrow was stealing our rope and building her home in a tree she didn’t own! Wouldn’t that be nice and simple? Life seems so easy for little sparrows. I laid the dentist’s quote aside.

“Father, please speak into my life, right now. What are You trying to teach me?”

“My dear daughter, look at the birds of the air: they neither sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they” (Matt. 6:26)?

I exhaled one long held-in breath. Yes, my heavenly Father cares deeply for me. He knows my circumstances before they occur. He provided my mama sparrow with her building materials and tree, and He desires to provide for our family too.

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Has God dropped a reminder like my sparrow story into your life? For some, it’s a rainbow, declaring the truth of a God Who will never leave you. For others, it is a heart-shaped cloud or noticing a specific color that only God and you know.

Whatever you are facing today, God cares deeply for you. He wants to hold your hand as you go into surgery. He desires to wrap His comforting presence around you as news of a loved one rocks your world.

When your budget is stretched thin, God wants to direct your steps through it all. His right hand holding you. His voice calming your soul. His words renewing your mind. His love driving out your fear.

Ask God to show up today, right where you are. He desires to remind you of His abundant grace and love.

Rachel Larkin is a practicing chartered accountant in New Zealand, and former home-school mom. She is the author of three self-published Christian books. Additionally, she is a speaker and Bible study leader.

rachellarkin.com

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I felt God was convicting me of sin that had been creeping into my life. I returned items from two shopping trips that were outside my budget. I was not protecting the Sabbath. I was too busy. I canceled business clients, I canceled a special trip overseas with a friend, and I canceled other things to create space in my life again. I sensed God's healing begin for me.

In our culture, being a busy person is expected, even admired. Mr. Busy sets the schedule and nothing can change it.

Mr. Busy Makes Slaves

Measuring our value and significance with busyness is a deadly trap that makes us slaves. There is never a sense of completion or freedom to just stop. We think all day and all night we should be busy, or we must be lazy. How is that pace life-giving?

Morning-to-night activity applies to our children, too.

How will students compete for scholarships, the top spot on a team, or be admitted to the best college if their young resume is not full? Mr. Busy tells us success is about our effort, our achievement, and our reputation for getting things done that will make life worthwhile.

Gail Goolsby,

Mr. Busy hates those confessions.

Mr. Busy Deletes Margins

God’s prescription for a healthy life includes a Sabbath—a day of margin, of stopping work. Not being busy at least one day a week gives space for worship, for reflection, for rest, for connecting, and for remembering Who is really in charge of our lives. It's about becoming grateful, not exhausted.

Life throws us the unexpected through health issues, economic demands, family crises, natural disasters, the coronavirus, and other people’s needs. When we stay booked up right up to bedtime each day—even with recreation, online activities, or binge-watching Netflix or YouTube videos—we leave ourselves vulnerable to stress and poor choices.

Resiliency, the ability to recover quickly from illness or trials, which my sick client was lacking, is a mighty resource in tough times. Sleep, exercise, nutrition, balanced emotions, and peace with God and others are key elements to bouncing back from difficulties.

Chronic busyness depletes our resiliency storehouse.

Stand Up to Mr. Busy

We must take a stand. Busyness can wreck our lives and those around us if we don't put a stop to it. Certainly, we will not enjoy our life to the extent God had in mind when He made us and set us free from the slavery of sin and selfishness.

Reach out to trusted friends or a life coach if you need help breaking out of your busy-slavery. We need to listen to God’s loving voice about Sabbath and margin, not slave-driver boss man, Mr. Busy.

MA, MEd, ACC has over 25 years of educational experience, including teaching in the K-12 American school in Afghanistan detailed in her book, Unveiled Truth: Lessons I Learned Leading the International School of Kabul. As a counselor and ICF certified life coach, Gail believes there is support and encouragement in God’s Word to help us all learn to live well. She and her pastor-husband have been married 41 years and have three grown children, two sons-in-law, and three granddaughters.

They live in Wichita, Kan.

gailgoolsby.com

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I exhaled one long held-in breath.

Yes, my heavenly Father cares deeply for me. He knows my circumstances before they occur.

He provided my mama sparrow with her building materials and tree, and He desires to provide for our family too.

She continued to review the events leading up to her illness onset with me as I gently probed with questions. Some decisions had already come to her mind while lying flat on her back for those fourteen days and nights.

Occasionally, we hear of famous go-getters at the end of their days who regret not spending time with loved ones or giving more of themselves to important causes beyond making money and gaining trophies.

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Over the years, our family has endured several periods of severe stress. In every instance, God has placed a sparrow in my path; picking out worms from freshly-mown grass or flying along with a precious piece of building material, to remind me of His past, present, and future provision.

by Gail Goolsby

I

by Rachel Larkin

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STRENGTHENING YOUR SOUL

Staying the Course

by Melva L. Henderson

S

ometimes the hardest life to bring into subjection is your own. If you are a parent, you understand the responsibility of teaching your children obedience. If you are an employer, you know the importance of employee compliance.

Although at times difficult, they don’t come close to the challenges we can face when endeavoring to keep our own lives in line with God’s established purpose. “The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way� (Ps. 37:23, KJV).

The word ordered means “prepared and secured.� In other words, your path in life has been predetermined

by God; everything you will ever need to walk it out is already firmly fixed. However, if we don’t intentionally focus on keeping ourselves on that predetermined path, we can alter our course in life.

Challenges come against us on our spiritual journey just as they do on our natural journey. If we take a road trip, we can often find ourselves dealing with the elements, hindrances in the road, and distracting temptations.

The Elements

These represent unfavorable weather conditions. In the natural, various storms have brought devastation to cities and countries, ultimately causing people to end their journeys. The same is true when the storms of life “touch down� in our lives, attempting to devastate our course.

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In Luke 8, we read the account of the disciples in the middle of a storm. Jesus instructed them to go to the other side of the lake. Their course was predetermined, but the storm rose, threatening to destroy the boat and all within it. Then Jesus came, walking on water, commanding them not to be afraid because He was with them. They were not allowed to end their course and made it to the other side. The storms of life are coming, but we have to strap in, remember Jesus is with us, and stay on course.

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Melva L. Henderson

Hindrances in the Road

Hindrances are like nails, detours, and obstructions that slow down the journey. Have you ever seen people stranded on the side of the road because of tire problems? Or, have you ever been traveling on one road only to discover that a section is under construction forcing a detour? We have a real enemy, who will throw whatever he can in our way to cause the “tires� of life to blow out. When we sit on the side of the road, gripe, and complain about how bad things are, our enemy can gain an advantage over us. He not only slows down our progress, but also keeps us in a part of the journey longer than we should be. But thank God, we are not ignorant of his devices (2 Cor. 2:11). Through the Word of God, we have the tools to keep things rolling toward the plan of God for our lives.

Distracting Temptations

With all that said, nothing thwarts the path of Christians like distracting temptations. These temptations represent three things: the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life (1 John 2:16). I’ve taken road trips passing adult entertainment signs designed to draw people off the road and into their little hideaways. They are always conveniently located right off of the exit ramps. Similar distractions also happen on our spiritual journey. Nothing slows down or stops individuals from following God’s plan like the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life. They are like billboards or bright neon signs designed to distract and pull believers off course. To avoid being lured away, put the pedal to the metal by saying “no� to your fleshly desires, and safeguarding your eyes by fixing them on the Father. Proverbs 4:20-22 says, “My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words.

Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those that find them and health to all their flesh.�

When we humble ourselves, recognizing that through the Spirit of God, we can remain on the course God has for us, staying in prayer and living accountable to His Word will get us through the course of life mapped out for us like champion drivers!

is an author, speaker, and regular columnist for JBU. Additionally, she is the founder of The Milwaukee Give, a humanitarian outreach, and co-founder and president of World Bible Training Institute, an accredited Bible college. She is wife to pastor Ervin, mother of five, and a grandmother.

Melvahenderson.org

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How Do We Answer Today's Marriage Meet Ups Questions About Sexuality ....especially in the Church?

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Our Sexuality Aligned with God's Perfect Design?

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DISCOVERING THE WORD

Selah Serenity

by Pam Farrel

I

love strolling the beach because the waves beat rhythmically against the shore and remind me of God's faithfulness. The psalmist calls these moments, Selah, a pause to ponder, a rest note in the melody of life. In today’s uncertain days, we need to cultivate these Selah moments.

1. Pray Expectantly. Pray believing that the Lord is

Ever feel like you are drowning in bad news? Tough times that are coming at you like a torrential downpour? Is negativity making you feel like you are caught in a riptide? That is exactly how David felt in Psalm 42:7-8. I discovered his psalm about the beach, waterfalls, and perilous waves, and what I learned from him changed my life.

“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God” (vs. 5).

Life is Hard

“Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me” (vs. 7).

“Deep calls to deep” is a reference to all the water in all the created world—that God’s hand of mercy is holding back! In other words, things could be worse!

“The roar of your waterfalls” references the power of a waterfall to keep you down and under water—those times you feel like circumstances keep pounding on you, threatening to drown you. During a particularly long stressful time in our life, my prayer was, “Help God! I can’t breathe!” Have you been there too? Today, thank God for what He is protecting you from.

“All your waves and breakers have swept over me” is a word picture of being caught in the crushing, and crashing waves hitting the rocky shore and “swept over me” is both a cry for rescue and the comfort that eventually the waves will sweep past us! Verse 8 gives us hope!

God is Good

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“By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me—a prayer to the God of my life” (vs. 8).

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Here is a two-part solution for getting out of the waves and out from under the blows of the downpouring waterfalls of life.

Pam Farrel

directing and dispatching His steadfast love to you.

When you believe that God is good, even when life is bad, you’ll have a more heavenly perspective. If you continue to read Psalm 42 and 43, you will see a repeating statement:

Both of these verses reinforce that we can feel downcast, depressed, discouraged, disturbed, and even desperate, yet when we put our hope in God, and praise Him, things will improve—even if it is only in our inner strength and ability to stand firm. Hope means “to wait patiently and expectantly for God to show up and show off in your life for your good and God’s glory.”

2. Praise Repeatedly. In the daytime, we praise

and thank God for His attributes, for being with us, and at nighttime, prayer and praise can be a song with me (vs. 8). When times are tough, I often go to sleep with praise songs, hymns, and the audio Bible playing.

When I accumulate praises of God during the day (in my Selah journal), then add in songs of praise as I fall to sleep, these praises shift my mindset from spiraling down to being lifted up.

At first, I might feel like I am drowning under the waterfall of misery, but as I pray and praise, God moves me little by little—so the waterfall feels more like the “Roman waterfalls,” a healing tool. I gain a paradigm shift and see the difficulties being used by God to better me. If I keep praising, I move even further away from the desperation, so the spray of the waterfall becomes a mist of refreshment, because I am anticipating how God will “work all things together for my good” (Rom. 8:28). Charles Spurgeon captures this sentiment, “I have learned to kiss the wave that slams me into the Rock of Ages.”

Find a quiet place near water: a fountain, a pool, a lake, the ocean, or your own bubble bath—a Selah setting to pause—and ponder and praise the goodness of God, especially in these coronavirus times.

is the author of 50-plus books and the coauthor (with Jean Jones and Karla Dornacher) of the Discovering the Bible series of creative Bible studies (Harvest House Publishers). She and her husband, Bill, make their home on a live-aboard boat docked in Southern California.

To download your Selah in the Psalms Creative Guide and other resources, go to

Love-Wise.com.

It’s easy to let self-criticism become our default setting.

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Filled with spiritual practices and creative exercises, this book from spiritual director Cindy Bunch calls us to self-care through greater compassion for ourselves.

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MENTAL WHOLENESS

Winning Over Worry and Anxiety

Q: A.

by Michelle Nietert I ’m struggling with worry and “What If” thoughts. My racing thoughts affect my sleep. How can I stop them?

In Scripture we are taught not to worry, but for many women, fighting fear is a daily battle. The first thing to help is to talk back to your fears.

Making a list helps because it gets the fear on paper, and you feel bigger than it. You can then begin the process I call stomping out the ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts).

I like to use words of affirmation found in Scripture: 2 Tim. 1:7 was one of the first verses I taught my kiddos when they were little and dreaded going to bed. “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” You have to learn to replace your negative thoughts with a positive truth. If you struggle to do this, use “even though” statements.

“Even though I struggle with __________, I know God is _________.”

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You can also challenge those “what if’s” with “what if it doesn’t.” God wants us to prepare for our future but live in the present. Putting ourselves in the future can open the door to fear. Be cautious about “awfulizing” images in your mind. Work on the discipline of reeling in the intensity, because allowing our emotions to intensify is not a healthy habit. Normalizing your struggles and practicing looking at scenarios as a casual observer, instead of the star of a dramatic episode, can help you discover new perspectives. Put God in the picture that’s running in your head. It’s amazing what an eternal perspective can do to a life challenge.

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Racing thoughts at night are not pleasant. I would encourage you to slow them down before you go to bed.

Practice healthy sleep practices and do something soothing for yourself. Read an inspirational book, listen to soft worship music or Scripture meditations, take a warm bath, or drink a cup of your favorite non-caffeinated beverage. When we raise our body temperatures and quiet our minds, it cues our body it’s time for rest.

Q: A.

y panicked adult daughter M called because she couldn’t catch her breath. I felt so helpless. Why does this keep happening?

Panic may be exactly what’s occurring in your daughter’s body.

Emotion is energy that moves in and through us. When anxiety builds up in our bodies and souls it often can explode in external ways like a need for total order, because we are trying to control the outside when we can’t control the inside. It can also come out in an overreactive response to a situation or person. If we shove it down or ignore it, or don’t create outlets, it can literally overtake our physical functioning with symptoms of a racing pulse, tight chest, shortness of breath, nausea, and feeling like we may faint. Below are some coping skills to release anxiety from the body, but should not be considered a substitute for counseling and medical treatment which may also be needed. Panic disorders can disrupt your life. Hoping they will just go away rarely solves the problem.

God created our bodies to be temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 16:9). We often have to discipline or train our bodies into submission, so they will cooperate with us (1 Cor. 9:27). We can release this anxious energy in a variety of ways. My favorite form of movement is praise-walking. I find clients who practice some sort of movement three to five times a week, for 30 minutes, report better moods and fewer anxiety attacks.

Stretching, massage, and hot baths, for at least 20 minutes, can also coax muscle relaxation. Deep breathing for five minutes, a couple times a day, can really help you inhale the peace that God promises us and exhale your worries. I struggle with sitting still, but I find that being in nature even if it’s just on my own backyard porch looking at my hanging flower baskets and trees helps me slow down and find peace—and it reminds me how much God cares for me.

Michelle Nietert has been a professional counselor for 20 years and owns a counseling center in the Dallas area. Previously, she served as a crisis counselor for a large school district. Michelle’s goal is to provide practical biblical solutions for you by answering your questions regarding mental health.

michellenietert.com

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A Story of Life After Traumatic Loss “Mel Lawrenz has written lucidly and beautifully about the death of his beloved adult daughter. His transparent description of the overwhelming grief he experienced and the solace he found in the Lord and the community of faith is moving, instructive, and most helpful.”

—JILL BRISCOE, founding editor of Just Between Us

M E L L AW R E N Z In this raw, vivid narrative, Pastor Mel Lawrenz chronicles how his family struggled to survive the sudden death of their beloved adult daughter. For anyone whose life has been turned upside down by grief, this beautiful memoir offers hope and companionship.

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