Just Between Us | Fall 2023

When Forgiveness Seems Impossible

by Leslie Jones

MEDITATING ON SCRIPTURE: A LIFE-CHANGING HABIT

Jo Saxton Inspires Us to

! p U e is R

by Sarah Nielsen

DOES GOD SEEM SILENT?

10 BACK-TO-SCHOOL PRAYERS FOR YOUR KIDS & GRANDKIDS

MY CHILD IS TRANSGENDER. WHERE IS THE CHURCH?

fall 2023 | F I N D M O R E A T J U S T B E T W E E N U S . O R G

Shadowlands Grief Recovery Program

Based on God’s Model of grieving, the study includes scripture, coping skills, and research data to lead those who grieve through their valley of grief and sadness.

• Personal Grief Recovery: For all types of grief events - meets weekly for six weeks via Zoom • Small Group Ministry Training: Custom designed for Clergy, Chaplains, Ministerial Staff • Church Licensing: Churches or organizations granted use of materials for ongoing ministry With over 25 years of ministry experience, the copyrighted curriculum, compiled

by Sharon Fox, a Certified Grief Facilitator by the American Academy of Bereavement, presents a Christian Biblical Pattern of Grief Recovery.

Contact: www.Bravepenny.org or SharonBravePenny@gmail.com

welcome from the editor SHELLY ESSER

Welcome Friends!

We’re so excited that you are here and desire to spend some time deepening your relationship with God. That’s what Just Between Us is all about—encouraging and equipping you for a life of faith. And we want you to know that every time you pick up a new issue, you are doing it together with women like you around the world. Community is so important and it’s the way we’ve been designed to grow best in our faith. You encourage me, I encourage you, and on it goes. So, we hope as you linger over the pages of this issue, you will sense the community of women cheering you on so that you know that you always have a special place to come where women are walking with you.

From cover to cover, it’s been our great joy—our word for the year—to put together articles to help you in all areas of your life whether you’re in a joyful season or a sorrowful season or straddling both. We all need an ongoing safe place we can land; knowing that there are others experiencing the same struggles, questions, and doubts that we do and that it’s okay. I’m always amazed at how God uses the written word to encourage us at just the right moment.

This issue is packed full of a variety of topics where you live day in and day out. You will find firsthand accounts of the power of God, hope, and biblical insight all wrapped up in the truth of God’s Word.

We are especially excited to introduce you to Jo Saxton on page 16. Jo is a gifted communicator, podcast host, author, and leadership coach.

Her heart is to help women find their voice and impact their world: “Your voice makes a difference—in the trenches, to the timid, in the trauma and triumph. Your voice in all its fullness is powerful and brimming with potential…You need to learn how to use it, or recover it, and learn how to use it in all its beauty and purpose.”

On page 30, you’ll find 10 Back-toSchool Prayers for your kids and grandkids. What better way to send the kids you love off into a new school year than covered in prayer?

And, finally in keeping with talking about tough topics, we’re featuring our first article on transgenderism on page 34. Parenting My Transgender Child by Teri Carabello takes you into the real emotions and heartache of a Christian parent whose child has transitioned. It’s our prayer that this article will be a conversation starter into this complex topic and give you compassion along with resources to help you, if you are a family member or in ministry walking alongside others. The church’s response here is critical, as you will see.

It’s time to dig in! We care about you and your faith— and it’s our prayer that God wraps His arms around you as you enjoy every last word of the fall issue.

Joyfully,

betweenus ȷustbetween us fall 2023 ȷust

These are some of the highlights you’ll find in this issue.

In keeping with our word for the year, you’ll find threads of lessons, insights, and discoveries on joy weaved throughout. I pray they will expand your understanding and experience of joy in your own life—and even give

you an “aha moment” or two! As you read through the issue, why don’t you keep track every time you see the word joy?

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Contents

V O L U M E

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on the cover

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16

20

Seven transformational steps to freedom as you practice forgiving the unforgiveable.

by Leslie Jones

Jo Saxton talks about uncovering your true potential, owning your voice, and boldly impacting your world. Now is the time to rise up!

by Sarah Nielsen

Let meditating on God’s Word restore your soul.

by Sandy Mayle

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30

Three lessons to help you through the pain of God’s silence.

by Lori Ann Wood

Give your kids and grandkids the best start possible as they start back to school—prayer coverage.

by Rebecca Barlow Jordan

When Forgiveness Seems Impossible

ȷustbetweenus fall 2023

Is God on Mute?

4

faith chats: Rise Up!

10 Back-to-School Prayers

Infused

34

Parenting My Transgender Child

What parents need most when walking through this challenging journey is for the church to lead with love and compassion without judgment.

by Teri Carabello

About Our Ministry: Just Between Us is a vibrant and expanding not-for-profit ministry that continues to transform the lives of women around the world. Our heart-focused and biblically-based content in the print magazine, on the website, in the weekly digital mini magazine, on social media, and other products—all help women find hope and encouragement while growing their faith and deepening their love for Jesus.

Find Us in All Kinds of Ways:

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features

in every issue

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3 Welcome from the Editor 6 Between Us 7 Happy Home 8 Table Talk with Abby 9 Encouraging WORDS 10 Transparent Moments

Discomfort Zones

Learn how to trust God more in the uncomfortable places through regular Sabbath rest.

by Catriona Futter

26

Unwrapping the Gift

God has an abundant storehouse of riches waiting for you as you grow deeper in your intimacy with Him.

by Constance B. Fink

32

Hind’s Feet

Living a life fueled by faith and filled with joy is possible even in times of waiting.

by Jill Briscoe

columns

Outside Your 39 Front Door 40 Intentional Faith Minutes 41 15in the Word 42 Living Well 44 Everyday Transformation 45 Faith at Work 46 Between Friends

CREDITS Founder/Executive Editor Jill Briscoe

Circulation Manager Suzan Braun

Editor Shelly Esser

Advertising & Accounts Manager Sharon Vaught

General Manager Mary Perso

Renewals Manager & Software Support Rebecca Loesche

Assistant Editor Suzan Braun

new

Renewal Assistants Wayne + Sally Schlittenhart

Director Digital Media Mary Ann Prasser

Marketing Julie Santiago

Editorial Assistants Ann Cook Constance B. Fink Gayle Gengler Cherry Hoffner Danae Templeton

Director of Mission Advancement/ Social Media Ashley Schmidt

Creative Director Julie Krinke

Subscriptions Phil Perso Mary Richards Jan Schuldt Lin Sebena

Advisory Board Anita Carman Pam Farrel Judy Briscoe Golz Nancy Grisham Pam MacRae Elizabeth Murphy Jackie Oesch Stephanie Seefeldt

Prayer Sharon Stonecipher Intern Hailey Pitcher Photography Wayde Peronto Babboni Photography babbonis.com Stephanie Bloom Photography

ADVERTISING Ellie Dunn For more information call (856) 582-0690 ext.

2# or email ellie@carldunn.com.

Gift Your Ministries: Group subscriptions are now available at reduced rates. Encourage and inspire the women who make ministry happen at your church or other places of outreach or service to others. Energize their relationships, refresh their faith, and become equipped as a team for facing ministry challenges through Just Between Us. For more information, call 800-260-3342 today!

Just Between Us (ISSN 1069-3459) is published quarterly by Just Between Us, 777 South Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045-3701.

Make all checks and money orders payable to: Just Between Us, Subscription Orders 777 S. Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045

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Copyright ©2023 by Just Between Us. All rights reserved. Printed in USA. We occasionally share subscriber mailing addresses with select organizations. If you would like your name removed from direct mail promotional lists, please call 800-260-3342 or email jbu@justbetweenus.org.

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5

BETWEEN US

Is it Time to Draw a Healthy Boundary?

I

Lysa TerKeurst

’ll never forget asking my counselor to help me process how I finally got to the place where I said, “No more. No more devastation. No more betrayal.

No more being lied to. No more.”

I wondered if that was the moment I became broken. But he replied, “No, Lysa, that was the moment you declared you were healing.”

Sometimes “no more” means doing the work to fight for the relationship. By implementing good boundaries, each person can be held accountable to healthier relational patterns.

Sometimes “no more” means acknowledging the heartbreaking reality that the relationship is no longer sustainable or safe. Though this is hard, wise counsel has helped me see there’s a big difference between difficulties that can be worked through and destructive patterns that are detrimental to your well-being.

Both dynamics require that we pursue healing. We need solid truth from God’s Word to help guide and direct us. Sometimes we may need a godly professional counselor who is specifically trained to educate, comfort, and challenge us.

ȷustbetweenus fall 2023

I know what it feels like to be paralyzed by another person’s choices and not know what to do about it.

Now, I’ve discovered a better way to pursue boundaries. I don’t draw boundaries hoping to force another person to change in ways they may be unwilling or incapable of changing. Instead, I place boundaries on myself to help me exercise self-control over what I will and will not tolerate. I regulate my reactions and direct my efforts to stay in a healthy place.

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If you’re in a “no more” kind of place today, consider these questions about boundaries and how you might apply them in your own life beginning today.

Remember, this assessment isn’t permission to be selfish and “peace out” on responsibilities. Instead, this is meant to help us see where we may be losing self-control: Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control (Prov. 25:28).

• What kind of person do I want to be, not just in this relationship, but in all my relationships?

• What do I need to do in this relationship to stay consistent in my character, conduct, and communication?

• Do I feel the freedom to communicate what I can and cannot give without fear of being punished or pushed away?

• What are some realistic restrictions I can place on myself to reduce the access this person has to my emotional or physical resources?

• In what ways is this person’s unpredictable behavior negatively impacting my trust in my other relationships?

• Am I suffering the consequences of their choices more than they are?

• What are their most realistic and most unrealistic expectations of me? What are my most realistic and most unrealistic expectations of them?

• What boundaries do I need to put in place?

As you consider these questions, you may find it helpful to process them with a trusted godly mentor or Christian counselor. These questions are meant to help identify where we dance with dysfunction. Toxic realities in relationships will not tame themselves.

We have to get honest about the hardships that are complicating and preventing the kind of health we not only want but need for some of our relationships to survive.

I’ve learned we can’t just “get over” our hurts, we have to work through them. And boundaries are a great way to start experiencing health in your own life. Let’s take this step together.

Lysa TerKeurst is the president of Proverbs 31 Ministries

and a #1 New York Times’ bestselling author. Her newest books are Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are and a new devotional called You’re Going to Make It. She writes from her gray farm table and lives with her family in North Carolina. Connect with her at LysaTerKeurst.com or on social media @LysaTerKeurst.

LysaTerKeurst.com Ö twitter.com/LysaTerKeurst G facebook.com/Lysa TerKeurst

HAPPY HOME

Your Family Plan for Screen Time

I

Arlene Pellicane

don’t need to tell you that screens are part of family life like never before. The average child spends more than six hours per day with a screen, not even including homework. By the age of seven, it’s very likely that a child will have spent one full year of 24-hour days being amused by screens. Yikes!

Is the technology in your home bringing you closer together as a family or driving you apart? This is a question to consider often because the answer can change from day to day. You might watch a movie together, bond and munch on popcorn on a Friday night. Other nights, one person is watching sports on the big screen, while the other members of the house retreat to their own personal devices and spaces to watch different things. Screens can be used to bring families together (like face-timing grandma), but they are typically used independently, with each family member glued to their own device.

For the average family, free time equals screen time.

But screen time that’s not purposeful tends to be a waste of time and negative influence. YouTube isn’t a trustworthy mentor for a child’s heart. Children are like wet cement, and nowadays most are being imprinted by screens, not by moms and dads. It doesn’t have to be this way in your home. Psalm 90:12 says, “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Here are a few ideas to decrease screen time so you can have more time together as a family:

The Priority List: My friend, author, and True Girl

founder Dannah Gresh realized when her kids transitioned to middle school, she would lose a lot of control over what they were watching. They needed to be able to self-moderate, so she had her kids write down a list of their priorities. They put them in order of importance which made them realize why they didn’t get to play video games until homework was done or chores were complete.

protected from the online dangers that happen regularly while parents are sleeping.

Time Tracking: In the busyness of life, we can be

unaware of how much our children are consuming on screens. Begin by tracking your child’s screen time on a weekday and weekend. You might choose something like 30 minutes of screen time on weekdays and two hours on weekends. You can create a screen time chart and put it on the refrigerator.

Make this uber powerful by setting limits on your own recreational screen time and charting it along with the kids.

Media Free Days: You can choose a day of the

week to have a screen-free day. Taking a sabbath from screens is a surefire way to spot who in your family is struggling with overusing screens. He or she will throw a fit when you share this idea. The heavens declare the glory of God, not Instagram or video games. By giving your child a regular rhythm to get off the grid, you are giving an incredible gift of rest.

What we model digitally may be our most powerful tool to teach our kids. If we as moms are totally consumed all our waking hours with electronic media of any kind, we are communicating, “This is the norm.”

The words of Solomon in Eccl. 2:17 come to mind, “All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.”

In this digital age, we must be vigilant about our screen time to make sure it doesn’t eclipse our parenting time. Spend less time online and more time face to face with your kids. Make a digital plan for your kids and stick with it. That’s the tech road less traveled towards more joy as a mom.

and laptops at night around 7:30 p.m. for kids (earlier is even better). It’s really important to protect your child’s sleep by keeping all devices out of bedrooms overnight. This also applies to high schoolers. Your teen needs to rest overnight phone free, and to be

Arlene Pellicane is a speaker, host of the Happy Home

podcast, and author of several books including: Screen Kids, Parents Rising, and 31 Days to a Happy Husband. Arlene has been featured on the Today Show, Fox & Friends, Wall Street Journal, FamilyLife Today, and Focus on the Family.

She lives in San Diego, Calif., with her husband James and their three children. arlenepellicane.com G facebook.com/ArlenePellicaneAuthor Ö twitter.com/ArlenePellicane e ArlenePellicane

ȷustbetweenus fall 2023

Nighttime Round Up: Collect all phones, tablets,

7

TABLE TALK WITH ABBY

Let God Use Your Table

I

Abby Turner Kuykendall

grew up knowing that sitting around the table was important. I had breakfast there before school and dinner when we all came home, and even when my sisters and I were running in three different directions, my mom made it a point that we ate together.

My experience around the table was built around family, so it substantiated the belief that I needed a husband, a house, and a nice table before I could eat at the table. As a result, I daily ate breakfast in the car, lunch at my desk, and dinner on the couch.

The habit I cultivated and the relationship I had with my table not only created an atmosphere of loneliness and isolation, but it was the antithesis of what God desired for me. I wasn’t developing meaningful relationships with anyone—my deepest relationships were with my computer, job, and fourlegged friend Baylor.

Take the First Step

I floundered my way through unhealthy relationships, depression, and defeat until Jesus began nudging me to change my relationship with my table. The table is vital to an intimate relationship with Jesus. He doesn’t need me to have a perfect spread that even Martha Stewart would be proud of; He just needed me to take the first step to open my door and invite people inside.

The Spiritual Discipline of Hospitality

ȷustbetweenus fall 2023

Growing up in church, I heard that hospitality is a spiritual gift, which is true, but it is also a spiritual discipline. 1 Peter 4:8-9 says, “show hospitality,” Heb. 13:2 says, “do not neglect it,” and Acts 2:42 says that the young church worshipped, prayed, and ate together. In other words, we are all to practice hospitality.

And when we do, we enter a more intimate relationship with God, and begin centering our community around Him.

8

Hospitality as a spiritual discipline drew me to start my blog, A Table Top Affair, and write my devotional cookbook, The Living Table. I experienced firsthand the community-building power of inviting people around a table. I wanted to encourage people that we don’t have to wait for the perfect family, house, or table to begin showing hospitality. The Enemy will always throw something at you to keep you from gathering with others and inviting them in.

When discussing hospitality, we can’t get around talking about Mary and Martha. The story has been ingrained in our minds—don’t be like Martha, be like Mary. In verse 42, Jesus says, “Only one thing is necessary, and Mary has made the right choice.” Life can be chaotic, overwhelming, intimidating, and exhausting, but what we learn from Martha and Mary is not that we must have it all together for every party we host, but rather we walk into it with our hands open, ready to be faithful with what we have, and to receive what God has for us.

Hospitality is a Calling for All of Us

I’m excited to write this column and to empower and encourage you that hospitality isn’t just a gift some have, it’s our calling as Christians. Take the first step.

Reclaim the table. Take your shoes, bills, and laundry off the table and set it. We should never look at the table as a vessel for holding our miscellaneous objects that haven’t found their home yet, but as a living and breathing tool that we get the opportunity to use to bring glory to God. When we set the table and invite others in, we put ourselves in a posture of obedience, ready to see God move.

Food for Thought:

• How are you taking the first step with what you have today?

• How are you inviting people in, being obedient with what you have, and being open-handed with what God has for you?

Abby Turner Kuykendall is the author of The Living

Table, is loving life as a newlywed, and works full time as a food blogger, speaker, and writer. Born into a large family, she grew up in Central Arkansas, where she learned the importance of community and biblical hospitality at a young age. Abby’s passion is to encourage women to stop wasting time waiting for the perfect family, house, or table and to start opening their homes, cooking for friends, and building community. You can learn more about Abby and enjoy her recipes by visiting her website at atabletopaffair.com.

G facebook.com/atabletopaffair w pinterest.com/atabletopaffair e instagram.com/atabletopaffair

encouraging WORDS “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

ROMANS 15:13

“Love is the overflow of joy in God!” JOHN PIPER

Joy

“But the fruit of the Spirit is

love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Against such things there is no law.”

GALATIANS 5:22-23

IS THE SERIOUS BUSINESS OF HEAVEN. C. S. LEWIS

“I believe God, through His Spirit, grants us love, joy, and peace no matter what is happening in our lives. As Christians, we shouldn’t expect our joy to always feel like happiness, but instead recognize joy as inner security—a safeness in our life with Christ.”

JILL BRISCOE

“And the disciples were

filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit.”

ACTS 13:52

“Among the most joyful people I have known have been some who seem to have had no human reason for joy. The sweet fragrance of Christ has shown through their lives.”

ELISABETH ELLIOT

L - F I L ED T I

L LE D

ȷustbetweenus fall 2023

-F I IT

Y • SPI R O J

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Y • S PI R JO

TRANSPARENT MOMENTS

When a Co-Laborer Leaves

I

The same way the Holy Spirit kept Luke with Paul and brought Mark back, He is perfectly able to reassign new people in our lives. Do we trust the Holy Spirit to build the team to finish what God began in and through us? If we wish to fight the good fight like Paul did, then we must trust the Holy Spirit as head of personnel and not sabotage ourselves by taking over the reins from Him.

God Anoints and Appoints

God’s Provision is Perfect

Anita Carman

have always admired the life of the apostle Paul because he modeled a service that never lost focus or momentum. He did not burn out, he served out! Like many leaders, he experienced great betrayals and losses. Yet, I never saw him shrink back. It was during a time when I was surprised by the loss of a co-laborer in Christ that God led me to look to Paul for my answers on how to keep serving when the journey is daunting, and the laborers are few. Are you in a place where you need to recalibrate because someone you counted on has left the ministry?

Acts 13:2-3 reads: “While they were worshiping the Lord and fasting, the Holy Spirit said, ‘Set apart for me Barnabas and Saul for the work to which I have called them.’ So after they had fasted and prayed, they placed their hands on them and sent them off.”

What a blessing to know that the Holy Spirit is the head of personnel. When God sends us on a mission, He also decides who will be on the team. God knows the gifting He needs for the mission He has planned for our lives!

As Paul was approaching the end of his time on earth, we see again several personnel moves. He said in 2 Tim. 4:6-12: “For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith…Do your best to come to me quickly, for Demas, because he loved this world, has deserted me and has gone to Thessalonica …Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry.”

It was after God gave me clarity and assurance through His Word that I was no longer in a panic when a co-laborer, I had served with for over a decade, chose to leave our mission. Instead of feeling wounded, I was able to let go and pen a farewell letter, while trusting in the Holy Spirit as head of personnel. What God taught me through Paul’s life was how He fills in the gaps. In my case, God raised up a co-laborer who had been in our ministry for over a decade. She had served as a volunteer at all our events. The Holy Spirit was the one who pointed her out to me and showed me He had already developed a servant with the skill set and experience to continue the mission with me.

Is there someone God has already put in your life who will receive your invitation to join the team as an honor? When God is the one behind the call, we don’t need to twist anyone’s arm to join God’s mission. The Holy Spirit will confirm His appointment!

ȷustbetweenus fall 2023

God Replaces Losses

10

It was when Paul was weary and wrapping up his mission that several abandoned him. You might be thinking, “Of all the times to leave, you chose this time when I am most weary and on my last wind!”

Yet this was the time Demas, who loved the world, chose to leave Paul. We are told that Luke stayed. We are also told that Mark, who went away in previous years, was called back to help Paul to finish well. Did you notice all the personnel moves?

Anita Carman arrived in America at 17, after her mother’s tragic suicide. Today, she is a walking billboard of how God transformed her pain into passion to build Inspire Women, a nonprofit that unites thousands of women of all races and invests in their potential to change the world. She has an MBA from SUNY and an MABS from Dallas Theological Seminary.

Anita has authored several books and lives in Houston, Tex., with her husband. She has two grown sons. Visit her at

inspirewomen.org.

(Anita Carman’s signature curriculum, being taught through Inspire Women’s Leadership Academy, offers an online option to teach women how to make decisions fitting for one who is the King’s daughter. To enroll, please email info@ inspirewomen.org.)

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[ZONES] Discomfort

God’s greenhouse for growth.

by Catriona Futter

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W

12

hat is your comfort zone? We hear much about what it means to be in, or to move out of, our comfort zones. Your comfort zone might look quite different from mine, as it depends on how we are wired. But perhaps a more interesting question is, “What does it mean for us to inhabit our discomfort zone?”

I meet with a wonderful small group of fellow Christian coaches once a month. During a recent conversation, a book on the discomfort zone was discussed.

This book is written from the perspective of a non-be-

liever, with the idea that our comfort zone is a place of safety where we feel in control and able to operate at our best. This did not seem to sit well with us, because the emphasis is on self-reliance and overseeing our own destiny.

We left those musings to begin a conversation about Sabbath rest. We talked about what Sabbath is for us: taking time to worship God, to be still in His Presence, so we can hear His voice instead of the normal clamour of our lives.

But then a beautiful thing happened. God wove the two strands together. It became apparent that for us as Christians, the discomfort zone is a place of growth where we learn to trust God more, and the only way we can do this well is when we are rooted in who He is and by regular Sabbath rest.

Stop and pay attention. Notice what you are trying to control or fix, resist, or hold on to. Notice your current posture, your feelings, and your thought processes.

How can you intentionally adopt a posture of surrender? Ask yourself, “How does God want me to respond in this moment?”

How do you define your discomfort zone?

Pray breath prayers. Breathe in who God is, and breathe out those fears, needs, and temptations to rely on self. Let your breath take you back to God and His love for you. Remind yourself of Who God is and that He is in charge of this situation, that He sees and knows exactly what is in your heart.

My discomfort zone is a place where I feel out of control. I dislike not knowing what I am doing and can easily lose my focus on God and try to fix and sort things out in my own strength.

And there is the problem. My desire to feel in control immediately put me at odds with my claim to trust the Creator of the Universe.

However, when we see our discomfort zone as a place of growth, it is something to be embraced and not feared. It is a place where we can choose to surrender our need for control and instead say to God: “You are in charge; I trust You to show me the next step.”

Living well within our discomfort zone is not something we do; it is a place to be. The posture of our heart becomes one of surrender. When we surrender, we experience peace and relief. The fear may still be very real, but our perspective shifts when we understand that we are in the Presence of the One who has glorious and unlimited resources at His disposal (Eph. 3:16) and created the moon and stars with His fingers (Ps. 8:3) and holds us in His safe and loving arms (Ps. 91).

How do we become comfortable with being uncomfortable?

How do we learn to embrace the discomfort zone, knowing that God grows and shapes us most when we are fully surrendered to Him? Through regular times of Sabbath rest.

Sabbath rest will look different for each of us and is not necessarily about sitting quietly in stillness. It is about a posture of surrender and a willingness to listen to God. We are training our spiritual muscles, so that we are fit for the challenges that come at us each day. Just as an athlete trains their core muscles for stability and balance, so we too train our spiritual muscles to strengthen our ability to go to the Lord first in a difficult situation, and to increase our ability to hear His voice.

How do we use these tools in discomfort?

[

]

Living well within our discomfort zone is not something we do; it is a place to be. The posture of our heart becomes one of surrender.

Jesus never said following Him would be easy. In fact, His command to take up your cross sounds like the ultimate discomfort zone. But when we remain within our comfort zones, it is too easy to put our confidence in ourselves and rely on our own strength. Living in our discomfort zone is a choice to put our confidence in God and rely on Him and His strength. This is where we see His amazing work, and this is how we continue to grow.

When we know we are going into a difficult and challenging situation that will take us out of our comfort zone, how do we ready ourselves? We can prepare our hearts and our souls by listening to and worshipping God. We can seek prayer and wise counsel from our Christian community. We can gain all the knowledge and skills we can, using the resources God has given us.

Then we step out into that space with hearts surrendered to the One who goes before us and is behind us.

Life is full of discomfort. But the practice of regular Sabbath rest gives us the time away from the noise of the world and negative beliefs, to reset ourselves on Who God is and why He is trustworthy in the midst of discomfort.

Catriona Futter is a Christian life coach, author and

speaker who is passionate about equipping people to discover and live out their unique, God-given identity and purpose. She runs her own business Equip for Life Coaching, offering individual coaching, group coaching, and speaking. She lives in Glasgow, Scotland, with her husband and one teenage daughter at home and one at university. Read more of her writing on her blog at equipforlifecoaching.com/blog/

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Notice what triggers your feelings of discomfort. If you are a heart-orientated person, it might be an awareness that your feelings are becoming overwhelming and negative, fearful, and anxious. A more thinking-oriented person might notice thoughts showing their need to tighten their grip on the situation and regain control.

I am a body-oriented person, and my first clues are my posture—tension in my neck and shoulders, a knot in my stomach, and a churned up feeling in my body.

One of the coaches in our conversation reframed ‘discomfort zone’ to see it instead as God’s greenhouse, where we learn to trust and rely on Him, and where He enables us to grow and bear fruit.

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huffling through my “people to pray for” notecards one morning, I sensed God’s holy invitation to add the name of a woman who had deeply wounded me.

“How can I pray for her” I questioned, “when it’s impossible to forgive what she did to my family?”

Offering forgiveness felt unreasonable. I had harbored hatred toward this woman for more than two decades and felt justified in my unforgiveness. I was doing just fine shouldering my backpack of bitterness, thank you very much.

Yet the Holy Spirit’s unmistakable prompting tugged at my heart. As I contemplated the idea of praying for her on a regular basis, my mind settled on a statement straight from the mouth of the One who died for my forgiveness.

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins (Matt. 6:14-15).

As Jesus’ words sank deep into my soul, I whispered, “God, please forgive me for not forgiving her.” I didn’t want to forgive, but I knew I should.

It was then I realized not only was my unforgiveness a sin, but my heart had become so hardened by hatred forgiveness was impossible.

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by Leslie Jones

FORGIVE?

It’s simple: we must forgive others because God commands it. When we refuse to forgive, we are stuck in the sin of disobedience. Unforgiveness does more than keep us bound to sin. When we don’t (or won’t) forgive, our hearts become rock-hard, restraining us from walking fully in relationship with God, and making us believe we’re justified in our unforgiveness.

ELBISSOPMI

Exchanging the hurt for freedom.

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Why Should We

IMPOSSIBLE

WHEN FORGIVENESS SEEMS

The whole reason we are given specific instruction in forgiveness is to get rid of what stands between God and us. If we want to mature in our spiritual walk, we must root out the unforgiveness that keeps us from experiencing the close relationship with God that we seek.

Whatever we’ve done and whatever our motivation was, He forgives us. And He expects us to do the same.

Jesus commands us to forgive as the Lord forgave you (Col. 3:13).

How

FORGIVENESS Transforms Us

Many think that forgiveness only benefits the person who wronged us; however, the main beneficiary is us.

When we choose to forgive, we undergo a radical transformation from the inside out.

Here’s how forgiveness transforms us: • We are spared the consequences of living with an unforgiving, hardened heart such as becoming bitter.

• We feel our hearts soften and expand with compassion for our enemies.

• We experience God’s personal forgiveness more fully.

• We receive the healing and wholeness that comes when we extend forgiveness.

• We are freed from the burden of hatred and anger that weigh us down.

Doesn’t this kind of transformation sound good to you? If so, there are steps you can take to practice forgiveness.

How to

FORGIVE God’s Way

In our own strength, we can’t truly forgive our enemies.

However, we have the power of the Holy Spirit inside us, strengthening us to do what seems impossible. Let’s look at how we can forgive God’s way: Remember God’s forgiveness. God has forgiven us without hesitation or exception, and not just for the small, insignificant things; He forgave every offense we’ve ever committed or will commit against Him and others. Reminding ourselves that God forgave us can help us forgive others.

If we have been forgiven much, how can we do any less to those who have hurt us?

Confess your unforgiveness. It’s necessary to confess our sin of unforgiveness and lay down our anger, bitterness, and hatred at the foot of the cross. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).

Only then can we receive the power to forgive others.

Our enemies may not ask for or even care if we forgive them. But when we confess our unforgiveness, God will soften our hearts and make room for compassion.

Make the decision to forgive. Forgiveness is more than just saying a quick prayer and moving on. It’s a decision we will need to make over and over again. The power of forgiveness releases us from a burden we were never meant to shoulder. When we decide to partner with the Holy Spirit, the process, though likely uncomfortable and painful, will usher in healing, peace, and the potential restoration of a damaged relationship.

This is a clear instruction. It’s difficult to apply, but it’s so important that it’s in Scripture for us. As C.S. Lewis once boldly proclaimed: “To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”

Forgive repeatedly. We learn in the gospel of Matthew that forgiveness must be repeated when Peter asked Jesus how often he should forgive someone who sinned against him. Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times’ (Matt. 18:22).

No matter how often someone hurts us, God expects us to forgive. We are not required to stay in a relationship with them, but we are required, by God, to keep forgiving them.

Pray for your enemies. Jesus directs us to love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven (Matt. 5:44).

While it may take weeks, months, or even years before we feel anything resembling love for our enemies, remember that it’s hard to hate someone we actively lift in prayer. As you keep praying for your enemy, God will soften your heart and help you extend genuine love and kindness to them.

This is never easy, but it does get easier with practice.

God will be faithful to you as you are faithful to Him in praying for those who persecute you.

The morning I made a commitment to pray for my enemy, I felt God chipping away at the crusty parts of my heart, creating space for compassion. Although I knew my anger wouldn’t vanish right away, as I confessed my unforgiveness and began to pray for her, my heart felt lighter.

FORGIVENESS

I realized now seemed possible.

God knows how impossible it looks to forgive someone who has deeply wounded us, but the One who forgives the unforgivable in us not only makes it possible, He grants us freedom and restoration when we partner with Him.

Leslie Jones is an author, speaker,

and founder of Every Mile Matters ministry. She encourages women to run the spiritual race God has set before them in Christ-centered confidence and empowerment. You can find her on Instagram as @lesliejonescreative.

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One caveat: not all relationships can, or should, be repaired. Though we forgive someone who has wronged us, it doesn’t mean their actions are justified. We can still forgive without restoration of a relationship.

Extend forgiveness first. Jesus reminds us that we should extend forgiveness even before we go to God in prayer: When you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins too (Mark 11:25, NLT).

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faith CHATS

Rise Up! When Jo Saxton coaches women to find their voice and influence, everybody wins.

by Sarah Nielsen

C

all her outspoken and brutally honest, Jo

Born in Nigeria, raised in London, and living in Min-

her convictions—and she doesn’t want you to

women to find their God-given voice—something

Saxton doesn’t apologize for the passion of

either. Get Jo engaged on the topic of Jesus, wom-

en, and purpose and you get four books, a podcast, weekend seminars, speaking engagements, and

a lively discussion with Just Between Us. Her latest

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book, Ready to Rise, advocates for believers to step

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boldly into their sphere of influence. Jo lends encouragement to do, say, and be whatever it is God has

gifted you to do, exactly where you are. Jo’s mission

is to offer tools to equip women for the task and youcan-do-it cheers along the way.

neapolis, with her British accent, she encourages

she missed in her youth. Today, she uses hers to walk us through that quest and peppers the journey with humor lest we take ourselves too seriously.

From the start, life has been bumpy for Jo. Raised

in long-term foster care, she didn’t see herself as a leader. “I often say I was the last to know I had gifts

[and] skills.” Both Jo’s self-doubt and confusion born from a lifetime of contradictory opinions on women’s roles in the church obscured her gifts and kept her from seeing that she had already stepped into

the role of a leader. Even though she led initiatives at school, captained a team, and participated in church fundraising—even though a teacher intentionally told her that she had “something to say that matters,” she still couldn’t own it.

“I’m not a leader,” she would remind herself. “In that era, I didn’t see it as how God made me. I didn’t see gifts; I didn’t see influence. I didn’t see that the path I was on was God-created, God-designed. I didn’t see I was made for this.” The dark places of her past continually cast a shadow of insecurity over what God was illuminating on her future path.

She told herself she was not enough, she was too much, and there was no category for a woman like her who wanted what seemed like the wrong things in life and didn’t deserve them. Jo admits, “Battling with these things over many years felt lonely.”

As Jo grew in her faith, she found God empowering her to walk into that loneliness and see that those tendencies, that desire to help people and change the world, were His design for her life. “And that kind of purpose,” Jo says, “is worth pushing past my fears for!”

JBU: How did you find your way into the work you do now?

Jo: I stumbled into it. (Laughs) I worked with a non-

profit team that worked with churches. At every gathering, I’d be one of a few or the only woman in the room. At conferences during a break, in the restroom, women would ask me meaningful questions about how to step into their calling. I thought, “Women and their calling are worth more than the five minutes they grab from a speaker in the restroom.” When I saw the versions of training men were given, I thought everyone should have access to this coaching. We all lose when people are overlooked. When we’re not all flourishing in the season of life God’s given us, we’re weaker for it.

JBU: Why did you write Ready to Rise?

because I kept on meeting women of different ages, backgrounds, and ethnicities who were holding themselves back out of either embarrassment, fear of being arrogant, or being unsure how to move forward.

I wanted to give them a starting block, to examine their next steps toward what they felt God might be calling them to do.

I start with a basic assumption that we’re image bearers with a two-fold purpose: to know God intimately and to represent Him in the world for human flourishing. I don’t ask if someone has a calling, I just ask them what it is.

JBU: What does it mean for a woman to find her voice?

Jo: I physically lost my voice some years ago. The

When I coach women, I hear that they don’t feel they’re living into all they’re designed to do. They don’t feel the freedom to express their voice. For example, in a business or team meeting they know the answer but don’t say it for fear of seeming too assertive. But the guy next to them says it and gets the credit. Maybe they say, “I don’t know” at the end of their comments as an apology for fear that they’ve overreached. That hesitation comes out of habits they’ve learned over the years.

The word “voice” in Latin is closely linked to the word “vocation.” We all have a space in which the voice that God has put within us is designed to be heard and used.

JBU: Was there a time in your life when you found your voice?

Jo: I found it multiple times over the years, as a single

woman, married woman, young mother. I’m asking God in every season, “What does it look like to be faithful to You where I am now?” Then there’s finding a voice after a hurt, when people have said you shouldn’t have one.

I keep coming back to ask God, “What do You want me to do?” and looking around for opportunities to get involved. As a girl, I didn’t see myself as having a voice.

I just knew I liked doing the work of leadership, but to give voice to it I had to grow into my understanding of who the Lord was and who I was.

JBU: How do we as women help each other use our voices?

Jo: Encouragement gives people courage. It’s amazing what people can do when they feel believed in and cheered on—but if we’re too prescriptive about what a woman of God looks like, it can be limiting. We start encouraging people to be the image of what we’re comfortable with, rather than the image of what God’s called them to do. The Bible doesn’t paint women’s callings with a broad brush.

JBU: Which women in the Bible inspire you the most?

Jo: They vary. Right now, I’ve been talking about

Sheerah in 1 Chronicles 7:24 and Huldah in 1 Kings 22. Huldah was a political advisor to the kings, and Sheerah built three towns. That’s all we know about them, but I think that’s all we need to know!

We don’t hear about many of the women in the Bible, and we don’t hear about what they accomplished. That

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Photo Credit: Stephanie Bloom Photography

Jo: It’s the book I felt most convicted to write

speech therapist told me, “You don’t lose your voice, it gets damaged.” So, I ask women where their voice might have gotten damaged. The stories I hear from women are that somewhere along the way their voice was damaged by lifestyle, trauma, or exhaustion. That loss, that damage, doesn’t mean that you can’t heal or regain it again. You absolutely can, possibly even in another chapter of your life. It’s never too late.

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where you are, how you are, and how you’re responding to His mission in the world within the context in which He’s placed you.

The first things I did in leadership were not visible nor public. I don’t think I would have done what I do now without starting there. If God is calling you to something, be faithful with the first step and the next step—it may be public for a season and it may be behind the scenes for a season. You don’t have to feel afraid of whatever it is because it’s all for Him anyway.

tells us something. There are plenty of women in the Bible who lived their lives in faithfulness to God. What would it do for women if they saw themselves more obviously in Scripture? It would be a game-changer if we just told the narratives that already exist in the Bible of women following the Lord. We all lose—men and women—when we don’t hear the fullness of their stories.

JBU: What woman made a noteworthy impact on your life?

Jo: I went to Bible College, which was not very diverse,

example, it’s brave to ask someone to mentor you, because the person might say no. But it is part of the journey of your leadership development to ask these bold questions. We get a bit American Idol in that we expect to get picked and voted for. You might have to take the initiative in a mentoring relationship, because this is not American Idol. It’s very, very rare, if not unheard of, to be discovered.

Certainly, my life has not been lived in a straight line with one role. Every decade has been formative, living out very different callings.

Author Clotaire Rapaille said, “A problem I’ve seen with American women is being captive to perfection. There are too many rules, too many tensions.” I’ve seen women step tentatively into leadership for fear of getting it wrong, as though they’re about to break the planet in half. Seriously, it’s not that deep and you don’t have that much power. You are free to discover your own individual path. We think we’re approaching this terrible taskmaster, but He’s a Father who’s saying, “Let’s discover this! Let’s play!” He says, “Come and join Me and My team!” The freedom we have in Christ is huge to me.

Jo: The next generation can mean two things: younger

Jo: Leadership is not a personality type. Leadership is

being intentional with your talents and the influence that you have—that’s it. Leadership is less about what image you project and more about what you’re living and doing. Where do you have influence? Are you intentionally praying about it and seeing how God can expand it, use it, invest in it?

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Jo: Boldness and vulnerability are required. For

and Carole was one of a few black women there. I was compelled by her faith and her freedom. I’d hear her tell the twists and turns of her life and it didn’t make sense how freely she lived. She was free in her calling, free in her leading, free in the way she did things.

JBU: What would you say to women who are not extroverts or do not want to be in a leadership role upfront?

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JBU: You’ve written, “Dreams are hard work.

They require investments.”

Could you elaborate?

We take ourselves out of the game because we don’t look like “them,” which takes us back to the women in the Bible. If we saw the range of their influence and contributions, we wouldn’t construct these boxes.

Leadership is what God is doing with who you are,

JBU: You say to invest in the generations.

How do we do that?

people, and “Who’s next?” Who’s new, up and coming, and not there yet? Who has the experience needed, is not in the room, and should be? Sometimes the person who’s not in the room might be older. The Western world is obsessed by addiction to youth, but we should invest in both sides of the timeline. I grew up in an English culture, but I’m also from an African culture where your elders are valuable with a contribution to make. We are weaker when we are not drawing from both sides of the age spectrum.

It’s important to communicate to older women, “You are not done.” There are older women in whom no one invested. We want to make that investment now, because there’s so much to be gained from their knowledge and perspective. Their confidence is low because earlier in their lives, areas they aspired to were seen as a male domain and unapproachable. They’ve got all these skills and so much to share that didn’t get cultivated. Their talents may not have been validated, but it doesn’t mean their time is over. The world needs what they have to give.

JBU: How do you deal with the fear of stepping out in arenas that are not welcoming to Christians?

Jo: I like those arenas because that’s where we’re meant to be.

For the most part, the hostility we experience is earned. I may not have done it, but generally we create our own problems, and we don’t know how to say I’m sorry. “I’m sorry I judged you. I’m sorry I condemned you. I’m sorry I misrepresented Jesus to you. I’m sorry I bludgeoned you with Him rather than inviting you to meet a gift.” I don’t know if we get to complain. Certainly, it can be hard, but we have to see the hostility in context.

That’s why I go back to those women in the Bible who had different careers and roles, because being in the world is not new. This is the deal. It wasn’t just the men who got martyred in the early church—women got killed too.

If your viewpoint isn’t welcomed, okay! We have to get rid of the theology of needing to be liked. “Let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven” (Matt. 5:16). Jesus has already prepared us for this in His Word.

I would invite curiosity. “Why is that person so hostile?

Is it me? Have I been mean? Do I act like I’m better than everybody else? If it’s not me, have Christians caused them some problems before?” If I want to represent Jesus, maybe my words aren’t useful right now. Maybe I have to give it time. Where is God inviting courage, generosity, love, grace? That doesn’t mean you’re a walking doormat, it just means you understand and pray, asking, “God, how do I function in this context?” We have to stick it out and remember that Jesus also experienced hostility.

JBU: Any last words of encouragement?

Jo: That it’s not too late. You might have a moment

of truth when you realize how far you’ve drifted from where you want to be. His mercies are new every morning and don’t come to an end (Lam. 3:23).

We believe in a God who restores the years that the locusts have eaten (Joel 2:25). I’m so grateful for that verse, especially the word, “years.” There are some things that have been present in our lives for years.

Possibly, they are habits formed over years, disappointment which has eroded us for years, insecurity that’s dogged us for years. You may feel it’s too late for you because it’s gone on so long. I look at that verse and realize, He knows. He’s got it covered. He can redeem years. He can redeem decades.

“Dreams are hard work. They require investments.”

— Jo Saxton Assemble 75 women who are teachers, volunteers, medics, mums (as Jo would say), ministry leaders, pastors, corporate position holders, grand-mums, and creatives. Add Jo Saxton and co-host Stephanie O’Brien as directors, and you get the Ezer Collective that gathers women leaders for two days to interact, grow in confidence, and return as stronger, more effective, more connected leaders.

Jo started the weekend event when she realized, “There are women sitting on planes, cutting deals, holding organizational meetings, and starting businesses. The training they get is great for their work, but it doesn’t integrate their faith. I wanted them to be where their leadership was celebrated, and God was incorporated. We welcome Christian women who are being intentional with their influence, but don’t have the chance to connect with other Christian leaders.”

Jo wants them to have real conversations about “what leadership looks like in the places where God puts us.” Then they are sent to do what they’ve already been doing—with the fuel of confirmation and affirmation. The Ezer Collective is that catalyst.

From its Hebrew roots, ezer, Jo explains, translates to “helper.” A helper could be a mentor who gives specific advice or a discipler helping you grow in your faith.

In some biblical instances, Jo writes, “the ezer is also a warrior—an amazing mix of strength, power, proactivity, and vulnerability. We see the ezer in the mother who nurtures her children, in the woman who lobbies to get better lighting to keep the streets safe.

She’s the university student who campaigns against injustice, the prayer warrior who does battle in prayer for local schools. She is the wife who supports her husband in his career and is the bedrock of her family. She’s the teacher, the doctor, the teenager; she’s the missionary and she’s the church leader. Some are married, some are single, some are parents, and some are not. They’re young, they’re senior citizens.

They’re every shape, size, and color. I wonder if you see them in your family, among your friends, at work.

I wonder if you see an influential woman when you look in the mirror.”

To find out more about attending the Ezer Collective, visit JoSaxton.com.

Look for Jo’s podcast, Lead Stories: Tales of Leadership and Life.

Sarah Nielsen is a writer based in

Nashville, Tennessee. She wrote the book, Just Keep Going: Spiritual Encouragement from the Mom of a Troubled Teen and the website JustKeepGoingParents.com.

— Sarah Nielsen

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You might be thinking, “I’ve spent my whole life living for other people and not doing what God called me to do.” Okay, then … welcome to the first day of your redeemed story.

The Ezer Collective

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INFUSED Meditating on God’s Word restores the soul.

BY SANDY MAYLE

C

LIMBING THE BASEMENT STAIRS left me puffing. Walking home from the neighbor’s meant stopping several times to regain strength and breath. At all hours my heart pounded in my chest.

Undiagnosed autoimmune disease had caused a variety of symptoms over the years, but this was unusual. Knowing my history, my doctor was not alarmed, but ordered some tests.

Hemoglobin, I soon learned, is the iron-rich red pigment in the blood which carries oxygen throughout the body. I needed more, and soon!

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One blood transfusion didn’t cure me. A years-long parade of transfusions and iron infusions followed. I spent many hours in recliners, reading while life-sustaining fluid coursed through IV to vein.

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Eventually, Crohn’s disease was diagnosed. Medication helped, but I improved even more when my gastroenterologist prescribed biologic infusions. Biologics, such as the one I am now infused with every two months, are created not from chemicals like most medicines, but from living cells (mine from hamsters). They better target the disease and challenge the misdirected immune system. The regular intake of something literally alive and powerful has brought a new level of stability and near-normalcy to my life.

PHOTO BY PRISCILLA DU PREEZ / UNSPLASH

He quickly phoned me. “Sandy, your hemoglobin count is 6.4" At my non-reaction, he said, “Tell Ryan (my son, a physician assistant) your count—he’ll know what it means. The only reason you’re still walking around is that your body has gradually adjusted to the lowering counts over time.”

A HOLY INFUSION

In 2021, something again began to feel off. Not in my body, though. In my spirit.

My primary contribution to the body of Christ has long been through freelance writing. But now I had little inspiration.

When I did carry a promising idea to the page, it often lacked breath and strength and was frequently rejected for publication. Periods of struggle and seasons of rejection come with Christian service, I knew, but this was unusual. I knew of no disobedience on my part. No reason why this was happening.

In September of 2022, I felt led to a Christian Writers Retreat in Western Pennsylvania. There I did gain fresh inspiration and a renewed heart for writing. But it wasn’t until a personal retreat the following January that I experienced something I believe God had been waiting to give me.

There I read Psalm 1, especially verses 1-3: “Blessed is the one… whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night.

That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers.”

And I read Robert J. Morgan’s Reclaiming the Lost Art of Biblical Meditation, in which he writes, “Every word [of the Bible] is like a transfusion of strength, of peace, of wisdom, of knowledge about everyday life and eternal life.”

At that retreat I realized as never before that the Word of God is literally “living and active and full of power” (Heb. 4:12, AMP)—a psalm-and-story-and-promised-packed biologic for the soul. Once again I sat in a recliner, this time with God’s Word, and received life-giving infusions.

My spirit—and my writing—was drawing in fresh breath and strength.

C O N T I N U E D O N PA G E 2 4

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I returned home imbued with a fresh passion for the words of the divine Author, eager to meditate on them day and night. Each morning I dove into a Psalm, asking the Lord for the bit of Scripture He wanted me to take into the day.

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A Bible for men that’s focused on godly character and faithful living.

Rooted: The NIV Bible for Men strives to help you connect with your identity in Christ as it highlights timeless virtues that are still valued today. If you are struggling to find your place as a Christian, it helps to remember that while the expectations of the world seem ever-changing, the expectations that God has for you hold true.

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A Bible for women that helps you see yourself as God sees you.

Flourish: The NIV Bible for Women is about becoming who you are in Christ through your relationship with him. Drawing on the truths of Scripture, the features in this Bible will strengthen you with insights and encouragement for the issues you face.

RECOMMENDED READING

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Psalm 1 Psalm 119 2 Timothy 3:16 Hebrews 4:12 Robert J. Morgan’s Reclaiming the Lost Art of Biblical Meditation

SOME WAYS TO READ THE WORD Read from Genesis to Revelation, one or more chapters a day—or read just till the Lord highlights something for you.

Focus on one book of the Bible.

Topically explore a theme God puts on your heart (use concordance and explore references).

Read from a fresh (to you) translation, or a Children’s Bible.

IN SICKNESS OR IN HEALTH

My experience is common to Christ-followers. We’ve likely all felt the gradual decline, and then that jolt of awareness: we’re running alarmingly low on spiritual vitality. We have little stamina; our souls are puffing at the slightest exertion; our hearts are pounding out a silent cry for help. The only reason we’re still going through the motions is because our inner being has gradually adjusted to less and less breath—but our condition is quickly becoming critical.

For which the Great Physician often prescribes infusions of that biologic of the soul, His Word. He sends us to the Bible, to bare our spiritual veins, draw in rich, power-packed truths, and prayerfully meditate on them while the Holy Spirit works His healing in us.

After we’re feeling spiritually healthy once again, we continue to thrive by coming regularly before the Lord, sitting with the Word, and being infused with:

CAPTIVATION

“Oh, how I love your law! I meditate on it all day long” (Ps. 119:97).

TRANSFORMATION

SUGGESTIONS

(some of these are adapted from Morgan’s book): Ask the Lord to give you a passion for His Word.

Persistently pray Psalm 119:18, Psalm 119:97, and Jeremiah 15:16 to this end.

From your daily Bible reading, ask God for a verse, phrase, or word of Scripture to prayerfully ponder that day and into the night. Keep it in mind and prayer (this will take some practice until it becomes a holy habit).

Keep a meditation journal, daily recording the Word God gives you, along with your reflections on it.

Take your Word into the shower and meditate as you cleanse.

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Go “Wordwalking,” pondering that day’s Scripture as you stroll.

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Try to make your Scripture the last thing you think about at night and your first thought in the morning.

Begin an index card set of life-verses—those of special significance to you over the years. Revisit them regularly and memorize as many as possible.

“If you abide in My word… you will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free” (John 8:31-32, AMPC).

ENRICHMENT

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly” (Col. 3:16, ESV).

PROTECTION

“Take… the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God” (Eph. 6:17).

MISSION

“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says” (Jas. 1:22).

LIVING PSALM 1

I’m told my Crohn’s will always be present to some degree. But if symptoms flare, my doctor assures me we can go to more frequent infusions of this effective biologic.

Jesus tells us that in this world we will have trouble (John 16:33); that’s just a fact of life. So as long as we live here, our souls will always need infusions of the Spirit-rich Word. We’ll need to linger over it, ponder it, and live it out.

When troubles flare, we can increase this divine remedy. Come more frequently to the Scriptures. Delight more and more in the Word of the Lord. And meditate on it day and night, so that our lives yield seasonal fruit.

Our spirits do not wither.

And our souls prosper.

Sandy Mayle is a freelance writer of

articles, devotionals, poetry, and prayer and retreat resources. She and her husband, Dave, live in Erie, Pa. They have three sons and daughters-in-law and eight grandchildren.

unwrapping gift THE

The key that unlocks God’s storehouse of riches.

by Constance B. Fink

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y name was boldly written on the tag. The Giver extended the gift to me with delight. But I thought there must be a mistake. The box, wrapped in gloomy colors, appeared to be empty even though it felt heavy. “Are You sure this is for me?” I asked. Then I looked up at the tenderness in His face and I knew it was.

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Despite feeling disappointed, I unwrapped the box. I found unemployment, relationship conflicts, financial stress, health concerns…everything in life I avoided to be content. Here I was holding them. They kept coming. One after the other. Week after week. Month after month. They filled me with overwhelming emptiness.

Conflicting thoughts. Unfocused faith.

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Until one night when I unwrapped a smaller package in the gift box and found a key. The key that turns off the “noise” in life, opening the door to quietness.

Attached was a note that explained the key unlocks the Giver’s abundant storehouse where I will find the richness of God.

What a valuable precious gift—the gift of knowing God, the eternal Giver. The gift that merits prominence. The gift that deserves protection. The gift with lasting benefits. The gift that never wears out. Or runs out.

God is always with me. He protects me. He gives me strength and confidence. He is my Shepherd. He is my Rock. He is my Haven. He is my Father. He is my Brother.

He is my Savior. He is faithful. He provides. He knows.

He warns me of danger. He catches me when I fall. He delights in the details of my life. He sings over me and quiets me with His love. He hears my unspoken whispers. He quiets my stormy emotions. His love is unconditional. His grace is sufficient. His arms give comfort and security. His eyes communicate understanding and support. His will is clear. His promises are kept. His words are true.

Though years have passed, and I am no longer in that season, the treasure of quiet, personal time is still intact.

It’s the same gift but with a different wrapping.

How Are You Protecting the Key to Your Treasure?

Here are some ideas to protect your treasure— connection with God—a gift that is adaptable to any season of life. › Personalize a psalm as a prayer. Substitute your name and your need. › Write a private honest prayer to God. › Read an old hymn and meditate on the truths. › Sing to God—just you to Him. › Take a walk in the woods (or beach) aware of your Creator.

God offers everyone the key to His abundant storehouse, presented to you in personalized wrapping.

› Put aside your prayer “list” for a week to listen to God. › Put aside your prayer “list” and pray from your heart. › Put aside your prayer “time” and talk with God throughout the day. “What do you think of this, Lord?” “Help me to see her as You do.” “I’m not sure what to do, please show me.” › Try to meet with God at a different time of the day, and a different place. › Pray on your knees.

God offers everyone the key to His abundant storehouse, presented to you in personalized wrapping.

You have full access to His storehouse. There you will “…know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God” (Eph. 3:19).

How is your gift wrapped? Are you a busy homeschool mother who may not have consistent quiet times like her elderly widowed friend? Your gift may be wrapped in a headset to listen to praise music while cooking dinner.

Or are you a physically active person with a gift wrapped in what seems like a tragedy—illness or accident? Your gift may be a recovery period given by God to increase spiritual activity and inner quietness.

Same gift. Different wrapping.

You hold the greatest gift from the Giver who loves you most. Imagine His smile of anticipation and eagerness, waiting for you to unwrap it.

contributor to Just Between Us, was raised as a pastor’s kid and has a degree in psychology. She and her husband, Dave, have been involved in both full-time and lay ministries. Currently, she lives in Northwest Illinois.

› Ask what does this verse(s) show me about Christ’s character? › Lift your face to heaven throughout the day and smile, mindful that God sees you. › Keep a continuous conversation with God, mindful that He is with you. › Read Scripture slowly, stopping to ask God a question or to thank Him. Some days you may read a chapter, other days one word. › Schedule regular quietness no matter how busy you are. Block out time with God as you would to meet with a friend like a date (15 minutes, one hour, an afternoon). Put it on your calendar.

Anticipate it, protect it, keep it. If the kids are busy in a community activity, sit in the car alone for part of the time. Or if you are always alone, schedule the time anyway; set it apart for you and Him. › Evaluate what fills your life. What fosters a quiet spirit? What adds noise and clutter? What drains you? Adjust accordingly. › Jot a note of thanks to Jesus on your grocery list while you are waiting in the checkout line, mindful that He sees it. › Turn your mind to Christ anywhere, even in a crowd. An intimate relationship with God does not require being silent and alone. › Visualize Jesus in the chair across from you. Talk with Him. (P.S…this is my personal favorite now.)

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Constance B. Fink, a long-standing

› Choose one attribute of God. Look for how He shows it to you that day.

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IS GOD ON

Mute?

Three lessons from the pain of unanswered prayer.

by Lori Ann Wood

S

lamming the door to the bedroom I shared with my sister, I knew it was the worst retaliation—giving my parents the silent treatment. Growing up, I understood silence only as a weapon.

All my life, I’ve struggled with the value of silence. Even pauses in conversations or unanswered emails feel especially awkward for me. It seems like a good communicator should be able to keep the talk flowing.

My life was suddenly ripped into two parts: pre-diagnosis and post-diagnosis. Pre-diagnosis I was healthy, I talked to God, and He seemed to guide me. Post-diagnosis, none of that happened, at least not at first.

But several years ago, I embarked on a heart journey where I’m learning that sometimes silence can be the most effective communication of all. Especially when it comes to hearing from God. After visiting my family doctor with what I thought was the flu, I spent 14 days in cardiac ICU. With no risk factors and no family history, I was suddenly diagnosed with end-stage heart failure from an unknown cause.

My enlarged heart was functioning at just 6%. The most optimistic doctors gave me a five-year life expectancy.

In this unlimited-talk-and-text world, the lack of communication felt like abandonment. God seemed unresponsive and remote, and I often gave Him the silent treatment right back. The two-way quiet threatened to dampen my faith. Even when I couldn’t pray, thousands of people prayed around the clock despite a grim prognosis and sympathetic tears from every doctor we encountered. Still, this God I thought I knew remained distant and cold. I started to blame myself for His quietness. I was actually embarrassed that so many fervent prayers of others on my behalf seemed unanswered.

Was it me? Was my shaky faith the problem?

I was flown to Cleveland Clinic and became my doctor’s most critical patient for 16 months. During that time, I wore an external defibrillator and titrated potent

I lived in this foggy, mute space and held on for a year and a half. Then, against all medical odds, my heart function was suddenly—and astonishingly—restored.

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My Silent Period

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medications to maximum dosages. I was eventually implanted with a special pacemaker/internal defibrillator. Then we waited…to see if I would hit transplant status as experts expected.

But in those long months with nothing but silence from God, I learned three important lessons:

➜ Lesson #1: This side of eternity, some things don’t fix.

A Christian doctor and family friend told me early on that the heart is the only muscle in the body that can’t repair itself. Medical science can prop you up with medication and devices and lifestyle changes, but the heart doesn’t mend. As I repeated my friend’s words in my head, I slowly began to realize that faith will not stop our bodies from being human, and we should stop expecting it to.

➜ Lesson #3: Pauses produce perspective.

All that time with no improvement when I thought God was ignoring me, He was actually leading me. God’s soundless delay was His grace giving my mind time to adjust and accept His plan. He was urging me to lay His past faithfulness over the conversations that seemed stifled, to stop demanding an answer, and trust His inaudible process.

I started to more fully understand the words of Jesus from John 13:7 where He said, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”

After all, Jesus told us, “In this world you will have trouble” (John 16:33). And every one of Jesus’s own followers and family eventually died. Sometimes, though overseen by a good God, our lives don’t become whole again. Sometimes our lives stay broken, so we will long for a better one. We are made in His image with eternity woven into our hearts (Eccl. 3:11).

Based on journals kept on anxious hospital days, I began blogging and writing articles to help others hold onto their faith. I eventually finished a book that’s been gnawing at me all my adult life. I may never have given myself the time or the urgency to write it in a safer, healthier life. I signed a contract with a publisher and my book was released in February 2023.

I have come to accept that this side of eternity, in this broken, longing-for-heaven world, some things don’t fix. While that never discounts the power of God to act if it is within His good plan, this realization releases us from the bondage of tangible results that often call into question the power of our faith—and it makes us rethink the purpose of our problems.

I see now how His silence had been part of an unfolding response. God’s hush was clearing my heart for a new season.

David Gibson says, “Not everything can be fixed! Not everything is a problem to be solved. Some things must be borne, must be suffered, and endured.” In that bearing with our God, something even more surprising can happen.

➜ Lesson #2: The power of prayer is not in an

immediate resolution, but rather in an enduring relationship.

In making this transition from the results to the relationship, I am embracing the words of the most spirit-led person I know, my husband, “I’m trading what I can’t keep for something I can never lose.”

Through all the lessons I’ve lived and the mistakes I’ve made, I’m still a follower in training. Believing behind the veil of silence is often spotty, painful, and challenging.

My story is not fully written. Three years after my remarkable recovery, my heart function dropped, and I found myself in active heart failure again. Heart failure is a chronic, progressive disease. For most, medical science can manage the symptoms and for some, they can slow the progression—but there is no cure.

So, I am anticipating encountering God’s silence again in response to future prayers. But on those quiet days, I will remember everything I’ve learned—that the unfixable is part of the plan, that relationship overshadows results, and that pauses have power.

And I will recall this inscription found on the wall of a World War II concentration camp cellar: “I believe in the sun even when it is not shining I believe in love, even when there’s no one there. And I believe in God, even when He is silent.”

Lori Ann Wood is a freelance author who has been awarded the Frederick Buechner Narrative Essay Award and awards from the Evangelical Press Association and Colorado Christian Writers.

Her work has been published in several anthologies and numerous print and online venues, and her first book, Divine Detour: The Path You’d Never Choose Can Lead to the Faith You’ve Always Wanted, is available online at amazon and loriannwood.com/ books/. Connect with her on her website, on Instagram or on Facebook.

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Prolonged prayer has gradually shifted my priorities—I’m not seeking so much temporary relief from suffering now as I am a permanent bond with my Savior. These drawn-out, silence-evoking requests have moved my focus from the result to the relationship. This shift might never have happened if I had been quickly healed as I had hoped. By putting Him above my requests, God has been patiently bringing me to the end of myself and closer into His arms. “For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation” (Ps. 62:1, ESV).

Expecting the Silence

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Back-to-School Prayers

The best way you can send your kids and grandkids off to a new school year.

by Rebecca Barlow Jordan

One of the best ways you can prepare your children or grandchildren this year as they go back to school is through prayer. Praying Scripture over them is one of the most powerful ways to pray. Here are ten backto-school prayers to get you started:

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Prayer for Peace

Lord, help my kids (grandkids) experience the peace of God this year that exceeds all understanding. I pray they will not worry about things they cannot control, but that You will guard their hearts and minds and keep them trusting in You. I pray they will not only enjoy the peace of God, but peace with God. I pray they will develop a spirit of gratitude and thanksgiving as they look to You daily for their needs.

I pray that You will give them the capacity for joy that bubbles up from Your peace.

(Is. 26:3; Phil. 4:6-7; Rom. 5:1)

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Prayer for Protection

Lord, I pray Your emotional, physical, and spiritual protection over my kids (grandkids). Keep evil far from them and help them to trust You as their refuge and strength. Guard their minds from harmful instruction and grant them discernment to recognize truth.

Make them strong and courageous in the presence of danger to recognize that You have overcome and will set right all injustice and wrong one day. Help them to find rest in Your shadow, as they live in the spiritual shelter You provide for them. Let them know that the only safe place is in Jesus and that their home on Earth is temporary.

(2 Thess. 3:3; Ps. 46:1; John 17:15; Ps. 91)

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Prayer for Purity

Lord, create in my kids (grandkids) a clean heart and constantly renew a right spirit within them, keeping their thoughts and actions pure and motivated by love. Guard them against temptation and let them know You are always faithful to give them a way out and help to endure. May the words of their mouths and the meditations of their hearts always please you and edify others.

(Ps. 51:10; Matt. 5:8; 1 Tim. 1:5; 1 Cor. 10:13; Ps. 19:14)

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Prayer for Passion

Lord, help my kids (grandkids) develop a passion for the things of God. Help them to hunger and thirst for You and Your Word and love You with all of their hearts, souls, and minds. Give them compassionate and generous hearts to love others as much as You love them. May they always work and study with excellence, and help them desire a servant spirit, rather than worldly success. I pray they will fall in love with Jesus over and over again.

(Ps. 42:1; Matt. 22:37-39; John 13:34-35)

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Prayer for Perspective

Lord, help my kids (grandkids) develop an eternal perspective and purpose, not an earthly one. Help them to see life—and every challenge— through Your eyes, eager and unafraid to share Jesus with others wherever they go. Help them set their minds on things above, not just what’s going on here, and that they will be rooted and grounded in Your love. I pray they will come to understand the extent of Your love for them and that it surpasses all the head knowledge they will acquire in school. May they be filled up with You from morning to night.

(Gal. 2:20; Matt. 28:18-20; Phil. 1:21; Col. 3:1-2; Eph. 3:17)

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Prayer for Persistence

Lord, help my kids (grandkids) to exercise persistence, not only in prayerful communication with You but also in the things You give them to do.

Teach them balance, so they can discern the difference between what is good and what is best. Help them to keep trusting You to work things out for their good, even when things seem chaotic. Should they experience disappointments, show them how to put their past behind them while keeping their faith moving forward.

(Luke 18:1; Rom. 8:28; Ps. 90:12; Phil. 3:13-14; Prov. 9:10) Lord, help my kids (grandkids) to understand they were created for Your purpose: to honor You and bring You glory in all they do. Help them to see that their identity can only be found in Christ, and that You see them as beloved children. Develop their talents, abilities, and spiritual gifts so they can use them as lights shining for You. Help them discover that difficulties will help build their character and faith, and reveal

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Prayer for Patience

Lord, help my kids (grandkids) develop patience to wait on You. When they are tempted to move ahead of You, slow them down gently and allow them to be still in Your presence. When they are tired or overcommitted, give them rest. Help them to lay their burdens at Your feet and not attempt to carry their loads alone. Show them Your promises are true, and that You are faithful in all You do. Let them see the value of godly friendships and counselors, especially in times of fear, worry, doubt, or discouragement.

(Ps. 27:14; Ps. 46:10; Is. 40:31; 1 Pet. 5:7; Prov. 11:14)

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Prayer for Power

Lord, give my kids (grandkids) power through the Holy Spirit to stand against evil and avoid any tendencies toward wrongdoing. Give them boldness, a sound mind, and a spirit of love and self-control. Show them that You often use their weaknesses to display Your greatness and power through their lives.

Help them see the magnitude of Your love, forgiveness, and grace at work daily.

(1 Cor. 16:13; 2 Tim. 1:7; Matt. 7:2; 2 Cor. 12:9)

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Prayer for Presence

Lord, give my kids (grandkids) the gift of presence—the ability to live in the moment, savoring every good and perfect gift You provide for them. Help them discover both the beauty of Your creation and that You created them for Your pleasure.

Give them a sense of Your daily presence as they experience Your mercies new and fresh each morning.

May they never take Your gifts for granted. From the time they arise until they are sound asleep, let them know that You will never leave them and that nothing can ever separate them from Your love.

(Jas. 1:17; Ps. 8:1; Rev. 4:11; Lam. 3:22-23; Josh. 1:5; Rom. 8:37-39) Your children and grandchildren need your prayers all year long. Prayer is the best protection you can give them. When we pray Scripture, God listens! And we can always know those prayers are in His will.

Adapted from rebeccabarlowjordan.com/five-back-to-school-prayers-forkids-and-grandkids.

Rebecca Barlow Jordan is a bestselling, inspirational author of 13 books, and over 2,000 greeting cards, devotions, and articles. She is a retired minister’s wife, mom of two adult daughters, and Mimi to four grandchildren. Rebecca’s newest award-winning book is Day-votions® with Your Faithful Father. Visit her website and blog at rebeccabarlowjordan.com. She and her husband feel one of their greatest ministries is praying for their children and grandchildren.

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Prayer for Purpose

a greater understanding of who You designed them to be. Assure them that Your plans for them are good and that You will guide them daily.

(1 Cor. 1:30; Matt. 5:16; Jas. 1:2-4; Jer. 29:11; Prov. 3:5-6)

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by Jill Briscoe

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I

n my Bible, I’ve been reading through the little book of Habakkuk—one of the minor prophets. Habakkuk was a man who was waiting for God, but in that, he had so many questions. Habakkuk was waiting for injustice and corruption to be addressed in the society in which he lived. Maybe you are too—waiting for rights to be reestablished and wrongs to be righted. For corruption or outright persecution to stop.

For living truth to prevail. Maybe all this is happening not in an unbelieving society, but in a lapsed religious society like Israel at this point in biblical history. Maybe,

you are waiting for renewal of faith in your church or community. Are you asking: “How long, oh Lord?”

What are you waiting for? A friend to be a friend?

Someone to love you or for you to love back? Are you waiting for a break? Or a baby? A child to ask to be forgiven or for courage to say your own sorry to someone you’ve offended or hurt? Maybe you’re waiting for a house to sell or health to be restored? Is your heart asking: “How long, oh Lord?”

Perhaps you are a student and you’re waiting to know what to do with your life? Maybe you’re waiting to be popular, or beautiful, or chosen for a team or a part in a play. Or are you waiting for a phone call, to tell you you’ve got a job? Whom or what are you waiting for?

world like all the dangerous difficulties of the day ahead of me. What a rocky road!

Waiting is akin to suffering, isn’t it? Especially when you are waiting for something very important. Yet sometimes, it’s in the delays of life you find what your heart is really waiting for.

“Hind’s feet, Lord, give me hind’s feet!

Like Yours!

How are you doing with the delays in your days? Are you good at waiting? I’m not! I’m with Habakkuk. Can you hear my heart crying: “How long, oh Lord? How long?”

Early in the morning as day was dawning, I was glad to arrive at the end of Habakkuk’s book. It was so sad.

It talked of pain and sorrow, tears and war. But there in chapter four at the end of the prophecy, I found a song of joy crowning the prophet’s psalm of sorrow. Seeing it was early I went to The Deep Place Where Nobody Goes and waited in the mellow mists of morning to talk to God about it.

“Habakkuk was my friend,” He said quietly. I thought I knew why.

“I think Habakkuk pictured You as the ‘Hind (“deer”) of the morning,’” I commented. “That’s a lovely picture of You.” We were quiet thinking of how at Calvary’s cross, the lion got the Hind. I thought of how the devil ripped the Hind to shreds and I shuddered.

So, I asked Him to help me to go up—onto the heights, just like He told me to—it’s the best thing to do!

You are the Hind of the morning, Walk with me on the heights, Help me to jump, to leap over the crevices.

You go first—show me how.

Land me safely on sure ground.

Give me a high view of Scripture, Of the purposes and promises of God. Grant me a vision from the heights of worship Of the whole panorama of Your will; and Preserve me from the mountain lion that would terrorize me.

Give me fleet feet when the lion comes.

Yet and though he pounces to bring me down, Help me to bear it well.

“But on Easter morning I got that lion!” He said suddenly!

And meet me on the other side of sorrow, In a new place, In a new race, In a new age, On a new page Of eternal history.

And then we laughed, and time stood still, and all the trees of the fields clapped their hands.

Until then, oh heavenly Hind of the morning Talk to me often about the dawn of that new day!

“Oh, dear One, more precious to me than any other— help me to be like You—like a hind—surefooted on hard ground,” I pled.

Toughen me now tenderly, And give me …

HIND’S FEET! Amen!

I thought of the challenges that awaited me. Today, I would deal with losses and grief, make hard decisions, and mend relationships. I didn’t like this part of the mountain climb, this part of life and ministry!

“Remember the low places of life are really the high places of spiritual experience,” He reminded me.

“Well then, oh Heavenly Hind of the morning, today, when I find myself picking my way among the rocks and crags, trying to keep my feet from stumbling, help me keep my balance.”

And then we were walking together in the shallow places where everybody lives, looking up at the impossible crags on the mountainside, and they looked for all the

Why not borrow my prayer for yourself today? Add some petitions for your loved ones too. We all need hind’s feet!

If I want to have my life fueled by faith and filled with joy, I need to open my ears to whatever He says and embrace where He chooses to send me, and endure it with good courage, while He strengthens my ankles.

Jill Briscoe was born in Liverpool, England. She partnered with her husband in ministry for over 70 years, has written more than 40 books, and has traveled on every continent teaching and encouraging ministry leaders. Jill is the founder of Just Between Us. She can be heard regularly on the worldwide media ministry called Telling the Truth. She lives in southeast Wisconsin.

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“I will give you hind’s feet in high places if you ask me to,” He replied quietly. “I will enable you to go on the heights.”

By now I had returned through the mists by the way of the valley by the rocky mountain to the door of my new day. The phone was ringing off the hook. The climb had begun. I was ready!

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PARENTING MY

TRANSGENDER CHILD WHY THE CHURCH NEEDS TO SHOW GRACE NOT JUDGMENT.

by Teri Carabello

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s a young parent, I was involved in a church that modeled everything I had been taught about sharing Christ’s love. One Wednesday evening during prayer, an older couple stood up and openly shared their heart with us. They explained to our congregation that their adult child had been charged with embezzling from her employer.

It was a substantial amount of money, and she would most likely face jail time. As they explained, they made a simple request. They asked us to not gossip, but to pray. They were happy to share updates, but really needed prayer support to get through the coming difficulties. I was moved and had tremendous respect for their honesty and transparency. Their ability to share their burden made it easier for our church family to show compassion and support them through the crisis.

I had no idea it was a parenting lesson I would need later in my own life.

Parenting a Transgender Child

Now, years later, when I find myself coveting the support, prayer, and love of my church family, I have not found my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ as receptive. I have an adult, transgender child. I have openly shared this with my faith community. I have not, however, shared how this affects us as Christian parents.

As the transgender debate began to grow and spread across this country and people have become more outspoken about it, we found ourselves increasingly isolated. My fellow believers found it difficult to make space for parents who have a trans child.

I will admit that saying these words, ten years into this, leaves me feeling empty. My trans child graduated magna cum laude from a Christian university with a degree in Religious Philosophy. When we attended that graduation, our son was wearing makeup, fingernail polish, and very feminine clothes beneath his gradua-

tion gown. As we packed up the dorm room and prepared to return home, we were overwhelmed, shocked, and heartbroken. How do you face difficult topics with an adult child?

We dove in face first. This led to serious, sometimes heated, discussions. Our son began to share with us that he had felt like a woman for years and wanted to wear women’s clothes. We were heartbroken as we thought about our dreams for our son. When we began to share this crisis with our church family—friends, Sunday school class, pastors—we watched them shrink away. We were in a crisis! We needed their love, support, understanding, and their prayers. Our child, raised in our faith, needed these as well.

Parenting Amid Judgment and Fear

We live in a culture that judges everything these days. Our weight, choice of clothes, best social media presence, and our parenting. There is a pervasive feeling that parents do not want their children exposed to trans people or the LGBTQ+ community at large. I understand these opinions. I was protective of my child growing up. When we were with our child, we began to experience the stares, mumbled words, and outright aggression others felt free to express. We watched as hate-filled and accusatory social media posts began to appear from our fellow believers, family, and friends.

It was shocking to see and experience.

Misconstrued Proverb

I have parented with the godly foundation other believers follow, and as parents, we had tried to lead by being a godly example. Now, we were questioning ourselves and many of the parenting choices we made.

Well-meaning people were saying hurtful things. Those without good intentions felt free to be openly hostile and were quick to share their personal opinions. We had to cling to our faith and God’s Word.

Many parents follow the biblical examples of parenting yet have children who grow up to follow their own path.

They begin to make choices contrary to their upbringing.

Frankly, this happens often. Our adult children are mak-

God’s Parenting Example

We have a role model for this: while we sin, and God feels great disappointment in us, He never turns away from us. “The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness’” (Jer. 31:3). What a beautiful example of our heavenly Father’s never-ending love! We choose to model this. We want an open line of communication that is true to God’s Word.

“We have a great role model for this:

while we sin, and God feels great disappointment in us, He never turns away from us.”

Keeping the Faith and Forgiveness

As we have watched family members turn their backs and our church shrink away from us, it has caused deep hurt and disappointment. We could not hide or pretend we didn’t feel it. We were longing for healing, comfort, and answers. We have prayed, and we continue to pray as we wait. Others who raised their children along with ours did not appear to be facing the trials we were facing. They seemed to be living the perfect family life. The comparisons left us feeling like we had failed in our parenting, but we are called as believers to live by faith. Faith, for us, means trusting God and the promises we hold true to in His Word. Doubt was easy.

Doubting ourselves as parents, our faith journey, and our belief system—but allowing doubt to take root does not help you focus on the real issue.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance…If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind (Jas. 1:2-3, 5-6).

So, we continue to seek God’s wisdom in dealing with a very difficult situation.

Admitting these emotions, raw and ugly as they were, was a first step. “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Ps. 34:18).

We were holding on to unrealistic expectations and

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As many parents facing a crisis do, we turned to Prov.

22:6 (ESV), “Train up a child in the way they should go, and even when they are old, they will not turn from it.”

For years, I thought of this as an insurance policy for parenting, but this passage is often misconstrued. If the Scripture included a guarantee that children raised in a proper home by godly parents would remain true to their beliefs as adults, this would strip the child of their own free will. Free will is given to each of us individually. It is important to remember that this passage is a proverb and not a promise that God is required to fulfill for us. As believers, we need to show more grace and understanding to parents and stop laying the guilt of bad parenting on them. They already feel it!

ing decisions that no longer include us. However, it is our Christian responsibility, and that of the church, to extend grace and to continue to show love through these times.

Speak the truth in love and do it respectfully; that is a part of our responsibility as believers, but we don’t turn our backs on our children because we disagree.

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needed to let them go. We needed to forgive others and ourselves. It’s not easy to turn your hurts over to the Lord, but it is necessary to move toward healing.

Called to Love One Another

“But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing and rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having hope of eternal life” (Titus 3:4-7). I love seeing the words “so that,” or “with the purpose of,” in this passage. This phrase reminds us that, in a broken world, we have the hope of redemption. He saved us with the purpose of being in His family. We are reminded of God’s grace that was given to us so generously so that we are equipped to show grace and love to others. John 13:34, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another” (John 13:34). When this commandment was given, it did not come with stipulations.

Loving others can be painful. It requires you to open your heart and put yourself out there knowing you may not get back what you put in. Love requires us to be selfless and to think about the needs of others over our own. It may feel awkward, difficult, or challenging in the moment, but we are called to love others—even trans kids—with no stipulations attached.

Loving When it’s Not Easy

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One of the most difficult things we have experienced as part of this journey is seeing our church act as if they were not able to, or not allowed to, show love to our trans child. Some have known and fellowshipped with our family and our child for years. I often wrestle with these questions: How do we as believers create a path that lets my out-of-God’s-will child know it is safe to return to God’s house? How do we support someone on a journey we do not agree with and continue to show the love of Christ? How do we show love to people we disagree with? How do we pray for people that we do not agree with?

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The couple that stood up in our church and asked for prayer faced more difficult days, days I am sure they never expected to face when their child was young.

Parenting is a difficult and worrisome process, but we should remain hopeful. “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Rom. 15:13). Now, that is a promise!

STILL TIME TO CARE by Suzan Braun Transgenderism is one of the most prominent topics in cultural, political, and church discussions and debates going on today. According to the Trevor Project’s 2022 National Survey on LGBTQ+ Youth Mental Health, 1.3 million people identify as transgender in the United States and over 300,000 of them are youth ages 13-17. Alarmingly, 1 in 5 of these transgender youth have attempted suicide.

These are real people, 86% of them raised in the church growing up like Teri’s son—loved dearly by God and made in His image. Most of them would not enter a church today because of feeling hated and judged. We have the opportunity to reach out in love to a sexual minority who are experiencing rejection and alienation within the Body of Christ.

I recently attended a Christian conference for believers who are LGBTQ+ and those who love them. They observe the historic Christian doctrine of marriage and sexuality. I visited with some transgender speakers and conference attendees. We worshipped and laughed together. They are believers who are living sacrificially holy lives to honor God, and at this conference found a safe place among a Christian community.

We can encourage change and start forming friendships and offering community with LGBTQ+ people. Love, mutual respect, and compassion will help build relationships even when we disagree on important theological issues.

Here are some resources to help you navigate this complex issue with adult LGBTQ+ family members, children, and friends. Just Between Us holds to the orthodox biblical view of marriage, sexuality, and gender. (Note: Not all the content in these resources reflect JBU’s point of view):

Resources

Books: Embodied: Transgender Identities, the Church and What the Bible Has to Say by Preston Sprinkle Understanding Gender Dysphoria: Navigating Transgender Issues in a Changing Culture by Mark Yarhouse Guiding Families of LGBT+ Loved Ones by Bill Henson and Posture Shift Ministries Pastoral Paper: “Challenges Faced by Christian Parents of LGBTQ+/SSA Children” (Source: “Resources” at centerforfaith.com) Video: Parenting LGBTQ Kids (including three videos for parents of trans kids) ParentingLGBTQ.com

LGBTQ+ General Resources

Books: People to Be Loved: Why Homosexuality is Not Just an Issue by Preston Sprinkle Still Time to Care; What We Can Learn from the Church’s Failed Attempt to Cure Homosexuality by Greg Johnson

Teri Carabello is a lifelong outdoor

enthusiast who loves spending her spare time in nature. The outdoors inspires her and she is always searching for new wild, landscapes and off beaten adventures to explore. Teri lives in Mount Morris, NY.

Gay Girl, Good God: The Story of Who I Was and Who God Has Always Been by Jackie Hill Perry Leading a Church in a Time of Sexual Questioning by Bruce B. Miller

The Waste of Worry A PRAYER

O

h Father, I want to stop. I want to trust you with every aspect of my life. I want to be able to bring my worries and fears to

you and just leave them with you because I know you can and will handle them. I ask your help when I obsess about something. Help me remember that you have things under control…and you don’t need my help. Help me remember that most of the things I worry about will never actually happen anyway. I’m tired of worrying. I know you’re tired of my worry too and that you’ll help me.

God cares for you, so turn your worries over to him.

1 PETER 5:7, CEV

betweenus ȷustbetween us fall 2023 ȷust

Excerpted from 100 Days of Prayer for Women by Carolyn Larsen (Revell: a division of Baker Publishing Group) ©2023. Used by permission.) bakerpublishinggroup.com

37

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OUTSIDE YOUR FRONT DOOR

Joy-Filled Waiting

J

by Ashley N. Thomas

OY-filled waiting.

Are you waiting for something? Results? A promotion? An apology? A new relationship?

Or maybe you’re in the infamous land in between where you are unsure of what God has for you next. Whether it’s good news or the right news we are hoping for, the seasons where we seemingly have no other option but to wait can feel excruciatingly hard.

Stepping outside our own front door to be with people in waiting is an essential part of being the hands and feet of Jesus to a hurting world. Chances are most people you bump shoulders with are waiting for something, or someone. There’s something their mind can’t stop thinking about, and our hope ought to be that they are entrusting whatever that is in the loving and all-knowing hands of Jesus.

I don’t typically like to share a list of dos and don’ts. Life has taught me that while a situation or circumstance may be similar, each person is unique and how something affects them can look wildly different. However, when it comes to walking alongside those who are waiting, there are some helpful things to consider: • Ask clarifying questions. Unless someone specifically asks for it, most people aren’t looking for advice when they share about their season of waiting.

Instead of offering what you would do, ask clarifying questions that acknowledge you heard what they said, and you want to know more. Questions can help people come to their own conclusion, which will ultimately help people grow and move forward.

• Be a prayer warrior. When your friends share their concerns bring it before the throne. Make it a habit to pray for your friends as they come to mind.

There’s nothing stopping you from having a continual conversation with your Father, and faithfully placing your friends at His feet—even just saying their names and entrusting them and their lives in His hands is powerful.

• Sit in the “mud.” I recently shared with a close friend that I was having a hard time with the unknown. Her response was “what do you need?” and then she followed up with “someone to sit in the mud with you?” I found that to be such a helpful statement. It acknowledged I felt stuck, didn’t want to be fixed, and that she was willing to give me the gift of her time. People need people willing to meet them where they are at. We know it is not healthy to stay in those stuck places, but sometimes in order to get out we need someone to walk with us. Be willing to sit in those uncomfortable spaces with someone for a period of time. Your presence just might be the light they need to get unstuck.

So how do we wait joyfully?

Simply put, by being in close proximity to our Lord and Savior. The good news is He is ready and willing. We get to practice open hands, leaning in, and being.

Jesus has not left us. While it may seem like He’s silent, we can trust He is working on our behalf. We may not know just how that looks, but we can trust it is good, and exactly what our soul needs.

As I write this, I find myself in my own season of waiting. As a planner, “wait” doesn’t feel very productive.

Yet, what if part of being in the season of waiting is a reminder that sometimes the goal isn’t to “do” but a built-in opportunity to “be,” to become.

Ashley N. Thomas is the Executive Director of Hope Street

ministry in Milwaukee, Wis. She enjoys teaching, writing, learning, and being present with broken people as each discovers the grace that allows us all to be known and loved still. She is a wife, mom to a baby boy (Jedidiah), and fur baby (Belle).

fromsmashtoash.com

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I am grateful for faithful friends who lovingly speak truth, listen, ask hard questions, and help keep my eyes focused on the spaces where being present brings great joy. My prayer for you is that you continually place your desire at His feet trusting that He knows, He sees, He hears, and while the promise isn’t that you will get what you want, His joy can provide exactly what your soul needs.

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INTENTIONAL FAITH

The Truth About Perfectionism

by Jen Allee

W

hy did I say that?!

It sounded good at the moment, but later I realized how prideful and self-centered it was. Unfortunately, I wasn’t worried that my words had affected those who heard them. I was worried about my image. What would they think of me now? It’s no secret to me that I am prideful and self-centered, but I work hard to portray myself as humble and selfless. And I’m often successful. Why? Because I am a perfectionist.

At the heart of a perfectionist is a deep fear of being discovered or exposed. It might be exhausting to maintain an image of having it all together, but as any legalistic pro will tell you—we don’t have a choice. It is in our bones to do everything right.

But like all of us, I am filled with brokenness. The wrongness I hate is within me. Ugh! So, like any good perfectionist, I try to keep my flaws buried deep within me. I carefully craft my words to mask and divert attention away from my flaws. But they always sneak out. They peer at me and point their fingers. They leak into my words and spill out in conversation. They are uncontainable!

Recently, the Lord asked me to pull out my failings and sit with them. All I wanted to do was sweep them out of sight. He then asked me a question: “What would others think if they saw these parts of you?” My answer was simple: “They wouldn’t like me.”

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All the equity I have built up of being “all the things” would come crashing down. Surely no one would like the remaining rubble. Ironically, I have no problem loving the imperfect people in my life, yet I assume I would not be afforded the same luxury. Certainly, my ruins are worse.

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After pondering my answer, I reflected on the cycle I often find myself in. Try to be perfect, fail, acknowledge my failings, then try to be perfect again. It is a vicious cycle that I would prefer to cycle out of, but don’t know

how to. So, I turned to God with my question, “Why did You fashion me this way?” I reminded Him this motivation was wired deep within me and I couldn’t escape it if I tried. His answer was simple: “Don’t try to be Me, just reflect Me.” Though we are all made in His image, we aren’t cookie cutter duplicates of Him. Some of us mirror His mercy, while others feature His faithfulness. And some, like me, strive to emulate His desire for excellence, His black-and-white standard of right and wrong. Together we form a beautiful prism, turning and glistening in sharp rainbows. But none of us will ever be the actual prism. We just reflect a face of it. So, aiming for excellence simply represents a shiny shard of His excellence, His perfection.

So how do I reflect Him without trying to be Him? I examine my motives. What am I doing or saying to portray an image or hide a fault? I must remember false images do damage. They lead to further failure because I’ll never attain what I am portraying. And they hurt others because they make them feel lacking.

I don’t have a long track record for this new modus operandi, but what little progress I have made has been glorious. Freeing! In short, I have learned this powerful truth: It is okay to long for accuracy and precision. Cross the “t’s” and dot the “i’s” with gusto!

But don’t work to create an image of someone you’re not. Leave the job of actually being perfect to the only One who is.

➜

Be Intentional

When/with whom do you try to portray an

image or hide a fault? Ask God to show you why you do it. Then choose to stop.

Jen Allee is an author and speaker who believes a strong faith

is built one intentional step at a time. For encouragement in taking your next step, visit her at Living Intentionally at jenallee.com.

jenallee.com

The Joy of the LORD is my Strength My daughter’s out-of-state wedding and family’s move within two weeks of one another looked feasible on my calendar. But each day added something new—weariness from travel, family dynamics, business decisions, and the endless packing. Focusing on my circumstances, I felt defeated. I didn’t have the strength for one more thing.

15

minutes in the

WORD

By Dorie Etrheim Reread their response in verse 12.

Let’s continue in their shoes. They listened to God’s Word for over six hours, then celebrated together with great rejoicing in the Lord.

What might this look like in your life today?

Have you ever felt that way?

I wonder if the Israelites had similar feelings. Imagine being in their shoes—living apart from God’s law in exile, the long journey, rebuilding their homes and the wall of the city, with constant opposition. It’s likely their strength and joy were completely exhausted.

Thankfully, Nehemiah had an important reminder for God’s people and for us today, too.

Read Nehemiah 8:1-12. Note what stands out to you.

After settling into their homes, the Israelites asked Ezra to read the Book of the Law. How did they respond in verse 6?

Author Henri Nouwen writes, “Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day. It is a choice based on the knowledge that we belong to God and have found in God our refuge and our safety and that nothing, not even death, can take God away from us.”

Digging Deeper “For the joy of the LORD is your strength” (Neh. 8:10). The Hebrew word for joy is “hedwah” meaning to rejoice or make glad. Rejoice in who God is and what He has done in all your circumstances.

The Hebrew word for strength in this verse is “maoz” meaning a refuge or a place of safety to run to for assistance or strength. Run to God with all your cares; you will find strength in His arms.

As I turned my focus to God, I immersed myself in His Word and worship songs throughout the day. My anxious thoughts that drained my strength became a confident trust that God is in control and everything will be all right.

Look what happens in verses 8-9.

When they understood the Law they wept and mourned, realizing how far from God they were.

It is easy to forget God when circumstances are overwhelming.

“Strength and joy are in His dwelling place” (1 Chron. 16:27).

What was Nehemiah’s response in verse 10?

For Your Journal Where do you need strength? List your cares and give them to God. How might you bring His Word and worship into your circumstances today?

Rejoice in the strength and joy that are yours because of Him.

“Strength and joy are in His dwelling place.”

“Strength and joy are in His dwelling place” 1 CHRONICLES 16:27 1 CHRONICLES 16:27

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It’s time to rejoice in the Lord. Rather than weeping, it was time to celebrate and thank God for His mighty provision, protection, and presence.

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LIVING WELL

Anger Management

by Gail Goolsby

H

ow can I be the mother and the wife I want to be when I feel angry so often? I hear myself, see the expression on my face, and wonder who is that woman? I pray and I try to change but the anger keeps coming.”

“When I remember all the things that happened to me growing up, how my father unleashed harsh words and actions toward me…and how my mother failed to protect me…I am deeply angry. What do I do with all that? The past can’t be changed.”

These women are looking for ways to handle anger, a valid, legitimate emotion created in us just like excitement, anticipation, fear, and happiness. Stuff it? Vent it? Deny it? Or can it truly be managed, even used for a positive outcome in our lives?

So first, we must admit our anger, not repress it, or explain it away. This identifies what our next step must be, forgiveness, laying down our right to be angry.

If possible and appropriate, we can then engage in honest communication with the goal to reconcile, not heap revenge on the object of our anger. Done well, with grace and tact, these acts can restore trust and build new intimacy in family or friend relationships.

Inappropriate vs. Appropriate Anger

Anger Toward God and Self

Minirth and Meier’s book, Happiness is a Choice (2007) states the three main sources of inappropriate anger come from selfishness, perfectionistic demands (control), and suspiciousness (p. 149). When we enter relationships or situations only focused on what we want, what will satisfy us, or give us the attention we crave, we are bound to be let down by the people around us.

The more selfish, demanding, and paranoid a person becomes, the more anger, anxiety, and depression they experience.

Sometimes, an angry response is appropriate and can function like a red traffic light, giving warning that healthy boundaries or important personal considerations are being violated or threatened. Perhaps reflection on past traumas has caused anger to surface over abuse or neglect. These insights can be constructive and useful for emotional and relational growth when explored carefully, prayerfully, and with godly counsel.

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Appropriate Response to Anger

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issue as murder. He tells us to respond quickly when offended, not viewing our worship or sacrifice as more important than forgiveness and reconciliation.

Ephesians 4:26 tells us: In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Jesus warns us in Matt. 5:21-24 that anger is as serious an

Although it is very human to feel anger, at times, toward God, this falls under the inappropriate category.

Scripture defines God as completely loving, just, and righteous in all His acts. The response is the same, admit our anger and talk to God about it for resolution.

Soon we will become aware that our limited understandings, selfish desires, need for control, and lack of trust are the true causes of our anger.

At times we must check for repressed anger at ourselves, thinking we should have done better or behaved differently. Or, perhaps we have failed in unforgivable ways. Often, we demand more of ourselves than is reasonable, resulting in recurring anger or depression. The response is again, admit our anger, forgive ourselves as God has already done, and release past mistakes to move forward.

Managing anger is possible and necessary, but requires thoughtful, intentional acts of our will toward others, ourselves, and God. One of the best ways to control anger is continuing to grow in humility and the teachings of Christ. He shows us firsthand how to be angry and not sin.

Gail Goolsby, MA, MEd, ACC, is an author, speaker, and career educator, including serving overseas as detailed in her book, Unveiled Truth: Lessons I Learned Leading the International School of Kabul. She is a mom and grandma, and lives in South Central Kansas, with her husband.

gailgoolsby.com gail.goolsby@gmail.com G facebook.com/Gail Wettstone Goolsby Ö twitter.com/Gail Goolsby

I just had to come I just had to come,

Because I want to be like Jesus.

I just had to come,

So you know that someone cares.

I just had to come,

And have a ministry of “presence.”

I just had to come,

And lift you up in prayer.

I just had to stay,

And find some way of helping.

I just had to stay and try to do my part.

I just had to stay and meet you in your sorrow.

I just had to stay and offer you my heart.

I just had to tell you,

That the One who sent me to you

Is Jesus of Calvary who died to make you whole.

I just had to tell you that He’s waiting to forgive you.

I just had to tell you that He wants to save your soul.

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©2006 Jill Briscoe

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EVERYDAY TRANSFORMATION

Taming the Morning “Momster”

by Laura Sandretti

W

hen my kids were little, I often felt like an angry “momster”—especially trying to get them off to school in the morning.

Although I knew abstractly that Jesus loved me regardless of my failures, I battled deep feelings of shame and frustration when I’d lose my temper morning after morning. Deep down I struggled to believe that the Lord wasn’t disappointed with my inability to ever improve.

Although the point of the cross is that God’s forgiveness and love aren’t contingent on what we do or don’t do, how do we believe that when we’re repeatedly a disappointment to ourselves and others? And how does that understanding help us be the mom we wish we could be more often? Here are a few practical things that helped me be less of a momster in the morning as I learned to accept Christ’s love and grace amid regrettable parenting moments.

Stop Lecturing. It isn’t helpful to explain in detail to

my half-awake children how their future employer will not tolerate tardiness or list all the potential ramifications they will face in life if they don’t get more organized. I’ve realized that most mornings I am hostile and irrational. Hostile, irrational people shouldn’t impart vast amounts of wisdom at 7 a.m.

Start a List. After praying for years about my morning meltdowns, I had the Spirit-inspired idea to put a notebook on the kitchen counter. Whenever I was about to yell at my kids for some petty offense (that seemed paramount in the moment), I instead jotted down the infraction. When I revisited my notes later in the day, most of them seemed unworthy of mentioning.

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Stay Silent. In 1 Kings 3:9, King Solomon asked God

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for wisdom and discernment in leading the people God had given him. I followed suit with the little ones God had given me. God answered that prayer for help most often by prompting me to simply keep my mouth shut. I’ve rarely regretted staying silent, but I have cried many tears thinking about the hurtful

things I said to my kids in the few minutes I would see them before school.

Say Sorry. One of the best ways to model the mes-

sage of the cross to our children and have less mothering regret is to apologize. Ephesians 1:7 says, “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.” Although we need to pray about when and how often to do this, apologizing teaches our children about repentance, humility, and grace in a meaningful and memorable way.

Stop Name Calling. Moms are very good at

beating themselves up, especially when we lose our tempers, again. Many of us berate ourselves so much we don’t even realize how often we do it. I was surprised when a close friend once asked me sweetly if I would stop calling myself a “bad mom.” I didn’t even realize I’d been doing it. Although trying to be a nicer mom never seemed to work consistently, learning to recognize when I was calling myself names Jesus died to ensure no one could ever call me, helped me start to accept Christ’s grace for myself and eventually for my kids, too.

Speak Truth. How do we avoid being a momster less often? We need to speak the truth of who God says we are. Instead of defining ourselves with lies that we’re a terrible mom we need to recall and remind ourselves that we are forgiven (Eph. 1:7), made righteous (Phil.

3:9), and valuable (Matt. 6:26).

You are not a “momster” and there is no condemnation for those who love and follow Jesus as Lord. The more we read the truth of God’s Word, the more we will be reminded of not only Whose we are, but who we are.

Laura Sandretti, MATS, is an author, faith coach, and active

conference and retreat speaker. She is a former high school teacher who uses humor and real-life examples to challenge women to think more deeply about what they believe about God, the Bible, and themselves because of the cross of Christ. Laura has four adult children, has been married for 30 years, and prays daily for grandchildren.

laurasandretti.com G facebook.com/laurasandrettiblog Ö twitter.com/laurasandrettiblog

FAITH AT WORK

Breaking Free from the Hustle

by Danielle Thomas

A

quick Google search for the phrase “girl boss” returns 1,480,000,000 hits. Do you hear this phrase everywhere like I do? Have you ever been called a “girl boss,” urged to work that much harder, lean into the hustle, and prove your strength and intelligence as a woman?

All these qualities are admirable, and the Bible encourages us to serve God faithfully and work hard.

But the danger begins when we bypass God’s intentions for work and instead chase the shiny allure of the opportunity to elevate ourselves, achieve that next promotion or raise, gain admiration for that game-changing project, or simply to be recognized as a powerful, capable woman. Like a siren to a sailor, hustle culture beckons us to dive in and lose ourselves to greed, self-idolatry, and a bigger-better-more mentality, masquerading behind today’s buzzwords of drive, determination, and dedication.

Protect Your Heart

Let me be clear, in no way am I saying it’s wrong to go for a promotion or step up in your career—what I’m suggesting is a caution to your heart. In fact, when you read this article, I’ll be into my first months of a new, “next level up” job. In my decision to accept this role, I found myself reflecting on how I need to honor God deliberately through this opportunity. The core of the Christian struggle with hustle culture—my own personal battle—lies in how we view God versus how we view ourselves.

Hustle for the Right Reasons

Take Comparison out of the Equation

Another area of hustle culture that our faith confronts is the comparison game. How often do we watch other women succeed and think, “Wow, she’s doing amazing! I want to be just like her. I want what she has”? Scripture cautions us carefully about this. James 3:16 says, “For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.”

And Gal. 6:4 reminds us, “Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else.” We are made uniquely and individually by God to glorify Him and grow into exactly who He made us to be, through relationship with Jesus—not through what the world can offer, or by how we measure ourselves against others.

Reflect and Celebrate God’s Plans

I’m finding that where once I felt invigorated by the phrase “girl boss,” it no longer holds that gleam for me when I examine it through God’s eyes. Chasing what the world has to offer through self-promotion, pride, envy, and doggedness is only going to leave me empty and unsatisfied. But using the gifts God has given me to work diligently for Him and be an example for Christ is exactly what He calls us to do, in each job opportunity with which He blesses us.

We don’t need to be “girl bosses.” We don’t need to run ourselves ragged trying to keep up with hustle culture.

We need to trust God for the strength to work hard for Him, and praise and thank Him for His plans and provision over our work, and ultimately over our lives!

Danielle Thomas works in internal communications for a

luxury automotive manufacturer in the UK. She lives with her British husband, Caleb, and Cavapoo puppy. She enjoys hiking, exploring the countryside, and learning UK history.

thethomases2020@gmail.com

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One of my first columns focused on who we’re really working for—ourselves or God. The trap of the “hustle” is that we want our work to be recognized as coming from ourselves and through our own tenacity when it’s God who ordains our path and provides us strength and dedication. A clear expression of this truth lies in Phil. 4:13, a well-known verse: “I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” God tells us to serve wholeheartedly and instills us with the stamina and energy to do so. As Christians, this isn’t a test of

mental willpower; it’s a gift from a generous God who wants to fill us with good things through His Spirit.

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BETWEEN FRIENDS

Joy and Sorrow Can Coexist

by Shelly Esser

A

few years ago, I was all set for a time of celebration. My oldest daughter was having a baby —our first grandchild—and I was hosting a baby shower for her. I was over the moon with joy in anticipation. I was getting ready to leave for the airport to pick up one of my daughters when I received some news that turned what I thought would be a weekend only filled with joy and celebration into sorrow. The husband of one of my close friends since college called to tell me that she had died of COVID days before. Within the span of less than 24 hours, I found myself shedding tears of deep sorrow and deep joy. I kept thinking how can I celebrate tomorrow when today all I can think about is this shocking friendship loss?

The Collision of Emotions

Isn’t that how life so often is? We experience joy and pain at the same moment. Because we live in a fallen world, we often experience this collision of emotions.

Lysa TerKeurst says, “Sorrow and celebration can coexist authentically, and giving ourselves permission to have both is incredibly freeing.”

We can expect to experience both of these emotions together because Jesus did. Called the Man of Sorrows, He bore the weight of the pain of this world, yet at the same time, looked to the joy set before Him, the redemption of all things. All throughout the Bible, you can see this collision of joy and sorrow. They go together hand in hand in a mysterious way. It has been incredibly freeing because I don’t have to feel guilty for laughing and crying in the same moment. These emotions, “can coexist authentically.”

Joy and Sorrow Do Coexist

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Honestly, I was so thankful that in the midst of my sorrow and grief there was also a time of celebration. It’s the celebrations in our lives and the joy they bring that are God’s gift to us in our sorrows because otherwise our sorrows would be too overwhelming to bear. They need to coexist so we can cope with the anguish.

46

As all the fun and crazy memories of my friend and I through the years flashed through my mind, I found myself smiling, even laughing through my tears at the times we had built together. And I celebrated how well she had loved me as a friend. My spirit actually became a little less heavy, so I could open up my heart for the joy and celebration coming the next day.

Joy Becomes Sweeter Because of Sorrow

With each passing day as I wrestled with these emotions, my joy was becoming sweeter, not apart from the sorrow but because of it. As Ed Welch said, “…when we are in pain, we can go in search of joy with the expectation that it will, indeed, find and surprise us.”

This past year, I’ve been in another season of joy and sorrow, so I am once again experiencing how these two emotions continually collide. Giving myself permission to sit in both spaces for as long as it takes (not always easy), helps me process the pain that eventually leads to joy again. I have to remember that one does not cancel out the other.

Both are Gifts

Jesus summed it up best: “Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world” (John 16:33, NLT). We will all face the reality of sorrow in our lives, but at the same time, we do not sorrow without hope.

Give yourself permission today to live in the tension of the sorrows and joys you are experiencing. Don’t run away from the pain. Pour your heart of grief out to God. In this troubled world, our sorrows and celebrations will always coexist. But, what a gift—it would be unbearable otherwise. As author Henri Nouwen put it so well, “The cup of sorrow, as inconceivable as it seems, is also the cup of joy.”

Shelly Esser has been the editor of Just Between Us for over

30 years. Additionally, she has been involved with leading and nurturing women in Christ since college. She and her husband have four adult daughters, two sons-in-law, a grandson, and live in Menomonee Falls, Wis.

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