Just Between Us | Winter 2022 by Just Between Us

l u f e at r G 5 Tips for a

Life

by Ginger Harrington

TELL PEOPLE WHAT THEY MEAN TO YOU TODAY! HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHY DISCUSSION WITH SOMEONE YOU DISAGREE WITH

e l T b a y M Come to

by Abby Turner

CELEBRATE THE HOLIDAYS IN THE WAYS THAT ARE MOST MEANINGFUL TO YOU! DON’T CONFUSE BEING RESPONSIBLE WITH BEING FAITHFUL

winter 2022 | F I N D

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welcome from the editor SHELLY ESSER

Hello Friends! Where did 2022 go? Don’t we say that every year when we’re on the brink of another new one? I know I do. It feels like you blink, and the final months are here. For some of us we’re glad to throw away last year’s calendar, looking forward to a more promising one on the horizon. For others, we want to savor every last minute of 2022. But I suspect, for the majority of us, sentiments about this past year straddle somewhere in between. However your year has gone, I want you to know that we are so glad you’ve settled in with this community of incredible women—all here to be your friend and help you become the woman Christ desires you to be. I hope you’ll steal a few quiet moments from the busyness this season brings to look back on all God has accomplished in your life and the ways that you have grown closer to His heart, and for the ways that you have been able to rise up wherever your circumstances have led you. Sit under the twinkling lights of the season and take a soul inventory of the special places God has showed up in your life. I have no doubt that His fingerprints are everywhere.

A big thank you is needed for Joni Eareckson Tada, one of our columnists for almost 10 years, who is stepping down. From the time I was a teenager, she’s been one of my heroes of the faith! We have been so blessed to see her extraordinary life up close and personal, along with her deep love for Jesus. Despite her quadriplegia and chronic suffering, she has always pointed us to hope in Christ no matter what happens in our lives. Oh, how we have needed that! We pray God’s best for her as she continues to impact the world through her ministry, Joni & Friends. She will always be part of our JBU family! With Thanksgiving and Christmas just around the corner, we wanted to provide some articles that will help you with your gratitude and celebrations! Check out Ginger Harrington’s article, “Gratitude Matters” on page 12. And to help you celebrate the season your way, turn to “’Tis the Season to Celebrate” by Anna Rendell on page 22. It’s our prayer that as you read this issue, you’ll be drawn ever closer to your Savior’s heart and to the hearts of women like you sharing their stories throughout these pages. May you find joy in all the special moments and gatherings, big and small, in the season ahead! Have a Blessed Season!

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When I think of the incredible gift we celebrate at the close of every year—the birth of our Savior—I can’t help but think of courage, our word for the year. Think of the courage the young teenaged Mary had to have to bring the Savior into this world—courage through misunderstandings, confusion, and possible rejection from those closest to her. Think of the courage of Joseph as he had to trust God for what didn’t make any sense as his betrothed, a virgin, was pregnant. When you think about it, so much courage surrounded the Christmas story. And so much courage surrounds our stories,

too. I hope as we have explored the courage we have needed in all types of ways this year, that you have become braver, bolder, and more courageous. That you have stepped out in faith more, trusted God more, and used your voice more than perhaps ever before.

Contents

V O L U M E

3 3

N O . 1

W I N T E R

2 0 2 2

on the cover

Let this holy habit become part of your day and watch how it will change your life and draw you closer to God. by Ginger Harrington

Hospitality is about fellowship, not perfection. by Abby Turner

No matter what you do to celebrate the season, it’s good enough! by Anna Rendell

There are healthy and Godhonoring ways to talk with someone you disagree with. by Bethany Bernhard

Discover the difference between heaviness and joy and self-effort and faith. by Debbie W. Wilson

Gratitude Matters

Lessons from Loss

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Don’t wait until someone is gone to tell them how you feel about them. Do it now. by Catriona Futter

The Importance of the Living Table

When Conversations Get Difficult

‘Tis the Season to Celebrate

Stop Being Responsible and Start Being Faithful

Find a refuge, a sanctuary—a hyggekrog—for your soul. by Sandy Mayle

That’s That!

My life with Stuart. by Jill Briscoe

General Manager Mary Perso

Transparent Moments

Photography Wayde Peronto Babboni Photography babbonis.com

SUBSCRIPTIONS Subscription price: $19.95 per year for 4 issues. Outside US, add $11 per year prepaid US currency. Gift Your Ministries: Group subscriptions are now available at reduced rates. Encourage and inspire the women who make ministry happen at your church or other places of outreach or service to others. Energize their relationships, refresh their faith, and become equipped as a team for facing ministry challenges through JBU. For more information, call 800-260-3342 today! Just Between Us (ISSN 1069-3459) is published quarterly by Just Between Us, 777 South Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045-3701. Make all checks and money orders payable to: Just Between Us, Subscription Orders 777 S. Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045

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BETWEEN US

We Can’t Please All the People All the Time

ello, my name is Lysa, and I struggle with people-pleasing.

Lysa TerKeurst

For years I’ve had to face the reality of being a “yes”even woman even when I didn’t being a “yes” woman when I didn’t have the have the capacity or the honestly to others do what capacity or honestly desirethe to desire do what othersasking were asking of me. And if I’mhonest, really honest, were of me. And if I’m really it oftenit often wasn’t love for people I would wasn’t purelypurely out ofout loveoffor people that I that would stretch myself way too thin. It was because because II couldn’t couldn’t figure out how to manage the fear of what what disapdisappointing them would cost cost me. And this mindset became a very apparent obstacle as I’ve tried to draw healthy boundaries in my relationships. You see, this people-pleasing struggle made me the perfect candidate to resist boundary setting and view any kind of boundaries as unkind. But the problem is that if we live allowing other people’s opinions to define who we are, we will be desperate to try and control people’s perceptions of us. We will spend our lives managing opinions to always be favorable toward us so we can feel good about ourselves. But think about the tragic reality of this… Being too concerned with gaining the approval of others can give us a divided heart with God. Ouch. Our key verse today points out this issue, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Gal. 1:10). It’s impossible to please all the people all the time. We know this. Until we forget—especially with people whose opinions affect us. So, when we disappoint people, think differently than they do, don’t do everything they think we should do, or try to draw boundaries they don’t agree with, then others might think poorly of us. And if they think poorly of us, we fear it will be impossible to feel good about ourselves.

Do I want to be loved by others? Of course, I do. Do I want to fear another person’s love for me is based on me always making them happy? Absolutely not. Love should be what draws us together, not what tears us apart. And I’ve seen how much boundaries help with this in my own life. As you let all these words sit with you, I want to leave you with these simple words I first wrote in my journal years ago: “God’s love isn’t based on me. It’s simply placed on me. And it’s the place from which I should live… loved.” Live loved today, friend. Jesus, thank You for being such a safe place for me to return to when I’m struggling with my identity. When I’m tempted to look to others for validation and acceptance, please remind me to look up at You. I pray that the Holy Spirit would give me eyes to take inventory of my own life, the understandable limitations of my capacity, and personally consider any potential changes I need to implement. In Jesus’ name, Amen. Right now, in the middle of pain... your life can still be beautiful. Gain healthier ways to process your pain and learn to see your situations through truth-based perspectives in Lysa’s new devotional, Seeing Beautiful Again: 50 Devotions to Find Redemption in Every Part of Your Story. Order your copy today at seeingbeautifulagain.com. (Makes a great Christmas gift.)

Lysa TerKeurst is president of Proverbs 31 Ministries and a

LysaTerKeurst.com LysaTerKeurst Lysa TerKeurst

winter 2022

#1 New York Times’ bestselling author. Her newest book, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are is out this month. She writes from her gray farm table and lives with her family in North Carolina.

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I think this hits at my core fear around setting boundaries. If I set a boundary, someone will no longer see me as I want them to see me. They will no longer know me as I want them to know me. They will no longer believe the best about me, and there’s something inside of me that really wants them to believe the best about me.

But here’s what I’ve failed to realize until now: All people have limits—physically, financially, relationally, emotionally. We are all limited. Only God is limitless. People-pleasing will tell you that drawing boundaries means you’ve failed. But I think drawing boundaries means you’ve had the beautiful, biblical revelation that only God can meet everyone’s needs (Phil. 4:19).

HAPPY HOME

Beauty Seen and Unseen

Arlene Pellicane

hen my daughter Noelle was three years old, we were vacationing in Virginia Beach. While in a clothing store, little Noelle looked at herself head to toe in the mirror. She smiled approvingly and exclaimed, “Beach Babe!” I didn’t even know she knew that phrase. As we get older, we usually lose enthusiasm over our body image. We wouldn’t dare wear a t-shirt that said “Beach Babe!” Who can live up to that? The definition of beauty from popular culture leads us to believe I fear I am NOT wonderfully made instead of I AM fearfully and wonderfully made.

Outward Beauty

In the Bible, we read about the beautiful Esther who became the new queen because the king was attracted to her above all others. She had to complete 12 months of beauty treatments before meeting the king. No wonder she became the “Miss America” of the kingdom. Esther may have entered the palace based on her meticulous care of her outer appearance, but we don’t remember her for her outward beauty. Centuries later, we still honor her because of her inward courage that led to the saving of many lives.

Inside Beauty

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The inside was more important than the outside. God reminded Samuel of this key when he was looking for the next king. First Samuel 16:7 says, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

When the Lord looks into the room of your heart concerning your marriage, what does He find? Is it a beautiful room filled with treasures, or has it become a bit disheveled or neglected over the years? Take a moment to examine your heart today. Do you think of your husband regularly with fondness and appreciation? Are you speaking affirming words of life that echo what God thinks about your man? Are you still curious, even after all these years, about what makes your guy tick and what captures his interest?

Invisible things like love and respect are more important than visible things like mascara and high heels. But that’s not to say those things don’t matter at all. I have a friend whose husband loves the color red. It’s not her favorite color but she bought a few red shirts to wear on date night simply to make her husband happy. Is that wrong? No! We often dress to impress other women, potential bosses, or the people we serve. Why wouldn’t we want to dress to please our husbands, especially if they are the most important people in our lives (and happen to be visually wired)?

Finding a Balance

When Esther was preparing herself to meet the king, Esther 2:12 says she had to complete “six months with oil of myrrh and six with perfumes and cosmetics.” She must have smelled like a walking Bath and Body Works! When my husband James and I were dating way back in 1998, he would spray cologne (Polo Sport by Ralph Lauren) on his love notes to me. I would spray perfume (Happy by Clinique) on his love notes. Maybe something as simple as smelling like we did during our dating days can communicate fresh love today in our marriages. It’s a sign that we still care. When you take time and effort to be attractive for your spouse on the outside, what do you think that communicates to him? I want you to approach me. I care about you. You’re still the one for me. Your beauty, both seen and unseen, will be a blessing and treasure in your home.

Arlene Pellicane is a speaker, host of the Happy Home

podcast, and author of several books including: Screen Kids, Parents Rising, and 31 Days to a Happy Husband. Arlene has been featured on the Today Show, Fox & Friends, Wall Street Journal, FamilyLife Today, and Focus on the Family. She lives in San Diego, Calif., with her husband James and their three children.

arlenepellicane.com ArlenePellicaneAuthor ArlenePellicane ArlenePellicane

F T

GOD'S GRACE COVERS YOU IN EACH AND EVERY

MOMENT

Take comfort and renew your hope in God with this 365-day devotional by New York Times bestselling author Max Lucado. With scripture and space on each page for personal ref lection, Grace for the Moment Note-Taking Edition has plenty of room to pen your own prayers and insights into grace-filled living.

AVAILABLE NOW

TRANSPARENT MOMENTS

When Church No Longer Works

Anita Carman

friend informed me she no longer attends church. “How come?” I asked. She said, “It no longer works for me.” That answer opened a floodgate of other questions for me such as, “What was church supposed to be doing for her?” In studying the first verse of a passage on the New Testament church, I found new insights from the words, “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching…” Immediately upon reading these words, I asked the question, “What exactly was the apostles’ teaching? If we are to be devoted to the apostles’ teaching, shouldn’t we first settle what it is?” I found the narrative of the apostles’ teaching as presented by Peter who addressed the crowd after Pentecost. He traced God’s story from past generations. He reminded the people of what the prophet Joel said about a time when God will pour out His Spirit on both sons and daughters. He wanted the people to know that they were standing in the midst of the fulfilment of God’s story. He told them about God’s plan of salvation through Jesus and that God had established Jesus as both Lord and Savior. He warned the people about following the corrupt ways of the world and challenged them to submit their lives to what God is doing in this world. The whole point was to live according to God’s perspective and in a story that is bigger than our own personal drama.

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I continued probing the text to get insights to my question on what the church was supposed to do for us. My next question was, “Why was the regular gathering of believers the setting God chose to reinforce His narrative and to remind us to interpret life in the context of His greater story?” My friend Dr. John Townsend said, “Science always bows down to the Bible,” meaning the scientific research aligns with what God reveals in His Word.

I was intrigued to discover that God who wired us knows how our brain operates. According to an article by Gareth Cook, a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist who interviewed a scientist named Matthew Lieberman, I discovered there is a region in our brain called “medial prefrontal cortex” that lights up when we make statements that differentiate us

from others such as “I like the color red” or “I prefer to live in a townhouse than a one story house.” One of the ways we create our own separateness from others is to know something about ourselves that is different than others. The interesting finding was scientists found the same part of the brain lighting up when we are around people who continue to express an opinion different than ours. The conclusion being social interaction is a powerful tool to cause us to morph our ideas into what those around us are professing. Our ideas are reinforced not when we are lectured to but when we repeat the narrative to others. Could it be that God knows this and encourages us not to forsake the gathering of believers so we can be among those who reinforce the narrative God wants us to live by? And then in Jesus’ directive to go and make disciples to teach them everything God has commanded us, could it be that we will reinforce our beliefs the more we repeat them to others? Back to my friend’s response that church no longer works for her. My concern was, “Who is in her current community that is now influencing her narrative? Whose perspective has overridden God’s narrative and placed her in a smaller world than that of her Creator?” Her escape from what felt limiting placed her where her world got smaller and detached her from the true reality. What about you? Who is influencing your narrative?

Anita Carman arrived in America at 17, after her mother’s tragic suicide. Today, she is a walking billboard of how God transformed her pain into passion to build Inspire Women, a non-profit that unites thousands of women of all races and invests in their potential to change the world. She has an MBA from SUNY and an MABS from Dallas Theological Seminary. Anita has authored several books and lives in Houston, Tex., with her husband. She has two grown sons. Visit her at

inspirewomen.org.

(Anita Carman’s signature curriculum, being taught through Inspire Women’s Leadership Academy, offers an online option to teach women how to make decisions fitting for one who is the King’s daughter. To enroll, please email info@ inspirewomen.org).

encouraging WORDS “Gratitude goes to work informing your faith, reminding you that you have every reason to trust God for the future.” JONI EARECKSON TADA

celebration declaration

Gratitude isn’t only a when good things happen. Gratitude is a

that GOD IS GOOD no matter what happens. ANN VOSKAMP

rG“ atitude a m e k s everything turn into a gift”.

“Giving thanks isn’t living in denial of difficult circumstances. It’s choosing to turn to God in the midst of them.”

No matter something thankful

LYSA TERKEURST

what our circumstance,

we always have

to be

for.”

“When gratitude becomes your default setting, life changes.” NANCY DEMOSS WOLGEMUTH

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Gratitude

Matters 10 Truths and Tips for a Grateful Life

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by Ginger Harrington

hough we celebrate Thanksgiving as a holiday, filled with feasting, family, and friends, giving thanks is an everyday grace for bringing the sacred into any moment.

Do you believe gratitude is a worthy goal? One that can make a true difference in your life? On the spiritual side, gratefulness is more than an attitude. It can also become a holy habit that draws us closer to God, strengthens our faith, and brings us freedom from worry. That’s worth fighting for, isn’t it?

Truths About Gratitude Gratitude matters. It makes a difference every single day. Thankfulness reminds us of the many blessings that come from God’s good presence in our lives. Gratitude is an everyday grace. Holidays are important, but gratitude and thanksgiving are an important daily practice connected to our relationship with Christ. Paul instructs believers to give thanks in everything we do and say: “Whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” (Col. 3:17, ESV). In everything, doesn’t that indicate gratitude is an everyday practice? Gratitude is a choice. How do we love God more than the things that bring us the most delight and pleasure in life? When we remember that every good gift is from our Father, the gift can draw our attention and gratitude to God. Let your gifts and blessings become windows to see God’s heart for you. Gratitude is inseparable from love. Count your blessings each day, whether mentally or on paper.

Gratitude is a gift. God gives us the gift of gratitude to help us not take our blessings for granted. In the trials of life, gratitude empowers us to continue to trust God as we remember His faithful gifts of the past. Gratitude opens the door to peace. On our best days, and even on our worst, thankfulness makes a difference. An integral part of prayer, giving thanks opens the door to experiencing God’s peace. “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then you

will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:6-7, NLT). No matter the need or the request, let’s learn the holy habit of saturating our prayers with thanksgiving!

Gratitude is the foundation of joy. Gratitude, contentment, and joy are some of life’s sweetest blessings. Where we find one, we often experience the others as well. A grateful life is also a joyful life. What fills you with joy today?

5 Tips for a Grateful Life Building holy habits and experiencing grateful moments doesn’t just happen. It takes intention and practice. When is the last time you started your day in a good mood and all it took was one thing going wrong to plummet your good vibes to negative thinking? Here are a few practices to up the gratitude level in your life:

Thank God for who He is, not only for what He gives. Let every gift, each blessing, large or small, become a reminder of the magnificence of God. Stretch your heart to look beyond the gift to the wonder of the Giver. When our gratitude is dependent on the gift, we develop a consumer mindset toward God. In A Godward Life, John Piper writes, “God is not glorified if the foundation of our gratitude is the worth of the gift and not the excellence of the Giver.”

Enter God’s presence with gratitude. Thank God for something specific every time you enter into His presence through prayer. We need to be specific when giving thanks—this keeps us focused and personalizes it beyond a rote practice. King David, writer of many psalms, instructs us that thankfulness is the appropriate attire of the heart. Psalm 100:4-5a (NASB) says, “Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise. Give thanks to him, bless his name. For the LORD is good...”

Challenge yourself to give thanks in every circumstance. It takes resilient faith to look for something to thank God for in the midst of hard times. We may not be thankful FOR everything that happens, but we can, at the least, be thankful for God’s promises that apply even ON our most difficult days. “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thess. 5:16-18). If we really look for something every

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Gratitude is inseparable from love.

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Let your gifts and blessings become windows to see God’s heart for you.

Mo re

ea at

day to be thankful for, we will find it. This will create a habit of thanksgiving that is a fundamental part of a joyful life.

le Ways to Cu p lti m v Si

r a e

Express gratitude by giving to others. Because God has loved us, we can freely love others. In Christ, we are full and complete, so we have grace and mercy to extend to others. God has forgiven us, so we can forgive others. Forgiving someone releases us from the burden of resentment and anger. The sacred habit of gratitude is one way the Holy Spirit works in our lives to teach us how to live God’s way. Holiness on the inside, changes the way we live, making a practical difference in our days. “Therefore, as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him and established in your faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude” (Col. 2:6-7, NASB).

te f ul H

Keep a gratitude journal of what you are thankful for as part of your daily time with God. Writing adds a kinetic and visual aspect to expressing gratitude. As you keep a list of things you are thankful for, you have a tangible reminder of God’s goodness. It is fun to watch your blessings mount up, taking more and more space in your journal.

Choose one of these practices to apply each day.

Cultivating a grateful heart takes time and intention that is worth our every effort. As thankfulness becomes a holy habit and a natural part of your day, you will experience a deeper life with God. Are you ready to discover how gratitude can change your life? Let’s start today!

• Replace the phrase “I have to” with “I get to.”

• Mentally prepare for challenging situations with prayer. • Start and end your day with gratitude. • Stop complaining and choose gratitude instead.

• Trust God with imperfections and insecurities in yourself and others. • Don’t jump to conclusions or assume the worst. • Give others the grace you have received from a forgiving God. • Treat people the way you want to be treated. • Surrender expectations for life to be a certain way. • Look for what is right rather than dwell on what is wrong.

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Ginger Harrington is a speaker and

author of Holy in the Moment, equipping women to thrive in a deeper life with God. She has served as the publishing director for Planting Roots, a military non-profit, overseeing eight devotionals and Bible studies for women in the military community. Connect with Ginger at gingerharrington.com to sign up for access to her growing library of practical resources, including The Grateful Moments Workbook.

• Set boundaries with people who bring out the negative in you. • Memorize a Bible verse that reminds you to choose gratitude. • Trust the Holy Spirit to help you build the holy habit of gratitude. ~Ginger Harrington Adapted from Holy in the Moment

SCAN ME

Scan this code with your mobile device to find The Grateful Moments Workbook.

I will bless the

Lord

at all times: His praise will always be on my lips. PSALM 34:1

Christian Grief Recovery A Precious Loss

Reframing Adoption

Beyond the Pain of Miscarriage and Infant Death

Christian-Based Birthmother Grief Recovery Handbook

By Sharon Fox

Available in Spanish

By Sharon Fox

Available in Spanish

Contact: www.Bravepenny.org

TH E

E TH

RTANCE O O P F M I

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e p ot ab n , ou t f e l l ows h i p

i ta

by Abby Turner

t io n.

Living TA B L E

orn and raised in Arkansas, I’m as Southern as a girl can get. If my two sisters and I weren’t at school, we were at church, and if we weren’t at church, we were sitting around the table eating together. The table—it’s where I grew up, the place where I laughed, cried, shared exciting news (and not so exciting news), debated with my sisters, and opened my heart to Jesus. I didn’t realize how much that table meant to me until I moved away.

At some deep level, I believe we are drawn to the table. When Jesus said, “I am the bread of life,” He meant for us to bring people to the table and serve them and to let Him do the rest. When we set the table and prepare a meal, there is something supernatural that happens to our hearts. It’s undeniable!

At age 24, I moved to Birmingham, Alabama. For the first time in my life, I lived alone and worked long hours, leaving little time for community and friendships. Lonely and depressed, I thought my life was incomplete because I was single. I threw myself at dating apps and constantly felt discouraged. After weeks of hearing me complain about my terrible life, my mom offered me the best advice I’ve ever received: “God calls us to serve people. Why don’t you cook a meal and invite people over?” And then she finished with a phrase that she has repeated over the years to my sisters and me: “Be a blessing.” After rolling my eyes and grumbling for longer than I would like to admit, I took my mother’s advice. I cracked open a cookbook and hosted dinner for friends for the first time in my adult life. The four of us squeezed around a table for two—and had the best time. I will always remember that night because I made fourcheese tortellini. It was terrible. But that night God taught me something important: I was lonely not because I was single, but because I had not been investing in and nurturing a community in my life. That night Jesus ignited in me a desire for community, a realization of the importance of the table, and a curiosity for the art of hospitality. Fast-forward seven years, and here we are.

Adapted from Everyday Faith, February 2022. Used with permission.

Abby Turner is a food blogger, speaker, and writer. She encourages women to challenge the cultural stereotypes of singleness and loneliness and believe that through any season of life, community should be intentionally developed and protected. You can learn more about her and her book at ATABLETOPAFFAIR.com. Her book, The Living Table: Recipes and Devotions for Everyday Get-Togethers is available on Amazon.

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It took me being single and lonely to see that God had big plans for me around my kitchen table. If I wasn’t single or had put off embracing hospitality until I had a husband and 2.5 kids, I would have missed all the memories, relationships, and conversations about Jesus around that table.

No matter what phase of life you are in (single, married, mom with littles, empty nester, or recently retired), loneliness can overwhelm any one of us. It’s our community that encourages us through the ups and downs of our lives, and through these interactions we get to experience the joy of God’s goodness. So, what do you think? Is God calling you to dust off your table and open your door? If so, why not follow His lead? After all, He will be with you throughout the process, giving you everything you need.

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After four years of cooking for friends and hosting dinner parties every week (around my very small apartment table), I decided to share my love of hospitality with the world and launched my blog, ATABLETOPAFFAIR. com. I also started posting my recipes and party ideas on Pinterest and Instagram. I wanted to encourage people who were stuck in a rut, people who didn’t know how to meet others or how to cultivate their own community. So, I began trying to put a formula to it—a formula for empowering people to overcome their insecurities in the kitchen and to truly invest in opening their homes even though they might not have the picture-perfect family.

faith CHATS

Beloved Valued

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AND

Esther Ghazi is living out her courageous faith in North Africa despite persecution. by Danae Templeton

that ever happened to me. It gave me roots, purpose, and a new identity—the value of being a daughter of God. To know that I am created in His image, the same as a man, is incredible. Because of Christ, we are not how Islam talks about women—we are equal helpers. The gift of knowing Christ is huge, it’s sufficient, it’s to eternity—it’s enough… even if you lose everything else that is precious to you.”

sther Ghazi* was raised in a traditionally Muslim family in North Africa. In high school, she wrote a paper about how five-times-daily prayer—one of the five pillars of Islam—can keep a person from evil. She reasoned that, since prayer is facing the God who sees your heart, supplicants would be held to right behavior through divine accountability. Inspired by her own argument, Esther began to pray five times a day. To her disappointment, she found that her prayers lacked strength—the strength of the Holy Spirit—she later discovered. At the same time Esther met a foreign couple, neighbors whose lifestyle and respect for others impressed her. Fearing they would go to hell; Esther asked them to say the Muslim creed. They responded that “Everything that was good in them came from the teachings of Jesus.” Esther insisted that the Bible was falsified, but her new friend said, “God forbid!” To prove her point, Esther asked for a Bible.

A year later, Esther shared her decision with another Christian friend who connected her to the local church, where she grew in the understanding of her new-found faith. After her baptism, Esther decided to tell her family that she was a Christian. But her father “had known for a long time.” He was always telling her, “’You’ve changed,’ but he didn’t say anything, because if he knew for sure, he had to do something about it.”

JBU: How have you stayed rooted in God despite the struggles you have faced? Esther: In the beginning, you are confused, you get disappointed, and you doubt. It’s only by the grace of God that you continue. As you continue, you experience the love and provision of God, and He speaks to you. When you have a real encounter with God and read His Word, it bears fruit in your life. Then you become rooted. The Word of God says that it “will not return empty” (Isa. 55:10–11). It’s like a seed. When it’s planted, it shows me the way. Then God does miracles. Once I woke up in the middle of the night, after I had been rejected by my family. I said, “Lord, when am I going to see my father again? How am I still alive, and missing him hasn’t killed me?” I heard a vivid voice say: “Because I am with you, I’m walking with you.” The very next morning, I was sitting at a bus station. A car stopped, so I lifted my head. My dad was in that car! The tears started flowing—I was seeing my dad right in front of me. I hadn’t seen him in two years. God heard my cries in the middle of the night. When I couldn’t bear any more separation and was at my breaking point, He brought my father to me—in the street, in the middle of the city. I mean, He’s God! He cares! The same God that sent the angel to Hagar in the desert sent me my father in the city. Our God is the God of miracles. He meets our needs; He sees us. Don’t try to run from your pain. Sit in it with God and watch Him do miracles. It’s real, habibi (my love)! It’s not just a story, it’s my life!

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Esther’s story involves a lot of loss, including being kicked out of her family. But despite all the losses, she says, “Becoming a follower [of Jesus] was the best thing

Just Between Us sat down with Esther in her North African home to hear more about how she has had the courage to stay strong amid social and political persecution and the internal struggles of her local church.

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Photography by Julia Carlsson

Esther had thought that the Bible was a corrupted Quran, yet it was clearly a completely different book. She took the little green Bible she was given, opened it up at the beginning alongside the Quran, and they were different. She couldn’t believe it. Intrigued, Esther put the Quran aside and began solely devouring the Bible—and her life changed forever. She decided, “This is my book, and I’m a Christian.” She says today, “There is power in the Word of God, it’s what touches our hearts and pulls us to Christ.”

Esther has become a strong church leader in the decades since she found Christ, providing resources to vulnerable women, standing up for them, and discipling them. She challenges other church leaders to come together in a fractured faith community that struggles to rewrite its cultural expectations of women. She recently began a safe house for vulnerable women and continues to help female entrepreneurs start businesses—to provide support and freedom from restrictive homes.

JBU: You’re a mover and a shaker. How do you find the courage to move forward in the face of so many challenges? Esther: One time someone said, “You’re a bulldozer.” I was so discouraged because the person meant that I’m aggressive, instead of being how a woman is expected to be in my culture. But then the Lord encouraged me through His Word: “See, I will make you into a threshing sledge, new and sharp, with many teeth. You will thresh the mountains and crush them and reduce the hills to chaff. You will winnow them, the wind will pick them up, and a gale will blow them away. But you will rejoice in the LORD and glory in the Holy One of Israel” (Isa. 41:15–16). Suddenly, I saw being a bulldozer as a good thing. I’m a bulldozer for Jesus. I will shake those walls and I will tear down the strongholds of the enemy. When the calling is strong, when it is confirmed by the Word of God and by men and women who are godly, when you take it to prayer and make sure that your motivation is for God and not for something in you— then nothing can stop you. If God is with us, who can stand against us (Rom. 8:31)? A friend of mine says, “You are fearless.” And I am fearless! I’m not scared. I know I can make a difference. I can bring healing. I can be gracious. I can love. I can forgive. I keep going. That’s how you move forward. God is the One who confirms what you need to do, not people. That’s what is important.

JBU: What is it like to be a female church leader in this young church? Esther: It’s a blessing. The blessing is: you get to plod. You get to experience new things, and you get to bless and encourage others while seeing miracles. You get to see the first safe house for vulnerable women in this country. You get to see a lot of firsts. You get to see miracles, God’s grace, and His blessing.

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This isn’t just a young church, it’s a church that comes from a Muslim background where a woman imam is something horrible. No woman can go to the mosque and call for prayer, so how can a woman come and preach in a church? At the same time, it’s a young church that has missionaries from very conservative backgrounds who think women should stay silent in the church.

So, I’m blessed. I’ve been in the church for 20 years, and I’m still standing and still believe God called me. A young girl told me, “Don’t give up! Because if you give up, what is left for us?” I will continue to stand so that, one day, she’s going to find the strength to stand and lead.

JBU: What is different about being a part of a young church? What does the local church need? Esther: Time is needed. So much grace is needed. We

need to raise up local leaders, people who are willing to serve, learn, and grow. A lot of people are looking to build numbers, rushing for people to become leaders. You could fast-forward and push people to take on leadership, but it would be difficult. They’re expected to shepherd, look after people, and make disciples, but they are still young disciples themselves. There are so many people coming to Christ, but the workers are few, and it’s hard to put our five loaves and two fish in Jesus’ hand and trust that He’s going to make it enough. We need to be willing to open our hands and welcome people. We need patience, we need people who are gracious. A young church needs workers who are willing to journey with the local church, who are willing to support and pray for the young leaders and be okay when they make mistakes. There’s a lot of hardship in a young church where people are coming from Muslim backgrounds.

JBU: How do you share your faith in a country with so much oppression? Esther: First, be good news to people. Live a life that is worthy of the calling of God. People will ask, “Why are you like this? Why do you care?” Second, when you’re asked, “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect” (1 Pet. 3:15). When I was young in the faith, there was an older couple who taught us how to share our testimonies. They said, “Don’t tell me all the jazz that happened in your life. Tell me what your life was before the cross, how you met Jesus, and what your life is after the cross.” If before and after is the same, then it is time to think: How can I live a life that is worthy of the calling? I also ask God to help me turn anything into a conversation about Jesus. If we are ready always, if we know that He is the truth, the light, and He’s our hope—then we won’t be selfish. We’ll want to share it. He will give us the courage.

JBU: What do you see for the future of your work? Esther: Steadily changing the way women think about themselves. I see it as being a voice for the voiceless, bringing more women to believe in themselves, and to find God’s calling in their lives. I want to see more women realizing that they are chosen by God, that God cares for them, that He sees them. He sees their misery; He sees their pain. When their identity is in Christ, nothing can shake them. We are strong women, but that doesn’t mean we are aggressive. It doesn’t mean that we are in a fight with the world. We’re gentle women who God can use, who can be God’s hands and feet. It’s not about doing something big; it’s about staying true to who we are, al-

ways rising up from the ashes and always persevering. To keep walking with God, and keep speaking a message of truth, and keep bringing the Good News.

JBU: Where did your dream of starting a safe house for women come from? Esther: It came from my own experience—my own story. There was a time I needed a place to live, and people gave me a safe place where I received encouragement and love. I’ve received, so I can give back. And I see the needs around me. There are so many girls and women who need a place to rest. One woman today, sitting across from me at the table, said, “If you’re not in my life, I will feel lost and unsafe.” Women around me need a safe place and security. I can pour into others the way I was poured into. The need is so great around me in my country.

JBU: What do you want your sisters around the world to know? Esther: Please don’t take for granted what you have. My strength comes from your strength. I have a voice when you use your voice. I am seen if you walk in the light, if you allow God to use you—your talents and gifting—if you speak louder than the devil who would pull you down and tell you to shut up. I grew up in a culture that says women are half the value of men; women do not have faith, and do not have wisdom. But you grew up in a culture that values women, that says we are created in the image of God, use that gift. Raise your children to respect women, and make it easier by walking in that road, by making that path. No matter what, I still live in the same culture that sees me as less valuable than men, that I deserve half the inheritance, or no inheritance at all. Help your men repent from treating women badly. Stand up. If you have privilege, use it. Don’t lose it. You are an equal helper, you are created in the image of God, and God sees you and gives you a voice. Use it—and pray for your sisters in this part of the world who struggle with so much but are discovering their value as Christ’s beloved daughters. *Name changed for security reasons.

My Muslim Neighbor? “[Hagar] gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: ‘You are the God who sees me’” (Gen. 16:13). Hagar, alone and desperate in the wilderness, heard from the One who saw her. While Isaac was the son of the covenant (Gen. 17:19; Matt. 1), Hagar and her son Ishmael (from whom the Muslim prophet Mohammed is traditionally descended) were seen and cared for by God. He reaches us in our wilderness, and He sees our Muslim neighbors in theirs. If you are at a loss of how to reach Muslims, here is a good place to start: make friends. Kind interactions form trust, trust forms friendships, and friends share their faith as they care for each other. Remember that we are all seen by God! But how do you form these friendships, and share your faith in a way that is compelling instead of alienating? Here are a few pointers to keep in mind:

• Have a meal together. Most cultures form relationships over the sharing of food and the breaking of bread. Invite neighbors for dinner and accept their invitations in return. Make sure you are aware of food restrictions (avoid alcohol and non-permissable meat) and you’ll do fine! • Find a common interest. Maybe your neighbors’ children play soccer, or their mosque is doing community service, or they are interested in sewing or climbing or hiking. Whatever it is, it can strengthen your friendship and build both trust and opportunities to share about your Savior. • Ask respectful questions and genuinely listen. People love to share about their culture and their faith! Don’t be shy or aggressive. Avoid disrespecting the Prophet Mohammad. Know how to respond to common Muslim questions about the Trinity, the divinity of Christ, and the accuracy of the Bible. If you don’t know the answer to a question, don’t worry—read and pray about it and get back to your friend. “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone” (Col. 4:6). Remember, friendships are not about evangelism strategies. Through your practical care and respectful words, be sure your friend knows that your love is not dependent on them changing their religion. This is not about “winning souls”— that’s the work of the Spirit. Just love your neighbor through sharing how Christ has worked in your own heart. ~Danae Templeton

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who grew up in North Africa and calls it home. She recently graduated from Wheaton College and currently lives in the lovely Smoky Mountains of NC. Danae’s work and services can be found at danaetempleton.com—but if you want to contact Esther or offer her support, you can do so by reaching out through danaetempleton@gmail.com.

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Danae Templeton is a freelance editor and writer

How Do I

‘TIS THE SEASON TO

Celebrate NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO TO CELEBRATE THE SEASON, IT’S GOOD ENOUGH!

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by Anna Rendell

start watching Christmas movies in October. While finishing my kids’ Halloween costumes, eating their candy, and planning my Thanksgiving menu, holiday movies are on in the background.

I also start rockin’ around the (musical) Christmas tree with Christmas music in September. You know what else? In November, I have my first red cup drink at Starbucks. It’s usually a skim, one-pump chestnut praline latte, and I love every calorie-laden sip. We put up our tree before Thanksgiving too. It’s pre-lit, so we enjoy the glow without decorations for a while, and then the day after Thanksgiving, we trim it! It goes up early and stays up late—well into February. I hear a thousand of you inhaling sharply. I also believe I may hear a thousand of you clapping. I know I’m not actually alone in my stretch-out-the-celebrations-aslong-as-possible style. If you know me, you know I love me some holiday season-ing. (Yes, I made it a verb.) I’ve written two holiday books and countless social posts about holiday-ing with my family. We try to go all in with our whole hearts, and we try to squeeze every drop of joy out of each one. Throw in my kids’ Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter-time birthdays, and our family festivity motto is “Celebrate big!” It seems that sometimes when people express their holiday joy outside of December, they’re met with scoffs and scowls and general Scrooge-ness, and I always wonder why. I understand letting each holiday breathe on its own, giving each its own space and time to be enjoyed, but what in the world warrants actual anger at someone simply enjoying a holiday or celebration that brings them deep joy? Can’t “‘tis the season” mean just that? This is an entire season full of opportunities for celebrating. The God we celebrate and praise created each of us with unique hearts and likes and things that bring us joy, and I’m pretty sure He wants us to lean into them. Irenaeus’ famous quote, “The glory of God is man fully

alive,” resonates with my year-round, Christmas-loving heart because loving and celebrating holidays both big and small is part of who He made me to be. I hope it brings Him glory when I lean into that, operating in who I am by His design. Friend, when it comes to celebrations, you do you. It doesn’t matter one bit when you jump into the holidays. October? November? Christmas Eve? Not at all? Whatever works for you! All Thanksgiving, all the time? OK! Put up the tree tonight or keep it tucked away until Christmas Eve? Game on! Have a holiday movie marathon and cookie swap in November? Go for it! You get to celebrate in the way that’s most meaningful for you, and no one gets to tell you there’s a better or different or right way to do that. Just over a year ago, my family celebrated my mom’s 20th year of being breast-cancer-free. We celebrated every one of the gifted-to-us days from the last 20 years with pink everything, loud laughter, tearful stories, and being together. The week before our party, I attended the funeral of a friend who punched metastatic breast cancer in the face for eight years, right up until the end. Hundreds of us gathered to celebrate her life through our tears. With such a different kind of celebration so fresh in my mind, the celebration for my mom was even deeper and more meaningful than I expected it to be. We have today, which means we have a chance to celebrate. So do it. Celebrate—whatever you want, whenever you want. Put up all the Christmas decorations your house can hold. Eat the cake. Keep your tree up into February. Lean into celebration whenever you can because there is extraordinary in every single one of our plain old everydays, and each one of them deserves to be celebrated. Whatever brings you joy and God glory, do that—during the holidays and all your days.

Reprinted from Everyday Faith, February 2022. Used with permission.

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and four kids, where she also works fulltime from home as a Content Marketing Manager at DaySpring. Anna is the author of A Moment of Christmas and Pumpkin Spice for Your Soul, and also writes at (in)courage. Connect with Anna at @annaerendell on Instagram and at annarendell.com.

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Anna E. Rendell lives in Minnesota with her husband

Lessons

FROM LOSS

Not waiting to tell people how we feel about them. by Catriona Futter

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e never know how our lives are going to turn out or what is going to happen next. How often do we live taking those closest to us for granted? We know in our heads that we are loved by those around us and that we love and value them, but how often do we tell them directly?

Earlier this year, my mom died—suddenly and totally unexpectedly. I find myself now looking at her photo, still not quite able to believe that she is no longer here and that I have no more opportunities to talk to her. It may be that you have experienced similar loss in recent years. The Covid-19 pandemic has shown us that we do not live in safe bubbles, immune to unexpected

and catastrophic loss. This serves as a salient reminder of what really matters and the importance of living in the now and not taking anything for granted. This is true in other contexts too, like when someone is leaving your workplace or church. So often we wait until the person is leaving to fully appreciate out loud what they meant to us or tell them that we love them—and if the person has died, by then it is too late. How much richer our lives would be if we took time to tell those around us how much they matter to us while we are all still together.

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Take Time to Make an Impact

My husband and I have received emails and letters that have expressed gratitude to us for what we have meant to the sender, and why. One of these was a card from a friend, thanking my husband for his role in her life when they were students more than 30 years previously. He was deeply touched and humbled to read the words, because to him, he was just being her friend, but to her, it meant so much more, and she took the time and trouble to write and thank him. These are precious and treasured communications. They have often come out of the blue. It makes me wonder—how many people are in my life who are significant, precious, dearly loved, and how often do I thank them for their role in my life? There was a wonderful project a few years ago on British radio called The Living Eulogy Box. The premise is a simple one—to tell people when they are alive how much they mean to us, and to honor and thank them for their role in our lives, of whatever magnitude, rather than waiting till they are gone. By that time, for the one who’s gone, it is too late to know and enjoy the affirmation from others. What impact would it have had during that person’s life while they were alive?

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Thank People in Your Life

Perhaps there is someone in your life who means the world to you, but you’ve never told them—you just kind of assume they know. Or someone who made a positive, significant difference to your life at a certain point, no matter how far back, but you’ve never let them know? This doesn’t just have to refer to dramatic life events but encompasses how we behave toward those who matter in the normal day-to-day of life. What does it mean to not take those around us for granted, especially those closest to us? Sometimes when life is very busy and we are consumed with non-stop-treadmill-running or tough things are going on, our relationships can become functional without closeness, or characterized by anger, judgment, criticism, despair, or disappointment. Sometimes we just don’t listen properly or are so consumed with our own situations we can’t see beyond the end of our nose.

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Don’t Waste Opportunities

But if this pandemic has taught us anything, it is to not waste opportunities. Jesus reminded us about the futility of worrying about tomorrow (Matt. 6:34), and that He came to give us life to the full (John 10:10). We know that the people around us matter. But, how often do we actually say it out loud? I live in Scotland, and the Scots are not known for being gushy and emotional. I know that in the past, I have erred on the side of being oh-so-Scottish and side-stepped specific opportunities to express love, thanks, and appreciation to other people. It can feel…well, a little awkward. But telling a friend what it is specifically that you appreciate about them, and that they mean a lot to you is an incredible gift to give. You could even go so far as to tell whoever it is that you love them. To their face.

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Don’t Wait Until it’s Too Late

This isn’t always easy, and certainly takes courage. It takes courage to overcome our natural inhibitions or fears to tell someone we love them, or that they are beautiful, or that they are persevering with grace and integrity despite the hardship of their circumstances. How joyous to be able to do this now, in this moment, and not leave it until it is too late. My mom lived a good life and knew how much she mattered to her family. She is now rejoicing in a new body with her Lord. But she would have been stunned and overwhelmed to hear the tributes from the hundreds of people who attended her thanksgiving service. I would be heartbroken to get to the end of my life (be it sudden or expected) and for those precious to me not to know how much they enriched my life, gave me joy, made me laugh, and inspired me. To really listen to someone, to hear their heart and then affirm and encourage them for who they are is to give a precious and courageous gift. So, this week, take some time to specifically and verbally appreciate those who matter to you most. It matters not what you do, it matters that the people who matter to you most, know.

Sometimes we simply lose sight of what it is to have fun with our friends and loved ones and to value and appreciate them.

Catriona Futter is a Christian life coach, author, and

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speaker who is passionate about equipping people to discover and live out their unique, Godgiven identity and purpose. She runs her own business Equip for Life Coaching, offering individual coaching, group coaching, and speaking. She lives in Glasgow, Scotland, with her husband and has two daughters. Read more of her writing on her blog at equipforlifecoaching.com/blog/.

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We keep meaning to phone that friend to thank them, but somehow never get around to it.

When Conversations Get

Difficult

8 Healthy Ways to Talk with Someone You Disagree With by Bethany Bernhard

o you ever feel like you’re in one of those wind tunnel cash grab machines—only the cash is everyone’s opinion? Some hit you in the face, others swirl around making no sense at all, and sometimes you catch just what you need. Yet, there you stand, trying to grasp what’s going on around you.

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This is how I feel when big issues come up. Maybe it’s abortion, gun control, racial justice, critical race theory, politics, healthcare, vaccines, masks, or some other issue our culture has divided over. I have been learning to slow down, listen, and ask questions in a way that doesn’t make others feel defensive. It’s not an easy skill to learn, and I’m still growing.

As Board President of a pregnancy center in Milwaukee, it’s my privilege to assist a ministry in the pro-life mission field. The label “Pro-Life” has taken some serious heat lately, hasn’t it? Yikes. The assumptions that follow hearing that I volunteer for a pregnancy center are pretty incredible. I’ve worked hard to disprove many of those assumptions, helping people see beyond the stereotypes and into my heart for others.

Instead of labeling myself pro-life I choose pro-abundant life. Not just pro-birth, anti-choice, or anti-abortion. People will say some crazy things from all perspectives, and I’ve said some crazy things to people too. If we’re to have healthy and respectful conversations, it starts with controlling our tongue. James 6:5-6 is enlightening and terrifying at the same time: “… the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” Matthew 12:36-37 doesn’t mess around either: “I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified.” We can do serious damage with our words! So, how do we have healthy conversations without traumatizing others or burning bridges?

Recently, a friend posted something on Facebook that I was unpleasantly surprised by. It was hurtful, and while it wasn’t directed towards me, it hit me personally. I usually scroll by and make some silent judgments about them (not recommended), but this was different. I wanted her to understand how her post made me feel, because I doubt, she would have shared it if she knew my heart’s response. We’ve worked together to bring unity on other fronts; I know she’s not ill-willed. So, I sent her a message and kindly shared that it was hurtful. She graciously apologized and took it down, admitting that the issue at hand really triggered her and caused great distress. I asked if she would be willing to chat sometime so that we could see the issue of abortion through each other’s lens. I wanted to understand how two people with good hearts could be polar opposites on an issue. We agreed that we would not walk into the conversation trying to change the other person, but simply to gain understanding and perspective. We set a date to meet, and I’m sure we both lost some sleep thinking about what we would say, how we would say it, and how this conversation was going to go. My very pro-choice friend was willing to meet me at Care Net Pregnancy Center in Milwaukee to take a tour and see what we do. After the tour, we talked about a variety of things over coffee. We both shared our hearts for the hurting, our opinions about policies, our faith in God, and our hopes for the future. It was very pleasant and enlightening, and I cried on the way home, so thankful that we didn’t let our opinions—though vastly different—drive a wedge between us. While not all conversations will be that healthy and pleasant, I’ve learned a lot through this and other recent conversations. Here are eight keys to having a civil and healthy conversation when you disagree:

Meet in person when possible. Try to use virtual calls when it’s not. There’s something priceless about being able to see into the eyes of the person you’re talking to. Your tone of voice is also important, helping the other person know how what is being said should be taken. A unique option is a free app called MarcoPolo that allows you to send video messages and respond when you can. If you do better having time to think before responding, this is a great option.

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Know what you believe and why. Do your research. Know facts, don’t just make assumptions. Research what they believe. Listen to or watch opposing views to gain insight. Be willing to learn and grow. Ask someone to pray for you during your conversation. Don’t overshare, just mention that you are walking into a potentially challenging conversation, and you’d like to honor God in all you say. Recently, I had a challenging phone call with a friend who was angry and said some hurtful things. I vividly remember being weirdly calm about it all. My sin nature does NOT usually let people speak to me that way. Yet, a smile came across my face, knowing God was in this with me. I was amused by it, fascinated by my own response! When the call ended, I called my mentor friend and told her what had happened. She stopped me mid-sentence: “BETHANY! My husband just walked in here about that same time and said we should pray for you. He doesn’t even know you or this situation!” Goosebumps and tears flooded my body. They were praying me through it, and I didn’t even know. God confirmed that I had done the right thing and I thanked Him for His peace. God had His arm around my shoulder and His hand over my mouth. He’s so good.

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If you mess up, own it. Ask for forgiveness and try again. If they mess up, forgive them. Every second of unforgiveness that goes by, Satan wins. Don’t give him that time.

Be prepared for an emotional hangover. The day after a difficult conversation can be hard. The time spent preparing, the emotions of anticipation, and the let down at the end no matter the result can seem exhausting. Fill your mind with holy things and pray for your friend—who is also probably processing. Be bold. Be brave. Be kind.

Bethany Bernhard is the Board

President for the Care Net Pregnancy Center of Milwaukee. She is a wife, girl mom, and pastor’s kid whose passion is to enable women to live abundant lives in Christ. Contact her at Bethanybernhard@gmail.com.

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Assume the best in each other. Just because someone is pro-choice doesn’t mean they hate children and like to kill innocent babies. No prochoice people I know personally think that way.

Do not go into the conversation trying to change their minds. If that’s your goal, you may need to reschedule for when you’re in a place to listen and understand their perspective. Unless you’ve signed up for a debate, being willing to accept the differences of opinions will be very important.

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Take your time. If the conversation gets heated, take a break! Come back to it at another time when you can both talk coherently and maturely. Sometimes it’s okay to table the topic for another time. Do not rush into difficult topics.

Their lens tends to focus on different issues related to the topic, such as the foster care system. Similarily, if someone is pro-life it doesn’t mean they think women should be controlled and stay at home in the kitchen. Are there ill-willed people in this world that believe these things? For sure. If that is the case, sitting down for a civil conversation with them may not go the way you hope.

Christmas PRAYER

Lord, I ask for fresh eyes to see the wonder of Christ this Christmas.

Energize my heart to

respond with holy awe as I read familiar words and sing traditional carols. Help me to

enjoy the activity and fullness of this season without sacrificing

worship on the altar of activity and distraction. Whisper words

of love and joy to my heart as I

reflect on the majesty of Christ.

Move me to rejoice, enter, and open my treasures, give You my gifts, and obey with a responsive heart.

This is my desire, and this is my prayer. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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Ginger Harrington

encouraged

in your spiritual journey… Winter reading from Shelley Warner

When Shelley entered an ICU room where her brother lay in a coma after a drowning accident, she wondered what to say to him. The only encouragement that came to mind was a verse: “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble” (Psalm 46:1). This book contains stories of liberation from a works-oriented Christianity, God’s provision, blessing, and struggle.

Sequel to “A Very Present Help,” “What Remains Behind” chronicles a grief journey. Her favorite poet, Wordsworth says it well: “We will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind.” It is OK to grieve, and necessary; but, as Shelley learned, what remains behind is worth living for. You’ll find encouragement from a surprising dream “On the Other Side.”

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AVAILABLE ON

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Shelley Warner grew up exposed to religious fundamentalism. As a young pastor’s wife, she struggled with her view of herself in God’s eyes. Along the way, she learned that she is the person that God uniquely made, and it’s good to serve Him, in a way that brings her joy.

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elyaM dn S b

Snuggle In!

UL HAVE A H

ach year, I look forward to winter. Not for the ice fishing on nearby Lake Erie. Not for the lake-effect weather phenomenon that can dump a foot or more of snow at a time on our region. And certainly not for the annual Erie Polar Plunge (brrrr, I won’t even explain) or the Frostbite Open, a fundraiser golf tournament on frozen Presque Isle Bay.

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No, I’m anticipating long, dark evenings snuggled in our warm little house, the pellet stove burning merrily, apple-cinnamon-scented candles flickering, and me nestled under a soft throw, with maybe a cup of hot chocolate in hand. Am I part Danish? Because that picture is chock-full of hygge…

Hygge (pronounced hoo-gah) is a Danish word and concept for which there is no direct English translation, but author Meik Weiking tries to explain it in The Little Book of Hygge, “Hygge has been called… coziness of the soul… Hygge is about an atmosphere and an experience… about being with people we love. A feeling of home. A feeling that we are safe, that we are shielded from the world and [can] allow ourselves to let our guard down.” Danes, who have long been ranked among the happiest people on earth, embrace hygge in every area of their lives. In that land of long, dark, and cold winters, this translates into candles everywhere, warm scarves, comfy socks, soft throws, hot coffee, cake, chocolate, long hours at board games, and evenings around a fire with cherished friends and family. They keep it simple and are grateful for little joys. Louisa Thomsen Brits, the author of The Book of Hygge: The Danish Art of Contentment, Comfort, and Connection, considers it “a practical way of creating sanctuary in the middle of very real life.”

Creating a Sanctuary

A Danish person, in fact, often creates a literal sanctuary—a personal hyggekrog [hoogah-crow] or “cozy nook” in which to nestle with a comfy blanket (candles nearby, of course), and ideally a hot drink and a good book or a view of nature. Reading about it, I wondered about creating a hyggekrog for myself—until I realized I already have one: that recliner in my writing room, with the soft throw, and little tables nearby holding Bibles and books, pen and note cards, a lamp and a warmer for my tea.

Experiencing Spiritual Hygge

Each morning, sitting there with my Bible and my soul open before God, I experience spiritual hygge that goes beyond cozy socks, crackling fires, and steaming cups of coffee. Beyond the company of favorite people and definitely beyond the temporary contentment of an ideal evening. Here I snuggle into the warmth of my Father’s nearness, read His illuminated Word, drink in the sweetness of His Spirit, and enjoy long conversations with Him. Yet there’s an even better hyggekrog than that comfy corner I share with Him each morning. My soul has a 24/7 hyggekrog in God Himself. He has become my “sanctuary in the middle of very real life.”

Finding Intimacy

In God, my Hyggekrog, I also enjoy intimacy with Him, for He literally surrounds and fills me: “If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God” (1 John 4:15). I’m inwardly illuminated by the gentle Light of Truth, warmed by the fire of His Spirit, and cocooned in the comfort of His nearness. I pour out my heart to Him and He whispers divine insights to me. “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived—the things God has prepared for those who love him—these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit” (1 Cor. 2:9-10).

Remembering His Deeds

In God, my Hyggekrog I “ponder the loving deeds of the LORD” (Ps. 107:43), and He thinks of me: “How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered” (Ps. 139:17, NLT)! We find deep gladness in each other’s company. I joy in Him, and He rejoices over me—and over all who likewise settle into Him: “But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in You. Surely, LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield” (Ps. 5:11-12, emphasis mine). And one of the best things about my spiritual Hyggekrog is I don’t ever need to leave it! Oh, sometimes I bolt, out of fear. Or stray, out of carelessness or willfulness. But even then, He tirelessly calls me back into Himself. How good it is, then, to nestle again in my heart’s true home! Do you need a refuge, a sanctuary? A Hyggekrog for your soul? A place of cocooning comfort and safety, of softness and warmth? If you haven’t already, start by asking God’s forgiveness for your sins, because Jesus has already paid the penalty for them on the cross. Give yourself and Your life to Him forever. If you’ve already done that, but this season of your life has turned cold and dark, turn again in fresh surrender and obedience to Him. Confess Him as your heart’s true Home, your Light, your Fire, your Comforter, your soul-Companion. When you do, He’ll open His arms and welcome you into Himself… And God will become your Hyggekrog.

Finding Refuge and Strength

Sandy Mayle is a freelance writer.

She has also served in music, prayer, and women’s ministries in her church. She and her husband, Dave, live in Erie, Pa.

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For in God my true Hyggekrog, my soul finds shelter. He’s my “refuge and strength, an ever-present help

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On the outside, darkness may descend. Storms rage. Conflicts arise. Children rebel. Health worsens. Yet the fiercer those storms rage on the outside, the deeper my inner being can nestle into Him.

in trouble” (Ps. 46:1). He’s my “sheltering stronghold to which I may continually resort” (Ps. 71:3, AMP). At any moment of the day or night, no matter what is going on around me, I’m learning to inwardly turn to Him, rest all the weight of my world on Him, and know His enveloping presence and care.

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winter 2022

Stop Being Responsible and Start Being

Faithful Trusting in God’s provision instead of your own. by Debbie W. Wilson

od blessed me with a godly mother-in-law. When her independence began to wane, Larry and I invited her to live with us. Having lived thousands of miles apart, we welcomed the opportunity to have her in our home. However, she wouldn’t consider leaving Arizona. Larry sent monthly checks to help her fill the gap in her living expenses, but we didn’t know what we’d do when she required full-time care. Our ministry income wouldn’t stretch to cover that expense. Larry and I felt a level of responsibility to ensure his mom was well taken care of in her later years. Perhaps because our visits were spread out, we recognized her decline better than she. When she refused our offer, we didn’t know how to fulfill our duty and desire to help her. God used this incident to help us learn the difference between being faithful and being responsible.

Being Faithful Versus Being Responsible

Being responsible as in “being reliable or dependable” is good and godly (Ps. 15:4). For our purpose, let’s call that faithfulness. • Faithfulness is doing our best in the power of the Holy Spirit and leaving the results to God. • Being responsible is taking responsibility for outcomes beyond our resources or control. Losing my mother as a teenager, accompanied by my father’s paralyzing grief, amped my firstborn sense of responsibility. I equated being responsible with being dependable. But when being responsible means depending on myself and my resources instead of relying on God, it’s unhealthy and ungodly. This kind of responsibility steals our peace and joy. It puts the focus on our efforts instead of on God’s faithfulness. This sense of duty doesn’t allow mistakes or rest. It leaves no time to notice God’s everyday provisions, let alone savor them. The responsible person jumps from one challenge to the next, always on duty, not trusting others to share the load. The faithful work hard, but they also know when to rest and recharge, when to put human needs before the goal, and when to celebrate small wins. They know God is big enough to take care of them and their future.

The Bible says the righteous live by faith. God calls us to be faithful stewards whose security rests in our faithful Provider, not in our storehouses. Many times, after Larry’s efforts to raise ministry funds appeared to fall short, I’ve seen God reward his faithfulness by providing funds from unexpected sources.

What’s the difference between being responsible and being faithful?

• The responsible person works for tomorrow but misses today’s joy. • The faithful person prepares for tomorrow while enjoying today.

“God calls us to be

faithful stewards whose security rests in our faithful Provider, not in our storehouses.”

Remember Larry’s mom? When dementia set in, God provided a wonderful place in her beloved Arizona that didn’t require a penny more than the sale of her house. With skyrocketing prices and rumors of greater shortages, it’s tempting to worry over tomorrow and miss the joys of today. Consider your concerns. Will you look to your efforts or God’s faithfulness to carry you through? The difference between being responsible and being faithful is the difference between heaviness and joy, self-effort, and faith. We practice faithfulness because He is faithful. “Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful…Enter into the joy of your master” (Matt. 25:21, ESV).

Debbie W. Wilson and her husband Larry run Lighthouse Ministries, a non-profit Christian counseling and Bible teaching ministry. Drawing from her personal walk with Christ, 24 years as a Christian counselor, and decades as a Bible teacher, Debbie speaks and writes to connect fellow sojourners to the heart of Christ. Connect with Debbie and learn about her books, including her new release Little Strength, Big God, at debbieWwilson.com.

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“Go to the ant, O sluggard, Observe her ways and be wise, Which, having no chief, Officer or ruler, Prepares her food in the summer And gathers her provision in the harvest.” (Prov. 6:6-8, NASB)

The Faithful Responds: “He is able to...” • Direct my steps (Ps. 37:23). • Supply my needs (Ps. 34:4-10; Phil. 4:19). • Secure my future (Matt. 6:33-34; 1 Pet. 5:7).

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Being faithful and being responsible may look similar, but the difference is vast and eternal. For example, consider how these different viewpoints affect even our interpretation of Scripture.

The Responsible Responds: “It’s up to me to...” • Predict possible troubles. • Prepare for the unknown. • Take care of myself and loved ones.

to yde Peron Photo: Wa

That’s That! My life with Stuart. by Jill Briscoe

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neeling by my little white bed in Liverpool, England, I made a wish list about the man of my dreams. Being a new Christian, I was hesitant and not sure about what to put on the list. But I knew I only wanted a man who would love God first and insist on serving Him. It certainly would be nice if he could be good looking and athletic too! As I gave my list to God, and trusted Him with it, God found me a man who fit wonderfully into His great plan for our lives!

It was Easter, I had taken the boys I was working with in Liverpool to a Christian youth center called Capernwray Hall. One of my boys, Trevor, got into trouble. Stuart had been there, and watched me, bemused as I tried to explain Trevor’s behavior to Major Ian Thomas, the man in charge. Stuart introduced himself to me. “I’m Stuart Briscoe and I’m a bank inspector,” he told me. He casually invited me to play table tennis (ping pong) that afternoon. I won convincingly—not a good start! As we walked around the center later, he

said he would be coming to my hometown. I shared some of my concerns about the young people I had brought with me. “I do quite a lot of work with teenagers myself,” he replied. “Maybe I could help.” He took my address and was gone. A week later he came calling, and the rest is history! We immediately decided that the context of our relationship would be ministry—that we would nurture it—as we continued the things we were doing for God. I was working with troubled teenagers; Stuart was busy traveling all over England with his job with the bank and lay preaching on the weekends. We accompanied each other to the meetings we were both being invited to. We got to know each other by listening to each other talk to church youth, student groups, Bible studies, and street kids. Our engagement wasn’t quite what I imagined it would be since it had to fit between our busy schedules. We

bought a ring and doubled back to the car through heavy traffic and unwrapped the little ring box. Stuart gently took my hand and slipped it on my finger. Here it is, I thought excitedly, expecting something poetic. “Well darling,” he announced emphatically with an extraordinary amount of satisfaction, “that’s that,” and believe it or not that was indeed that! So much for my romantic poetic dreams! But over the years, those two little words became the most romantic, loving, incredible words in the whole wide world. They spoke of a man who had chosen to be a man of his word and commit himself to me for all time till death parted us. They told me that while seed time and harvest, winter and summer, snow and heat continued he would continue steadfastly loving and cherishing me. Above all, those two words told me I could count on that faithfulness morning and evening, January to December—all the way home. It wouldn’t matter if we were in the same room or thousands of miles apart. I would be able to thoroughly trust him. Yes! Those two little words were still wonderful and over the years—he kept his promise. Our commitment spanned more than six decades. So much of it in separate as well as in together spheres of service to the Lord, but always undergirded by a personal and active confidence in each other. Christ being the center and circumference of our marriage has meant time spent apart, as He has sent us to speak to the four corners of the globe. There have been the times we have joyfully found ourselves in the same corner. In either place, Christ enabled us to keep those commitments we made to each other. After all, Jesus died on the cross, rose from the dead, and said “that’s that” for us. There was an eternal finality about His commitment. When Christ is central, He helps us to be faithful people. And that was the key to our marriage.

We will serve the Lord

Joshua’s word’s, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Josh. 24:25) became the motto of our marriage and our family. Serving the Lord involved Stuart traveling for the mission extensively—we missed each other terribly and wrote long letters (snail mail) to each other. We could hardly afford phone calls, so seldom heard each other’s voices—no cell phones or emails in those days! Hard as it was for me, I had the kids. However, it was harder for him because he didn’t have any of us.

We complemented each other in ministry and in life. He encouraged me to use my gifts, and if I didn’t have the gifts, he encouraged me to do it anyway.

But over the years, those two “little words became the most romantic, loving, incredible words in the whole wide world.

And he made me laugh when I took life too seriously. He teased me, joked, told funny stories as well as taught me and the kids to love God more. He helped me to calm down when my anxieties took over. And when I couldn’t calm down, he’d tease, “Go write a poem, Jill.” He taught me obedience in my walk with God. We learned to pray together and for each other. I learned that prayer would bring Stuart, who may well be 12,000 miles away, closer than breathing. I could travel to Africa, India, South America, or wherever Stuart was and “be there” with him on my knees. Stuart preached in more than 100 countries, planted numerous churches, authored more than 40 books, and inspired his audience with plainspoken accessible Bible teaching. As ministers-at-large for Elmbrook Church, we encouraged missionaries and trained under-resourced church leaders around the world.

All the way home

One of our ministry trips together was to a country in turmoil; it was a dangerous and traumatic ministry visit. We found ourselves among a large group of young people preparing to walk into dangerous places of persecution. The oppression was palpable. Stuart would remind me that I had learned to be obedient and to do it scared. “If it was the right thing to do, you do it scared—whatever happens to you.” I worried about getting out of that place, but Stuart spoke of the cross of Jesus.

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But with Stuart traveling so much, loneliness became an unwelcome guest in our home. Our kids were growing up, and I couldn’t be mom and dad to them. I spoke to Stuart about this. And he began to tell me the story that God had been putting in his heart. God was calling him to pastor a church. “You in the church?” I asked. “Exactly,” he said. And so, we walked away from the delightful beauty of Capernwray Bible School in England and accepted the call to come to Elmbrook Church in America.

There was absolutely no doubt in my mind that we were exactly where God wanted us to be even though it was an ocean away from our own country.

And this is what happened: de Peronto Photo: Way

Shaken, drained, discouraged, sickly Tired and troubled and depressed, Glad the time of serving over, Now I’ll go home and rest. Hot and humid was the weather Sad and needy was the crowd, Feeling I had done my duty, Earned the time of rest allowed. Soon I could return to family “Yes,” tomorrow I’d be gone, Sitting in the last hot meeting, I tuned in to what went on. Listened to my husband preaching, My, it was a great last talk, All about the call of Jesus, All about our life’s “faith walk.” Stuart opened up the Scriptures Talked of Jesus’ pain and loss, How He who was our great sin-bearer, Bore our guilt upon His cross. What a great word for the students! Hoped “they’d” listened, yield their hearts, They were young, their lives before them, Now their turn to do their part. Time for prayers of dedication, I was tired, so late at night, Shut my eyes and wished it over, When a picture sprang to sight! Saw a cross alone, discarded Lain at rest against a wall, Who’d lain down such holy symbol? Who’d abandoned life’s “faith call”? Then a voice so dear—familiar, Asked a question—pierced me through, Who is it that you’re expecting, Carrying it home for you?

Major Ian Thomas told us: “Go where you’re sent, stay where you’re put, and give what you’ve got until you’re done”—and that’s what Stuart did—all the way home. My husband never put down the cross all the years I was with him. He carried his cross faithfully all the way home.

Jill Briscoe was born in Liverpool, England. She partnered with her husband in ministry for over 70 years, has written more than 40 books, and traveled on every continent teaching and encouraging ministry leaders. Jill is the founder of Just Between Us. She can also be heard regularly on the worldwide media ministry called Telling the Truth. She lives in southeast Wisconsin.

Bii and Pam Faael Making YOUR life Simple!

How could I lay down that crossbeam? How to think that no one saw? Who did I expect to lift it, Carry it to heaven’s door?

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“Jesus, Jesus, please forgive me, Carried Thou your cross for me, All the way to hell to save us, Help me carry mine for Thee!”

“I’m no hero—special woman Just a lady, old and gray, But my cross, Lord, I will carry, Home, Lord, home, Lord—ALL THE WAY!” Spoke His voice so quiet—but clearly then: “All the way home, Jill; all the way, all the way home!” © 2012 Jill Briscoe

Best Selling Authors of over 50 books & international speakers www.Love-Wise.com

Our Stuart— A Legacy of Lifting Up Women by Shelly Esser

tuart Briscoe’s passing leaves a huge hole in the hearts of our Just Between Us team. In addition to being the husband of our founder, Jill Briscoe, Stuart was one of our own—a part of the JBU family. In fact, our only resident man! For over 30 years, he’s been our constant encourager and cheerleader—always lifting up our team and women around the world. “As a pastor, husband, and father, I have a dread of burying someone else’s gifts, particularly those given to women,” Stuart once said. “Repeatedly, I have come back to this fact: If the Lord has given gifts, I better be careful about denying freedom of their exercise. More than that, I need to ensure that the women in my life have every encouragement from me to be what He called and gifted them to be. A major part of my life must be spent as a man caring for, nurturing, encouraging, and developing gifted women, because they aren’t the only ones who will one day give an account. I may one day be asked about their gifts, too. I would like to say I did considerably more than burying. A talent is a terrible thing to waste.” When Jill first dreamed up the idea for a resource for ministry wives, Stuart was all for it, the first to support her writing gift. From the beginning, he has been lifting up women’s gifts—Jill’s, his daughter, Judy’s, and our JBU team’s—staff and volunteers alike. He had a way of making us feel important in God’s kingdom work, that what we did mattered. I will miss him popping his head into the office, always asking about and listening intently to how the ministry was going—then, with a twinkle in his eye, inquiring about his next writing assignment. When I counted all the articles he wrote for JBU, I couldn’t believe they came to 66 (not including the ones on the website). He wrote articles for us right up until the last year of his life at age 91. I asked Stuart early on if he would be that theological voice to speak into the tougher topics of our faith and culture for our readers. He didn’t think twice. He asked, “When’s the deadline?”

We are so grateful that Stuart took the women in his life’s gifts seriously—especially ours. We have been the recipients of his passion and commitment to lift up women. When he left our office, we always felt affirmed in our gifting and calling. In his wonderful Stuart-like way, he encouraged us to carry on and stay available to God’s kingdom work—and he’s made a lasting difference in this ministry. Thank you, Stuart, for not burying our gifts, but always celebrating and encouraging them, and for pointing us to the Jesus you loved and served so deeply through your words—both spoken and written—that will bear fruit in all our lives for years to come.

Wisdom from Stuart “Here is my recipe for marriage—‘Marriage is as simple as ABC: Adjustments Based on Commitment.’” (Spring 2018) “Let’s face it, this world is in a mess, but that’s not the whole story. God is at work and His purposes will prevail. And we are called to be part of what He is doing, one person at a time.” (Fall 2016) “As you grow through life’s changing situations you will experience many wonderful and not so wonderful things, but one thing you must remember is to ‘Keep Calm and Carry On.’ Why? Because you are not in charge and can’t handle everything that comes your way. But He can—and He will—because He promised He would!” (Fall 2019)

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“Do you remember your birth? Your answer would probably be no. You would know you had been born simply because you’re alive now. In the same way, if Christ has been born in you, His life will be reflected in your life…that reflection will become clearer and clearer. There ought to be an increasing likeness to Jesus Christ in your ongoing experience.” (Winter 2013)

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I loved our regular back-and-forth bantering over writing ideas and edits. His wisdom, spiritual depth, integrity, and understanding and communication of the Word has been powerfully used by God to enrich us all for decades. Never once did he deviate from Scripture or pointing us to the person of Jesus Christ. Always, his visits and articles were sprinkled with that wonderful British humor we all came to expect and love—leaving us laughing over some joke or humorous story. Stuart— as we all affectionately called him—loved to have fun and enjoy life. In his unique, mischievous, boy-like way, he helped us do the same!

His motto for life was “I don’t anticipate any major difficulties,” and he didn’t. It was that positive outlook that helped carry us through some tough seasons in ministry. Like a father reassuring a fearful and discouraged child, his shepherding presence comforted us on so many occasions that God was going to take care of this little ministry—and us—and he was right. His optimism always lifted us up, but more than that, his value and confidence in us lifted us up. So many times, we have felt unseen and dismissed. Stuart saw us.

INTENTIONAL FAITH

Making the Better Choice by Jen Allee

ne year my husband and I wrapped a box of delicious, assorted chocolates and gave it to a friend for Christmas. A day later she told us she would never eat them and would we like them back to enjoy for ourselves. She probably thought it was a kind gesture, knowing we are fans of good chocolate, but we were taken aback. Did she really return the gift we gave her? We can chuckle about it now, but at the time it deeply hurt our feelings. There is a vulnerability to gift giving. When we prepare a present with someone else in mind, we want them to be excited and feel appreciated. Because of that, we often only give gifts to those we love. Rather, we only put thought into gifts for those we love.

Giving Is a Choice

In gift giving, there’s something about the recipient that propels the giver to act. The greater the love toward that person, the greater the effort will be in finding the perfect present. And when you wrap up your thoughtfulness and deliver it to that special person, you discover the joy of Jesus’ words: “It is better to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). Haven’t we all experienced the delight of watching a loved one unwrap a treasure we knew would produce a smile, a shout, or a giant hug? Oh, the satisfaction! But there is something to note about this verse. Nowhere does it mention the reaction of the recipient. Jesus doesn’t admonish us to only give to those who will respond with gratitude and appreciation. But He doesn’t command us to do it, either. He simply states that it is better.

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So, imagine handing a precious, thoughtful gift to a total stranger. Or picture wrapping something expensive or intimate and delivering it to your very arrogant neighbor or a family member who always makes you feel stupid? Is it really better to give than to receive?

Jesus’ Choice

Jesus knows all about what’s better. Because at the

Jen Allee

heart of this verse, we find the heart of Jesus: love. And that is the motivation behind this better choice. Simply put, Jesus gave because He loved. Consider the most important gift of all time: salvation. Though it cost Jesus His life, He offered it to us knowing we would fail to acknowledge it, much less appreciate it. After all, do you remember what we were doing when Jesus chose to love us so profoundly? “When we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8). Jesus walked to the cross knowing the agony that lay before Him would be received in vain. It was the greatest gift received in the poorest manner. Yet, that’s why it was the better choice.

Your Choice

If we reserve our precious gifts for the ones we love most, what does that say about Jesus’ love for us? A lot. Despite our inability to love Jesus appropriately, He continues to give to us. Thankfully our reactions do not determine His actions. Might we follow His example? What if we pushed aside our selfishness, stubbornness, bitterness, and other such “ness” words and extended grace? Possibly even undeserved grace? This year, as you step into the Christmas season, consider your gifts. And I don’t mean just the ones that you place under the tree. What about your time, affection, forgiveness, or love? Who are you giving to and who are you not? Go ahead, make the better choice.

➜

Be Intentional

Who in your life are you not giving to? Why? Talk to Jesus about it in prayer and ask Him to help you make the better choice.

is an author and speaker who believes a strong faith is built one intentional step at a time. For encouragement in taking your next step, visit her at Living Intentionally at jenallee.com.

jenallee.com

STRENGTHENING YOUR SOUL

Draw Me Nearer by Melva L. Henderson

n 1876, a woman named Francis J. Crosby was visiting the home of a doctor, and as they spoke about the nearness of God, the words of the famous hymn “I Am Thine, Oh Lord” dropped into her spirit. Here is the chorus of that hymn: Draw me nearer, nearer blessed Lord, To the cross where Thou hast died. Draw me nearer, nearer, nearer blessed Lord, To Thy precious bleeding side. Why is it that so many of us seem to have a hunger to draw near to God but just can’t seem to walk closely with Him? Why does He seem to be far away instead of near? Why can’t we seem to get that connection our heart longs for? Contrary to what we think or feel, God is near to us all the time. Psalm 119:151 says, “Yet you are near, O LORD, and all your commands are true.” There is only one thing that holds us back, keeping us out of the deepest places of fellowship with God. It shields us from those desired places of intimacy where we experience His tangible presence and talk with Him face to face. This one thing, although overcome at the cross, places an artificial veil in front of us, blocking our ability to have a divine exchange with God. So, what is this artificial veil? Galatians 5:17 tells us: “For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.” Every struggle to pray, feed on the Word, or engage in worship has its origin in the flesh (our sinful nature). The flesh in others is what limited the ministry of Jesus in the days of old, and it can limit Him in your life today (Mark 6:5-6). Jesus overcame sin in the flesh (Rom. 8:3), but we have to choose to remove the veil of the flesh, left behind by sin, and when we do, the flesh becomes powerless in our lives.

Melva L. Henderson

“You and I were created to commune with God…”

Drawing near to God is an art form. It’s like navigating through a land full of sinkholes. The holes represent the mind of the flesh that speaks to you while you are endeavoring to engage with God. For example, when you’re ready to feed on the Word of God, the mind of the flesh triggers something in the brain telling it to fall asleep—sinkhole. When you are praying, the flesh will remind you that you were supposed to call someone, take the chicken out for dinner, etc. Every time the voice of the flesh speaks to you, it will draw you away from God, never toward Him. You and I were created to commune with God, and as long as the flesh succeeds in keeping us out of our God-given place of intimacy, we will continually experience feelings of inner emptiness and loneliness. Learning to overcome the weakness of the flesh will help you grow in your relationship with God. He longs to fellowship with you! Jump over those sinkholes, cast down those thoughts, and take your place before the throne—and let God draw you nearer, nearer.

melvahenderson.org worldoutreachbtc.org

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is an author, speaker, and regular columnist for Just Between Us. She is also the founder of The Milwaukee Give, a humanitarian outreach, and co-founder and president of World Bible Training Institute, an accredited Bible college. She is wife to pastor Ervin, mother of five, and a grandmother.

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The arm of the flesh pushes God away and blindfolds our minds, making us think He is a great distance away, when in truth He is always within arms’ reach.

Drawing near to God means crucifying your flesh. In other words, you will have to stop thinking in a way that opposes the Word of God and His principles for living the Christian life. Whether you realize it or not, you don’t act until you think, and if your thoughts are full of flesh-driven ideas and suggestions, your actions will line up with that kind of thinking.

LIVING WELL

Parenting Coaching Adult Children by Gail Goolsby

y children used to want to spend time with me. Now I feel like a beggar to have them join us for a dinner occasionally. If I show any sadness, they claim I am ‘guilt tripping’ them. I miss the family we once had,” whispered my client, dabbing her eyes. “My mother-in-law said we would have to come to them for holidays. They don’t feel comfortable driving when bad weather is possible. It’s hard with small children to make the 10-hour trip. I guess we won’t be together very often,” the young mother shared in frustration. “I just want to be involved in my grandchildren’s lives, but my children don’t invite me to many activities. They act like I am intruding and don’t respect their rules.” Generations often struggle to understand each other. Families experience change from the inside and outside. All members need to adjust or lose connection. Much of the responsibility falls to the older adults to make the important switch from full-out parenting mode to more of a caring, experienced life coach.

New Reality Needs New Skills

The goal of parenting is to launch children who can navigate their world successfully on their own. Hopefully they will recognize the valuable assistance left behind to help them debrief mistakes and traumas, and to strategize present challenges and future aspirations.

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For positive connection with adult children, parents can implement some new techniques:

Ask more questions…Rather than default to directing adult children as when they were younger, show interest and ask expanding questions. This helps clear assumptions and allows them to verbally process with a trusted companion. Use open-ended, how-type inquiries rather than why which can lead to defensiveness and feelings of judgment by the listener. Tell me more about that…is a great affirming, inviting comment.

Gail Goolsby,

Talk like you would to a friend…Don’t expect to change or fix them, but be genuinely interested in their best, and happy to be involved in their lives. Release any sense of owning their problems or showing lack of confidence in their abilities to handle life’s trials. Show respect. Communicate honestly and humbly…Share your own hopes for connection at holidays and family events with love and grace. Refrain from sarcasm, manipulation, or emotional guilt tactics. Try to compromise, flexing, when possible, to meet schedule needs from both sides. Hold traditions loosely…Allow adult children to formulate their own family traditions. They might incorporate some memorable things from their younger years, but maybe not. Enjoy different ways to celebrate. Be a good houseguest, grateful, helpful, and complimenting without criticism.

Let Go, Let God

There will be disappointments, hurts, and stressful times with our adult children. Just as when raising young children, parents need to turn to God. He can handle our frustrations, complaints, disagreements, and anxiety concerning our adult children and their choices and problems. Giving our tears, losses, and fears through prayer to our own loving Father keeps the burden where it is best handled. Strive to offer more affirmation than anything else to your adult children. Be specific, genuine, and supportive in your confirmation, even as you may disagree. Be real yet winsome, fun, and intentional in your family connections and when called upon, be a God-given coach to assist them along their life journey.

MA, MEd, ACC, is an author, speaker, and career educator, including serving overseas as detailed in her recent book, Unveiled Truth: Lessons I Learned Leading the International School of Kabul. She is a mom and grandma, and lives in south central Kansas, with her husband.

gailgoolsby.com

% gail.goolsby@gmail.com F Gail Wettstone Goolsby T Gail Goolsby

Courage to Draw Near, Nearer Still

minutes in the

WORD

By Dorie Etrheim

he walked alone. Alone in the scorching heat to avoid the glares, the rolling eyes, and the whispers of condemnation. She’s barely existing, just trying to get her water.

How does Jesus respond in vs. 21-26?

Hoping to not be seen. Hiding. She sees a man at the well. He appears to be a Jew, so she’s confident he will ignore her. She breathes a deep sigh of relief. Ask God for fresh insight as you read John 4:4-29. List what vs. 4-9 says about Jesus.

Why was Jesus at the well? Would the woman have felt the urge to walk away? Why do you think she had the courage to stay?

Worship isn’t a place. It’s in and through the person of Jesus, the Savior of the world. Jesus not only gave her courage but also set her free. She courageously ran back to the same people she avoided and proclaimed, “Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did.” Her courage in drawing near to Jesus not only changed her but also her community. Many believed! Read John 4:39-42. What stands out to you?

Digging Deeper What does Jesus offer in vs. 10-15?

Courage means “to be strengthened.” Our courage comes from Jesus. Look up Acts 4:13 and Isaiah 41:10.

The Samaritan woman is physically, emotionally, and spiritually tired and thirsty, just surviving in life. Give me this water, fix my problem. See John 6:35, 7:38.

This unnamed Samaritan woman’s story is my story. All I ever wanted was to be loved, seen, and known. Could this be your story? I tried to fill the emptiness only Jesus could fill. I hid in ministry, work, Bible studies, caring for others, and busyness. One at a time, I took my secrets and longings to Jesus. Now, I walk and talk and meet Jesus in His Word. Every day I lay my heart, secrets, tears, and life before Him and ask Him to fill me with His truth and love.

Still hiding, keeping Jesus at a distance, she changes the subject in verse 19. If she continues to draw near, will she be disappointed again?

For Your Journal Where might you be hiding? In food, alcohol, relationships? Jesus knows all your secrets and hiding places. Will you draw nearer still, hiding nothing, and let Jesus fill you with truth, love, and courage? Journal your prayer to Jesus.

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Jesus gets personal in vs. 16-19. Jesus saw her situation and her desires, and He spoke to her deepest secrets and touched her heart. Can you feel her discomfort? She could have grabbed her water jar and left. But Jesus’ all-knowing, compassionate, loving presence gave her the courage to draw near. Perhaps she felt seen, known, and loved for the very first time in her life.

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OUTSIDE YOUR FRONT DOOR

Courageous Love by Ashley N. Thomas

e all have this inherent need to be loved. But love often comes with a bunch of strings attached. We want our love to be protected from hurt, disappointment, and rejection—and we want our love to be well cared for, received, and cherished. Although, life experience unveils our eyes to the reality that to love is not always safe; it takes great courage to love, and to be loved. To love someone is a vulnerable thing. I walked through the doors of Hope Street, where I work, over a decade ago with the need to be loved. In tow was an unwillingness to receive unconditional, perfect love—I wanted the fabricated love that I could manipulate. The love that is received when you lead with a list of your accomplishments, the “perfect” exterior, and your ability to get stuff done. You see, like many of us, I had become accustomed to earning love. At Hope Street I encountered men, women, and children who were tired of engaging in unhealthy patterns and lifestyles—all coping mechanisms because they felt void of love. While our paths looked different, our crossroad was the same—we had arrived in a safe space where our lives without true love were bound to be disrupted.

Real Love

What did we find? Real relationships. We discovered that living authentically develops meaningful interactions and conversations. People we normally avoid or simply pass by become part of our journey towards healing. We share each other’s burdens, rejoice in the breakthrough moments, and continually point people back to our source of hope—Jesus. It takes courage to go there with people.

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The Heartbreak of Loss

I quickly embraced this “new” idea of love. It felt good to be loved for who I was and not for what I did (or didn’t do). In exchange it freed me to love others in spite of their decisions or differences. What I wasn’t prepared for was the heartbreak that comes with

losing these relationships, especially to something as final as death. There are now too many names to list, and too many memories and stories to share. Each person has left an impression on my life. With each death comes the lingering question: is love worth the pain? I have walked through seasons where all I wanted to know about a new member is their name. In my mind this protects me from knowing enough to care, and in return releases the burden of others caring for me. However, it turns out this loss can be more detrimental to our well-being than the physical loss of a loved one. God created us to be in community. If we believe this to be true, we must trust that He also gives us the grace needed to share life with His people.

Love’s Healing Power

As we maneuver through the most recent unexpected death, I can’t help but recall the words of a former member after the last loss. “What if people come here to receive what was theirs all along, unconditional love from the Father? Love that was bestowed upon them the moment they were born. We may have lost sight of it along the way, but here we inhale life, our peace is restored, and we can live loved.” This perspective often causes me to weep because if it’s true—what an honor to bear witness to this moment in someone’s life. I weep because of the anger that brews below the surface that wants to understand why. Why now when people have finally gotten their lives back on track? Maybe the only answer I need is to know that God is relentlessly pursuing us with His perfect love. That love frees us to know and be known, to love and be loved in the ways that He planned from the very beginning. Courageous love breaks down barriers and sweeps us up into safe arms. So that even when it is painful, we can trust in our Father who wastes nothing.

Ashley N. Thomas is the Executive Director of Hope Street

ministry in Milwaukee, Wis. She enjoys speaking, writing, and being present with broken people as each discovers the grace that allows us all to be known and loved still.

fromsmashtoash.com

EVERYDAY TRANSFORMATION

No Condemnation by Laura Sandretti

y eyes filled with tears when I heard the sermon subject: Gentleness. The irony was too much to bear. On our way to church, I was the opposite of gentle. I had snapped at my husband, Chris. Twice. I knew I had spoken harshly and that I was wrong, but instead of just apologizing, I ended up defending what I’d said (and the critical tone in which I had said it), which only added insult to injury. When we arrived at church, I didn’t want to go in. I was irritated and disappointed with myself. I felt like a poser singing worship songs and greeting people with a fake smile. When the sermon started, I wanted to crawl under my seat. My face felt hot, and I wondered what Chris must be thinking. Worst of all, my husband is the gentlest person I know. Even after 30 years of marriage, he rarely loses his temper, uses sarcasm, or corrects me. Gentleness comes easily and naturally to him, a businessman who works in a secular field and wasn’t a Christ-follower until later in life. I’m a Christian speaker and author who went to seminary. I’m in ministry and made a profession of faith in middle school. Although I know that Jesus’ forgiveness of my sins has nothing to do with how I behave, I sat in that pew feeling defeated. I know that Rom. 3:10b says, “There is no one righteous, not even one,” but I wondered why Chris so effortlessly responds gently, but I default to harshness. I trust Acts 13:39a that says, “Through him everyone who believes is set free from every sin” and I’ve memorized Ps. 103:12, “as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” But when I continually hurt the people that I love the most it’s difficult for my heart to receive what my mind believes.

grace and truth when I felt hopeless. How? By bringing to mind, as I prayed, another verse I’d once memorized: “What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not” (1 Cor. 4:7)? The Spirit lovingly reminded me in that verse that my husband didn’t have to study or strive to be gentle. God equips all of us differently according to the grace given each of us (Rom. 12:6a). Although I was convicted to ask the Lord for help responding gentler in the future, the Spirit used this passage to remind me I did not need to condemn myself. What’s the difference between condemnation and conviction? Romans 2:4b says that God’s kindness leads us toward repentance. Conviction sounds kind, patient, and loving. Conversely, Rev. 12:10 says that Satan accuses Christ-followers “day and night.” When we mess up and the voice in our head sounds like a bully, that’s condemnation. When you lose your temper or are judgmental and you can’t seem to stop, what does the voice of correction in your head sound like? Does it lovingly remind you that you’re already forgiven in Christ, or does it reprimand your inability to improve? Does it make you focus on or forget the cross? If you’re quick to beat yourself up, remind yourself about the truth of God’s Word and ask the Lord for help believing it, especially when you can’t see or feel it. That will give you hope and freedom. The Bible centers our heart and our hope on the truth that Christ died to ensure no one can condemn those who love Him, not even ourselves.

Laura Sandretti

laurasandretti.com

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is a speaker, author, and blogger, and has a Master’s Degree in Theological Studies from Trinity Evangelical School. Additionally, she has authored three books. Her newest one, Believe Deeper: To Expose Doubt and Transform Faith comes out this month (available on Amazon and laurasandretti.com). Laura and her husband have three children and live in Sussex, Wis. Visit her blog, Everyday Sinner, at laurasandretti.com.

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What do we do when the weight of our repeated failures feels bigger than the cross? How do we experience Christ’s forgiveness when the shame and embarrassment of hurting others causes us to lose hope? As I tearfully prayed these questions sitting in that church pew, God answered. He gave me tangible

FAITH AT WORK

Loving a Difficult Coworker by Danielle Thomas

think it would be a fair statement for anyone who’s been employed that we’ve all likely experienced a difficult coworker. Whether a gossipy colleague, a micro-managing boss, or a stubborn direct report, co-worker relationships can be tricky to navigate. When your relationship intensifies negatively, you may feel down or stressed, concerned about that person’s actions and their impact on you and your work. This could even be someone who you could get along with outside of work—but working together just fuels tension. It may become a situation you dwell on in a cycle of anxiety and frustration, wondering if you should just quit.

Respond with Kindness

My grandma loves to share this quote in times of relationship strain—“kill them with kindness.” In a way, the Bible affirms this message, but there’s a distinction between the motive expressed in the quote versus what Jesus calls us to do, and how it will affect our relationships. Rather than reacting unkindly towards a hurtful co-worker, we are instructed to show grace and love to them. This directive is clear throughout the Bible. Matthew 5:39 reads, “If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.” Jesus acknowledges how counter-cultural this action is. It may be extraordinarily challenging when a colleague makes your job stressful to show them kindness and a positive attitude, but put simply, this is our responsibility as Christians.

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Follow Christ’s Example

So why does Jesus tell us to do this seemingly outrageous action, against societal norms? In Luke 6:32, Jesus says, “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them.” When I first read that verse, it hit me like a ton of bricks. How can we claim to be set apart, following Christ’s example, if we react to hurtful people the same way they treat us? When we partake in gossip, respond unkindly towards someone, or think hurtful thoughts about a co-worker, we are acting no better than them. We’re serving ourselves and giving the devil a

Danielle Thomas

foothold in our lives. If we are born again in Christ and have the Holy Spirit living in our hearts, we should have a deep desire to be more like Jesus and to love others tangibly and boldly the way He did.

Pray

This is not to say that if you are being bullied, harassed, or discriminated against at work, you shouldn’t follow your company’s human resources protocols. But in work relationships, we should try to influence in a positive way—and also bring them to God in prayer. Prayer is an essential part of our walk with Christ, rooting us in relationship with our Father. When we ask for God’s help, He promises to be with us amidst our trials, giving us strength and peace. The Bible emphasizes the need for us to pray for those who cause us hurt or stress. Luke 6:28 says, “Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you,” and Matt. 5:44 says, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” God understands your situation, and He wants you to bring it to Him.

See Your Mission Field

Co-worker relationships are some of the most interesting connections in life because the workplace is one big melting pot of diverse backgrounds, interests, and world views. As followers of Jesus, it’s also one of our most important mission fields—the people we work with need Jesus too. So, when colleague dynamics are strained, instead of getting frustrated or dejected, let’s take the opportunity to show Jesus’ love, so they see Jesus through us and want to know more. Let’s turn the other cheek, not because it’s the easy thing to do, but because it’s the right thing. Let’s bless and pray for those who make our workday difficult, because Jesus loves those people deeply. With His help, we can love them too.

works in internal communications for the UK’s largest water utilities company. She lives with her British husband, Caleb, and Cavapoo puppy. She enjoys hiking, exploring the countryside, and learning UK history.

thethomases2020@gmail.com

“Gem Fadling’s voice is both bright and grounding, able to meet readers where we are and also kind enough not to leave us there for long.” —EMILY P. FREEMAN, author of The Next Right Thing

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