Fall 2019 by Just Between Us

E N C O U RA G I N G & E Q U I P P I N G W O M E N F O R A L I F E O F FA I T H Fall 2019

www.justbetweenus.org

Juggling Act

by Lisa T. Grimes, pg 22

Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Holy in the Difficult

by Heidi Keeler, pg 16

Mo Isom is

Speaking Up About Sex by Susan Vanselow, pg 18

10 Living Called or Driven? 28 Stepmomming with Grace 32 4 ways to Find Friends

just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

36 Peace is Possible in a Scary World

inspiration

Welcome I have always loved the story in Exodus 17 of Moses’ friends helping him hold his hands up in battle when he could no longer do it by himself. Do you remember the story? The Amalekites were attacking the Israelites. While Joshua led the troops into battle, Moses, along with Aaron and Hur, watched the battle from a nearby hill. Exodus 17:11 says, “As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning.” Eventually, Moses became weary so Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—until the Israelites defeated the Amalekites. I wonder what it was about Moses that signaled to his friends that he was in trouble? Somehow they just knew he needed help and could no longer manage alone—and no matter how long the battle took, they were not leaving his side. What a lovely picture of what the Body of Christ is to be. It’s that picture that I want you to plant in your mind and heart when you open the pages of Just Between Us each issue. A few weeks ago, we launched a prayer wall (funded by a grant) on our website and the image is a line of women linking their hands together, symbolizing a sisterhood doing battle together. (Visit our website at justbetweenus.org under the new “Connect” tab and leave a prayer request or pray for another woman who has bared her soul.) It’s a sisterhood who carries one another’s burdens as we’re instructed to do in Galatians 6:2. And it’s not just your challenges that we hold up, we hold up your victories, your praises, and your rejoicing as well. We want to do all of it alongside you for as long

as you give us the privilege of walking into your heart through this ministry. For those of you who are just joining us, I want to say welcome. You haven’t just subscribed to a magazine...you’ve joined a community of women who are here for you 24/7 to help you hold your arms up in this journey of faith. None of us have to walk alone. We are a safe place to bring your questions, your fears, your heartaches, and your joys and celebrations. We are intertwined with women’s hearts all over the world through an eternal network of prayer and burden-bearing that is unlike any other. So, we’re thrilled you’re here and we welcome each one of you with open arms! I’m especially excited about this issue because our interview with Mo Isom on page 18 dives into a very important topic we like to stay silent about— sex. Her courageous testimony is a much-needed voice in the wilderness, and God is using her to instruct, encourage, and inspire all of us, including the church, to take back what Satan has stolen in the area of sexuality, especially in this generation— and to hold our arms up so we can win this battle! A delightful article, “Faith Talks at the Hair Salon” on page 24 will give you a jumpstart to taking your faith into your everyday life. Find out how asking simple questions can be the bridge to bringing someone to faith. I hope after you’ve finished this issue, you’ll feel the love and support of this body of sisters of all ages and stages of life holding your arms up—and never letting go! Until next time,

Shelly Esser has been the editor of Just Between Us for the last 29 years.

just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

from the Editor

www.justbetweenus.org

Contents vol 29 no 4 F A L L 2 0 1 9

by Heidi Keeler

by Lisa T. Grimes

Finding Holy Ground in Hard Places Our greatest spiritual growth comes from the soil of our own brokenness.

Juggling Act We can have a balanced life if we accept that some balls can and should drop in different seasons.

24 28 Faith Talks at the Hair Salon Being a light in everyday life. by Gail Goolsby

Stepmomming with Grace How my love for Jesus walks me through parenting children who are not my own. by Ronnie Wendt

“Look for cameos by some of your favorite characters from the Sensible Shoes series in this quiet, honest story about the hallowing of the soul in its journey with Jesus through suffering. For anyone who has faced the darkness of depression or walked that road with a loved one, this is a beautiful, much-needed Christian vision of mental illness as both clinical (therefore treatable) and spiritual.”

SA R A H A R THU R Christianity Today fiction judge, author of A Light So Lovely

E N C O U RA

QUIPPIN GING & E

H E O F FA I T FOR A LIF G WOMEN

org

etweenus. www.justb

Fall 2019

Juggling Act

es, pg 22 by Lisa T. Grim

There’s Holy in thet Difficul

r, pg 16 by Heidi Keele

low, pg 18 by Susan Vanse

10 Living Calle or Driven?

ing 28 Stepmomm with Grace 32 4 ways to Find Friends

Possible 36 Peace is d in a Scar y Worl

Finding Friendships Making friends takes time, but the investment is always worth it. by Krista Heinen

just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

p Speaking xU About Se

019 us F A L L 2 just between

just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

Mo Isom is

FOR SUBSCRIPTIONS call toll-free 800-260-3342, or visit our website justbetweenus.org. From Canada call 262-786-6478.

Sign up for update s about Sharon's wr iting at ivpress.com/sha ron-news and join th e conversation on Fa cebook and Instagr am : @sharongarloughb rown.

www.justbetweenus.org

inspiration

Contents

CREDITS Founder/ Executive Editor Jill Briscoe

vol 29 no 4 F A L L 2 0 1 9

Editor Shelly Esser General Manager Mary Perso

Assistant Editor Suzan Braun Web Director Mary Ann Prasser Editorial Assistants Aubrey Adams Carol Becwar Constance B. Fink Gayle Gengler Betty Hinds Cherry Hoffner Melinda Papador Jen Symmonds Susan Vanselow Ronnie Wendt

I N S P I R AT I O N Welcome Letter

Between You and Me Joni’s Corner

Living on Purpose

Transparent Moments Between Readers

Art Director Kelly Perso

Advisory Board Anita Carman Pam Farrel Judy Briscoe Golz Nancy Grisham Pam MacRae Elizabeth Murphy Jackie Oesch Stephanie Seefeldt

Circulation Manager Suzan Braun Web Debbie Wicker Renewals Manager Nancy Krull Marketing Julie Santiago Director of Mission Advancement/ Social Media Ashley Schmidt Subscriptions Rebecca Loesche Julie Matthews Mary Richards Lin Sebena Software Support Rebecca Loesche Photographers Wayde Peronto/ Babboni Photography Paige Knudsen Editorial Intern Danae Templeton

ADVERTISING Ellie Dunn For more information call 856.582.0690 ext. 2# or email ellie@carldunn.com. SUBSCRIPTIONS Subscription Price: $19.95 per year for four issues. Outside US, add $6 per year prepaid US currency; $5 in Canada.

34 38 18 FA I T H C O N V E R S AT I O N S Speaking Up Mo Isom is boldly talking about sex and the need to redeem it for God’s glory.

ENCOURAGEMENT

Grow Joy Your life’s circumstances don’t have to dictate your joy.

Real Faith

by Darlene Larson 34

Keep Calm and Carry On! We can have peace as we trust in Christ.

Chronic Hope It Is Well

The Deeper Life

The Homefront

Between Friends

by Stuart Briscoe 36

NEW

Web Opportunity “Share Your Story”

We invite you to share your God stories—in 500 words or less—to encourage and connect with your sisters around the globe. Go to justbetweenus.org, hit “connect” tab, and select “Share Your Story.” 6

We are excited about this new opportunity to hear from you and all God is doing in your life!

Just Between Us (ISSN 1069-3459) is published quarterly by Just Between Us, 777 South Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045-3701. Make all checks and money orders payable to: Just Between Us, Subscription Orders 777 S. Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045 To order by phone, or for more information: call 800.260.3342. From Canada call 262.786.6478. Email: jbu@justbetweenus.org Website: www.justbetweenus.org Periodical Postage Paid at Brookfield, WI and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to: Just Between Us, 777 S. Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045. Just Between Us is a member publication of the Evangelical Press Association. Copyright ©2019 by Just Between Us. All rights reserved. Printed in USA. We occasionally share subscriber mailing addresses with select organizations. If you would like your name removed from direct mail promotional lists, please call 800-260-3342 or email jbu@justbetweenus.org.

“When you can’t praise God for what He has allowed, you praise Him for Who He is despite what He has allowed.” Sacrifice of Praise What is a sacrifice of praise? I’ve thought a lot about that. I think it means to make a real spiritual effort to praise God in the hard times. Why is that? Because the last thing we want to do is thank God for affliction. The best biblical example of this I know is Job. Job had a lot to thank God for. He was the richest man on earth. He was healthy, wealthy, and wise. He loved God and God loved him. He had a wonderful family. He was concerned for the welfare of the weak and the poor. This great man had made suitable sacrifices all his life, and God was well pleased with him. But one day Job’s world caved in, and he lost all he had. A sacrifice of praise does not mean that you praise God for the death of a child or for bankruptcy. It means that, when you can’t praise God for what He has allowed, you praise Him for Who He is despite what He has allowed. Job was able to thank God for the Lord’s sovereign power over life and death. What is God asking you to surrender to Him? Perhaps he wants you to sacrifice your complaints about how you think God has treated you and offer Him praise instead. When life is not going well, our praise is a costly sacrifice. Those sacrifices that are unacceptable are the things that are cheap or that cost us nothing. King David wanted to buy the threshing floor of Araunah. The man was delighted to have David ask for it. After all, the king wanted to offer a sacrifice to the Lord on his property. So, Araunah offered to give it to the king. David replied, “I will not sacrifice to the LORD my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing” (2 Sam. 24:24). I think of all the times I give God things that “cost me nothing.” I sit in church and hear an appeal for money or donations for poor people. My hand goes into my purse, and I collect my small change. It feels good to get rid of it. My purse feels lighter, but my spirit feels heavier! How dare I call that an offering. It has cost me nothing.

I heard about a young couple at seminary. They heard about a need for coats for refugees suffering in a bitter winter. They went into their closet and began going through their clothes. “Maybe this will be a good time to clean out the closet,” one of them said to the other. They sorted out the clothes they no longer wanted. Then one of them said, “I feel bad about this. Maybe we should start again.” So they began looking at their coats again. Both of them came to the new leather jackets they had been given for Christmas. They stood in silence, looking at each other. “Should we offer the coats we don’t want anyway to the Lord, or should we give our best coats?” the man asked his wife. It was hard. They had given up much to study for ministry. But the outcome was not in doubt—they knew deep and satisfying joy as their new coats were taken off the hangers and were soon on their way to Russia, where a poor pastor and his wife cried as they received them. With such sacrifices, God is well pleased. What sacrifice of praise do you need to make to the Lord today? Blessings,

Jill Briscoe is the Founder and Executive Editor of Just Between Us. She is also a popular author and speaker living in suburban Milwaukee, Wis., with her husband Stuart.

Ministry on the Go Send a teacup and saucer to a tea loving friend in the mail with an invitation for a future teatime.

just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

by Susan Vanselow 18

F E AT U R E S

Gift Your Ministries: Group subscriptions are now available at reduced rates. Encourage and inspire the women who make ministry happen at your church or other places of outreach or service to others. Energize their relationships, refresh their faith, and become equipped as a team for facing ministry challenges through JBU. For more information, call 800-260-3342 today!

Between You and Me

inspiration

STRENGTHEN YOUR FAITH

Joni’s Corner

Walk with God for a year with these encouraging devotionals

heart-to-heart with Joni Eareckson Tada

Email me! response@ joniandfriends.org.

and winning victories for her King. Pastor J. Saxtell wrote, “Eleazar did not realize that the hilt of the sword was eating down into the palm of his hand, and that while he was taking hold of the sword, the sword was taking hold of him.” Rika helps me look at my own quadriplegia and chronic pain as only “light and momentary afflictions compared with the all surpassing glory” that awaits me in heaven (2 Cor. 4:17). Until that day, my friend and I “run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith” (Heb. 12:1-2). The key is perseverance. Do not give up or give in. Stand your ground as you share in the fellowship of suffering with your wonderful Savior. It’s a fellowship that includes Rika and Eleazar.

Available wherever books are sold.

Joni Eareckson Tada, the founder of Joni and Friends International Disability Center, is an advocate for people with disabilities, providing Christ-centered programs for special-needs families through retreats. She has also delivered over 100,000 wheelchairs and Bibles to disabled people in developing nations. Her new daily devotional, A Spectacle of Glory, contains fresh biblical insights from her battle with cancer and chronic pain. Joni also serves as general editor of the new Beyond Suffering Bible, a special edition published by Tyndale for those who suffer chronic conditions, and their caregivers. She and her husband, Ken, live in Calabasas, Calif.

Ministry on the Go Offer to drive an elderly friend to an outing.

DevotionsForToday.org 9

just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

Visit my site! joniandfriends.org

One with the Sword W he ne ve r I ’m a s k e d a b out Christians who inspire me, I’m quick to point to my friend Rika who lives in South Africa. She has been bedridden for 15 years with a painful, chronic condition that’s so debilitating, she cannot leave her house. Stop and picture it—day in and day out, for a decade and a half, Rika has lived in her humble little room. She is cared for by her elderly parents and has very few friends. I once commented to her in an email about the full moon that was rising over the mountains beyond my backyard. “And it’s the same moon you can see from your bedroom window,” I wrote Rika, to which she replied, “Oh, Joni, there’s only a small window high above my bed. I haven’t seen the moon in years.” I slowly read her words, letting tears fill my eyes. Despite her confinements, Rika is a joyous, stalwart follower of the Lord Jesus who knows her Bible inside and out. She is constantly encouraging me—and others—by emails which are filled with insightful verses from Scripture and essays by Charles Spurgeon or William Law. Although her chronic condition can cause “brain fog,” Rika takes advantage of her clear-minded seasons, reading and studying as best she can. We’ve enjoyed our

long-distance friendship for years and feel very close to each other. Yet we’ve never met. You can see why this woman inspires me. Rika possesses a deep, time-tested faith in God and knows how to endure. She knows how to stand firm during fierce battles against discouragement. And she does it well. To me, she’s a n Eleaza r. This great warrior was worthy enough to stand alongside the three mighty men of David who are highlighted in 2 Sam. 23. During a fierce battle against the Philistines, Israel’s army gave up and fled “but Eleazar stood his ground and struck down the Philistines until his hand grew tired and froze to the sword. The Lord brought about a great victory that day” (2 Sam. 23:10). King David looked upon Eleazar’s heroic sword-grasp as proof of his exceptional bravery against a fierce enemy. The king was impressed that while others retreated, Eleazar persevered, fighting on even while others were running away. David’s man did not cower before the enemy; instead, he put his strength into his sword and rushed into battle with victory on his mind. He fought so hard, his hand and his sword became one. That’s my friend, Rika. She so clings to the sword of the Spirit— the Word of God—that the Bible has taken hold of her life. It has become her mark of valor and distinction. If others had to live with her chronic condition, perhaps they’d retreat into depression; maybe they’d cower before enemies of fear and anxiety or resentment against God. But Rika stands firm on the frontlines, holding fast to Scripture

that remind you that He loves you and He hears you.

inspiration

Living on Purpose a life that matters with Jennie Allen

Finding Your Calling I encounter a lot of women who are on the hunt for their calling and purpose. God made it really clear when He gave us this mission statement in Matt. 28:18-20 (ESV): “And Jesus came and said to them, ‘All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.’” This is it, making disciples right where we are. This mission is not just for those in vocational ministry. It is for all of us. Whether you are an accountant or a teacher, a stay-at-home mom or a doctor, God has called you to help other people know God.

We get to rest in that! Instead of chasing down the next thing to achieve and wondering if it is what God has for you, you get to measure up every decision with this grand mission on your life. Is it helping you make disciples?

Why is Living Called Better than Living Driven? Living confidently in our calling to go and make disciples is not a permission slip to live a lazy life. It is, however, permission to quit beating yourself up over unmet expectations. We get to live with open hands, knowing that as we take small steps of obedience with what God’s given us, He handles the outcome. You are going to be so busy running your own race that you won’t have time to look up and compare your race to someone else’s. Your confidence in who you are and what God has called you to do will be contagious. We are given all kinds of places to use our gifts, and throughout our lives, those places change. The location or number of places do not matter. Live called. Rest in the fact that God built you, gave you a calling to make disciples, and freed you up for Him to move through you. Great people don’t do great things. God does great things with surrendered people. And surrender happens every day in one thousand small moments. Jennie Allen is a Bible teacher, author, and the founder and visionary of IF: Gathering. Additionally, she is the author of Restless, Anything, and her most recent book, Nothing to Prove. Jennie has a master’s in biblical studies from Dallas Theological Seminary and lives in Dallas, Tex., with her husband, Zac, and their four children.

just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

Visit my sites! jennieallen.com ifgathering.com

Living Called or Living Driven Do you feel the pressure to live a really successful life? To perform? Achieve? Accomplish? I was eighteen years old. I knew God was real, but my fancy prayers and daily devotionals were not cutting it. I thought I was giving God what He wanted, but it felt all wrong. Surveying my life, I realized that doing all the right things had won me the admiration of everyone but God. I felt empty and prideful. It was worse than rebellion: being good with no God. Maybe God was after something else. I was chasing the wrong things. After chasing everything the world has to offer, nothing is more satisfying than God. We all want success. We find joy in being able to reach our goals and accomplish our dreams. These are not bad things in themselves, but there is a tension in it all; a dark place where we start to lose sight of what our role is here on this earth. The battle begins when these things become our idols, the real drive behind who we are. The world wa nts you to ga in everyone’s approval and find your worth in your reputation. But the Bible tells us something very different. I look around and see currents that have dug deep crevices in our culture

and eventually carved them into our souls. Currents that make us think: “These seventy to eighty years of life feel long and important.” “Comfort and safety are worthy pursuits.” “Stuff matters.” As a generation, I believe we are waking up, identifying these currents, and comparing them to the truth of God. If God is real and we are going to live with Him forever, shouldn’t He be the controlling force of our lives? If we really believe this, we feel a growing desire to not become like the religious people God referred to when He said, “This people draw near with their mouth and honor me with their lips, while their hearts are far from me” (Is. 29:13, ESV).

inspiration

Transparent Moments breakthrough insights with Anita Carman

God has used my physical challenges to teach me that when I am weak, He is strong. sonally, instead of running around at record speed to accomplish the impossible, I get to stand and watch God move mountains. As long as I am on this earth, God’s Spirit in me is unstoppable. I can pray for my team. I can pray for the Holy Spirit to move in the hearts of those who have the means to support. I can ask God to redeem the time and show me what to work on. There is a saying that work expands to fill the time but when you are confronted with shorter days, you’ll be surprised how many unnecessary activities you can cut from your schedule. A co-laborer in Christ wrote me to say she had an emotional meltdown over some tests that came back on

her physical condition. Her transparency alerted me to the question, “How many leaders feel the freedom to share their humanity?” Instead of being vulnerable, do they feel the pressure to be superhuman? Even Jesus felt pain, though through it, He did not walk around managing His image. He made Himself vulnerable so we could trust a Savior who felt our pain. The next time you feel a need to hide your pain, try sharing it instead. Use your doubts, your meltdowns, your weaknesses to show the world our Savior is worthy of our service, even in the midst of uncertainties. You may be surprised how God will take your choice to keep serving Him when it’s hard to increase the certainty in your relationship with Him. If you are in a season of physical challenges, let God take you higher to view His mission that’s bigger than you. And while you view life from heaven’s height, don’t miss seeing those the Holy Spirit has already positioned around you. Your weakness shaped a God-designed opportunity for their calling because they were gifted to complete your victory together. Life never feels daunting when we learn to view it from God’s eyes. Anita Carman is the Founder and President of Inspire Women, an organization that inspires women across ethnicities, denominations, and economic levels to discover God’s purpose. It also funds biblical resources and scholarships to train women for missions and ministry. She has an MBA and completed graduate level studies at Dallas Theological Seminary. Anita is the author of Transforming for a Purpose and A Daughter’s Destiny. She lives in Houston, Tex., with her husband. They have two sons.

just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

Visit my site! inspirewomen.org

Willing Spirit, Fragile Body I’ve been called the Energizer Bunny all my life. I get energized with insane deadlines while juggling multiple challenges at the same time. I recall fondly the first days of starting the ministry of Inspire Women. I had no staff, no money, and no office space, only a vision from God to build a ministry to inspire women across ethnicities to serve their God-given potential in missions and ministry. God confirmed in my spirit that His mission is accomplished by the combined gifts in each of us, and when one of us is diminished, we all are diminished. After running at a furious speed for nearly 20 years, it’s been an unfamiliar, personal adjustment to slow down because of recent recurring episodes of vertigo. At times, I have cried out to God to ask Him why He is doing this. However, instead of revealing His plan completely, I have learned from Scripture that He does not want me to predict the future, or jump to conclusions, or fixate on a solution. Instead, He wants me to go on the journey and trust that He is walking beside me. God has used my physical challenges to teach me that when I am weak, He is strong. As I have been forced to slow down, I’ve seen more clearly how His Holy Spirit is the one holding all the pieces together. His Holy Spirit

completes our faith. For example, during this recent slowdown, I have been reminded how He surrounded me with the perfect co-laborers who are taking the hill with me. He has given me perspective and shown me how He is bearing fruit from my seeds of labor. It is tempting to believe sometimes that the second half of our lives will never be as exciting as the first half. If you find yourself thinking, “This is as good as it gets,” let God’s Spirit reframe your thinking. For me per-

inspiration / between

Q: A:

readers

Looking for a spiritual nugget to lift your day or encourage your heart? Your fellow JBU readers want to help! We asked,

THE WORD

What is your favorite name of God and why?

“I start every prayer the same…Father God. I was blessed with a wonderful earthly father so to think of God freely and securely as my dad is relatively easy. He is the only One who can handle my big personality and frequent mouth mistakes. I picture Him sitting on a rock waiting for me to just show up. ‘There you are!’ Delight and love fill His face as He sees me approach, even if a problem or disappointment hangs between us. ‘I know, I know,’ He says, ‘Let’s walk as we talk.’ He takes my hand.” Gail Goolsby, Writer, speaker, and life coach / Wichita, Kan.

NEW

From New York Times bestselling author

PRISCILLA SHIRER

37 Likes

“I love the name Emmanuel, meaning, ‘God with us.’ I remember the desperately lonely ‘without’ days, when my heart was distanced from God because of my sin. But since becoming a disciple of Jesus, His words include me: ‘Surely I am with you always, even to the very end of the age’ (Matt. 28:20). Since His Holy Spirit comes to live in every believer (Gal. 4:6), that means He’s with me inside as well as out! This literal reality is absolutely mind-blowing! The better I grasp it, the more wonderstruck, cherished, and God-confident I feel.” Sandy Mayle, Freelance writer / Erie, Penn.

Krista Heinen, Freelance writer, pastor, mentor / New Berlin, Wis.

119 Likes

Follow Just Between Us magazine on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram.

The culture will try to define you, but this world is starving for something different that comes only from the creative genius of your God. You were created to reflect His light. . . . You were created to be radiant. Did you know that God’s light can shine through every facet of your identity? Radiant is an invitation for teen girls and young women to enjoy a candid conversation on identity.

just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

“It’s been almost four years since my dad died. There were so many things left unsaid, memories left unmade, and milestones left unreached. The next year, Chris Tomlin released the song, ‘Good Good Father.’ I remember worshiping through this song. While I’d called God ‘Father’ over the years, it had just been one of His many names. This song unlocked something in me and God became my Father in a way I had never let Him before. I can confidently enter the future knowing my Father God goes before me, is always with me, and is oh so good.”

F IN D I N G

Holy Ground IN HARD PLA C E S Our greatest spiritual growth comes from the soil of our own brokenness.

surroundings more than God’s faithful friendship in our lives. From that point of view, if God’s presence has led us into trying places, is there really any other place we would rather be?” Because by far the greatest treasure of these hard places, where everything seems backwards and nothing seems right, is the treasure of Himself, His priceless, matchless presence. It is the presence of the One who promises, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior” (Isa. 43:2-3). And wherever His presence is, even and especially in the midst of our hard, painful places, it transforms our wastelands into holy ground. Moses bumped into holy ground somewhere in the middle of nowhere, after his life came crashing down abruptly and he ran away from everything he had ever known. But God knew where he was and arranged a surprise meeting where all of Moses’ claims about who he wasn’t and what he couldn’t do were answered with a gentle but firm reminder that he was standing in the presence of the all capable I AM (Ex. 3). Hagar’s holy ground was in a desert, on the side of a road. She was pregnant, unmarried, unwanted, and completely on her own. But after her conversation with God, she knew two things: this was a Living God and He saw her (Gen. 16:13). David learned to recognize holy ground even in the valley of the shadow, where he could sing out he had no fear of evil because the Lord his shepherd was with him and was restoring his soul (Ps. 23:3). God is present at all times and in all places. There is no place that can bar His presence, nor any season of our lives that He does not preside. When we can recognize we are standing on holy ground even though, and especially when, our hearts might be breaking, our health may be failing, or our dreams might be dying, there is something that begins to build in our souls that is worth more than gold. There is a knowing of God that you just can’t gain sitting in straight rows in a classroom, but only in the trenches. You build a knowing of yourself: that you are broken, weak, and not at all what you desperately want others to believe you are—and it’s okay—because God has always known we are all smoldering wicks and bruised reeds. There is a knowing of God’s goodness that you can never fully grasp until everything seems like it is falling apart and you find that even when it does, He still has you, He still loves you, and that is enough. Hard places always lead to holy ground when we have the courage to keep walking forward. And it’s then that we find out that He was already there ahead of us, waiting with His arms full of grace, strength, and treasure. Heidi Keeler is an ordained minister and served with her husband in youth ministry for over 12 years. Heidi and her husband have two girls. Currently, she lives in Puyallup, Wash., where she serves as part of the teaching team and pastor of development at New Hope Church. You can visit her blog at everydaycathedral.com.

just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

by Heidi Keeler

I don’t like hard things. I wish I did. I wish I could say I look forward to a battle, that I relish the challenge of something that pushes me to my limits. But to be honest, most of the time I don’t. I like things that turn out exactly how I envisioned them or even better. I like it when everything falls right into place and goes according to my plans. I like it when I can quickly accomplish my goals and see progress being made in realizing my dreams. I like beauty, laughter, peace, and smooth waters. I consistently avoid sad movies and books. I like happy endings. But sometimes, life has the audacity to stray from these cozy, safe parameters I have set up for it and God has the audacity to allow it to happen. You, too? There are times, many times, when we find ourselves in places we would rather not be. Hard places. Places where the opposite of what we have planned for and desired comes rushing in as our new reality. Seasons where our voice seems silenced and our name seems forgotten, where we look around us and have a difficult time piecing back together what used to be our dreams out of the rubble that lies at our feet. Some of my times like this have included deep disappointment and discouragement in ministry, battles with anxiety, panic attacks and depression, financial pressure that seemed to drag on and on, and long stretches in the midst of it all where I had to fight hard to believe that God had not forgotten us and moved on. I am sure you have your own list of painful spots in your life. I don’t like these hard places and my guess is neither do you. But I am learning to value them, because I am finding out they are full of treasure, these places I would never choose to go. Make no mistake about this, I am profoundly grateful for my trying, pressing times, even the ones that have cut deep, because without them I would still be a version of myself that, in my heart of hearts, I don’t really want to be. The qualities that I admire most in someone? The strengths that make up the woman of God I truly yearn to be? They don’t come easily. They are forged in our spirits, not acquired. Empathy comes through pain, courage comes through battling fear, perseverance comes from pushing through, peace comes to us in the midst of storms, true joy becomes ours after we learn how to handle heartache, resilience comes after we have been knocked down and it’s a struggle to get back up, and unwavering faith grows when what we see with our eyes doesn’t match up with what we are hoping for. These are gifts of immeasurable worth that God builds into us during the barren, painful stretches of our lives. These gifts actually grow to be the best, most life-giving parts of who we are. What a beautiful truth and a light of hope for our darkest days—our best will grow from the soil of our brokenness. Alicia Britt Chole, in her book Anonymous, writes with such insight: “When pressed by testing, tempting times, it can strengthen our resolve to remember that trials and temptations are not the real enemy. Eternally, perhaps our greatest enemy on earth is losing perspective and beginning to value our fragile

faith conversations

Within moments of Mo Isom taking the stage, her easygoing, bold, and compassionate personality has already disarmed an eager audience.

Speaking Up Mo Isom is boldly talking about sex and the need to redeem it for God’s glory.

PHOTO CREDIT: PAIGE KNUDSEN

JBU: How did God wreck your life? Mo: He crashed right into my darkness, my pain, my circumstances, and my insecurities. He intersected my victim mentality, collided with my promiscuity, pummeled my pride and my arrogance and my suffering. At my rock bottom, He found me. And His great love wrecked and redefined everything: my identity issues, my father’s suicide, my depression, my anxiety. All of my crushing fears and insecurities and false realities came to a crashing halt—quite literally, when I found myself upside down in my car after a serious accident. In those moments, I challenged God to reveal Himself to me. And I—a frustrated, exhausted, worn-out wanderer—ultimately came to believe.

JBU: How did things change in your life? Mo: One of the very first things He turned my attention to was the sexual narrative that had owned me for far too long. First Corinthians 6:18 says, “No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.” When I acknowledged my sexual sin for what it was, took accountability for my actions, and 19

just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

by Susan Vanselow

It’s a good thing because she’s about to start an uncomfortable conversation—about sex. But for Mo, it’s a topic she couldn’t be more comfortable talking about. She believes passionately that it’s our responsibility to talk about it because for too long the church has been silent, leaving a sex-saturated generation drowning in sexual sin and its damaging consequences. “It’s a topic fiercely close to God’s heart,” she says in her second book, Sex, Jesus, and the Conversations the Church Forgot (Baker Books, 2018)—a subject that flows from the pages of Scripture, so it’s something that we all need to be talking about—in the church, in our families, and with our peers. Having a broken sexual past herself, Mo could have never imagined that God would use her mess to start the conversation to become a light in the darkness—but He has. Mo was raised in a Christian home, but it wasn’t until college that she had a conversion where she encountered the love and mercy of Jesus. God got a hold of her life and began healing her from a porn addiction that started at eight years old and a lifestyle of sexually destructive relationships. At one point, she remembers telling God, “I’ll speak up as a pilgrim who has learned every hard lesson, every hard way sexually. Who sinned time and time again in search of a pleasure I couldn’t find. Who has a mess of a testimony that was nurtured and redeemed by a King who makes our hopeless things holy,” she says. It’s Mo’s hope that by sharing her sexual testimony—filled with misguided rule-following, temptation, porn, promiscuity, false sexpectations, and more—she can help the sexually wounded people in this generation discover the God-pleasing sex

worth waiting for and celebrating. And no matter where you’ve been or how bad your sexual past or present is, “God collects the pieces of your fractured story, and resurrects in your heart the beautiful reminder that He, alone, can make all things new.” Mo is living proof of that. Mo was an All-American soccer star in college. She has struggled through an eating disorder, the suicide of her father, and a horrific car accident. She is also a New York Times bestselling author of her first book, Wreck My Life: Journeying from Broken to Bold (Baker Books, 2016), which chronicles how God met her in her brokenness and completely changed her life. Additionally, she has been featured in Sports Illustrated and appeared on ESPN, CBS, The 700 Club, and many other places. Mo reaches tens of thousands of people worldwide through her speaking ministry, website, and blog. She lives in Atlanta, Georgia, with her husband Jeremiah and their three young children. Recently, JBU had the privilege of talking to Mo about reclaiming sex for God’s glory in a culture that knows very little about real sex, and the hope that you don’t have to be defined by your past mistakes.

faith conversations

JBU: Why is sex close to God’s heart?

Mo Isom speaking at a recent women’s conference.

brought my sin to the throne of grace, I collided with the love I had always desired, the love I had spent my whole life seeking. Jesus entered my sexual testimony, and His great love for me changed everything. The remedy for our sexual sin problem, I learned, is not behavior modification. It’s heart transformation. God, through Christ alone, is the one place we can find the power for true heart transformation in our lives. When we’re in sexual sin, it’s not enough to say that we know we need to not want to sin. We’re always going to want it. However, our want to honor God and surrender ourselves in gratitude for His incredible love must become greater than our desire for sex outside of His design. When I collided with that hope and love, it finally began to transform things within me.

JBU: Tell us how you started down the road of sexual brokenness. Mo: My moral compass hinged on what was socially acceptable at the time, which seemed to be a more and more permissive guide. In our culture, sexual expression is idolized. So many times, I asked, “What am I doing?” “How did I get here?” Every part of me knew that I carried more worth. I was so much more valuable than the dispensable, passed-around girl I had become. But somehow I was always back there in the filth I never thought I’d find myself in, pawning off my value in desperate hopes of feeling loved, giving men my body in hopes that they would give me their hearts. I recklessly gave pieces of myself away with the intent to explore my body and allow it to be explored by others in hopes of someone praising my beauty. My lack of understanding about my inherent worth to God and my insatiable curiosity called me to choose for myself, and that welcomed me down a path of sin-filled sexual wandering. Mo: They begin with choosing for ourselves, just like Eve. Sexual temptation piques the desires of our flesh, as sexual beings. But when we choose our wants over His will, despite God’s instruction, we quickly become ruled by that flesh, instead of surrendering to the Lordship of Christ. The toll that takes on our brains, our hearts, our spirits, and our actions—it culminates into a cycle that can be nearly impossible to escape without the renewal of our minds, an encounter with the Spirit of God, and a transformed heart.

JBU: What is purity and how do we walk in it? Mo: Purity is more than abstinence. Really, abstinence is a byproduct of purity. When I learned about true purity, that’s when I began to understand the difference between behavior modification and true heart transformation. See, at nine years old, I made a loud and proud “virginity vow,” yet from that point forward I was still wrestling with impure thoughts, struggling with porn, pushing the boundaries physically with boys, and navigating what I wanted to do with my own body. But by solely focusing on virginity and missing the greater call to purity, my questions always centered around, “Okay then, how far is too far?” Which really translates to, “How much can I get away with and not go to hell?” How sad that many of us live in that gray area. That type of mentality is works-focused and wants to negotiate and bargain and serve the sin in us while claiming to love a God who calls us to more.

JBU: Why is it so important for the church to get this conversation right? Mo: Because the world is talking about sex all the time. The world has a lot to say about sex and sexuality, and the church is missing a huge opportunity to talk about a beautiful topic that is close to God’s heart. We need to find the middle ground of truth and love, and as more people step up to have these conversations, I believe we’ll see a greater cultural shift. I think the Body of Christ is quiet about these topics because we are often navigating all the same temptations, sins, and struggles as the world. Many leaders—adults and parents—are quiet because they were never really taught about

JBU: How did God begin the work of setting you free? Mo: I knew that breaking those sexual chains was going to require intentionality. I was going to have to fight with all my might against my flesh and against the enemy. I finally knew and believed God, that in His rich love and mercy, He was capable of making a way out for me. One thing I did was take a yearlong intimacy fast. I committed to a year of intimacy exclusively with Jesus and decided to carry myself as if I was taken. I didn’t allow my eyes to wander, I didn’t flirt, and I didn’t give myself away physically. I never could have imagined that God would use this to heal me. God encountered me with truths about my worth, my value, my identity, and my security. He taught me how to walk with the Spirit daily and empowered me to boldly flee from sin. When I look at myself in the mirror these days, I am constantly reminded of how God is not a keeper of wrongs. “He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west” (Ps. 103:12). So the cry of my heart was, and continues to be, “For the honor of your name, O LORD, forgive my many, many sins” (Ps. 25:11). “Do not remember the rebellious sins of my youth. Remember me in the light of your unfailing love, for you are merciful, O LORD” (vs. 7).

JBU: What conversations have been forgotten by the church? Mo: We’ve forgotten to talk about the goodness of sex that God created within the confines of marriage. We’ve forgotten to celebrate and edify and exalt that gift God designed to join us together in spirit and decimate the enemy’s chance at victory. That holy-covenant bound sex is worth waiting for. That sex is what God always intended it to be—shame-free, pleasure-drenched, and deeply unifying. That sex unmasks the one-night stands and the culture-crazed hookups and the promiscuity carried out in the darkness for what they really are—counterfeits that cheapen the value of the real gift we’ve been given. We’ve also forgotten to talk about the whys. Instead, we’ve talked only about the failings of our sexual morality and our lack of self-control, but forgotten to address the aching, bleeding needs of people’s hearts. We need to know the whys at the root of our wandering. We need to know the cause at the core of our temptation. We need to hear more than “do this, don’t do that.” We need to know why it matters to listen and obey in the first place, because most of our sin struggles grow out of our lack of deep understanding of what sex is, and how God sees us, why God calls us to what He does, and why obedience and calling is worth our sacrifice.

JBU: What conversations can parents have with their children about sex? Mo: I just released an online video course that speaks into this topic! Lots of parents are so nervous to talk about sex, but truthfully, it’s our assignment from God. We are commanded to raise our children up in truth and lead them in the way they should go. Nowhere in Scripture does it talk about sex being a one-time “talk” we’re supposed to have. The Word of God consistently points back to relationship, stewardship, and counsel that persists over time.

As parents, we need to honestly assess our children’s developmental stage, the present environments and influencing forces in their lives, and the sobering reality of what they are being exposed to. Then we must step up and cultivate conversations in a foundational way that builds understanding in our kids’ minds. Speak with love, discernment, and truth and let it build and blossom—make it a part of your comfort zone. Sex is not weird, so we need to start carrying our commissioning with confidence. Today, kids are sexually aware at younger and younger ages thanks to technology. If we don’t initiate the conversation, the world is going to beat us to the punch.

JBU: Tell us what your conversations will sound like with your children. Mo: We currently have a three and half year old, a one year old, and a new baby. The conversations have already begun for us. My first-born was almost two when she started noticing differences in my husband’s body and mine. One day, she was just adamant to see what she could, so my husband and I decided, “Okay, this is where the conversation can begin.” “Isn’t God such an incredible artist? He made us so differently. Daddy’s a boy, and you and I are girls!” Having a conversation that way makes it not weird and it’s not silly. It’s a way to repaint healthy human sexuality, built on the conversation of God’s design when it’s been appropriate or when she’s asked questions. We can start parenting more intentionally around this often-uncomfortable topic.

JBU: How do we bring Jesus back into the bedroom? Mo: We start by remembering what a good gift sex is for a husband and wife. The conversations most often cultivated by the church have only communicated the sinful side of sex when it’s done outside of God’s design and instruction. But what happened to celebrating the beauty of sex when it’s celebrated in the context of God’s will? Often when couples stand before each other and say, “I do,” it’s difficult for them to just flip a switch and embrace sex as wonderful and pleasurable. Ultimately, sex is an act of worship between a husband and wife, a unifying gift, and a weapon against the enemy whose sole goal is to destroy and divide our marriages. It is of upmost importance that husbands and wives seek to grow together in understanding around all things sex, and become one spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally. continued on p 41 21

just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

JBU: Where do most of our sexual struggles originate?

Mo: Because it’s His creation. Sex is a holy gift purely designed by a God who delights in lavishing His creatures with every good and perfect blessing. It’s designed by the Creator for the unity, pleasure, and reproduction of the very lives He created. We can rationalize all day that sex can be had in a detached manner but, in reality, we’re only fooling ourselves. That argument is invalid because sexual acts always tie souls. They leave a mark—they were always intended to. We are sexual beings, because sex is a deep and instructed desire in our hearts. God placed it there. Our immeasurable worth as image-bearing creations of God and our sexual identity have been unified since the beginning of creation.

godly sexuality themselves. Or they may be dealing with their own sexual sin and feel ashamed or unqualified to speak into the matter. However, we need to rise up and step into these conversations as a church, because if we don’t, the enemy will continue to gain ground, devastating people’s lives. God’s love and grace have the power to touch, heal, and free each of us.

Juggling

Act

We can have a balanced life if we accept that some balls can and should drop in different seasons. by Lisa T. Grimes

When asked what I do, sometimes I say, “Juggle.” This draws quizzical looks. You too might wonder…what I juggle. Balls. Lots of them. In assorted sizes and of varied worth. For years, I tried to keep all of them soaring in the air 24/7. Sounds exhausting, right? As a Jesus-loving gal, wife, mom, daughter, executive, friend, neighbor, Bible study student, author, speaker, lunch-maker, clothes-washer, etc., I’ve spent decades practicing my act. Can you relate? Daily we toss many balls—usually too many—into the air. Our juggling routine didn’t happen overnight. We may have started by learning to juggle a career and a spouse. Maybe we went back to school or took on a volunteer project. Over time, we may have added one or more children, then all of their activities. There is our faith, our home, our friends, our sanity. There is no end to the number of balls we try to keep in the air. The effort required to keep them all moving is exhausting. We may feel that if even one ball drops, we will be thrown off balance and our whole act will come crashing down. No! Let go of that notion. We will achieve a balanced life only if we accept that some balls can and should drop, at least for a season. It’s much easier to see if we know our priorities. C. S. Lewis said, “Put first things first and we get second things thrown in: put second things first and we lose both first and second things.” Let’s assume we juggle five categories of balls and our goal is to set our priorities according to the value each one represents in our lives.

Crystal balls

are the most important and valuable balls in our repertoire. If one drops, it shatters, and it will require an immense effort, as well as heartache, to try to piece it back together. We need to protect these balls fiercely. My faith, family, and closest friends are my crystal balls. God has shown us the key to juggling in His Word. It’s found in Matt. 6:33, “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Putting Him as our top priority makes juggling a lot easier—and a whole lot more fulfilling. but they’re a step below crystal balls. They shatter and break if dropped, but are generally replaceable or repairable with time and effort. My glass balls often include my career and volunteering. I do my best to keep them soaring.

the grand scheme of things, they don’t matter as much as we think. If we drop one, it bounces right back to us—with little or no effort. A spotless home is a rubber ball. Throwing the perfect dinner party or the best three-year-old birthday party ever, complete with a homemade cake and Pinterest-worthy decorations, are examples of rubber balls. Rubber balls are things we want or need to do, but sometimes we need to ease up on the stress-inducing expectations of making everything perfect. These balls can become significant time-consumers if we aren’t careful. Remember, rubber balls bounce back and they won’t break when they drop.

Plastic balls

are not at the top of our priority lists. Fitness and healthy eating fell into this category for me for years. As an empty nester with a little more time, they’re more important. Healthy meals and 30 minutes of exercise are part of my daily routine. In years past, if those balls dropped for a time, no lasting havoc ensued. In fact, I find that when I drop a plastic ball, it sits there…waiting for the time when I can pick it up and put it back into my routine. There was a time, after we adopted our son, when I knew that what I needed to do was care for him and his needs, and my career became a plastic ball for that season. Many said I’d never be able to pick my career back up if I did such a thing. But through prayer, I knew that’s what I needed to do. Guess what? My career is back—as a glass ball. As Phil. 4:13 says, “I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.”

Lead balls

are balls we need to drop and never pick up again. You may think you aren’t trying to juggle lead balls, but please think again. For working women, false guilt and worry are almost always at the top of this list. Sometimes guilt is justified, but I’m talking about the false guilt that comes with second-guessing yourself. Think: feeling guilty because you need (or want to) work outside the home, so you missed your child’s first grade play because you were at work. Or feeling guilty because someone politely accused you of one-upping the other ladies because you made all the centerpieces for the mother/daughter banquet—even though your intent was not to impress but to employ a talent you enjoy. False guilt is guilt we allow someone to place on us—or we place on ourselves, as opposed to guilt that comes from doing something wrong. We know the difference. Would we consider a friend guilty of the offense for which we blame ourselves? Other lead balls include caring too much about what others think or saying “yes” too often. We say “yes” so we don’t feel guilty, when we need to recognize that saying “no” opens doors for us to say “yes” to our crystal and glass balls. Draining relationships are lead balls; just as we have friends who refresh us, there are others who drain us. Our crystal balls should remain crystal because they are the foundation of who we are. Other balls may fluctuate with the seasons of our lives. For instance, volunteering has become a glass ball for me; when I was busy raising children, it was plastic or rubber. My career has gone from crystal to plastic to glass. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens…” Life isn’t all neatly labeled, but it’s a little easier to juggle when we figure out the true worth of what we’re juggling. Lisa T. Grimes is a Managing Director of Habergeon, LLC, co-author of Remember Who YOU Are, and CEO of PurThread Technologies. She serves as Board Chair for Knowing God Ministries and Lighthouse Ministries. Lisa is married to her high school sweetheart and they live in Cary, NC. They have two adult sons and were recently blessed with a daughter-in-law. Excerpts were taken from Remember Who YOU Are ©2018 by Paula Brown Stafford and Lisa T. Grimes. Used with permission.

just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

Glass balls are of great importance,

Rubber balls are the things we manage on a routine basis, but in

I take chances with my haircuts. There is a Paul Mitchell school in my town where you can get a shampoo, haircut, dry, and style for under $20. Occasionally they even run $10 specials! Some student stylists are slow and timid, new to their craft, while others have logged hours of practice and need little oversight. Once in a while, I end up being coiffed more by the supervisor as they demonstrate layering or other skills on my patient head. My favorite part of the adventure is talking with my student stylist about life, their ambitions, cosmetology training, and always about…faith. Yep, I do it every time. I love the conversations that follow.

FAITH TALKS at the H IR SALON Being a light in everyday life. by Gail Goolsby

After questions about their months in the salon program and where they grew up, I look for an opportunity to transition. I usually ask, “What is your faith journey?” or “Does any part of your story include faith?” No one in three years has acted unsure how to answer that question. Leaving the definition of faith open to their own perceptions makes for honesty and variety in their responses. Church attendance, youth group involvement, and spirituality in universal terms have been common follow-up comments. Only two stylists in the pool of 20 I have met said simply, “Nope. I have no faith story.” When I followed up with queries about their preferred creation theory or what happens when people die, one young woman said, “I think there is something or someone out there. But I cannot believe to the point of submitting to a religion.” Another said she was “holding out for reincarnation.” I keep the tone light and engaging. The hair stations are in a large, open, and noisy auditorium. My goal is not to embarrass or pressure my unsuspecting conversation partner. My hair future is literally in their hands!

LIFE COACH RECOGNIZED Once I was stopped mid-question by my stylist, Liz. “What do you do for your work?” she asked, making direct eye contact with me in the mirror. “Why do you ask?” I replied with a chuckle. “Because I am supposed to be asking you questions but you are non-stop interviewing me. And the questions you ask are not usual, so what do you do?” Liz persisted. “You found me out,” I joked. “I am a life coach.

is comfortable with the topic of our souls, our relationship with God, and our eternal destinations, but followers of Jesus should be walking and talking about Him wherever we go.

Questions are my main tool for helping people gain insight and move forward in their life.” “Okay, that makes sense,” she said, and returned to blow drying my hair. Liz asked more about life coaching and expanded on her earlier answers about faith. “I need to consider what I believe, but it doesn’t seem important right now. I have my plans and am working hard. I think I will figure it out as I go along.” “What about your destiny? Why did God make you? Does that warrant any reflection?” I countered. “Well, sure, but for now I’m fine. And as far as the afterlife…I hope I come back as a cat.” (Liz was the reincarnation responder, obviously.) Zoey was the only stylist I had more than once. After she discovered I was a life coach, she peppered me with questions. She asked my opinion on her boyfriend, her plans to move to Chicago and buy a mobile salon, and the benefits of faith. “Can I come visit your church?” she inquired one Christmas as I gave her a small tin of homemade goodies. “Sure,” I said and handed her an invite card our church prepares for holiday services. On the appointed Sunday, Zoey texted that she was ill and couldn’t come. Two appointments later, I was conversing with Alyssa in typical fashion. “Wait a minute,” she said, scissors in hand. “Are you the lady who is a life coach? Do you remember Zoey? She talked about you. She thought you gave good advice and helped her with important decisions.” Alyssa caught me up on Zoey’s graduation, the boyfriend breakup, and her current job in a town nearby. 25

just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

WHAT IS YOUR FAITH JOURNEY?

Not everyone

MOTHER CONFESSOR “Oh, yes, I am a Christian, born and raised in a Southern Baptist pastor’s house,” LaTanya told me on one visit. I took this in without betraying some surprise. She had already detailed her three children by two different dads and life as a single mom, never married. “How did your faith play into your decisions about creating a family on your own?” I quietly asked. “What is your relationship like with your parents these days?” LaTanya shook her head, “Better now. We had some stormy years, for sure. I don’t know why I took the path I did. I believe in God and Jesus and know what is right. I just didn’t stand up for myself in too many situations. I’m building a solid life now, and I’m proud of what I have accomplished.” “Good for you!” I enthusiastically chimed in. “What you do with the new wisdom, that is what really counts.” “My dad is a hard guy for me to talk to. I know he is disappointed in me. But he loves my kids, and when I do show up at church, he’s always glad to see me.” “Well, keep moving forward and share with your 12 year old what you learned. You’ve earned the right to be heard by your kids. Don’t let shame win. What you know will help them to live their lives well.” With tears in her eyes, she thanked me. I gave her an extra-large tip and hug when I was done.

My goal with my stylists or my neighbors or my coaching clients is not to save them. That is not my job. Only the transforming work by the Holy Spirit can change hearts. I desire to be known even for one hour as a person who is interested in faith conversations. Not everyone is comfortable with the topics of our souls, our relationship with God, and our eternal destinations, but followers of Jesus should be walking and talking about Him wherever we go. Life stories are amazing. Ask questions. Open the airspace for something meaningful and deeply personal even with strangers you meet. People hunger to be known, really known, by their Creator and by others in their world. Be that kind of Good News ambassador. The satisfying feeling is like…a good haircut!

Gail Goolsby holds master’s degrees in professional counseling and educational leadership. She and her pastor-husband have been married 39 years and have three grown children, two sons-in-law, and three granddaughters. They live in Witchita, Kan. Contact her on Facebook or Twitter, or at gailgoolsby.com.

Many Christians find the topic of evangelism intimidating. We need to remember that God cares more about our neighbors, friends, family, and hair stylist than we do. He wants to establish a relationship with His lost children. We are called to introduce Him to those He already knows and loves.

social

We’re More www.justbetweenus.org You don’t have to wait each quarter to stay in touch with Just Between Us. We’re here for you 24/7 at justbetweenus.org where you can be regularly refreshed by new and encouraging articles, stories from women like you, and a weekly inspiration from our heart to yours. And… we’ve become more “social” because we want more conversation with you!

1. Start with prayer. Ask God daily for opportunities to engage with a person. Pray to be alert and ready to be His representative. Let Him set the agenda and write the script. 2. Become a student and learn. Ask questions and then really listen to another’s story. Start with weather and work. Move to family and friends and even dreams and disappointments. Be fully present in the conversation. Be slow to speak. The very act of listening is a gift to most people. 3. Try to form a real connection. When the person expresses a felt need or painful life event, join in with personal affirmation and shared values or experiences. Show the person they are not alone. Make eye contact, nod, and smile often to invite more conversation. 4. Weave God into the conversation. Early connections are not usually the place for deep theology and Scripture quotes. Instead, talk about how God made a difference in your life. Ask about the person’s faith journey in a curious, non-threatening manner and see what happens. 5. Offer empathy, not advice. You cannot fix your new friend’s problems in one encounter, but you can express genuine concern. Ask if you can pray for them, and then do it right away, if appropriate. 6. Leave the results to God. Making yourself available and identifying as a person who knows and loves God is your part. He knows what watering each person needs to find their way to Him.

Facebook Follow us on Facebook to get daily encouragement to strengthen your walk with the Lord. Share your joys, struggles, and thoughts with JBU and other women who have the same passions you do. It’s a great way to interact with Christian women from all over the world!

Twitter “Follow” us on Twitter to get updates about what is happening at JBU and the ministries that support us. Also, get links to articles and resources that will enrich all aspects of your life and ministry.

Pinterest “Pin” us on Pinterest. JBU’s Pinterest has boards with devotions, recommended books, resources on marriage and family, recipes, and more. We are adding new content weekly. “Pin” the content to your personal boards to share it with others or to use it as a reference at a later date.

Blogs “Join” our blogs by going to the homepage to sign up to get weekly thought-provoking insights from our Executive editor, Jill Briscoe, and many others. The blogs address topics that matter most to you. After reading, be sure to join the conversation. This is a two-way street! We want to know your thoughts and questions on the topics.

E-Inspirations Don’t forget to sign up for weekly inspiration through our e-newsletter on our homepage.

Join the conversation today! We want to know what you’re thinking! justbetweenus.org

~Gail Goolsby

just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

CHRIST’S AMBASSADOR

EVERYDAY EVANGELISM

Stepmomming with

Grace

How my love for Jesus walks me through parenting children who are not my own. by Ronnie Wendt

The lights above lit the room in a harshly stark way, making the steel of the exam table appear hard and cold, but down below on the floor a warmth rose from the six people saying goodbye to their beloved yellow lab, Rye. In the hardest moment we had ever faced together, and as I watched my stepson hand my daughter a tissue, we became a family. This family is not the one I imagined having. As a little girl dreaming of her wedding followed by a picture-perfect marriage and family, I never thought I’d get married and divorced, remarry and become a stepmom, but this is my life. “Stepmomming” is also something you don’t fully consider as you plan to marry the man you love. You believe the depth of your love will make all things possible, even the stepparenting part. Then reality hits. The happiest day of your life will not necessarily be followed by the happiest days of your life, at least not without the One who gives you strength. Very quickly, our kids let us know that blending a family would be no walk in the park. It was a journey into a dark, unknown territory inhabited by teenagers. We had one teen turning up the heat and acting out, and another running to her sister’s house daily. My stepsons opted instead for a path of avoidance, and teasing that sometimes went a bit too far. There were lonely days when I longed for the home I once had, where I knew what to expect. But my faith in Jesus is helping me through the toughest—and most rewarding—challenge of my life. I’ve learned a few things on this journey that may help others along their own stepparenting path.

They didn’t ask for this Though we did ask our kids for permission to remarry, we also expected them to obediently accept the change. Weeks after the wedding, my daughter told me through her tears, “I want so much for you to be happy, and you are, so how can I tell you that I’m unhappy sometimes about this change?” She had kept her negative feelings about moving away from her friends, selling our home, and having to share her mom with others well hidden; at least until she began acting them out in unexpected ways, like refusing to come down for dinner or staying with her older sister for days on end. One of my stepsons has done the same. He’s kindhearted, funny, and just a great kid. My heart swells with pride at his every achievement, just as it does with my own kids. So, I never expected him, of all the kids, to exhibit some behaviors that were not very nice.

When he began bragging about how smart, talented, and athletic he was, and publicly pointing out where my daughters could use some work, I’ll admit my first response was not as godly as I would have liked it to be. But I turned to the Word for answers and slowly God began working on my heart. He filled me with compassion for this young man, who upon reflection, faced a bigger change than the other kids. He spends 50 percent of his time with us, while my daughters live here nearly all the time and his brother is away at college. When he is not with us, his dad is sharing his life with his new stepdaughters. Suddenly his out-of-character behavior made perfect sense, and I found my heart overflowing with compassion for a young man making the best of a change he never asked for. Today, I try to remember how Paul called the Philippians to be more like Christ. “…make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Phil. 2:2-4, emphasis added). Paul shares that God calls us to treat the needs of others as more important than our own. By putting others’ needs first, we pursue the kind of humility that leads to mutual love and unity. When God opened my heart, I saw the situation in a new way and began to handle myself differently. It’s not that He is calling on me to ignore bad behaviors, but He is encouraging me to view those behaviors through the lens of compassion and do what I can to help my stepson become more comfortable with the change. One thing I changed is making a point of encouraging his dad to spend time with him, and only him. The smile on both of their faces after an afternoon together is worth it. The peace that fills our home afterward is a blessing. And, I’ve also come to view those times as opportunities to share time with my kids or to do things for myself.

Look for God in the small things While I studied everything I could get my hands on about being a stepmom in advance, no amount of preparation fully readied me for the changes ahead. I was quickly blindsided by two things—how fast my love for my stepsons grew and flourished and the fact that their love for me hasn’t grown as fast. While my adult mind can comprehend the reasons for this, my heart struggles as I realize my affections may not be returned for some time, and that though this is true, I must love them and care for them anyway, because that is what a mother does.

learning how to be a stepmom and, in the process, I am giving my stepsons the beautiful experience of knowing

what it’s like to be a stepson, cherished by someone unrelated by blood, but 28

who loves them just the same.

just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

Today, I’m

THE PERFECT

Resources for the Blended Family When I got engaged to a man with two teenage sons, I searched for stepparenting resources and took in all I could before saying my “I do’s.” I wanted to be intentional in my stepparenting and wanted God as my guide. Are you also a stepmom with a strong desire to walk with God as you blend a family? Trusted advice can be found in many places, but here are two resources I found particularly useful.

• Focus on the Family Not only does Focus on the Family offer a wonderful five-part series on stepparenting, the entire site is a treasure trove of practical advice. There are articles and podcasts on things like stepsibling jealousy, blended family holidays, loving your stepkids, co-parenting, and more, all from a biblical perspective. You will also find practical marriage advice, child-rearing tips, faith builders, and endearing lessons about Jesus and His love for us. Focus on the Family is found at focusonthefamily.com, but I recommend downloading their podcast app on your phone and listening to their weekly podcasts. Their motto is “Helping Families Thrive,” and their podcasts hit the mark week after week. Deal and access to his books can be found at smartstepfamilies.com. This was my go-to resource as I readied myself for stepmomming and it’s still my go-to resource now that I am a stepmom. I recommend starting with The Smart Stepfamily. This book is jam-packed with resources to help engaged and married couples navigate blending a family with God’s grace. The Smart Stepmom and The Smart Stepfather offer practical tips for stepmoms and stepdads on their own journey as stepparents. The Smart Stepfamily Marriage helps couples keep their relationship strong as they move through the challenges of blending a family. And finally, for the ministry, there is Blended Family Ministry and Professional Training. Articles, videos, and information about conferences are also found on this helpful site. ~Ronnie Wendt

Ronnie Wendt is a freelance writer. She lives in Waukesha, Wis., with her husband and their blended family, comprised of four children with three teens at home, and a grandson. Currently, they have one lovable Brittany Spaniel and a new Labrador puppy.

Mother-Daughter Reads

“This book is like a life preserver for any mom drowning in the difficulties of raising daughters in an image-obsessed world.” —JENNIFER DUKES LEE, mom of two teenage daughters and author of It’s All Under Control, The Happiness Dare, and Love Idol

“You will love these stories and find new ways to show your unique beauty to those you love.” —JENNIFER STRICKLAND,

MARIAFURLOUGH.COM

author of Beautiful Lies, Girl Perfect, and More Beautiful Than You Know

REBECCAFRIEDLANDER.COM

Available Wherever Books and eBooks Are Sold

just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

• Smart Stepfamilies Advice from Ron

Ron Deal writes in The Smart Stepfamily that bonding won’t occur overnight. In fact, research shows it takes blended families four to seven years to bond. He reminds us that it’s important to let your stepchildren set the pace in how quickly or slowly your relationship develops. And, with older stepchildren, those relationships might take even longer. This takes heaps of patience, and I’ll admit patience is a virtue I lacked—at least initially. In my race to create the perfect blended family, I put a lot of pressure on the situation. As a result, there have been beautiful times, but also times when I felt avoided, shut out, and lonely in my own home. Over Christmas, my yearly devotional focused on the same chapter of the Bible for two weeks. Every day I read Luke 2 in its entirety, wondering what God wanted me to see in that chapter. And every day, two verses stood out: Luke 2:19, where it says, “But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart” and in Luke 2:51, where it again says, “…his mother treasured all these things in her heart.” Luke is describing the attitude Mary took to all she was facing as she raised the Son of God. Pope Francis writes of those verses, “She (Mary) learned how to be a mother, and in that learning process she gave Jesus the beautiful experience of knowing what it is to be a Son.” Today, I’m learning how to be a stepmom and, in the process, I am giving my stepsons the beautiful experience of knowing what it’s like to be a stepson, cherished by someone unrelated by blood, but who loves them just the same. Instead of focusing on the things that make me feel like an invisible force in their lives, I’m training myself to hang tight to the small things that show they care even when words go unsaid. I’m following Mary’s example for mothers and “treasuring these things in my heart,” just as I do with my own children. This means when my youngest stepson pulls into the driveway at the same time as me and gives me the warmest of smiles—the very smile that made me fall in love with his dad—I hold it close to my heart. When my oldest stepson texts me from college just to tell me how good my chocolate chip cookies are, I treasure it. And when they tell me they liked the dinner I made, I remember it, and I make it again when I know they had a long day. When they laugh with me at the dinner table as I tell them silly stories about my youth, tease me about my inability to locate my phone, or we share together in the loss of our family pet, we’re developing a history, and in that shared history, we are forging a relationship, and in that relationship a family. Slowly, I’m beginning to understand that though it may be a long time before they outwardly express that they love me, their feelings are growing, and can be found every day in the little things I’m storing up in my increasingly crowded heart.

Finding

Friendships Making friends takes time, but the investment is always worth it.

If you had told me five years ago that I would be writing an article on friendship, I would have laughed in your face. Growing up, I was never great at making or keeping friends. While I’m not shy, I am an introvert who has always gained energy from being alone, so investing in friendships is a very thoughtful choice for me, because I know that it will drain me, but I choose to pursue them anyway. I have decided that this is what it looks like for me to be poured out for Jesus. He clearly asks us to love others, and there is no better way to love those around us than to commit to them as a friend and to walk together through the mountains and valleys of life. 32

Proximity

Look around. We each live in a community, have routines, and typically follow the same basic pattern day after day and week after week. I had a season where I was working with preschoolers at church. I saw the same group of volunteers every Tuesday night. There was a woman who was about my age. One night I got up the gusto to ask her to coffee and the rest was history. We knew we would see each other every Tuesday and it was great to be able to plan to hang out before or after we served. Why not try connecting to someone because they happen to be within your proximity? Be brave, step out, and strike up a conversation.

Common Interests

What is something you really like to do? I joined a Zumba class through my town’s park and recreation department. The very first day I was introduced to five different women, all of whom I have gotten to know better over the course of the class. If Zumba’s not your thing, craft stores offer classes, and libraries have regular book clubs. This might even be a great time to con-

If it’s such a deep need for us, why is it so hard for us to form flourishing friendships? Investing in friendship takes work. For many of us, it must be an intentional choice or we will never do it.

nect to a class or study at your church. Find something you love to do, get involved, and meet some new people.

Change a Habit

To change a habit, you must do something new. If you typically eat your lunch at your desk, go to the cafeteria or take your bag lunch to a park. Do you stop by the same coffee shop or restaurant regularly? Try picking a new one. Make sure it is something different from your norm and that you strike up a conversation with someone there. If you are prone to stay at home watching TV alone or with family, decide to invite someone from work or your neighborhood to watch with you instead.

Be Set Up

My husband is amazing at this. He is always connecting people. If he finds out someone is applying for a job at a company and he knows someone who works there, he will connect the two via email or reach out to the current employee and see if he would be willing to meet with the applicant. You may be thinking, “How do I get set up?” The next time you hear someone in your sphere of influence say, “That totally reminds me of Elizabeth,” or “You and Jill have so much in common,” chime in and respond, “Elizabeth and Jill sound really cool—would you be willing to connect us?” Be bold and allow those you trust to connect you with others in their circles. What courageous step are you going to take toward a new flourishing friendship? Step out in faith and see what God will do. Krista Heinen is a pastor who desires to help the next generation understand their place in God’s story. She has her BS in elementary education from the University of Wisconsin-Madison and her MDiv from Bethel Seminary. She and her husband, Greg, have a new baby, and live in New Berlin, Wis.

Ministry on the Go Leave a larger tip than usual for your waiter/waitress and a note of gratitude.

just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

by Krista Heinen

We are actually wired for relationship. The Bible tells us in Gen. 2:18 that it was not good for man to be alone. And when Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment is, He first said to love God, and second to love your neighbor as yourself. If that weren’t enough, what is the very first thing Jesus did before starting His ministry? He made some friends. He called 12 people to walk with Him through the most grueling season of His life, modeling our deep need for friends. If it’s such a deep need for us, why is it so hard for us to form flourishing friendships? Investing in friendship takes work. For many of us, it must be an intentional choice or we will never do it. However, there are things we can do that make forming friendships easier. Do you ever long for your younger years of being a kid? It seemed so easy to form new friendships back then. Remember, you were stuck with the same bunch of kids in your class and one of them just took to you. Maybe this happened when you went off to college. I was on a club synchronized skating team in college and met some amazing women on the team. One in particular just seemed to get me, and each day after classes we would stand or sit in each other’s doorframe and

chat. Time seemed to stop as we shared all of the ins and outs of our days. However, I feel like no one ever warned me that when I entered adulthood, it would become significantly more difficult to make friends. Why aren’t my relationships as intimate as with my childhood or college friends? Why isn’t it as easy as when I was a kid? I know the answer. Working full-time, keeping a house, being married, having kids, going to school, taking care of our parents—things like these pull at our time. It’s not the same as our younger years when we had fewer commitments. Maybe the time restraints aren’t the struggle for you. Instead, you are thinking, “Where do I even meet new people? I barely see people as I drop my kids off at school or as I barrel into my shift at work. I wish we could go back to the days where people just hung out outside or actually stopped to make small talk instead of flying through life so fast they don’t even see me.” If you can relate to these sentiments and this is the predicament you find yourself in, it’s time for a change. Choose one of the tips below and commit to trying it out this month, but first, stop and talk to God. Tell Him you want a new friend. Ask Him if there is something or someone in particular He is calling you toward.

It took me five years from my brother’s death to finally stand up to my spouse, seek counseling, create a safety net of support, and expose the abuse. Within 40 days, I became parentless, spouseless, homeless, and childless, since the teens chose to move elsewhere. Next, I had to walk through the doorways of bankruptcy court and divorce court. What a mess! Joy? No way. Not yet. I knew giving thanks was my next best step. “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thess. 5:18). Easy to read. But what do you do when your world is crashing down? I went to work. My focus had to shift from the mess to God. My Savior. My Sustainer. My Deliverer. His faithfulness. His sovereignty. His character. His plan. In my little condo nest I spoke thanks, and wrote thanks. Whenever I saw my three teens, I thanked God that I could see them, even if it was only for an hour. I thanked God when each month’s condo rent was paid. I thanked God I was out of the abuse. I thanked God my presence was no longer ignored in my own home. I thanked God I had a startup business. I thanked God I could begin to laugh again. I kept on giving thanks and my joy grew. Eventually, this JOY acronym helped me grow more joy:

Grow

JOY Your life’s circumstances don’t have to dictate your joy. by Darlene Larson

I longed for joy—the kind that sparkles and shines out of women’s eyes. It’s bliss from abiding, resting, rejoicing, and being grounded in God and what He says in His Word. They bow to His sovereignty, they yield, knowing God’s got it. This joy is a testimony and evidence of the Holy Spirit’s work. I saw joy in my longtime friend Pat. We taught together in a Christian school in Michigan. Once I became a stay-at-home mom, Pat would swing by my house to check in on me. We enjoyed digging into multiple Bible studies over the years. I thought, “I hope someday I can give back to women like Pat does for me.” Even though Pat shined with the joy of the Lord, disappointments had touched her life. She lost a grandchild at birth, a son had a brain tumor, and grief from a church division touched her deeply. Pat and her husband left the church where they had both loved and served for over 25 years. Pat, now in her mid70s, is living with physical pain from a crooked spine. Recently I asked her, “How are you feeling?” She said, “I hurt. But what good will it do for me to focus on my pain? Instead, I focus on Jesus and His pain and what He went through for me.” God knew I needed to see joy modeled. When I was in my mid-40s, I told God I was sick and tired of living out the first part of John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and 34

destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10). I craved the abundant life, the full life. Peace. Passion. Purpose. Within three years, I had seen death snatch and steal two lives. First, my father, and then my youngest brother, both dying of heart attacks. Plus, the pain from my secret was shredding my heart; I lived in an emotionally abusive marriage. The longevity and the chronicity of the abuse pummeled me. The daily bullets of being ignored, negated, or criticized by the man that had vowed to love me were deathblows. I believed I had nothing to offer and could no longer learn. I felt purposeless. When I contemplated going back to college for my master’s degree for teaching in a specialty field, I was asked, “Why would you do such a thing?” I thought of starting a little business and heard, “That is not you.” The comments bred self-doubt, which made me feel a bit crazy. This left me in a position of neediness to the abuser. Stuck, I prayed to die. This is how abuse works. A woman feels she cannot step out. If she did, the fear of how she could support herself arises. And if there are kids involved, she is threatened that they will be taken from her and/or turned against her. When my brother died, I asked the Lord, “If that were me, what would people believe about my life?” People would believe two lies: one, that I was loved and happily married, and two, that it was a Christian marriage. I couldn’t die in the lies. I knew I had to take steps for help.

Recognize He’s your Creator, Sustainer, Master, Healer, and Deliverer. He is the lover of your soul, partner for life, if you know Him as your Savior. Choose Jesus to grow joy.

Obedience This is the seed to make joy sprout. If we don’t apply the Word of God, there is no transformation to joy. For example: • “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Rom. 8:28). Believe this verse when your world is upside down. That’s faith in action. • “Rejoice always” (1 Thess. 5:16). Really? The Word says, rejoice always. • “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance” (Jas. 1:2-3). Count it all joy, even with our “Why me, God?” and watch what God will do.

You are responsible for you If you’re waiting for circumstances to change or others to fill you up, you won’t experience real joy. It is a quality of the fruit of the Spirit.

My Savior. My Sustainer. My Deliverer. His faithfulness. His sovereignty. His character. His plan. I’m so grateful to God for He has answered the second half of my prayer—and still is: “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10). He gave me a life of peace, passion, and purpose. The same year that my brother died, I began my training to become a professional certified Life Purpose Coach®, grief-loss coach, recovery coach, and coaching instructor. Only God restores and redeems a heart full of bullet holes. Now I am the founder of Hearts with a Purpose, coaching women in toxicity to freedom to discover their life purpose. Plus, I experience great joy in writing books about God, His Word, His faithfulness, and teaching women how to apply the Word—God’s plan. John 16:20 says, “Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.” I am ever so thankful that Pat heeded God’s nudging to check in on me. God specializes in taking messy, mixed-up, broken lives that smack of pain and producing a world of joy. Darlene Larson, is the founder of Hearts with a Purpose. Additionally, she is a Certified Life Coach, Life Purpose Coach®, Recovery Coach, Grief-loss Coach, and Strategic 2-Day LifePlan Coach. Read her 31-day inspirational coaching devotionals: Enable Me, Lord, to Shift; Are you stuck in idle? Learn How to Shift into Truth and Live! Darlene lives in Rockford, Mich. Visit heartswithpurpose.com and sign up for Darlene’s free coaching newsletter. You can also connect with her on Facebook, Pinterest, Linked In, or at Instagram at Hearts with a Purpose.

just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

Jesus first

My focus had to shift from the mess to God.

KEEP CALM and CARRY ON!

by Stuart Briscoe

How Do You Keep Calm? But the enemy never came; the church bells did not ring. After six long years, the war ended. Many years later, we learned that in light of the expected invasion and our inadequate defenses, the British government had ordered the printing of large posters, which bore the emblem of the Crown and the words “Keep Calm and Carry On!” During the long days of blackout and bombing, rationing and uncertainty, death and destruction, we had repeatedly been encouraged to “Keep Calm and Carry On!” I asked the children if they had any questions and it was then that my little eight-year-old friend immediately spoke up: “How do you keep calm?” I decided another story might help to answer her question. One night when we were expecting another bombing raid over a nearby town, a British army officer called Captain May took me up to the top of our house and said we could watch the bombing. The sirens blared; there was a short interval of silence, and then the drone of aircraft. That night, the planes flew over us for about 10 or 12 miles and then the guns sprang

to life. The searchlights began to probe the night sky, and explosions leading to multiple fires began to glow. These were the incendiary bombs lighting the targets; the high explosives followed in a few minutes. Captain May wanted to teach me that light travels quicker than sound and did so by timing the gap between the flash of the explosion and the literally earth-shaking tremors a few seconds later. I also learned to measure how far away the bombs were dropping. Something happened that night that became foundational to my approach to life.

Trusting in God’s Promises My mother had hung a plaque on the wall of my room on which was written an Old Testament text: “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee” (Is. 26:3, KJV). Now remember Captain May and I were standing in total darkness until a bomb exploded and then the room was flooded with light. Each time the room was bathed in brilliant light, those words flashed in my eyes and were deeply implanted in my mind. I would have loved the chance to sit down to talk to my little friend. She probably had no experience of bombing, fear of the church bells ringing, and her Daddy going off to war, but no doubt, she did have fears of her own. And no doubt like many young children today, she had questions lurking in the back of her mind. If her facial expression was anything to go by, she had drunk in every word, she had made application in her own mind, and related to her own issues. She was really saying, “Help me. I’m just a little girl. I have my fears and when they come along I panic and I get scared. What can I do? How do you stay calm? I want to be calm.” I told her, “This verse is a promise from God Himself to scared people of all ages. It’s a promise that He will keep us calm—it’s called perfect peace in the Bible—if and when we trust in Him. To trust in Him means first that we believe what the Bible says about Him—that He is a loving heavenly Father who cares for His children and will watch over them through life’s problems. It does not mean that nothing bad will ever come our way, but it means that when things are difficult, He still loves and cares and will never leave us! Believing in God’s Character “If we believe what the Bible says about our heavenly Father then we ask ourselves a question: ‘Do I want Him to take charge of my life so that even when scary things happen I can trust Him to be loving and caring and staying with me?’ If so, then ask Him and He will keep His promise. “As you grow through life’s changing situations you will experience many wonderful and not so wonderful things, but one thing you must remember is to ‘Keep Calm and Carry On.’ Why? Because you are not in charge and can’t handle everything that comes your way. But He can—and He will— because He promised He would! Believing and trusting my heavenly Father is the way I stay calm.” She nodded. Her question is the same one multitudes of people in our continued on p 41

just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

Peace is possible as we trust in Christ.

The question startled me. She was sitting on the front row, quiet, respectful, listening intently. But it was her eyes! They held me with the kind of searching, wondering, unblinking gaze known only to children in innocence. “How do you stay calm?” she inquired. “How do I keep calm?” I responded, scrambling for an answer, wondering how I explain in language that an eight year old can grasp. The question was not the only surprise of the morning. I had been invited to talk to a group of a few hundred homeschooled children about “growing up” in wartime England. I explained how World War I had been called “the war to end all wars,” but World War II started little more than twenty years later. I was eight years old at the time. I told them about the day the Zeppelin flew over my home in broad daylight. It flew so low overhead that it seemed to block out the sun. It was the most frightening thing I had ever seen. I explained about the bombing and how we would go to the cellar when the sirens woke us in the middle of the night with their eerie wailing. We could hear the roar of the engines as the planes flew over our town, the crash of bombs exploding, and the barking sound of the anti-aircraft guns. I told them about rationing, which restricted how much food we could buy or even which clothes we could purchase. I shared about friends and neighbors going off to war and how some of them were killed and others were captured and held prisoner until the war ended. They were difficult, scary days. Then I told them about the invasion. We were told we would be alerted to the enemy’s attack by the ringing of the church bells—they had been silenced from the beginning of the war. And we heard rousing speeches from the Prime Minister, Winston Churchill, telling us how to be brave and resist and to pray that God would save our country.

encouragement / real

1. Pick Pick your your location location at... at... 1.1. 1. Pick Pick your your location location at... 1. Pick your location at... at...

faith

The Presence of Absence by Lori Ann Wood

just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

Visit my site! loriannwood.com

sence is a presence in your soul that you treasure. As a wound that aches to remind you of something precious that is gone, you welcome the hurt to remember the joy. No one has known saudade like Mary, the mother of Jesus. As a young pregnant girl, her saudade was the longing for her previous reputation and life. As a new mother, she longed for familiar stability as she was on the run in Egypt to protect her baby boy. Mary felt the loss of honor as her son was rejected, beaten, and killed. Mary must have longed for the daily presence of this man whose mission had always transcended her. And that remembrance, that ache, surely brought Mary joy. I have felt saudade for many losses on my health journey. Others experience this longing for the unreachable with even heavier hearts: children taken too young, marriages lost to carelessness, lives dissolved in poor decisions. We all know this mysterious missing. The evidence of my saudade is not a physical hole or an empty imprint, but rather a piece of hardware: a metal box jutting from my chest that threatens to knock me off my feet to keep me alive. The subtle ache reminds me of the limitation-less life I once had. The presence of that box reminds me of the absence of my naive security. But in classic saudade fashion, I welcome that ache. I have a hole representing losses, as we all do.

Without those craters, we may have sped through life and missed the important scenes where God shows up. Just days before my internal defibrillator was installed, I wrote in my journal: The reality of surgery is setting in. I haven’t begun to process this: I will have a foreign object protruding from my chest, reminding me of my frailty every day of my life. This device is notorious for giving “inappropriate shocks,” or going off when it doesn’t need to, 30% of patients develop an anxiety disorder, and as my doctor said, “it’s the last card we have to play before transplant.” I’m scared that this final play won’t be enough. God did show up in a big way. My heart function improved beyond expectation. But I am not cured. I will always have heart failure and that dreaded device. The ache reminds me of what was lost, but some of it was for the better. I lost my security, but I found trust. I lost my wholeness, but I found a strange joy in the brokenness. We all suffer from saudade. The presence of the absence is both painful and comforting. Like the majestic oak or the grand life plan, we knew it once, we remember it, and we passionately miss it. But we know that when our existence takes a sharp turn at the edge of this life, we will fully know and experience God, and finally have our saudade satisfied.

www.christiantreasureseekers.com www.christiantreasureseekers.com www.christiantreasureseekers.com www.christiantreasureseekers.com www.christiantreasureseekers.com

2. Let Let DAT DAT Travel Travel help help you! you! 2.2. 2. Let Let DAT DAT Travel Travel help help you! 2. Let DAT Travel help you! you!

We We Will Will Book Book Your Your Faith-Based Faith-Based & & We We Will Will Book Book Your Your Faith-Based Faith-Based & We Will Book Your Faith-Based & & Family-Friendly Family-Friendly Travels! Travels! Family-Friendly Family-Friendly Travels! Family-FriendlyTravels! Travels!

We WeBook: Book: We WeBook: Book: We Book: Motorcoach MotorcoachRentals Rentals| |Car CarRentals Rentals | |Hotel HotelLodging Lodging| |Cruise CruiseReservations Reservations| | Motorcoach MotorcoachRentals Rentals| |Car CarRentals Rentals| |Hotel HotelLodging Lodging| |Cruise CruiseReservations Reservations| | Motorcoach Rentals | Car Rentals |Tickets Hotel| Lodging Cruise Reservations | Attraction Attraction Tickets Tickets | |Airline AirlineTickets |Custom Custom|Itineraries Itineraries || Attraction AttractionTickets Tickets| |Airline AirlineTickets Tickets| |Custom CustomItineraries Itineraries| | Attraction Tickets | Airline Tickets ||Custom Itineraries | Trip TripInsurance Insurance | |Pre-Planned Pre-Planned Tours Tours |Call Call330.614.7219 330.614.7219 Trip TripInsurance Insurance| |Pre-Planned Pre-PlannedTours Tours| |Call Call330.614.7219 330.614.7219 39 Trip Insurance | Pre-Planned Tours | Call 330.614.7219

just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

Lori Ann Wood serves as the founding leader of the Parenting Education Ministry at her church. Additionally, she serves as the WomenHeart Champion Community Educator for Arkansas and the American Heart Association Ambassador. Lori and her husband are parents to three young adults and have a son-in-law. They live in Bentonville, Ark.

After a wet spring and strong windstorm, a 40-foot-tall oak tree fell in our front yard. Then, within four hours, every trace of it vanished. We found a tree trimming crew nearby to cut up the mammoth trunk and branches, haul them away, and even grind the stump the same day. It now appears as if that tree never existed. When passersby look at the front of the house, I feel an emptiness because that oak once stood proud and sturdy. My heart aches in a way theirs cannot. More than simply not being there…it was and now it’s not. It is missing that differentiates a hole from a blank space, or the absence of a grand tree and the decision to never have planted one. This unusual longing, this ache, has a special word: saudade. Saudade is a term often found in the literature and music of Brazil and Portugal. The English language has no worthy equivalent. This word came to life in the 15th century when Portuguese ships sailed to Africa and Asia in hopes of opening trade routes. Some voyagers disappeared in shipwrecks, others died in battle, many simply never returned. Families left behind shouldered a constant feeling that something enormous was missing from their lives, a yearning for the presence of the loved ones who had sailed. Saudade has been described, perhaps best, as the presence of absence. This longing is more than something being absent. Saudade is remembering your sailed husband or son, feeling the emptiness, and knowing nothing else can fill the void. Even more strangely, the ab-

encouragement / chronic

hope

The Transformed Life by Adriana Hayes

Visit my sites! chronichopeblog. wordpress.com or madebyadri.com

It can be tempting to feel like God is no longer working in that area of our life but let me encourage you that if you are His child, He is working. We fed her sugar water and fruit and marveled at her over the next few days. We talked about how sometimes the things that appear dead in our lives are actually in a waiting period, undergoing life-changing transformation we can’t see and are very much alive. We were approaching Easter and Hope the butterfly was a poignant visual reminder of Christ’s lifeless body that was laid in a cold, stone tomb. He lay there three days— causing His closest friends and His own mother to assume death had prevailed. When He rose on Easter morning, He was transformed into a more glorious version of Himself and He brought with Him hope that would be for all the people (Luke 2: 10-11). Hope that through His death and resurrection, He can take all the dead areas of our lives and make them alive and beautiful again. True hope had hatched! God often allows long periods of waiting in our lives. These periods of waiting seem even more common

when you live with chronic health conditions. We’re often waiting for a diagnosis, waiting for relief from the pain, waiting for someone to understand our pain, or waiting for someone to fix our pain. It can be tempting to feel like God is no longer working in that area of our life but let me encourage you that if you are His child, He is working. He is transforming your faith, your prayer life, and your heart of worship into a more beautiful reflection of his Son, Jesus. Don’t waste those opportunities. Don’t be tempted to view them as dead and “throw them out”. Without great sorrow, great joy is impossible. A. B. Simpson said, “Allow God time to work and He surely will. Then the very trials that threatened to overcome you with discouragement and disaster will become God’s opportunity to reveal His grace and glory in your life, in ways you have never known before.” “My God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:19).

Keep Calm and Carry On! (continued from p 37)

JBU: How do you keep encouraged in a sexual culture that has been completely overtaken by the enemy?

world, where so much appears to be out of control, ask. Where control is lost, panic can so easily take over. So let me say to all of us, feed on God’s promises as outlined in Isaiah 26:3—and backed up by the action of God raising Jesus from the dead—develop a lifestyle of trusting God one situation at a time. And don’t ever forget to “Keep Calm and Carry On.”

Mo: By knowing that redemption finds us where we are. Many of us have some layer of sexual sin, abuse, or struggle that has caused a great amount of shame and causes us to feel separated and alone. However, no matter what we’ve done, Christ’s redemption and His love always finds us. I think of the story of the woman at the well in John 4:4-26. In the face of her filth, Jesus stayed and offered her living water. And I love the Jesus who meets the woman about to be stoned in John 7:53-8:11. Redemption finds both of these women because He is the ultimate healer, redeemer, and intersector. And, like them, redemption finds us! Oftentimes, we find that the things that need the most healing and redemption in our lives are the things that hurt the most—but things that are hard are often holy. And His grace always heals. You are not defined by your past. You are not defined by the sexual sin you’ve lived in or the sexual sin others have dragged you into. Redemption is waiting for every single one of us. You are not alone and you are not outside the mercy of Jesus. We don’t need a partner to assign a value to us; we need a soul awakened to our worth in our Father’s eyes. He loves us—and refuses to leave us the same. Susan Vanselow is a freelance writer and editor and a JBU volunteer. She holds a B.A. in English and has an MBA. She mentors adults and teens in her community and is active in her church. She enjoys signing, running, and knitting. She lives in Milwaukee, Wis.

Stuart Briscoe served Elmbrook Church in Brookfield, Wis., for 47 years as senior pastor and minister-at-large pastor. He founded and still ministers on Telling the Truth, an international media ministry, and continues, in his 80s, to preach. He and his wife Jill have three adult children and 13 grandchildren, and live in suburban Milwaukee, Wis.

To further the conversation, get Mo’s book, Sex, Jesus, and the Conversations the Church Forgot (Baker Books, 2018), or check out her “The Conversation Continued” 8-part video series at moisom.com or amazon.com.

2019 conference hosted by

magazine and ministry

JILL BRISCOE Main Speaker

STEPHANIE SEEFELDT Worship Leader

ELIZABETH MURPHY Emcee

OCTOBER 8-10, 2019

at Forest Springs Camp and Conference Center Westboro, WI

For every woman who desires to go deeper in her faith and influence others. REGISTRATION OPEN NOW! https://justbetweenus.org/JBUConference FOR ALL REGISTRATION QUESTIONS CALL CAMP FOREST SPRINGS AT 715-427-5241

just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

Adriana Hayes is a freelance illustrator, professor, writer, and speaker who finds joy in helping others discover how God can bring “chronic hope” into their lives. She lives in Milwaukee, Wis., with her husband, Chris, and three daughters.

Last October, a blue swallowtail caterpillar made its way up into our door wall, between the glass and screen. Over the course of several days, my daughters and I watched it meticulously and intentionally form its cocoon. A few weeks later, in typical Wisconsin fashion, the weather drastically shifted to freezing temperatures. I have a weak spot for animals—and in my book a caterpillar is close enough—so I watched a few YouTube videos on caterpillar wrangling (yes, it’s a real thing) and reasoned that even if I botched the transfer, moving its chrysalis inside was kinder than letting it endure our nine months of winter. I announced that if it ever hatched into a butterfly, I would name it “Hope.” Once I had it secured in a netted butterfly cage, I put it down in the storage area of our basement. As the seasons changed, I’d go down there to get out holiday decorations and box up clothes that the girls had outgrown. I’d glance at the chrysalis, but there was never any change. Finally, I decided it had to be dead. Almost six months had passed since the squishy bright green caterpillar crawled off of my cilantro plant and into my screen door. All that could be seen of it now was a hard grayish, brown cocoon. The life that had transformed into that now seemed a distant memory. I made a mental note to myself that the next time I was down in the storage room, I needed to throw it out. Then one evening in late March, Chris came up from the basement holding the butterfly cage and said, “Look!” Hope had hatched! And she was beautiful, far more majestic than the caterpillar she used to be.

Speaking Up (continued from p 21)

encouragement / it

Visit my site! espeaks.net

the deeper life/ encouragement

...with My View

Redemptive Love

by Elizabeth Murphy

by Melva L. Henderson

I have a terrible time keeping up with my glasses. I’ll often say out loud to no one in particular, “I can’t find my glasses!” A voice from the other room will respond, “Try your head.” When I reach up, I usually find more than one pair, and then find another one tucked in my shirt and a fourth pair in my lap. I needed them all for the many different things I look at every day until I got a pair with progressive lenses—they were a game-changer. Instead of providing just two lens powers like bifocals (or three, like trifocals) progressive lenses are true “multifocal” lenses that provide a smooth, seamless progression of many lens powers for clear vision across the room, up close, and at all distances in between. They helped me to look at the world and the people in my world differently, which is good because they are all different. It could be said that seeing through the eyes of Christ, looking at people the way He did, is a bit like progressive lenses for the soul. Each individual is unique in experience, personality, and understanding, and requires something different of us in response. In Luke 7:36-50, a woman enters a dinner party to meet Jesus. She doesn’t belong but she doesn’t care, all she knows is that He does. She braves the hostile environment to bring the only hope she has to the only One who can offer any hope and anoints Jesus’ feet from her alabaster jar of perfume. The assembled guests look on, scandalized. I love that Jesus can respond to both the grumbling crowd and the sobbing woman with understanding

When we talk about love, we can’t talk as if it is simply an emotion. Love can make you emotional, but it’s more than an emotion. Love is a commitment, a conscious decision rooted in the nature of God, who Himself is love. Without commitment, there is no love; this is why it’s easy to walk away in difficult times. When you are committed to loving, you honor another, placing value on who they are without stumbling over who they’re not. Committed love extends beyond what some may call emotional love because it has less to do with how you feel and more to do with how dedicated you are. Love is doing what’s best for a person regardless of how you feel. You’re committed—locked in. I see it like this: once I make the decision in my heart and mind to love unconditionally, it’s like a spiritual ball and chain. Love is the ball and the commitment is my chain. I am bound to love. Where it goes, I go. Consequently, I can choose to overlook how I feel or the behavior of others because I’m committed to my commitment to love. I place more value on love than my emotions or feelings. The spiritual ball and chain serve as an anchor, keeping me grounded in and unable to move separately from love. Wherever the ball drops—if my heart remains committed—I follow because I’m bound by love. You will always have a choice between loving someone and hardening your heart, but when you’re committed and you know God promised to take care of you, it’s safe to choose love. “For God has said, ‘I will never fail you. I will never abandon you’” (Heb. 13:5, NLT).

and compassion because He alone knows where they are coming from. One needs a lesson, the other needs love—Jesus offers both in the tender form of mercy. The dinner guests looked at this woman with pity, but Jesus saw her through a very different lens—a merciful one. Author Henri Nouwen puts it like this, “Showing mercy is different from having pity. Pity connotes distance, even looking down upon. Mercy comes from a compassionate heart; it comes from a desire to be an equal. Jesus didn’t want to look down on us, He wanted to become one of us and feel deeply with us. That is what He desires for us to do as we interact with the people in our life. To see them as He does.” If we are going to follow Jesus, we need to be careful which lens we are looking through: the lens of our own experience, judgment, or immediate reaction, or the lens of grace. With His help we progress—as we breathe deeply, pause, and pray—noticing things we don’t naturally see and responding to them with His compassion. I have been asking God to show me what He sees as I pray for the difficult people in my life. It has softened me. I can relax in the face of sin and patiently wait for

God to act while remembering the words of 1 Sam. 16:7, “The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” This has nothing to do with my own ability to see clearly and everything to do with asking God to lay His view over mine to keep me from seeing what I expect to see and to see with His expectancy instead. The woman in Luke 7 is referred to by Simon as “that” woman as if to say, “She’s different from us, an outsider.” However, after her very brief encounter with Christ, He calls her “this” woman as if to say, “I see her differently and she is mine.” He looks at her through the lens of His love and forgiveness and tells her to go in peace. I believe because of how Jesus looked at her, she did, and so can we. When faced with a challenging person, I am learning to whisper to myself, “I can’t find my glasses!” then pause and ask God to help me find my progressive lenses, so it is well with my view.

Melva L. Henderson is an author and speaker. Additionally, she is the founder of The Milwaukee Give, a humanitarian outreach, and co-founder of World Outreach and Bible Training Center, Inc. Melva is wife to pastor Ervin L. Henderson, mother of five, and grandmother of two. Connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.

Ministry on the Go Bring flowers to someone needing a lift.

Visit my sites! Melvahenderson.org, worldoutreachbtc.org

Many years ago, I began an indepth study on the subject of love; shortly thereafter, it seemed every relationship I had came under attack. I made the decision to immerse myself in the Scriptures addressing love, and I’m so glad I did. As a result, my marriage and close relationships grew to be healthy. They’re not perfect, but they are strong. Instead of hardening my heart, I yielded to what I learned from the Word of God and followed the way of love. The results are undeniable. When we become accustomed to yielding to God, we move into what I call redemptive love, the John 3:16 quality of love. Redemptive love is the highest form of love. It recognizes that judgment is due, but instead releases mercy. Consider the cross. God through His great love for us chose to remit our due judgment for sin, placing it upon His only begotten Son so we could be free. He loved with no limits. God expressed love without restriction by conditions or qualifications. This is the love God has toward the world. We possess that same quality of love. When someone does something that hurts us, we have the ability to operate as God does, loving without limits. This is perfected, mature love that’s difficult for many because it goes against human nature.

Human nature says, “If you hit me, I’m hitting you. You hurt me, I’m hurting you.” But redemptive love blesses when cursed and pursues when rejected. It’s love on the highest order, love equaling God. Redemptive love keeps its eyes on the loved one and not the offense. The focus is God’s ability to reach the other’s heart. We see this modeled in the father in Luke 15 with his prodigal son. Love produced an expectation that things would turn around and ensured that the son had a safe place to come back to, even though he left collateral damage behind. Love accepted and embraced him, it didn’t judge or criticize. Through love, the father was able to welcome his son home, greeting him with the fatted calf and the royal robe of blessings. The power of redemptive love takes the focus off the selfish mindset, which often motivates giving and receiving. One walking in redemptive love isn’t consumed with what they receive in return when they choose to forgive someone. They view their willingness to release love as an offering or investment, leaving the return on their investment to God. God is the giver, not the other person. It’s a love perspective that does what it does for a response from God, not people.

just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

Elizabeth Murphy has been a soughtafter speaker for the last 15 years. She serves on several non-profit boards, teaches Bible studies, and is an author and regular columnist for JBU. She and her husband, Mike, have four sons and three granddaughters. They live in Brookfield, Wis.

is well

encouragement / the

homefront

Ne w Book fro m J u s t B e t w e e n U s

Deepening Your Prayer Life When Your Husband Drives You Crazy by Pam Farrel

Visit my site! Love-Wise.com

Appreciate the Differences

Coffee is a part of what makes Bill… well…Bill! One day, as we were pre-

paring to move homes, I was doing the last load of dishes, and I realized it was composed of all coffee mugs—47 of them to be exact! I was fuming mad and thought, “Dear Jesus, how can such a great, godly, seemingly very capable man, NOT get his coffee mug to the sink?” I knew the dirty mugs issue was an underlying negative resentment, and I wanted it gone from our relationship. My nagging seemed to make very little difference in Bill’s progress in getting them to the sink, so I prayed, knowing the change might have to come from my side of the equation. And God answered by whispering a question to my heart, “Why does Bill like his coffee so much?” “Bill is a hard-working man, Lord. He needs some caffeine,” I answered in my mind. Then God whispered back, “And isn’t it a privilege to be married to a hard-working man?” I knew the answer from me was a resounding and emphatic, “Yes!” I decided to pray for Bill every time I saw one of his empty displaced mugs. Then, I extended the blessing prayer still further and began to pray blessing over him whenever I saw anyone with a coffee mug! In my coffee mug prayer, I was seeking to apply the principle, “Love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Pet. 4:8). (No, coffee is not a sin, but Bill’s lack of effort to get his cups to

the sink could be seen as a character flaw—at least it felt like one to me.) I have now spent years embracing the ever-reappearing dirty coffee mug with fond affection, because it reminds me of my hard-working man who requires caffeine to do all the wonderful acts of service that benefit so many—including me.

Are you desiring a deeper prayer life…do you want to reignite your passion? Discover how can become one of the greatest adventures of your life—and practical help that will lead you to the heart of God.

prayer

Now available on A m a z o n . c o m

Celebrate the Differences

For Bill’s 50th birthday, we celebrated by taking him to a coffee farm and having him select and roast his own brand of coffee. It took one afternoon to visit, select the beans, roast it to perfection, and design the label. I knew I had a winning date as he sat and lingered a moment to savor the aroma of his Farrel Family blend of Mountain Thunder Vienna roast. He took a sip, and I watched a big grin appear on his well-caffeinated soul—and it brought me joy!

Integrate the Differences

I take note of when Bill’s Farrel Family roast runs low, as I know that a mug of his favorite blend will endear his heart to mine—just like that empty dirty mug does when I discover it in the next unusual place. Praying for Bill when I see a coffee mug has become my life rhythm. Today, take that thing that is driving you crazy about your man and make it a prayer, a celebration, or a date to wow him!

just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

Pam Farrel is a bestselling author of 45 books including coauthoring Discovering Hope in the Psalms: A Creative Bible Study Experience. She has been happily married for 37 years and enjoys traveling. Pam and her husband, Bill, live on a houseboat in Oxnard, Calif.

It seems like everywhere we travel all over the globe, marriages have some of the same issues. For example, one topic we teach universally is: “The thing you first fell in love with can become the biggest source of irritation!” It is like there are two sides of the same coin. You need a way to turn the coin over and remember, “Oh yeah, that’s why I love that man!” My husband, Bill, loves his coffee. But, he also has a habit that can be very annoying—his aversion to putting the coffee mugs in the dishwasher. I find coffee mugs in every place imaginable: in the garage, in the car, in the closet, on the sidewalk, on the deck and patio, in the office, on the stairwell, in the bathroom…you name it, and I have likely found a coffee mug there. It’s a good thing we love collecting mugs from all of the places we’ve been. We need every one of them! How did I handle the mug issue? I am not really a coffee drinker so that was a challenge. (For the most part, coffee makes my heart race, and I prefer that only Bill makes my heart skip a beat!) He says that I am naturally caffeinated by God, and it takes Bill drinking three cups of coffee just to keep up with my energy. Believe me, he needs his cup of java! Here are some ways to help you love and live with your guy—even with his idiosyncrasies that drive you nuts!

encouragement / between

friends

Full Page Ad Tyndale House

I Kissed Quiet Times Goodbye by Shelly Esser

Email me! sesser@elmbrook.org

but it doesn’t come in the package of a quiet time. Am I saying, then, that there’s no need to spend regular time to study His Word and pray? Not at all. Actually, when you kiss your quiet times goodbye, you’ll likely want to spend more time doing those things. The difference now is that the box we’ve put God into is broken down in a way that removes barriers. And the enemy loves nothing more than to have us put our relationship with God into a box devoid of His love. Instead of a “quiet time” that measured my spirituality and relationship with God, my time with God has become ongoing throughout the day—and much more resembles Christ’s relationship with His Father in the gospels. I’m not separating my regular life from my spiritual life in a nice tidy box. I’m enjoying God and actually feel like He loves me—with no strings attached. Instead, I feel like that relationship is happening in real time, much like our human relationships. I think about Him and talk to Him all day long. It’s more in line with God’s will for us to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thess. 5:16-18). I no longer feel like all of heaven is going to rain judgment on me because I “miss” a quiet time. All day is a quiet time because it’s about being open to God, both listening

and talking to Him and allowing Him to break into my day whenever He chooses. It’s about keeping His Word before me in all kinds of ways throughout the day. It’s leaning into the Holy Spirit and letting His whispers speak to me unhindered. It really comes down to what Brother Lawrence talked about in his classic book, The Practice of the Presence of God: “There is not in the world a kind of life more sweet and delightful, than that of a continual conversation with God; those only can comprehend it who practice and experience it.” It’s not been an easy process to pry my heart from thinking my worth to God only comes through my “quiet times.” In fact, it’s been a long, painful process of missing out on God’s love because I was so busy trying to earn it. My worth to God comes from God Himself and has nothing to do with what I do or don’t do. After all, Romans 5:8 says, “While we were yet sinners Christ died for us.” If that isn’t a prescription for love, I don’t know what is. Based purely on love and grace that I don’t deserve but that has been freely lavished on me as His beloved. I can’t tell you the freedom that has come from kissing quiet times goodbye. No longer am I feeling shut off from God’s love because it was done out of duty. Now, the real love relationship has begun—and it’s pure sweetness and delight!

just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

Shelly Esser has been editor of Just Between Us for nearly 30 years. She and her husband have four adult daughters and a son-in-law, and live in Menomonee Falls, Wis.

I kissed quiet times goodbye. Did I get your attention? That’s a shocking admission from someone who has walked with the Lord for over 40 years. Now hear me out before you tune me out. Several years ago, I realized that much of my Christian life had fallen into the “earning God’s love” category. I was always the “good” girl growing up, doing the responsible thing, obeying my parents, being careful in love, and doing right by myself, others, and God. But that “doing right,” or what I believed to be doing right, left me in a loveless relationship with God on so many levels, because I thought I had to somehow earn God’s love—and it mostly centered around how good or bad of a job I was doing with my quiet times. That became the gauge of whether God would love me. Then things crashed. I went through a few seasons in my life where I could barely get myself out of bed in the morning and tackle the monumental daily tasks ahead of me, let alone fit in an hour-long quiet time (the length I was taught defined how spiritual I was). It didn’t happen—for days, and even for months. I felt like such a failure and was sure that God would somehow distance Himself from me. But just the opposite happened. My relationship with God didn’t fall apart, and God didn’t stop loving me like I thought He would. In fact, there were times I had never felt closer to Him as He walked with me so intimately in my darkness. It’s not about our quiet times when it comes to God loving us. Yes, He desires a close and growing relationship with us—He loves us deeply, He delights in us, He died to give us that incredible relationship,

Why Why Why Do Do Do Stories Stories Do Stories Matter Matter Matter Matter So So So Much? Much? So Muc Why WhyWhy Do DoStories Stories Stories Matter Matter So SoMuch? Much? Much?

Stories Stories Stories take take take people Stories people people from take from from people thinking thinking thinking from they they they thinking the Stories Storiestake takepeople peoplefrom fromthinking thinkingthey they have have have nothing nothing nothing have inincommon incommon nothing common to in torealizing to common realizing realizing to realizing have havenothing nothinginincommon commontotorealizing realizing they they they have have have plenty plenty they plenty to have toshare. toshare. share. plenty Through Through Through to share. Through they theyhave haveplenty plentytotoshare. share.Through Through stories, stories, stories, you you you find stories, find find out out out something you something something find outabout about something about about stories, stories,you youfind findout outsomething somethingabout about storytellers. storytellers. storytellers. storytellers. storytellers. storytellers. Stories Stories Stories ofofyour ofyour Stories your faith faith faith are ofare your are the the the most faith most most are the most Stories Storiesofofyour yourfaith faithare arethe themost most important important important stories stories important stories you you you can stories can can pass pass pass you onto onto onto can pass onto important importantstories storiesyou youcan canpass passonto onto your your your grandchildren. grandchildren. grandchildren. your grandchildren. - Tina - Tina - Tina Houser, Houser, Houser, author -author Tina author Houser, author your yourgrandchildren. grandchildren.- Tina - TinaHouser, Houser,author author

What What What will will will you What you you learn learn will learn with you with with learn Heirlooms Heirlooms Heirlooms with ?Heirlooms ?? ? What Whatwill willyou youlearn learnwith withHeirlooms Heirlooms ?? Importance Importance Importance ofof passing of Importance passing passing onon Heirlooms on of Heirlooms Heirlooms passing - passing on - passing - Heirlooms passing our our our- passing our Importance Importance of of passing passing on on Heirlooms Heirlooms passing passing our our story story story along along along toto our to story our our grandchildren grandchildren along grandchildren to our grandchildren story story along along toto our our grandchildren grandchildren

The The The impact impact impact ofof Grandparents of The Grandparents Grandparents impact of- Grandparents Grandparents - Grandparents - Grandparents are - Grandparents are are capacapacapa- are capaThe The impact impact of of Grandparents Grandparents Grandparents Grandparents are are capacapable ble ble ofof having of having having anan ble impact an impact of impact having inin many in many an many different impact different different inareas many areas areas ofdifferent of the of the the areas of the ble ble ofof having having an an impact impact inin many many different different areas areas ofof the the grandhildren’s grandhildren’s grandhildren’s lives grandhildren’s lives lives lives grandhildren’s grandhildren’s lives lives Special Special Special Granparent Granparent Granparent Special words words words Granparent - these - these - these words words words take take - these take onon aon words aa take on a Special Special Granparent Granparent words words these these words words take take on on a a completely completely completely different different different completely meaning meaning meaning different asas aas a Grandparent a Grandparent meaning Grandparent as a Grandparent completely completely different different meaning meaning asas aa Grandparent Grandparent How How How toto let to let the let the the scripture How scripture scripture to let speak speak the speak scripture - take - take - take aa step speak a step step back back -back take and and and a step back and How How to to let let the the scripture scripture speak speak take take a a step step back back and and follow follow follow what what what the the the scripture follow scripture scripture what is is telling the is telling telling scripture ususus is telling us follow follow what what the the scripture scripture is is telling telling usus just between us F A L L 2 0 1 9

Scriptures Scriptures Scriptures toto memorize to memorize Scriptures memorize - 12 -to 12 - verses 12 memorize verses verses that that that -are 12 are are important verses important important that are important Scriptures Scriptures to to memorize memorize 12 12 verses verses that that are are important important forfor all for all Grandparents all Grandparents Grandparents for all toGrandparents to remember to remember rememberto remember forfor allall Grandparents Grandparents toto remember remember

ToToTo order: order: order: 1-800-741-7721 1-800-741-7721 1-800-741-7721 To order: 1-800-741-7721 ororvisit orvisit visit ususus online online or online visit atatwarnerpress.org at us warnerpress.org warnerpress.org online at warnerpress.org ToToorder: order:1-800-741-7721 1-800-741-7721ororvisit visitususonline onlineatatwarnerpress.org warnerpress.org 48