by Lisa Elliott

IN THE PROCESS OF TIME

Discovering the gifts in waiting. by Lisa Elliott

It’s amazing how five simple words can change the way we approach life. Several years ago, a friend gave me five significantly life-changing, perspective-gaining, peace-attaining words as I was discerning God’s direction. These words come from Ex. 2:23, NKJV: “in the process of time.”

“[In the process of time] during that long period, the king of Egypt died. The Israelites groaned in their slavery and cried out, and their cry for help because of their slavery went up to God. God heard their groaning and he remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac and with Jacob. So God looked on the Israelites and was concerned about them” (Ex. 2:23-25). Meanwhile, back on the hillside, “Moses was tending his flock…and he led the flock to the far side of the wilderness and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. There the angel of the LORD appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush”… So Moses thought, “I will go over and see this strange sight… When the LORD saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush” (Ex. 3:1-4).

You may have heard it said that, “Life is not a destination, it’s a journey.” With that in mind, there are things that need to happen and pieces of the puzzle that need to be put into place in the process of time. The stage needs to be set and the players need to be where God wants them before the curtain rises. Events must take place that allow for God’s will to unfold in the process of time. A lot of things can transpire, a lot of life can be lived, and many valuable lessons can be learned in the process of time. Here are some of them: GOD IS A GOD OF PROCESS (PHIL.1:6). God is a God of perfect timing (Eccl. 3:11). Therefore, let’s celebrate the process and trust in His perfect timing—waiting in excited expectation and anticipation of the things God wants us to be, see, and experience in the process of time. “For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay” (Hab. 2:3). IT CHANGES OUR PERSPECTIVE. Processing things that have taken place in our lives allows us to make sense of some of God’s ways that didn’t make sense at the time. Hindsight is 20/20. “Those who wait upon the LORD will … mount up with wings as eagles” (Is. 40:31). IT GRANTS US PEACE. As we come to terms with and accept God’s perfect plan, He gives us a peace that allows us to rest and trust in Him. “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you” (Is. 26:3). IT MAKES THINGS CLEARER. Microscopes make small things bigger and telescopes make large things clearer. Often we get fixated on the minute details of our lives rather than seeing the God of the bigger picture. “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps” (Prov. 16:9). IT HELPS US ANALYZE, REALIZE, AND PRIORITIZE OUR DAY-TO-DAY ACTIVITIES. From time to time, it’s important to take inventory of our lives. “There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens: A time to keep and a time to throw away” (Eccles. 3:1, 6). “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matt. 6:33). IT REMINDS US OF GOD’S FAITHFULNESS. As we take time to reflect on God’s faithfulness in the past, God gives us hope for our future. “Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him’” (Lam. 3:21-24). IT ALLOWS THE NECESSARY PAUSE IN OUR LIVES FOR INNER HEALING TO TAKE PLACE, REST TO BE SAVORED, AND STRENGTH TO BE RESTORED. “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest” (Mark 6:31). “This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: ‘In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it’” (Is. 30:15). IT CAUSES US TO RESPOND IN A TIMELY AND GODLY FASHION RATHER THAN REACT TO LIFE’S CIRCUMSTANCES. “Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near” (Is. 55:6). “And David inquired of the LORD” (1 Sam. 30:8). IT GIVES THE LORD TIME TO PERFECT US AND TRANSFORM US INTO HIS IMAGE. “And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit” (2 Cor. 3:18). IT TEACHES US THE PERFECTING WORK OF PATIENCE. “Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (Jas. 1:4). “But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance” (2 Pet. 3:8-9). IT REFINES US. “In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed” (1 Pet. 1:6-7).

Lisa Elliott is a speaker and award-winning author of The Ben Ripple and Dancing in the Rain. She and her pastor-husband David live in Ottawa, Ontario. They have four adult children (three on earth, one in heaven), a son in law, and three grandchildren.

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25 just between us SPRING 2020

losing at the guilt game

As you learn to recognize and reject false guilt, you’ll find freedom! by Lisa T. Grimes

If guilt and worry were Olympic sports, I would be a gold medalist. I’d have defended my title for a few games. We know life is too short to be filled with guilt and worry, yet years of practice keep them around.

Who wants more guilt trips? No one! But that doesn’t stop us from heaping worry on top of guilt for a toxic concoction that can poison minutes or hours on any given day. Consider the effects of guilt and worry—stress, decreased self-esteem, fatigue, and unclear decision-making. Why is it easier to identify these saboteurs in others?

How do we stop this cycle? We’re going to be dealing primarily with guilt in this article. We need to first evaluate whether it’s true or false guilt. This can be tough, so there’s help. In Give Yourself A Break, author Debbie W. Wilson explains the difference. True guilt comes from doing wrong. God gave us consciences that “ding” when we sin, so that we can confess to Him and be cleansed.

False guilt arises over things for which we have no control. It can also be placed on us by others as a result of not meeting expectations placed on us or even created by us. Some people try to lay guilt trips on us to make themselves feel better.

Guilt never takes a day off. A British survey found that 96 percent of women feel guilty at least once a day and 50 percent up to four times a day. Satan wants us to feel guilty because it keeps us focused on ourselves. He wants us to feel guilty for being tempted, but being tempted is not sinning. When we don’t fall into temptation, yet feel guilty, that’s false guilt. Don’t count yourself guilty when you’ve done nothing wrong.

Here’s something to remember: if I didn’t create the issue or cause it, and I can’t change it, cut it off or cure it, then I shouldn’t let it control me. That’s the problem with guilt—it likes to control us.

We can’t wallow in guilt while resting in God’s peace; they’re mutually exclusive. When I feel guilty about something, like not working as late at the office as others, missing another soccer game, or speeding through my quiet time, I search Scripture for a word.

Romans 8:1, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” changed my world. I’m thrilled to say I’m no longer in contention for a medal. It only took one or two reminders—times a few hundred! God’s Word is truth, so when we apply it to guilt and worry, it works.

A “not guilty” verdict in court offers freedom. Not feeling guilty over something we didn’t cause offers us that same freedom. We focus less on ourselves, have a more positive outlook, think more clearly, and enjoy life more. Second Corinthians 3:17 states “Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” the abc’s of false guilt To overcome false guilt, I’ve implemented these ABC’s: accept authenticity I’ve learned to accept my authenticity as God’s gift to me. Bronnie Ware, in her memoir, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, shares the most heard regret while interviewing her patients: “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

Too often, we dwell on what we’re not—that’s tiring. To live our best life— not the one imagined for us or that we’ve fashioned in our minds—we need to embrace the way God individually wired us. This allows us to focus our energy on where we excel, not on our weaknesses. It helps us appreciate what we have, not what we’re missing.

we can’t wallow in guilt while resting in God’s peace; they’re mutually exclusive

build healthy boundaries Give yourself permission to say “No.” We don’t need to attend every function our children participate in, volunteer in the nursery every Sunday, or prepare a home-cooked meal every night.

Operate from a place of courage and confidence—not guilt—and don’t be shy about telling your coworkers when you have a family priority. “No” can simply be “No”—we don’t need to turn our “No’s” into confessionals. In fact, when we give too much information and come across as apologetic or seeking affirmation, we are allowing guilt to drive us.

Realize working the most hours doesn’t equal the greatest productivity. Work smartly. connect creatively Being a career mom forces creativity to connect with family and friends. When our first son was young, my job included routine travel, so I’d occasionally take him along. From my trips, he was allowed to choose the city he most wanted to visit that year, and our family would find a way to make mom’s travel an adventure!

riding the waves

Six steps to navigate the aftermath of crises with the ultimate life preserver. by Sylvia Schroeder

When the crisis is past, it can hit you between the eyes like a rogue wave.

I sat in the back row at church with my son and husband, glanced toward the exit, measuring its distance. My son stared at the river of tears washing my cheeks. My husband held my hand, but I couldn’t dam the flow.

My daughter’s condition was getting better, but I wasn’t. When my daughter Charity was diagnosed with a brain stem lesion, we barely could keep our heads above water. We surfed from one crisis to another. When the storm abated, we looked at the giant waves we’d been through and sensed their weight on top of us. We felt like we were sinking with wreckage floating around us.

Perhaps David felt that way when enemies surrounded him and his life was in jeopardy.

“Save me, O God! For the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in deep mire, where there is no foothold; I have come into deep waters, and the flood sweeps over me” (Ps. 69:1-3, NASB). After two years of medical institutions, everyone closest to our 26-year-old daughter was depleted in every way. Her husband and two little girls had lived with all the uncertainty and trauma. Each day seemed worse than the one before.

Despite a turn for the better, complete recovery would not come as we had hoped and prayed. We breathed relief as stability began to return. Still, it seemed our feet spun in the air. When circumstances move past the crisis, emotions don’t necessarily follow suit. The experience had been spiritually challenging, yet deeply intimate, but our experiences needed an outlet.

Emotions were raw, tears had no doors. They came and went, awake or asleep, no threshold barred. I feared them because I had no control. Weeping was as much a part of me as breathing. While I stayed near my daughter, my husband worked his job three hours away. “I can’t stop crying,” I told my husband over the phone. The crazy thing was, I really couldn’t. I went to sleep crying, cried in my sleep, and woke up from hearing myself cry.

“What if I die from not being able to stop crying?” my voice wobbled across the miles. Fear clutched my chest until it hurt. “Think about how much better she is,” he encouraged. Compared to the teeter-totter of life and death, things were looking up. However, in spite of deep gratitude and progress, I continued to unravel.

I needed to gain a foothold, something to help me climb out of a pit, so deep and dark I couldn’t see light at the top. I couldn’t will myself into a better spot. My husband and children seemed to handle what we had been through. They adjusted to the losses and changes, but I felt like I would never be anything, but broken.

Looking back, the process could have been helped by keeping these six steps in mind.

1 find someone to talk to

Processing grief and loss involves reviewing the details and digging into the mud, but verbalizing facts unravels the feelings underneath.

Hospitals and sickness became my entire life. While our daughter stabilized, emotional needs I’d held in check were insatiable. I felt like my friends were relieved things were looking up, and I didn’t want to bother them further. I was drowning in sorrow and didn’t know where to turn.

2 admit your spiritual need to walk together

Satan is not a gentleman. When you are at your weakest, Satan strikes like a lion at its prey (1 Pet. 5:8).

My husband and I longed for someone who had experienced suffering to walk with us, to let us voice the questions, doubts, and deep stirrings of faith without freaking them out. We had big questions and deep struggles, and they affected every aspect of our lives. Yet, in the darkness, God’s character revealed itself in ways we had never known. We devoured Scripture. We looked for someone who “got it” to disciple us through sorrow and growth, and point us to Jesus.

3 exchange the triggers

Everyone goes through grief differently.

A friend suggested I write down every time something made me cry. My list hit 100 with lightning speed. Everything made me cry. When my husband saw that list, a seedling of healing sprouted.

While he processed through music, it touched deep wounds in me. He sat long hours and scanned pictures of our daughter before the illness. Those pictures stabbed my heart like arrows. Together we searched for ways to replace sad triggers with hope triggers. We intentionally exchanged our hurt for praise. We worked to help each other process the grief, and it strengthened our marriage.

4 appreciate the need for sleep

Sorrow is exhausting.

The amount of sleep we got didn’t match the necessity. Life had changed forever for us. We were worn out in body and soul, but the battle wasn’t over. Our inner person required more than a good sleep; it longed for hibernation and nurture.

5 get moving

Hospital life is not healthy.

Hunched like an old lady in the hospital for months didn’t do much for my spirit or my body. Nutrition had little importance. Now, I needed to revitalize my whole person to bring vibrancy back into my life. I forced myself to take walks. I found it a precious connection with Jesus and the outside world.

6 expect it

I didn’t.

My recovery took time. For two difficult years, I thought if my daughter would be okay, I would be too. It wasn’t that simple. Life is complex. Don’t be surprised by the long haul, know it’s coming. Count on healing. It too will come.

As time passed, the residual effects tempered. In oceans of tears, we anchored ourselves in the Bible and held on tight to Jesus, our life preserver. Like a drowning person, for a long time, I found myself breaking through the deep waters for gulps of oxygen, feeling sun on my face, and then going down again.

David, in his desperation, cried out to God with the humility of a person submerged, but the trust of knowing Someone was able to save him. He looked forward to healing yet to come.

“Deliver me from the mire and do not let me sink; May I be delivered from my foes and from the deep waters. May the flood of water not overflow me nor the deep swallow me up, nor the pit shut its mouth on me. Answer me, O LORD, for Your lovingkindness is good; According to the greatness of your compassion, turn to me” (Ps. 69:14-16, NASB).

In the aftermath of a crisis, when we expect to feel better because the situation has improved, we may be shocked to find resiliency is gone. In that place, God is still Who He claims to be. His lovingkindness is good. He turns to us in the greatness of His compassion. He is able to calm troubled seas.

David declared hope. We can too. “I will praise the name of God with song and magnify Him with thanksgiving” (Ps. 69:30, NASB).

Sylvia Schroeder serves as Women’s Care Coordinator at Avant Ministries. Mom to four, grandma to 13, and wife to her one and only love, she enjoys writing about all of them. Find her blog at When the House is Quiet. Like her Facebook page or follow her on Twitter.

stargazing

How big is your God? by Debbie W. Wilson

just between us SPRING 2020 30 My teenaged heart awoke to God while lying on a dock staring at stars visible only to someone away from city lights. The smell of the marsh, the rhythmic lap of the river, and the chirping night symphony cast a spell that made me feel small, yet part of something magnificent. David surely felt this magic when he wrote, “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands” (Ps. 19:1).

Abraham also felt it. “For the Scriptures tell us, ‘Abraham believed God, and God counted him as righteous because of his faith’” (Rom. 4:3, NLT). Genesis says this happened while he gazed at the stars.

Abraham had just defeated four wicked kings to rescue his nephew Lot, and he’d given up his rightful monetary reward. Perhaps he worried these kings would seek retribution. Or, in hindsight, had he been foolish not to take his fair share of the booty? Maybe he was just worn out from battle. Whatever his state, God understood and said, “Don’t fear, Abraham. I am your great reward.” Now, if God spoke to you and said He was your great reward, how would you respond? Would you bow speechless and amazed? Would you leap for joy? Abraham said, “Sovereign Lord, what can you give me since I remain childless” (Gen. 15:2)? In other words, “What I want is a son.”

“What can you give me?” Whoa, Abraham. Don’t you know to whom you’re talking?

His reply reminds me of the little girl who prayed, “Thank you for the baby brother—but I prayed for a puppy.” God Cares About Our Deepest Longings Abraham wanted a son. Did his frankness offend God? No. Abraham and God were close. Abraham didn’t need to fake a pious response. God understood his disappointments and longings. In fact, God had initiated the idea of Abraham being a father (Acts 7:5).

God promised Abraham would indeed have a son who would be his own flesh and blood. Then God took him outside and said, “Now look toward the heavens, and count the stars, if you are able to count them. And He said to him, ‘So shall your descendants be.’ Then he believed in the LORD; and He reckoned it to him as righteousness” (Gen. 15:5–6, NASB). I picture a long pause as Abraham considered the starry hosts. Count the stars? Impossible! But Abraham continued to gaze into the heavens anyway. The cold lump of disappointment he’d carried melted as he watched new stars emerge. Belief warmed his core and spilled out in laughter and tears. Yes, he would become the father of many. The Creator, the One who spoke worlds into being, would do this.

stargazing

What has discouraged you or left you feeling powerless? Have you brought it to God? Maybe it’s time for a little stargazing. Impossible problems are no problem for a big God. The Strength of Weakness Not being able to get what we want with our own strength carries benefits. Abraham and Sarah couldn’t produce a son the natural way. They had to rely on God. Faith, not sight, kept their hope alive.

Which is the greater challenge for God: To create a child from a couple past childbearing age or to change a sinner into a saint? To heal a broken bone or to heal a broken heart? Nothing is “too hard for the Lord” (Gen. 18:14). It doesn’t matter if your challenge is physical, spiritual, or relational; the God of Abraham has the power to create something new.

As Abraham’s faith enabled him to have a son at age 100, our faith empowers us to “produce love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Gal. 5:22–23, NLT) and to make disciples through the Holy Spirit’s power (Acts 1:8). Faith keeps hope vibrant when circumstances appear hopeless.

Abraham’s faith grew stronger as his situation grew bleaker. It is as though he said, “Wow, God, this is going to be some miracle.” And it was.

Our inability to gain what we want can discourage us or refocus us. If something I want is not God’s will, then do I really want it? If it is His will, then can my helplessness stop God’s power? Instead of asking, “Am I able?” we ask, “Am I available?” Focusing on being available instead of on being able plants my trust in His ability—not my own.

Why would counting billions of stars help Abraham believe he would father a son? God gave Isaiah similar instructions. “Look up into the heavens. Who created all the stars? He brings them out like an army, one after another, calling each by its name. Because of his great power and incomparable strength, not a single one is missing” (Is. 30:26, NLT).

Notice the scene with Abraham again. “Now look . . . and count the stars, if you are able to count them.” Then Abraham “believed in the Lord.” Abraham began to count the stars and was overcome. Who was this who spoke to him? Nothing was impossible to the Creator of all of this. The New American Standard Bible says he believed in God, and God counted his faith as righteousness. The promise of a son was no longer remote when Abraham saw the size of God. The promise of great nations coming from an infertile couple was nothing to the Creator of the Milky Way.

In the end, God took Abraham’s weakness and turned it into a staggering promise. Not one heir, Abraham—billions.

“The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work

of his hands” (Ps. 19:1)

Have you been standing on a promise and things now look worse instead of better? Remember Abraham and let your impossible situation feed your faith. Life-giving power is released through faith in a big God.

Adapted from Little Faith, Big God. Used with permission.

Debbie W. Wilson is a Christian counselor, coach, and Bible teacher. She helps women enjoy grace-filled lives. Additionally, she is the author of Give Yourself a Break, Little Women, Big God; and Little Faith, Big God (Feb. 2020; see ad on page 13.) Debbie enjoys a good mystery, dark chocolate, and the antics of her two standard poodles. Find free resources to refresh your faith at debbieWwilson.com.