Summer 2019 by Just Between Us

E N C O U RA G I N G & E Q U I P P I N G W O M E N F O R A L I F E O F FA I T H Summer 2019

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Praying Boldly

by Stephanie Bartelt, pg 14

Creativity: Everybody Has It!

by Glenda Gordon, MSW, pg 18

24 Understanding the Seasons of Your Soul 27 Making Summer Holy

36 You’re Who God Says You Are 1

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28 I’m Tired of Being Afraid

A Free Parentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Guide to

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Approach social media with wisdom, moderation, and a desire to honor God through it

Use the coupon code: BETWEEN at axis.org/guides to download your free guide 2

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Welcome from the Editor

us for the very first time. We’re so glad you’re on this journey of faith with us! Author Susan Lawrence has written a compelling article on page 24 called “Soul Seasons.” She explores how most often the seasons of our souls don’t correspond with the seasons of the year. She’ll help us take a deeper look at the condition of our souls and how to discover the richness and purpose in every season—and how they prepare us for the next season. Along with that focus, is a wonderful piece called “Making Summer Holy” on page 27 by Becky Kiser. Becky doesn’t want us to take a vacation from God and neglect our souls this summer, so she helps us find a new rhythm for enjoying our time with Him. In honor of Mother’s Day, we have a couple of articles that will refresh your mother’s heart. In “Bless Your Own Heart” on page 30, Jane Rubietta takes us on a journey with her to soul care. She realized that she—and her family—were paying too high of a price while she neglected her soul. And JBU favorite, Elizabeth Murphy, sat down for our “Faith Conversations” interview on page 20, with two seasoned mother-in-laws to talk about how you navigate those tricky in-law relationships. So, sit down and pour your favorite refreshing drink and settle into this issue. When you’ve finished the last word, I hope you’ll feel like you’ve been on a mini-retreat and that the Lord has refreshed your soul no matter what season your soul is in. Jeremiah 31:25 says, “I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.” Until next time,

Shelly Esser has been the editor of Just Between Us for the last 29 years.

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Recently, one of our wonderful volunteers shared a comment from a reader of the magazine. She said, “I feel like I’ve been on a mini-retreat after I read an issue.” I couldn’t have summed it up better. And that’s what we want for you—to retreat into this issue—just you and the Lord—to let Him speak into your heart, strengthen your faith, and help you grow in your trust as you are reminded that, no matter what, He is absolutely trustworthy in every situation you are facing, just as He was in the past, and will be in the future. Think about this issue like a favorite refreshing summer drink (mine is Lemonade), letting God’s Word and Spirit quench the thirst of your parched soul. One of the things that retreats and summer have in common is the multitude of opportunities to refresh and renew us. As we change up our daily rhythms and replace them with a more relaxed and slower pace our frenzied souls have time to rest. When I think of summer I think of long bike rides on beautiful trails, walks in the summer sunshine, cookouts with special friends and families—all activities that can be refreshment for the soul and feel like a mini-retreat from the hustle and bustle of ordinary life. Opportunities abound to take in nature and let the beauty of God’s creation pour over our souls. Without even going to a formal retreat center, the canopy of lush trees along a wooded path intermittent with streams can become the mini-retreat your soul so desperately cries out for. And so can the pages of this magazine. I can’t wait for you to discover what God has for your soul in this issue, especially for those of you new to Just Between Us and joining

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Contents

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by Stephanie Bartelt

by Glenda Gordon, MSW

Even If… How to pray boldly and confidently especially when God says no.

E N C O U RA Summer 2019

QUIPPIN GING & E

H E O F FA I T FOR A LIF G WOMEN

by Susan Lawrence

Bless Your Own Heart Reclaim the blessings in your life and thrive as you take care of you! by Jane Rubietta

org

Praying B oldly

Bartelt, pg 14

Creativity: y EverybodIt Has ! by Glenda

, pg Gordon, MSW

ding 24 Understan the Seasons of Your Soul 27 Making Summer Holy

2019

of 28 I’m Tired Being Afraid God 36 You’re Who Says You Are

ER us S U M M just between

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Soul Seasons Finding purpose in the different seasons of your life.

etweenus. www.justb

by Stephanie

Moving Beyond Pinterest Recognizing your creative self. Everybody is creative!

24 30

FOR SUBSCRIPTIONS call toll-free 800-260-3342, or visit our website justbetweenus.org. From Canada call 262-786-6478.

Letting Go of Labels A look at Rahab the prostitute will remind you that the only label that matters is the one God gives you. by Christy Fay

Join Pam Tebow to uncover the God-inspired difference only you can make in the world.

“The impact Mom had on me and my brothers and sisters is almost indescribable . . . As you read this, you’ll be encouraged that God can use you, no matter what season you’re in, to affect those around you.” —From the foreword by TIM TEBOW

Pam Tebow never expected her family’s name to be known around the world. For most of her life, she served quietly and faithfully as a wife and a mom. But her consistent, everyday choices to follow God started creating unexpected ripples of influence throughout her family, her community, and her world.

In Ripple Effects, Pam shares what she’s learned on the journey. JOIN HER AS SHE . . . • reveals the ways she intentionally taught her kids to develop strong character and faith

DON’T SETTLE FOR LESS THAN WHAT YOU WERE CREATED FOR .

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• explores the unique and powerful influence you can have on those around you, no matter where you are planted in life Pam Tebow travels and speaks across the country, encouraging audiences to use the incredible influence God has given them to eternally impact their world. She has appeared on Good Morning America and has won national awards for her ministry work. She and her husband, Bob, live in Florida and have five grown children and eight grandchildren.

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Maximize your God-given opportunities for influence—and watch how far your life’s ripples will spread.

• gives an inside look at how she survived her own most challenging life seasons

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Contents

CREDITS Founder/ Executive Editor Jill Briscoe

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Editor Shelly Esser General Manager Mary Perso

Assistant Editor Suzan Braun Web Director Mary Ann Prasser Editorial Assistants Aubrey Adams Carol Becwar Constance B. Fink Gayle Gengler Betty Hinds Cherry Hoffner Melinda Papador Jen Symmonds Susan Vanselow Ronnie Wendt

I N S P I R AT I O N Welcome Letter

Between You and Me Joni’s Corner

Bits & Pieces

Living with Purpose

Art Director Kelly Perso

Transparent Moments

Circulation Manager Suzan Braun Web Debbie Wicker Renewals Manager Nancy Krull Marketing Julie Santiago Director of Mission Advancement/ Social Media Ashley Schmidt Subscriptions Rebecca Loesche Julie Matthews Mary Richards Lin Sebena Software Support Rebecca Loesche Photographers Wayde Peronto/ Babboni Photography

Advisory Board Anita Carman Pam Farrel Judy Briscoe Golz Nancy Grisham Pam MacRae Elizabeth Murphy Jackie Oesch Stephanie Seefeldt

ADVERTISING Ellie Dunn For more information call 856.582.0690 ext. 2# or email ellie@carldunn.com.

27 F E AT U R E S

20 FA I T H C O N V E R S AT I O N S Growing in Love Together Changing the heart of the mother-in-law/daughter-inlaw relationship. just between us S U M M E R 2 0 1 9

by Elizabeth Murphy 20

How to Make Summer Holy It’s so easy to take time off from spending time with God once summer hits. Discover how you can keep connected through the summer. by Becky Kiser 27

I’m Tired of Being Afraid Learning to trust in God’s character when fear creeps into your life. by Debbie W. Wilson 28

Did She Really Just Say That… Relying on God’s wisdom and grace when responding to people’s unkind comments. by Shelley Pierce 32

Trusting God When the Worst Happens One woman’s journey of trust through four cancer diagnoses. by Tamara Windahl 34

An Unlikely Calling How God used heartache in one woman’s life to uncover His plan for reaching single women. by Laurie Beyer 38

The Deeper Life

The Homefront

Between Friends

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Between You and Me “It is my conviction that we often don’t need to learn anything new—we just need to be reminded of what we know very well already!” And so we went back to the basics and reminded ourselves of the essentials of being “a spring whose waters never fail.” Reflecting on this, I took myself to “the steps of my soul.” This was worth “a conversation” with the Lord, don’t you think? “So Lord, You mean I need to take some sort of action to stay fresh?” “You already know that, Jill. Remember, I am the water of life. Come often to this knowledge in your mind.” “I need to soak my mind in the Scriptures? To refresh myself?” “Yes.” “I can do that!” “Do it then.” “Then what?” “Overflow!” “How do I do that?” “Keep your heart and mind refreshed in My Spirit, and filled to overflowing. Just live your life taking care of business, Jill, and see what happens!” “Yes!” “Let’s go!” I read His Word and prayed, letting Him freshen my mind and fill my soul, and then walked into a dry and dreary world to overflow and bless others. What better time to refresh your soul and become a spring whose waters never fail than through these summer months. Blessings,

Excerpted from Barefoot in My Heart, © 2011 by Jill Briscoe, Monarch Books. Jill Briscoe is the Founder and Executive Editor of Just Between Us. She is also a popular author and international speaker living in suburban Milwaukee, Wis., with her husband Stuart.

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Keeping Spiritually Vibrant and Fresh I was on a plane returning from ministry in the UK and Germany. About 150 women had gathered in Stuttgart for a four-day conference. They were Christian leaders from many different nations—many whom I had served with in the past. It was a great encouragement to hear the way God had used them in their different service opportunities. We met in the international church, where a great speaker I’d met in Singapore years ago had convened the meetings for those who wanted to know how to better grow their ministries. How could they better evangelize different cultures and then disciple and train them to disciple others? How could they better reach and rescue trafficked women, the handicapped and mentally challenged, and find ways to work with women of very diverse cultures and religions? These women were key in their ministries already, but they came to learn how to be better at what they did for the Lord, and they all came to renew and refresh their own hearts. When you are giving out and giving out, you need to pause in order to replenish your own soul. The privilege was mine to bring the plenary message. It was a real blessing to me, but then, “… he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed” (Prov. 11:25)! The interesting part of it to me was that what they asked me to address was not something new or deep, or some modern, clever method of evangelism or mission strategy, but rather, “How can we stay fresh and vital in our relationship with Christ so we can bless others?” And so we went back to the basics and reminded ourselves of the essentials of being “a spring whose waters never fail.” “How do you do that over the long haul?” they asked me. “What keeps you going, Jill? How can we finish strong?” It is my conviction that we often don’t need to learn anything new—we just need to be reminded of what we know very well already! If we all got back to the basics—knowing and loving Christ—we could each become formidable for Christ and His cause. In other words, each of us just needs to “take care of business”—to continue the holy work of maintaining our relationship with God and keeping our faith vibrant and fresh.

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Joni’s Corner

heart-to-heart with Joni Eareckson Tada

Email me! response@ joniandfriends.org.

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Visit my site! joniandfriends.org

Cancer…Again! After my battle against stage 3 cancer in 2010, I was declared cancer-free five years later, but now it’s back. The same cancer—this time, more aggressive and faster-growing. We discovered it by accident when my doctors ordered a scan to explore my back pain. No one was more surprised than my husband Ken and me when the scan showed a tumor on my chest wall. I went through immediate surgery, started drug therapy, and just completed a rigorous regimen of radiation. Finally, I am able to catch my breath…and I’m tired. But so happy. From the beginning, I held fast to Psalm 112:1, 6-8: “How joyful are those who fear the Lord…Such people will not be overcome by evil…They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them. They are confident and fearless and can face their foes triumphantly.” I feel like a “scarred veteran, a believer who has visited the extremes,” as Eugene Peterson described the apostle Paul. Normally, I would not put myself in the same class as an apostle, but I do know something about scars and visiting the extremes of chronic pain and aging through 52 years of quadriplegia. “Paul knows that what God has done within him is far more important and lasting and real than anything that could be

done to him,” Peterson goes on to say. I agree. What God is doing within my heart, and my husband Ken’s, is far more important and lasting than anything that could be done to us. This entire battle, this whole journey, is all about bringing glory to God. I know I’m glorifying God because He is changing me. I’m not the same Joni I was before this new cancer. I know, I feel, I sense I am becoming more like Jesus. Cancer is not dictating who I am; it’s merely refining who I am. Nothing is more invigorating than knowing that God commandeered this battle so I might demonstrate my loyalty to Him—all for the benefit of those watching and to the glory of God. Some Christian friends don’t see it that way. Cancer, on top of pain and decades of quadriplegia? To them, it seems as though God is doing me more harm than good. I agree there are countless references in Scripture telling us that God will only do us good, and no harm—such as Jeremiah 32:41 and Psalm 84:11. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “I know the plans I have for you… plans not to harm you, but to help you; to give you hope and a future.” These friends wonder, Doesn’t God see how cancer is harming your already weak body and fragile lungs? Yes, cancer is the dark, driving rain of God’s sovereignty. There are many things about it that harm the body, but the sunshine of God’s sovereignty warms the soul, cultivating depth of faith. A strong and seasoned wisdom, the proving of one’s testimony, profound peace, rock-solid convictions, and iron-fisted trust come from walking through that val-

ley of the shadow of death. This is the “good” God is talking about in those Bible verses. He knows that with His grace, awful things ultimately produce good in one’s soul. God is always interested in the well-being of the soul, more than He is the body. This cancer is doing good for the souls of others, too. I’m looking at this battle through the lens of Genesis 50:20 when Joseph said to his wicked brothers, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good…the saving of many lives.” I like that—our suffering can be a platform for the saving of many lives—our oncologists, their nurses, lab technicians, or other professionals we see at the clinic. May they all come to Christ as Ken and I share our stories! Cancer may be bad news, but it need not be feared. If this cancer is to change me, glorify Him, and bring others to His side, then I can welcome it as a friend. Join me in embracing the purposes God has for you in your affliction! Joni Eareckson Tada, the founder of Joni and Friends International Disability Center, is an advocate for people with disabilities, providing Christ-centered programs for special-needs families through retreats. She has also delivered over 100,000 wheelchairs and Bibles to disabled people in developing nations. Her new daily devotional, A Spectacle of Glory, contains fresh biblical insights from her battle with cancer and chronic pain. Joni also serves as general editor of the new Beyond Suffering Bible, a special edition published by Tyndale for those who suffer chronic conditions, and their caregivers. She and her husband, Ken, live in Calabasas, Calif.

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The WAR Chest Boutique is the retail arm of the nonprofit organization Women At Risk, International. WAR, Int’l exists to create circles of protection around women and children, whispering worth and hope into their lives. WAR, Int’l creates safe places for women and children rescued from many risk issues, including human trafficking and sexual slavery.

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Bits & Pieces

for everyday faith and life

Summer Soul Dates Make time for soul dates through the summer. What are soul dates? They are times you intentionally spend renewing your soul and getting true rest. They can look different each time. Sometimes I just need to be still, other times being at the beach or doing something creative energizes me. Figure out what energizes you and what quiets your soul when the noise gets too loud. Schedule times to be still and carve out times to get away. • Walk along the beach. • Go to that favorite coffee shop.

Trusting in God’s Character The practice of reminding ourselves of the character of God when we walk through the challenges of life creates the foundation for a steady and strong faith. Here are a few characteristics of God to pray through, meditate on, and carry with you as you go through your day. • God is Loving. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life”(John 3:16). • God is Faithful and Righteous. “Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lam. 3:22-23). • God is Powerful and Mighty. “When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them” (Ps. 8:3-4). • God is Sovereign and Just. “I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted” (Job 42:2). ~Aubrey Adams

• Read a good book and savor every word. • Take a social media fast. • Walk or hike early in the morning. • Listen to music.

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• List 10 things to be grateful for right now. • Cook yourself a simple meal and take the time to enjoy every bite. Excerpted from Cheri Liefeld’s website Inspiring Women to Find Freedom in Christ (cheriliefeld.com).

Write Us! Please send your short (250 words or less) snippets to: submissions@ justbetweenus.org.

Words of Wisdom “Trust always operates in the present tense. Hope looks toward the future. Trust looks to the present. Hope expects. Trust possesses. Trust receives what prayer acquires. So, what prayer needs, at all times, is abiding and abundant trust.” ~E.M Bounds

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” ~Martin Luther King Jr.

“Don’t ask God to guide your steps if you’re not willing to move your feet.” ~Unknown

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Living with Purpose a life that matters with Jennie Allen

Visit my sites! jennieallen.com ifgathering.com

Believe Jesus We begin by really believing Jesus—that He alone will satisfy us if we trust Him. We get alone with Him. We pour out our heart before Him. We get in His Word and we

soak in it, memorize it—we drink from it. We ask, seek, and knock.

Participate in the Church We also jump fully into our local churches to receive the grace Jesus wants to give us there. We receive biblical teaching and pursue authentic community. We decide to be honest about our struggles, and stop pretending and performing. And we force ourselves out of our own discouraged heads by serving others. Abide in Jesus We abide in Jesus. That’s what the thirsty world out there needs—not impressive people, but to see an impressive God. Your neighbors are going through divorces, the death of children, the effects of abuse, and many hope for what only God can do for them. You can take God to them. It’s what we were built for; it’s what our gifts are for. Don’t worry about size, numbers, or reach. The biggest things happen face-to-face, around tables, in living rooms, and in neighborhoods. We need to give up trying to measure up. What we really need is to be filled up. Apart from Jesus, we can do nothing (John 15:5). Nothing can stand against the force of God moving through a soul completely in love with Him. Jennie Allen is a Bible teacher, author, and the founder and visionary of IF: Gathering. Additionally, she is the author of Restless, Anything, and her most recent book, Nothing to Prove. Her Bible studies include Stuck, Chase, Restless, and Proven. Jennie has a master’s in biblical studies from Dallas Theological Seminary and lives in Dallas, Tex., with her husband, Zac, and their four children, Conner, Kate, Caroline, and Cooper.

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Rhythms of Grace “Mom, I feel like everywhere I look, I am not measuring up.” My 14-year-old daughter, Kate, sat beside me as we drove through Austin, running a few errands. I was disturbed by what she said. Kate is bright, likable, and easygoing. Why was she feeling like she was losing? Ironically, one day earlier, I sat with my ministry teammates in a conference room and cried, saying almost the same words, “I feel like I’m not enough.” I listened as nearly every teammate said the same thing. What is this? Why do we feel like we are not measuring up? I have the privilege of encouraging and serving women around the world, and I’ve found that so many are tired and thirsty just like us. The question I hear more than any other is, “I want to please God—how do I know what He wants from me?” Does that sound familiar? As Kate and I drove down that Austin highway, three words came to my mind: “rhythms of grace.” She pulled up a paraphrase of Matt. 11:28–30, which reads, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me— watch how I do it. Learn the unforced

rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Kate looked at me as if I’d just handed a parched person a glass of cold water. “Mom, what are ‘unforced rhythms of grace’?” They are found in John 15, where Jesus tells us to stop trying to be vines and learn to be branches. He’s the vine, and we’re meant to live out of His abundance. It’s as if He says, “Listen, your work is to stick near to Me, abide in Me, pray to Me, soak in My words, and love Me. All you need to be is a little, dependent branch; I will make you bear fruit.” Yes, Jesus has a big mission for us, but He will cause the big part to happen. He says to us, “I’m going to give Myself to you in the form of the Holy Spirit, and then you’re going to go out, and I will grow fruit through you.” Jesus has a remedy for our emptiness, our fatigue, our inadequacies, our sin: “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water’” (John 7:37–38). Do you hear what Jesus is saying? Keep coming back to Me and I will keep satisfying you. And out of that life with Me, you will overflow and bring life to others. How do we do that?

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Transparent Moments breakthrough insights with Anita Carman

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Visit my site! inspirewomen.org

Building Ministry Teams When I was in corporate America, I recruited members to my team based on their resumes. Once on the team, each individual was given concrete goals they were rewarded for or released based on their performance. In ministry, I’ve found it impossible to set the same type of goals when God sends the team on a mission that requires divine intervention. Likewise, the same types of performance assessments don’t always apply when undertaking a God-sized mission. When Moses parts the Red Sea, he’s not being assessed on whether he came up with the correct strategy or whether he made his goal in one month. What God required from Moses was faith and obedience. In the same way, I find that in leading ministry teams, the most important question I must begin with is whether God has called someone to join the team’s mission as a co-laborer. During the interview process, I listen for details in their stories that evidence a journey with the Holy Spirit and a connection with our cause. Were there incidents where the Spirit transformed their trust in themself to waiting on the Lord and trusting in His strength? Does the interviewee have a history of relationships with other co-laborers I am already familiar with and trust? I believe God often uses those that we

know to expand our influence, in the same way that God used Barnabas to introduce Saul to the disciples. I also try to understand the interviewee’s metaphor for ministry, and I try to anticipate how their viewpoint will fit in on the team. For example, some people see ministry as a hospital. Their focus is on restoring the brokenhearted and binding up the wounded. They are convinced that true spirituality is when you turn your attention inward to feed your own flock and tend to their needs. Others view ministry as a spiritual military where the goal is to advance God’s kingdom on earth. They are convinced that true spirituality is when a wounded warrior gets up as quickly as possible and rejoins his comrades in battle. Instead of arguing whose model is more spiritual, I’ve learned to appreciate that all models bring God glory, and teams can benefit from the combined gifts of members having different models for ministry, even if each member must be united under the same mission. Corporate America encourages competition and advocates ranking individuals, rewarding only the ones who reach their goals. One confusion I’ve seen in ministry is, that even though God brings the results, all too often only the members who actually brought in the results are rewarded. Could it be that when the whole mission is successful, everyone deserves praise? Even though one person’s area may evidence greater results, all who were obedient to God’s call and diligent should be rewarded too. In a God-sized mission, there are many variables beyond our control.

We don’t make anything happen; we simply step into what is happening. I find the best way to encourage a ministry team with members who are committed to God’s cause is to celebrate the victory together and to share the blessings together. In corporate America, employees have a tendency to think more highly of themselves than how the organization views them. Most have been conditioned or trained to highlight themselves. In ministry, I have found that those surrendered to God’s service tend to decrease so God can increase. It’s my responsibility as a leader to know each sheep by name, observe each individually, and bless those who have served faithfully. I always tell my team, “Give God your best every day, so you will have no regrets. Finish each year with a heart that lays your labor at God’s feet as your worship.” Although as the leader, I look at where we landed to plan for the future, I don’t assess each person on the team based on results we can’t control, but based on their commitment and diligence. I look for their faith and perseverance. Give me those qualities, and I will give you a team that can take any hill! Anita Carman is the Founder and President of Inspire Women, an organization that inspires women across ethnicities, denominations, and economic levels to discover God’s purpose. It also funds biblical resources and scholarships to train women for missions and ministry. She has an MBA and completed graduate level studies at Dallas Theological Seminary. Anita is the author of Transforming for a Purpose and A Daughter’s Destiny. She lives in Houston, Tex., with her husband. They have two sons.

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EVEN IFâ&#x20AC;Ś Praying boldly with confidence and surrender.

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by Stephanie Bartelt

“And the Lord said, ‘Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night?’” (Luke 18:1-7). God loves us enough that He wants us to keep coming to Him and presenting our pain and our needs, even though He already knows them. When I was younger, I believed He would just say “Yes” to anything I asked, if I was living in His will. Maybe it would take a while, but He would always come through. I just didn’t understand that coming through didn’t necessarily look like I thought it should. I remember the moment I first learned this hard truth. The moment I knew in my heart that my dad wasn’t going to live.

He doesn’t ask us to only pray for others or to only pray for our daily needs. He wants us to come boldly. Asking for daily needs, but also praying big prayers, life-changing prayers, world-changing prayers. He asks us to bring all kinds of prayers and requests to Him. He wants to know us intimately. I had prayed with such confidence. My dad was a thoroughly good man. He lived with integrity. He was always aware of the outcast and those in need, and he did what he could to help them. Without hesitation. He was a year or so away from retiring and was planning to lead short-term mission trips, like so many he had gone on before. Then he got cancer. I knew God would heal him. I had no doubt. I was so excited for the glory God would get when the cancer was miraculously gone. However, something cracked the moment I realized that God’s will wasn’t the same as mine. This God I had believed in so thoroughly, for so long, wasn’t Who I thought He was. I didn’t yet realize that He is truly so much more.

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Do you ever get weary of praying the same prayer over and over again? I sure do. Sometimes I wonder if I should just leave it all to God, and stop asking Him to meet needs and fulfill dreams, even if I think they are in His will. But so many times in the Bible, God tells us to come boldly to Him, to present our needs to Him believing and knowing that He will answer. He teaches us to ask persistently, without giving up. “Pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints” (Eph. 6:18). “Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Heb. 4:16 [emphasis mine], NKJV). He doesn’t ask us to only pray for others or to only pray for our daily needs. He wants us to come boldly. Asking for daily needs, but also praying big prayers, life-changing prayers, world-changing prayers. He asks us to bring all kinds of prayers and requests to Him. He wants to know us intimately. While He already knows our hearts and our thoughts, when we bring every single prayer to Him, we are drawn closer to Him. This opening of our hearts changes us and our relationship with God. I have an emergency code with my best friend. If I need her immediately and she doesn’t answer her phone, I know how to reach her. I just have to call a second time. If I call twice in a row, she will leave anything she is doing to answer. She will literally walk out of a board meeting to answer my call. Who is that friend you can call at three in the morning, and she’ll answer? God wants to be that friend. The One you go to first—no matter what. He wants to know us even more than those friends do, and our constant conversations with Him are how we get there. Then Jesus said to them, “Suppose you have a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread; a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have no food to offer him.’ And suppose the one inside answers, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is already locked, and my children and I are in bed. I can’t get up and give you anything.’ I tell you, even though he will not get up and give you the bread because of friendship, yet because of your shameless audacity he will surely get up and give you as much as you need (Luke 11:5-8). “Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: ‘In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared about men. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’” “For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care about men, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually wear me out with her coming!’”

Since that day, there have been many more prayers that have been answered with a “No.” And they, too, have been life changing. “Lord, please save my marriage” was met with a “No.” “Lord, please provide work,” was met with a “Wait and trust Me.” These answers have made me struggle with what God wants from me in prayer. Why am I asked to pray confidently and boldly, when I can’t always know His will, which is so much greater than mine? How am I to pray confidently, believing that He will say “Yes!” when I know full well He could say a resounding “No”?

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God loves us enough that He wants us to keep coming to Him and presenting our pain and our needs, even though He already knows them. I finally brought it up to my Bible study group. I asked the question and held back my tears. I just didn’t understand and I wanted to pray the way God wants me to pray. And truthfully, I would like some more yeses. Who wouldn’t? One of the women led me to the passage in Luke 11 and reminded me how many times God tells us to keep asking. Another one suggested that I turn the question back to God. So finally, after all these years of struggling with this issue, I took it to the Lord. I asked Him to make sense of this for me. To give me the ability to understand even just a fragment of what He meant. Here is what He gave me: Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego’s standoff with King Nebuchadnezzar, who was about to throw them into the fiery furnace. “Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego replied to him, ‘King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and He will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if He does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up’” (Dan. 3:16-18). He will deliver us. Absolute confidence. But if not. Absolute surrender. We are supposed to bring all of our concerns to God and be confident that He will deliver us. And we are supposed to surrender our will to Him so completely that we can have peace if and when He says, “No.” This is such a tall request for a human heart and mind. To fully believe for the answer we are praying for, yet be fully satisfied in a “No.” The only way I know to even try to live this out is to be constantly growing closer in our relationship with Christ: being fully devoted to Him, watching Him work in our lives, and recognizing it as Him. And finally, choosing trust. Even if. Stephanie Bartelt is a single mom, who co-leads the single mom’s ministry at her church. Additionally, she is currently writing a book to help single moms find hope. Stephanie lives in Delafield, Wis. Read her blog at loveunrationed.com and find her on Facebook at facebook.com/loveunrationed.

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Moving Beyond

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Creativity is so much more than crafts, home dĂŠcor, and adorable treats. by Glenda Gordon, MSW

I don’t know why I’m surprised, but I have met a lot of women who think they’re not the creative type. “I’m not a girly-girl, I’m not creative,” some of them have said. When I ask what they mean by that, they’ll say things like, “I hate doing crafts,” or “I’m not Joanna Gaines,” “I can’t decorate anything,” or “I’m no cook. I’d eat out every night if I could.” If only these women knew how much God had placed in them, so they could be creative! Creativity is so much more than crafts, home décor, and gourmet meals. Because we have limited our understanding of what creative means, we can’t find it in ourselves. Scientists haven’t even fully figured out what it is. The Bible teaches that God expresses Himself to us and through us in a variety of ways. His creativity—or ours— is not limited to making perfect Christmas sugar cookies or having a Better Homes and Gardens model home. If these types of activities were the only measures of creativity, nearly all of us would be in trouble. And He has not stingily meted out a tiny bit of His creativity to just a few artsy-craftsy-Pinteresty kinds of women and relegated the rest of us girls to a boring and mentally monochromatic existence. Our God is a creative God. He expressed that once He made the whole universe. He lives inside us. From the vista of our hearts, He delights to continue expressing His creativity in and through us. Here are five ways He does this:

Corinthians 5:17 says that when we are born again, we become new creations; literally, something new that has never existed before. People like artists, inventors, musicians, dancers, cooks, marketers, and other creative specialists are lumped into this category. However, they are not the only ones who innovate. When someone sees a new angle, arrangement, result, or variation for an existing item or situation, that is also innovation. A case in point: A German housewife named Melitta Bentz got tired of the gritty coffee grounds that ended up in her coffee every morning from ceramic and metal filters. She began experimenting with her son’s notebook blotting paper and poking holes in the bottom of a brass cup. She eventually perfected a product that she was able to patent in 1918 and formed the Melitta Bentz Company. Today we can enjoy tasty coffee without grounds, thanks to her. If you can find a variation of something that already exists, not just come up with something completely new—you are creative.

1 Problem solving. One measure of creativity is the ability to perceive and solve problems. God loves to solve problems. Remember when God allowed the Egyptians to chase the fledgling Hebrew nation to the shores of the Red Sea? While the Israelites were crying out, He was already moving toward them with a smile and a solution. When no one could see a way out, it was nothing for Him to part the sea and let His people run across dry land while He held the bad guys back. Your brain might start ticking off solutions as soon as you see a problem. The ability of moms to coordinate multiple schedules, help their children do a science project, and relieve their children’s boredom during summer break and long trips are legendary. If you love the challenge of solving problems, whether at work, church, or home, you are being creative.

4 Conceiving and generating multiple solutions. God loves variety. He loves to show off. We are wowed by the endless and dazzling variety of flowers He has created. He has no end to the types of solutions He crafts for each person’s problems. How many ways did God tell His generals like Joshua and David to approach a battle? How many different ways did Jesus heal people? If you can conceive and generate multiple solutions for a single situation, there’s no getting around it—you’re creative. 5 Meeting a need. A final measure of creativity is to encounter a need and meet it. You know how God loves to help people by meeting needs. He loved to address impossible situations, like healing the woman with the 18-year hemorrhage and feeding a group of 20,000 people with a little boy’s lunch, calling a fisherman to walk on water, and raising a dead son back to life for his widowed mom. It takes great faith to see how God could intervene in an impossible situation. But, when you love someone, you will go to great lengths to meet their needs—just like God does. Do you know how many ministries and organizations exist today due to someone following the creative Spirit of God to meet a need? Just look around at your city, state, country, and world, and you will have a small idea of the creative length God will go to meet needs. He loves to show off

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2 Innovation. This is what many people think of when they think of creativity: doing something completely new and different. Second

3 Envisioning and initiating potential. Another measure of creativity is the ability to see and initiate potential. God can transform anything and anyone because He knows what He placed inside of each person that He has ever called into existence. Remember what happened when Moses was born, and his mother Jochebed saw how beautiful he was and knew she had to hide him? She was purposeful in hiding him in the river very near where it was known that the princess of Egypt often came to bathe. Jochebed coaxed out the potential in her baby’s future. In the same way, it’s our joyful duty to see that same potential in others and coax it into visibility. Anyone working with people—teachers, nurses, social workers, coaches, moms, friends, neighbors, ministry leaders—has the privilege of spying that potential in another human being and inviting it out of them to a glorious reveal. If you love to see the potential in another person and work to develop it, you are creative.

Growing in Love Together Changing the heart of the mother-in-law/ daughter-in-law relationship.

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by Elizabeth Murphy

faith conversations

Say the word “mother-in-law” to any group of women and the reactions will be mixed.

Andrea Evans (left) and Janie Putman (right)

JBU: What inspired your quest for a better understanding of the relationship between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law? Andrea: When I came home from the Christmas trip where I didn’t want to see my mother-in-law, I wanted to know why. As I prayed and cried before the Lord, I felt Him say, “study it,” so I did. At the time, there was very little information about this topic, so I decided to talk to my friends. Janie had been there so I knew I could learn a lot from her. We wanted to know if others were struggling the same way we were so we put together a “20 Questions for Daughter-in-Laws” questionnaire and sent it out to 200 friends and acquaintances asking for their input. Some of the questions were things we were curious about between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship and some addressed specific struggles. The questionnaire is actually part of the book so we don’t forget what it was like to be a daughter-in-law. Janie: We mailed them out. Amazingly, we got back 187 of the 200. It was a response we never expected. You could see from the writing that women pressed hard as they wrote, and did they ever write! Andrea: Because this was always on my mind, I asked my friends, “How’s your mother-in-law relationship and, before I could finish the question, they would practically roar! It became very clear that there was a lot of emotion attached to this relationship. Janie: The women who responded ranged in age from early 20s to one particular woman in her 80s. I remember her because one of the questions was, “Do you think your mother-in-law thinks you made her son happy?” and this 80-year-old woman answered, “I’ve never felt that way. I never knew and I’ve always wondered.” Andrea: That made me so sad. I didn’t want to live with regret and find myself looking back on my life and relationships, knowing that I could

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A few will smile, but most will grit their teeth and furrow their brow. Thirty years ago, Andrea Evans was a wife trying to muster up some joy for the annual Christmas trip to visit her husband’s family. For the first time in their nearly 20-year marriage, Andrea was reluctant to go, which left her husband, Max, feeling frustrated and hurt. The problem: her relationship with Max’s mom— her mother-in-law. Sure, they were respectful of each other, but there was also a competitive spirit. Andrea desperately wanted that to change, but how? It all seemed so difficult. Andrea’s friend, Janie Putman was one of the few who had experience with this relationship because her motherin-law lived with her during the early years of her marriage. Andrea wanted to learn from Janie. Together, they followed God’s lead and began a journey into the complicated mother-in-law/ daughter-in-law relationship. With their experiences and the information they had, they cowrote their book, A Change of Heart, along with friend Margaret Miller, so other women would not feel alone like they did. Andrea and Janie were passionate about improving and strengthening this lifelong relationship because at the time, it was rarely discussed and there were no resources. A Change of Heart, which includes an eight-week Bible study on the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship is the material Andrea and Janie have used to lead small groups at their church for nearly 20 years. They say of their class, “If you’ve ever felt misunderstood, experienced feelings of bitterness or resentment as a mother-in-law or a daughter-inlaw, if you long to become a fairer, more forgiving and compassionate woman, open this book and be prepared for A Change of Heart.” They began this journey as Bible study friends and like-minded daughters-in-law. Now they’ve come full circle and are mothers-in-law committed to helping women improve both sides of this very important relationship. Their focus: “If your

mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship is difficult, we can offer hope; if yours is great, we can learn from you.” Andrea and Janie have a deep love for Jesus, the only One who can truly change a heart, and for women who long to love as He did. Recently, JBU had the privilege of sitting down with Janie and Andrea to talk about their passion for experiencing the very best relationship possible.

faith conversations

have done better. When we got the surveys back, we felt like God had opened a door for us and given us what we needed to help ourselves and others with this relationship. The number of responses and the intensity of the answers showed us that women really were interested and for the first time they felt like they were given a place to talk about it.

JBU: What did you discover as women began to share? Janie: Most of the women wanted to change the other person. Andrea: We began by just loving the women and listening to them and pointing them to what the Bible says about forgiveness, grace, and gentleness. We focused on God’s way of doing things. We didn’t teach, we just experienced this relationship together. When everybody started talking and we paid attention to what the Bible said, we began to help each other. Janie: It takes a while to understand that the focus is about changing your own heart, not the heart of another. When that happens, and it does, the transformation is amazing.

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JBU: What new things did you discover about this relationship? Janie: As mothers-in-law, we often think we know best what our child needs and so we try to tell their spouse what that is. We think we have all the wisdom, so we want to share it. That doesn’t work. Both unwanted advice and unwanted assistance are often seen as criticism, causing all kinds of problems. For example, if you go to your child’s home and start wiping the counters or doing the laundry or any task that you think needs to be done, it can understandably be seen as a critique on the way they do things. It’s okay to help, but you need to be asked, don’t just assume you know. Andrea: A daughter-in-law is trying to learn how to be a wife and maybe a mother and to balance work and home life—it’s a lot. What they need from their mother-in-law is lots of praise and affirmation. They need to be told over and over again that they are doing a good job and that you are on their team. That you see them growing and that you admire that and you want to grow with them. It is also very important for them to know you see and appreciate the way they love your son. This is an opportunity for us to think back to when we were daughters-in-law. I didn’t want my

mother-in-law telling me what to do. We need to remember that and that we’re all in this together on the same team. Janie: When my son was in medical school, I found piles of clothes everywhere when I visited, so I started cleaning them up. Fortunately, my daughter-in-law was very mature and came right out and told me that the mess didn’t bother her. She asked me to leave it alone and just visit when I came. She wanted to know me and let me know her, which was a great blessing to both of us—and to my son. Men want peace in their home and a strained relationship between their mother and their wife does not breed peace. It’s a real gift to your son when you both get along. Andrea: It’s changing roles again. I thought I was going to teach her and she ended up teaching me. Now she’s the teacher and the helper.

JBU: Talk about the power that both mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law have in the relationship. Andrea: There is a negative power that both can have in the relationship. We had a situation in our group once where a mother-in-law was so intrusive and destructive that it caused a divorce—that is an example of negative power. Likewise, a daughter-in-law can use her negative power to keep her husband and children away from their grandparents. But there is also potential for positive power. For example, praying for each other. Both roles have the power for good and bad. We need to recognize that and lean into the positive power and ask the Lord to help us recognize when we’re using negative power in the relationship.

JBU: How do you develop a relationship with your daughter-in-law? Janie: Discover things your daughter-in-law enjoys and ask to enjoy them with her. She chose your son, not you, so it takes time and patience to build a relationship with her as a person, not just as an extension of your child. When my mother-in-law lived with us, my children were five and seven and we had

Focus on what God can do in this challenging relationship so filled with insecurities. As we learn how to use God’s Word, we can take a step back from our own wants and needs and seek to love unconditionally.

a third one while she lived with us. I remember being afraid to tell her because she thought we had a perfect little family—a girl and boy. But that baby boy became the light of her life. I was very busy and so concerned about my perspective and feelings that I didn’t pay much attention to hers. I never realized when we were together how it must have felt for her. She was ill and as a result had to give up her freedom and live in someone’s else’s home—and she had a beautiful home. I wished I had spent more time asking her questions about her cooking, for example—she was an excellent cook. Andrea: We need to communicate to our daughter-in-law that we want to have a relationship with her. In the years my children were young, I was so busy that I didn’t notice that my mother-in-law was in the background. On the Christmas trip that started this, I began to see my mother-in-law differently because I didn’t have the distraction of the children. Both of us needed to start seeing each other as people not just in the mother-in-law/daughterin-law roles. As you begin to think this way, you will pay more attention to their likes and dislikes. Be observant and try to find out more about each other so you can get to know each other better and don’t put it off until you think you’ll have the time. That never happens. Send her a note saying, “You make my son happy. I’d love to get to know you better.” If you both like to cook, take cooking lessons together. Go to a spa together. Go out to lunch. Just spend time together.

JBU: Talk to us about the role of prayer in the mother-in-law/ daughter-in-law relationship? Andrea: We often hear how stressful this relationship is. But, God is so amazing with the way He created our bodies. When we pray, our bodies release chemicals that actually heal us. When you are worrying and stressing, your immune system is being depleted, which can result in illness. By praying for your daughter-in-law, you are actually reducing the stress of the relationship. When you tell her you are praying for her, it is a way of saying, “Because I love you, I am going to take you and whatever you need to the One person who loves you more than I do.”

JBU: What do you do when you have made a mistake and said something you shouldn’t have? Janie: Apologize immediately! Stop and address the problem. Communicate. If you can speak the truth in love, whatever the situation is, instead of pretending it didn’t happen, it can change everything. Jesus said, “Love one another as I have loved you” (John 13:34). That really is what the whole thing is about. It is taking something that is hard to God and asking Him to give you a new heart, a new mind, and new words—and He does. You actually begin to learn to communicate like Jesus did. You are learning to be like He is and that includes understanding how much your role has changed. Your son’s wife is now the most important woman in his world. Helping your children leave and cleave means accepting that you will no longer be in the middle of their life. Andrea: The biggest mistake we make as mothers-in-law is thinking it’s all about me. When we recognize that it truly isn’t, everything changes.

Janie: Allow time and space for things to work themselves out and don’t anticipate trouble. If you have it in your mind that something has to be done in a certain way like Sunday dinners together—as lovely as that sounds—it

JBU: What do you say to the woman who has done everything she can and the relationship is still very difficult? Janie: Focus on what God can do in this challenging relationship so filled with insecurities. As we learn how to use God’s Word, we can take a step back from our own wants and needs and seek to love unconditionally. We have seen this kind of love totally change relationships, which encourages others whose relationships remain a challenge. The loving acceptance of others promotes the level of risk-taking that is necessary for growth and helps to soften the disappointment if there is no response to our efforts. Andrea: There are concerns we can’t express and problems we can’t fix, but that is why this is a very prayerfully dependent relationship. We need to make room for letting God act, even if it’s to give us peace in an un-peaceful relationship. That’s part of the good power I have as a mother-in-law as I pray on behalf of my daughter-in-law. I can let God be responsible for the changes He wants to make in her life, and in mine. As He changes my heart, He also changes the way I love my daughter-in-law. Elizabeth Murphy is a sought-after conference and retreat speaker. She blogs at espeaks.net, and is an author and regular columnist for JBU. Additionally, she and her husband, Mike, have four grown sons and three granddaughters. They live in Brookfield, Wis. To get the book, go to achangeofheart@gmail.com.

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JBU: How do you manage your expectations as a mother-in-law?

can create the pressure of “I’ve got to be here for that.” Throw out options. Be flexible. Ask for your children’s input and then decide what works best for all. Are these Sunday dinners you’re insisting on really necessary and enjoyable for everyone? Will it really make a difference if a holiday is celebrated on a different day? Talk it through. It shows great respect when you are able to say, “Whatever you choose, I respect your choice and will be happy with whatever it is,” and actually mean it. Ask God to help you not take everything personally. Andrea: Our children need to form their own traditions. A lot of them have parents living in the same town and they’re running themselves ragged trying to be everywhere instead of enjoying the holidays. You need to let go of the expectations of what was.

l u o S

Finding purpose in the seasons of your life. by Susan Lawrence

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SEASONS

It’s summer outside. But what about inside? What season are you in right now—not physically, but spiritually? Sometimes our spiritual season doesn’t match the season on our calendars. And what’s going on inside us is in tension with the outside that surrounds us. We can try to simplify seasons: Spring is renewal. Summer is beauty. Fall is productivity. Winter is dreariness. Yet single words don’t begin to portray the full scope of each season. Different parts of the world experience natural seasons in a variety of ways. Likewise, different people experience spiritual seasons in a variety of ways. How one person responds to a situation in a spiritual winter differs from another person’s response to a similar situation. How one person celebrates during a spiritual summer differs from another’s celebration. Fall productivity differs. Spring renewal differs.

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You might even be experiencing various seasons at the same time. Sometimes our family life feels as if it’s in one season while work, ministry, health, or other areas reside in other seasons. Even our family experiences and relationships can feel divided among seasons. At the moment, the outside tells us we’ve hit the summer season. And with that comes pressure to pack a lot into the season (especially depending upon the part of the country you live). The weather is nice, schedules are different, and days are longer. We can be outside more, which means more opportunities or pressures to get projects and improvements done, chat with neighbors, and exercise more. However, before we know it, the possibilities and pressures can pile up on us. Slow down. Take a breath. Maybe you’re not supposed to be focused on summer in your soul right now. Consider again,

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God knows . He knows each of every area of your life. His for us is driven with the of establishing an ever-deepening with us. Two years ago, I returned from a writing retreat, and within a week, my husband of over two-dozen years announced he wanted a divorce. No counseling, no discussion, no time out period. He had made up his mind. He was a mental health professional and a well-respected church leader, and he walked away from many friends and family, including me. I felt as if I was suddenly surrounded by a chilling, disorienting blizzard. However, the weeks and months leading up to the fracture positioned me in a different spiritual season. As I sat in a dark room that first night, surrounded by so much rejection, disrespect, and uncertainty, I knew one thing: God was present, and I could trust Him. There was a light source within me. It seemed small in the context of the shrapnel flying around me, but I knew I could trust it. God planted hope. Even in the blinding blizzard, I felt the spiritual signs of spring. That spring season has lasted a lot more than a quarter of a year, but the chill of winter has passed, and I’ve experienced a lot of growth and beauty, nourished by drenching tears at times. However, the colors are vibrant, and summer is coming. Which season can you relate to right now?

Spring: Does your life feel as if it is renewing, just about to push through and bloom among the nourishing and sometimes drenching showers?

Summer: Does your life feel warm, full, and beautiful? Fall: Does your life feel productive but also a bit exhausting?

Can you see signs of beauty but also signs of loss? Is the sacrifice overwhelming at times?

Winter: Does your life feel dreary? Are you weary and a bit chilled? Do you long for a bright spot of warmth or light?

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Are you savoring the moments and memories, hoping they’ll last as long as possible?

what spiritual season can you most relate to right now? Maybe it’s summer, and you’re feeling the warmth of God’s presence and the freedom to enjoy and explore His will and abundant blessings, or maybe it’s fall, and there is a lot to be done in preparation for the long winter ahead. In fall, there is vibrant beauty unlike any other season, but that beauty is often caused by loss and sacrifice with the purpose and promise of future growth. Maybe it’s winter in your life right now, at least in some areas, and you feel isolated, chilled, and sad. Or perhaps you’re coming out of winter and can see the signs of a thaw and hope pushing through. Whether a physical or spiritual season, there’s variety that comes with the different seasons, and there’s also consistency: • Seasons change, assuring us nothing is permanent. • Seasons change without our control. • Seasons require adaptation. • Seasons don’t always make sense. • Seasons invite awe and appreciation. The reality is that not every season is enjoyable. Not every season is comfortable. Not every season is desirable. So often, we want to avoid the uncomfortable and settle only into seasons of comfort. We desire to pull the covers over our heads and try to pass time as the challenges swirl around us, then tightly grab onto the celebrations, unwilling to unclench our fists in hopes the moment will stay. We want to know what we can do to grow pleasant fruit in our lives as quickly as possible. We don’t like the waiting process. We don’t like not being able to see the connection between what we’re doing today and what happens in our lives tomorrow. We want life to make sense, but we have limited information, understanding, and perspective.

Tips for Each Spiritual Season Once you’ve decided which spiritual season you’re in, consider taking one of the following steps. God has a purpose for each one.

Tips for Summer • Sit in the warmth of sunshine, but be mindful that too much warmth can be harmful. Protect yourself with sunscreen and truth. Dig into a summer Bible reading plan. • Spend a day with a friend you haven’t seen in a while and share the highs and lows of what’s been happening in your life.

Tips for Fall • Ask someone to hold you accountable for your struggle areas. • Reflect on the recent past seasons of your life. What can you harvest from the times of trials and celebrations? Write a list or journal for future encouragement. • Plant something that will take time to grow. Reach out to a new friend. Begin a new healthy habit. Commit to serving in an area that challenges you.

Tips for Winter • Trust God to use the chill to stunt the growth of what shouldn’t be in your life. • Wrap yourself in a blanket and give yourself permission to be sad, angry, or lonely. Instead of distracting yourself with other things, sit in silence or tears for one hour. Be thankful for the depth of feelings even when they’re overwhelming, and refuse to get stuck. • Bundle up and brave the cold. Mend a relationship. Forgive someone. Apologize.

Tips for Spring • Enjoy the beauty of growth. • Be diligent with pruning as growth happens. Don’t let it go untamed and unfocused. We can pay a tangled price in the end.

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• Consider how you can take a bundle of joy from a beautiful and healthy area of your life and carry it into an area of your life that needs attention. Regardless of your soul season, appreciate where you are and take a step even when it means moving beyond your comfort zone. Trust God to determine what needs to be left behind and what needs to be packed up and carried forward. ~Susan Lawrence 26

God knows every detail. He knows each growing season of every area of your life. His purpose for us is driven with the passion of establishing an ever-deepening relationship with us. He uses what we experience as both good and bad to benefit us in a way that ultimately glorifies Him. Each season gives us opportunities to trust in God, respond in obedience, and welcome results. We will experience similarities across some seasons and situations, but others will seem foreign to us. Some seasons just simply leave us feeling disoriented, discontent, and disappointed. However, God will use every spiritual season of your life. He wastes nothing. If it’s in your life, it can and will be used by God. • You can choose to appreciate the beauty of what God is placing in front of you—or not. • You can choose to be thankful for what God is providing you—or not. • You can choose to learn the lessons God teaches you—or not. • You can choose to adapt to changes around you—or not. • You can choose to trust God through challenges—or not. • You can choose to seek God’s perspective on each situation—or not. • You can choose God—or not. Every season requires sacrifice. In order to fully experience God’s purpose, we’ll need to yield to Him as the One who guides and provides for us. We can trust Him alone, because He is the only One who has a perfect perspective. It’s when we think we can handle our soul seasons alone—past, present, and future—that our limitations become apparent. Every season holds blessings for us, but in order to fully experience them, we have to choose to set aside what we think and want, inviting God to carry out His good and perfect will in our lives. You might have a favorite natural season, but you cannot live in it every day of your life. The same is true for our spiritual seasons. Regardless of where you’d prefer to be, you will not be there every moment of your life. You can choose to sit and fight against it, or you can use the time given to you, learning the lessons that come from every season of your life and growing your soul the way God purposes so that every season that follows is nourished by the preceding seasons. Susan Lawrence blogs daily at PurePurpose.org and has authored multiple books, including the most recent, Fractured Into Wholeness, which journals her experience through one of the darkest seasons of her life as her husband of over two dozen years suddenly left their marriage.

How to Make

Summer

Holy

Adjusting how you spend time with God. by Becky Kiser There is something about the ebb and flow of seasons that help us move into more figurative seasons. Whether we are operating on a school-year calendar or not, summer is definitely one of those times. Summer is a great opportunity to mix things up a little or start fresh after a cold season of staying indoors (or in Texas, when we just need to make the most of the ridiculously high temps).

Why Do We Celebrate Summer? While summer isn’t included on the religious calendar, it is most definitely a part of our culture and very much a season! I believe this is one that should be celebrated and participated in well past our childhood. It’s a change in rhythm and routine. A chance to slow some things down and speed some things up. It’s a mid-year start to begin new things and dream fresh dreams. It’s a time for adventure, to gather with those you love, and enjoy a little warmth after winter. Maybe you won’t get to check out from reality for three months like you did when you were a child, but you can take your own version of summer break to refresh and enjoy life in a new way!

Adjust How You Spend Time with God

Whatever your goal or plan is for the summer, be with it.

intentional

Second, pick what your time with the Lord will be like for the summer. You can join an online group or find a study you’ve been wanting to try. My favorite thing during the summer is to do a 90-day Bible reading plan. We offer free downloads for Read the Bible in 90 Days, Read the New Testament in 90 Days, and other 90-day reading plans on the Sacred Holidays website. I love reading straight Scripture in the summer because my time with the Lord feels more personal. During the year, I am often doing a group Bible study at our church or one of our holiday Bible studies. I love for my summer time with the Lord to feel more intimate, just the two of us, and free from the time lines of other commitments. Whatever your goal or plan is for the summer, be intentional with it. If you don’t hit the nail on the head every time, then yes, be quick to give yourself grace. But remember that grace isn’t opting out of spending time with the Lord; true grace to you is that God gives you the space to know Him, be known by Him, and know how to better love Him and others. Enjoy that grace all summer long! Becky Kiser is CEO of Sacred Holidays—a ministry dedicated to helping women find less chaos and more Jesus during holidays through Bible study, community, resources, and lots of fun! Becky and her husband, Chris, live in Houston, Tex., with their three girls. Excerpted with permission from Sacred Holidays by Becky Kiser, Copyright 2019, B&H Publishing Group.

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I hear from women all the time that they struggle to be consistent in studying Scripture and spending time with the Lord during the summer. Some use the summer to take some time off from spending time with the Lord because schedules are so inconsistent or their church isn’t doing a Bible study so they aren’t sure what to do. Instead of simply finding a way to make time for God during a different season of the year, they choose to “give themselves grace” and avoid Him altogether. Know what I am

about to say is because I love you so very much: this is an excuse, and it’s the furthest thing from offering yourself grace. Yes, it can be harder to spend time with the Lord during the summer because schedules feel so out of the normal and group Bible studies are much harder to come by. Not to mention it gets darker at later times of the evening, making us want to stay out longer chasing daylight and then making it harder for us to wake up. However, this just means that we need to find a new way and rhythm of connecting with the Lord during the summer. First, take some time to look at your summer and evaluate when you should spend time with the Lord. Go ahead and block off those times on your calendar and set your alarm. These are two of the best accountabilities for staying consistent.

Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m Tired of Being

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Afraid Learning to trust Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s character when fear creeps into your life by Debbie W. Wilson

Another night, frantic pounding on our front door awakened us at three a.m. This time Larry was home. A woman who looked like a gypsy apologized, “Ohhh, wrong house.” The night my fears came to a head Larry was away on another trip. Our local news urgently warned that a serial killer who targeted women my age was loose. He entered through open windows. Our sixty-year-old bungalow had no air conditioning. Did I have to choose between suffocation and strangulation? I planned escape routes in my mind in case someone broke in. But I couldn’t figure out how to get my baby and me out in a few seconds. Exhausted, but too afraid to sleep, I prayed. “Lord, please, deliver me from this fear.” “Why am I so afraid?” I immediately sensed His answer, “You don’t think I care enough or am strong enough to protect you.” Was this true? I taught young women to trust God. Could this be about my relationship with God and not about my circumstances? My mother died when I was a teenager. If God loved me and was able to stop harm, why hadn’t He spared her life? If He had allowed tragedy once, could I trust Him now? Two questions popped into my mind. Did God love me? Was He able to protect me? To fully trust God I needed an answer.

Does God Love Me? I pictured Jesus on the cross and remembered His anguish the night before His crucifixion. Jesus didn’t want to go to the cross, but He willingly endured the cross for me. “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13). The cross irrevocably proved the depth of His love. I could not doubt His love.

Is God Able to Protect Me? I turned to the second question. Was God able to protect me? Genesis 1 says God spoke and Bam! What He said happened. That’s power! Christ’s resurrection alone proved God’s power. There could be no doubt. God was able to protect me. If God loved me and was able to protect me, why had He allowed so much suffering to come into our family? The fierce protection I felt for my daughter had taught me something about parental love. I realized that just as my baby couldn’t understand why I allowed her doctor to prick her with needles, I couldn’t understand God’s ways either. If I would do everything in my power to protect her, and God’s love is purer than mine, then the pain God allows His children to suffer must surely serve a greater purpose. Joseph told the brothers who’d sold him into slavery, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives” (Gen. 50:20). God never said all things would be good, but He promised to use them to bring about good for those who love Him.

continued on p 47 29

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No use trying to sleep. My husband, Larry, was traveling. It was up to me to keep watch—or so it felt. I sat in my favorite chair and wondered, “What’s wrong with me?” “Why am I so afraid?” My first flashes of fear started after Larry and I became engaged. Scenes of head-on collisions popped into my mind while we wound along Colorado’s majestic Big Thompson Canyon. I was in love—and happy—except for those disturbing images. My thoughts taunted me: bliss could evaporate in an instant. Eighteen months after our wedding, the joyous arrival of our daughter tapped new fears. Her beautiful face and tiny fingers awakened a plethora of sleeping emotions—including a fierce sense of protection. For me, motherhood came with radar for picking up tragic stories about children. I read about a child who died after walking too near a tiger’s cage at the circus and promised myself that my child would never go near wild animal cages. My anxiety may have died away if a series of bizarre events hadn’t exposed my vulnerability. The trouble began during one of Larry’s out-of-town trips—on my birthday. My friend Linda came over to cook supper since Larry was traveling. While we savored chopped steak smothered with grilled mushrooms and onions, the phone rang. I grabbed it, hoping it was Larry. (This was before caller ID.) A male voice asked for Larry. “He’s not available,” I said. “I really wanted to talk to you,” the caller said. He then asked me to lunch. I stammered a decline and jotted down his name and number. “You sounded like you were getting out of a date.” Linda said. “I was,” I said. Larry finally phoned. I told him about the stranger’s call. I expected him to say the man was a harmless neighbor. But Larry had never heard of him. He asked me to have our friend Chris call the stranger back. Chris agreed. What he learned stunned me. The name the caller had given me belonged to a dead man. The phone number belonged to his widow who lived across the street from the house we’d recently moved into. This wasn’t some random prank. The caller knew where I lived! I called the local police station. The officer was not concerned. “Lady, it’s not a crime to use a dead man’s name.” “But I’m married, and he asked me out.” “It’s not a crime to ask you out either.” Then he softened, “If it makes you feel better, we’ll send a patrol car down your street.” Having a police car drive down my street one time didn’t reassure me. Linda and I grabbed my three-month-old daughter and left to spend the night at her place. I almost forgot about the incident until a note with a phone number and message to call “John” appeared on my front door. I gave it to Larry when he came home. Larry didn’t know John. He called the number. It went to a business where no one named John worked.

Bless Your Own Heart

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You can thrive when you take care of you! by Jane Rubietta Growing up in the South, I heard the words, “Bless your heart” a hundred times a day, always spoken with gentle, sympathetic tones by women with cheeks softer than a powder puff and smoother than the skin of a newborn. Just say, “Bless your heart,” and memories swirl of sweet tea and throaty laughter and bright summer sun. I love this phrase, but when overused it becomes meaningless and trite. “Bless your heart” disintegrates into a catchphrase, a soft murmuring sound uttered when other words make no sense or don’t appear. Just three meaningless filler words. Even worse, spoken with just the right inflection, “Bless her heart” becomes a putdown, a tsk-tsk equivalent to “What a shame.” With just the teeniest dose of low self-worth, we could hear those familiar words as “You are to be pitied” or “You are in trouble” or “You are a failure.” Isn’t this easy for mothers to believe? Don’t we internalize our children’s mishaps, failures, and shortcomings, figuring that if our young ones don’t grow up to be decent people with good jobs it is likely our fault? We’ve all heard that behind every great person stands a self-sacrificing, saintly mother. So the opposite must be true as well. If good children have good mothers, then children who stray or are less than perfect or don’t fit into the trium30

phant Christmas letter must have bad mothers. We believe this, even if we don’t verbalize it or put it into writing. When our children misbehave, we tut-tut ourselves and spike the blame meter in our own hearts. Then we play the “if only” game. If only I had been more available, and more present. If only I had smiled more and yelled less. If only I hadn’t worked outside the home or had homeschooled the children; or if only I had worked outside the home or put the children in private schools. We need to stop that ranting of our sore heart. What if we reclaim this blessing? As a woman, I want my heart to be blessed. As a mother, more than almost anything, I want my children’s hearts to be blessed. The only catch to that wonderful longing? Failure to thrive.

Failure to Thrive Failure to Thrive (FTT) is a diagnosable condition, usually seen in children, who, though they receive adequate care for their physical needs, don’t gain weight. They don’t thrive. They just survive. FTT was first identified in children who were evacuated from London during the height of the Blitz in World War II. Might there be a sort of emotional FTT in some mothers who are busy raising children, tapped out emotionally and spiritually because of lack of rest, surviving on leftover nutrition by eating mostly what the kids leave behind, and having a general drive to care for the needs of others? Because of our busyness, while in the thick of parenting, living waist-high in children and their friends and their schedules of activities, we might not notice this state within our own souls. For me, spiritual (and relational) FTT showed up after my second child’s birth. My family moved from a full and insanely over-involved life in suburbia to a country parish. Here’s a snapshot of my family at that time: two children aged two and under, a husband working double shifts, and one mother hanging on by her hair and faring poorly in all roles. Compounding the issue was the fact that I understood neither my gifts nor my natural talents and had overcommitted myself so people would like me. Maybe I figured that if they liked me, they would like Jesus. Or like my husband. Or all three. This recipe for disaster worked out just as you’d expect. A Chernobyl-sized meltdown over an inconsequential issue forced me to seek healing. My past reached into my present with radioactive tentacles and dragged me to a reality check: get help or go down—and take my family with me.

Any time your reaction outweighs its trigger, look deeper and further back for the real issue.

If we wait until the kids are grown, we could lose our minds. And we will definitely lose ground in terms of our own soul growth and cause repercussions on the hearts and lives of those around us. I knew I could not afford to live bleakly for one more second. Neither could my family. But self-care is a battle. Others’ needs are so much more obvious, and we are created to nurture others and to tend to their needs, which are constant. However unhealthy it might be both for them and for us, we too often continue to meet those needs beyond the point of reason. I once met a woman who cut up her child’s food at every meal— and the child was a teenager. She also cut up her husband’s food. You probably don’t do that. I sure don’t. But there are plenty of needs I’ve tasked myself with meeting long after the person in question needed to take ownership of those needs. If you tend to resist self-care, as I did, where is that coming from? When did you begin to believe that it wasn’t OK to have needs, which means, in other words, when did you decide you couldn’t be a human being? If Jesus had needs (and He did: food, water, rest, time with God, and companionship), why wouldn’t we have them? Jesus took the time to meet His needs, and no one can say that was a selfish move on His part. Is refusing to take care of ourselves a form of “de-selfing,” of distancing ourselves from ourselves? Not having a self? That question bears repeating—and answering—on those days when it’s too easy to care for other people and ignore our hollowness and too hard to say, “I really must invest in my own soul and growth.” If we want our families to thrive, let’s learn to thrive too. For every single day you have been a woman, a mother, a wife, I pray, “God, bless your heart.” Bless your heart for every step you took, nose you wiped, bed you made, lunch you prepared, meal you balanced, green veggie you force-fed. Bless your heart for every tantrum you deflected, bruise you kissed, back you rubbed. For every time you felt like a failure, a mistake, a mismatch in the parent-child dance, bless your heart. For every time you’ve tut-tutted yourself, felt shame for your actions, cried for your children, bless your heart. Just listen one more time: Bless your heart. Jane Rubietta speaks internationally and locally to groups of all shapes and sizes. She is passionate about soul care for women and is a seasoned author. For more information, see JaneRubietta.com. Excerpt from Heartbeat of a Mother: Encouragement for the Lifelong Journey, ©2016 Wesleyan Publishing: Fishers, IN. Used with permission.

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When I finally realized I couldn’t blame anyone else for my own disaster—although I preferred blame over taking personal responsibility if at all possible—I got help. And in that achingly slow recovery process, I began to learn for the first time the necessity of self-care. Whether through a support group, a 12-step program, seeing a physician or counselor, learning your spiritual gifts, reading helpful books, delving into new spiritual disciplines, or other forms of soul care, women must do what it takes to thrive. We can’t afford not to. FTT is not an option, regardless of our age.

Whether through a support group, a 12-step program, seeing a physician or counselor, learning your spiritual gifts, reading helpful books, delving into new spiritual disciplines, or other forms of soul care, women must do what it takes to thrive. We can’t afford not to.

did she

REALLY

just say thatâ&#x20AC;Ś Relying on Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wisdom and grace when confronted with unkind words.

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by Shelley Pierce

The warm sun brightened the afternoon as we enjoyed watching our son play Little League baseball. His little sister and brother sat nearby entertained by small toys from home. And then it happened. She walked up with an inviting smile covering her face. “Hey, Shelley.” “Hi.” “Um, are you pregnant?” “No. Just fat.” “Oh, good! ‘Cause I thought to myself, ‘Shelley better not be pregnant again!’” And then she walked away. Just. Like. That. Confession time—I immediately began to wonder how quickly I could have another baby. That would show her ... The thoughts that followed spiraled downward. My cheeks burned, and embarrassment crawled all over me. And then I got angry. “How rude!” “Who does she think she is?” “Like she’s perfect or something …” “Why do super-thin people think it’s okay to embarrass those of us who are … well … not super-thin?” Of course, you know, I didn’t say any of this out loud. Instead, the thoughts swirled around in my heart for days. Truth be told, I held it against her for a long time. I had imaginary conversations with her in my head. I planned for our next chance meeting at the ballpark. I was pretty clever with some of the things I conjured up. And even though I never asked God for help with it, I knew my thoughts did not please Him. My thoughts were self-centered. They evened the score, but my thoughts were bitter. “I found myself consumed with body image.” “Do I look pregnant?” “How could I let myself go like this?” “What a disappointment.” I didn’t pray about it. I didn’t read my Bible. I relied on my own perspective and somehow thought the end result would be a good thing.

The worst part was I never even considered whether the end result would honor God. So, in the meantime, I did the only thing I could do and I avoided her. If I could have a do-over ... “Um, are you pregnant?” “No. Just carrying a little weight from my last baby.” “Oh, good! Because I thought to myself, ‘Oh, Shelley better not be pregnant again!’” Smile. “No, not anytime soon. But I’d appreciate it if you pray for me as I try to eat right.” James 3:17 reminds us the wisdom that comes from heaven—God’s wisdom—is pure and peace loving, full of mercy and gentle. Perhaps if I had relied on the wisdom from above, my response would have been pure, peaceable, and gentle. Not only toward my friend in my thoughts but also toward myself. The word intreat is the old English word for entreat and means to ask for earnestly. God’s wisdom is easy to request. God’s wisdom is full of mercy and good fruits. God’s wisdom is void of partiality and hypocrisy—and there for the asking. If you and I intreat God’s wisdom, He will answer. God’s wisdom also comes with a price. When He answers our request, we have a choice to make. Sometimes we only have a whole millisecond to do the right thing. As we raised our four children, my husband and I often repeated our own words of wisdom, “Just because you think it, doesn’t mean you have to say it.” A rude response to a hurtful comment is not okay. Let’s face it. Thoughtless and downright mean comments are going to happen. Oftentimes people feel a freedom or a license to say whatever they wish to women in ministry leadership positions simply because of our placement. We can be prepared for such moments by asking earnestly for God’s wisdom. We can purpose in our hearts to respond with grace whether we are being criticized or complimented. Even as I avoided my friend for quite some time, she did not ride off into the sunset. In fact, she seemed to come around a lot more often than prior to our “conversation” at the ballpark. God was teaching me to respond to all people in a Christ-like manner. He was teaching me to stop and think of others, and all the burdens they carry that I would never know. As the years progressed and as I have gotten to know her better, I learned my friend is not a mean-spirited or rude person at all. I also came to realize she is learning to intreat God’s wisdom just as I am. A couple of years later, I sat in the warm sun watching our son play ball as baby number four kicked her way into my heart. There was plenty of room for her there, for I no longer held any animosity for my friend. Shelley Pierce has served alongside her husband James in ministry for over 35 years. Additionally, she is the director of the preschool and children’s ministries at her church. She is also an award-winning contributing author to numerous books and devotions. She lives in Greenville, Tenn., and has four adult children and grandchildren. Permission granted by Elk Lake Publishing, Inc. for reprint from Sweet Moments: Insight and Encouragement for the Pastor’s Wife.

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James 3:17 reminds us the wisdom that comes from heaven—God’s wisdom— is pure and peace loving, full of mercy and gentle. Perhaps if I had relied on the wisdom from above, my response would have been pure, peaceable, and gentle.

Trusting God

When the Worst Happens One womanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s journey of trust through four cancer diagnoses.

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by Tamara Windahl

In 1991, at 33 years old, I was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer. In a moment, my life was changed, and the new normal seemed like a shocking nightmare to me. Within ten years of the diagnosis, three additional cancer diagnoses followed: colon, breast, and an inoperable tumor wrapped around my sciatic nerve. As a four-time cancer survivor now, I have learned about trusting God in difficult circumstances. Jesus clearly warns us in John 16:33, “In this world you will have trouble” (emphasis mine). Yet trouble often surprises us when it arrives on our path, at times, oh so abruptly! Through the years, as I have watched trouble arrive in others’ lives, I have made two observations. First, many people tend to focus on the trouble at hand, unable to think about much else. Second, people often get stuck in the, “Why?” of it all. Pondering these observations in light of my cancers, God taught me early on, through His Word, to focus on heavenly things (such as Jesus and God’s Word) instead of the cancer. It helped me to accept my circumstances instead of getting stuck in the downward spiral of “Why?” The Bible tells us in Hebrews 11:6 that “without faith it is impossible to please God.” Not surprisingly then, the enemy of our souls seeks to destroy our faith. So what can we do? What can help us to trust God when the worst happens?

1 Read and Reflect on God’s Word. It’s important to not only read the Bible, but to study it and memorize various verses or passages. My Bible looked as if it had been through a war following my cancer journey because I lived in its pages daily! Besides reading God’s Word, I also pondered and believed the words I read. I signed up for a Bible study, sought to apply God’s truth in my life, listened to God’s Word on the radio and in the pulpit, and memorized helpful passages for my circumstances. God’s Word became my delight. Just as it was for David as we see in Ps. 119:92, “If your law had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction.”

3 Trust God’s Promises. God gives us specific verses to personally claim in our difficulties. Those verses can buoy our faith, helping us to walk by faith, not sight, regardless of the size of the storm’s waves. God gave me Isaiah 40:31 years ago to personally claim, “But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” At the time God gave me this promise, I was 5ʹ 7-1/2˝ tall and weighed 90 pounds. I looked like I was on the brink of death. This promise daily helped me to walk with strength by faith. 4 Remember. I chose to remember: What God had already done for me, that my trials were temporary (no matter how long they lasted on earth), that God loved me as demonstrated on the cross, and that, because I was God’s child, the best was yet to come. Remembering these truths truly strengthened my faith, even when waiting on God’s perfect timing took longer than I imagined. 5 Praise. When we praise God, we see God for who He is—the One for whom nothing is impossible, the One who is bigger than our circumstances, and the One who is in control. I was first told to praise God during the most difficult days of my life. At the time, it seemed like the craziest advice I had ever been given! However, I tried it anyway. Praise helped me trust God even when my situation remained unchanged and gave me abundant peace and joy in the midst of the worst. 6 Find Prayer Support. Other people’s prayers can help us remain steadfast in the faith. We are not meant to go it alone. Many people prayed for me along my journey. One friend told me she was praying that my faith would endure. I am forever grateful that she prayed that prayer. My faith didn’t fail. I now pray this for those I know are hurting. What joy it must bring to our heavenly Father’s heart when He sees us trust Him through our tears and unanswered questions! He loves us more than we can imagine, and His plans for us are good. He is for us, not against us. He sees us in our struggles, and He cares. I am forever thankful that I chose to seek God and to trust Him during the most difficult days of my life instead of cursing Him as Satan assumed Job would do when confronted by trials (Job 1). By choosing to trust God, no matter what my circumstances were screaming, I came to know God intimately, to delight and live in His Word, and to follow Him. This is the abundant good God brought from my suffering. In 1991, I was given a five percent chance of surviving five years. This October, my family and I will celebrate 27 years since cancer stormed into our lives! Jesus warns us that “in the world we will have trouble” (John 16:33a). But He ends this verse with the following words, “But take heart! I have overcome this world” (John 16:33b). As God’s children, we are headed to an eternity free of tears, pain, and trouble! But in the meantime, God calls us to trust Him. Trust Him, one day at a time, even when we have more questions than answers, and even when we feel as if we are walking in the dark. His mercies are new every morning, and great is His faithfulness, in the good times as well as when the worst happens (Lam. 3:22-23). Tamara Windahl lives in Minnetonka, Minn., with her husband, Pete, and adult son. She is an inspirational speaker and published author. Her latest book, Abiding Hope, is full of short, daily reflections and was written to offer encouragement and inspiration to anyone going through hard times.

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2 Pray. We are told to pray about everything instead of worry. Like the father who brought his demon-possessed son to be healed, we can pray, “Lord, I do believe. Help me overcome my unbelief ” (Mark 9:24). Following my initial cancer diagnosis, fear haunted me and I worried constantly. Eventually I came across Phil. 4:6 and applied it to my life, choosing prayer over worry.

Due to harsh chemotherapy treatments, there were times when all I could pray was one word, “Help!” He hears and answers prayer.

LETTIN

G GO OF

labels Lessons learned from a prostitute turned princess.

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by Christy Fay

Have you ever gone to an event, maybe a conference or a retreat and been given a name tag? You know, the paper kind with the peel off back that sticks to your clothes. Have you ever made the mistake of washing your shirt with that name tag still attached? I have. You might think, like I did, “It’s made of paper which generally disintegrates into nearly nothing when wet. I’m sure my shirt will be totally fine.” If you’ve made the same mistake then you know the opposite is true. Somehow in the turning and swirling of the washing machine, the soap and water mixing together, that harmless little label not only has not dissolved, but it has become so deeply ingrained into the fabric of your shirt that it is no longer of any use to you whatsoever. At least, not for clothing purposes—maybe as a cleaning rag, perhaps. And that’s just the thing about labels. You hear them and after some swirling and churning in your head, you find they can stick like superglue to your personhood. “Good for nothing, stupid, ugly, fat, privileged, poor, white-trash, high class, lazy, worthless, useless,” you fill in the blank. Unmoved by any attempt you or anyone else might exert to peel it off, it remains permanently affixed. Have you ever heard of Rahab? I’m guessing that if you have, there is one word, a word commonly associated with her that immediately comes to your mind: prostitute. She is the famous harlot who was responsible for hiding the Israelite spies sent by

Joshua to scope out the Promised Land in Joshua chapter two. Without Rahab, there is no collapsing of the walls of Jericho and there is no Israelite stake thrust in that covenant ground. Something else about Rahab, she knows a thing or two about labels. She’s a harlot, yes. But she’s so much more than that. And she, like so many of us, had to figure out a way to climb

PERHAPS EVEN MORE COMPELLING IS GOD AT WORK BEHIND THE SCENES. HE TAKES ASHES AND TURNS THEM INTO BEAUTY. HE BRINGS RESTORATION FROM RUINS. AND HE TAKES A PROSTITUTE AND TURNS HER INTO A PRINCESS.

I WANT TO LIVE A STORY LIKE THAT.

out of the scandalous gutter that other people’s labels and expectations had thrown her into. Have you ever wondered if there’s a way out? Have you ever hoped that everyone around you would begin to see you with a fresh set of eyes? Have you ever secretly longed to be someone else? I have. And I’m pretty sure she did too. What you might not know about her story is that after all is said and done, after the Israelites are comfortably inhabiting the Promised Land, Rahab gets her second chance. Her family is spared because of her allegiance to God’s people (Josh. 6:25), and she marries one of the spies she hid on her roof that day (Matt. 1:5). That spy happens to be an Israelite prince. Which, you guessed it, makes her a princess. A prostitute turned princess. If that’s not a compelling love story, I don’t know what is. Perhaps even more compelling is God at work behind the scenes. He takes ashes and turns them into beauty. He brings restoration from ruins. And He takes a prostitute and turns her into a princess. I want to live a story like that. Where labels no longer have the power to control the outcome of my life. What about you? We have quite a bit to learn from Rahab. Here are just a few lessons she teaches us:

RISK IS REQUIRED. When she lets the spies in her house, she’s not just being hospitable (Josh. 2:4). It’s not a quaint little invitation to a tea party she’s extending to those men. Allowing them through the door is an enormous, life-threatening risk. It’s a treasonous act, one of which I’m pretty sure she is well aware. Yet, in spite of every reason not to, she not only lets them in, she secures their safety by hiding them on her roof. And when the king of Jericho comes knocking on her door, can you even imagine? She tells a bold-faced lie, to his face no less. That takes guts. She recognizes something of extreme value, something you and I must take to heart. If you want to see big changes in your life, you have to be willing to take big risks.

GOD MUST BECOME YOUR GOD.

When Rahab ushers the spies up to the roof, she hides them under some stalks and flax that have been laid out to dry (Josh. 2:6). These are raw materials used to make linen, which is in turn used to create clothing. Here’s where it gets interesting. Linen clothing is the only acceptable attire to be worn in the temple. The presence of these materials on Rahab’s roof would indicate that she is a woman longing for change. She is a woman desperately seeking a second chance. And change always begins with faithfulness to menial tasks. This resonates deeply with me. A mother of four little ones, my life is a revolving door of diaper changes, grocery shopping, and laundry. It can be challenging to find worth in the thankless job of mothering. Yet, Rahab teaches me—she teaches all of us—when we are faithful to tend to the menial with excellence, God uses it to shape us into the women we were made to be. Paul was a man well familiar with labels. Having grown up a devout Jew, he become a Pharisee, persecuting those who would dare deny his religion as the one true religion (Phil. 3:5,6). But one day, all that changes. On the road to Damascus, he encounters Jesus, and as perhaps many of us can attest, meeting Jesus changes everything. He lays down his former life to follow Christ at all costs. In his letter to the Philippians, we find a reflection on this experience from his own pen, “Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead” (Phil. 3:13). Paul had to let go of some labels, and his way forward was simply to forget what was behind. Maybe some of you find yourselves in the shoes of Rahab and Paul. The person you were is no longer who you are, but the label has stuck and you can’t seem to free yourself from it. If that’s you, Paul would urge you to forget what is behind so you can strain toward what is ahead. And Rahab would remind us that the way forward looks like being brave and taking risks, trusting in God to do what only He can do, and being faithful to the seemingly unimportant and menial tasks that lie ahead. God is in the business of turning prostitutes into princesses, terrorists into disciples, and fishermen into fishers of men. Our labels disintegrate in the hands of a God who is loving beyond measure and merciful beyond explanation. We just have to be brave enough to hand over the labels and place them in His more than capable hands. Christy Fay currently co-pastors Arcadia Church in the Phoenix area. Additionally, she loves seeing people engage with Jesus in and through the local body of believers. She has authored two Bible studies, Reclaimed: Uncovering Your Worth and I Have To: Chasing What Sets Your Soul on Fire. Christy and her husband have four kids and live in Phoenix, Ariz.

Ministry on the Go Smile and say hello to people you encounter throughout the day. 37

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Before the spies lay down for the night, Rahab makes a visit to the roof with the spies, and they share a very interesting and telling conversation. “I know that the Lord has given you this land,” she says. The people of Jericho have heard of the Israelite God. His works and deeds are now preceding Him. He is the One that dried up the waters of the Red Sea and the One that causes nations to fall by His mighty hand. The inhabitants of Jericho are terrified of this all powerful God. For Rahab there has been a shift in allegiances. “For the LORD your God is God in heaven and above and on earth below,” she tells the spies. For her, this God is not just their God it’s her God (Josh. 2:812). And perhaps, in her heart, she has begun to ponder, “If that God is powerful enough to part a sea then maybe; just maybe, He is powerful enough to change me.” If we will ever find enough strength and courage to peel away our labels for good, that God must be our God.

WE MUST BE FAITHFUL TO THE SEEMINGLY UNIMPORTANT MENIAL TASKS OF OUR DAILY LIVES.

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AN UNLIKELY CALLING How God used heartache in one woman’s life to uncover His plan for reaching single women. by Laurie Beyer

Several years ago, I was sitting in my pastor’s office reviewing plans for a women’s retreat where we would present several vignettes of women in the Bible in different stages of life. Those stories would be told by women in our congregation who were in similar seasons. They would add their story to God’s bigger story. He was so encouraging about this idea, but one comment he made was particularly interesting. He said, “I’m glad you’re highlighting single women, too. Women in general don’t do well with single women. Men are much better at acknowledging their value in the body of Christ.” That comment proved very important in uncovering where I find joy—and my calling. Not long after, our youngest daughter walked out of our lives, turning to extremely dark things, forsaking family and faith. I struggled tremendously, both with this loss and with who I was as a mother. The last thing I wanted was to get into any more “mothering” relationships. Our older children were grown and on their own, and I was glad. I wrestled with God as I pitted my all-encompassing pride and hurt against His plan to heal and to use that pain for His purposes. He won out, but

I have learned that I don’t need to be MOTHER-OF-THE-YEAR or the COOL MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN, but instead someone who is weak, repentant, and dependent on a STRONG AND MIGHTY GOD, and caring enough to draw others in. and that we can go to God together for everything. I want to be a good, wise, and mature friend that points them beyond themselves and their circumstances—to Him. How was I trained for this gift? Through heartache—through fellowshipping in Christ’s suffering—and it was worth it. God has given me a heart for young women, as I prayed for years that my estranged daughter would find a godly, loving, mature woman who would be able to speak truth into her darkness and life circumstances. I have learned that I don’t need to be mother-of-the-year or the cool middle-aged woman, but instead someone who is weak, repentant, and dependent on a strong and mighty God, and caring enough to draw others in. I have the time, I just needed to be interested, engaged, and moved by their stories. Today, I continue in confidence in His calling for me, no longer waiting to be approached, but pursuing single women, inviting and integrating them into their place in the church, an important place where their role is valued. I also pray that I might somehow be used by God to bring singles, couples, and families more into fellowship with one another. As many of these young, single women have been integrated into the life of the church, they have begun to reach out to others, realizing they are no longer the wallflowers of the faith, marginalized as they wait to “grow up and get married.” They are not “less than” or somehow inferior. They have a place and they have a story—a story of struggle, growth, and change. God is making it a beautiful story of His redemptive work. The story of the single daughters of Zelophehad in Numbers 27 is one I love. God was concerned for the details of their lives, and they put their trust in Him as their deliverer and provider. They were assertive, but in godly ways, and found themselves to be heirs of His grace. They walked humbly before Him, but also walked with strength and dignity, and they found their place among His people. I will run out of days before I run out of opportunities for the privilege of spending time with the young, single women God has brought into my life. It was for my good, and His glory that He nudged me in this direction, and I am so blessed because of it. I pray that I can encourage many more women as they grow in trust, walk nearer to Christ each day—and take their vital place in the church body, as they too use their gifts, and uncover their calling. Laurie Beyer is involved in a PCA church plant on the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee campus, where she enjoys women in all stages of life, and the international student community. She and her husband, George, live in Milwaukee, Wis., and enjoy traveling and visiting their four grown children and two grandchildren.

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not in a dramatic moment of surrender and obedience. He started bringing young, single women into my life. I did not pursue them—they pursued me. I thought, “we have a church full of women…why me?” His perfect plan was to use what I knew wasn’t perfect—the struggles in the hearts of young women—to draw them nearer to the Lord of love, grace, and mercy. One young woman asked if we could get together. She has become a treasured friend for seven years. What began as a discussion about her unhealthy relationship with her boyfriend has matured into a relationship between two sisters, separated by 25 years, but committed to growing in grace and “spurring one another on in love and good deeds” (Heb. 10:24). Another relationship is with a college girl who we take to church each week. She loves getting together and talking about life, family, and her boyfriend. She says I remind her so much of her grandma (I almost gasped audibly the first time she said that), but I’ve grown to receive that as a compliment. She frequently asks me questions that allow me to speak the gospel into her life. The opportunities with young women have been abundant, and the blessings have been so sweet! God wasn’t asking me to mother more children, He was calling me to come alongside young women with a welcoming heart, to let them know that they were a vital part of the church body, and that they had found a place where it was safe to wrestle with God, and to find love and support in the friendship of an older woman. Churches are often centered on their largest demographic, young couples and families, not single women. The young couples love spending time together, so they don’t naturally think of involving the singles. But I find joy in time spent with the young single women. They have so much to offer, and we are growing together as we spend time in prayer, in the Word, in laughter, and in tears. I share bits of my story and they find in me a safe place to unravel their story. I always need to remember not to run ahead of God in these relationships. I remind myself often to be a better listener and to measure my responses, so that there is less of me in them and more of our gracious, wise, and loving God. These women have approached me for a reason—and although I love people and I’m sure that resonates—it’s God who is drawing them to me, so that they can hear me testify to the truths of His promises. I care and tend not to overreact to some of the things that their parents might be shocked by. I value the importance of family, especially in the life of a young adult, so I am in no way trying to replace that vital relationship. Yet, I empathize with their struggles, as I’ve seen them in my own children. I want them to know they are safe

encouragement / chronic

hope

Joyful Sorrows by Adriana Hayes

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Adriana Hayes is a freelance illustrator, professor, writer, and speaker who finds joy in helping others discover how God can bring “chronic hope” into their lives. She lives in Milwaukee, Wis., with her husband, Chris, and daughter, Promise.

Visit my sites! chronichopeblog. wordpress.com or madebyadri.com

Whining and complaining are two of the behaviors I have a very low threshold for as a parent. The reasons may be justified but the tone in which it comes out of a child’s mouth reveals much about their heart. This particular winter in Wisconsin had been perfect for stirring up discontentment and boredom in our house. We’ve had more than four snow days (three of those in the same week!) with temperatures so low and snowfalls so high that we were unable to leave our house. I will openly admit that after entertaining a toddler and ten year old for days upon end, without being able to step foot outside…they were not the only ones complaining and crying! Living with chronic pain since birth, I’ve learned to share honestly about what I’m experiencing without exhausting others with continuous complaining. My understanding of how to do this has swung from opposite extremes; show no hint of grief and mask it with forced happiness or share the darkest moments and leave myself and those in my wake void of hope. In the past ten years, I like to think I’ve landed somewhere in the middle. Recently, in studying Psalms, I’ve realized how important lament is to our faith and trust in God’s character and promises in the midst of suffering. Most people think of Christianity as a religion of joy rather than lament. After all, the fruit of the Spirit includes “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Gal. 5:22-23). That makes lament

seem closer in kind to the traits listed under the “sinful nature” (Gal. 5:19-20). Closer inspection of Scripture, however, reveals that lament plays a vital role in biblical religion. ~Tremper Longman III Laments make up almost 50 percent of the book of Psalms! As you read them, you’ll notice that the psalmist almost always concludes with confidence in God’s response and/or giving praise to Him. God knows that grief, anger, sadness, frustration, and weariness are things we all will experience as human beings. He created us in His image, which means He experiences many of these same emotions. However, where we differ from God is that we are capable of sinning out of these emotions if we let them rule our thoughts and hearts. By wrapping our lament in confidence and trust in who God is (even if the lament is about the injustice we feel God is responsible for) it will always produce a deep joy in our spirit. This true unending joy that we desire is impossible without grief and suffering. Look at Mark 15:34. Jesus cries out to God by quoting the first few lines of Psalm 22, in response to the unfathomable suffering He is experiencing on the cross. In addition to this, in Mark 14:32-42 in the garden of Gethsemane, Jesus laments the pain He knows He is about to endure. He even asks God to take it away, but again, finishes His lament in confidence by ultimately submitting to His Father’s will.

Even more amazing is the direct parallel that the structure of a lament has to Jesus’ death and resurrection. Just as a lament moves from sadness to praise, Jesus moves from suffering to glory. An honest turning to God in times of disappointment and grief—even in anger and confusion—turns sadness into singing. With a recognition of what God has done and can do, the opposite poles in the world of emotions are reversed. Joy replaces lament.” ~Tremper Longman III About eight years ago, I was diagnosed with a condition called arachnoiditis in my back due to the damage to my nerves caused by my spina bifida and the trauma from multiple surgeries. Recently, I’ve been experiencing an increase in flare-ups which leads to days and sometimes weeks of debilitating pain. I’ve found comfort in writing my own laments to God when I’m in the midst of these. There have also been multiple periods of intense mourning and hurt in other areas of my life in this past year. The structure of lament has given me a map to navigate these seasons of confusion and disorientation when it’s been very tempting to despair. If you’re in a desert that has you experiencing strong emotions that you are tempted to numb or push away, I encourage you to instead write out your own lament to God, ending with confidence in Him, and then watch with amazement as He turns your sorrows into joy.

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encouragement / it

is well

...with My Ask by Elizabeth Murphy

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Elizabeth Murphy has been a soughtafter speaker for the last 15 years. She serves on several non-profit boards, teaches Bible studies, and is an author and regular columnist for JBU. She and her husband, Mike, have four sons and three granddaughters. They live in Brookfield, Wis.

Visit my site! espeaks.net

As a small child, I remember my dad coming into our room at bedtime and letting us ask him any question we wanted. I can’t remember a single question he couldn’t answer. They were probably silly and easy but we didn’t care, we were asking the smartest person in our world. That’s the thing about small children, when they want something or want to know something they just ask— sometimes over and over and over again. They interrupt us whenever something pops into their minds and usually have no regard for the impossibility of their request. Maybe that’s why Jesus tells us that He wants us to become like little children. In Mark 10:14-15 Jesus says, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” The “such as these” that Jesus is referring to are those who come to Him without pretense. They trust the one they are asking and speak their heart. As I tried desperately to pray during a season of need, I found my prayers much more hesitant than hopeful. The situations were so hard, I forgot about child-like faith and instead tried to “get it right,” so I didn’t ask too much or too little. I wanted to earn the answers I hoped for. I was praying about life and death health issues, heartbreaking marriage situations, and children who weren’t just turning from God, they were running as fast as they could away from Him and behaving accordingly. My

prayers felt important, weighty, lonely, and ineffective. Praying for someone sounds so generous, but what God showed me was that my prayers had actually become quite selfish. My motives were wrong (Jas. 4:3). I was so worried about doing prayer well, that I forgot about the God I was praying to. He is the One who welcomes messy, selfish, persistent, and sometimes irritating little children. He wants to do the same with us. Our prayers will always be self-absorbed and filled with the wrong kind of wants but, if we try to fix them and ourselves to make sure we’ve got it right first, we’ll never come at all. In his book, The Praying Life— Connecting with God in a Distracting World, author Paul Miller says, “We don’t know how bad we are until we try to be good. Nothing exposes our selfishness and spiritual powerlessness like prayer.” If we are going to be like the little children Jesus loved, we have to approach Him just as we are. In an attempt to do this, I followed the advice of author Elisa Morgan from her book, The Prayer Coin, and bought a spiral notebook. I wrote HONEST on the top of the lefthand page and ABANDONED on the top of the right-hand page. Each day I spoke my heart as honestly as I could in my prayers. There were

questions, doubts, and cries which made it messy and demanding. It felt bad, but it also felt really good and freeing. On the opposite page, I wrote about God: His names, His promises, and His words straight from Scripture. I could then abandon my requests to Him knowing that, by doing so, I could relax. I remembered that the way to turn from my honest and very messy requests to what God desires for me are the prayers of Jesus who lives to intercede for us (Heb. 7:25) and the Holy Spirit’s intercession. Romans 8:26 says, “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.” Just as we are made right before God because of Jesus’ death on the cross, our prayers are made right through Jesus. He will be attentive and then He will act in accordance with His good, pleasing, and perfect will (Rom. 12:2b), and that makes it well with my ask. I don’t know what age we were when my dad stopped answering our questions, but I think we asked where babies come from and he very wisely went and got my mom!

the deeper life/ encouragement

Leadership in God’s Eyes by Melva L. Henderson

Visit my sites! Melvahenderson.org, worldoutreachbtc.org

strive, and strain to be out front and on top, but the message of Jesus is clear—if you want to be on top, get on the bottom. You’ll find that Jesus spoke less of leadership and more of servantship. When we busy ourselves serving others, making others better, we become leaders in the process. The transliterated Greek word for serve is “diakonos,” which translates as “attendant, minister, one who executes the commands of others.” This is what it means to serve, but it is also the purest definition of a leader—someone who unselfishly waits on another. The greatest leader who ever lived was Jesus Christ because He was the greatest servant. In Mark 10:45, Jesus is quoted saying, “I didn’t come so that others could serve me. I came to serve and to give my life as a ransom for many people.” Serving and giving is why we are here. Experience has shown me that the one who doesn’t care about being in front, the one whose ultimate desire is to help others, is oftentimes the very one God puts in front. In the eyes of God, true leadership is not about receiving recognition or the accolades of men. It’s about serving others. Unfortunately, many people are not as interested in true leadership as they are in recognition and accolades. I remember the story of a missionary named Rachel. She saw marvel-

ous miracles while serving on the mission field, and God used her to bring healing and deliverance to many. After returning to the States, she found herself working as a nursing assistant. One of her assignments was the daunting task of cleaning bedpans. As she cleaned the bedpans, one day she began to pray and cry out to the Lord, saying, “You’ve used me all over the world. I’ve seen miracles and people saved and healed, and this is how it ends up for me. Cleaning bedpans?” The Lord spoke to her saying, “Rachel, would you clean those bedpans for Me? Would you remove your pride and humbly serve the people using those bedpans? Would you do that for Me?” Rachel fell to her knees crying and asking for forgiveness. She began to pray over the bedpans as she cleaned them. One by one, miracles happened as people used those bedpans. That’s the power of having a servant’s heart. When her attitude shifted from focusing on herself to focusing on others, God used her to bring healing to those He wanted to bless. Instead of making your primary focus to be a leader, or to be out front, determine in your mind and heart to be a great servant. The more genuinely and humbly you serve, the more you will become a leader in the eyes of God, and the greater He will be able to bless others. 43

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Melva L. Henderson is an author and speaker. Additionally, she is the founder of The Milwaukee Give, a humanitarian outreach, and co-founder of World Outreach and Bible Training Center, Inc. Melva is wife to pastor Ervin L. Henderson, mother of five, and grandmother of two. Connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.

On December 15, 2015, my maternal grandmother went home to be with the Lord. I sat at her funeral listening to her pastor and others share her legacy of service. For nearly an hour, people recounted how “Sister Monroe” gave her heart to serving others. I knew my grandmother was a servant. She had served me since the day I was born. She also served my immediate family, cousins, aunts, and uncles—almost 60 people in our family alone. Even in the face of conflict and adversity, she remained faithful. One day, I asked her why she never quit, and her response was, “God sent me, so I had no right to remove myself or my service.” Jesus said, “Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant” (Matt. 20:26). My grandmother was a leader though she held no title. “Those who are the greatest among you should take the lowest rank, and the leader should be like a servant. Who is more important, the one who sits at the table or the one who serves? The one who sits at the table, of course. But not here! For I am among you as one who serves” (Luke 22:26-27). To the natural mind, it doesn’t make sense that Jesus would say such a thing. To be great, you must become less? How does one become greater through decrease? Jesus exemplified this through His humility. Philippians 2:6-7 tells us Jesus did not consider equality with God something to be used to His own advantage, but instead gave up His divine privileges and took the humble position of a slave. The world is filled with people longing to be leaders. They push,

encouragement / the

homefront

The 90 Day Red Hot Romance Challenge by Pam Farrel

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Pam Farrel is a bestselling author of 45 books including coauthoring Discovering Hope in the Psalms: A Creative Bible Study Experience. She has been happily married for 37 years and enjoys traveling. Pam and her husband, Bill, live on a houseboat in Oxnard, Calif.

Visit my site! Love-Wise.com

Don’t we all long to be loved so intensely that nothing can stop the burning passion? The couple in Song of Songs 8:7 felt this way, “Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away…” The summer can be a good time for fanning the flame of love in your marriage. When couples hit a difficult patch, or one or both are feeling disinterested, a marriage can be reignited when one of two things happens: 1.) Both commit to be “all in” for a focused period of time so new skills can be learned and feelings of love can be rekindled, or 2.) One of you decides that they are willing to try to “out love” the other with God’s power and provision. This raises the possibility for God to transform your marriage. If you want a sizzling and satisfying marriage commit to the 90 Day Red Hot Romance Challenge to give God the time and opportunity to give you back those honeymoon feelings. Here is a preview of the journey of love you will travel for 13 weeks:

Week 1: Archival. Remember how much you have already invested in your marriage. Pull out memorabilia like your wedding album and video; retell your love story to your children; or return to the place you met, first said, “I love you,” first kissed, had your first date, proposed, or honeymooned.

Week 2: Social . The primary

characteristic of long-lasting marriages is becoming best friends. Brainstorm a list of new activities you can try together to share new memories.

Week 3: Nutritional. Science

supports some culinary aphrodisiacs. Create a meal together using many of these heart-healthy items and watch passion build as you whisk, bake, and taste-test delectable ingredients. For example, dark chocolate increases the feelings of attraction between two people.

Week 4: Physical. Couples that workout together have more sex than the average couple. Discuss, decide, and complete a health and wellness plan.

Week 9: Financial. Money is

the number one area couples typically argue about! Watch some Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University or Crown Financial videos, or sign up for a class, create a budget, or clip coupons and go on a “two-for-one” date.

Week 10: Spiritual. Couples

who attend church and pray together regularly tend to also have a long-lasting marriage.

Week 11: Inspirational. Some

ing harder and playing less? This is the time to find a sport or recreational activity you both enjoy!

of the sweetest memories we have are doing ministry together. Try something like serving food at a homeless shelter, or gathering donations for a women’s center to serve together and grow your love.

Week 6: Vocational. Couples

Week 12: Sensual. Plan a mini-

Week 7: Parental. God calls us

Week 13: Sexual. Lack of time

Week 5: Recreational. Work-

are often in conflict over who does what. Once a year, have a goal-setting session and decide what the priorities are in your careers and delegate chores on the home front. to pass on the baton of faith to the next generation. If you are newlyweds, this might be a great time to take a parenting class. If you’re empty nesters, you might decide to have a date that includes your kids and their spouses and your grandkids.

Week 8: Emotional. Like us,

you might come from families filled with dysfunction. Couple’s counseling, a marriage workshop, or retreat might help. If your marriage is in a tough place, we have a list of resources at Love-wise.com.

date using all five senses. Researchers at Cambridge discovered if you are “super surprised” then you “super learn” and more details of that experience lodge deeper in your memory. is the number one reason couples cite for not having frequent sexual relations. Talk about your sex life and talk about some getaways you could plan. We invite you to join the LoveWise 90 Day Red Hot Romance Challenge to help your summer sizzle. (Go to Love-wise.com.)

Ministry on the Go Intentionally say “I love you” to those you love.

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encouragement / between

friends

I See You! by Shelly Esser

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Shelly Esser is editor of Just Between Us. Additionally, she has served on the Board of the Pastoral Leadership Institute. She and her husband have four daughters and a son-in-law, and live in Menomonee Falls, Wis.

Email me! sesser@elmbrook.org

Recently, a friend asked me in the most compassionate way, “Are you all right?” I was surprised that it showed and deeply moved that she noticed. Because the truth of the matter was, I wasn’t all right. As a result of that encounter, God encouraged my heart, reminding me that I wasn’t invisible and alone. In the rush of her life, my friend could have easily passed me by, but instead she slowed down long enough to see me and then to go deeper with me in a way that somehow just lightened the load with her question, knowing that she cared. My guess is that at one time or another all of us have felt invisible—or that somehow we don’t matter—just one more person lost in a crowd drowning in our mess. We’re yearning for someone—anyone—to see our pain, our struggles, the real us in the raw. But because of the pace of life, we speed by people and we miss seeing them—we fail to really look deep into their eyes to see what’s there, to notice what lies just beneath the surface. And it’s what lies beneath that matters most—especially to God. In our drive to be productive, we miss an opportunity for an eternal encounter. Pope Francis calls this a “culture of encounter” where we no longer pass by people in a hurry, without noticing them or recognizing how they might be struggling or suffering. “As Christians, we have to get to know people, to befriend them, to listen generously to them, to walk with them. This is not because we have all the answers to their problems or can cure all their afflictions, but simply because these encounters—these small acts of love and compassion, understanding and friendship—are precisely what peo-

ple need most” (pastoral letter on Hope and Healing). My mother, who was on a large church staff for over 30 years, always amazed me when we walked the halls together. Every single person that went by was greeted with a cheery hello and a connection that said, “I care; I see you; You’re important.” She knew everyone’s name (a huge feat in itself!). I watched as every face that was the recipient of that affirmation of importance lit up. That doesn’t sound like a big deal, but it is—it’s practicing a culture of encounter. It’s what Jesus did. One person at a time, we can have encounters that can change their lives. No more feelings of being invisible. Sometimes it can feel overwhelming to think about making a daily difference in people’s lives. That’s because we’re thinking big things—what if we looked for little things with big impact? To approach it one encounter at a time—this is where the difference in people’s lives can be made: the looking into someone’s eyes to see their pain and then giving them an invitation to be listened to; the stopping to compliment someone doing something ordinarily unremarkable that no one else notices; or stopping to help a frazzled mom get her kids through the grocery store checkout. How many times have we heard that “the eyes are the windows of the soul?” Psychologists tell us “our eyes

don’t lie and the best way to see someone is to look them in the eyes—the place where their soul really speaks.” If we don’t stop long enough to look into people’s eyes and linger there, we’ll miss what’s really going on in their souls because our eyes really do give us away. When you look at the gospel, this is really the Jesus way. Follow Him through the personal encounters He had in His life and ministry, and you’ll see a man of encounters that changed the world because He stopped to see! He always looked deep within the soul of the person in front of Him. Like Jesus, we need to keep our eyes open for the people God has exclusively assigned to us. A culture of encounter is love in action and demands that we roll up our sleeves and get our hands dirty. Jesus, after all, emptied Himself of all comfort, allowing His body to be dirtied and soiled with our sin. Likewise, He calls us to an encounter lifestyle as well. What an incredible way to share the gospel in human form—especially in today’s impersonal and unkind world! Let’s notice the people around us starting with our family, friends, coworkers—and the stranger—and let’s offer them “small acts of love and compassion, and understanding and friendship.” Lord, help us not to miss a single one of these encounters today. Give us eyes to see!

Moving Beyond Pinterest (continued from p 19)

I’m Tired of Being Afraid (continued from p 29)

His creative power and strength through you. He can’t help it! If you love to think of ways to meet needs and enlist the help of God and others to do so, you are creative. Creativity is not only being pin-worthy, it’s being aware of God living inside you and letting Him loose to do what He does best: be Himself. As He uses you to minister to others, you will be delighted at all the amazing things He can do, and you’ll see His creativity—and yours—in action.

The evidence said God loved me and was able to care for me. Now I had to decide—would I trust Him? I knelt and prayed, “Lord, I choose to trust You. If You allow the worst I can imagine, I will trust that it is because You have something planned that is better than I can imagine. I trust You to be with me through whatever You allow.” Relief washed over me. That night I slept like a baby. Ironically, the incidents stopped. God used those disturbances to expose and settle my buried doubts. I can’t say I’ve never felt afraid since, but when fear creeps in, I return to God’s character. I can’t imagine Jesus to be more loving or more powerful than He is. When I arrive in heaven and see my life’s story from His viewpoint, I won’t shake my fist and say, “I knew You messed up with my life.” I will marvel. I will worship. Since I won’t be disappointed when I see clearly, I can rest in what I don’t understand now.

Glenda Gordon, MSW, writes the weekly blog, “For Single Christians, One is a Whole Number.” Additionally, she has authored several articles for Single Matters magazine, and she is a speaker. Her ministry focus includes Christian singles, self-care, biblical counseling, and more. She lives in Indian Trail, NC. Visit her blog at glendablogz.com.

Ministry on the Go Make up a care package and send it to a friend as a surprise.

Debbie W. Wilson speaks, writes, and serves as a life coach to help women transform their lives with relevant faith. Additionally, she is the author of Little Women, Big God and Give Yourself a Break. She and her husband, Larry, are the founders of Lighthouse Ministries, a non-profit Christian counseling, coaching, and Bible study ministry. They live in Raleigh, N.C. Visit her website at debbieWwilson.com.

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