Winter 2018 by Just Between Us

E N C O U RA G I N G & E Q U I P P I N G W O M E N F O R A L I F E O F FA I T H Winter 2018

www.justbetweenus.org

Thankful No Matter What

by Dr. Juli Slattery, pg18

The Gospel Comes with a House Key

An Interview with Rosaria Butterfield by Lindsey Carlson, pg 20

24 Grieving at Christmas 26 The Truth About Selfies

42 Delighting Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Heart

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34 Your Best Years Are Ahead

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Welcome from the Editor

contact with—family, friends, and strangers alike— just a little wider. Serving “radically ordinary gospel-minded hospitality,” as she calls it just might change someone’s life for eternity—it did hers! This past year we’ve been on quite a journey together as we’ve “hunted” for hope—our word for 2018. I believe God has used His Word and the words of women all over the globe to point us to the only hope for our lives, Jesus Christ. And I can think of no better way to close this year than with the reason for the hope we have to celebrate this holy season. Author J.I. Packer said this in his book, Knowing God: The Christmas message is that there is hope for a ruined humanity—hope of pardon, hope of peace with God, hope of glory—because at the Father’s will Jesus Christ became poor, and was born in a stable so that 33 years later He might hang on a cross. It is the most wonderful message that the world has ever heard, or will hear. Let “the most wonderful message the world has ever heard” stir your hearts anew as you go into this season. And don’t forget you not only have a Savior who is looking after your every need, but a host of sisters who are praying for you throughout the year! A blessed Christmas from our door to yours! Until next time,

Shelly Esser has been the editor of Just Between Us for the last 28 years.

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There’s nothing like the feeling of walking up to a good friend’s door and having it flung open in happy anticipation of your arrival. When you come to the pages of this issue, we want you to feel like we’ve rolled out the welcome mat just for you, and have been waiting to get our arms around you to share a good cup of freshly brewed coffee together. We want you to “come on in” to the pages, settle in, and make yourself at home—to let God meet you here so very personally. And to know that you are in the company of good friends who can’t wait to walk alongside you and encourage your heart! We’re so glad you’re part of our Just Between Us family—especially the hundreds of you who are joining us for the very first time. In these pages we want you to find “me too” moments, a lifeline for your hurting places—and we want you to discover an oasis of hope and sisterhood—and nourishment for your faith journey. Imagine yourself surrounded by friends with the Christmas tree lights sparkling and the coffee and cookies filling your senses. Kick off your shoes, relax with your favorite coziest throw, and let the words in this issue wash over your spirit turning your heart to the King—the only One who can truly meet every need of your heart and life. Speaking of opening the door, I can’t wait for you to meet Rosaria Butterfield, our interview for this issue on page 20. Her incredible story of how she came to Christ reminds me so much of the apostle Paul’s dramatic conversion story. She will challenge all of us to open our doors to the people we come in

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Contents vol 29 no 1 W I N T E R 2 0 1 8

24 26

Cultivating a Thankful Heart Two ways to offer God our sacrifices of praise.

When the World Isn’t Jolly and Bright Ten ways to support a friend through grief this Christmas.

by Dr. Juli Slattery

Selfies Is technology satisfying our need to be noticed? by Susan Hoekstra

by Kelsey Kirkendall

E N C O U RA Winter 2018

QUIPPIN GING & E

H E O F FA I T FOR A LIF G WOMEN

by Patricia Raybon

org

The Gospehl Comes witey a House K An Interview

with Rosaria

by Lindsey

Butterfield

Carlson, pg20

at 24 Grieving Christmas 26 The Truth s About Selfie

Years 34 Your Best Are Ahead 42 Delighting t God’s Hear

ER us W I N T just between

2018

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Your Best Years are Not Behind You God needs willing workers, not necessarily young ones.

etweenus. www.justb

Thankful No Mattert Wha

ry, pg18 by Dr. Juli Slatte

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10 Things God Loves to Hear Us Say Discover what pleases the Lord and brings Him joy— and then set out to say and do those things. by Sandy Mayle

In a distracted & disconnected world, are you intentional about connecting with God in his Word? ®

The Bible for Coloring and Creative Journaling

Discover the Joy of Bible Journaling!

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INSPIRE: PROVERBS

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Contents

CREDITS Founder/ Executive Editor Jill Briscoe

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Editor Shelly Esser General Manager Mary Perso

Assistant Editor Suzan Braun Web Director Mary Ann Prasser Editorial Assistants Aubrey Adams Carol Becwar Constance B. Fink Gayle Gengler Betty Hinds Cherry Hoffner Jen Symmonds Susan Vanselow

I N S P I R AT I O N Welcome Letter

Between You and Me Joni’s Corner

Kisses from Katie Bits & Pieces

Art Director Kelly Perso

Advisory Board Anita Carman Pam Farrel Judy Briscoe Golz Nancy Grisham Pam MacRae Elizabeth Murphy Jackie Oesch Stephanie Seefeldt

Transparent Moments Between Readers

Circulation Manager Suzan Braun Web Debbie Wicker Renewals Manager Nancy Krull Marketing Andrea Buchanan Julie Santiago Director of Mission Advancement/ Social Media Ashley Schmidt Subscriptions Rebecca Loesche Julie Matthews Barb Pechacek Mary Richards Lin Sebena Software Support Rebecca Loesche Photographer Wayde Peronto/ Babboni Photography

ADVERTISING Ellie Dunn For more information call 856.582.0690 ext. 2# or email ellie@carldunn.com.

30 F E AT U R E S Finding Hope A simple prayer that transformed my faith! by Liz Ditty 30

20 just between us W I N T E R 2 0 1 8

FA I T H C O N V E R S AT I O N S Radical Hospitality Rosaria Butterfield is practicing radically ordinary hospitality in our post-Christian world. by Lindsey Carlson 20

Keeping Your Sanity as a Special Needs Parent Five steps to help you thrive.

Not Good Enough You can stop trying to be a good Christian. Find freedom in the finished work of the Cross. by Laura Sandretti 40

ENCOURAGEMENT 44

SUBSCRIPTIONS Subscription Price: $19.95 per year for four issues. Outside US, add $6 per year prepaid US currency; $5 in Canada.

Just Between Us (ISSN 1069-3459) is published quarterly by Just Between Us, 777 South Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045-3701. Make all checks and money orders payable to: Just Between Us, Subscription Orders 777 S. Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045

by Tammie Swaney 32

It is Well

It’s Okay to Lament Learning how to express the truth about your pain to God.

The Homefront

The Deeper Life

by Heather Webb 36

Email: submissions@justbetweenus.org

Gift Your Ministries: Group subscriptions are now available at reduced rates. Encourage and inspire the women who make ministry happen at your church or other places of outreach or service to others. Energize their relationships, refresh their faith, and become equipped as a team for facing ministry challenges through JBU. For more information, call 800-260-3342 today!

44 Chronic Hope

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inspiration

Between You and Me “He is in your life in order to anoint you for your appointed task—the task He assigned to you before you were you to know!” We hear much today about empowering. Whole industries have sprung up to empower people in all areas of their lives. The Holy Spirit will empower us to do the tasks that we have no power to do alone. He comes to help those who are helpless. He comes to strengthen and inspire. In other words, He is in your life in order to anoint you for your appointed task—the task He assigned to you before you were you to know! For me this empowering often comes when I need words that work—words that convince, convict, or convert the people to whom I am talking. Words are necessary in the calling He has given me, and I have experienced this empowering by the Holy Spirit over and over again. It is as if words that struggle to get off the ground take flight and arrive at their destination. It is perfectly all right for me to bank on Him doing this for me. In fact, it has been the habit of my life to ask Him to give wings to my words. Whether I am struggling to find a word of encouragement for a single parent, a word of comfort for a bereaved husband, or words for a talk for students, women, a congregation, or conference. I pray with confidence: Give my words wings, Lord. May they alight gently on the branches of men’s minds, Bending them to the winds of Your will. May they fly high enough to touch the lofty, Low enough to bring the breath of sweet encouragement Upon the downcast soul.

God’s work in your hands cannot be done without the anointing of the Holy Spirit. But you can bank on Him to do it. If you have the Holy Spirit, you have the anointing. Remember what 1 John 2:20 says: “You have an anointing from the Holy One.” Just make sure there is no known sin in your life. Trust in His promise that you have the anointing—and then go for it! God appoints you to a task that He anoints you to perform. Then He assists you with the special tools that you will need. Praying you’ll go for it in the power of the Spirit! And what better time to rely on His words than during this season of the year when you’ll be interacting with all kinds of people, in all kinds of settings—many of whom need the message of Christmas! Have a Blessed Holiday,

Jill Briscoe is the Founder and Executive Editor of Just Between Us. She is also a popular author and international speaker living in suburban Milwaukee, Wis., with her husband Stuart.

Ministry on the Go Send a care package for a college student you know.

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Give my words, wings, Lord, May they fly swift and far, Winning the race with the words of the worldly wise, To the hearts of men.

Give my words wings, Lord. See them now, Nesting— Down at Thy feet. Silenced into ecstasy, Home at last.

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Joni’s Corner

heart-to-heart with Joni Eareckson Tada

Email me! response@ joniandfriends.org.

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Visit my site! joniandfriends.org

Choose Me! When I was a student in elementary school, I was always itching to be first to raise my hand. I even had it up before the teacher finished asking the question. In Phys Ed, when they’d pick teams, I’d squirm and think, Choose me; oh please… won’t you choose me? Call it insecurity—stupid, brazen, whatever—I did not want to be left out. If a team captain was eeny, meeny, miney, and mowing, I wanted in. Decades later, I can be grateful because God longs to include me. Colossians 3:12 tells us that we who know Christ as Savior are His chosen ones. Ephesians 1:4 reminds us we are elected to be holy and to be witnesses before heaven and hell concerning the gospel. Jesus even said, “You did not choose me, but I chose you” (John 15:16). This invigorates my spirit and makes me feel included in the big picture of God’s workings in the world. It binds me together with other brothers and sisters in Christ. It’s like I am in God’s classroom: Lord, I’m so grateful You chose me! Yet God has a group of “chosen ones” for which I am not eager to raise my hand. He selected me for that group over 50 years ago when I broke my neck and became a quadriplegic. The Lord whispered Isaiah 48:10 into my

ear, “I have chosen you in the furnace of affliction.” Just in case I tried to assume that verse was only for Joseph and Job in the Old Testament, God showed me Acts 9:15-16 where He said of the apostle Paul, “[You are] my chosen instrument… I will show [you] how much [you] must suffer for my name.” Once I left the hospital in a wheelchair and faced a life without use of my arms or legs, I knew Acts 9 wasn’t meant just for apostles: it was meant for me. I was now God’s chosen instrument… and I was to suffer for His namesake.

Yet God has a group of “chosen ones” for which I am not eager to raise my hand. When God chooses us for the furnace of affliction, it could mean a catastrophic illness, physical or mental. It could be an unexpected divorce, a deep loneliness, being falsely accused, or having your reputation dragged through the mud. The furnace of affliction could include a life of chronic pain or an overwhelming grief that refuses to be consoled. Whatever it is, it can take your breath away when you step into a fiery hot trial and think, This is my new normal? Be heartened. It is a special kind of election described in 1 Pet. 2:21:

“To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example that you should follow in his steps.” According to Acts 9, you are suffering “for [His] name.” This means there’s more than enough grace for the furnace of affliction. He stands with you, helping you handle the challenges gracefully; that is, full of grace, so that you will bring glory to His name. You have the honor of making God look good through your trials! Suffering is not something you would normally choose. I certainly didn’t want paralysis! Remember, it is your Savior who decides that furnace for you, rather than you for it, and He first sifts every terrible trial that touches you through His wise and loving fingers. Your trials are stepping stones to spiritual maturity. The testing is meant not merely to prove your strength, but increase it. Psalm 65:4 says, “Blessed are those you choose and bring near to live in your courts!” That is something you can raise your hand for, gladly saying, “Amen!” Joni Eareckson Tada, the founder of Joni and Friends International Disability Center, is an advocate for people with disabilities, providing Christ-centered programs for special-needs families through retreats. She has also delivered over 100,000 wheelchairs and Bibles to disabled people in developing nations. Her new daily devotional, A Spectacle of Glory, contains fresh biblical insights from her battle with cancer and chronic pain. Joni also serves as general editor of the new Beyond Suffering Bible, a special edition published by Tyndale for those who suffer chronic conditions and their caregivers. She and her husband, Ken, live in Calabasas, Calif.

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Kisses from Katie

living the surrendered life with Katie Davis Majors

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Visit my site! amazima.org

Impossible Grace “And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, ‘Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; He is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloth and lying in a manger.’ “Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, ‘Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests’” (Luke 2:8-14). You will find Him in a feeding trough. You, on whom His favor rests. You will find Him where you least expect Him. Do you hear His whisper? You will find me where you least expect me. This, the very most unexpected place, this is where we find Him. Even more, this is where He finds us. In the long dark nights, in the lowering of my friends’ bodies into the dark earth, in the resettling of their children into foster families, in

This is my prayer for you this Christmas: That in the most unlikely places—in the hard, the hurt, and the dark—you would know the unexpected hope that can only come from our Savior. Impossible grace abounds, even where we least expect it. the impossibly hard parenting, and in the shepherding of my children through searing loss, I have known Jesus. In the endless blending and grinding of food for a feeding tube, the endless chopping of carrots for soup, the long lists of spelling words and multiplication tables, and the unexpected joy of just being, we have known Jesus. In the blazing hot sun, in the forever-caked-on-my-heels red mud, and over the thousands of potholes, I have known impossible, unexpected grace. This is my prayer for you this Christmas: That in the most unlikely places—in the hard, the hurt, and the dark—you would know the unexpected hope that can only come from our Savior. Impossible grace abounds, even where we least expect it. Can you hear it? His message to the shepherds is His message to us today. “You will find a baby lying in a manger. You will find my love where you least expect it. You will

find me in the mud, in the muck, and in the dirt. In the mess of your sin and the hurt of this life, I will find you.” May impossible, unexpected grace be yours through Christ our Savior! Katie Davis Majors lives in Uganda. She and her husband, Benji, are the parents of 13 adopted daughters and one son. In 2008, she started Amazima Ministries International, a non-profit organization to meet the physical, emotional, educational, and spiritual needs of the people of Uganda (amazima.org). Additionally, she is the author of Kisses from Katie: A Story of Relentless Love and Redemption and Daring to Hope (released in October), which chronicles her amazing call and obedience to God and to Uganda. Follow Katie’s blog at kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com.

Ministry on the Go Hold the door for a weary mom with a stroller and little kids.

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Bits & Pieces

for everyday faith and life

10 Ways to Love a Friend in Need (in 10 minutes or Less) 1. Post a message on their Caring Bridge site. 2. Pick up a takeout lunch and deliver it to the hospital or home. 3. Order a devotional, journal, or inspirational plaque. 4. Freeze a portion of your family’s dinner into a single serving. Deliver at your convenience.

Words of Wisdom

5 Ways to Refresh Your Soul Caring for yourself is wise and everybody needs to rest. Here are a few ways to refresh: 1. Spend time alone. Research suggests that quiet time can be therapeutic in the noisy world we live. 2. Declutter your soul. As you sit, listen to what’s going on in your heart. Recognize it, acknowledge it, fix it if you can, repent of it if you must, and then give it to God and move on! 3. Rest. We weren’t created to run, run, run. After the adrenaline of the holidays, you need rest. 4. Plan time for friendship. Text, write, phone, or visit, and make time to laugh and be together.

“The presence of God in a believer’s life makes everything spiritual. When eternity dwells within you, your life is not ordinary because you house the Lord of Glory. Each moment, no matter how mundane, is infused with eternal significance.” ~Mimi Wilson and Shelly Cook Volkhardt

“Asking for prayer is not about putting our burdens on friends. It’s about letting them walk by our side, down a path we were never intended to walk alone.” ~Renee Swope

5. Plan for beauty. When winter is blah, arrange some flowers or a simple seasonal display to brighten your home. Excerpted from joyfilleddays.com by Sarah Beals.

5. Offer to stop by and change the sheets or do the laundry. 6. Offer to pick up groceries when you’re already at the store. 7. Send a card. (Keep a stack on hand.) 8. Deliver a smoothie or coffee.

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9. Text or email an encouraging Bible verse. 10. Find their favorite (food, movie, music, socks, candy, jammies, etc.)—ship it to them from Amazon. Excerpted from Sarah Beckman’s ministry Alongside. For more ideas and Sarah’s book, Alongside, visit her website at sarahbeckman.org.

Write Us! Please send your short (250 words or less) snippets to: submissions@ justbetweenus.org.

P R AC T I C E T H E A RT O F S TAY I N G P U T The gospel calls us to more, but it also always calls us to less. Who is right in front of you that needs to be seen? More than half of Americans live in the suburbs. Yet for many Christians, the suburbs are ignored, demeaned, or seen as a selfish cop-out from a faithful Christian life. Ashley Hales invites you to look deeply into your soul as a suburbanite and discover what it means to live holy there.

TISH HARRISON WARREN,

author of Liturgy of the Ordinary

ivpress.com 13

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“This book isn’t just about the suburbs; it is about a woman who finds herself in a place she would not have chosen and seeks to learn what the incarnation, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus bring to bear on her own home, neighborhood, time, money, parenting, friendships, and life in this moment in history.”

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Transparent Moments breakthrough insights with Anita Carman

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Visit my site! inspirewomen.org

His Calling Gives Belonging According to psychology, the human mind is wired in such a way that we thrive best when we are connected to each other. From the first pages of the Bible, God tells us that the human soul does not do well alone. Further research substantiates that leaders who don’t have a safe person to journey with end up stuffing their anxieties and setting themselves up for a future meltdown. As much as I embrace the idea that two are better than one, I have also felt the sting of needing a co-laborer in Christ and then finding that person wasn’t there. Maybe they chose to walk away. Maybe their time on earth was up, and they were taken to be with their heavenly Father. Maybe their own internal struggle or ambition drove them to a position that was incompatible with my calling. Whatever the reason, I have discovered painfully that when a leader depends on another person, and that person proves to be undependable, the situation can cause us to lose our boldness. How do we need each other, yet not become overly dependent? Is there even such a thing as letting someone into your heart, but not getting too close, so you guard your heart from disappointment or betrayal?

The solution is not to withdraw from others or say we will do everything by ourselves. Instead, we can keep one hand in God’s hand, while we also allow someone else to hold our other hand. God’s hand is strong enough to help us finish running our race even if it means starting all over again. While our support and encouragement can come from people, our confidence should always come from God alone. David’s son Absalom declared himself king and raised a revolt aga inst Dav id when Absa lom thought himself a worthier leader. While a great number of people in the kingdom f locked to Absalom, and David was forced to flee the castle, he never doubted God’s providence in his life. David was not insecure just because someone else wanted his position or people in the kingdom abandoned him. He did not sacrifice himself by retiring early or resigning, so the person nipping at his heels could take over the reins. No earthly person can ever thwart God’s plans or push His servant out of office. David did not pretend to be stoic, but instead let his heart break while crying out to God. All the while, he trusted that his appointments belonged to God. In time, David emerged again to take his rightful position. God’s appointments always stand. As a leader, our confidence is not in human reasoning, gold, or chariots. I used to think my strength was in the support I had around me. I drew courage from numbers very much like politicians who are voted into office. God had to teach me

that my strength is not in the army around me, but in the God who lives in me. When my best friend passes unexpectedly or when someone covets my title or position, do I abandon God’s call on my life? No, there are times when God allows the peripherals, as well as what I consider essential, to be stripped away to teach me where my dependency must lie and to test what and who I truly depend on. God did so in my life when He sent me to a different neighborhood in a different city. It surprised me how quickly those who said they would keep in touch were no longer a part of my life. When the phone calls stop and when the text messages lessen, we are left with the unfamiliar terrain in front of us and the daunting challenge to find our way. What I have found over the years is how my anchor is in God’s call for my life. It’s His calling that gives me my place of belonging. Regardless of the changes that may happen, God remains constant. His calling in our lives carves out a place for us that no human or event can ever take away from us. Anita Carman is the Founder and President of Inspire Women, an organization that inspires women across ethnicities, denominations, and economic levels to connect their lives to God’s purpose. It also funds biblical resources and scholarships to train women for missions and ministry. She has an M.B.A. and completed graduate level studies at Dallas Theological Seminary. Anita writes a regular devotion and is author of Transforming for a Purpose and A Daughter’s Destiny. She lives in Houston, Tex., with her husband, Robert; they have two sons.

women at risk

international

war chest boutique A Treasure Chest of Gifts Made by and Sold in Support of At-Risk and Rescued Women

Visit Us in-store, shop online, or host a pop-Up BoUtiqUe! warchestboutique.com

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The WAR Chest Boutique is the retail arm of the nonprofit organization Women At Risk, International.WAR, Intâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;l exists to create circles of protection around those at risk, whispering worth and hope into their lives. WAR, Intâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;l creates safe places for women and children rescued from many risk issues, including human trafficking and sexual slavery. 15

inspiration / between

Q: A:

readers

Looking for a spiritual nugget to lift your day or encourage your heart? Your fellow JBU readers want to help! We asked,

THE WORD

How do you build bridges with people who hold different beliefs than you? “I view every point of contact as an opportunity to build a bridge. It can be as simple as asking the cashier at the grocery store how her day is going, delivering a meal to a new neighbor, or engaging in meaningful conversation with someone at the park. Too often we burn the bridges we’re trying to build by imposing our personal beliefs before we’ve heard others. Relationship is essential for effective bridge building. Then we can be prepared as the Lord opens opportunities to give an answer to everyone who asks us to give the reason for the hope we have (1 Pet. 3:15-16). The key is to do this with gentleness and respect.” Lisa Elliott Speaker, Author, Pastor’s Wife, Mother, Nana / Ontario, Canada

-JILL BRISCOE

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“Because God and love are synonymous, seeing people through the eyes of love is seeing them through the eyes of God. I believe my responsibility is to see people through the eyes of love regardless of their beliefs. My responsibility is to see their value to God and allow them to experience His love through me. My responsibility is to make it easy for God to draw them near to Him. When I do my part, God, Who is love, becomes the bridge that I simply cross over to connect with others.” Wendy Cruz Mosaic International Ministries, Inc. / Milwaukee, Wis.

“I think through three important questions as I’m interacting with others: 1.What can I learn? Everyone can help me grow. After engaging with them, I may understand a different perspective, which will help me better understand someone else. Or I may research my view more thoroughly, resulting in deeper confidence.

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2. What commonality do we share? Use the commonality to bring unity and enjoyment to the relationship. Do not allow the difference to become larger than the commonality, which results in division. 3. How important is the issue? Keep in mind the goal is to build the relationship. Evaluate if the issue is worth dividing the relationship. If so, we may respectfully part ways knowing we have learned from each other.”

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From the author of Final Words & 24 Hours that Saved the World

SIMON PETER—an ordinary ﬁsherman who heard an extraordinary call. He left everything to follow his teacher and possessed a passion that would change the world. That’s one way to describe Peter. Here’s another: poor, uneducated, quick-tempered, and full of doubts and fears. Doesn’t even sound like the same man. And that’s the point of Simon Peter, a six-week adult Bible study by Adam Hamilton. Peter was just an ordinary guy who heard and followed God’s extraordinary call. Discover how you, too, have special gifts, talents, and abilities that God can use to make a difference today.

• The Call of the Fisherman • Walking with Jesus in the Storm • Bedrock or Stumbling Block? • “I Will Not Deny You” • From Cowardice to Courage • The Rest of the Story

In addition to the Leader Guide and DVD components for adult studies, corresponding youth and children’s resources, sold separately, can be used to create a churchwide study. Learn more about Simon Peter at AdamHamilton.org

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Adam Hamilton is senior pastor of The Church of the Resurrection in Leawood, Kansas, one of the fastest growing, most highly visible churches in the country. Hamilton is the bestselling and award-winning author of Moses, Creed, Half Truths, The Call, The Journey, The Way, 24 Hours That Changed the World, John, Revival, and Not a Silent Night.

Chapters Include:

Two ways to offer God our sacrifices of praise. by Dr. Juli Slattery

thankful C U LT I VAT I N G A

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HEART

“What are you most thankful for this year?” It’s the question we anticipate passing around the table as we celebrate Thanksgiving with family and friends. Reciting our gratitude is part of the turkey dinner and pumpkin pie. It’s what we do on Thanksgiving. Like many of our American traditions, Thanksgiving has retained some shallow roots of what it was originally intended to be, but for most of us, it has lost the “punch” of spiritual significance. Being thankful means more than sharing a list of good things in your life. Throughout Jewish and Christian history, true thanksgiving has been paired with a “sacrifice.” Before your mind goes to slaughtered goats from the Old Testament, remember that we are still called to bring a different kind of sacrifice to the Lord as New Testament Christians. The writer of Hebrews spells this out for us: Therefore, let us offer through Jesus a continual sacrifice of praise to God, proclaiming our allegiance to His name. And don’t forget to do good and to share with those in need. These are the sacrifices that please God (Heb. 13:15-16). Even if we have grateful hearts this week, most of us celebrate without anything resembling a sacrifice. Probably the closest we will get to sacrificing is sitting next to a relative we don’t get along with. Yet true thanksgiving means more than writing God a proverbial “thank you note” for all of our blessings. An incident in David’s life helps paint the picture for why thanksgiving should also include a “sacrifice of praise.” David sinned against God by ordering a census of all of the able warriors in Israel. As punishment, God sent a plague against the people of Israel, killing 70,000 of them. Just as an angel was poised to destroy Jerusalem, God said, “Stop! That is enough.” David bought the land where God stopped the angel, with the intention of building an altar to the Lord. The man who owned the land offered to give it to David, but David protested, “No, I insist on buying it for the full price. I will not take what is yours and give it to the Lord. I will not present burnt offerings that have cost me nothing” (1 Chron. 21)! David’s actions show us two different ways that we can offer the Lord a sacrifice of thanksgiving to show Him our gratitude.

BEING THANKFUL WHEN YOU DON’T HAVE REASON TO BE

OFFERING A “THANK YOU” THAT COSTS SOMETHING

When David built his altar of praise to the Lord, he refused to offer God something that had cost him nothing. We see this same theme other places in Scripture where a woman poured costly perfume on Jesus as an act of worship (Matt. 26:6-13). Sometimes our words of thanks actually cost something, but often they don’t. Would you allow yourself to be so moved by thankfulness that you sacrifice something precious to you? The verse in Hebrews quoted earlier spells out one way to do this: And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. Jesus isn’t here for us to anoint with costly perfume. However, He has called us to be His hands and feet to a hurting world. There are many around us who need a “cup of cold water,” financial help, and to know about the Savior who died for them. We serve others over the holiday season not just because “it’s that time of year.” We write that big check, cook a meal for a hungry family, and show love to the downcast as a sacrifice of thanksgiving to our Lord who has so graciously blessed us. As I write this, my own heart is convicted. So many holidays have gone by with the intention of truly worshiping the Lord, but my thanks and praise seem empty with the clamor of family, food, and shopping. I want this year to be different. I truly want to offer God a sacrifice of thanksgiving. How about you? Dr. Juli Slattery is a widely known clinical psychologist, author, speaker, and broadcast media professional; she co-founded Authentic Intimacy and is the co-author of Passion Pursuit: What Kind of Love Are You Making? Visit her website at authenticintimacy.com. Reprinted from Today’s Christian Woman, November 2015. Used with permission.

Ministry on the Go Offer to walk a friend’s dog if they need help. 19

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Think about it. God had just struck 70,000 Israelites when David built an altar of praise. No doubt, David felt grief and even anger based on what had just happened. However, he chose to respond to the Lord with praise and gratitude that the Lord spared Jerusalem. Now that’s just incredible. Who would want to be thankful in a moment like that? Yet we are encouraged to “continually offer a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that profess his name.” Maybe you find yourself this Thanksgiving feeling like you have very little to be thankful for. A true sacrifice of thanksgiving is declaring the goodness of God when life is anything but good.

Corrie Ten Boom, the author of The Hiding Place, shared a story of offering such a sacrifice of praise. Corrie and her sister, Betsie, had been captured by Nazis for hiding Jews and placed in the Ravensbrück concentration camp where Betsie eventually died. Of course, the conditions were horrible, including fleas in the barracks constantly biting them. Betsie challenged her sister with the verse, “Give thanks in all circumstances” (1 Thess. 5:8). With her sister’s encouragement, Corrie very reluctantly thanked God for her terrible circumstances, even the fleas. Eventually, Corrie realized that because the fleas were so bad, the guards never came to their barracks, allowing Corrie and Betsie to hold worship services! Now, that’s a sacrifice of thanksgiving! What is the last thing in your life you feel like thanking God for today? Maybe now is the time to offer a true sacrifice of thanksgiving, trusting that God has allowed even the worst circumstances for His unseen purposes.

Radical Hospitality Rosaria Butterfield is opening hearts and front doors to a post-Christian world.

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by Lindsey Carlson

faith conversations

In 1999, Rosaria Butterfield’s life intersected with the gospel of Jesus Christ through a friend’s radically ordinary hospitality. From hating Christians to becoming one, the transformation took place slowly and outside a church pew when the church came to her. Before she became a popular Christian author, she was a tenured professor at Syracuse University, a lesbian feminist fighting to advance the cause of LGBTQ equality, and an unlikely convert. In Rosaria’s newest book, The Gospel Comes with a House Key: Practicing Radically Ordinary Hospitality in Our Post-Christian World, she articulates a gospel-minded hospitality that’s focused not on teacups and doilies, but on missional evangelism. Rosaria was raised in a Chicago suburb in a liberal religious home. She started writing as a child trying to make sense of the anger, unpredictability, and drug and alcohol abuse in her family. After her conversion to Christ at the age of 35, she left her former life behind and lost everything but her dog. One of God’s greatest blessings to her is her husband, Kent Butterfield, pastor of the First Reformed Presbyterian Church of Durham in North Carolina. Rosaria spends her days as a pastor’s wife, home school mom, and author and speaker. In addition to remaining zealous about hospitality, she loves outdoor hikes with her family, her dogs, and a great cup of coffee. Lindsey Carlson spoke with Rosaria about opening hearts and front doors to our neighbors.

Rosaria: First of all, it is not entertainment. Hospitality is about meeting the stranger and welcoming that stranger to become a neighbor—and

There are many hospitable people who don’t have a saving faith in Jesus. How do we ensure our hospitality explicitly reflects the gospel? Rosaria: I look at a person as an image bearer of a holy God and I am not in any way bothered by whatever worldly identity happens to be attached to that image bearer. We often struggle with understanding two things. First, a sin nature: what it means to be fundamentally distorted by original sin, distracted by actual sin, and manipulated by indwelling sin. And second, we struggle with what it means to carry with us the imprint of the God who made us. That means that by God’s command, we are called to reflect God’s image through knowledge, righteousness, and holiness. And all three things require a radical conversion and redemptive life in Christ. In order to be the image bearers we are called to be, we must be born again. But the thing to realize is that people need more than a meal—they need a meal and the gospel of salvation. They need to know how their sin patterns, and the sins of others, land on them. They need to know who the real enemy is. People are not our enemy. Sin is our enemy.

How essential was radically ordinary hospitality to your own conversion? Rosaria: When I lived as a lesbian activist, I had been in a lesbian relationship for some years, and I very much thought, “This is who I am, and this is how I want to live.” When I started writing my post-tenure book, it was on the Religious Right and the people they supposedly hated, like me. I got to

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You advocate a kind of hospitality that steers clear of teacups and doilies. How does radically ordinary hospitality differ from what most people think of as “Southern hospitality?”

then knowing that neighbor well enough that, if by God’s power He allows for this, that neighbor becomes part of the family of God through repentance and belief. It has absolutely nothing to do with entertainment. Entertainment is about impressing people and keeping them at arm’s length. Hospitality is about opening up your heart and your home, just as you are, and being willing to invite Jesus into the conversation, not to stop the conversation but to deepen it. Hospitality is fundamentally an act of missional evangelism. And I wouldn’t know what to do with a doily if you gave it to me. I would probably wipe up cat mess with a doily!

faith conversations

know a neighbor, Ken Smith, who was also a conservative Presbyterian pastor. And what was striking was that his home looked a lot like my home. Among my circles in New York, in the ’90s during the AIDS crisis, somebody’s home was open every night of the week. There was a lot going on. The community had to gather together, and not by invitation only, because this was a crisis. This was an emergency. And we called ourselves family. I thought that was unique to the gay community. But it wasn’t. Ken Smith’s community was like this too. Ken’s Christian community gathered at his house at all hours. I learned this because he invited me in. For two years, I was loved and welcomed by a Christian community that I mocked, despised, and rejected. I accepted them when it worked for me and rejected them all the other times. There is simply no way I would have walked into a church if I hadn’t had a genuine friendship with the man behind the pulpit. For two years, I was part of Ken and Floy Smith’s ministry. I met with them once a week. At their home, the door was wide open. People were always in and out of the house—people from church and people not from church. Heated, genuine conversation would happen. People would speak honestly, and tears would flow. But it was different because Ken would open the Bible and sing from the Psalter, and then he would pray. It was so disarming; I couldn’t help but go back. It was in this context of hospitality that Ken brought the church to me, because it was impossible for me to get to the church without the bridge of somebody’s home.

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Before you came to faith, did you ever try to escape your friend’s hospitality? Rosaria: Oh, yes. The Bible is an amazing book, and I had never read it. I was more than happy to criticize a book I’d never read. I’m a bookish kind of gal, and the Bible really gets inside of you. And it made me confront some really haunting things. It made me face a whole category of sin—both mine and other people’s. It made me think about my own past, my childhood, my parents, and my previous faith. After a while, I would think, “You know, I’m busy. I don’t want this.” And then I’d just stop showing up. I’d stop answering email. And Ken would gently pursue me. He’d pop over with a loaf of bread Floy had made. Or a book we were talking about. We did book exchanges. When I would try to slip away, he’d just gently come back and check on me and tell me he missed me.

How do you offer hospitality without being pushy or obnoxious? Rosaria: That’s where being very consistent really helps. I would not have fallen for this if I had felt stalked—if Ken had said, “Let’s get together Tuesday the 27th at five o’clock.” Instead, I just knew I was welcome for dinner at 5:30. Daily hospitality doesn’t make people feel like they’re being stalked. If they have the fortitude, the courage, the sobriety, and the mental health to actually get out of that bed and walk through that door to yours, it gives people room. We live in a world where we are told biblical conversations are hate speech. That’s ridiculous. What you can’t do is make sneaky little raids into people’s lives like a moral prig and then expect people to thank you for that. If you want to have strong conversations, you have to build relationships. If you have good manners, you’ll make sure you have strong relationships before you have strong conversations. That’s true with your children, your neighbors, and everyone else. For many people, invitations feel formal and one-time-only. But an offer of “we would love to see you as it suits you” gives people the opportunity to sneak in. Sometimes too much focused attention on the guest can be overwhelming, but being one among many isn’t as threatening. And having loose boundaries helps that—“we’ll eat at 6:30, feel free to come over.” It takes the spotlight off people.

How does radically ordinary hospitality look when you live in a community where people go to and from work, pull their cars into the garage, shut the door, and never speak to their neighbors? How do you engage people who seem completely uninterested and never accept your invitation? Rosaria: Give open invitations, especially invitations for events that are outdoors. We will put an invitation on an app called NextDoor saying, “We’re going to have a cookout. Bring a folding chair and a friend.” And we’ve realized there’s a 10 percent rule. If you invite everyone out, about 10 percent will come. And I’d say be consistent about hosting. Be warm in responding to people. Cast wide nets. In some cases, if we’re responding to a crisis, we have our church there helping. That way, when neighbors show up, 30 people are already there. They’re grilling, talking, filling water balloons, handing out watermelon. It takes away the awkwardness of being the first to walk up. We forget hospitality isn’t a nice add-on you do when you happen to have a spare Saturday afternoon. It’s the bridge that God is going to use to solve the biggest problems in people’s lives. Realize your neighbors are struggling with things. I don’t care how meticulous the garage looks when the door closes. Nobody is doing great. I’m not doing great; you’re not doing great. We’re tired, we’re cranky, and we need help. And if that’s true of those of us who have the power of the Holy Spirit in us, how much more for those of us who don’t?

You emphasize that believers should use their homes in a daily way that seeks to “make strangers neighbors and neighbors the family of God.” Does this mean our doors should always be open? Rosaria: Daily is an almost. If you have the flu, don’t share it. But the idea is that in the church, someone’s home is always open. People have a place to gather with God’s people. And as God’s people are gathering, they have the foresight to open the doors. But if nobody is doing that, we need to ask ourselves, “Why?”

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When the World Isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t

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JOLLY& BRIGHT

10 ways to support a friend through grief this Christmas. by Kelsey Kirkendall

During the Christmas season of 2016, the world looked a lot like it usually did. There were Christmas lights and carols on the radio. Christmas cookies sat on a plate. Even with a little snow, it didn’t feel like Christmas for my family. My grandfather had passed away suddenly two weeks before. What should have been a time of decorating trees and attending church services was filled with funeral preparations and caring for my recently widowed grandmother. It was hard to explain to people outside of my family why I wasn’t excited for Christmas and why I was actually dreading the Christmas Eve service that we had always attended together. If this isn’t your story, it might be the story of your friend or family member this holiday season. If it is, how should you address it? It can be hard to be supportive without sounding cliché, and it can be even harder if you’ve never experienced grief yourself. Here are a few ways you can support your friend through their grief this Christmas season:

1 BE THERE FOR THEM. This can be hard, especially if the person seems to be pushing you away. In the midst of grief, there is nothing more comforting than knowing there is someone willing to walk patiently alongside you. 2 DON’T PUSH TO OPEN UP. People are ready to talk at different times. If your friend isn’t ready, grief may be too fresh. They might not even fully understand what they are feeling themselves. They will open up when they are ready. 3 LET THEM TALK ABOUT EMOTIONS. Grief is messy and raw. It makes us question everything we believe, and it causes many different emotions at the same time. Don’t pressure your friend to be okay with what is happening in their life. Even when we have faith in Christ, loss still hurts and needs to be processed. Let them process their grief with you, and make sure that you are willing to simply listen. 4

DON’T DISMISS GRIEF WITH RELIGIOUS CLICHÉS. We are guilty of this in Christian cir-

cles, often because we are unwilling to be involved in the messy parts of grief. There is no blanket statement or verse that will make the pain go away. Yes, Scripture is important, and God is the ultimate healer. However, make sure that you aren’t simply dismissing their pain in efforts to make yourself feel better.

5 MEET PRACTICAL NEEDS. This can be especially important during the holiday season. It may be easy to drop off good wishes and a casserole, but what about letting out the dog while your friend is out of town for the funeral? What about taking the kids out sledding, so your friend can have some time alone? These practical needs are often overlooked and can go a long way in making your friend feel cared for and loved. 6 PRAY. This might seem obvious, but it is often overlooked. Pray for your friend to heal and to lean close to God during this time of hurt. Pray for the right words to say to your friend and the wisdom to know when to just listen. 7 PARTICIPATE IN THE FUNERAL. Funerals are tiring and emotionally exhausting. Showing up to let your friend know you are there for them can be extremely comforting and can help to remind them they are not alone. 8 RELIVE MEMORIES. One of the best ways to begin processing death is by reliving good memories. This helps focus on the positive impact the person made on their life rather than the gaping hole left by their absence. But remember, it might take a little while for the memories to be less painful to discuss. 9 FOLLOW UP ON CHRISTMAS. It is easy to forget the lonely and grieving during the busyness of Christmas. For many, this is often one of the most painful days of the year because it is a fresh reminder of their loved one’s absence. Try to find a way to call or check in with your friend. If they are on their own this Christmas season, invite them to join some of your family celebrations. 10 POINT TO A FUTURE. While in the midst of grief, it can be hard to picture a life without a loved one. Discuss the future and what it will look like to move forward. Discourage any major decisions while the grief is still fresh; instead lend a hand with the small transitions that will have to take place. Christmas can be a magical time, but it can also be a season of hurt for many people. Let’s strive to reach out to others this holiday season and love them well. After all, Christ came to comfort a broken world. We are called to do the same. Kelsey Kirkendall is a graduating senior at Grace College and Theological Seminary in Winona Lake, Ind. While she loves writing, she is majoring in graphic design and plans to someday write and illustrate children’s books. In her free time, she enjoys reading books and learning about other cultures.

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Christmas can be a magical time, but it can also be a season of hurt for many people. Let’s strive to reach out to others this holiday season and love them well.

Is technology satisfying our need to be noticed? by Susan Hoekstra

selfies Niagara Falls is one of my happy places. Strolling on the meandering trails on the American side of the Falls, I could hear and sense the rushing water. Humbled and awestruck, I stepped closer to the water’s edge, my heart pounding in anticipation. With the sounds of the Falls as my backdrop, I heard every kind of language imaginable as hundreds of international tourists lined up at the railings with backpacks, strollers, cameras, and phones. So many people, so many cameras, is there a spot for me? And then, there they were. Not one, not two, but what looked like hundreds of the latest tech gadget. Selfie sticks.

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our need to be noticed

Now, don’t get me wrong, I enjoy technology and a gadget or two. After all, technology encourages brand new ways of communication with each other around the world. I admit to loving my phone’s camera and recording videos but nothing quite impressed me like the idea of taking selfies, and now, selfie sticks. What happened to enjoying the moment without having to record it? Why such need for self-promotion? Is technology satisfying our need to be noticed? It starts with a baby’s cry. Toddlers seek it through temper tantrums. Teenagers with rebellious overtones and skimpy outfits. Twenty-somethings with budding accomplishments. As we mature, we may not acknowledge our need to be noticed because we don’t want to appear self-centered. Instead, we develop more sophisticated communication and negotiation skills to get noticed. Or do we? 26

Recently, a study was completed regarding the underlying motives behind selfie posts. Scholars agreed that two distinct types of personalities emerge in the name of self-promotion. First, are narcissists who desire attention and love the entertainment factor. Second, are individuals with appropriate self-esteem who take pictures for archival and communication reasons. In the quest to be noticed, where do you fall?

our underlying need

Posting items with the motive of self-promotion can also have damaging effects, breeding envy. Psychologist Todd Kashdan from George Mason University describes what happens when we look at posts: “They’re hearing all these great things happening from other people, and they’re making a downward comparison to themselves. They’re viewing themselves as ‘My life isn’t as interesting or satisfying as other people’s lives.’” Our culture is increasingly obsessed with self. Pictures, posts, and counting how many likes or visits our posts receive is commonplace. Could this be an outcry of an underlying need we all have? Craig Detweiler, an expert on faith and social media serving as president of the Seattle School of Theology and Psychology, states: “To me, so much of the crisis in our country and culture is rooted in issues of identity. People are feeling unseen, unacknowledged, and underrepresented. And they’re desperately crying out to be noticed, affirmed, and loved. I see selfies as rooted in our deepest hunger, our greatest longing.”

satisfying our need

So if indeed this hunger is built into us by our Creator, how do we go about satisfying this need? A recent project I’ve been working on is a collection of “God Noticed Me Stories.” What a joy to sit down and hear the varying ways God intimately noticed individuals in nature, relationships, trials, sports, music, and through His provision and protection. These stories all revealed how God is paying attention to the intimate details of our lives. Once we notice how God notices us, the need to be noticed is satisfied. Deeply. Here’s one story. My tires screeched as I pulled into a parking space at the mall. I only had 10 minutes before stores were closing. My needs were simple. White linen pants. God knows that I don’t like to shop. He also knows that I had already tried my favorite online stores and gone to 10 different stores over the course of two days. Either right pants, wrong size or right size, wrong style. In just a few days, I was headed to Chicago where I was meeting with publishers. Surely, God must know that a pair of summery, white linen pants would complement my wardrobe perfectly! As I entered the crowded store, the announcement blared: “The store will be closing in 10 minutes. Please bring your items to the check-out.” Feeling panicked, I scurried into the pants section fumbling through racks. Nothing. Went to a different section. Nothing. And then, there they were. One lonely pair of white linen pants. Right style. Right size. Wrong price. Frantic, I tried them on anyway—score! Just what I was looking for. At this point, the price didn’t matter so I immediately ran to the checkout. As the clerk rang up my purchase, she stalled for a minute to enter some code—30 percent off. Yes! Excited, I attempted to share the story with her about how God noticed me. As she politely put the pants in the bag, I think I saw her smile as she watched me skip out of the store. Wow! The God of the Universe noticed me! As I started the car, much to my delight, worship easily poured over me as the radio played: “What a Beautiful Name It Is.” Two days later, wearing my summery, white linen pants, I stepped into the auditorium at the conference to hear everyone singing, “What a Beautiful Name It Is.” Just for me.

the God who notices us

Susan Hoekstra is a writer, speaker, mentor, podcaster, and musician. She started AFFIRM GRASP Ministries to encourage others towards a deeper understanding of God’s mercy. Healed from abuse, adultery, financial insecurity, family addictions, divorce, the loss of both parents, and lost dreams, her journey to discover “who she is” resulted in discovering “whose she is.” Visit her website at susankhoekstra.com.

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Honestly, the God of the Universe doesn’t have to do anything for us. Yet He does. Every day. In fact, because of sin, we deserve punishment, instead He provided mercy. Each morning, the very breath we take tells us that He notices us. Lamentations 3:22-23 says, “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies are new every morning; Great is your faithfulness.” Although God may use technology to notice us, technology becomes a tool, not a source. He is always the person behind the scenes, orchestrating everything on our behalf to meet our need. Scripture says in Psalms 107:9, “For He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul He fills with good things.” God noticed me on my shopping trip. God noticed me at Niagara Falls. After I stopped looking at the selfie sticks, a quiet section near the Falls opened as many of the tourists moved on. I closed my eyes and listened, remembering that God knows how much I love the sound of waterfalls. This space, this moment was nothing short of majestic. Surrounded by the incredible sights and sounds of moving water, His power was so overwhelming, I was compelled to worship. The God, who knows every hair on my head, embraced me. Oh how He satisfies!

presenting… You love your…

KIDS CHURCH FAMILY

TRIBE

SMALL GROUP SPOUSE

But, sometimes it’s hard to care for them when they’re…

ANGRY DISAPPOINTED

FEELING HURT Although we have a Good Father, even the most devoted Christians will learn to Father themselves in certain areas, leaving them…

FEELING LONELY DISTANT LONELY DEPRESSED

LIVING LIKE AN ORPHAN

FEELING ABANDONED HOPELESS

You love your Tribe! Gain the tools you need to help them…

FIND HOPE OVERCOME ADDICTION

TRUST GOD

DISCOVER HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS LIVE FULLY ALIVE IN CHRIST

Share the gift of Healing An Orphan Heart with your tribe today!

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Visit www.orphanheartministry.org to order! Book & Workbook 40% off with code JBUFALL18

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Healing An Orphan Heart BY RICK EVANS

I need constant attention and approval

I shut down when I feel unloved

I believe I’m worthless unless I’m in a relationship

I reject others before they reject me I have anger issues towards men/women

I think I’m ugly

ANGER

I HURT THE ONES I LOVE

FEAR

CTIO

UNLOVED

RE JE

IS INV

CUR SED

/ JUD

I binge/starve & don’t know why

GED

I SELF PRESCRIBE

I’m addicted to porn

I drink to numb my pain

IBL

ABUSED CURSED

MY HURT

LES

ABUSED

WIL

WORTHLESS

LFU

SHU

RE JEC

TION

I TURN ON MYSELF

I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop

FEAR

T TER

I have a fear of failure & a fear of success

SPIRITUAL ABUSE T EN M E DG U -J LF E S EN GIV R O UNF

L SHAME

I shop to feel more alive

I KEEP GOD AT A DISTANCE I don’t trust God in tough times

It’s hard for me to pray

I’m not sure God loves me or even likes me

I feel like God is disappointed with me

“Father, father me”.

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There is HOPE in joining a generation who cries…

When my sister-in-law Julia had her fourth baby, we were ecstatic! My three wild nephews would finally have a little sister to look after. Only weeks after my niece was born, though, Julia was diagnosed with brain cancer. When my brother told me the news, his face was determined but afraid. I couldn’t imagine Julia gone. I couldn’t imagine what that would do to my young nephews, to my brother. I couldn’t imagine my newborn niece not knowing her amazing mama. I tried—I tried so hard—to pray, “Thy will be done.” I gained a new appreciation for the agony of Jesus’ prayer the night before He died. I didn’t necessarily want God’s will to be done. I wanted Julia to be healed. But praying for a giant tumor to disappear was scary. What if God didn’t heal Julia? Praying for God’s will felt a little safer, whatever happened would be an answer then. I could protect my hope and insulate my faith from disappointment. And I had been disappointed before. My dad was diagnosed with the exact same brain cancer Julia had. He had been dead for

nearly a decade when her tumor glowed white on the scan. I’m not sure what gave me courage to pray for her healing. Maybe I trust God more now, or maybe I could too easily see myself in her place. I hadn’t even prayed for my dad to be healed. My husband (boyfriend back then) was driving that night. We were on our way to my parents’ house when my mom called. I remember the exact curve in the freeway where the world went wiggly. My old cell phone that still had buttons on it was pushed against my cheek. Mom was trying to sound matter-of-fact and positive at the same time. But when she said, “cancer,” my body knew the truth before I even had time to think: my dad was going to die. My head almost hit the dashboard as it fell between my knees. I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t breathe. I threw up in my car. During the weeks that followed, I only prayed for two things. Both a little selfish, I guess, looking back. 1. God, please let Dad live until my wedding day. 2. God, please let Dad’s brain work clearly for just a minute. Let us be able to say goodbye. My dad and I had been dreaming of my wedding day since I was little. I used to think it was normal for dads to want to practice walking down the aisle and dancing a first dance with their nine-year-old daughters. Mike and I moved our wedding date up. We knew Dad would probably be in a wheelchair, but it felt like our last chance to celebrate with him. He had between six and nine months to live, so we planned our wedding for four months out.

hope

finding A simple prayer that transformed my faith!

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by Liz Ditty

God is good, He loves me, and even if He doesn’t always save me from pain,

He makes it count.

God, Your will is bigger than Julia being healed or not being healed. You have desires and plans for what this sickness is going to do in her life, in each of our lives. God, please spare her life. God, please heal her brain. God, please let her raise her children and let her children be loved by their mother. Don’t let us be glad only after we are through this sickness and she is healed. Do something even now. Make it count. It was a terrifying journey, one my brother would call the biggest test of faith in his life. After many tears and much darkness, Julia and my brother came out the other side saying, “It is well with my soul.” The cancer had counted. They had an unprecedented experience of the nearness of God, the love of the people around them, and the limits of their faith being met with limitless grace. Julia went into remission, and she is still cancer-free today. She’s a glowing wife and mom who challenges me with her gratitude for each day. She knows God’s goodness can reach anywhere, and she lives her life unafraid of the dark. Liz Ditty is a speaker, writer, podcast host, and volunteer jail chaplain. Additionally, she teaches regularly at her church. Liz and her husband live in San Jose, Calif., with their two children. Taken from God’s Many Voices ©2018 by Liz Ditty, Used with permission by Worthy Books, an imprint of Worthy Publishing Group, a division of Worthy Media Inc., All Rights Reserved.

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Dad’s tumor blocked meaning from his words. The look in his eyes made it seem like he was trying to say something, but the random selection of slurred words coming from his mouth was impossible to translate. God, please just give us like sixty seconds, maybe two minutes. You don’t have to save his life, but please just push back the fog. Let us say goodbye. Let us say “I’m sorry” and “I forgive you.” Let us say, “I love you.” I kept waiting for my moment, the kind that Nicholas Sparks describes near the end of The Notebook. It never came. Dad died ten weeks before my wedding day. WAS IT SO MUCH TO ASK?!?! TOO MUCH?!?! Would it have changed the course of history so drastically? God, I let You take my dad! I didn’t even complain! It’s not like I’m asking for a convertible. How could You deny me such simple requests? I had pushed hope far away; I had never even asked for healing. I was happy to settle for scraps, and even those were denied me. I shook my fist at heaven and didn’t listen for God’s response. This hurt too much. Hope, I decided, was a placebo. I was determined to never touch it again. I was deeply disappointed. God had been dangerously ineffective (I didn’t want to be forced to admit this), and life is unfair (it’s hard to keep living with this in the front of your mind). Nope. Not worth it. Hope should come with a warning label that reads “Hedge your bets, dummy.” And it does come with a warning label, but that label reads “Beware of counterfeits.” We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love (Rom. 5:3-5, NLT). There is a hope that doesn’t ever disappoint—the hope that God will save us, and that He is saving us. That He will make all things right one day, and that He is making things right even now. Hope is like a muscle, and it has to be made stronger. When we experience pain, that can build our endurance. When we learn to keep pushing through even when we want to quit, it builds our character. It takes a strong character to practice hope in a dark world and not give in to helplessness or cynicism. But hope is not a sham, as long as our hope is in God. We will never be disappointed by the saving grace He offers, because He loves us. If we want to be hopeful people, we have to be ready for our hope muscle to be made stronger. That’s why Paul tells us to celebrate problems and unanswered prayers, they are building our resiliency and developing our deep hopefulness. In the end, we won’t be disappointed. I still don’t know why God didn’t give me the two things I prayed for, but I do know that unanswered prayer is not proof that hope is a sham. It’s not proof that God is blind or uncaring. I don’t have to protect God’s reputation, and I don’t have to wall up my heart. Paradoxically, in my hope unmet, I met hope I didn’t have to be afraid of. God is good, He loves me, and even if He doesn’t always save me from pain, He makes it count. Sometimes the best gift He can give me is not to immediately make me happy, but to ultimately make me stronger. My friend Bronwyn Lea taught me a better way to pray, more in line with the surest hope we have: “Instead of praying, ‘God, make it better,’ I need to pray, ‘God, make it count.’”

Keeping Your Sanity as a Special Needs Parent

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5 steps to help you thrive. by Tammie Swaney

What I’m about to say may sound terribly selfish and not very “motherly,” but I want you to know I share this from my heart, as one who has experienced physical exhaustion and emotional anxiety, along with feeling mentally drained and even resentful at times. I have battled with the feelings of guilt when a Calgon moment is just not enough to get me through my day. Raising a child with special needs can be as challenging as rock climbing in an ice storm. What am I saying? Raising any child is challenging, but the difference between the two is that you are never sure whether your special needs child can comprehend the circumstances that surround them or if they’re just ignoring you with a grin on their face and a “catch-me-if-you-can” attitude. For the normal child, we anticipate many milestones. They get their driver’s licenses and go to school dances. There are sleepovers, the first boyfriend or girlfriend, mother/child talks, and even a bit of rebellion. You know, the normal, everyday stuff. But you may be surprised, that when it comes to rearing a child with special needs, the rules remain fairly similar: keep them on the child’s level, care for yourself, and find rest for your mind, body, and soul. Nicholas, my “forever-five child,” has taught me a few things about parenting I never would have learned from a book, Oprah, Dr. Phil, Dr. Dobson, or even Sesame Street. He steals everyone’s heart and has more love to give than anyone on earth (okay, I’m biased). At age 17, he can be such a gentle child. But, watch out! The next minute he might get agitated, go on a rampage, and pretty much destroy the peace that existed in our home just seconds ago. No one knows why it happens, and we have found no immediate solution. I do know one thing—having the active participation and support of my husband, Tim, and having God’s leading in our home, gets us through the unbearable days. Here are five steps to take to keep your sanity through the trials of raising a special needs child. (They may not work with every parent or every child, but they have helped us.)

2 Spend time with your husband. I find this difficult to accomplish. We have busy schedules and are exhausted from working long hours and doing household chores. However, time with your spouse is a necessary element in building strength in your family. Set apart a date night or even a coffee hour. My sister’s husband recently succumbed to cancer. My heart broke when she told me her hardest time was morning. That was their time when they would sit and talk about their day over coffee, just the two of them. That time was precious. Do not waste precious hours! Find time together to pray, converse, hold hands, snuggle, reminisce, and plan your future. This will give you a unified front and a combined strength. 3 Make Time for Yourself. I have an annual retreat I attend that is spiritually refreshing. I also have hobbies that enable me to sneak away to enjoy some girlfriend time. Lunch with a sister, a walk with my iPod, or a cup of tea on a wintery night with my favorite novel after Nicholas is tucked into bed are also favorite quiet times. Be sure to make time to unwind. 4 Stick to a Schedule. We also have a 20 year old still at home, along with Nick. Between work, sports, college, and just plain fun, we have a hard time keeping track of his social calendar. However, when it comes to me, my husband, and Nick, our schedule is quite constant. I have learned that a well-ordered day suits Nick, as it enables him to function better. This routine allows us to maintain a pleasant pace and provide peaceful security for Nick. There are even times we may decline an invitation extended by friends, as we know it will only make for a worse day tomorrow, all guilt-free. 5 Learn from Your Child. The love displayed by my special needs son is overwhelming. It is greater than any love I have ever experienced, except the love of Jesus Christ. It is an unconditional love. Love radiates from Nicholas and is truly contagious—it’s a constant reminder to me about how I am to love others. It is without hindrances and without prejudices. This is the love Jesus talks about throughout the gospel: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself ’” (Matt. 22:37-38). If you’re having one of those days with your special child, remember, there is peace in the presence of Jesus. He will supply you with all you need to get through each moment. He has gifted you with the awesome task of raising a special needs child, who can be the perfect picture of Christ’s love. Praise Him for the opportunity to share this child with the world. Since this writing, after a short illness, Tammie’s beautiful son, Nick, has graduated to heaven. Tammie Swaney is a minister and solo pastor in the rural, Twin Tiers of New York State. She is a wife, mother of three, and grandmother of four.

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1 Spend time with God. Nothing is more important than making time to read, reflect, and revive in the Word of God. God has a way of showing up and showing us what we need at just the right time. His Word is forever edifying, and when we dig deep into Scripture we will find food for rejuvenation. Here are a few of my favorite verses that sustain me when I am having “one of those days”: • “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,” (Eph. 4:26). Even after discipline, I’ll sit with Nick and spend time showing him how much I care for him and I always tell him, “I love you” before I turn off the light. • “I can do all this through him who gives me strength” (Phil. 4:13). When I think all is lost and I have no more strength to take on another argument, this verse reminds me that it is not my strength I need to depend on, but God’s. Only He will carry me through. • “When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands

up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset” (Ex. 17:12). This is not a last resort verse, but a marvelous reminder that I can call my prayer warriors to uplift me in my time of need. We all need those prayer warriors to support us in prayer when weary.

God needs willing workers, not necessarily young ones. by Patricia Raybon

YOUR BEST YEARS

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ARE NOT BEHIND YOU I am not 25 anymore, or 45, or even 65. But God doesn’t care. It’s Monday and my phone is ringing. My email inbox is full. My workload is steady. The harvest is ripe, as the Good Book says, and God has work for me to do. That’s the biggest surprise to me about getting older: God doesn’t worry about age. He needs willing workers. My biggest life questions aren’t about whether I will dye my hair, buff my thighs, or get a Botox shot. Instead, I’m simply asking: Am I still willing to work for God and not stop? I never wrestled much over stages and ages of life. That’s because I’ve always worked. And work is curious and holy, no matter our age or season, our calling or color. I used to think our best years were based on timing and talents, but our best years, it turns out, are based on our godly purpose—and our willingness to labor for the cause of it. As a New York Times article recently declared about an 89-year-old Brooklyn artist: “Her Secret to a Long Life? ‘It’s Good to Work a Lot.’” My daddy taught me this principle early on. He didn’t have sons. Instead, he had “the girls”—my sister and me, born to him and my mother in the Jim Crow ’50s. Growing up black in his proud household meant we were up at dawn every day, making our beds, clearing the dishes, sweeping the carpet, cleaning the bathroom, and moving rocks. 34

Yes, we moved rocks. This was in the ’60s after fair-housing laws passed, so my hardworking parents moved our “colored” family from our beloved but cramped inner-city bungalow to a squeaky clean new tract house out in the sticks. It offered us a new beginning, surrounded by suburban sameness and rocky, bare front yards. Nobody dared say we didn’t belong. So Daddy roused my sister and me early one Saturday morning and asked us to collect all the rocks. He was eager to sod the yard, determined to build a suburban-worthy lawn to calm the neighbors. So I moved rocks. All day. I was 14 and skinny and the rocks were heavy, but the sky was blue, the sun was shining, and the work—as work tends to be—was doggone good. Standing in our long shadows at the end of the day, we looked across a sod-ready yard, not bitter but grinning. “You did good,” Daddy said. “Thanks, Daddy,” I said to him. “You did good, too.”

GOD DOESN’T WORRY ABOUT AGE. HE NEEDS WILLING WORKERS. MY BIGGEST LIFE QUESTIONS AREN’T ABOUT WHETHER I WILL DYE MY HAIR, BUFF MY THIGHS, OR GET A B O T O X S H O T. I N S T E A D , I ’ M S I M P LY A S K I N G : A M I S T I L L WILLING TO WORK FOR GOD AND NOT STOP? er, speaking about the child “to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem” (Luke 2:36–38). Our task now, as Andrew Murray would say, is to avoid “confounding work and fruit. There may be a good deal of work for Christ that is not the fruit of the heavenly Vine.” My hard-working father understood this truth: that ill-tempered work, driven by ambition or other self-interest, lacks kingdom purpose and anointing, as well as kingdom joy. When he took my sister and me to church on Sundays, he wanted us to know the God of the ages who would make every moment a wonder if we would surrender all our days to Him. He wanted us to know the Carpenter, who spent His adult life building—the one who waited until age 30 before He turned toward Galilee and changed the world. He was the worker of all time. He made us a stunning promise, that whoever believes in Him would do “even greater works” (John 14:12, NLT), and those works would be miracles. We could move more than rocks, He said; we could move mountains (Matt. 17:20). How? Jesus explains: “Because I am going to be with the Father” (John 14:12, NLT). This good news means the Holy Spirit, sent to us from Christ, will empower us and unleash our potential to keep working for the kingdom without stopping. The oldest woman I know, now 105 and still kicking, once confirmed this truth with a piece of advice (the best she ever gave me): “To live a good long life? Pace yourself.” As she put it, “Stay busy. But let the Holy Spirit do the work.” As I approach my late 60s, my phone keeps ringing and, with gratitude, I keep answering. I keep joyfully answering because I know that every year, the harvest will be sweeter. Why? Because God is producing good fruit in all of us. Patricia Raybon is an award-winning author whose books include My First White Friend, winner of a Christopher Award, and Undivided: A Muslim Daughter, Her Christian Mother, Their Path to Peace. This essay excerpt was adapted by permission from The Wonder Years: 40 Women Over 40 on Aging, Faith, Beauty, and Strength, edited by Leslie Leyland Fields, Kregel Publications, 2018. www.kregel.com.

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Of all the things my dad taught me, starting with the sufficiency of Christ and His cross, the second best was that work is a wonder. And age? It doesn’t matter. In our youth-seduced culture, aging is bemoaned and belittled. Wrinkles are reviled. Gray hairs are camouflaged. Clearly, our culture hasn’t read the Book of Exodus. Right there in the third chapter, Moses climbs around Mount Sinai while tending his father-in-law Jethro’s sheep. He is 80 years old. But God doesn’t fret over age. Instead, God looks at Moses and says the kindest words this sojourner has probably ever heard. Take off your sandals. Meaning what? Stop wasting time on Jethro’s sheep. Stop dragging your dusty flip-flops on unholy ground. Instead, take off your sandals before me. And then? Get to real work. That’s when you can change everything, Moses is told, even if he can’t quite believe it. Moses pushes back, of course. He says he’s not qualified: “What if they won’t believe me or listen to me? … I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled” (Ex. 4:1, 10, NLT). We hear Moses today because he sounds like most of us: self-doubting, dismayed, and lacking courage. However, what Moses doesn’t ask is also significant. Even at 80, Moses never inquires, “What if I’m too old?” He’s worried about other things instead. His speech. His ability to lead those unruly people. He even begs to bring along his brother, Aaron—who, at 83, is no spring chicken. Moses never stews over age. So why do we? Many of us often assume that after a certain year, we’ll finally become this person or achieve that goal. We dream of stepping off life’s stage and heading for the golf course or the front porch, arguing that we’re too old to give more. But retirement as a concept is barely mentioned in the Bible (excepting those Levite priests in Numbers 8:24–25). Regarding age, God doesn’t seem to care. As the Creator of years and time, He advises us not to count down to retirement but rather to “number our days” and “gain a heart of wisdom” (Ps. 90:12). The Scriptures are full of heroes from the socalled “wonder years.” Abraham and Sarah, at 100 and at 90, were charged with bearing a covenant son and parenting a nation. Noah built the ark at age 600. Zechariah and Elizabeth were “both very old” (Luke 1:7) when they became the parents of John the Baptist. Anna the prophetess, too, served in the temple until her “very old” age, watching and waiting for the Messiah. When she finally saw Him, she didn’t kick off her shoes, sit down, and retire. Instead, she worked even hard-

itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s okay

lament to

Learning to express the truth about your pain.

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by Heather Webb

It was Sunday. I didn’t want to get up. My body felt heavy. The day before, my world had come crashing down. The tsunami had come and gone, but I was still standing in the midst of the debris in shock and despair. My breath was labored and my mind was cloudy. I could hardly speak. The consuming sadness sat like a dense fog in my soul. I wanted to pull the covers over my head, disappear from the world, and sleep for ages to escape my reality. I summoned strength to get out of bed and get ready for church. My loves knew the routine and headed to the car. I’m sure my children noticed that something was awry, but they followed along as normal. We made it to church despite my distracted driving. I sent them each off to their classes and trudged toward the sanctuary. For the first time in my life, the thought of worshiping numbed me. I hid in the back of the room, sinking into the pew, hoping to become invisible among the hundreds of people who surrounded me. Why was I here? I couldn’t sing the songs. I couldn’t comprehend the sermon. I didn’t want to look at or speak to anyone. My chest felt like a pit that was about to swallow me. I needed to lament. Lament is a passionate expression of grief or sorrow. As followers of Jesus, we often don’t feel permission—from ourselves or from others—to lament. We tell ourselves that we should rejoice always and find joy in suffering. We think that anger or sadness are signs of weakness, sinful attitudes, or lack of faith. We hang onto trite answers like God will work all things for good, while our souls are still dying inside. Friends are afraid of our emotions and give tense smiles and false reassurances, creating distance. Jesus told us, “In this world you will have trouble” (John 16:33). The psalmist poignantly describes that when we experience pain and loss in our lives, it feels like the earth is giving way, and the mountains are falling into the heart of the sea (Ps. 46:2). Grief, anger, hurt, or loneliness can overwhelm us. We may desperately try to escape the full weight of our emotions. We ignore, pretend, distract, eat, drink, medicate, consume, exercise, work, or relate in an unhealthy attempt to push out of consciousness the pain we don’t want to face. The Bible shows us a different model. Over one third of the Psalms are laments. David says in Ps. 55:4-5, “My heart is in anguish within me; the

terrors of death have fallen on me. Fear and trembling have beset me.” Job lamented and said, “Why did I not perish at birth, and die as I came from the womb” (Job 3:11)? The prophets likewise cry out to God. Jeremiah says, “Why is my pain unending and my wound grievous and incurable” (Jer. 15:18)? The entire book of Lamentations is an expression of poetic laments about the destruction of Jerusalem. Jesus Himself lamented as He looked toward the Cross and said to His disciples, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death” (Mark 14:34), and then fell with His face to the ground and cried out, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me” (Matt. 26:39). On the cross, Jesus cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me” (Matt. 27:46). Why is lamenting so important?

when we lament, we begin to heal

When our pain remains trapped inside us, it begins to corrode our souls and damage our bodies. Our helplessness in the face of our circumstances and our inability to protect ourselves creates shame. The pain and the shame unite to overwhelm our equilibrium. Remembering and telling the truth about terrible events are prerequisites for healing. When we share our story and give testimony to our loss by acknowledging the truth of our lives, the supernatural process of healing can begin. When we speak the truth about our pain and shame, they begin to lose their powerful control on our hearts and minds.

heavycloudy labored dense fog disappear escape

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It was Sunday. I didn’t want to get up. My body felt ...My breath was and my mind was . I could hardly speak. The consuming sadness sat like a in my soul. I wanted to pull the covers over my head, from the world, and sleep for ages to my reality.

when we lament, we declare that we are not alone

When we are alone there is no need to give voice to our pain, but when someone is present, we have reason to speak the unbearable truth. Because our Father loves us and desires to know us, He wants us to share our pain with Him. He wants to be with us in our pain. God does not just see our pain, He wants to journey with us in our pain. Even though He is always close, we need to open our eyes to His presence and allow Him to wrap His arms around us. Psalm 46:1 reminds us that “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” The comfort is we are not alone in the universe, and we do not have to carry our burdens by ourselves.

when we lament, God listens

At times, we may not even be able to put words to our pain. We may only have groans and cries. Even in this, God hears and understands, because the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness and intercedes on our behalf. There is power in having our stories heard, validated, and felt. We are made to be known, and being known involves having someone to hear and understand us. God offers this to us, and He desires to be our primary support. He wants to know about our experience. He wants to hear us express our hearts and our deepest emotions. It brings joy to His heart when we share these with Him.

when we lament, God holds our pain

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The Psalms model for us that it is acceptable to pour out our hearts of pain to God. David, a man after God’s own heart, expressed every raw emotion to God. God already knows our pain, our struggles, our doubts, our anger, and our desires for justice. When we express our pain and grief to God, He is able to contain it. It doesn’t overwhelm Him. It doesn’t hurt Him. It doesn’t offend Him. It doesn’t surprise Him. He doesn’t blame us. He doesn’t judge us. He doesn’t hold it against us. God can handle our emotions, because He is an emotional God and has experienced the full range of emotions Himself.

when we lament, God suffers with us

Jesus is the suffering servant. He is a Man of Sorrows who is familiar with our pain. In fact, our suffering is part of His suffering on the cross. He climbs down into our pit of despair and sits with 38

When we share our story and give to our loss by acknowledging the of our lives, the supernatural process of can begin.

testimony

truth healing

us. As Hebrews says, He empathizes with us. Not only does God participate in our suffering, but we also join in His pain over the brokenness of all creation. God also laments because individuals, relationships, and the whole world are broken.

when we lament, we can join together in community

While we need to give ourselves permission to lament with God, we have an equal need to lament with others. After all, we all desire to be seen and for others to feel our pain. Author Parker Palmer says, “The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed—to be seen, heard, and companioned exactly as it is.” Unfortunately, many of our churches today provide few venues where lament is acceptable, but the church must be a place where we can bear witness to one another’s pain. When we share our pain and suffering with others, we agree together that, this world is not as it should be, that there is pervasive brokenness throughout all creation, and we all are groaning in anticipation for the healing of the world.

when we lament, we find hope

In many of the psalms of lament, we see that lament eventually turns into praise. In Psalm 7:17 we read, “I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness; I will sing the praises of the name of the Lord Most High.” As we lament, God often speaks truth to us in His quiet whisper. He reminds us of His goodness and His power. He lifts us out of the pit and sets us on firm ground (Ps. 40:2). In the depths of our despair, we can cling to the promises of God and find hope.

when we lament, we are standing on holy ground

In our pain and vulnerability, we have the opportunity to connect to God in new and deeper ways. This is why lament in times of darkness is transformative. When we open up our pain to God, we open up a space for God to enter in. And this is exactly what we need—what I need. Heather Webb is a graduate of Northwestern University and Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. She has worked with churches and nonprofits in Wisconsin and Africa and is currently pastor/director of Global Partnerships at Elmbrook Church, Wis. Editor’s Note: This article was written prior to experiencing greater grief and loss.

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GOOD ENOUGH Finding freedom in the finished work of the Cross.

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by Laura Sandretti

I have had an evolving, dynamic relationship with Jesus Christ since my now 19-year-old was taking up residence in my belly. Although I’d always gone to church and believed in God, in the past two decades, my faith has been more about a relationship with Christ rather than religious rituals, and more about living what I was learning. But there was a problem. Although I had confessed I was saved by grace through faith alone, I didn’t fully believe, understand, or live it out. I taught my children Eph. 2:8-9, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.” I thought I knew and understood God’s forgiveness and unconditional love in Christ, but I was simultaneously living with condemnation, anxiety, and bondage. Why? 40

I was trying to be a good Christian. A Christian, by definition, believes Jesus Christ died to pay the price for our sins; therefore, He has already made us good. We cannot profess Jesus as our Lord and Savior and be seen by God in any other way than good! Righteous is something we are because of Christ, not because of something we do, strive for, or maintain. As I listen to friends, family, and those I teach, I realize I am not alone. Martin Luther said, “To be convinced in our hearts that we have forgiveness of sins and peace with God by grace alone is the hardest thing.” It can be so difficult to accept Christ has already made us good, especially when we repeatedly act badly, but the best way to begin to accept this truth is to realize we don’t really believe it fully.

SO HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU’RE TRYING TO BE A “GOOD” CHRISTIAN?

YOU’RE TIRED I remember balancing my roles as a mom, speaker, and church staff member and thinking the song “I’m Tired” by Tenth Avenue North epitomized my life perfectly. When you’re trying to be a good Christian, you want to be assured there isn’t anything you’ve failed to do with the gifts and talents God has given you. You aren’t trying to earn your salvation, but you are exhausted, frustrated, and unsure that all your trying is making a difference.

YOU’RE GOOD AT BEATING YOURSELF UP Although most of my writing and teaching had revolved around victories God was giving me—in my marriage, parenting, and faith—the weight of my repeated failures in each of those areas became heavier than any wins. The guilt I had— from blowing up at my kids yet again or talking in a sarcastic tone toward my husband—was only compounded by the awareness that I couldn’t seem to change. The harder I tried, the more guilt-ridden I became, even though I knew there was “no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Rom. 8:1).

YOU JUDGE OTHERS It’s easy to compare ourselves to other people and especially other “good” Christians. Without realizing it, judging others was my default. I would justify that my critiques were just “observations” with someone “safe” like my husband. Part of the danger of trying to be good is we usually have no idea how rampant our judgment is.

YOU FEEL LIKE A HYPOCRITE

QUIT READING YOUR BIBLE Well, not entirely. Quit reading your Bible to find out what you need to do to be good. When you’re trying to be a good Christian, you tend to read the Bible to find out what you should and shouldn’t do. Looking more like Christ isn’t wrong or bad, but when it is your sole focus when reading your Bible, you may be trying to be a good Christian. Recently, I decided to read the Bible and write down only what it said about God and Jesus. As I reflected on the only One who is good, I could more easily shift my focus away from myself and begin to see the Cross more clearly.

LISTEN TO YOURSELF SING After a particularly awful morning when I unjustly yelled at my daughter, I headed to Bible study. I arrived for worship holding back tears because I was so angry with myself. As I mouthed the words to a song about Christ’s forgiveness, I felt the Lord whisper, “Do you believe what you’re singing?” I realized in that moment, I was allowing my emotions and failures to supersede Christ’s finished work on the Cross. Listen to yourself sing to the Lord the next time you have failed at being good and ask yourself what you really believe. It is humbling, beautiful, and extremely freeing when God lovingly helps you see yourself as He does because of Christ.

REPLACE CONDEMNATION WITH TRUTH One of the best ways to know you are already good is to memorize Scripture that reminds you of this fact. Romans 4:5 says, “However, to the one who does not work but trusts God who justifies the ungodly, their faith is credited as righteousness.” We need to replace that voice of condemnation with the voice of truth. Doing the hard work of memorizing Scripture is one of the best ways to do that. Have you been trying to be a good Christian? I pray you, like me, will ask God to help you see yourself as He does, from a place of understanding the free gift of His grace, in your mind, to believing more deeply in your heart. You are already good. Believing more deeply that Christ’s finished work of forgiveness is fact—despite my flawed words, thoughts, and actions— has afforded me more peace, freedom, and gratitude than I’ve had in years… without even trying. Laura Sandretti is an active speaker and blogger. Additionally, she is a former public school teacher, women’s ministry director, and is currently pursuing her master’s degree in Theological Studies at Trinity University. Laura and her husband have three teenagers, and live in Sussex, Wis.

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Over the last twenty years, I have been consistently frustrated with my inability to be “good” when getting ready for church. I have threatened to auction off my children if they didn’t get ready faster, spoken to my husband like he’s five, cursed because I didn’t like the outfit I was wearing, and been highly irritated when someone is sitting in “our” seats at church. Once seated, I would mechanically start singing, “Here I Am To Worship,” feeling like the biggest poser in the building amidst other good Christians. If you are like me and could check off most of the above indicators, you might be trying to be good more than leaning into the fact Christ has already made you good!

NOW WHAT?

THINGS GOD

LOVES T O H E A R U S S AY Delighting God’s heart with your words. by Sandy Mayle

There are some things I’ve loved to hear my sons say: “Thanks, Mom,” as they pull their lanky frames away from the dinner table. “I’m sorry,” after a dispute between them has escalated for days. “I didn’t think it would be a good idea,” when a tempting-but-questionable opportunity has presented itself. These words bring me joy as a mom. As God’s children, we are to “find out what pleases the Lord” (Eph. 5:10). If we love Him, we’ll seek to discover what brings Him joy and set about to say and do those things. Here are some words that the Lord loves to hear:

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I’ V E G O T TI M E.

Time management experts have shown us how to take advantage of stoplights, checkout lines, and telephone conversations, but not how to take advantage of time spent in God’s presence. That calls for a focused mind, a quiet heart, and an unhurried spirit. Circumstances don’t always allow it, of course, but what a mutual joy when we can give God our time, our full attention, and wide-open access to our heart, talking and listening until we’ve truly finished the conversation.

W IL L YOU R ED EEM TH I S ?

God has a passion for redemption—not just lost souls, but wasted years, senseless tragedies, and agonizing memories (Isa. 43:18-19). He also cares about misunderstandings, pesky 42

irritations, and days gone bad. He’ll enter every circumstance and work for our good if we invite Him to do so (Rom. 8:28).

I T RUST Y O U.

We often pray, “I trust that You will…” “I trust You to provide…” “I trust You for an answer to…” But God loves to hear us say less than that! Just three little words tell Him that we have complete confidence in Who He is, what He wants to do, and the way He’ll choose to do it: “I trust You.”

PLEASE GIVE ME UNDERSTANDING.

“Living by faith” doesn’t always mean walking in the dark! Sure, sometimes we’ll need to trust where we can’t see, but God delights in increasing our understanding and loves to hear us ask for it. After all, He spoke through the prophets and apostles to give us knowledge. He put His Spirit within us to teach us the things of Christ. And He wants to fill His children “with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives” (Col. 1:9).

IT ’S A PRIVILEGE.

Often God’s gifts and callings degenerate over time into rights we protect or obligations we grudgingly meet. God is delighted, however, when we’re continually available as temples for His Spirit and vessels of honor useful to Him—no strings attached. Then He can put us to any task and hear gratitude instead of grumbling, contentment instead of competition and comparison, servanthood instead of “success.”

I’ M H UNGRY.

God wants to hear that our spiritual snacking isn’t fulfilling, that our fast-food yen for “burgers and fries” is waning; we want to be truly fed with the fortifying meat of the Word. God is eager to develop our appetite for fine dining. He says, “If [you] would only listen to me… you would be fed with the finest of wheat; with honey from the rock I would satisfy you” (Ps. 81:13,16).

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I C A N WAI T.

The psalmist wrote, “I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have calmed and quieted myself; I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content” (Ps. 131:1-2). He’s saying, “I’m a child in Your lap, Lord. I’m not fretting for complete understanding, for that last piece of the puzzle… The solution, the full explanation doesn’t have to come right now, Lord. Your timetable is mine.”

I DON ’ T K N OW.

“I don’t know what to decide.” “I don’t know how to discipline my child.” “I don’t know how to pray for my friend.” God loves it when we add, “But You do.” If we’ll humbly admit we need guidance, He won’t leave us at the mercy of our own best guess. He’ll come to our rescue, dispelling the panic that drowns out His voice and rebuking the pride and willfulness that knots the lines of communication. He’ll lead us around the land mines hidden in our emotions and desires, and give all the guidance we need.

N OT H ING.

“Quiet time” with God is often not nearly quiet enough. Our monologue fulfills our “duty” in prayer, but God is disappointed with the one-sided conversation. Sometimes He just yearns for nothing—for a silence into which He can speak. He treasures our listening ear, our wordless worship, our inner communion with Him.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

Sandy Mayle is a freelance writer whose articles have been published in Discipleship Journal and Pray! magazines, and many other publications. Sandy and her husband, Dave, live in Erie, Pa., and have three adult children and three grandchildren.

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I once heard a woman pray, Lord, for as often as we’ve asked, it wouldn’t do to say “thank You” just once. She’s right. We sometimes bring the same petition to God for days, months, even years before the answer comes. Shouldn’t we be profuse in our gratitude as well as our intercession? God’s heart is glad when thankfulness overflows from our lips. Isn’t it a privilege to be capable of bringing delight to the heart of God? And it’s the task of a lifetime discovering the many ways we can do that, in anticipation of the day when God swings wide eternity’s door and invites, “Come and share your Master’s happiness” (Matt. 25:21)!

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encouragement / chronic

hope

A Glowing Strength by Adriana Hayes You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face…You must do the thing you think you cannot do. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

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Adriana Hayes is a freelance illustrator, professor, writer, and speaker who finds joy in helping others discover how God can bring “chronic hope” into their lives. She lives in Milwaukee, Wis., with her husband, Chris, and daughter, Promise.

Visit my sites! chronichopeblog. wordpress.com or madebyadri.com

This quote rings true in many areas of my life right now, whether it be our family’s journey into fostering, continuous struggles with my health, or simply the courage to make various decisions that I know in my heart are the right (but not easy!) ones to make. A couple of years ago, I saw an orthopedic surgeon about pain I experience in my right knee. It was nothing new but had been growing worse. He thought, due to the misalignment in my right leg, that the joint was suffering damage, which could eventually lead to the need for a total knee replacement. After gathering multiple x-rays to try and determine if surgery could be done to correct it, we were all quite astounded by the images that glowed back at us through the lightbox in his exam room. The x-rays showed leg bones that were strong, healthy, and fully developed. The orthopedic surgeon, who has worked extensively with children at Shriners Hospital, was amazed at the atypical results from a patient with my condition, spina bifida. He further explained that his only conclusion for seeing such strength in my bones was owed to the fact that, through everything, I had never stopped using them. He said that when bone is stressed it actually in turn becomes stronger. It’s counter-intuitive thinking, but we had the x-rays to prove it.

Upon hearing his words, my mind immediately flashed back to countless times after surgeries when I had to “get up and walk” despite excruciating pain, to my parents instilling confidence in me by maintaining expectations for me to have the same household chores as my siblings. And then to my first week as a freshman in college in downtown Chicago. My apartment was only three to four city blocks from the EL (which took me to my classes) but to me it could have been three to four miles. At the time, I wasn’t wearing any braces on my legs and each step felt like I had stepped in wet cement. That combined with the elements of weather made each trip to and from the Brown Line a mental and physical battle. On each of those days, when life required me to get back on my feet and keep going, I often wondered if those activities might be the cause of me ultimately losing the function in my legs. But here I was, years later, sitting and listening to a doctor tell me that those years could actually be attributed to making my legs stronger. I can’t help but think about the direct correlation this picture has to the rest of our lives. After all, the phrase “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” must exist for a reason, right? I am constantly amazed at how God has created our physical bodies to reiterate the truths that He has laid out for us in His Word. Scripture repeatedly affirms this idea of suffering producing strength:

Romans 5:3-5 says, “More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” 1 Peter 5:10 says, “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” James 1:2-4 says, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” Romans 8:18 says, “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” 2 Corinthians 12:10 says, “That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” The solution to correcting this knee pain ended up being more complex than we originally thought it would, so that is a surgery that has been put on the “back burner” for now. But I was reminded of the important mystery of God’s redemption in the midst of pain; that if we keep going in the midst of the suffering on this earth, God promises to bring strength to our soul.

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encouragement / it

is well

...with My Praise by Elizabeth Murphy

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Elizabeth Murphy has been a soughtafter speaker for the last 15 years. She serves on several non-profit boards, teaches a Bible study, and is an author and regular columnist for JBU. She and her husband, Mike, have four sons and three granddaughters. They live in Brookfield, Wis.

Visit my site! espeaks.net

When my children were small and we would pray with them at night, we took the acronym ACTS for adoration, confession, thanksgiving, and supplication and turned it into the more child-friendly I love you, I’m sorry, thank you, and please. My boys always got stuck on the I-love-you part. It was difficult to explain that I love you is different than thank you. I love you is telling God what you love about Him, loving Him for who He is, and thank you is about what He does. I struggle with that sometimes myself. I love you prayers are the praise prayers, the ones we use to adore God and bless Him for His character, His attributes, and His nature. Like my children, I found gratitude easier to define, so I would skim praise and go straight to gratitude, but God desires our praise, and the Bible tells us it is both a gift and a sacrifice, “…let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise— the fruit of lips that openly profess his name” (Heb. 13:15). Psalm 145 is the model praise prayer in the Bible. Verses 1-2 say, “I will exalt You, my God, O King, and (with gratitude and submissive wonder) I will bless Your name forever and ever. Every day I will bless You and lovingly praise You; Yes, (with awe-inspired reverence) I will praise Your name forever and ever.” This is just the beginning of David’s very personal praise to God offered with tender-hearted sincerity to the God he adored. It’s actually an alphabetical poem designed to help with memory—when I learned this it gave me an idea.

I wanted to praise God and do it well so, with Psalm 145 as a model, I set out to praise my way through the alphabet, regularly. I usually do this while I am walking my dog in the early morning. As soon as I get home, I write down the list on my computer. In times of trial or when I find myself struggling, I have these praise lists to help me keep my perspective. They remind me of circumstances where God was very present; they give me words to encourage others in need; they redirect my thinking to the good things of God in the hardness of life, and they give me a gift to give back to the One who created all things and has given so much for me. Here is an example of just one of the many lists: A. Adored, worthy of our adoration B. Believable, you cannot lie and no promise You’ve ever made has gone unfulfilled C. Caring (I pray those suffering from hurricane Florence will know and remember this) D. Desires a relationship with us E. Eager for those who don’t know You F. Faithful, even when we are faithless! G. Good H. Honest—You are the only One who truly sees us for who and how we are. If we ask, You will honestly show us the depth of our sin. The Bible is clear about this! (Romans 3:23 says ALL have sinned). You won’t leave us there; You will show us where hope is. I. Intimate

J. Joy-giver K. Kind (so easy to forget this) L. Long suffering—patient with us M. Show up in moments, not just big things. Almost harder to seek You in the moments of everyday life N. Noble O. Omnipresent (watching over those who aren’t watching for You) P. Pursuer Q. Not a Quitter, you don’t give up on us R. Restorer of broken things S. Shelter T. Truth Teller U. Uniform in the way you treat us—we did not get what our sins deserved no matter how bad the sin seems to us (we grade them out, you do not). As forgiven sinners, You treat all of us as if we were your only child. V. Vital—the God life only happens when we make You the most important, most vital part W. With us, presence is the gift X. Go the eXtra mile Y. Call us Your own Z. Zealous for us I end each one with the date because, as I look back, they remind me that I am getting to know God better every day. Time, maturity, and experience are teaching me new things that are growing my faith and transforming my thoughts. This exercise makes it possible for me to say it is well with my praise! (For more examples of praise lists, visit my website/blog at espeaks.net.)

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encouragement / the

homefront

Home is an Attitude by Pam Farrel

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Pam Farrel is a bestselling author of 45 books including coauthoring Discovering Hope in the Psalms: A Creative Bible Study Experience. She has been happily married for 37 years and enjoys traveling. Pam and her husband, Bill, live on a houseboat in Oxnard, Calif.

Visit my site! Love-Wise.com

People ask me if I miss my home because I travel so much. (Bill and I can be away from our home for up to 200-230 days a year). But my reply is always, “Home is where your heart is.” My heart is with God, and He says: • “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you (Heb. 13:5). • “. . . for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go” (Josh. 1:9). My heart is also with Bill, and most trips he is with me. In addition, my heart is with my kids and grandkids, and we are a far-flung family, so our travels actually help us see our family more often. My heart is with people, and we feel so blessed to have friends all over the world. Home is not a house—it is an attitude. In a world where so many couples “commute to marriage” because of the need to travel, it is vital to remember: “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matt. 6:21). A recent study revealed, “Having a clear set of shared goals and being able to ask for assurance are essential for commuter marriages to work.” In other words, feeling the marriage and the family are the treasure, and sensing you are also treasured by your spouse, even when away, are vital. Are you treasuring your relationships more than your house? Early in our young family’s life, we looked for ways to squeeze out more time together, so if that meant packing dinner and meeting Dad at church or bringing a tailgate picnic to the football sidelines, we would do that. Even now, that “family is worth it” attitude helps us prioritize

flights or drives to our children and grandchildren. Seeing them is more valuable than putting in that new Jacuzzi or remodeling our home. For other couples, making plenty of space and activities for family members of all ages is how they prioritize relationships. Love is what home really means. Jesus modeled this, “home is an attitude” way of life. He replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head” (Matt. 8:20). He didn’t own an abode, but He personified the term abide. It is admirable to create a home, filled with love that is a calm place to recharge, renew, and re-energize. The goal is to have a home that is a safe place not just a showplace. In the past year, we downsized and sold our large home to move near Bill’s aging parents. We decided to buy a houseboat, so when the family came we had the opportunity for bonding away from cell phones on the open sea. As a couple, ask these questions of “home and hearth” over a cup of coffee: 1. Are we struggling to pay our rent or mortgage? Could we manage with less space and fewer things to maximize relationships with our children while they are growing up? 2. Why are we buying “things?” Are we feeling pressure to live at a certain economic level or are we trying to meet an emotional need with things?

3. How might we adjust our lifestyle to gain more time together as a couple and as a family? 4. How can we use our space to better foster relationships with our family? It could be as simple as adding a barbecue, patio table set, or corn hole game. Or it could be more elaborate like adding a Jacuzzi or pool. 5. What investment might we make to create a space or place for family time? If finances are available, would having a time share, cabin or beach home, boat or RV, or camping equipment be a second “home” where memories could be made? 6. If empty nesters, ask, “Do we want to move to be nearer our grandchildren, our children, or aging parents?” 7. Is it time to downsize? If so, would we be open to a simpler abode like an RV, tiny house, “granny flat,” cabin, or live aboard boat? A few years back, Bill and I were standing at the airport when my cell phone rang. It was my assistant, who said, “Pam, my husband drove by your home and the front door was wide open. Because he is a police officer, he checked it out. It appears your stuff is still in place, but I don’t really know if what matters to you is still there.” I replied, “It’s not.” Then I glanced over to my precious husband standing next to me and replied, “What matters most to me is with me.”

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encouragement / the

deeper life

Transitional Grace by Melva L. Henderson

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Melva L. Henderson is an author and speaker. Additionally, she is the founder of The Milwaukee Give, a humanitarian outreach, and co-founder of World Outreach and Bible Training Center, Inc. Melva is wife to pastor Ervin L. Henderson, mother of five, and grandmother of two. Connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.

Visit my sites! Melvahenderson.org, worldoutreachbtc.org

For the last two and a half to three years, I have had this pronounced sense that something in my life was shifting. Initially, thoughts of worry and fear crept in leaving me to wonder, “Am I or someone I love going to die or be faced with an illness? Lord, what exactly does this mean?” Although there have been earth to heaven transitions in my family, there remained this undeniable knowing that things were about to change. A knowing that I was moving from one place of grace to another, and I needed to prepare myself for it. This is what’s known as transition. Transition is something every person experiences in a relationship, ministry, career, or family. Transition is inevitable. Sometimes it comes without warning or permission. Transition can be defined as the passage from one place, one stage of development, a time or season, to another. Although God never changes, and Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Heb. 13:8), you and I change. Where there is no change, there is also no growth or advancement in the will of God for our lives. Transition is a requirement. God the Father ensures that with each transition in life comes the necessary grace to move intentionally and successfully. Grace is God’s enabling ability. In times of transition, it stabilizes you where you are as you acknowledge and embrace the divine pull where God is calling you to be. It provides you with the wisdom and strategies to maneuver the unfamiliar bends in the road of your

journey. It’s called transitional grace. Transitional grace requires a heart willing to cooperate with God, in timing and obedience. Without it, you can find yourself stepping in the right place at the wrong time or the wrong place at the right time. God calls each of us to a specific place for a specific time, but the day comes when something in your heart knows the season of being there is over. Very often, you can’t see where you will go, but something in you knows that change is on the horizon. In those times, it’s crucial that you do all you can to pull away and find yourself in deeper times of prayer and meditation, seeking the counsel of the Lord. The alternative is to find yourself becoming discontented and at times even critical of where you are currently. I’ve counseled countless individuals who at one time loved where they were or what they were doing, but when their time of transition came what once blessed them now irritated them. What they could once ignore, was now exposed. Instead of living in the grace of transition, they criticized their employer, pastor, or spouse not realizing that they were changing, not anyone else. Years ago I worked for a local telephone company, and I loved my job. But, after many years, something in my heart knew that I wouldn’t be

there much longer. I started to hate going into the office, and I no longer found satisfaction in the work. However, I maintained an excellent work and attendance record because, although I knew I was leaving, I had no direction from the Lord. It was just an inward knowing. Initially, I didn’t say a word to my boss. But, for the next few years, every day I walked into the building I said to myself, “The day is coming when I’ll no longer be here, I don’t know where I’m going, but I know God has something great in store for me.” Deep inside I knew how I transitioned from that place would significantly impact how I entered the next, and I wanted to leave in good standing. I wanted to transition well. I continued going to work, giving my best, knowing my days were numbered there. Finally, a door of opportunity opened to work in ministry full-time. I accepted the opportunity, gave my resignation one month in advance, and left the company. That’s the power of living in the transitional grace of God, and learning to follow the leading of His Holy Spirit. He is our guide and the One who executes God’s will. He knows how and when things are to be done, so walk closely with Him. Before you know it, you’ll be standing where you were called to be, looking back at where you used to be.

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encouragement / between

friends

Thanking God for Purple Coats by Shelly Esser

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Shelly Esser is editor of Just Between Us. Additionally, she has served on the Board of the Pastoral Leadership Institute. She and her husband have four daughters and a son-in-law, and live in Menomonee Falls, Wis.

Email me! sesser@elmbrook.org

A number of years ago I needed a winter dress coat, but didn’t feel I could afford it. I whispered a little prayer to the Lord telling Him of my need and didn’t think about it again. A couple of weeks later, I visited a friend. Before I left, she called me into her bedroom and asked me if I would like to have a brand-new, wool purple dress coat. I couldn’t believe it. I hurriedly tried it on. It was a perfect fit! I no longer have that coat, but every time I wore it, I was reminded of God’s gracious gift. It was a visual reminder to me of just how lavish and extravagant God’s love is. To think that God is concerned with the little things in our lives to that detail never ceases to amaze me. I can’t help but wonder if He does so to continually give us opportunities to turn our hearts heavenward. Psalm 103:2 says, “Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits.” My heart isn’t always overflowing with thanks to God for all of the ways He makes His presence known in my life. Because it’s so easy to get bogged down with the mundane tasks of living, we can often forget. Perhaps that’s why God in His love and grace for us interrupts our lives with His gifts. Is He trying to get our attention? Trying to tell us how much He loves us? I think He is. But He also desires that we learn to be thankful so we won’t forget. Gratitude is really a response to a gift. The more we become aware of the depth of our greatest gift of salvation, the more thankful we will become because gratitude enlarges our hearts towards God. In a mysterious way, it links us to the divine. It’s been said that God has two dwellings: one in heaven, and

the other in a meek and thankful heart. Gratitude will help us keep our focus on God, the giver of all good and perfect gifts. Here are some ways I’ve learned to make gratitude a more integral part of my life:

Be thankful for little things. If you’re looking, every day holds a host of things you can be grateful for—the sunshine, a kindness from a friend, a bouquet of flowers, a Scripture verse. Look for the purple coats in your life. Years ago, I was having some back problems. When I went to my room, I found a beautiful homemade card on my bedstand that my daughter, Anna, had made, telling me she loved me and was praying I’d get well. My heart was not only uplifted, it was filled with gratitude. In a difficult moment, there was something to be thankful for.

Be thankful for creation.

Maybe it’s because I’m getting older, but I find myself so much more awed by nature than I used to be. The breathtaking sunset, the ducklings swimming in the pond, the deer on the walking trail. I’ll never forget the year I was going through an especially dark time when life seemed hopeless. As I pulled onto the freeway, a huge rainbow filled the sky. It was like God had dropped it there just for me—to remind me of His presence and promises. I am so thankful for His creative touches in my life that display His love.

Be thankful for the good around you. In a world full

of bad news, I have determined to find the good: the inspiring story of someone’s encounter with God, a

kind deed done by a stranger, or a person helping another person. By concentrating on finding the good in every situation, you will find your heart filled with gratitude.

Be thankful with words.

Thankfulness is best when it’s expressed. Practice saying thank you for both the happy and challenging experiences in your life, and to the family, friends, and other people God places there. Gratitude is to be a way of life where we cherish what we’ve been given in every single context of our lives and use our words to convey it.

Focus on what you have.

A number of years ago, I was watching a Good Morning America show at Thanksgiving time. The God Squad—a Jewish rabbi and a Catholic priest—interviewed homeless people about what they had to be thankful for. I was in tears by the end of the segment as person after person, having nothing, could say with a smile that they were thankful to simply be alive! And they were thankful to God for another day. Sobering! In comparison, I have so much more and yet my heart doesn’t always gravitate towards gratitude like that. It is a wise person who doesn’t grieve for the things she doesn’t have, but rejoices for the things she has. If we focus on all the abundance we have in our lives, we won’t always be dwelling on what’s missing. What are the purple coats you need to be thankful for? In what areas have you forgotten to thank God? Don’t miss out on the wonderful opportunity to connect with God because of ingratitude. Nothing is more pleasing to God than a thankful heart. “…in everything give thanks” (Phil. 4:6).

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Radical Hospitality (continued from p 22) I feel like Christians have this attitude like we’re great at hospitality. But we live on a starvation diet. People need to gather. There are plenty of problems that come up in a day—especially for our single church members. They are part of the family. How did we get here? God sought us, brought us to the table, and put us in His robes of righteousness; He cared for us, nurtured us, and gave us a name. These are gestures that should be replicated in the body. It’s not okay to leave people in painful loneliness.

Do families at different stages of life have different capacities for practicing hospitality? Rosaria: We are at a time with our family where, with the age of our children, they can participate in this hospitality ministry. They wonder what’s wrong when no one shows up for dinner. For 10 years we were licensed foster parents, and we had new babies placed with us every year. My ministry then was to broken children and social workers attached to those children. At one time,

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Everyone isn’t called to every ministry. Some people are better with certain problems than others. That’s great. Just do what you do, and open your arms a little wider. it was older children in the foster system that had to come with a security guard and a social worker, and they needed hospitality. I had to just be willing to say, “This is where I am—who’s out there?” In those days, people would ask how I decorate, and I’d say, “with Matchbox toys, plastic di-

nosaurs, and Legos.” Those are your people. Let’s not forget how important children are.

How did your childhood affect how you reach out to children? Rosaria: When Jesus said, “Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me” (Matt. 19:14, KJV), it’s not because they’re cute and smell good. It’s because you must look out for them. I look at these children in my neighborhood, and even though things are hard for them, I think, “That might be my future pastor someday.” And children take things very tenderly, even the tough ones. When something happens in the neighborhood, they notice the details. And so we’ve trained our children to invite their friends over for dinner, to look out for kids who aren’t doing okay, and to stand up for the ones being bullied. And as adults, we have to be willing to ask their parents if something is going on that we could help with. And then to be ready to say “absolutely” and help.

If the gospel comes with a house key, why are Christians so hesitant to unlock their doors? What are the biggest obstacles standing in the way of our hospitality? Rosaria: One is that we’ve made idols out of our white carpet and our boundaries. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard about Christians and their boundaries. I am not genuflecting to people’s boundaries. And part of this is cultural. I wasn’t raised with boundaries, because who would have boundaries when you’re in a state of crisis? If you believe we live in a post-Christian world, and you believe this is a crisis, then let’s act like it. The way we deal with crisis is to understand that hospitality is a form of spiritual warfare. We call down from heaven the power of the gospel to save, and we embrace our unsaved neighbors.

Does fear play a role in believers avoiding hospitality? Rosaria: It’s the fear that makes us feel like we’re not useful anymore—that the vocabulary has changed, and we don’t know how to talk to people. Or the fear that we’ll say the wrong thing. Or the fear of dining with sinners. I think the fear really is that we have nothing to offer, and so we might as well hunker down with our church community and draw up that moat and lock the door. But in that case, you will never see the power of the gospel to change the hearts, minds, and lives of the people who appear to be most outside the kingdom of God—like I was.

How would you encourage people who are terrified by the concept of practicing radically ordinary hospitality? Where should they start? Rosaria: I would say go look at somebody who is already doing it and offer to help. And I love when people do that. You know, people will say, “I don’t know how to do this and that.” I spend two to three hours a day chopping vegetables. Come help. Everyone isn’t called to every ministry. Some people are better with certain problems than others. That’s great. Just do what you do, and open your arms a little wider. Lindsey Carlson is the wife of a church planter, mother of five, and a freelance writer. She and her family live in Baltimore, Md. Interview first appeared in CT online in April of 2018. Used with permission.

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He hears

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