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The Jewish Home | JULY 7, 2022
Delving into the Daf
Wednesday is the Day to Wed By Rabbi Avrohom Sebrow
M
azal tov to all those who finished Maseches Yevamos. We began Maseches Kesuvos on Friday. I remember that a few minutes after I was engaged and we had a mock l’chayim ceremony, my future shvigger opened her notebook. She promptly started a lengthy discourse about the dates available for the wedding. She mentioned that she had already reserved a number of dates in various halls. She explained that this was necessary because halls fill up their available dates very fast. I had thought that our engagement was at least a mild surprise, and I found out that our wedding date was practically set already! However, based on the Gemara we learned, it’s possible to comprehend why there are so few available dates for a wedding. The very first Mishnah says that for a woman who has never been married, generally the appropriate day to wed is Wednesday. This is because the Jewish courts at the time convened on Monday and Thursday. Chazal wanted the husband to be able to resolve certain halachic issues that might come up after the wedding on the very next day. So, since court was in session on Thursday, Wednesday is a suitable day to have the wedding ceremony. In truth, if it were just for this reason alone, Sunday would also be an appropriate day to have the wedding. However, there is a rabbinic decree that there should be at least three days of food preparation before the wedding reception to make sure that there is sufficient food for the wedding and for the ensuing celebratory days of sheva berachos. The Gemara (3a) interprets a statement of Rav Shmuel bar Yitzchak to mean that in a locale where the Jewish courts convene whenever necessary, a woman may marry on any day; if a halachic issue were to arise following the wedding, the husband could request that the court con-
vene to resolve the issues. The Gemara then questions the permissibility of making a wedding early in the week, due to the rabbinic enactment that there should be at least three days of food preparation. The Gemara resolves its dilemma by stating that if, in fac, the groom prepared sufficient food before Shabbos, the wedding may even take place on Sunday or Monday. It would seem that nowadays, when there is no strict Monday-and-Thursday schedule for beis din, marriage should be permitted on any day. As for the rabbinic decree, food preparations are generally made by others, freeing the groom from this responsibility. However, Bar Kapara (5a) offers an alternative reason for a marriage to take place on Wednesday. He states that if the ceremony is performed during the day on Wednesday, the consummation of the marriage would be Wednesday night, which is in fact Yom Chamishi, the fifth day of the week. This is an auspicious time for a couple, since on the fifth day of creation Hashem told the fish to “be fruitful and multiply.” To harness this brachah of
the fifth day, the marriage should be consummated on the fifth day. The Tosefos write (2a) that Bar Kapara’s reason for marrying on Wednesday is not halachically binding; it is just good advice for a couple who wish to take advantage of the blessing to marry on Wednesday. However, if they choose to marry on a different day, there is no violation of Jewish law. Yet it would seem that, as opposed to the other reasons, Bar Kapara’s reason for marrying on Wednesday is applicable even nowadays. The P’nei Yehoshua therefore questions why the Tur and Shulchan Aruch stated unconditionally that where food preparation is not an issue, one may marry on any day of the week. They should have tempered that statement with Bar Kapara’s directive that one should marry on Wednesday to harness the brachah that Hashem gave. Although his advice is not halachically binding, it would seem that it is appropriate and a mitzvah to follow it. Though the P’nei Yehoshua admits that he can possibly resolve this question, he still directs that “anyone who wishes to fulfill the words of the Sages” should initially try to marry on Wednesday. In fact, he states
further that he believes that it was the custom to do so in many holy communities. The Rema, although omitting the directive to marry on Wednesday, does write that there is a custom to marry only in the first half of the month. According to the custom, it is considered auspicious to marry in that timeframe rather than when the moon is waning. My rebbi and father noted that the Zohar states that in the first half of the Jewish month, the Divine attribute of mercy is more prevalent. In contrast, the second half of the month is associated with Divine judgement. Perhaps this is the rationale behind the custom. Based on this, the Sefer Chazon Yeshayah suggests a solution to the P’nei Yehoshua’s question as to why the poskim omitted the mitzvah of marrying on Wednesday. Since the custom at some point was to only marry in the first part of the month, there are only two Wednesdays a month on which to get married (assuming the 15th is too late already)! Subtract the two available Wednesdays in Iyar due to sefirah. Further, there is a custom not to marry during the Aseres Yemei Teshuvah. In Sivan, if Shavuos falls out on a Wednesday, there will be only one remaining Wednesday available for weddings. The month of Av may have no available days if, for example, Tishah B’Av falls out on a Thursday. Ta’anis Esther and Asarah B’Teves can each eliminate a day if they fall out on a Wednesday. So, if one wants to marry only on a Wednesday and only in the first half of the month, it’s possible to have less than fifteen days to choose from in a year! This was an untenable situation, so the Rema decided not to publicly suggest that individuals should marry only on Wednesday. A musician commented that Sunday is the day most in demand for weddings. What could be wrong with making a wedding on Sunday? The Gemara states that
