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The Jewish Home | JULY 7, 2022
Parenting Pearls
SCOTUS and Tough Conversations By Sara Rayvych, MSEd
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efore Shabbos came in, I had an article nearly finished for the upcoming week. It was almost complete, needing just a bit more work. As always, the house got a bit hectic just before candle lighting but calmed down as Shabbos came in. As we sat around the Shabbos table, the conversation took a surprising turn towards the recent, monumental rulings from the Supreme Court. While normally the country barely notices any judicial changes, this week the Court kept making headlines. While Roe v. Wade is an unusual enough topic for the fish course, what really made the topic stand out was that the conversation started with my older children asking some tough questions. This was not an adult-initiated conversation, but a child-introduced one. Clearly, not only had my children heard of the recent rulings, but they had many questions about them, trying to understand what these major issues meant. It seems my teens are not alone in this one – the rulings have been hard to ignore. Frum newspapers and magazines, social media and letters to the editor have all had coverage of these major adjustments. Divrei Torah and announcements from major Jewish organizations have all been written to let us know the emes of what we’re seeing. When researching this article, I typed in “recent,” and the first search that was suggested was “recent Supreme Court rulings.” Even Google is hooked! It’s everywhere, and our children have noticed. While frum parents may have perked up from the potential benefits to yeshivas from the recent case of Carson v. Makin in Maine, clearly it was Roe v. Wade and the right to conceal and carry that have been predominantly making their way into our teenagers’ everyday conversation.
As the kids asked some hard questions that brought up even more difficult answers, our guest turned to me and asked, “Will this be your next article?” I quickly said I wasn’t interested in turning this into an article. I try to avoid politics and controversy while staying within what is relevant to parents of our community – SCOTUS’s rulings generally don’t fit neatly into that category. After Shabbos, I thought it over more and realized that if my kids were asking these questions, then so were others. Being available and ready to answer these inquiries is very much a parenting issue. While I will be addressing this issue from the point of view of current events, this discussion is applicable to the many times our children will come to us expecting answers to difficult questions. As mentioned above, I try to avoid controversy, and these rulings are full of it. At first, I thought it would be impossible to address this topic without stirring up every hornet’s nest on the
island. I then realized that taking sides is irrelevant to the topic at hand. How you answer your children’s questions is unconnected to taking sides. Even more than that, there is no need for me to even take a stand on any of these emotionally charged issues. Fortunately, our Torah hakedosha has all the guidance we need on how to view these and any other challenging issues that will arise. From personal experience, I can say that one thing I have learned to appreciate from all this controversy is how much I appreciate having divine guidance. The only seichel in this insanity is the Truth as Hashem gave it, and we can all feel fortunate to have received this Ultimate Truth at Har Sinai.
Be Their Trusted Source You know your child, and you know if they’re going to pick up on the news buzzing around them. You want to be their main source of information – not their friends, social media or even
newspapers. Those articles – as helpful as they may be – are usually written for adults. While it’s natural that children – teens, in particular – turn to friends for advice and knowledge, this isn’t always ideal. Peers are often inaccurate when being sources of information and can inadvertently mislead others. Sadly, friends sometimes don’t have the most altruistic intentions and have been known to unintentionally, or even intentionally, give poor advice. Additionally, when a child goes to someone else, it takes away from our ability to play that role in their lives. When your child knows they can come to you about one complicated topic, it increases the odds they’ll come to you when another thorny issue arises. It’s emotionally healthy for a child to know they can trust their parents and turn to them as life gets more complex. Please note, it is my humble opinion that if a parent is unable to have these discussions, it is better for someone else to stand in rather than leave a child without a resource.
Be Prepared Once you know they’re going to have questions, you should be prepared to have answers. Often, it can be best if parents bring up the discussion. Whether you or they bring up the topic, you want to have answers ready. You don’t need to know everything, but a basic understanding of the subject matter is important. We are unlikely to anticipate all the potential questions, but at least we can come into the discussion having an elementary understanding or background of the matter. While others may have a different approach, I can share a bit of how the discussion occurred in our home. For