Centerfold

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TJH Centerfold

Football Withdrawal Syndrome

According to Loyola University Medical Center psychiatrist Dr. Angelos Halaris, millions of Americans are now su ering from “football withdrawal syndrome.” Dr. Halaris provides tips for su erers, such as don’t go cold turkey – watch old football games in diminishing amounts and share your feelings of withdrawal and letdown with a friend or spouse. Well, here are some better tips for those su ering from FWS from the Centerfold Commissioner:

Introduce yourself to the women and children that you fi nd inside your house...they are your wife and kids.

Think about how long the o -season is. Now think about how long the o -season will be for Bengals QB Joe Burrow and count your blessings.

When your kids talk to you, act like you are Bill Belichick talking to the media.

Change the lightbulb that your wife has been “constantly” reminding you about every six months.

Get into basketball and watch the Knicks. They will win at least 12 games this season…which wouldn’t be bad if they were a football team.

If you are a Jets fan, meditate to the numbers 4 and 13… Because that was your team’s record last year and will likely be their record next year.

Invite your friend over and tell him that you want to hear all the stories he has been telling you on Sunday nights (i.e., about the time he was stuck in tra c for two hours; how his cleaners lost his favorite shirt, etc.) because they sounded so interesting during the fi nal drive of football games all season that you just want to hear them again.

Go to the gym and work o the 20 pounds of chili you ate during the season…so that when next season comes around you can put 20 pounds back on.

Read a book. (Start with Dr. Seuss and work your way up to Curious George. By that time, the next football season will certainly be upon us.)

Gather all the pairs of socks from behind the couch. (Make sure to wear your Hazmat suit, please.)

Consider getting into alternative sports such as competitive eating. You are probably a natural at it.

I’M PUZZLED

The below is a number puzzle. It should be read left to right, top to bottom. 1 1 1 2 1 1 2 1 1 1 1 1 2 2 1 ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? What are the next two rows of numbers? two ones” (1 3 1 1 2 2 2 1) Line 5 is “One three, one one, two twos and one” (3 1 2 2 1 1) Line 4 is “Three ones, two twos and one two ones” (1 1 1 2 2 1) Line 3 therefore is “One one, one two and one” (1 2 1 1) Line 2 then becomes “One two, and one Line 1 is “Two ones” (2 1)

1 3 1 1 2 2 2 1 3 1 2 2 1 1 Answer:

Great Sports Trivia

1. On September 18, 2006, the

Dodgers trailed San Diego 9-5 in the bottom of the ninth inning.

They ended up winning the game in a walk-o two-run homer by

Nomar Garciapara in the bottom of the 10th. How did the Dodgers catch up in the 9th inning? a. With 2 outs and 2 strikes in the 9th, Sandy Alomar hit a grand slam. b. Je Kent, J.D. Drew, Russell

Martin and Marlon Anderson hit back to back, to back to back home runs. c. The Dodgers went around the batting order twice with no player hitting more than a single. d. The San Diego pitchers walked twelve batters.

2. In Game 1 of the 1995 Eastern

Conference semifi nals, the Knicks Conference semifi nals, the Knicks were up, 105-99, with 18.7 seconds were up, 105-99, with 18.7 seconds left. Over the next 8 seconds, how left. Over the next 8 seconds, how many points did Reggie many points did Reggie

Miller score? a. 4 b. 6 c. 8 d. 9 happened in the 10th inning of

3. Everyone knows what happened in the 10th inning of

Game 6 of the World Series when

Boston’s fi rst baseman Bill Buckner attempted to fi le a dribbler by

Mookie Wilson and it slipped right through his legs. What did Mr.

Buckner say in an interview with

WBZ-TV’s Don Shane several days before that World Series began? a. “I don’t need to be a hero; I just want to hit for a .400 average.” b. “I guarantee we will bring the

World Series trophy back to

Boston.” c. “We may not be the best hitters, but we certainly are the best fi elders.” d. “The dreams are that you’re gonna have a great Series and win. The nightmares are that you’re gonna let the winning run score on a ground ball through your legs. Those things happen, you know. I think a lot of it is just fate.”

4. With 30 seconds left in the 1972 AFC divisional playo game between the Pittsburgh

Steelers and the Oakland

Raiders, and with the Steelers trailing, Terry Bradshaw threw a pass to John Fuqua, who was immediately hit and lost possession of the ball. As the ball fell towards the ground, Steelers fell towards the ground, Steelers fullback Franco Harris scooped fullback Franco Harris scooped it up and ran for a gameit up and ran for a gamewinning touchdown. winning touchdown. What is the name What is the name given to the catch? given to the catch? a. a. Immaculate Reception Reception b. The Hail Maryb. c. The Catcher and the c. Rye Rye d. The Steel Town Miracled. The Steel Town Miracle 5. In the 1993 NCAA Championship game, Michigan’s “Fab 5,” led by Chris Webber, were the clear favorites. With 31 seconds (plenty of time in college hoops), they were down by a bucket (73-71) to University of North Carolina.

However, Michigan was called for a technical foul and wound up losing the game. What happened? a. Michigan’s coach walked three

feet onto the court and bumped into a UNC player. b. Chris Webber called timeout, but Michigan had no timeouts remaining. c. Michigan’s center drew a 3 second violation and argued with the ref. d. Chris Webber drove to the basketball, was called for o ensive foul, and then punched a UNC player in frustration.

6. On June 2, 2010, at Comerica Park in Detroit, Tigers pitcher Armando

Galarraga nearly became the 21st pitcher in Major League history to throw a perfect game. After retiring the fi rst 26 batters, he faced the fi nal batter. What happened? a. He hit the batter with a pitch. b. The batter hit the longest homerun ever at Comerica Park – 542 feet. c. The batter hit a routine groundball and was clearly thrown out at fi rst, but the umpire called the batter safe (and later tearfully apologized for his error). d. He walked the batter, Jason

Donald, after a 17-pitch duel (during which Donald fouled 9 pitches).

7. In 2008, the Giants, who were heavy underdogs against the

Patriots (who had gone 18 and 0 that season), defeated the Patriots in the fi nal drive of the game. Who caught the winning touchdown in that game? a. Plaxico Burress b. David Tyree c. Amani Toomer d. Jeremy Shockey

winds down.; 0-2 correct: You don’t know much about fi nishing games, just like Cincinnati! 5-7 correct: You are a buzzer beater!; 3-4 correct: Not bad, but I ain’t putting the rock in your hand as time Scorecard: Answers: 1. B 2. D 3. D 4. A 5. B 6. C 7. A