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Centerfold
1.
TJH Centerfold
Golf Truisms
}The game of golf is 90% mental and the other 10% is mental.
}If you want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
}A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent’s luck.
}If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight.
}Your natural ability as a golfer is in inverse proportion to the amount of money you spend on new equipment.
}Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
}The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.
}There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces and bounces that are just the way you meant to play it. } Golfers who claim they don’t cheat also lie.
}The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.
}For most golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.
}A good golf partner is one who’s always slightly worse than you.
}If there’s a storm rolling in, you’ll be having the game of your life.
}It is twice as di cult to hit a ball over water than sand.
}Your favorite golf sweater is the one that gets shrunk in the wash.
}Your fi rst hole-in-one is always achieved when playing alone.
}Your greatest round takes place against an important business contact who you can’t a ord to humiliate.
You Gotta be Kidding Me!
Yankel comes home after his regular Sunday golf game and his wife asks why he doesn’t play with Moishe Goldman anymore.
Yankel asks, “Would you want to play with a guy who regularly cheats, makes a fuss over everything, lies about his score, and has nothing good to say about anyone else on the course?”
“Of course, I wouldn’t,” replies his wife.
Golf Trivia
1. What is the maximum number of clubs you are allowed to carry in your bag during a
PGA governed competition? a. 9 b. 12 c. 14 d. 20
2. Match the words with the correct defi nitions: 1. Eagle 2. Birdie 3. Albatross 4. Bogey
A. Three strokes under par B. Two strokes under par C. One stroke over par D. One stroke under par
3. What do you say when you hit a golf ball and you want to warn someone who might get hit by it? a. Mulligan! b. Head’s up! c. Fore! d. Four!
4. Which state has the most golf courses per square mile? a. Florida b. Rhode Island c. Maryland d. California
5. When a golfer is referred to as a “scratch golfer,” what does that mean? a. He has a handicap of zero or better b. If he is not winning when he enters the last three holes, he will make up a reason why he can’t complete the game c. He takes a practice shot before each hole d. He has a handicap above 100
6. List the following players in order of amount of golf Majors that they have won: a. Phil Mickelson b. Walter Hagen c. Jack Nicklaus d. Ben Hogan e. Tiger Woods
Answers: 1. C 2. 1-B, 2-D,3-A,4-C 1-B, 2-D,3-A,4-C 3. C 4. B 5. A 6. Jack Nicklaus (18); Tiger laus (18); Tiger
Woods (14); Walter
Hagen (11); Ben Hogan (9);
Phil Mickelson (5) Scorecard: 5-6 correct: We got a scratch golfer! 3-4 correct: Want to take a mulligan? 0-2 correct: Fore! Watch out…we have a real brain surgeon here!
Riddle me This?
John, Bob, and Steve all played golf recently. One played at Augusta, one played at Pine Valley, and one played at Pebble Beach. If only one of the following four statements is true, who played where?
1. Steve played at
Augusta.
2. Steve did not play at Pine Valley.
3. John did not play at
Pine Valley.
4. John did not play at Pebble Beach.
1. Steve played at
Augusta. 2. Steve did not play at Pine Valley. 3. John did not play at Pine Valley. 4. John did not play at
Pebble Beach.
Answer below
Bonus Riddle
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Just in case he got a hole in one!
Steve played at Pine Valley, John played at Pebble Beach, and Bob played at Augusta. The third statement is the only one that can be true and satisfy the conditions of the puzzle. Therefore, Answer to Riddle:
