16 minute read
Is the Churban the Source of All Suffering? by Rabbi Daniel Glatstein
is modernized and developed while still keeping the integrity of the history and the heritage of our city.
People are going to, God-willing, start to come to Israel over the next few months. Please, G-d. We’re really waiting for that.
Is there anything that they should know before they come? Will things be different?
Well, the Tower of David museum by Jaffa Gate is finishing an incredible restoration, a building and development of a new area. There are also so many wonderful restaurants in the city.
We’ve also been focusing on green tourism and how to create experiences for tourists in parks and areas of nature. I think that most of all, people in Jerusalem have really missed tourism, and so everybody, all the vendors and all the tourism businesses, are just so looking forward to having everybody back.
The new coalition in the Knesset is proposing to open up the Kotel to many different factions, and it’s been a hot issue for the past few years. What are your thoughts on that?
I think there’s room for everyone at the the plaza and the Kotel and that whole historical area. I truly believe that every Jew should see themselves in this city. Every Jew should feel like they belong in this city. And so, I believe that there are ways of finding a compromise where every Jew finds their place here, and it doesn’t have to offend anybody else. I think if it’s done respectfully, we can find a place for everybody.
Let’s move on to the Jewish Agency. Isaac Herzog, who was head of the Jewish Agency, is becoming the president of Israel. You are in the running for his position. It’s a perfect position for you because you are from the Diaspora and you moved to Israel. Talk to us a little bit about the Jewish Agency and why you feel like you would be the right fit to lead that organization.
At the moment, it’s all so very new, and my name has been thrown in the ring, of course, though it still has not been an official process, so we never know.
Even so, I have the experience of the Diaspora Jew. I was born and grew up in the Diaspora, and I also have the experience of an immigrant. I moved here 20 years ago, and now I’m here as an Israeli. It would be a complete privilege to serve not just my city, as I do now, but to serve the entire Jewish people, which is the work of the Jewish Agency. My whole career, I’ve been serving my people, my country, my city. And so for me, this would be widening the circle of being able to do the public service for Am Yisrael.
What does the Jewish Agency do?
The Jewish Agency is the main organization which was the predecessor of the Israeli government. The government of the Jewish people was the Jewish Agency before we had a state with an official government. And so the history of the Jewish Agency is the history of the creation of the State of Israel, and it is an enormous privilege to be able to work in an organization that basically created the infrastructure for the creation of the State of Israel.
Today, the Jewish Agency is involved in connecting Jews to Israel and connecting Israel to the Diaspora Jewry with programs of Jewish education, identity, and, to some extent, fighting anti-Semitism. It does programs of absorption. It continues to play a pivotal role in the relationship and the connection between Israel and the Diaspora. And so, to me, it’s in my DNA because this is what I’ve lived and this is what I believe in and this is what I am.
For now, it’s a long road to the position, but it would be an incredible privilege to be able to serve in that position.
There are many Americans living in Jerusalem who never officially made aliyah. Is there a way to get those Americans to actually go through that process? And why do you think they haven’t done so?
Well, if anything is going to make them do that, it’s the Corona pandemic and the ultimate hassle, the complete hassle, of not being able to get in and out of the country when you’re not a citizen. So I think, if anything, the push to make people do that has been the last year-and-a-half. And in fact, I actually do very much believe that what’s happened in the last year is going to drive the number of olim up. My friends at Nefesh B’Nefesh tell me that the demands that they’ve seen has tripled, quadrupled. And so, I think it’s already happening.
I think a lot of people are wary of making official aliyah for different reasons. Some communities don’t want to get caught up in making that kind of commitment. But ultimately, when you live here and you enjoy living here, that should be everybody’s commitment – to become a fullfledged citizen, to have voting rights, to be able to choose your government, and to be able to really fully partake in the country.
At the Gulf-Israel Women’s Forum
When somebody makes aliyah, they get a certain amount of services or benefits for the first few years. Is there any way to extend some sort of those benefits to help people, to sort of sweeten the deal for people?
Well, I actually think we need to do something else. People get benefits when they first move here, and they should. It’s a difficult thing to move countries. But I think that mainly what people need is a good absorption policy. And for me, making aliyah successfully is about three things: it’s about where you live and your community; it’s about where you work; and it’s about where your children go to school.
We should really create a very professional absorption solution for finding people the best jobs possible, almost like an HR firm placing olim. The startup nation lacks 15,000 engineers every single year. We import engineers. So what if we went out and recruited Jewish engineers from across the world to come and move here and be part of the startup nation? What if we had
“Almost a million people live in Jerusalem.”
real professional consulting services for people, for families, to understand which school best fits their hashkafa and their needs? And what if we also had the same advice about which community would absorb them in the warmest and the best way, again, in terms of their hashkafa – that would be so helpful. Those are the things that I think we should be doing rather than more monetary benefits. There are enough monetary benefits. People don’t want handouts. People want a good job and to be in a lovely community. And that’s what we would be concentrating on.
It’s like that saying, “Give the man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime.”
That’s what the Rambam says.
What should American Jews be doing to help fight the anti-Semitism that we’ve been seeing?
Well, it’s a really good question. I’m actually organizing a solidarity mission soon with Gesher, an organization that connects different Jews in Israel and around the world, because I think that Israel has to show solidarity for the Jewish communities and the Diaspora. Normally, it’s the other way around, but now, they have to go and really show that solidarity.
I think that communities have to lobby their governments and their local Congress people in order to get the protection that they need. First of all, they need security in their synagogues. And secondly, I think it’s about education and awareness of the wider community, and it’s about being able to make people understand and educate them about what anti-Semitism really is. For many years, anti-Semitism has been cloaked in anti-Zionism, and many of the Jewish communities did not recognize it. “Oh, it’s about Israel. It’s not about us.” And I think what’s become very clear in the last round of conflict and the consequent problems that occurred with Jewish communities around the world is that anti-Zionism is anti-Semitism. It’s just a politically correct, woke way to cover it up. Now, the game is up. It’s about what it is. And so, I think Jews have to understand that ultimately being on Israel’s side strengthens them and doesn’t weaken them. And that it’s all the same. Thank G-d, we have a country today where we don’t have to run scared from anybody or anything.
You are a mother of four. Correct?
Yes. My oldest is 19 and my youngest is 11, almost 12.
It’s hard to juggle being a mother and being somebody who’s involved in politics or business. What advice would you give to women to be able to handle it? And how did you actually manage to juggle it all?
This is a great question, and I speak to a lot of women about this, and I mentor young women. I always say to them a few things. First of all, in order to be involved and contribute to your community, you can do that in any way you can. It can be the PTA. It can be a neighborhood board. It can be your synagogue. There are many ways to contribute. People who want to contribute find a way to contribute even with little kids.
Now, I always say to women, “I have four kids. 10, 15 years ago, I couldn’t have done what I’m doing today.” And so, women can have it all. But maybe, we don’t need to have it all at the same time. Maybe there is a moment for this, and there is a moment for that. And one thing doesn’t take away from the other.
I really feel that as my kids have gotten older, I’ve been able to get more involved. And so you have to do what you can do at the moment if you can do it, and then, as you become freer from dealing with little kids, for example, then you can do more, if that’s what you wish to do and you have the energy.
Don’t put pressure on yourself to have everything at the same time and being miserable at every aspect of your life. Everything has its moment. And so that’s, I think, what I’ve learned during my career and my rearing of my children.
Fleur, we appreciate your time and your commitment to the Jewish people, especially as deputy mayor of Jerusalem. We wish you all the best in your pursuit to lead the Jewish Agency.
Dating Dialogue
What Would You Do If…
Moderated by Jennifer Mann, LCSW of The Navidaters
Dear Navidaters,
I have been going out with a wonderful girl several times now and we’re starting to get serious. The problem is I need to disclose a very “scandalous/bad” issue within my family. It’s not the usual parents are divorced and don’t talk or siblings off the derech type thing. It is actually very serious and uncommon. Overall, what is the general rule of thumb in terms of how many dates to wait until major issues need to be disclosed?
Thank you.
Yaakov*
Disclaimer: This column is not intended to diagnose or otherwise conclude resolutions to any questions. Our intention is not to offer any definitive conclusions to any particular question, rather offer areas of exploration for the author and reader. Due to the nature of the column receiving only a short snapshot of an issue, without the benefit of an actual discussion, the panel’s role is to offer a range of possibilities. We hope to open up meaningful dialogue and individual exploration.
The Panel
The Rebbetzin
Rebbetzin Lisa Babich
Thank you for your question. I think different circles have different “rules” as to when you are “supposed” to share these things. I personally believe in developing an organic relationship with someone. As you feel comfortable and safe and your feelings start to grow, usually you start to open up with the person you are dating. It’s one of the most bonding things you can do as a couple who is getting to know each other and can bring a tremendous amount of closeness and add a lot of depth to the relationship.
We all have something to share, and your family background is part of the story that made you who you are. Whoever is going to marry you is going to see you in your entirety. I would suggest that, as you feel safe with her, let her know that there is a part of your story that you want her to know. You can explain how that has shaped you into the person you are today. I think you will be surprised to see that the right one is going to listen to your story with an open and compassionate heart. If you are a good person then she will see that in your vulnerability, and the experience can make you much closer.
The Shadchan
Michelle Mond
Thank you for writing in with this question; it is more common than you think.
Many people are walking around with untold stories; these are chapters of people’s lives going completely undisclosed. That is, of course, until you bring someone new in. Some may subconsciously not let anyone in, in fear that their secrets will be exposed. Some may get to the finish line and then abruptly end it when anxiety creeps in.
My first suggestion based on your background is to work with a therapist to make sure you are healthy-husband material. There are too many singles these days who are dating who shouldn’t be. Traumatized, un-workedthrough children become traumatized un-worked-through adults who then become trauma-inducing, un-workedthrough spouses.
You should know, I have seen many single men and women get married whose families have had less than stellar backgrounds. If you try hiding it, no matter how one tries to cover up dirt, often the debris linger right below the surface. Your date will know after a while of getting to know you that you are holding back.
The true test to your relationship will be opening up about those skeletons in the closet and see if she will embrace your relationship nonetheless. To cross the finish line, you will have to be vulnerable and open up about your background.
The time to do this is different for everyone. For the more yeshivish who get engaged very quickly, it might be early on, at about date 4 or 5. For the more modern who date for a while, the right time might be after getting to know each other for a month or so. Tell the girl you are dating when things feel right. Trust me – you will know when your relationship has reached the right time.
Hatzlacha with everything!
The Single
Rivka Weinberg
Yaakov, this is an extremely important and common question, so thank you for writing in. As we go through life, we need to keep in mind that each person we meet has a story and has overcome specific challenges that make up who he or she is today. Hakadosh Baruch Hu put us all in certain situations and has provided us the tools to navigate them and grow throughout the process. With that said, when it comes to sharing information about your personal journey, I suggest you speak with your rav or mentor to understand when the appropriate time is to disclose it.
Bear in mind that you are being vulnerable, which inherently is overwhelming and scary, but is the key to successfully building a healthy and enduring relationship. Her reaction to you sharing your experiences will say a tremendous amount about her. Does she respond with empathy and ask kind and compassionate questions to try and understand your hardships? Do you feel comforted and heard? Or, is she asking specific unnecessary details about the situation in a judgmental way to get the hock?
Listen to your gut and be honest with yourself about how her reply makes you feel. If you are unsettled, remember this is the person you may be spending the rest of your life with, and ultimately there will be curveballs thrown at you in the future, so you are seeing a preview of how she will handle situations going forward. Vulnerability is crucial to building a relationship, so as awkward or uncomfortable as it may be, the benefits certainly outweigh all of the short-term discomfort involved.
In general, understanding and accepting that each individual has faced challenges, ranging across various degrees of difficulty, allows for additional possibilities in shidduchim and open doors you did not realize were possible. Of course, it is important and highly recommended to do proper research when looking into a shidduch. However, if the situation does not involve a serious mental or physical health concern that has a large impact, allow the person to tell his or her own story. We understand ourselves best, and should have the opportunity, when appropriate, to properly give over our own story at the proper time.
Much hatzlacha to all of those currently in shidduchim and keep in mind that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is The Ultimate Shadchan, so turn to Him for clarity along the way. Traumatized, unworked-through children become traumatized unworked-through adults who then become traumainducing, unworked-through spouses.
The Zaidy
Dr. Jeffrey Galler
Your letter is a bit short on details, but let’s assume that the “scandal” is more significant than cheating on a 7th grade algebra test, is not a medical problem, and does not involve you personally.
Accordingly, there are three issues to consider regarding this information: first, when should you disclose it; second, how will the other party react to it; and third, how best to present it.
First, I asked several marriage professionals when to reveal negative information, and received answers ranging from as early as the third date to as late as a couple of months of dating. It seems to depend upon where you are positioned on our religious spectrum and on what the norms are in your particular community.
The best advice would be to ask knowledgeable local rabbis or shadchanim. Revealing it too early might stop a wonderful relationship from ever developing. Revealing it too late can be an unfair, crushing blow to a single, who has already invested much time and emotion in the relationship.
Second, you need to prepare for how the young lady will react to this news. If she and her family are the type who are extremely conscious of their social standing and position in the
