Centerfold

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TJH Centerfold

Royal Flush

Some of the late Prince Philip’s most notable quips and ga es

 “British women can’t cook.”  “I am nothing but a bloody amoeba. I am the only man in the country not allowed to give his name to his own children.”  “Everybody was saying we must have more leisure.

Now they are complaining they are unemployed.” – said during the 1981 recession  “How do you keep the natives o the booze long enough to pass the test?” – asked to a Scottish driving instructor  “Deaf? If you are near there, no wonder you are deaf.” - speaking to a group of young deaf people at a school located near a loud steel mill  “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”  “You look like a suicide bomber.” - to a young policewoman wearing a bulletproof vest  “Oh no, I might catch some ghastly disease.” - when asked to stroke a koala  “Aren’t most of you descended from pirates?” – asked to a wealthy resident of the Cayman Islands  “Well, you didn’t design your beard too well, did you?”- to a designer who has a small goatee  “Get me a beer. I don’t care what kind it is, just get me a beer!” – on a visit to Rome, when o ered wine by the Italian prime minister  “The problem with London is the tourists. They cause the congestion. If we could just stop the tourism, we could stop the congestion.”  “Young people are the same as they always were.

They are just as ignorant.”  “You bloody silly fool!” - to a parking lot attendant who failed to recognize him  “The man who invented the red carpet needed his head examined.”  “Holidays are curious things, aren’t they? You send children to school to get them out of your hair. Then they come back and make life di cult for parents. That is why holidays are set so they are just about the limit of your endurance.”  “Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, a science which I have practiced for a good many years.”  “What do you gargle with – pebbles?” To singer Tom

Jones, after the Royal Variety Performance, that the prince didn’t enjoy

You Gotta be Kidding Me!

One time, Prince Philip was at a royal event and went to get a drink.

He approached the bar and said, “One fruit punch, please!”

The bartender replied, “Sir, this is the line for lemonade.”

So, Prince Philip hurried over to the next line. He eventually reached the front and said, “One fruit punch for the Prince!”

The bartender said, “Your Royalness, I am sorry but this is the wine line.”

Frustrated, Prince Philips asked, “Where do I go for fruit punch?!”

The bartender replied, “Sorry. There is no punch line!”

Prince Philip Trivia

1. Where was Prince Philip born? a. Scotland b. London c. Ireland d. Greece

2. How was Prince Philip related to Queen Elizabeth, aside from being her husband? a. He was her uncle b. They were third cousins c. They were fi rst cousins d. He was her godfather

3. At what age did Prince Philip and Queen Elizabeth begin their courtship? a. 13 b. 18 c. 24 d. 32 a. Hold Queens

Elizabeth’s hand and guide her b. Walk two feet behind Queen

Elizabeth c. Not talk to her d. Hold an umbrella for her, just in case it would start raining; after all, it is England

4. For how many years were

Queen Elizabeth and Prince

Philip married? a. 47 b. 53 c. 64 d. 73 6. Why weren’t Prince Philip’s sisters and their husbands invited to his royal wedding? a. Because they weren’t royals b. Because they refused to wear the colors mandated by the royal family c. Because his brothers-in-laws fought for the German army in World War II d. Because only Queen

Elizabeth had the honors of inviting people, and they didn’t make her list

5. When walking together, protocol required Prince

Philip to do which one of the following? 7. How many children did Prince

Philip and Queen Elizabeth – pardon me, did Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip have? a. 2 b. 3 c. 4 d. 5 8. In 1947, Prince Philip began using the surname Mountbatten, his mother’s surname, rather than his father’s surname. What was his father’s surname? a. Smith b. Battenavrage c. Popolopoulos d. Schleswig-Holstein-

Sonderburg-Glücksburg

9. Which of the following titles was bestowed upon Prince

Philip’s mother, Alice, in 1993? a. Mother-in-law with the Least

Power Award b. Mother of the First Husband

Wife Award c. Least Likely to Have her Kids over For Thanksgiving Award d. Yad Vashem Righteous

Among the Nations Award (for hiding several Jews in

Greece from the Nazis)

10. Which of the following was not one of Prince Philip’s titles? a. Duke of Edinburgh b. Sir Strange Surname c. Earl of Merioneth d. Baron Greenwich e. Knight of the Garter

Answers: 1. D 2. B 3. A 4. D 5. B 6. C 7. C 8. D 9. D 10. B Wisdom Key: 8-10 correct: Holy Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg! You are good! 4-7 correct: You are the Duke of Mediocrity. 0-3 correct: You are hereby bestowed with the royal title of Knight of 0-3 correct: You are hereby bestowed with the royal title of Knight of Knownothing!