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MAY 7, 2020 Home Home OCTOBER 29,| The 2015Jewish | The Jewish
On The Lighter Si e “Say What?!”
My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it. - Buddy Hackett
Never let your mom brush your hair when she’s mad at your dad. - Leo Gallagher
Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.
If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says keep away from children. - Susan Savannah
My mom was a little [interesting]. When I was little, she would make chocolate frosting, and she’d let me lick the beaters. Then she’d turn them off. - Marty Cohen
– Jenny McCarthy
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.
My mom is a neat freak. If she adopted a highway, she’d mop it once a week.
- Rita Rudner
My mom from time to time puts on her wedding dress. Not because she’s sentimental. She just gets really far behind in her laundry.
When I was a kid, I got no respect. I told my mother I’m gonna run away from home. She said, “On your mark…” - Rodney Dangerfield
- Erma Bombeck
You’re not famous until my mother has heard of you. - Jay Leno
A mom forgives us all our faults, not to mention one or two we don’t even have. —Robert Brault
When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood, it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead. - Jeff Shaw
I’ve conquered a lot of things ... blood clots in my lungs — twice ... knee and foot surgeries ... winning Grand Slams being down match point ... to name just a few, but I found out by far the hardest is figuring out a stroller! – Serena Williams
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said, “Not yet, but we placed an ad.” - Dana Snow
- Calvin Trillin
Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother’s tasted better the day before.
When your mother asks, “Do you want a piece of advice?” it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.
- Rita Rudner
- Erma Bombeck
My mother could make anybody feel guilty – she used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.
I think all mothers are alike, regardless of cultural background, when it comes to illogical cleaning.
- Brian Kiley
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
- Dave Barry
- Daniel Liebert
- Dorothy Parker
I gave my father $100 and said, “Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.” … so he went out and bought a present for my mother.
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there is a man on base.
- Joan Rivers
- Neal Shusterman
