Shofar Av/Elul 5771
Jewish Family Congregation www.jewishfamilycongregation.org
August 2011
From the Rabbi’s Desk Recently, I received an email from my colleague, Rabbi Aaron Brusso of Bet Torah in Mt. Kisco. He raised an issue which I have wrestled with for a long time now, and he has motivated the rabbis of our region to address it head-on in our congregations. If you have a youngster who has recently been Bar or Bat Mitzvah, you know that, in their 13th year, the kids go to a lot of other Bnai Mitzvah services and celebrations, at various synagogues. Those who attend the party usually come home with some kind of souvenir, and the most popular of these is a sweatshirt of some kind, with the name, date and “logo” of the event prominently displayed on it. They wear the newest of their sweatshirt wardrobe to school on the following Monday. This instantly establishes an “us” and “them”….the kids wearing the newest sweatshirt are the “in crowd”, and all the others feel left out. Because our Bnai Mitzvah class meets on Mondays as well, this is even true here; if a bunch of the students show up in the most recent (and they are often day-glo colours, nothing subtle!) shirt, the ones without are every bit as conspicuous, but for the opposite reason. And according to Rabbi Brusso and many other Westchester rabbis, this is a phenomenon experienced everywhere in the area. If your youngster was ever, at any time, one of the kids without “the” sweatshirt , you know how dejected and alone s/he felt. This is not something we want done to our own kids, and it should not be something we cause to happen to others. Rabbi Brusso also points out that, in a busy Bnai Mitzvah year, a student can acquire as many as 30 of these souvenir sweatshirts, surely more than anyone could possibly need. He also tells the story of seeing one of these sweatshirts on a person walking in Mt Kisco…someone who got the shirt at the Community Center, where the owner donated From the Rabbi’s Desk Service Schedule August Oneg Hosts President’s Message Kids Ask the Rabbi JFCAdults JiFTY The Religious School Yahrzeit/Annivs/Birthdays
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it, having too many such items anyway. And of course, these shirts cost some money to produce for the event. We rabbis are distressed that, whether intentionally or otherwise, some of our kids are being made to feel left out. Surely that is disrespectful, the opposite of “love your fellow-human as yourself “(Lev 19:18), which is the value we espouse at our synagogues. So the rabbis of Westchester are working at changing this practice in our own communities. Rabbi Brusso has been in touch with MAZON, The Jewish Response to Hunger, an organization we support because it contributes to food pantries both in this country and elsewhere; we encourage congregants to contribute 3% of the cost of their celebration (weddings, Bnai Mitzvah, etc) so as to honour the idea of mitzvah as part of their experience. MAZON will provide a single sweatshirt to the B/Mitzvah student to announce that s/he has donated to this very important cause, and they will provide us with information to support this approach. This way we accomplish many good things. The only one who gets the sweatshirt is the student who makes a donation to MAZON instead of spending the money on sweatshirts that no one needs, that cause bad feelings amongst their peers, and that wind up in the recycling bin all too quickly. At the same time, we teach the importance of hunger relief, of doing mitzvot, of treating our peers with respect, and of not wasting resources. So I am asking those with Bnai Mitzvah in the near future to take up this challenge, and become role models for others by adopting this approach to your celebration. I will be distributing materials about this in the coming months and can get info to you more quickly if needed. This is a wonderful solution to a very unpleasant problem, and it is time that we acted upon our values with regard to this matter. I hope you share my interest in making this work!
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