So Fare Thee Well ...

JAY-Z * JFK * KTV * KPI * 2046 * 3Q * SUBO * THE BIG V * JAWS

BURNS NIGHT LIFE AULD ACQUAINTANCE, LASSIES AND STABBINGS

MY SASSY BOY

THE IAINSIDER’S GUIDE TO HOTEL PRS

GET YOUR COAT

THE SHAW MUST GO ON BUT FIRST, A TRIP DOWN MEMORY LAIN

G EN T W DO HA U T BL TH E E -O FU HCK SE ? X…

JUST NOT IN YASHOW ON YOUR LONESOME

F A K E W I T S PHOTO: JUDY ZHOU

AWARDS

QUIZ

SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW IAIN SHAW? Our mission is simple: Let’s find out who Iain Shaw really is – his dark secrets, stained past and more ...

Note: You must choose between the given options 1. Have you ever dyed your hair to impress others?

2. If you could have anybody’s hairstyle (including feminine ones), whose would you prefer?

3. Do you have problems with colors? Which one upsets you the most?

4. If everybody except you owned a pair of Google Glasses, would you feel left out or superior?

5. If you could rename your favorite drink to anything you liked, what would it be?

6. Someone just told you that your glasses look fantastic. What do you do?

Do a little dance Find something to compliment them back Fake a smile Feel like you are on top of the world and laugh out loud 7. You find yourself living in a parallel universe where everyone is Scottish except you. You will: Think it’s a dream Be very confused about your own identity Kill someone and take their place Feel exceptionally proud of being different 8. You’ve tried very hard to conceal an embarrassing secret but failed. You will: Conceal other secrets harder Feel the need to escape Be in denial Reveal more secrets so you feel completely unburdened 9. Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental disease of any kind?

10. When it comes to romantic relationships, you believe: It’s important to aggressively go after what you want It’s crucial that you seem funny at all times It’s more effective if a relationship is well-planned You are a free spirit and nobody can ever trap you 11. Which of the following situations would you prefer?

Cause trouble and no one thinks it’s you Cause no trouble but no one cares about you

12. Have you ever seriously considered becoming a professional actor?

13. Which one of the following would make you crazy?

Explaining to a cow the Black Hole theory Embarrassing yourself in front of a million people Failing to purchase the real Mona Lisa when someone sells it for $5 Being forced to entertain people you hate 14. When it comes to reading, which environment do you prefer?

Total silence at home In a carriage Being surrounded by women In a forest 15. When it comes to writing, you like ___________ the most.

To write novels To write personal journal entries To write magazine articles To write business reports 16. If you could only eat one vegetable for the rest of your life, which one would it be?

17. When it comes to desserts, you ___________.

Can’t understand why people like them so much Think that people who like desserts are psychologically weak Would not be able to control yourself if you were presented with your favorite Secretly obtain a certificate in baking 18. Which one of the following situations would you prefer?

Everybody loves you You have stalkers who keep sending your roses You received an gift but your name was spelled wrong on the card Someone asked you to work undercover as an editor 19. Which of the following most accurately describes you?

I never take “no” for an answer No one is right except me I need to have total control I don’t care about animals

20. When people ask you things about your family, you ___________.

Think they are crazy Think they want something from you Think they want to know your secrets Think it’s rude 21. Someone bought you a makeup kit, you ___________.

Can’t describe how happy you are Give it to your mother or someone who might be able to use it Toss it out Keep it in case of emergency 22. When it comes to purchasing property, you need ___________.

An apartment with a large patio A house where you can keep a small garden A floating home on the river A downtown New York loft-style studio/apartment 23. You are forced to hold a party every night. You will ___________.

Make sure everybody you know is invited every day Invite one person per day Invite no one but your favorite beer and potato chips Take some dance lessons to make sure you are always the center of attention 24. When someone questions your ability as a leader, you ___________.

Prepare for a duel Get a glass of water and chill Cry inside Ask someone else whether they think it’s true 25. A good friend just told you that you are not cool enough. What do you do?

26. At what age did you first develop a sense of fashion?

27. Which is cooler: cigar or beard?

28. What is the question that you always hope people will ask but no one ever did?

Thank you for your time. If you would like to subscribe to a full list of Max Questions, please contact our representatives in a store near you.

SCENE & HEARD

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Things to do, places to be, stuff to try FRIDAY, AUGUST 19, 2011 IAIN

11:04 GREGGS IS THE BEST SAUSAGE ROLL

CARLLY 11:04 URGH CARLLY 11:04 COMMONER

WHO IS IAIN SHAW? ME E R T L: EXIKE L I K S JA-LBILITY N I N ISI INV LITIES ABI

“I G OF A UESS H THE SUPER E’S KI PR W STA ND ORL R IN D.”

R HAI OR: COL IRREL SQU

CATCHPHRASE : “OH SHIT”

AN M U – A HTHE N I “IA OT IN DERFUL ROB T WON BLE.” MOS POSSI WAY

"A RH WITH INO DEER'S A HEAR T" WEAK J A C K EN E S S : T

ILLUSTRATION: MAX WU

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Back from Lunch

by Joey Guo

Balding

by Jonathan White

PHOTO: JUDY ZHOU, CALLIGRAPHY BY IAIN SHAW

Chinese Calligraphy

by Iain Shaw

Untitled

by Susu Luo

Iain’s Sketch

by Susu Luo

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“The gentleman from Blackburn cut his teeth as a map trawler for Immersion Guides. (Does anyone recall those pre-Olympic days, when hutongs were still mostly hutongs and “lamb” kebab vendors roved untrammeled?) No one could rival Iain’s persistence in walking every Sanlitun block and exploring every SOHO building, including the ones that hadn’t been built yet. With each new discovery for IG’s monthly maps, Iain showed us he had an unrivaled taste in tattoo parlors, bagel shops, cafe bars and more: We knew it’d be only a matter of time before he was off to bigger and better things.” – Shelley Jiang

AWSY H S , Y E "H

"

RED?" "WHAT’S UP,

"'SUP, CHUANRSY" YOU E R A " KIE N A R F E?" BOYL

"IT’S YO MAN TYR UR LANNIS ION TER"

HE CK” T NE AM “I TTLE BO "DO YOU BOX, CHARLES KENNEDY?"

E "IS THAT THD LAD YOU PLAY HANDICAPPE ITH?" FOOTBALL W 54

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"HOW’S IT GOING, LITTLE

HANDS?"

"YE LOOK LIKE HOWARD FROM FRESH

MEAT, KEN?"

Y, D Y" OW " H A N OWA J O LL

HO

"HELL LAIN?O, "

"YOU ALL RIGHT, WEE IAIN?"

"WHO WAS THE GAY GUY YOU WERE WALKING THROUG THE VILLAGE WITHH ?"

A DRIINK WITH...

IAIN SHAW

DIRECTOR OF DIGITAL COMMUNICATIONS AND PUBLIC RELATIONS, TRUE RUN MEDIA

by Jonathan White

If you could only imbibe one drink for the rest of your life what would it be?

Depends on what the climate would be like for the rest of my life. Guinness probably. But I once had a drink of a whisky called Port Ellen, about 25 years old. If that’s as good as I remember, that might be worth having a few bottles of.

How old were you when you started drinking?

About 16.

Tell us about the first time you were drunk?

Not very interesting. Think it was an 18th birthday party. First time I was hungover was at a mate’s house when his parents went away for the weekend and a load of us went round and drank the house a little bit drier. Cheap version of Bacardi Breezers, a bottle of Amaretto, and for some reason I associate it with “Parklife” by Blur. Standing at a bus stop, feeling sick.

Tell us about the last time you were drunk?

Do I have to? OK, it was last Saturday. Impromptu stag night.

Several bars.

What was your first drink?

Wine. My parents let me have some when I was about 6 or 7. It was the ‘80s. Probably out of a cardboard box with a little tap on it.

What’s the dumbest thing you have done while drunk?

Walked off the end of a wall. Luckliy no injuries.

You’re hosting a cocktail party – what are you making?

Martinis. Possiby not very well.

We’re at the bar – what are you having?

Guinness.

Could you organize a piss-up in a brewery?

I can organize a piss-up in Great Leap Brewery.

What’s your golden rule of drinking?

Eat first.

PHOTOS: MITCHELL PE MASILUN AND JOEY GUO

What’s your favorite drink? Has your favorite drink changed over time?

Guinness. A martini. An Old Fashioned. Islay whisky. Yes, I used to think that cocktails were for women or rich ponces. I am not yet either, but like a cocktail.

What’s your idea of a good night out?

Remembering it.

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PHOTO: JUDY ZHOU

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The Shaw Looks

PHOTOS: JOEY GUO, JUDY ZHOU, COURTESY OF IAIN SHAW AND JONATHAN WHITE

The Trade Delegate Your politics may not be represented when you look like a member of the Young Conser vatives about to embark on an affair with a colleague’s wife.

The Backpacking Comedienne

The Professional Student

Scotland has a fine heritage of funny women and you channelled that to the level of a Radio 4 regular.

This should have been consigned to the days when you thought instant noodles was a proper dinner ... but then you moved to China.

The Poetic Postgraduate

The Chad Lager

“SWM, GSOH seeks same for long train rides, discussions of dreams and pretending to read classic European psychology.”

Your compassion comes to the fore and you’re willing to briefly look like the very reason for your employment for someone else’s benefit.

The Architect Not the chap from The Matrix but the blueprint for a flame-headed Italian draftsman. Uno cafe corretto, per favore!”

The Natalie Portman A manlier blue take on the Harvard Rose’s pink number but still enough to drive Clive Wilson and Jude Law to smutty distraction.

The S(k)inead “It’s been seven hours and fifteen days, since you took your love away from me …” Plus side? You look like an actual saint.

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PLA

BYRNE’S NIGHT A TOAST TO THE LADDIE

by Jonathan White

You may find yourself wearing a suit buying hats in the daytime You may find yourself in another part of the world … it’s probably Tianjin You may find yourself texting while rapping the lyrics to “Juicy” You may find yourself waking up in someone else’s beautiful house

You may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?

Letting the days go by, let the soda water hold me down Letting the days go by, soda water flowing on the ground Feeling blue again after the money’s gone Once every night time, soda water flowing on the ground

Once every night time, soda water flowing on the ground Feeling so blue again, into soda water

You may ask yourself, how did I get to work?

You may ask yourself, where is that large Old Fashioned?

You may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful apartment (even though you were dropped there) You may tell yourself, this is not my Hangman’s blood

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down Letting the days go by, soda water flowing on the ground Into the blue again, after the money’s gone Once every night time, soda water flowing on the ground

Letting the days go by, let soda water hold me down Letting the days go by, soda water flowing on the ground Feeling blue again, after your money’s gone Once every night time, soda water flowing on the ground Same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was Same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was Soda water dissolving and soda water removing There is soda water at the bottom of the ocean Remove the soda water, carry the soda water Remove the soda water from the bottom of the ocean Letting the days go by, let the soda water hold me down Letting the days go by, soda water flowing on the ground Feeling blue again, after the money’s gone

Under the rocks and stones, there is soda water on the ground Letting the days go by, into soda water Once every night time, soda water flowing on the ground You may ask yourself, what is that in my outbox?

You may ask yourself, where does that high-speed rail lead to?

You may ask yourself, am I right, or a meringue?

You may say to yourself, Oh God, what have I done?

Feeling so blue again, into soda water Under the rocks and stones, there is soda water on the ground Letting the days go by, into soda water Once every night time, soda water flowing on the ground Same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was Same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was Calling time isn’t holding us, closing time isn’t after us Calling time isn’t holding us, closing time doesn’t hold you back Calling time isn’t holding us, closing time isn’t after us Time isn’t holding us...

Letting the days go by, letting the days go by, letting the days go by, once every night time Letting the days go by, letting the days go by, letting the days go by, once every night time

With apologies to David Byrne

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LOVE FACTUALLY PEKING MAN

THE ROMANTIC FORTUNES AND MISFORTUNES OF IAIN SHAW

1

PHOTOS: MITCHELL PE MASILUN AND JOEY GUO

Story 1 started badly.

It was hardly love at first sight.

Story 2 ended sadly.

She wasn’t a fan.

Story 3 was heart-rending.

Would his love affairs always end in tears?

2 3

Story 4 has a happy ending.

A whirlwind courtship, a gallant proposal ... now nothing can tear them apart.

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