May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 1
CRUZ
redefining ultra-premium tequila
WE GIVE BACK! $1.00 PER BOTTLE GOES TO CENTERLINK. CENTERLINK HELPS DEVELOP STRONG, SUSTAINABLE LGBT COMMUNITY CENTERS AND BUILDS A THRIVING CENTER NETWORK THAT CREATES HEALTHY, VIBRANT COMMUNITIES.
CRUZ THANKS THE EFFORTS OF YOUNG’S MARKET CO. FOR THEIR ONGOING LGBTA PARTNERSHIP NETWORK COMMUNITY SUPPORT.
OFFICIAL TEQUILA SPONSOR OF SPLASH BASH CRUZTEQUILA.COM 2
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
FOLLOW US ON
©2015 Trinchero Family Estates, St. Helena, CA
May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 3
4
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 5
6
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 7
SPLASH BASH PRIDE KICKOFF
SEE MORE GREAT PICTURES AT IONAZ.COM
WYNDHAM GARDEN PHX MIDTOWN
Photos by Crazy Shotz & Deon Brown May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 9
10
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 11
12
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 13
ON THE COVER Models Daniel Coda, Chi Kawamoto, and Brenden Lutostanski chill out in the Picante Pool at the Saguaro Hotel in Scottsdale rockin’ swimwear from Manus, 2(X)IST, and Mr. Turk. Check out the full feature on page 63. Photographer Franklin Diaz is an event, fashion and product photographer. He believes that creativity is a team effort and the result of working closely with clients. Franklin’s lens captured the hip vibe and mood of the Saguaro, host hotel of Gay Days Arizona, June 19-21, 2015.
3819 North 3rd Street Suite 26, Phoenix, AZ 85012 (602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com ionarizona@me.com Publisher / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero ............................................ jacktesorero@me.com
CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw ..................................................... kbushaw@me.com Editor Deon Brown ................................................... ionazeditor@me.com COPY EDITOR .......................................................... Austin Head GRAPHIC DESIGNER ......................................... Angel Jimenez SOCIAL MEDIA DIRECTOR ..................... Stacey Jay Cavaliere PRODUCTION & Artwork SUBMISSIONS
ionazproduction@me.com Advertising Sales Jack Tesorero ............................................................ (602) 750-1164
jacktesorero@me.com
Benjamin Neher .........................................................
ionazsales@me.com
Photographers:
Fernando Hernandez Scotty Kirby
Franklin Diaz Sean Kapera
National Advertising Representative Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 ContributORS:
Stacey Jay Cavaliere Addison DeWitt C. Edwards Ted Kirby
Peter Lora Benjamin Neher Paul Sanchez Miss Tiger
Published monthly by
1995-2015: 20 Years of Design and Creative Excellence © 2015 JMT Designs, Inc.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ
All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee. NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.
14
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
Swimsuit Season is Here! O
ne of my guilty pleasures is writing this column. I spend a lot of time thinking about ION, our readers and advertisers. Sometimes I forget to take care of myself. If you’re like me, you put on a few pounds in the winter. I love eating, drinking and going out and I’m not a fan of daily exercise. And we pay the price. Over the years, I have tried almost every diet with varying success. Every diet teaches you something about yourself, the food we eat and how your body processes it. For example, the Atkins diet taught me that sugar, breads, pasta and most carbs are not good for weight loss. The Master Cleanse diet taught me that if I can curb my hunger, I will lose weight. Most other diets teach moderation. But once you are off any of these diets, and you don’t exercise regularly, you will put back on the pounds. Only one diet combines everything I’ve learned from every diet, is easy to do and sheds pounds almost miraculously. It’s called the HCG Diet. Like all diets, it does require some lifestyle changes but with a little help from a daily injection, it’s one of the easiest diets to follow. The first time I did it three years ago, I lost 30 pounds in three months only to gain it back! My good friend Todd Singer called Prolean Wellness in North Scottsdale and lost 47 pounds in three months. He looks and
16
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
Are you ready? feels great. Most importantly, the diet targets fat reduction, not muscle loss commonly found in low calorie diets. While you can exercise to target where your fat is, the HCG diet does the work for you faster.
So as we get ready for Gay Days, endless pool parties and the long Arizona summer, I invite you to join me in my journey to lose 30 pounds. If you are interested in losing weight fast and easily, do what Todd and I did and call Prolean Wellness at 480-477-6334 or go to ProLeanWellness.com for more information. Follow my progress on my Facebook page and in the next two “Just Jack” columns and come to Gay Days Splash Bash on Sunday, June 21 and I’ll show you the results. You’ll look better, feel better and most importantly you will be happier and more confident. Enjoy our annual swimsuit issue. Special thanks to all the hot models, Macy’s at Biltmore, Mr. Turk sold at Hub Clothing and TUC Collection in their new location on Indian School for the sexy Digital Summer suits. Also enjoy our features on Wynonna Judd headlining Southwest Center’s Night for Life Gala and Bianca Del Rio who is performing at the Orpheum Theatre June 4. Be good to each other but most important take care of yourself!
May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 17
PHOENIX PRIDE VIP EXPERIENCE
SEE MORE GREAT PICTURES AT IONAZ.COM
PHOENIX PRIDE FESTIVAL
Photos by Crazy Shotz May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 19
20
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 21
WET Fridays at Charlie’s
Make this Memorial Day one to remember! Celebrate the return of WET Fridays and watch the hottest (and dirtiest!) boys in town get squeaky clean in the shower on Friday, May 22 at 9:30. Pussy LeHoot stages both a Saturday and special Monday Memorial Day show where anything can happen. (Take a wild guess what usually happens.) Charlies, 727 W. Camelback Rd. 602-265-0224. (See ad on p.15)
Burlesque Live & More Discover the titillating and tempting world of burlesque. The tempestuous Pyrrha Sutra, reveals more when she takes off a glove than you can imagine. She teases every 2nd Saturday night of the month. Discover the Dark Cabaret every 1st & 3rd Friday night of the month. Expand your horizons with World Dance & Music every 4th Friday night. Each show at 8 p.m. at Palazzo Night Club, 710 N. Central Ave. For tx and info visit PSPresents.com or call 800-838-3006 (See ads p. 42 & 44)
Pookie’s 20th Reunion Get your pink flamingo on! Remember the good ol’ days? Who could forget the terrific hamburgers and chicken sandwiches at Pookie’s, back when it was the only gay restaurant in town? Relive the good times on Saturday, May 16, with a special drag show, drink specials and a menu of Pookie’s food to snack on at Roscoe’s! 4531 N. 7th St. in Phoenix. Pookie will be there, too! (See ad on p. 20)
22
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
Sets on the Sand Tourney
Let’s play volleyball! Meet people from all over the West at the annual “Sets On The Sand” sand volleyball tournament. It happens Memorial Day Weekend, May 22-24 at Steele Indian School Park. Join in the fun at the Opening Day Pool Party on May 22 from 5 p.m.-10 p.m. at the Wyndham Garden Phx Midtown Hotel at 3600 N. 2nd Ave. Everyone welcome! Register for the tournament & find out more about the league at ASGV.org
Hair Wars
Long beautiful hair! Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen ... An exciting night combining the best of fashion, makeup and hair design. Windy City Media presents “Hair Wars: The Supreme Salon Tour.” See the Valley’s best salons go “head to head” in competition. Talking Stick Resort in Scottsdale at the 101 and Indian Bend, Sunday, June 7. For tickets and information visit TalkingStickResort.com or call the box office at 480-850-7734 or visit TicketMaster.com for tix. (See ad on p. 41)
MAY 2015 ION EVENTS LISTINGS DATE
EVENT
LOCATION
CITY
2nd Sat 1st & 3rd Fri 4th Fri Sundays 1-3 2 3 5 8 9 11 15 16 16-16 16-17 16 23-25
Burlesque Live Dark Cabaret World Dance Cookout & BBQ Imperial Court Coronation Cinco de Mayo Party Barbra Seville’s Salsa Challenge Cinco de Mayo Karaoke All White Party Night for Life Naughty 90s Party Bearracuda Stacy’s 2nd Anniversary Bash Get Lei’d Bash Men’s Chorus “Boy Bands” Show Pookie’s 20th Reunion Memorial Day Weekend Events
Palazzo Nightclub Palazzo Nightclub Palazzo Nightclub FLEX Spas Crowne Plaza Airport Karamba Karamba Bar1 Aqua AZ Biltmore Hotel BS West The Rock Stacy’s @ Melrose Dick’s Cabaret Galvin Playhouse Roscoe’s Charlie’s
Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Tempe Phoenix Phoenix
7
Hair Wars
Talking Stick Resort
Scottsdale
JUNE
May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 23
GAY SKATE
24
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
GREAT SK ATE GLENDALE
Photos by Kevin Bushaw
HEEL PARTY
SEE MORE PICS AT IONAZ.COM
26
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
BAR 1 PATIO BAR + TEQUIL A LOUNGE
Photos by Franklin Diaz
May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 27
“Not today, Satan!”
Bianca Del Rio’s by Deon Brown
Rolodex of Hate Tour comes to Phoenix
S
assy ‘n’ brassy, this acid-tongued lassie has built a career tossing out insults and reading the beads of anyone who gets in her way. Seasoned veteran drag queen Bianca Del Rio was the winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race, season six. She’s made a career of her below-the-belt put-downs and impudent insults. The good news: Bianca Del Rio her POV to Phoenix’s Orpheum Theatre. It’s rude, crude and full of the attitude that made her famous. That bad news? You might be in her crosshairs. We can’t wait.
“A drag queen on time? That never fuckin’ happens.” Del Rio’s show, “Rolodex of Hate,” is currently touring the United States, offending everybody, one theatre at a time. Bianca’s show is more than an evening of jabs and jibes. In November, 2014 she told Time Out New York, “It’s things that basically make up and explain the way I am. It’s a little more detail-oriented than usual. I mean, usually I go into a bar or a space and I just do my thing—bam-bambam. This is a full hour, so it’s different for me, but I’m looking forward to it.”
39-year-old Roy Haylock, the mastermind behind Bianca Del Rio, grew up in a traditional household and talks about his upbringing and his Cuban and Honduran parents. Audiences watch a video montage of his childhood memories; they might be surprised about some drama and trauma in the true story behind the glamorous gorgon, Bianca Del Rio. It hasn’t always been sequins and sparkles. She takes the opportunity to address a variety of other controversial subjects, such as childhood molestation and bullying. The tables are turned when she skewers these tough, taboo subjects, roasting them over an open fire in front of the audience.
Bianca Del Rio follows in the grand tradition of motor-mouthed meanies like the Queen of Mean, Lisa Lampanelli. She also found herself interviewed under the covers during a webisode of “In Bed with Joan Rivers” with the legend herself.
“My style is very Joan Crawford/ Bozo the Clown. It’s versatile. I’m not, but the look is.” May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 29
I go up there to make jokes and the biggest joke there is, is myself,” Haylock told Metro Weekly. “It’s not everybody’s cup of tea.”
“Wide and sassy. That was my name in prison.” Crybabies beware! If you’re sensitive, easily offended or thin-skinned, this show just might not be for you. Especially if you have VIP tickets, you’re directly in Del Rio’s line of fire and you’re not safe from her scathing, scalding observations. “You have to know yourself in order to do anything. But is that who I am as a real person? No. On a daily basis I’m not a total bitch.”
“There were so many shit moments that you kind of sit back and go, ‘I’m sad that happened.’ You don’t know it is that bad until you get something good,” he said.
“I was raised by wolves, bitch.” There are no sacred cows with Bianca Del Rio in the house. Haylock is pragmatic about his alter-ego. “I’ve always said that if I didn’t wear a wig I’d be called a nasty fag, but when I wear a wig I’m called hysterical.” In real life, he’s warm, charming, witty and very smart. “I’ve made this my craft. Is that who I am as a real person? No. What I do on stage is what I do on stage. It’s not my identity 30
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
The comical clown in a gown is at the top of her profession. Del Rio told The New York Times, “Bianca reminds people that drag should also be funny and dangerous and challenging.”
“Look. I made a friend today. Me. Friend.” Enjoy an evening of laughs at Bianca Del Rio’s Rolodex of Hate on Monday, June 8 at 8 p.m. at the Orpheum Theatre, 203 W. Adams St. in Phoenix. For tickets including VIP Meet & Greet call 602-262-7272 or go to TicketForce.com or OrpheumTheatrePHX.com
May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 31
Barbra Seville’s Drag Race Vroom! Vroom! Better make sure your “trannysmission” is working, ladyboys! It’s time for another season of the award winning show, “Barbra Seville’s Drag Race.” This is a proven testing ground for some of the best up ‘n’ coming queens in town–and a few veterans, too. Who’ll be the biggest B.I.T.C.H.? That is, who has the Beauty, Intelligence, Talent, Charm, and Humor to make it to the finish line? Find out weekly, starting Monday, May 25 at The Rock, 4129 N. 7th Ave. in Phoenix. 602-248-8559.
MAY 2015 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE
TIME LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S)
Sun 5/3
2:00pm
Karamba
Barbra Seville’s Annual Salsa Challenge
Tues 5/5
9:00pm
BS West
Stars Choice All Stars Finale
Sun 5/10
7:00pm
Mon 5/25
BS West
Tempest DuJour & Friends
The Rock
Barbra Seville’s Drag Race Begins! Pussy LeHoot’s Memorial Day Show
Mon 5/25
1:00pm
Charlie’s
Mon 6/8
8:00pm
Orpheum Theatre Bianca Del Rio’s Rolodex of Hate
Mondays
7:30pm
Apollo’s
Drag Race Viewing Party with Clayton
Mondays
7:00pm
Kobalt
Drag Race Viewing Party
Mondays
10:00pm Charlie’s
Claudia B Hosts Nearly Nekkid Men
Tuesday
10:00pm Karamba
Savannah Moussier’s Show
Tuesdays
9:00pm
BS West
Stars Choice Talent Showcase
Wednesdays 9:00pm
IBT’s
Viva La DIVA
Wednesdays 9:00pm
Kobalt
Wednesdays 10:30pm Karamba Wednesdays 10:00pm Charlie’s
Nevaeh’s High Heels & Halos
Thursdays
Tejano Thursdays with Ruby Reynolds
10:30pm Karamba
Fridays
10:30pn
Cruisin’ 7th
Fabulous Fridays with Regina Gazelle & Nikki Knowles
Fridays
10:30
The Rock
Special Event Rotating Drag Shows
Fridays
9:00pm
Plazma
Freaky Fridays with Celia Putty
Fridays
9:00pm
IBT’s
Absolutely Flawless with China Collins
Fridays
9:00pm
2nd Saturday 9:30pm
32
Garden Variety Revue with Olivia Gardens Karamba Girls - Adriana Galiano & Karime Lizaldi
BS West
Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers
Kobalt
Celia Putty
Saturdays
7pm
OZ Bar
Classy Corona & Go-Go Boys
Saturdays
9:00pm
IBT’s
Starrletts with Janee Star
Saturdays
10:30pm Cruisin’ 7th
The Fabulous Mia Inez Adams
Saturdays
10:00pm The Rock
The Barbra Seville Show
Saturdays
9:30pm
Charlie’s
Pussy’s Patio Show
Sundays
8:30pm
Charlie’s
Pussy LeHoot & Friends
Sundays
10:30pm Karamba
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
Diamond’s Show
May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 33
34
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
End of the Rainbow The mercurial temperament and enormous talent of the legendary “Little Miss Show Business,” Judy Garland, is brought to the stage in this emotional, award-winning musical-drama. We find Garland in London, 1968, during the last months of her tempestuous life examining the dramatic Yellow Brick Road of her career, life and loves. Through May 17 at Phoenix Theatre, 100 E. McDowell Rd. For tix go to PhoenixTheatre.com or call 602-254-2151.
Eddie Izzard The popular British comedian, actor and writer brings his “Force Majeure World Tour” to the Grand Canyon State. So, yes. Izzard’s hyperintellectual, rambling, observational comedy shines in TUCSON: May 29-30 at the 17 W. Congress St. Tix: 520-547-3040 FoxTucsonTheatre. org ● PHX: June 2-3 at the Orpheum Theatre, 203 W. Adams St. Tix: TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000
Kids in the Hall “Chicken Lady loves life! Do you love life?” The zany, absurdist comedy of The Kids in the Hall comedy troupe, whose bizarre Canadian TV series from 198894 won fans stateside bring their weirdness on June 4 to Celebrity Theatre, 440 N. 32nd St. in Phoenix. Get your tickets at TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000. “Crushing your head!”
MAY 2015 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE EVENT COMPANY PHONE 9 Gabriel “Fluffy” Iglesias Casino del Sol - Tucson 800-344-9435 7-24 Spellbound! SW Shakespeare Co. - Phoenix 480-644-6500 thru 9 The Tom Kat Project Stray Cat Theatre - Tempe 480-227-1766 thru 10 Sweet Charity AZ B’way Theatre - Peoria 623-776-8400 16 Chris Tucker Celebrity Theatre - Phoenix 602-267-1600 16 Gabriel “Fluffy” Iglesias US Airways Center - Phoenix 800-745-3000 thru 17 End of the Rainbow Phoenix Theatre 602-254-2151 20-6/14 One Man, Two Guvnors Phoenix Theatre 602-254-2151 21-24 Christopher Titus Tempe Improv - Tempe 480-921-9877 27-6/7 Phantom of the Opera ASU Gammage - Tempe 480-965-3434 29-30 Eddie Izzard Fox Theatre - Tucson 520-547-3040 29-31 Craig Robinson StandUp Live-Phx 480-719-6100 JUNE 2-3 Eddie Izzard Orpheum Theatre - Phoenix 800-745-3000 4 Kids in the Hall Celebrity Theatre - Phoenix 602-267-1600 5-6 Adult Puppet Slam Great AZ Puppet Theatre - Phoenix AZPuppets.org 5-26 Doubt Mesa Encore Theatre 480-644-6500 6-20 Angels in America, pt. 1 Nearly Naked Theatre - Phx 602-254-2151 May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 35
36
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
The Mowgli’s The unabashedly upbeat, uplifting music of The Mowgli’s is part of their creed to change the world through Love and Music. Their catchy new hit, “I’m Good,” is an anti-bullying anthem. Don’t miss these rockin’ merry minstrels on Tuesday, May 5 at the Crescent Ballroom 308 N. 2nd. Ave. in Phoenix. Pick up your tix at TicketFLy.com or CrescentPHX.com or call 877-435-9849. Crowd-sing-along is a big plus!
Lana Del Rey That bundle of raw energy, the warm, perky little human firecracker we call “Lana Del Rey” brings her mournful, suicidal, merry melodies to the Ak-Chin Pavilion where she shares the stage with the Poster Girl for Clean Living, Courtney Love. See them Thursday, May 14 at the Ak-Chin Pavilion, 2121 N. 83rd Ave. in Glendale. For tix visit TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000. Bring your own razor blades.
Bette Midler Miss M. comes to Phoenix for some “Divine Intervention.” She’s come a long way from performing in the Continental Club Baths back in the 1970s. But she’s still just as fabulous as ever! Now she’s all about the girl groups of yesteryear with “For The Girls,” and she’s singing on Sunday, May 24 at the US Airways Center. 201 E. Jefferson St. Phoenix. Visit TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000
MAY 2015 ION Concert Calendar DATE ARTIST LOCATION 5 The Mowgli’s Crescent Ballroom - Phoenix 8 Moody Blues Talking Stick Resort - Scottsdale 9 WAR Wild Horse Pass - Chandler 12 NKOTB, TLC, Nelly Gila River Arena - Glendale 13 Lord Huron Marquee Theatre - Tempe 14 Lana Del Rey Courtney Ak-Chin Pavilion - Glendale 15 Eddie Money Wild Horse Pass - Chandler 19 Bryan Adams Comerica Theatre - Phoenix 19 Celtic Woman ASU Gammage - Tempe 22-23 U2 US Airways Center - Phoenix 22 Starship Wild Horse Pass - Chandler 24 Bette Midler US Airways - Phoenix 26 Train & The Fray Ak-Chin Pavilion - Glendale 31 Toby Keith Ak-Chin Pavilion - Glendale JUNE 4 Brad Paisley Ak- Chin Pavilion - Glendale 4 Active Child Crescent Ballroom - Phoenix 5 Wynonna Judd Celebrity Theatre
PHONE 877-435-9849 800-745-3000 877-840-0457 800-745-3000 480-839-0707 800-745-3000 877-840-0457 800-745-3000 480-965-3434 800-745-3000 877-840-0457 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 877-435-9849 602-267-1600
May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 37
What the World Needs Now
Wynonna Judd
by Brown 38 Deon www.IONAZ.com May 2015
T
he name Christina Claire Ciminella might not exactly sound familiar to music fans. But if you say, “Wynonna Judd,” well, everybody knows “Hurricane Wy.” The “kid half” of the enormously popular mother/daughter country singing duo, The Judds, learned how to play guitar when her mother, Naomi, gave her one for Christmas after they moved from Kentucky to Los Angeles in 1968. In 1979 they moved to Nashville, Tennessee to pursue a music career. In 1983 The Judds signed with RCA Records in an unprecedented sitdown audition. In their brief but stellar six year career, The Judds sold more than 20 million records, winning more than 60 industry awards including 14 Number One hits.
for the LGBT community. She’s outspoken and proud of her gay staff and the LGBT community adores her. Historically the Country-Western community has been notoriously homophobic. “I think people identify with me because I’ve always felt like I didn’t fit in, and I’m drawn to them because it’s a natural
In 1991, after her mother Naomi retired after being diagnosed with Hepatitis C, Wynonna launched her own successful solo career with her first album, “Wynonna.” Since then she’s recorded not only country, but rock, pop, r&b, jazz and gospel music. In 2005 she published her autobiography, “Coming Home to Myself.” “I have always considered myself a product of blazing my own trail,” she told The Huffington Post in an interview. “People have to figure it out for themselves. Follow what leads you to do the right things. Very few people truly understand what it means to be creative,” Judd continued. “There is no ‘dreamer closet’ in high school. People have to figure it out for themselves.” Now, about closets ... High school can be an awkward time for any teenager, especially gay and lesbian or transgender youth. Judd has long been a champion May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 39
States Music Ambassador for YouthAIDS for four years. She and her half-sister, Ashley Judd, helped facilitate dialog with young people in America and deliver AIDS information in easy to understand ways. She has also received the USO Merit Award for service to all divisions of the U.S. Armed Forces. In addition, she’s given her time and talent to Habitat for Humanity where she helped raise $90 million for victims of natural disasters to the Gulf Coast, the Red Cross and MusicCares. Eager to lend a hand–as well as her tremendous voice–Wynonna Judd and The Big Noise will be entertaining dinner guests at the annual “Night for Life” gala and fundraiser for the Southwest Center for HIV/AIDS.
connection,” she told The Advocate magazine. People often are in the closet because the are afraid. “Fear is a terrible thing. I’m a Judd, not a judge. My job is to lighten the spirit and love the heck out of people who feel really unloved,” she believes. Married, with two children, the big, brave Judd has sang on sold-out Olivia Cruises and in 1999 she performed at The Dinah Shore Weekend in Palm Springs. “We would never align ourselves with something we didn’t believe in,” she told The Advocate. She was also a celebrity judge on Logo TV’s hit show, RuPaul’s Drag Race, season four. She also competed in the popular Dancing with the Stars, season 16 in 2013. Wynonna helped bring attention to the global emergency of AIDS as the United 40
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
Night for Life gala co-chair Marc Reid said, “We’re so excited to have Wynonna back with us to help celebrate the 20th year of Night for Life and 25 years of accomplishments achieved by the Southwest Center. To have Wynonna and her band, The Big Noise, perform during this special evening is nothing less than perfect!” She summed up her thoughts about her accomplishments saying, “My story of success and failure is not just about music and being famous. It’s about living and loving and trying to find purpose in this crazy world.”
Come see Wynonna Judd give a special dinner performance at the “Night for Life” gala benefiting the Southwest Center for HIV/AIDS. Saturday, May 9 at the Arizona Biltmore Hotel & Resort. 2400 E. Missouri Ave. in Phoenix Cocktails, 6 p.m., dinner at 7:15 p.m. For more information including tickets visit NightForLife.org
May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 41
42
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
by Peter Lora pintelonegro@gmail.com
Aural Fixation
Marina and the Diamonds - Froot
2012’s Electra Heart, Marina’s last release, chronicled the adventures of the fictional Electra, a pill-popping American superstar who succumbed to fame and its excesses. With follow up Froot, Marina Diamandis decided to drop the wigs, collaborators, costumes and concept to create a more cohesive and personal album. Opening is “Happy,” a piano ballad about Diamandis finding contentment and strength in herself; the stripped-down production, honest and simple lyrics set the tone for the rest of Froot. In “Savages,” a song about rape culture and violence, Diamandis sings, “I’m not afraid of God. I’m afraid of Man / Underneath it all we’re just savages hidden behind shirts, ties and marriages.” The genius in her work is the balance of the heavy-handed subject matter in the lyrics and the artfully assembled pop music accompanying it. “Can’t Pin Me Down” reflects on Diamandis’ chameleon-like career, while “Weeds” is about heartbreak. Diamandis delivers one great song after another with “Gold,” “Weeds” and “Better That” in her signature Ace of Base-esque ambiguous accent and falsetto, with title track “Froot” as a nod at Electra. The chord progressions are interesting and sophisticated, making it the perfect dance track for the benchmark pop album of 2015. Available Now
Alabama Shakes – Sound & Color
There’s an unbelievable, three-
second long, raw, gasping screech in the beginning of “Don’t Wanna Fight.” It’s frontwoman Brittany Howard. She and her band Alabama Shakes appeared on the radar of the musically conscious in 2012 with their debut LP, Boys & Girls. Their purist approach to the Southern Soul & Rock revival isn’t new to the zeitgeist, including Kings of Leon, Black Keys, Jack White to name a few, but none can deny the awe that ensues when you hear Howard’s voice, her personal lyrics, her competency with the guitar, plus an appearance and style that challenges our notion of the female rock star. Sound & Color achieves what every sophomore attempt aspires to do: instead of taking the tempting route and using the formula of their debut, the album is evolved––more ambitious, raw, sexy and honest than its predecessor. The title track starts the album in a explorative vibraphone haze that evolves to a effervescent foreplay. “Don’t Wanna Fight” is a raucous, fun declaration and “The Greatest” treads on 70s punk. There’s a heartbreak in the vague and meditative lyrics of “Gimme All Your Love,” “Miss You,” and “Gemini.” Sound & Color is a must-listen, it’s uncompromising, committed retrospective sound and star frontwoman will be abuzz for the rest of the year. Available Now
THE DL SONGS TO DOWNLOAD SONG ARTIST “Deja Vu” Giorgio Moroder feat. SIA “Cause I’m a Man” Tame Impala “Loud Places” Jamie XX “Teenage Talk” St. Vincent “American Oxygen” Rihanna “My Terracotta Heart” Blur “Make Some Room” The Suffers “Ship to Wreck” Florence + The Machine “To Die in L.A.” Lower Dens “Easy Way Out” Other Lives May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 43
44
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
School Daze
ionazeditor@me.com ionazeditor@me.com
homosexuality abound. With lines like, “I did a Jaeger Bomb with my mom downstairs. It was crazy; we made out.”
First Period
(2013) Starring: Brandon Alexander III, Dudley Beene. Imagine if film directors John Hughes (Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club) and John Waters (Pink Flamingos) got really drunk, had sex, and made a movie baby. It would probably come out like First Period, a flashback to the spandexy 1980s. Brandon Alexander III (who wrote the snappy script) is Cassie Glenn, the “totally rockin’ superstar extraordinaire–you’re welcome” whose plucky, sunnyside up personality keeps her two pudgy chins up when she transfers to a new high school. As low girl on the totem pole, Cassie teams up with class cootie queen Maggie (Beene). School bitches Heather, Other Heather, and their hot, preppy boyfriends Dirk and Brett have it out for them. Cassie and Maggie consult psychic Madame Mulva (Judy Tenuta) who cues the clueless gals how to take over high school. Jaw dropping booger drag, an obviously too old for high school cast and non-stop one-liners make this picture into a cross between a bizarre Beverly Hills 90210 and an ABC After School Special. On acid. Look for cameo appearances by Cassandra Peterson (Elvira, Mistress of the Dark) as Cassie’s mom, character actor Jack Plotnick (Girls Will Be Girls) and Diane Louise Salinger (Simone the Waitress from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure.) Jokes about areolas, menstruation and
Available now on Digital HD, On Demand DVD MSRP $24
★★★★☆
Jonah from Tonga (2014)
Chris Lillie, the brilliant comedian from Australia, is getting a toe-hold stateside. Thanks to HBO, his mockumentary-style series “Summer Heights High” introduced us to his self-involved Ja’mie (who’s own series, “Ja’mie: Private School Girl” is brilliant) as well as foreign exchange student, Pacific Island teenager, Jonah Takulua from Tonga. Both personalities are played by Lilley. Jonah got a spin-off with this six-episode series. The unmanageable Jonah is banished to Australia. There, Jonah’s Tongan gang, Fobba-liscious, terrorizes the rangas (an unusually large population of redheads), and calls everyone a “homo” or a “fatty.” Ultimately, Jonah is sent to a detention center, learning a lesson about bullying. The genius behind “SHH” and “Ja’mie” didn’t migrate to “Jonah.” The pathos behind Jonah’s behavior–his mother’s early death– don’t do much to redeem any likeability. The series bombed in Oz and stateside. HBO got heat for racism and “brownface.” On the plus side: 40-year-old Lillie’s ability to play teenagers still makes him a genius. Available now on Digital HD, On Demand DVD MSRP $19.98
★★☆☆☆
May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 45
46
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
ionazeditor@me.com
Overdressed to Undercover
Saint Laurent
Starring: A bunch of French actors Move over, Edna Mode. This biopic about one of the greatest designers and tastemakers of the 20th century examines the life of couturier and fashion designer Yves Saint Laurent from the beginning of his career in 1958, when he was fired from the House of Dior and then met his lover and business partner, Pierre Berge, to 1976 during the peak of his career. Thanks to Saint Laurent, “ready-to-wear” became fashionable. Genius, tortured and an addict, this award winning picture and Academy Award submission will make any anxiety from Project Runway look like Romper Room and turn The Devil Wears Prada into a walk in the park. A “must” for fashionistas. Mostly French, some English. Ooh là là! Opens May 8
Pitch Perfect 2
Starring: Anna Kendrick, Rebel Wilson, Andy Devine, Brittany Snow, Anna Camp, Katey Sagal, Elizabeth Banks “We’re back, pitches!” Those lovable menstrual minstrels, the Barden Bellas, return to the big screen! Since the first installment in 2012 when the frosh a cappella chorus beat the vibratos off the allmale Treblemakers, they’ve grown up. Now Seniors, the girls with the golden voices are entering an international a cappella competition which no American team has ever won before. The humorless, neo-Nazilike Germans prove fierce rivals, shocker.
The fab Sagal (Peg Bundy of Married, with Children, Sons of Anarchy) joins the cast as one of the Bella’s mom. No doubt there will be some heartwarming moments as the girls ponder what comes next in their lives. Well, that and a lesbian’s wet dream: an all-girl pillow fight! Directed by and costarring Elizabeth Banks (Pitch Perfect, The Hunger Games, Walk of Shame) and written by Kay Cannon, who wrote the first screenplay. Let’s hope it’s sharp and not flat. Opens May 15
Spy
Starring: Jude Law, Melissa McCarthy, Jason Statham, Rose Byrne, Allison Janney Bond or bomb? We’re not sure. It could be a delightful romp in the madcap world of espionage–or not. The plot: desk-drudge CIA analyst, Susan Cooper, (McCarthy, Bridesmaids, Tammy, The Heat) goes undercover to infiltrate the world of a deadly arms dealer and prevent global disaster. That’s a heavy assignment for a heavyset gal. On the plus side, it’s got Jude Law (The Talented Mr. Ripley, Cold Mountain) in a comedy. That’s rare. On the minus side, funny fatty McCarthy’s last two pictures (The Heat, Tammy) laid an egg at the box office. Perhaps the fantastic Allison Janney (The Help, The Way, Way Back, Juno) will help, even though she made a big, big mistake appearing in Tammy. Opens May 22 May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 47
48
www.IONAZ.com May May2015 2015
May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 49
50
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
Corduroy
More Stylish Than Ever!
I
t’s been about twenty years since Tom Jetland and his partner Mark Dillon opened up their pantry to the public near Old Town Scottsdale with their first restaurant, Ibiza. Much loved, there was nary a dry eye in town when they packed up their paprika and trucked their turmeric away while riding a culinary crest of popularity. They had followed the advice of newspaperman Horace Greeley who said, “Go West, young man!” Well, just as far west as Central Avenue in Phoenix. There they opened the Moroccan inspired menu at FEZ just over ten years ago which took off like gangbusters. The super popular Switch weathered Light Rail construction after it opened in 2007 and is one of the “go-to” places for a casual nosh and cocktails. Their addition of Pizza People Pub is another in-spot right on Central, too. Now we welcome another casual dining room to the family with Corduroy, located right next to Switch in the old Schlotzky’s sandwich shop. Built in 1928 and originally the Pay-N-Takit Market, after a slick ‘n’ spiffy remodel, Corduroy opened for
business in March with a well-rounded menu of sandwiches, salads, shareable plates and main courses at a variety of prices. While the menu is still being tweaked and fine-tuned, there’s something for everyone. It’s no cookie-cutter café; Corduroy has it’s own relaxed vibe, but has a menu with prices that are easy on the wallet. Jetland and Chef Kevin Kiefer developed a globally inspired menu with a unique kick. Bites with besties? Twelve diverse assortments make it hard to choose, giving small plates a United Nations kind of flavor with dishes of Spanish, Portuguese, Greek, Caribbean, American and with a little dash of the tropics, too. The Veal Meatballs ($12) offer five roasted, herbed veal and beef meatballs in a smooth, herbed béchamel sauce with sour cherry drizzle. A definite crowd-pleaser are the Crispy Cuban Cigars (pictured top, $13). These babies take ham, pulled pork, Gruyère cheese, caramelized onions and roll it all up in a crispy wonton roll. Six pieces served piping hot could’ve opened up AmericanCubano relations with the annoying Castros a long time ago. Other choices, like BBQ May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 51
up on Happy Hours: 4-6:30 p.m. and from 11 p.m.midnight. Nice, huh?
Empanadas, Cheese & Bacon Board, Spanakopita and Calamari sound irresistible. I know for a fact that the Crab Balls ($13 for 5) are amazing. Better yet, try the Crab Cake Roll Sandwich ($13). Prices in the “Small Plates” average around $13 and everything is $2 off during Happy Hour. Surprise! Corduroy doubles
Bigger appetites might opt for fantastic Braised Red Curry Lamb ($17). The succulent, extra-lean lamb is braised in a smoky curry gravy over couscous with peas and carrots. The lamb is tender and sweet, with none of the gaminess often associated with the meat. The piquant, spiciness of the curry doesn’t overwhelm the melange of flavors, each remaining distinct. The generous serving of this rich, savory entrée is quite shareable.
Fans of the late, great HBO gay drama “Looking” will be delighted to see that Dom’s highly vaunted Chicken Piri Piri, ($15) a traditional Portuguese dish with peppers, peanuts, scallions and rice in a tabasco sauce is on the menu. Now we can find out what all the fuss was about. Twelve hot sandwiches are up for grabs with a variety of meat, poultry, and even fish. The Herb de Provence Chicken Focaccia ($13) gives you the moistest, most tender, marinated chicken breast ever (and we’ve had a lot!) with Gruyère cheese, dijon aioli, tomato, greens and onion on a focaccia bun. A perfect sandwich à la française is the traditional Croque Monsieur Tartine ($12), an open-faced sandwich with ham, Gruyère cheese, béchamel on artisan brown bread. Be sure to add an egg for only $1. All sandwiches are served with a daily simple salad, plus an additional side of fries, guacamole with chips, tomato salad or fabulous sweet potato tots—highly recommended. Seven salads round things out. Don’t miss out on Grains & Greens Salad ($10). Super food, kale, carrots, mint, cilantro, crispy leeks, sesame seeds, sesame chile vinaigrette and creamy ponzu (a citrus based sauce). Crunchy, filling and flavorful. Consider adding a beef filet skewer for $7 and splurge with several thick slices
of chicken ($4), too. Definitely enough for two. Maybe even three. Feel free to partake from the menu creatively crafted libations. Corduroy upped the ante at the bar when they took historic cocktails and “funked them up a bit,” according to Jetland. Try the summery Marrakesh Sling– Clement Premier Rhum, apricot liqueur, honey, lemon, Moroccan bitters and mint. For those who want a wallop with their hooch, try Johnny Ringo’s Epitaph: Evan Williams Bonded Bourbon, Carparo Antica Vermouth, Laphroaig Scotch, cherry liqueur and Memphis BBQ Bitters. It’s a sipping drink that’s makes us yearn for winter and a fireplace. Other Signature and Classic Cocktails put Corduroy on the Cocktail Map. You may not like the whistling sound corduroy pants make when you walk, but you’ll be whistling for more when you leave Corduroy.
CORDUROY
2601 N. Central Ave. Phone: 602-374-7585 Tue-Sun 11 a.m.-12 midnight Closed Monday CorduroyAZ.com
May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 53
May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 55
56
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
58
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 59
60
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 61
62
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
Technology surrounds us. Apps and pixels and Instagram and Twitter and iPods and icons and smart phones are part of our daily life. They’re a big part of the fashion landscape this summer. Colors and designs are daring with digital prints. We’ve chosen several ensembles that will make the poolside pop with pixels and panache. Make it a digital summer. May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 63
Glasses by Ray Ban & Polo Ralph Lauren available at Sunglass Hut Biltmore. “Slim Jim 2” shirt, “Travis” short and “Safari 2” board short from Mr. Turk available at Hub Clothing. Tommy Hilfiger shirt available at Macy’s Biltmore. 64
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
Glasses by Dolce & Gabbana available at Sunglass Hut Biltmore. Lacoste shirt & “Stripe Dot Ibiza” swim short by 2(X)IST available at Macy’s Biltmore. May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 65
66
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
Glasses & Tank available at TUC Shops. “Sunglasses Ibiza” swim short by 2(X)IST available at Macy’s Biltmore. “Sorrento” swim trunk by Mr. Turk. May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 67
68
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
Glasses by Armani Exchange available at Macy’s Biltmore. swim brief by Manus.
May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 69
70
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
G Shock digital watch, “Stripe Dot Rio” swim brief, & “Strip Dot Ibiza” shorts, all available at Macy’s Biltmore. May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 71
Ray Ban Aviators available at Sunglass Hut Macy’s Biltmore. “Sorrento” swim trunk by Mr. Turk
72
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
G Shock digital watch, “Stripe Dot Cabo” square cut, available at Macy’s Biltmore. App square cut available at TUC Shops.
May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 73
74
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
602 W. Indian School Rd., Phoenix TUCshops.com
TUC Shops
swimmanus.com
Manus Swimwear
Sunglass Hut at Macy’s Biltmore 2410 E. Camelback Rd., Phoenix Macys.com
Macy’s at the Biltmore &
trinaturk.com/mrturkhome
Mr. Turk
5213 N Central Ave, Phoenix HubClothing.com
Hub Clothing
Clothes and Accessories provided by
Photography by Franklin Diaz Direction by Kevin Bushaw Hair by Johanna Lorraine from RePose Salon & Spa Styling Consultant Benjamin Neher Special Thanks to Joey Konocek, Morgan Kunse at The Saguaro Hotel, Aireal Orosco at Sunglass Hut, & Tracy Heron at Macy’s Biltmore
May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 75
76
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 77
One appointment. Expert doctors. Convenient services.
Lanterman Photo 602.577.1640
Mark A. Wyse, M.D.
Kate Montgomery, FNP
Allan Goldman, D.O.
Tyler Southwell , M.D. Walter Koppenbrink, M.D. Andrew Racette, D.O. Certified Dermatologist
David Francyk, D.O.
David Anderson, O.D. Jennifer Francyk, PA-C Optometrist
Because caring for your health has always been our passion, we’ve made the following services conveniently available in our office. IMG_0897.JPG
T.E. McCauley, M.D.
IMG_0898.JPG
• Excellent care for all ages • Same day appointments • On-site clinical laboratory and X-rays • Dermatology and Optometry services • Botox and Obagi skin care now available
Charles Levison, M.D. Alisha Archibeck, D.O.
Victoria Rhodes, P.A.
Celebrating 45 years of family care IMG_0899.JPG
4350 E. Camelback Rd., Ste F100 Phoenix, AZ 85018 602.955.8700 • FPSAZ.com
M-F 7 a.m. to 5 p.m. and Saturday 7 a.m. to noon. IMG_0900.JPG
78
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
IMG_0901.JPG
James Leap, PA-C Physician Assistant
IMG_0902.JPG
80
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 81
SHERATON HOTEL DOWNTOWN PHOENIX
82
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 83
This spring, treat yourself like royalty.
#BeSafeOut Drink in moderation.
Learn more at: www.facebook.com/safeout www.twitter.com/lgbtqconsortium This program is funded through Mercy Maricopa Integrated Care.
84
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
MAY 2015
Vol. 9, Issue 2
OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL
Bill Wants White House “Man Cave” OUTRAGEOUS!
OUTRAGEOUS!
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Hillary and Bill had a brilliant ‘Bush Blue’ incorporated into the are anticipating a return to the White House palette. Bill, well, we think Bubba has some ideas if she wins the 2016 Presidential election. of his own.” Things have changed around around the Executive Mansion since Billary vacated 1600 Bill Clinton’s unpretentious folksiness and ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL Pennsylvania Avenue in 2001. potential position as “First Man” means he won’t be as concerned with the same matters of state Laura and George W. Bush as well as the that occupied his time as POTUS. Obamas called it “home” in the intervening years. Every president is given a budget for “Bill wants a ‘Man Cave.’ We’ll have to work furnishing and redecorating the family’s private within the parameters of the historic Federal quarters. architecture,” said the White House Historical Society. “But you can expect seeing neon beer “As the very first ‘First Man’ of the land signs, Playboy centerfolds tacked up on the wall, we’re anticipating some very specific design deer antlers, and probably a flag for curtains, too. changes,” said one Washington insider. “Nancy And a humidor with Cuban cigars, of course.” Reagan adored bright red. The second Bush’s
OUTRAGEOUS!
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL May 2012 www.IONAZ.com 85
OUTRAGEOUS!
Apple to Reveal New iGenitals OUTRAGEOUS!
CUPERTINO – Apple products are celebrated for pioneering progress in the field of technology. The MacIntosh changed computers. iPods, iPads and the latest release of the Apple Watch have Apple ANY RESEMBLANCE enthusiasts clamoring for more.
of microchips and highly sophisticated nanotechnology that makes a man’s crotch look as if he’s much more well endowed than he actually is. The invisible 3-D shield amplifies the groin at every angle a real TRAGICALLYdisplaying ACCIDENTAL whopper to the eye.
OUTRAGEOUS!
Speculation for new technology announcements of products to be launched will be made at the World Wide Developers Conference 2015 this June 8 at San ANY RESEMBLANCE Francisco’s Moscone Center.
TO THE TRUTH IS
Women will be thrilled that what appears to be an ordinary blouse or top features the same applied science that will make their breasts appear to be several cup sizes bigger. Big enough to ACCIDENTAL get a job at Hooters.
OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY
“Here atISApple, we want to be part of people’s ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL An anonymous inside source confided, “Everything Apple is developing is designed to enhance your personal life and appearance. Now we’re announcing the development of iGenitals. We call them, ‘iJunk’ and ‘iBoobs.’”
every day lives,” said an anonymous source in the research department. “You might say that we’re anxious to see what ‘develops,’” he snickered. “As we like to say, ‘Here at Apple, it’s all about I.’”
OUTRAGEOUS! What looks suspiciously like an ordinary pair of khaki Dockers for men is actually a trouser featuring a sophisticated network
Coming soon: the iToilet, iToothbrush and iContraceptives.
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 87
88
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
Phoenix PRIDE festival
STEELE PARK
SEE MORE GREAT PICTURES AT IONAZ.COM May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 89
90
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 91
92
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
S
iblings. One day we love ‘em and the next day we’re ready to cut their asses! I’m an only child and it’s a good thing–because there was barely enough room in my house for yours truly, let alone any other queens fightin’ for the throne. But anyways, speaking of siblings, trust me when I say ... “move over Baby Jane and Blanche Hudson!” Because this month’s Favorite Bitch is serving up more bullshit than those two hags ever dreamed of. Well, except for the delicious part about Blanche’s parakeet, of course. Settle on in to another timeless tale of Twisted Sisters! Dear Miss Tiger, My sister ruined my birthday party! She went around the entire dance floor and dry humped every single man that she could get her hands on. Should I tell her I’m mad? — Erica in Scottsdale Dear I Hope That Bitch Charged Some Coins For Those Happy Endings, The dance floor wasn’t the only place your sister was werking it. Darling, when it came time for you to blow out the candles on your cake, your sister was doing some blowing of her own–in the mens’ bathroom! Forget being mad at her–be pissed at your damn self for inviting the hot mess in the first place. Dear Miss Tiger, My sister is an escort. How can I get her on the right track? — Veronica
Dear To Hell With Getting Her On The Right Track - Hopefully She’ll Get On The Right Dick ... And Retire, Your sister’s kitty cat is like a New York City pizza–sold by the piece and available on every corner. Trust me when I say there ain’t shit anyone can do when a girl decides that taking 5-9 inches pays a lot better than taking a 9-5 gig! Dear Miss Tiger, Help! My sister has really ugly feet. She even puts acrylic nails on her toes which makes them look even worse. What advice should I give her? — Keisha Dear Try Giving Miss Thing A Half Dozen Podiatrist Appointments ... Or A Craftsman Heavy Duty Hand Saw, Why do people buy luxury cars when their teeth are falling out? Why do hillbillies have flat screen televisions in a shack that’s ready to be condemned? Hell if I know the answers to those dilemmas, however, I do know that your sister is just as fuckin’ triflin’! Wanna talk to me LIVE about this kind of bullshit and more? Then join me May 18th on Derek and Romaine • SiriusXM OutQ 106 at 7pm MT! Visit my website for more information on columns and upcoming radio appearances. Advice Columnist • SiriusXM radio personality ... and everyone’s #FAVORITEBITCH Website FavoriteBitch.com Facebook /MissTiger Advice ask@misstiger.com May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 93
94
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
by Sean Kapera @ Synergistic Studios SynergisticStudios.com
FOLLOW on instagram @SynergisticStudios
Kaige Killian Model, Actor Phoenix, AZ May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 95
96
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
by Addison DeWitt
G
rindr. Manhunt. Adam4Adam. Scruff. Growlr. Mister. These “social introduction” apps and services are everywhere these days. And every single one of you seem to be on them. With lots of lovely pictures of your junk. I wouldn’t recognize most of you on the street unless you had your zipper open and your pants down around your ankles. C “Dick pics are like a handshake for gay men,” Rocco Menaguale once told me.
to Redneck Hollow” happily and hornily resides in the Valley with his lover. Wyler is a former grade school teacher. He needs to help me “bone up” on my Three R’s: “Rimming, Riding and Raunch!” I can’t wait to get his autograph. His big, gorgeous, uncut “autograph.” Or a new dick pic. It’s like a handshake, remember?
A
Speaking of pecker checkers ... “Quinn,” (A) versatile XXX bareback movie star for Corbin Fisher Studios, surprised everyone D when he showed up at Splash Bash showing off his–no, not that–mad HulaHoop skills. I hardly recognized him with a swimsuit on and without any toes, feet, or ... well, you know ... “something else” in his mouth. Quinn, I’ve already seen your dick pics. (They’re like handshakes, you know.) So send me your phone number. And while we’re on the subject of movie stars ... Telegraph. Telephone. TeleGAY! Tongues were wagging (and that’s not all!) when news spread like wildfire that the insatiable, sexy, rootin’-tootin’ Texan Mason Wyler, (B) veteran blue movie star of such blockbusters as “The Road
B
Lost & Found: (C) Someone out their lost their heart when they saw you at Splash Bash and they’re looking for true love. Or a close approximation. Check out Craig’s List “Missed Connections.” Send them a dick pic. Just like as a handshake. “Come on baby, can hear that conga?” We can’t control ourselves any longa! Here at ION Arizona we’re proud to have our very own Ted Kirby (D) representing us in this year’s “Dancing With The Bars,” on August 9. Everybody knows and loves Ted; he never met a stranger. We can’t wait to see Ted “Twinkletoes” tearing up the dance floor! We’re very proud of him! I want to shake his hand! (No dick pic; he’s a friend.) Those handsome youngsters Shawn Curbello and Tucker Knight Parkinson tied the knot! And what do you do when the preacher says, “You may kiss your husband”? You give everybody the bird, (E), that’s what you do! Many years of happiness, young men! I’d like to shake your hand! (No dick pics, just a handshake!) Congrats! May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 97
E
T
his May is a difficult read. Usually sluggish Saturn is at opposition on May 23, making it a magnificent gem in the sky, bringing specific definition, discipline and responsibility. Usually distant, it will reveal new perceptions. Recycle the old, bring in the new! Important things to include in your life: Peacock feathers, incense, Kate Bush, swizzle sticks, red underwear, the Go-Go’s, and a portrait of Olivia Gardens in your living room.
Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20
You’re one of those people who would walk across a bed hot coals in those self-esteem building seminars that costs thousands of dollars. That’s kind of stupid. Don’t do that. Follow your instincts for a big pay-off.
Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20
Time to clear out all that “stuff” you’ve collected—in your home and your mind. Your appreciation of the finer things in life brings you a big surprise if it’s your birthday. It won’t be a pony, but it’ll be something you like.
Gemini May 21 - June 21
Variety is the spice of life! You’re adaptability to any situation makes you eagerly sought after. If it’s your birthday, you’ll be more popular than, say, Taylor Swift or Zac Efron. Definitely more popular than Miley Cyrus.
Cancer June 22 - July 22
The most important things for you is to center around your home and the need for stability, especially when it comes to family and friends. Spend time researching your family tree. You may be in for a shocker!
Leo July 23 - Aug. 22
You’re known for your good judgement. You’re also a good actor. This makes you kinda like the wise, all-knowing Perry Mason, all rolled into one. You may be called to Jury Duty. You’re a natural choice. 98
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22
You’re focused. You’re analytical. You attentive to details. You’re critical. Okay. We’ll say it: you’re driving everybody crazy. You can’t help it. It’s just the way you are. Lighten up a little bit! Relax. Don’t you feel better already? We do.
Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22
You’re one of these sensitive types who believes in flower-power, says, “Peace!” and dots your i’s with smiley faces. Your strong sense of justice prevails and you will rescue someone who needs your help.
Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23
We find you livin’ large this month. Your expansive, bold personality naturally draws people to you. We’re not saying you have a big mouth, but you might find yourself in a controversial debate this month. (Big mouth.)
Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23
Like Madonna, you’re good at reinventing yourself. This month you’ll find yourself making a change. It may be with a home situation, work or relationship. Or maybe even your hair color. It’s all quite exciting!
Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20
Always practical, you prove to be a great problem solver this month when your guidance is needed at a kind of “Summit Conference” with warring parties. You’re also good at organizing sock and underwear drawers.
Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19
Where to start? You’re well-known for your unconventional ways and quirky, Bohemian lifestyle. You’ll find your outlandish habits bring more attention your way this month. Like that’s ever an issue.
Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20
Emotions take you on a wild, roller coaster ride of drama, drama, drama. People often assume you’re naïve and innocent. How wrong they are. Time to step out of the shadows and take center stage.