ION Arizona December 2008

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ION KATHY GRIFFIN

OP EN WIDE DEN TA L SUI T E - DODGE T HE AT RE

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ION KATHY GRIFFIN

OP EN WIDE DEN TA L SUI T E - DODGE T HE AT RE

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Just Jack When I was in elementary school I played sports. So I was a jock. When I was in middle school, I loved computers and video games. So I was a geek.

When I was in high school I was an artist. As a young adult, I was a workoholic.

The point is, I don’t know what I am.

What label I deserve. But I don’t like labels. All I know is I am Jack. Just Jack.

And you are just _________ (insert your name here). The only thing we all have in common is that we prefer to sleep with people of the same sex. That might be it. We may have common goals politically but we might have very different taste in everything else. That’s our strength and our weakness.

The Arizona GLBT community is a lot of things, and our community is growing faster than ever!

While we still can’t agree on our own labels, on November 15th, politically we all came together and spoke with one voice.

There was a rally for legalizing gay marriage in downtown Phoenix with an unplanned march to the capitol. I have never been more proud of my community. There was openly gay Phoenix Councilman Tom Simplot, State Representive Ken Cheuvront, many prominent business owners, non-profit leaders and thousands of people all speaking with one voice. The rally was very entertaining and liberating. There were similar rallies held throughout the country that day and many more are planned.

This month’s issue features our annual Nightlife Holiday Guide featuring the winners of the Pucker Model Search at BS west last month. I’d like to thank all of the people who participated and came out to enjoy the competition. It was a huge success The contestants and the winners are delicious (my favorite label).

Look for more exciting contest and 10

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

events from ION and our supporters and partners in 2009!

If you haven’t seen out website yet, check it out. Not only do we have a PDF version of the entire magazine, we also have a cool page turning version. We also added a entertainment news ticker that we update weekly. Plus, there is current weather conditions, a place to sign up for our Party Spam, major event announcements plus a lot more.

And now ... this month’s ION Party Penguin is Bobby Hess! Bobby is one of the busiest people we know. Bobby volunteers for SWAY Events, Phoenix Pride, and the BS West Halloween show. He’s is an enthusiastic supporter or participant of nearly every club’s event, contest, or fundraiser. How does he do it? Bobby is everywhere! Bobby is definitely a unique, one-of-a-kind individual, that’s for sure!

You can’t put a label on him - besides “Party Penguin!”

So whatever label you think you are, embrace it. Do the best job you can. Be the best person you can be.

Most importantly, just be yourself. Nobody does it better!

Happy holidays from all of us at ION Arizona Magazine! Be careful out there and be good to each other.

Jack Tesorero

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

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Just Jack When I was in elementary school I played sports. So I was a jock. When I was in middle school, I loved computers and video games. So I was a geek.

When I was in high school I was an artist. As a young adult, I was a workoholic.

The point is, I don’t know what I am.

What label I deserve. But I don’t like labels. All I know is I am Jack. Just Jack.

And you are just _________ (insert your name here). The only thing we all have in common is that we prefer to sleep with people of the same sex. That might be it. We may have common goals politically but we might have very different taste in everything else. That’s our strength and our weakness.

The Arizona GLBT community is a lot of things, and our community is growing faster than ever!

While we still can’t agree on our own labels, on November 15th, politically we all came together and spoke with one voice.

There was a rally for legalizing gay marriage in downtown Phoenix with an unplanned march to the capitol. I have never been more proud of my community. There was openly gay Phoenix Councilman Tom Simplot, State Representive Ken Cheuvront, many prominent business owners, non-profit leaders and thousands of people all speaking with one voice. The rally was very entertaining and liberating. There were similar rallies held throughout the country that day and many more are planned.

This month’s issue features our annual Nightlife Holiday Guide featuring the winners of the Pucker Model Search at BS west last month. I’d like to thank all of the people who participated and came out to enjoy the competition. It was a huge success The contestants and the winners are delicious (my favorite label).

Look for more exciting contest and 10

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

events from ION and our supporters and partners in 2009!

If you haven’t seen out website yet, check it out. Not only do we have a PDF version of the entire magazine, we also have a cool page turning version. We also added a entertainment news ticker that we update weekly. Plus, there is current weather conditions, a place to sign up for our Party Spam, major event announcements plus a lot more.

And now ... this month’s ION Party Penguin is Bobby Hess! Bobby is one of the busiest people we know. Bobby volunteers for SWAY Events, Phoenix Pride, and the BS West Halloween show. He’s is an enthusiastic supporter or participant of nearly every club’s event, contest, or fundraiser. How does he do it? Bobby is everywhere! Bobby is definitely a unique, one-of-a-kind individual, that’s for sure!

You can’t put a label on him - besides “Party Penguin!”

So whatever label you think you are, embrace it. Do the best job you can. Be the best person you can be.

Most importantly, just be yourself. Nobody does it better!

Happy holidays from all of us at ION Arizona Magazine! Be careful out there and be good to each other.

Jack Tesorero

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

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ION ARIZONA CENTER 3819 North 3rd Street Ste. #10, Phoenix, AZ 85012 (602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com PUBLISHER Jack M. Tesorero .............................. jackt@ionaz.com CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw - Ext. 4 .................. editor@ionaz.com EDITOR AND CONTENT CZAR Deon Brown ................................. deon@ionaz.com PRODUCTION & OFFICE MANAGER production@ionaz.com ADVERTISING SALES Jack Tesorero, Ext 6 ................. adsales@Ionaz.com PHOTOGRAPHERS: Richard Bolinski Jerry O’Conner

Carl James Don Thompson

NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 CONTRIBUTORS: Dave Jackson Corey Blanchette Ted Kirby Wes Bergman David Alan Maxey Addison DeWitt Kim Ruff Helena Grayson Paul Sanchez Gary Guerin

TO GROW YOUR BUSINESS, CALL (602) 308-4662.

Published monthly by

© 2008 Tesorero Omni Media

a JMT Designs, Inc. company

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED PRINTED IN THE USA All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 15

ION ARIZONA CENTER 3819 North 3rd Street Ste. #10, Phoenix, AZ 85012 (602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com PUBLISHER Jack M. Tesorero .............................. jackt@ionaz.com CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw - Ext. 4 .................. editor@ionaz.com EDITOR AND CONTENT CZAR Deon Brown ................................. deon@ionaz.com PRODUCTION & OFFICE MANAGER production@ionaz.com ADVERTISING SALES Jack Tesorero, Ext 6 ................. adsales@Ionaz.com PHOTOGRAPHERS: Richard Bolinski Jerry O’Conner

Carl James Don Thompson

NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 CONTRIBUTORS: Dave Jackson Corey Blanchette Ted Kirby Wes Bergman David Alan Maxey Addison DeWitt Kim Ruff Helena Grayson Paul Sanchez Gary Guerin

TO GROW YOUR BUSINESS, CALL (602) 308-4662.

Published monthly by

© 2008 Tesorero Omni Media

a JMT Designs, Inc. company

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED PRINTED IN THE USA All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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ION IONAMSTERDAM PARTY CAM

ION CHARLIE’S

PHOENIX, ARIZONA 16

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ION IONAMSTERDAM PARTY CAM

ION CHARLIE’S

PHOENIX, ARIZONA 16

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DECEMBER ION HOLIDAY EVENTS LISTING Zoo Lights

SRP sends the electric meters spinning at ZooLights with 2.5 million lights at the 46-year-old Phoenix Zoo. Every night through January 10 from 6-10 p.m. you can see the Zoo transformed with one of the top holiday lighting events in the Southwest. Tix at www.PhoenixZoo.org or call 602-273-1341 for info.

Las Noches de los Luminarias

Enjoy the Desert Botanical Gardens’ trails at night during Las Noches de los Luminarias while he exquisite glass sculpture of artist Dale Chihuly cast a magical glow. Enjoy musical entertainment and holiday decorations at this popular event.

Various dates December 4-23. Papago Park, 1201 N. Galvin Pkwy. 480-941-1225

Roses de Noel & Winter Wonderland

The Phoenix Metropolitan Men’s Chorus ushers in the Holidays with two special concerts: “Roses de Noel” premieres their Phoenix Metropolitan Philharmonic Ensemble with instrumental holiday music at Church of the Beatitudes at 555 W. Glendale on Dec. 6 at 7 p.m.

The “Winter Wonderland” Holiday Concert is Dec. 12-14 at the John Paul Theatre at Phoenix College. For tix go to www.showuptix.com

APS Electric Light Parade

See a gazillion kilowatts of precious fossil fuels light up the Central Phoenix sky with the APS Electric Light Parade. It starts at 7 p.m. and moves south on Central Ave. & Montebello to Camelback and 7th Street and south to Indian School Road. For more info call 602-534-FEST. Then wait ‘til you get your APS bill!

A Christmas Carol

See Charles Dickens’ classic Christmas ghost story with a moral at the end about Ebenezer Scrooge and a crippled kid in a musical setting. And we know how you gay boys like musicals! Staged by the Actors Theatre of Phoenix at the Herberger Theater Center December 13-24.

Call 602-252-8497

18

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

DATE

EVENT & LOCATION

CITY

PHONE

thru 23

Sister’s Christmas Catechism - Theatre 4301

Scottsdale 480-994-2787

thru 25

Holly Jolly Christmas - B’way Palms Theatre

Mesa

480-325-6700

thru 31

Christmas Jukebox - Copperstate Theatre

Phoenix

602-279-3129

thru 1/10 ZooLights - Phoenix Zoo

Phoenix

602-273-1341

thru 1/17 Glendale Glitters - Downtown Glendale

Glendale

623-930-4500

3-23

“A Christmas Carol” - Hale Centre Theatre

Gilbert

480-497-1181

3-1/3

Danish Christmas at the Petersen House

Tempe

480-350-5151

4

Wynonna Christmas -Mesa Arts Center

Mesa

480-644-6500

4-23

Las Noches de los Luminarias - Desert Botanical Gardens Phoenix

480-941-1225

5

David Benoit “A Charlie Brown Christmas” - Arts Center

Mesa

480-644-6500

5-20

Children’s Scientology Pageant - Performing Arts Ctr.

Tempe

480-350-8114

5-20

The Eight: Reindeer Monologues Matlin Studio of the Arts

Glendale

602-402-7740

5-21

Miracle on 34 Street - Peoria Ctr. for the Arts

Peoria

623-815-7930

5-28

Coyote Dreams: Arizona Christmas -AZ Broadway Theatre

Peoria

480-595-7346

6

Roses de Noel – Phx Metro Philharmonic - Church of Beatitudes

showuptix.com

6-7

Phx Symphony Christmas Pops - Symphony Hall

602-495-1999

7

ASU Symphony & Choral Holiday Concert - ASU Gammage Tempe

480-965-3434

6

APS Electric Light Parade - Downtown

Not Available

th

Phoenix

Phoenix

6

Parade of Lights & Tumbleweed Tree- Downtown

Chandler

480-782-2735

10-14

Handel’s Messiah - Symphony Hall

Phoenix

602-195-1999

12-14

Winter Wonderland Phx Metro Men’s Chorus - Phx College

12-21

iTheatre Holiday Cabaret - Herberger Theatre Ctr

Phoenix

602-252-8497

13

Holiday Concert & Tree Lighting - Freestone Park

Gilbert

480-503-6200

13

Alice Cooper’s Christmas Pudding - Dodge Theatre

Phoenix

602-379-2888

13

Tim & Willy’s Christmas Show - Celebrity Theatre

Phoenix

602-267-1600

13

Tempe Fantasy of Lights Boat Parade Tempe Town Lake

Tempe

480-921-2300

12-28

Ballet Arizona – Nutcracker -Symphony Hall

Phoenix

602-381-1096

13-24

Actors’ Theatre “A Christmas Carol”- Herberger Theatre

Phoenix

602-252-8497

showuptix.com

14,19,21 Orpheus Male Chorus Christmas Concert - Various Locations 602-271-9396 19-20

Baroque Christmas - Symphony Hall

Phoenix

602-495-1999

20

Carols From Around The World -Orpheum Theatre

Phoenix

602-534-5600

20-21

A Joyful Sound – Holiday Handbells - Camelback Bible Church - Phoenix - not available

22

Soweto Gospel Choir: African Spirit - Celebrity Theatre

Phoenix

602-267-1600

31

Phx Symphony New Year’s Eve Gala - Symphony Hall

Phoenix

602-495-1999

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

19

DECEMBER ION HOLIDAY EVENTS LISTING Zoo Lights

SRP sends the electric meters spinning at ZooLights with 2.5 million lights at the 46-year-old Phoenix Zoo. Every night through January 10 from 6-10 p.m. you can see the Zoo transformed with one of the top holiday lighting events in the Southwest. Tix at www.PhoenixZoo.org or call 602-273-1341 for info.

Las Noches de los Luminarias

Enjoy the Desert Botanical Gardens’ trails at night during Las Noches de los Luminarias while he exquisite glass sculpture of artist Dale Chihuly cast a magical glow. Enjoy musical entertainment and holiday decorations at this popular event.

Various dates December 4-23. Papago Park, 1201 N. Galvin Pkwy. 480-941-1225

Roses de Noel & Winter Wonderland

The Phoenix Metropolitan Men’s Chorus ushers in the Holidays with two special concerts: “Roses de Noel” premieres their Phoenix Metropolitan Philharmonic Ensemble with instrumental holiday music at Church of the Beatitudes at 555 W. Glendale on Dec. 6 at 7 p.m.

The “Winter Wonderland” Holiday Concert is Dec. 12-14 at the John Paul Theatre at Phoenix College. For tix go to www.showuptix.com

APS Electric Light Parade

See a gazillion kilowatts of precious fossil fuels light up the Central Phoenix sky with the APS Electric Light Parade. It starts at 7 p.m. and moves south on Central Ave. & Montebello to Camelback and 7th Street and south to Indian School Road. For more info call 602-534-FEST. Then wait ‘til you get your APS bill!

A Christmas Carol

See Charles Dickens’ classic Christmas ghost story with a moral at the end about Ebenezer Scrooge and a crippled kid in a musical setting. And we know how you gay boys like musicals! Staged by the Actors Theatre of Phoenix at the Herberger Theater Center December 13-24.

Call 602-252-8497

18

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

DATE

EVENT & LOCATION

CITY

PHONE

thru 23

Sister’s Christmas Catechism - Theatre 4301

Scottsdale 480-994-2787

thru 25

Holly Jolly Christmas - B’way Palms Theatre

Mesa

480-325-6700

thru 31

Christmas Jukebox - Copperstate Theatre

Phoenix

602-279-3129

thru 1/10 ZooLights - Phoenix Zoo

Phoenix

602-273-1341

thru 1/17 Glendale Glitters - Downtown Glendale

Glendale

623-930-4500

3-23

“A Christmas Carol” - Hale Centre Theatre

Gilbert

480-497-1181

3-1/3

Danish Christmas at the Petersen House

Tempe

480-350-5151

4

Wynonna Christmas -Mesa Arts Center

Mesa

480-644-6500

4-23

Las Noches de los Luminarias - Desert Botanical Gardens Phoenix

480-941-1225

5

David Benoit “A Charlie Brown Christmas” - Arts Center

Mesa

480-644-6500

5-20

Children’s Scientology Pageant - Performing Arts Ctr.

Tempe

480-350-8114

5-20

The Eight: Reindeer Monologues Matlin Studio of the Arts

Glendale

602-402-7740

5-21

Miracle on 34 Street - Peoria Ctr. for the Arts

Peoria

623-815-7930

5-28

Coyote Dreams: Arizona Christmas -AZ Broadway Theatre

Peoria

480-595-7346

6

Roses de Noel – Phx Metro Philharmonic - Church of Beatitudes

showuptix.com

6-7

Phx Symphony Christmas Pops - Symphony Hall

602-495-1999

7

ASU Symphony & Choral Holiday Concert - ASU Gammage Tempe

480-965-3434

6

APS Electric Light Parade - Downtown

Not Available

th

Phoenix

Phoenix

6

Parade of Lights & Tumbleweed Tree- Downtown

Chandler

480-782-2735

10-14

Handel’s Messiah - Symphony Hall

Phoenix

602-195-1999

12-14

Winter Wonderland Phx Metro Men’s Chorus - Phx College

12-21

iTheatre Holiday Cabaret - Herberger Theatre Ctr

Phoenix

602-252-8497

13

Holiday Concert & Tree Lighting - Freestone Park

Gilbert

480-503-6200

13

Alice Cooper’s Christmas Pudding - Dodge Theatre

Phoenix

602-379-2888

13

Tim & Willy’s Christmas Show - Celebrity Theatre

Phoenix

602-267-1600

13

Tempe Fantasy of Lights Boat Parade Tempe Town Lake

Tempe

480-921-2300

12-28

Ballet Arizona – Nutcracker -Symphony Hall

Phoenix

602-381-1096

13-24

Actors’ Theatre “A Christmas Carol”- Herberger Theatre

Phoenix

602-252-8497

showuptix.com

14,19,21 Orpheus Male Chorus Christmas Concert - Various Locations 602-271-9396 19-20

Baroque Christmas - Symphony Hall

Phoenix

602-495-1999

20

Carols From Around The World -Orpheum Theatre

Phoenix

602-534-5600

20-21

A Joyful Sound – Holiday Handbells - Camelback Bible Church - Phoenix - not available

22

Soweto Gospel Choir: African Spirit - Celebrity Theatre

Phoenix

602-267-1600

31

Phx Symphony New Year’s Eve Gala - Symphony Hall

Phoenix

602-495-1999

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

19

Valley Metro Light Rail Inauguration Tempe Fall Festival of the Arts

Spend the weekend on Mill Avenue in downtown Tempe scoping out the hot guys and sexy chicks while shopping for wind chimes, stained glass, handmade coin purses and other artsy-fartsy crap you don’t need. But the scenery and the eye candy is great. And best of all – it’s free!

The long awaited answer for Mass Transit in Phoenix opens to the public on Saturday and Sunday, December 27 & 28 for the Landed Gentry and the Great Unwashed alike, just like the big cities. There’s activities, music and exhibits at various Park ‘n’ Ride stations from 10 a.m. – 8 p.m. Ride for free with the Valley’s bums, winos and hobos for the rest of the year. Hey, it’ll be fun! Just don’t get run over!

2009 Road Runner Regional Rodeo

Sing “ki-yi-yippee yippee yo, yippee yay!” The Rodeo is coming back, so start planning now! Git along, little dogies!

Who doesn’t love a little bronco busting and pole bending?

The big round up happens at Rawhide at Wild Horse Pass in Chandler January 16-18 2009. For more information www. agra-phx.com or call 602-265-8166. “Ki-yi-yippee, yippee yay!”

A Family Affair Pet Grooming

Get Sparky ready for the Holidays! Bring the little Heartbeat at your Feet to A Family Affair Pet Grooming. They’re sponsoring a fundraiser to benefit Aunt Rita’s Foundation on Saturday, December 6 from 12- 4 p.m. with dog baths, free treats, photos with Santa, a dog park and food, music, and a raffle! Arf! It happens at 3018 N. 16th St. in Phoenix. Call 602-277-4300 for details of visit www.FamilyAffairPetGrooming.com for details.

Life in the Limelight

“I have a limo, I ride in the back. I lock the doors in case I’m attacked.”

Find out about life in the fast lane with those fun-loving, merry-makers at SWAY Events with the glamorpuss-studded premiere of the celebreality series pilot, “Limelight” on Saturday, December 13 at icepics videobar at 3108 E. McDowell Rd. Meet the SWAY Bottle Models, enjoy drink specials, giveaways and live entertainment.

Sunday Before Christmas Brunch

Mixxers Entertainment presents a very special brunch. It’s not quite breakfast, and not quite lunch but it comes with a slice of cantaloupe – and entertainment. DJs Mic Mixxers, Pistol Pete, Claudia B., Phaedra and Chef Paul Roark will be at Forbidden on Sunday, December 21 from 10:30 a.m.-2 p.m. with door prizes and a surprise guest! Proceeds benefit Joshua Tree Feeding Program. How cool is that? Buy your tix at Unique Urban Boutique 4700 N. Central Ave.

Forbidden’s 1st Birthday Bash

It’s hard to believe that it was one year ago when the highly touted secret of Forbidden Nightclub was revealed. Since then they’ve cut their teeth and offered one of the hottest dance clubs and nightspots in town. Come in on Saturday, December 27 for their birthday party with 10 DJs spinning all night long. Log on to forbiddenAZ.com for your VIP invite and no cover with 1¢ drinks from 8-10 p.m. 6820 E. Fifth Ave. Phone: 480-994-5176 20

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

DECEMBER ION SPECIAL EVENTS LISTING DATE

EVENT & LOCATION

CITY

5-7

Tempe Fall Festival of the Arts – Mill Ave.

Tempe

6

Family Affair Pet Grooming Benefit

Phoenix

6

Lady Bunny: A Polyester Winter at Amsterdam

Phoenix

6 & 13

Pet Pix with Santa Claus at Noble Beast

Phoenix

12-13

Dick’s Cabaret Stripper Pole Olympics

Phoenix

12-14

4th Avenue Street Fair

Tucson

13

SWAY Events Limelight Premier at icepics

Phoenix

13,14

Pueblo Grande Indian Market – South Mtn. Park

Tempe

19

Jonny McGovern – The Gay Pimp at BS West

Scottsdale

23

Sunday Before Christmas Brunch at Forbidden

Scottsdale

27

Birthday Bash

at Forbidden

27-28

Light Rail Starts Running

Valleywide

31

Insight Fiesta Bowl & Block Party

Tempe

JANUARY 2009 3 Ft. McDowell Fiesta Bowl Parade

Phoenix

5

Glendale

Tostitos Fiesta Bowl

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 21

Valley Metro Light Rail Inauguration Tempe Fall Festival of the Arts

Spend the weekend on Mill Avenue in downtown Tempe scoping out the hot guys and sexy chicks while shopping for wind chimes, stained glass, handmade coin purses and other artsy-fartsy crap you don’t need. But the scenery and the eye candy is great. And best of all – it’s free!

The long awaited answer for Mass Transit in Phoenix opens to the public on Saturday and Sunday, December 27 & 28 for the Landed Gentry and the Great Unwashed alike, just like the big cities. There’s activities, music and exhibits at various Park ‘n’ Ride stations from 10 a.m. – 8 p.m. Ride for free with the Valley’s bums, winos and hobos for the rest of the year. Hey, it’ll be fun! Just don’t get run over!

2009 Road Runner Regional Rodeo

Sing “ki-yi-yippee yippee yo, yippee yay!” The Rodeo is coming back, so start planning now! Git along, little dogies!

Who doesn’t love a little bronco busting and pole bending?

The big round up happens at Rawhide at Wild Horse Pass in Chandler January 16-18 2009. For more information www. agra-phx.com or call 602-265-8166. “Ki-yi-yippee, yippee yay!”

A Family Affair Pet Grooming

Get Sparky ready for the Holidays! Bring the little Heartbeat at your Feet to A Family Affair Pet Grooming. They’re sponsoring a fundraiser to benefit Aunt Rita’s Foundation on Saturday, December 6 from 12- 4 p.m. with dog baths, free treats, photos with Santa, a dog park and food, music, and a raffle! Arf! It happens at 3018 N. 16th St. in Phoenix. Call 602-277-4300 for details of visit www.FamilyAffairPetGrooming.com for details.

Life in the Limelight

“I have a limo, I ride in the back. I lock the doors in case I’m attacked.”

Find out about life in the fast lane with those fun-loving, merry-makers at SWAY Events with the glamorpuss-studded premiere of the celebreality series pilot, “Limelight” on Saturday, December 13 at icepics videobar at 3108 E. McDowell Rd. Meet the SWAY Bottle Models, enjoy drink specials, giveaways and live entertainment.

Sunday Before Christmas Brunch

Mixxers Entertainment presents a very special brunch. It’s not quite breakfast, and not quite lunch but it comes with a slice of cantaloupe – and entertainment. DJs Mic Mixxers, Pistol Pete, Claudia B., Phaedra and Chef Paul Roark will be at Forbidden on Sunday, December 21 from 10:30 a.m.-2 p.m. with door prizes and a surprise guest! Proceeds benefit Joshua Tree Feeding Program. How cool is that? Buy your tix at Unique Urban Boutique 4700 N. Central Ave.

Forbidden’s 1st Birthday Bash

It’s hard to believe that it was one year ago when the highly touted secret of Forbidden Nightclub was revealed. Since then they’ve cut their teeth and offered one of the hottest dance clubs and nightspots in town. Come in on Saturday, December 27 for their birthday party with 10 DJs spinning all night long. Log on to forbiddenAZ.com for your VIP invite and no cover with 1¢ drinks from 8-10 p.m. 6820 E. Fifth Ave. Phone: 480-994-5176 20

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

DECEMBER ION SPECIAL EVENTS LISTING DATE

EVENT & LOCATION

CITY

5-7

Tempe Fall Festival of the Arts – Mill Ave.

Tempe

6

Family Affair Pet Grooming Benefit

Phoenix

6

Lady Bunny: A Polyester Winter at Amsterdam

Phoenix

6 & 13

Pet Pix with Santa Claus at Noble Beast

Phoenix

12-13

Dick’s Cabaret Stripper Pole Olympics

Phoenix

12-14

4th Avenue Street Fair

Tucson

13

SWAY Events Limelight Premier at icepics

Phoenix

13,14

Pueblo Grande Indian Market – South Mtn. Park

Tempe

19

Jonny McGovern – The Gay Pimp at BS West

Scottsdale

23

Sunday Before Christmas Brunch at Forbidden

Scottsdale

27

Birthday Bash

at Forbidden

27-28

Light Rail Starts Running

Valleywide

31

Insight Fiesta Bowl & Block Party

Tempe

JANUARY 2009 3 Ft. McDowell Fiesta Bowl Parade

Phoenix

5

Glendale

Tostitos Fiesta Bowl

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 21

22

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

22

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

Phooson 2008

Bring your umbrella-ella-ella and see Rihanna, Fallout Boy, Pussycat Dolls, the super-cute Jesse McCartney, Katie Perry and more at the Phooson 2008 at the Cricket Wireless Pavilion at 2121 N. 83rd Avenue on Friday, December 5. For tickets – you guessed it – go to www.ticketmaster.com or call 480-784-4444. Line-up schedule may change without notice.

Celine Dion

Near … far … wherever you are – you’ll want to see everybody’s favorite Canadian Quebecois songbird perform one lungbuster after another for an enraptured audience of old people and dewy-eyed queens at the Jobing.com Arena at 9400 W. Maryland Ave. in Glendale on Saturday, December 6. Even if you have to drive all night. For tickets go to www.ticketmaster.com or call 480-784-4444

DECEMBER 2008 ION CONCERT CALENDAR

24

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

DATE EVENT/ARTIST

LOCATION

4

Wynonna Christmas

Mesa Arts Center

5

Phooson 2008

Cricket Wireless Pavilion

6 6

Celine Dion Davy Jones

Jobing.com Arena Ft. McDowell Casino

6-7

Phx Symphony Christmas Pops

Symphony Hall

7 7

Wu Tang Clan Marquee Theatre ASU Symphony & Choral Holiday Concert ASU Gammage

10-14

Handel’s Messiah

Symphony Hall

10 11

AC/DC Sarah McLachlan

U.S. Airways Center Tucson Arena

12-13

Celebrating Shalom: AZ Women in Tune

Trinity Cathedral

12-14

Winter Wonderland - Phx Men’s Chorus

John Paul Theatre Phx College

13 13 13 19-20

Alice Cooper’s Christmas Pudding Aqua Bats Death Cab for Cutie Baroque Christmas

Dodge Theatre Marquee Theatre TCC Exhibition Hall - Tucson Symphony Hall - Phoenix

20 21

Carols From Around The World Linda Eder

Orpheum Theatre Tucson Music Hall

21 22 22

Sarah Brightman Soweto Gospel Choir: African Spirit Leon Russell

Jobing.com Arena Celebrity Theatre Rhythm Room

28

Dancing With The Stars

Jobing.com Arena December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

25

Phooson 2008

Bring your umbrella-ella-ella and see Rihanna, Fallout Boy, Pussycat Dolls, the super-cute Jesse McCartney, Katie Perry and more at the Phooson 2008 at the Cricket Wireless Pavilion at 2121 N. 83rd Avenue on Friday, December 5. For tickets – you guessed it – go to www.ticketmaster.com or call 480-784-4444. Line-up schedule may change without notice.

Celine Dion

Near … far … wherever you are – you’ll want to see everybody’s favorite Canadian Quebecois songbird perform one lungbuster after another for an enraptured audience of old people and dewy-eyed queens at the Jobing.com Arena at 9400 W. Maryland Ave. in Glendale on Saturday, December 6. Even if you have to drive all night. For tickets go to www.ticketmaster.com or call 480-784-4444

DECEMBER 2008 ION CONCERT CALENDAR

24

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

DATE EVENT/ARTIST

LOCATION

4

Wynonna Christmas

Mesa Arts Center

5

Phooson 2008

Cricket Wireless Pavilion

6 6

Celine Dion Davy Jones

Jobing.com Arena Ft. McDowell Casino

6-7

Phx Symphony Christmas Pops

Symphony Hall

7 7

Wu Tang Clan Marquee Theatre ASU Symphony & Choral Holiday Concert ASU Gammage

10-14

Handel’s Messiah

Symphony Hall

10 11

AC/DC Sarah McLachlan

U.S. Airways Center Tucson Arena

12-13

Celebrating Shalom: AZ Women in Tune

Trinity Cathedral

12-14

Winter Wonderland - Phx Men’s Chorus

John Paul Theatre Phx College

13 13 13 19-20

Alice Cooper’s Christmas Pudding Aqua Bats Death Cab for Cutie Baroque Christmas

Dodge Theatre Marquee Theatre TCC Exhibition Hall - Tucson Symphony Hall - Phoenix

20 21

Carols From Around The World Linda Eder

Orpheum Theatre Tucson Music Hall

21 22 22

Sarah Brightman Soweto Gospel Choir: African Spirit Leon Russell

Jobing.com Arena Celebrity Theatre Rhythm Room

28

Dancing With The Stars

Jobing.com Arena December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

25

26

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 27

26

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 27

Written by Dave Jackson djackson@virginmega.com

Yo, DJ! What’s New? Where O where did 2008 go? With a blink of an eye we’ll all be ushering in 2009 with style, glam and fierceness.

But before that happens don’t forget to check out these last few releases of 2008. New stuff should appear from Kanye West, 50 Cent, Eminem, Akon, Ciara, Brandy and Maroon 5.

Britney Spears – Circus

Appropriately titled, this three ring circus finds Britney where she belongs – under a spotlight, ready to entertain. Originally slated for 2009, an MTV boost prompted JIVE to push this release forward. “Womanizer,” the infectious lead single and Britney’s second #1 is as sleek as anyone could hope for.

Then there’s great support from “Kill The Lights” and second single “Circus” where Britney borrows Madonna-esque Hard Candy baseline cues. And for those wanting the softer side of Spears, find solace in “Out From Under.” This will certainly be called by many as her “comeback.”

The Killers – Day & Age

28

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

After the disappointing Sam’s Town the Killers are looking to get back on track with their third release. Not only do they accomplish that, but they create a rival to Hot Fuss and one of 2008’s best albums. Produced by Stuart Price (a la Madonna’s Confessions), this album jams and rocks with horns, beats and moods of David Bowie, U2 and Queen.

Lead single “Human” is pure glitter with its danceable beat while “Dustland Fairytale” is something out of a dream.

And then there’s the ever changing “I Can’t Say” with its almost Caribbean feel. Oh how great it is to have this amazing band back in synch!

Sam Sparro – Sam Sparro

Part disco, part funk, part electro and a whole lot of fun is what describes this debut from the emerging Australian artist. After being nominated for 5 ARIA’s (the Aussie Grammy), look for this album to grab attention stateside with a surge of his incredibly catchy debut single “Black & Gold.” Other tracks of note include the groovy “21st Century Life” and “Hot Mess” where Sam channels the sounds of Prince with a little LCD soundsystem. And then there’s the midtempo ballad “Pocket;” just great music to the ears. Trust me when I say that this one is for the masses.

TOP PICKS OF 2008 In tradition, here are my top album picks of 2008. #1 “Hard Candy” – Madonna, #2 “In Rainbows” – Radiohead, #3 “Apocalypso” – The Presets, #4 “This is the Life” – Amy MacDonald, #5 “Down To Earth” – Jem, #6 “Day & Age” – The Killers, #7 “Fourth” – The Verve, #8 “Sam Sparro” – Sam Sparro (see above), #9 “19” – Adele, #10 “Good Girl Gone Bad” – Rihanna.

TOP SINGLES of 2008 #1 “Miles Away” – Madonna, #2 “Every Heartbeat” – Robyn, #3 Beating My Heart” – Jon McLaughlin, #4 “Love is Noise” – The Verve, #5 “Viva La Vida” – Coldplay, #6 “The Right Life” – Seal, #7 “Time for Dreams” – Schiller, #8 “Time to Pretend” – MGMT, #9 “I’m Yours” – Jason Mraz, #10 “Human” – The Killers.

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

29

Written by Dave Jackson djackson@virginmega.com

Yo, DJ! What’s New? Where O where did 2008 go? With a blink of an eye we’ll all be ushering in 2009 with style, glam and fierceness.

But before that happens don’t forget to check out these last few releases of 2008. New stuff should appear from Kanye West, 50 Cent, Eminem, Akon, Ciara, Brandy and Maroon 5.

Britney Spears – Circus

Appropriately titled, this three ring circus finds Britney where she belongs – under a spotlight, ready to entertain. Originally slated for 2009, an MTV boost prompted JIVE to push this release forward. “Womanizer,” the infectious lead single and Britney’s second #1 is as sleek as anyone could hope for.

Then there’s great support from “Kill The Lights” and second single “Circus” where Britney borrows Madonna-esque Hard Candy baseline cues. And for those wanting the softer side of Spears, find solace in “Out From Under.” This will certainly be called by many as her “comeback.”

The Killers – Day & Age

28

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

After the disappointing Sam’s Town the Killers are looking to get back on track with their third release. Not only do they accomplish that, but they create a rival to Hot Fuss and one of 2008’s best albums. Produced by Stuart Price (a la Madonna’s Confessions), this album jams and rocks with horns, beats and moods of David Bowie, U2 and Queen.

Lead single “Human” is pure glitter with its danceable beat while “Dustland Fairytale” is something out of a dream.

And then there’s the ever changing “I Can’t Say” with its almost Caribbean feel. Oh how great it is to have this amazing band back in synch!

Sam Sparro – Sam Sparro

Part disco, part funk, part electro and a whole lot of fun is what describes this debut from the emerging Australian artist. After being nominated for 5 ARIA’s (the Aussie Grammy), look for this album to grab attention stateside with a surge of his incredibly catchy debut single “Black & Gold.” Other tracks of note include the groovy “21st Century Life” and “Hot Mess” where Sam channels the sounds of Prince with a little LCD soundsystem. And then there’s the midtempo ballad “Pocket;” just great music to the ears. Trust me when I say that this one is for the masses.

TOP PICKS OF 2008 In tradition, here are my top album picks of 2008. #1 “Hard Candy” – Madonna, #2 “In Rainbows” – Radiohead, #3 “Apocalypso” – The Presets, #4 “This is the Life” – Amy MacDonald, #5 “Down To Earth” – Jem, #6 “Day & Age” – The Killers, #7 “Fourth” – The Verve, #8 “Sam Sparro” – Sam Sparro (see above), #9 “19” – Adele, #10 “Good Girl Gone Bad” – Rihanna.

TOP SINGLES of 2008 #1 “Miles Away” – Madonna, #2 “Every Heartbeat” – Robyn, #3 Beating My Heart” – Jon McLaughlin, #4 “Love is Noise” – The Verve, #5 “Viva La Vida” – Coldplay, #6 “The Right Life” – Seal, #7 “Time for Dreams” – Schiller, #8 “Time to Pretend” – MGMT, #9 “I’m Yours” – Jason Mraz, #10 “Human” – The Killers.

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

29

by Kimberly M. Ruff Those of you who follow my column religiously know that every Holiday Season one can find me with a noticeable skip in my step. It’s not because the Holidays denote gift-giving and I’m eyeballing a bottle of White Diamonds perfume (hint, hint). Nor is it because the Holidays denote extravagant meals that I’ve somehow rationalized are ok to eat in excess so long as I resolve come January 1st to hit the treadmill daily. No, it is because the Holiday Season yields great films and my grouchy, Grinchy self would much rather watch a movie alone than listen to Silver Bells for the umpteenth time with my extended family.

(The Queen; The Last King of Scotland) to bring you this compelling, edge-ofyour-seat political thriller with Frank Langella as Nixon and Michael Sheen as David Frost in the days leading up to, and including, their emotionally-charged interview. Release Date: December 5, 2008.

Ciao

Frost / Nixon

ionmovies DECEMBER 2008 MOVIE OPENINGS

30

DATE MOVIE

DATE MOVIE

5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12

19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 25 25 25 25 25 25 25 26 26 31

Cadillac Records Crossing Over Extreme Movie The Punisher: War Zone Frost/Nixon Hunger Local Color Nobel Son Timecrimes Tokyo!

The Day The Earth Stood Still Nothing Like the Holidays $9.99 Diego Doubt The Reader Wendy and Lucy What Doesn’t Kill You Where God Left His Shoes

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

Seven Pounds The Tale of Desperaeux Yes Man The Brothers Bloom Fados Opus: The Last Christmas Nothing But the Truth The Wrestler Bedtime Stories Curious Case of Benjamin Button Hurricane Season Marley and Me Shanghai The Class The Spirit RevolutionAry Road Valkyrie Defiance

Starring: Michael Sheen, Frank Langella. We all know the story of Watergate in whole or in part. Members of the Committee to Re-elect the President (CREEP) break into the Democratic National Headquarters, get caught, a host of illegal and illicit activities come to light, evidence shows President Nixon to have known about and conspired to cover it up, and he resigns his post in 1974 rather than risk impeachment. After his disgraceful exit from the White House, Nixon refuses to discuss the events leading up to his resignation until 1977. Nixon agrees to a sit-down one-on-one interview with the British TV personality, David Frost.

News stations were abuzz, wondering if, in this tense showdown, the calculated coolness of Tricky Dick would prevent the tenacious Frost from conducting the interview of a lifetime. Director, Ron Howard (Apollo 13; A Beautiful Mind) teams up with writer, Peter Morgan

Starring: Adam Neal Smith, Alessandro Calza. Directed by Yen Tan, Ciao is the touching tale of how two men fall in love under the most sorrowful of circumstances. While Jeff (Smith) is cleaning out the apartment of his recently deceased best friend, Mark, he discovers that his friend has been corresponding with an Italian designer, Andrea (Calza), who is flying into town within the day to finally meet him. Jeff is compelled by good graces to meet him at the airport and inform him of the unfortunate news.

Since Andrea’s flight back is days away, the two agree to spend the time together. Over the next three days, they counsel each other on the loss of the man they both loved while forging a bond completely independent of Mark.

Beautifully touching and gracefully acted, Ciao shows that the pure joy of love is the true antidote to mournful sorrow. Release Date: December 5, 2008 Questions? Comments? Reach the writer at kimberlymruff@yahoo.com.

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

31

by Kimberly M. Ruff Those of you who follow my column religiously know that every Holiday Season one can find me with a noticeable skip in my step. It’s not because the Holidays denote gift-giving and I’m eyeballing a bottle of White Diamonds perfume (hint, hint). Nor is it because the Holidays denote extravagant meals that I’ve somehow rationalized are ok to eat in excess so long as I resolve come January 1st to hit the treadmill daily. No, it is because the Holiday Season yields great films and my grouchy, Grinchy self would much rather watch a movie alone than listen to Silver Bells for the umpteenth time with my extended family.

(The Queen; The Last King of Scotland) to bring you this compelling, edge-ofyour-seat political thriller with Frank Langella as Nixon and Michael Sheen as David Frost in the days leading up to, and including, their emotionally-charged interview. Release Date: December 5, 2008.

Ciao

Frost / Nixon

ionmovies DECEMBER 2008 MOVIE OPENINGS

30

DATE MOVIE

DATE MOVIE

5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12

19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 25 25 25 25 25 25 25 26 26 31

Cadillac Records Crossing Over Extreme Movie The Punisher: War Zone Frost/Nixon Hunger Local Color Nobel Son Timecrimes Tokyo!

The Day The Earth Stood Still Nothing Like the Holidays $9.99 Diego Doubt The Reader Wendy and Lucy What Doesn’t Kill You Where God Left His Shoes

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

Seven Pounds The Tale of Desperaeux Yes Man The Brothers Bloom Fados Opus: The Last Christmas Nothing But the Truth The Wrestler Bedtime Stories Curious Case of Benjamin Button Hurricane Season Marley and Me Shanghai The Class The Spirit RevolutionAry Road Valkyrie Defiance

Starring: Michael Sheen, Frank Langella. We all know the story of Watergate in whole or in part. Members of the Committee to Re-elect the President (CREEP) break into the Democratic National Headquarters, get caught, a host of illegal and illicit activities come to light, evidence shows President Nixon to have known about and conspired to cover it up, and he resigns his post in 1974 rather than risk impeachment. After his disgraceful exit from the White House, Nixon refuses to discuss the events leading up to his resignation until 1977. Nixon agrees to a sit-down one-on-one interview with the British TV personality, David Frost.

News stations were abuzz, wondering if, in this tense showdown, the calculated coolness of Tricky Dick would prevent the tenacious Frost from conducting the interview of a lifetime. Director, Ron Howard (Apollo 13; A Beautiful Mind) teams up with writer, Peter Morgan

Starring: Adam Neal Smith, Alessandro Calza. Directed by Yen Tan, Ciao is the touching tale of how two men fall in love under the most sorrowful of circumstances. While Jeff (Smith) is cleaning out the apartment of his recently deceased best friend, Mark, he discovers that his friend has been corresponding with an Italian designer, Andrea (Calza), who is flying into town within the day to finally meet him. Jeff is compelled by good graces to meet him at the airport and inform him of the unfortunate news.

Since Andrea’s flight back is days away, the two agree to spend the time together. Over the next three days, they counsel each other on the loss of the man they both loved while forging a bond completely independent of Mark.

Beautifully touching and gracefully acted, Ciao shows that the pure joy of love is the true antidote to mournful sorrow. Release Date: December 5, 2008 Questions? Comments? Reach the writer at kimberlymruff@yahoo.com.

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

31

32

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 33

32

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 33

by Wes Bergman wesobergman@yahoo.com I’m sure like every red-blooded American gay male you find yourself wondering, “What ever happened to the girls from 90210?” It was, after all, your show. You felt just as displaced as Brenda Walsh in Beverly Hills; you were the dark haired stepchild to the blonde-tanned good looks of quintessential California girls Kelly and Donna. And that Dylan – what a babe! Despite the fact that he was the only high school student nearing middle age, you had to taste the forbidden fruit.

Not everyone could wait a decade like the contractually-obligated Donna Martin.

This month, we celebrate the holidays by celebrating what I like to call: The Ladies of 90210: After the Show.

Kiss the Bride

Starring: Tori Spelling, Philipp Karner, James O’Shea

Can we really have it all?

Absolutely, if we keep an open mind. When Matt (Karner) receives an invitation to attend the wedding of his best friend (and first love) from high school (O’Shea), he’s surprised. When he discovers the fiancé is a woman (Spelling), he’s shocked.

Determined to go and snap some sense into his friend, Matt ultimately discovers that love transcends sexuality and that the past is sometimes better left there.

A light-hearted romantic comedy, Kiss the Bride addresses the boundaries of sexual orientation by looking at the whole person, not just their sexuality.

It’s not necessarily a matter of either/or sometimes it’s both/and. An amusing side-note is the subplot of the two competing best men: after Matt comes out to them, both do the typical, “I know one other gay person who lives in a ridiculously remote and distant part of the world, do you know them, too?” followed by “I can relate because I once 34

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

experimented with homosexuality” thread.

Having been on the receiving end of this conversation multiple times, I laughed so hard I cried.

Kiss Me Deadly

Starring: Shannen Doherty, Robert Gant, Fraser Brown, John Rhys-Davies Can we ever really forget our past? Absolutely not, if we were international spies. In Kiss Me Deadly, Jacob Keane (Gant) has spent the last twenty years putting distance between his career as an international spy behind him in favor of a new life as a fashion photographer with his boyfriend and daughter in Milan. After a receiving a vague voicemail message from his former spy-partner, Marta (Doherty), he meets her at the train station only to realize she doesn’t remember a thing. Now, it’s a race against the clock to find out why Marta was tracking him down, who is after both of them, and what he needs to know and do to save his family before it’s too late… John Rhys-Davies co-stars as Yale, Jacob and Marta’s former boss with the NIA and I personally kept hoping he’d say, “Indie!” just once in, preferably, the most irrelevant way.

I couldn’t help but notice how well Tori Spelling has held up after all these years while Shannen Doherty is looking a little worn. Kiss the Bride is a lot softer with the lighting that Kiss Me Deadly … really, though, I think it’s probably a matter of the Prima Donna Wrinkle Factor: if you’re always rocking “bitch face”, you’ll get the wrinkles to prove it. Let that be a lesson to you, folks: be kind; it’s good for your skin!

Questions? Comments? Reach the reviewer at Wesobergman@yahoo.com December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

35

by Wes Bergman wesobergman@yahoo.com I’m sure like every red-blooded American gay male you find yourself wondering, “What ever happened to the girls from 90210?” It was, after all, your show. You felt just as displaced as Brenda Walsh in Beverly Hills; you were the dark haired stepchild to the blonde-tanned good looks of quintessential California girls Kelly and Donna. And that Dylan – what a babe! Despite the fact that he was the only high school student nearing middle age, you had to taste the forbidden fruit.

Not everyone could wait a decade like the contractually-obligated Donna Martin.

This month, we celebrate the holidays by celebrating what I like to call: The Ladies of 90210: After the Show.

Kiss the Bride

Starring: Tori Spelling, Philipp Karner, James O’Shea

Can we really have it all?

Absolutely, if we keep an open mind. When Matt (Karner) receives an invitation to attend the wedding of his best friend (and first love) from high school (O’Shea), he’s surprised. When he discovers the fiancé is a woman (Spelling), he’s shocked.

Determined to go and snap some sense into his friend, Matt ultimately discovers that love transcends sexuality and that the past is sometimes better left there.

A light-hearted romantic comedy, Kiss the Bride addresses the boundaries of sexual orientation by looking at the whole person, not just their sexuality.

It’s not necessarily a matter of either/or sometimes it’s both/and. An amusing side-note is the subplot of the two competing best men: after Matt comes out to them, both do the typical, “I know one other gay person who lives in a ridiculously remote and distant part of the world, do you know them, too?” followed by “I can relate because I once 34

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

experimented with homosexuality” thread.

Having been on the receiving end of this conversation multiple times, I laughed so hard I cried.

Kiss Me Deadly

Starring: Shannen Doherty, Robert Gant, Fraser Brown, John Rhys-Davies Can we ever really forget our past? Absolutely not, if we were international spies. In Kiss Me Deadly, Jacob Keane (Gant) has spent the last twenty years putting distance between his career as an international spy behind him in favor of a new life as a fashion photographer with his boyfriend and daughter in Milan. After a receiving a vague voicemail message from his former spy-partner, Marta (Doherty), he meets her at the train station only to realize she doesn’t remember a thing. Now, it’s a race against the clock to find out why Marta was tracking him down, who is after both of them, and what he needs to know and do to save his family before it’s too late… John Rhys-Davies co-stars as Yale, Jacob and Marta’s former boss with the NIA and I personally kept hoping he’d say, “Indie!” just once in, preferably, the most irrelevant way.

I couldn’t help but notice how well Tori Spelling has held up after all these years while Shannen Doherty is looking a little worn. Kiss the Bride is a lot softer with the lighting that Kiss Me Deadly … really, though, I think it’s probably a matter of the Prima Donna Wrinkle Factor: if you’re always rocking “bitch face”, you’ll get the wrinkles to prove it. Let that be a lesson to you, folks: be kind; it’s good for your skin!

Questions? Comments? Reach the reviewer at Wesobergman@yahoo.com December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

35

ION CLUB VIBE

36

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 37

ION CLUB VIBE

36

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 37

T

ake sixteen gay porn stars, put ‘em in and empty room in front of a camera, ask them to talk about their lives, drugs, coming out, and the porn industry, and you’ve got one of the most insightful and thought-provoking documentaries about the gay adult film industries with Everything You Wanted To Know About Gay Porn Stars* ... but were afraid to ask presented on here!tv. ION spoke to director John Roecker two actors profiled in the documentary: Nick Piston and Jason Ridge about their experiences. What emerged are thoughtful, inspired, and insightful interviews from smart, funny and deeply caring people. People who make our pleasure their business.

Our first interview is with the documentary’s director, John Roecker.

ION: What inspired you to do this series?

porn people

by Deon Brown

Pictured: Director John Roecker with Nick Piston

38

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

John Roecker: I was fascinated with the subject because it was taboo. I was interested in what it takes to do what they do – baring their souls and their bodies forever on the screen. I felt a sense of community for the first time as an outsider in the gay community. I really had a bond with these guys. And I respect them so much because they offer a safer-sex substitute.

ION: Who were your favorite porn stars to interview?

JR: Mama can’t pick favorites; I like them all, because they were all so completely personal and so honest. I really wanted to share that with everyone. Not only are they so intimate on screen with pornography, they were all so naked and raw with their emotions in the documentary. I didn’t want any distractions, so there’s just one camera, no tripod, a bare wall, so you have to concentrate on the interview, and that’s what I wanted. I know some of the M-tv/ADD people may find it kind of hard to swallow, but if you give it a chance you’ll learn

more than you ever would. I did, too.

ION: Have you maintained friendships with your subjects?

JR: Yes, I have gay friends now. I got rid of my own homophobia.

ION: Were there any of the stars you interviewed that you did not personally care for by the end of the series?

JR: No, I respected them. There were some guys I butted heads with that were very combative and I kept that in, also. I wanted to ask every question that I wanted to know why they do what they do. Some were apprehensive, some were not. I picked sixteen random guys.

They all had something in common – they do porn – but they were all different.

ION: Was there anybody you wanted to interview but wouldn’t or couldn’t do it?

JR: I didn’t do any gayfor-pay, because I wanted to interview gay porn stars.

ION: Some interviews can be emotionally surprising or upsetting for viewers. Did any of their stories or revelations affect you?

JR: A lot did. It was actually like a therapy session for both of us. One man [Joey Milano] said the reason he did this documentary was because he wanted his mom to know that he does gay porn, he got addicted to drugs and he escorts – and his mom died when he was fourteen. I could tell he loved his mother very much. I want to be respected and I wanted to give them their voice. In our community they’re completely shut out. It’s a pull-nopunches documentary.

ION: You interview COBRA Studio’s star Harlow Cuadra who has been accused of December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 39

T

ake sixteen gay porn stars, put ‘em in and empty room in front of a camera, ask them to talk about their lives, drugs, coming out, and the porn industry, and you’ve got one of the most insightful and thought-provoking documentaries about the gay adult film industries with Everything You Wanted To Know About Gay Porn Stars* ... but were afraid to ask presented on here!tv. ION spoke to director John Roecker two actors profiled in the documentary: Nick Piston and Jason Ridge about their experiences. What emerged are thoughtful, inspired, and insightful interviews from smart, funny and deeply caring people. People who make our pleasure their business.

Our first interview is with the documentary’s director, John Roecker.

ION: What inspired you to do this series?

porn people

by Deon Brown

Pictured: Director John Roecker with Nick Piston

38

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

John Roecker: I was fascinated with the subject because it was taboo. I was interested in what it takes to do what they do – baring their souls and their bodies forever on the screen. I felt a sense of community for the first time as an outsider in the gay community. I really had a bond with these guys. And I respect them so much because they offer a safer-sex substitute.

ION: Who were your favorite porn stars to interview?

JR: Mama can’t pick favorites; I like them all, because they were all so completely personal and so honest. I really wanted to share that with everyone. Not only are they so intimate on screen with pornography, they were all so naked and raw with their emotions in the documentary. I didn’t want any distractions, so there’s just one camera, no tripod, a bare wall, so you have to concentrate on the interview, and that’s what I wanted. I know some of the M-tv/ADD people may find it kind of hard to swallow, but if you give it a chance you’ll learn

more than you ever would. I did, too.

ION: Have you maintained friendships with your subjects?

JR: Yes, I have gay friends now. I got rid of my own homophobia.

ION: Were there any of the stars you interviewed that you did not personally care for by the end of the series?

JR: No, I respected them. There were some guys I butted heads with that were very combative and I kept that in, also. I wanted to ask every question that I wanted to know why they do what they do. Some were apprehensive, some were not. I picked sixteen random guys.

They all had something in common – they do porn – but they were all different.

ION: Was there anybody you wanted to interview but wouldn’t or couldn’t do it?

JR: I didn’t do any gayfor-pay, because I wanted to interview gay porn stars.

ION: Some interviews can be emotionally surprising or upsetting for viewers. Did any of their stories or revelations affect you?

JR: A lot did. It was actually like a therapy session for both of us. One man [Joey Milano] said the reason he did this documentary was because he wanted his mom to know that he does gay porn, he got addicted to drugs and he escorts – and his mom died when he was fourteen. I could tell he loved his mother very much. I want to be respected and I wanted to give them their voice. In our community they’re completely shut out. It’s a pull-nopunches documentary.

ION: You interview COBRA Studio’s star Harlow Cuadra who has been accused of December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 39

validation.

Do you think that is why they do porn? murder.

Actors Marcus Allen, Nickolay Petrov have been convicted of murder.

Other actors have met bad ends, or had close calls. Why do you think this is?

JR: After interviewing Harlow, my thing was to give him his voice. No one’s heard his side of the story. People are innocent until proven guilty. As a American’s we all deserve that. Here’s this kid in the Heartland, and there’s these people who don’t like what he does.

I want him to get a fair trial. Even though he does gay porn there’s a human being here.

ION: It seems that some of the actors had unhappy childhoods. Did you find that story common?

JR: It was fifty-fifty. It’s hard growing up gay. I unraveled the mystery and found why they do what they do, but I think they just wanted to explore themselves sexually. And they wanted to express it in such a way ... I respect that because I think sex is good. I think sex saves people and makes people happy, and they make people happy. They’re not being violent, it’s not like a Quentin Tarantino movie. It gives pleasure to people, when they’re watching it with their partner, or if they’re alone, they don’t feel so isolated. I find it’s a help. There’s a lot of fantasies going on out there in porn.

There’s a lot of companies that are out there sending a positive message, and there are companies that don’t. A lot of people learn about having sex through videos.

ION: Many of the stars do porn because of insecurity or self-esteem issues, vs.

40

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

JR: Nick Piston is a walking-talking sound byte. He’s been through hell and back. For people who are doing drugs, or for people who have recovered they can see these people showing a way of getting out. A lot of these people who did drugs, or overdosed, did it because they were tired of being a cliché. For someone to go on camera, and discuss their addictions, it’s pretty humbling.

I hope people wake up and see these people as an example not to kill themselves anymore.

ION: I was impressed how wellspoken many of these actors are.

JR: hey’re completely bright. A lot of them write, a lot of them write poetry. I shattered that misconception that these guys are dumb blondes who just get fucked. They are these really interesting men who have such incredible souls. And that’s what I want.

They never get a chance to talk.

ION: The industry has got to be schizophrenic existence. How do they balance who they really are?

JR: I’ve worked with musicians and actors, and it’s pretty much the same. The only way I can understand what they go through is the whole Hollywood Child scene: you’re cute, and when you’re not cute – you’re out. How do you feel at the end of that? It’s like having a birthday party for five years, and all of a sudden – it’s over.

They take their movies seriously, and the directors take it seriously. They have awards.

I’m fascinated with subcultures. And it’s a

subculture within a subculture. These guys are important to our community.

This documentary is really not about pornography. It’s about human beings. It’s about gay men who I can identify with and we can identify with and identify with their strength, their humor, their sadness. Just be part of it. Understand that we’re all in this together. They’re not doing anything wrong by expressing themselves sexually.

As a kid in the 70s, I liked the freedom of it [sexuality]. In the 80s everything went back in the closet again.

But I didn’t meet anyone I interviewed who regretted what they did. Not one.

They said they’d do it all over again. And that, my friend, is after being through mill.

Seeing the good and the bad they said, “Yes, I’d still do it.”

ION: I think that there’s a secret porn star in just about every gay man.

JR: Are you kidding? Look at X-tube!

Everyone can be a “porn star.” I think the body’s a beautiful thing. As a Catholic kid there was a shame attached to all of that.

A lot of times I think there’s a rebellion.

They’re doing what they should be doing.

There’s nothing wrong with the naked body. Would I do it? No. You see these guys and look at their perfect bodies and when you see them, you think ‘They’re just like us.’ All it took was a director or film company to say, ‘You’re fantastic.

You’re a star,’ and they take the bait.

ION: What projects do you have in the future?

JR: My “Green Day” movie is coming out next year. I was the only person allowed when they were taping American Idiot.

I was with them for eight months. I shot them with the same camera I used for the gay porn stars. And Green Day gets naked in my film. Everyone gets naked in my films!

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 41

validation.

Do you think that is why they do porn? murder.

Actors Marcus Allen, Nickolay Petrov have been convicted of murder.

Other actors have met bad ends, or had close calls. Why do you think this is?

JR: After interviewing Harlow, my thing was to give him his voice. No one’s heard his side of the story. People are innocent until proven guilty. As a American’s we all deserve that. Here’s this kid in the Heartland, and there’s these people who don’t like what he does.

I want him to get a fair trial. Even though he does gay porn there’s a human being here.

ION: It seems that some of the actors had unhappy childhoods. Did you find that story common?

JR: It was fifty-fifty. It’s hard growing up gay. I unraveled the mystery and found why they do what they do, but I think they just wanted to explore themselves sexually. And they wanted to express it in such a way ... I respect that because I think sex is good. I think sex saves people and makes people happy, and they make people happy. They’re not being violent, it’s not like a Quentin Tarantino movie. It gives pleasure to people, when they’re watching it with their partner, or if they’re alone, they don’t feel so isolated. I find it’s a help. There’s a lot of fantasies going on out there in porn.

There’s a lot of companies that are out there sending a positive message, and there are companies that don’t. A lot of people learn about having sex through videos.

ION: Many of the stars do porn because of insecurity or self-esteem issues, vs.

40

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

JR: Nick Piston is a walking-talking sound byte. He’s been through hell and back. For people who are doing drugs, or for people who have recovered they can see these people showing a way of getting out. A lot of these people who did drugs, or overdosed, did it because they were tired of being a cliché. For someone to go on camera, and discuss their addictions, it’s pretty humbling.

I hope people wake up and see these people as an example not to kill themselves anymore.

ION: I was impressed how wellspoken many of these actors are.

JR: hey’re completely bright. A lot of them write, a lot of them write poetry. I shattered that misconception that these guys are dumb blondes who just get fucked. They are these really interesting men who have such incredible souls. And that’s what I want.

They never get a chance to talk.

ION: The industry has got to be schizophrenic existence. How do they balance who they really are?

JR: I’ve worked with musicians and actors, and it’s pretty much the same. The only way I can understand what they go through is the whole Hollywood Child scene: you’re cute, and when you’re not cute – you’re out. How do you feel at the end of that? It’s like having a birthday party for five years, and all of a sudden – it’s over.

They take their movies seriously, and the directors take it seriously. They have awards.

I’m fascinated with subcultures. And it’s a

subculture within a subculture. These guys are important to our community.

This documentary is really not about pornography. It’s about human beings. It’s about gay men who I can identify with and we can identify with and identify with their strength, their humor, their sadness. Just be part of it. Understand that we’re all in this together. They’re not doing anything wrong by expressing themselves sexually.

As a kid in the 70s, I liked the freedom of it [sexuality]. In the 80s everything went back in the closet again.

But I didn’t meet anyone I interviewed who regretted what they did. Not one.

They said they’d do it all over again. And that, my friend, is after being through mill.

Seeing the good and the bad they said, “Yes, I’d still do it.”

ION: I think that there’s a secret porn star in just about every gay man.

JR: Are you kidding? Look at X-tube!

Everyone can be a “porn star.” I think the body’s a beautiful thing. As a Catholic kid there was a shame attached to all of that.

A lot of times I think there’s a rebellion.

They’re doing what they should be doing.

There’s nothing wrong with the naked body. Would I do it? No. You see these guys and look at their perfect bodies and when you see them, you think ‘They’re just like us.’ All it took was a director or film company to say, ‘You’re fantastic.

You’re a star,’ and they take the bait.

ION: What projects do you have in the future?

JR: My “Green Day” movie is coming out next year. I was the only person allowed when they were taping American Idiot.

I was with them for eight months. I shot them with the same camera I used for the gay porn stars. And Green Day gets naked in my film. Everyone gets naked in my films!

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 41

Nick Piston, the hot, pierced, tattooed , bad-boy of more than 30 films shared his thoughts and feelings with ION and what makes him tick.

You’ll be surprised.

We spoke to Jason Ridge while he was on a break for Jury Duty. The handsome, confident actor and producer of Ridgeline Films exposed more than you think: a compassionate, very smart man.

ION: Was it difficult baring your soul? Was there anything you said would change?

NP: Everything I’ve ever done, I’ve done with intent. Baring my soul is part of who I am, part of my every day life. I don’t try to hide behind a persona. I think it’s easier than if I try to say the right things or regret the things I do say.

JR: No. The story of my life is not that complicated compared to some of the people who were interviewed. I didn’t come from a family that was broken down; I wasn’t addicted to drugs. I wasn’t molested as a child. My only regret is that I didn’t say more.

ION: What’s the best part about being a porn star?

NP: That’s a loaded question! Being in porn is two-fold. If you’re a gay man it’s probably the most validating thing for your sexuality that you can do. The most aggressive way to own your sexuality in a society where you’re ostracized sexually. It was – it is – good for my self-esteem.

It’s empowering. It takes away the stigma of being gay and being ashamed publicly. I think everyone grows up with insecurities, but especially gay people. There’s definitely a large amount of shame within the gay community. And we grow up with it. And we’re not sure why we have it, necessarily. And That was the biggest thing porn did for me, was take that away.

JR: Sexual expression, I’d say. The freedom.

they have about they own sexuality – they project it on to you. You are definitely judged for doing something that sets yourself free and sets the community free.

JR: People who don’t know me and have a misconception and what someone’s in this industry’s about. The documentary shows different aspects of people. People who have been addicted, or are addicted or people who are just getting through life.

I’m not very naïve to certain things in the industry; I try to stay out of trouble. What happens to some people. I’m kind of out of the loop. But what some people do is totally taken out of context. Overall, I love this industry. I don’t care what people think of me, but it’s the judgement of my peers or other gay people judging me.

ION: Do you feel any sense of schizophrenia from your porn life and your real life?

NP: For me as a person, I feel that it’s difficult for people to not see me as fractured. I don’t feel fractured. But it makes it difficult to make connections with people who’ve already established who you are. It makes it difficult to make friends and even more difficult if they know who you are who I should be and how I should behave. It definitely magnifies your performance. And when they find out I’m much more than that and more sensitive and down to earth than they would imagine. It does make it difficult, but I don’t feel fractured.

ION: Would you do porn with Santa Claus?

NP: With Santa Claus? I’ve done it with clowns, so Santa Claus isn’t out of the question.

JR: Uh, no! (laughs)

ION: What’s the worst part?

ION: Amateur films are cropping up more.

What are your thoughts on this trend in porn these days?

NP: They make you an idol. On the other hand, people judge you in the same breath call you a whore. It’s this uncomfortable feeling that

NP: It definitely dilutes the industry and impacts the economy of the industry. Porn is still very important at this point to the gay December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 43

Nick Piston, the hot, pierced, tattooed , bad-boy of more than 30 films shared his thoughts and feelings with ION and what makes him tick.

You’ll be surprised.

We spoke to Jason Ridge while he was on a break for Jury Duty. The handsome, confident actor and producer of Ridgeline Films exposed more than you think: a compassionate, very smart man.

ION: Was it difficult baring your soul? Was there anything you said would change?

NP: Everything I’ve ever done, I’ve done with intent. Baring my soul is part of who I am, part of my every day life. I don’t try to hide behind a persona. I think it’s easier than if I try to say the right things or regret the things I do say.

JR: No. The story of my life is not that complicated compared to some of the people who were interviewed. I didn’t come from a family that was broken down; I wasn’t addicted to drugs. I wasn’t molested as a child. My only regret is that I didn’t say more.

ION: What’s the best part about being a porn star?

NP: That’s a loaded question! Being in porn is two-fold. If you’re a gay man it’s probably the most validating thing for your sexuality that you can do. The most aggressive way to own your sexuality in a society where you’re ostracized sexually. It was – it is – good for my self-esteem.

It’s empowering. It takes away the stigma of being gay and being ashamed publicly. I think everyone grows up with insecurities, but especially gay people. There’s definitely a large amount of shame within the gay community. And we grow up with it. And we’re not sure why we have it, necessarily. And That was the biggest thing porn did for me, was take that away.

JR: Sexual expression, I’d say. The freedom.

they have about they own sexuality – they project it on to you. You are definitely judged for doing something that sets yourself free and sets the community free.

JR: People who don’t know me and have a misconception and what someone’s in this industry’s about. The documentary shows different aspects of people. People who have been addicted, or are addicted or people who are just getting through life.

I’m not very naïve to certain things in the industry; I try to stay out of trouble. What happens to some people. I’m kind of out of the loop. But what some people do is totally taken out of context. Overall, I love this industry. I don’t care what people think of me, but it’s the judgement of my peers or other gay people judging me.

ION: Do you feel any sense of schizophrenia from your porn life and your real life?

NP: For me as a person, I feel that it’s difficult for people to not see me as fractured. I don’t feel fractured. But it makes it difficult to make connections with people who’ve already established who you are. It makes it difficult to make friends and even more difficult if they know who you are who I should be and how I should behave. It definitely magnifies your performance. And when they find out I’m much more than that and more sensitive and down to earth than they would imagine. It does make it difficult, but I don’t feel fractured.

ION: Would you do porn with Santa Claus?

NP: With Santa Claus? I’ve done it with clowns, so Santa Claus isn’t out of the question.

JR: Uh, no! (laughs)

ION: What’s the worst part?

ION: Amateur films are cropping up more.

What are your thoughts on this trend in porn these days?

NP: They make you an idol. On the other hand, people judge you in the same breath call you a whore. It’s this uncomfortable feeling that

NP: It definitely dilutes the industry and impacts the economy of the industry. Porn is still very important at this point to the gay December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 43

obviously. And Hillary Clinton.

community. But I also think it’s great because the whole point of me doing porn was to live my life out loud in front of people and inspire others to do so. So it’s a way for gay men to own their sexuality. I’ve seen eighteen-year-olds and sixty-year-olds on X-Tube and I think that’s great.

ION: Are you working with Treasure Island Media, Nick?

NP: Nooo ... I had an unfortunate scandal with my ex-boyfriend and there were a couple of things that were released about five years ago that ended up with Treasure Island. I don’t have a judgment about people working in that aspect (bareback) of the industry, but it was something that happened when I used drugs. It’s irresponsible for a performer of any notoriety to set that image for our community. I think that anybody will do anything when you’re using drugs. It took that happening for me to really understand where I stood on the issue publicly. It’s my Pam Anderson Scandal, really.

ION: What would you like the next ten years to bring for you?

NP: Oh, good lord, I don’t plan that far ahead! Honestly, I’d love to see – for myself and for the gay community an evolution where porn stars are role models so if I can use that identity for myself, I become a more evolved kind of role model, that’s probably my biggest goal now. Because it’s served it’s purpose for me as an individual. There’s a certain evolution that’s necessary to bring to the gay community, different kinds of roles models besides sexual ones. It’s important for me to figure out how to become one of those.

JR: Success, happiness. Basically right now this is my life. I’m not a designer; I’m not a 44

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

chiropractor. I want to be successful and smart about this business. I want to sit down behind the camera and make great films. I want to be respected.

ION: Do you get many stalkers? Any fun ones?

NP: I’ve only had a couple of stalkers. It’s uncomfortable. There are never any hot daddies who want to stalk you.

JR: I have some very loyal fans. Every time I go to an event there’s this same guy who’s always there who’s got all this pictures for me to sign and magazines I’ve never even heard of before. I don’t have people show up at my doorstep. I have had people bake me a cake. But I’m on a really strict diet now. I’ve lost twenty pounds – both fat and muscle.

ION: Do you sing in the shower?

NP: In the shower, in the car, anywhere no one else will hear me.

JR: I have. And I sound really good – I assume that I do! And when I’m driving.

ION: What do you do in your free time?

ION: What would you do if Richard Simmons walked in your room right now?

NP: (laughs) I’d probably put on some pants!

JR: I would tell him my diet. I’m eating six small meals a day. I’ve got a trainer and I’ve lost twenty pounds. I haven’t done anything since last year. That’s been a while. If you want to become a porn star you’ve got to participate or you go away. If you’re in it for the long haul you can relax a little bit.

ION: Do your parents watch your films?

NP: No, my mother refers to it as ‘that thing you do.’

ION: Name some of your guilty pleasures.

Any secret vices?

NP: I don’t know if it’s secret, but tattoos, definitely. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I watch obsessively. And sugar free popsicles.

JR: I’m a TV junkie. Don’t laugh, but I’m enthralled with The Gilmore Girls. I know it sounds corny, but it’s one of my guilty pleasures. That’s kinda corny, right? I love Reality TV right now. I record these shows.

Top Shelf, Top Design. They’re all vying, like porn stars. I’m a TV junkie. Or I watch HGTV. ION: What are your best qualities?

NP: Gosh, I’m really resilient and really driven. One of my best qualities works for me and against me, is that I’m really emotional.

I live and react about things rather than compressing things. It gets me in trouble, but also gets me through life.

JR: Externally? My eyes. Internally – I have compassion. I’m a very giving person. Maybe too giving sometimes. Not many people see that. They see someone who comes across as arrogant or stuck up, maybe. I don’t let that many people in my life. I’ve let a few people in who’ve hurt me. So I’m cautious – not scared – I have some really good friends. It’s about the quality of really, really good friends. I know what people’s intentions are – their motivations. It’s hard because people judge you. But I take all that negative energy and said ‘fuck it’ and made something positive out of it.

ION: What are your worst qualities?

NP: Flighty as all hell! And I am really, really tough on myself.

NP: I watch a lot of mindless television. I go to the gym – as minimally as possible. I work a lot. A pretty simple life.

JR: Honestly, it’s to stay as far away from the sex industry as possible. I go to art galleries, I try to fill my life with culture.

ION: Who would you like to meet?

NP: Oh my goodness ... I think given the events that haven taken place in this world, in our country, but I’d like to meet the President-elect because he’s captured the consciousness of the country, quite possibly the world. That’s something I’ll never see again in my lifetime, probably none of us will.

JR: I’m inspired now by Barak Obama,

Jason Hawke

John Roecker

Jason Ridge

Caleb Carter

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 45

obviously. And Hillary Clinton.

community. But I also think it’s great because the whole point of me doing porn was to live my life out loud in front of people and inspire others to do so. So it’s a way for gay men to own their sexuality. I’ve seen eighteen-year-olds and sixty-year-olds on X-Tube and I think that’s great.

ION: Are you working with Treasure Island Media, Nick?

NP: Nooo ... I had an unfortunate scandal with my ex-boyfriend and there were a couple of things that were released about five years ago that ended up with Treasure Island. I don’t have a judgment about people working in that aspect (bareback) of the industry, but it was something that happened when I used drugs. It’s irresponsible for a performer of any notoriety to set that image for our community. I think that anybody will do anything when you’re using drugs. It took that happening for me to really understand where I stood on the issue publicly. It’s my Pam Anderson Scandal, really.

ION: What would you like the next ten years to bring for you?

NP: Oh, good lord, I don’t plan that far ahead! Honestly, I’d love to see – for myself and for the gay community an evolution where porn stars are role models so if I can use that identity for myself, I become a more evolved kind of role model, that’s probably my biggest goal now. Because it’s served it’s purpose for me as an individual. There’s a certain evolution that’s necessary to bring to the gay community, different kinds of roles models besides sexual ones. It’s important for me to figure out how to become one of those.

JR: Success, happiness. Basically right now this is my life. I’m not a designer; I’m not a 44

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

chiropractor. I want to be successful and smart about this business. I want to sit down behind the camera and make great films. I want to be respected.

ION: Do you get many stalkers? Any fun ones?

NP: I’ve only had a couple of stalkers. It’s uncomfortable. There are never any hot daddies who want to stalk you.

JR: I have some very loyal fans. Every time I go to an event there’s this same guy who’s always there who’s got all this pictures for me to sign and magazines I’ve never even heard of before. I don’t have people show up at my doorstep. I have had people bake me a cake. But I’m on a really strict diet now. I’ve lost twenty pounds – both fat and muscle.

ION: Do you sing in the shower?

NP: In the shower, in the car, anywhere no one else will hear me.

JR: I have. And I sound really good – I assume that I do! And when I’m driving.

ION: What do you do in your free time?

ION: What would you do if Richard Simmons walked in your room right now?

NP: (laughs) I’d probably put on some pants!

JR: I would tell him my diet. I’m eating six small meals a day. I’ve got a trainer and I’ve lost twenty pounds. I haven’t done anything since last year. That’s been a while. If you want to become a porn star you’ve got to participate or you go away. If you’re in it for the long haul you can relax a little bit.

ION: Do your parents watch your films?

NP: No, my mother refers to it as ‘that thing you do.’

ION: Name some of your guilty pleasures.

Any secret vices?

NP: I don’t know if it’s secret, but tattoos, definitely. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I watch obsessively. And sugar free popsicles.

JR: I’m a TV junkie. Don’t laugh, but I’m enthralled with The Gilmore Girls. I know it sounds corny, but it’s one of my guilty pleasures. That’s kinda corny, right? I love Reality TV right now. I record these shows.

Top Shelf, Top Design. They’re all vying, like porn stars. I’m a TV junkie. Or I watch HGTV. ION: What are your best qualities?

NP: Gosh, I’m really resilient and really driven. One of my best qualities works for me and against me, is that I’m really emotional.

I live and react about things rather than compressing things. It gets me in trouble, but also gets me through life.

JR: Externally? My eyes. Internally – I have compassion. I’m a very giving person. Maybe too giving sometimes. Not many people see that. They see someone who comes across as arrogant or stuck up, maybe. I don’t let that many people in my life. I’ve let a few people in who’ve hurt me. So I’m cautious – not scared – I have some really good friends. It’s about the quality of really, really good friends. I know what people’s intentions are – their motivations. It’s hard because people judge you. But I take all that negative energy and said ‘fuck it’ and made something positive out of it.

ION: What are your worst qualities?

NP: Flighty as all hell! And I am really, really tough on myself.

NP: I watch a lot of mindless television. I go to the gym – as minimally as possible. I work a lot. A pretty simple life.

JR: Honestly, it’s to stay as far away from the sex industry as possible. I go to art galleries, I try to fill my life with culture.

ION: Who would you like to meet?

NP: Oh my goodness ... I think given the events that haven taken place in this world, in our country, but I’d like to meet the President-elect because he’s captured the consciousness of the country, quite possibly the world. That’s something I’ll never see again in my lifetime, probably none of us will.

JR: I’m inspired now by Barak Obama,

Jason Hawke

John Roecker

Jason Ridge

Caleb Carter

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 45

JR: Nervousness. I don’t like crowds. I need to know you for a moment to be in front of you. If I go into a nightclub I get really freaked out. I feel like people are staring at me. You know how people stare? I think it’s my nerves. I like people, but I don’t like being around crowds. By nature I’m very shy. That’s the dynamic – sexually this (porn) is how I express myself.

ION: What would our readers be surprised to learn about you?

NP: That I’m really kind of childish and I am very nurturing.

I’m really sensitive foolishly romantic. I cry. All the time! Even at commercials.

JR: That I’m a nice guy. I’m not mean to people. I’m like any other person. I want to be loved, do my thing, not hurt anyone. I just want to be understood. I don’t think many people aren’t given that opportunity in this industry.

I’ve got a good head on my shoulders – no pun intended.

ION: What’s the best book you ever read?

NP: I like that question! Most questions are ‘How many penises can you take?’Fiction?

American Gods. Best non-fiction: Seth Speaks. I’m a little metaphysical junkie.

JR: I love Ann Rice novels. There’s this book called Blackwood Farm. It’s this amazing book. And this Audacity of Hope by Barak Obama. I could never see the side of the Republicans, for the obvious: for social issues and rights. That’s why we’ve gotta get behind Barak, you know?

ION: What advice would you give to anybody interested in pursuing a career in porn?

46

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

NP: I think it’s really important to think about why you want to do porn. If you want to do porn because you think it’s going make you famous – it’s not. If you want to do porn because you think it’s going to bring you positive attention that you’re seeking – it’s not. You need to have the resiliency to be judged harshly and to judge yourself very harshly because it’s gonna happen as a result of seeing yourself naked on the screen all the time. If your reasons are more substantial than ‘I wanna be hot,’ then it’s something you should pursue. If you don’t have a good reason then you need to get a real job skill.

People are really only motivated by sex and hunger. Everybody has that inside them. That’s why this industry exists, because the people who can’t do porn live vicariously through people who can. It’s weird to me that they do that. Porn stars don’t live on the outskirts of the gay community. I did it to be a bigger part of the gay community and instead it made me a smaller part. I’m a gay man, which makes me a smaller part of society, and a porn star which makes me an even smaller part of the gay community. It’s not something you do if you don’t have any balls and can’t take what’s gonna come out of it.

when it comes to sex, really, but appreciate the candor.

I don’t like to beat around the bush trying to figure out if someone’s interested. The worst is anything that’s porn related – “I’ve seen your movies ...” that sort of thing.

JR: Worst? “You’re beautiful ... you’re hot.”

It’s corny. Honestly, not that many people approach me. I was at a club in Chicago and it was late and I asked this guy, ‘Can I take you home?’ and he said, ‘No.’ (laughs).

I was really horny and he turned me down!

That was the first wake up call; no one’s ever turned me down before. (Laughs) I don’t approach anyone nor do they approach me. Maybe it’s the intimidation factor. But if anyone ever walks up and says “hi” give them the courtesy of saying “hi” back.

ION: What are you doing New Year’s Eve?

Hollywood. I will be gallivanting, entertaining and drinking lots of champagne.

ION: We’d like to kiss you at midnight.

JR: Maybe that’ll happen, because I don’t have anyone to kiss that night.

We plan on being there.

Everything You Wanted To Know About Gay Porn Stars* ... but were afraid to ask is available on here!tv through Qwest digital programming. The series and a feature length film will be available on DVD next year. Actors featured are Jason Ridge, Nick Piston, Brad Benton, Bret Wolfe, Kris Anthony, Alan Gregory,Joey Milano, Matt Martin, Danny Vox, Nick Capra, Johnny Hazzard, Caleb Carter, Jeremy Jordan, Jason Hawke , Marc Sterling and Harlow Cuadra.

NP: Working and slinging drinks to people are having a much better time than me at MJ’s in Silverlake.

JR: Well, last year and this year I’m sponsoring a party at Here Lounge in

JR: If you’re in front of the camera, make sure you have a tough skin. Just beware of the downfall that they’re going hype you up a while, then they’re going to be let down back to earth. You’ve got to have a back-up plan. You have to prepare. If you want to do this because you really want to, that’s fine; but remember there’s always going to be on your record.

ION: What are the best & worst pick-up lines guys have used on you?

NP: The best ones are the most direct ones.

Like, ‘Hey, want to fuck?’ I’m kind of shy November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

47

JR: Nervousness. I don’t like crowds. I need to know you for a moment to be in front of you. If I go into a nightclub I get really freaked out. I feel like people are staring at me. You know how people stare? I think it’s my nerves. I like people, but I don’t like being around crowds. By nature I’m very shy. That’s the dynamic – sexually this (porn) is how I express myself.

ION: What would our readers be surprised to learn about you?

NP: That I’m really kind of childish and I am very nurturing.

I’m really sensitive foolishly romantic. I cry. All the time! Even at commercials.

JR: That I’m a nice guy. I’m not mean to people. I’m like any other person. I want to be loved, do my thing, not hurt anyone. I just want to be understood. I don’t think many people aren’t given that opportunity in this industry.

I’ve got a good head on my shoulders – no pun intended.

ION: What’s the best book you ever read?

NP: I like that question! Most questions are ‘How many penises can you take?’Fiction?

American Gods. Best non-fiction: Seth Speaks. I’m a little metaphysical junkie.

JR: I love Ann Rice novels. There’s this book called Blackwood Farm. It’s this amazing book. And this Audacity of Hope by Barak Obama. I could never see the side of the Republicans, for the obvious: for social issues and rights. That’s why we’ve gotta get behind Barak, you know?

ION: What advice would you give to anybody interested in pursuing a career in porn?

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WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

NP: I think it’s really important to think about why you want to do porn. If you want to do porn because you think it’s going make you famous – it’s not. If you want to do porn because you think it’s going to bring you positive attention that you’re seeking – it’s not. You need to have the resiliency to be judged harshly and to judge yourself very harshly because it’s gonna happen as a result of seeing yourself naked on the screen all the time. If your reasons are more substantial than ‘I wanna be hot,’ then it’s something you should pursue. If you don’t have a good reason then you need to get a real job skill.

People are really only motivated by sex and hunger. Everybody has that inside them. That’s why this industry exists, because the people who can’t do porn live vicariously through people who can. It’s weird to me that they do that. Porn stars don’t live on the outskirts of the gay community. I did it to be a bigger part of the gay community and instead it made me a smaller part. I’m a gay man, which makes me a smaller part of society, and a porn star which makes me an even smaller part of the gay community. It’s not something you do if you don’t have any balls and can’t take what’s gonna come out of it.

when it comes to sex, really, but appreciate the candor.

I don’t like to beat around the bush trying to figure out if someone’s interested. The worst is anything that’s porn related – “I’ve seen your movies ...” that sort of thing.

JR: Worst? “You’re beautiful ... you’re hot.”

It’s corny. Honestly, not that many people approach me. I was at a club in Chicago and it was late and I asked this guy, ‘Can I take you home?’ and he said, ‘No.’ (laughs).

I was really horny and he turned me down!

That was the first wake up call; no one’s ever turned me down before. (Laughs) I don’t approach anyone nor do they approach me. Maybe it’s the intimidation factor. But if anyone ever walks up and says “hi” give them the courtesy of saying “hi” back.

ION: What are you doing New Year’s Eve?

Hollywood. I will be gallivanting, entertaining and drinking lots of champagne.

ION: We’d like to kiss you at midnight.

JR: Maybe that’ll happen, because I don’t have anyone to kiss that night.

We plan on being there.

Everything You Wanted To Know About Gay Porn Stars* ... but were afraid to ask is available on here!tv through Qwest digital programming. The series and a feature length film will be available on DVD next year. Actors featured are Jason Ridge, Nick Piston, Brad Benton, Bret Wolfe, Kris Anthony, Alan Gregory,Joey Milano, Matt Martin, Danny Vox, Nick Capra, Johnny Hazzard, Caleb Carter, Jeremy Jordan, Jason Hawke , Marc Sterling and Harlow Cuadra.

NP: Working and slinging drinks to people are having a much better time than me at MJ’s in Silverlake.

JR: Well, last year and this year I’m sponsoring a party at Here Lounge in

JR: If you’re in front of the camera, make sure you have a tough skin. Just beware of the downfall that they’re going hype you up a while, then they’re going to be let down back to earth. You’ve got to have a back-up plan. You have to prepare. If you want to do this because you really want to, that’s fine; but remember there’s always going to be on your record.

ION: What are the best & worst pick-up lines guys have used on you?

NP: The best ones are the most direct ones.

Like, ‘Hey, want to fuck?’ I’m kind of shy November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

47

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A Very Merry Unauthorized Children’s Scientology Pageant This Xenu-approved wacky musical rejoices in the telling of the L. Ron Hubbard story using the classic tale of the Nativity as a backdrop. An ensemble cast of real kids and puppets are used to portray famous – and not-so-famous – Scientologists in this kooky, hilarious, avant-garde performance. It ain’t Frosty the Snowman, that’s for sure. December 5-20 at the Tempe Performing Arts Center – 132 E. 6th St. Phone: 480-350-8114

Hair: The American Tribal Love-Rock Musical!

Celebrate the dawning of “The Age of Aquarius.” It’s still going on. And on.

See all the hippies “Let The Sunshine In” with Hair presented in glorious rock ‘n’ roll with Broadway crafting. And a little bit of Dippity-Do thrown in. Presented by Arizona Theatre Co. In Tucson thru 12/20, and Phoenix 12/31-1/18/09. Check out www.aztheatreco.org for details and tickets.

DECEMBER 2008 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE EVENT/ARTIST

LOCATION

PHONE

thru 7 thru 23 thru 25 thru 20 2-7 3-23 4 5-20 5-20 5-21 6 9 & 10 9-14 13 13-24 24-1/11/09 31 31 31-1/18/09 31-2/14

Playhouse on the Park - Phoenix Theatre 4301 - Scottsdale B’way Palms Dinner Theatre - Mesa Mesa Arts Center Theatre Orpheum Theatre Hale Centre Theatre - Gilbert Tempe Ctr. for the Arts Tempe Performing Arts Ctr. Matlin Studio of the Arts - Glendale Peoria Ctr. for the Arts - Peoria Dodge Theatre Mesa Arts Center Theatre ASU Gammage Ahwatukee Comedy Club Herberger Theatre Herberger Theatre Ahwatukee Comedy Club Dodge Theatre Herberger Theatre B’way Palm Dinner Theatre

602-258-8128 480-994-2787 480-325-6700 480-644-6500 602-534-5600 480-497-1181 480-350-2822 480-350-8114 602-402-7740 623-815-7930 602-379-2888 480-644-6500 480-964-3434 602-369-8906 602-252-8497 602-252-8497 602-369-8906 602-379-2888 602-252-8497 480-325-6700

Great AZ Puppet Theatre Theater 4301 ASU Gammage

602-262-2050

Sunset Limited Sister’s Christmas Catechism Holly Jolly Christmas The Winter’s Tale Putnam Cty. Spelling Bee “A Christmas Carol” Comic Pain Relief ’08 Children’s Scientology Pageant The Eight: Reindeer Monologues Miracle on 34th Street Chelsea Handler Putnam Cty. Spelling Bee Spring Awakening 12th Laugh of 2008 Actors’ Theatre “A Christmas Carol” A Jew Grows in Brooklyn Last Laugh of 2008 Lewis Black Hair Best Little Whorehouse inTX

January 2009 1/2 & 3 Adult Puppet Slam 1/2-4 25 Questions for a Jewish Mother 1/2-2/8/09 The Lion King 52

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

480-965-3434

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

53

A Very Merry Unauthorized Children’s Scientology Pageant This Xenu-approved wacky musical rejoices in the telling of the L. Ron Hubbard story using the classic tale of the Nativity as a backdrop. An ensemble cast of real kids and puppets are used to portray famous – and not-so-famous – Scientologists in this kooky, hilarious, avant-garde performance. It ain’t Frosty the Snowman, that’s for sure. December 5-20 at the Tempe Performing Arts Center – 132 E. 6th St. Phone: 480-350-8114

Hair: The American Tribal Love-Rock Musical!

Celebrate the dawning of “The Age of Aquarius.” It’s still going on. And on.

See all the hippies “Let The Sunshine In” with Hair presented in glorious rock ‘n’ roll with Broadway crafting. And a little bit of Dippity-Do thrown in. Presented by Arizona Theatre Co. In Tucson thru 12/20, and Phoenix 12/31-1/18/09. Check out www.aztheatreco.org for details and tickets.

DECEMBER 2008 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE EVENT/ARTIST

LOCATION

PHONE

thru 7 thru 23 thru 25 thru 20 2-7 3-23 4 5-20 5-20 5-21 6 9 & 10 9-14 13 13-24 24-1/11/09 31 31 31-1/18/09 31-2/14

Playhouse on the Park - Phoenix Theatre 4301 - Scottsdale B’way Palms Dinner Theatre - Mesa Mesa Arts Center Theatre Orpheum Theatre Hale Centre Theatre - Gilbert Tempe Ctr. for the Arts Tempe Performing Arts Ctr. Matlin Studio of the Arts - Glendale Peoria Ctr. for the Arts - Peoria Dodge Theatre Mesa Arts Center Theatre ASU Gammage Ahwatukee Comedy Club Herberger Theatre Herberger Theatre Ahwatukee Comedy Club Dodge Theatre Herberger Theatre B’way Palm Dinner Theatre

602-258-8128 480-994-2787 480-325-6700 480-644-6500 602-534-5600 480-497-1181 480-350-2822 480-350-8114 602-402-7740 623-815-7930 602-379-2888 480-644-6500 480-964-3434 602-369-8906 602-252-8497 602-252-8497 602-369-8906 602-379-2888 602-252-8497 480-325-6700

Great AZ Puppet Theatre Theater 4301 ASU Gammage

602-262-2050

Sunset Limited Sister’s Christmas Catechism Holly Jolly Christmas The Winter’s Tale Putnam Cty. Spelling Bee “A Christmas Carol” Comic Pain Relief ’08 Children’s Scientology Pageant The Eight: Reindeer Monologues Miracle on 34th Street Chelsea Handler Putnam Cty. Spelling Bee Spring Awakening 12th Laugh of 2008 Actors’ Theatre “A Christmas Carol” A Jew Grows in Brooklyn Last Laugh of 2008 Lewis Black Hair Best Little Whorehouse inTX

January 2009 1/2 & 3 Adult Puppet Slam 1/2-4 25 Questions for a Jewish Mother 1/2-2/8/09 The Lion King 52

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

480-965-3434

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

53

Light’s Off. Lunch On. Look, this isn’t going to be your ordinary, runof-the-mill restaurant review. You’ll see what I mean.

I was invited to lunch at the super swanky Mondrian Hotel in super swanky Scottsdale for a light luncheon. I walked around to give the joint a look-see. I stared at the giant, cotton candy clouds floating above the lobby and observed the curious little fake sheep planted around the place. I was escorted to my table at the room where the luncheon was held. Frankly, it wasn’t much to look at. I couldn’t see what all the fuss was about.

The charming servers, ASU students Jordan and Shay Lynn couldn’t have been more attentive and delightful. The lunch was a tasty chicken salad. I have to admit, I can’t comment on the dish’s presentation, however. Honest. I can’t.

But this mother clucker of a salad is simple, but sure to please. You’ll get a few pleasant surprises with the addition of grapes, just a piquant dash of curry and chunks of apple – I’m not really sure. You can see what I had (pictured above.)

To satisfy my sweet tooth I had a luscious slice of strawberry cheesecake. It did not disappoint – rich, dense and creamy. I just wish I could describe how it looked.

Really. After all, this is the Mondrian, right?

602-993-4567 phx 520-791-2345 tuc

Get a Date Tonight!

See ad on page 88 (Free code: 4448)

54

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

Notice anything here? Words like “look,” “see,” “stared,” “watch” and so forth are part of our vocabulary. And a dining review usually depends on weaving an imaginative picture of visual imagery, right? But just what kind of a dining experience would you have if you were severely visually impaired or even blind?

Honestly, I couldn’t describe the dining room where I ate or what the chicken salad or the cheesecake looked like because I ate in the dark.

Yes, it was pitch black.

You couldn’t see a thing – let alone the lunch.

Why? Because this unique experience is called “Dining in the Dark.” The enthusiastic Linda Woodbury offers this very special presentation. Blind since birth, Linda is a motivational speaker who can help teach you that your perceptions are one thing, but reality is what you make it. Linda conducts events like this with the help of people like our servers, Jordan and Shay Lynn who are blind. But despite the tremendous obstacle of blindness, they lead active lives where even those who see might be defeated. Like not being able to see the fork with a piece of cheesecake on it and trying to guide it into your greedy little mouth.

Linda turned on the lights for her guests and we were delighted to see a tastefully appointed room, and a table scattered with red rose petals. And I’m sure the lunch looked fab. Hey, it’s the Mondrian!

If you’re part of a company or a group that could use some encouragement, learn about creating resources, improving attitudes and outside-thebox thinking, give Linda Woodbury a call. She’ll be presenting a very special experience called “Heart to Heart in the Dark” in February. She can be reached at 858-505-0247 or e-mail her at Linda@woodburycompany.com.

Mondrian Hotel 7353 E. Indian School Rd. Phone: 480-308-1100 December 2008 December 2008WWW.IONAZ.COM WWW.IONAZ.COM 55 55

Light’s Off. Lunch On. Look, this isn’t going to be your ordinary, runof-the-mill restaurant review. You’ll see what I mean.

I was invited to lunch at the super swanky Mondrian Hotel in super swanky Scottsdale for a light luncheon. I walked around to give the joint a look-see. I stared at the giant, cotton candy clouds floating above the lobby and observed the curious little fake sheep planted around the place. I was escorted to my table at the room where the luncheon was held. Frankly, it wasn’t much to look at. I couldn’t see what all the fuss was about.

The charming servers, ASU students Jordan and Shay Lynn couldn’t have been more attentive and delightful. The lunch was a tasty chicken salad. I have to admit, I can’t comment on the dish’s presentation, however. Honest. I can’t.

But this mother clucker of a salad is simple, but sure to please. You’ll get a few pleasant surprises with the addition of grapes, just a piquant dash of curry and chunks of apple – I’m not really sure. You can see what I had (pictured above.)

To satisfy my sweet tooth I had a luscious slice of strawberry cheesecake. It did not disappoint – rich, dense and creamy. I just wish I could describe how it looked.

Really. After all, this is the Mondrian, right?

602-993-4567 phx 520-791-2345 tuc

Get a Date Tonight!

See ad on page 88 (Free code: 4448)

54

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

Notice anything here? Words like “look,” “see,” “stared,” “watch” and so forth are part of our vocabulary. And a dining review usually depends on weaving an imaginative picture of visual imagery, right? But just what kind of a dining experience would you have if you were severely visually impaired or even blind?

Honestly, I couldn’t describe the dining room where I ate or what the chicken salad or the cheesecake looked like because I ate in the dark.

Yes, it was pitch black.

You couldn’t see a thing – let alone the lunch.

Why? Because this unique experience is called “Dining in the Dark.” The enthusiastic Linda Woodbury offers this very special presentation. Blind since birth, Linda is a motivational speaker who can help teach you that your perceptions are one thing, but reality is what you make it. Linda conducts events like this with the help of people like our servers, Jordan and Shay Lynn who are blind. But despite the tremendous obstacle of blindness, they lead active lives where even those who see might be defeated. Like not being able to see the fork with a piece of cheesecake on it and trying to guide it into your greedy little mouth.

Linda turned on the lights for her guests and we were delighted to see a tastefully appointed room, and a table scattered with red rose petals. And I’m sure the lunch looked fab. Hey, it’s the Mondrian!

If you’re part of a company or a group that could use some encouragement, learn about creating resources, improving attitudes and outside-thebox thinking, give Linda Woodbury a call. She’ll be presenting a very special experience called “Heart to Heart in the Dark” in February. She can be reached at 858-505-0247 or e-mail her at Linda@woodburycompany.com.

Mondrian Hotel 7353 E. Indian School Rd. Phone: 480-308-1100 December 2008 December 2008WWW.IONAZ.COM WWW.IONAZ.COM 55 55

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December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 57

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December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 57

Lady Bunny – that naughty, bawdy, peachykeen Georgia peach is bringing her own brand of Southern Comfort to Phoenix! And Lady Bunny gives ‘til it hurts. We laughed until our sides hurt when she granted us a very, merry, no-holds-barred interview to share with ION readers.

ION: How does a beautiful, rich, thin, Southern girl like Lady Bunny spend Christmas?

Lady Bunny: Thin? By any chance did you write these questions twenty years ago? I haven’t made firm plans but I’ve spent the last two Xmas’s with friends at Debbie Harry’s lovely home in New Jersey. And I have a New Year’s Eve DJ gig in London!

ION: Have you ever had impure thoughts about Santa Claus?

LB: Nope. I just sat still and prayed through my tears every year he raped me. And I cried even harder the year he didn’t!

ION: What about Mrs. Claus?

lady bunny

by Deon Brown

58

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

LB: She was much better hung than he was.

I couldn’t take all of her without ending up in diapers so I told her to go and climb down Pussy LeHoot’s massive chimney.

ION: What are your New Year’s Resolutions for 2009?

LB: To give up resolutions! I have the same ones every year so what’s the point?

ION: With your appearance in Wigstock, To Wong Foo ..., Starbooty, Another Gay Movie and its sequel you’re a real, live, movie star! Any plans to put your footprints in cement at Mann’s Chinese Theatre in Hollywood?

LB: I did put my footprints in front of the theatre. But due to a humiliating mix-up, they mistakenly identified my prints as Jethrine’s from The Beverly Hillbillies.

ION: You’ve been a real activist lately because of the Marriage Amendment issues. What do you wear to these events?

LB: Mormon drag – those blue dresses and that pompadour with a ponytail and no makeup. And black people think they have a hard time getting a cab?

ION: Have you ever been arrested?

If so, what for?

LB: No, but I’ve been told that I can be quite arresting in my appearance! Actually, I’ve never been arrested. But I did get a ticket fifteen years ago. I got a booty call after I had taken what I thought was a sleeping pill. I really liked the guy so I took the train uptown to see him. The sleeping pill turned out to be an ecstasy tablet. It made me want to smoke cigarettes so I bummed a few on my out and sat there smoking on the subway platform and the police gave me a ticket. Since I’m not really a smoker, I had no clue that I was breaking any law. Cuckoo!

ION: Who do you have a crush on?

LB: Well, I’m a little jealous of Madonna snatching A-rod. He’s got a rod I wouldn’t mind snatching! I’ll bet his Hard Candy is awfully sweet!

ION: Who deserves a big, fat bitchslapping these days?

LB: The American people. Barack Obama won because of the economic crisis. Our tax dollars are paying to kill people every December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 59

Lady Bunny – that naughty, bawdy, peachykeen Georgia peach is bringing her own brand of Southern Comfort to Phoenix! And Lady Bunny gives ‘til it hurts. We laughed until our sides hurt when she granted us a very, merry, no-holds-barred interview to share with ION readers.

ION: How does a beautiful, rich, thin, Southern girl like Lady Bunny spend Christmas?

Lady Bunny: Thin? By any chance did you write these questions twenty years ago? I haven’t made firm plans but I’ve spent the last two Xmas’s with friends at Debbie Harry’s lovely home in New Jersey. And I have a New Year’s Eve DJ gig in London!

ION: Have you ever had impure thoughts about Santa Claus?

LB: Nope. I just sat still and prayed through my tears every year he raped me. And I cried even harder the year he didn’t!

ION: What about Mrs. Claus?

lady bunny

by Deon Brown

58

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

LB: She was much better hung than he was.

I couldn’t take all of her without ending up in diapers so I told her to go and climb down Pussy LeHoot’s massive chimney.

ION: What are your New Year’s Resolutions for 2009?

LB: To give up resolutions! I have the same ones every year so what’s the point?

ION: With your appearance in Wigstock, To Wong Foo ..., Starbooty, Another Gay Movie and its sequel you’re a real, live, movie star! Any plans to put your footprints in cement at Mann’s Chinese Theatre in Hollywood?

LB: I did put my footprints in front of the theatre. But due to a humiliating mix-up, they mistakenly identified my prints as Jethrine’s from The Beverly Hillbillies.

ION: You’ve been a real activist lately because of the Marriage Amendment issues. What do you wear to these events?

LB: Mormon drag – those blue dresses and that pompadour with a ponytail and no makeup. And black people think they have a hard time getting a cab?

ION: Have you ever been arrested?

If so, what for?

LB: No, but I’ve been told that I can be quite arresting in my appearance! Actually, I’ve never been arrested. But I did get a ticket fifteen years ago. I got a booty call after I had taken what I thought was a sleeping pill. I really liked the guy so I took the train uptown to see him. The sleeping pill turned out to be an ecstasy tablet. It made me want to smoke cigarettes so I bummed a few on my out and sat there smoking on the subway platform and the police gave me a ticket. Since I’m not really a smoker, I had no clue that I was breaking any law. Cuckoo!

ION: Who do you have a crush on?

LB: Well, I’m a little jealous of Madonna snatching A-rod. He’s got a rod I wouldn’t mind snatching! I’ll bet his Hard Candy is awfully sweet!

ION: Who deserves a big, fat bitchslapping these days?

LB: The American people. Barack Obama won because of the economic crisis. Our tax dollars are paying to kill people every December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 59

LB: Photoshop and ripping off more talented acts!

ION: Will Britney Spears ever really find happiness?

day in Iraq. We are paying to kill people and whine about our pocketbooks? We forget all about “support the troops” when we lost some money. How soulless! We’re not only selfish, we’re ignorant. If we weren’t still wasting billions in Iraq, think of the stimulus packages and bail-outs that money could pay off. So even if you are greedy, it’s time to end this war now! Don’t just agree with me.

Do something! We are a terrorist nation, and if that doesn’t bother you then you have no human compassion. And you certainly are no Christian.

ION: What’s your favorite thing about New York City?

LB: The abundance of foreskin! Seriously, I really like places with a street scene where you actually pass people on the street and have interaction with them. I don’t think that exists in places where you must drive. But humans are animals and I think we crave physical interaction. That’s why kids go to malls. To sniff under each other’s tails, like dogs do.

ION: Have you ever met a wig you didn’t like?

LB: Sure! I’ve even worn a few! I don’t favor short, small or dark wigs for myself. And I despise any of the cheap rugs that the repulsive Republican action “star” Chuck Norris has ever worn.

ION: Does neatness really count in life?

LB: Christ! That’s the most anal retentive question I’ve ever gotten! Do you need to get plowed or what?

ION: What’s the secret to your timeless beauty and impeccable wit?

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LB: Most Americans are not aware that Bush got rid of the writ of habeas corpus, which is the right to ask “Why have you put me in jail?” This has been a basic human right since the Magna Carta. Yet we all know about the different phases of Britney’s meltdown and other celebrity gossip. I think it’s time that we focus more on putting this country back on track. While we were glued to meaningless trash like Britney and Paris and Lindsay, Bush unraveled our Constitution and the freedoms that we are (supposedly) fighting for in two wars. Get a grip, faggots!

You are not teen-aged girls so stop acting like them! You are a member of a minority that really needs to pull together and stick up for its rights.

I was very inspired by the many recent Prop 8 protests in California. But getting involved doesn’t mean showing up at one rally. I always say at gay pride festivals “We come together once a year on a Sunday. Churches, the people who hate us, meet every Sunday.

Whose agenda is gonna win?” Not ours!

ION: Who’s the worst dressed star of the year? And we want the good stuff!

LB: Check out The National Star’s “Worst Of The Week” column and find out! Although I must say, no one is looking for anything but her incredible voice, but Aretha Franklin wears the tackiest and most unflattering clothing of any celeb out there. She better think!

“Lady Bunny foo foo, hopping through the gay bar ...” Catch this wigged-out, wacky, wascally wabbit performing for her Arizona fans as they celebrate Amsterdam’s Tenth Anniversary. She’ll be there LIVE on Saturday, December 6th at 9 p.m. Hop on over to Amsterdam at 718 N. Central Ave. in downtown Phoenix. 602-258-6122.

Wear a wig!

LB: Photoshop and ripping off more talented acts!

ION: Will Britney Spears ever really find happiness?

day in Iraq. We are paying to kill people and whine about our pocketbooks? We forget all about “support the troops” when we lost some money. How soulless! We’re not only selfish, we’re ignorant. If we weren’t still wasting billions in Iraq, think of the stimulus packages and bail-outs that money could pay off. So even if you are greedy, it’s time to end this war now! Don’t just agree with me.

Do something! We are a terrorist nation, and if that doesn’t bother you then you have no human compassion. And you certainly are no Christian.

ION: What’s your favorite thing about New York City?

LB: The abundance of foreskin! Seriously, I really like places with a street scene where you actually pass people on the street and have interaction with them. I don’t think that exists in places where you must drive. But humans are animals and I think we crave physical interaction. That’s why kids go to malls. To sniff under each other’s tails, like dogs do.

ION: Have you ever met a wig you didn’t like?

LB: Sure! I’ve even worn a few! I don’t favor short, small or dark wigs for myself. And I despise any of the cheap rugs that the repulsive Republican action “star” Chuck Norris has ever worn.

ION: Does neatness really count in life?

LB: Christ! That’s the most anal retentive question I’ve ever gotten! Do you need to get plowed or what?

ION: What’s the secret to your timeless beauty and impeccable wit?

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LB: Most Americans are not aware that Bush got rid of the writ of habeas corpus, which is the right to ask “Why have you put me in jail?” This has been a basic human right since the Magna Carta. Yet we all know about the different phases of Britney’s meltdown and other celebrity gossip. I think it’s time that we focus more on putting this country back on track. While we were glued to meaningless trash like Britney and Paris and Lindsay, Bush unraveled our Constitution and the freedoms that we are (supposedly) fighting for in two wars. Get a grip, faggots!

You are not teen-aged girls so stop acting like them! You are a member of a minority that really needs to pull together and stick up for its rights.

I was very inspired by the many recent Prop 8 protests in California. But getting involved doesn’t mean showing up at one rally. I always say at gay pride festivals “We come together once a year on a Sunday. Churches, the people who hate us, meet every Sunday.

Whose agenda is gonna win?” Not ours!

ION: Who’s the worst dressed star of the year? And we want the good stuff!

LB: Check out The National Star’s “Worst Of The Week” column and find out! Although I must say, no one is looking for anything but her incredible voice, but Aretha Franklin wears the tackiest and most unflattering clothing of any celeb out there. She better think!

“Lady Bunny foo foo, hopping through the gay bar ...” Catch this wigged-out, wacky, wascally wabbit performing for her Arizona fans as they celebrate Amsterdam’s Tenth Anniversary. She’ll be there LIVE on Saturday, December 6th at 9 p.m. Hop on over to Amsterdam at 718 N. Central Ave. in downtown Phoenix. 602-258-6122.

Wear a wig!

holiday nightlife guide Photography by Jerry O’Conner

Planning on staying home for the holidays? Get real! Get out and celebrate the most festive month of the year!

There is so much to do it can be overwhelming, so we highlighted a few of Arizona’s hot spots and their grandest festivities. Get out and make this holiday season a memorable one.

CHANDLER

Wild Card - Chandler Bring in the New Year with a bang – one way or another – at The Wild Card. They’ve got two-for-one drink specials all night long so you’ll be good and ready when 2009 comes in. Kisses with strangers are free at midnight. Hey, who could ask for anything more?

801 N. Arizona Ave.

(480) 857-3088

PHOENIX Amsterdam It’s a Polyester Winter at Amsterdam! Join them as they celebrate 10 years with their Christmas celebration with that hip trip, the fabulous Lady Bunny! She’ll be performing live on Saturday, December 6 at 9 p.m. DJ Ajia Simone will be there along with the dueling pianos of Shonto-Ragee.

718 N. Central Ave.

(602) 258-6122

Apollo’s Celebrate the Holidays with exclusive $2 Xmas shots all month long!

Don’t forget their legendary Greek God Revue strippers every Sunday night. See the Softball Boyz Drag Show on Sunday, December 28 and be there for New Year’s party with hors d’oeuvres, a drag show and party favors, natch!

5749 N. 7th St.

(602) 277-9373

Bar 1 It’s kinda dirty. It’s kinda pretty. And it’s a lot of fun! Bar1 has drink specials every night of the week and on Wednesday nights you can see Hott Scott behind the bar in his underwear! That’s always a bonus! Come in on New Year’s Eve for their party and champagne at midnight. The dirtier you get, the prettier everybody else gets!

Blue Joe Snyder Briefs from the Off Chute Too

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WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

3708 N. 16th St.

(602) 266-9001

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 63

holiday nightlife guide Photography by Jerry O’Conner

Planning on staying home for the holidays? Get real! Get out and celebrate the most festive month of the year!

There is so much to do it can be overwhelming, so we highlighted a few of Arizona’s hot spots and their grandest festivities. Get out and make this holiday season a memorable one.

CHANDLER

Wild Card - Chandler Bring in the New Year with a bang – one way or another – at The Wild Card. They’ve got two-for-one drink specials all night long so you’ll be good and ready when 2009 comes in. Kisses with strangers are free at midnight. Hey, who could ask for anything more?

801 N. Arizona Ave.

(480) 857-3088

PHOENIX Amsterdam It’s a Polyester Winter at Amsterdam! Join them as they celebrate 10 years with their Christmas celebration with that hip trip, the fabulous Lady Bunny! She’ll be performing live on Saturday, December 6 at 9 p.m. DJ Ajia Simone will be there along with the dueling pianos of Shonto-Ragee.

718 N. Central Ave.

(602) 258-6122

Apollo’s Celebrate the Holidays with exclusive $2 Xmas shots all month long!

Don’t forget their legendary Greek God Revue strippers every Sunday night. See the Softball Boyz Drag Show on Sunday, December 28 and be there for New Year’s party with hors d’oeuvres, a drag show and party favors, natch!

5749 N. 7th St.

(602) 277-9373

Bar 1 It’s kinda dirty. It’s kinda pretty. And it’s a lot of fun! Bar1 has drink specials every night of the week and on Wednesday nights you can see Hott Scott behind the bar in his underwear! That’s always a bonus! Come in on New Year’s Eve for their party and champagne at midnight. The dirtier you get, the prettier everybody else gets!

Blue Joe Snyder Briefs from the Off Chute Too

62

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3708 N. 16th St.

(602) 266-9001

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 63

Landon’s

Charlie’s Saddle up for Chuck’s famous “15 Days of Christmas” from December 1125 with special guests each night. New Year’s Eve brings out the Men of Charlie’s presenting the 2009 Calendar, IGRA Rodeo Coupons, giveaways, and their legendary After Hours dance party. Yee-haw!

727 W. Camelback Rd.

(602) 265-0224

Cherry Bar Cher If your nightlife is the pits, stop into Cherry Bar – the newly redecorated, revamped bar that was Friends, now under new ownership. You’ll still find good times, great people, drink specials and fun! The Grand Opening is January 6th! Check out www.CherryAZ.com for more info.

1028 E. Indian School Rd.

C

(602) 277-7729

The Clarendon Hotel Rub elbows with the glitterati and find out why, the readers of ION, New Times, Phoenix Magazine, movie stars, rock stars and those-in-theknow call The Clarendon Hotel + Suites tops. This New Year’s Eve they’re throwing a big party with special rates for their glamorous rooms.

401 W. Clarendon Ave.

(602) 252-7363

Club Mijo at Sky Lounge ¡Ay, papi! Say “Feliz Navidad” at the new Thursday night hotspot, Club Mijo at Sky Lounge. They’re throwing Christmas parties with fashion shows on December 4, 11, 18 & 25 with 2-4-1 drinks and Santa gives away free iPods, cash & more. 18+ welcome. ¡Hasta pronto!

132 W. Washington St.

www.clubmijo.com

Club Vibe Boycott takes over Club Vibe with their off-the-hook New Year’s Eve Midnight Masquerade party. Break out the lip gloss for midnight kissing!

Doors open at 9 p.m.

3031 E. Indian School Rd.

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WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

(602) 224-9977

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 65

Landon’s

Charlie’s Saddle up for Chuck’s famous “15 Days of Christmas” from December 1125 with special guests each night. New Year’s Eve brings out the Men of Charlie’s presenting the 2009 Calendar, IGRA Rodeo Coupons, giveaways, and their legendary After Hours dance party. Yee-haw!

727 W. Camelback Rd.

(602) 265-0224

Cherry Bar Cher If your nightlife is the pits, stop into Cherry Bar – the newly redecorated, revamped bar that was Friends, now under new ownership. You’ll still find good times, great people, drink specials and fun! The Grand Opening is January 6th! Check out www.CherryAZ.com for more info.

1028 E. Indian School Rd.

C

(602) 277-7729

The Clarendon Hotel Rub elbows with the glitterati and find out why, the readers of ION, New Times, Phoenix Magazine, movie stars, rock stars and those-in-theknow call The Clarendon Hotel + Suites tops. This New Year’s Eve they’re throwing a big party with special rates for their glamorous rooms.

401 W. Clarendon Ave.

(602) 252-7363

Club Mijo at Sky Lounge ¡Ay, papi! Say “Feliz Navidad” at the new Thursday night hotspot, Club Mijo at Sky Lounge. They’re throwing Christmas parties with fashion shows on December 4, 11, 18 & 25 with 2-4-1 drinks and Santa gives away free iPods, cash & more. 18+ welcome. ¡Hasta pronto!

132 W. Washington St.

www.clubmijo.com

Club Vibe Boycott takes over Club Vibe with their off-the-hook New Year’s Eve Midnight Masquerade party. Break out the lip gloss for midnight kissing!

Doors open at 9 p.m.

3031 E. Indian School Rd.

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WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

(602) 224-9977

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 65

Dick’s Cabaret - Phoenix If you like sports then you’ll love the Stripper Pole Olympics December 12 & 13! Any guy can enter and win prizes! Nothing to do on Christmas Day? Open up packages at Dick’s at 9 p.m. Don’t forget: ring in 2009 with the Dick’s Boy of your choice at midnight with a special toast.

3432 E. Illini St.

(602) 274-DICK

FEZ We wish you a merry FEZmas and a FEZzy New Year! Celebrate the Holidays with lunch, dinner, a late night snack or brunch with friends and family at FEZ. Remember, they do catering, parties, and they have gift certificates, too, for those hard-to-shop-for folks. Ask about their Monthly Meal Makeover for only $5.

3815 N. Central Ave.

(602) 287-8700

icepics video bar icepic

Ethan’s

Shake your booty and win! icepics famous Ass Thursday has a special New Year’s Eve Ass Contest where you can win $100. On New Year’s night it’s a special Black Out Ass Thursday with drink specials and $100 for the Best Ass. So make an Ass out of yourself – and win big!

3108 E. McDowell Rd.

(602) 267-8707

Incognito Ring in 2009 hip-hop style at the newly re-opened Incognito. This is one party you won’t want to miss with DJ Tsunami, party favors, free champagne at midnight, $100 Incognito One Card giveaways, CurtisC & the Men of Incognito perform and more.

2424 E. Thomas Rd.

(602) 955-9801

Karamba - Phoenix For the biggest Holiday Fiesta line-up in town come to Karamba�s! The Latino XXX-mas Party is Friday, December 12. There’s special Christmas Eve and Day parties and - a course - a party for the Nuevo Año! All Karamba parties - and there’s a lot! - are listed on page 26.

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WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

1724 E. McDowell Rd.

(602) 254-0231 December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 67

Dick’s Cabaret - Phoenix If you like sports then you’ll love the Stripper Pole Olympics December 12 & 13! Any guy can enter and win prizes! Nothing to do on Christmas Day? Open up packages at Dick’s at 9 p.m. Don’t forget: ring in 2009 with the Dick’s Boy of your choice at midnight with a special toast.

3432 E. Illini St.

(602) 274-DICK

FEZ We wish you a merry FEZmas and a FEZzy New Year! Celebrate the Holidays with lunch, dinner, a late night snack or brunch with friends and family at FEZ. Remember, they do catering, parties, and they have gift certificates, too, for those hard-to-shop-for folks. Ask about their Monthly Meal Makeover for only $5.

3815 N. Central Ave.

(602) 287-8700

icepics video bar icepic

Ethan’s

Shake your booty and win! icepics famous Ass Thursday has a special New Year’s Eve Ass Contest where you can win $100. On New Year’s night it’s a special Black Out Ass Thursday with drink specials and $100 for the Best Ass. So make an Ass out of yourself – and win big!

3108 E. McDowell Rd.

(602) 267-8707

Incognito Ring in 2009 hip-hop style at the newly re-opened Incognito. This is one party you won’t want to miss with DJ Tsunami, party favors, free champagne at midnight, $100 Incognito One Card giveaways, CurtisC & the Men of Incognito perform and more.

2424 E. Thomas Rd.

(602) 955-9801

Karamba - Phoenix For the biggest Holiday Fiesta line-up in town come to Karamba�s! The Latino XXX-mas Party is Friday, December 12. There’s special Christmas Eve and Day parties and - a course - a party for the Nuevo Año! All Karamba parties - and there’s a lot! - are listed on page 26.

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WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

1724 E. McDowell Rd.

(602) 254-0231 December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 67

Maizie’s Looking for that sweet spot for lunch or dinner? Then Maizie’s is a must!

Everything’s made right there: amazing soups, succulent salads, pizza, pasta and more. They might even have a “visiting entrée” when you go, and that’s always a surprise. They also have a top-notch Sunday Brunch.

4750 N. Central Ave.

(602) 274-2828

Pumphouse II There’s never a dull moment at the Pumphouse! Come in for Barbra Seville’s “Newcomer of the Year” contest on Dec. 10 and Savannah’s Amateur Drag Contest on December 17. The Miss Pumphouse Pageant is Dec. 14 and the Christmas Potluck on Dec. 25. Ring in the New Year with 2-4-1 drinks and a complimentary buffet. Kiss Ranger Dale at midnight!

4132 E. McDowell Rd.

(602) 275-3509

Roscoe’s

johnny’s

Help Logan’s Playground. You’ll get a free drink with your donation of a new, unwrapped toy on Thursday, December 11 & Friday, December 19.

Got a dollar? Those impecunious imps from BrokeStraightBoys.com need your cash. They’ll be there on Tuesday, December 16. How hot is that?

We’ll tell you: very hot!

4531 N. 7th St.

(602) 285-0833

Switch Make the switch, baby! This delicious sandwicherie also offers top-notch entrées, soup, salads, gallette and more. Don�t forget the 2-4-1 Drunken Italian Soda Sundays and the Caipirinha Mondays. Switch features a “recession buster” plate for only $5 and half-price desserts after 10 p.m. every night. Don’t forget - they do catering, too.

2603 N. Central Ave.

(602) 264-2295

Ticoz This popular Resto-Bar is famous for Sangria Sundays and Mojito Mondays. They also serve up a delicious menu of tacos, burgers, and other Latin American inspired entrees for lunch, dinner and Sunday brunch. The bar offers specials and the dining room features a “recession buster” plate for only $5 and half-price desserts after 10 p.m. every night.

Whittal & Shon Trim Briefs from the Off Chute Too

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WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

5114 N. 7th St.

(602) 200-0160

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 69

Maizie’s Looking for that sweet spot for lunch or dinner? Then Maizie’s is a must!

Everything’s made right there: amazing soups, succulent salads, pizza, pasta and more. They might even have a “visiting entrée” when you go, and that’s always a surprise. They also have a top-notch Sunday Brunch.

4750 N. Central Ave.

(602) 274-2828

Pumphouse II There’s never a dull moment at the Pumphouse! Come in for Barbra Seville’s “Newcomer of the Year” contest on Dec. 10 and Savannah’s Amateur Drag Contest on December 17. The Miss Pumphouse Pageant is Dec. 14 and the Christmas Potluck on Dec. 25. Ring in the New Year with 2-4-1 drinks and a complimentary buffet. Kiss Ranger Dale at midnight!

4132 E. McDowell Rd.

(602) 275-3509

Roscoe’s

johnny’s

Help Logan’s Playground. You’ll get a free drink with your donation of a new, unwrapped toy on Thursday, December 11 & Friday, December 19.

Got a dollar? Those impecunious imps from BrokeStraightBoys.com need your cash. They’ll be there on Tuesday, December 16. How hot is that?

We’ll tell you: very hot!

4531 N. 7th St.

(602) 285-0833

Switch Make the switch, baby! This delicious sandwicherie also offers top-notch entrées, soup, salads, gallette and more. Don�t forget the 2-4-1 Drunken Italian Soda Sundays and the Caipirinha Mondays. Switch features a “recession buster” plate for only $5 and half-price desserts after 10 p.m. every night. Don’t forget - they do catering, too.

2603 N. Central Ave.

(602) 264-2295

Ticoz This popular Resto-Bar is famous for Sangria Sundays and Mojito Mondays. They also serve up a delicious menu of tacos, burgers, and other Latin American inspired entrees for lunch, dinner and Sunday brunch. The bar offers specials and the dining room features a “recession buster” plate for only $5 and half-price desserts after 10 p.m. every night.

Whittal & Shon Trim Briefs from the Off Chute Too

68

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

5114 N. 7th St.

(602) 200-0160

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 69

SCOTTSDALE

BS West

BS West says “thanks” with a Customer Appreciation Christmas Party on Tuesday, December 16 at 8 p.m. with drink specials, an appetizer buffet and a Staff Holiday Show. Jonny McGovern as The Gay Pimp kicks it on Friday, December 19. KiKi’s XXX-mas Show is Tuesday, December 23 and New Year’s Eve will have 2-4-1, giveaways and champagne, of course!

7125 5th Ave.

(480) 945-9028

Club Forbidden Save big with the Economic Stimulus Package on Friday nights with great drink specials and no cover. Inferno Thursdays has drink specials and hosts 18+. Forbidden’s first birthday bash is Saturday, December 27 with one-cent drinks from 8-10 p.m. and ten DJs spinning. It’s a party on New Year’s Eve with no cover, party favors and champagne at midnight!

6820 E. 5th Ave.

www.forbiddenaz.com

TUCSON Miguel’s The dining room at the La Posada Hotel offers great dinners and late night snacks featuring New Latin American Cuisine. Their sexy menu features a creative fusion of foods with influences form Chile, Peru and Argentina. We love it!

5900 N. Oracle Rd.

(580) 292-6702

Woody’s The Pride of the Old Pueblo! The friendly folks at Woody’s have Karaoke, Havana Night with mojitos and martinis, Underwear/Leather/Fetish Parties and of course, Happy Hour every single day. And don’t forget the sexy staff! Say “adios” to 2008 and ring in 2009 with the hottest guys in Tucson at Woody’s!

3710 N. Oracle Rd.

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WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

(520) 292-6702

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 71

SCOTTSDALE

BS West

BS West says “thanks” with a Customer Appreciation Christmas Party on Tuesday, December 16 at 8 p.m. with drink specials, an appetizer buffet and a Staff Holiday Show. Jonny McGovern as The Gay Pimp kicks it on Friday, December 19. KiKi’s XXX-mas Show is Tuesday, December 23 and New Year’s Eve will have 2-4-1, giveaways and champagne, of course!

7125 5th Ave.

(480) 945-9028

Club Forbidden Save big with the Economic Stimulus Package on Friday nights with great drink specials and no cover. Inferno Thursdays has drink specials and hosts 18+. Forbidden’s first birthday bash is Saturday, December 27 with one-cent drinks from 8-10 p.m. and ten DJs spinning. It’s a party on New Year’s Eve with no cover, party favors and champagne at midnight!

6820 E. 5th Ave.

www.forbiddenaz.com

TUCSON Miguel’s The dining room at the La Posada Hotel offers great dinners and late night snacks featuring New Latin American Cuisine. Their sexy menu features a creative fusion of foods with influences form Chile, Peru and Argentina. We love it!

5900 N. Oracle Rd.

(580) 292-6702

Woody’s The Pride of the Old Pueblo! The friendly folks at Woody’s have Karaoke, Havana Night with mojitos and martinis, Underwear/Leather/Fetish Parties and of course, Happy Hour every single day. And don’t forget the sexy staff! Say “adios” to 2008 and ring in 2009 with the hottest guys in Tucson at Woody’s!

3710 N. Oracle Rd.

70

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

(520) 292-6702

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 71

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Go Softwear Briefs from the Off Chute Too

Not Made in China Briefs from Fascinations

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Go Softwear Briefs from the Off Chute Too

Not Made in China Briefs from Fascinations

602-993-4567 phx 520-791-2345 tuc

Get a Date Tonight!

See ad on page 88 (Free code: 4448)

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December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 75

602-993-4567 phx 520-791-2345 tuc

Get a Date Tonight!

See ad on page 88 (Free code: 4448)

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December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 75

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Celebrate “The Spirit of the Season” Wherever you find yourself this Holiday Season, you’ll want to make sure that you spend at least one very special night with Jeffrey Hattrick. We can’t promise that you’ll be snuggled up with him alone in front of a fireplace, but by the end of the night you’ll definitely feel warm and very loved. This year everyone receives a special gift from Jeffrey – it’s his eagerly anticipated concert series, The Spirit of the Season.

“This would never have happened if it wasn’t for the musical assistance from my best friend and musical genius Nicole Pesce – the famous pianist from My Florist Café. She has created all of my music and I’ve performed exclusively with Nicole for the past ten years. She’s an inspiration and I’m so lucky to know her,” Jeffrey told us.

This concert series and CD is also marked by a generous contribution from a good friend of Jeffrey’s, Jim Brickman, who offered a generous gift of the title track to the show. “He encouraged me throughout the recording of this latest CD and no words can express my gratitude for such a kind gesture,” said Jeffrey.

Jeffrey shared more. “My message is for people of all ages and all walks of life. I believe the music speaks to people from a variety of different faiths with a common message of love and hope. It may conjure different feelings to different people, yet my wish is simple: it’s the hope that this spirit will last the whole year through.”

Jeffrey and Nicole will be sharing the gift of music along with musicians Jerry Donato and Adam Clars at the Herberger Theater Stage West on Monday and Tuesday, December 15 & 16 at 7 p.m.

They promise that it’ll be a musical event to warm every soul while they fill the room with life, love and music. Be a part of The Spirit of the Season with Jeffrey and Nicole at the Herberger Theater Stage West. Visit www.HerbergerTheater.org or call (602) 252-8497 for tickets. There will be a CD signing and celebration at the Hyatt Regency Compass Room following each concert.

Jeffrey explained, “This is much more than just holiday music. It’s very much about family, friends and sharing. Especially in these times of uncertainty where we currently find ourselves, I think it’s very important that we take care of those around us. This concert and the music that I sing is my gift that will hopefully allow people to come together and remember all the things that we are fortunate to have during this holiday season.”

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December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 79

Celebrate “The Spirit of the Season” Wherever you find yourself this Holiday Season, you’ll want to make sure that you spend at least one very special night with Jeffrey Hattrick. We can’t promise that you’ll be snuggled up with him alone in front of a fireplace, but by the end of the night you’ll definitely feel warm and very loved. This year everyone receives a special gift from Jeffrey – it’s his eagerly anticipated concert series, The Spirit of the Season.

“This would never have happened if it wasn’t for the musical assistance from my best friend and musical genius Nicole Pesce – the famous pianist from My Florist Café. She has created all of my music and I’ve performed exclusively with Nicole for the past ten years. She’s an inspiration and I’m so lucky to know her,” Jeffrey told us.

This concert series and CD is also marked by a generous contribution from a good friend of Jeffrey’s, Jim Brickman, who offered a generous gift of the title track to the show. “He encouraged me throughout the recording of this latest CD and no words can express my gratitude for such a kind gesture,” said Jeffrey.

Jeffrey shared more. “My message is for people of all ages and all walks of life. I believe the music speaks to people from a variety of different faiths with a common message of love and hope. It may conjure different feelings to different people, yet my wish is simple: it’s the hope that this spirit will last the whole year through.”

Jeffrey and Nicole will be sharing the gift of music along with musicians Jerry Donato and Adam Clars at the Herberger Theater Stage West on Monday and Tuesday, December 15 & 16 at 7 p.m.

They promise that it’ll be a musical event to warm every soul while they fill the room with life, love and music. Be a part of The Spirit of the Season with Jeffrey and Nicole at the Herberger Theater Stage West. Visit www.HerbergerTheater.org or call (602) 252-8497 for tickets. There will be a CD signing and celebration at the Hyatt Regency Compass Room following each concert.

Jeffrey explained, “This is much more than just holiday music. It’s very much about family, friends and sharing. Especially in these times of uncertainty where we currently find ourselves, I think it’s very important that we take care of those around us. This concert and the music that I sing is my gift that will hopefully allow people to come together and remember all the things that we are fortunate to have during this holiday season.”

78

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 79

Spend Christmas “Under the Mistletoe” A big voice, and a great, big heart are just two ways to describe Jessika Murphy. She’s a Phoenix-based singer, songwriter, sign language interpreter/ teacher, humorist and encourager.

A classically trained soprano, Jessika’s musical style is also influenced by Classical, R&B, Jazz and Pop. Her mission is to serve through music, to inspire and to heal the world.

Jessika can simply explain her view of Life like this: “We are all children of the same universe.” Jessika is a frequent guest of churches, festivals and local events, like Phoenix Pride and SWAY Events’ Live & Local series at Forbidden. She entertains with powerful songs and delivers a message about the human side of personal, community, and world change. Every Thursday she conducts a “Sing & Sign” class at Bookman’s in Phoenix for the deaf community and their children.

will excite listeners.

Jessika will perform this Holiday Season at Gentle Shepherd MCC, Alternatives Health and Wellness Center as well as singing for the guests of the annual ION Arizona Christmas Party.

Find out more about Jessika, her music, her performances and availability at her website www.

JessikaMurphy.com

Under The Mistletoe is Jessika’s debut music CD and a perfect accent for your listening pleasure this Christmas Season.

Jessika sings standards like “White Christmas,” “Santa Baby” and “Silent Night” while complementing them with new holiday music that 80

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 81

Spend Christmas “Under the Mistletoe” A big voice, and a great, big heart are just two ways to describe Jessika Murphy. She’s a Phoenix-based singer, songwriter, sign language interpreter/ teacher, humorist and encourager.

A classically trained soprano, Jessika’s musical style is also influenced by Classical, R&B, Jazz and Pop. Her mission is to serve through music, to inspire and to heal the world.

Jessika can simply explain her view of Life like this: “We are all children of the same universe.” Jessika is a frequent guest of churches, festivals and local events, like Phoenix Pride and SWAY Events’ Live & Local series at Forbidden. She entertains with powerful songs and delivers a message about the human side of personal, community, and world change. Every Thursday she conducts a “Sing & Sign” class at Bookman’s in Phoenix for the deaf community and their children.

will excite listeners.

Jessika will perform this Holiday Season at Gentle Shepherd MCC, Alternatives Health and Wellness Center as well as singing for the guests of the annual ION Arizona Christmas Party.

Find out more about Jessika, her music, her performances and availability at her website www.

JessikaMurphy.com

Under The Mistletoe is Jessika’s debut music CD and a perfect accent for your listening pleasure this Christmas Season.

Jessika sings standards like “White Christmas,” “Santa Baby” and “Silent Night” while complementing them with new holiday music that 80

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 81

Vol. 2, Issue 9

DECEMBER 2008

����������� OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

�����������������������������������������������������

Cussin’ Cathy Not A Popular Christmas Toy �����������

ROCHESTER, Mi. – Lil’ Tyke Toy manufacturing executives are perplexed with the dismal failure of the toy slated to be this Christmas’s blockbuster: Cussin’ Cathy. The adorable, brunette, curly-haired doll with big brown eyes, a pink rosebud mouth and life-like skin is interactive and able to say more than twenty cuss words and vituperative, impolite phrases.

as well as “Pound sand up your ass.”

Aspiring board game company, Butz Bros., also failed with their Obscene Ouija Board.

CEO Calvin Butz said, “We thought it’d be a big hit. But every time you asked it a question it spelled out one filthy obscenity after another. I asked for my dead mother to speak to me from the other side and the board spelled out, ‘F-U-C-K-Y-O-U’ over and over again.

Of course, Mama “I don’t understand,” never did like me said Doug Lelong ����������������������������������������������������� very much, anyway. in Research and Whatever. It’s back to the Ouija drawing Development. “We had over twenty focus board, as we say.” groups and little girls loved Cussin’ Cathy.

Once you pulled her string, boy, that doll Other unsuccessful toys included Barfwould start cussing like a sailor’s parrot.”

Up Billy and Crackers, The Tourette’s Syndrome Kitty. Childrens’ toys planned Cussin’ Cathy’s verbal repertoire included for next year include Lead Paint Legos and – but was not limited to – “Go screw Scatty Scotty and his Very Own Potty. yourself,” and “Eat me, you sonofabitch”

�����������

�����������

����������������������������������������������������� 82

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 83

Vol. 2, Issue 9

DECEMBER 2008

����������� OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

�����������������������������������������������������

Cussin’ Cathy Not A Popular Christmas Toy �����������

ROCHESTER, Mi. – Lil’ Tyke Toy manufacturing executives are perplexed with the dismal failure of the toy slated to be this Christmas’s blockbuster: Cussin’ Cathy. The adorable, brunette, curly-haired doll with big brown eyes, a pink rosebud mouth and life-like skin is interactive and able to say more than twenty cuss words and vituperative, impolite phrases.

as well as “Pound sand up your ass.”

Aspiring board game company, Butz Bros., also failed with their Obscene Ouija Board.

CEO Calvin Butz said, “We thought it’d be a big hit. But every time you asked it a question it spelled out one filthy obscenity after another. I asked for my dead mother to speak to me from the other side and the board spelled out, ‘F-U-C-K-Y-O-U’ over and over again.

Of course, Mama “I don’t understand,” never did like me said Doug Lelong ����������������������������������������������������� very much, anyway. in Research and Whatever. It’s back to the Ouija drawing Development. “We had over twenty focus board, as we say.” groups and little girls loved Cussin’ Cathy.

Once you pulled her string, boy, that doll Other unsuccessful toys included Barfwould start cussing like a sailor’s parrot.”

Up Billy and Crackers, The Tourette’s Syndrome Kitty. Childrens’ toys planned Cussin’ Cathy’s verbal repertoire included for next year include Lead Paint Legos and – but was not limited to – “Go screw Scatty Scotty and his Very Own Potty. yourself,” and “Eat me, you sonofabitch”

�����������

�����������

����������������������������������������������������� 82

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 83

����������� Beached Whales Protest Gay Marriage Ban. 53 Die!

�����������������������������������������������������

����������� ����������� �����������������������������������������������������

STANLEY, Tasmania – A pod of 64 Pilot Whales recently beached themselves on the northwest coast of Tasmania, off the southern coast of Australia to protest the prohibitions of same-sex weddings passed in the recent American elections.

Tracking devices placed by scientists late last year contained valuable data supporting this investigation when they were retrieved from the whales’ carcasses.

protest this narrow-minded bigotry and other violence inherent in the system.’ Well, and then there was a lot of that funny sort of squealing noises that whales make. But the message was still very clear.”

Researchers are wary that other species may follow suit and that mass group animal suicides may ensue.

�����������

“We’re keeping a close eye on the Animal Kingdom,” said Theresa Satterthwaite, noted biologist and all-around smart person. “We “It’s true, mate,” said marine veterinarian are particularly worried about Giant Pandas, Percy Goldings of the Taronga Zoo ����������������������������������������������������� the Texas Ocelot, Wild Bactrian Camel where scientific research is being and the Short-tailed Chinchilla. They’ve conducted. “We placed little microchips always been big supporters of the GLBT in the whales’ dorsal fins enabling them Movement. The Cochabamba Mountain to communicate with scientists via an Finch is already voicing harsh opinions extremely technical process. The whales about it. Unless these ridiculous laws are sent us a very clear message that said, ‘We repealed soon, we could lose a sizeable think that the Americans who supported number of members of the Animal Kingdom the discrimination against the legalization if they follow the whales’ lead.” of same-sex marriage are idiots. We are going to beach ourselves and die to

����������� 84

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

����������������������������������������������������� December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 85

����������� Beached Whales Protest Gay Marriage Ban. 53 Die!

�����������������������������������������������������

����������� ����������� �����������������������������������������������������

STANLEY, Tasmania – A pod of 64 Pilot Whales recently beached themselves on the northwest coast of Tasmania, off the southern coast of Australia to protest the prohibitions of same-sex weddings passed in the recent American elections.

Tracking devices placed by scientists late last year contained valuable data supporting this investigation when they were retrieved from the whales’ carcasses.

protest this narrow-minded bigotry and other violence inherent in the system.’ Well, and then there was a lot of that funny sort of squealing noises that whales make. But the message was still very clear.”

Researchers are wary that other species may follow suit and that mass group animal suicides may ensue.

�����������

“We’re keeping a close eye on the Animal Kingdom,” said Theresa Satterthwaite, noted biologist and all-around smart person. “We “It’s true, mate,” said marine veterinarian are particularly worried about Giant Pandas, Percy Goldings of the Taronga Zoo ����������������������������������������������������� the Texas Ocelot, Wild Bactrian Camel where scientific research is being and the Short-tailed Chinchilla. They’ve conducted. “We placed little microchips always been big supporters of the GLBT in the whales’ dorsal fins enabling them Movement. The Cochabamba Mountain to communicate with scientists via an Finch is already voicing harsh opinions extremely technical process. The whales about it. Unless these ridiculous laws are sent us a very clear message that said, ‘We repealed soon, we could lose a sizeable think that the Americans who supported number of members of the Animal Kingdom the discrimination against the legalization if they follow the whales’ lead.” of same-sex marriage are idiots. We are going to beach ourselves and die to

����������� 84

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

����������������������������������������������������� December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 85

����������� Man Sells Soul on Ebay

����������������������������������������������������� TACOMA, Wa.– With the nation sinking deeper and deeper into the worst economic depression since 1929, Americans are grasping for more creative ways to fill their pocketbooks and wallets.

“Times are tough,” said Shallenbarger. “I got myself a wife and four kids to support here, and I work my tail off every single day, but we just can’t seem to make ends meet here. And frankly, I’m sick and tired of eatin’ Sloppy Joe’s every night for

����������� Alvin Shallenbarger, 32, a realtor, recently

dinner.”

the popular internet auction website, Ebay.

The asking price? The opening bid request of only 99 cents with no reserve. Winner must sign up with PayPal. No checks accepted.

Only one bidder has shown interest and uses the screen name of RedDevilinHell, and has cast a bid of $666 for Shallenbarger’s soul.

However, he has received terrible feedback from past purchases and consistently has passed bad checks. The auction ends on Sunday.

����������������������������������������������������� posted the rights to his everlasting soul on

86

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 87

����������� Man Sells Soul on Ebay

����������������������������������������������������� TACOMA, Wa.– With the nation sinking deeper and deeper into the worst economic depression since 1929, Americans are grasping for more creative ways to fill their pocketbooks and wallets.

“Times are tough,” said Shallenbarger. “I got myself a wife and four kids to support here, and I work my tail off every single day, but we just can’t seem to make ends meet here. And frankly, I’m sick and tired of eatin’ Sloppy Joe’s every night for

����������� Alvin Shallenbarger, 32, a realtor, recently

dinner.”

the popular internet auction website, Ebay.

The asking price? The opening bid request of only 99 cents with no reserve. Winner must sign up with PayPal. No checks accepted.

Only one bidder has shown interest and uses the screen name of RedDevilinHell, and has cast a bid of $666 for Shallenbarger’s soul.

However, he has received terrible feedback from past purchases and consistently has passed bad checks. The auction ends on Sunday.

����������������������������������������������������� posted the rights to his everlasting soul on

86

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 87

88

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

1.

Amsterdam

718 N. Central Ave. - Downtown Phoenix

(602) 258-6122

2.

Apollo’s

5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 277-9373

3.

Bar 1

3708 N. 16th St. - Phoenix

(602) 266-9001

4.

BS West

7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

5.

Bunkhouse

4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 200-9154

6.

Cash Inn

2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 244-9943

7.

Charlie’s

727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 265-0224

8.

NEW! Cherry Bar

1028 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 277-7729

9.

COMING SOON! Cherry Lounge

Every Thursday starting January 11th - Mill Ave. in Tempe

10.

The Chute Men’s Club

1440 E Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 234-1654

C

Clarendon Hotel

401 W. Clarendon Ave. - Phoenix

(602) CLARENDON

11.

Club Vibe

3031 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 224-9977

12.

Cruisin’ 7th

3702 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 212-9888

13.

Dick’s Cabaret

3432 E. Illini Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 274-DICK

14.

Forbidden

6820 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

forbiddenaz.com

15.

Homme

138 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 266-0875

16.

icepics videobar

3108 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 267-8707

17.

Incognito

2424 E. Thomas Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 955-9805

18.

Karamba

1724 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 254-0231

19.

Kobalt

3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 264-5307

20.

OZ

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 242-5114

21.

Plazma

1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 266-0477

22.

Pumphouse II

4132 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 275-3509

23.

Retro Bar

3114 E. Cactus Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 493-0355

24.

The Rock

4129 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 248-8559

25.

Roscoe’s

4531 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 285-0833

26.

Taylor’s Tavern

15615 N. Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 867-2463

27.

Velocity

2303 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 956-2885

28.

Wild Card

801 N. Arizona Ave. - Chandler

(480) 857-3088

29.

Z Girl Club

4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 265-3233

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 89

88

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

1.

Amsterdam

718 N. Central Ave. - Downtown Phoenix

(602) 258-6122

2.

Apollo’s

5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 277-9373

3.

Bar 1

3708 N. 16th St. - Phoenix

(602) 266-9001

4.

BS West

7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

5.

Bunkhouse

4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 200-9154

6.

Cash Inn

2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 244-9943

7.

Charlie’s

727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 265-0224

8.

NEW! Cherry Bar

1028 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 277-7729

9.

COMING SOON! Cherry Lounge

Every Thursday starting January 11th - Mill Ave. in Tempe

10.

The Chute Men’s Club

1440 E Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 234-1654

C

Clarendon Hotel

401 W. Clarendon Ave. - Phoenix

(602) CLARENDON

11.

Club Vibe

3031 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 224-9977

12.

Cruisin’ 7th

3702 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 212-9888

13.

Dick’s Cabaret

3432 E. Illini Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 274-DICK

14.

Forbidden

6820 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

forbiddenaz.com

15.

Homme

138 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 266-0875

16.

icepics videobar

3108 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 267-8707

17.

Incognito

2424 E. Thomas Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 955-9805

18.

Karamba

1724 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 254-0231

19.

Kobalt

3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 264-5307

20.

OZ

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 242-5114

21.

Plazma

1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 266-0477

22.

Pumphouse II

4132 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 275-3509

23.

Retro Bar

3114 E. Cactus Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 493-0355

24.

The Rock

4129 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 248-8559

25.

Roscoe’s

4531 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 285-0833

26.

Taylor’s Tavern

15615 N. Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 867-2463

27.

Velocity

2303 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 956-2885

28.

Wild Card

801 N. Arizona Ave. - Chandler

(480) 857-3088

29.

Z Girl Club

4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 265-3233

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 89

������������������� Discount Cab: Yellow Cab: AAA Cab:

PHOENIX

NEW

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Apollo’s*

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Bar 1

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BS West*

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Charlie’s

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! Cherry Bar

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602-200-2000 602-252-5252 602-437-4000

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Cherry Lounge - Tempe

��������������������� ��������������������� ��������������� ���������������� ���������������������������� ����������������������������

Club Vibe

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Dick’s Cabaret

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Forbidden

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icepics

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Incognito

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Karamba

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Sky Lounge

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TUCSON NIGHTLIFE

CLUBS, RESTAURANTS, AND NIGHTLIFE 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Ain’t Nobody’s Biz Colors Howl at the Moon IBT’s Miguel’s Mexican Restaurant Venture-N Woody’s Yard Dog

2900 E. Broadway 5305 E. Speedway 915 W. Prince Rd. 616 N. 4th Ave. 5900 N. Oracle Rd. 1239 N. 6th Ave. 3710 N. Oracle Rd. 2449 N. Stone

(520) 318-4838 (520) 323-1840 (520) 293-7339 (520) 882-3053 (520) 887-3777 (520) 882-8224 (520) 292-6702 (520) 624-3858

445 S. Alvernon Way 5335 E. Broadway Blvd.

5900 N. Oracle Rd. 204 S. Scott Ave. 3800 E. Sunrise Dr.

(520) 881-4200 (520) 745-2700 (520) 887-4800 (877) 670-9022 (520) 742-6000

ACCOMODATIONS & LODGING 1 2 3 4 5

Doubletree Hotel at Reid Park Embassy Suites La Posada Lodge and Casitas Royal Elizabeth B&B The Westin La Paloma

ION TUCSON

92

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 93

TUCSON NIGHTLIFE

CLUBS, RESTAURANTS, AND NIGHTLIFE 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Ain’t Nobody’s Biz Colors Howl at the Moon IBT’s Miguel’s Mexican Restaurant Venture-N Woody’s Yard Dog

2900 E. Broadway 5305 E. Speedway 915 W. Prince Rd. 616 N. 4th Ave. 5900 N. Oracle Rd. 1239 N. 6th Ave. 3710 N. Oracle Rd. 2449 N. Stone

(520) 318-4838 (520) 323-1840 (520) 293-7339 (520) 882-3053 (520) 887-3777 (520) 882-8224 (520) 292-6702 (520) 624-3858

445 S. Alvernon Way 5335 E. Broadway Blvd.

5900 N. Oracle Rd. 204 S. Scott Ave. 3800 E. Sunrise Dr.

(520) 881-4200 (520) 745-2700 (520) 887-4800 (877) 670-9022 (520) 742-6000

ACCOMODATIONS & LODGING 1 2 3 4 5

Doubletree Hotel at Reid Park Embassy Suites La Posada Lodge and Casitas Royal Elizabeth B&B The Westin La Paloma

ION TUCSON

92

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December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 93

ION PUCKER MODEL SEARCH

PHOENIX, ARIZONA 94

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

ION PUCKER MODEL SEARCH

PHOENIX, ARIZONA 94

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

’Ho-in’ it up with The Gay Pimp at BS West Gay pop superstar, TV personality, and nightlife legend, Jonny “The Gay Pimp” McGovern blazed onto the New York scene in 2000 with his satirical mix of his character comedy and dirty, gay hits. Together with IDM producer Secret Agent Gel they crafted a collection of Gay Pimp themed songs such as “Soccer Practice,” “Lookin’ Cute/Feelin’ Cute,” and “Hey Lil’ Raver Boi” for his debut album Dirty Gay Hits.

Jonny co-stars in The Big Gay Sketch Show on M-tv’s LOGO network and hosts the most popular GLBTQ podcast on I-Tunes with over 10,000 downloads weekly.

ION: I understand that you will be performing the world premiere of your new X-mas song. What can we expect?

Jonny McGovern: My fans kept demanding I do a Christmas album with dirty, gay versions of Christmas classics. But instead of gaying up old songs, I decided that I would write the most retarded, shameful and hilarious xxx-mas song ever, so I wrote “A Dirty, Gay Christmas.” It’s a about a party I throw where all the Christmas characters come to get sexy. Frosty’s cruisin’ for tricks and even Santa and Jesus hook up. This is one Christmas song I probably won’t play for Grandma! It’s out now on iTunes.

96

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ION: I know that you are a real New York City boy. How did you end up here in Scottsdale at BS West during the holiday season?

JMcG: I love Arizona! My grandmother has lived here since I was a kid so I come every year at Christmas. I figured , “Why not give ‘em a dirty gay Christmas show this year?”

I’ll be doing “Dirty, Gay Christmas” as well as some other songs including my most recent Number One video hit, “Don’t Fall in Love With a Homo (a song for the ladies).”

ION: Do you have any upcoming projects or surprises for your fans?

JMcG: I’m releasing two volumes of “The Best of Gay Pimpin’ with Jonny McGovern” – my favorite comedy skits, and interviews from my iTunes podcast. I’m also releasing two more comedy CDs “Dirty Stuff” and “I Likes To Have Funz” and I’m putting out “The East Village Mixtape: The Legends Ball” See Jonny McGovern – “The Gay Pimp” – perform live at BS West on Friday, December 19 with a special “Meet ‘n’ Greet” after the show. No cover before 9 p.m.

’Ho-in’ it up with The Gay Pimp at BS West Gay pop superstar, TV personality, and nightlife legend, Jonny “The Gay Pimp” McGovern blazed onto the New York scene in 2000 with his satirical mix of his character comedy and dirty, gay hits. Together with IDM producer Secret Agent Gel they crafted a collection of Gay Pimp themed songs such as “Soccer Practice,” “Lookin’ Cute/Feelin’ Cute,” and “Hey Lil’ Raver Boi” for his debut album Dirty Gay Hits.

Jonny co-stars in The Big Gay Sketch Show on M-tv’s LOGO network and hosts the most popular GLBTQ podcast on I-Tunes with over 10,000 downloads weekly.

ION: I understand that you will be performing the world premiere of your new X-mas song. What can we expect?

Jonny McGovern: My fans kept demanding I do a Christmas album with dirty, gay versions of Christmas classics. But instead of gaying up old songs, I decided that I would write the most retarded, shameful and hilarious xxx-mas song ever, so I wrote “A Dirty, Gay Christmas.” It’s a about a party I throw where all the Christmas characters come to get sexy. Frosty’s cruisin’ for tricks and even Santa and Jesus hook up. This is one Christmas song I probably won’t play for Grandma! It’s out now on iTunes.

96

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

ION: I know that you are a real New York City boy. How did you end up here in Scottsdale at BS West during the holiday season?

JMcG: I love Arizona! My grandmother has lived here since I was a kid so I come every year at Christmas. I figured , “Why not give ‘em a dirty gay Christmas show this year?”

I’ll be doing “Dirty, Gay Christmas” as well as some other songs including my most recent Number One video hit, “Don’t Fall in Love With a Homo (a song for the ladies).”

ION: Do you have any upcoming projects or surprises for your fans?

JMcG: I’m releasing two volumes of “The Best of Gay Pimpin’ with Jonny McGovern” – my favorite comedy skits, and interviews from my iTunes podcast. I’m also releasing two more comedy CDs “Dirty Stuff” and “I Likes To Have Funz” and I’m putting out “The East Village Mixtape: The Legends Ball” See Jonny McGovern – “The Gay Pimp” – perform live at BS West on Friday, December 19 with a special “Meet ‘n’ Greet” after the show. No cover before 9 p.m.

by Addison DeWitt Here we are in the mad scramble of this recession riddled Holiday Season.

And the final countdown ‘til Bush is out of office and Barack Obama is inaugurated. Despite these lean days nobody’s scrimping on the fun.

The protest in Phoenix at Cesar Chavez Plaza drew over 2,000 homos, lezzies, and our supportive straight friends, too. And talk about mad! You haven’t even seen mad ‘til you’re faced with hundreds of hairdressers armed with rat-tail combs and dykes carrying pneumatic and gas powered power tools. ION’s Official Videographer Mike Chesworth and his long-term boyfriend Carlos Aguilar, who he met at ION’s Labor Day Splash Bash this summer, had their photo snapped for The Arizona Republic. So did our tireless community volunteer, Jimmy Gruender who was photographed demonstrating his winning, world famous Alpine Yodeling Contest skills. (see pic left)

I think every homo in the Greater Metropolitan Phoenix area had tickets to that loveable loud-mouthed D-Lister Kathy Griffin at the Dodge Theatre.

I even spied Kathy’s fab ‘n’ dapper interior designer Mike Nielsen there to see his ol’ pal the spitfire sidekick accompanied by the ever-yummy Ben Jenc at his side. Anything going on between you two boys, or are you two just swapping swatches? Just curious …

Photo by Pat Shannahan / The Arizona Republic Prop 102 was defeated, largely (no) thanks to the Mormon Church for bankrolling the issue. It’s funny that a proposition dedicated to preserving the sanctity of marriage between one man and one woman was funded by a church with a historical and theological foundation of polygamy. And as for “saving the family”? Sure … try telling that to the tax paying gay and lesbian parents raising children whom these bigots instantly turned into bastards because they don’t think that kids should have two mommies or two daddies. Bah! But big ups to the 2,000 plus folks who demonstrated at the Phoenix Courthouse to protest the ridiculous outcome of this decision. Sooner or later we’ll get the right to marry! And the right to long, bitter, nasty, drawn out divorces and custody battles! Just like the straight folks. Boy, now that’s something to aspire to. Really, now.

98

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Spotted nearby on the courthouse steps were salivating packs of bloodthirsty vampire lawyers who are also praying for the Amendment to be overturned, too, so that the filthy, money-grubbing business of divorce can begin.

Congrats go out this month to Phoenix’ very own Brady Bunch Stalker, Frank Isom. Frank recently had a Very Brady Moment with not one, but two of the Brady gals: Jan and Marcia, Marcia, Marcia (pictured with Frank on the next page.) Eve Plumb is now a painfully mediocre still life (see mediocre painting in picture on the next page) artist, and Maureen McCormick is working to save dirty, fly-specked, little third-world country children and peddling her autobiography, Here’s The Story, in which she reveals a tasty tidbit of a very special girl kiss with co-star Jan. The two no longer speak.

Maybe it’s because of that very special girl kiss with tongue that was cut from December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

99

by Addison DeWitt Here we are in the mad scramble of this recession riddled Holiday Season.

And the final countdown ‘til Bush is out of office and Barack Obama is inaugurated. Despite these lean days nobody’s scrimping on the fun.

The protest in Phoenix at Cesar Chavez Plaza drew over 2,000 homos, lezzies, and our supportive straight friends, too. And talk about mad! You haven’t even seen mad ‘til you’re faced with hundreds of hairdressers armed with rat-tail combs and dykes carrying pneumatic and gas powered power tools. ION’s Official Videographer Mike Chesworth and his long-term boyfriend Carlos Aguilar, who he met at ION’s Labor Day Splash Bash this summer, had their photo snapped for The Arizona Republic. So did our tireless community volunteer, Jimmy Gruender who was photographed demonstrating his winning, world famous Alpine Yodeling Contest skills. (see pic left)

I think every homo in the Greater Metropolitan Phoenix area had tickets to that loveable loud-mouthed D-Lister Kathy Griffin at the Dodge Theatre.

I even spied Kathy’s fab ‘n’ dapper interior designer Mike Nielsen there to see his ol’ pal the spitfire sidekick accompanied by the ever-yummy Ben Jenc at his side. Anything going on between you two boys, or are you two just swapping swatches? Just curious …

Photo by Pat Shannahan / The Arizona Republic Prop 102 was defeated, largely (no) thanks to the Mormon Church for bankrolling the issue. It’s funny that a proposition dedicated to preserving the sanctity of marriage between one man and one woman was funded by a church with a historical and theological foundation of polygamy. And as for “saving the family”? Sure … try telling that to the tax paying gay and lesbian parents raising children whom these bigots instantly turned into bastards because they don’t think that kids should have two mommies or two daddies. Bah! But big ups to the 2,000 plus folks who demonstrated at the Phoenix Courthouse to protest the ridiculous outcome of this decision. Sooner or later we’ll get the right to marry! And the right to long, bitter, nasty, drawn out divorces and custody battles! Just like the straight folks. Boy, now that’s something to aspire to. Really, now.

98

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

Spotted nearby on the courthouse steps were salivating packs of bloodthirsty vampire lawyers who are also praying for the Amendment to be overturned, too, so that the filthy, money-grubbing business of divorce can begin.

Congrats go out this month to Phoenix’ very own Brady Bunch Stalker, Frank Isom. Frank recently had a Very Brady Moment with not one, but two of the Brady gals: Jan and Marcia, Marcia, Marcia (pictured with Frank on the next page.) Eve Plumb is now a painfully mediocre still life (see mediocre painting in picture on the next page) artist, and Maureen McCormick is working to save dirty, fly-specked, little third-world country children and peddling her autobiography, Here’s The Story, in which she reveals a tasty tidbit of a very special girl kiss with co-star Jan. The two no longer speak.

Maybe it’s because of that very special girl kiss with tongue that was cut from December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

99

(Continued) the made for TV movie, A Very Brady Lesbian, broadcast on March 2, 1978, hmmmm?

Our prestigious ION Fact Checking Department questioned Frank, a veterinarian, about the age-old, burning question that remains to be answered: whatever happened to the shortlived Brady dog? Not Alice – Tiger. Rabies? Parvo?

Bad scripting? Enquiring minds want to know.

Brady Stalker Frank Isom

The fabulous Steves – Serrano and Schopf – opened up the doors to their gorgeous home for a cocktail party where the booze flowed like, well … booze. This was thanks to the always-easy-on-the-eyes, BS West’s

enormously – uh – “talented” mixologist Nic Zaino who did a bit of moonlighting there with their cocktail waiter Anthony. Next time you see Nic ask him to make you his patented concoction called a “Ruby Slipper.”

Honey, after a couple of those you’ll be clicking your heels together three times (over your head) saying, “There’s no place like a cab.

There’s no place like a cab.”

Trust me. I know.

The party was a sweet success with glamoraries like handsome hair magician Shane Emmons, woozy hottie Jeff Brodine, and some very, very inebriated North Scottsdale Woman who kept screaming over and over in that high pitched North Scottsdale shriek that she wanted to see some other North Scottsdale Woman’s boyfriend stir her cocktail with his – er – “swizzle stick.” I waited around but his zipper stayed up.

Damn!

I was not disappointed, however, when Nic Zaino’s zipper came down – way down – later in the evening (okay, so it’s – only to appease a drunken crowd of fans who wanted to see his underwear.

Black Fruit-of-the Loom boxer briefs that night, FYI.) Doesn’t take much to please some folks. Heck, I just want to be his underwear. For one day. That’s all I ask.

Remember, doll … it is the season of giving. So if you have any extra pairs of your underwear laying around, Christmas is right around the corner!

You can send Addison a Christmas card, an invitation to your New Year’s Eve party, or a pair of Nic Zaino’s scanty-panties in care ION or send him an e-mail at RumorHound@aol.com

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(Continued) the made for TV movie, A Very Brady Lesbian, broadcast on March 2, 1978, hmmmm?

Our prestigious ION Fact Checking Department questioned Frank, a veterinarian, about the age-old, burning question that remains to be answered: whatever happened to the shortlived Brady dog? Not Alice – Tiger. Rabies? Parvo?

Bad scripting? Enquiring minds want to know.

Brady Stalker Frank Isom

The fabulous Steves – Serrano and Schopf – opened up the doors to their gorgeous home for a cocktail party where the booze flowed like, well … booze. This was thanks to the always-easy-on-the-eyes, BS West’s

enormously – uh – “talented” mixologist Nic Zaino who did a bit of moonlighting there with their cocktail waiter Anthony. Next time you see Nic ask him to make you his patented concoction called a “Ruby Slipper.”

Honey, after a couple of those you’ll be clicking your heels together three times (over your head) saying, “There’s no place like a cab.

There’s no place like a cab.”

Trust me. I know.

The party was a sweet success with glamoraries like handsome hair magician Shane Emmons, woozy hottie Jeff Brodine, and some very, very inebriated North Scottsdale Woman who kept screaming over and over in that high pitched North Scottsdale shriek that she wanted to see some other North Scottsdale Woman’s boyfriend stir her cocktail with his – er – “swizzle stick.” I waited around but his zipper stayed up.

Damn!

I was not disappointed, however, when Nic Zaino’s zipper came down – way down – later in the evening (okay, so it’s – only to appease a drunken crowd of fans who wanted to see his underwear.

Black Fruit-of-the Loom boxer briefs that night, FYI.) Doesn’t take much to please some folks. Heck, I just want to be his underwear. For one day. That’s all I ask.

Remember, doll … it is the season of giving. So if you have any extra pairs of your underwear laying around, Christmas is right around the corner!

You can send Addison a Christmas card, an invitation to your New Year’s Eve party, or a pair of Nic Zaino’s scanty-panties in care ION or send him an e-mail at RumorHound@aol.com

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Virgo

Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

Hit the road, Jack. Pack your most fabu jacket, sexiest scarves, and consider a winter road trip. Along your adventure you may just find someone cute and cuddly to cozy up with and keep you warm.

Libra

Aries Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

Straight up, now tell me. It’s time to be forward. Stop wasting your time beating around the bush and cut to the chase already. Life is too short to tip-toe around the real topics. Your happiness is waiting ...

Scorpio

Oct. 23 - Nov. 23

This month you can have your cake and eat it too. Just be careful not to feed your face until you puke. That’s always unflattering and a bit awkward for the person in the next stall over.

Sagittarius

Nov. 23-Dec. 23

When setting your New Year’s resolutions, remember that change comes with challenges and you can’t fix everything in a day or even a year for that matter. Take your time and think quality versus quantity.

Capricorn

Dec. 23- Jan. 20

Times are tough, but hang on honey because what you’re lacking now, you’ll come to appreciate more in the future. The New Year holds unsuspected, creative fortune for you.

Aquarius

Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

Keep in mind that even the most adorable puppy may grow in to a slobbering bulldog, so don’t get too attached and make sure to keep your pets on a leash.

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Pisces

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

It’s time for a little self improvement.

Remember that you are your biggest investment, so make sure your assets and energy are being directed to the right place.

Mar. 21 - Apr. 20

This year has been an uphill battle.

Now it’s time to sit back, relax, put on your seat belt, and get ready to coast along for the thrill ride roller-coaster that will be your new year.

Taurus

Apr. 21 - May 20

Gemini

May 21 - June 21

Cancer

June 22 - July 22

Don’t just stand there, bust a move.

Get up and don’t be afraid to shake up a little fun. If you wait for everyone else to get the party started, you’ll just become a wallflower.

Learn dirty sex talk in a foreign language and show off your new talent in bed. It will drive your partner wild and also be a little confusing, which is always funny.

When life gives you lemons go buy all the ingredients for a Cosmo and use them as a garnish. Sit around for a few cocktails with your best friends and laugh off your misfortune.

Cheers!

Leo

July 23 - Aug. 22

If this month gets boring pull out your Blackberry and start making prank calls. Just remember to *67 in case somebody in your contacts doesn’t share your same sense of desperate humor.

December 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 103

Virgo

Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

Hit the road, Jack. Pack your most fabu jacket, sexiest scarves, and consider a winter road trip. Along your adventure you may just find someone cute and cuddly to cozy up with and keep you warm.

Libra

Aries Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

Straight up, now tell me. It’s time to be forward. Stop wasting your time beating around the bush and cut to the chase already. Life is too short to tip-toe around the real topics. Your happiness is waiting ...

Scorpio

Oct. 23 - Nov. 23

This month you can have your cake and eat it too. Just be careful not to feed your face until you puke. That’s always unflattering and a bit awkward for the person in the next stall over.

Sagittarius

Nov. 23-Dec. 23

When setting your New Year’s resolutions, remember that change comes with challenges and you can’t fix everything in a day or even a year for that matter. Take your time and think quality versus quantity.

Capricorn

Dec. 23- Jan. 20

Times are tough, but hang on honey because what you’re lacking now, you’ll come to appreciate more in the future. The New Year holds unsuspected, creative fortune for you.

Aquarius

Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

Keep in mind that even the most adorable puppy may grow in to a slobbering bulldog, so don’t get too attached and make sure to keep your pets on a leash.

102

Pisces

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2008

Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

It’s time for a little self improvement.

Remember that you are your biggest investment, so make sure your assets and energy are being directed to the right place.

Mar. 21 - Apr. 20

This year has been an uphill battle.

Now it’s time to sit back, relax, put on your seat belt, and get ready to coast along for the thrill ride roller-coaster that will be your new year.

Taurus

Apr. 21 - May 20

Gemini

May 21 - June 21

Cancer

June 22 - July 22

Don’t just stand there, bust a move.

Get up and don’t be afraid to shake up a little fun. If you wait for everyone else to get the party started, you’ll just become a wallflower.

Learn dirty sex talk in a foreign language and show off your new talent in bed. It will drive your partner wild and also be a little confusing, which is always funny.

When life gives you lemons go buy all the ingredients for a Cosmo and use them as a garnish. Sit around for a few cocktails with your best friends and laugh off your misfortune.

Cheers!

Leo

July 23 - Aug. 22

If this month gets boring pull out your Blackberry and start making prank calls. Just remember to *67 in case somebody in your contacts doesn’t share your same sense of desperate humor.

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