ION Arizona Magazine May 2009 by ION Arizona

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ION:

More than a Magazine I want to thank everyone who came up to our booth at Phoenix Pride to said, “hi” got photo with their friends on an ION cover, and told us how much they love ION Arizona. But there was one young man who came up to me and told us he has collected every issue of ION for the past six years. Now he’s 21-years-old and he’s missing one issue and asked if we have still have it. We do. Just send us your address and I will send one out right away. Also, to anyone who collects ION: take a picture of yourself in with your ION collection, e-mail it to ionarizona@me.com and we may publish it in a future issue. We have three exciting announcements to make in this issue:

ROCKY POINT PRIDE

Recent developments concerning healthcare issues - okay, I’ll say it: Swine Flu - have deemed it necessary to postpone Rocky Point Pride. Dang! It’s tentatively rescheduled for September, so don’t put your maracas away yet! We’ll see you in Mexico sooner or later!

SPLASH BASH 8

We’re very excited to announce that Splash Bash is coming home! The Coors Light Splash Bash 8 is moving back to it’s original location, the totally remodeled and upscale Radisson Phoenix City Center on Saturday, June 6 from noon-8pm. We’re bringing back the sexy Perry Twins who will spin by the pool, a special Lady GaGa performance by Makaila Kay, ending with a live performance by dance diva Erin Hamilton. Check out the interview with Erin on page 32. This event is for everyone 21 and over. We have negotiated a special, low $65 room rate and have a $10 discount admission (rolled back to 2003 prices)

with a room key, an ION VIP key chain or when you purchase pre-sale tickets at Root Seller or the Off Chute Too.

AFTER SPLASH

When the sun sets, the fun moves to Amsterdam for the Official After Splash Bash Party. The Perry Twins travel down the road to Amsterdam and spin the night away at their outdoor dance floor. Then, Sunday morning, join us for the first Splash Brunch between 8-1pm where we enjoy Bloody Mary’s, Mimosas, and Screwdrivers with an all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet.

ION VIP PROGRAM

Now in it’s fourth year, the successful ION VIP program is back and better than ever. We have better offers and a lower price of only $10. You even get $10 off your Splash Bash admission at the door! Check out the ad with a complete list of all the discounts on page 38. In this economy you need to save money and the ION VIP key chain is your key to savings at great businesses in ION Arizona. ION is more than a magazine. It is a lifestyle. We help you have fun, meet people, entertain, educate, travel with you and save you money. Who else does all this? Thank you for reading and we will see you out and about in your community and beyond. Use ION as your guide. We never miss a step, from Tucson to Phoenix, Scottsdale to Flagstaff, Rocky Point to Palm Springs. Vegas to, well you get the idea. I’ll shut up now (thank God you say?) Jack Tesorero Publisher

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ION ARIZONA CENTER 3819 North 3rd Street Ste. #10, Phoenix, AZ 85012

(602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com

ionarizona@me.com

PUBLISHER Jack M. Tesorero ....................... jacktesorero@me.com CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw - Ext. 4 ..................... kbushaw@me.com EDITOR AND CONTENT CZAR Deon Brown - Ext 2 ................... ionazeditor@me.com PRODUCTION ASSISTANT Craig Rubin ................................. ionarizona@me.com PRODUCTION & ARTWORK ionazproduction@me.com ADVERTISING SALES Jack Tesorero, Ext 1 .................. jacktesorero@me.com PHOTOGRAPHERS:

Richard Bolinski Jerry O’Conner

Don Thompson Nate Woodruff

NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 CONTRIBUTORS:

Corey Blanchette Wes Bergman Addison DeWitt Dave Jackson

Ted Kirby David Alan Maxey Kim Ruff Paul Sanchez

TO GROW YOUR BUSINESS, CALL (602) 308-4662. Published monthly by

a JMT Designs, Inc. company

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED PRINTED IN THE USA All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee. NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reﬂect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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ION PARTY CAM

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LUCKY PRE-PRIDE PARTY

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Cinco de Mayo No, it’s not Mexico’s Independence Day - that’s September 16. But it’s still a great reason to go out and drink lots of Mexican beer, eat and celebrate anyway! Hungry? Enjoy dinner and drinks at Ticoz or Mi Patio! Karamba, Pumphouse and BS West are all throwing big ﬁestas with especiales fantastico! Look for their ads in this issue.

BS West Bacardi Model Search Yo ho, hos! And a bottle of rum! If you’ve got the body, the booty, and a good, strong, healthy liver, you could be the next model for Bacardi! Sign up for this boozy beauty pageant to be held on Friday, May 15 at BS West. 7125 E. 5th Ave. Scottsdale. Phone: 480-945-9028. Visit myspace.com/bacardipromocontestbswest for details and contest rules.

Mother’s Day at Apollo’s pollo’s If you love your mom, why not spend Mother’s Day at Apollo’s? They’ve got a fundraiser beneﬁting H.O.W. Transgender Recovery House. They’ll have brunch, an underwear fashion show, a drag show, yard sale, rafﬂe, auction, drinks specials and fun all day long. B.Y.O.M. Bring Your Own Mom! 5749 N. 7th St. Phone: 602-277-9373

Memorial Day with Pussy For eight years Pussy LeHoot’s Memorial Day shows have been a staple at Charlie’s. One of Pussy’s performances is a YouTube classic. Come and see the holiday magic happen again this year! The fun, highballs and hijinx all happen at 727 W. Camelback Rd. in Phoenix. Phone: 602-265-0224 22

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MAY 2009 ION EVENTS LISTINGS DATE

1-25 1-3 1-3 5 8 10 14-17 15 15-17 16 16, 17 17 18 23 25 28

EVENT & LOCATION CITY Big Closing Sale at Antique Marketplace Phoenix AZ Tattoo Expo - Mesa Convention Ctr. Mesa Greek Festival - Tempe Town Lake Tempe Cinco de Mayo - Various Bars Valleywide Wildcard Spartans Turnabout Show Chandler Mother’s Day - Apollo’s Phoenix Fabulous Faygeleh LGBT Film Festival Tucson Bacardi Model Search - BS West Scottsdale Bartlett Bash Bartlett Lake AZ Lucky Ducky Derby - Waterfront Scottsdale Arizona Antique Show - AZ State Fairgrounds Phoenix Act of Drag Terrorism at icepics videobar Phoenix Museum Day - Various Museums Bugs Bunny Taboo Toon Fest - Chandler Cinemas Chandler Pussy LeHoot’s Memorial Day Show - Charlie’s Phoenix Fruits in Suits at Myst Ballroom Scottsdale

June 6

Splash Bash - Radisson City Centre

Phoenix

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SUPER HERO PARTY

S C O T T S D A L E 24

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Indigo Girls You can’t get much closer to fine than the Indigo Girls. It’s been over two decades since their first album, but those Georgia peaches Amy and Emily are on tour promoting their eagerly anticipated new CD “Poseidon and the Bitter Bug.” Experience their wonderfulness on Sunday, May 17 at the Mesa Arts Center, 1 East Main Street. Box office: 480-644-6500

No Doubt

Madonna’s distant cousin, peroxide pixie Gwen Stefani reunites with her ska-pop band mates for an evening of fun and music. It’s B-A-N-A-N-A-S! Paramore and The Sounds will open. See you there on Saturday, May 23, at Cricket Wireless Pavilion at 2121 N. 83rd Ave. For tix go to www.LiveNation.com

Fleetwood Mac

Oooh, you make lovin’ fun! The ultimate living gay icon (besides Liza Minnelli) busts out the tambourine and white winged doves for the Unleashed Tour with Mick, Lindsey and John. We’ll see you rockin’ out with the Gold Dust Woman on Sunday, May 24 at Jobing.com Arena at 9400 W. Maryland Ave. in Glendale. Tix at 800-745-3000 or Ticketmaster.com

MAY 2009 ION CONCERT CALENDAR DATE ARTIST/EVENT

LOCATION

5 6 14 15 15 15-17 16 17 19 21 23 23 23 23 24 30

Dodge Theatre Cricket Wireless Pavilion Cricket Wireless Pavilion Cricket Wireless Pavilion Dodge Theatre Phoenix Symphony Hall Dodge Theatre Mesa Arts Center Dodge Theatre Jobing.com Arena Cricket Wireless Pavilion Marquee Theatre Dodge Theatre Phoenix Symphony Hall Jobing.com Arena Dodge Theatre

Robin Thicke/Jennifer Hudson Dave Matthews Band Jimmy Buffet Nine Inch Nails & Jane’s Addiction Styx & REO Speedwagon Salute to Rodgers & Hammerstein Brian Regan Indigo Girls Flight of the Conchords Taylor Swift No Doubt & Paramore and The Sounds The Crystal Method w/DJ Solomon Latino Vibe-ration 2009 Joshua Bell Fleetwood Mac Queensryche

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WILD CARD CHANDLER

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erin hamilton By Ted Kirby

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ducator. Student. Songwriter. Vocalist. Mother … and, oh yeah, dance music diva! Erin Hamilton, the youngest child of comedy icon Carol Burnett and jazz musician Joe Hamilton, has been tearing up dance floors all over the world for over a decade now. She has scored several hits on the Billboard Club PlayChart including two consecutive back-toback hits in 2008. Erin was a member of many blues and jazz-influenced bands prior to her dance music career as well as one of the very first artists to play at the House of Blues in West Hollywood. Erin released her breakout debut album, One World, in 1999, featuring smash coverversions of “Dream Weaver” and “The Flame” along side dance hits “Satisfied,” “The Temple,” and “Sweet Angel,” dedicated to her first born child. One World showcased her range of amazing pure vocals and received critical acclaim as the breakout debut album from the dance diva of the new millennium. Miss Hamilton talks with ION Arizona about how “flaming” the year 2008 was for her, her sexuality, her relationship with the gay community, her fascinating symbolic tattoos, new material she is currently working on, and managing the benevolence of her life. ION: A big hello to you, Erin! Phoenix is excited about your upcoming performance at the ION Arizona’s ’ Coors ’s Light Splash Bash 8 on Saturday, June 6th at the Radisson City Center Hotel. When did you visit Phoenix last and how did you spend your time? ERIN: Hi! I’m very excited to be returning to Phoenix. My memory fails me often but I do believe I performed there about eight years ago or so and after a great show – and lots of shenanigans – I dressed up in the hotel curtains and decided it would be a great idea if my friends and I broke onto the field at Bank One Ball Park. It’s quite a story. Please don’t have me arrested! This was obviously

in my – how shall we say it? – “partying days.” (Laughs) ION: You have a strong background in jazz and the blues. How have these genres inﬂuenced your songwriting, singing, and performing? ERIN: I think just growing up in the environment that I did – with my father being a jazz musician – and having all these great records being played around the house all the time – gave me my “guts,”– my “soul.” My mother, I believe, still has a recording of me singing the blues in the bathroom around 4-years-old. As far as performing, obviously, I am not a dancer. I wish I could move better. But I focus on the vocals and that keeps it real for me. ION: Last year in 2008, you had two backto-back #1’s on the Billboard Dance Chart. First there was the reinvented and relaunching of your 1999 version of Cheap Trick’s “The Flame ’08.” Ten years ago your original version of the “The Flame” went as high as #12 on the Billboard Club Play Chart. How would you compare these two chart versions and do you think the #1 2008 remixed version has reached a newer and larger audience? ERIN: Can you believe it? I was so grateful and pleased with the outcome of “The Flame ’08.” I think it did offer a new listening audience and it certainly helped having Masterbeat and Brett Henrichsen. It helped get me back out there after a long hiatus. I love the original Solar City mix from ten years ago. It’s a classic and I still receive comments from fans that that’s their favorite of all time. The new mixes offer such a great variety and a more modern sound, which I love as well. I hope there’s something on there for everyone – that’s the point! Keep May 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM

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‘em dancing! ION: You had a second consecutive #1 smash dance hit on the Billboard Dance Chart, “Control Yourself.” How did that feel? ERIN: I loved doing “Control Yourself.” It certainly was a little bit harder/grittier than what I have released in the past and I think David Todd and Scott Anderson and I were pulling from some struggles I have had in past relationships to make it more “mine,” you know? I think it’s a really strong song. ION: The Perry Twins are ION magazine’s guest DJs for the 2009 Splash Bash. What are your thoughts on their remix of “Control Yourself”? ERIN: I can’t say enough great things about the Perry Twins; I feel like they’re my brothers and the mix they did was exceptional. What a talented family!

ION: You are an openly bisexual woman and it is known you adore your gay fan base. Please share more about this mutual embracing between you and the GLBT community. ERIN: Well, thank you for saying that it’s a mutual embracing! Because I honestly love performing for this crowd of men and boys and women. It’s so much fun to look out and see everyone just wanting to let loose and have a great time. Very different from the straight rock ‘n’ roll crowd that I performed to in my early 20’s. I get energy from the audience. That makes up for not having a band on stage with me – the audience is my band! I am open about my sexuality and I think its important to note that it really is a “people” thing with me. I’m attracted to both men and women. But if you’ve got a great sense of humor, that’ll get me every time! ION: You have two children, you are going to school to become a Drug and Alcohol Abuse Counselor, you devote your time to sharing your personal triumphs and tribulations with patients at rehab centers, and you are working on your music career. How do you effectively manage all of this? ERIN: Good question! I think the answer is: I don’t! (laughs) I do the best I can on a day to day basis and sometimes it can be very overwhelming. But I chose this life – this path – so I embrace it with all I’ve got and make each day count. Being of service in the addiction ﬁeld gives me great strength to continue my own path of recovery– and music sets me free. My children are always a great source of entertainment and challenges. Each day I am very blessed. ION: You have many tattoos – especially on your left arm. What do they represent?

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ERIN: Funny you should mention the tattoos; I am currently working on full sleeves on both arms. OUCH! I have many on my back as well and over the years the ones I decide to put on my body all have tremendous meaning to me and some represent that period in my life. It would be difﬁcult to explain them all. Another reason why I enjoy them is that because I’ve learned that on this planet nothing is permanent and I think getting tattoos helps me feel like I am in control of some permanency in my life.

ION: For you, performing live is energetic, exhilarating and your strong voice is expressive. What can we expect to see from you during your performance at the 2009 IONAZ Splash Bash?

ION: Are you currently working on any new music material?

ERIN: Thank you! I’m just excited to see all those hot boys come out of the water! (laughs) I think you can expect me to be sober for one and really just there to have a good time and bring more sunshine to the event! It is an honor and a privilege to be asked anytime to perform. So if I don’t have heat stroke – I should be standing upright – and sweating – and singing my ass off!

ERIN: Yes, as a matter of fact. I am working on new material. Not dance, but soul music. I am very excited about it. It will be a long process, but I hope that the remixers will enjoy it and make it ready for that dance ﬂoor as well. This is a genre I have been wanting to put out there for a very long time. It feels great!

Erin Hamilton’s music can be purchased at Masterbeat.com, Perfectbeat.com and iTunes. Come see Erin perform live at Coors Light Splash Bash 8 at the Radisson Phoenix City Center. 2600 N. 2nd Ave. Ms. Hamilton appears courtesy of Tango Blues Entertainment. Spend the weekend and reserve your room today! Call 602-604-4900.

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Written by Dave Jackson davekjackson@cox.net

Yo, DJ! What’s New? Don’t forget the biggest party is just around the corner – SPLASH BASH 8! I expect to see all of you in your skimpiest suits possible! By then, you’ll be fully versed on these albums as well as new material from Eminem, Ciara, Jewel, Fischerspooner and the American Idols Elliott Yamin, Ruben Studdard and Lakisha Jones.

Tori Amos

Abnormally Attracted to Sin (5/19). This is Tori’s first album on her independent label and one that brings her back to an emotional, political and personal state. Though first single “Welcome to England” is a bit over-produced with its string arrangement and gritty guitar backing, it’s “Curtain Call” where we find that haunting piano that is Amos nostalgia. On “Lady in Blue” Tori goes commercial with a melancholy ballad while on “Mary Jane” she gets witty and circus like, reminiscent of “Mr. Zebra.” It’s not her best, but it shines and shows what independent creativity can do for your career.

Matt Kearney

City of Black and White (5/19). Part John Mayer, part Jason Mraz with a heavy dose of Coldplay, this singer songwriter is ready to win you over with his sophomore album. Lead single “Closer to Love” soars with its distinctive piano riff and Matt’s undeniably caressing vocals while “Runaway Car” and “Lifeline” add a mainstream vibe with their catchy hooks and melodies. And then there’s the simple “On and On” – a song of emotion and a “brighter day” message. Overall, this album is solid, current and personal. It sends a piercing shiver through your stereo which audibly makes your ears want more.

Green Day

21st Century Breakdown (5/15). It’s been nearly ﬁve years since their last release (if you don’t include their alter ego Foxboro) and to commemorate, this disc comes out on a Friday. First single “Know Your Enemy” is very predictable with its heavy, mid tempo sound, but it’s the title track that really shines with its opening piano and an ultra melodic commercial swagger. And then there’s “Before the Lobotomy.” It starts with an acoustic whimper, continues with a lyrical feast full of antipathy and ends with a bang. It’s not as catchy as their predecessor, but it proves how brilliant these blokes really are.

V/A

Popular V1 (out now). At first glance this CD looks to be a dream. With apparent top singles from Madonna, Britney, and Lady GaGa, centaur music hopes to win you over with a continuous mix of cover versions of these mega hits. Though they aren’t as cool as the originals, they actually work together as a whole. Though “Womanizer” and “Disturbia” are a bit experimental, renditions of “Hot N Cold,” “American Boy” and “Just Dance” really shine. BUT, it’s the final track, “Thank You for Being a Friend,” that really gives this disc the gay snap it so deserves. In other music news, Madonna’s final album for Warner Bros. is confirmed for Fall. However, don’t get your panties tied in a knot because it will only be a career-spanning greatest hits package. As to how they plan on getting them all on one disc is beyond me. But, it will contain two new bonus tracks. Yippee! Until next month… May 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 37

VIP SAVINGS RESTAURANTS / BARS / EVENTS FORBIDDEN FRUITS & SUITS (MYST) ION ARIZONA MAGAZINE INCOGNITO WILD CARD Z PIZZA

$5 Forbidden Martini ANYTIME! 10% OFF All Drinks $10 OFF Splash Bash cover 2 for the price of 1 all drinks 15% OFF Food Purchase (excludes Happy Hour appetizers) 10% OFF

SERVICES ENCANTO FAMILY DENTISTRY 10% OFF any dental procedure (Excludes Zoom! teeth whitening) FAST SIGNS ON CENTRAL 20% OFF (in-store products) LOS OLIVOS HAND CAR WASH $2 OFF any car wash 15% OFF complete detail OPEN WIDE DENTAL $50 OFF new clients RETAIL DRAGONFLY BOUTIQUE 10% OFF GREEN WOODPECKER 10% OFF Flowers (excludes tax and delivery charges) 10% OFF Merchandise non-sale ROOT SELLER

(excluding food, drinks and cards) 15% OFF Merchandise (excludes books, music, DVDs, supplements & consignment art)

HOTELS BLUE MOON RESORT - VEGAS Buy two nights get 3 nights CLARENDON HOTEL 10% any room type booking Must book directly with the hotel. Certain black-out dates and some restrictions may apply. Offer based upon availability. ADULT ADULT SHOPPE 20% OFF Merchandise* FASCINATIONS 15% OFF merchandise DICKâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S CABARET $5 OFF admission (mon-thurs) $5 OFF wristband (mon-sat) SECRETS 20% OFF Merchandise* *Must be 18 or older. Excludes rentals. In-store purchases only

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* Some restrictions apply. See store for details. Not valid with any other offer or sale items.

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KARAMBA PRIDE WEEKEND

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by Kimberly M. Ruff kimberlymruff@yahoo.com

Movie Previews Battle for Terra

Starring: Justin Long, Luke Wilson, Evan Rachel Wood In this animated picture, Long (He’s Just Not That into You; Accepted) voices Senn and Wood (Across the Universe; The Wrestler) voices Mala, two alien youths on the peaceful planet of Terra. When their weapons-free home is threatened by Earthling interlopers ﬂeeing from their volatile homeland, Terrians must band together to save their planet, until … Mala discovers, after a chance encounter with the Earthling pilot, Jim (Wilson, Idiocracy; Home Fries), that the peace-loving Terrians and the seemingly war-mongering Earthlings are more similar than different. Perhaps a harmonious partnership is possible, or is it too late for Earth? Like all great animated allegories, Battle for Terra is heavy on message and celebrity voices, including: Chad Allen (Donald Strachey Series), Brian Cox (Rushmore), David Cross (Arrested Development), Danny Glover (The Royal Tenenbaums), Mark Hammill (Star Wars), and Ron Perlman (Hellboy I, II). Release Date: May 1, 2009.

‘love’ and the embittered Capitalist skinflint, Ebeneezer Scrooge, with the oversexed playboy liberal with skin, Conner Mead (McConaughey). Conner Mead loves the ladies, sure, but not nearly as much as he loves his independence. Selfish to the end, he’s the sort of guy who breaks up with multiple women via conference call. When his younger, more romantic brother, Paul (Meyer), gets engaged, Conner’s bad behavior threatens to undermine the big day. The evening before Paul takes the plunge, Conner is visited by three ghosts of girlfriends past, present, and future, so he can see first-hand what sort of damage he has inflicted on others, and will eventually inflict on himself if he keeps up his womanizing ways. Jennifer Garner co-stars as the One Who (Nearly?) Got Away. I’ve got ten bucks that says I know how this ends: Conner wakes up in the morning delighted that his horrid fate has yet to happen, resolves to be a better, more generous man, buys a fine, fat goose and – along with an entire town of Muppets – parades over to Kermit the Frog’s British hovel and becomes as good as an Uncle – nay, better! – to the crippled, colicky one. Man, I love a happy ending! Release Date: May 1, 2009.

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past Starring: Matthew McConaughey, Breckin Meyer, Jennifer Garner

In this modern day adaptation of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, we replace the ‘spirit of Christmas’ with May 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 43

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by Wes Bergman wesobergman@yahoo.com

DVD Movie Review With the temperature on the rise, it would seem only natural for May’s ﬁlm choices to be hot, hot, hot. And yet…

Clandestinos (2007)

Starring: Israel Rodriguez, Mehroz Arif, Hugo Catalan One might gather, based on the telenovela type title, that Clandestinos involves a lot of steamy, gay Latino sex kept on the down-low. While there are definitely Latinos and three of them are certainly gay, there’s nothing steamy or particularly down-low about the sex that any of the characters engage in. Clandestinos is neither an “undercover lovers” nor “loversunder-covers” film. It is what I would call an “incidentally gay” film; there are gay characters, but their homosexuality is incidental to the storyline. This doesn’t make it bad, per se, just disappointing if your initial hopes were similar to mine. That being said, Clandestinos is an enjoyable, thoughtful, well-crafted film about Xabi (Rodriguez), a former prostitute-turned-Basque separatist*, who escapes from a juvenile detention center alongside Moroccan Driss (Arif) and Mexican Joel (Catalan), in search of his former lover and ETA Commando, Inaki (Luis Hostalot). When he arrives at their old apartment only to find him gone, he sets up shop and works feverishly to build an explosive that will carry on the mission of the ETA and hopefully attract Inaki’s attention. Unfortunately for him, he attracts much more than Inaki’s attention, and now it’s a race against the clock to avoid being arrested by the police or killed by the very man he loves.

An excellent commentary on loyalty and love, Clandestinos shows the lengths one will go to in their effort to express both. There is some nudity and sexual content, but neither are in the way that we all would like (in fact, the most graphic lovemaking scenes are entirely heterosexual) and the nudity is as anesthetized as a doctor’s visit. Despite these shortcomings (as in: short of coming), it’s great ﬁlm and worth seeing. *If you are unfamiliar with the ETA and the Basque Separatist movement, I strongly recommend you read up on it. While I don’t wish to suggest that the Basque v. Spanish struggle is necessarily the same as Israel v. Palestine, there is a deﬁnite similarity in that the Basque’s are vying for their own country within the existing country of Spain and engage in terrorist activities, such as bombings, to express their discontent. It doesn’t help matters much that the Basques have historically been treated as second-class citizens in Spain.

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PHOENIX PRIDE PARADE

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P H O E N I X

PHOENIX PRIDE FESTIVAL

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MAY MOVIE OPENINGS

DATE

MOVIE

1 1 1 8 8 8 15 15 21 22 29 29

Battle for Terra X-Men Origins:Wolverine Ghosts of Girlfriends Past Star-Trek Next Day Air Wild Child Management Angels & Demons Terminator Salvation Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian Up The Brothers Bloom

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RATING PG PG-13 PG-13 PG-13 R PG-13 NYR PG-13 PG-13 PG PG PG-13

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WHITE PARTY PALM SPRINGS

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May 2009

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Miss Ruby at Forbidden Join Miss Ruby and friends every third Thursday at Forbidden as they work their skirt for your entertainment. This show is the only drag show open to everyone ages 18 and up! So hey all you underagers, head out to Forbidden every third Thursday and catch the ever-changing line-up of Queens lip synch for their lives! Forbidden is located at 6820 E. 5th Ave. Scottsdale, AZ (480) 994-5176

MAY 2009 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE

TIME

LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S)

Mondays Tues. 5th Tues. the 12th 3rd Tuesday Tuesday the 26th Tuesdays 3rd Wednesday Wednesdays Wednesdays Wednesdays Thursday the 7th 1st & 3rd Thurs. 3rd Thurs. 2nd & 4th Thurs. Thursdays Thursdays Thursdays Thursdays Thursdays 1st & 3rd Friday 2nd & 4th Friday Saturday the 23rd Saturdays Saturdays Saturdays Sun. the 17th Sundays Sundays Sun. 3rd 1st Sun. 2nd Sun. 3rd Sun. 3rd Sun 4th Sun. 4th Sun. Last Sun.

9:00p 10:00P 10:00pm

Apollo’s BS West BS West BS West BS West Karamba Pumphouse II Charlie’s Wild Card Karamba Pumphouse II Club Vibe Forbidden Wild Card Pumphouse II Incognito Amsterdam Karamba Cherry Lounge Club Vibe Club Vibe BS West Charlie’s Pumphouse II Wild Card icepics Charlie’s Karamba Club Vibe Apollo’s Apollo’s Apollo’s Club Vibe Apollo’s Club Vibe Apollo’s

10:30 10:30p 10:00p 9:30p 10:30p 10:30p 9:00p 8:00p 9:00p 10:30 9:00p 9:30p 10:30p 10:00p 7:00p 8:00p 9pm 9:30 10:30 10:00 8:00p 8:30 10:30 7:00p 8:00p 8:00p 8:00p 8:00 8:00p 8:00 7:30

Kiki Vermont hosts Manhunt Mondays Kiki, Phaedra, Saellah V. cinco De Mayo donkey Show Mya & Naomi: pre-Miss Gay USofA Nationals Fundraiser Trannyshack Tuesday w/ Kiki Vermont & Friends Mya & Naomi: post-Miss Gay USofA Nat’ls Congrats Show Susana’s Show Amateur Drag Contest hosted by Savannah Claudia B. & Company Divas w/ Kiki Vermont & Friends Diamond Dallas Hosts... Savannah’s School of Scandal King of Hearts w/ Anson Reign & Guests Ruby ‘n’ Friends Drag B-I-N-G-O w/ Angel Rogers Hot Bodz Male Revue w/ Savannah Divas After Dark with Dianna K. Shane Icons Live w/ Mya McKenzie & Kiki Vermont Susana’s Show Scandalous w/ Special Guest Hosts each week King of Hearts with Anson Reign Cover Girls w/ Mikaila Kay Barbra Seville hosts White Trash Weekend Pussy’s Patio Show Hot Bodz Male Revue w/ Savannah Diamond Dolls w/ Kiki Vermont & Mya McKenzie “Snatch” starring Pandora & Friends! Pussy LeHoot & Friends Galilea’s Show The Reigning Men Hip Hop/ R&B Show That Time of the Month w/ Afeelya Bunz TToTM w w/ Miss Dottie & Dianne Daniels TToTM w/ Chané Jordan Showgirl Sunday with Mikaila Kay Benched Babes Sofball Tournament Drag Show Showgirl Sunday with Savannah That Time of the Month w/ Barbra Seville

To add your drag event, e-mail dates, times, locations & pics to kbushaw@me.com Included events must be 1) Charity Beneﬁt OR 2) Located at an ION Arizona Advertiser

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January 2009

Bug

Set in a seedy motel room in Oklahoma City, we ﬁnd a bizarre triangle between Agnes, a substance abuser, her ex-, Jerry, and Peter, a drifter whom Agnes promotes to lover. Add paranoia, conspiracy theories, psychological motives and bugs – you’ve got a comically weird thriller from iTheatre Collaborative. May 1-16 at Herberger Theater Ctr. 222 E. Monroe. 602-347-1071

Beethoven As I Knew Him

Based on a true story, the headstrong, hot-headed German composer Ludwig van Beethoven comes to life in a story told by his last surviving friend in this dramatic musical biography. Full of stürm und drang, you’ll can see this fascinating play May 7-24 from Arizona Theatre Co. at the Herberger Theatre Center at 222 E. Monroe. Phone: 602-265-6995 www. AzTheatreCo.org

10: We Will Rock You

It’s hard to believe that it was 1999 when Scorpius Dance Theatre emerged into the contemporary dance scene in Phoenix. Their 10th anniversary show focuses on the most signiﬁcant contemporary works and excerpts from favorite themed productions. See this landmark show at the Phoenix Theatre Main Stage May 21-24.

MAY 2009 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE 1-16 5-10 7-24 thru 9 thru 10 12-13 14-17 thru 17 21-24 23-6/7 21-24 thru 24 thru 24 28 28-31 28-7/3 thru 30 31

EVENT Bug Stomp Beethoven As I Knew Him Private Eyes Shipwrecked! Dirty Rotten Scoundrels Joe Rogan Company 10: We Will Rock You Fools Scorpius Dance Theater Meshuggah-Nuns Miss Saigon Dane Cook Jamie Kennedy April Ann Ring of Fire Open Mic Night

LOCATION Herberger Theater Center ASU Gammage Herberger Theater Ctr. Chyro Arts Venue - Scottsdale Herberger Theater Center Mesa Arts Center Tempe Improv Phoenix Theatre Phoenix Theatre Playhouse on the Park Phoenix Theatre Copperstate Dinner Theatre AZ Broadway Theatre Jobing.com Arena Tempe Improv Hale Center Theatre B’way Palm Dinner Theatre Comedy Spot

PHONE 602-347-1071 480-784-4444 602-265-6995 480-275-4477 602-252-8497 480-644-6500 480-921-5877 602-254-2151 602-254-2151 602-264-0402 602-254-2451 602-279-3129 623-776-8400

480-921-5877 480-497-1181 480-325-6700 480-945-4422

May 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 55

602-993-4567 phx 520-791-2345 tuc

Get a Date Tonight! See ad on page 88 (Free code: 4448)

WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2009

BÒCÁ 7

Seven Courses of Heavenly Cuisine “Tôi dói.” But then again, I always am. That’s Vietnamese for, “I’m hungry.” You better be hungry when you go to the new Vietnamese restaurant BòCá7 in the newly opened Mekong Plaza on the corner of Dobson Road and Main Street in Mesa, because you won’t leave hungry. Right on the Metro Light Rail, BòCá7 is elegant without being stuffy, with gold leaf covered walls, sexy lighting, classic art, and portraits of Vietnam’s last emperor and empress. The restaurant’s moniker comes from Bò meaning “beef” and Cá is “fish” – staples of Vietnamese cuisine. Here, they take a traditional Vietnamese favorite dining concept built around serving seven courses of beef and fish. Thirty-five years after a very long, very unpleasant military occupation courtesy of the Pentagon and those friendly, gun-toting boys in the United States military ended in Vietnam – maybe you heard about it – our occidental palates are slowly becoming acclimated and addicted to the many and varied tempting dishes from the mystic Orient. Hey, the whole world isn’t made outta chow mein, folks. The dishes served here – like the fondue style Bo nhung dam – actually encourage you to play with your food. You might call it Vietnam, I call it VietFUN! For starters, try the Cha giò ca. These generously sized tasty eggrolls are a mixture of ground fish, fresh lemongrass, carrots, green scallions and diced water chestnut. It’s served with fresh greens, chili-lime fish sauce or the house blended sweet and sour sauce. Though time consuming to

make, you’ll eat ‘em quick. The Bot chiên – steamed rice cake cubes pan fried with green onion and egg served with green papaya, and shredded carrot with house soy sauce and the Dau hu chiên don, crispy fried soft tofu, are both typical Vietnamese comfort foods. Choose from eight appetizers topping out at only $4.95 BòCá7 excels at turning an everyday Vietnamese menu into a feast. The house specialty is the previously mentioned seven course meals big enough for two people to share for only $29.95. Cattle queens out there will love the Beef cycle, featuring Bò kim tien, grilled beef rolls with onions and fresh lemongrass. Another favorite is Goi bò with sliced beef, carrot, daikon, lotus stems, onions, herbs and peanuts tossed in chili-lime dressing. The seven courses of

fish include Cá nuong vì with thin sliced fish marinated with fresh lemongrass-cumin sauce topped with dill, red onion and scallion. For added flair, this dish is cooked at your table on a sizzling plate. Cá chiên giòn mam me is a hit with a crispy talapia filet served with a chilitamarind fish sauce. BòCá7 also offers delicious vegetarian and chicken entrees as well as wraps, rolls and other rice and noodle bowls. Your servers are all happy to help you with your selections and will cheerfully explain the menu if your Vietnamese is a little rusty. Save room for dessert. There’s seven, ironically, to choose from, plus seasonal and special selections. Each dessert is

WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2009

exotic, sweet, and a “must.” Likewise, the house specialty drinks featuring various concoctions of tamarind, coconut, kumquat, sugarcane and lychee juices are nothing short of magical.

BòCá7

BòCá7. “Tôi that su thích nó.” And that’s Vietnamese for “I really like it.” But don’t ask me to pronounce it.

66 S. Dobston Rd. Suite 133 Mesa, AZ 85202 480-649-9777 Sun-Thur 11a.m.-10 p.m. Fri-Sat 11 a.m.-Midnight

May 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 59

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Bikini available at DragonďŹ&#x201A;y Boutique

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Suits available at the Off Chute Too and Ristefskymacheda.com

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66 May 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM

Suit available at Off Chute Too

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Suit available at Off Chute Too Bikini from Sunchain

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Suit available at Off Chute Too

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Suit available at the Off Chute Too

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Beaded Bikini from Sunchain on Warner 480-831-0405

Photography... Nate Woodruff | Art Direction... Kevin Bushaw Styling... Craig Rubin | Makeup... Anton Khachaturian Hair... Gia Dante | Models... Gia Dante, The Papi Party Dancers: Cisco, Daniel, Leo, & Ruben. Special Thanks to: Project Publicity, DragonďŹ&#x201A;y Boutique Off Chute Too, Sunchain Tanning & The Papi Party May 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 75

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Vol. 3, Issue 2

MAY 2009

�� OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

��

New Sweet Meat Treat That Can’t Be Beat ��

CHARLOTTE, N. Carolina – America snack giants Krispy Kreme Doughnuts and Hot Dog On A Stick have joined forces to create a culinary sensation combining two great tastes that are destined to go great together: doughnuts and corn dogs.

They go together like Batman and Robin. Like Ben Afﬂeck and Matt Damon. We don’t know why we didn’t think of this earlier. They’re both deep fried. It’s a meal made in heaven. With monosodium glutamate, of course.”

��

Since 1937 Krispy Kreme’s �� famous Each Krispy Korn Dog On A hot, glazed Stick contains processed animal meat doughnuts have held a special guaranteed to contain everything from the place in America’s heart. Corn dogs made rooter to the tooter. And sugar. Lots and lots their initial appearance between 1938-42 at of sugar. the Texas State Fair. “It’s natural to team these treats together,” said a high ranking Krispy Kreme Doughnut executive. “Sulﬁtes and sugar!

Look for Krispy Korn Dog On A Stick in malls across America, and with standalone franchises available nationwide.

��

�� May 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 79

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��

Scottsdale Police Crack Down on Drunk Passengers SCOTTSDALE – In an effort to curb drunken ridership in the tony Phoenix suburb of Scottsdale, police are aggressively targeting inebriated passengers who are spotted riding with a designated driver in the wee hours of the morning after the West’s Most Western Town’s raucous nightclubs close.

blood alcohol content of .05 or higher and arresting the drunk passenger. Penalties are stiff, including steep ﬁnes, incarceration in Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s notorious “Tent City” and community service, including classes about the dangers of drunk riding.

��

Activism and punitive measures are sought by M.A.P.P. – Mother’s Against Passed-out Passengers.

“We want to send a clear message that it is not okay to ride drunk in Scottsdale,” said one police ofﬁcial. “Night after night “My son Caleb was a drunk passenger, �� we see one stinking drunk after another and he wouldn’t be here today if he’d staggering out of the Pussycat Lounge been behind the wheel of car instead of or Axis/Radius only to climb into the swimming in a pool of his own sick in the backseat of their sober buddy’s car to be backseat of his friend Chance’s BMW,” driven home. We’re here to put a stop to said Mrs. Katherine Parker-Holmes, of DC this irresponsible behavior. We’re serious. Ranch. “And this was after pigging out at the Really, really serious.” Philadelphia Sandwich Company. Imagine!”

�� The Scottsdale Police Department is pulling over any vehicle which appears to be occupied by a drunk passenger with a

Scottsdale Police are encouraging citizens not to ride drunk, or face the consequences.

�� May 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 81

��

City Unveils Giant Macramé Planter PHOENIX - City of Phoenix ofﬁcials completed the installation of the curious gigantic macramé plant holder highlighting the imaginatively named Downtown Civic Space Park.

this horrifying craft rage gave the American home hideous decorative macramé owls and awful belts.

��

“The nearest thing we can figure out to use this thing in the park for is as a planter,” said The multi-million dollar sculpture called Isabelle Larkindale, a city official. “That’s “art” known schizophrenically known as what it looks like. I made one just like it in both “Sky Bloom” or the bafflingly titled, junior high. Well, much smaller, of course. I �� “Her Secret Is Patience,” was woven over don’t know why they couldn’t have put up a a period of several years by members of statue of Abraham Lincoln instead.” the City of Phoenix Parks and Recreation Leisure Learning Class for Seniors called, The Parks and Recreation Department “You’re Never Too Old To Macramé” and will team up with the State Department the advanced course, “Macramé! Fun for of Agriculture and will put a variety of the Whole Family!” common household plants in the giant macramé planter to dress it up a bit. It should This form of textile weaving was certainly help and couldn’t hurt. unfortunately popular in the 1970s when

��

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WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2009

IONPHOENIX 1. 1.

Amsterdam Amsterdam

718 718N. N.Central CentralAve. Ave.--Downtown DowntownPhoenix Phoenix

(602) (602)258-6122 258-6122

2. 2.

Apollo’s Apollo’s

5749 5749N. N.7th 7thSt. St.--Phoenix Phoenix

(602) (602)277-9373 277-9373

3. 3.

Bar Bar11

3708 3708N. N.16th 16thSt. St.--Phoenix Phoenix

(602) (602)266-9001 266-9001

4. 4.

BS BSWest West

7125 7125E. E.5th 5thAve. Ave.--Scottsdale Scottsdale

(480) (480)945-9028 945-9028

5. 5.

Bunkhouse Bunkhouse

4428 4428N. N.7th 7thAve. Ave.--Phoenix Phoenix

(602) (602)200-9154 200-9154

6. 6.

Cash CashInn Inn

2140 2140E. E.McDowell McDowellRd. Rd. --Phoenix Phoenix

(602) (602)244-9943 244-9943

7. 7.

Charlie’s Charlie’s

727 727W. W.Camelback CamelbackRd. Rd.--Phoenix Phoenix

(602) (602)265-0224 265-0224

8. 8.

Cherry Bar

1028 1028E. E.Indian IndianSchool SchoolRd. Rd.--Phoenix Phoenix

(602) (602)277-7729 277-7729

9. 9.

Cherry CherryLounge Lounge

Every January 11thin- Tempe Mill Ave. in Tempe EveryThursday Thursdaystarting at 9pm on Mill Ave.

10. 10.

The TheChute ChuteMen’s Men’sClub Club

1440 1440EEIndian IndianSchool SchoolRd. Rd.--Phoenix Phoenix

(602) (602)234-1654 234-1654

C C

Clarendon Clarendon Hotel

401 Phoenix 401W. W. Clarendon Clarendon Ave. Ave. -- Phoenix

(602) (602)CLARENDON CLARENDON

11. 11.

Club ClubVibe Vibe

3031 3031E. E.Indian IndianSchool SchoolRd. Rd.--Phoenix Phoenix

(602) (602)224-9977 224-9977

12. 12.

Cruisin’ Cruisin’7th 7th

3702 3702N. N.7th 7thSt. St.--Phoenix Phoenix

(602) (602)212-9888 212-9888

13. 13.

Dick’s Dick’sCabaret Cabaret

3432 3432E. E.Illini IlliniRd. Rd.--Phoenix Phoenix

(602) (602)274-DICK 274-DICK

14. 14.

The TheDoor Door

1126 1126N. N.Scottsdale ScottsdaleRd. Rd.--Tempe Tempe

(480) (480)967-DOOR 967-DOOR

15. 15.

Forbidden Forbidden

6820 6820E. E.5th 5thAve. Ave.--Scottsdale Scottsdale

forbiddenaz.com forbiddenaz.com

16. 16.

Homme Homme

138 138W. W.Camelback CamelbackRd. Rd.--Phoenix Phoenix

(602) (602)266-0875 266-0875

17. 17.

icepics icepicsvideobar videobar

3108 3108E. E.McDowell McDowellRd. Rd.--Phoenix Phoenix

(602) (602)267-8707 267-8707

18. 18.

Incognito Incognito

2424 2424E. E.Thomas ThomasRd. Rd.--Phoenix Phoenix

(602) (602)955-9805 955-9805

19. 19.

Karamba Karamba

1724 1724E. E.McDowell McDowellRd. Rd.--Phoenix Phoenix

(602) (602)254-0231 254-0231

20. 20.

Kobalt Kobalt

3110 3110N. N.Central CentralAve. Ave.--Phoenix Phoenix

(602) (602)264-5307 264-5307

21. 21.

OZ OZ

1804 1804W. W.Bethany BethanyHome HomeRd. Rd. --Phoenix Phoenix

(602) (602)242-5114 242-5114

22. 22.

Plazma Plazma

1560 1560E. E.Osborn OsbornRd. Rd.--Phoenix Phoenix

(602) (602)266-0477 266-0477

23. 23.

Pumphouse PumphouseIIII

4132 4132E. E.McDowell McDowellRd. Rd.--Phoenix Phoenix

(602) (602)275-3509 275-3509

24. 24.

Retro Bar Cactus Rainbow

3114 Rd. - Phoenix 15615E.N.Cactus Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix

(602) (602)493-0355 867-2463

25. 25.

The Rock Retro Bar

4129 Ave. Rd. - Phoenix 3114N.E.7th Cactus - Phoenix

(602) (602)248-8559 493-0355

26. 26.

Roscoe’s The Rock

4531 4129N. N. 7th 7th St. Ave.- Phoenix - Phoenix

(602) (602)285-0833 248-8559

27. 27.

Rainbow Roscoe’sCactus

15615 N.7th Cave Rd. - Phoenix 4531 N. St.Creek - Phoenix

(602) (602) 867-2463 285-0833

28. 28.

Velocity Velocity

2303 2303E. E.Indian IndianSchool SchoolRd. Rd. --Phoenix Phoenix

(602) (602)956-2885 956-2885

29. 29.

Wild WildCard Card

801 801N. N.Arizona ArizonaAve. Ave.-- Chandler Chandler

(480) (480)857-3088 857-3088

30. 30.

ZZGirl GirlClub Club

4301 4301N. N.7th 7thAve. Ave.--Phoenix Phoenix

(602) (602)265-3233 265-3233 May 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 87

IONBAR GUIDE PHOENIX

��

Amsterdam

��

Apollo’s*

��

Bar 1

��

BS West*

��

Charlie’s

��

Cherry Bar*

��

Cherry Lounge - Tempe

��

Club Vibe

��

Dick’s Cabaret

��

Forbidden

��

icepics

��

Incognito

��

� Maizie’s

��

� Mi Patio

��

Karamba

��

Pumphouse II

��

Roscoe’s*

��

� Switch

��

� Ticoz

��

� Wild Card

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� Miguel’s

��

� Woody’s

��

� FEZ

��

TUCSON

� 88

��

WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2009

��

�� Discount Cab: Yellow Cab: AAA Cab:

��

602-200-2000 602-252-5252 602-437-4000

��

� ��

��

IF IT’S NOT IN��, IT’S NOT HAPPENING! May 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 89

WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2009

IONTUCSON

CLUBS, RESTAURANTS, AND NIGHTLIFE 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Ain’t Nobody’s Biz Colors Howl at the Moon IBT’s Miguel’s Mexican Restaurant Venture-N Woody’s Yard Dog

2900 E. Broadway 5305 E. Speedway 915 W. Prince Rd. 616 N. 4th Ave. 5900 N. Oracle Rd. 1239 N. 6th Ave. 3710 N. Oracle Rd. 2449 N. Stone

(520) 318-4838 (520) 323-1840 (520) 293-7339 (520) 882-3053 (520) 887-3777 (520) 882-8224 (520) 292-6702 (520) 624-3858

445 S. Alvernon Way 5335 E. Broadway Blvd. 5900 N. Oracle Rd. 204 S. Scott Ave. 3800 E. Sunrise Dr.

(520) 881-4200 (520) 745-2700 (520) 887-4800 (877) 670-9022 (520) 742-6000

ACCOMODATIONS & LODGING 1 2 3 4 5

Doubletree Hotel at Reid Park Embassy Suites La Posada Lodge and Casitas Royal Elizabeth B&B The Westin La Paloma

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by Addison DeWitt

If nothing else, I’d like to do my civic duty here and ofﬁcially recognize that May is National Masturbation Month. And when you say “masturbation” you’ve said a mouthful! Oh ... wait. I’m thinking of a blowjob. Well, you know what I mean. May is also Mental Health Awareness Month. But going to therapy for a month isn’t nearly as interesting or entertaining as a good, old fashioned wank, now is it? So break out the Gun Oil and go to town “downtown!” Do it for America! And speaking of personal lubricant, K-Y lube is proud to announce that dance diva Kristine W as the poster child for the goopy gunk they sell for Gay Sex Butt Love! W’s song “Love is the Look,” available to download from KY.com/men On a sad note, the world of entertainment is a more serious place with the passing of veteran comedic actress and rumored Lesbian, Bea Arthur (pictured left.) The basso profundovoiced eternal “Golden Girl” has ﬁnally moved on to that great Shady Pines Rest Home in the sky. The coroner’s report has not yet revealed how big her legendary cock was. Neither did the Grim Reaper’s scythe didn’t miss Jack Wrangler (pictured above), legendary gay porn star from the 70s when tube socks and sideburns were in vogue. Kinda like now. Wrangler

starred in such XXX films as Raunch Ranch but now he bought the farm. This news even made The New York Times, publishers of “all the news that’s fit to print.” Speaking of porn “stars” ... this year’s Pride weekend saw Patrick Curran, stud pud wrangler for those luscious lads from BrokeStraightBoys.com who were just about everywhere, including Phoenix Pride, the “Lucky” party at Apollo’s, to BS West, and finally plying their penurious pulchritude at Roscoe’s. Personally, my favorite is the handsome and purportedly insolvent “Derek Wing.” (pictured above) I might even be willing to part with my ancestral home, that sacred space, my trailer at the WonderVu Trailer Court for just a peek at his pecker. I’d certainly part with something! You know, this just be me, but sometimes I’m not so sure that those boys are really bust. I’ve seen their movies, and sometimes I’m not so sure exactly how straight they are. Well, that’s the movies for you. Suspension of disbelief! This month’s Party Penguin is politically charged. Kudos to Chris Hall, Founder and President of Central Arizona Rainbow Equality and a Phoenix Pride volunteer! On April 15 (the 144th anniversary of Abraham Lincoln’s May 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 95

assassination, coincidentally) Chris organized a demonstration of Civil Disobedience in Casa Grande when his First Amendment rights were confronted simply for assembling and more accurately for flying the Gay rainbow flag inside city limits, basically. The whole kerfuffle nearly landed Chris & Co., in jail but ultimately the Casa Grande Police Department got their tit in a wringer for an embarrassing

WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2009

constitutional rights violation. Let’s hear it for Chris! So this May, take matters into your own hands – so to speak. Whether you ﬂog the bishop or challenge the System and the Status Quo. Practice your best “O” face! Here’s to a happy climax, no matter what. Touch-a, touch-a, touch-a, touch me. I wanna be dirty! Tell Addison all about how you spent May. Send stories! Better yet, send pictures! Reach out and touch him. Or write to him at RumorHound@aol.com

May 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 97

a symphony. Or maybe it’ll be a chocolate cake. Who knows? Start with the cake.

Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20

Take up a new hobby! Stamp collecting, dominoes, or maybe even somebody’s underwear. You’ll ﬁnd something inventive that’ll occupy your time. That’s what makes you crazy, funloving ﬁre sign that keeps people guessing – as well as keeping an eye on their panties, too. Watch out for a certain Leo out there who goes commando.

Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20

All those crunches have paid off and you deserve a reward. This month, I say eat all those baked potatoes, dinner rolls and bagels you’ve been denying yourself for so long. But you won’t have to worry too much. Just don’t get carried away. Remember: a moment on the lips, forever on the hips. Kiss a low-cal, non-fat Cancer.

Gemini May 21 - June 21

Stop whining, drama queen! You’re acting like Markie Post in every “Victim TV” storyline on the Lifetime Channel. We love you for what you are. Except when you’re pretending to be Britney Spears. Even we don’t love you that much, then. But I bet there’s a Virgo out there who does.

Cancer June 22 - July 22

Everybody has to have a few vices. You can’t let the world judge you too much. Just make sure that your little sins don’t land you with your picture in the paper. Still, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t at least try to get away with a little something wicked this month. Whip cream may come in handy with a Virgo.

Leo July 23 - Aug. 22

Knock! Who’s there? Opportunity. And opportunity only knocks once. So seize this unique chance to expand your horizons. It may be a new job, a new sweetheart, or maybe just a new hairdo. Just make sure your breath is fresh and you have a ﬁrm handshake. Aries totally dig it.

Virgo Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

Your mother described you as the “sensitive type.” We all know what that means. Still, your ﬂair for the artistic and creative leaves everybody amazed. This month you’ll create an fabulous masterpiece. Maybe it’ll be a statue. Maybe 98

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May 2009

Libra Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

You’ve been spending too much time in the produce aisle at Safeway looking for conveniently shaped fruits and vegetables. Throw that cucumber away and go for the real thing! You may be pleasantly surprised when the green grocer of love reveals one ripe zucchini or a fresh peach. Don’t be shocked if it’s a Virgo who obliges.

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov. 23

Had a rough month? Treat yourself to something special. Like a manicure and pedicure. If it was really rough splurge and buy a new pair of strappy sandals to show off your tootsies. If it was really, really rough, go to Dick’s Cabaret and buy a bunch of lap dances. If that doesn’t make you feel better, go stick your head in a gas oven. Beware: a Capricorn may light the pilot.

Sagittarius Nov. 23-Dec. 23

There’s only two things people don’t like about you: your face. Come on, sweetie! Quit talking smack about people. You have so many good qualities, like ... like ... well, let’s just think about that. Compliment someone – and mean it. You’ll make one certain Taurus very happy.

Capricorn Dec. 23- Jan. 20

When you wear your heart on your sleeve you’re bound to drag it in teriyaki sauce on the dinner table of Love. Avoid the messiness of romance this month. But that doesn’t mean you can’t ﬂirt with a hot Scorpio, Aquarius or Gemini to lay the groundwork for a good shag next month!

Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

This month it’s time for you to re-claim your “mojo.” You never lost it, but it might have fallen behind the hamper next to your favorite tee shirt you thought you lost. So chin up! Shoulders back! Chest out! That’s it, baby! You know you’ve got it goin’ on! So work it, bitch! All the Leos love you!

Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

You need to wear a tag that says, “Do Not Remove Under Penalty Law” because you’re looking like a well-tested showroom mattress. At least that’s the word on the street – and a few bathroom walls. Watch your reputation, Casanova. Everybody else is, especially a pillow-biting Virgo out there who wears the same tag.

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