ION November 2009 #101 by ION Arizona

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THE LEATHERMEN

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November 2009

Change is Coming! I am writing this after watching President Obama speak at the HRC Annual Dinner. Love him or hate him, you can’t deny he wants to change the GLBT Community’s place in history. And change is good. I have to say that I was very moved. It felt that not only did everyone in the audience and on stage speak with one voice, but for the ﬁrst time we have a President that speaks to the GLBT community. There are some impatient people that want everything changed now and are not happy because he hasn’t done enough. Those people probably have never been in politics, run a small business or studied history. When you rush and force change, you risk backlash and possibly irreversible damage. How do you think we ended up with Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and no health care reform under the Clinton Administration. We can’t afford that. We need to be patient and calculated in our actions. We don’t want to compromise our end goal. Obama recently signed the Hate Crimes bill that adds sexual orientation as motive to a crime a federal offense. Still think Obama isn’t doing enough? All my life I have gone against the grain. Everyone I knew was heterosexual. I was not. Everyone went to college. I did not. Everyone got married, had many had kids. I didn’t. Another thing I don’t do is support businesses with monopolistic agendas. Walmart, Microsoft and Starbucks, to name a few, have all worked to stiﬂe or shut out competition, especially of small businesses. I do not support this practice. Businesses that have to compete with these huge

companies have an uphill battle. They don’t have the marketing dollars, nor the greed and lack of scruples to compete. But our local small businesses and merchants who support the GLBT community do have ION. I ask everyone who reads this article to think outside of the box this holiday season. Go to one of the many retailers that support your community to ﬁnd that one-of-a-kind gift. Best of all, they, too, have fair and reasonable prices, no long lines, no parking headaches and some are even open 24 hours. Many offer great discounts with your ION VIP Key Chain! Check out our annual holiday gift guide for great ideas. I’m also proud to announce that we have recently launched two new exciting features: the ﬁrst is our new ION Living section that includes furniture stores, apartment rentals, realtors, and home improvement businesses. The second is an addition to our famous Party Cams called IONAZtv. Photos of events are great, video is even better. We have hired Mike Chesworth to head our new Photo/Video department. Check it out at www.IONAZ.com. These affordable videos can go on your website, on YouTube and can be found on our website. Whether it is a change in public policy, your holiday shopping habits, and even a better ION, change is good. And it’s coming. Are you ready? Jack M. Tesorero Publisher

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ION ARIZONA STUDIO 3819 North 3rd Street Ste. #10, Phoenix, AZ 85012

(602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com

ionarizona@me.com

PUBLISHER

Jack M. Tesorero - Ext. 5 ........... jacktesorero@me.com CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw - Ext. 4 ..................... kbushaw@me.com EDITOR AND CONTENT CZAR Deon Brown - Ext. 3 .................. ionazeditor@me.com PRODUCTION ASSISTANT Craig Rubin ................................. ionarizona@me.com IONAZTV DIRECTOR Mike Chesworth ...................... chesworthmd@me.com PRODUCTION & ARTWORK ionazproduction@me.com ADVERTISING SALES Jorge Suarez, Ext 2 ..................... ionazsales@me.com PHOTOGRAPHERS:

Don Thompson Jerry O’Conner Michael Chesworth Michael Scott Cover Photo by Don Thompson NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 CONTRIBUTORS:

Corey Blanchette Wes Bergman Addison DeWitt Jackson David Kelly

Ted Kirby David Alan Maxey Kim Ruff Paul Sanchez

TO GROW YOUR BUSINESS, CALL (602) 308-4662 Published monthly by

a JMT Designs, Inc. company

PRINTED IN THE USA

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee. NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reﬂect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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HALLOWEEN

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Kate Clinton

Here’s a proposition that everybody can get behind! Join the non-partisan “YES on K8” movement. The talented and extremely funny Kate Clinton performs on Saturday, November 7 at the fabled Wrigley Mansion in Phoenix at 2500 E. Telawa Trail and on Sunday, November 8 at the Temple of Music & Art 330 S. Scott in Tucson. For info visit www.education.equalityarizona.org or call 602-6500900 info@equalityarizona.org

So You Think You Can Drag

Compete for the chance to star in your own show! Starting Wednesday, November 11 at The Rock you ﬁnd out if you’ve got what it takes to be a female illusionist. It all starts with lipstick. And falsies. And a wig. And a girdle. And high heels. And lots and lots of sequins. Well, you better get to work, girls! We’ll see you at The Rock. 4129 N. 7th. Ave. Phoenix. Phone: 602-248-8559

Get Stuffed at Dick’s

Gobble, gobble! Start the Holiday Season off right and “Get Stuffed at Dick’s!” Enjoy exotic and erotic $1 table dances from a bevy of naked studs, plus win prizes and giveaways! Wait’ll you see the drumsticks on these naked boys! Two days (Nov. 13 & 14), two great naked locations! 2438 E. McDowell Rd. 602-437-DICK or 3432 E. Illini 602-274-DICK. And did we mention naked?

Charlie’s County Fair

Come on, cowpokes! Celebrate Charlie’s 25th Anniversary at their County Fair! They’ll help you get likkered up with 25 cent branch water cocktails while the outrageously funny Scooter Lee tickles your funny bone and who could forget our very own Pussy LeHoot? Stop in and say, “Howdy” November 20-22. The ﬁrst 100 people in the doors on Friday get a commemorative Charlie’s hat! 727 W. Camelback Rd. 602-265-0224. 24

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Madonna-Rama

Get into the groove! Forbidden celebrates everybody’s favorite material girl on Saturday, November 21 with Madonna-Rama. Who’s that girl? It’s Barbra Seville who’ll spearhead the “Where Is Madonna” contest and deliver cash, prizes, and lots of giveaways. Be sure to come as your favorite incarnation of Madge Through The Ages for the costume contest! 6850 E. 5th Ave. Scottsdale. ForbiddenAZ.

Thanksgiving Trash Disco

Before the feeding frenzy on Thursday, join in the fun for Thanksgiving Trash Disco at icepics video bar where you can relive the Golden Age of Disco on Wednesday, November 25 with the music of The BeeGees, Sylvester, and The Village People, of course! They’ll have $4 martinis $3 well drinks to celebrate the Pilgrims’ landing at Plymouth Rock. Or something like that. 3108 E. McDowell Rd. 602-267-8707

Shakira CD Release Party

Celebrate the release of Shakira’s new CD “She Wolf” at Karamba. They’ll have CD singles, posters, exclusive Shakira t-shirts, and much, much more! The fabulous Diamond hosts and there’ll be drink specials all night long! Wednesday, November 25. 1724 E. McDowell Rd. Phone: 602-254-0231 www.KarambaNightclub.com

NOVEMBER 2009 ION EVENTS LISTINGS DATE

EVENT & LOCATION CITY 7 Kate Clinton - Wrigley Mansion Phoenix 7 AZ Men of Leather Sir/Boy Contest - Velocity Phoenix 8 Kate Clinton - Temple of Music and Art Tucson 10 Veteran’s Day Pre-Party - Karamba Phoenix 11 Runway for A Cause - The Showroom, Forbidden Scottsdale 11 So You Think You Can Drag - the Rock Phoenix 13-14 “Get Stuffed” at Dick’s Cabaret Phoenix 13 BS West Frat Party Scottsdale 14 1in10 “Celebrating Babe” - Fair Trade Cafe Phoenix 15 Caring Style - The Rock Phoenix 21 Madonna-Rama at Forbidden Scottsdale 20-22 Charlie’s County Fair Phoenix 25 Shakira CD Party - Karamba Phoenix 25 Thanksgiving Trash Disco - icepics Phoenix 26 Thanksgiving Day Party - Karamba Phoenix 27 Heavenly Bodies at Cherry Lounge Tempe 28 BS West Blackout 2 Scottsdale Check out bar and nightclub ads in this issue for daily & weekly specials! November 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 25

Scottsdale Fashion Week Sashay over to snooty Scottsdale, darlings, for Scottsdale Fashion Week! See the all the hottest haute couture at SouthBridge near the Waterfront November 5-7. Okay, Fashion Weekend. Some events are actually free! See you on the runway. Make it work! For more info & tix visit ScottsdaleFashionWeek.com

Phoenix Faerie Festival Calling all Faeries, Sprites, Elves, Pixies, Leprechauns, Fauns, Nymphs, Dryads and other Wee Folk. If you like the Renaissance Fair you’ll love this! Come to the Faierie Realm, also known as Estrella Mountain Regional Park at 14805 W. Vineyard Ave. in Goodyear on Saturday, November 14. For more info visit www. WesternGatesFaerieRealms.com or call 623-932-3811. No pets, Trolls or Gnomes.

Fantasy of Lights Parade

The Holidays are here! Celebrate the crass commercialism of Christmas greed the APS way: with lots and lots of energy sucking lights! It all happens on Tempe’s fabled Mill Avenue on Friday, November 27 at 6 p.m. The Boat Parade will follow on December 12. APS will send you a Christmas card. It’s called a “bill.”

NOVEMBER 2009 ION AROUND TOWN LISTINGS DATE

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EVENT & LOCATION

Scottsdale Fashion Week Fine Arts & Wine Festival Dia de los Muertos - A.J. Chandler Park Arizona State Fair Veteran’s Day Parade - Phx Convention Ctr. Corks & Cactus - Desert Botanical Gardens Ghosts of Phoenix Tour - Hotel San Carlos Walk to Save An0imals - Tempe Beach Park Phoenix Faerie Festival - Estrella Mtn. Park Chiles & Chocolate - Desert Botanical Gardens Arizona Antique Show ArtFest of Scottsdale AZ International Auto Show Fantasy of Lights Parade Glendale Glitters

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CITY

Scottsdale Waterfront Carefree Chandler Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Tempe Goodyear Phoenix AZ State Fairgrounds Scotts. Civic Plaza Phx. Convention Center Downtown Tempe Downtown Glendale

ARIZON A BILT MORE

1 VOICE GALA

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Rufus Wainwright

Canadian. Gay. Judy Garland freak. Smoker. These all describe supertalent Rufus Wainwright, the spawn of Loudon Wainwright, the genius who gave us the timeless classic “Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road.” See Rufus perform at the Scottsdale Center for the Performing Arts on Saturday, November 7. Rufus. More than just a pretty name. 7380 E. 2nd St. 480-874-4644. www.ScottsdalePerformingArts.org

LeAnn Rimes

The cute little country music songbird who set the scene on ﬁre with her barnburning vocals is all grown up now and stealing hot married men, like Eddie Cibrian, from their wives. When not committing adultery the trollop can be heard singing at places like the Gila River Casino at Wild Horse Pass on Saturday, November 7. Call 800-946-4452 or visit www.WinGilaRiver.com for more info and tix.

MC Hammer

“Stop! Hammertime!” And you thought you’d never be able to put those pants you bought to good use again! The #7 Best Dancer of All Time (according to BET) comes to the Celebrity Theatre on Friday, November 20. You so deﬁnitely can’t touch this! 440 N. 32nd St. 602-267-1600 www.CelebrityTheatre.com

NOVEMBER 2009 ION CONCERT CALENDAR DATE

ARTIST/EVENT

LOCATION

Leon Russell

Rhythm Room

David Cook

AZ Veteran’s Memorial Coliseum

Ian Anderson

Dodge Theatre

Widespread Panic

Dodge Theatre

Rufus Wainwright

Scottsdale Ctr. for the Arts

Kelly Clarkson

AZ Veteran’s Memorial Coliseum

LeAnn Rimes

Gila River Casino at Wild Horse Pass

Tanya Tucker

Celebrity Theatre

Say Anything

Marquee Theatre

John Prine

Dodge Theatre

MC Hammer

Celebrity Theatre

B.B. King

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by Jackson David Kelly davekjackson@cox.net

Yo, DJ! What’s New? November proves to be a dazzling month for music. In addition to these, ﬁnd new albums from Carrie Underwood, Glee, Weezer, Amerie, Norah Jones, Leona Lewis, Kris Allen and Adam Lambert as well as holiday themed albums from Tori Amos and Sting. And if that isn’t enough, check out the re-issues of Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift and Beyoncé plus hit packages from Snow Patrol and Janet Jackson.

Michael Jackson This Is It

And so it begins. With the passing of one of the greatest entertainers of all time, get ready for years of post-mortem success. “This Is It” accompanies the movie and is packaged as a two-disc set. The ﬁrst CD showcases remastered tracks in movie order as well as two versions of his new single and title track, while the second disc contains rare remixes of Jackson’s bests as well as a poem entitled “Planet Earth.” Though not groundbreaking in the least, look for this release to continue MJ’s story as well as give the gloved one new #1’s.

Robbie Williams

Reality Killed the Video Star (11/10) For Robbie’s last EMI contractual release, he gets smart and enlists songwriting help from his 1990’s partner Guy Chambers, acquires tech support from Mark Ronson (Aguilera, Winehouse) and teams up with producer Trevor Horn (Seal). Overall, Williams ﬁnds himself in a release that’s his best in over a decade. It opens with the brilliant “Morning

Sun,” continues with the commercial and almost U2-like “Bodies” while concluding with a tribute to MJ. Other tracks of note include the Pet Shop-esque “Difﬁcult for Weirdos” and “Last Days of Disco.”

Susan Boyle

I Dreamed a Dream (11/24) YouTube sensation Susan Boyle is ready to live her dream with this 12-track debut. Though all compositions are covers with the exception of “Who I Was Born To Be,” ﬁnd great diversity in a collection that makes you go “hmmmm.” In addition to the Les Mis track that started it all, ﬁnd solid backing from her stunning rendition of the Stones’ “Wild Horses” as well as the traditionals “Cry Me a River (Ella not Justin), “Amazing Grace” and “Silent Night.” The kickers here prove to be Madonna’s “You’ll See” and Heather Small’s (former M People) version of “Proud.”

Shakira

She Wolf (11/17). On Shakira’s newest project, find a departure from her usual Latin and pop influences to a shift in style that is electro dancehall pop. Produced by Red One, Pharell and Wyclef Jean, “She Wolf” has an international flare very conducive to the dancefloor. Though the title track gets little attention from me, it’s the follow up “Did it Again” that marches with a sound very reminiscent of Pharrell’s tracks on Hard Candy. Other tracks of note include “Why Wait” and “Good Stuff,” a song with middleeastern rhythms and an almost Britney-like bassline. As expected, find Spanish tracks at the end as a conclusion. November 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 31

Erica Andrews at Amsterdam

Erica Andrews, one of the world’s most beautiful and talented transsexual women is sashaying her way into Phoenix. Check her, Kiki Vermont, and host Claudia B. out at Amsterdam November 19th at the Miss Amsterdam Pageant, then come back each week for Icons Live with Kiki Vermont and weekly special guests! 718 N. Central Ave., Phoenix.

OCTOBER 2009 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE

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LOCATION

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First & Third Tues. 10:00p BS West Hookers In Hose with Kiki Vermont Second & Fourth Tues. 10:00p BS West Heroine Chic with Mya & Naomi Second & Fourth Wed. Pumphouse II What a Drag... Pun Intended hosted by Savannah Tuesdays 10:30p Karamba Susana’s Show Wednesdays 10:00p Charlie’s Claudia B. & Company Wednesdays 10:30p Karamba Diamond Dallas Hosts... Thursdays 10:30p Pumphouse II Hot Bodz Male Revue w/ Savannah Thursdays 9:00p Incognito Divas After Dark with Dianna K. Shane Thursdays 9:30p Amsterdam Icons Live w/ Mya McKenzie & Kiki Vermont Thursdays 10:30p Karamba Susana’s Show Last Friday 10:00p Cherry Lounge Scandalous w/ Scandalesque 3rd Thurs. 8:00p Forbidden Ruby ‘n’ Friends Saturday the 21st 3:30p Apollo’s Beer Bust Bingo-with Dottie Saturday the 21st 6:00p Apollo’s Imperial Court Turnabout Show Saturdays 10:00p The Rock Diamond Dolls with Mya McKenzie Saturdays 10:00p icepics The Follies Comedy Drag Show Saturdays 10:00p Forbidden The Barbra Seville Show Saturdays 9:30p Charlie’s Pussy’s Patio Show Saturdays 10:30p Pumphouse II Hot Bodz Male Revue w/ Savannah Sundays 8:30p Charlie’s Pussy LeHoot & Friends Sundays 10:30p Karamba Galilea’s Show Sunday the 14th The Rock Ledonna Pearl’s Step Down Show Sunday the 15th 3pm-7pm The Rock Caring Style All Star Drag Show Sunday the 15th 7:00p Apollo’s King of the Desert/Mr. Az M.I Post Pageant Show Sunday 22nd 11:00a Apollo’s Imperial Court Show/Brunch First Sunday 8:00p Apollo’s That Time of the Month with Afeelya Bunz Second Sunday 8:00p Apollo’s That Time of The Month with Dottie Last sunday 8:00p Apolo’s That Time of the Month with Barbra Seville To add your drag event, e-mail dates, times, locations & pics to kbushaw@me.com Included events must be 1) Charity Beneﬁt OR 2) Located at an ION Arizona Advertiser

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Find out about Popes who were pantywaists and Kings who were queens. Gossipy, scandalous, dishy and delightful, Queers in History by Keith Stern published by BenBella Books is an indispensable encyclopedia which will amaze and astound you. You can ﬁnd out more and order Queers in History from BenBellaBooks.com and on Amazon.com But wait! ION Arizona is proud to offer a copy of this exciting new book for three of our lucky readers! How can you win? Simply send in a brief essay of up to 250 words telling us why you are one of the celebrated Queers in History today and we’ll send you a copy of your very own!

E-mail your essay to IONAZeditor@me.com and our fabulous team of scholars will decide which three essays are the best! Don’t wait!

Send yours in today!

PARTY CAM Carmen

Picture this. Seville. 1852. Carmen, a young gypsy girl falls in love with Don José. Toreador Escamillo loves Carmen, too. Bullﬁghts, girls, Tarot cards, and a dying mother complicates things. Who gets stabbed? Find out when the fat lady sings on Friday, November 6 at the Orpheum Theatre at 203 W. Adams St. when this fabulous opera is performed. Tix: 602-534-5600. Spoiler alert: lots of death!

Judy: the Musical

Come see the life of MGM’s troubled little wünderkind in the phenomenal From Gumm to Garland: Judy: the Musical chronicling the highs and lows of Hollywood’s legendary singing pill-popper, fag hag and enormous talent. It all happens at the amazing Mesa Arts Center, 1 E. Main St. November 11-22. Box ofﬁce: 480-644-6500 or visit www. MesaArtsCenter.com

The Wedding Singer

When the guy who brings every wedding reception to life with “The Bird Dance” can’t ﬁnd true love, Fate steps in and lends a musical hand. Three weddings, a bar mitzvah and a wild trip to a Vegas “Chapel of Love” keep things hopping in this affectionate look back at the 80s. See The Wedding Singer come to life on Thursday, November 12 at the Orpheum Theatre at 203 W. Adams St. in Phoenix. Call 602-534-5600 for tix.

NOVEMBER 2009 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE 4-22 5-9 6 6-1/10/10 7-22 11-22 11-12/6 12 12 12-14 13-12/5 14 20 20 20-21 20-21 21 26-1/2/10 27 27-12/31 27-28 28-12/19

EVENT Church Basement Ladies Ralphie May Phoenix Opera - Carmen Arsenic & Old Lace Fools Judy: the Musical 25th Putnam Cty. Spelling Bee The Wedding Singer George is Dead Nixon in China The Little Dog Laughed Gallagher Jay Leno All Stars of Comedy Evening with John Cleese AZ Opera - Salome Ron White with Alex Reymundo Meet Me In St. Louis Jeff Dunham Every Christmas Story Ever Told Capitol Steps Compleat Works of Shakespeare

Photos by Mike Chesworth

LOCATION Mesa Arts Center Tempe Improv Orpheum Theatre Scottsdale Desert Stages AZ Jewish Theatre Mesa Arts Center Phx. Theatre Orpheum Theatre AZ Theatre Co. Phx Symphony Nearly Naked Theatre Celebrity Theatre Gila River Casino - Wild Horse Orpheum Theatre Scotts. Ctr. for the Arts Symphony Hall Dodge Theatre B’way Palm Dinner Theatre US Airways Center Copperstate Theatre Scotts. Ctr. for the Arts Mesa Arts Ctr.

PHONE 480-644-6500 480-921-9877 602-534-5600 480-483-1664 602-264-0402 480-644-6500 602-254-2151 602-534-5600 602-256-6995 602-495-1999 602-274-2432 602-267-1600 800-946-4452 602-534-2600 480-994-ARTS 866-448-7849 602-379-2800 480-325-6700 602-379-7800 602-279-3129 480-994-ARTS 480-664-6500

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by Kimberly M. Ruff kimberlymruff@yahoo.com

The Box

Movie Previews

Starring: Cameron Diaz, James Marsden, Frank Langella Cult-favorite director, Richard Kelly (Donnie Darko), tackles the work of famous writer Richard Matheson (I Am Legend, What Dreams May Come), in The Box. Cameron Diaz (There’s Something About Mary, Being John Malkovich) and James Marsden (XMen, 27 Dresses) play couple Norma and Arthur Lewis. Living in a low-rent apartment, the couple fret over how to make ends meet when one day they receive a box from Arlington Steward (Langella). Steward presents the couple with a moral dilemma: if you press the button on the box, you will amass great wealth, but someone whom you do not know will die. Faced with a choice between anonymous murder and ﬁnancial salvation, or moral correctness and continuing poverty, the couple begins to tear at the seams over the course of 24 hours. What will they ultimately do? Release Date: 11/06/09

The Men Who Stare At Goats

Starring: George Clooney, Ewan McGregor, Kevin Spacey, Jeff Bridges The title and cast alone make this ﬁlm worth seeing, but the premise is what seals the deal. Based on the book of the same name by Jon Ronson, The Men Who Stare At Goats tells the story of an Army Reporter, Bob Wilton (McGregor), who discovers the story of a lifetime when he meets Lyn Cassidy (Clooney), who claims to have once been a member of the U.S. Army’s First Earth Battalion, a unit that supposedly explored psychic and paranormal tactics in the War in

Iraq. Going undercover, he begins to realize that while some of these tactics are working, not everyone in the unit is working for the beneﬁt of the U.S. anymore. Release Date: 11/06/09

Fantastic Mr. Fox

Starring: George Clooney, Jason Schwartzman, Bill Murray, Meryl Streep I will not lie: I am incredibly biased to this movie because it features a movie adaptation of a book by one of my favorite childhood writers (Roald Dahl), and by one of my favorite ﬁlm directors (Wes Anderson). In this stop-motion animation picture, Mr. Fox has inspired the ire of three farmers, Boggis, Bunce, and Bean, when he continually steals their livestock and vegetables. When the farmers wise up to his antics, they attempt to catch him one night but Mr. Fox escapes nearly unscathed. The farmers ramp up their efforts to capture him by digging deep into the soil where Mr. Fox and his family live. As he and his starving family burrow farther underground, they meet other woodland creatures suffering as a result of their battle and decide to team up in order to ﬁnally best the farmers.

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by Wes Bergman wesobergman@yahoo.com

DVD Movie Review The Proposal

Starring: Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds, Betty White Not every film coming out of Hollywood is going to be a masterpiece. Nowhere is this truer than in the genre of Romantic Comedy. Case in point: The Proposal. Ryan Reynolds (Van Wilder; Waiting) plays Andrew Paxton, the overworked personal assistant of Sandra Bullock (Crash; Miss Congeniality)’s Margaret Tate – a workaholic, dismissing, discarding, disposing, and controlling. When her work visa expires (she’s Canadian), Margaret must come up with a plan to keep her position at the company and turns her sights on Andrew. If he wants to ever become an editor under her leadership, he better play her fiancé. They announce their engagement and fly to Alaska to meet his family. Margaret softens. She gets to know the goodnatured, hardworking young man and begins to realize that there are people, with feelings, families and lives affected by her actions. Andrew begins to see the woman behind the façade. They develop new found respect and affection for one another. What a surprise! The Proposal presents two competing narratives that send dangerous messages to younger audiences: for men, you will eventually develop some sort of romantic Stockholm Syndrome and fall in love with your tormentor; for women, you are incomplete until you have a family. That being said, I will readily admit that without this level of incompleteness for both characters, we wouldn’t have much conflict and a very boring story, indeed. D & A Rating: It plays out like my Labor Day weekend – alone, drunk, and crying.

Cheri

Starring: Michelle Pfeiffer, Kathy Bates, Rupert Friend One would think, given my assault on the candy-coated nonsense that is The Proposal, that I would somehow be angrier and more disappointed with Cheri, the Michelle Pfeiffer film about an aging, retired prostitute who falls in love with her friend’s son. Despite the fact that the film does deal with “women of the night,” I have nothing negative to say about it. Pfeiffer plays Lea de Lonval, a once successful prostitute that decides she wants to retire from being on her back in France, by lying on her back in Italy. As a favor to her frenemy Madame Peloux (Bates), Lea takes Peloux’s nineteen- year-old son, Cheri, with her to teach him about life and women. Initially supposed to be a short term tutelage, the relationships lasts six years until Peloux announces the engagement of Cheri and the daughter of another friend from their inner circle. Ever the lady, Lea wishes them well and tries to move on, but her heart is broken. Cheri, meanwhile, is completely disappointed with his new life and wife. Lea and Cheri yearn for each other, but neither can reconcile their age difference with social mores. You’d think this wouldn’t be an issue for a former prostitute and the son of a prostitute, but, well, sometimes we want to fit in. This is an excellent film and I highly recommend it to all. D & A Rating: Sexy? Sometimes. Beautiful and poignant? Always.

November 2009

HALLOWEEN

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Goin’ Postal at Postino It’s always nice to be able to write a restaurant review that you can stick in an envelope and write, “SWAK – Sealed With A Kiss” on the back. But occasionally when you lick the sticky ﬂap you get a nasty paper cut on your tongue or on the corner of your mouth that hurts like hell. So after all the brouhaha about the highly touted opening of what’s commonly been referred to as “The Gay Postino” once the ratty old Katz’ Deli was remodeled, we decided to go hang with the ﬂuff-’n’-tuck crowd to see what all the fuss was about. Postino provides a lovely, airy patio in back and a majestic picture window on Central with a stunning view of a Circle K across the street. The interior is nice, with the inoffensive, generally sterile reclaimed architecture that seems to be all the rage these days that will be the design hallmark of this decade ultimately.

available such as olives, a cheese course, ranging from $5 to $14. For slightly heartier appetites try the Panini. Several of these sandwiches are served in a more European style, meaning that they’re not sloppily heaped with tomatoes, lettuce, pickles, onions, mayonnaise and so forth. Some Americans might think them a bit on the plain side, but these sandwiches allow the true ﬂavors of the tender, fresh deli meats, cheeses and gourmet condiments to shine through. Try the Autostrada – which sounds like the title for a Fellini movie – starring Sopresatta, Italian ham, cappicola, mortadella, provolone and tomatoes with balsamic vinegar and olive oil. Delicious, although I would’ve preferred Roma tomatoes instead of the mealier tomatoes used. The Roast Beef features wood roasted premium

Food. The menu is generally lighter fare – kind of a postcard versus a big package – to whet your appetite since wine is the real star of Postino. Consider starting off with the Pub Board. You’ll get a plank with MJ’s soft pretzels served with Schreiner’s chorizo, cornichons (that’s fancy talk for baby pickles) a delicious aged cheddar and giant Spanish corn nuts. Huh? Giant Spanish corn nuts? They seemed like any other corn nuts that you can buy at that Circle K across the street to me. Still, the Pub Board is a toothsome nosh at $10. A variety of other starters are November 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 55

underwhelming. Campbell’s or Progresso, I’m betting. Return to sender! Addressee unknown!

beef with aged Port Salut – a mild cheese – onions and Sierra Nevada mustard and mayo. Not bad although the mustard was a bit heavy. Postino offers six other tempting panini which are served on your choice of ciabatta or focaccia and served with fresh, crisp, romaine salad or organic chips. All paninis are $9.50. Now for the Bruschetta – pronounced with a “k” if you want to be fancy. For $12.75 you can choose four selections from the ten featured. Two winners are the Prosciutto with Figs and Mascarpone and the Ricotta with Dates and Pistachios. To. Die. For. Both of these are on the sweet side but other more traditional bruschetti (plural) are available. I’d like to add that the White Bean with Chopped Tomato was a disappointment. I’ll leave it at that. If you’re in the mood for zuppa, Postino has a Pasta Fagiole that is a colossally

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009

Postino has a healthy selection of the grape’s juice and a delightful deals. Wine by the glass is $5 ‘til 5 p.m. So’s a pitcher of beer. On Mondays and Tuesday s $20 gets you any house bottle and bruschetta after 8 p.m. and a delightful assortment of other specials. And with the arrival of le Nouveau Beaujolais right around the corner it’ll be the perfect opportunity for you to hang around your friends, act all prissy, drink the Jesus Juice and say, “It’s a domestic wine without any breeding, but I think you’ll be pleasantly amused by it’s naiveté and presumptuousness.” “In vino veritas,” our old friend Plato used to say. “In wine, there is truth.”

Postino Central

5144 N. Central Ave. 602-274-5144 M-F 11 a.m.-11 p.m. Fri-Sat 11 a.m.-12 midnight Sun 11 a.m.-10 p.m. www.postinowinecafe.com

November 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 57

Alan Cumming Interview by Deon Brown 58

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009

You loved him as the fey and fabulous fop, Lord Rochester in Plunkett & Macleane (1999) and as the shy, endearing high school misﬁt-made-good, Sandy Frink in Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion (1997). In addition to an innovative, award winning performance as the sinister zeitgeist, the Emcee in the 1998 theatrical revival of Cabaret, Alan Cumming, 44, is an outspoken advocate to keep foreskin intact, a self-confessed martini slut (vodka, straight up with a twist) and loves America for its Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and President Obama. By yon bonnie banks and by yon bonnie braes, ION chatted with Scotland’s favorite “wee, sleekit beastie” about how he keeps Cumming and Cumming. ION: The title for your new CD “I Bought A Blue Car Today” based on the English proﬁciency exam for your U.S. citizenship test. What kind of a sentence would you like to see used in testing? Alan Cumming: They also ask, “Are you or have you ever been a prostitute?” and I think that’s quite a good question to ask anybody entering your country. It should be asked more often. ION: You encourage people to “do something you’re afraid of.” Is there anything Alan Cumming is afraid of? AC: Sarah Palin. Scary, right wing people, I’m scared of. ION: The art of cabaret performance is something dear to your heart. Tell us more about your experience with cabaret and music you like.

whole sort of medium of cabaret and people getting up and telling a story and singing a song is much more prevalent of the kind of performance I grew up watching, and much more part of my upbringing as a performer. I think in the 50s and 60s, it used to be much more common, where someone well known would get up and sing some songs. I wish more people did that now. I find that it’s a really great way to connect to an audience and also for an audience to find out something about you. That’s something I’m trying to bring back. ION: You were recently appointed as an Officer of the British Empire. If Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II requested a royal command performance, what would you perform for her? AC: I’d probably do some old Queen numbers. ION: Your acting skills runs the gamut from Genet, Dickens, and Shakespeare to Josie and the Pussycats. What gives you the greatest sense of accomplishment? AC: It varies so much, you know. The greatest success comes from knowing that I’m alive, I’m living the life that I want to lead, and I’m happy and that sometimes I’m able to inspire people who think about the same things I believe in. ION: You’re an actor, writer, director, singer, producer, journalist, perfumer, activist, a humanitarian

AC: Well, I think because I’m Scottish the Novemberr 200 2009 9 WWW.IONAZ.COM 59

and more. How would you like to be remembered? AC: Kind of as someone who just, you know, lived the life they wanted to live and left a legacy of good energy behind. Someone who left a positive force in this world. ION: You’ve played comic book villain Night Crawler in X-Men 2, and you’re slated to play Hobgoblin in Spider-Man: the Musical next year on Broadway. But if you were a superhero, what would your superpower be? AC: (laughs) It would probably be to think of really clever, pithy one-liners when you need them most instead of ten minutes later. ION: As a Scotsman, do you think we can ever look forward to you doing a musical of Bonnie Prince Charlie?

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009

AC: Oooh! I’d love that! I love Bonnie Prince Charlie! Such a great character! I was going to play him once in a ﬁlm, but it all fell apart. That might be a very good idea! I’ll have to talk to Lance [Horne, Mr. Cumming’s collaborator and musical arranger. - ed.] about that. But I’d better hurry up, I’m getting on – I’m getting old. ION: If you take the high road and I take the low road, who’ll be in Scotland afore ye? AC: Me. Because I know the way. A recently naturalized American citizen, Cumming has just released his debut, solo album, “I Bought A Blue Car Today,” an sometimes intimate and frequently raucous, and always entertaining musical experience loaded with new material, standards, and some songs with uniquely Gay sensibilities presented as only Alan Cumming could do it: with panache, verve and ﬂair. “I Bought A Blue Car Today” is brought to you on Yellow Sound Label and available in stores and on iTunes.

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WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009

“Hurry up! Hurry up! Hurry up, let’s go! Let’s go to the sto’!” It’s that time again boys and girls! The holidays are right around the corner and that means we’ve got an all new excuse to go shopping! But before you even think about visiting the big-box stores, think about ﬁlling your big-boxes with something from one of our local retailers around town! No matter if it’s naughty or if it’s nice, it better be on the Cool List! November 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 65

Necklace & Wrap from Buffalo Exchange Leotard from American Apparel

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009

Posies & Rosies

When words escape, ﬂowers speak. So why not say something extra special? Send a stunning bouquet of nature’s laughter this holiday season. Flowers are always a perfect gift.

The Green Woodpecker (602) 266-7381 3110 N Central Ave Ste 177, Phoenix www.greenwoodpecker.com

Robot Rock, Robot Clock

Klaatu! Barada nikto! Rock around the clock with this quartz Robot Clock. He’ll keep you right up to the minute ‘til the day the Earth stands still.

Off Chute Too, (602) 274-1429 4115 N. 7th Ave, Phoenix

Nice Basket

Customize and personalize the perfect gift basket for someone special this Holiday Season. Fill it with gourmet snacks, cheese, or gifts from The Green Woodpecker. You supply the Love.

The Green Woodpecker (602) 266-7381 3110 N Central Ave Ste 177, Phoenix www.greenwoodpecker.com

Enlightened

Get your home in order with a ﬁne selection of books about Feng Shui, listen to the Zenlike sounds of a small fountain or rub the Buddha’s belly for good luck and hope for the best in 2010!

Root Seller Gallery, (602) 265-7668 4025 N. 16th St, Phoenix November 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 67

Scarf from Buffalo Exchange Underwear from American Apparel 68

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009

One Night in Bankok Gain insight about the ultimate nature of reality. Meditate with Buddha and the help of intoxicating incense with this beautiful accent piece.

Off Chute Too, (602) 274-1429 4115 N. 7th Ave, Phoenix

Burnin’ Love

The aroma of peace. Breathe in the scent of these inscense. Light up and escape.

Root Seller Gallery, (602) 265-7668 4025 N. 16th St, Phoenix

12mo of Hotness

Even if you’re not an athletic supporter, you probably can still appreciate the look of a good player. Oh yeah, and it’s a calendar.

Off Chute Too, (602) 274-1429 4115 N. 7th Ave, Phoenix

Bring Out Your Braveheart Enjoy year round air conditioning, down there.

Off Chute Too, (602) 274-1429 4115 N. 7th Ave, Phoenix

Totally Slick

Come, come! Don’t go off half-cocked! If you’re trigger happy, Gun Oil will keep your pistol feeling great in your hand. Don’t stop at Stroke 29. Wait ‘til you get to stroke 30 plus!

Castle Megastore castlemegastore.com November 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 69

Pack Your Bags!

Help preserve your youth and good looks. Reduce wrinkles and bring back the SNAP!

Deseret Aesthetic & Lifestyle Institute deseretskin.com (480) 832-SKIN 1425 S. Greenﬁeld Ste. #102, Mesa

For the Naughty

Do they like Bears, Otters, oh my! Don’t know someones poision? Give them the gift of a giftcard!

Fascinations www.funlove.com

Glamor-rama

A gift diamond shines so much better than one you buy yourself. Oh, go ahead and splurge on these dazzling rhinestones.

Antiques ArtiZen Marketplace (602) 255-0212 3343 N. 7th Ave, Ste 1, Phoenix

Everything in a tote

There’s a place for everything in this quality fabric tote featuring lots of pockets, pouches, and compartments galore!

Off Chute Too, (602) 274-1429 4115 N. 7th Ave, Phoenix

Restraining Orders

Guilty of love in the ﬁrst degree? Use these sensual fauxfur handcuffs on your suspect. How you get the truth, the whole truth and nothing but is up to you.

The Adult Shoppe (602) 306-1130 2 Great Locations Secrets (623) 245-3008 5021 W. Indian School Rd., Phoenix 70

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009

On Camille: Hat from Knit Happens Silver Top & Knit Gloves from American Apparel On Jessica: Hat from American Apparel, Knit Gloves from Knit Happens November 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 71

Dear Diary...

Treat someone special or even yourself with a richly crafted handmade leatherbound diary, journal or an elegant messenger bag.

Antiques ArtiZen Marketplace (602) 255-0212 3343 N. 7th Ave, Ste 1, Phoenix

No One Can Resist...

“I see London! I see France!” Boys, you’ll thrill the gent in your life with the gift of a brand new pair of Andrew Christian Briefs. You’ll wish every day - or night was Christmas.

Unique Urban Boutique (602) 279-9691 4700 N. Central Ave. Suite 105, Phoenix

Dogga Bowl

Have your pets eat in style! Go into Oliver and Annie and pick up a brand new bowl set! With three metal styles to choose from, Pedigree never looked so chic.

Oliver & Annie, (602) 264-8188 4700 N. Central Ave. #101, Phoenix

Sit on it.

Fatboy! No, not you! Come into Haus Modern Living and pick up a Fatboy. This ultra luxe bean bag will have you lougin’ around in style.

Haus Modern Living, (602) 277-0111 4700 N Central Ave., Phoenix hausmodernliving.com

Enchanting

These eye catching medieval and gothic home decorating accessories are special. See the future free of charge in the crystal ball.

Root Seller Gallery, (602) 265-7668 4025 N. 16th St, Phoenix

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009

Scarf from Buffalo Exchange Underwear from American Apparel Mittens & Hat Stylists Own. November 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 73

Hat and Scarf from Knit Happens Top from American Apparel 74

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009

Lomaki Candles Galore All sizes, shapes, & scents!

Unique Urban Boutique (602) 279-9691 4700 N. Central Ave. Suite 105, Phoenix

Intimate Apparel

“I see London! I see France!” Girls, you’ll thrill the lady in your life with a gift of sexy, slinky lingerie this season. You’ll wish every day - or night - was Christmas.

Castle Megastore castlemegastore.com

Where m’ring at?

“Put a ring on it! Whoah-oh-oh. If you like it then you need to put a ring on it.”

Greystone Jewelers greystonejewelers.com

What They’re Wearing American Apparel

American Apparel sets the bar for American made clothing. All of their production is done in Downtown L.A., cutting out off shore labor altogether.

(480) 333-0090 | 4501 N Scottsdale Rd., Scottsdale

Buffalo Exchange

Buffalo Exchange is a company that began in Arizona. The boutique houses new and vintage clothing, and allows customers to buy, sell, and trade their clothing. This makes every Buffalo Exchange a unique and fun shopping destination.

(602) 532-0144 | 730 E Missouri Ave., Phoenix

Knit Happens

Knit Happens is a knitting specialty store located in Scottsdale. Along with an extensive yarn selection, Knit Happens also teaches private and group classes.

(480) 941-3898 | 7777 E. Indian School Rd., Scottsdale

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Photography by Don Thompson Art Direction by Kevin Bushaw & Craig Rubin Makeup by Anton Khachaturian, Hair by Jessica Joseph Models are Corey, Camille, Jessica & Chris Special thanks to Knit Happens, American Apparel, Buffalo Exchange

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009

Vol. 3, Issue 8

NOVEMBER 2009

�� OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

��

Charity Spaghetti Dinners Cause Pasta Shortage

��

NEW YORK – A big, hot, delicious, steaming bowl of spaghetti al dente may be joining the ranks of such gourmet entrees as ﬁlet mignon, veal, lobster, paté foie gras and other similar signature luxury feasts.

Ronzoni and many other pasta manufacturers are all reporting a serious reduction of spaghetti backstock. “We’ve got lots of lasagna, manicotti, fettucini, fusilli, vermicelli and macaroni of all sorts,” said one anonymous CEO. “But we just can’t keep up with the demand for spaghetti. ”

Why? “In this time of want and need more and more charitable organizations are World famous Chef Boyardee issued this sponsoring low cost Spaghetti Dinners statement, “At this rate all the spaghetti in for fundraising,” explained Mrs. Bonnie the world – and this includes SpagettiO’s, Higginson-Taylor, president of the North may be a rare commodity you can only Tanawanda Union School District P.T.A. score on Ebay. Franco-American relations “We’ve had spaghetti dinners in the �� are at the breaking point.” school gym every other Friday night for years. We’ve raised money for important Churches nationwide are dealing with the school causes, like Chastity Belts for crisis serving orecciette, but with limited Cheerleaders, Just Say ‘No Thank You, success. “We’ll never sell enough of But It All Looks Delicious,’ and Anorexics these dinners to fund our yearly Christian Are Americans, Too. The high cost of Youth Wilderness Survival Camps at this spaghetti may put an end to all this.” rate,” said Rev. Alfred Lovejoy of the Mt. Apocalypse Pentacostal Church. Barilla, Creamettes, American Beauty,

��

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WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009

��

Disneyland No Longer Happiest Place On Earth.

��

ANAHEIM, Tokelau, Calif. Armenia, – The harsh Lesotho, reality of the Micronesia, economic and lots �� downturn has of others hit the heart with funny of America sounding where it names. There’s hurts. Experts probably only report that about, say, 26 Disneyland now.” is not the happiest place Scrooge on earth these McDuck’s days. legendary fortune has dwindled to nearly nothing, Rita Mae Robotham, 58, of Mena, Arkansas and the Haunted Mansion has gone into complained, “Goddamit, I drove for three foreclosure and listed as a “tear down” in days to come here with six screaming local real estate listings. kids in the station wagon and I can only ﬁnd four friggin’ dwarves and no Snow “These are dark days,” said Andy White. No Cinderella. We can’t ﬁnd Nemo. Simonson, 20, a college student dressed Pinocchio is panhandling on Main Street as Mickey Mouse. “Me and Roger Rabbit USA for spare change and cigarettes and heard that Big Thunder Mountain Railroad �� Princess Jasmine told my little Ralphie lost its government subsidization and closed she’d give him a blowjob for ten bucks. up. This sucks.” Mark Twain’s Riverboat is This is depressing.” in drydock.

�� Park ofﬁcials report that drastic cutbacks have been made at the 54-year-old park. “Our popular ‘It’s a Small World’ ride got a lot smaller. We’ve eliminated all the unpopular countries, like Latvia, Chad,

Other theme parks are affected. Six Flags Over Texas may lose three ﬂags and Disney’s Magic Kingdom may be reduced to a principality.

��

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009

��

McDonald’s Monopoly Players Win Big ��

��

OAK BROOK, and an extra Ill. – With only large diet fast food giant Coke in his �� McDonald’s quest for famous game a winning of Monopoly’s game piece. winners are reporting Ina Rae huge prizes, Pringle, a according Real Life to corporate Winner, spokespeople. had another winning “I never thought method. “I it could happen spent hours to me,” said researching Vernon Spills, Craig’s List of Lake Carp, and eBay for North Dakota Boardwalk, (pictured). “But and managed I won. And to get I mean I won big!” After accumulating Tennessee Avenue from somebody looking hundreds of game pieces for some crappy, to trade for a Skadiddle-Kiddle doll. She got �� worthless game pieces, Spills, 58, ﬁnally screwed pretty good, but I won $50,000.” won a coveted Paciﬁc Avenue winning him a check for $5,000. “I was hoping McDonald’s execs promise big cash prizes. for Reading Railroad or even Boardwalk, “This Monopoly game is a Whopper. So but I think they only made two. Those are to speak. But don’t go to Burger King just lousy odds.” Spills ate over 289 Big Macs, because I said that.” 114 Quarter Pounders, 62 Filet-O-Fish sandwiches, 88 large orders of french fries,

��

November 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 83 ��

Ways to be a Great Date

When it comes to dating, we often worry about the all the wrong things when we should be looking forward to the date. Will they laugh at my jokes? Be impressed by my job? What if my hair is out of place? The result: our self-conscious attempt to be perfect, and make a good impression frequently backﬁres. It’s natural to be nervous. The key to dating – relax, be yourself and keep the following tips in mind. A second date is practically guaranteed. SUGGEST AN ACTIVITY YOU ENJOY If there’s a movie you’ve been dying to see, a new restaurant you’d like to try, or a museum exhibit you want to check out, planning a date you’d enjoy is a good start. But don’t forget about your date. Try to consider what they might like, too. Don’t plan a date on a boat when you’re unaware if your date gets seasick. Ask a few questions beforehand and you’ll make a good impression and be a better date because you’re having fun. SMILE AND HANG IN THERE No matter how dismal a

date is, always be polite, hang in there the best you can. If the date doesn’t work out, oh well, you can always remain friends. And remember - friends always have friends you may want to get to know a little bit better! LET’S GET PHYSICAL. If the thought of coming up with several hours of conversation with a new person gives you hives, suggest a sporty activity like bowling, pool, or even just going for a walk. If you’re shooting darts or playing a video game, you won’t feel the pressure to keep up nonstop conversation. Plus, you’ll have some natural opportunities to flirt – with good-natured competition and gentle teasing. But don’t go overboard. Pick something that doesn’t demand too much of a challenge. Bungee jumping on a first-date might be a little extreme. RELAX Maybe the waitress is rude, the chicken rubbery, and the table affords a grand view of the kitchen. No date is ever perfect. You’ll make a better impression if you roll with the punches, than if you complain. Enjoy the company of the person you’re with and you can laugh about the mishaps later. DATE MORE THAN ONE PERSON Dating is dating. A date is a test drive to see if someone fits you. You’re allowed to test drive more than one person until you find the perfect person for you. By going out with several people you become a better dater and naturally become more comfortable with the process. You’ll also find that you begin to sharpen your dating skills and are able to easily discern your likes and dislikes. That’s the key to starting

a good relationship – knowing from experience what you like and don’t like. CHECK YOUR BILL PAYING MANNERS It’s ﬁne to split the bill, but please don’t whip out your calculator and tell your date they owe more because he or she ordered soup. Also, make sure you pay your share. Don’t try to cheap the bill on your date. It’s also ﬁne to let the other person pay – you can pay on the next date. And never expect anyone to pay. STAYING IN TOUCH MAKES GOOD CONVERSATION If you’ve got a date coming up, make a point to stay in touch with the news and current events. After you’ve told each other how many brothers and sisters you have, and what you do for a living, you’ll have something else to talk about. You don’t want to miss out on the potential for a great conversation.

Post your online or voicemail proﬁle for FREE on Megamates and Gaymates. Our phone dating line and online dating website offer singles a fun, interactive place to call, chat, and connect. It’s free to setup and maintain a mailbox or online account, free to record a public message and free to browse other caller’s proﬁles and messages. Call 1-888MEGAMATES, use FREE code 7286 or visit us online at www.megamates.com

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009

IONPHOENIX 1. 1.

Amsterdam Amsterdam

718 N. Central Ave. - Downtown Phoenix

(602) 258-6122

2. 2.

Apollo’s Apollo’s

5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 277-9373

3. 3.

Bar Bar1 1

3708 N. 16th 16th St. St. -- Phoenix Phoenix 3702

(602) 266-9001

4. 4.

BSBSWest West

7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

5. 5.

Bunkhouse Bunkhouse

4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 200-9154

6. 6.

Cash CashInn Inn

2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 244-9943

7. 7.

Charlie’s Charlie’s

727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 265-0224

8. 8.

Cherry CherryBar Bar

E. Indian IndianSchool SchoolRd. Rd.--Phoenix Phoenix 1028 E.

(602) 277-7729

9. 9.

Cherry CherryLounge Lounge

starting January 11th Mill Ave. in Tempe Every Thursday at 9pm on Mill Ave. in -Tempe

10. 10.

The TheChute ChuteMen’s Men’sClub Club

1440 E Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 234-1654

C 11.

Clarendon Club Vibe Hotel

401 W. Ave.Rd. - Phoenix 3031 E. Clarendon Indian School - Phoenix

(602) CLARENDON 224-9977

11. 12.

Club Vibe 7th Cruisin’

3031 N. E. Indian Rd. - Phoenix 3702 7th St. School - Phoenix

224-9977 (602) 212-9888

12. 13.

Cruisin’ Dick’s 7th Cabaret

3702 E. N. Illini 7th St. - Phoenix 3432 Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 274-DICK 212-9888 (602)

13. 14.

Dick’s Dick’sCabaret II

3432 E. McDowell Illini Rd. - -Phoenix 2438 Phoenix

274-DICK (602) 437-DICK

14. 15.

The Door Flex Private Men’s Club

1126 S N.Black Scottsdale Rd.Hwy - Tempe 1517 Canyon - Phoenix

(480) (602) 967-DOOR 271-9011

15. 16.

Forbidden Forbidden

6820 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

forbiddenaz.com

16. 17.

Homme Homme

Camelback Rd. 138 W. Camelback Rd.--Phoenix Phoenix

(602) 266-0875 266-0875 (602)

17. 18.

icepics icepicsvideobar videobar

3108 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 267-8707

18. 19.

Incognito Incognito

E. Thomas Thomas Rd. Rd. -- Phoenix Phoenix 2424 E.

(602) 955-9805

19. 20.

Karamba Karamba

1724 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 254-0231

20. 21.

Kobalt Kobalt

3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 264-5307

21. 22.

OZ OZ

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 242-5114

22. 23.

Plazma Plazma

1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix Phoenix

(602) 266-0477 266-0477 (602)

23. 24.

Pumphouse PumphouseII II

4132 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 275-3509

24.

Retro Bar Phoenix City Center 3600 3114 N. E. 2nd Cactus Rd. - Phoenix Radisson Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 604-4900 493-0355 (602)

25. 25.

The Rock Cactus Rainbow

4129 N.N.7th Ave. - Phoenix 15615 Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix

248-8559 (602) 867-2463

26. 26.

Roscoe’s The Rock

4531 N. 7th Ave. St. - Phoenix 4129 - Phoenix

285-0833 (602) 248-8559

27. 27.

Rainbow Cactus Roscoe’s

15615N.N.7th Cave Rd. - Phoenix 4531 St.Creek - Phoenix

(602) 285-0833 867-2463 (602)

28. 28.

Velocity Velocity

2303 E. Indian Indian School School Rd. Rd. --Phoenix Phoenix

(602) 956-2885 956-2885 (602)

29. 29.

Wild WildCard Card

801 N. Arizona Ave. - Chandler CLOSED

(480) 857-3088

30. 30.

Z ZGirl GirlClub Club

4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 265-3233

November 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 87

IONBAR GUIDE PHOENIX

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Amsterdam

��

Apollo’s*

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Bar 1

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BS West*

��

Charlie’s

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Cherry Lounge �� Club Mijo �

��Scandales

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Dick’s Cabaret

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Dick’s II

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Forbidden

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icepics

��

Incognito

��

The Leathermen

��

� Maizie’s

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� Mi Patio

��

Karamba

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Pumphouse II

��

The Rock

��

� Roscoe’s*

��

� Switch

��

� Ticoz

��

� FEZ

TUCSON � Woody’s

� 88

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WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009

��

�� Discount Cab: Yellow Cab: AAA Cab:

��

602-200-2000 602-252-5252 602-437-4000

��

sque Burlesque Show��

��

� ��

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IF IT’S NOT IN��, IT’S NOT HAPPENING! November 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 89

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009

IONTUCSON

CLUBS, RESTAURANTS, AND NIGHTLIFE 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Ain’t Nobody’s Biz Colors Howl at the Moon IBT’s Miguel’s Mexican Restaurant Venture-N Woody’s Yard Dog

2900 E. Broadway 5305 E. Speedway 915 W. Prince Rd. 616 N. 4th Ave. 5900 N. Oracle Rd. 1239 N. 6th Ave. 3710 N. Oracle Rd. 2449 N. Stone

(520) 318-4838 (520) 323-1840 (520) 293-7339 (520) 882-3053 (520) 887-3777 (520) 882-8224 (520) 292-6702 (520) 624-3858

445 S. Alvernon Way 5335 E. Broadway Blvd. 5900 N. Oracle Rd. 204 S. Scott Ave. 3800 E. Sunrise Dr.

(520) 881-4200 (520) 745-2700 (520) 887-4800 (877) 670-9022 (520) 742-6000

ACCOMODATIONS & LODGING 1 2 3 4 5

Doubletree Hotel at Reid Park Embassy Suites La Posada Lodge and Casitas Royal Elizabeth B&B The Westin La Paloma

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WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009

by Addison DeWitt

Thanksgiving. And there’s so much to be thankful for. For example, the new Barney’s at Scottsdale Fancy Square. Even though that snitty, snotty little piece of baggage on the second ﬂoor told me, “If you don’t wanna take the stairs, well, then you’re just not a Barney’s kind of customer.” Huh? Darling, I’ll have you know that there are plenty of clerks at the 99¢ Only Store that roll out the red paper towels for me when they see me pull up on the city bus. So ﬁne. I just won’t shop at Barney’s then. But I did see the fabulous señorita Oscar de la Salas fondling Alexander McQueen’s haberdashery with Murray Sullivan and his beau Michael DeRoche who were “ooh”ing and “aah”ing over the fabled sartorial offerings. The 2009 AIDS Walk brought out the Valley’s best pedestrian philanthropists to raise money. Two of my faves, BS West’s scrumptious Harley Amy and the scrummy Shane Henson of Brand X (pictured) put their tootsies and their tiaras to the test as they marched about our megalopolis with winsome Miss Arizona USA – a real “Miss,” too, not one with foam rubber boobs and a tuck “down there.” Our community appreciates her support. Rainbows Festival followed where I saw a slightly woozy but always festive

Carlos Ramirez and George Abrams weaving and wobbling through the crowd. The 2009 One Voice Gala beneﬁtting the programs of the eponymous community center found our local nabobs canoodling at the fancyschmancy Gold Room of the Arizona Biltmore. ViceMayor Tom Simplot was the gracious event Emcee and while the Vice Hizzonah did the honors Vice First Guy David Smith and I were surreptitiously peeping at the models changing into their skivvies through the curtains. Woo hoo! “I see London! I see France!” Others lending their voices to One Voice to create a chorus included Mill Avenue’s own Mother Theresa of Oh! Calcutta! – the Humanitarian with a Heart-on of Gold, the dashing, debonair Lt. Steve May – who’s singlehandedly saving each young, attractive, slim-hipped, doe-eyed delicate delinquent and mesmerizing miscreant in downtown Tempe from a life of misdeeds and misdemeanors. Can you get me a job at Panda Express, too, Steve? Dirt Alert! My mole at a fashionable Central Phoenix Basha’s reported to me that a well-known bartender and his boyfriend are cleaning them out of every shipment of Fleet enemas much to the consternation of constipated senior shoppers. So if you happen to notice any bartenders with a particularly clean November 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 95

colon you’ll know who’s bogarting all the enemas out there. And let’s all give thanks to our Party Penguin of the month, the one and only Miss Barbra Seville who shares the honor with her altar ego Richard Stevens. Not only is Barbra a legendary performer, with the help of her Wonderful 100 she raised over $10,000 for the 2009 AIDS Walk in only two short weeks. Saint Bab the Fab is also performing at Apollo’s to raise cash for the 7th Annual Joshua Tree

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Thanksgiving Beneﬁt so that those less fortunate might have some turkey with the all the trimmings – and maybe throwing in a sequin or two for a little bit of added glamour. Everybody deserves a little extra sparkle this time of year. And for that we give Barbra – and Richard – a standing ovation. Send your comments to Addison at RumorHound@aol.com. Those accompanied with high resolution erotic photos receive priority treatment. Throw in a $100 bill and you’ll get your name in bold face in this column for the rest of your life. Do both and you’ll get something really special.

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mani-pedi day or buy a new outﬁt. But go easy on the credit card. You gotta pay the piper next month!

Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20

Mother was right. Be sure you’re wearing clean underwear when you leave the house in case you get in an accident. She also said only sluts wear half slips, too. This month make sure everything you have on underneath looks as sexy as everything on the outside. You never know when you might be strip searched.

Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20

Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22

There’s something about you that makes people sweat. In a good way. The pheromones you exude attract just about everybody and frankly, it makes me a little weak in the knees, too. Whatever you’re doing, keep it up!

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov. 23

“When I am calling ‘Mooo ...’” You can dance until the cows come home, Taurus, but make sure you don’t stray too far from the barn, otherwise you may be put out to pasture for good. Why? Because there’s a certain someone who’s trying to catch your eye.

It must be jelly, ‘cause jam don’t shake like that! That little wiggle in your walk means you might watch how much you eat this Holiday Season. But that doesn’t mean you can’t help yourself to some late night “stufﬁng” – if you know what I mean. Gobble, gobble!

Gemini May 21 - June 21

Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23

You have plenty to be thankful for this month. You’re good looking, smart and have a wicked sense of humor. It’s time you know that people love you for more than your shoes.

Cancer June 22 - July 22

When Life gives you lemons, make a sugarfree lemon meringue pie! You have a knack for making something unexpected out of the everyday. You’ll be rewarded for thinking on your feet this month.

Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20

The groundwork you’ve been laying for that special project pays off. Slow and steady wins the race. Winners never quit. Rehab is for quitters. But you may consider quitting smoking. You know, the whole cancer thing, and you’re a Cancer.

Being around you is like a little Fresca on a pantyshield: cool, light and refreshing! A recent disappointment ends up working in your favor and you’ll discover you’re the toast of the town as a result. You’ll see!

Leo July 23 - Sep. 22

The fullness of time reveals that you’re usually right. Usually – but not always. But make sure that you are able to admit when you’re wrong otherwise you’re liable to ﬁnd out the hard way. Just make sure nobody’s around to witness it.

You are destined to be the center of attention this month, so make sure that you accept every party invitation you receive. Half of them will never pan out anyway. So turn on the star-power because you’re bound to impress someone out there who thinks you’re the top. Or bottom. Whichever you prefer.

Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22

You’re kind to small animals and old people. This month be kind to yourself. Schedule a 98

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November 2009

Aquarias Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

Yes, you’re beautiful, baby. But enough with the primping and preening. Share the spotlight and you’ll be rewarded for letting somebody else take a bow. Your natural sparkle shines through in everything you do and you look so good doing it.

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