May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 1
2
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 3
4
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 5
6
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 7
8
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 9
10
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 11
12
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
BEARDS, BABES & BASS
THE ROCK
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 13
14
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 15
16
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 17
1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY
18
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
LOS DIABLOS
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 19
20
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 21
POP GOES THE ZIPPER
22
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
BS WEST
photos by Deon Brown
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 23
THE HEEL PARTY
BAR 1
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 25
26
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 27
SAGUARO CUP
28
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
ROSE MOFFORD PARK / ROSCOES
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 29
830 N. 1st Ave., Unit 203 Phoenix, AZ 85003 (602) 308-4662 www.IONAZ.com ionarizona@me.com PUBLISHER / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero ............................................ jacktesorero@me.com
CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw ..................................................... kbushaw@me.com EDITOR Deon Brown ................................................... ionazeditor@me.com COPY EDITOR .......................................................... Austin Head GRAPHIC DESIGNER ......................................... Angel Jimenez PRODUCTION & ARTWORK SUBMISSIONS
ionazproduction@me.com
ADVERTISING SALES Jack Tesorero ............................................................ (602) 750-1164
jacktesorero@me.com
PHOTOGRAPHERS:
Fernando Hernandez Franklin Diaz Scotty Kirby Sean Kapera Stephanie Anne Donoghue NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 CONTRIBUTORS:
Addison DeWitt C. Edwards Ted Kirby
Peter Lora Paul Sanchez Miss Tiger
Published monthly by
1995-2016: 21 Years of Design and Creative Excellence Š 2016 JMT Designs, Inc.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ
All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee. NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.
30
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
PHOENIX PRIDE FESTIVAL
STEELE INDIAN SCHOOL PARK
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 33
Splash Bash Weekend is Back! Ifirstn 2002 we hosted the Splash Bash pool
party celebrating ION’s first anniversary. Since then, it’s grown to be more than a pool party. This year we take over the entire Wyndham Garden Midtown Phoenix for a weekend of events in and around the resort. Lerner and Rowe Law Group is the presenting sponsor for the weekend. Kick-Off Happy Hour The fun starts at Kobalt for the “Splash Bash Happy Hour” on Friday, May 27 at 5 p.m. The first 100 people receive a halfoff Splash Bash coupon. Splash Bash The party that started it all expanded to feature volleyball, a rock climbing wall, bungee trampoline, photo booth, chocolate desert sampling from The Melting Pot, Tequila luge races, a poolside swimwear fashion show, DJ, shopping and, of course, swimming. To host this massive party, we’re bringing in MTV’s current Real World: Go Big or Go Home reality star Chris Ammon. Check out the interview with Chris on page XXXX . Splash Dance After Splash Bash, the party continues at Stacy’s @ Melrose Saturday night. Wear your Splash Bash bracelet and your first Tito’s cocktail is only $1. It’s also Stacy Lewis’ birthday celebration so make sure you spank him 65 times.
Sexiest Bartender Contest We’re proud to announce that we’re bringing back the popular “Sexiest Bartender Contest” on Sunday sponsored by Tito’s Handmade Vodka. Congratulations to Brad from Harley’s Italian Bistro for winning the ION Facebook cover contest. Check out all the bartenders who are competing on page 71. Between 1-3 p.m. you can sample their specialty Tito’s cocktails and vote for the best, then judges will choose the Best Performance and the biggest fundraiser wins Sexiest Bartender 2016. Tito’s Handmade Vodka is matching the winner’s funds up to $3000! 100% of all proceeds raised by the bartenders goes to the Phoenix Pride LGBT Center. Clayton McKee and RuPaul‘s Drag Race Season 7 contestant, Arizona’s own Tempest DuJour will co-host this event. Splash Down What better way to end the long weekend than a chill day by the pool on Memorial Day from 11a.m.-5 p.m. The Greater Phoenix Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce (GPGLCC) will host this event. Stay the weekend with me and receive two free tickets to each event for each night you book! Rooms start at only $69. Go to IONAZ.com for more information and a link to reserve your room. Enjoy this issue of ION and we will see you at the Lerner and Rowe Splash Bash Memorial Day Weekend 2016!
Jack M. Tesorero 34
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 35
PHX PRIDE PARADE
36
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
3RD STREET
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 37
38
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 39
Living Large Chris Ammon’s
Real World
by Deon Brown photos by Hanna Wallis 40
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
T his is the true story of a pansexual, picked to live in a house with six
strangers and have his life taped. Chris Ammon was only one-year-old when the first season of Real World aired on MTV. Flash forward: 24 years later Chris discovered what happens when people stop being polite, and start getting real on MTV’s Real World: Go Big or Go Home. And what happens? Chris tweeted, “Try being stuck in a house with the same people for three months with NO 420 and UNLIMITED ALCOHOL. Let’s see how nice YOU are.” The young Turk voiced a caveat to the producers of Real World. Ammon wrote an open letter to MTV and Bunim/Murray Productions, “Television is television. I understand that. With that in mind, I implore you: please do not forget that before, during, and after this process, I was and still am a person.” Growing up, Chris didn’t always fit in. Since then, he renounced his Mormon faith, proclaimed his pansexuality on national TV and flies his fabulous freak flag proudly. His advice: “Stay weird. There is a community of others like you who will love you and support you; they are waiting to find you as much as you are them.” ION Arizona found Chris and spoke him about Real World (did you know that all cell phones are disabled? They’re only good for taking selfies) and his brand new, beautiful life in the real “real world.”
at home; there were some post-production conversations that needed to be had with my family. It was a lot for them to take. We’re making progress. ION: Did you watch “Real World” before you sent in your casting tape? CA: No! I was raised super, super Mormon. My parents told me MTV was the most wicked of all wicked! It’s so funny that I ended up on Real World and on MTV; I remember having conversations that MTV and that show were as wicked as it got. ION: Are you worried about pigeonholed as “That Real World Guy”? CA: I’m really not. When I went on to the show, my agreement in my preliminary interview with Bunim/Murray was the only reason I would ever do this was to talk about discrimination against different races and against people with different sexualities. I never went into the show wanting to be “Chris from Real World,” but to be “Chris the Advocate.” ION: How does it feel being the hot “Poster Boy” for so many guys & gals? CA: (Laughs) Wooo! It feels really ... weird. Coming from who just started having sex, like, a year and a half ago, it’s so interesting. I’ve always been incredibly sexual, and becoming more comfortable with that in my 20s and being seen sexually has been an adventure. ION: It must be better than what you’d been experiencing.
Chris’s Motto: “I should just keep smoking marijuana and having great sex and I’ll be happy ‘til the day I die!”
CA: Oh, yes! Lots of dry humping!
ION: How’s life in the real “real world”?
CA: Yes, absolutely. Towards the end there was an incident between two of the roommates. After that I was, like, “This is so much more than I signed up for; this
Chris Ammon: We finished filming December 2015 then I spent some time
ION: Were there any moments you felt like, “I want out”?
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 41
touches on so many things that are wrong with America.” Seeing that take place between people you’ve become close to, it was so ... so ... horrible to see. At that moment I did not want to be a part of it. ION: Is there any bad blood?
Something you know going into Real World is that they are going to find people in America who are 100% your opposite. That’s why I agreed to do it. This is the show that historically went out of its way to represent the conversations that needed to be had in America. We had those conversations every fuckin’ day! (Laughs) ION: Any regrets?
CA: For quite a while Jenna and I struggled to understand each other. Some of the comments she made on the show were so offensive to me. I was coming to terms with my sexuality and that made it very hard for us to be friends after the show.
CA: (Pauses) Honestly, I just wish I would’ve fucked somebody. (Laughs) I would’ve loved to have had a threesome with Dione and Kailah—that would’ve been a blast!
A few months after initial filming we taped the Real Talk episode. Off-camera Jenna and I had a heart-to-heart where she told me, “I am so sorry!” I wish people saw that.
CA: Well, no one told me don’t show faces with nudes! (Laughs)
ION: How do you feel about the show’s editing? CA: In general, I’m very happy with the editing. The thing that I was hurtful to me in the “Real Talk” episode; they cut out a whole part where I was able to talk about my experiences being queer and going to my parents to have conversations about race and sexuality with them. For the first time in their lives they have their son say to them, “The way you you’ve been taught to treat and view people is entirely wrong.” Imagine that coming from a queer son. That was entirely cut out. I feel like conversations like that get cut out of a lot of things. Especially from queer voices—and that’s extremely frustrating for me. ION: How “real” is Real World? CA: I honest to God thought I was going to show up the first day and that they were going to hand me a soft script. I can honestly say to you and the viewers that everything you see on that show is 100% authentic.
ION: Are there any skeletons in your closet we can expect to see revealed?
ION: You’ve received a lot of support and love. But did anything prepare you for the hate? CA: It’s really different when you either come out and leave the Church, or leave the Church and come out. Your exposure to discrimination comes much later. I remember when the email started flooding in, people were calling me “fag” and that they “wanted to kill me with their cocks” and that I must be gay because I was raped at family reunions ... this is stuff that queer teenagers have been hearing for years and why we have such a high suicide rates among LGBTQ teens. I don’t think people recognize how hard the world really is on us. If you think everything I’ve gone through on the internet is nasty? Just think about the average gay kid. ION: How do you cope with the hate? CA: Over the last two years I was able to build up security as “Chris the Person” rather than “Chris the Mormon” or “The Straight Person” or “The Gay Person” or all these labels that had been put on me. I just got rid of them. I am me. That May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 43
transition took place before I went on Real World. Having so much public exposure so fast, I find that I’m very well-equipped to deal with it now; I wasn’t when I was Mormon. I don’t draw my security from the labels and opinions of others. ION: What is your advice to young people struggling with issues such as body image, sexuality, faith and their true self? CA: There’s always gonna be a part of you that is brave, and there’s always gonna be a part of you that is scared. The one trick I’ve learned in life is listening to the brave voices rather than the scared ones. Anytime something tells you to be brave you’re about to do something really incredible. I’ve seen that when I left the Church, when I came out to my family and when I went on Real World—three huge things in my life. Every single time I remember that voice being there, saying, “You can do this; this is the right thing to do.” If you listen to those voices, more often than not, they’re going to send you in the direction of Happiness. I thought, “This may be the only time in my life that I get to tell the story of a queer, Mormon man. And not just my story, but the story of so many men that I went to school with and grew up with who had stories similar to mine but ended so much more tragically.” I felt so honored to be included to say and do the right thing. ION: Where do you see yourself in 10 or 20 years? 44
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
CA: I would like to have a book published. Even with the stories that I was able to tell on Real World there are so many more that need to be heard and told. I’d like to get much more involved not just in queer issues, but issues about discrimination all over the world. ION: What would you like people to know about you that may not be reflected in the show? CA: I’m most excited for people to see is that I may have been a bit too naïve, scared or inexperienced. This is the first time in my life where I was getting to just be me. I’m falling in love and having sex and it’s meaning something to me. I get to tell people, “This is who I am, I’m queer and I’m not Mormon anymore!” That part of me really wants to start exploring. I’ve never been “out” before and now I am! I mean, how many people have a film crew and a rally at their coming out? (Laughs) ION: Do you still have your “Magic Mormon Underwear”? CA: You wanna know the best part? I was too wicked to ever get them! I was a rebel in a bowtie! Meet Chris Ammon! He’ll be hosting Splash Bash on Saturday, May 8 at Wyndham Garden Phoenix Midtown. Go to IONAZ.com for details and ticket info. Reserve your rooms now! Follow Chris at ChristopherAmmon.com ● Instagram.com/christopherammon ● Twitter.com/MTV_christopher
46
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
PRIDE VIP CRAZY SHOTZ
SEE MORE GREAT PICTURES AT IONAZ.COM
STEELE PARK
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 47
“Mommie Dearest” Brunch at Los Diablos
“Darling, rare meat is good for you. The doctor said so.” This ain’t brunch at the Crawford crib, but we can pretend. Enjoy one of the best brunches in town on Sunday, May 8. Enjoy $3 champagne & mimosas with any brunch item. Prizes for the best “Mommie Dearest” costume. 1028 E. Indian School Rd. “You will eat everything on that plate!” (See ad on p. 19)
The Naked Magic Show
“Abracadabra! There’s nothing up my sleeve ...” Uh, that’s because Christopher Wayne and Mike Tyler aren’t wearing anything at all. These sexy prestidigitators from Oz bring their show to AZ! PHX: Fri., May 13 at Phoenix Symphony Hall, 75 N. 2nd St. Tickets: 602-262-7272 or TicketForce.com TUCSON: Sat, May 13 at the Fox Theatre, 17 W. Congress St. Tickets: 520-547-3040 or FoxTucson.com (See ad on p. 26)
Stacy’s @ Melrose 3rd Anniversary
“The Great and Powerful Oz knows why you have come!” Step forward, whippersnapper! Celebrate the 3rd anniversary of Stacy’s @ Melrose Wizard of Oz style! Follow the Yellow Brick Road to Stacy’s on Saturday, May 14 at 8 p.m. for prizes, giveaways, lite bites and more! 4343 N. 7th Ave. in Phoenix. (See ad on p. 11)
Glitz & Glam at FEZ
Put on your grooviest 1960s threads and mingle with other hep cats and have a Tom Collins, Harvey Wallbanger or maybe even a Negroni. FEZ is throwing a Mid-Century Modern party 60s style on Thursday, May 19 6:30-9:30 p.m. They’ll have a champagne fountain, live music, hors d’oeuvres, drink specials, hip, mod dancers, sample drinks & giveaways! Sock it to me! Tix at FEZonCentral.com (See ad on p. 69) 48
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
LGBT Night Out with Arizona Ballet
Enjoy watching Ballet Arizona corps perform under the stars in the beautiful Arizona night. The private reception will have a cash bar and complimentary hors d’oeuvres. This evening of art and magic happens on Friday, May 20 at 6 p.m. at the Desert Botanical Garden, 1201 N. Galvin Pkwy. in Phoenix. (See ad on p. 70)
Splash Bash Weekend
Splash Bash is here! And it’s splashier and bashier than ever! This season’s Real World pansexual hottie Chris Ammon is your host for the big pool party on Saturday, plus we’ve got the “Sexiest Bartender Contest” on Sunday! It all happens Memorial Day Weekend, May 27-30 on at the Wyndham Garden Phoenix Midtown, 3600 N. 2nd Ave. For a complete list of events see the ad on pp. 3-8
MAY 2016 ION EVENTS LISTINGS May
Mon. The Strip Factor Charlie’s Phoenix 5 Cinco de Mayo Sombrero Charlie’s Phoenix 5 Cinco de Mayo Bar1 Phoenix 5 Cinco de Mayo Los Diablo’s Phoenix 6-8 Imperial Ct. Coronation Phx Airport Marriott Phoenix 7 Chili Verde Day Charlie’s Phoenix 7 Kentucky Derby Brunch Los Diablo’s Phoenix 8 “Mommie Dearest” Brunch Los Diablo’s Phoenix 12 Naked Magic Show Symphony Hall Phoenix 13 Naked Magic Show Fox Theatre Tucson 14 Stacy’s @ Melrose 3rd Anniversary Phoenix 14 Night for Life Camelback Inn Paradise Valley 15 Spring Fling Sunday Funday Bliss REBAR Phoenix 16 Glitz & Glam FEZ on Central Phoenix 20 + 21 Get Leid Party Dick’s Cabaret Phoenix 20 Conjunto Poder Karamba’s Phoenix 20 LGBT Night Out/AZ Ballet Desert Botanical Garden Phoenix 27 Los Reyes de la Risa Karamba’s Phoenix 27-29 Memorial Day Weekend Charlie’s Phoenix 29 Chili Cook Off/Salsa Challenge Kobalt Phoenix 29 Carnaval Latino Karamba’s Phoenix
June 3
Bearracuda
The Rock
Phoenix
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 49
50
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 51
52
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
Naysha Lopez “Hola, the beauty is here!” This celebrated Windy City queen carries the title of Miss Continental. Fans of RuPaul’s Drag Race this season couldn’t believe it when she sashayed away ... twice. She’ll be bringing her talent to the stage in Phoenix and performing at Carnaval Latino on Sunday, May 29 at Karamba, 1724 E. McDowell
MAY 2016 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE Sat 14 Mon 30 Mondays Monday Mondays Mondays Tuesday Tuesdays Wednesdays Wednesdays Wednesdays Wednesdays Wednesdays Thursdays Fridays Fridays Fridays Fridays Fridays 2nd Saturday Saturdays Saturdays Saturdays Saturdays Sundays Sundays 3rd Sunday
TIME 10:00pm 1:00pm 7:00pm 7:00pm 9:00pm 10:00pm 10:00pm 9:00pm 9:00pm 10:00pm 9:00pm 10:30pm 10:00pm 10:30pm 10:30pn 10:30 9:00pm 9:00pm 9:00pm 9:30pm 9:00pm 10:30pm 10:00pm 9:30pm 8:30pm 10:30pm 2:00pm
LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S) RC Saloon Nikki Star’s Cactus Angels Charlie’s Pussy LeHoot’s Memorial Day Show Kobalt RuPaul Drag Race Viewing Party with Scotty Kirby The Rock Drag Race Viewing Party with Games and Distractions Stacy’s RuPaul Drag Race Viewing Screen Charlie’s Claudia B Hosts Nearly Nekkid Men Karamba Savannah Moussier’s Show BS West Stars Choice Talent Showcase IBT’s Viva La DIVA Cruisin’ 7th Kira Daniels & Saellah V Kobalt Garden Variety Revue with Olivia Gardens Karamba Karamba Girls - Adriana Galiano & Karime Lizaldi Charlie’s Nevaeh’s High Heels & Halos Karamba Tejano Thursdays with Ruby Reynolds Cruisin’ 7th Nikki at Night with Nikki Knowles The Rock Special Event Rotating Drag Shows Plazma Freaky Fridays with Celia Putty IBT’s Absolutely Flawless with China Collins BS West Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers Kobalt Celia Putty IBT’s Starrletts with Janee Star Cruisin’ 7th Lady Christian’s Lady & the Tramps The Rock The Barbra Seville Show Charlie’s Pussy’s Patio Show Charlie’s Pussy LeHoot & Friends Karamba Diamond’s Show Cruisin’ 7th “Big Sunday” with Big Booty Judy
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 53
54
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
Sweeney Todd
The fabled “Demon Barber of Fleet Street” shaves a little off the top of his patrons while Mrs. Lovett’s legendary meat pie business starts booming. (The secret filling is the big selling point! People are dying to eat there!) Catch Sondheim’s macabre masterpiece May 20-29 at Mesa Encore Theatre, 1 E. Main St. For tickets visit MesaEncoreTheatre.com or call 480-644-6500
Hostages & other plays
Two British professors on a mission of peace are held captive. The Birds Flew In is a monologue where an Arab-American mother mourns her son, killed defending his new country. The Tyrant imagines a deposed Middle Eastern dictator giving his side of the story and look inside ‘the war on terror.’ Presented by iTheatre Collaborative, May 20-19 at the Herberger Theatre, 222 E. Monroe St. in Phoenix. 602-252-8497
When You Wish: the story of Walt Disney
There’s a mouse in the house! In this world premiere musical, Phoenix Theatre brings you the story of a man fascinated by possibility and determined to persevere. Armed with child-like ingenuity and belief in himself (and a very special mouse), he turned failures into triumphs. May 28-June 12 at Phoenix Theatre, 100 E. McDowell Rd. For tickets visit PhoenixTheatre.com or call 602-254-2151
MAY 2016 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE
EVENT
4-8 5 5-29 6 6-7 6-7 thru 8 thru 14 19-7/20 19-21 20-29 20-29 26-29 28-6/12
Annie ASU Gammage - Tempe David Cross Rialto Theatre - Tucson Gospel According to .... AZ Theatre Co. (PHX) David Cross Wild Horse Pass - Chandler Kevin Smith StandUp Live - Phx Adult Puppet Slam Great AZ Puppet Theatre Best Little Whorehouse in TX AZ B’way Theatre Diary of Anne Frank Hale Centre Theatre Me & My Girl Hale Centre Theatre Chris D’Elia Tempe Improv Sweeney Todd Mesa Encore Theatre Hostages iTheatre Collaborative Hal Sparks StandUp Live - Phx When You Wish Phoenix Theatre
480-965-3434 520-740-1000 602-256-6995 877-840-0457 480-719-6100 602-262-2050 623-776-8400 480-497-1181 480-497-1181 480-921-9877 480-644-6500 602-252-8497 480-719-6100 602-254-2151
4-25
Next to Normal
602-254-2151
JUNE
COMPANY
PHONE
Nearly Naked Theatre
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 55
56
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
Pentatonix
If you love the Pitch Perfect movie franchise (even though the second one was pretty lame) you’ll go crazy for the Grammy award-winning Pentatonix, or PTX, five vocalists singing a cappella covers and medleys. Don’t miss these do-re-mi hotties (two of them are gay!) on Wednesday, May 4 at the Comerica Theatre, 401 W. Washington St. in Phoenix. TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000
Kristen Chenoweth
Uh-oh. Get ready. If you’re one of those Broadway show tune queens get ready to start hyperventilating: boney, too tan Kristen Chenoweth is coming. No doubt she’ll sing “Popular” from Wicked. Win 10 points on your Gay Card if you go to this show on Saturday, May 21 at Phoenix Symphony Hall. 75 N. 2nd St. For tickets visit PhoenixSymphony.org or call 602-495-1999
Ziggy Marley
Get some ganja an fire up the bong! Put on some patchouli! It’s reggae time! Jamaica’s Rastafarian patron saint Bob Marley’s son Ziggy takes the stage on Saturday, June 4 at Gila River Casino, Wild Horse Pass at 5040 Wild Horse Pass Blvd. in Chandler. Tickets: 877-840-0457 or visit TicketForce.com. Showtime at 4:20. (That’s a little marijuana joke for the stoners!)
MAY 2016 ION CONCERT CALENDAR DATE ARTIST 1 Rihanna & Travis Scott 2 Barry Manilow 3 Violent Femmes 4 Pentatonix 7 Kenny Chesney, Maranda Lambert, etc. 21 Kristin Chenoweth 26 Snoop Dogg 28 Skrillex JUNE 2 Brad Paisley 4 Ziggy Marley 10 I Love the 90s 10 Pat Benatar
LOCATION PHONE TSR Arena - Phoenix 800-745-3000 Tucson Arena 800-745-3000 Marquee Theatre - Tempe 480-839-0707 Comerica Theatre - Phx 800-745-3000 Chase Field - Phx 800-745-3000 Phx Symphony Hall 800-344-9435 Casino del Sol - Tucson 800-344-9435 The Pool at Talking Stick -Scotts. ReleaseVIP.com Ak-Chin Pavilion - Phoenix 800-745-3000 Wild Horse Pass - Chandler 877-840-0457 Talking Stick Arena - Glendale 800-344-9435 Wild Horse Pass - Chandler 877-840-0457 May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 57
58
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
Aural Fixation
by Peter Lora pintelonegro@gmail.com
Beyoncé LEMONADE
Dangerously in Love, Crazy in Love, Drunk in Love. That love that we’ve heard about over and over again seems to have gone sour on Beyoncé’s highly anticipated sixth album. “PRAY YOU CATCH ME” opens up the suspicion, pain and emotional intimacy that drives the album: “You can taste the dishonesty, it’s all over your breathe.” Confrontational statements like, “What’s worse, looking jealous or crazy?... being walked all over lately, I’d rather be crazy” are framed in the radio ready bouncy beat of orchestral brass with “HOLD UP.” Pairing of Beyoncé with Jack White seems odd but on “DON’T HURT YOURSELF” the two find mutual ground; she screams and rages “Who the f*ck you think I is?” “SORRY” is defiant, playful, ending with a lyrical coda, “Better call Becky with the good hair.” It’s the new “to the left, to the left.” Female empowerment anthems are Beyoncé’s forte, her duet with The Weeknd for “6 INCH” is no different. Sauntering and sultry, her heels are a metaphor for the working woman. Her first foray into country music with “DADDY LESSONS” is an unexpected surprise; remember: this diva is from Texas. The gut-wrenchingly raw piano ballad “SANDCASTLES” is epic and perhaps Bey’s best vocal performance yet. “FREEDOM” with Kendrick Lamar is uplifting and bound for gym playlists and movie trailers. Those lemons turn into sweet lemonade on gospel-esque and triumphant “ALL NIGHT LONG.” LEMONADE is Beyoncé’s Thriller, her Bodyguard, her Purple Rain. Available Now
Cyndi Lauper DETOUR
In the words of 30 Rock’s Jenna Maroney: “Going country is a totally legitimate career move.” An even more legitimate career move when you’re a Grammy, Emmy and Tony award winning 80’s singer/songwriter icon. Cyndi Lauper takes an unexpected Southern turn on her 11th studio album DETOUR. Lauper showcases her distinctive voice and take on country classics with guest appearances from country legends Emmylou Harris, Vince Gill, Alison Krauss and Willie Nelson. Her motivation: “When I was a really young kid, country music was pop music, so this is what we grew up listening to. These songs are part of some of my earliest memories so it’s been an absolute thrill to revisit them.” The highlight is when she takes on rockabilly queen Wanda Jackson’s “Funnel of Love.” Available May 6
THE DL SONGS TO DOWNLOAD ARTIST - “SONG” Tegan and Sara – “Boyfriend” The Kills – “Heart of a Dog” Rihanna – “Needed Me” Ariana Grande – “Be Alright” Flume – “Say It feat. Tove Lo” Drake – “One Dance” A$AP Ferg – “Strive feat. Missy Elliot” Kaytranada – “Glowed Up” Lianne La Havas “Lost and Found (Matthew
Herbert Remix)” Snakehips – “Money on Me”
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 59
60
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
ionazeditor@me.com
Ladies & Leo Grace and Frankie,
season 1 Starring: Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin, Martin Sheen, Sam Waterston Original content is no longer coming from the major TV networks or HBO and Showtime. Streaming service Netflix jumped into the game early on with Arrested Development, Orange is the New Black. Comedy Grace and Frankie is their geriatric cash cow, starring Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin, who co-starred in Nine to Five back in 1980. Grace Hanson (Fonda, On Golden Pond) is a retired cosmetics mogul. Frankie Bergstein (Tomlin, I Heart Huckabees) is a free spirited art teacher. They’re married to successful divorce lawyers, Robert and Sol (Sheen and Waterston). The problem is, their husbands happen to be in love with each other. And leave their wives. Rich, entitled, and very needy, the two “frenemies” are forced to live with each other, suffering together in a spacious San Diego beach house while they figure out how real life works for wealthy White women all alone in the world. Figuring things out like how to use a cell phone. Of course, we see them learn how they need each other along the way. She’s been around for ages, but Fonda is stiff, wooden and her delivery sounds memorized. Like always. (C’mon, now. Did you see Monster In Law? Or worse, Barbarella?) Waterston, no stranger to acting as a lawyer, (Law and Order) seems mentally challenged. A magnificent Tomlin outshines everyone, making it all worthwhile.
G&F is cute, but it’s mostly a generational thing. Jokes about vaginal dryness and Viagra are probably big with the AARP viewers, however. Season 2 premieres this month and Season 3 got the greenlight. Available now, DVD, Blu-ray, VOD $22.98 SRP ★★★☆☆
The Revenant
Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Hardy In the early part of the 19th century, mountain man and trapper Hugh Glass led a life of high adventure and truly astonishing death-defying odds in the Dakota Territory of the young United States. His story was very loosely adapted and became the basis for the sweeping story directed by Alejandro G. Iñarritu (Birdman). The picture swept awards everywhere, earning DiCaprio a much deserved Oscar. Nearly three hours long, this tale is biblical in scope delivers a visionary tale and somewhat baffling conclusion (Iñarritu’s speciality) open to wildly different interpretations. Brutal, gory and barbaric, it may be hard for some viewers to watch. But that’s life in the 19th century wilderness for you. The sweeping cinematography and tremendous acting is unforgettable. Available now, DVD, 4K UHD, Blu-ray, streaming, $26.99 SRP ★★★★☆
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 61
62
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
Heroes, ‘Hos & a Hatter Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising Captain America: Civil War
Starring: Chris Evans, Robert Downey, Jr., Scarlett Johansson The third installment in yet another movie about (what else?) superheroes. Steve Rogers/Capt. America (Evans, The Avengers franchise) and the gang attempt to safeguard humanity. Groundbreaking. Like real life, the government steps in with lots of rules and regulations after an “incident.” Surprisingly, Tony Stark/ Ironman (Downey, Iron Man franchise) is progovernment. Violence and mayhem ensues. At least Paul Rudd shows up as Ant-Man. Opens May 6
Love and Friendship Starring: Kate Beckinsale, Chloë Sevigny, Stephen Fry
Picture it: England. 1790. The foxy widow Lady Vernon (Beckinsale, Underworld franchise) goes to the country to escape the rumor mill about her screwing around. She plays matchmaker for her daughter (and herself, natch.) Costumes and lots of 18th century zingers à la Jane Austen. Gay guys love this stuff. Opens May 13
Starring: Seth Rogen, Zac Efron
Schlubby Mac Radnor (played by schlubby Rogen, Knocked Up) and his preggers wife have trouble with loud, alcoholfueled, neighbors–again– except this time it’s a sorority. Former nemesis Teddy (Efron, hopefully shirtless) lends the Radnors a hand. Selena Gomez will be scantily clad. (Why do they keep making these movies?) Opens May 20
Alice: Through the Looking Glass Starring: Mia Wasikowska, Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Sacha Baron Cohen
Disney’s sequel about Alice’s (Wasikowska, Crimson Peak) new adventures in Underland. The Hatter (Depp, Pirates of the Caribbean franchise) has lost his “Muchness,” and it’s up to Alice to borrow the Chronosphere, which powers all time. She returns to the past; that’s when things get curioser and curioser. Opens May 27 ION Arizona previewed Viva, the story of a young Cuban hairdresser who longs to be a drag queen in our February 2016 issue. This film opens at Camelview Scottsdale Fashion Square May 13. May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 63
64
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
Make Thyme at
photos by Carl Schultz
A re you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme ... You don’t have to wander that far. Chances are The Herb Box is nearby with your PSR&T and so much more. Since 1995, owner Susan Smederovac-Wilcox (a native Phoenician) focused her natural talent and gracious skill for entertaining along with a generous helping of creativity and ability to offer something new and different to the Valley. The Herb Box sparked the palates of foodies all over presenting a menu with samplings of innovative world cuisine with seasonal ingredients that unify regional flavors. A big favorite on the Scottsdale Waterfront and in DC Ranch, it caused quite a commotion when it was announced that they were opening a location in uptown Phoenix in newly opened enclave, The Colony along “Restaurant Row” on 7th Street with the boulevard’s renaissance started a few years ago when Sam Fox revived a derelict building dubbing it “The Yard.” The new digs are bright and airy with a patio facing the street.
The Herb Box spoonful of quinoa, Korean hot pepper sauce, sesame, sugar snap peas and pea shoots. Spicy and sweet, but we would’ve like a little more of the promised “fire.” Still, you’ll want more. $13 You’ll adore the Kale, Corn and Sweet Onion Pakora (that’s a “fried snack” originating in India.) (pictured top) The ruffled, dark green leaves of Kale are generously draped in a light batter and dressed with a sweet-hot Serrano glaze with vegan yellow pepper aioli. Turmeric gives it a brilliant golden hue. We adore it. $12. If you’re extra-hungry, think about the Serrano-Avocado Shrimp Salad (pictured below) with crispy shrimp, organic arugula, fried fennel pancetta with a sweet-hot serrano glaze and lemonhoney vinaigrette is $15. Big on
There’s a global playground of flavors at The Herb Box. We started with their shared plates and a quick trip to Orient with Korean Fire Cauliflower with chunks of the cruciferous, crispy cauliflower, a hefty May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 65
nuanced to notice, but that didn’t affect the bright, firm salmon. flavor, still light and refreshing. A side like the warm Green Bean Fingerling Potato Salad with cherry tomatoes and a few bleu cheese crumbles adds the perfect crunch and pizazz. We can’t wait to try their Pear and Gorgonzola Flatbread, Crisp Brussels Sprouts Chips among other Shared Plate offerings from $7 to $18. Dinner is casual and inviting at The Herb Box. Currently, ten entrees are available. The Grilled Trout with Corn & Leek Gratin felt like a natural choice for summer fare for $18. The boneless, delicate fillet was moist, tender and flaky and so fresh it must’ve jumped out of the stream and on the grill. It was accompanied by a ramekin of watercress butter, pickled baby lima beans, beets and bressels sprouts. The cast iron tray of hot Corn & Leek Gratin was sensational, and worth ordering as a side for $8. Another fishy fave is the Grapefruit & Sugar Charred Salmon (pictured above) graced with sugar snap peas, fennel, blackberries, pistachio, orange charred onion, black quinoa and snow pea shoots for $18. The grapefruit and sugar charring was almost too 66
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
Beef eaters won’t go wrong with the Wine Braised Short Ribs. This hot hunk of meat anchobourbon demi-glaze, horseradish creamed Savoy cabbage and char-roasted baby cabbage for $24. The fork-tender beef is thick and juicy. Think of the most perfect pot roast you ever had. This is better. Save room for dessert! The creamy Crème Brûlée has a great lemony zip and makes a fantastic finish. The Herb Box also offers a light breakfast and a casual weekend brunch that’s bound to be a hit. SCOOP: the Bourbon-Ginger Peach Brioche French Toast with Bacon ($16) is your new best friend. You’re welcome. Finish the day with Happy Hour at The Herb Box. Their tasty appetizer/shared pates are only $5 each and select cocktails are half-off. So why go to Scarborough Fair when there’s a brand new Herb Box near you? TheHerbBox.com At The Colony 5535 N. 7th St. 480-393-0432 Call for hours
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 67
DRAG BRUNCH
68
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
BLISS / REBAR
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 69
70
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
Photos by Franklin Diaz Tito’s Handmade Vodka presents The Sexiest Bartender Competition hosted by Tempest DuJour & Clayton McKee on Sunday, May 29! All month, your favorite bartenders will be fundraising for the Phoenix Pride LGBT Center to win the prize of “Sexiest Bartender.” This contest started in 2007 and hosted by Apollo’s Lounge with Ron Lindblad and Lee Revelle. ION Arizona is excited to bring back this fun and exciting event. Who’ll win bragging rights? Support your favorite bartenders from around the Valley and Tucson as they vie for three prizes: Best Cocktail, Best Performance and The Sexiest Bartender. From 1-3 p.m., sample each bartender’s cocktails and place your votes for “Best Cocktail” - it’s audience’s choice! At 3 p.m., we start the show! Each bartender will present a 3-6 minute routine, and judges decide the “Best Performance.” The awards will be presented Immediately following. Admission to the event is only $5. “Best Cocktail” Judging kits are $15 which includes a sample of each bartender’s cocktail and voting tickets. Discounted room rates at the Wyndham Garden Phoenix Midtown Hotel for the full weekend are available. Book your room and get 2 FREE tickets for “Splash Bash” & “Sexiest Bartender” for each night you book. Call 602-604-4900 and book your room today! Use discount code: splashbash2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 71
72
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 73
74
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 75
76
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 77
78
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 79
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 81
82
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 83
84
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 85
86
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 87
88
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 89
90
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 91
92
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 93
94
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 95
96
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 97
98
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 99
IONTUCSON
100
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
FREE TO LISTEN AND REPLY TO ADS Free Code: IONAZ
FIND REAL GAY MEN NEAR YOU Phoenix:
(602) 993-4567
Tucson:
(520) 791-2345 www.megamates.com 18+
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 101
102
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016
Vol. 10, Issue 1
OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL
Beyoncé Opens Lush Lemonade Stand in LA OUTRAGEOUS!
OUTRAGEOUS!
LOS ANGELES – When life gives Bey The cost of a glass of “Beyonc-éde” Lemonade will set fans back about $342.67, the average lemons, Bey makes high dollar lemonade. Destiny’s most famous child is marketing cost of a ticket to Beyoncé’s concert tour, “Formation,” coincidentally. the hell out of her new album, Lemonade, released last month. In the plush Holmby HillsRESEMBLANCE neighborhood where she husband “This isn’t just for all the single ANY TOandTHE TRUTH IS ‘Beyonc-éde’ TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL Jay-Z are renting a spectacular $45 million ladies, all the single ladies,” said Becky as home, the diva built a Bey Lemonade stand she twirled a lock of her shiny, lustrous good where neighbors and passersby can purchase hair around her finger as she spoke. So far the celeb’s lemonade stand has raked in over half a a cold, lemony fresh beverage personally made by one of Beyoncé’s personal million dollars. assistants, Becky a young woman with really good hair. Today, Becky runs a “Beyonc-éde” lemonade stand in Los Angeles. But tomorrow Becky “We’re really excited to add another level of runs the world. special ‘Bey’-ness to the album’s release,” said Becky.
OUTRAGEOUS!
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 103
104
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
OUTRAGEOUS!
New Bathrooms for OUTRAGEOUS! GOP Politicians
OUTRAGEOUS!
Representatives bathroom in WASHINGTON, 1981. Sen. Larry Craig (ID) DC – North Carolina’s and Florida state representative HB 2 enforces Bob AllenACCIDENTAL solicited sex in ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY recent laws and airport bathrooms in 2007. ordinances effectively banning previous New rumblings propose public anti-discrimination restrooms exclusively for protections. This Republican politicians called, is known as “the “The Porcelain Oval Office.” Bathroom Bill.” These exclusive restrooms will Apparently anyone accommodate strictly frisky in public bathrooms Right Wing politicians. or showers who do not identify as their “It’s glaringly apparent that biological gender White, male, Republican ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL presents a danger for statesmen are the stall queens women and children. the real problem,ACCIDENTAL not transgender ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTHwho ISare TRAGICALLY people,” announced the watchdog groups, There are zero recorded instances of Guardians of the Groin and Crotch Nazi harassment by transgender people in public Catchers. “GOP Tea Rooms for the Tea bathrooms. Party will solve that.”
OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! Three cases exist in recent history of Republican congressmen sexually harassing people in bathrooms: Jon Hinson (MS) received oral sex in the House or
OUTRAGEOUS! ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 105
106
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 107
108
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
D
uring the early days of my career at the infamous Bijou Theater, there was a never-ending parade of strippers runnin’ all over the place. It was my job to keep these boys in line ... and that’s how I got into the advice business. You better believe that stripper problems come in all shapes and sizes. Let’s take a peek inside the g-string in this month’s Favorite Bitch®! Dear Miss Tiger, I’m a stripper at a gay bar. I was drunk, started twerking and fell off the stage! The manager called an ambulance and the paramedics carried me out on a stretcher. I’m better now but embarrassed as hell. I haven’t been back to work in weeks. Got any advice? — Dustin Dear You Ain’t The First Queen To Make A Messy Exit (Or Entrance) At A Gay Bar, Darling, stick to what you do best and hustle old men ... instead of breaking a hip like one. NEXT! Dear Miss Tiger, My partner and I are saving money to buy a home. I’m continually advising him to limit his expenditures. When I review the credit card statements, it’s apparent he’s wasting a lot of money on Starbucks. How do I get him to watch his spending? — Jeffrey Dear To Hell With Watching His Spending - What About Watching His Damn Waistline? Be thankful he’s sucking on straws. The dude could be sittin’ in a dark corner and sucking on some stripper’s anaconda. That would cost a hell of a lot more than Starbucks, hunty!
Dear Miss Tiger, I craved this straight stripper from the moment I laid my eyes on his big, juicy package. I left my boyfriend for him. Unfortunately, the stripper left me for a woman a week later. How do I get my former boyfriend back? — ASU Jock Dear Bye Felicia, Your former relationship is like your virginity—some things you just can’t get back. As far as that ‘craving’ goes ... when caviar is on the menu, you don’t order goddamn fish sticks—no matter how big and juicy they are. Dear Miss Tiger, My little brother is gay and a stripper! How do I convince him to get a respectable job? — Candy Dear A Respectable Job Doesn’t Pay The Bills, Hunty! Girl, trying to change him is like trying to stop a diabetic from smuggling Little Debbie Nutty Bars under their mattress! And another thing, with a name like Candy ... what the hell kind of respectable job do you have? Need advice? Write, Tweet or Facebook me and get the answers you’ve been looking for, Hunty! MISS TIGER Advice Columnist • SiriusXM radio personality ... and everyone’s #FAVORITEBITCH Website FavoriteBitch.com Facebook /MissTiger Advice ask@misstiger.com May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 109
110
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
by Addison DeWitt
makes YouTube videos, harnesses and even has an Etsy shop! Do you?
A nother Phoenix Pride
has come and gone. All the heady excitement of celebrating with strippers from Dick’s Cabaret, plus the Mexican “oompa oompa” band on the mainstage in addition to more rainbow crap than I know what to do with was overcoming!
A
Best of all: I discovered The Next Big Thing! I’m officially announcing I’m obsessed with Miss Vera Saucy (A)! This glitternippled, bedazzled bearded beauty has been flying under my radar. Why? I demand that her talent be exposed like a Senator’s pecker in the Men’s Room. Vera
B
C
E
The ION Arizona Pride VIP Experience was the place to be. I saw Thom Durisek cavorting with a kimono-clad Amir Rivera (B). Yes. Cavorting, I tell you.
Sweet little Samantha Weber was so excited to see Ricky Rebel perform live. (C) She said, “He’s my favorite!” Later that night I said, “Farewell” to DJ Robbie D Winehouse, who helped show recovering drug addict/ porn producer/DJ Chi Chi LaRue how to spin at BS West (D). We’ll miss you, Robbie! Meanwhile, at the fabled Coachella Music Festival, blonde bombshell Michael Demaree ran into yummy Nolan Gould, a.k.a. “Luke May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 111
Dunphy” from ABC’s Modern Family (E). Now they’re dating! (Not really. I just wanted to stir up some C shit.) Sexy Beast Lawrence Miller (F) made out with an Aussie during the Sia concert. Now that’s a true story.
F
Meanwhile, back home, Cozi Phifer (G) had a glowstick, Fireball, wig-packed musicfilled weekend she dubstepped, “Homechella Housewarming.” I The house she shares with her brother, Braun Phifer, was a “Who’s Who” of stars, including Tuesday, Pugsly Mahrle (H), Gina 112
Florio, Tanner Cordell, Kevin Dasso, FKA Twigs and Grimes. So there. Okay, FKA Twigs and Grimes weren’t there. But they should’ve been. I do happen to know that Madonna really wanted to go. She wasn’t invited, however.
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
G
Recently, at the touring “RuPaul’s Drag Race Battle of the Seasons” sweet Samantha H Weber met Adore Delano (I). “She’s my favorite!” Samantha exclaimed. Everyone was slobbering over the show’s back-up J dancer who appears in Sherry Vine music paraody videos, Richard Sheiffer, including sweet Samantha Weber. (J) “He’s my favorite, too!” Sam gushed. How many favorites can you have, Samantha? Exactly how many? We want to know. Heck, I want to be somebody’s favorite.
E
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 113
Y
baby. It looks like there’s a “situation” brewing and you’re right in the middle of it. Everyone eventually calms down.
ou knew it was bound to happen. Mercury is in retrograde for the entire month. This is a great time to get ready for ION Arizona’s “Sexiest Bartender Contest” during Splash Bash Weekend. We’ve created an astrological cocktail that matches each sign. As Retrograde intensifies May 17-22, be aware of your surroundings. Watch out for a “Mickey Finn” slipped in your life. Communication, judgment and scheduling are cloudy during this period. Don’t get caught at “Last Call” being spiritually unprepared. A little Fresca in your underwear helps perk you right up. Drink responsibly during this whopper of a Retrograde. And don’t drive impaired. See you at Splash Bash!
That certain swagger and appreciation for the finer things in live give you a Cosmopolitan flair. People appreciate your dashing, debonair qualities and ability to bring off a quippy zinger.
Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20
Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23
Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20
Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23
Feeling a little moody and temperamental? Easily irritated? Quick to anger? Sounds like you’re a Dark and Stormy, pal. Things make a quick turnaround, however. After the skullbusting hangover, that is. A fruity, zippy, tangy style you have lends an element of fun to every occasion and has everybody with their hands in the air saying, “Woo Woo!” Because that’s what you are, if it’s your birthday. If it isn’t, you’re just regular beer. And that’s okay, too.
Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22
Everybody admires your sweetness, purity as well as the security and support you give. That makes you—what else?—a Shirley Temple (girls) or a Roy Rogers (boys). You always overcome adversity.
Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22
Wild, stormy, thundering emotions turn you into a Hurricane. You’re unpredictable and everyone talks about you. It’s hard to put you in any one “category.” That’s what makes you so desirable. And frightening. At the same time. Sentimental, devoted and traditional, you’re an Old Fashioned. That doesn’t mean you’re démodé or obsolete. You’re faithful and dependable. Someone is counting on you.
Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20
The stars and planets are screwing up your plans. You strive for victory at any price, Your smoldering appeal and seductive ability making you feel like you’re on a Kamikaze makes you a Sloe Comfortable Screw Up mission. Avoid that nosedive. Next month will Against the Wall. Celebrating a birthday? Your be all Appletinis. “anywhere, anytime, anybody” attitude makes Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19 you sought after. Not just for sex, either. Well, Darling, you are a Pink Squirrel! You’re mostly for sex. A little bit for your mind. making a big comeback! You’re sweet and Cancer June 22 - July 22 nutty—and just plain zany; that’s why you’re so You jump here and there. You’re able to popular (again!) Once people are introduced to catapult yourself in—or out—of practically you, you’re irresistible. And pink! any situation. What else are you but a Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20 Grasshopper? Someone welcomes you when Feeling bright? Clean? Minty fresh? With a you spring into their yard. And bed. powerful kick at the end? That’s because Leo July 23 - Aug. 22 you’re a Vodka Stinger, honey. You’re neat Your ability to cause drama and elevate and clean, but you have a tingling poke that temperatures makes you a Boilermaker, gives everyone a prickle. Ouch! But they always come back for more.
Gemini May 21 - June 21
114
WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016