ION Arizona #198

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Basic B!tc# Brunch & UGLY SWEATER PARTY

December 17th 10 a.m. – 2 p.m.

Live DJ Pumpkin Spice Themed Menu $10 Bottles of Champagne Wear your Ugly Sweater!

Ugly Sweater Contest Prize Sponsored by Miller Lite We (Kn oc ar U For k offs C ggs o 10 % unt) Of f

2601 N. Central Ave. Phoenix

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STaCy’S @ MElRoSE TE NI IG ito’s & Bud light Specials *T m 2a to m 8p g in st *Free te *NyE Party Favors s m Ite fle af ill *R ) *Burger & BratstoGr p tu Se r Ba ite/SW Center for HIV/aIDS om Ign nd *12’ Co (proceeds donated *Testing Registration *Jello Shots to Ignite/SW Center for HIV/aIDS) h ot Bo y Gu EP (proceeds donated *The Pr tio/Parking lot *Premises Extended to Pa w/Tables & Chairs 1am *Photobooth from 9pm to RSoN & $145/CouPlE VIP RESERVaTIoNS $85/PE made by texting the all VIP Reservations are 6560* following info to 602-361*Information to text: of each Guest Number in Party & Name Time of arrival mber Contact Name/Phone Nu

picperfectaz.com

830 N. 1st Ave., Unit 203 Phoenix, AZ 85003 (602) 308-4662 www.IONAZ.com ionarizona@me.com PUBLISHER / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero ............................................ jacktesorero@me.com

CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw ..................................................... kbushaw@me.com EDITOR Deon Brown ................................................... ionazeditor@me.com COPY EDITOR .......................................................... Austin Head GRAPHIC DESIGNER ......................................... Angel Jimenez PRODUCTION & ARTWORK SUBMISSIONS

ionazproduction@me.com

ADVERTISING SALES Jack Tesorero ............................................................ (602) 750-1164

jacktesorero@me.com

PHOTOGRAPHERS:

Franklin Diaz Alex Campos Fernando Hernandez

Scotty Kirby Tiffany Photography

Danny Catt

NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 CONTRIBUTORS:

Addison DeWitt C. Edwards Ted Kirby

Peter Lora Paul Sanchez Miss Tiger

Published monthly by

1995-2017: 22 Years of Design and Creative Excellence © 2017 JMT Designs, Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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GAY SKATE - RED WHITE AND SKATE

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GRE AT SK ATE GLENDALE

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THE NEXT BIG STAR

SEE ALL THE GREAT PHOTOS AT IONAZ.COM

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BS WEST

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40TH ANNIVERSARY WEEKEND

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CRUISIN’ 7TH

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TUESDAY TRIVIA

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LOS DIABLOS

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ANNIVERSARY LUAU PARTY

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PAT O’S BUNKHOUSE

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33RD ANNIVERSARY

CHARLIE’S

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Happy HollyDays!

C

those who sponsor our events. Your support with your dollars is why we are here today after almost 17 years. Don’t get me wrong, I love some businesses who don’t advertise to our community, but my first choice is always to support the ones that do. Remember, your dollars talk, too.

Support businesses and merchants who support you—especially the local ones.

an you believe it is almost Christmas and soon it’ll be 2018? Where has the time gone? They say that time speeds up as you get older and they’re not kidding. One of my guilty pleasures this time of year is to go back and read past issues of ION Arizona. They’re like time capsules of the past. I get a little nostalgic and a smile in my heart to see all that we have done and accomplished as a community over the years. What are your favorite memories?

As a gay kid, I loved the holiday season— especially Christmas. The lights, the glitter and the gifts! What gay kid doesn’t love that? It seems like as time goes on, it gets more and more difficult picking out the right gift for that someone special. ION to the rescue! Check out Holly Peña Popper’s holiday gift guide for that unique gift for that unique person. There’s plenty to choose from, with plenty of reasonable prices! Come to think of it, I think I’ll start doing some online shopping right now. (I deserve a little something, too.)

Start planning ahead for 2018, because Film Bar has a great lineup for their Big Gay Sing Alongs, Classics & Premieres.

Check out the schedule on pg. 53.

One of the reasons ION Arizona is still here is because of our advertisers and 26

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We’re always excited when we get special promotions we can pass along to our faithful readers and fans. Congratulations to the winners of last month’s contests, tickets to spend an evening with Carol Burnett at Comerica Theatre in Phoenix, and ticket giveaways to see the Blue Man Group in fabulous Las Vegas! Keep checking our Facebook and website for future ticket giveaways.

Happy Holidays from all of us here at ION Arizona. Be safe, take care of yourself and enjoy this fabulous issue!

Jack Tesorero

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Ring in with a

NYE

December 31st - NO COVER Dress to Impress Hors d‘oeuvres served from 6 to 8 p.m Champagne Toast at Midnight

2140 E McDowell Phoenix, AZ TheCashNightclub.com

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OPEN MINDED WEDDING EXPO

SEE MORE GREAT PICTURES AT IONAZ.COM

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Would you like to play a game?

Phoenix Gaymers

photo by Stockasso additional photos by Franklin Diaz

A

long time ago, (well, the 1970s) in a planet not all that far away (okay, it was right here Earth), once kids tired of playing board games like Monopoly or Clue, they escaped into a fantastical world, kind of like the Middle Kingdom from Lord of the Rings with a game called Dungeons and Dragons, a tabletop role-playing game, without end, often consuming players’ time for hours. It requires a variety of cognitive skills to play— including a lot of imagination, still a core requirement for many boardgames today.

Video gaming wasn’t much more than a basic TV monitor where you could play primitive games like Asteroids, Pong, or Space Invaders. In 1993 things improved enormously when a game called Myst attracted gaming aficionados looking to escape into a spellbinding world of fantasy.

It was the best-selling PC game until the The Sims exceeded it in sales in 2002.

Gaming is especially popular with a segment of the LGBTQ community. Phoenix Gaymers is one of the most active groups in the nation. For over 12 years they’ve provided a refuge for the highly intelligent species of self-admitted “dorks, nerds and geeks,” as one member described the club. More than 1600 people follow them on Facebook, 600 on MeetUp while approximately 60 people form the core. It’s mostly men, but women, transgender or any friendly folk not necessarily fitting into the cisgender norm are encouraged to join in.

After the closure of the Phoenix Pride Center, Phoenix Gaymers relocated to the Parsons Center for Health and Wellness near downtown Phoenix.

Gaming enthusiast, and former board member Russ Hawkins is actively involved in the club. “I enjoy organizing the events, being able to offer something to the community. We’re all people who don’t December 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 35

exactly fit into the mainstream ‘geek’ community, either, which isn’t always a safe place and can be homophobic or transphobic. We’re people who find each other,” he believes.

Board member Eric Fischer said, “My absolutely favorite part is to be in a place where I can be gay and nerdy. It’s a great place to relax that’s not a bar. We can hang out and not feel pressured to hook-up or anything. We have fun, hang out and play games.” Current favorite board games include Discworld: Ankh Morpork and Magic Cards (described as a bit like Pokémon).

Phoenix Gaymers has two rooms upstairs at the Center: one for video games, and one for board games. Members are more than welcome to bring their own games to share. Multi-player video games, like Mario Kart, accommodate up to four players on a single monitor.

This close-knit group is welcoming; there’s always room for a fellow gaymer. Besides, a gaymer knows how to survive the apocalypse.

They’ve survived them many times before.

The Phoenix Gaymers meet the third Saturday of each month at the Parsons Center for Wellness, 1101 N. Central Ave. in Phoenix. They are a 501 (c) 3 organization, but donations are gratefully accepted.

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by Deon Brown 40

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Carol Burnett An Evening of Laughter & Reflection

America’s national treasure made the nation laugh for 11 years on The Carol Burnett Show on CBS from 1967-1978.

ION Arizona readers love her, too, with hundreds responding to a recent contest to win tickets to her one-woman show coming to Phoenix.

The daughter of alcoholic parents, Burnett and her sister were raised in a boarding house by their grandmother in a dicey part of Hollywood. Burnett finished her show singing, “I’m So Glad We Had This Time Together” and tugging on her left ear, letting her grandmother know she was thinking of her and loved her. In 1951 Burnett received an anonymous gift of $50 for tuition at UCLA, allowing her to study theater and musical comedy.

after so much coldness and emptiness in my life, I knew the sensation of all that warmth wrapping around me. I had always been a quiet, shy, sad sort of girl and then everything changed for me.”

Burnett quit college and moved to New York. In 1959 she was cast in the hit, Once Upon a Mattress, receiving a Tony Award nomination.

Her hometown called her back and she was an Emmy nominated regular on The

She recalled an audition in her memoir, This Time Together, “They laughed and it felt great. All of a sudden, December 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 41

Gary Moore Show from 1959-1962, receiving a 10-year contract from CBS. She used a stipulation in the contract which allowed her to launch a 30-episode, hour-long comedy/variety show. The studio was skeptical; they didn’t believe a woman was capable of successfully hosting a variety show.

The Carol Burnett Show went on to garner 70 Emmy Award nominations, with 25 total wins. The ensemble cast included Tim Conway, Harvey Korman, Lyle Waggoner and Vicki Lawrence.

The hilarious send-ups of classic films like Mildred Pierce, Sunset Boulevard and Gone With the Wind spoofs, including the famous Curtain Rod Dress scene ( “ ... I saw it in the window and just couldn’t resist it” is one of the greatest sight gags in TV history) were audience favorites. TV Guide ranks the show as number 17 on their list of “The 60 Greatest 42

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Shows of All Time.” The greatest stars in Hollywood appeared on the show, including Dinah Shore, Lucille Ball, Julie Andrews, Rita Hayworth and many more. Viewers remember the show’s imaginative costumes and Burnett’s glitzy gowns created by the genius Bob Mackie, who also designed for Cher, Judy Garland, Diana Ross, Tina Turner and RuPaul.

The show’s regular skit, “The Family” spawned the creation of TV sitcom, Mama’s Family, starring Burnett’s discovery and protégée, Vicki Lawrence.

Burnett was the first celebrity to appear on Sesame Street on their first episode airing November, 1969. Among other projects, she starred as the boozy Miss Hannigan in Annie (1981), the soap opera All My Children and in Glee as Sue Sylvester’s mother. Her many awards include the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

The brilliant, wise-cracking, 84-year-old Burnett is touring, answering unfiltered questions from the audience and clips from her show and other work. She’ll probably even do her Tarzan yell. We sure hope so!

Don’t miss this once in a lifetime night on Sunday, December 17 at the Comerica Theatre, 400 W. Washington in Phoenix.

TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000

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25 Days of Christmas at Charlie’s Nobody does “Christmas” quite like Charlie’s! They’ve lined up mariachis, a Country Idol singing contest, a bake sale, a turnabout show, a candlelight vigil, a strip contest, plus shows with Neveah McKenzie, Claudia B, Pussy LeHoot ... and all that snow inside! It lasts from December 2-26. Ho! Ho! Ho! (See ad on p. 23 for a complete list)

Nasty Santa For once, you’re gonna hope that you’ve been naughty. Very, very naughty! Santa’s coming from the North Pole, and he’s got a score to settle with you. Sit on his lap and talk about the first thing that pops up. If you’re good (or bad!) he just might paddle your behind—if you’re lucky! Join in the holiday fun on Saturday, December 9 at The Anvil, 2424 E. Thomas Rd. in Phoenix.

(See ad on p. 15)

Imperial Court Winter Wonderland Gala Celebrate the holidays with royalty! The Imperial Court is throwing a holiday bash with performances by the Valley’s best kings, queens, singers and musicians. The event benefits Logan’s Playground, providing daycare, education, and other services for children infected or affected by HIV/AIDS. 7-10 p.m. on Saturday, December 16 at the Parsons Center for Wellness, 1101 N. Central Ave. Tickets are only $15 and available at ImperialCourtAZ.org, look for the “Winter Wonderland” button.

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Basic B!tc# Brunch at 2601 Do you follow every Victoria’s Secret model on Instagram?

Then you might be a basic bitch. Even if you don’t, you won’t want to miss this fab brunch on Sunday, December 17 from 10 a.m. - noon. There’s a live DJ, a Pumpkin Spice themed menu, plus $10 bottles of champagne. Wear your ugly sweater.

Wear those ugly Uggs for 10% off! 2601 on Central, at 2601 N. Central Ave. Don’t tell Kate Moss. She’s basic. (ad p. 3)

New Year’s Eve Ring in 2018 with your friends! Your favorite bars are ready with noise makers, confetti, funny hats, and plenty of champagne once the clock strikes midnight. Pucker up, because you need to kiss the person next to you. It’s not only a tradition, it’s kind of a law. Check out the ads for your favorite watering hole to see how they’re celebrating! Enjoy your beverages responsibly. We wanna see you next year.

DECEMBER 2017 ION EVENTS DATE Fridays Sundays 2 2-26 7 9 9 13 15-16 15 16 16 17 17 17 18 20 21 23 23 23 24 30 31 31 31 1 1

EVENT LOCATION Angels & Demons Go Go Boys Los Diablos Sunday Funday Plazma Bears of the West Beer Bust Bunkhouse 25 Days of Christmas Charlie’s Live Entertainment: A Prima Vista Los Diablos Nasty Santa The Anvil Black Party Karamba “RENT” Sing-Along Film Bar VIP Card Weekend Dick’s Cabaret Pups ‘n’ Handlers The Anvil Heels & Harnesses The Anvil Phoenix Gaymers Meetup The Parsons Center Carol Burnett Comerica Theatre Basic B!tc# Ugly Sweater Brunch 2601 on Central A Very Mary Sismas BS West Posada Navideña Karaoke Karamba The Muppet Christmas Carol Film Bar Live Entertainment: A Prima Vista Los Diablos Merry XXXmas Bash Dick’s Cabaret WMW Sexy Santa Party Karamba “Best Package” Contest The Anvil XMas Party with Bad Santa & Kenny Bunkhouse Gear Night The Anvil Bearracuda The Rock Naked Dance Party FLEX Spas New Year’s Eve Parties Everywhere!

New Year’s Day Karaoke Karamba 6am Open -Neon Dance Party Club Volt

CITY Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix

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ArizonaDrag.com presents “Jingle Ball 2017” What a bright time! It’s the right time, to rock the night away!

Jingle bell time is a swell time ... to make plans to get cozy (and a little crazy!) at ArizonaDrag.com’s “Jingle Ball 2017” holiday party! Miss Gay America, Deva Station, will perform along with a sparkling roster of local and national entertainers and titleholders.

The “Winter Wonderland” is from 4-6 p.m with Sexy Santa photos, meet ‘n’ greets, a bake sale and lots more! Keep the yuletide bright on Sunday, December 17 at The Rock, 4129 N. 7th Ave. in Phoenix. 21+. $10 admission. Reserve your table at ArizonaDrag.com today! Photo by Scotty Kirby

DECEMBER 2017 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE TIME Sun 10 6:00pm Sun 10 Mon 18 9:00pm Tues 19 Thurs 21 Mon 25 9:00pm Tues 26 Fri 29 10:00pm Sun 31 Weds 1/3 Mondays 10:00pm Tuesday 10:00pm Tuesdays Wednesdays 10:00pm Wednesdays 10:30pm Wednesdays 10:00pm 1st & 3rd Thurs 9pm Thursdays 10:30pm Thursdays 10:00pm 1st&3rd Thurs 10:00pm 1st & 3rd Fri 10:30pm 2nd & 4th Fri 10:30pn Fridays 10:00pm Fridays 10:30 Fridays 9:00pm Fridays 9:00pm Saturdays 10:30pm Saturdays 10:30pm Saturdays 10:00pm Saturdays 9:30pm 1st Sunday 2:00pm 2nd & 4th Sun 2:00pm Sundays 8:30pm Sundays 7:00pm 3rd Sunday 2:00pm

LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S) Cruisin’ 7th Pretty In Pink Miss Cruisin’ 7th Pageant Karamba Jenni Rivera Tribute The Rock CC Swan’s Christmas Show Charlie’s Employee Turnabout Show Karamba Ruby’s Christmas Queens Show The Rock The Jackie & Olive Show Charlie’s Pussy LeHoot’s ReGifting Show The Rock Lady Christian’s Trailer Trash Revue Club Volt Neon Maqsuerade NYE - Mystery RPDR Guest Karamba Adriana’s Lip Sync Battle Show Charlie’s Claudia B & Coco St. James - The Strip Factor Karamba Savannah Moussier’s Show BS West The Next Big Star with Naomi St. James Club Volt T Party hosted by Gia DeMilo Karamba Karamba Girls - Adriana Galiano & Karime Lizaldi Charlie’s Nevaeh’s High Heels & Halos Cruisin’ 7th Camping Out with the Southern Belles Karamba Tejano Thursdays with Ruby Reynolds Charlie’s Coco St. James’ Neon Party The Rock Valentina’s Cantina with Valentina Knowles Cruisin’ 7th Olivia’s Garden Party Cruisin’ 7th Nikki at Night with Nikki Knowles Club Volt 4Some Revue with Miley, Gia, Piper & Luna The Rock Special Event Rotating Drag Shows Plazma New Times Best Drag Show Freaky Fridays with Celia Putty BS West Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers Club Vlt Volt Vixxxens with Naomi St. James & Mia Adams Cruisin’ 7th Lady Christian’s Lady & the Tramps The Rock The Barbra Seville Show Charlie’s Pussy’s Patio Show Cruisin’ 7th Excuse Our Beauty Revue Cruisin’ 7th Cruisin’ for a Cause Charlie’s Pussy LeHoot & Friends BS West The Showgirl Follies Big Sexy Show Cruisin’ 7th The Morning After with Trixxie Deluxxe December 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 47

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Scott Bradlee’s Post Modern Jukebox

This rotating musical collective is famous for reworking popular, modern music like Lady Gaga, Puddles the Clown (“Royals”) and even The White Stripes into different vintage genres. Don’t miss them Wednesday, December 6 at the Rialto Theatre, 318 E. Congress St. in Tucson. Get tickets at RialtoTheatre.com, phone: 520-740-1000 or TicketFly.com, phone: 877-987-6487. Hipster approved.

The Drums

This totes cute reverb-heavy indie pop band mashes up the best of The Beach Boys with a little New Order and touch the Shangri-Las for a super-fun West Coast frat party sound that’ll get you dancing. Wednesday, December 13 at The Van Buren, 401 W. Van Buren St. in Phoenix. Check out TheVanBurenPHX.com. Tix availabe at TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000

98 Degrees

Get in the holiday spirit when you warm up with the return of 98 Degrees, the boy band from the 1990s. They’re touring and just released the album Let It Snow featuring holiday tunes.

Hotties Nick Lachey and his brother Drew are still looking fine! Tuesday, December 19 at the Mesa Arts Center, 1 E. Main St. For tix visit MesaArtsCenter.com or call 480-644-6500

DECEMBER 2017 ION CONCERT CALENDAR DATE ARTIST 1 & 3 Phx Symphony Holiday Pops 3 Trans-Siberian Orchestra 6 Post Modern Jukebox 7 Tony Bennett 10 Taylor Hicks 13 The Drums 15 Brian Setzer Orchestra 16 Mannheim Steamroller 17 Bone Thugz-n-Harmony 19 98 Degrees 23 Lindsey Stirling 27 Jane’s Addiction 30 The Original Wailers JANUARY 10 Marilyn Manson 14 Sheila E

LOCATION PHONE Symphony Hall - Phx 602-495-1999 Gila River Casino Arena 800-745-3000 Rialto Theatre - Tucson 877-987-6487 Celebrity Theatre - Phx 602-267-1600 Musical Instrument Museum - Phx 480-478-6000 The Van Buren - Phx 800-745-3000 Celebrity Theatre - Phx 480-478-6000 Mesa Arts Ctr. 480-644-6500 Rialto Theatre - Tucson 800-745-3000 Mesa Arts Ctr. - Mesa 480-644-6500 Comerica Theatre - Phx 800-745-3000 Marquee Theatre - Tempe 480-839-0707 Orpheum Theatre - Phx 800-745-3000 The Van Buren - Phoenix Rialto Theatre - Tucson

800-745-3000 877-987-6487

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Mercury

A black comedy about an illicit affair, a couple barely hanging on, bears at the window, and a missing dog. Nobody’s happy in this production from Stray Cat Theatre about blood and revenge. Now through December 9 at Tempe Center for the Arts, 700 W. Rio Salado Pkwy. For tickets visit StrayCatTheatre.org or call 480-350-2TCA

Die Hard: A Christmas Story

John McClane tries to save his wife and others from criminal Hans Gruber during a Christmas Party, Bruce Willis style.

The All Puppet Players wreak havoc! December 1-23 at 8 p.m. at Playhouse on the Park at Central Arts Plaza, 1850 N. Central Ave. at Palm Lane in Phoenix.

Info: AllPuppetPlayers.com.

Tix: 602-254-2151

Santaland Diaries

A struggling actor finds work as an elf in Macy’s Santaland in David Sedaris’ play about the worst in people, and the bedlam of the holidays. December 14-23 at the Phoenix Theatre, 100 E. McDowell Rd. in Phoenix.

Tickets: 602-254-2151 or search PhoenixTheatre.com

DECEMBER 2017 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE

1-17 1-23 1-24 5-10 thru 9 14-31 15-21 15-23 16 17 19-24 thru 23 29-31 thru 30 thru 31

EVENT

COMPANY

PHONE

Black Nativity Black Theatre Troupe - Phx 602-258-8129 Die Hard: A Christmas Story All Puppet Players - Phx 602-254-2151 Scrooge in Rouge Mesa Encore Theatre 480-644-6500 Cinderella UofA Centennial Hall - Tucson 520-621-3341 Mercury Stray Cat Theatre - Tempe 480-227-1768 Santaland Diaries Phoenix Theatre 602-254-2151 Holiday Cabaret Phoenix Theatre 602-254-2151 A Tuna Christmas Phoenix Theatre 602-254-2151 The Forgotten Carols ASU Gammage - Tempe 480-965-3434 Carol Burnett Comerica Theatre - Phoenix 800-745-3000 Cinderella ASU Gammage - Tempe 480-965-3434 A Christmas Carol Hale Ctr. Theatre - Gilbert 480-497-1181 Joel McHale StandUp Live - Phx 480-719-6100 A Bloody Mary Christmas Space 55 Space55.org Newsies Phoenix Theatre 602-254-2151 December 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 51

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Phantom of the Opera

A malevolent “ghost” (Gerard Butler) with a hideously disfigured face lives in the catacombs beneath the Opéra in Paris. He secretly tutors the lovely Christine (Emmy Rossum), an aspiring diva. Alas! She’s betrothed to the handsome Raoul (Patrick Wilson)! Drat! Sing along to The Music of The Night in Andrew Lloyd Webber’s melodramatic “popera.”

But I’m a Cheerleader

Megan Bloomfield (Natasha Lyonne) is your pretty, popular, high school cheerleader. When her parents discover she’s a vegetarian and likes Melissa Etheridge, they send her to True Directions, a reparative therapy conversion camp for gay and lesbian kids with the sadistic Mary Brown (Cathy Moriarty) at the helm. Does it work?

Does it ever work?

Grease

You and your fag hag are FINALLY going to get to sing Summer Lovin’ together! Rydell High School bad boy Danny Zuko (John Travolta) falls for foreign exchange student Sandy (Olivia Newton-John) during the summer. School starts, and a gang of jealous girls, Rizzo, (Stockard Channing), Frenchy (Didi Conn) and some other chick cause trouble, because that’s what girl gangs do. The boys fix a car. They sing. They dance. A lot!

Costumes are encouraged at this long awaited Big Gay Sing-Along.

Adam & Steve

It’s 1987. Adam, a shy, Goth kid (Craig Chester) snares Steve (Malcolm Gets), a Dazzle Dancer at Danceteria. They go home— with disastrous results. 17 years later they meet again, without reconizing one another. Sparks fly, despite family drama and meddling roomies (the fabulous Parker Posey and Chris Kattan).

What happens when they remember that first date? Is the damage irreversible? Find out the hilarious results in this totally gay rom-com.

2018 FILM BAR BIG GAY WEDNESDAYS CALENDAR DATE December 13 December 20 January 10 January 17 January 24 February 14 February 21 February 28

EVENT Sing-Along Sing-Along Sing-Along Classic Premiere Sing-Along Classic Premiere

FILM SHOWTIME RENT 7:00pm & 10:00pm The Muppet Christmas Carol 7:30pm Phantom of the Opera 7:00pm But I’m A Cheerleader 7:30pm REVRY Presents (TBD) 7:30pm Grease 7:00pm Adam & Steve 7:30pm REVRY Presents (TBD) 7:30pm December 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 53

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Oscar Picks: Two out of Three

T

his month is stars’ and studios’ last chance to give movie audiences around the world everything they’ve got in one final attempt to garner attention for a nomination (and maybe a win) for an Academy Award on Sunday, March 4, 2018.

We’re guessing that two of the three pictures (all released on December 22) will get a golden nod. One of them won’t. Guess which one?

Pitch Perfect 3

Starring: Anna Kendrick, Rebel Wilson, Elizabeth Banks After winning the World Championships in the regrettable sequel to the spritely, heartwarming original, the aging Bellas reunite for a USO tour to make more music with their mouths while stirring up trouble—thankfully for the last time.

Opens Friday, December 22

The Post

Starring: Tom Hanks, Meryl Streep In 1971, The Washington Post helped expose the Pentagon Papers, a massive, 40-year long cover-up of government secrets. The Post’s unlikely team of publisher Katherine Graham (Streep, in everything good) and editor Ben Bradlee (Hanks, in everything else good) co-star.

What took so long? Opens Friday, December 22

The Greatest Showman

Starring: Hugh Jackman, Zac Efron, Zendaya, Michelle Williams “There’s a sucker born every minute.” Celebrated American humbug and sideshow impresario P.T. Barnum (Jackman, Les Misérables) goes from flop to fabulous in this fantastical, brilliantly filmed musical biopic loosely based on his truly astonishing life.

We hope this redeems Efron’s rep for his mounting clinkers (Baywatch, The Neighbors I & II, Dirty Grandpa, etc.).

We also hope he still takes his shirt off.

Opens Friday, December 22

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by Peter Lora pintelonegro@gmail.com

Sam Sparro Christmas in Blue

Studly, out, Aussie songster Sam Sparro is back, trading in “Black and Gold” for something blue. Sparro covers yuletide standards on this four-track EP. Although Sam’s catalogue is rooted in funk, R&B, pop and electronic music, he comes from a rich jazz background.

“Christmas in Your Heart” is a beautiful original, but Sparro flies highest on his jazzy interpretation of Wham’s holiday hit, “Last Christmas.” Available Now

SIA Everyday is Christmas Where most pop artists’ attempt at a Holiday album are a trite attempt at seizing our dough, SIA’s is a refreshing collection of new holiday tunes. She’s at home with her own brand: waltz-y piano ballads, and Rihanna tinged reggae-pop, but also the holiday bells and shuffles. “Candy Cane Lane,” “Snowman,” “Snowflake” and “Sunshine” all feel familiar enough to play around holiday song sticklers, but hold interest with their new content.

Available Now

Taylor Swift

reputation

If Swift’s intent was to evolve from an adolescent cutting her teeth on country to full-blown pop icon, it’s fair to say she’s succeeded. But at

Aural Fixation

what cost? Coming off of 1989’s award winning and record smashing peak, 2016 turned in to the year the world turned on Swift. PR blusters and run-ins with Nicki Minaj, arch-nemesis Kanye West, and the ACLU didn’t help.

Her return? Lead single from the aptly named reputation album, “Look What You Made Me Do” is a mediocre mashup of Madonna’s “Die Another Day” and Brit’s “Toxic” with lyrics that read like defensive Trump tweets. Much of the rest plays the same: sadly conventional, over-produced pop engineered to garnish mindless listens. Where 1989 lyrics read like modern day Oscar Wilde quips, reputation seems weighed down by a superficial, self-imposed villain status.

She seems happiest and at her truest form in the album’s acoustic finale “New Years Day.” Old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now?

We know she’s not dead.

Available Now

Björk

THE DL SONGS TO DOWNLOAD ARTIST - SONG Yaegi – “raingurl” Björk – “Blissing Me” Jessie Ware – “Your Domino” Kelly Lee Owens – “More Than a Woman” Tame Impala – “Taxi’s Here” Goat Girl – “Cracker Drool” Jessie J – “Queen” Fever Ray – “IDK About You” Morrissey - “I Wish You Lonely” Gwen Stefani – “Santa Baby’ December 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 57

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Tutus and Tales Rebels on Pointe Shortly after the Stonewall Riots in New York City shook up America and gay liberation took form, Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo performed their first grand jeté on the stage. This ballet corps shook up America, too, because every single ballerina is a man.

This documentary about the internationally beloved Trocks (they’re monster huge in Japan) took over four years to film. It’s more than a goofy gander at dudes in tutus performing a send-up of Swan Lake, it also examines the safe space for the openly gay dancers who—despite their terpsichorean antics in drag—are technically accomplished dancers who know their way around a pas de deux, beautifully merging campy comedy with classic choreography.

The dancers share stories with and about their families (three couples, within the corps, are married), coming out, the plague years of AIDS, and how to get toe shoes to fit a man’s foot.

It’s not the The Nutcracker. Although this critically acclaimed 90-minute documentary might not appeal to everyone who isn’t a ballet enthusiast, it’s still a brilliant examination of gender,

the arts, and exactly what’s masculine and what’s feminine on stage and in real life.

RebelsOnPointe.com ★★★★☆

The Untold Tales of Armistead Maupin

This is a documentary about America’s favorite gay storyteller, Armistead Maupin.

His serialized soap opera Tales of the City first appeared in The San Francisco Chronicle, entertaining and enchanting a nation facing LGBT issues.

Maupin’s stories were collected in book form, and finally became a series on PBS when CBS was too afraid to touch it.

Maupin tells his own story: life as a conservative, Southern bred Republican who fought in Vietnam, and moved to Sodom by the Bay where he slept with Rock Hudson (without much success), lived in the closet while pursuing journalism, men, and eventually coming out. Celebrity friends tell stories of getting stoned with the writer and his influence.

Produced for PBS, Maupin’s own tale is funny, surprising, entertaining and a “must see” for fans of the books, series or anyone interested in LGBT history and literature.

Learn more about this documentary at ArmisteadFilm.com ★★★☆☆ December 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 59

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It’s D’lovely, It’s D’licious

It’s D’lite

It ain’t always easy to eat healthy and make the right choices about what goes on your plate and then into your belly.

But, as Lady Miss Kier with Deee Lite sang so long ago, “The Groove is in the Heart!”

“How do you say, ‘DeeeGroovy’? How do you say, ‘DeeGorge’? Ooh la la, la lalalala la!”

This Dee-lite is d’Lite Healthy On The Go, a casually dressed up fast-food café newly open in the Arcadia Lite district of Phoenix. If the location looks familiar, you might remember it as a McDonald’s, but Mickey D’s moved up the road, taking their Big Mac’s with them. After a sleek, slick overhaul and fashionable remodel, the local mini-chain opened their doors in early November with new, healthy, imaginative, truly “happy meals” that Ronald could’ve never imagined.

Open for breakfast and serving through the late afternoon, you have plenty of choices. Greet the dawn with nearly a dozen different breakfasty items.

Signature items like the Breakfast Club with egg, bacon, smoked turkey, tomato and cream cheese served on a toasted sun-dried tomato bialy is a great choice (and better than an Egg McMuffin) for $6.50. You can also find three

different varieties of breakfast burritos, frittatas and more.

Oatmeal Our Way gets a new spin added to it with quinoa, granola, seasonal fruit and the choice of steamed milk. $5.50 Half a dozen sandwiches and wraps make a tasty menu choice. The Chicken Breast Panini is stuffed with tender chicken breast, portabello mushroom, feta cheese and tomato with a pesto drizzle, baked on a toasted sourdough bread. The herbaceous, garlicky pesto made this sing. $8.50 There’s also a couple of tempting vegetarian sandwiches for those herbivores out there. Fortunately, the carnivores will love the option of adding chicken, if they please for a small upcharge. You can make it combo; if you add one side and one drink you’ll save $1.50 A word about the bread: it’s spectacular.

It’s flour-y, moist-y and tremendously flavorful. I “grilled” management about where they got this manna from heaven, but mum’s the word. Apparently it’s a closely guarded secret. (I’m guessing Noble Bread, or MJ’s, the two hottest bread bakers in town to the industry.)

Looking for a burger? McDonald’s Hamburglar stole the beef when they vacated.

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sauce has a very curry-like flavor, recalling the rich and tasty gravies of India.

Get a side. We loved the Sweet Beets, a spring mix of greens with roasted beets, goat cheese and golden raisins with a raspberry vinaigrette for only $3.50. We had them add chicken and quinoa for a small fee.

If you like roasted beets, you’ll love it, however there was barely a trace of the promised vinaigrette, which would’ve added a lot more zip to the dish.

Burgers here are a house-made black bean and quinoa burger served on a toasted artisan bun. With three to choose from, we chose Early Bird Style, including the patty topped with a fried egg, pepper jack cheese, tomato, spring mix greens and a spicy, chipotle aioli drizzle, $8.50. Watching carbs?

You can get yours served “naked,” on a bed of spring mix greens with balsamic vinaigrette.

You can always opt for a Bowl. The d’Veggie Bowl offers steamed quinoa, a spicy, creamy portabello bisque, topped with spicy chipotle aioli drizzle, feta cheese and diced tomato with a side of toasted bagel chips. $9.50. The

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This leads me to my one disappointment: portion size. I’m not expecting Claim Jumper-sized helpings, but it wouldn’t hurt if sandwiches and burgers were a tad bigger. Most everything is à la carte.

Don’t expect a side of potato salad, a cup of soup, fresh fruit ... anything. Not even a slice of cantaloupe or a leaf of (ugh) kale. The d’Veggie Bowl had plenty of room for more quinoa, for example.

Plenty. Unless you eat like a bird, you’re likely to leave wanting more.

An inspiring collection of hot and iced coffees are on the menu, as well as smoothes, shakes, juice and tea.

Everything is locally sourced where possible (that’s a big plus!) And

vegetarians will jump for joy at the menu including more than salad, salad, salad. d’Lite is warm, sunny, and charming. The chairs and stools are upholstered in a bright, lime-green naugahyde, and the support walls where Playland used to be are covered in an artificial creeping fig vine, adding a lively bit off fresh-looking whimsey.

The staff here is outstandingly nice (and there’s one tall, dark and handsome guy working the counter you’re bound to fall in love with, boys! You’ll know him when you see him. (His photo’s on their Facebook page!) Got questions? The

staff is happy to help! This is the fourth location in the Valley, with another on the way.

Drive-through is available if you’re in a hurry.

The Groove is in the Heart at d’Lite Healthy On The Go.

3214 E. Indian School Rd. 602-368-9445 6 a.m- 4 p.m.

DLiteHealthyOnTheGo.com

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The holidays are upon us! It’s an “add to cart” time of the year, and hellzapoppin with the sizzling Holly Peña Popper! She brought a little bit of her own style to our annual Holiday Gift Guide by suggesting some of her favorite gift ideas for gift-giving.

Handsome Stephen Burgi helps spice up the season, too. Who wouldn’t want to find him under their tree?

You’re bound to find the perfect something for friends, family or that special “someone.”

It’s an easy way to shop, and no one gets hurt!

May all of your wishes come true!

Photos by Scotty Kirby Text by Deon Brown Decor by Jamie Henderson-Mays Models are Holly Peña Popper, Stephen Burgi Anastasia Banks, Jason Bannecker Dr. Carmen Mora & Claudia Ramirez December 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 65

Studmuffin Desserts

Give your fave hunk a stud bucket of cookies!

You’ll lose your head over the birthday cakeflavored Marie Antoinettes! We get all frou-frou with their piss-elegant Jackie O’s: meringue chocolate chip cookies, too. Just ‘cause we love Jackie, too. $25 Lots more goodies at StudMuffinDesserts.com

Souvia® Tea

Our fore bearers loved tea. A revolution was waged because of tea right here in America. Ever hear of the Boston Tea Party? In the winter it insulates, in the summer it ventilates. Hot or iced, we love tea! Choose from a wide selection of over 130 premium loose leaf teas, herbals, botanicals, matchas, tisanes, organics and more from the best estates in the world. Souvia® Tea also offers classes about tea. Shop Local First! Available for shipping online, too.

15414 N. 7th St. Suite 8 in Phoenix 602-938-1216 SouviaTea.com

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Casten Design Backpacks

It looks basic, but don’t be fooled. We love the affordable Vandra Collection backpack! Features include two expandable compartments, one for office or school gadgets, one for clothes or towels. It’s water and dirt repellent, includes an anti-shock system keeping electronics safe, anti-theft pocket, charging port, hidden lockable zippers, and a “trolley” handle strap. A theft-proof padlock, bluetooth lost & found tracker are only $10 more each. Six color patterns available, starting at $109. It’s Swedish, and they make all the cool stuff! No meatballs included.

CastgenDesign.com

The Carol Burnett Show

“I’m so glad we had this time together ...” America’s favorite funny lady entertained audiences for 11 years with 279 television episodes of The Carol Burnett Show. Time-Life presents one of TV’s best shows of all time. Choose from their 50th Anniversary Editions with “The Best of” with 16 episodes ($30) or get more with 33 ($100) or even 60 episodes ($200).

Carol’s Lost Christmas showcases three of her early holiday shows for $10.

Available at TimeLife.com and Amazon.com

Personalized Light-Up Safety Dog Collar Keep your pooch safe with this high-visibility, brightly lit LED collar with three light-up modes.

You can personalize it with your own choice of a combination of 21 different colors, your dog’s name, phone number, or anything you want printed on the collar. Includes a rechargeable lithium Ion battery pack and a FREE USB charging cable. It’s water resistant, made right here in the USA by a family owned business since 2003. These collars are guaranteed for life! No questions asked! Only $22.95 (regularly $34.99) Questions? Call 1-855-HOTDOG1 HotDogCollars.com

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Higgins & Cole Jolly good show! Anglophiles, antique collectors, menswear fashionistas and anyone looking for that unique gift will love Higgins & Cole’s merchandise and yesteryear’s fine haberdashery with a veddy, veddy British style.

Purveyer and curator Jason Bannecker chooses a fine selection of decorating accessories for the home, plus a dazzling choice of sport coats and neckties that make a statement at holiday parties or year ‘round. HigginsandCole.com or search on Facebook.

Located in Modern on Melrose at 700 W. Campbell Rd., Phoenix 602-418-3316

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Refresh Yourself at Innova MedSpa

You deserve to feel great in body, mind and soul. Dr. Carmen Mora believes that health and beauty go hand in hand. She’s a caring, licensed, board certified expert and can help you with natural aesthetics, hair regrowth, acupuncture, bio-identical hormone therapy, medical weight loss, nutrition, medical marijuana prescriptions and much more, including vaginal rejuvenation for the ladies and penile enhancement for the men. How about a little freshening up with some Botox for the holidays?

You’re worth it!

1530 W. Glendale Ave. Schedule your consultation today.

Make an appointment, calling 602-973-1774 Visit DrCarmenMora.com

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Moon Light

“Snap out of it!” If you’re feeling a little “moonstruck” over someone special, why don’t you give them a little moonlight to let them know? The soothing glow of this photorealistic moon light adjusts brightness and color from soft white to yellow creating a luminous atmosphere for a little lunar love. Includes a rechargeable batter and USB power cord. Available in 4 sizes (3.5” to 7.9” diameter) $34 to $64 each.

TheApolloBox.com

Pride & Joy Rhinestone Clutch

Why chase rainbows when you can own your very own! This newly released, dazzling, mini-clutch will catch everyone’s eye wherever you go. Ideal for that special lady—or queen—in your life. Meticulously handmade with removable 20” gold chain, top magnetic closure, goldtone hardware, leather lining, sparkling with high quality imported rhinestones. Each purse is exquisitely packaged in a gift box with velvet pouch.

8.5” l x 1.75” w x 1.25” h -- Now on SALE for $269 (Regularly $569) Order yours at TheLimeLightCollection.net or call 805-870-LIME

PhoneSoap 3.0

Hey, germophobes! Stop putting poop on your face! The average phone has 18 times more bacteria than a public toilet seat. PhoneSoap 3.0 is a paperback-sized gadget using UV-C rays (the same ones hospitals use) with quartz plating and reflective paint to sterilize your smartphone.

It only takes 10 minutes, recharging the phone, too.

Try PhoneSoap XL, big enough for tablets and other objects, plus other germ-killing iPhone cases and disinfecting products.

Available in seven colors, $59.95 at PhoneSoap.com

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Ox Horn Drinking Vessels

Toast the holidays and ring in the New Year Game of Thrones style with these genuine, ethically sourced ox-horn vessels, mugs and tankards. They arrive in a burlap sack from Norse Tradesman. Veterinary Health Sanitary Livestock certified and the rich, natural horn is sealed with food-safe lacquer. 100% guaranteed, money back.

$40-$45 at NorseTradesman.com.

“The Lannisters send their regards.”

Tahoe Wood Maps

Voted USA Today’s “Ten Best Arts & Crafts Makers in America” for 2017, Tahoe Wood Maps 3-D maps create intricate maps of the Hawaiian Islands, San Francisco, Manhattan, and other special places in America. We’re partial to the Grand Canyon—these fascinating maps span the entire length of this natural wonder of the world, illustrating the North and South Rim, points of interest, and displaying elevations from the mighty Colorado River to the Kaibab Plateau.

A fabulous gift for the “Arizona Lover” in the family.

Large: 31” x 16” x 2” deep. $290 Small: 21” x 12” x 2” deep. $180 Mini: 12” x 6” x 1.25” deep. $85 Built in the USA using custom designed machines.

TahoeWoodMaps.com

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Beyoncégraphica

by Chris Rogers

Calling all the single ladies—and dudes! Pour a glass of Lemonade! Discover everything you wanted to know about Queen B in this innovative, graphic biography detailing everything about her life, career, astonishing accomplishments and impact on pop music.

Illustrated, color photos and 100 specially commissioned infographics. $29.99 SRP. Hardcover, 224 pp.

Published by QuartoKnows.com and available on Amazon.com

Breaking Down the Walls of Heartache

by Martin Aston

Popular music’s queer DNA from Little Richard to David Bowie, to k.d. lang is examined in this fascinating, comprehensive general history of LGBTQ personalities and influences. The first and ultimate history of popular music’s queer past, present and future.

Hardcover, $29.95 SRP from BackBeatBooks.com and also available on Amazon.com 78

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Peabo Pots

Each Peabo Pot is unique, made completely by hand by the artist right here in Phoenix. Modern, simple and organic, they make a terrific grab-’n’-go gift! The combinations of shapes and sizes are endless! We love the slightly risqué T & A theme of PeaboShot Vega$! planters, ideal for succulents. About 2.25” tall x 1/8” wide. Buy a group for only $15 each.

Check out their other great stuff at PeaboPots.com

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Propel Batwing HD Video Drone with Remote Controller

The Dark Knight himself uses this high performance aerial stunt 3-speed drone to chase the Joker, Riddler, Penguin, and other bad guys. Record HD videos with the built-in 720p camera. The 6 axis gyro keeps the Batwing stable, and air pressure sensor enables autohover, take-off and landing. Includes 2.4Ghz controller, micro-drone, USB charger, battery, training cage and replacement propeller blades. $65.99 at Target.com

The Year of the Geek:

365 Adventures from the Sci-Fi and Fantasy Universe by James Clarke

A new book that’s a great gift for nerds, dorks and geeks! This weird and wonderful daily adventure in the world of sci-fi and fantasy geekdom provides a fascinating look at Star Wars, The Matrix, superheroes, Japanese anime and more with brilliantly illustrated, full-color infographics. It’s enough to bring the geek out of anybody. $25 SRP. Hardcover, 224 pp.

Published by QuartoKnows.com and also available on Amazon.com

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Whiskey Peaks Rocks Glasses

The U.S. National Park Service is over 100 years strong!

Celebrate by raising a glass with this handsome set of four handblown double-old fashioned premium lead-free glasses featuring a raised topographic impression of America’s greatest peaks: Half Dome, Denali, Mt. Rainier and Mt. Whitney. A “must” for any chilled beverage, like Tito’s Handmade Vodka. (Make Alka-Seltzer for your hangover and create a mountaintop blizzard!)

Set of 4 $52.98 at Huckberry.com

White Sauce Slick

Finally! A slick you can feel good about. Crafted in small batches right here in Phoenix, White Sauce is all natural, made using only beeswax, olive oil, coconut oil and water. The unscented, creamy lotion is a luxurious emollient. Women love it’s skin-softening qualities. Men will be delighted with how well it performs with other “personal rituals,” too. (If you know what we mean!) Free shipping in the USA! 8 oz. $15.69, 2 oz. $7.69 Order your supply at WHITESauce.me

OhMiBod Club Vibe 3.Oh Hero

For the newest in adult personal pleasure, this wearable, interactive music-driven remote control massager will keep the boogie alive, down deep inside. Vibration modes” Tease” and “Groove” respond to freestyle and pre-set vibrations, but you’ll really dig the “Club” mode, reacting to ambient noises and musical beats for a big crescendo! It has USB rechargeability for the remote control and the Vibe, operating in a wireless range up to 20 feet. $129. Exclusively made by luxury line of adult pleasuring devices at OhMiBod.com Order yours at LoveLifeToys.com

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Carol Burnett Comerica Theatre

2601 on Central Basic B!tc# Brunch

BS WEST Drag Queen Bingo

Club Volt Open 6am

Club Volt Neon Masquerade NYE

BS WEST The Next Big Star (W)

OZ BAR Poker (W)

2

BS WEST The Next Big Star (W)

The Cash Free Dance Lessons (W)

Los Diablos Trivia & Tacos (W)

Charlie’s Pussy LeHoots ReGifting Show

26

Charlie’s Employee Turnabout Show

Bar 1 Karaoke with Calvin (W)

19

The Cash Free Dance Lessons (W)

Los Diablos Trivia & Tacos (W)

12 Hannukah Begins

5

TUESDAY

Los Diablos Wing It & Sing It (W)

Film Bar RENT Big Gay Sing Along

3

27

Charlie’s It Snows!

Bar 1 2-4-1 Everything (W)

Charlie’s Mariachi Christmas

Plazma Beautiful Losers Comedy Show (W)

Los Diablos Wing It & Sing It (W)

Bar 1 2-4-1 Everything (W) The Rock Valentina’s Cantina

Plazma Sinful Studs (W) Dick’s Cabaret WTF Wednesday (W)

4

OZ Bar Karaoke (W)

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Karamba Ruby’s Christmas Queens Show

21

14

The Rock Valentina’s Cantina

Los Diablos Live Entertainment! A Prima Vista

7

THURSDAY

Dick’s Cabaret WTF Wednesday (W)

Charlie’s Nevaeh’s Christmas Show

Film Bar The Muppets Christmas Carol

20 Hannukah Ends

13

Plazma Sinful Studs (W)

Charlie’s Miss & Mister Charlie’s Pageant

6

WEDNESDAY

I N PARTY CAM EVENTS • (W) WEEKLY EVENT

Karamba New Years Day Karaoke

The Rock Bearracuda

JANUARY 1

Stacy’s @ Melrose Karaoke (W)

Charlie’s Candlelight Vigil

31 New Years Eve

Los Diablos Monday Night Football (W)

Bunkhouse Bad Santa & Kenny Thames

25 Christmas Day

The Rock CC Swan’s Christmas Show

18

The Rock IGNITE Monday Night Chats(W)

Karamba Jenni Rivera Tribute

24 Christmas Eve

17

Charlie’s Christmas with Bunkhouse

Cruisin’ 7th Pretty In Pink

11

Stacy’s @ Melrose Karaoke (W)

OZ Bar Bingo (W)

10

Charlie’s Naughty or Nice Strip Contest

4

MONDAY

Plazma NFL Sunday Funday /Free Pool (W)

3

SUNDAY

December 2017

5

Karamba Black Party

The Anvil Nasty Santa

Children’s Museum of PHX Festival of Trees

Sheraton Grand Red Brunch

OZ Bar Karaoke & Dart Tourney (W) Plazma Sinful Studs (W)

Los Diablos Angels & Demons (W)

6 Plazma Freaky Friday (W)

Los Diablos College Playoff HQ (W)

Los Diablos Angels & Demons (W)

Dick’s Cabaret Merry XXXMas Bash

Karamba WMW Sexy Santa Party

The Anvil Gear Night

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23

The Parsons Center Winter Wonderland Gala

Hotel Congress Tempest DuJour’s Game Show Night

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9

2

SATURDAY

The Rock LC’s Trailer Trash Review

29

Charlie’s The Nightmare Before Christmas

OZ Bar Karaoke (W)

22 Winter Solstice

Dick’s Cabaret VIP Card Weekend

The Anvil Pups & Handlers Night

Plazma Freaky Friday (W)

Charlie’s Men of Charlie’s Finale

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8

Plazma Celia Putty’s Freaky Friday (W)

The Parsons Center World AIDS Day Candlelight Vigil

1 World AIDS Day

FRIDAY

hydrat

DRINK & EVENT GUIDE

PHOENIX FRIDAY SATURDAY

SUNDAY

Anvil

DIRTY DADDY DANCERS 10pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

WILD MEN of the WEST 7:30pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

BEER BUST $3 Pitchers All Day HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

Bar 1

HH 10am-7pm

$2.25 Domestic Bottles 7pm-9pm

$1.50 Bud Light Drafts $2 Canned Beer

HH $4 Well & Beer $2 OFF Apps/GlassWine/Prem.Spirits

Brunch Specials 10a-3p $12 Bubbly $5 Bloodys/Sangria

$12 Bubbly, $5 Bloodys 10a-3p 1/2 OFF Cock. 2-7pm KARAOKE 9p

Elements Show 10:30pm $5 ABSOLUT All Night

2-4-1 All Day/All Night Go-Go Boys, Extended Patios VIP

Sunday Funday KARAOKE 10p $2 Miller - $3 Marys & Mimosas

2-4-1 Well / Dom 8am-2pm $2.50 Miller Products

2-4-1 Well / Dom 8am-2pm $2.50 Bud Products

Happy Hour All Day JAZZ w/ Kenny Thames 7pm

The Cash

HH $3 Well & Dom 4-8pm $1 Drafts 8-10pm $5 Long Isl 10-cl

HH $3 Well & Dom 4-8pm DJ Delicious 9pm

HH $3 Well & Dom ALL DAY KARAOKE 8pm

Charlie’s

$3 Pitch/2-4-1 Well-Dom 2-7pm $1 Draft 10pm-Mid

2-4-1 Well/Dom Noon-7pm $3 Absolut/Barcardi Flavors 10-Mid

Super Happy Hour 4-7pm $3 Pitch / $3 Lng Island Open-Cl

Club Volt

4SOME REVUE 10pm $4 4Some Cock.

VOLT VIXXXENS 10pm HH 4-8pm 2-4-1 Dom. & Well

WMW’s FLESH 10pm HH 2-4-1 12-8pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Olivia & Nikki 10:30pm

Dirty Daddy Dancers 4:30pm Lady Christian 10:30pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm TS Dancers 10pm

2-4-1 VIP Dances 7-9pm

Off the Hook Tons of Prizes & Giveaways

2-4-1 Cover, Wristbands & VIP Dances

HH 3:30-6:30pm & 11pm-Close $2 OFF Apps / Well / Wine / Beer

$4 & $5 Big Brunch Drinks 10a-3p HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

$4 & $5 Big Brunch Drinks 10a-3p HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

Vaquero Fridays 9-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $3 Drinks

Top 40 Saturdays 9-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $3 Drinks

Top 40 Sundays Diamond Show $3 Pitchers Beer Bust

Finally Friday HH 3pm-7pm Reverse HH 10p-Close

HH 12pm-Close $5 Dom Pitchers $7 LIT&AMF Pitchers

Oz Bar

$3 Well & Dom $6 Call ALL DAY KARAOKE 8pm-Cl POKER 7pm

$3 Well & Dom $6 Call ALL DAY Darts 2pm KARAOKE 8pm-Cl

$3 Well & Dom $6 Call ALL DAY Bingo 1p

Plazma

$3 Well & Dom Until 8pm $4 3 Olives & $3 Fireball Shots

HH $3 Well/Dom Btl/Drft 12/8pm All Male Revue 10pm

Beer Bust until 7p $3.50 Dom Pitch KARAOKE 8pm-Cl 2-4-1 $3 Shots

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm KARAOKE 9pm

2-4-1 11a-7p KARAOKE 9p Barbra Seville Show10p

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom. 11am-cl

HH 4-8pm Live DJ $2 Rolling Rock

HH 4-8pm Live DJ $2 Rolling Rock

Sunday Funday $3 Mimosas DJ $1.50 Rolling Rock & Well

Bliss/ReBar

BS West Bunkhouse

Cruisin’ 7th

Dick’s Cabaret FEZ

Karamba Los Diablos

The Rock Stacy’s

Br

W

Brunch 10am-2pm KARAOKE 2pm-6pm $4.50 Mimosas, $7 LI / AMF / Marg Pitchers

Br

TUCSON FRIDAY SATURDAY Hotel Congress

IBTS

Live Music on the Patio Tom Walbank 7p DJ Dirtyverbs 10p

Free Dance Party 10pm DJs Sid the Kid, BOBFelix & More!

Flawless Fridays with China Collins

Saturday Night Starrletts with Janee Starr

Br

Br

SUNDAY Br

Hot Club of Tucson 10:30pm Club KARAOKE 10pm 2-4-1 9p-Close KARAOKE

MONDAY

TUESDAY

Beards, boxers & Briefs $1 OFF HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

$2 Miller High Life & well vodka cocktails 8pm-close

WEDNESDAY 2-4-1 WELL 8pm-close HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

KARAOKE 9pm $2.75 well, dom bottle & drft

THURSDAY KARAOKE 9pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm 2-4-1 U-Call-It 10am-2am (except shots & pitchers) $4 Bellinis

HH ALL DAY $4 Well & Beer $2 OFF Apps/GlassWine/Prem.Spirits

$3 OFF Toco Platters $5 Margaritas TRIVIA 6:30p $4 Drafts

20% OFF ENTIRE BILL (excludes discounted items)

$20 Any wine bottle $15 Any wine bottle w/ food purchase

1/2 Price Drinks

Next Big Star 9:30pm $3 Coors Light / $5 3 Olives Vodka

2-4-1 All Day / All Night Go-Go Boys - A Valley Tradition VIP

WMW X-Posed 10pm with Aimee $3 Miller Lite / $6 Titos

HH 2-4-1 Well / Dom 8am-2pm

HH 2-4-1 Well / Dom 8am-2pm

HH 8am-2pm | $4.50 Fireball( All Day) KARAOKE 9pm $3.75 L.I.

HH 2-4-1 Well / Dom 8am-2pm Underwear Night WMW $1 Off

HH $3 Well & Dom 4-8pm Dance Lessons 7:30pm

HH $3 Well & Dom 4-8pm KARAOKE 2-4-1 Well 8pm

HH $3 Well & Dom ALL DAY 2-4-1 Well & Dom 10pm-close

Underwear Party 8pm-Cl Half off with your Pants Off $3 J.D.

2-4-1 Cocktail / Beer 8pm-Close

$3 Pitcher / $3 Absolut 8pm-Close

2-4-1 All Cocktails & Beer Open-Close

CLOSED MONDAYS

CLOSED TUESDAYS

T-Party Trans Go-Go Dancers HH 4-8pm 2-4-1 Dom. & Well

HH 4-8pm 2-4-1 Dom. & Well

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm TS Dancers 10pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Wild Men of the West 10:30pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Comedy Night 9pm

2-4-1 Cover, Wristbands & VIP Dances

Amateur Night Starts at 10pm

WTF Wednedays $5 Cover and almost everything else!

$5 Cover!

With coupon on our website

$5 BIG Margaritas ALL DAY HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

$5 Classic Martinis ALL DAY HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

$2 OFF Glasses of wine 50% OFF Bottles of wine

$5 BIG Signature Cocktails G Spot / O Spot / B Spot/ A Spot

KARAOKE 9pm $3 Drinks / $3 Pitchers

Cumbia Night Savannah Show $3 Drinks / $3 Pitchers

Salsa Nights $3 Pitchers Karamba Girls Show

Urban Thursdays Ruby Show $3 Pitcher $3 Drinks

HH 3pm -Close $3 Well & Domestics 7pm-Close

Taco & Tequila Tuesdays $5 Patron & Margs $4 Dos Equis

HH 3pm-7pm KARAOKE 7pm-Cl All Drinks Buy 1 get 1 for $1 7-Cl

HH 3pm-7pm $3 Well & Domestics 7pm-Close

$3 Well & Dom $6 Call ALL DAY Trivia Night 9pm

$3 Well & Dom $6 Call ALL DAY Poker 7pm

$3 Well & Dom $6 Call ALL DAY Poker 7pm

$3 Well & Dom $6 Call ALL DAY KARAOKE 8pm-Cl POKER 7pm

HH 2-4-1 4-8pm $2 Well & $3 Domestic

HH 2-4-1 4-8pm $2 Well & $3 Domestic 9pm-Close

2-4-1 4-8pm Sinful Studs 9pm-Mid

HH 2-4-1 ALL DAY Beautiful Losers Comedy SHow

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm KARAOKE 9pm

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm Underwear Night

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm

KARAOKE 9pm-Close HH All Day

HH All Day SONGO 6-9pm $5 Martinis All Day

2-4-1 All Day Live DJ

HH 4-8pm Live DJ $1.50 Rolling Rock 4-mid / Well 8-mid

MONDAY

TUESDAY

Br

90s House Party 10pm w/ DJ Sid the Kid 90¢ PBR Br

3-4-1 Well Drinks 8p-Close KARAOKE

Taco & Tequi

Geeks Who Drink Trivia Night 8pm

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Tequila & Mexican Beer ALL DAY

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WEDNESDAY

Br

THURSDAY

Live Music

Salvador Duran 7pm OPTI CLUB Dance Party 10pm

Viva La Diva Show with Diva

2-4-1 All Day Go Go Boys 11pm

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PHOENIX Address

1. 2601 on Central

Phone

2601 N. Central Ave.

Coming Soon!

2. Anvil

2424 E. Thomas Rd.

(602) 334-1462

3. Aqua

1730 E McDowell Rd.

(602) 253-0689

4. Bar 1

3702 N. 16th St.

(602) 266-9001

5. Bliss/ReBar

901 N. 4th St.

(602) 795-1792

6. Boycott Bar

4301 N 7th Ave.

(602) 515-3667

7. BS West

7125 E. 5th Ave., Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

8. Bunkhouse

4428 N 7th Ave.

(602) 200-9154

9. The Cash

2140 E McDowell Rd.

(602) 244-9943

10. Charlie’s

727 W. Camelback Rd.

(602) 265-0224

11. Club Volt

3108 E. McDowell Rd.

(602) 244-1465

12. Cruisn’ 7th

3702 N. 7th St.

(602) 212-9888

13. Dick’s Cabaret

3432 E. Illini Rd.

(602) 274-DICK

14. FEZ

105 W. Portland St

(602) 287-8700

15. Flex Spas Phoenix

1517 S. Black Canyon Hwy.

(602) 271-9011

16. Karamba

1724 E. McDowell Rd.

(602) 254-0231

17. Kobalt

3110 N Central Ave. Park Central (602) 264-5307

18. Los Diablos

1028 E Indian School Rd.

(602) 795-7881

19. NuTowne Saloon

5002 E Van Buren St.

(602) 267-9959

20. OZ Bar

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd.

(602) 242-5114

x

21. Plazma

1560 E Osborn Rd.

22. The Rock

4129 N. 7th Ave.

(602) 266-0477 (602) 248-8559

x

23. Stacy’s @ Melrose

4343 N 7th Ave.

TUCSON Address

25. Hotel Congress 26. IBTs

Phone

311 E Congress St., Tucson x

616 N 4th Ave, Tucson

(602) 264-1700

x

(520) 622-8848 (520) 882-3053

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After you’ve polished off the egg nog, cleaned up,

and finished bitchin’ about who was cheap, who was a hot mess and who should’ve stayed their asses at home, I invite you to settle into this month’s Favorite Bitch®. It’s all about people with problems - and problems don’t get put on hold just because it’s the holidays!

Dear Miss Tiger, My mom insists that my boyfriend and I sleep in separate bedrooms when we visit her this Christmas. The whole thing is ridiculous! We’ve been having sex for two years! Any advice?

— Sorority Sophomore Dear Silent Night, Look, don’t nobody’s mama wanna be cleanin’ up around the throne to be reminded that their little princess is rockin’ a tarnished tiara … NEXT! Dear Miss Tiger, There’s a sexy teller at my bank. He flirts with me and I’m definitely feeling him! What should I do about it?

— Ben Dear Get Fingered Like An ATM Machine, Hopefully his deposit & withdrawal will have your pelvis bouncin’ like a January rent check after Christmas!

Dear Mensch Tiger, Our daughter and her shiksa stayed with us last Hanukkah. My husband and I woke up hearing a banging headboard and my daughter moaning! This is sensitive subject; we don’t know how to discuss it with her.

They’re returning this year. Vey is mir!

— Bubbee

Dear She Ain’t Kosher - But Try Writing To Kris Jenner About This Shtick, The only thing that’s sensitive about this situation is your daughter’s nosh!

P.S. If she’s brazen enough to go at it like she’s in her own apartment, then she can handle it when y’all drop a house on her ass!

Dear Miss Tiger, I bought Christmas gifts for my new boyfriend. All he got me was a card!

— Jason Dear I Hope He At Least Bought A Hallmark, Had you waited until AFTER CHRISTMAS to give up the booty, maybe you’d be counting presents instead of counting paper cuts from a cheap-ass card!

Dear Miss Tiger, What should I get my best friend for Christmas? He’s gay and loves to bottom.

How about a subscription to Grindr?

— Yvette Dear He’s Been Doing Just Fine With The Free Version, Give his tricks a rest … and give him a remote control vibrating plug Club Vibe 3.OH Hero from OhmiBod.com!

Not only will it save him money from avoiding late night Uber rides … it’ll save him a trip to the free clinic in the New Year!

Miss Tiger

Advice Columnist • Radio personality ... and everyone’s #FAVORITEBITCH Website FavoriteBitch.com Twitter/Instagram MissTiger Advice ask@misstiger.com December 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 95

by Addison DeWitt

who’s visiting from Chi-Town.

These beauties almost break Instagram!

A

s I look back on the avenue of days that have whizzed by during 2017, I’m reminded constantly about the Cast of Thousands who make this crazy state what it is. Now, what exactly is it? I’m not sure, but here’s my annual Gab Fab List™. If you made it, believe me, it’s an honor. But you don’t get paid for it.

A

I get all itchy & twitchy “down there” for handsome, hunky blue movie stars Jacob Peterson and his on again/off again squeezie pie, Peachiz, (A)

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It’s always Cinco de Something-o when Mishal Mishal and Ish (B) turn on some Mariachi Madness for an audience. Talk about “muy caliente!”

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2017

Gio. (C) Dancer. Entertainer.

Former Mr. Phoenix Pride.

And quite possibly the best non-neutered mouser in the tri-county area. He’s always a creative crowdpleaser, and this time I didn’t know whether to tip him or give him C a bowl of Friskies.

Much better than “Cats.”

B

D

Readers, we’re looking for a Christmas Miracle in the Old Pueblo. Read this and cry.

Little Miss Jenna DuMay (D) put out a cry for help on Facebook. She needs her Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash! Actually, the exact words she used were, “Where the FUCK is Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash? #TisTheSeasonMyAss.” Jenna.

Darling. Baby Jesus doesn’t like a

potty mouth this time of year, honey.

When it comes E to Gag Drag (and I mean that in a loving, caring way), I go loco for Vera Saucy, shown here with Simon Benjamin, (E) seized with a case of the dry heaves, apparently.

F I love the parties they throw!

G-g-g-gorgeous David Perre and his dreamy lovah, G Andrew Dubry of VOLT Nightclub opted for elective surgery to deliberately and medically conjoin themselves.

(F) They’re inseparable as it is and figured, “Why not?” I mean, have you ever seen them apart? (Hey, I can’t blame them!)

It’s just another boring, ordinary day, saving the world from evil, nasty tofu when you’re for Doug

H

Long, masquerading secretly as Captain Camembert the Homo Havarti, Big Cheese and Superhero of the Dairy World, enemy of the lactose intolerant.

(G) Perhaps one day his heroic exploits, like the time he destroyed the Cheez Whiz factory, will be recounted by Hip Historian, Marshall Shore. (H) Indeed!

Finally, the annual award for “Party Penguin of the Year ©” goes to Micah James. He’s the Banana Nut Bread creative genius when it comes to turning, twirling and twisting everything up just enough to make you deliciously uncomfortable.

Like tweaking his fake nipple riiiight here. (I)

Do something scandalous and shocking in 2018.

This column doesn’t write itself, you know.

I

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Mercury goes into retrograde—again— December 3-22. Think about the year that was; tie up messy, emotional loose ends.

(You knew there was a reason for those wild mood swings, right?) The Winter Solstice settles in on the Thursday, the 21st at 9:27 a.m. in Arizona. The Moon is in Aquarius, and that means it’s a perfect time to rage with your freakiest friends, celebrating the Saturnalia. Venus makes a shift into Capricorn on the 25th, saving the day from awkward moments with less agreeable family members over Festivus dinner. The Moon is in Gemini on New Year’s Eve, while Polaris condenses energy toward Earth, turning that night into a real barnburner and you’ll shine your brightest! Happy New Year!

Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20 You’ll be tested this Holiday Season, from parking lots to lines in the mall (we know you hate shopping). This makes it harder to get your way. Your confidence attracts helpful people. Use it to your advantage.

Taurus April. 21 - May 20 This time of year either makes you extrasensitive, or it’ll make you a teeny bit needy.

You’re experiencing “Feelings Overload.”

Take a deep breath and strengthen emotional bonds.

Gemini May 21 - June 21 Distance may separate you from someone special, but that doesn’t mean you have to be alone. You can always go shopping with the hordes, but be careful! Don’t strain your finances. It’s tempting.

Cancer June 22 - July 22 Your brain is working overtime. The New Moon on December 19 makes your imagination, dreams and fantasies come alive. It’s a great time to believe in something—like that jolly old elf. He’s totally real.

Leo July 23 - Aug. 22 Balancing your emotions means you’re going to uncover a secret. What will it be? Wait and find it or you’ll spoil the surprise! Share your 100

WWW.IONAZ.COM December 2017

affection. Someone from your past shows up.

Is it Santa, or...?

Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22 You’re revealing secrets. About yourself.

You’re also asking more questions than Oprah Winfrey. Your natural charm has everybody flocking to the mistletoe to stand next to you. Start kissing!

Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22 With everything going on, you might feel a little scatterbrained. Relax. Take a deep breath. Focus on big ideas! Big projects! The New Moon and Mercury retrograde together give you a second chance.

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23 The Winter Solstice presents a watershed of equality. That moment with equivalent hours day and night sets the tone. Weigh everything carefully. Give and take. Win and lose.

Compromise is the answer. And chocolate.

Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23 It’s all about discovery this month. You find yourself on a pilgrimage. The journey is never ending, and you love that. Birthday Sags can expect an adventure with your family— functional, or dysfunctional as they may be. There’s a wide range for you. But that’s family!

Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20 Expect to find yourself in the middle of a social whirl, meeting new people, taking up a cause, and finding your tribe. You’re forced to be honest with others. Birthday Cappies find a surprise karmic reward coming. It packs a real wallop, too!

Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19 Things take a sentimental turn with Mercury retrograde. You should know all it takes is a hug and a kiss to put drama behind you.

The tempo of your life accelerates, so stay optimistic. You usually are.

Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20 Your honesty and criticisms are blunt. That’s not news. It always has been. Coupled with your enthusiasm for new projects you get an extra push you need for a project. Like throwing a New Year’s Eve party!