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HALLOWEEN PARTY
KARAMBA
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ON THE COVER The portraits you see of our models come from the expert eye of Scotty Kirby Photography. Scotty can capture the most important moments of your life on film. Visit ScottyKirby.com for details and “Like” him on Facebook. Cover model Matt Salmon’s tattoo represents his Mormon heritage with the “CTR” shield, modified with “LLH” for “Life, Liberty, Happiness.” Matt believes this is a better pursuit than what is widely promoted with “Choose the Right” by Mormon society. “It’s also my favorite part of the Declaration of Independence.” Artist: Eric from Love and Hate Tattoos, Phoenix. The open heart pouring water reminds him to “not just let life happen, but to live.” Artist: Christopher Robbin from Golden Rule, Phoenix.
DRAG SHOWS • MEN OF STRUT • GOGO BOYS UNDERWEAR NIGHT • SHOW TUNES • KARAOKE
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3819 North 3rd Street Suite 26, Phoenix, AZ 85012 (602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com ionarizona@me.com Publisher / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero ............................................ jacktesorero@me.com
CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw ..................................................... kbushaw@me.com Editor Deon Brown ................................................... ionazeditor@me.com COPY EDITOR .......................................................... Austin Head GRAPHIC DESIGNER ......................................... Angel Jimenez SOCIAL MEDIA DIRECTOR ..................... Stacey Jay Cavaliere PRODUCTION & Artwork SUBMISSIONS
ionazproduction@me.com Advertising Sales Karrington Valenzuela ............................................... (480) 760-3073 Shane Martos ............................................................ (206) 769-3845 Danny Catt, Regional Sales Director ......................... (520) 429-5905
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All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee. NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.
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WEDNESD AY S
T H U RSDAYS
COLLEGE NIGHT
Time w o h S @TheBAR
9pm-close • $5 Cover 18+ • No Cover 21+
Starts Nov 7
Showtune Showdown starting at 7pm
$3 Lifestyle Cans of Red Bull (all flavors) & NoHo
Cabaret Revue
promptly starts at 9:30pm
$5 smirnoff martinis
FRIDAYS
S AT U R D AY S
VIBE Evolution Every Saturday
EDM
Every Friday
Top 40
Resident DJ Drew Spinning the Latest Electronica
Resident DJ Urban Spinning the Hottest Top 40 Hits
$3 smirnoffs until 11pm
SUNDAYS
4-8pm
Sunday Church
2 smirnoffs & beer bust great music • patio games music videos & more $
9pm-close
SINFUL SUNDAYS 2-4-1s
718 N Central Avenue | Phoenix, AZ | 85004 602.258.6122 | thebaroncentral.com | facebook.com/thebaroncentral November 2013 www.IONAZ.com 13
PET PRIDE
ZORF’S
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REINCARNATION
BS WEST
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HAlloween
APOLLO’S LOUNGE
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COOK Phoenix Join the Human Rights Campaign Arizona for their second COOK Phoenix event on Saturday, November 16 at Margaret T. Hance Park near downtown Phoenix! COOK is a chance to sample culinary creations from many of Phoenix’s finest restaurants and help HRC raise funds to end sexual discrimination. Chef Gabriele Bertaccini will be giving cooking demonstrations. How great is that? It happens at the east side of Margaret T. Hance Park, 67 W. Culver St. For details visit HRC.org/ cookPhoenix. See ad on p. 38
SAAF Festival for Life This is the 25th anniversary of a growing event. Get a chance to bid on a collection of fine artwork, gift baskets, holiday creations, collectibles, oneof-a-kind items and more. The “Paper Prayers” are always a hallmark of the event as cards and tokens of good health. Register starting at 6 p.m. on Saturday, November 16 at the Chinese Cultural Center 1288 W. River Rd. in Tucson. For tickets call 520-628-SAAF or visit FestivalForLife.com
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The Imperial Court’s Prince & Princess Ball Come be part of the fun and the entertainment of the Imperial Court of Phoenix when they celebrate girl groups, boy bands and duets at the Prince & Princess Ball. This is a fundraiser benefiting Logan’s Playground. Donations at the door are welcome! It happens on 7 p.m. on Friday, November 22 at The Rock 4747 N. 7th Ave. in Phoenix.
Las Noches de las Luminarias A uniquely Phoenix holiday tradition is the magical wonder of Las Noches de las Luminarias at the Desert Botanical Gardens. Various nights will feature Dickens Carolers, Mariachi, Handbell ensembles and much more. What a way to ring in the season! Various evenings from November 29-December 31. 1201 N. Galvin Pkwy. For tickets visit DBG.org or call 480-481-8188. For details and info see the ad on p. 6
NOVEMBER 2013 ION EVENTS LISTINGS DATE
Sun & Thurs Sundays Weds. Weds. Thurs. Fridays Fridays Sats. 3 8 11 15 15-16 16 Phoenix 16 16 20 20 22 23 27 27 28 28
2-4-1 AQUA Church/Sinful Sundays The Bar on Central Humpday: Male Review OZ Bar College Night The Bar on Central Showtime & Cabaret The Bar on Central Vibe w/ DJ Urban The Bar on Central Alternative Poker Tour Zorfs EDM The Bar on Central Dykes to Dames Rainbow Cactus Bearracuda The Rock Lady Gaga CD Release Party BS West Wingspan Classic Omni Golf Resort & Spa Get Stuffed Bash Dick’s Cabaret Imperial Court “Ain’t Gonna Be Pretty” Show
EVENT
LOCATION
Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale Tucson Phoenix Bunkhouse
CITY
SAAF Festival for Life Cook Phoenix Charlie’s 29th Anniversary Ozlicious Potluck & Food Drive Imperial Court Prince & Princess Ball Beyoncé/Justin Timberlake Tix Party Underwear Fashion Show Carnaval Latino Thanksgiving Potluck Thanksgiving Day Party
Chinese Cultural Ctr. Hance Park Charlie’s OZ Bar The Rock Karamba OZ Bar Karamba OZ Bar Karamba
Tucson Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix
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OKTOBERFEST
ROSCOE’S ON 7TH
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America's First Gay Sports Bar! 4531 N. 7th St Phoenix, AZ 602-285-0833
roscoeson7th.com
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Broadway’s Next H!t Musical Hey, show queens! Join in the fun with this two-act musical improvised on the spot. The first act is an award ceremony spotlighting nominees for a “Best Musical” based on audience-created song titles. The second act is the entire musical based on the winning song from act one. Jazz hands! Friday, November 15 at Scottsdale Center for the Arts
Fifty Shades of Felt Picture Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood—on Wisteria Lane, that is. Except much naughtier. Nearly Naked Theatre in association with All Puppet Players presents a very, very, very inappropriate piece of theatre—all in felt—guaranteed to make you feel “fuzzy,” but not in a Sesame Street way. Check out this world premiere at the Phoenix Theatre Little Theatre November 16-30. 100 E. McDowell Rd. For info & tix visit NearlyNakedTheatre.org or call 602-254-2151
White Christmas It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas—and the best way to ring in the Holidays is at Phoenix Theatre with their traditional production of Irving Berlin’s “White Christmas.” You can almost smell those chestnuts roasting on an open fire November 20-December 24 at Phoenix Theatre, 100 E. McDowell Rd. Get your tickets at PhoenixTheatre.org or call 602-254-2151
November 2013 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE EVENT LOCATION 1-12 Driving Miss Daisy Desert Stages Theatre 8-17 Oklahoma! Mesa Encore Theatre thru 9 The Mountaintop (Tucson) AZ Theatre Co. thru 10 A Steady Rain Actor’s Theatre thru 10 Hairspray AZ B’way Theatre 14-12/1 The Mountaintop AZ Theatre Co. (Phx) 15 Broadway’s Next H!t Musical Scotts. Ctr. for the Arts 15 Joan Rivers Chandler Ctr. for the Arts 16-30 Fifty Shades of Felt Nearly Naked Theatre thru 17 The Lion King ASU Gammage 20-12/24 White Christmas Phoenix Theatre 22-12/29 Sound of Music AZ B’way Theatre 29 The Capitol Steps Scotts. Ctr. for the Arts thru 30 Dirty Rotten Scoundrels Hale Theatre 12/4 Margaret Cho Rialto Theatre, Tucson
PHONE 480-483-1664 480-644-6500 520-622-2823 602-253-6701 623-776-8400 602-256-6995 480-994-ARTS 480-782-2680 602-254-2151 480-965-3434 602-254-2151 623-776-8400 480-994-ARTS 480-497-1181 520-740-1000
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Christopher Rice Keeps it Spooky
by Deon Brown 34
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estselling author Christopher Rice conjures the shadowed terrors of the Louisiana bayou in The Heavens Rise, his new atmospheric supernatural thriller. It’s been a decade since the Delongpre family vanished, except for Niquette Delongpre, the survivor who ran away, but with a newfound capacity for destruction. She alone knows the source of her bizarre—and very deadly—abilities. Ten years earlier, construction workers dug into a long-hidden well that snaked down into the waters of the Louisiana swamp and stirred something—a microscopic parasite that perverts the mind and corrupts the body and has the potential to alter the future of humankind. Someone else has been infected—a man not content to live in the shadows, but to use his newfound powers for one reason: revenge.
Christopher Rice, 35, is the son of legendary bestselling author Anne Rice (Interview with a Vampire) and an awardwinning author of six novels. ION Arizona spoke to him about writing and his upcoming appearance with his mother in the Valley.
ION: Did you always know you would be a writer? CR: No. I thought I’d be an actor. I went to college believing I’d take my theatre department by storm. I discovered upon arrival that they were heavily fortified. They did not call me back for a single audition. I was reading and writing oriented but I didn’t think I was going to do it as a career if I wasn’t going to write material for myself to perform. So I went to my computer and started writing and nobody could disrupt that connection. ION: Is this book the most satisfying? CR: I want to say it’s always the most recent one because it has everything you know in it and learned over the course of writing the previous books. There was a novel called Blind Fall which was the most gratifying; it was the best reviews I’ve ever received and I took a big risk and wrote it from the point of view of a
ION: How did you settle on The Heavens Rise? Christopher Rice: I decided to write another novel set in southern Louisiana before I decided to write a supernatural novel. I wasn’t willing to go back and write another book about all the people who were shitty to me in high school, which is basically what A Density of Souls is about. It’s fine to write that book once, but—oh my god—do you really want to write that book over and over again? From a marketing standpoint that makes sense because that book did really well. I’m sure there are people who want me to write the same book, but grow up!
Christopher with his mother, Anne Rice. November 2013 www.IONAZ.com 35
marketplace. Are books that are not necessarily niche fiction best? Or is it all gonna be zombie/ monster fiction or hardcore, straight erotica? This will allow for the eccentric gay writing, or the drag queen memoir. Now there’s the ability for a young, gay writer to write something and self-publish it. There’s no guarantee it’s going to be a success, but more than there was in 1993.
straight, force recon Marine. I was told by several Marines that I got it right, and that was as gratifying as a full page, glowing review in a major newspaper—which that book also got. ION: Starting a book, or finishing it? What’s the hardest? CR: Starting. Absolutely. I want to outline it to perfection and it never works. It’s not as big of a mess on the first draft as I make it sound. Usually I outline and research up to a point then it’s, “Fuck it, let’s do it. Let’s see what happens.” ION: Is there still a place for gay writing? CR: It’s changing because the way people consume books is changing. It’s become a matter of where do people find the writing. We’re seeing a lot more [gay] romance novels and the mainstreaming of a lot of gay culture. I’m kind of mainstream, so I don’t see that as being a bad thing. What’s ideal is some sort of publishing models that allow for the exceptional, risk-taking books. That’s the fear with the e-book 36
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What’s interesting is the explosion of women writing male-for-male romances. I avoided them for a long time because I thought, “What do these women know?” I started reading them ... they know a lot! And they’re very good! Harper Fox is a wonderful novelist in that category. She writes well done romance novels between two men. Discovering her work was a revelation. ION: What’s the worst book you ever read? CR: That’s a really hard one since my favorite genre is suspense, thriller and horror. I had a book club with some friends of mine; we read some “literary novels” that I thought were just awful. The worst one was called Tinkers, and it won the Pulitzer Prize! It was experimental to the point of being incoherent and pretentious. It’s hard when it’s a book— and I’m sure people feel this way about me because of who my mother is —or when you see someone elevated and pushed at you by a marketing machine as being “the thing.” You feel an obligation to stand up and say, “No, that’s not ‘the thing.’” I’m not someone who believes there should be no critics and only good reviews. I’m not that guy. I’m pretty critical. ION: What frightens you? CR: A loss of control, which is what I put in this book. The idea that somebody else can assume control over your mind and make you do whatever they want with you. A loss
of control underlies all of my greatest fears. Flying is one of my fears. Another is the wild and nature. I’m not a big outdoorsman. And I hate snakes. ION: You’re the son of Anne Rice. Were you brought up with stories of vampires, witches, warlocks and homosexuals? What was it like? CR: I had nothing to compare it to. That’s what it was like at the time. Now it seems completely weird. It seems like this alternate reality that we lived in. We do big events together on the book tour, but she hasn’t popped out of a coffin at a single one. ION: Do the Goth people come? CR: We do get Goth people; the costumes don’t come out anymore, but the people who used to wear them do. There was a couple who named their child Vladimir Lestat. ION: How come you didn’t turn out to be a vampire, witch or warlock? CR: I don’t think I have the genetics. The unfortunate thing is that most of the wildness happened when I was a teenager and all teenagers are mortified by their parents. Imagine how I was feeling! Teenagers are inwardly focused and wildly insecure— and I was guilty of all of those things. Your mom is doing all of these wild and crazy things in public and you just want everybody to like you and fit in. I wish that had happened during a different period of my life when I was more grown
up; I would’ve appreciated it more. It’s a fascinating story and I’ll tell it someday. ION: OUT magazine lists you as one of their most eligible bachelors. CR: I’ve been in the top ten two times in a row. If I’m on the list again it’s gonna be suspicious. People are gonna wonder, “Is he into sadism? Why is he still single?” You can only appear on that list so many times before people start to think you’ve got a body in your basement. ION: Who are your most eligible bachelors? CR: I have a soft spot for British diver Tom Daley, but he’s a little young for me and apparently he’s not gay. I went through a long period of grieving. Jonathan Groff (Glee, Spring Awakening, and Zachary Quinto’s ex-) is ... just ... wow. I’m looking for the one. I’m looking to settle down. I just started dating somebody ... but it’s very early. ION: What’s the strangest question anybody asked you? CR: “What do you really think of your mother’s writing?” The way it’s phrased implies that everything you’ve said about your mother’s writing before is a lie. Well, I think she’s very good.
Christopher Rice and his mother, preternatural vampire storyteller Anne Rice will magically appear at Changing Hands Bookstore, 6428 S. McClintock Dr. in Tempe on Thursday, November 14 at 6 p.m. Catch The Dinner Party Show with Rice on Sunday evenings 5 p.m. Pacific. Visit TheDinnerPartyShow.com
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Saturday November 16, 2013 HRC Arizona will bring together 8-10 local restaurants for the second annual COOK Phoenix, a tasting event and cooking competition you don’t want to miss!
GeneRAl AdmissiOn: $25 includes admission to the event, unlimited food tastings and annual HRC membership. mARGARet t. HAnCe PARK 67 West Culver street, Phoenix, Arizona 85003 hrc.org/cookphoenix
COOK Phoenix is a chance to sample culinary creations from many of Phoenix’s finest restaurants, and vote on your favorite restaurant while enjoying live entertainment, a festive atmosphere and live cooking demonstrations by celebrity chefs! COOK raises funds to help fund HRC’s efforts to ensure a nation where every citizen is treated equally, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.
s Vision Photography
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“ e it ever so humble there’s no place like home.” These GLBT friendly realtors, mortgage brokers and apartment homes can help you find the perfect place to call home!
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Miss/Mister Phoenix Pride Preliminaries It won’t be long ‘til we celebrate the Mister and Miss Phoenix Pride 2014. Preliminary contests are currently picking the cream of the crop. Support the King and Queen of your choice as the contestants are selected. • Sunday, November 17: Miss Rock • Sunday, December 15: Mister Rock • Sunday, December 3: Miss Karamba • Sunday, December 10: Mister Karamba
NOVEMBER 2013 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE TIME LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S) Sun 3 4:00pm Rainbow Cactus Dykes to Dames Sun 10 10:30pm Karamba Veteran’s Day Show with Diamond Mon 4 & 18 6:30pm ZOAN Drag Bingo with Sasha B. Bacon Fri 8 & 22 9:00pm ZOAN Freaky Friday with Celia Putty Mon 11 9:00pm BS West Lady Gaga CD Release Party Mon 11 3:00pm Charlie’s Pussy LeHoot’s Veteran’s Day Show Thurs 14 Karamba Lady Gaga Tribute Fri 15 10:00pm The Rock Scandaleyez Fri 15 AQUA Drag for A Dream Sat 16 9:00pm Bunkhouse Beyond the Valley of the Dolls (This Ain’t Gonna Be Pretty) Sun 17 The Rock Miss Rock Pageant Sun 17 AQUA Premios Gracias with Susana Martel Sun 17 7:00pm BS West La Caged Wed 20 9:00pm Charlie’s 29th Anniversary All Star Show Thurs 21 10:30pm Karamba Ruby’s White Ball & Birthday Fri 22 7:00pm The Rock Prince & Princess Ball Sat 23 Karamba Black Party Fri 29 10:00pm The Rock Lady Christian’s Trailer Trash Revue WEEKLY SHOWS Mondays 10:00pm BS West Desiree & her Fantastic Four Mondays 10:00pm Charlie’s Barbra Seville w/ Strippers! Mondays 10:00pm Apollo’s Naughty or Nice Bingo with Lezbein & Eryka D. Knowles Tuesday 10:00pm Karamba Savannah Moussier’s Show Wednesdays 9:00pm IBT’s Viva La DIVA Wednesdays 10:30pm Karamba Girls of Karamba - Adriana Galiano, Karime Lizaldi, & Celeste Wednesdays 10:00pm Charlie’s Nevaeh’s High Heels & Halos Thursdays 10:00pm The Rock Queens of the Damned with Coco St. James & Celia Putty Thursdays 10:30pm Karamba Tejano Thursdays with Ruby Reynolds Fridays 9:00pm IBT’s Absolutely Flawless with China Collins Fridays 10:00pm Cruisin’ 7th The Barbra Seville Show Fridays 9:00pm BS West Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers Saturdays 9:00pm IBT’s Starrletts with Janee Star Saturdays 10:30pm Cruisin’ 7th The Fabulous Mia Inez Adams Saturdays 10:00pm The Rock The Barbra Seville Show Saturdays 10:00pm icepics The Olivia Gardens Show / A Touch of Soul with Maraya Jordan Saturdays 9:30pm Charlie’s Pussy’s Patio Show Saturdays 9:30pm Zorf’s BeDazzled 1st & 3rd Sun. 12:30pm Cruisin’ 7th Sunday Morning Madness with Miss Celia Putty Sundays 8:30pm Charlie’s Pussy LeHoot & Friends Sundays 10:30pm Karamba Diamond’s Show November 2013 www.IONAZ.com 41
THANK YOU Thank you to all of our sponsors for your amazing and continued support of Phoenix Pride and the Rainbows Festival! Because of you we are able to contribute over $100,000 back to the community annually!
RAINBOWS FESTIVAL
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Luminarias D E S E R T B OTA N I C A L G A R D E N
presented by
Join us this holiday season for Las Noches de Las LumiNarias and chihuLy iN the GardeN Each night of Luminaria, the Garden will come to life with the soft glow of more than 8,000 hand lit luminaria bags, thousands of white twinkle lights and the bright and vibrant colors of Dale Chihuly’s works of art. Members only General Public hours
December 5 – 8 November 29 and 30, December 1 – 4, 9 – 23 and 26 – 31 5:30 – 9:30 p.m.
Performing at Las Noches de las Luminarias Chris Burton Jácome • Dickens Carolers • Domingo DeGrazia & Beth Daunis • Duncan Family Mariachi Luz del Sur • Mariachi Pásion • Poranguí • Traveler • Will Clipman • Handbell Ensembles (Programming subject to change)
to Purchase tickets • Order online at dbg.org/luminaria • Call 480 481.8188 (8 a.m. – 5 p.m. daily) • Visit the Admissions Box Office (8 a.m. – 8 p.m. daily) Sponsored in part by:
Entertainment sponsored by:
Get the latest Luminaria updates at 1201 N. Galvin Parkway, Phoenix, AZ 85008 | 480 941.1225 | dbg.org
by Jackson David Kelly jacksonkelly@cox.net
Avicii
True This will be the EDM album of 2013. And that’s saying a lot considering the popularity of dance. This is Avicii’s debut; he teams up with vocalists including Adam Lambert and Audra Mae to produce an album part folklore, part funk, part pop and a whole lotta muscle. This pushes the boundaries of dance music to a level that’s bold. Lead single “Wake Me Up,” is catchy with its mesmerizing guitar riffs, while tracks “Shame on Me” and “Lay Me Down” are Daft Punk times ten. Standout songs here are “Hey Brother,” “Addicted to You” and “Long Road Way to Hell” featuring a throwback, twang bassline that will make you bust a move. Grade: A
Celine Dion
Love me Back to Life Seven years since her last album and the “greatest singer in the world” still has chops to make us shiver. Edgier than ever, with a gritty edge (by Celine standards) is what this is all about. She’s working with talent behind the careers of Adele and Sia but remains loyal to Walter Afanasieff and Babyface. First single and title track soars with a vibrato that is only Dion and with phrasing never heard before. Also of note are the covers “Overjoyed” and “At 17” as well as Journey’s “Open Arms” on the Asian edge. Then there’s the raspy “Water and a Flame” and the duet with Neyo on “Incredible” that showcase this album’s diversity and commercialism. GRADE: B
November 2013
Yo, DJ! What’s New? Lady Gaga
Artpop On her junior release Gaga goes EDM and ditches the semi urban/pop/dance feel that encompassed her previous releases. Though she seems most comfortable with the process this time around, the end result leaves the listener wanting more maturity—especially from an artist who’s captivated the world. “Applause,” though catchy, proves tepid and—sadly—not all that memorable. Suggested second single “Aura” is much of the same with an even more thumpish bassline. This set’s bright spot—funny enough—is the raw title track with its stripped down appeal as well as the Rick Rubin penned “Dope.” Nevertheless, you Little Monsters will still be enthralled. GRADE: B-
Look for other new music from: Donna Summer, A.F.I., Avril Lavigne, James Blunt, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Barbra Streisand and Erasure (holiday themed). In other music news, the infectious Home Depot “proposal” that went viral featuring an equally infections ditty by Betty Who gets signed by RCA. Though a critically acclaimed EP is already available (highly recommended), look for a budding new career on the horizon—and all this because of a perfectly orchestrated emotional cyber hug. Yes, please! ‘Til next month… www.IONAZ.com 47
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So You Think You Can Dance? The hit FOX TV show showcases some of the nation’s best dancers with a variety of hip-hop, ballroom, street, jazz and about every other dance style you can think of. But don’t expect Shirley Temple to tap dance onto the stage. Season 10 finalists show off Monday, November 25 at the Comerica Theatre 400 W. Washington St. in Phoenix. For tix visit LiveNation.com or call 602-379-2888
30 Seconds to Mars Selling over 10 million albums worldwide, this rock band’s concept albums and experimental music has earned them comparisons to Pink Floyd, The Cure, Tool and U2. Lead vocalist (and actor) Jared Leto is super cute, too. Rock out with them at the Rialto Theatre, 918 E. Congress St. Tucson. For tix go to RialtoTheatre.com Ticketfly.com or call 877-987-6487
Justin Timberlake The Mousketeer-turned-boy bander with the poodle hairdo from ‘NSYNC grew up, did it with Britney, brought sexy back and now he’s in his “Suit & Tie” and bringing his “20/20 Experience” to Phoenix on Monday, December 2 at the U.S. Airways Center, 201 E. Jefferson St. For tix go to TicketMaster.com or or call 800-745-3000
NOVEMBER 2013 ION Concert Calendar DATE ARTIST LOCATION 3 Lisa Marie Presley Musical Instrument Museum - Scotts. 5 Selena Gomez US Airways Center 7 Lyle Lovett Fox Theatre - Tucson 9 Heart Casino del Sol - Tucson 9 Nine Inch Nails US Airways Center 16 Drake US Airways Center 19 Pearl Jam Jobing.com Arena - G’dale. 21 Pat Benatar Wild Horse Pass Casino - Chandler 22 Michael Bublé US Airways Center 22 Morris Day & the Time Celebrity Theatre 25 So You Think You Can Dance Comerica Theatre 29 Kool & the Gang Talking Stick Resort - Scotts. 29 30 Seconds to Mars Rialto Theatre - Tucson 30 BB King Celebrity Theatre DECEMBER 2 Justin Timberlake US AIrways Center 6 Aaron Carter Crescent Ballroom
PHONE 480-748-0000 800-745-3000 520-547-3040 800-344-9435 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-840-0457 800-745-3000 602-267-1600 602-379-2888 800-745-3000 877-987-6487 602-267-1600 800-745-3000 602-716-2222
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by Kimberly M. Ruff kimberlymruff@yahoo.com
Ender’s Game Starring: Asa Butterfield, Harrison Ford, Ben Kingsley In the not-too-distant future, Earth is attacked by an alien race called the Formics (known as “Buggers” for their insect-like appearance.) Bracing itself for an invasion, the International Fleet begins training children to find a candidate to lead the fleet and fill the shoes of legendary war hero, Mazer Rackham (Kingsley, Iron Man 3). Already noted for his exceptional intelligence, Andrew “Ender” Wiggin (Butterfield, The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas) is pulled from school and put in the program. Once there, he proves to be gifted, resulting in his promotion where he trains directly under Mazer Rackham. Full disclosure: Ender’s Game is based on the book by outspoken Neo-conservative, Mormon author, Orson Scott Card, who came under fire for criticizing gay marriage. While his personal beliefs have no bearing on the film (regarding adaptation and original content), ION feels it is important to inform its readership about this fact to ensure they can make an informed opinion. Release Date: November 1
The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Starring: Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson, Liam Hemsworth In this second installation of Suzanne Collins’ Hunger Games trilogy, Catching
Fire, Katniss (Lawrence, Winter’s Bone) and Peeta (Hutcherson, The Kids are Alright) must return to the arena to fight for their lives. Again. After winning the 74th Annual Hunger Games, Katniss and Peeta embark on a Victory Tour only to discover that—while media darlings—their rule-breaking shenanigans have earned the ire of President Snow (Sutherland, Ordinary People). This doesn’t help, with the upcoming Quarter Quell—the Celebrity All-Stars of Hunger Games that happens every 25 years in which previous victors return to the arena to duke it out. With death on the line, will their fledgling love survive? Almost makes my prom seem halfway decent. Almost. Release Date: November 22
Philomena Starring: Judi Dench, Steve Coogan Dame Judi Dench (The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel) stars as the title character—a woman who has spent her adulthood trying to find her son after being forcibly separated from him by nuns in an Irish convent in the 1950s, a not necessarily uncommon occurrence for unmarried Catholic women during the postWar era. Her story comes to the attention of Sixsmith (Coogan, Hamlet 2), a British journalist whose career has hit a bit of a slump. He’s immediately taken with the story and works alongside her to track down her son with emotionally charged consequences. Directed by Stephen Frears (The Queen), Philomena is a remarkable character study brought to life by not just the irrepressible Dench, but by the equally complex performance of normally comedic Coogan. A “must see.” Release Date: November 22 November 2013 www.IONAZ.com 51
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by Wes Bergman wesobergman@yahoo.com
Unhung
The Heat (2013)
Hero (2013)
Starring: Patrick Moote
Starring: Sandra Bullock, Melissa McCarthy Written by “Parks and Recreation” staff writer, Katie Dippold, this action comedy stars Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side) as Special Agent Sarah Ashburn, a FBI agent who takes an assignment to work on a case to prove that she can, too, work well with others and deserves a promotion. She gets on the wrong side of Detective Shannon Mullins (McCarthy, Bridesmaids) and when her efforts to rid herself of the abrasive, foul-mouthed flatfoot are shot down by her boss, the two gals reluctantly team up. Like any good buddy cop film, this odd couple’s initial repulsion with one another’s idiosyncrasies lends itself to newfound respect for each other’s unique qualities courtesy of a series of events that prove they’re more asset than liability. While this is the technical breakdown of the plot, it’s also a good summary of the evolution of my opinion. I found Ashburn’s “by the book” prissiness juxtaposed with Mullins’ “tough but fair” loose cannon distracting, but as one loosened up and the other unbuttoned more. I was pleased to see how compatible these two actresses were with each other, and if there’s anything to be said about any cop picture: chemistry is key. Like Gibson and Glover in “Lethal Weapon.” You know what? Forget my analysis, folks—some movies are just plain fun and this was one. Available on DVD.
And if you weren’t already emasculated by women in law enforcement (gasp!), Patrick Moote’s “cockumentary” about his quest for the perfect pecker, Unhung Hero, should do the trick. The adorable Moote had his heart crushed in a most dramatic way in 2012 when his then-girlfriend turned down his Kiss Cam proposal at a UCLA game—a spectacle so spectacular, it became a YouTube sensation. If that wasn’t bad enough, she told him his privates weren’t measuring up. Literally. Thus begins Moote’s year-long quest to determine if size really does matter. While Unhung Hero might sound like some emotionally unstable narcissist’s 90-minute long crotch-watching equivalent of navelgazing it brought to light some of the odd things men do in the name of vanity. Moote’s discussion with sex advice guru Dan Savage is an insightful highlight. There are countless documentaries discussing female body issues, there are woefully few exploring how men view themselves, which makes Moote’s willingness to put himself out there (and it doesn’t get any more “out there” than discussing your junk) to open this dialogue. I’ll argue that one’s character is far more important than the package it comes in—and Moote has character in spades. Available on DVD.
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A Collection of Local Independent Favorites
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by Albert Rivas arivas3@gmail.com
S
ean Hayes is back to television in a new series “Sean Saves the World.” He’s a divorced gay father to a teenage girl Ellie (Samantha Isler) who moves in with him. The show’s cast is pretty much made up of nobodies besides Hayes and his best friend, Liz (Megan Hilty from “Smash”). Yes, the premise seems overdone and the laugh track needs to be dialed down but there’s some potential here. Having come from “Will & Grace” I was expecting a whole lot more from Hayes’s character. We’ve seen him as the high-pitched over-the-top, scene-stealing queen and here he’s very watered down. After a few episodes he’s finally getting into the role. There are some loopholes such as Sean’s overbearing mother, Lorna (Linda Lavin), who sets him up on a date and later that evening is ready to break down the door when he doesn’t answer. So far the only savior for the show is the quick-witted Liz. She’s seen more as the older sister to Ellie, who just seems drugged up on Adderall. NBC wants to “Save Sean” as they are temporarily shelving “Parks & Recreation” for a few weeks.
Return of the Goofballs Speaking of gays, FOX brings us “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” staring Andy Samberg as an NYCPD detective, Jake Peralta. Set in the Brooklyn precinct it’s a twist from camera work we’ve seen from “The Office” and no annoying laughing track. “The only puzzle he hasn’t solved, is how to grow up” says his Sergeant Terry Jeffors (Terry Crews). Jake’s partner, Amy Santiago (Melissa Fumero) is the by-the-book yet still be flirty with Jake. She reminds me of a cross breed of Carla from Scrubs and Hilda from Ugly Betty. There’s also Captain Ray Holt (Andre Braugher), the gay authority figure of the ensemble. The cast is diverse and being gay isn’t a fad for the show but finds a way to make everyone relatable. There are no stereotypes and that makes this show refreshing although the hulk, Terry Jeffors, screams like a girl when in the line of fire. Detective Rosa Diaz (Stephanie Beatriz) who is one tough cookie and in shocking turn of events isn’t just “The Sassy Latina with an Accent.” It’s a new kind of normal with this cast. There are funny moments and this show has potential to be great. It’s been picked up for a full season and after watching the first few episodes you can see why.
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Pizza People Pub
ust like Streisand sang, “People. People who need Pizza People ... are the luckiest people in the world.” Well, she should’ve sang it that way. Memories light the corners of my mind. Pizza, mac & cheese, sandwich and burger memories ... of Pizza People Pub. If you cherish the memories of Mary Beth and Tim Scanlon with their Pizza People Food Truck, you probably know by now that they teamed up with Tom Jetland of Switch, FEZ and the founder of Ticoz to found their first brick ‘n‘ mortar pizza pub. Yes, happy days are here again. Tom’s culinarily creativity and restaurant savvy has never met a stoney end. They made a place where anywhere you hang your hat is home. The former Cheuvront’s on Central is their home, but with a smart remodel it’s no second hand rose. It’s a “happening” near Hance Park, you might say.
The main event is certainly the twelve artisan pies (plus endless combinations of a pie you can build). Each arrive with a 10-inch crust made from house-made dough. The “Testosteroni” is more traditional with red sauce, mozzarella, pepperoni, ground beef, Italian sausage, onion and basil. How lucky can you get? Handsome Chef Matt Gooding is a regular Prince ... of Tides. And pizza Another chart topper is the “Date Me” with mozzarella, goat cheese, minced prosciutto, chopped Arizona dates, fresh arugula and agave vinaigrette drizzle. All pizzas are under $10, so the server won’t rain on your parade when you get the check. Speaking of servers, oh my man, Roger, I love him so. Ask for Nicholas and you’ll say, “Well, hello, gorgeous!”
Start off with the amazing Chicken Wings (ten for $10.95). You have nothing to be guilty of because they’re baked, not breaded and fried. They’re big, moist and luscious with crispy skin. Six different preparations are sweet inspiration for these babies. October 2013 www.IONAZ.com 57
& Cheese, I’d be surprised if Pizza People’s didn’t win the Oscar. You’ve got ten amazing, different varieties of the classic with creative twists in each one—mushrooms, paprika, truffle, bleu cheese and more. Add bacon, chicken, ground beef or Italian sausage for a trifle more. Mini Mac: $3.95 or Biggie Mac for $9.95. Spare me the guilt trip. I’m already nuts for it. Papa, can you hear me? Because the burgers and sandwiches are award winning. The Fairmount Fire burger is for those who like it hot and spicy. It comes with chiles, mozzarella, romaine and a Buffalo-like red hot sauce on a brioche bun for $9.95. Did we mention it’s hot? I hope the Sloppy Seoul stays. It’s a fresh take on the traditional “Joe” with Korean sweet & spicy barbeque topped with kim chee and romaine. Six other sandwiches or burgers make picking a winner difficult. Each come with a fresh, mild, crunchy agave apple cole slaw. In a city battling it out for the best Mac
A full bar with creatively crafted cocktails is also available. Don’t miss their Happy Hour from 3-6:30 p.m. daily. So on a clear day you can see forever. All the way to Pizza People Pub. No more hunger and thirst, but first be a person who needs Pizza People. That’s what Barbra would sing, anyway. Who am I to argue?
Pizza People Pub 1326 N. Central Ave. Phone: 602-795-7954 PizzaPeopleAZ.com
The Refuge cafe and wine bar now open in the Melrose District We proudly serve Cafe Esperanza, the coffee that provides much needed funding to Arizona charities The Refuge is your refuge from the everyday. A social enterprise to support the programs of
Hours: 7 a.m. to 9 p.m. daily 3 to 6 p.m. happy hour daily 4727 N. 7th Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85013 | 602.265.1725 | TheRefugeAZ.com
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Try us! Bring in this coupon and receive a free nonalcoholic beverage valued up to $5. One per person. May not be combined with other offers. Expires December 31, 2013.
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GABRIEL Browne He always told himself that he would never get tattoos but that’s clearly changed. Gabriel Browne looked at life and what is important to him, incorporating his family ties with “Family is Forever,” four-leaf clovers and advice from his mom, “Be True To Yourself” among others. His favorite: “Imperfection is Beauty.” The artist is Kyle from Sketches Tattoo. November 2013 www.IONAZ.com 65
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Domenic Colangelo An Italian dental hygiene student from Connecticut. Domenic loves nature, nutrition and fitness. His tattoo artist’s name is Daniel Limon and he’s at 4 Fourty Four in Tucson. “I started getting tattoos when I was 18 and I thought it was a great way to express myself and have a snap shot of who I was and what I cared about at that time in my life.” November 2013 www.IONAZ.com 67
. y h t l a e Be H Stay Sexy. • Same day appointments available • Testosterone Assessment • STD Testing/Treatment • Primary Care
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Dr. Warren Moody Warren Moody’s love of the great outdoors inspired his nature-themed tattoos done by Jason Louiselle in the Roosevelt District. “These are works in progress. I’ve actually gotten another one since this shoot.” Dr. Warren Moody is a medical doctor and the medical director of Community Medical Center where he serves those in need of care.
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David Mendoza Besides being a tattoo enthusiast, David has a busy professional career and is an athlete belonging to a number of local teams. David has three dogs and works, lives and plays in central Phoenix. “I got my tattoos to express the opposite side of my professional career...And I also think they look sexy on other guys.� All of his tattoos were done by Victor Figueroa at 2012 Tattoo. November 2013 www.IONAZ.com 71
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Austin scobee Austin Scobee’s artwork incorporates intricately drawn natural elements, like a hummingbird and a dragonfly hovering near a lily on one arm with the word “Hope” surrounded by various icons on the other. Austin is a hairstylist at V1 Salon in Ahwatukee. He lives downtown with his Boston Terrier, Jackson. His artwork was done by Manny Lopez. November 2013 www.IONAZ.com 73
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JUSTIN NAfFZIGER AKA URSULA MAJOR Body modification artist/piercer by day, queen by night, Justin Naffziger performs as Ursa Major. “A combination of ink, steel, eyeshadow, blood, sweat, and a whole lot of fake hair make me what I am today; I’m not afraid to get dirty doing what I love to do.” Sometimes bearded, sometimes hairy, sometimes fishy, sometimes scary. “Both of my careers are things that I’m passionate about. I have spent years learning the craft of piercing (which is a whole lot more than punching holes in people—trust me) and teaching myself the art of drag and performance along the way.” His artwork comes from Black Rose Tattooers, Southbound Studios, both in Tucson, AZ and Pierced Hearts in Seattle, WA.
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For many people, tattoos are like stories. They’re symbolic of important moments in life. “Each tattoo that I have represents a life event—some are good and some are bad. But each one means something special to me,” explained Shane Martos. His tattoo art was done by Reverend Eric in Seattle, Washington.
Shane Martos
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AIDSWALK
SHERATON HOTEL DOWNTOWN PHOENIX SEE MORE GREAT PICTURES AT IONAZ.COM
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TUCSON
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Jer么me Beillard
Festival for Life
25
Years of Making a Difference Programs and Services of the Southern Arizona AIDS Foundation (SAAF).
Saturday November 16, 2013 Registration 6:00pm Silent Auction Doors Open 6:30pm Live Auction Starts 7:15pm Tickets: $45 in advance / $55 at the door
Title Sponsor
FREE Valet or Self Parking Premier Sponsors
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For tickets call (520) 628-SAAF (7223) or visit www.festivalforlife.org 80
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OUTFEST
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Vol. 7, Issue 10
November 2013
OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL
Obama Crank Calls Germany’s Merkel
OUTRAGEOUS!
BERLIN— What do you call pissed off German Chancellor Angela Merkel? A “Sauerkraut.”
The United States isn’t winning any friends in der Rhineland since the U.S. National Security Agency is accused of tapping in and eavesdropping on German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s cell phone.
Merkel!” (Muffled laughter in background.)
Linguists and other smart people who know what the President sounds like report that it is definitely Obama. “Ve could hear him laughink on ze otter end of ze line mit Secretary Hillary Clinton snickerink und Vice President Biden egging him on,” said one of Merkel’s close associates angrily.
OUTRAGEOUS!
Matters have only been complicated since Another crank call happened to Merkel during U.S. President Barack Obama is charged by an address to the Parliament in the Bundestag. Deutschland governmental insiders claim ANY TO THE IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL that RESEMBLANCE that POTUS is crank calling Merkel,TRUTH “RING, RING” who is well known for her cell phone “Wie gehts?” addiction and texting. “Is this Adolf Wu’s German-Chinese Buffet?” “Nein. Why?” Transcripts released report one typical call: “We hear the food’s great, but an hour later you’re hungry for power!” (Laughter “RING, RING” erupting.) “Guten Tag?” “Haben zie der Prinz Albert in eine can?” Congress is considering grounding Obama by “Ja, wohl. Who is this?” taking away his phone privileges for a month. “You better let him out before he suffocates,
OUTRAGEOUS!
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OUTRAGEOUS! Somebody That I Used to Know Found OUTRAGEOUS! Washed Up on Beach
SYDNEY— mind-numbingly Scientists and tragic tune’s endless beachgoers broadcasts over were surprised and over and over when the sad, again. After eight depressed corpse consecutive weeks of somebody that at number one on I used to know Billboard beginning “washed up” 2012, the ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLYApril, ACCIDENTAL on a populated song’s popularity Australian plummeted. beach last week. Investigators are Speculation about researching all the who the identity of times he was screwed the one hit wonder over; it had them that dominated believing it was the airwaves always something that during 2012 is they had done. confounding the public and “But I don’t wanna scientists alike. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL live that way,” reported one suspect after questioning. “Reading into every word you “Now and then I think of when we were ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL say,” he told journalists. “You said that you together,” said one anonymous bystander. “He could let it go. I guess that I don’t need that, always said he felt so happy he could die.” though. It’s just somebody that we used to Apparently this came as no surprise. “You know.” get addicted to a certain kind of sadness,” she commented. “But I’ll admit that I was glad it Anyone with information leading to the was over.” But she didn’t have to cut him off. arrest and conviction of anyone associated with the incident is instructed to call me, It was about time; some people reported maybe. that they couldn’t go anywhere without the
OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!
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here’s a new bitch in town! But not just any bitch ... it’s your soon-tobe FAVORITE BITCH! I’m so excited to bring my advice column to ION Arizona and to all of you fierce & fabulous readers! Have you ever needed some good ol’ fashioned advice with the trifling people in your life? You know, the kind of advice that your evil auntie or drunken (but wise) grandma would give you. Well, when you can’t bring yourself to tell them all about it, babies, you have Miss Tiger—and don’t be shy, hunty! I help all kinds of people with problems ... People like the SOON-TO-BE-EVICTED ‘cause you’re livin’ large instead of payin’ the rent • the twink and the perverted old troll that’s paying him in cash & prizes • the CENTRAL AVENUE closet case financier gagging on dick during his lunch hour • the LESBIAN who can’t resist a bar fight • the drunk downing a shot of rubbing alcohol • the alimony collector and daddy owing back child support • the GANGSTA DRAG QUEEN with a criminal record • the baby makin’ wreck who blames allergic reactions to rubbers, as to why she’s pregnant for the fifth time • the FASHIONISTA • the hot mess plagued by chronic electricity disconnection notices • the dude whose ass has had more traffic than STEELE INDIAN SCHOOL PARK during Pride • the deep throater and double penetrator • the cheap ass suburbanite buying fakeass Louis Vuitton • the TRANSEXUAL & BISEXUAL • the bi-curious jock roaming 7th STREET right after the gay bars close • the breakdancer performing on the Light Rail • the aging housewife turned PLASTIC SURGERY MISHAP turned transvestite look-alike • the
moonlighting hooker • the bad girl and thug4-life • the catwalker & vogue walker • the sexual deviant and chronic masturbator • the rich & shamelessly famous • the broke & unknown • the STRAIGHT PERSON who finds this column by mistake and loves it • the old queen in WILLO DISTRICT who collects escorts like he collects antiques • the millimeter peter and dude wearing a Magnum because it really fits • the DOUCHE BAG GTL • the conspiracytheory-misfit who’s convinced she was abducted, probed and impregnated by extra terrestrials and last but not least, someone FABULOUS ... like you! Beginning next month I’ll open my mail bag and trust me, all kinds of bullshit is gonna come pouring out. Write me and get the goddamn answers you’ve been searching for! Miss Tiger Advice columnist • SiriusXM radio personality ... and everyone’s #FAVORITEBITCH Website FavoriteBitch.com Twitter @ MissTiger Advice ask@misstiger.com
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by Addison DeWitt
W
ith Thanksgiving around the corner it’s time for me to be—well—thankful. I guess. Here’s a list of “Things I Loved About October.” And I’m thankful for these things. Except for the “Where’s Waldo?” costume.
1. Oktoberfest at Roscoe’s. Oh, it’s not just the pretzels and beer. And Jägermeister. It’s also about the sausages. Big, fat, luscious, juicy sausages. Speaking of which, who wouldn’t love Velasco Alamillo? My brätwurst stood at attention and I started singing “Deutschland Über Alles” when I saw my sexy, Latino weinerschnitzel decked out in his lederhosen and Tyrolean hat for Roscoe’s Oktoberfest. “Jawohl, mein herr!” And how! 2. AIDS Walk Phoenix. Well, I’m not particularly crazy about the whole AIDS part, but I love perambulating around downtown with people I’m more than fond of. Even if they don’t like me so much. Barbra Seville’s “Wonderful 100” raised over $22,000 of the $333,000 total. Here’s Miss Gay America Arizona Tyra Marie with Jimena Cavali with a little
teeny, tiny junior drag queen toddler. A princess. Or maybe it really is just a real, little girl. Tough call. But she still needs some lipstick and pads. 3. Halloween! On the plus side is all the hot boys with wearing barely more than a spritz of Axe Body Spray and a smile. The downside? Another year of tiresome “Where’s Waldo?” costumes. Hello!? 1987 called and wants its stupid idea back. Remember, horizontal stripes just make you look fat. I counted 146 of Waldorks this year. Yes. I called you “stupid” and quite possibly “fat.” I thought you homosexuals were supposed to be creative types. Amaze me! All, however, is forgiven by one very special, singular, selfless act of kindness and compassion found at the B.S. West Halloween bash. Gentle readers: I give you the Best Reason for Halloween in Phoenix ... EVER! Domenic Colangelo ... I’m “behind” you all the way! Oh. And if any of you readers try calling my publisher and start giving me shit about your stupid “Where’s Waldo” costume and how hurt your feelings are you can forget about it right now. We don’t care. It’s still stupid. Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
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The newly discovered Comet ISON
shines brightly this month. It may be the Comet of the Century. This celestial event is a harbinger of noteworthy events for you before 2013 finishes. Thanksgiving brings a variety of reunions and family drama. Don’t forget the Fruit Ambrosia and to keep your mouth shut most of the time.
Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20
Snare, timpani, or even a tom-tom. You march to the beat of your own drum, but don’t you always? Listen to another point of view to stay in synch. Who knows? Maybe you’ll bang bongos with someone special.
Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20
A new challenge presents itself. “Challenge” often means “problem.” It could be at work. It could be dealing with visiting relatives. The ones you don’t like. Stay calm. Have another drink, Sue Ellen.
Gemini May 21 - June 21
You’re a goodwill ambassador! Your skills as a lady or a gentleman—or both—are applauded when your diplomatic abilities reconcile disagreeing parties. Speaking of disagreeable parties, avoid a bash that’s bound to be a battle.
Cancer June 22 - July 22
You’re presented with a particularly juicy piece of information. Or is it gossip? Like a hot potato, you don’t know what to do with it when it lands in your lap. Share? Or keep it to yourself? This is a test.
Leo July 23 - Aug. 22
Your willingness to volunteer pulls you in many different directions. Like Laffy Taffy. Establish some boundaries. Learn the power of “No!” Except when you meet a hottie early this month. Say, “Yes, yes, yes!”
Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22
Someone’s inquisitive nature intrudes with your personal life. In other words, that nosy
bitch has been snooping around your private shizzle and needs to be taught a valuable lesson. Soon. Very soon.
Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22
Quit putting off what needs your attention. It could be mechanical, domestic or something of a more intimate nature. Well, it’s time to pay the piper. You have a job to finish. Did you promise someone you’d swallow?
Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23
Things are kind of like a Disney movie for you; one of the fun movies, with talking fish and singing birds and teakettles. That’s kind of weird, in a way. Enjoy the moment! If it’s your birthday, expect a reconnection from a long lost friend.
Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23
Follow your instincts. You can tell right from wrong. Like Katy Perry’s “Roar.” So wrong. Really. Celebrating a birthday? A reconciliation with someone is key. Maybe it’s Justin Timberlake. Or a family member. Probably a family member.
Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20
There’s a certain “happy-go-lucky” quality to your usually stubborn nature. Oh, come on, you know it’s true. Still, your recent enthusiasm for almost everything lately is contagious. Someone notices, so it pays off. Quite nicely.
Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19
Your wild imagination has gotten the best of you. You’re always a little bit nutty, but this month it’s different. Someone takes your crazy claims seriously and you’ll have to prove something. Be prepared.
Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20
You certainly know how to win friends and influence people. You have a fan club who adores you. Whatever you’re doing, keep it up. Unless you start twerking like Miley Cyrus, then watch your popularity plummet like a wrecking ball. November 2013 www.IONAZ.com 97
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www.IONAZ.com November 2013