April 2009 ION Arizona Magazine. Expanded PRIDE Edition! by ION Arizona

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Spend, Attend and Defend! They say Pride cometh before a fall. Obviously, in our community, Pride comes before the rise: The rise to equality! There is power in numbers and the more people that come out to support our festivals, our nonproﬁt fundraisers, our political rallies and our gay and gay friendly businesses, the sooner we will gain the rights that we deserve as Americans.

photo concept like no other. You won’t see these photos on iStock or anywhere on the internet. Only in ION.

SPEND The easiest way to show your support is to spend your money in the GLBT community. Use ION Arizona as your guide to all the gay and gay-friendly retailers, dealers, restaurants, clubs, bars, dentists, doctors, and services that support our community. Spend in our community.

Next, we have our own “news” feature called Outrageous. It is the most trusted faux news in the state! Here our educated staff writers create off-the-wall stories - local, national & world - whatever is topical. It’s hilarious and it is only in ION.

ATTEND There is power in numbers. Warm bodies. That is what we need at our festivals, our gay marriage rallies, and our many non-proﬁt annual dinners. Volunteer your time for these great events. They need your help. We need your help. You will feel great about yourself and help our community at the same time. Attend events. DEFEND Defend your equal rights as an American citizen. You HAVE a right to marry. Write to your congressman. Start petitions. Vote out conservative religious backed politicians and vote in pro equal rights politicians and judges. Defend your rights.

We have an original hilarious cartoon called Vaudeville. David Maxey, the creator, has worked on The Simpsons, Cartoon Network and even for Disney. And we work with him! You can read Vaudeville only in ION.

For those of you who love gossip (and who doesn’t), nobody does it better than our own Addison DeWitt. For over eight years Addison has been going out every night talking to every Who’s Who, what’s being said, and what’s going on between whom. Slings and Arrows is all original and only in ION. Our other features like Horoscopes, A Night Out, and Phat Shacks are all original and all part of ION. We have city guides, reviews, interviews, bios and more. And we’re printed right here in Phoenix. This month, we’re producing the biggest and best ION Arizona in our history: 132 pages! It is because we’re fun, we’re sexy, we make you laugh and, in this economy, it doesn’t hurt that we’re free.

PRIDE I want to highlight a few of our original features that set us apart from every magazine, local, national, paid, free, gay and straight.

Stop by the ION Arizona booth and say “hi.” Tell us what you think. Get your photo on a souvenir cover of ION Arizona.

Every month we produce all original photoshoots. We ﬁnd the sexiest local models, hire local makeup artists, local hair stylists, and local photographers to create a themed

Thank you.

Be proud. Stand tall and come out and enjoy your freedom and celebrate your community.

Jack Tesorero Publisher April 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 15

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ION ARIZONA CENTER 3819 North 3rd Street Ste. #10, Phoenix, AZ 85012

(602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com

ionarizona@me.com

PUBLISHER Jack M. Tesorero ....................... jacktesorero@me.com CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw - Ext. 4 ..................... kbushaw@me.com EDITOR AND CONTENT CZAR Deon Brown - Ext 2 ................... ionazeditor@me.com PRODUCTION ASSISTANT Craig Rubin ................................. ionarizona@me.com PRODUCTION & ARTWORK ionazproduction@me.com ADVERTISING SALES Jack Tesorero, Ext 1 .................. jacktesorero@me.com PHOTOGRAPHERS:

Richard Bolinski Jerry O’Conner

Carl James Don Thompson

NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 CONTRIBUTORS:

Corey Blanchette Wes Bergman Addison DeWitt Dave Jackson

Ted Kirby David Alan Maxey Kim Ruff Paul Sanchez

TO GROW YOUR BUSINESS, CALL (602) 308-4662. Published monthly by

a JMT Designs, Inc. company

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED PRINTED IN THE USA All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee. NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reﬂect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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Rebel Yell

Let’s hear it for activism! H.E.R.O., The Tumbleweed Drop-in Center, YEP, and 1in10 have joined forces to present Rebel YELL – a festival of live music, dancing, local art, entertainment and provide information about social and political activism. And they say youth is wasted on the young! See you at 5th Street and Roosevelt on April 5th. Go www.RebelYellFestival. com for more info.

Phoenix Pride

What do you get when you combine a parade, a festival, and thousands of out members of the GLBT community and our supporters? Phoenix Pride, of course! This star-studded yearly event starts on April 18-19 with the parade on Saturday morning, and lasts all weekend at Steele Indian School Park in downtown Phoenix.

Earth Day

What on Earth? Yes, it’s Earth Day. On April 22 do something nice for someone special: Mother Earth. She’s the only one we’ve got! Recycle, walk or bicycle, clean up litter ... do something! You can get involved! Go to www.earthday.net and see what you can do. The Earth will thank you, honest. Peace. Love. Macramé!

The Go-Go’s at Zoo Brew

We got the beat – and you can too! Everybody loves the Go-Go’s and you can see one of the greatest girl groups of all time perform among the wildebeests, tamarinds and orangutans at this fab fundraiser at the Phoenix Zoo on Friday, April 24, 7-11 p.m. 455 N. Galvin Pkwy. 602-273-1341

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Gay West 2009

Git along, little cowboys! Head on down to the Old Pueblo for Gay West in the Old Tucson Studios. There’s steer roping, a haunted mine tour, contests, and lots of entertainment, headlining they’ve got that naughty-hottie Lady Bunny all the way from New York City! It all happens on Saturday, April 25. Go to GayWestTucson2009.com for tix & info. 201 S. Kinney Rd. Phone: 520-883-0100

Dining Out For Life

Eat, get your car washed at Los Olivos, have ice cream at Cold Stone Creamery, drink at a number of participating bars. Whatever you do participate in Dining Out For Life and take a stand against HIV and AIDS! Your hearts and bellies will be full. See a complete list of participating businesses on page 80.

Phoenix Phurphest

Grrrr!! If you’re a bear or an otter, or a lover of the hirsute, you’ll love “Ursus Maximus” – this year’s Phoenix Phurfest! Events are being held all over town, so brush your teeth – and your chest and back – and check it out! Find out more at www.bearsofthewest.com.

APRIL ION EVENTS LISTINGS DATE

2-9 4-5 5 5 9-13 10-17 14-19 16-18 17 18-19 18 18 22 24 25 25 30 30-5/4

EVENT & LOCATION Phoenix Film Festival-Harkins 101 Theatre Glendale Jazz & Blues Festival Rebel YELL - 5th Ave & Roosevelt Community Arts Expo - Unique Boutique Plaza Maricopa County Fair - AZ State Fairgrounds Jazz in the Desert Botanical Garden Scottsdale Culinary Festival Phoenix Improv Festival at the Herberger Moonlight Movies at Steele Park Phoenix Gay Pride Festival at Steele Park Rotary River Rally-Tempe Town Lake Short Film Festival-ASU Museum Earth Day Zoo Brew-Phoenix Zoo Gay West Tempe Salsa Challenge-Tempe Beach Park Dining Out For Life Phoenix Phurfest - Various Locales

CITY

Scottsdale Downtown Glendale Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Tempe Tempe The Earth Phoenix Tucson Tempe Various Businesses Phoenix

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Leonard Cohen

If you don’t know who Leonard Cohen is, now’s a great time to discover him. After four decades, Cohen’s overwhelmingly emotional work is still full of mystery and meaning. This revered poet, singer and legend will examine the eternal issues of sex, spirituality, and power when he performs at the Dodge Theatre at 400 W. Washington on April 5. For tix go to www.LiveNation.com

Britney Spears

If you seek Amy. Get it? It’s kinda dirty! After all, she gave Justin Timberlake a blow job. Womanizers can see this Mousketeer all grown up, not crazy or pudgy and with a full head of hair again perform live at the Jobing.com Arena in Glendale. Oops! She did it again! 9400 W. Maryland Ave.

Jennifer Hudson & Robin Thicke

Grammy and Academy Award winning American Idol ﬁnalist and Dreamgirl Jennifer Hudson embarks on a six-week tour where she’ll be belting out hit after hit. Oh yeah. I nearly forgot. And she’ll be performing with R&B artist Robin Thicke, too. He’s pretty cute. It happens Tuesday, May 5 at The Dodge Theatre - 400 W. Washington. For tix go to www.LiveNation.com

APRIL 2009 ION CONCERT CALENDAR DATE

ARTIST/EVENT

LOCATION

3 3 4 4 4 4 5 5 5 14 18 24 24 25 26 27

Kid Rock/Tempe Music Festival Roger Clyne/Tempe Music Festival All American Rejects/Tempe Music Festival Three Doors Down/Tempe Music Festival Shiny Toy Guns/Tempe Music Festival MUTEMATH/Tempe Music Festival Kenny Thames Laurie Anderson/Lou Reed Leonard Cohen Conner Oberst Franz Ferdinand The Go-Gos at Zoo Brew Britney Spears KC & the Sunshine Band UB40 Unwigged & Unplugged

Tempe Beach Park Tempe Beach Park Tempe Beach Park Tempe Beach Park Tempe Beach Park Tempe Beach Park Radisson City Center Chandler Ctr. for the Arts Dodge Theatre Marquee Theatre Marquee Theatre Phoenix Zoo Jobing.com Arena Chandler Ctr. for the Arts Celebrity Theatre Dodge Theatre

MAY 5

Jennifer Hudson/Robin Thicke

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PUMPHOUSE II

photos courtesy of Brian Collins

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Written by Dave Jackson davekjackson@cox.net

Yo, DJ! What’s New? Happy Pride Arizona! Make sure you come by the IONAZ booth to say hi and to talk music. Will any of these make your faves for 2009? In addition, check out new releases from Gavin DeGraw, Flo Rida, Keith Urban, Rascal Flatts, Stevie Nicks, Silversun and the Doves.

Depeche Mode

Sounds of the Universe (4/21)

The ultimate new wave group is back with their best offering since Ultra. However, those looking for pop friendly tunes should look elsewhere, for this release is edgy, aggressive, spacey in an anti-pop fashion, yet full of brilliance. First single “Wrong” is dark with its stomping baseline and unforgettable Gore backing while “Hole to Feed” takes it even darker, while making Gahan’s vocals appear brighter than ever before. Other tracks of note include, “Miles Away” and “Fragile Tensions,” the most radio friendly track on the album. Yes, it’s that good.

Pet Shop Boys Yes (4/07)

Another 80’s phenom drops an album full of happy pop tunes this month. Packed with electro synth anthems, Yes features the genius of Johnny Marr (from the Smiths) and the production of Xenomania (Kylie). Lead single “Love Etc.,” marches with a computer radiance like nothing we’ve heard before, as “Vulnerable” becomes the quintessential “Being Boring” part 2. Other stand out tracks includes “Did You See Me Coming” and “Pandemonium” which sound very reminiscent of the best singles from Very. This is the PSB’s at their ﬁnest.

Keri Hilson

In a Perfect World (out now)

After getting a huge break with Timbaland’s “The Way I Are,” Hilson is hoping for huge success. Though originally sidelined due to creative issues, this release is now packed with a superstar roster – Akon, T-Pain, Keyshia Cole, Danja and the Timba/Timbo combo. While initial singles “Turnin me On” and “Energy” didn’t ignite a frenzy, both offer a great intro to the overall hip hop/R&B feel of the album. However, it’s “Get it Girl”, the almost Missy like bump and Timba’s “Return the Favor,” that really stand out.

Diana Krall

Quiet Nights

The ultimate pop-jazz artist is back with her most sensual work to date. It’s a departure from her usual fare, but it’s a natural progression. In the past, Krall’s voice has been the key, now it’s the music that takes center stage. Full of Brazilian influence, Krall shines on “Where or When” with its perfect bossanova twist while “You’re My Thrill” soulfully fills the room. And of course, find great support from Jobim’s classics, “Girl from Ipanema” and “Corcovado.” This is the perfect accompaniment for your next wine party. In other music news, Basia is coming out of retirement with It’s That Girl Again. Responsible for the hits “Time and Tide,” “Cruising for Bruising” and “New Day for You,” she is hoping to captivate the audience she once owned. Though not much can be revealed, she’s working with the team that brought her success and one of the best albums ever, London Warsaw, NY. Oh how I love to be crooned! Until next month… April 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 37

Join ION Arizona, Synergy Rainbow and the Peñasco Del Sol Hotel for the second annual Rocky Point Peñasco PRIDE. This gay and lesbian weekend long celebration south of the border is safe, fun and affordable. All events take place on the grounds of the recently remodeled Peñasco Del Sol Hotel and beach. RESERVATIONS AND INFO: (877) 759-7841

HOTEL: www.hotelrockypoint.com

MOTORCOACH TRANSPORTATION PHOENIX Departs at 10am Embassy Suites Hotel 1515 N 44th Street 602-957-1910

TUCSON Departs at 10am Bus leaves Doubletree Hotel - Reid Park 445 S. Alvernon Way 520-881-4200

NOTE: You must present a valid driver’s license and birth certificate OR a passport to get on the bus. Parking is limited so carpooling is recommended. Absolutely no firearms. When returning to the United States, make sure you have your driver’s license and birth certificate OR passport. No perishable produce can be brought over the border. You must declare any major purchases. Approximate travel time is 31⁄2 hours.

ENTERTAINMENT / SCHEDULE YOUR HOST Kiki Vermont

FRIDAY Welcome party in the lobby 3:30 pm 2-4-1 Bar 5 pm-8 pm International Dinner Buffet / Show 7pm Pride Dance Party (Conference Ctr) 9 pm-2 am SATURDAY Breakfast Buffet Pride Pool Party Games, contests, Taco bar Bonﬁre Beach Party SUNDAY Breakfast Buffet Buses Depart

7 am-noon 11am-6pm 9 pm

7 am-Noon 10 AM

ACCOMODATIONS $175 per person quad occupancy - 2 Queen beds $215 per person triple occupancy - 2 Queen beds $250 per person double occupancy - 2 Queen or 1 King $450 per person single occupancy - 1 King bed 38

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Everyone is welcome to attend regardless if you are staying at the hotel. Party/Event Only wristband: $30 per person per day

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by Kimberly M. Ruff kimberlymruff@yahoo.com

Movie Previews It’s April in Arizona, which means that it’s time for the two other big A’s in our desert vocabulary: air-conditioners and anger. As the external temperature rises, so too does our internal temperature, so we race to escape the heat, flipping off other frustrated drivers before parking our vehicles at a bizarre angle in front of the icy paradise that is a local movie theater. Yet all this heat and frustration leads to total mental meltdown. We can’t handle Oscar-worthy films – it’s simply too much thinking! So Hollywood lovingly provides us over-worked and over-cooked Arizonans with a whole host of thoughtsuppressing flicks to tickle our fickle fancy. Off we go!

Adventureland Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Kristen Stewart, Martin Starr, Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader Many young college students dream of that moment where they can grab their diploma, cast off their nylon robes and hop in the back of a convertible that will take the directly to the airport so they can embark on a 15 hour ﬂight to spend the next three months smoking hash in a Danish coffee shop. This is precisely what James Brennan (Eisenberg, The Squid and the Whale) dreams of … until his parents inform him they cannot subsidize his trip. Without a plan for the summer, James takes a job working at the theme park, Adventureland, where, rather than fall into a drug-induced stupor, he falls in love with his coworker, Em (Kristen Stewart, Twilight). Directed by Greg Mottola (Superbad), Adventureland is a hilarious take on the behind-the-scenes crapfest working at a theme park. Other alums of Superbad,

including Bill Hader and Martin Starr are along for the ride. Release Date: April 03, 2009. I wonder which boyfriend Stewart prefers: The downy sweetness of a Michael Cera lookalike or the alabaster coolness of modern vampire?

17 Again Starring: Matthew Perry, Leslie Mann, Zac Efron, Thomas Lennon Sinatra wasn’t the only one who sang ruefully the praises of being a shade under adulthood. In 17 Again, Mike O’Donnell (Perry) ﬁnds himself looking backwards when everything present seems so horribly wrong. When he was seventeen, he was a star athlete dating the hottest girl in school with the whole world on a string. Expressing these concerns to a janitor of questionable origin, O’Donnell suddenly gets his wish … except, he’s not going back in time to get it right, he’s simply 17 (and also, apparently, Zac Efron, of High School Musical fame). Enrolling in high school alongside his own children, he soon discovers that he knows nothing about his too popular daughter and his unpopular son. Instead of trying to relive his heyday, he realizes his heyday is today and works to make amends with his exwife (Mann), children, and most importantly, himself. Reno 911’s Thomas Lennon costars as his best friend who pretends to be his dad. Release Date: April 17, 2009. Has potential. We’ve already done Freaky Friday and 30 Going on 13, so I suppose it’s nice to get it from a male perspective.

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APRIL MOVIE OPENINGS DATE 3 3 3 8 10 10 17 17 24 24 24

MOVIE Sunshine Cleaning Adventureland Fast and Furious Dragonball Evolution Hannah Montana: The Movie Observe and Report State of Play 17 Again Fighting The Soloist Obsessed

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RATING R R PG-13 PG G R NYR NYR NYR NYR NYR

DVD Movie Review by Wes Bergman

wesobergman@yahoo.com

Every month I make a point of reviewing a few different ﬁlms to provide my three readers with a couple of choices when debating which GLBT-centric DVDs to rent. After all, we may be gay, but we don’t have the same tastes. We’re not always in the mood for the comedy du jour or the homoerotic vampire drama of the week. Thus, I try to squeeze the juice of an insightful and titillating article out of the hard lemons of several genres. This month, I have had the extreme pleasure of being able to view Milk and it was so darn good I need an entire article to sing its praises.

Milk Starring: Sean Penn, Emile Hirsch, Josh Brolin, Diego Luna, James Franco, Alison Pill In 1978, just ten months after winning a seat on the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, Harvey Milk, the ﬁrst openly gay politician in America, was assassinated by fellow Supervisor, Dan White. Although he only ofﬁcially served the Castro District for less than a year, 48-year-old Milk served the city of San Francisco ever since he matriculated with his then-lover, Scott Smith, in 1972. Beginning as a neighborhood merchant, Milk quickly found his voice as the de facto leader of the San Francisco GLBT community, selfproclaimed “Mayor of Castro Street.” His death was a major blow to the community but his life was a major boon.

it an awe-inspiring experience by deftly adapting it for the screen. The film stitches together scenes from Milk’s political career and personal life with the continuous thread of Milk’s narrated memoirs, recorded in the face of multiple death threats. It highlights his antagonistic relationship with other, more prominent gays in San Francisco and his role as the activist answer to their “wait and see” tactics, as well as his mutually beneficial connection with teamsters, networking with gay-owned and gay-friendly businesses, and his cadre of intellectual campaign advisors and eager volunteers, including Cleve Jones (Emile Hirsch, Speedracer), who brought much needed exposure to the Camera salesman. While the film is undeniably strong on its technical level, its most noteworthy and appealing factor is the superb cast. Even Brolin, who for all intents and purposes is the “bad guy” in this true American hero tale, gives great depth to White by shading him with the natural insecurities of loneliness and a need for acceptance. A definite “must see.” It deserved way more awards than it received.

Director, Gus Van Sant (Elephant, Good Will Hunting) tenderly catalogs the humble beginnings, grassroots ascent, and tragic end of Harvey Milk. Sean Penn (All the King’s Men, Mystic River), in an Academy Award winning performance, brilliantly plays the charismatic Milk, with James Franco (Pineapple Express, James Dean) as his dedicated lover and ﬁrst campaign manager, Scott Smith, and Josh Brolin (W, No Country For Old Men) as his political friend-turned-rival, Dan White. The story, in and of itself, is incredibly fascinating, but writer Dustin Lance Black (Big Love) makes April 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 43

¡Club Papi! with Kat DeLuna The stories you heard are true. There ain’t no party like a Papi party! Pride weekend kicks off with this ﬁesta at Stratus (formerly AREA) from 9:30 p.m.-4 a.m. at 2102 N. 23rd Ave. in Phoenix. Performers include the hot ‘n’ sassy Kat DeLuna and a special performance by the fabulous Flava! And don’t forget the sexy Club Papi Dancers, including el papi guapo, Cisco. ¡Hasta pronto!

DJ Escape at Adonis

Times are hard, so bring your problems to the dance ﬂoor at the Adonis Pride Party at Stratus (formerly AREA) and DJ Escape will shake them out of you. His exciting style of spinning has made him a favorite at circuit parties across the country. It all starts pumping at 2102 N. 23rd Ave. on Saturday night, April 18.

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Transman Lucas Silveira and the entirely “out” members of this Canadian indie rock band are a big hit with the “mainstream” market, too. Their new CD Dirty King comes out in June. They’ll be performing on the Main Stage on Sunday at 7 p.m.

Deborah Cox This year’s Pride diva is the talented Deborah Cox. She’s traveled with Cyndi Lauper’s True Colors Tour, and her single “Nobody’s Supposed To Be Here” is the longest running R&B hit in Billboard history. She’ll be singing on the Main Stage on Saturday at 8 p.m.

The Gin Blossoms The jingley-jangley sounds of alternative rock band The Gin Blossoms will take you on a trip down Memory Lane - and Mill Avenue where they started - when their fratboy garage sound ruled the airwaves way back in ‘90s at Long Wongs with songs like, “Hey Jealousy.” Catch ‘em live, on-stage Sunday at 8 p.m.

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Photo by meeno 2008

The Cliks

(Continued)

Inaya Day The super talented Inaya Day sings the mating call and anthem of nearly everybody at Pride: “Horny.” This screaming diva is one “Nasty Girl.” That’s why we love her! She’ll be performing on Saturday. You can call it “Inaya Day” Day!

Parties at Incognito Join in the fun with a Pride White Party kick-off with the Men of Libra of Friday, get crazy with DJ Tsunami on Saturday night with Grown & Sexy After Hours (21+) ‘til 4 a.m. both nights. On Sunday catch Chicago DJ Mark Picchiotti, touring with RuPaul’s Drag Race Tour! 2424 E. Thomas Rd. 602-955-9805

DJ Corey Craig at Amsterdam The unmistakable signature sound of global superstar DJ Corey Craig with his hybrid sounds of Electro House, upbeat Disco House, remixed classics and mashups will set Amsterdam on ﬁre Saturday night. 718 E. Central Ave. Phone: 602-258-6122

BrokeStraightBoys.com Once again, those impecunious youths are broke. Their straight. And they’re boys. Riiight. Hey, they might speak French, too, but that doesn’t make them Marie Antoinette. They’ll be scrounging for change during Pride Weekend starting Friday at Apollo’s, Saturday night at BS West (that does not stand for Broke nor Straight) and on Sunday at Roscoe’s. Watch your wallet! See their ad on page 29.

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Photography by Don Thompson Art Direction by Kevin Bushaw Production Assistance, Deon Brown Makeup by Anton Khachaturian Additional Wardrobe Provided by Off Chute Too & Macy’s

Our “Rising Star” is Bobby Hess! As everybody’s favorite, “Fun Bobby” has donated his time, volunteered his talent and, yes, provided lots and lots of fun to a long list of GLBT community events with his charm, personality and a lot of hard work. April 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 49

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You’ll ﬁnd Baca and Harley down, down, down in the Burning Ring of Fire. Bound by wild desire, they’re this year’s Sexiest Bartenders. You can catch the red hot Baca at Club Vibe for Boycott and the smoldering, winsome Harley at B.S. West.

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The Honorable Tom Simplot is Councilman for District 4 and also Vice Mayor of Phoenix. David Smith, Tomâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s partner of six years (and now ofďŹ cially registered as domestic partners), has volunteered tirelessly for many organizations and has acted as co-chair of Phoenix Body Positive. Their support for our community is immeasurable. April 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 53

SWAY’S DANCING WITH THE BARS

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Thanks to the mighty baton of Maestro Marc Gaston, the Executive Director of the Phoenix Metropolitan Men’s Chorus for seven years, audiences have been entertained with quality music and concerts from the Valley’s ﬁrst and largest “show” choir more than 100 voices strong and the musical voice of the GLBT community. April 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 55

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Under the beneﬁcent reign of Emperor Joseph Brumley and Empress Justice Prevails of the Imperial Sovereign Empire of Arizona, they established Reign III during which many members of our grateful GLBT community beneﬁted from the court’s generous fundraising efforts. Long Live The Imperial Court! April 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 57

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Youth on the Move! Chris Hall is a remarkable 19-year-old student at Central Arizona College. He coordinated Casa Grande’s ﬁrst March for Equality. “I’m only doing what I think is right,” he says. Chris is currently organizing Arizona Gay Pride on September 26 in Casa Grande to bridge the Tucson and Phoenix GLBT communities. April 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 59

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The big hearted Chané Jordan created the Chané Jordan Project, bringing hope for people whose lives we all touch. Camp Hakuna Matata, Joshua Tree Feeding Program and Project Lifeguard are just a few of the agencies who have received help and funds thanks to her tireless efforts and a lot of her love. Now that’s true beauty! April 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 61

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At 26, Eli is the youngest titleholder of Southwest Ms. Leather Pride 2009. It was her sexy “G.I. Jane-esque” fantasy that sealed the deal. As the owner of two dogs and cats, Eli is dedicated to raise money for the Arizona Humane Society. She believes that this will help build a bridge between the GLBT, Leather and Straight communities. Besides that, she’s totally hot!

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Divas After Dark with Dianna K. Shane Join Diana K. Shane and friends every Thursday at Incognito as they work their skirt for your entertainment. Dude looks like a lady, but what a nice suprise! This show is super theatrical and promises numbers you won’t ﬁnd at every other show in town! Incognito is located at 2424 W. Thomas Road. Call Dianna for a good time! (602) 955-9805

APRIL 2009 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE TIME LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S) April 2nd 9:00 Club Vibe Mr. King of the Desert USofA April 2nd 7:00 The Orpheum Theatre in Flagstaff - Reigning Men April 5th 9:00 Club Vibe Reigning Men’s Turnabout and Impersonator Show Apirl 16th 9:00 Club Vibe Mister King of the Desert USofA MI Anson Reign April 16 9:30 Forbidden P.Kickoff w/ Ruby, Diamond, Trixie, & Daisy April 17th 10:30 Karamba Britney Spears Giveaway w/ Diamond 28th 9:00 Charmed with Tajma Hall Miss Gay USofA at Large 2008 1st & 3rd Tues. 9:30 BS West Trannyshack w/ Kiki Vermont & Saelah V. 2nd & 4th Tues 9pm BS West Mya & Naomi’s Charmed Tuesdays 10:30 Karamba Susana’s Show 1st & 3rd Wed 9:00 Bumsted’s Crazy BINGO Beneﬁtting Reveille w/ Ajia Simone Wed 10:00 Charlie’s Claudia B. & Company Wed 9:30 Wild Card Divas w/ Kiki Vermont & Friends Wed 10:30 Karamba Diamond Dallas Hosts... 1st & 3rd Thurs. 9:00 Club Vibe King of Hearts w/ Anson Reign & Guests 2nd & 4th Thurs. 9:00 Wild Card Drag B-I-N-G-O w/ Angel Rogers Thurs 9:00 Incognito Divas After Dark with Dianna K. Shane Thurs 10:00 The Door Strippers w/ Sasha Sinclair Thurs 9:30 Amsterdam Icons Live w/ Mya McKenzie & Kiki Vermont Thurs 10:30 Karamba Susana’s Show Thurs 10:00 Cherry Lounge Scandalous w/ Special Guest Hosts each week Fri 10:00 The Door Friday Night Femmes starring Sasha Sinclair Sat 9:30 Charlie’s Pussy’s Patio Show Sat 10:30 Pumphouse II Hot Bodz Male Revue w/ Savannah Sat 10:00 Wild Card Diamond Dolls w/ Kiki Vermont & Mya McKenzie Sun 8:30 Charlie’s Pussy LeHoot & Friends Sun 5:00 BS West Male Revue w/ Kiki Vermont Sun 10:30 Apollo’s Greek God Revue w/ Sache VanCartier Sun 10:30 Karamba Galilea’s Show 1st Sun 7:30 Apollo’s That Time of the Month w/ Afeelya Bunz 2nd Sun 7:30 Apollo’s TToTM w w/ Miss Dottie & Dianne Daniels 3rd Sun 8:00 Club Vibe Showgirl Sunday with Mikaila K 4th Sun 8:00 Club Vibe Showgirl Sunday with Savannah Last Sun 7:30 Apollo’s That Time of the Month w/ Barbra Seville To add your drag event, e-mail dates, times, locations & pics to kbushaw@me.com Included events must be 1) Charity Beneﬁt OR 2) Located at an ION Arizona Advertiser April 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 71

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PRIDE

ON THE RISE! Photography by Jerry Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Conner Art Direction by Bobby Hess, Kevin Bushaw & Brandi Sokoloski Models are Baca, Natalia, Roxanne, Nick & Josh Thanks to Heather Brown Special Thanks to Phoenix Pride

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CELEBRATE

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FAMILY

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CELEBRATE C

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COMMUNITY

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CELEBRA

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ATE YOU!

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January 2009

Cats

Call the Humane Society! You’ll never believe it. Break out the Kitty-Litter, because just when you thought it was safe to go back to the theatre those goddam feral Cats are back! This surreal Meow-Mix musical about singing, dancing felines is back at ASU Gammage from April 7-12. 1200 S. Forest Ave. Tempe. Phone: 480-965-3434

Original Gay Comedy Night The Comedy Spot at Scottsdale’s The Venue is presenting a “We’re Here, We’re Queer, We’re Funny” laff out loud ‘n’ proud night of gay comedy with Arizona native Thai Rivera, Kim Hoke & Darren Elder-- all queer comedians who’ll tickle your queer funny bones on April 16. 7117 E. 3rd Ave. 480-945-4422

Unwigged & Unplugged An Evening with Christopher Guest, Michael McKean & Harry Shearer. This comedic trio will be performing their greatest hits from their days as Spinal Tap - heavy metal’s loudest band to the optimistic folk music from “A Mighty Wind” and more, all in a rare, acoustic setting. You’ll never hear Spinal Tap songs less loud! It’s all at the Dodge on April 27. 400 W. Washington. Tix: www.LiveNation.com

APRIL 2009 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE 2-18 2-19 3-25 thru 5 7-12 9-5/23 thru 10 10-5/3 thru 11 14-5/3 16 17 18 thru 19 19 22-5/17 23-5/9 24-5/10 27 thru 5/5

EVENT Merchant of Venice Somebody/Nobody Columbinus Les Miserables Cats Charley’s Aunt Girl’s Night Out Man of La Mancha Singin’ In The Rain Girl’s Night Original Gay Comedy Night Jay Penn Under Construction Pippin Bruce Heppler Company Private Eyes Shipwrecked! Unwigged & Unplugged Reduced Shakespeare Co.

LOCATION SW Shakespeare Co. AZ Theatre Co. Stray Cat Theatre Phoenix Theatre ASU Gammage Hale Centre Theatre-Gilbert Herberger Theater Center Scottsdale Desert Stages B’way Palms Theatre-Mesa Scottsdale Ctr. for the Arts Comedy Spot - Scottsdale Comedy Spot - Scottsdale ASU Gammage Phoenix Theatre Comedy Spot - Scottsdale Phoenix Theatre Chyro Arts Venue - Scottsdale Herberger Theater Center Dodge Theatre Theatre 4301

PHONE 480-644-6500 602-256-6995 480-820-8022 602-254-2151 480-965-3434 480-497-1181 602-252-8497 480-483-1664 480-325-6700 480-994-2787 480-945-4422 480-945-4422 480-965-3434 602-254-2151 480-945-4422 602-254-2151 480-275-4477 602-252-8497 LiveNation.com 480-994-2787

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602-993-4567 phx 520-791-2345 tuc

Get a Date Tonight! See ad on page 88 (Free code: 4448)

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KOBALT

Serving Up More Than Cocktails There are eight million stories in the naked city. And this is one of them. So that means that there’s also eight million lunches served, too, right? Not necessarily naked. So let’s say that you’re one of the thousands of Dilbert ofﬁce wonks working in downtown Phoenix, spending Monday through Friday slaving away in a cubicle. If you are, you’re lucky to have a job these days. But you’ve already eaten six packages of CornNuts from the Honor System snack box and even eaten that old Twinkie you had hidden away in your desk drawer. It’s lunchtime now. What do you do? Maybe you’ll end up at Park Central Mall. Sure, you could join the other herds of collating cattle at the Park Central Deli. Or pose at Starbuck’s with your ﬁveshot Venti, 2/5 decaf extra hot soy with extra foam, split-shot with a half-squirt of sugar free vanilla and cinnamon dolce, a half Splenda with whipped cream and caramel sauce. Oh, and a scone. Or titter with your girlfriends at The Gay Egg. But here’s a great idea: have you tried lunch at Kobalt? Yep, that award-winning Happy Hour cocktailery has a scrumptious lunch menu, too, lovingly prepared by Scott Jones. I’m talking actual food. Their $5 martini’s make a great chaser, too, I’ll admit. The Kobalt Kafé’s light ‘n’ lovely lunch menu offers eight different sandwiches,

both, hot and cold. We opted for the Club Sandwich. This legendary ‘wich features the requisite ham, turkey, roast beef and bacon perched atop green leaf lettuce, tomato, and mayo on your choice of a variety of breads. Sandwich stand-by classics like Tuna Salad, Grilled Ham and Cheese and a BLT are also offered. All sandwiches come with a choice of sides: Garden, Caesar, Fruit or Potato Salads, chips or a the Soup of the Day. These are also available a la carte. Or, if you really want to sink your teeth into something, why not try the Classic Hamburger? It’s grilled to perfection any way you want it and isn’t served with any weird, exotic chipotle teriyaki sauce or grilled kiwi – just lettuce, tomato, onion and

mustard or ketchup. It’s a steal for any Hamburglar at only $6. If you’re concerned about carbs, relax: they’ve also got Chef, Caesar and Grand Parisian Salads and you can get halfsalad with soup, if you please. Okay. I’m saving one of my own faves for last. You’ve gotta try to the Lasagna with Meat Sauce. You may think it sounds a little too heavy, but this is Old Country dish is perfect. The phrase “homemade” is bandied around a lot, but this dish is actually prepared by Kobalt’s very own Bryon Wiley. I hear it’s a very reputable old Italian recipe he got from a Philadelphia connection years ago. This lasagna isn’t the mile-high version you see some places, but it’s still dense, perfectly seasoned – just sweet enough and spicy enough – and smothered in

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rich mozzarella cheese. It’s really a treat! It comes with a side, of course, and easy on the wallet at just $6. In a hurry? Everything’s available to go. Except for those martinis, of course. Sorry. It’s the law. They’re funny that way. Damn! If you’re looking for the rest of those 7,999,999 stories in the naked city I was telling you about, you can always try the nearby Paradise Adult Boutique after lunch. I hear they have a lot of ‘em on DVD.

Kobalt Kafé

Park Central Mall 3110 N. Central Ave. Suite 125 Lunch served M-F 11 a.m.-2 p.m. Phone: 602-549-4261

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Enjoy a great meal while raising money to fight HIV On April 30, 2009, restaurants (and businesses) all over Arizona from Phoenix to Flagstaff, will unite together for one night to fight against HIV and AIDS for Dining Out for Life. As thousands of patrons fill their plates in support, these restaurants will be generously donating a substantial portion of money from each diner’s bill to Body Positive and Northland Cares. Acacia Cafe Apollo’s Lounge B.S. West Scottsdale Barrio Cafe Be You - Be Well Chiropractic Bloom Cafe Monarch Christo’s Restaurante Cold Stone Creamery Queen Creek Anthem Avondale Bullhead City Casa Grande Chandler - Alma School Chandler - Chandler Blvd. Chandler - Germann Rd. Chandler - Gilbert Rd. Flagstaff Gilbert - Baseline Rd. Gilbert - Power Rd. Glendale - 67th Ave. Glendale - Westgate Goodyear Lake Havasu Mesa Mesa - Grove Ave. Mesa - Power Rd. Mesa - Signal Butte Rd. Mesa - Stapley Dr. Mesa - University Peoria - Bell Rd. Peoria - Northern Ave. Phoenix - 24th St. and Camel. Phoenix - 3rd St. Phoenix - 7th St. Phoenix - Agua Fria Freeway Phoenix - Baseline Phoenix - Cactus and 48th St. Phoenix - Camel. and 20th St. Phoenix - Chase Field Phoenix - Desert Ridge Phoenix - Happy Valley Rd. Phoenix - Indian School Rd. Phoenix - Jefferson St. Phoenix - Peoria Ave. Phoenix - Sky Harbor Blvd Scottsdale - Frank Lloyd Scottsdale - Scottsdale Rd. Sedona Tempe - ASU Tempe - McClintock Tempe - Mill Ave. Tempe- Rio Salado Pkwy. Coronado Cafe Coup Des Tartes Coyote Joe’s El Charro Restaurants FACIAL PRO

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602-956-0908 602-277-9373 602-636-0240 480-255-8436 480-922-5666 480-970-7682 602-264-1784 480-840-3300 623-551-4952 623-932-9205 928-763-6500 520-423-8484 480-786-8506 480-722-7767 480-821-1570 480-895-3500 480-632-5517 480-892-6699 623-566-9400 623-877-3788 623-935-7878 928-453-5667 480-325-7422 480-962-0035 480-396-7544 480-984-4063 480-507-6424 480-844-2278 623-412-1926 623-972-1232 602-952-1052 602-252-5572 602-404-9202 623-581-0415 602-243-7837 602-996-1772 602-248-9250 602-426-0100 480-585-7952 623-869-9469 602-957-7878 602-267-1161 602-371-0144 602-267-1161 480-614-3206 480-951-8533 928-203-7700 480-727-7535 480-491-1331 480-968-1225 602-258-5149 602-212-1082 928-445-7130 480-423-1100

April 2009

Fair Trade Cafe FEZ Restaurant & Bar Genovese’s Greekfest Green House Green Restaurant Harley’s Italian Bistro House of Tricks Icepics Video Bar Jamba Juice Thunderbird and 40th St. Avondale Bell Town Plaza Bethany Towne Center Camelback and 16th St. Crossroads Towne Center Deer Valley Falcon Gateway Gateway Towne Center Gilbert and Baseline I-17 and Thunderbird I-60 and Dobson Park Central Mall Pueblo AZ Ray Rd. and Ranch Circle Scottsdale and Thomas Scottsdale Seville Sun Village Fair Supersition Gateway West University and Gilbert Ladybug House of Sandwiches Lisa G Cafe Wine Bar Los Olivos Hand Car Wash Mi Patio Mexican Food Nicantoni’s Pizza Olympic Flame Greek Rest. Outback Steakhouse East Mesa Over Easy Pasquale’s Place Peacock Room - Hassayampa Pie Zanos Gourmet Pizza Kitch. Pie Zanos Gourmet Pizza Kitch. Pier 54 Prescott Coffee Roasters Roscoes Sports Bar & Grill Sassi Sauce - Norterra Sauce - Ocotillo Shane’s Rib Shack South Beach Restaurant Stinkweeds Switch That’s a Wrap Ticoz Trente-Cinq Uncorked Wine Bar and Bistro Unlimited Coffee/Monster’s Gelato

602-354-8150 602-287-8700 (928) 541-9089 602-265-2990 480-941-9003 602-234-0333 480-968-4636 602-267-8707 602-787-9852 623-478-9250 602-843-0472 602-864-0950 602-631-9000 480-782-0378 623-582-9852 480-981-1416 480-840-3448 480-632-9852 602-938-4545 480-491-4059 602-266-7153 480-491-5252 480-706-8500 480-481-5100 480-609-8250 480-857-9852 480-380-3590 480-844-9852 602-254-6269 602-253-9201 602-258-2822 602-277-4831 602-224-0213 480-654-0804 602-468-3447 928-445-4168 928-777-9554 480-998-4999 602-955-4225 480-820-0660 928-710-9329 602-285-0833 480-502-9095 623-877-7427 480-990-1777 602-248-9461 602-200-0160 602-254-0244 480-699-9239 602-252-1200

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April 2009

Photography - Jerry Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Conner Art Direction - Kevin Bushaw Wardrobe - Craig Rubin Makeup - Anton Khachaturian Models - Chris & Santiago, Gage & Cameron Special Thanks to... The Leathermen leathermenaz.com Buffalo Exchange buffaloexchange.com Off Chute Too offchutetoo.com

Retro Shorts by Go Softwear from Off Chute Too Sunglasses from Buffalo Exchange. Knee- high socks & sweatbands from American Apparel April 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 91

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Blue Rib Tank & Turquoise BoxerBriefs by Go Softwear, Light Blue Bandana from Off Chute Too Blue Polo from Buffalo Exchange Gold LamĂŠ Shorts, Knee High Socks & Sweatbands from American Apparel

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Glasses from Buffalo Exchange Blue Briefs by Go Softwear from Off Chute Too

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Retro Shorts from Go Softwear Blue Retro Trunks by Tulio from Off Chute Too Glasses from Buffalo Exchange Socks & Sweatbands from American Apparel

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Referee Trunks by Whittall & Shon, Blue Retro Trunks by Tulio from Off Chute Too Glasses from Buffalo Exchange Socks & Sweatbands from American Apparel

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Briefs by American Jock, Orange Bandana, Dyke in the City Socks from Off Chute Too Zip-up Sleeveless Hoodie & Glasses from Buffalo Exchange Socks & Sweatbands from American Apparel

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Red Bandana from Off Chute Too Low Rise Argyle Ginch Gonch from ginchgonch.com

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By Deon Brown

RuPaul’s

drag race Photo courtesy of Logo 106

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“... And Don’t F*#k It Up!”

ION chatted with the three lovely finalists to discussed the show, make-up and more in this exclusive interview. ION: What was it like working with RuPaul? BeBe: She was such a wonderful person. You could tell that she has a beautiful spirit and really respects her craft and was trying to show us the same passion and respect for it. It was a great experience working with her. Nina: At first it was overwhelming. At first I was kind of nervous. I’ve always looked up to her. She’s an icon! But it was a wonderful experience. We never had enough time to get close to her. She would would come on the set, do her part and go. We didn’t get that much bonding time with her ‘til the last episode. We had lunch. We had thirty minutes with her; not about the competition, but about our personal experience. It was really, really beautiful.

that we become. It was such an experience for them but at the same time they were so respectful. The relationships were lasting. Nina: I actually bonded with everyone – I did like some of them more than others; but I would have to say that I made friends with all of them. I don’t think anything bad of any of them. We all come from very different backgrounds. Some are more mature than others. You have to acknowledge that some people didn’t have that much experience, that some are younger. With that comes some different attitudes. But everybody was beautiful, but we were all so different. They cast nine girls and all of them had a different style of drag. None of us were similar in the way that we presented our art. They each had different ways, different techniques to get the job done. It was interesting. It was a learning experience. I say that I accept all of them, but my favorites were BeBe, Ongina, and Jade. I can relate to them, their personalities, how vulnerable they were. I bonded more with them. ION: Although this was a competition, was there anybody you wish could’ve stayed longer? BeBe: I really wish everybody could’ve stayed longer. I’m not

Rebecca: Amazing. Ru is so endearing and she really took us under her wing. She took her role as a mother very seriously. ION: Did you make any lasting friendships on the set? BeBe: Yes, not only amongst the girls, but with the crew. It was such a wonderful team of people who had never witnessed the transformation for us to become the characters

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BeBe Zahara Benet

Photo by Terry Hastings

With RuPaul’s warning, “... And Don’t F*#k It Up,” LOGO network premiered RuPaul’s Drag Race – a Project Runway style reality TV show with falsies sponsored by Absolut Vodka where legendary glamazon drag supermodel, RuPaul, recruited nine drag queens from across the country to compete for the title of America’s next Drag Supermodel. Instantaneously the public was glued to the television every Monday night to witness the challenges facing the quirky Tammie Brown, gender-bender Ongina, the self-aggrandizing beauty Shannel and others as they competed for the title. The ﬁnalists included winner, Cameroonian beauty BeBe Zahara Benet, the crowd-pleasing androgyne Nina Flowers and the controversial Rebecca Glasscock.

(Continued)

trying to make this a perfect world, but as you spend more time with the girls you bond with them, you get to know a lot about them, then all of a sudden they’re no longer available; they’re not in your presence any more. Some times it gets very emotional. In and out, in and out, in an out. Just like Las Vegas, so you can’t make a lot of friendships. I really wish all the girls could’ve stayed, like Ongina, Jade, Victoria, Akashia – but it’s not a perfect world. Nina: I wish that Jade would’ve stayed longer. I think she is so beautiful, so beautiful. And she is extremely talented. I was – a lot of us were – very, very upset when she left. A lot of people were the same way. She was better than Rebecca (Glasscock) in every single aspect. She did a great performance in the Lip Synch for Your Life; she was far prettier than Rebecca and I think that here talent in the MAC Viva Glam Challenge was ten times better. I feel that the reason she was sent home was that she was so nice and that they needed a bitch.

when I had lip synch to Britney Spears’ Stronger, if you know BeBe Zahara Benet that would never be a song you would ever pick for her. So I didn’t really get into my element the way I wanted to. But at the same time that’s my profession, you try to make every scenario work for you. Nina: I’m very happy with my editing; But I do believe that some people were not edited in the right way. For example, Shannel’s bitchiness, their were several moments that made her look worse. But I’m very satisﬁed with my part on the show. But I was very upset with the Girl Group Challenge. Remember? I was in charge of the wigs. Shannel gave me a very hard time with the wigs and she was trying to change everybody else’s opinion. And I was upset when I saw the show, because in the editing of the show they didn’t show not one single judge saying that they loved the wigs! And everybody complimented the wigs! I wish they would’ve showed that! And the other group, they just took them out of the box and wore them the same way they were and didn’t do anything to them! And I spent all this time, and Shannel gave me a very hard time. She told me later that the problem for her is that she has a very small face, and the was afraid the wig would not favor her. But it was group talent, and not about her only.

Shannel

Rebecca: Some friendships were made on set, yes. I think I would say Victoria Parker, because she was so chill and nice. I think she had a lot to offer and show, just didn’t get the chance to. ION: Were you happy with the editing? BeBe: I was happy. If there was something I was going to change it would be creating more of a scenario where each character can really portray themselves as they are, like what they do for a living when it comes to doing drag. The only time you could see our characters was when we would ‘Lip Synch For Your Life’ or walk the runway. Each individual has so much more than just that. For example April 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 108

Everybody had a very different situation with each other. Even Shannel. She’s a brilliant performer, a beautiful girl, she’s very professional. Even when she speaks all about her, behind that is a beautiful person. She’s awesome. Awesome. She can be bitchy and all that, but we got along really well. And I think that the producers of the show were expecting a huge catﬁght, which was what they wanted. Expecting that we were gonna be pulling our wigs, everyone was gonna be shady, it was gonna be all

BeBe: I really think Shannel has ego, believing in herself, but the way I look at it, and I’m not taking any sides, we put ourselves in a position to be criticized and to be judged. We all have the option of saying, ‘I don’t want to do this.’ And it’s not because I won that I’m saying this, but I just feel like I put myself in front of those judges to say what they want to say about me. I put myself in that position. I look at criticism and I think about what works for me, and what doesn’t work for me. Because I know who I am as a person, I accept myself, I have tremendous self-respect so whatever comes my way. So there’s really that ﬁne line there, so I think that was really what the problem was. Everybody has their own opinion, okay, and we have to respect that. Just the way you appreciate what I do, and all the other girls. I cannot make other peoples change their opinions about me. Does that make sense?

talking about? Are you trying to ﬁnd out about Ki-Ki [when two drag queens have sex with one another. - Ed.] and stuff like that? No, I really don’t have anything to tell you that you don’t see on the show. Nina: Rebecca! She got cast, and had no clothes! She had had a few pieces that were not actually evening wear or not clothes that a showgirl would wear. All her clothes were streetwear! All of them! She was lucky that she knew how to sew. For every challenge they provided us with fabric so that if we wanted to create something we had a sewing machine and the fabric and that helped her. She was able to create something for every challenge. Like for example the things she wore for the MAC Viva Glam Challenge -s that hideous shirt and the jeans - that’s the stuff that she brought to the set! That’s the clothes that she had! All of them looked like that! She brought four outﬁts, they were all like that. We were all, like, “She can’t win! She can’t represent! She’s not even in the running!” ION: If you were stuck on a desert island with one tube of lipstick, what shade would it be? BeBe: Oh, Ruby

Rebecca: I was happy with the editing, even though they made me look like a total bitch (or at least they tried to). I would change the last episode. I was having one of those days where everything goes wrong. It was very frustrating. ION: Shannel said that she brought four suitcases? Something like that? Nina: Yes, yes. There were four corners in the room that all had shelves, and we were nine people! Nine of us! Shannel took one entire corner. Completely! All her stuff! Her shoes, headpieces, costumes, wigs!

Nina Flowers

ION: Can you give us just one juicy piece of gossip about the show? BeBe: (Laughs) Gossip! Like, what do you mean? What in particular? What are you April 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 109

Photos courtesy of Logo

about the drama. But it took a whole different direction. Actually, when Rebecca started showing her true colors that’s why they had to keep her on the show. But she was the one creating all the stress and the drama with the other girls. There’s so much bitchiness that is part of the drag culture. So much cattiness, so much shade, so much competition, ‘Who’s prettier?’ They forget about how to be beautiful.

(Continued)

Woo! It’s going to be red! Because I know it’s going to make my lips very luscious! I love MAC make-up! Red lipstick will pull attention to you. I like bright colors, people are so scared of color and want to go dark. Nina: Just one? (laughs) I would have to say. Oh my gosh! There are so many colors I love! Oh God! Let me think ... what am I gonna say? I love to have very, very dark lipliner, but I always like that my lips are a light color. The name is “Flavor” from MAC. It’s like a very soft, smooth pink. It’s very pale, very pale. Yes. Rebecca: Ruby Woo from MAC. ION: What would viewers and readers be surprised to know about you? BeBe: That I also sing! (Laughs) Yes, I use my own voice. Before the show I was in the studio working on creating a new kind of sound, coming from West Africa and showing a blend of culture, bringing it to America and showcase that with everybody out there. Nina: A lot of people would be surprised that I’m usually very quiet. I don’t talk too much. I like to keep to myself.

Photo courtesy of Logo

Rebecca Glasscock

I like to observe everything. I’m not a loud person. When I become my drag persona, Nina Flowers, I’m very energetic, I’m all over the place. Do you think that comes across? What I get all the time – I’m only 5’4” – every time I meet someone, “Oh my God! Nina Flowers! You’re so tiny! You’re so small!” I’m like, “Yeah.” Rebecca: I collect state quarters. ION: True of False: Beauty is only skin deep. BeBe: What? I’ve never heard that before! Can you help me? Beauty really comes from inside. It really does. I feel like we dwell on how we look, but I notice that in life in general that people get attracted to your personality and who you really truly are, and that comes from within. And if you look at the show that is not the case. I don’t want to call names, but you can tell. Those with great personalities will go very far. Nina: Oh, false! I’ve never heard that expression, but I think it’s false. Beauty is not just skin deep. Rebecca: To me, if you’re ugly inside it shows, even if your exterior is one of a supermodel. ION: Where will we see you in ten years? BeBe: Oh my God! Fashion line, make-up line, perfume line. You know what, the sky for me is the limit. At this point in time I’ve used Drag Race to be a stepping stone to open doors to so many things. But right now I’m really focusing on my music to share. Ideally I want to have a show where I can take people through my own experience through my music. A place where you can really forget your problems live in a fantasy land. An hour, two seconds – however long it takes to take you through the fantasy in my mind. Wouldn’t that be fabulous? You know we will always have problems and heartaches. This is how life is. If you can ﬁnd a way to live through those things, that’s what I hope to do, want to do.

Nina: I’m really pushing for my career as a DJ but also as a musical producer. I’m really studying it. And also I see myself doing movies and theatre. Actually another thing, I have been approached my movie studios, so ... Rebecca: On a sunny beach sipping on fruity drinks with friends and not a care in the world. ION: If you were a superhero, what would your superpowers be? BeBe: Love! Love is like – really, really – like a medication and you’ll be amazed what that does when people love others. When you love, you tolerate, when you love, you accept, When you love, you respect. You don’t ﬁnd that often.

Nina Flowers

Nina: My superpower would be to make everyone feel special. To feel good about themselves. I find that there are a lot of people who are very negative about themselves and I feel that I bring a lot of joy to people’s lives and by getting close to them I find out that a lot of them are not happy about themselves or feeling insecure, so I think that everybody should be able to love themselves and live life happily. So my superpower would be to make everyone feel happy about themselves. Rebecca: I would want to fly. Although I would love to have a more aggressive power like starting fire or moving objects with my mind. ION: What is your own personal philosophy for living?

BeBe: Respecting myself. A lot of people say, ‘You always talk about dignity and carry yourself with a lot of pride.’ It’s not only upbringing - that’s one of things in my culture. But I think I had to come to terms who I really am as a person and respecting who I am as a person. That really showcases a lot. At the end of the day you have only yourself to depend on and to be honest with who you really are. Once you ﬁnd yourself and be honest with yourself and respect who you are, the rest is history - everything around you doesn’t matter anymore. There you go! Nina: It is to live every day with joy, to enjoy everything that is around you. We complain about things that happen in our life and we don’t realize that their are other people who don’t have half of the things we have. We should be grateful to enjoy life. So my philosophy of life is to live and love everything. ION: Everybody has been talking about the show. But I wonder if straight people would respond to it with the same interest the GLBT community has? Nina: Most of the fan mail that I’ve been getting is from straight people. Straight girls and straight men. It’s been crazy! On my MySpace their were, like, 500 “friend requests” a day that all come because of the show! ION: As Nina Flowers, you’re so very different. I thought that might win Drag Race for you. I know you think of yourself as an artist, androgynous. I believe Nina

(Continued)

Flowers was a girl, but I also believe Nina Flowers is a boy, and I believe that Nina Flowers is from outer space ... Nina: I thought about that! I saw the other girls, and I thought they were looking for something different. Time changes, socially ... there’s got to be another evolution. And I thought I had that, but at the show they wanted a traditional beauty, more feminine than androgynous. BeBe Zahara Benet had nothing but praise for you and what you did. Nina: I was happy with what I did. I knew that she was a strong competitor and that she worked hard. I thought that if I don’t win, I know she’s gonna represent. She’s so lovely, she’s so elegant. We have a great connection. The night before the finals we had a long talk in my room. I have nothing to say about her but great things. I feel blessed to meet her and work with her. BeBe: That finale show was amazing to me. Because of the spirits that were flowing between Nina and me. We had talked about this. We respect each other. We bonded so much because of our love of life, coming from a different place, with expectations of what a masculine man is, what a masculine man is supposed to be and not supposed to do, our accents, but most of all our passionate respect for our craft and we show that you can portray it the way it’s supposed to be portrayed just because of how hard we work for it. So there was a lot of bonding. So if she won I would’ve been so 112

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happy for here, and that’s the same way with her. We talked it, so when it all came to do it, it clearly shows in the ﬁnale. ION: BeBe thoughtfully added her own personal observations: Everybody has a story doing drag. I feel like I have a privilege. I enjoy my experiences and sharing it with other people. But also to be a voice for other people that need to be heard and I feel that is my purpose doing drag. I have no desire to become a woman any time soon, so this is my craft, and I want to use my craft to inspire others, to give back to others. I learned not to take anything for granted. Just growing up that way. Coming from my personal experience was not wanting what I experienced was for another person to experience the same thing.

Season 1 WINNER:

Bebe

We are who we are ... we are in the spotlight - you can call us stars – but before we get to being ‘stars’ it takes so many people behind the scenes to get us to that point. I can say that for me for a fact. I had so many people help me, encourage me, work for me and make the BeBe persona just who she is when you see her. I say this, without other people, otherwise you would probably not be where you are. Do not take that for granted. LOGO has announced that Season Two will air in early 2010. ION would like to thank the ﬁnalists for the time and participation, and especially Aaron Brost at Ro-Bro Marketing and PR, representing ABSOLUT. Without his help and inﬂuence this interview would not have been possible. April 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 112

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Vol. 3, Issue 1

APRIL 2009

�� OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

��

Prez Obama to Compete in Special Olympics �� running the Fifty Yard Dash. I can do it in about 6.5 seconds, easy. You can’t tell me one of those kids can beat that. It’ll take them at least 15 seconds or so.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. - File this under “Oops!” President Barack Obama proved that loose lips sink ships when he bemoaned his pathetic 129 bowling average during an interview with Jay Leno on NBC’s Tonight Show on March 19.

The President also promises to play a game of “Horse” on the basketball court with one not-solucky little athlete.

“It was, like, Special Olympics or something,” the President laughed. “Listen,” said the Commander-in-Chief, The international non-profit organization “bowling may not be my game, but I’m a serving more than 2.5 million people champ in basketball. I’ll spell out ‘horse’ fifty with intellectual disabilities to become times in ten different languages before my physically fit, productive and respected opponent can even get to ‘H’, I promise you.” members of society through competition �� was not amused, however. The Special Olympics, who declares “everyone a winner” is considering the Obama, chastised for his social insensitivity President’s offer. offered to compete with the athletes in the next Games in several of the 30 sports they “Well, we invited President Bush to compete compete in. one year, but he cheated in Duck, Duck, Goose,” said one Special Olympics official. “Look,” said Obama, “I’m sorry. Okay? But “We’re hoping that this experience will be I promise you, it’s not gonna be pretty when better.” I beat the pants off of half a dozen kids

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��

Seventh Grader Accepts Bonus; Government Demands Return

��

CUPERTINO, Calif. – Brady Cooperman, a resourceful 13-year-old student at Christopher Columbus Junior High School in the heart of Silicon Valley, is facing some stiff penalties from the federal government for taking unprecedented bonuses in light of the dire economic situation.

know what I’d do without him. Since I broke my hip I can’t get up and around like I used to. I pay him $15 every week or so for helping me around the house with heavy lifting and whatnot. I know times are tough, so I slipped him an extra twenty dollars because he’s been good to me and he’s been saving up. I’ve known him since he was three.”

For a year now, Cooperman has been working to earn enough money to buy an But since the backlash at AIG when Xbox. He mows his elderly neighbor’s executives accepted generous bonuses after lawns weekly, runs errands and helps with requesting a federal bailout, government household chores. Last week, one of his ofﬁcials aren’t taking any chances with neighbors, Mrs. Peter Rossdale, 82, gave public recrimination for other business execs him a $20 bonus on top of his weekly salary accepting bonuses, starting at a grassroots �� of $15. level.

�� “It’s clear that Brady is accepting a big bonus,” said one federal ofﬁcial anonymously. “We just can’t allow fat cats like him to feast on the economy this way.” Family and friends close to Cooperman are outraged.

“Sure it starts out small, but we also discovered that his mom gave him an extra dollar in his allowance last month. It just snowballs from there,” the anonymous federal ofﬁcial said.

�� “He’s a good boy,” Rossdale said, “I don’t

Brady may be facing harsh charges on a state and federal level. And he’ll never get that Xbox, either.

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IONBAR GUIDE PHOENIX

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Amsterdam

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Apollo’s*

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Bar 1

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BS West*

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Charlie’s

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Cherry Bar*

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Cherry Lounge - Tempe

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Club Vibe

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Dick’s Cabaret

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Forbidden

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icepics

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Incognito

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� Maizie’s

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� Mi Patio

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Karamba

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Pumphouse II

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Roscoe’s*

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� Switch

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� Ticoz

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� Wild Card

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� Miguel’s

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� Woody’s

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� FEZ

TUCSON

� 126

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�� Discount Cab: Yellow Cab: AAA Cab:

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602-200-2000 602-252-5252 602-437-4000

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IF IT’S NOT IN��, IT’S NOT HAPPENING! April 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 127

This month’s Night Out feature follows the ﬁrst date of Johnny and Mike. The duo started their night for a tasty bite and cocktails at Switch. From there the two jumped on the Light Rail and hightailed it down to Amsterdam for some martinis and good conversation. After an enchanting stroll they hopped back on the Metro Light Rail to end their night at Charlie’s, where the drinks got bigger and the personal space got smaller! Let’s take a look at how their Night Out went...

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MEET THE GUYS Name: Mike Sign: Leo Occupation: Front Desk Agent Yourself in three words: Adventurous, random, intelligent Originally from: Phoenix Turn ons: Independence, maturity, & somebody fun Turn offs: Small hands, messiness, cockiness Dream destination: Easter Island Perfect date: Casual drinks, dinner, the zoo, no awkward silence Worst pick-up line: “Have I seen you here before?” Name: Johnny Sign: Capricorn Occupation: H.R. Specialist Yourself in three words: Spontaneous, independent, outgoing Originally from: Los Angeles Turn ons: Sense of humor, conﬁdence, smile, somebody caring Turn offs: Drama, bad style Dream destination: St. Tropez Perfect date: Good conversation, good drinks, good company, an art show, a concert, or something out of the ordinary. Worst pick-up line: “Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle.”

602-993-4567 Phoenix 520-791-2345 Tucson April 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 129

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IONTUCSON

CLUBS, RESTAURANTS, AND NIGHTLIFE 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Ain’t Nobody’s Biz Colors Howl at the Moon IBT’s Miguel’s Mexican Restaurant Venture-N Woody’s Yard Dog

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445 S. Alvernon Way 5335 E. Broadway Blvd. 5900 N. Oracle Rd. 204 S. Scott Ave. 3800 E. Sunrise Dr.

(520) 881-4200 (520) 745-2700 (520) 887-4800 (877) 670-9022 (520) 742-6000

ACCOMODATIONS & LODGING 1 2 3 4 5

Doubletree Hotel at Reid Park Embassy Suites La Posada Lodge and Casitas Royal Elizabeth B&B The Westin La Paloma

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Tell them you saw them in ION Arizona! PAGE BUSINESS ACCOMODATIONS & LIVING 119 Blue Moon- Las Vegas 79 Clarendon Hotel - Phoenix 67 Radisson Hotel - Phoenix Doubletree Hotel - Tucson Embassy Suites La Posada Lodge & Casitas Royal Elizabeth B&B 38 Penasco Del Sol - Rocky Point 52 Zazu Pannee ADULT 112 131 129 84 114 125 29

Adult Shoppe Fascinations The Chute Secrets Dick’s Cabaret Surf 10.com Broke Straight Boys

ATHLETICS 94 Phoenix Sunﬁsh Swimming AUTO 50 58 92

CONTACT (866) 798-9194 (602) 252-7365 (602) 602-4900 (520) 881-4200 (520) 745-2700 (520) 887-4800 (877) 670-9022 (877) 759-7841 (602) 297-2233 (602) 306-1130 funlove.com (602) 234-1654 (623) 245-3008 (602) 274-DICK Surf10.com brokestraightboys.com phxsunﬁsh.org

Community Tire Service Center communitytireaz.com Michael Crawford SUBARU (623) 298-1212 Los Olivos Hand Car Wash (602) 258-2822

BARS/CLUBS 4 Amsterdam - Phoenix 22 Apollo’s - Phoenix 27 Bar 1 - Phoenix 12 BS West - Scottsdale 28 Charlie’s - Phoenix 20 Cherry Bar - Phoenix 3 Cherry Lounge - Tempe 32 Club Vibe - Phoenix 6 Forbidden 8 icepics videobar - Phoenix 19 Incognito - Phoenix 10 Karamba - Phoenix 14 Myst Ballroom - Scottsdale 35 Pumphouse II - Phoenix 30 Roscoe’s - Phoenix 33 Wild Card - Chandler 28 Woody’s - Tucson

(602) 258-6122 (602) 277-9373 (602) 266-9001 (480) 945-9028 (602) 265-0224 (602) 277-7729 (480) 298-1384 (602) 224-9977 forbiddenaz.com (602) 267-8707 (602) 955-9805 (602) 254-0231 (602) 429-6000 (602) 275-3509 (602) 285-0833 (480) 857-3088 (520) 292-6702

PROFESSIONAL SERVICES 94 Fast Signs on Central 82 Goff Douglas Bankruptcy 132 Wells Fargo

(602) 266-7446 (602) 476-1498 wellsfargo.com/lgbt

DATING 126 Mega Phone 122 Interactive Male 125 Gay Live 111 Hard Line

(See Ad for Phone #s) (See Ad for Phone #s) (See Ad for Phone #s) (See Ad for Phone #s)

DENTAL OFFICES 68 Open Wide Dental 00 Dobson Warner Dentistry 103 Encanto Family Dentistry

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PAGE BUSINESS

PHONE NUMBER

OUT-OF-STATE EVENTS 88 Las Vegas Pride 36 White Party Palm Springs 38 Rocky Point Pride

lasvegaspride.org jeffreysanker.com (877) 759-7841

HOME/OFFICE MAINTENANCE 60 Mr. Rooter Plumbing

(602) 264-9407

MUSEUMS / PARKS 56 Desert Botanical Garden

(480) 481-8188

NON-PROFITS Southwest Center for HIV and AIDS Equality Arizona 62 Flagstaff Pride ﬂagstaffpride.org HRC Human Rights Campign 48 Imperial Court of Arizona imperialcourtaz.org 86 Project Hard Hat projecthardhat.org 86 Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence azsisters.org 64 Tucson Pride tucsonpride.org PERSONAL SERVICES 92 Willo Medspa 18 Men’s Boxer’s Salon 65 Michelle King- Stylist 84 Laser RX 86 Fitness from Head to Feet

(602) 296-4477 (602) 340-8052 redheadmane@hotmail (480) 948-9600 (602) 628-7393

PHOTOGRAPHY 60 Thompson Image (602) 418-2262 65 digiphotoaz - Richard Bolinski (602) 820-5675 PHYSICIANS 90 Pueblo Family Physicians 42 Family Pracitce Specialists

(602) 264-9191 (602) 955-8700

RESTAURANTS / FOOD 82 Boca7 76 Ticoz 76 Switch 78 FEZ 76 Mi Patio 66 Miguel’s 76 Z Pizza 78 Maizie’s

(480) 649-9777 (602) 200-0160 (602) 264-2295 fezoncentral.com (602) 277-4831 (520) 887-3777 zpizza.com (602) 274-2828

RETAILERS 105 Antique Marketplace 104 Root Seller 106 Off Chute Too 108 Unique Urban Boutique 92 Dragonﬂy Boutique 18 The Green Woodpecker 65 ClearanceFinders.com

(602) 255-0212 (602) 265-ROOT (602) 274-1429 (602) 604-1995 (602) 687-7649 (602) 266-7381

THEATER/STAGE/TELEVISION 48 Grand Canyon Performing Arts 40 here! On Demand cox.com

(602) 347-9999

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To have your business listed here, contact Jack Tesorero at 602-308-4662 Ext. #6

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by Addison DeWitt

and was glad I was there. It’s April, you fools! And those of you who know me and hate me know that I do not suffer fools gladly. Fools like – oh, I don’t know – an ungrateful, short, Puerto Rican/ Irish waiter from West Chester, Pennsylvania. Not that I have anyone specific in mind, that’s just off the top of my head. But, my! How sharper than a serpent’s tooth is a thankless child. But, as they say, there’s no fool like an old fool. When will I learn that no good deed goes unpunished? A waiter. Really, now! But, yikes! I wouldn’t mind getting some good, old fashioned corporal punishment from any one of the delish go-go boys that those nice guys at icepics videobar hire to shake their moneymakers every Friday night. I’m sure that they’re working their way through college. I wouldn’t mind spending some time in study hall with Tyler (pictured). I don’t mind telling you that I was as hard as Chinese arithmetic watching them. And I think you’ll feel the same way. This month voting begins this month to choose the new Emperor and Empress of the Imperial Margarine Court as the reign of Justice Prevails and Joseph Brumley draws to a close. The royal coronation takes place in early May at a palace that looks suspiciously like a hotel near the airport. Remember, this is a dignified, formal ceremony which demands the respect and decorum accorded to such an event. So, as per the the Royal Court, an edict has been issued – and I quote – “Please, no bare butts, breasts, open flames or live animals.” Uh. Okay. I guess those diamond-studded assless chaps and no brassiere that I was going to wear and the fire-breathing gerbils I was planning on taking to the ceremony are out.

An entire ﬂeet of Lovely Aunt Rita’s Meter Maids waited on attendees like the amazing Shane Miller a.k.a. the newly crowned Miss Gay Phoenix, Chané Jordan who arrived in mufti. Nearby a tray of Petit Fours and Napoleons my favorite little crumpet Gary Guerin nibbled an éclair while I attempted to nibble on that adorable Wild Card Pop Tart Waylon Smith. I could just pile the Devon cream on them both and lap it up. Lap it up with my favorite little pink tongue! Of course, I was too busy lapping up the free vodka generously donated by Kobalt. Well done! And did I see that smart aleck, wise-cracking wag John Quinn yukking it up with heiress, international hostess and educator R.J. Merrill? Actually, it’s a rhetorical question, John. I did see you. And I’d be remiss if I didn’t give an extrahonorable mention to the luminous Cruz, who may very well be the most beautiful man I’ve seen in my life. So beautiful you could weep. Yes, that beautiful.

Aunt Rita’s Savor Life fundraiser at the fashionable Bentley Projects downtown was a crashing success. I was welcomed by none other than The Unstoppable, Unbeatable Kirk Baxter with open arms. I mean that. He didn’t call security or anything April 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 137

If you take a two cups of ﬂour, milk, three egg whites, and set the table with a fork, a spoon, a knife and the back and dish, dish, dish, what do you get? I’ll tell you: the First Annual Queen of the Kitchen Pageant sponsored in the home of none other than the fabulous Mya McKenzie! For hours the talented Bobby Hess and Daniel Eckstrom slaved over a hot stove, presenting an array of divine desserts to see who could wear the gorgeous crown and call himself Chris Crocker – I mean – Betty Crocker - in this gay boy Pillsbury Jack-Off – I mean “Bake Off.” The delectable dishes were judged by the Misses McKenzie and Mikaela Kay with BS West’s handsome Michael Fornelli arriving with his delish boyfriend who’s name escapes me because he can’t seem to remember me even though I’ve met him at least a half-dozen times. But who’s keeping count, darling? Congrats go out to Daniel who won the coveted crown. Nothin’ says lovin’ like something in my oven! You know how they say, “When one door closes another one opens?” Remember

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the old watering hole Marlys’? No? What about Taylor’s Tavern? Ring a bell? If you do, rejoice, kumquats! It’s now reopened under new ownership as The Rainbow Cactus Cactus! But the rumor has it that the doors may close for good on one bar off the beaten track. We We’ll see what happens. But let’s look on the bright side, shall we? Do I hear wedding bells ringing for Eric Shorter and his beau, Charlie’s yummy bartender Ryan McCarthy McCarthy? If you’re planning on taking a trip down the aisle I highly recommend Daniel Eckstrom and Bobby Hess to bake the wedding cake for you. And it had to happen sooner or later! The Party Penguin of the Month is Dennis McKay! It had to happen sooner or later! Any friend of José Cuervo is a friend of mine. If you can’t remember my name or who I am be sure not to remember to invite me to somebody’s next party sometime next month and send an e-mail to nobody in particular. Or you can always send your poop and pansies to Addison DeWitt at RumorHound@aol.com

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a young Aquarian who has it coming. Forget Karma. Don’t worry. This one’s on the house.

Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20

Libra Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

Who can turn the world on with her smile? Not you, sourpuss, Mary Tyler Moore. So turn that frown upside down because you’re gonna make it after all. What would Mary do? Throw a dinner party and show everybody that you’re the Mary, and not the Rhoda.

You’ve just squandered a week’s pay on all those shoes you just had to have. Now you’ll have to eat off the value menu for the rest of the month. In case you didn’t know, we’re in a Recession. Talk to a Scorpio in the know.

Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20

It’s Spring! That only means one thing: get out the broom and clean up that rat’s nest you call home. Throw away old porn, old love letters and get things in order because all of your planets are in alignment. So get ready for a Spring ﬂing and keep an eye on that Aries. Your hunch is right. He’s a weasel.

You’re wildly creative, fun loving and spontaneous. But people still think you’re a pathological liar anyway.Tell someone, “I care.” Even if you don’t, this might lend credibility to your otherwise wacky behavior out in public.

Gemini May 21 - June 21

Pull your thumb out of your butt, Ronald McStinkﬁnger. You’re vibrant, vivacious personality shines through this April and you will be rewarded for your kindness to old people and small animals. Your lucky number is 58779645242. Look for it everywhere!

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov. 23

Sagittarius Nov. 23-Dec. 23

Face it, baby: you’re a sex symbol! The pheromones that you exude has everybody panting like dogs in heat. You’re doing something right! My only advice: ﬂoss on a regular basis. This month a Cancer has potential.

Cancer June 22 - July 22

Capricorn Dec. 23- Jan. 20

Leo July 23 - Aug. 22

Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

Surprise yourself and others! Dye your hair! Grow a mustache! Or, if you’re a girl, shave it off! Do something even you’d never expect because the stars and planets are on your side this month. Make friends with a Gemini. They’re as nutty as you are.

You’re not in line for the throne, so quit acting like a big queen. Your own natural charm and grace will earn you the respect and love of your loyal friends. So put away that tiara and quit speaking with an English accent. Beware of Sagittarians.

Virgo Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

“Whosoever smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other,” says The Good Book. But then it’s your turn to bitch slap the hell out of ‘em. This month you get revenge on 140

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April 2009

When you cried like a schoolgirl at Jonas Brothers: The 3-D Concert Experience it only made you look mentally unstable. Keep a stiff upper lip and go to High School Musical 3: Senior Year with a strong, sexy Libra. The secret language of Raisinettes just might surprise you.

Counting carbs is out this month. I say eat the mashed potatoes if you want them. A certain lovely Virgo out there has an eye for you and thinks you’re beautiful just the way you are. Heck, have a couple of Twinkies, too.

Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

This month is special so pop open a bottle of champagne to celebrate. If you play your cards right that’s not all that’ll get popped. There’s a Cancer that’s willing to put out for you, too.

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