ION Arizona October 2008

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Just Jack “When I grow up, I want to be an artest.”

That was an excerpt from a project I created when I was in the 3rd grade.

It contained great designs with terrible spelling. Not much has changed since then. JMT Designs, Inc., the company I started almost 14 years ago and now creates ION Arizona, has. We are a creative design company with a collection of top designers, photographers, cartoonists, and, yes, professional writers!

Recently, we submitted a design for this year’s AGRA Rodeo poster and won. We designed the logo for the Harrah’s Ak-Chin Casino Rainbow Shuffle. We create ads for Amsterdam, Ice Pics, Forbidden, and Roscoe’s to name a few. We aren’t the cheapest just the best. Plus, we never miss a deadline. We also created our own website, as well as everything ION. If your business needs a facelift, give us a call. You won’t be disappointed.

OK, couch potatoes, this is your month.

There is no reason not to get out and have some fun because October is the busiest month for the Arizona GLBT community. There’s Rainbows Festival, Phoenix AIDS Walk 2008, Tucson Pride, Tucson AIDS Walk, the 1N10 Gala plus all the great events the bars are hosting.

Don’t forget about the Arizona State Fair with their fantastic free concert line-up.

For you travelers, there is the Rocky Point Homo-ween, Q Vegas’ NCOD and Jeffrey Sanker’s White Party Las Vegas.

To date, we estimate that we have printed approximately 900,000 issues of ION. Can you believe it? We are about 100,000 issues away from one million.

And when then happens, we are going to PARTY! But until then, another ION supporter is celebrating a similar milestone: FEZ Restaurant. You see, they have been 10

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

busy serving up culinary excellence for three years now. Not only can you get $5 FEZ Burgers and $3 Pomegranate Vodka drinks all month, but some lucky patron will be served FEZ’s 1,000,000 meal! The winner will receive dinner for two every week for a year. Join us Sunday, October 26th, as we help celebrate their anniversary in style with free food, free drinks, great music and good friends.

On November 4th, don’t forget to get out and vote. And, for our sake, vote NO on Proposition 102. It’s back on the ballot again and this time it is going to be tough to defeat without everyone’s help!

This month’s Party Penguin is “Pistol” Pete Kelly. The voice of Energy Arizona FM during the afternoons, Pete is also a personal trainer, an actor, a musician, a singer and an event host. He has been a great friend of ION for years. He is the hardest working gay person I know and that is why he is this month’s Party Penguin! Among his many other talents, he’s also a drummer for the rock band Kaiser. Check out their show Oct. 11th at Club Red in Tempe.

Lastly, National Coming Out Day is October 11th. For those people who aren’t out to their family, friends, or co-workers, those who are bi-sexual but lean gay, those who question their sexuality, this day is for you. Remember these words, “I will never be truly happy until I can be myself”. Think about it.

Repeat. And rejoice.

Have a fun, safe, and sexy October!

Jack Tesorero Publisher October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

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Just Jack “When I grow up, I want to be an artest.”

That was an excerpt from a project I created when I was in the 3rd grade.

It contained great designs with terrible spelling. Not much has changed since then. JMT Designs, Inc., the company I started almost 14 years ago and now creates ION Arizona, has. We are a creative design company with a collection of top designers, photographers, cartoonists, and, yes, professional writers!

Recently, we submitted a design for this year’s AGRA Rodeo poster and won. We designed the logo for the Harrah’s Ak-Chin Casino Rainbow Shuffle. We create ads for Amsterdam, Ice Pics, Forbidden, and Roscoe’s to name a few. We aren’t the cheapest just the best. Plus, we never miss a deadline. We also created our own website, as well as everything ION. If your business needs a facelift, give us a call. You won’t be disappointed.

OK, couch potatoes, this is your month.

There is no reason not to get out and have some fun because October is the busiest month for the Arizona GLBT community. There’s Rainbows Festival, Phoenix AIDS Walk 2008, Tucson Pride, Tucson AIDS Walk, the 1N10 Gala plus all the great events the bars are hosting.

Don’t forget about the Arizona State Fair with their fantastic free concert line-up.

For you travelers, there is the Rocky Point Homo-ween, Q Vegas’ NCOD and Jeffrey Sanker’s White Party Las Vegas.

To date, we estimate that we have printed approximately 900,000 issues of ION. Can you believe it? We are about 100,000 issues away from one million.

And when then happens, we are going to PARTY! But until then, another ION supporter is celebrating a similar milestone: FEZ Restaurant. You see, they have been 10

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

busy serving up culinary excellence for three years now. Not only can you get $5 FEZ Burgers and $3 Pomegranate Vodka drinks all month, but some lucky patron will be served FEZ’s 1,000,000 meal! The winner will receive dinner for two every week for a year. Join us Sunday, October 26th, as we help celebrate their anniversary in style with free food, free drinks, great music and good friends.

On November 4th, don’t forget to get out and vote. And, for our sake, vote NO on Proposition 102. It’s back on the ballot again and this time it is going to be tough to defeat without everyone’s help!

This month’s Party Penguin is “Pistol” Pete Kelly. The voice of Energy Arizona FM during the afternoons, Pete is also a personal trainer, an actor, a musician, a singer and an event host. He has been a great friend of ION for years. He is the hardest working gay person I know and that is why he is this month’s Party Penguin! Among his many other talents, he’s also a drummer for the rock band Kaiser. Check out their show Oct. 11th at Club Red in Tempe.

Lastly, National Coming Out Day is October 11th. For those people who aren’t out to their family, friends, or co-workers, those who are bi-sexual but lean gay, those who question their sexuality, this day is for you. Remember these words, “I will never be truly happy until I can be myself”. Think about it.

Repeat. And rejoice.

Have a fun, safe, and sexy October!

Jack Tesorero Publisher October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

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ION ARIZONA CENTER 3819 North 3rd Street Ste. #10, Phoenix, AZ 85012 (602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com PUBLISHER Jack M. Tesorero .............................. jackt@ionaz.com CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw - Ext. 4 .................. editor@ionaz.com EDITOR AND CONTENT CZAR Deon Brown ................................. deon@ionaz.com PRODUCTION & OFFICE MANAGER production@ionaz.com ADVERTISING SALES Jack Tesorero, Ext 6 ................. adsales@Ionaz.com PHOTOGRAPHERS: Richard Bolinski Don Thompson

Corey Blanchette Carl James

NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 CONTRIBUTORS: Dave Jackson Corey Blanchette Ted Kirby Wes Bergman David Alan Maxey Addison DeWitt Kim Ruff Helena Grayson Paul Sanchez Gary Guerin

TO GROW YOUR BUSINESS, CALL (602) 308-4662.

Published monthly by

© 2008 Tesorero Omni Media

a JMT Designs, Inc. company

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED PRINTED IN THE USA All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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ION ARIZONA CENTER 3819 North 3rd Street Ste. #10, Phoenix, AZ 85012 (602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com PUBLISHER Jack M. Tesorero .............................. jackt@ionaz.com CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw - Ext. 4 .................. editor@ionaz.com EDITOR AND CONTENT CZAR Deon Brown ................................. deon@ionaz.com PRODUCTION & OFFICE MANAGER production@ionaz.com ADVERTISING SALES Jack Tesorero, Ext 6 ................. adsales@Ionaz.com PHOTOGRAPHERS: Richard Bolinski Don Thompson

Corey Blanchette Carl James

NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 CONTRIBUTORS: Dave Jackson Corey Blanchette Ted Kirby Wes Bergman David Alan Maxey Addison DeWitt Kim Ruff Helena Grayson Paul Sanchez Gary Guerin

TO GROW YOUR BUSINESS, CALL (602) 308-4662.

Published monthly by

© 2008 Tesorero Omni Media

a JMT Designs, Inc. company

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED PRINTED IN THE USA All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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ANNIVERSARY PARTY

PHOENIX, ARIZONA 16

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ANNIVERSARY PARTY

PHOENIX, ARIZONA 16

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Live & Local every Wednesday with SWAY Events The wildly popular “Live & Local” concert series from SWAY Events is now a permanent part of the music landscape for up ‘n’ coming “queersicians” every Wednesday night at Forbidden.

Join them for the series premiere on Wednesday, October 15 with Lauren Winston. Doors open 8 p.m. and open to 18 +. Visit ww.SWAYevents.com for more info or for a chance to perform.

Rainbows Festival / Phoenix AIDS Walk 2008

Join in the fun, food and entertainment at the 7th Annual Rainbows Festival street fair at Heritage Park near 7th St. & Monroe in downtown Phoenix October 4 & 5. Get up bright and early on Sunday, October 5 at 8:30 a.m. for the historic return of Phoenix AIDS Walk. You can register at www.AIDSwalk2008.org.

Sky Lounge 18+ Juicy Thursdays

Hey, kiddies! Put on your boogie shoes and head over to the Sky Lounge for juicy Grand Opening on October 9. DJ Tsunami and rebelX will be spinning hip-hop, pop, and mouth watering juicy club hits for you. Check out their ad for a month long of hot mess events you’ll love! Sky Lounge is at 132 W. Washington. Phone: 602-229-1110

FEZ One Millionth Customer Party

Celebrate OctoberFEZ! Join ION Arizona when we party at FEZ for their third anniversary on Sunday, October 26 from 2-5 p.m. with complimentary FEZ food, drinks and great music. Stop by anytime this month for $5 FEZ burgers and $3 Pomegranate vodka drinks and your chance to be served their 1,000,000 meal and win dinner for two every week for a year. FEZ is at 3815 N. Central. Ave. Go to www.FezOnCentral.com for details.

Arizona Exposition & State Fair

The Arizona State Fair is here! Not only can you get anything you can eat on a stick, there’s world-class concert entertainment, a Petting Zoo, quilting, cakes & pies, arts & crafts, poultry and some big-ass livestock! And don’t forget the midway with Whack-A-Mole! It starts October 10 ‘til November 2 at 19th Ave. & McDowell. More at AZStateFair.com

Tucson Pride / Tucson AIDS Walk 2008

Our friends down in the Old Pueblo are showing their Pride in the Desert on Saturday, October 18 at Reid Park. Enjoy their special day and fab entertainment with hottie Eric Himan and others. Sunday is dedicated to AIDS Walk 2008. Registration begins at 6:30 a.m. and the 5K walk starts at 8:30 a.m. Visit www.

TucsonPride.org and www.AIDSwalkTucson.com for more info.

Halloween Spectacular at BS West: “Rehab” They can try to make you “Rehab” and you’ll say, “Yes, yes, yes!” when BS presents their legendary Halloween extravaganza with the best entertainment you’ll find featuring all your friends as the stars. It all happens on October 25 at BS West. 7125 E. 5th Ave. Phone: 480-945-9028. Get your tix early!

Rocky Point Homo-ween Beach Bash!

Join all the hot little papi chulos south of the border in Rocky Point at the fabulous Peñasco del Sol Hotel for Halloween - Mexican style! One low price includes transportation, accommodations, a weekend party pass and much more!

We’ll see you there October 31-November 2. See their ad in this issue or call 520-618-8050 for info.

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WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

OCTOBER ION SPECIAL EVENTS LISTING DATE

EVENT & LOCATION

CITY

3-7 3-5 4 4 4-5 5 10-11/2 18 18 18 18 17-19 19 19-11/16 23-25 23-25 24-26 24 25 26 31-11/2 31-11/2 11/1-2

Scottsdale Int’l. Film Festival - Camelview Theatre Way Out West Oktoberfest - Tempe Beach Park Glitter - Kobalt Bar Arizona Irish Festival - Hance Park Rainbows Festival - Heritage Square Phoenix AIDS Walk 2008 - Downtown Phx Arizona State Fair - Fairgrounds Phoenix Pagan Pride - Phx. College Elevate - 1 Voice Gala - Wynham Hotel Tucson Pride - Reid Park World Water Festival - Rio Salado Habitat The Black Party - theblackpartyaz.com - The Ice House Tucson AIDS Walk 2008 - U of A Campus Cowboy Artists at the Phx. Art Museum Mesa Storytelling Festival - Mesa Arts Ctr. Eats3: Sizzle, Sip & Swizzle - Southbridge Anthem Autumnfest - Anthem Park Great Pumpkin Festival - Desert Botanical BS West: Rehab Halloween - BS West FEZ 3rd Anniversary - FEZ Rocky Point Homoween - Peñasco del Sol Hotel Carefree Fine Arts Festival - Thunderbird Artists Dia de los Muertos Celebration - Mesa Arts Ctr.

Scottsdale Tempe Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Tucson Phoenix Phoenix Tucson Phoenix Mesa Scottsdale Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale Phoenix Rocky Point Fntn. Hills Mesa

Live & Local every Wednesday with SWAY Events The wildly popular “Live & Local” concert series from SWAY Events is now a permanent part of the music landscape for up ‘n’ coming “queersicians” every Wednesday night at Forbidden.

Join them for the series premiere on Wednesday, October 15 with Lauren Winston. Doors open 8 p.m. and open to 18 +. Visit ww.SWAYevents.com for more info or for a chance to perform.

Rainbows Festival / Phoenix AIDS Walk 2008

Join in the fun, food and entertainment at the 7th Annual Rainbows Festival street fair at Heritage Park near 7th St. & Monroe in downtown Phoenix October 4 & 5. Get up bright and early on Sunday, October 5 at 8:30 a.m. for the historic return of Phoenix AIDS Walk. You can register at www.AIDSwalk2008.org.

Sky Lounge 18+ Juicy Thursdays

Hey, kiddies! Put on your boogie shoes and head over to the Sky Lounge for juicy Grand Opening on October 9. DJ Tsunami and rebelX will be spinning hip-hop, pop, and mouth watering juicy club hits for you. Check out their ad for a month long of hot mess events you’ll love! Sky Lounge is at 132 W. Washington. Phone: 602-229-1110

FEZ One Millionth Customer Party

Celebrate OctoberFEZ! Join ION Arizona when we party at FEZ for their third anniversary on Sunday, October 26 from 2-5 p.m. with complimentary FEZ food, drinks and great music. Stop by anytime this month for $5 FEZ burgers and $3 Pomegranate vodka drinks and your chance to be served their 1,000,000 meal and win dinner for two every week for a year. FEZ is at 3815 N. Central. Ave. Go to www.FezOnCentral.com for details.

Arizona Exposition & State Fair

The Arizona State Fair is here! Not only can you get anything you can eat on a stick, there’s world-class concert entertainment, a Petting Zoo, quilting, cakes & pies, arts & crafts, poultry and some big-ass livestock! And don’t forget the midway with Whack-A-Mole! It starts October 10 ‘til November 2 at 19th Ave. & McDowell. More at AZStateFair.com

Tucson Pride / Tucson AIDS Walk 2008

Our friends down in the Old Pueblo are showing their Pride in the Desert on Saturday, October 18 at Reid Park. Enjoy their special day and fab entertainment with hottie Eric Himan and others. Sunday is dedicated to AIDS Walk 2008. Registration begins at 6:30 a.m. and the 5K walk starts at 8:30 a.m. Visit www.

TucsonPride.org and www.AIDSwalkTucson.com for more info.

Halloween Spectacular at BS West: “Rehab” They can try to make you “Rehab” and you’ll say, “Yes, yes, yes!” when BS presents their legendary Halloween extravaganza with the best entertainment you’ll find featuring all your friends as the stars. It all happens on October 25 at BS West. 7125 E. 5th Ave. Phone: 480-945-9028. Get your tix early!

Rocky Point Homo-ween Beach Bash!

Join all the hot little papi chulos south of the border in Rocky Point at the fabulous Peñasco del Sol Hotel for Halloween - Mexican style! One low price includes transportation, accommodations, a weekend party pass and much more!

We’ll see you there October 31-November 2. See their ad in this issue or call 520-618-8050 for info.

18

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

OCTOBER ION SPECIAL EVENTS LISTING DATE

EVENT & LOCATION

CITY

3-7 3-5 4 4 4-5 5 10-11/2 18 18 18 18 17-19 19 19-11/16 23-25 23-25 24-26 24 25 26 31-11/2 31-11/2 11/1-2

Scottsdale Int’l. Film Festival - Camelview Theatre Way Out West Oktoberfest - Tempe Beach Park Glitter - Kobalt Bar Arizona Irish Festival - Hance Park Rainbows Festival - Heritage Square Phoenix AIDS Walk 2008 - Downtown Phx Arizona State Fair - Fairgrounds Phoenix Pagan Pride - Phx. College Elevate - 1 Voice Gala - Wynham Hotel Tucson Pride - Reid Park World Water Festival - Rio Salado Habitat The Black Party - theblackpartyaz.com - The Ice House Tucson AIDS Walk 2008 - U of A Campus Cowboy Artists at the Phx. Art Museum Mesa Storytelling Festival - Mesa Arts Ctr. Eats3: Sizzle, Sip & Swizzle - Southbridge Anthem Autumnfest - Anthem Park Great Pumpkin Festival - Desert Botanical BS West: Rehab Halloween - BS West FEZ 3rd Anniversary - FEZ Rocky Point Homoween - Peñasco del Sol Hotel Carefree Fine Arts Festival - Thunderbird Artists Dia de los Muertos Celebration - Mesa Arts Ctr.

Scottsdale Tempe Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Tucson Phoenix Phoenix Tucson Phoenix Mesa Scottsdale Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale Phoenix Rocky Point Fntn. Hills Mesa

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New Kids On The Block

Okay, face it: you totally loved the NKOTB. But who’s cutest? Joey McIntyre or Jordan Knight? The debate still rages on. With a new, critically acclaimed album out the Boston “Southies” are on tour and will be showing “The Right Stuff” on Monday, October 13 at Jobing.com Arena at 9400W. Maryland in Glendale. Go to www.ticketmaster. com or call 480-784-4444 for tickets.

Tina Turner

Rock ‘n’ Roll’s Acid Queen shows everybody how Proud Mary keeps on burnin’ when Tina Turner does her “Divina” impersonation on October 24 at the Jobing.com Arena in Glendale, Arizona. Deutsche marks or dollars, American Express will do nicely, thank you. But you gotta buy a ticket. Visit www.ticketmaster.com or call 480-784-4444.

OCTOBER 2008 ION CONCERT CALENDAR

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WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

DATE EVENT/ARTIST

LOCATION

03 Journey 08 Panic! at the Disco 08 Dashboard Confessional 08 Randy Travis 11 Rocks for Locks featuring Kaiser 10 Neil Diamond 13 New Kids On The Block 16 Goo Goo Dolls 17 Eric Himan 17 Meat Loaf 18 Weezer 18 Jack’s Mannequin 19 Rick Springfield 20 Alison Moyet 21 Sheryl Crow 21 Metallica 22 Mary J. Blige 24 Tina Turner 24 Gordon Lightfoot 25 America NOVEMBER 3 Jackson Browne 7 Carrie Underwood 8 Linda Ronstadt 11 Alanis Morrissette

Cricket Pavilion Jobing.com Arena Jobing.com Arena Celebrity Theatre Club Red Jobing.com Arena Jobing.com Arena Coliseum The Wild Card, Chandler Coliseum Coliseum City Limits in Tucson Chandler Ctr. for the Arts Celebrity Theatre Coliseum Jobing.com Arena Coliseum Jobing.com Arena Dodge Theatre Celebrity Theatre Dodge Theatre ASU Convention Center Chandler Ctr. for the Arts Dodge Theatre October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

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New Kids On The Block

Okay, face it: you totally loved the NKOTB. But who’s cutest? Joey McIntyre or Jordan Knight? The debate still rages on. With a new, critically acclaimed album out the Boston “Southies” are on tour and will be showing “The Right Stuff” on Monday, October 13 at Jobing.com Arena at 9400W. Maryland in Glendale. Go to www.ticketmaster. com or call 480-784-4444 for tickets.

Tina Turner

Rock ‘n’ Roll’s Acid Queen shows everybody how Proud Mary keeps on burnin’ when Tina Turner does her “Divina” impersonation on October 24 at the Jobing.com Arena in Glendale, Arizona. Deutsche marks or dollars, American Express will do nicely, thank you. But you gotta buy a ticket. Visit www.ticketmaster.com or call 480-784-4444.

OCTOBER 2008 ION CONCERT CALENDAR

22

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

DATE EVENT/ARTIST

LOCATION

03 Journey 08 Panic! at the Disco 08 Dashboard Confessional 08 Randy Travis 11 Rocks for Locks featuring Kaiser 10 Neil Diamond 13 New Kids On The Block 16 Goo Goo Dolls 17 Eric Himan 17 Meat Loaf 18 Weezer 18 Jack’s Mannequin 19 Rick Springfield 20 Alison Moyet 21 Sheryl Crow 21 Metallica 22 Mary J. Blige 24 Tina Turner 24 Gordon Lightfoot 25 America NOVEMBER 3 Jackson Browne 7 Carrie Underwood 8 Linda Ronstadt 11 Alanis Morrissette

Cricket Pavilion Jobing.com Arena Jobing.com Arena Celebrity Theatre Club Red Jobing.com Arena Jobing.com Arena Coliseum The Wild Card, Chandler Coliseum Coliseum City Limits in Tucson Chandler Ctr. for the Arts Celebrity Theatre Coliseum Jobing.com Arena Coliseum Jobing.com Arena Dodge Theatre Celebrity Theatre Dodge Theatre ASU Convention Center Chandler Ctr. for the Arts Dodge Theatre October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

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Written by Dave Jackson djackson@virginmega.com

Yo, DJ! What’s New? In addition to these selections, look for new stuff this month from Pink, Armin Van Buuren, Natasha Bedingfield, Snow Patrol, Jack’s Mannequin, Oasis, Nikka Costa, Pet Shop Boys (two disc b-sides) and greatest hits, with new tracks from Sarah McLachlan and Tina Turner.

Keane – Perfect Symmetry

On their third album, Keane shakes it up completely and offers an album full of pop throwbacks from the eighties, very reminiscent of David Bowie and the Cure. Most of you got your first taste with “Spiraling,” a track that shocked everyone; but never fret, the rest of the album is not as puzzling. Second single, “Lovers are Losing” is just gorgeous while “Better than This” comes off as pop genius. And, for those that still need that gushy piano sound, find solace in the final track, “Love is the End.”

Thicke – Something Else

After the incredible evolution he made with his last album, Robin continues to grow on Something Else. Using no guest vocalists this time around, Robin channels the amazing sounds of Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson and Marvin Gaye. Lead single, “Magic” is a time warped disco jam from the 70’s while “Sidestep” and the title track are just plain cool. Though his vocals have been compared to Justin Timberlake; Thicke soars far beyond and lures audiences in to a sense of wonderment.

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WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

Jon McLaughlin – Ok Now

This singer-songwriter is poised for success with his newest album.

As reported earlier, lead single “Beating My Heart” is as perfect as one could hope for. Now check out the amazing support from the disco infused “You Can Never Go Back,” and the uplifting “You are the One I Love.” And if those don’t croon you in his corner, check out “We All Need Saving” and “Smack into You.” I guarantee those, along with a picture of him in front of you will make you fall in lust; err I mean love!

Jennifer Hudson – Jennifer Hudson

Oh how an Oscar can change ones’ life. After failing to be the American Idol, many counted her out. “Spotlight,” written

by Ne-Yo is a pop song that effectively dampens her boasting voice, while the Timbaland track, “Pocketbook,” shakes with a hip-hop feel. But never fret you Dreamgirls; there are a few tracks reminiscent of “And I’m Telling You,” where her vocals take off faster than a 747.

In other music news, both U2 and Britney Spears have pushed their new projects to 2009. Bono states that 50 new songs have been written, but that he truly wants to give fans only the best. And as for Britney, she’s hoping to catch a Ray of Light wave. By teaming up with past producers as well as the incredible Guy Sigsworth (Bjork, Imogen Heap, Morissette), she knows this project is of the utmost importance.

Until next month …

October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

27

Written by Dave Jackson djackson@virginmega.com

Yo, DJ! What’s New? In addition to these selections, look for new stuff this month from Pink, Armin Van Buuren, Natasha Bedingfield, Snow Patrol, Jack’s Mannequin, Oasis, Nikka Costa, Pet Shop Boys (two disc b-sides) and greatest hits, with new tracks from Sarah McLachlan and Tina Turner.

Keane – Perfect Symmetry

On their third album, Keane shakes it up completely and offers an album full of pop throwbacks from the eighties, very reminiscent of David Bowie and the Cure. Most of you got your first taste with “Spiraling,” a track that shocked everyone; but never fret, the rest of the album is not as puzzling. Second single, “Lovers are Losing” is just gorgeous while “Better than This” comes off as pop genius. And, for those that still need that gushy piano sound, find solace in the final track, “Love is the End.”

Thicke – Something Else

After the incredible evolution he made with his last album, Robin continues to grow on Something Else. Using no guest vocalists this time around, Robin channels the amazing sounds of Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson and Marvin Gaye. Lead single, “Magic” is a time warped disco jam from the 70’s while “Sidestep” and the title track are just plain cool. Though his vocals have been compared to Justin Timberlake; Thicke soars far beyond and lures audiences in to a sense of wonderment.

26

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

Jon McLaughlin – Ok Now

This singer-songwriter is poised for success with his newest album.

As reported earlier, lead single “Beating My Heart” is as perfect as one could hope for. Now check out the amazing support from the disco infused “You Can Never Go Back,” and the uplifting “You are the One I Love.” And if those don’t croon you in his corner, check out “We All Need Saving” and “Smack into You.” I guarantee those, along with a picture of him in front of you will make you fall in lust; err I mean love!

Jennifer Hudson – Jennifer Hudson

Oh how an Oscar can change ones’ life. After failing to be the American Idol, many counted her out. “Spotlight,” written

by Ne-Yo is a pop song that effectively dampens her boasting voice, while the Timbaland track, “Pocketbook,” shakes with a hip-hop feel. But never fret you Dreamgirls; there are a few tracks reminiscent of “And I’m Telling You,” where her vocals take off faster than a 747.

In other music news, both U2 and Britney Spears have pushed their new projects to 2009. Bono states that 50 new songs have been written, but that he truly wants to give fans only the best. And as for Britney, she’s hoping to catch a Ray of Light wave. By teaming up with past producers as well as the incredible Guy Sigsworth (Bjork, Imogen Heap, Morissette), she knows this project is of the utmost importance.

Until next month …

October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

27

by Kimberly M. Ruff

How to Lose Friends & Alienate People

Starring: Simon Pegg, Kirsten Dunst, Jeff Bridges, Gillian Anderson, Megan Fox Through sheer, bumbling luck does Sidney Young (Pegg) land a job with Sharp magazine. After accidentally releasing a wild pig at a black-tie event, the small time British celebrity journalist catches the eye of Clayton Harding (Bridges), the editor of the chic, New York-based, magazine, who offers him a position rubbing elbows with the cultural elite.

Like all good fatal attractions, the behaviors that initially charmed prove to be the ones that drive others to distraction; in short order, Sidney manages to upset his immediate boss (Danny Huston), a fellow writer, Alison (Dunst), and a power publicist (Anderson), all necessary to his future success. Fortunately, a actress whose star is on the rise (Fox) takes an interest in him and with her assistance and the eventual thaw of co-worker Alison, he is somehow saved from submarining his career before it even starts. Under the helm of seasoned director, Robert Weide (Curb Your Enthusiasm), How to Lose Friends & Alienate People has moments that are like nails on a chalkboard, but Pegg’s deftness makes Sidney somehow still likeable and will keep you watching.

Release Date: 10/03/08.

An American Carol

Starring: Kelsey Grammer, Dennis Hopper, Kevin Farley, Leslie Nielsen Director, David Zucker (Airplane!) brings his usual brand of rude, cheeky humor back to the big screen

28

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

in this parody of A Christmas Carol in which Ebenezer Scrooge is not a hardened, disillusioned Industrialist who hates Christmas; instead he is a hardened, disillusioned Documentarian in the style of Michael Moore. (Zucker makes no effort to conceal this; Kevin Farley plays Michael Malone, similarly named and styled to the irreverent Moore). Malone hates the Fourth of July and after spending a day attempting to abolish the holiday, he is visited in the night by three ghosts that educate him on the true meaning of America. Given the political leanings of some of the cast, this may appear on the outset to be the conservative rebuttal to the heavy liberal leanings of Hollywood, but at its core it has a great message, much like the original Christmas Carol does. Of course, that message may be obscured by the use of cheesy slapstick and toilet humor.

That’s for you to decide. Release Date: 10/03/08.

Saving Marriage (Documentary)

Although I’m not quite certain if this movie is being released straight to DVD or going to theaters first, I thought its content was particularly relevant and worth reviewing. After Massachusetts became the first state to recognize gay marriage, legislators introduced a constitutional amendment that would ban gay marriage.

Lobbyists, rookie activists, and ordinary citizens with a stake in the issue, rush to respond. This documentary directed by Mike Roth and John Henning looks at the players involved in one of the most heated civil rights debates in the 21st Century. Gay rights are within reach and everybody wants to know – how’s it going to end? Release Date: 10/10/08.

Questions? Comments? Reach the writer at kimberlymruff@yahoo.com

October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

29

by Kimberly M. Ruff

How to Lose Friends & Alienate People

Starring: Simon Pegg, Kirsten Dunst, Jeff Bridges, Gillian Anderson, Megan Fox Through sheer, bumbling luck does Sidney Young (Pegg) land a job with Sharp magazine. After accidentally releasing a wild pig at a black-tie event, the small time British celebrity journalist catches the eye of Clayton Harding (Bridges), the editor of the chic, New York-based, magazine, who offers him a position rubbing elbows with the cultural elite.

Like all good fatal attractions, the behaviors that initially charmed prove to be the ones that drive others to distraction; in short order, Sidney manages to upset his immediate boss (Danny Huston), a fellow writer, Alison (Dunst), and a power publicist (Anderson), all necessary to his future success. Fortunately, a actress whose star is on the rise (Fox) takes an interest in him and with her assistance and the eventual thaw of co-worker Alison, he is somehow saved from submarining his career before it even starts. Under the helm of seasoned director, Robert Weide (Curb Your Enthusiasm), How to Lose Friends & Alienate People has moments that are like nails on a chalkboard, but Pegg’s deftness makes Sidney somehow still likeable and will keep you watching.

Release Date: 10/03/08.

An American Carol

Starring: Kelsey Grammer, Dennis Hopper, Kevin Farley, Leslie Nielsen Director, David Zucker (Airplane!) brings his usual brand of rude, cheeky humor back to the big screen

28

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

in this parody of A Christmas Carol in which Ebenezer Scrooge is not a hardened, disillusioned Industrialist who hates Christmas; instead he is a hardened, disillusioned Documentarian in the style of Michael Moore. (Zucker makes no effort to conceal this; Kevin Farley plays Michael Malone, similarly named and styled to the irreverent Moore). Malone hates the Fourth of July and after spending a day attempting to abolish the holiday, he is visited in the night by three ghosts that educate him on the true meaning of America. Given the political leanings of some of the cast, this may appear on the outset to be the conservative rebuttal to the heavy liberal leanings of Hollywood, but at its core it has a great message, much like the original Christmas Carol does. Of course, that message may be obscured by the use of cheesy slapstick and toilet humor.

That’s for you to decide. Release Date: 10/03/08.

Saving Marriage (Documentary)

Although I’m not quite certain if this movie is being released straight to DVD or going to theaters first, I thought its content was particularly relevant and worth reviewing. After Massachusetts became the first state to recognize gay marriage, legislators introduced a constitutional amendment that would ban gay marriage.

Lobbyists, rookie activists, and ordinary citizens with a stake in the issue, rush to respond. This documentary directed by Mike Roth and John Henning looks at the players involved in one of the most heated civil rights debates in the 21st Century. Gay rights are within reach and everybody wants to know – how’s it going to end? Release Date: 10/10/08.

Questions? Comments? Reach the writer at kimberlymruff@yahoo.com

October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

29

ionmovies

OCTOBER 2008 MOVIE OPENINGS

30

DATE

MOVIE

3 3 3 3 3 3 3 10 10 10 10 17 17 17 24 24 24 31 24

Beverly Hills Chihuahua Comedy/ Family Flash of Genius Drama Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist Comedy/ Romance How to Lose Friends & Alienate People Comedy Rachel Getting Married (limited) Drama An American Carol Political Comedy Blindness Psychological Thriller Body of Lies Drama/ Thriller City of Ember Drama The Express Drama/ Sports Quarantine Psychological Thriller Max Payne Action/ Thriller The Secret Life of Bees Adventure/ Drama Sex Drive Roadtrip/ Comedy High School Musical 3: Senior Year Teen/ Family/ Musical Pride and Glory Crime/ Drama Saw V Horror The Haunting of Molly Hartley Horror Zack and Miri Make a Porno Indie/ Romantic Comedy

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

GENRE

30

RATING

PG PG-13 PG-13 R R PG-13 R R PG PG R NYR PG-13 R G R R R R October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 31

ionmovies

OCTOBER 2008 MOVIE OPENINGS

30

DATE

MOVIE

3 3 3 3 3 3 3 10 10 10 10 17 17 17 24 24 24 31 24

Beverly Hills Chihuahua Comedy/ Family Flash of Genius Drama Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist Comedy/ Romance How to Lose Friends & Alienate People Comedy Rachel Getting Married (limited) Drama An American Carol Political Comedy Blindness Psychological Thriller Body of Lies Drama/ Thriller City of Ember Drama The Express Drama/ Sports Quarantine Psychological Thriller Max Payne Action/ Thriller The Secret Life of Bees Adventure/ Drama Sex Drive Roadtrip/ Comedy High School Musical 3: Senior Year Teen/ Family/ Musical Pride and Glory Crime/ Drama Saw V Horror The Haunting of Molly Hartley Horror Zack and Miri Make a Porno Indie/ Romantic Comedy

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

GENRE

30

RATING

PG PG-13 PG-13 R R PG-13 R R PG PG R NYR PG-13 R G R R R R October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 31

by Wes Bergman wesobergman@yahoo.com Just the other day I was complaining to my boyfriend (I have a new one!) that a lot of the GLBT films I watch deal specifically with issues of sexuality and rarely make sexuality an afterthought.

Granted, sexuality is an integral part of being a human being, so it makes sense that it would be a storyline.

Furthermore, for many in the gay community coming to terms with a sexuality that is still considered quite taboo in mainstream modern culture is a seminal event, so again it makes sense that it would be a storyline. My point is that while these are admittedly big parts of our lives, they aren’t the only part. While I’m a gay man, I’m not just a gay man. I’m also a writer.

It is for this reason that I was delighted Here! TV sent us two of the new Donald Strachey Mysteries to review. Based on the book series written by Richard Stevenson, the Donald Strachey mysteries are about a gay private investigator (named Donald Strachey), who lives in Albany, New York with his life partner, Timothy Callahan, a legislative aide to a Senator. Although Strachey is frequently employed by the GLBT community because they believe his sexuality gives him a competitive edge, his work isn’t strictly for the community. He’s just your average private investigator who, incidentally, is gay. Ron Oliver has directed all the film adaptations of Stevenson’s work, with Chad Allen as Strachey, Sebastian Spence as Callahan, and Nelson Wong as Strachey’s receptionist, Kenny Kwon.

On the Other Hand, Death (2008) Co-Starring: Margot Kidder, Gabrielle Rose, Daryl Shuttleworth The first scene sets the tone – Strachey is following a shadowy woman down 32

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

a darkened alley when suddenly guns are pointed at him. It’s the Albany PD and the woman he’s been following is a cop. Cornered, Strachey explains that he’s a private detective and this woman’s husband paid him to follow her to see if she’s having an affair. Sounds reasonable, except…she’s not married.

The question then is: who paid him to follow her and why? At the same time, a lesbian couple (Rose, Kidder) becomes the target of hate crimes and Strachey volunteers to find out the culprit.

While initially they seem completely unrelated, evidence accumulates that suggests otherwise. How do these two cases fit together? Will Strachey be able to solve it in time? Is someone tailing him at the same time that he’s tailing them?

Ice Blues (2008)

Unlike previous installations where Strachey’s public and private spheres are kept separate, Ice Blues brings Strachey’s work home with him, or rather, his home brings the work to him.

Strachey’s partner, Timothy, has been working tirelessly on starting a Albanybased youth center. A lack of funds threatens to stop it before it starts, but Timothy receives a generous donation from a mysterious person. Fair enough, but the donation wasn’t really charity when it nearly costs Timothy’s life.

Enlisting his partner’s help, the two work side by side trying to figure out who was behind the donation, why they’re no longer alive, and what it all means. Like all good mysteries, it’s a race against the clock …

Questions? Comments? Reach the writer at wesobergaman@yahoo.com.He loves correspondence!

October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

33

by Wes Bergman wesobergman@yahoo.com Just the other day I was complaining to my boyfriend (I have a new one!) that a lot of the GLBT films I watch deal specifically with issues of sexuality and rarely make sexuality an afterthought.

Granted, sexuality is an integral part of being a human being, so it makes sense that it would be a storyline.

Furthermore, for many in the gay community coming to terms with a sexuality that is still considered quite taboo in mainstream modern culture is a seminal event, so again it makes sense that it would be a storyline. My point is that while these are admittedly big parts of our lives, they aren’t the only part. While I’m a gay man, I’m not just a gay man. I’m also a writer.

It is for this reason that I was delighted Here! TV sent us two of the new Donald Strachey Mysteries to review. Based on the book series written by Richard Stevenson, the Donald Strachey mysteries are about a gay private investigator (named Donald Strachey), who lives in Albany, New York with his life partner, Timothy Callahan, a legislative aide to a Senator. Although Strachey is frequently employed by the GLBT community because they believe his sexuality gives him a competitive edge, his work isn’t strictly for the community. He’s just your average private investigator who, incidentally, is gay. Ron Oliver has directed all the film adaptations of Stevenson’s work, with Chad Allen as Strachey, Sebastian Spence as Callahan, and Nelson Wong as Strachey’s receptionist, Kenny Kwon.

On the Other Hand, Death (2008) Co-Starring: Margot Kidder, Gabrielle Rose, Daryl Shuttleworth The first scene sets the tone – Strachey is following a shadowy woman down 32

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

a darkened alley when suddenly guns are pointed at him. It’s the Albany PD and the woman he’s been following is a cop. Cornered, Strachey explains that he’s a private detective and this woman’s husband paid him to follow her to see if she’s having an affair. Sounds reasonable, except…she’s not married.

The question then is: who paid him to follow her and why? At the same time, a lesbian couple (Rose, Kidder) becomes the target of hate crimes and Strachey volunteers to find out the culprit.

While initially they seem completely unrelated, evidence accumulates that suggests otherwise. How do these two cases fit together? Will Strachey be able to solve it in time? Is someone tailing him at the same time that he’s tailing them?

Ice Blues (2008)

Unlike previous installations where Strachey’s public and private spheres are kept separate, Ice Blues brings Strachey’s work home with him, or rather, his home brings the work to him.

Strachey’s partner, Timothy, has been working tirelessly on starting a Albanybased youth center. A lack of funds threatens to stop it before it starts, but Timothy receives a generous donation from a mysterious person. Fair enough, but the donation wasn’t really charity when it nearly costs Timothy’s life.

Enlisting his partner’s help, the two work side by side trying to figure out who was behind the donation, why they’re no longer alive, and what it all means. Like all good mysteries, it’s a race against the clock …

Questions? Comments? Reach the writer at wesobergaman@yahoo.com.He loves correspondence!

October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

33

ION GIRL PARTY

PHOENIX, ARIZONA 34

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 35

ION GIRL PARTY

PHOENIX, ARIZONA 34

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 35

E

ver since we were first exposed to her now-legendary song “You Oughta Know” in 1995, Alanis Morissette has continued to make her mark in the music world. In the thirteen years that have elapsed since her breakthrough album Jagged Little Pill, Alanis has bared her soul, expressed her rage, and shared her joy with millions around the world.

INTERVIEW

ALANIS MORISSETTE

by Corey Blanchette

36

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

The summer of 2008 saw the release Alanis’s 7th full-length studio album, Flavors of Entanglement, a remarkable piece of work with a bold new feel, courtesy of her collaboration with renowned writer/producer Guy Sigsworth. Flavors infuses a fresh electro-dance/pop element into the emotional alternative rock sound we’ve come to expect and love from Alanis. This meshing of genres easily gives Flavors of Entanglement the credit of being the most experimental release of her career. “Guy Sigsworth brought a very technological aspect to the soundscape of this record,” Alanis told us. “I had heard the song ‘Let Go,’ by his band Frou Frou with Imogen Heap, and I remember thinking it was technologically so sound … and really soulful at the same time, and that was a rare combination. So I flew to London and wrote half the record there with him, and it was an incredible experience. I’ve always loved hybridizing; I love taking all the different genres of music that I love and squishing them into one moment as best as I can without creating a train wreck, although those are fun, too!”

Complementing her new Top-10 album is Alanis’s highly anticipated 2008 North American Tour, which 37

kicked off last month and will be arriving at Phoenix’s Dodge Theatre on November 11th. The exotic, textured new material from Flavors of Entanglement coupled with the arsenal of mega-hits she’s collected over the years will make for another stellar concert experience. “I just designed the set list a few days ago, actually, and it is, I think, hands down my favorite set list,” Morissette said.

“There’s a fluidity through the first whole section of the set; it’s like water to me, where the lights and the sound kind of flow through one to the next.

Later in the show there’s an acoustic section. I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time. So we break down to this acoustic section, and then we tie the bow with getting plugged in again right at the end. I’m really excited, psyched.”

Keeping up with the ever-changing music industry can be challenging for recording artists who are largely remembered for their hits from past decades. Alanis rose to stardom with trademark songs like “Ironic,” “Uninvited,” and “Thank U” at a time when “alternative” music was at its peak. Since then, hip-hop has literally dominated as the genre of choice for younger listeners, leaving the singer/ songwriter an almost-dying breed of musician, but Alanis has stood the test of time by remaining true to her sound and style. “I feel like I’ll be writing until I’m dead!” she told us.

“I’m not sure who will be listening to it, but it really isn’t something I can control. I do talk with a lot of other artists. There’s a sensitivity in some of the artists that I speak to, and what saddens me the most is when those October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 37

E

ver since we were first exposed to her now-legendary song “You Oughta Know” in 1995, Alanis Morissette has continued to make her mark in the music world. In the thirteen years that have elapsed since her breakthrough album Jagged Little Pill, Alanis has bared her soul, expressed her rage, and shared her joy with millions around the world.

INTERVIEW

ALANIS MORISSETTE

by Corey Blanchette

36

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

The summer of 2008 saw the release Alanis’s 7th full-length studio album, Flavors of Entanglement, a remarkable piece of work with a bold new feel, courtesy of her collaboration with renowned writer/producer Guy Sigsworth. Flavors infuses a fresh electro-dance/pop element into the emotional alternative rock sound we’ve come to expect and love from Alanis. This meshing of genres easily gives Flavors of Entanglement the credit of being the most experimental release of her career. “Guy Sigsworth brought a very technological aspect to the soundscape of this record,” Alanis told us. “I had heard the song ‘Let Go,’ by his band Frou Frou with Imogen Heap, and I remember thinking it was technologically so sound … and really soulful at the same time, and that was a rare combination. So I flew to London and wrote half the record there with him, and it was an incredible experience. I’ve always loved hybridizing; I love taking all the different genres of music that I love and squishing them into one moment as best as I can without creating a train wreck, although those are fun, too!”

Complementing her new Top-10 album is Alanis’s highly anticipated 2008 North American Tour, which 37

kicked off last month and will be arriving at Phoenix’s Dodge Theatre on November 11th. The exotic, textured new material from Flavors of Entanglement coupled with the arsenal of mega-hits she’s collected over the years will make for another stellar concert experience. “I just designed the set list a few days ago, actually, and it is, I think, hands down my favorite set list,” Morissette said.

“There’s a fluidity through the first whole section of the set; it’s like water to me, where the lights and the sound kind of flow through one to the next.

Later in the show there’s an acoustic section. I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time. So we break down to this acoustic section, and then we tie the bow with getting plugged in again right at the end. I’m really excited, psyched.”

Keeping up with the ever-changing music industry can be challenging for recording artists who are largely remembered for their hits from past decades. Alanis rose to stardom with trademark songs like “Ironic,” “Uninvited,” and “Thank U” at a time when “alternative” music was at its peak. Since then, hip-hop has literally dominated as the genre of choice for younger listeners, leaving the singer/ songwriter an almost-dying breed of musician, but Alanis has stood the test of time by remaining true to her sound and style. “I feel like I’ll be writing until I’m dead!” she told us.

“I’m not sure who will be listening to it, but it really isn’t something I can control. I do talk with a lot of other artists. There’s a sensitivity in some of the artists that I speak to, and what saddens me the most is when those October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 37

ALANIS MORISSETTE artists want to throw in the towel because of the business aspect of things, the logistical aspects, the climate changing, the whole branding conversation. All of that can really kill the soul of an artist in a way, focusing on that side of the brain. So I’m in the midst of speaking with some artists who I love so much … trying to figure out what to say to them to encourage them to keep creating art in a way that will allow them to survive financially, and at the same time not kill their soul by having it reenter them into an industry that they don’t necessarily resonate with.”

While other artists’ popularity have waned with time, Alanis’s fan base has broadened. Much of Alanis’s recent

U.S. chart success has come from her tapping back into the properties of dance music. “In my teen years I used to make music that was more loop oriented, and there was a lot more dancing involved,” Alanis reminded me, referring to her first two albums, 1991’s Alanis and 1992’s Now Is the Time. These Canadian-only releases marked Alanis’s first ventures into the world of electronic music, and they certainly won’t be her last. In the past several years, remixes of Alanis’s single “8 Easy Steps” and her cover of the Seal classic “Crazy” have reached the Top 10 in American clubs, and Flavors of Entanglement’s lead track “Underneath” is currently following suit on the dance floor. “I love hybridizing things. Ever since I

was probably 12 I’ve been … loving that genre of music, basically, and love technological music, and Guy Sigsworth is great at bringing that in. So I love dance mixes. I love when songs are submitted and people come back with their own interpretation of it, I get giddy and dance around my house to the [remixes] with my friends.”

Despite the dynamic range of emotions her music has explored over the years, Alanis still has a knack for being dubbed as a scorned lover, or an angry woman.

This is undoubtedly due to the way in which mainstream media first introduced her music to us. As our call drew near its close, Morissette

Top Ten Alanis “You Oughta Have” Singles TITLE / ALUBM 1 Ironic from Jagged Little Pill 2 You Oughta Know from Jagged Little Pill 3 Uninvited from the City of Angels soundtrack 4 Thank U from Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie 5 Hand In My Pocket from Jagged Little Pill 6 Head Over Feet from Jagged Little Pill 7 Hands Clean from Under Rug Swept 8 You Learn from Jagged Little Pill

38

PEAK / CHART

Alanis’s Best Remixes YEAR

#4 Pop, #1 Modern Rock, 1996 #5 Adult, #18 Mainstream Rock #13 Pop Airplay, #1 Modern Rock, 1995 #3 Mainstream Rock #4 Pop Airplay, #3 Adult, 1998 #26 Modern Rock #17 Pop, #1 Adult, 1998 #12 Modern Rock #15 Pop Airplay, #1 Modern Rock, 1995 #8 Mainstream Rock, #25 Adult #3 Pop Airplay, #1 Adult, 1996 #25 Modern Rock, #27 Adult Contemporary #23 Pop, #3 Adult 2002

9 Everything from So-Called Chaos

#6 Pop, #3 Adult, #7 Modern Rock, 1996 #23 Adult Contemporary, #40 Mainstream Rock #76 Pop, #4 Adult 2004

10 That I Would Be Good from MTV Unplugged

#24 Adult

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

1999

TITLE / MIX/ YEAR 1

Underneath The Whatever/Whatever Mix, 2008

2

Crazy Eddie Baez Coo Coo Club Mix, 2005

3

Eight Easy Steps Thick Dick Filter Mix, 2004

4

So Pure Pure Ecstasy Mix, 1999

5

Uninvited

touched on how it felt to still be referred to in that light, even after all this time. “If I’m going to be one-dimensionalized, it’s an honor to be considered angry, because anger has been swept under the carpet so much with regards to women, that it’s flattering,” Alanis stated candidly. “Being onedimensionalized in general is a funny concept ... sometimes when people can encapsulate someone in a sentence, they feel calmed by it somehow. It’s almost like they feel safe or they can let go, so I see a lot of people doing that. The people who want to go into the deeper layers and go further... certainly will have a lot more come up besides anger. But to the extent that people want one word or a moniker, I’ll take it. I’ll take whatever one you want to throw my way. It’s a projection anyway.”

That being said, don’t miss your chance to join us in experiencing the anger, the introspect, the raw emotion, and the many other “flavors” Alanis will be showcasing live upon her return to Arizona next month. We’ll see you at the show!

Alanis Morissette’s 2008 North American Tour arrives in Downtown Phoenix on Tuesday, November 11th at Dodge Theatre, 400 W Washington St. Tickets are on sale now at www.livenation.com The standard and deluxe editions of Flavors of Entanglement are available on iTunes and at your favorite music retailer.

The Freemasons Remix, 2007

October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 39

ALANIS MORISSETTE artists want to throw in the towel because of the business aspect of things, the logistical aspects, the climate changing, the whole branding conversation. All of that can really kill the soul of an artist in a way, focusing on that side of the brain. So I’m in the midst of speaking with some artists who I love so much … trying to figure out what to say to them to encourage them to keep creating art in a way that will allow them to survive financially, and at the same time not kill their soul by having it reenter them into an industry that they don’t necessarily resonate with.”

While other artists’ popularity have waned with time, Alanis’s fan base has broadened. Much of Alanis’s recent

U.S. chart success has come from her tapping back into the properties of dance music. “In my teen years I used to make music that was more loop oriented, and there was a lot more dancing involved,” Alanis reminded me, referring to her first two albums, 1991’s Alanis and 1992’s Now Is the Time. These Canadian-only releases marked Alanis’s first ventures into the world of electronic music, and they certainly won’t be her last. In the past several years, remixes of Alanis’s single “8 Easy Steps” and her cover of the Seal classic “Crazy” have reached the Top 10 in American clubs, and Flavors of Entanglement’s lead track “Underneath” is currently following suit on the dance floor. “I love hybridizing things. Ever since I

was probably 12 I’ve been … loving that genre of music, basically, and love technological music, and Guy Sigsworth is great at bringing that in. So I love dance mixes. I love when songs are submitted and people come back with their own interpretation of it, I get giddy and dance around my house to the [remixes] with my friends.”

Despite the dynamic range of emotions her music has explored over the years, Alanis still has a knack for being dubbed as a scorned lover, or an angry woman.

This is undoubtedly due to the way in which mainstream media first introduced her music to us. As our call drew near its close, Morissette

Top Ten Alanis “You Oughta Have” Singles TITLE / ALUBM 1 Ironic from Jagged Little Pill 2 You Oughta Know from Jagged Little Pill 3 Uninvited from the City of Angels soundtrack 4 Thank U from Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie 5 Hand In My Pocket from Jagged Little Pill 6 Head Over Feet from Jagged Little Pill 7 Hands Clean from Under Rug Swept 8 You Learn from Jagged Little Pill

38

PEAK / CHART

Alanis’s Best Remixes YEAR

#4 Pop, #1 Modern Rock, 1996 #5 Adult, #18 Mainstream Rock #13 Pop Airplay, #1 Modern Rock, 1995 #3 Mainstream Rock #4 Pop Airplay, #3 Adult, 1998 #26 Modern Rock #17 Pop, #1 Adult, 1998 #12 Modern Rock #15 Pop Airplay, #1 Modern Rock, 1995 #8 Mainstream Rock, #25 Adult #3 Pop Airplay, #1 Adult, 1996 #25 Modern Rock, #27 Adult Contemporary #23 Pop, #3 Adult 2002

9 Everything from So-Called Chaos

#6 Pop, #3 Adult, #7 Modern Rock, 1996 #23 Adult Contemporary, #40 Mainstream Rock #76 Pop, #4 Adult 2004

10 That I Would Be Good from MTV Unplugged

#24 Adult

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

1999

TITLE / MIX/ YEAR 1

Underneath The Whatever/Whatever Mix, 2008

2

Crazy Eddie Baez Coo Coo Club Mix, 2005

3

Eight Easy Steps Thick Dick Filter Mix, 2004

4

So Pure Pure Ecstasy Mix, 1999

5

Uninvited

touched on how it felt to still be referred to in that light, even after all this time. “If I’m going to be one-dimensionalized, it’s an honor to be considered angry, because anger has been swept under the carpet so much with regards to women, that it’s flattering,” Alanis stated candidly. “Being onedimensionalized in general is a funny concept ... sometimes when people can encapsulate someone in a sentence, they feel calmed by it somehow. It’s almost like they feel safe or they can let go, so I see a lot of people doing that. The people who want to go into the deeper layers and go further... certainly will have a lot more come up besides anger. But to the extent that people want one word or a moniker, I’ll take it. I’ll take whatever one you want to throw my way. It’s a projection anyway.”

That being said, don’t miss your chance to join us in experiencing the anger, the introspect, the raw emotion, and the many other “flavors” Alanis will be showcasing live upon her return to Arizona next month. We’ll see you at the show!

Alanis Morissette’s 2008 North American Tour arrives in Downtown Phoenix on Tuesday, November 11th at Dodge Theatre, 400 W Washington St. Tickets are on sale now at www.livenation.com The standard and deluxe editions of Flavors of Entanglement are available on iTunes and at your favorite music retailer.

The Freemasons Remix, 2007

October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 39

40

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October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 41

40

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 41

The Arizona State Fair has become one of the most eagerly anticipated events of the year. Why? FREE concerts with your fair admission. And not no-name one hit wonders from the 80s. Get guaranteed premium seats for $20 at www.azstatefair.com. Don’t forget the corn dog, cotton candy and funnel cakes. Either way, come out and experience the fun!

Goo Goo Dolls

“And I don’ty want the world to see me, ‘cause I don’t think that they’d understand, when everything’s made to be broken I just want you to know who I am” -Iris Go see Johnny Reznik and company at the fair this October, 16th. Tickets are free with admission, or you could reserve your seats for just $20! We’ll see you at the Coliseum!

Sheryl Crow

All I wanna do is have some fun, I’ve got a feelin’ the party has just begun! Sheryl Crow, one of Lesbiandom’s favorite pin-up girls performs at the Arizona State Fair. So if it makes you happy, show up Tuesday, October 21 eat some funnel cake and anything on a stick and head over to the Veteran’s Memorial Coliseum at the fairgrounds.

ION STATE FAIR CONCERT CALENDAR DATE

ARTIST(S)

Saturday, Oct 11 Thursday, Oct 16 Friday, Oct 17 Saturday, Oct 18 Tuesday, Oct 21 Wednesday, Oct 22 Friday, Oct 24

Larry the Cable Guy 7:00 pm Goo Goo Dolls 7:00 pm Blake Shelton & Miranda Lambert 7:00 pm Weezer 6:00 pm Sheryl Crow 7:00 pm Mary J. Blige 7:00 pm Old School Jam 8:00 pm Featuring: NAUGHTY BY NATURE...Hip Hop Hooray, O.P.P TON LOC...Wild Thing, Funky Cold Medina COOLIO...Fantastic Voyage, Gangsters Paradise YOUNG MC...Bust A Move KLYMAXX...Meet In the Ladies Room, I Miss You CLUB NOUVEAU...Lean On Me TIMEX SOCIAL CLUB...Rumors Meat Loaf 7:00 pm LL Cool J 7:00 pm

Thursday, Oct 30 Saturday, Nov 1 42

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

TIME

PRICE FREE/$20 FREE/$20 FREE/$20 FREE/$20 FREE/$20 FREE/$20 FREE/$15

FREE/$15 FREE/$15

October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

43

The Arizona State Fair has become one of the most eagerly anticipated events of the year. Why? FREE concerts with your fair admission. And not no-name one hit wonders from the 80s. Get guaranteed premium seats for $20 at www.azstatefair.com. Don’t forget the corn dog, cotton candy and funnel cakes. Either way, come out and experience the fun!

Goo Goo Dolls

“And I don’ty want the world to see me, ‘cause I don’t think that they’d understand, when everything’s made to be broken I just want you to know who I am” -Iris Go see Johnny Reznik and company at the fair this October, 16th. Tickets are free with admission, or you could reserve your seats for just $20! We’ll see you at the Coliseum!

Sheryl Crow

All I wanna do is have some fun, I’ve got a feelin’ the party has just begun! Sheryl Crow, one of Lesbiandom’s favorite pin-up girls performs at the Arizona State Fair. So if it makes you happy, show up Tuesday, October 21 eat some funnel cake and anything on a stick and head over to the Veteran’s Memorial Coliseum at the fairgrounds.

ION STATE FAIR CONCERT CALENDAR DATE

ARTIST(S)

Saturday, Oct 11 Thursday, Oct 16 Friday, Oct 17 Saturday, Oct 18 Tuesday, Oct 21 Wednesday, Oct 22 Friday, Oct 24

Larry the Cable Guy 7:00 pm Goo Goo Dolls 7:00 pm Blake Shelton & Miranda Lambert 7:00 pm Weezer 6:00 pm Sheryl Crow 7:00 pm Mary J. Blige 7:00 pm Old School Jam 8:00 pm Featuring: NAUGHTY BY NATURE...Hip Hop Hooray, O.P.P TON LOC...Wild Thing, Funky Cold Medina COOLIO...Fantastic Voyage, Gangsters Paradise YOUNG MC...Bust A Move KLYMAXX...Meet In the Ladies Room, I Miss You CLUB NOUVEAU...Lean On Me TIMEX SOCIAL CLUB...Rumors Meat Loaf 7:00 pm LL Cool J 7:00 pm

Thursday, Oct 30 Saturday, Nov 1 42

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

TIME

PRICE FREE/$20 FREE/$20 FREE/$20 FREE/$20 FREE/$20 FREE/$20 FREE/$15

FREE/$15 FREE/$15

October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

43

ION Wins 2009 AGRA Poster Contest!

by Wes Bergman wesobergman@yahoo.com Now that the Emmys are over and the next season of televised goodness is winding up again, the major networks are releasing last season’s hits on DVD. If you’re like me and generally wait until word-of-mouth says a show is worth a gander, I’ve got some reviews for you:

Pushing Daisies

Starring: Lee Pace, Anna Friel, Chi McBride, Kristin Chenoweth Pushing Daisies.

The series, which premiered last season, is about a lonely pie maker named Ned (Pace), who learns to his chagrin that he has the gift of life … and death. If he touches someone who has died, he can bring him or her back to life. But to preserve the delicate balance of the universe, if the revived person lives longer than a minute, someone else must take their place and Ned must never touch them again, otherwise they’ll be dead for good. When a private investigator (McBride) learns of his gift, the two team up to solve murder cases by bringing the victim back to life for a minute to ask them, and split the reward money. Life is as peachy as it can be for a man with these sort of talents who cringes at the idea of getting too close to anyone lest they die, until the day he learns that his childhood sweetheart, a lovely girl named Chuck (Friel), was murdered on a cruise ship and he breaks all the rules to save her…

Here you have the makings of the most perfect, bittersweet love story – two souls that are now bound to one another through the covenant of life and yet can never touch or the covenant will be broken. With our soon-to-be shift to HD in 2009, shows like Pushing Daisies will make it an experience to watch primetime, network television.

44

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

Dirty Sexy Money

Starring: Peter Krause, Donald Sutherland, Blair Underwood, William Baldwin All Nick George (Krause) wants is to get as far away as possible from the omnipresent Darlings, the wealthiest family in New York who have their finger in every pie and the entire town on their payroll, including Nick’s father, the family lawyer. When Nick learns that his father’s plane mysteriously crashed into the Hudson, he takes on his father’s old job to find out who was responsible.

Dirty Sexy Money has all the charm of a sleazy tabloid, but that’s what makes it so addictive. What makes it so trashy?

Every member of the Darling household is a painful stereotype: you have the eldest son, Patrick (Baldwin) who is running for public office while schtupping a transsexual; the eldest daughter, Karen (Natalie Zea) who spends her days getting married or divorced and her nights slowly embalming herself; the middle son, Brian (Glenn Fitzgerald), the Man of God who appears hell-bent on breaking every Commandment; and the fraternal twins, Jeremy (Seth Gabel) and Juliet (Samaire Armstrong) who crave independence and yet haven’t the first idea of how to do things by themselves. Leveling all this madcap insanity off are the patriarch and matriarch of the family: Tripp (Sutherland) and Letitia (Jill Clayburgh). Further driving a wedge between the “us and them” aspects of the Darlings wealth is their juxtaposition to Krause’s Nick.

The Darlings are, at the core, people who want what we all want but cannot buy – love, understanding, and respect. Now if we only knew who killed Nick’s father…

Questions? Comments? E-mail wesobergman@yahoo.com October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

45

ION Wins 2009 AGRA Poster Contest!

by Wes Bergman wesobergman@yahoo.com Now that the Emmys are over and the next season of televised goodness is winding up again, the major networks are releasing last season’s hits on DVD. If you’re like me and generally wait until word-of-mouth says a show is worth a gander, I’ve got some reviews for you:

Pushing Daisies

Starring: Lee Pace, Anna Friel, Chi McBride, Kristin Chenoweth Pushing Daisies.

The series, which premiered last season, is about a lonely pie maker named Ned (Pace), who learns to his chagrin that he has the gift of life … and death. If he touches someone who has died, he can bring him or her back to life. But to preserve the delicate balance of the universe, if the revived person lives longer than a minute, someone else must take their place and Ned must never touch them again, otherwise they’ll be dead for good. When a private investigator (McBride) learns of his gift, the two team up to solve murder cases by bringing the victim back to life for a minute to ask them, and split the reward money. Life is as peachy as it can be for a man with these sort of talents who cringes at the idea of getting too close to anyone lest they die, until the day he learns that his childhood sweetheart, a lovely girl named Chuck (Friel), was murdered on a cruise ship and he breaks all the rules to save her…

Here you have the makings of the most perfect, bittersweet love story – two souls that are now bound to one another through the covenant of life and yet can never touch or the covenant will be broken. With our soon-to-be shift to HD in 2009, shows like Pushing Daisies will make it an experience to watch primetime, network television.

44

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

Dirty Sexy Money

Starring: Peter Krause, Donald Sutherland, Blair Underwood, William Baldwin All Nick George (Krause) wants is to get as far away as possible from the omnipresent Darlings, the wealthiest family in New York who have their finger in every pie and the entire town on their payroll, including Nick’s father, the family lawyer. When Nick learns that his father’s plane mysteriously crashed into the Hudson, he takes on his father’s old job to find out who was responsible.

Dirty Sexy Money has all the charm of a sleazy tabloid, but that’s what makes it so addictive. What makes it so trashy?

Every member of the Darling household is a painful stereotype: you have the eldest son, Patrick (Baldwin) who is running for public office while schtupping a transsexual; the eldest daughter, Karen (Natalie Zea) who spends her days getting married or divorced and her nights slowly embalming herself; the middle son, Brian (Glenn Fitzgerald), the Man of God who appears hell-bent on breaking every Commandment; and the fraternal twins, Jeremy (Seth Gabel) and Juliet (Samaire Armstrong) who crave independence and yet haven’t the first idea of how to do things by themselves. Leveling all this madcap insanity off are the patriarch and matriarch of the family: Tripp (Sutherland) and Letitia (Jill Clayburgh). Further driving a wedge between the “us and them” aspects of the Darlings wealth is their juxtaposition to Krause’s Nick.

The Darlings are, at the core, people who want what we all want but cannot buy – love, understanding, and respect. Now if we only knew who killed Nick’s father…

Questions? Comments? E-mail wesobergman@yahoo.com October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

45

David Sedaris

Join the literary fags of Phoenix for an evening of laff-out-loud fun when NPR’s favorite queer author, humorist and personality David Sedaris reads from his work. The obsessive/compulsive Sedaris will expound about everything like lancing boils on his ass, kidnapping a whore on Christmas Eve, taxi drivers wanting blow jobs and autopsies on corpses. A must-see. It all happens at ASU Gammage, Wednesday, October 22, 1200 S. Forest Ave. or call 480-965-3434 for tix.

A Vampire Tale

Here’s something you can sink your teeth into! Those fleet-footed vampires at Scorpius Dance Theatre will seduce you with 15 alluring, dancing creatures of the night in their fifth year staging this crowd pleasing gothic masterpiece of dance. The concert features aerial feats, dark and sexy drama that’s bloody sensational. It happens October 30November 8 at The Little Theatre at Phoenix Theatre at 100 E. McDowell Rd. For tix call 602-254-2151 or visit www.scorpiusdance.com

OCTOBER 2008 ION THEATER + STANDUP

46

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

DATE

EVENT/ARTIST

LOCATION

PHONE

thru 11 thru 11 thru 11 thru 12 thru 19 thru 11/16 2-19 2-12 3-19 3-19 4 9-12 9-26 10-11/02 14-19 16-30 16-11/02 15-28 16--11/29 16-19 17 22 23-24 24-11/09 30-11/08 31-1/04 31-11/15 31-16 31-2

Everything Will Be Different As You Like It Wait Until Dark Lost Languages The Producers Not Now, Darling Together Forever Britney Spears for President Kidnapped by Craigslist The Seven Year Itch NBC’s Last Comic Standing Death in a Landslide Enchanted April The Wiz The Rat Pack: Live at the Sands Looking into the Abyss Gem of the Ocean Seven Brides for Seven Brothers Camelot Robert Schimmel Kathleen Madigan David Sedaris Phoenix Follies IV View of the Harbor A Vampire Tale Blithe Spirit Eat the Taste Senor Torguga Midsummer Night’s Dream

Stray Cat Theatre Mesa Arts Center Theatres Hale Theatre Center Playhouse in the Park Phoenix Theatre Copperstate Dinner Theatre Theatre Artists Studio Chryo Arts Venue Soul Invictus Central Community Theatre Mesa Arts Center Mesa Community College Herberger Theater Center Scotts. Desert Stages Theatre ASU Gammage Theatre Artists Studio Playhouse in the Park Hale Theatre Center Hale Theatre Center Tempe Improv Mesa Arts Center ASU Gammage Phoenix Theatre Herberger Theater Center Little Theatre at Phx Theatre Scotts. Desert Stages Theatre Herberger Theater Center Stageworks at Mesa Arts Ctr. Ballet Arizona/Symphony Hall

480-820-8022 480-644-6500 480-497-1181 602-264-0402 602-254-2121 602-279-3129 602-765-0120 480-329-2929 602-135-9915 602-357-3247 480-644-6500 480-461-7170 602-252-8497 480-483-1664 480-965-3434 602-765-0120 602-264-0402 480-497-1181 480-497-1181 480-921-9877 480-644-6500 480-965-3434 602-254-2151 602-252-8497 602-254-2151 480-483-1664 602-347-1071 480-644-6560 602-381-1096

October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

47

David Sedaris

Join the literary fags of Phoenix for an evening of laff-out-loud fun when NPR’s favorite queer author, humorist and personality David Sedaris reads from his work. The obsessive/compulsive Sedaris will expound about everything like lancing boils on his ass, kidnapping a whore on Christmas Eve, taxi drivers wanting blow jobs and autopsies on corpses. A must-see. It all happens at ASU Gammage, Wednesday, October 22, 1200 S. Forest Ave. or call 480-965-3434 for tix.

A Vampire Tale

Here’s something you can sink your teeth into! Those fleet-footed vampires at Scorpius Dance Theatre will seduce you with 15 alluring, dancing creatures of the night in their fifth year staging this crowd pleasing gothic masterpiece of dance. The concert features aerial feats, dark and sexy drama that’s bloody sensational. It happens October 30November 8 at The Little Theatre at Phoenix Theatre at 100 E. McDowell Rd. For tix call 602-254-2151 or visit www.scorpiusdance.com

OCTOBER 2008 ION THEATER + STANDUP

46

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

DATE

EVENT/ARTIST

LOCATION

PHONE

thru 11 thru 11 thru 11 thru 12 thru 19 thru 11/16 2-19 2-12 3-19 3-19 4 9-12 9-26 10-11/02 14-19 16-30 16-11/02 15-28 16--11/29 16-19 17 22 23-24 24-11/09 30-11/08 31-1/04 31-11/15 31-16 31-2

Everything Will Be Different As You Like It Wait Until Dark Lost Languages The Producers Not Now, Darling Together Forever Britney Spears for President Kidnapped by Craigslist The Seven Year Itch NBC’s Last Comic Standing Death in a Landslide Enchanted April The Wiz The Rat Pack: Live at the Sands Looking into the Abyss Gem of the Ocean Seven Brides for Seven Brothers Camelot Robert Schimmel Kathleen Madigan David Sedaris Phoenix Follies IV View of the Harbor A Vampire Tale Blithe Spirit Eat the Taste Senor Torguga Midsummer Night’s Dream

Stray Cat Theatre Mesa Arts Center Theatres Hale Theatre Center Playhouse in the Park Phoenix Theatre Copperstate Dinner Theatre Theatre Artists Studio Chryo Arts Venue Soul Invictus Central Community Theatre Mesa Arts Center Mesa Community College Herberger Theater Center Scotts. Desert Stages Theatre ASU Gammage Theatre Artists Studio Playhouse in the Park Hale Theatre Center Hale Theatre Center Tempe Improv Mesa Arts Center ASU Gammage Phoenix Theatre Herberger Theater Center Little Theatre at Phx Theatre Scotts. Desert Stages Theatre Herberger Theater Center Stageworks at Mesa Arts Ctr. Ballet Arizona/Symphony Hall

480-820-8022 480-644-6500 480-497-1181 602-264-0402 602-254-2121 602-279-3129 602-765-0120 480-329-2929 602-135-9915 602-357-3247 480-644-6500 480-461-7170 602-252-8497 480-483-1664 480-965-3434 602-765-0120 602-264-0402 480-497-1181 480-497-1181 480-921-9877 480-644-6500 480-965-3434 602-254-2151 602-252-8497 602-254-2151 480-483-1664 602-347-1071 480-644-6560 602-381-1096

October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

47

Cibo: “Leave the Gun, Take the Cannoli.”

You know how one befuddlingly popular national faux Italian restaurant claims, “When you’re here, you’re family”? That is, as they say in Italy, “Una enorme stronzata.” That means something about a cow going number two.

Frankly, I’ve eaten there and if the other diners there were part of my gene pool I’d hang myself from my family tree.

Not the case at the Roosevelt neighborhood’s Cibo Urban Wine Café & Pizzeria. Gracious owners Tony and Karen Martingilio greet diners with the genuine, heartfelt, “Nella casa, si mangia bene” which roughly translates into “It’s our house, so eat well!” or where I come from, “Come an’ git it!”

Let’s just say with that invitation, Tony and Karen made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.

Cibo’s renovated Craftsman-style cottage is homey and the yard features a welcoming, large, seductive patio perfect for a romantic tête- à-t ête with someone special or your friends.

More Restaurants.

More Choices.

More Value.

Check out the new Daily Specials Guide on page 86!

48

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

Our scrummy waiter, Matt, brought us our menu and frankly, I could’ve picked him for the appeteaser, entrée and dessert.

But I had to maintain a modicum of what masquerades for professionalism.

Especially since my publisher was there and picking up the tab.

With a sensuous, resonant, wellmodulated baritone voice, the knowledgeable Matt suggested a lovely glass of Chianti to start with. I thought of

a completely different kind of suggestion that probably wasn’t appropriate at the time, so I took his.

For the antipasti start off with the Three Pairs of Bruschetta for $9. This treat features six toothsome bread slabs made on the premises. One duo is heaped with grape tomatoes and basil, another is mounded with cannelini beans and the last two with prosciutto crudo and mozzarella. Delicioso!

But wait, bambinos, there’s more! A must is the Antipasto Speciale. This is a mixed dish with prosciutto crudo, bresaola with arugula and parmigiano, roasted red peppers with black olives and capers, Cipolle di Rosa, fresh mozzarella and grape tomatoes served with a what the menu describes as “a fantasy of olives.” Once I read about that “fantasy” thing my wandered, as you can imagine, back to our waiter. The “small” size is hefty and only $12.

Now a quick word about Cibo’s exquisite ingredients that you should know: their prosciutto is San Daniele Black Label Reserva aged 18 months and DOP – that means Denomination of Protected Origin. Like how only champagne from France can be called true champagne.

That’s DOP for you. The mouth-watering Bresaola is naturally aged for at least three months and the Parmigiano Reggiano is a “Stravecchio” and a 36month special reserve. Cibo’s proudly features Tomatoes San Marzano – Italy’s most famous tomato and exclusively a DOP. That’s how much Cibo cares about October 2008 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM October WWW.IONAZ.COM 49

Cibo: “Leave the Gun, Take the Cannoli.”

You know how one befuddlingly popular national faux Italian restaurant claims, “When you’re here, you’re family”? That is, as they say in Italy, “Una enorme stronzata.” That means something about a cow going number two.

Frankly, I’ve eaten there and if the other diners there were part of my gene pool I’d hang myself from my family tree.

Not the case at the Roosevelt neighborhood’s Cibo Urban Wine Café & Pizzeria. Gracious owners Tony and Karen Martingilio greet diners with the genuine, heartfelt, “Nella casa, si mangia bene” which roughly translates into “It’s our house, so eat well!” or where I come from, “Come an’ git it!”

Let’s just say with that invitation, Tony and Karen made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.

Cibo’s renovated Craftsman-style cottage is homey and the yard features a welcoming, large, seductive patio perfect for a romantic tête- à-t ête with someone special or your friends.

More Restaurants.

More Choices.

More Value.

Check out the new Daily Specials Guide on page 86!

48

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

Our scrummy waiter, Matt, brought us our menu and frankly, I could’ve picked him for the appeteaser, entrée and dessert.

But I had to maintain a modicum of what masquerades for professionalism.

Especially since my publisher was there and picking up the tab.

With a sensuous, resonant, wellmodulated baritone voice, the knowledgeable Matt suggested a lovely glass of Chianti to start with. I thought of

a completely different kind of suggestion that probably wasn’t appropriate at the time, so I took his.

For the antipasti start off with the Three Pairs of Bruschetta for $9. This treat features six toothsome bread slabs made on the premises. One duo is heaped with grape tomatoes and basil, another is mounded with cannelini beans and the last two with prosciutto crudo and mozzarella. Delicioso!

But wait, bambinos, there’s more! A must is the Antipasto Speciale. This is a mixed dish with prosciutto crudo, bresaola with arugula and parmigiano, roasted red peppers with black olives and capers, Cipolle di Rosa, fresh mozzarella and grape tomatoes served with a what the menu describes as “a fantasy of olives.” Once I read about that “fantasy” thing my wandered, as you can imagine, back to our waiter. The “small” size is hefty and only $12.

Now a quick word about Cibo’s exquisite ingredients that you should know: their prosciutto is San Daniele Black Label Reserva aged 18 months and DOP – that means Denomination of Protected Origin. Like how only champagne from France can be called true champagne.

That’s DOP for you. The mouth-watering Bresaola is naturally aged for at least three months and the Parmigiano Reggiano is a “Stravecchio” and a 36month special reserve. Cibo’s proudly features Tomatoes San Marzano – Italy’s most famous tomato and exclusively a DOP. That’s how much Cibo cares about October 2008 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM October WWW.IONAZ.COM 49

their lovingly prepared food.

You know how some of wood-fired ovens are “tutto fumo e niente arrosto?” That’s Italian for “all smoke and no fire.” Under the careful guidance and watchful eye Chef Guido Saccone from Italy, only 30-yearsold, performs as the restaurant’s expert pizzaiolo. He goes through about 70 logs of mesquite or oak firewood every day. Each pie is hand-tossed, made to order and topped with a bit of extra virgin olive oil. I haven’t seen an extra virgin anything in I don’t know how long.

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. And we fell in love with the Rustica, a “pizze bianche.” It features mozzarella, topped with prosciutto and after the pie is cooked, a bed of fresh, nutty arugula is heaped on top. I couldn’t help but imagine Waiter Matt on a bed of arugula. Anyway … I digress.

Then we tucked into the giant Calzone – pizza dough stuffed with ricotta, tomato sauce, prosciutto cotto, salami and mozzarella. You can make a couple of meals out of one, and it’s only $12.

By all means, save room for the sweets -and I mean dessert, not Matt. Did you think that Crêpes Suzette was something that people only ordered in the movies? Nope.

They actually make it here and set it on fire, too. If you like marmalade you’ll love it!

And definitely try the crêpe with delicious marscapone cheese and Nutella®, the chocolatey hazelnut spread and topped with vanilla ice cream. Just take a wild guess who I’d like to spread Nutella® on?

Is there a theme to this column?

Come “home” to Cibo. Avoid the admirable, highly touted, but overcrowded pizza parlor at Heritage Square with the hours long waits among society snobs. Because at Cibo, you’re a lot closer to being with family than that chain restaurant. You can tell Matt I sent you.

You’ll find Cibo at 603 N. 5th Ave., Phoenix Phone: 602-441-2697 Hours: M-F Lunch 11-2 Dinner: 5-9 Dinner: Tues-Thurs 5-10 Dinner: Fri-Sat 5-11. Closed Sunday www.CiboPhoenix.com 50

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 51

their lovingly prepared food.

You know how some of wood-fired ovens are “tutto fumo e niente arrosto?” That’s Italian for “all smoke and no fire.” Under the careful guidance and watchful eye Chef Guido Saccone from Italy, only 30-yearsold, performs as the restaurant’s expert pizzaiolo. He goes through about 70 logs of mesquite or oak firewood every day. Each pie is hand-tossed, made to order and topped with a bit of extra virgin olive oil. I haven’t seen an extra virgin anything in I don’t know how long.

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. And we fell in love with the Rustica, a “pizze bianche.” It features mozzarella, topped with prosciutto and after the pie is cooked, a bed of fresh, nutty arugula is heaped on top. I couldn’t help but imagine Waiter Matt on a bed of arugula. Anyway … I digress.

Then we tucked into the giant Calzone – pizza dough stuffed with ricotta, tomato sauce, prosciutto cotto, salami and mozzarella. You can make a couple of meals out of one, and it’s only $12.

By all means, save room for the sweets -and I mean dessert, not Matt. Did you think that Crêpes Suzette was something that people only ordered in the movies? Nope.

They actually make it here and set it on fire, too. If you like marmalade you’ll love it!

And definitely try the crêpe with delicious marscapone cheese and Nutella®, the chocolatey hazelnut spread and topped with vanilla ice cream. Just take a wild guess who I’d like to spread Nutella® on?

Is there a theme to this column?

Come “home” to Cibo. Avoid the admirable, highly touted, but overcrowded pizza parlor at Heritage Square with the hours long waits among society snobs. Because at Cibo, you’re a lot closer to being with family than that chain restaurant. You can tell Matt I sent you.

You’ll find Cibo at 603 N. 5th Ave., Phoenix Phone: 602-441-2697 Hours: M-F Lunch 11-2 Dinner: 5-9 Dinner: Tues-Thurs 5-10 Dinner: Fri-Sat 5-11. Closed Sunday www.CiboPhoenix.com 50

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 51

After a two year hiatus Dario’s back with a new record, Dedicated, a controversial music video directed by Merrilee Burke, and a successful U.S. tour which stops in Phoenix October 4th. Despite his busy schedule Dario sat down with us to tell us how it’s going.

forms - gay, straight, and lesbian. But in the end you guys are the judge so go to my webpage darioonline.com, click on the link and let me know what you think.

ION: What’s life on the road like?

Dario: Amazing! She is so detail oriented and makes you feel so comfortable in front of the camera. I was so nervous when we had our first meeting but she made me feel at ease and really listened to what I wanted and how I wanted to portray the song. Now we’re such good friends and I can’t wait to shoot the next video together.

Dario: It’s a lot of work, but I love it. The fans are amazing and the response I’m getting is so worth it.

ION: What city did you like the most?

Dario: It’s hard to pick one, they’re all special in their own way but I do have to say that I can’t wait to play Phoenix.

[Arizona is] my home state and I haven’t been home in awhile.

ION: Dedicated is so different from Lies, what made you take a new direction in your sound?

Dario: “Lies” was actually suppose to be an R&B song but when I was in the studio with the producer we played with so many different sounds and it took on a life of its own and became a dance song. I re-recorded an R&B version of Lies and put it on Dedicated and I’ve had a pretty good response.

INTERVIEW

52

DARIO

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

ION: Tell us about the controversy behind your music video “You Belong To Me”?

ION: What was it like working with director Merrilee Burke?

ION: What’s next for you?

Dario:I’m looking forward to the next record. This time I’m going to work with different writers and producers, something I’ve never done before. I’m going to step outside myself and let other creative forces be involved, and together make something for the fans that have supported me unconditionally.

I’m also going to tour different countries and hopefully rest a little.

Dario’s album Dedicated is available now on Amazon.com and iTunes.

Also, be sure to catch his performance at Rainbows Festival on Saturday, October 4th!

It certainly was not my intention to have this happen over what I think is art and a positive outlook for everyone. When Merrilee and I had our first phone call to discuss the direction of the video, I told her I wanted to showcase love in all its October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 53

After a two year hiatus Dario’s back with a new record, Dedicated, a controversial music video directed by Merrilee Burke, and a successful U.S. tour which stops in Phoenix October 4th. Despite his busy schedule Dario sat down with us to tell us how it’s going.

forms - gay, straight, and lesbian. But in the end you guys are the judge so go to my webpage darioonline.com, click on the link and let me know what you think.

ION: What’s life on the road like?

Dario: Amazing! She is so detail oriented and makes you feel so comfortable in front of the camera. I was so nervous when we had our first meeting but she made me feel at ease and really listened to what I wanted and how I wanted to portray the song. Now we’re such good friends and I can’t wait to shoot the next video together.

Dario: It’s a lot of work, but I love it. The fans are amazing and the response I’m getting is so worth it.

ION: What city did you like the most?

Dario: It’s hard to pick one, they’re all special in their own way but I do have to say that I can’t wait to play Phoenix.

[Arizona is] my home state and I haven’t been home in awhile.

ION: Dedicated is so different from Lies, what made you take a new direction in your sound?

Dario: “Lies” was actually suppose to be an R&B song but when I was in the studio with the producer we played with so many different sounds and it took on a life of its own and became a dance song. I re-recorded an R&B version of Lies and put it on Dedicated and I’ve had a pretty good response.

INTERVIEW

52

DARIO

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

ION: Tell us about the controversy behind your music video “You Belong To Me”?

ION: What was it like working with director Merrilee Burke?

ION: What’s next for you?

Dario:I’m looking forward to the next record. This time I’m going to work with different writers and producers, something I’ve never done before. I’m going to step outside myself and let other creative forces be involved, and together make something for the fans that have supported me unconditionally.

I’m also going to tour different countries and hopefully rest a little.

Dario’s album Dedicated is available now on Amazon.com and iTunes.

Also, be sure to catch his performance at Rainbows Festival on Saturday, October 4th!

It certainly was not my intention to have this happen over what I think is art and a positive outlook for everyone. When Merrilee and I had our first phone call to discuss the direction of the video, I told her I wanted to showcase love in all its October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 53

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COMING NOVEMBER: The BIGGEST, BADDEST, BOLDEST Holiday Gift Guide Ever!

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COMING NOVEMBER: The BIGGEST, BADDEST, BOLDEST Holiday Gift Guide Ever!

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CREDITS

What They’re Wearing:

Meltin’ Pot Distressed Jean from Varo Men’s Boutique Antik Denim Jeans from Dragonfly Boutique Page 57 Monarchy Jeans from Varo Men’s Boutique Imported Rosary from from Dragonfly Boutique Page 59 Nanibon patch sleave from Varo Men’s Boutique Diamond Studded earrings and ring from AMG Jewelery Design Center Page 61 Jacket with print with lapels from Varo Men’s Boutique Imported Rosary from from Dragonfly Boutique Page 65 Monarchy Jeans from Varo Men’s Boutique Skinny Puppy by Howe from Varo Men’s Boutique White Label Shirt by 3J Workshop from Varo Men’s Boutique Page 67 Monarchy Jeans from Varo Men’s Boutique Page 69 The Lush T-shirt by Howe from Varo Men’s Boutique True Religion Jeans from Varo Men’s Boutique Joey Silver Pocket from Varo Men’s Boutique Calendar Monarchy Jeans from Varo Men’s Boutique Below Aniki Jeans from Varo Men’s Boutique ChiliRED Shirts from Dragonfly Boutique KiKi Vermont’s wardrobe is her own. Special thanks to Miss Gay Scottsdale, Mya McKenzie and Toby for their wardrobe assistance.

Page 55

Photo Credits:

Photography by Carl James Models are Miss Kiki Vermont, Landon, Matthew from Dick’s Cabaret, and Varo. Art Direction Kevin Bushaw Makeup by Anton Khatchaturian Production Assistant Blue Shot at Palazzo- thanks to Justin Layman & Steven Rogers.

Thanks to Cynthia and Freakk from Dick’s Cabaret, Gabriel Diaz from Dragonfly Boutique and Adam from Varo Men’s Boutique.

PHOENIX, ARIZONA 72

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CREDITS

What They’re Wearing:

Meltin’ Pot Distressed Jean from Varo Men’s Boutique Antik Denim Jeans from Dragonfly Boutique Page 57 Monarchy Jeans from Varo Men’s Boutique Imported Rosary from from Dragonfly Boutique Page 59 Nanibon patch sleave from Varo Men’s Boutique Diamond Studded earrings and ring from AMG Jewelery Design Center Page 61 Jacket with print with lapels from Varo Men’s Boutique Imported Rosary from from Dragonfly Boutique Page 65 Monarchy Jeans from Varo Men’s Boutique Skinny Puppy by Howe from Varo Men’s Boutique White Label Shirt by 3J Workshop from Varo Men’s Boutique Page 67 Monarchy Jeans from Varo Men’s Boutique Page 69 The Lush T-shirt by Howe from Varo Men’s Boutique True Religion Jeans from Varo Men’s Boutique Joey Silver Pocket from Varo Men’s Boutique Calendar Monarchy Jeans from Varo Men’s Boutique Below Aniki Jeans from Varo Men’s Boutique ChiliRED Shirts from Dragonfly Boutique KiKi Vermont’s wardrobe is her own. Special thanks to Miss Gay Scottsdale, Mya McKenzie and Toby for their wardrobe assistance.

Page 55

Photo Credits:

Photography by Carl James Models are Miss Kiki Vermont, Landon, Matthew from Dick’s Cabaret, and Varo. Art Direction Kevin Bushaw Makeup by Anton Khatchaturian Production Assistant Blue Shot at Palazzo- thanks to Justin Layman & Steven Rogers.

Thanks to Cynthia and Freakk from Dick’s Cabaret, Gabriel Diaz from Dragonfly Boutique and Adam from Varo Men’s Boutique.

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ION BROKE STRAIGHT BOYS.COM

DES TIN ATION SCOT T SDA L E 76

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ION BROKE STRAIGHT BOYS.COM

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Vol. 2, Issue 7

OCTOBER 2008

����������� OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

�����������������������������������������������������

U.S. Gay Teens Hot for Republican Pin Up Boys WASHINGTON D.C. – Young homosexual boys from Republican families everywhere are harboring crushes on Jack McCain, 22, son of Presidential nominee Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) and Track Palin, 19, son of Gov. Sarah Palin, (R-AL), McCain’s Vice Presidential running mate.

�����������

The handsome, strapping young Jack is currently a midshipman at the U.S. Naval Academy. The smoldering young McCain has straight, white teeth and dimples you could camp in. He speaks also Farsi, Japanese and Afrikaans and writes poetry.

filled with many defenseless and innocent citizens including women and children.

“I think Jack is just dreamy,” gushed Toby Anderson, 17, of Glendale, Arizona. “He loves cooking, and I’m sending him a recipe for Veal Oscar. Low cal, of course.” Toby is just one of many young, aspiring homosexual boys who have posters and pictures of Jack and Track tacked up on his bedroom wall.

�����������

“Jack and Track are, like, the bomb!” squealed Shane McAllison, 16, of Bay Village, Ohio. “They’re, like, way hot and way sexy! I hope I can go to, like, ����������������������������������������������������� The sexy, young Track Palin was a member Washington or Iraq so I can see them of Alaska’s National Guard and recently someday! But when the weather’s, like, inducted into the U.S. Army. He was nice.” described as “hot” by no less a personage than the sexually profligate heiress, Paris If the McCain and Palin ticket goes all the Hilton, herself. Track has a winning, devilway to D.C. Americans may look forward to may-care attitude and enjoys severing the a new “celebreality” series being developed brake lines of elementary school buses

by Fox called “Jack & Track: First and in his free time. He’ll soon be armed him Vice Brats of America, Sons of the Axis of with heavy artillery in a foreign country Weasels.”

�����������

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Vol. 2, Issue 7

OCTOBER 2008

����������� OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

�����������������������������������������������������

U.S. Gay Teens Hot for Republican Pin Up Boys WASHINGTON D.C. – Young homosexual boys from Republican families everywhere are harboring crushes on Jack McCain, 22, son of Presidential nominee Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) and Track Palin, 19, son of Gov. Sarah Palin, (R-AL), McCain’s Vice Presidential running mate.

�����������

The handsome, strapping young Jack is currently a midshipman at the U.S. Naval Academy. The smoldering young McCain has straight, white teeth and dimples you could camp in. He speaks also Farsi, Japanese and Afrikaans and writes poetry.

filled with many defenseless and innocent citizens including women and children.

“I think Jack is just dreamy,” gushed Toby Anderson, 17, of Glendale, Arizona. “He loves cooking, and I’m sending him a recipe for Veal Oscar. Low cal, of course.” Toby is just one of many young, aspiring homosexual boys who have posters and pictures of Jack and Track tacked up on his bedroom wall.

�����������

“Jack and Track are, like, the bomb!” squealed Shane McAllison, 16, of Bay Village, Ohio. “They’re, like, way hot and way sexy! I hope I can go to, like, ����������������������������������������������������� The sexy, young Track Palin was a member Washington or Iraq so I can see them of Alaska’s National Guard and recently someday! But when the weather’s, like, inducted into the U.S. Army. He was nice.” described as “hot” by no less a personage than the sexually profligate heiress, Paris If the McCain and Palin ticket goes all the Hilton, herself. Track has a winning, devilway to D.C. Americans may look forward to may-care attitude and enjoys severing the a new “celebreality” series being developed brake lines of elementary school buses

by Fox called “Jack & Track: First and in his free time. He’ll soon be armed him Vice Brats of America, Sons of the Axis of with heavy artillery in a foreign country Weasels.”

�����������

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����������� FOX Network to Premiere Dancing With The Has-Beens HOLLYWOOD – Following ABC’s Other aged stars lead with the scheduled to enormous success participate is Gone of prime time With The Wind’s competition, Dancing Olivia de Havilland, With The Stars, 92, who will be the Fox Channel is paired with screen planning to debut a and funnyman and competitive show telethon kingpin called, Dancing With Jerry Lewis.

The Corpses where budding, young Casting directors ����������������������������������������������������� Hollywood hopefuls also have Golden will be paired up Girls’ TV starts Bea with an aging, longArthur and Betty forgotten star of White, both 86, yesteryear. who’ll be dancing with old timers “We’re very excited Ernest Borgnine, about this show,” 92 and MGM said one of the network’s producers. “We great, Mickey Rooney, 88. Speculation has figured that if legendary actress Cloris included adding Tarzan’s sidekick, Cheeta the Leachman can get out there and boogie at the Chimp, who is 76 and living in Palm Springs, ripe old age of 82-years-old, we can surely California. go out to the Motion Picture and Television Country House – a retirement home for old The arthritic stars won’t be carefully ����������������������������������������������������� actors – and scare up a few has-beens to cut a waltzing, either. Choreographer Debbie Allen ����������������������������������������������������� rug on the show. Dead is the new alive. Well, enthused, “They’ll do the foxtrot, tango, almost. You know what I mean.” merengue and cha-cha – dances that require energy and athleticism. If there’s not at least Slated for the competition is Shirley Temple, four broken hips by the time this season’s 80, who sang tap-danced her way into a finished, I’ll be surprised.”

America’s heart during the depths of the Depression. “We’re anxious to see how she One producer said, “We expect this show to performs,” said Alan Montague, the show’s be a big success. In a few years Madonna director. “She was a big child star, but at her will be old enough to compete. That season age, one false step and it’s all over.” should be a real chart-topper.”

����������� �����������

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Clay Aiken Comes Out of Closet.

Nobody Cares or Suprised.

�����������������������������������������������������

A Quality Inn. We couldn’t believe it either. But Aiken’s sex romp was with a former Green Beret, and that’s really pretty hot and counts for something. ����������������������������������������������������� So guess who’s “You’ve got to having the last be kidding me?” laugh now, exclaimed Clemetta Freckle Pecker?

Lou Hardesty, 32, Chi Chi LaRue of Tulsa, Oklahoma. is eager to cast “You mean he just Aiken in his first now figured that commercially out? I mean, dead released porn people know that film, tentatively Clay Aiken’s a card titled CumAlot carrying homosexual! with Aiken as Christ, I figured out insatiable pig he was a butt-pirate bottom, Sir Throbbin. once he got those highlights in his hair.”

RALEIGH, N.C. – Nobody in America was shocked when American Idol runnerup Clay Aiken finally decided to come out of the closet on September 24.

�����������

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�����������

Meanwhile, literally thousands of fat, aging, Aiken, 29, recently fathered a child via overweight American housewives with artificial insemination since he couldn’t hollow, shallow, meaningless, empty lives possibly attain let alone maintain an erection in the company of a nude female and perform except for a bunch of cats calling themselves ����������������������������������������������������� “Claymates” are heartbroken to discover that sexual intercourse, ultimately achieving Aiken is queer. orgasm, because that’s how babies are traditionally made, not with the use of a “Oh my Lord,” cried Henrietta Ferguson, turkey baster.

71, of LaGrange, Lousiana. “Tell me this ain’t so! Now you’re gonna gell me Ricky Aiken endured scandals and rumors casting Martin’s gay!” aspersions upon his masculinity ever since the American Idol competition in 2003. One So Clay Aiken is a cocksucker. That’s not man claimed to have had sex with Aiken on news. But Lindsey Lohan is a muff diver?

January 2, 2006 in a Quality Inn. Yes, really.

Now that’s news.

�����������

����������������������������������������������������� October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 81

����������� FOX Network to Premiere Dancing With The Has-Beens HOLLYWOOD – Following ABC’s Other aged stars lead with the scheduled to enormous success participate is Gone of prime time With The Wind’s competition, Dancing Olivia de Havilland, With The Stars, 92, who will be the Fox Channel is paired with screen planning to debut a and funnyman and competitive show telethon kingpin called, Dancing With Jerry Lewis.

The Corpses where budding, young Casting directors ����������������������������������������������������� Hollywood hopefuls also have Golden will be paired up Girls’ TV starts Bea with an aging, longArthur and Betty forgotten star of White, both 86, yesteryear. who’ll be dancing with old timers “We’re very excited Ernest Borgnine, about this show,” 92 and MGM said one of the network’s producers. “We great, Mickey Rooney, 88. Speculation has figured that if legendary actress Cloris included adding Tarzan’s sidekick, Cheeta the Leachman can get out there and boogie at the Chimp, who is 76 and living in Palm Springs, ripe old age of 82-years-old, we can surely California. go out to the Motion Picture and Television Country House – a retirement home for old The arthritic stars won’t be carefully ����������������������������������������������������� actors – and scare up a few has-beens to cut a waltzing, either. Choreographer Debbie Allen ����������������������������������������������������� rug on the show. Dead is the new alive. Well, enthused, “They’ll do the foxtrot, tango, almost. You know what I mean.” merengue and cha-cha – dances that require energy and athleticism. If there’s not at least Slated for the competition is Shirley Temple, four broken hips by the time this season’s 80, who sang tap-danced her way into a finished, I’ll be surprised.”

America’s heart during the depths of the Depression. “We’re anxious to see how she One producer said, “We expect this show to performs,” said Alan Montague, the show’s be a big success. In a few years Madonna director. “She was a big child star, but at her will be old enough to compete. That season age, one false step and it’s all over.” should be a real chart-topper.”

����������� �����������

����������� �����������

�����������

����������������������������������������������������� WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

80

���������������������������������

Clay Aiken Comes Out of Closet.

Nobody Cares or Suprised.

�����������������������������������������������������

A Quality Inn. We couldn’t believe it either. But Aiken’s sex romp was with a former Green Beret, and that’s really pretty hot and counts for something. ����������������������������������������������������� So guess who’s “You’ve got to having the last be kidding me?” laugh now, exclaimed Clemetta Freckle Pecker?

Lou Hardesty, 32, Chi Chi LaRue of Tulsa, Oklahoma. is eager to cast “You mean he just Aiken in his first now figured that commercially out? I mean, dead released porn people know that film, tentatively Clay Aiken’s a card titled CumAlot carrying homosexual! with Aiken as Christ, I figured out insatiable pig he was a butt-pirate bottom, Sir Throbbin. once he got those highlights in his hair.”

RALEIGH, N.C. – Nobody in America was shocked when American Idol runnerup Clay Aiken finally decided to come out of the closet on September 24.

�����������

���������������������������������

�����������

Meanwhile, literally thousands of fat, aging, Aiken, 29, recently fathered a child via overweight American housewives with artificial insemination since he couldn’t hollow, shallow, meaningless, empty lives possibly attain let alone maintain an erection in the company of a nude female and perform except for a bunch of cats calling themselves ����������������������������������������������������� “Claymates” are heartbroken to discover that sexual intercourse, ultimately achieving Aiken is queer. orgasm, because that’s how babies are traditionally made, not with the use of a “Oh my Lord,” cried Henrietta Ferguson, turkey baster.

71, of LaGrange, Lousiana. “Tell me this ain’t so! Now you’re gonna gell me Ricky Aiken endured scandals and rumors casting Martin’s gay!” aspersions upon his masculinity ever since the American Idol competition in 2003. One So Clay Aiken is a cocksucker. That’s not man claimed to have had sex with Aiken on news. But Lindsey Lohan is a muff diver?

January 2, 2006 in a Quality Inn. Yes, really.

Now that’s news.

�����������

����������������������������������������������������� October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 81

����������� �����������������������������������������������������

Tropicana Adds New Varieties to Orange Juice Line �����������

�����������

Late Harvest, BRADENTON, City Style, Urban Fl – Nothing says, Style, Suburban “Good morning!” ����������������������������������������������������� Style, Country like a glass of French, High fresh-squeezed Fertilization, Florida orange Plain, Fancy, juice. Orange Juice Extra-Fancy, with lovers everywhere High Fructose rejoiced when Corn Syrup, Tropicana Orange Light, Full Juice, a wholly Strength, Extra owned subsidiary Strength, Non-sweetened, Tart, Extra Tart, of PepsiCo in Florida, the Sunshine State, Bitter, Downright Sour, Caffeinated, De-caf, released more varieties of “liquid sunshine” Guarana, Taurine, Red Bull, Hair, Leaves, to complement their fine family of the Beer, Jagermeister, Low Cal, Southern breakfast beverage which also goes great Style, Extra Crispy, Baked, Cajun Flavored, with vodka.

Lowered Tar & Nicotine, Bacon, Grapefruit, Dill Pickle, Jalapeno, Cheddar-ific, Aspirin, “We realized that in addition to lovers of Bark, Crystal Clear, with Extra Kibble, Extra Pulp, Some Pulp, No Pulp, Home Cricket, Dander-free, Ethanol, Tuna, Liver, Style or with Calcium, there are many Chicken, Britney Spears and now featuring other styles of orange juices that juice ����������������������������������������������������� Roll Over Minutes with a signed, two-year lovers everywhere will embrace,” said Kyle agreement.

Manchester, spokesman for Tropicana.

“Our already large family of orange juices Tropicana bottling plants guarantee that will appeal to existing and new OJ lovers every bottle of orange juice they sell is everywhere.”

Dolphin Safe, Fragrance and Detergent Free and endorsed by the International Ladies’ New varieties include: Country Style, Extra Garment Workers Union. It is proudly Calcium, Low Vitamin C, Classic, with bottled in the U.S.A. using Brazilian oranges Aspertame, Late Harvest, Early Harvest, America sold them in the first place.

Mid-Harvest, Mid to Late Harvest, Extra

�����������

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����������������������������������������������������� October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 83

����������� �����������������������������������������������������

Tropicana Adds New Varieties to Orange Juice Line �����������

�����������

Late Harvest, BRADENTON, City Style, Urban Fl – Nothing says, Style, Suburban “Good morning!” ����������������������������������������������������� Style, Country like a glass of French, High fresh-squeezed Fertilization, Florida orange Plain, Fancy, juice. Orange Juice Extra-Fancy, with lovers everywhere High Fructose rejoiced when Corn Syrup, Tropicana Orange Light, Full Juice, a wholly Strength, Extra owned subsidiary Strength, Non-sweetened, Tart, Extra Tart, of PepsiCo in Florida, the Sunshine State, Bitter, Downright Sour, Caffeinated, De-caf, released more varieties of “liquid sunshine” Guarana, Taurine, Red Bull, Hair, Leaves, to complement their fine family of the Beer, Jagermeister, Low Cal, Southern breakfast beverage which also goes great Style, Extra Crispy, Baked, Cajun Flavored, with vodka.

Lowered Tar & Nicotine, Bacon, Grapefruit, Dill Pickle, Jalapeno, Cheddar-ific, Aspirin, “We realized that in addition to lovers of Bark, Crystal Clear, with Extra Kibble, Extra Pulp, Some Pulp, No Pulp, Home Cricket, Dander-free, Ethanol, Tuna, Liver, Style or with Calcium, there are many Chicken, Britney Spears and now featuring other styles of orange juices that juice ����������������������������������������������������� Roll Over Minutes with a signed, two-year lovers everywhere will embrace,” said Kyle agreement.

Manchester, spokesman for Tropicana.

“Our already large family of orange juices Tropicana bottling plants guarantee that will appeal to existing and new OJ lovers every bottle of orange juice they sell is everywhere.”

Dolphin Safe, Fragrance and Detergent Free and endorsed by the International Ladies’ New varieties include: Country Style, Extra Garment Workers Union. It is proudly Calcium, Low Vitamin C, Classic, with bottled in the U.S.A. using Brazilian oranges Aspertame, Late Harvest, Early Harvest, America sold them in the first place.

Mid-Harvest, Mid to Late Harvest, Extra

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����������������������������������������������������� October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 83

84

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

1.

Amsterdam

718 N. Central Ave. - Downtown Phoenix

(602) 258-6122

2.

Apollo’s

5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 277-9373

3.

Bar 1

3708 N. 16th St. - Phoenix

(602) 266-9001

4.

BS West

7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

5.

Bunkhouse

4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 200-9154

6.

Cash Inn

2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 244-9943

7.

cellblock

Closed until further notice

(602) 266-5640

8.

Charlie’s

727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 265-0224

9.

The Chute Men’s Club

1440 E Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 234-1654

C

Clarendon Hotel

401 W. Clarendon Ave. - Phoenix

(602) CLARENDON

10.

Club Vibe

3031 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 224-9977

11.

Cruisin’ 7th

3702 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 212-9888

12.

Dick’s Cabaret

3432 E. Illini Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 274-DICK

13.

Friends

1028 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 277-7729

14.

Forbidden

6820 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

forbiddenaz.com

15.

Homme

138 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 266-0875

16.

icepics videobar

3108 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 267-8707

17.

New: INCOGNITO

2424 E. Thomas Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 955-9805

18.

Karamba

1724 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 254-0231

19.

Kobalt

3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 264-5307

20.

Miami

716 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 258-6122

21.

OZ

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 242-5114

22.

Plazma

1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 266-0477

23.

Pumphouse II

4132 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 275-3509

24.

Retro Bar

3114 E. Cactus Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 493-0355

25.

The Rock

4129 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 248-8559

26.

Roscoe’s

4531 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 285-0833

27.

Sky Lounge - Juicy Thursdays

138 E. Washington Rd. - Phoenix

28.

Taylor’s Tavern

15615 N. Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 867-2463

29.

Velocity

2303 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 956-2885

30.

Wild Card

801 N. Arizona Ave. - Chandler

(480) 857-3088

31.

Z Girl Club

4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 265-3233

October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 85

84

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

1.

Amsterdam

718 N. Central Ave. - Downtown Phoenix

(602) 258-6122

2.

Apollo’s

5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 277-9373

3.

Bar 1

3708 N. 16th St. - Phoenix

(602) 266-9001

4.

BS West

7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

5.

Bunkhouse

4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 200-9154

6.

Cash Inn

2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 244-9943

7.

cellblock

Closed until further notice

(602) 266-5640

8.

Charlie’s

727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 265-0224

9.

The Chute Men’s Club

1440 E Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 234-1654

C

Clarendon Hotel

401 W. Clarendon Ave. - Phoenix

(602) CLARENDON

10.

Club Vibe

3031 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 224-9977

11.

Cruisin’ 7th

3702 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 212-9888

12.

Dick’s Cabaret

3432 E. Illini Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 274-DICK

13.

Friends

1028 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 277-7729

14.

Forbidden

6820 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

forbiddenaz.com

15.

Homme

138 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 266-0875

16.

icepics videobar

3108 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 267-8707

17.

New: INCOGNITO

2424 E. Thomas Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 955-9805

18.

Karamba

1724 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 254-0231

19.

Kobalt

3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 264-5307

20.

Miami

716 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 258-6122

21.

OZ

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 242-5114

22.

Plazma

1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 266-0477

23.

Pumphouse II

4132 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 275-3509

24.

Retro Bar

3114 E. Cactus Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 493-0355

25.

The Rock

4129 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 248-8559

26.

Roscoe’s

4531 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 285-0833

27.

Sky Lounge - Juicy Thursdays

138 E. Washington Rd. - Phoenix

28.

Taylor’s Tavern

15615 N. Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 867-2463

29.

Velocity

2303 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 956-2885

30.

Wild Card

801 N. Arizona Ave. - Chandler

(480) 857-3088

31.

Z Girl Club

4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 265-3233

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602-200-2000 602-252-5252 602-437-4000

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IF IT’S NOT IN������������, IT’S NOT HAPPENING! October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 87

TUCSON NIGHTLIFE

CLUBS, RESTAURANTS, AND NIGHTLIFE 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Ain’t Nobody’s Biz Colors Howl at the Moon IBT’s Miguel’s Mexican Restaurant Rainbow Planet Coffee House Venture-N Woody’s Yard Dog

2900 E. Broadway 5305 E. Speedway 915 W. Prince Rd. 616 N. 4th Ave. 5900 N. Oracle Rd. 606 N. 4th Ave. 1239 N. 6th Ave. 3710 N. Oracle Rd. 2449 N. Stone

(520) 318-4838 (520) 323-1840 (520) 293-7339 (520) 882-3053 (520) 887-3777 (520) 620-1770 (520) 882-8224 (520) 292-6702 (520) 624-3858

445 S. Alvernon Way 5335 E. Broadway Blvd.

5900 N. Oracle Rd. 204 S. Scott Ave. 3800 E. Sunrise Dr.

(520) 881-4200 (520) 745-2700 (520) 887-4800 (877) 670-9022 (520) 742-6000

ACCOMODATIONS & LODGING 1 2 3 4 5

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WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

Doubletree Hotel at Reid Park Embassy Suites La Posada Lodge and Casitas Royal Elizabeth B&B The Westin La Paloma

October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 89

TUCSON NIGHTLIFE

CLUBS, RESTAURANTS, AND NIGHTLIFE 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Ain’t Nobody’s Biz Colors Howl at the Moon IBT’s Miguel’s Mexican Restaurant Rainbow Planet Coffee House Venture-N Woody’s Yard Dog

2900 E. Broadway 5305 E. Speedway 915 W. Prince Rd. 616 N. 4th Ave. 5900 N. Oracle Rd. 606 N. 4th Ave. 1239 N. 6th Ave. 3710 N. Oracle Rd. 2449 N. Stone

(520) 318-4838 (520) 323-1840 (520) 293-7339 (520) 882-3053 (520) 887-3777 (520) 620-1770 (520) 882-8224 (520) 292-6702 (520) 624-3858

445 S. Alvernon Way 5335 E. Broadway Blvd.

5900 N. Oracle Rd. 204 S. Scott Ave. 3800 E. Sunrise Dr.

(520) 881-4200 (520) 745-2700 (520) 887-4800 (877) 670-9022 (520) 742-6000

ACCOMODATIONS & LODGING 1 2 3 4 5

88

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

Doubletree Hotel at Reid Park Embassy Suites La Posada Lodge and Casitas Royal Elizabeth B&B The Westin La Paloma

October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 89

ION PARTY CAM

PHOENIX, ARIZONA October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 91

ION PARTY CAM

PHOENIX, ARIZONA October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 91

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WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

by Addison DeWitt Okay, kiddies! I know all you gay boys and lesbians are on the edge of your bidet! The “Katy Perry” doll is here! The chanteuse who sang “I Kissed A Girl” and “Ur So Gay” has a limited edition doll available. Actually, I think it’s an old Jacklyn Smith Charlie’s Angels doll. It doesn’t even look like her. It’s available now for $49.99. You’ll be lucky if you can get $9 for it on eBay along with that RuPaul doll you just “had to have” back in 2005.

Is love in the air? Or someone’s heels? My spies tell me that smoldering David “Clean My” Kitchen was seen gazing raptly across a Groovy Grilled Cheese sandwich at Maizie’s Bistro and into the eyes of that popular tenderoni, Devin Slayton. I expect an invitation to the shower. Not the Bridal Shower, sillies.

The actual shower. In your bathroom. With both of you in it. Together. With me. At the same time. Keep me posted.

The Labor Day proved to be one of the best ever, with the Clarendon Hotel + Suites as the backdrop for a weekend of fun ‘n’ frolic poolside and the requisite Moonlight Madness well after midnight. With all the traffic up through the halls of the hotel you would’ve thought you were in Grand Central Terminal. And for the first time ever, we also promoted a pool party just for you ladies! The “Beaver Bash” – as I like to call it – was a big hit with the Over the Shoulder Boulder Holder & Tittie Committee by all accounts. Each one of you girls drank enough beer to fill each cup of a 56FF bra several times over throughout the course of the day.

SWAY Events’ “Live & Local” series was a tremendous success, providing a 94

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

forum for the Valley’s up ‘n’ coming gay music artists to display their talents. I caught the Cary Grant gorgeous Jeffrey Hattrick – an actual Patio 71 resident – crooning at Kobalt. As the RitzCarlton’s ritzy tea-time tootsie, movie star-gorgeous maître d’tea Hattrick can warble his way into my tea-cozy anytime.

This Darjeeling darling puts the “ooh” in Oolong. Jeffrey knows all the “tea,” girlfriends. Snap! And you thought I was going to stoop so low as to make a vulgar joke about “tea bagging.” Really now! Just what kind of a pervert do you think I am?

Don’t answer that. But I did throw my panties on stage for Jeffrey. I’ll slip out of wet clothes and into a dry mar“tea”ni with you anytime, honey.

Meanwhile, everybody’s favorite freakazoid in foundation, glamourpuss Geoffrey Paris and his minions in make-up performed at Forbidden in a show that is safe to say left me with my celebrated big, fat, mouth hanging open. These too-too talented 21st Century Klub Kidz wowed this old fogey with their energy, flair, eyeliner and their cutting edge couture from the Juniors’ Department. I think the last thing that Size 2 fashionalities Boy Shawn and Quinn ate was a Tic-Tac in 2005.

I was, however, somewhat shocked and nonplussed – not by the daring and liberal use of lip gloss – but when la Paris tossed out those nefarious eensy-weensy zip-lock “baggies” filled with a curious crystalline substance.

I later heard reports that hoovering up the contents of Pixie Stix that filled them really burns the nasal cavities.

Remember, darlings, “Hugs, not drugs.”

Not even the “pretend” ones. Just say, October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

95

by Addison DeWitt Okay, kiddies! I know all you gay boys and lesbians are on the edge of your bidet! The “Katy Perry” doll is here! The chanteuse who sang “I Kissed A Girl” and “Ur So Gay” has a limited edition doll available. Actually, I think it’s an old Jacklyn Smith Charlie’s Angels doll. It doesn’t even look like her. It’s available now for $49.99. You’ll be lucky if you can get $9 for it on eBay along with that RuPaul doll you just “had to have” back in 2005.

Is love in the air? Or someone’s heels? My spies tell me that smoldering David “Clean My” Kitchen was seen gazing raptly across a Groovy Grilled Cheese sandwich at Maizie’s Bistro and into the eyes of that popular tenderoni, Devin Slayton. I expect an invitation to the shower. Not the Bridal Shower, sillies.

The actual shower. In your bathroom. With both of you in it. Together. With me. At the same time. Keep me posted.

The Labor Day proved to be one of the best ever, with the Clarendon Hotel + Suites as the backdrop for a weekend of fun ‘n’ frolic poolside and the requisite Moonlight Madness well after midnight. With all the traffic up through the halls of the hotel you would’ve thought you were in Grand Central Terminal. And for the first time ever, we also promoted a pool party just for you ladies! The “Beaver Bash” – as I like to call it – was a big hit with the Over the Shoulder Boulder Holder & Tittie Committee by all accounts. Each one of you girls drank enough beer to fill each cup of a 56FF bra several times over throughout the course of the day.

SWAY Events’ “Live & Local” series was a tremendous success, providing a 94

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

forum for the Valley’s up ‘n’ coming gay music artists to display their talents. I caught the Cary Grant gorgeous Jeffrey Hattrick – an actual Patio 71 resident – crooning at Kobalt. As the RitzCarlton’s ritzy tea-time tootsie, movie star-gorgeous maître d’tea Hattrick can warble his way into my tea-cozy anytime.

This Darjeeling darling puts the “ooh” in Oolong. Jeffrey knows all the “tea,” girlfriends. Snap! And you thought I was going to stoop so low as to make a vulgar joke about “tea bagging.” Really now! Just what kind of a pervert do you think I am?

Don’t answer that. But I did throw my panties on stage for Jeffrey. I’ll slip out of wet clothes and into a dry mar“tea”ni with you anytime, honey.

Meanwhile, everybody’s favorite freakazoid in foundation, glamourpuss Geoffrey Paris and his minions in make-up performed at Forbidden in a show that is safe to say left me with my celebrated big, fat, mouth hanging open. These too-too talented 21st Century Klub Kidz wowed this old fogey with their energy, flair, eyeliner and their cutting edge couture from the Juniors’ Department. I think the last thing that Size 2 fashionalities Boy Shawn and Quinn ate was a Tic-Tac in 2005.

I was, however, somewhat shocked and nonplussed – not by the daring and liberal use of lip gloss – but when la Paris tossed out those nefarious eensy-weensy zip-lock “baggies” filled with a curious crystalline substance.

I later heard reports that hoovering up the contents of Pixie Stix that filled them really burns the nasal cavities.

Remember, darlings, “Hugs, not drugs.”

Not even the “pretend” ones. Just say, October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

95

(Continued) “No – thank you, but it all looks delicious.”

Sends out the wrong signal, n’est-ce pas?

Real drugs went out with Studio 54. We want to keep you little, gender-bending darlings healthy and in Bonnebelle Lip Smackers for years to come. After all: you are the future of America and I’m depending on you to wipe my bottom when I’m old, infirm and incontinent. Oh God, oh God, oh God … I weep for the future.

Fans on hand included The Unsinkable Kirk Baxter, the eternally tantalizing taste temptation Tim DePlanche with my favorite shutterbug Gregg Edelman, and the mesmerizing hottie Matt Little. I also had the chance to flirt with DJ Tsunami.

Forbidden’s adorablicious Clancy was there, and Phoenix gadabout, Ian Arizona née Carter. And who doesn’t just love “Fun” Bobby Hess? I do.

Well, bust my buttons, pardners, I moseyed on down to the ever-popular Charlie’s where bartender Jeff Valenzuela promised

96

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

me he never stopped loving me. Honest.

He did. Ask him. Go ahead. Ask. And some really hot guy named “Tony” who insisted I give him a hickey. What could I do but cooperate? Hope that worked out for you, pal! That was before one big, blonde drag queen who’s evidently too big for her panty hose decided to insult me for no reason. And all this time I thought we were friends! Boo, hiss! Who asked you to give them a hickey that night, huh? Name one! Really, now!

How could you?

We have a rather important election coming up early next month. Maybe you’ve heard about it? There’s lots to consider.

Like Prop 102. That’s a “no” vote. So remember to vote early and vote often. _ If you’d like Addison to give you a hickey let him know. He can be reached at RumorHound@aol.com

97

October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 97

(Continued) “No – thank you, but it all looks delicious.”

Sends out the wrong signal, n’est-ce pas?

Real drugs went out with Studio 54. We want to keep you little, gender-bending darlings healthy and in Bonnebelle Lip Smackers for years to come. After all: you are the future of America and I’m depending on you to wipe my bottom when I’m old, infirm and incontinent. Oh God, oh God, oh God … I weep for the future.

Fans on hand included The Unsinkable Kirk Baxter, the eternally tantalizing taste temptation Tim DePlanche with my favorite shutterbug Gregg Edelman, and the mesmerizing hottie Matt Little. I also had the chance to flirt with DJ Tsunami.

Forbidden’s adorablicious Clancy was there, and Phoenix gadabout, Ian Arizona née Carter. And who doesn’t just love “Fun” Bobby Hess? I do.

Well, bust my buttons, pardners, I moseyed on down to the ever-popular Charlie’s where bartender Jeff Valenzuela promised

96

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

me he never stopped loving me. Honest.

He did. Ask him. Go ahead. Ask. And some really hot guy named “Tony” who insisted I give him a hickey. What could I do but cooperate? Hope that worked out for you, pal! That was before one big, blonde drag queen who’s evidently too big for her panty hose decided to insult me for no reason. And all this time I thought we were friends! Boo, hiss! Who asked you to give them a hickey that night, huh? Name one! Really, now!

How could you?

We have a rather important election coming up early next month. Maybe you’ve heard about it? There’s lots to consider.

Like Prop 102. That’s a “no” vote. So remember to vote early and vote often. _ If you’d like Addison to give you a hickey let him know. He can be reached at RumorHound@aol.com

97

October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 97

Virgo

Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

In October, your posse may become less than reliable. Don’t let small setbacks to your social plans ruin your entire month.

Keep things simple and go with the flow, ‘mo.

Libra

Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

Screw it! Bail out on your monotonous day-to-day agenda and go have a little fun. Your to do list will be there when you get back (And besides, we’re all starting to get a little bored of you).

Scorpio

Oct. 23 - Nov. 23

Don’t let a bad hair day kill your buzz. Work with what you’ve got and do your best to glam it up while trying out a new spontaneous style.

Sagittarius

Nov. 23-Dec. 23

This month, be careful not to let anxiety get the best of you. Take deep breaths, stop biting your nails, and try to chill. If that doesn’t work, I suggest pills and heavy drinking.

Capricorn

Dec. 23- Jan. 20

Guilt trips be gone! Stop letting other people push you around.

You know what’s right and wrong.

If you want to be part of immature social circles, hit up a playground (Wait, don’t -- that’s creepy!)

Aquarius

Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

Give yourself a romance time-out.

Put the brakes on your hot pursuit for the next cute piece of ass and focus on spoiling yourself instead.

98

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

Pisces

Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

October will be a fabulous month for you. Make sure to take full advantage of and relish in your fierceness. Make other people jealous and harvest your happiness until it makes people puke with envy.

Aries

Mar. 21 - Apr. 20

A boost of cash flow will help to open up your options this month.

Get creative with how you spend your green and go all out to experience something totally new.

Taurus

Apr. 21 - May 20

Gemini

May 21 - June 21

Cancer

June 22 - July 22

Misunderstandings and mixed messages are going to make October a tricky time of the year. Don’t try terribly hard to read in between the lines.

It’s October! You have all month to work on finding the sluttiest costume possible. Go on, skank it up. Halloween is the perfect excuse to release your inner sex kitten and whore it up for the holidays.

Beg and plead until you get what you want. October is full of surprises, but you’re going to have to get down on your hands and knees before your reward comes along.

Leo

July 23 - Aug. 22

Perk up punk! There’s nothing more depressing than a party-pooper.

Stop being a wallflower and make yourself the life of the party.

There’s no time for pity parties this fall, honey.

October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 99

Virgo

Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

In October, your posse may become less than reliable. Don’t let small setbacks to your social plans ruin your entire month.

Keep things simple and go with the flow, ‘mo.

Libra

Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

Screw it! Bail out on your monotonous day-to-day agenda and go have a little fun. Your to do list will be there when you get back (And besides, we’re all starting to get a little bored of you).

Scorpio

Oct. 23 - Nov. 23

Don’t let a bad hair day kill your buzz. Work with what you’ve got and do your best to glam it up while trying out a new spontaneous style.

Sagittarius

Nov. 23-Dec. 23

This month, be careful not to let anxiety get the best of you. Take deep breaths, stop biting your nails, and try to chill. If that doesn’t work, I suggest pills and heavy drinking.

Capricorn

Dec. 23- Jan. 20

Guilt trips be gone! Stop letting other people push you around.

You know what’s right and wrong.

If you want to be part of immature social circles, hit up a playground (Wait, don’t -- that’s creepy!)

Aquarius

Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

Give yourself a romance time-out.

Put the brakes on your hot pursuit for the next cute piece of ass and focus on spoiling yourself instead.

98

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008

Pisces

Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

October will be a fabulous month for you. Make sure to take full advantage of and relish in your fierceness. Make other people jealous and harvest your happiness until it makes people puke with envy.

Aries

Mar. 21 - Apr. 20

A boost of cash flow will help to open up your options this month.

Get creative with how you spend your green and go all out to experience something totally new.

Taurus

Apr. 21 - May 20

Gemini

May 21 - June 21

Cancer

June 22 - July 22

Misunderstandings and mixed messages are going to make October a tricky time of the year. Don’t try terribly hard to read in between the lines.

It’s October! You have all month to work on finding the sluttiest costume possible. Go on, skank it up. Halloween is the perfect excuse to release your inner sex kitten and whore it up for the holidays.

Beg and plead until you get what you want. October is full of surprises, but you’re going to have to get down on your hands and knees before your reward comes along.

Leo

July 23 - Aug. 22

Perk up punk! There’s nothing more depressing than a party-pooper.

Stop being a wallflower and make yourself the life of the party.

There’s no time for pity parties this fall, honey.

October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 99

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