ION Arizona Magazine # 115 by ION Arizona

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CHRISTMAS POSADA

KARAMBA

PHOTOS at www.IONAZ.com

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Hello, New Year! Mission: A Better Community. Accomplished?

I love a new year! What have we accomplished? What haven’t we? What will we?

Good bye, 10 years This year ION Arizona magazine will celebrate it’s 10 year anniversary. This milestone is a reason to celebrate since our community has changed so much since 2001. But your involvement, your donations, your time, and your support of our non-profits as well as Gay and Gay-friendly businesses has been outstanding. Mission accomplished! Good bye, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell On December 22, 18 years of “Don’t Ask, Don’t tell” ended, finally allowing gays and Lesbians to serve openly and honorably in the military. For some of you who were discharged from the armed serves we hope you go back. For those of you who wrote in, protested and fought this law, we say “thank you”. Mission accomplished! Hello, ION Mobile Guide Last month we launch the first community local mobile guide. Thank’s for all the great comments and suggestions. It’s a work in progress and we’ll be adding content and info. Please e-mail me directly for any updates and additions. Since 2001, we’ve tried to bring our diverse community under one proverbial roof and now one mobile website for quick reference to your community. Mission accomplished.

Hello, Marriage Equality While equality in society, the work place and your community is closer than ever, we must continue to move forward. There is one mission we must now take on: Marriage equality. While it may seem obvious to us that gay marriage is not only constitutional but is the right thing to do. Mission not accomplished. While our community, nationally and locally, is gaining rights and respect, our local non-profits and our Gay and Gay-friendly businesses are suffering. Now more than every they need you. We need you. Support your favorite charities and the businesses found in every issue if ION Arizona magazine. Then, with your help, we can all say: Community - Mission Accomplished. Happy New Year! Be good to yourself, your friends and your community. Sincerely,

Jack M. Tesorero@me.com Publisher

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3819 North 3rd Street Ste. #10, Phoenix, AZ 85012

(602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com

ionarizona@me.com

Publisher / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero - Ext. 5 ................. jacktesorero@me.com

My Heatstroke.com Bill Knoop .................................................... (602) 301-8457 CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw - Ext. 4 ..................... kbushaw@me.com Editor Deon Brown - Ext. 3 .................. ionazeditor@me.com PRODUCTION ASSISTANT Craig Rubin ................................. ionarizona@me.com PRODUCTION & Artwork SUBMISSIONS ionazproduction@me.com Advertising Sales Jack Tesorero Ext 2 - ionazsales@me.com Photographers:

Daniel Cavanaugh Michael Fragale Fernando Hernandez

Miguel Munguia Jerry O’Conner Don Thompson

Cover Photo by Steven Williams stevesimage.com National Advertising Representative Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 ContributORS:

Wes Bergman Addison DeWitt Jackson David Kelly

Ted Kirby Kim Ruff Paul Sanchez

Published monthly by

1995-2010: 15 Years of Design and Creative Excellence

PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee. NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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men of charlie’s

CHARLIE’S

PHOTOS at www.IONAZ.com

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Barbra Seville at Karamba She’s performed in so manty, manty cabarets, clubs, bars, showrooms and even arenas all over the country, and now, the legendary Barbra Seville will shake her foam rubber ta-ta’s at Karamba every Wednesday beginning January 19. So what are you waiting for? 1724 E. McDowell Rd. 602-254-0231 KarambaNightclub.com See the ads on pp. 6-7

Watering Hole Grand Opening Lookin’ for someplace to wet your whistle? Don’t want to drive downtown? Good news! There’s a new bar in south Scottsdale! The Watering Hole is a place where you can meet, and if you’re parched, have a tall, strong one. Or even a drink! Guess what? They have a lot more on tap than water! Join in the fun on their Grand Opening on January 21. 7043 E. McDowell Rd. in the Papago Plaza, Scottsdale. WateringHoleAZ.com. Check out their ad on page 2

Gay Cockfest Weekend What does the rooster say? “Cock-a-doodle-doo!” The Gay boys say, “Any-cock-’ll-doo!” BS West’s Gay Cockfest Weekend, January 28-29 is something to crow about! It really heats up for Mandi BoomBoom’s Boys’ Anniversary Party on Saturday night with her gogo boys with XXX stars Nick Piston and Luke Marcum. 7125 E. 5th Ave. 480-945-9028 or visit BSwest.com. See ad on page 4

STRUT at icepics Get ready for a show like no other. You won’t want to miss “STRUT,” A show for men, by men. Sounds hot! This oneof-a-kind event is hosted by Phoenix’s #1 parody comedian Brandon Thomas and features special performances by Geo, Mr. Gay Arizona USofA 2010. It all happens on Sunday January 30 at 9 p.m. See a complete list of events at icepics on pp. 12-13 20

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Roscoe’s Super Bowl Party America consumes more food on Super Bowl Sunday than any other, except for Thanksgiving. That’s a lot of hot dogs, hamburgers, chicken wings and Cheeto’s! Root for your favorite football team from the comfort of your barstool at Roscoe’s on 7th – the Valley’s only Gay sports bar on Sunday, February 6. 4531 N. 7th St. Phoenix. 602-285-0833. See ads on p. 10

January 2011 ION EVENTS LISTINGS DATE EVENT & LOCATION CITY Sun.

Bowl Playoffs at Roscoe’s

Phoenix

Mustache Ride at Cherry Bar

Phoenix

Kenny Thames at Cherry Bar

Phoenix

Yappy Hour at BS West

Scottsdale

Hellraiser Season Kickoff at Colter Park

Phoenix

14 & 15 VIP Party at Dick’s

Phoenix

MLK Day Party at Karamba

Phoenix

Project Trashbag at Cruisin’ 7th

Phoenix

Barbra Seville Show Premiere at Karamba

Phoenix

Family Feud at Roscoe’s

Phoenix

“Out with the Old” show at icepics

Phoenix

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Cockfest Weekend at BS West

Scottsdale

28-30 Desperado Film Festival at PVCC

Phoenix

STRUT at icepics

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Miss Gay AZ USofA Curtain up! Light the lights! All the rhinestones are polished, and lips painted! It’s time for all the glamour, elegance and style of the Miss Gay Arizona USofA and Arizona USofA Classic 2011 Pageant! This year it’s a Masquerade Ball. Top illusionists from across the country compete for this spectacular title. The magic happens on Sunday, February 6 at Tempe Center for the Arts, 700 W. Rio Salado. Doors open at 5 p.m. For tix go to Tempe.gov/tCA or for more info contact Mike@BSwest.com

january 2011 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE TIME LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S) Tuesdays Tuesdays Wednesdays Wednesdays Thursdays Fridays Fridays Saturdays Saturdays Saturdays Saturdays Sundays Sundays Sundays Sundays 2 7 9 15 15 16 16 21 23 28 30 30 2/6

8:00pm 10:30pm 10:30pm 10:00pm 10:30pm 10:30pm 9:00pm 10:30p 10:00pm 10:00pm 9:30pm 12:30pm 8:30pm 10:30pm 7:00pm 8:00pm 7:00pm 8:00pm 9:30pm 10:00pm 8:00pm 7:00pm 10:00pm 8:00pm 10:00pm 7:00pm 8:00pm 6:00pm

BS West Karamba Cruisin’ 7th Charlie’s Karamba Cruisin’ 7th BS West Cruisin’ 7th The Rock icepics Charlie’s Cruisin’ 7th Charlie’s Karamba The Rock Apollo’s BS West Apollo’s Cruisin’ 7th Apollo’s Apollo’s BS West Apollo’s Apollo’s Cherry Bar BS West Apollo’s TCA

Stars of Tomorrow Show with Kendra St. James Savannah Moussier Steppin’ Out with Judy & TC Claudia B. & Company Ruby Reynolds Devina Elements - followed by Mandy BoomBoom’s Boys! New Show Host Mia Adams The Barbra Seville Show (Starting January 19th) The Chane Jordan Show Pussy’s Patio Show Sunday Morning Madness with Judy & TC (1/2 + 1/16) Pussy LeHoot & Friends Diamond’s Show Showgirlz Premiere (Starting January 9th) Afeelya’s House of Bunz Locks of Love Fundraiser with Eryka Knowles Tyra Marie’s Tequila Nights Miss Cruisin’ 7th The Cougar Cabaret Get Twisted with Mia Adams Saellah V.’s Road to Dallas Fundraiser Barbra Seville presents Coti Collins Road to Royalty Show Lady Christian’s Trailer Trash Revue Nevaeh & Saellah’s Quest for the Crown TToTM with Barbra Seville Miss Arizona UsofA

To add your drag event, e-mail dates, times, locations & pics to kbushaw@me.com Included events must be 1) Charity Benefit OR 2) Located at an ION Arizona Advertiser

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AList New York

The

Austin & RodineyFrenemies?

by Deon Brown 28 28

www.IONAZ.com 2010 www.IONAZ.com May January 2011

he LOGO network’s The A-List: New York proved to be one of the “Oh-no-she-didn’t, shut-the-front-door, girlfriend!” hits this season. Viewers were left with their collective mouths hanging open as they watched seven different Gay men scramble for a piece of the Big Apple pie. They laughed. They cried. They even tried to claw each others’ eyes out. Part Real World, part Survivor, part Housewives – Real and Desperate – and part American Idol tryouts (C’mon. Did you hear Reichen Lemkuhl sing? Look out William Hung!) But the real story behind all the Botox and spraytans was watching catfighting costars, the Brazilian Bombshell Rodiney Santiago and fistacuff firecracker Austin Armacost go at it tooth and nail. Now that the fairy dust has settled, ION took some time to catch up with the boys and ask the hard-hitting questions that we’re so famous for.

photo

courte

sy of L

OGO

ION: So ... how was your summer? Rodiney Santiago: Fun. Fun and stressful, both. Reichen and I just moved to New York. We had no idea all this drama was coming into our lives.

Austin Armacost: Phenomenal! I made friends, I made enemies, I had a great time! I have fun with whatever I’m doing. I milk it for all it’s worth. ION: Did any comments your castmates made surprise you? RS: No, because we were expecting everything from them. AA: When we started shooting, Ryan [Nickulas], Derek [Lloyd Saathof], T.J. [Kelly] and myself kinda made a group decision that whatever’s said on camera is for entertainment, for television. There may be some truth behind what we’re saying, but let’s exaggerate, let’s be over-the-top, let’s be dramatic, because that’s what people want to see. The first time someone said something bad about me, which I believe was Derek, I was expecting it, but it hurt a bit to hear it. Today I’m in love with Derek; tomorrow he might piss me off and if I had a camera crew I might say some really awful, hurtful things. I don’t expect all my friends to be happy with me 100% of the time. I let everyone have their wide range of emotions whether it’s negative or positive me, and I respect that. ION: If you were stuck on a desert island with your A-List cast mates who would you eat first and why? RS: I think Austin. Because he’s too much trouble; he’d need to be gone first, so he wouldn’t give any more trouble. AA: I don’t think you can eat muscle so Mike [Ruiz], Riechen and Rodiney

ION: Would you do “A List” again? Any regrets? RS: Hmmm ... I’m not sure.

are out of the picture. Ryan’s got a little meat on his bones. Because he’d probably be learning that he didn’t have his Dolce & Gabanna compact, anyway. I can’t imagine Ryan on a deserted island where there’s not a VIP lounge and a lighted makeup mirror. I’d probably get sick of Ryan the quickest, so I’d chop him up and have some lunch. ION: If you were going to be on another reality TV show which one would it be? RS: It would be about positive things in my life, like ‘How happy Rodiney is,’ ‘How fun Rodiney is,’ showing the good things. Or I’d like to be in a show like Big Brother, like a competition. People can see how you play you game, you know, and I know how to win this game. AA: The Real World and Road Rules Challenge because I’m very athletic and very competitive. I love to travel and they always shoot in exotic locations, surrounded by twentysomethings. 30

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AA: I’ll definitely do Season Two if we return. As far regrets go? Everything I do in my life is very pointed and it’s for a reason. The high point would be Derek and me turning from enemies to best friends. I literally wanted to steal his soul and sell it to Satan when we first started filming. I despised that man! It’s just crazy what a few words and an apology can do. ION: What’s your best quality and skill? RS: I’m very trusting, and a very friendly person. I really care about people’s feelings. My mom taught me very well! AA: I’m a very adaptable

person. I think I’m a really good listener. I truly listen to what people have to say. I take it in, I analyze it and I give feedback. I don’t know if it’s because I traveled a lot and met a lot of different people and experienced a lot of different emotions and lifestyles. I don’t know a lot about one specific thing, but I know a little about a lot. I’ve kind of had my hand in every honeypot around the world. I’ve been in many bizarre and outlandish situations and I try to learn from it. ION: What’s your worst quality or skill? RS: Sometimes I don’t think to take time for some decisions. This is good to ask Reichen, not me! (laughs) But, I

don’t know. I know I’m not perfect, but I’m the kind of person that I don’t think two times to make some decisions. I have to study; to think two times to make some decisions. AA: People call me a liar, because -- I don’t want to tell you I’m dishonest, but Reichen’s performance, if he asked me, “What did you think of the show?” I’m not gonna say, “It’s fucking awful! I wanted to puncture my eardrums with a pencil” I said, “Oh, it was great! It was fun!” So my worst quality is that I don’t want to hurt people’s feelings. I’ll talk shit behind somebody’s back all day but when I’m confronted with it, I’m, like, “No! Stay away! I don’t want any part of it!” People are like that. As much as we deny talking shit behind people’s

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of the day, I’m a good person -- I try to be, most of the time -- I’m honest. Just really strive to be the best you can be. Every opportunity that comes up, take it. You’ve got to meet fantastic people who spark fantastic adventures, ideas and creations. It’s very important to surround yourself with people who are positive, and upbeat, energetic, artistic. There’s not a criteria for making this socalled, physical A-List. I’m me. I don’t take life too seriously. I could walk out tomorrow and get hit by a bus. You just gotta have a good time, gotta have fun doing it and just be fabulous! back, let’s be real: everybody does it, we all say horrible things about our friends behind their back, and when it comes down to it, am I scared to confront someone that I’ve made a comment about? Not at all. I just don’t intentionally go out trying to hurt someone’s feelings. I don’t think I do, anyway. Maybe I come across differently. I just can’t be mean to people. ION: What advice would you give to someone who wants to be an A-Lister? RS: You know, for me, to be A-List, you don’t have to be rich. You have to be friendly. When you’re a nice person it opens all doors for you. AA: I think the A-List is really a confident emotion. I don’t have the most money. I don’t have a fabulous penthouse apartment. But at the end 32

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ION: If you were a superhero, what would your superpower be? RS: I would love to have vampires powers! Like, I could fly! AA: The ability to regrow my liver. He’s kickin’ and hurtin’ downstairs, I have to say. ION: Okay, Austin. Are you a lover or a fighter? AA: (sighs thoughtfully) This is the first time I’ve been asked that. I’d have to say that I’m a loving fighter. Conflict is fun sometimes! It’s good to sit back, stir some shit up and watch the tornado fly through! I’m really fun to be around, but if a bitch crosses me I just don’t put up with it. I handle it with physical force or with words. ION: We like it when you’re naked! You’re a bit of an exhibitionist. AA: Very much so! I grew up in a home with a family that’s very comfortable

with our bodies. When I got naked in Fire Island, I wasn’t trying to turn anybody on, or make a Fire Island mating call, like a baboon perks his ass up. I’m very comfortable with my body, whether I have an eight-pack or 30 pounds overweight. The human body’s a beautiful thing. Covering your body sometimes masks who you really are. ION: What are you wearing right now? AA: I’m actually wearing my blue [Alberto] Gestoso speedos that I bought for Fire Island. Unfortunately this isn’t a nude resort, so I’m in the most minimal of clothing that’s legally allowed. ION: Rodiney, you’re probably the most desirable man on “The A List.” Maybe on earth. How does that make you feel?

about my salad, but he has no culture. He has never been to Brazil. He’s the kind of person who likes to piss people off. He doesn’t think, “I haven’t been to Brazil, I have no idea what kind of food people eat there.” It was really stupid of him. But it doesn’t bother me; I feel sorry for him. ION: Can you sing, “The Girl From Ipanema” for us? RS: Yes! I can! I love the song! It’s very cool! It’s a famous song! I will, I will! You can relive all of the “Hold my earrings! I gotta fight” magic with the Gayboys, gadabouts, golddiggers, gossips and glamourpusses of The A-List: New York and watch full episodes at LogoOnline.com.

RS: It makes me feel confident! It’s who I am! I was not playing, I was not lying about myself. I was not lying to people. If people like me, it’s because they like the real Rodiney. It made me very confident with myself; it made me happy. ION: Rodiney, will you make your famous Ensalada de Repollo for us? RS: (Laughs) You know, it’s funny. Austin was talking January 2011 www.IONAZ.com 33

No Pants AZ 2011 Rock out with your ... well, let’s not go too far. But if you feel like running around in your scanties, why not participate in the Third Annual No Pants AZ 2011! Ride the Light Rail almost au naturel on Sunday, January 9. This is a nationwide event conceived by ImprovEverywhere.com in New York City. Check out ImprovAZ.com for details and RSVP via Facebook. So put on your BVDs and ride! No skid marks, please!

P.F. Chang’s Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon Get up off the couch, and run off those pesky holiday pounds! Okay, even if you’re not up for a whole marathon, this fabled event is alway entertaining to watch. See some of the top runners from around the world and listen to some mediocre music on the way. The course blocks traffic from Phoenix to Tempe, so plan ahead. For more info, sign up, and maps check out Arizona.Competitor.com

Barrett-Jackson Car Auction Yes, time to dust off the Daimler, the Pierce-Arrow, the Hudson and even the old Edsel. Gas ‘em up and motor over for the world famous Barrett-Jackson Car Auction. It ain’t cheap, but if you love cars, it’s a must. So save your pennies for that 1937 Packard Phaeton you’ve always wanted. January 17-23 at WestWorld, 16601 N. Pima Rd. in Scottsdale. Go to Barrett-Jackson.com for details and tix.

January 2011 ION around town listings DATE EVENT / LOCATION CITY

6-9 7-9 thru 8 8 thru 9 9 14-16 16 17-23 20-21 21-22 28-30 34

AZ National Horse Show at WestWorld AZ Home & Garden Show - Phx Convention Ctr Glendale Glitters Balloon Festival ZooLights at The Phoenix Zoo No Pants AZ on the Light Rail Carefree Fine Arts & Wine Fest P.F. Chang’s Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon Barrett-Jackson Car Auction - WestWorld Automobiles of AZ - AZ Biltmore Resort Family History Expo - Mesa Convention Ctr. Desperado GLBT Film Festival - PVCC

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Scottsdale Phoenix Glendale Cave Creek Phoenix Phx - Mesa Carefree Phx - Tempe Scottsdale Phoenix Mesa Phoenix

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Ozzy Osbourne “Sharon!” At 62-years-old the Prince of Darkness is still at it! Arguably one of the more sane members of his nutty family, Ozzy still belts out Rat Salad, Let Me Hear You Scream, Fairies Wear Boots, and Crazy Train on the concert circuit. We’ll see you Heavy Metal Rockers at the Comerica Theatre on Sunday, December 26. 400 W. Washington St. Phoenix. Tix: 602-379-2888 or TicketMaster.com

Air Supply & Styx They may not be filling arenas like they did back in the 1970s and 80s, but the teenagers who loved their music then are packing the casinos. You’ll recognize their music from retro compilations, like Air Supply’s All Out of Love and Making Love Out of Nothing at All or Styx’s Mr. Roboto and Come Sail Away, the theme of many proms. Air Supply: Jan. 16 at Talking Stick Resort: 9800 E. Indian Bend Rd., Scottsdale. 480-850-7777. Styx: Jan. 23 at Wild Horse Pass: 5594 Wild Horse Pass Blvd., Chandler. 877-840-0457

Hollywood Dreams & Nightmares

Join The Phoenix Symphony for a musical evening of the greatest epics and thrillers ever seen on the Silver Screen! Experience live music from the soundtracks like the heart-pounding themes of Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl or the sweeping overtures from Lawrence of Arabia and the weepy Gone with the Wind in this concert of cinematic masterpieces January 28-30 at Symphony Hall, 225 E. Adams St. Phoenix. PhoenixSymphony.org

January 2011 ION Concert Calendar DATE 14 14 16 23 26 28-30 29

ARTIST LOCATION The Temptations Wild Horse Pass Social Distortion Marquee Theatre Air Supply Talking Stick Resort Styx Wild Horse Pass Ozzy Osbourne Comerica Theatre Hollywood Dreams & Nightmares Symphony Hall Orchestra from Planet X Symphony Hall

PHONE 877-840-0457 480-829-0707 480-850-7777 877-840-0457 602-379-2888 602-495-1999 602-495-1999

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by Jackson David Kelly jacksonkelly@cox.net

Yo, DJ! What’s New? Happy New Year! As expected, music releases will be light until mid spring. For this month, check out new material from Armin Van Buuren, Cake, The Decemberists, James Blunt as well as these amazing finds …

Schiller Breathless

One of my most beloved electronica artists is back. For this release, find the U.S. version packaged as a two-disc set which includes his previously import-only album of Desire. Part Delerium, part Enigma, part Deep Forrest and part ATB, Schiller creates music that is sweeping and calculated, yet ethereal and emotive. He takes the foundation of New Age and turns it into an electronic feast. Though Breathless as a whole is not on par with his previous work (for you newbie’s, find Voyage or Life), it still contains great collaborations with Anggun, Kate Havnevik, Kim Sanders and Despina Vandi. The “must” download – “Polarstern” – in addition to “Himmelblau” and “Always You.” Grade: B-

Duran Duran

All You Need is Now In the music biz, not many artists get the comfort of nine lives; however this band proves differently. After a horrible move with Red Carpet, Simon and gang pick up, with the incredible help of Mark Ronson, right where 1986 left off. Though their mid-90’s self-titled album as well as Astronautwere solid comebacks, this album proves to be the comeback of ‘em all and the “imaginary follow up to Rio that never

was.” Full of 80s chords, claps and cowbells, this nine track exclusive iTunes release (followed by a February physical release) has hints of “The Chauffer,” “Planet Earth” and “Hungry Like the Wolf.” Track of choice – “The Man who Stole the Leopard” as well as “Being Followed” and “ Runaway Runaway” Grade: B

The National High Violet

For those that missed this last year, here’s your chance to capture music at its best and hear why this made my Top 10 of 2010. With today’s push toward the single market, very few artists attempt to capture perfection in a complete package. This album not only bucks that trend but does it in an emotional, raw and gritty way. With a great Leonard Cohen vibe that dances with Radiohead along with a muted and reminiscent vocal of Springsteen, “High Violet” is indie rock at its best. Berninger’s low resonance to his high sustaining vocals will surely send chills down your spine. Arguably, the standout track here is “Conversation 16.” Other tracks to check out include the lead single “Bloodbuzz Ohio,” “England” and “Sorrow.” Grade: A

Jackson’s Top Songs of 2010 #1 – “Dancing on my Own” – Robyn #2 – “Believer” – Goldfrapp #3 – “Firework” – Katy Perry #4 – “Bloodbuzz Ohio” – The National #5 – “Resistance” – Muse #6 – “Alejandro” – Lady Gaga #7 – “Touch” – Natasha Bedingfield #8 – “Happiness” – Alexis Jordan #9 – “Any Which Way” – Scissor Sisters #10 – “Rude Boy” – Rihanna January 2011 www.IONAZ.com 39

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November 2010

Devil Boys from Beyond Flying saucers! Backstabbing bitches! Muscle hunks and men in pumps! Nearly Naked Theatre presents this outrageous comedy. Something is amiss in the town of Lizard Lick, Florida, and a hard-boiled reporter and her arch-nemesis must discover what it is before the entire town and possibly the world is doomed! Zip over to the Little Theatre at Phoenix Theatre, 100 E. McDowell Rd. Visit NearlyNakedTheatre.org or call 602-254-2151 for tickets.

Chorus Line “Can’t forget, can’t regret, what I did for love ...” This old chestnut defined the Great White Way for years. Broadway. Dancers. Sacrifice. Disappointment. Success. Bunions. Blah, blah, blah. But, hey, it’s pretty good! And at the Orpheum Theatre, 203 W. Adams St. Phone: 602-534-5600

Spring Awakening A stirring combination of sexuality, morality and rock ‘n’ roll. Set against the backdrop of a repressive and provincial late 19th century Germany, you’ll follow a group of young students as they navigate through teenage self-discovery and coming of age anxiety. That means there will probably be talk about masturbation. A powerful celebration of youth and rebellion. January 27-28 at ASU Gammage, 1200 S. Forest Ave. Tempe. For tix visit ASUGammage.com or call 480-965-3434

January 2011 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE EVENT LOCATION 4-9 Shrek: The Musical ASU Gammage 6-22 Midsummer Night’s Dream Mesa Arts Ctr. 7-29 Devil Boy’s from Beyond Nearly Naked Theatre 7-2/06 Bye Bye Birdie Scotts. Desert Stages 12-25 No Way to Treat a Lady Phoenix Theatre 13-16 A Chorus Line Orpheum Theatre thru 16 Woody Guthrie’s American Sg Phx Theatre 21 Spalding Gray: Stories Scotts. Ctr. for the Arts 21-2/06 This Herberger Theatre 23 Golda’s Balcony Chandler Ctr for the Arts thru 23 On Golden Pond Scotts. Desert Stages 27-28 Spring Awakening ASU Gammage 28-29 Lord of the Dance Orpheum Theatre thru 2/12 Chicago B’way Palms Dinner Theatre thru 2/12 Respect: Musical Journey of Women - Herberger

PHONE 480-965-3434 480-644-6500 602-254-2151 480-483-1664 602-254-2151 602-534-5600 602-254-2151 480-874-4626 602-253-6701 480-782-2683 480-483-1664 480-965-3434 602-534-5600 480-325-6700 602-253-6701

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Wake Up and Smell the Alien Invasion! New York theater had a little surprise Yank! (which is heading to Broadway this in 2010: a homocentric invasion! On the “revival” front, The Boys in the Band and Angels in America received their first New York remounts in years. La Cage Aux Folles is back and The Glass Menagerie reemerged with a Gay twist. Then came the new Gay plays, mostly in the professional Off-Broadway circuit: Orlando, Secrets of the Trade, The Revival, and a fabulous musical called

year) and a new wonderful masterpiece by drag auteur Charles Busch, The Divine Sister. Then came an incredibly funny little play that transferred to Off-Broadway after winning the 2009 New York Fringe Festival award for Best Play – a campy, little Gay 50s sci-fi spoof called Devil Boys From Beyond. You’re probably wondering, “What does

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this mean to me? I live in Phoenix.” Usually you would be right. It often takes a few years after shows end their professional runs in New York to find their way here, but not this year! It took some prayer, it took some aggressive phone calls and maybe a little pleading – and, of course, a very sweet and insightful playwright on the other side of the phone – but starting just a fresh seven days into the New Year, Nearly Naked Theatre will be bringing us the Arizona premiere of Devil Boys From Beyond. Happy New Year to us, folks! The invaders have landed! Devil Boys From Beyond is everything we 44

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need to kick off the New Year right! Flying saucers on strings, backstabbing bitches, muscle hunks, and men in pumps! You see, aside from a surprise Gay theme, the play starts out like a cute little send-up of those campy science fiction movies of the 1950s. Think “Ed Wood” in Homoland with one notable exception: the women are all played by men. At least they were in New York. Nearly Naked has mixed it up a little, as we expect them to. Two ‘real’ women appear in the Arizona premiere of Devil Boys, but one of them plays a man. The cast is star-studded with local talent. The “in trousers” woman is Johanna Carlisle, a local powerhouse who wowed

us in Blood Brothers at Nearly Naked a couple years ago and has played every Valley stage since, it seems. Then there’s Damon Dering, who has been an unstoppable force in drag since he was Virginia Sacrifice back in the 90s (he was Miss Gay Arizona in 1998 and began preparations to start Nearly Naked Theatre the year after that). He’s played just about every wonderful drag role around; Brother Boy in Sordid Lives, Irish in Times Square Angel and Frank-N-Furter in The Rocky Horror Show. His turn as Florence, the hot-an-horny old

housewife driven mad by alien lust in Devil Boys is hysterical. And finally, Miss Celia Putty! We’re happy that one of Phoenix’s most memorable drag queens came out of retirement and is performing again. Now Celia is the lead in Devil Boys, playing hard-boiled reporter Mattie Van Buren. All this homoJanuary 2011 www.IONAZ.com 45

fabulousness is directed by Toby Yatso – the big hunk of a man that played “Ash” in Nearly Naked’s production of Evil Dead: The Musical. All that and he directs too? Throw in a couple of hot, muscle-bound aliens and enough McCarthy-era paranoia to stir up the homophobia still ringing in our ears at the end of the “Don’t Ask/ Don’t Tell” era, and you’ve got the best start to the 2011 Valley theatre scene we can imagine. New York’s “Gay invasion” goes West, young men! 46

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DEVIL BOYS FROM BEYOND Runs January 7th – January 29th at The Little Theatre at Phoenix Theatre, 100 E. McDowell Rd. in Phoenix. Thu-Sat at 8 p.m. & Sun at 6 p.m. or 2 p.m. (alternating). Special “late night” performance on Friday, Jan. 28th at 11:00 p.m. For tickets call (602) 2542151 or visit NearlyNakedTheatre.org

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www.IONAZ.com January 2011

by Kimberly M. Ruff kimberlymruff@yahoo.com

Movie Previews Blue Valentine Starring: Michelle Williams & Ryan Gosling

Once in a blue moon, the Hollywood movie machine churns out a film so emotionally raw and electrically charged that you cannot help but clasp your chest and take pause to catch your breath. Many of the gritty relationshipdissecting films of Mike Nichols (Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?; Closer) inspire this sort of reaction and Derek Cianfrance manages this incredible feat with his heartrending film Blue Valentine. Using a non-linear narrative approach (where events are pieced together in a patchwork quilt, rather than in chronological order), Blue Valentine catalogs the romantic and quirky beginnings of a relationship as told by married couple, Dean (Gosling, The Notebook) and Cindy (Williams, Brokeback Mountain), when they try to salvage what remains of their failing marriage one sorrow-laden night. It is at times sweetly charming, sexually charged, emotionally uncomfortable, and always, always, always brutally honest. A definite must see, Blue Valentine is easily the strongest work of both Gosling and Williams’ young careers. Release Date: 12/31/10.

The Green Hornet

Starring: Seth Rogen & Cameron Diaz And so continues the very popular trend of promoting popular comic book characters from their humble newsprint beginnings to their new celluloid homes with the latest: The Green Hornet. Directed by the supremely talented French filmmaker, Michel Gondry (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind; Be Kind Rewind), The Green Hornet stars everyone’s favorite schlub, Seth Rogen, as our reluctant hero Britt Reid. Balanced by the wildly industrious and absurdly humble Kato (Jay Chou), it follows the inauspicious beginnings of the Green Hornet’s illustrious, gadget-laden crimefighting career. While Seth Rogen does an admirable job pulling off the character, it’s still rather difficult to suspend disbelief long enough to forget he is, after all, Seth Rogen in everything he does. Nonetheless, there’s enough shenanigans to keep you entertained. Cameron Diaz costars as his girl Friday, Lenore “Casey” Case. Release Date: January 14,

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by Wes Bergman wesobergman@yahoo.com

DVD Movie Review The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest Starring: Michael Nyqvist, Noomi Rapace

The final installation of the suspense-thriller Millenium Trilogy by Swedish writer, Daniel Alfredson, The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest picks up on the unlikely relationship between journalist, Mikael Blomkvist (Nyquist) and the techno-goth goddess, Lisbeth Salander (Rapace). In the first film, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, Lisbeth uses her technological prowess to prove Blomkvist’s innoncence in a career-destroying libel charge, and teams with him to help solve a decade’s old missing person’s case. The second installation, The Girl Who Played With Fire, delves into Lisbeth’s shadowy past. In this film, Mikael returns the favor for Lisbeth’s assistance in the first film by putting his journalism skills to the test to prove her innocence and uncover why the Swedish authorities have treated her so harshly. Such brief synopses do little favors to the series; the films are a superb conflation of cinematic and storytelling elements. Rapace’s Salander is a richly complex character masked by a seemingly ruthless and austere exterior while Nyquist’s Blomkvist plays her perfect foil. If you’ve never had the pleasure of watching any of

the series, I strongly recommend that you do – particularly before Hollywood gets its claws in it and tries to redo what’s already been masterfully done. Release Date: January 25, 2011.

Ishtar (1987)

Starring: Warren Beatty, Dustin Hoffman

It’s often been said that while an excellent cast under good director can make a mediocre film worthwhile, nothing can save a bad script. Nowhere does this truism hold more water than in director, Elaine May’s 1987 comedy, Ishtar. Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman star as “Rogers and Clarke,” a pitiful lounge act that travel to Morocco in search of possible job opportunities only to find themselves in the midst of a Cold War era Mexican standoff. While the absurd plotline doesn’t help, the prerelease media blitz surrounding the film detailing its overrun budget and multiple technical gaffes served to result in a slew of negative reviews alongside some of the worst box office receipts in movie history. It was a phenomenal flop. For years, Ishtar lay buried deep in the vault, most likely behind countless empty bottles of Jack Daniels…until now! See it in all its eyerolling glory! Release Date: January 4, 2011. January 2011 www.IONAZ.com 51

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Be Kind to Your Fruit Fly

Violet Tendencies comes to Phoenix

he is Manhattan’s most fabulous fruit fly! At 40, Violet (Mindy Cohn from The Facts of Life) is the racy, fun-loving belle of the ball, but when the party ends she goes home alone with only men’s voices on a phone chat line to keep her – and her “foopa” – unhappily unsatisfied.

nab a man Violet must abandon her Gay boys.

While her co-worker Riley (Samuel Whitten) struggles with his baby-crazy boyfriend Markus (Casper Andreas), and her sexually adventurous roommate Luke (Jesse Archer) tackles monogomania, Violet’s romantic life is one big bellyflop. Realizing she’s at a certain age and still single, Violet is at a crossroads.

Screenwriter/actor Jesse Archer (pictured below with Adrian Armas) was inspired to write the script. “There had never been a tale with a woman like Violet

Violet decides Salome may be right and strikes out on a hilarious quest to change the woman she is. Chasing love and lust at all costs, she may find them in the most unlikely places.

Riley tells her to seek out a straight, male version of herself – the mythical Fag Stag. But the glamorous guru Salome (Kim Allen) gives her different advice: to

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at the center of the story. She’s always the sidekick. I’m keenly interested in allowing characters who usually exist as punchlines to take the center stage because everyone has a story to tell. I think most of us Gay men have had a gaggle of girls growing up, and then you get to a certain age and they veer off into the mainstream until there’s just that one lady left hanging

on saying, ‘What the hell am I still doing here?!’ and I wanted to pay tribute and honor her.” Archer had a “fruit fly” in real life, Margret Echeverria, who plays “Audrey,” the fag hag who gets married and leaves her “boys” in the opening scene. Director/actor Casper Andreas has collaborated with Archer on two other films Slutty Summer and A Four Letter Word . “We talked briefly about writing it together, but I said you should just write it yourself. I thought it was really brilliant so I had to beg him to let me direct it. 54

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I was inspired by the script; Violet is a character we’ve never really seen on screen before. It was exciting to make a film about a woman in her position. “Jesse came out very early on. He said he wouldn’t have survived high school if it wasn’t for his fag hags who basically protected him. For me, it wasn’t really like that. I have a lot of female friends, but nobody I would call a “fag hag.” Usually they latch on to one person. So I’m auditioning.” Andreas and Archer both discussed what would you like audiences to take away from the film. “Understand that you don’t have to change who you are to get what you want in life, said Archer. “And that includes love.” Andreas elaborated, “It’s about friendship, creating a family. It’s absolutely about love. Finding love, being the person that you are and not changing. Not only loving yourself, but surrounding yourself with people who love you just the way you are. If you have a fag hag, value her presence. Because they do disappear. They don’t necessarily stick around forever.” Mindy Cohn commented about her feelings. “I am a fag hag and proud of it. I am not offended by the term and feel like after being around my boys since the age of 13 I have earned it! I have always been a beacon and had had an affinity for the Gay community,

See a very special screening of Violet Tendencies presented by the Desperado Film Festival on Saturday, January 29, 8-10 p.m. Stay for a Q&A with director Casper Andreas from 10-10:30 p.m. The Desperado Film Festival will be at Paradise Valley Community College Center for the Performing Arts 18401 N. 32nd St. Box office: 602-787-7738

especially Gay men. They are so loving, inclusive, and when it comes to Straight women, totally accepting of what you look like, supportive, courageous and can relate to living in a parallel universe.

For a complete schedule of the Festival and to purchase tickets including all access passes visit DesperadoFilmFestival.com

“Best not to challenge people’s assumptions,” they say in Violet Tendencies. Enjoy Violet’s touching and hilarious escapades while she looks for love in a world full of Gay men, strippers, fashionistas and more when she learns “Compatibility is not possibility” and has to say, “It’s not you. It’s me.”

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Schedule Box Office Phone Number (602) 787-7738 Ticket Prices • General Public - $10.00 • Students and Seniors - $8.00 • All Access Event Pass - $88.00 Includes the reception prior to our premier and entry into all films. • “Build your own” Festival Pass Choose 5+ films at $9.00 per film FRIDAY, JANUARY 28th Mixed Shorts - LGBT Content featuring Student Film Winners

1:00 - 2:30PM Men’s Content - Short Films Go Go Reject, You Can’t Curry Love, Toto Forever, Friday’s Child, Bombshell, Black Ops Arabesque 3:30 - 4:30PM Gen Silent 4:30 - 5PM Q&A: Stu Maddux - Film Maker for Gen Silent 5:30 - 7:30PM Elena Undone 8:00 - 10PM Violet Tendencies - presented by Sea Of Green Hydrogardens

5PM - 6:30 Kaden, Kaden Later, Judgement Day, 10:00 - 10:30PM Breaking the Chains, Do Not Bend, Dinner Q&A: Casper Andreas - Film Maker of at the Last Chance Cafe, True Colors Violet Tendencies 6PM - 7:30PM Reception for Guests and All Access Pass Holders 8PM - 10PM Undertow - Presented by the Maricopa Community College Foundation SATURDAY, JANUARY 29th 9:00 - 10:15AM Out In Silence - FREE SHOWING - Presented by Glendale Community College 10:15 - 11AM Educator Discussion Panel on LGBT Anti-Bullying 11:15 - 12:30PM Forever’s Gonna Start Tonight 12:30 - 1:45PM Transgender Panel Discussion

SUNDAY, JANUARY 30th 11:00 - 12:30 Topp Twins: Untouchable Girls 1:00 - 2:30 Women’s Content - Short Films Dyke Dollar, Fresh Air Therapy, Bullet, Tools For Fools, Hens and Chicks, Public Relations, Son of the Preacher, Never Too Late 3:00 - 4:45PM Baby Jane? Presented by The Rock - Phoenix 5:30 - 7:00PM A Marine Story - Presented by Phoenix Pride 7:00 - 8:00PM Q&A: Dreya Weber - Star and Producer of A Marine Story

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If your business or organization is not listed on the guide, please call Jack at (602) 308-4662 ext 2.

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champions calendar

REBAR

PHOTOS at www.IONAZ.com

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Buffalo Wings & Rings W

Wingin’ it at Fiesta Mall

hy did the chicken cross the road? We’ll never know exactly why that fabled hen wanted to get to “the other side” so badly, but if the mother clucker ended up at Fiesta Mall, no doubt she left missing a couple of wings. Orphan Annie had Sandy. Laurel had Hardy. Mary Kate had Ashley. There are few things in this world that go quite as well together as Buffalo-style chicken wings and beer. And if you want the best, head on over to Buffalo Wings & Rings. This casual bar and restaurant opened in Fiesta Mall at the end of October, and has been serving up plates full of wings and rings – and much more – ever since. These are no ordinary wings. First of all, they’re fresh, never frozen. And the real beauty of these babies is you can choose boneless, tenders, or traditional wings. They’re lightly hand-breaded and cooked to perfection. But wait! There’s more! Once you’ve chosen your wings, and best of all, choose which sauce you’d like them doused in. They have nine flavors: Original Buffalo, Sweet BBQ, Teriyaki, Roasted Garlic, Lemon Pepper, Ragin’ Cajun, Garlic Parmesan, Sweet & Sour, and Crazy Garlic-Q. Finally, you can choose how much heat you want in the sauce. The temperature ranges from mild, medium, hot, extra hot to atomic. Up to 45 different flavor combinations are possible. No wonder they were voted the #1 Buffalo Wings in America.

sticks. The bleu cheese sauce here doesn’t come from a bottle, it’s actually made in house with real bleu cheese. Thick, rich and chunky. The sauces are available bottled to take home, too. But spread your wings – so to speak. Buffalo Wings & Rings has plenty more to choose from. They offer a wide variety of starters, and you can’t pass up their signature Onion Rings. Big, fat, and very crispy. Perfect. They’ve got loaded potato skins, mini corn dogs, fried pickles and much more. Not a wing person? They’ve got a load of Gyros, Pitas, Wraps and Sandwiches to choose from, too. The Buffalo Tender Sandwich features moist, tender hand breaded chicken tenders,

And you can’t have wings without a side of bleu cheese sauce and celery January 2011 www.IONAZ.com 61

perfected with their signature hot sauce. Sandwiches are prepared fresh, topped with lettuce, tomatoes, onions, pickles and served with their Saratoga chips, a delightfully thin, potato chip with a spin all it’s own. Gyros, pitas and sandwiches range from $7.49-$8.99. The hamburgers are all charbroiled, and cooked to order with 1/2 pound of Angus beef for $8.99. You can have a Turkey Burger, too, if you don’t do red meat. A choice of three soups, and six different fresh, crisp salads are available, too, most around $8.99. They’ve got super economical lunch specials for only $6.99. Buffalo Wings & Rings has 14 flat screen TVs around the spacious dining area, and there’s always something happening. They broadcast Ultimate Fighting Championship bouts, which is oddly sexy in a violent, homoerotic kind of way. And, of course, there’s football on Sunday and Monday. Beginning January 14 they’ll inaugurate Texas Hold ‘em and Trivia on Wednesdays, where you can win Buffalo Wings ‘n’ Rings gift cards, and College Night every Tuesday, where they’ll feature karaoke as well as Thursday nights, too. Happy Hour is from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. with $2.75 domestic beer and select appetizers 62

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are half-off. If you’re lucky you’ll get a chance to chat with firecracker of an owner Gloria Katt. So why don’t you “wing” it? Find out why the chicken crossed the road when you visit Buffalo Wings & Rings. Fiesta Mall Mesa, Arizona US 60 & Alma School

Mon-Thu: 11am-11pm Fri-Sat: 11am-1 a.m. Sun: 11am-10pm

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MUSTACHE RIDE

CHERRY BAR

PHOTOS at www.IONAZ.com

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Superhetero Scott Herman Fights for Gay Rights

by Larry Lazzari 66

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Scott Herman is best known for flexing his muscles on MTV’s The Real World and on his weekly Youtube workout videos. But the blonde Adonis is now strengthening up for a new fight for Gay rights. Growing up in New Hampshire, Scott remembers words like “gay” and “fag” being part of the everyday vernacular. “When you’re a kid, you don’t realize the hate behind the words and how hurtful they can be to a whole community of people.” “Living in The Real World house opened my eyes,”, he continues. The season introduced not one, but three GLBT members to viewers including Katelynn, a transgender woman, who had the most impact on Scott. “I had Gay friends before, but during the show, Katelynn and I worked with The Center in New York City. It was the first time I really became aware of the struggles of the GLBT community. When I heard the stories of Sean Kennedy and Matthew Shepard, I knew I had to do something.” Scott is leading a charge to recruit straight allies to the Gay rights movement. In addition to lending his celebrity to Gay organizations including Trevor Project, HRC, and GLAAD, Scott is calling for Straight

men to prove they are real men by standing up for Gay rights. ION: Why is a Straight man taking on Gay rights? Scott Herman: I have always been a seeker of truth and an advocate for justice. ION: You sound like a superhero. SH: I grew up knowing what it felt like to be left out of the crowd and picked on. I idolized the superheroes in my comics and thought that if I could be more like Superman or Captain America, I could one day make a difference in the world. ION: Why is it important that heterosexuals take on the gay cause? SH: We live in a monkey-see, monkeydo society. One person standing up can inspire others. My nickname as a kid just happened to be Monkey. ION: As a result of your stand, you’ve faced some discrimination yourself. SH: Some wonder why a Straight guy would fight for the rights of the Gay community. They assume I must be Gay. ION: Are you okay with that? SH: It doesn’t matter to me what people think because true equality means we don’t look at people as January 2011 www.IONAZ.com 67

They’re ten times pickier than woman. Straight or Gay, just people. ION: In your opinion, why do heterosexuals have such a problem with homosexuality? SH: The media portrays the Gay lifestyle negatively and as a result, a lot of people have the wrong impression of the community. Even some young GLBT kids in the beginning process of coming out have the wrong idea of what it means to be Gay. ION: Were you ever opposed to homosexuality? SH: When I was a kid I thought it was wrong only because no one was telling me it was right. I was never exposed to Gay people. ION: Was The Real World house your first exposure to the Gay community? SH: No, I met my first Gay friends around 18 when I started working at a gym in New Hampshire. I even went to my first Gay club around that time. ION: What did you think when you first learned you would be living with a Gay man? SH: I thought it was sweet because Gay men always have the cutest girl friends. ION: Did you have any fear that he might try to seduce you? SH: Not at all. Whenever a guy hits on me, I smile. I’m thankful to be good looking enough to attract a Gay man. 68

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ION: Were you nervous changing clothes in front of him? SH: No, J.D. was a cool dude. Being Gay doesn’t mean you are going to be creepy. ION: You also lived with Katelynn, a transsexual. Had you ever known a transsexual before? SH: The only time I had ever heard of a transsexual was when Mr. Garrison became Mrs. Garrison on South Park. Even then, I thought it was a million dollar procedure that most people couldn’t afford. I didn’t realize the operation was so common. ION: How did you relate to Katelynn? We were friends the instant we met. The show never really dove into the bond we had. ION: What did you have in common with her? SH: A lot, actually. We spent hours talking about mixed martial arts, Ninja Turtles, Transformers, Dragon Ball Z, xBox, and other things that only comic book dorks like us would know about. ION: What is your relationship like today? SH: We play catch-up every few weeks. Katelynn is getting married next year! I can’t wait to go to her wedding. ION: Why do you think you

have become so popular with the Gay community? Is it because of your looks? I think that just like in any relationship, it began with looks. But as relationships go on, looks matter less because there are plenty more good looking dudes out there. I think the reason the GLBT community continues to support me is because they know my advocacy is legit. The same blogs who at first

referred to me as a “hot piece of ass” now write thoughtful posts about me because they know I am genuine in my cause. ION: Your Youtube workout videos have become quite a sensation with close to a million views on many of them! SH: The secret to my YouTube success is consistency. When people get involved in fitness, especially in the beginning, they need

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constant support. I post a new workout every Tuesday, three new individual exercises every Saturday, and a weekly update on Sundays. ION: It sounds like you’ve built a fitness community. SH: That’s exactly what it is. Anyone can go to the Facebook community page and ask questions to get the help and support they need. Right now there are over 31,000 Hermanites ready to support you on your fitness journey.

ION: What percentage of Hermanites are Gay? SH: 93% of the community is male, however when you sign up for YouTube or on my site, your sexuality doesn’t come into question. Based on comments and posts, I would say I have a pretty even split of Straight and Gay community members. ION: Is it really possible for anyone to get a body like yours? SH: Yes, all it takes is consistency and determination. ION: What do you suggest people do to get started on the path to fitness? SH: I suggest a Goal Board. Visualizing your goals is the best way to stay on top of them. ION: Do you provide a meal plan? SH: For sure. What you eat is going to make up the foundation of your results. A weak foundation will collapse once you start building on it. ION: Do you love showing off your physique? SH: I have spent fourteen years sculpting my body. Just like a sculptor enjoys showing off his work, I do, too. I also know that others are inspired by my photos. I was inspired by the physiques of the

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guys in my gym. ION: And you’re okay with Gay men viewing you as sex object? SH: It doesn’t bother me. We all have our fantasies. ION: Would you pose for Playgirl? SH: Posing for Playgirl isn’t on my agenda. I am fighting for equality, not attention. ION: What message do you have for your Gay fans in light of the recent attacks and suicides? SH: The recent attacks and suicides are examples of what happens when people who can do something don’t. We all need to stand together and fight for change. We can’t allow these right wing fanatics to deny the community its basic civil rights. Justice needs to and will prevail. Visit Scott at www.facebook.com/ ScottHermanFitness

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SUPER TUESDAYS

ICEPICS VIDEO BAR

PHOTOS at www.IONAZ.com

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Photos by Fernando Hernandez. Art Direction by Craig Rubin, Joey Sarandos, and Kevin Bushaw. Special Thanks to Mandi, Mike, Rob, and Joey. January 2011 www.IONAZ.com 75

Sex sells. Leave it to Mandi

Boom Boom to sell the sizzle on the steak. And her legendary boys have plenty of steak. Tube steak, that is! Join Mandi and boys while they celebrate the show’s first anniversary with Mandi and her beefy boys at BS West every Friday night. The secret? “When people come to see one of my shows, the guys and I go out of our way to make every fan feel special. We want you to leave feeling that you had the time of your life while hanging out with the hottest men in Arizona! I think that’s why my show is so successful.” You can see The Boom Boom Review every Friday night at 11:30 p.m. at B.S.West in Scottsdale, and every second Saturday at Woody’s Nightclub at 10 p.m. in Tucson.

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January 2011

“Underneath the glamour and hot sweaty guys, I’m just an average girl from the Midwest with good Christian values who has a thirst for naughty fun.” -Mandi

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JANUARY 2011

Vol. 4, Issue 8

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

JOE’S HOSPITAL SAINT YANKED OUT! OUTRAGEOUS!

PHOENIX – The Most Reverend Thomas With no blessed sacrament or Mass said on the J. Olmstead the tyrannical bishop and Grand premises, and no patron saint, “Joe’s Hospital” Inquisitor of the Roman Catholic Diocese will undergo a “re-branding” to broaden it’s of Phoenix has revoked the venerable St. appeal to non-Catholics, too. Joseph’s Hospital as a Catholic facility. And he’s taking Baby Jesus’s stepdaddy Saint Sister Mary Magdalene Theresa Catherine Joseph with him. The hospital, a wholly Elizabeth Ann said that new, flashing neon ANY RESEMBLANCE THE West TRUTH ISsaying TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL owned subsidiary of CatholicTO Healthcare signs things like, “Stay at Joe’s” or will now be known simply as “Joe’s Hospital.” “Get a Hysterectomy at Joe’s” with a statue The patron saint of carpenters and protector of of fat, happy, bearded, grandfatherly looking the Catholic church was summarily recalled man vaguely resembling a cross between by the nasty bishop following a disagreement Santa Claus and Ronald McDonald will be regarding a trivial life-or-death vs. eternal the Everyman “Joe” mascot for the hospital damnation argument between prickly Bishop instead of the sad-eyed, skinny saint. “Ol’ Man” Olmsted and the hospital’s healthcare professionals who actually have An advertising campaign saying, “Now 100% training in saving human lives rather than Catholic-free, and with None of the Guilt” saving souls. will be launched in early 2011. Come for healthcare! Stay for the Jell-O!

OUTRAGEOUS!

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

OUTRAGEOUS!

Super Bowl Execs Promise Lackluster Halftime Show OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

DALLAS – The know who it will excitement mounts be yet, but promise for weekend it will be held warriors across the against a backdrop nation, wondering of fireworks, who will be chosen dancing waters to battle it out at and will include ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL Super Bowl XLV a high school on the gridiron. In marching chess the meantime, the team and several Bowl’s Halftime cannons shooting Department is live cats out into scouring the show the stadium as business landscape well as a wardrobe searching high malfunction. and mostly low for the best of the “We’re still waiting most mediocre to hear whether or artists in America who will feebly attempt not Michael Jackson will perform,” said an to entertain the bloodthirsty crowd of anonymous executive, “but we’ve narrowed football fans and a bored TV audience. it down to New York minimalist, ambient ANY TOTO THE TRUTH IS IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL ANYRESEMBLANCE RESEMBLANCE THE TRUTH TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL composer Philip Glass whose repetitive “We’re excited to produce a halftime structures and counterpoint is sure to confuse show that is lamer than any other Super the audience, the remaining guy from Milli Bowl halftime show we’ve ever done Vanilli, the laughably untalented lip-syncher before,” said one enthusiastic assistant. Ashlee Simpson or the YouTube U2 cover “We want to stage a show featuring an band, Us4. The young people love ‘em, we obscure, talent-free entertainer so pathetic hear.” that the public will remember this for If worse comes to worse, the committee plans years to come. Something they can tell their children’s children about.” The on scraping the bottom of the entertainment panel choosing the entertainment doesn’t barrel and hopes to hire Ke$ha.

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

OUTRAGEOUS!

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OUTRAGEOUS! Sir Elton John Launches Hot Togs for Tots

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

LONDON – Pop star and rock ‘n’ roll legend Sir Elton John and his husband David Furnish welcomed a bouncy baby boy named Zachary Jackson Levon FurnishJohn into their lives on Christmas Day. If the child was a girl it would’ve been named Lady Cher Madonna Kylie Furnish-John.

deserves spangles, sequins, feathers and lots of fabulous eyeglasses.”

And what do you do when you’re one of the most extravagantly flamboyant stars in pop music history, second only to Liberace? You design a line of extravagantly flamboyant clothes for toddlers.

“Cotton? Bosh!” said Sir Elton. “Babies should be dressed in rhinestone-studded lamé or swaddled in yards and yards of Swarovskitrimmed organza! Platform-high booties!”

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

John’s exclusive line of jumpers, onesies, sleepwear, rompers and more will be manufactured in a wide array of dazzling styles with luxurious fabrics.

ANY TOTO THE TRUTH IS IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL ANYRESEMBLANCE RESEMBLANCE THE TRUTH TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

The 63-year-old proud papa is already “When baby Zach came into our lives I negotiating a contract to have Zachary as the couldn’t imagine him wearing plain diapers, baby-faced spokesmodel for L.A. Eyeworks or sporting a dreary baby blue cotton onesie. ad campaign of eyewear for infants. I am, after all Sir Elton John. This kid

OUTRAGEOUS!

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL January 2011 www.IONAZ.com 87

www.IONAZ.com January 2011

IONTUCSON

CLUBS, RESTAURANTS, AND NIGHTLIFE 1

Ain’t Nobody’s Biz

2900 E. Broadway

(520) 318-4838

Colors

5305 E. Speedway

(520) 323-1840

Howl at the Moon

915 W. Prince Rd.

(520) 293-7339

IBT’s

616 N. 4th Ave.

(520) 882-3053

Venture-N

1239 N. 6th Ave.

(520) 882-8224

Woody’s

3710 N. Oracle Rd.

(520) 292-6702

ACCOMODATIONS & LODGING 1

Doubletree Hotel at Reid Park

445 S. Alvernon Way

(520) 881-4200

Embassy Suites

5335 E. Broadway Blvd.

(520) 745-2700

La Posada Lodge and Casitas

5900 N. Oracle Rd.

(520) 887-4800

December 2010

www.IONAZ.com 89

www.IONAZ.com January 2010

IONPHOENIX 1.

Amsterdam Amsterdam

718N.N.Central Central Ave. Phoenix 718 Ave.--Downtown Downtown PHX

(602)258-6122 258-6122 (602)

Apollo’s Apollo’s

5749N. N.7th 7th St. 5749 St.- -Phoenix Phoenix

(602)277-9373 277-9373 (602)

Bar 1

3702 N. 16th St. - Phoenix

3708 N. 16th St. - Phoenix

(602) 266-9001

NEW: Bliss / Rebar

BS West

Bunkhouse

4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 200-9154

Cash Inn

2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 244-9943

Charlie’s

727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 265-0224

Cherry Bar The Chute Men’s Club

1028 IndianSchool School - Phoenix (602) 1440E. E Indian Rd.Rd. - Phoenix (602)277-7729 234-1654

BS West

Bunkhouse Cash Inn

Charlie’s

Cherry Bar

Cherry Lounge

7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

901 N. 4th St. - Phoenix 4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale 2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix 727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix 1028 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 266-9001 (480) 945-9028

(602) 795-1792 (602) 200-9154

(480) 945-9028 (602) 244-9943

(602) 265-0224

(602) 277-7729

Every Thursday starting January 11th - Mill Ave. in Tempe

Sutra 10. Club Clarendon Hotel

2424 E. Thomas 401 W. ClarendonRd. Ave.--Phoenix Phoenix

(602) (602)955-9805 CLARENDON

Club Vibe 7th 11. Cruisin’ Cruisin’ Cabaret 7th 12. Dick’s

3031N. E. 7th Indian Rd. - Phoenix 3702 St.School - Phoenix

(602)212-9888 224-9977 (602)

3702E. N.Illini 7th St.Rd. - Phoenix 3432 - Phoenix

(602)274-DICK 212-9888 (602)

13.

3432SE.Black Illini Rd. - Phoenix 1517 Canyon Hwy - Phoenix

Dick’sMen’s Cabaret FLEX Club The Door

14. icepics videobar Forbidden

15. Karamba Homme

1126 N. Scottsdale Rd. - Tempe

3108 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix 6820 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

1724 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix 138 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 271-9011 274-DICK (602) (480) 967-DOOR

(602) 267-8707

forbiddenaz.com

(602) 254-0231 (602) 266-0875

16. Kobalt

3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix

17. NEW! Lush Lounge

2050 N. Alma School - Chandler

(480) 857-9444

18. Nu Towne

Closed temporarily

(602) 267-9959

19. OZ Kobalt

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix (602) 242-5114

icepics videobar Incognito Karamba

3108 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix 2424 E. Thomas Rd. - Phoenix

1724 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix 3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 264-5307 (602) 267-8707

(602) 955-9805 (602) 254-0231 (602) 264-5307

Adult Boutique 130 W.W. Osborn - Phoenix 20. Paradise OZ 1804 BethanyRd. Home Rd. - Phoenix

(602) (602)266-5869 242-5114

21. Plazma Plazma

1560 Rd.- Phoenix - Phoenix 1560E. E. Osborn Osborn Rd.

(602) (602)266-0477 266-0477

Pumphouse II II 22. Pumphouse

4132E.E.McDowell McDowell Rd. 4132 Rd.- Phoenix - Phoenix

(602)275-3509 275-3509 (602)

Retro Bar Cactus 23. Rainbow

3114 N. E. Cactus Rd. - Phoenix 15615 Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix

(602)971-1086 493-0355 (602)

The Rock Rock 24. The Roscoe’s 25. Roscoe’s

4129N. N. 7th 7th Ave. 4129 Ave.- Phoenix - Phoenix

(602)248-8559 248-8559 (602)

Rainbow Cactus

26. Velocity Velocity

4531 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

4531 N. 7th St. - Phoenix 15615 N. Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix

2303 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix 2303 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

27. NEW! Watering Hole

7034 E. McDowell - Phoenix

28. Z Girl Club

4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

Wild Card

Z Girl Club

801 N. Arizona Ave. - Chandler 4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 285-0833

(602) 285-0833 (602) 867-2463

(602) 956-2885 (602) 956-2885 (480) 857-3088

(602) 265-3233 (602) 265-3233

January 2010 www.IONAZ.com 91

IONBAR GUIDE PHOENIX

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

Apollo’s

Frat Party 9pm 50¢ domestic drafts

$1 Bud Light Drafts 2-8p Karaoke 9pm

$1 Bud Light Drafts 2-8p Male Strippers 10:30pm

Bar 1

Friday Happy Hour 4-7p 10a-4p $1.75 well/ bud draft

Saturday $2 dom bottle 6-9p 10a-4p $1.75 well/ bud draft

$2 Brown Bagged Beer 10a-4p $1.75 well/ bud draft

Happier Hour 3-6:30p 2-4-1well $5 martinis-$3 all beer & h wine

Brunch 10am-2pm $4 Bloody $3 glass or $10 mimosas pitch

Sunday Funday 2-7pm 2-4-1 alcohol / $10 bucket beer

ELEMENTS Illusion Show Mandi & the Boom Boom Boys

2-4-1 everything all night Go-go dancers - A new tradition

Karaoke 9pm $1 Miller Lite drafts

Happy Hour 11-7pm 1/2 price select appetizers

Shop to you drop then come by Great food and FULL BAR!

Charlie’s

$3 pitchers/2-4-1 well/dom 2-7p $1 Happy Hour 7-9p/Afterhours

$3 pitch./2-4-1 well/dom 12-7p $1 Happy Hour 7-9p/Afterhours

Volleyball 4-7pm, NEW 3-4-1 $3 Long Islands, $3 pitchers

Cherry Bar

Happy Hour 3pm - 8pm

NFL Tailgate Brunch 10a-2p 80s Flashback videos 9pm

Cruisn’ 7th

TGIF - Devina 10:30 pm

AZ Leathermen Strippers 4:3 New Show Hostess Mia Adams

Morning Madness 1st & 3rd Su Sunday Funnies 2nd Sunday

Dick’s Cabaret

2-4-1 VIP Dances 7pm ‘til 9pm

Off the Hook Tons of Prizes & Giveaways

2-4-1 Cover Charge, Dances & VIP Wristbands

$3 Pomegranate Presses

$3 Bottle Beer & Tequila Shots

$3 Brunch Drinks 50% off bottles of wine

MEAT - Hot Go Go Dancers $2.50 dom / $3 well / $4 Lg Isl.

The Shane Jordon Show! $4 SKYY drinks 10pm

Show Tunes Sundays 2pm-8pm 2-4-1 cocktails

R NEW! Bliss / Rebar BS West

R Bufallo Wing & Rings

R FEZ icepics

NEW: Roscoe’s 10:00p- 1:00a

The Leathermen

Cruisin’ 7th | Plazma 4:30p - 7:00p | 10:30p - 1:30p

Fridays Karaoke @ 9pm Lunch Specials / Happy Hour

Mya McKenzie’s Drag Show Starting at 10pm

Lunch Specials / Happy Hour ALL DAY!

Fridays $4 Pitchers

Saturdays $4 Pitchers

Sundays with Galilea $3 pitchers

R Maizie’s

Happy Hour 3-6pm Everyday Reverse Happy Hour 9pm-close

Happy Hour Brunch 9a-2p 3-6pm Everyday

Brunch All Day

R Mi Patio

Fridays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Saturdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Sundays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

R Roscoe’s*

NEW: The Leathermen! Great Happy Hour

All Star Grill Opens at 11am

NFL Sunday Party $8 Long Island Pitchers

R Switch

Fridays Open from 11am-Midnight

Saturday Open from 11am-Midnight

Sundays Open from 11am-Midnight

R Ticoz

Fridays Open from 11am-Midnight

Saturday $1 brunch drinks Open from 11am-Midnight

Sundays $1 brunch drinks Open from 11am-Midnight

Live DJ 10 - close 2-4-1 Happy Hour 4-10pm

Live DJ $3 Well & Coors Light $3 Jaeger Bombers

Sundays 2-4-1 Happy Hour 4-10pm

R NEW: Lush Lounge Karamba

NEW! Water’n Hole

FULL MENU

* LIMITED MENU/TIMES

www.IONAZ.com January 2011

FREE PROJECT HARD HAT CONDOMS

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

Drag Bingo 2 for 1 U Call-It Open-Close

Dance Night 10pm $3 well & dom / $4 Long Island

Happy Hour All day / All night

Karaoke 9:30pm

Monday $1 Bud Lt. Drft 4-cl. 10a-4p $1.75 well/ bud draft

KAROKE $2.50 wel, dom 10a-4p $1.75 well/ bud draft

$1 OFF in your undies/leather 10a-4p $1.75 well/ bud draft

Thursday 2-4-1 U Call It 10a- cl 10a-4p $1.75 well/ bud draft

Student Salvation Mondays $20 Plate of apps + bottle wine

Twofer Tuesdays $20 2 burgers/fries/2 dom beer

2-4-1 Wednesdays 9pm-close 2-4-1 on ALL drinks

Thirsty Thursdays $4 Long Island / $4 skinny drink

W.H.O.R.E. Service Industry $2 dom $3 well $4 bombers

Stars of Tomorrow Show with Kendra St. James $4 Skyy

2-4-1 All Day and All Night A valley tradion!

Alternative Night w/Shane Ecks $2 drafts

Happy Hour 11-7pm 1/2 price select appetizers

Karaoke 7 - 11pm $3 well / 59¢ wings bone in/out

Happy Hour 11-7pm Chicken Tenders 99¢/ea

Happy Hour 11-7pm 1/2 price select appetizers

Underwear Party 8-cl 1/2 price 2-8p $3 pitch./2-4-2 well/dom 2-8pm $3 pitch. 2-4-1 well/dom 8p-Close 2-4-1 cocktails/dom

2-8p $3 pitch./2-4-1 well/dom 8p-close $3 Pinnacle

2-4-1 All Day! Cocktails and beer

Happy Hour 3pm - 8pm Karaoke 9pm - close

Happy Hour 3pm - 8pm Dinner & Movie w/ John 7pm

EVERY WEDNESDAY 2-4-1 All Day

Happy Hour 3pm - 8pm Shirts & Skins Go Go Boys 9pm

Karaoke 9pm

Steppin’ Out Judy & TC 9pm

AZ Leathermen Strippers 10pm

2-4-1 Cover Charge, Dances, VIP Wristbands

Amateur Night Starts at 10pm

S.I.N. Bring Your Dancer ID and get VIP Pricing

Hot Studs All Night Long $5.00 Off with VIP Keychain

$3 Burgers $3 Margaritas

‘tini Tuesdays $3 Martinis

$20 Any Bottle of Wine and small plate

$3 G Spots

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL 2-4-1 beer/well during game!

2-4-1 Wells & Beers All day and night

Rockstar Karaoke 9pm-close $3 well/$2.50 dom./$5 martini

2-4-1 in undies beer/well 9p-cl $3 Three Olives Thursdays

The Leathermen perform at Roscoe’s, Cruisin’ 7th and Plazma!

Cruisin’ 7th 10:30p - 12:30p

Mondays 40¢ Wings during football

2-4-1 well & dom drafts Lunch Specials / Happy Hour

Drag Bingo @ 9pm Lunch Specials / Happy Hour

Texas Hold’em Poker 7pm and 10pm

Closed

Tuesday with Grecias $2 Drinks All Night

Wednesdays with Diamond $2 Drinks All Night

Thursdays with Ruby & Tyra $2 drinks all night

$3 Bistro Burgers 4-10pm $10 off of all Bottled Wines

BBQ Short Ribs Pizza/Wine Special for Two Reverse Happy Hour 9pm-close Reverse Happy Hour 9pm-close

$3 Mexican Beers ToGo: 20% off beer/most wine

Mondays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Tuesdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Wednesdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Thursdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Monday Pool Tournament

2 for Tuesdays 2-4-1 drinks all day

Wednesday All Day Happy Hour

Thursdays 2-4-1 7pm

Mondays Open from 11am-Midnight

Tuesdays Open from 11am-Midnight

Wednesdays Open from 11am-Midnight

Thursdays Open from 11am-Midnight

Mondays Open from 11am-Midnight

Tuesdays 11am-Midnight

Wednesdays 11am-Midnight

Thursdays 11am-Midnight

Mondays $4 Stoli U-Call-It

Tuesdays $3 Corona

Karaoke w/ Mr. Karaoke Shot Specials All Night

Dirty Devils College Night Go-Go Dudes, $3 U-Call-It

ION ARIZONA January 2011 www.IONAZ.com 93

www.IONAZ.com January 2011

by Addison DeWitt

W ith the ending of one year and the beginning of

a bright, shiny New Year and a new decade of fun, frolic, divine debauchery and debilitation. Jeez, I gotta get a life. But if it weren’t for you, my precious little magpies, I’d be standing on the corner working as a sign spinner in front of a crappy apartment complex. And you don’t want that to happen, now do you? To that end, I present what I like to refer to as My Gab Fab List™. Everyone here, as far as I’m concerned, is le non plus ultra. That’s French for fabulous! Your name here can’t be bought. Well, it can, perhaps, next year. But not this year! Here goes! Kevin Axx, Anthony Mirabel, Alan East, Domonic Medley, my favorite-est Straight man whom I adore Andrew Harris at Bliss-Rebar, Mr. Ooh là-là Philippe “Frenchie” Brenot, Scott Stowe, Frank Isom, Joe Reid, the oh-so-lickable Timothy Schwer, my favorite girl in the world Gina Florio, Cruz Ramirez, the ever-so-adorable Kevin Bilder, handsome Steven Serna, Bryce Matheson, Mike Fornelli, Jonathan Gaudette who I want to hug and kiss until his head pops off, sexy Devin Slayton, Edward Castro, Coco St.

James, too-much to touch Patrick Brandt and Ryan Freeman with his hot 80s dance moves (bottom), my favorite boyfriends Gilbert Gamboa and Jess Williams, and, yes, Kevin Axx. That darling duo: Gary Guerin and fabulous Helena Grayson, Shane Henson, Felicia Minor, Alfredo “Sauce” Guardio, David Sheflin, Cathyanne Cockrill, Ryan McLaughlin who is too handsome for his own good, Nick Gearing, Pandora DeStrange, Mark Lubinski, Katy June, muscley Don Dvorak, sooper-dooper yummy Christopher Brian Valles (second from top), icepic’s hottie Anton Fischer, the amazing (I have to say it but I mean it) R.J. Merrill, Charles Goffnett, Damon Dering, Maizie’s waitron par excelence Adam Kronen (oh, the sinful, impure thoughts I have about him!), precious, darling, sweet Kurtis Scholz, Perry Bigley, Phoenix Metropolitan Men’s Chorus with the incredible Marc Gaston, Joshua Fourrier, and Dusty Brinsmade who I’ll have a crush on for the rest of my life! (pictured third from top), the unstoppable Barbra Seville and her wonderful sidekick Richard Stevens, and Austin Head (pictured top) There’s Guillermo Betancourt, the January 2011 www.IONAZ.com 95

by Addison DeWitt

fabulous Lesbian who guards the door at Apollo’s, David Garcia, Matthew Bowman, Felipé Calderon and Casey Cassidy (I want to kiss them both with tongue.) Jason Benjamin, of course there’s Kevin Axx (pictured top), Randy Ichiuji, Jared Garduno, the man whom I wish would marry me: Truett Fuentes, Shane Bullock, Nathan Rhoton, Heather at BS West, Nicholas Baio who induces my most shocking and shameful erotic dreams, Ted Kirby, beautiful Meghan Tokarik, Endodontist to the Stars Dr. Kevin Axx, and the sparkly Diamond Dallas, I also adore Jaime Reyes, Michael Delcor, mi guapo ultimo Johan Amador, Mich Lyon, Joshua Huffman the sweetest guy in the world, Dmentia Devinyl, Glenn Storm, Vinny Wiercinski, Jenna Talia and did I mention Kevin Axx? No? Okay, once again for good measure, Kevin Axx. And if you’re not on this list it’s because I might’ve ran out of room or that there’s only one other possible list you could be on. Want take a wild guess what that list is called? I didn’t think so. 96

www.IONAZ.com January 2011

And that brings me to my last printed words ending last decade. My legendary, eagerly awaited announcement of ION Arizona’s Party Penguin© – not just of the month, no, no, no, my darlings – but of the Year. And I couldn’t be more pleased with my own choice. He’s handsome. He’s smart. H’s handsome. He’s charming. He’s handsome. He’s dreamy. And did I mention how handsome he is? With all of these adjectives and descriptors it could only be one man: Nick Duckro. Oh, Nick, Nick, Nick! I don’t think I’ve seen him anywhere – and I’ve seen him just about everywhere all at the same time – when he doesn’t have a smile on his gorgeous face. Nick has a way of making you feel like everyday is your birthday. And who wouldn’t mind having a birthday each time you Nick? His presence is his present. Congratulations, darling! Mwah! Interested in being on this amazing, list next year? One surefire way is to ply Addison with gifts, cash, invitations, indecent proposals and nude pictures of you. Aww, c’mon, now! Write to Addison at RumorHound@aol.com

Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20

The 2011 New Year will be a clean slate for you, especially since your past comes back to haunt you early in the month. No worries! You have nothing to apologize for. As a matter of fact, you’ll be more popular than ever! That’s what a Sagittarius thinks.

Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20

You know those times when you think, “If only I’d left one minute earlier”? Follow your hunch when that little voice tells you something like that. That little minute will make a big difference to you. An Aries may have something to do with it.

Gemini May 21 - June 21

Re Make three Resolutions for the New Year. One for you, and one for each of your kooky, dueling twin personalities. Don’t apologize. You can’t help it if you’re a little bit schizo. People expect this nutty behavior from you and like it. A Pisces finds it charming around the 20th.

Cancer June 22 - July 22

You may find yourself in a bit of hot water early in the month. It may be financial, spiritual, or emotional. You’ll be cooling your heels a week later but let this be a lesson to you, smartie pants: if you play with fire you get burned. A water bearing Aquarius helps put out the flames.

Leo July 23 - Aug. 22

You have a way of pushing everybody’s buttons. And not in a good way. Take some time to reflect and contemplate why you’re being such an – okay, someone has to say it – asshole. By the 18th you’ll be the toast of the town! How do you do it? A Libra will explain.

Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22

Your New Year starts off with a bang – if you know what I mean. Someone you met last year is comes back into your life and you’ll

www.IONAZ.com

January 2011

find yourself heels over head in lust and doing uninhibited things you’re almost embarrassed about the next day. Keep doing it.

Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22

This month It’s like you’ve got a combination of Google Earth Satellite, MapQuest and Twitter guiding you where to go, how to get there, what to see, and who to talk to. Everyone kind of wants to be you. So set a good example. Especially for Pisces and Virgos.

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23

YouYour enthusiasm for everything the New Year holds is infectious. You’ll light up any room you walk into. Make sure your hair looks good and your cologne smells good. Gemini’s and a Capricorn’s eyes are on you.

Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23

Follow your instincts. Don’t let your customary reserve and self-control hold you back from doing something that will leave you and others somewhat shocked. This behavior definitely attracts a Taurus. So do it often.

Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20

For cryin’ out loud, shut up and listen to somebody else for once. You’ll make a wellinformed decision that will benefit you in the long run. And not just about Lady Gaga, either. Important stuff. If it’s your birthday, it may involve an Aries, champagne and potato chips.

Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

In 2011 your natural je ne sais quois makes you a human magnet for the glitterati and freaks alike. Advice: aim for the A-List, not the losers. If it’s your birthday, everybody wants a little piece of you. A Virgo wants a big chunk.

Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

If you suspect something fishy going on in 2011, you may be right. A red herring distracts you from the real issue at hand this month. What exactly is that issue? Not sure, but a Cancer might solve the puzzle.

January 2011 www.IONAZ.com 99