ION Arizona September Issue #99 by ION Arizona

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August 2009

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August 2009

THE OFFICIAL AFTER SPLASH BASH PARTY

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Art, Fashion, Theatre, Oh My! Throughout my youth, I was always fascinated with the arts (and my parents didn’t know I was gay!) When I was in elementary school, I would draw at least four hours a day. Give me a pencil and a pad of paper and I would disappear into my own world. I never thought I was very good and always knew I could do better. But drawing made me happy. In Middle School, I took my first drama class and fell in love with a new kind of art. I never thought I was good and I always knew I could be better, but acting made me happy. I also loved fashion and was one of the few boys that actually coordinated my outfits and matched colors. I loved to shop for clothes. I never thought I was a good dresser and I always knew I could be better, but fashion made me happy. I found very few people that shared my passion with the arts until I moved to Arizona. Arizona has a great growing arts, theatre, and fashion community led by many talented people in the GLBT community. Just go to First Fridays, to one of our many independent theatre company shows, or attend Phoenix Fashion week . And the best part is, unlike older more established cities, you can still join in on the fun and get in on the ground floor. Are we New York, LA, Paris, Milan? No but we sure have better weather than most! Well, except for LA. But we don’t have earthquakes. And speaking of our awesome weather, Splash Bash Labor Day Weekend is

here! Don’t forget to get your room at ionaz.com or call the hotel directly at (602) 604-4900. This is your last chance to get discount tickets at Unique Urban Boutique, Root Seller Gallery and the Off Chute Too before Friday. After that, you can get your rooms and tickets at the hotel on Saturday, September 5th. If the 500+ will and may attends on our Face-book out of 1400 friends is any indication, this will be the biggest Splash Bash yet. Meet your sexy host, Glenn Douglas Packard, from the hit VH1 show Brooke Knows Best. DJ Sister Sin will be spinning all day and there will be a special live poolside performance of Arizona’s own Jessika Murphy singing “Let’s Get Soaking Wet” and “It’s Raining Men.” Don’t miss out on the fun! There won’t be another Splash Bash until Memorial Day weekend next year. We’re excited because next month, we will be publishing our 100th Special Edition issue with 132 pages. It’ll be our fabulous Halloween issue and it’ll be distributed at Rainbows Festival and at Tucson Pride. Be sure to visit IONAZ.com and check out our expanded online edition loaded with extra Party Cams and more! Be careful, take care of each other and we can’t wait to see you at Splash Bash 9! They just keep getting better. Like ION Arizona! Jack Tesorero Publisher September 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 19

ION ARIZONA CENTER 3819 North 3rd Street Ste. #10, Phoenix, AZ 85012

(602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com

ionarizona@me.com

PUBLISHER

Jack M. Tesorero ....................... jacktesorero@me.com CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw - Ext. 4 ..................... kbushaw@me.com EDITOR AND CONTENT CZAR Deon Brown - Ext 2 ................... ionazeditor@me.com PRODUCTION ASSISTANT Craig Rubin ................................. ionarizona@me.com PRODUCTION & ARTWORK ionazproduction@me.com ADVERTISING SALES Jorge Suarez, Ext 1 ..................... ionazsales@me.com PHOTOGRAPHERS:

Don Thompson Jerry O’Conner Michael Chesworth Michael Scott Cover Photo by Alex Tamargo NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 CONTRIBUTORS:

Corey Blanchette Wes Bergman Addison DeWitt Jackson David Kelly

Ted Kirby David Alan Maxey Kim Ruff Paul Sanchez

TO GROW YOUR BUSINESS, CALL (602) 308-4662. Published monthly by

a JMT Designs, Inc. company

PRINTED IN THE USA

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee. NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reﬂect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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PARTY CAM

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13th ANNIVERSARY WEEKEND

BEACH PARTY

Photos submitted by Kevin Bushaw

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1Voice LGBT Community Center Open the doors! It’s our community center! Join your friends at the Grand Opening Open House at the new location - 725 W. Indian School Rd. on Friday, Sept. 4 from 6-10 p.m. They’ll have LGBT artists, refreshments, entertainment. Don’t miss the After Party at Apollo’s! Don’t miss the ribbon cutting ceremony is Sept. 11 at 8:30 a.m. See ad on page 47.

The New Rock Been to The Rock lately? Go! It’s under new ownership, had a facelift and there’s lots going on! See Kiki Vermont in “Diva’s Review” starting Sept. 16 at 10 p.m. and Mya McKenzie’s “Diamond Dolls” starting Oct. 3 and every Saturday at 10:30 p.m. and Funday Sundays, too. 4129 N. 7th Ave. or visit TheRockDM.com for more info. Phone: 602-248-8559 See ad page 21.

Breakout Thursday at Palazzo It’s 2-for-1 all night long! No cover, two DJs, 2 Dance Floors, featuring Top 40, Dance and and Hip-Hop! Where else, but at Club Palazzo on Thursday, September 17. 710 N. Central Ave. next to Amsterdam. See ad on page 15.

Frenchie Davis at Forbidden It’s Mischieve Night! American Idol contestant and Broadway sensation of Ain’t Misbehavin’, Miss Frenchie Davis, Scandalesque, the Men of Forbidden combined with Hornitos Tequila make an unforgettable night at Forbidden on Fri. Sept. 25. ForbiddenAZ.com. 6820 E. 5th Ave. Phone: 480-994-5176. See ad on page 12.

BS West Turns 21 The club is old enough to drink! Help celebrate Thursday, Sept. 24 thru’ Sunday, Sept. 27 for Bartender Challenge, Boys of BS Review and BBQ and on Fri. Sept. 21 all drinks are 1¢ at a party hosted by MTV Real World Cancun’s Derek Chavez! 7125 E. 5th Ave. Scottsdale. Phone: 480-945-09028. See ad on page 6.

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Casa Grande Gay Day Central Arizona Rainbow Equality Productions presents the First Annual Casa Grande Gay Day on Saturday, Sept. 26! Join your friends just 45 short minutes away from downtown Phoenix and Tucson for a gay celebration in Big House! Gay Day is hosted by Barbra Seville, Chane Jordan and features top notch entertainment. Take I-10 and to Exit 190 and go to the Dave White Park. 2121 N. Thornton Rd. downtown. Visit CentralArizonaRainbowEquality.com for more info. See ad on page 90

AIDS Walk & Rainbows Festival Tie up your shoelaces, because it’s time for AIDS Walk 2009. Get involved and together we can help ﬁnd a cure. Visit AIDSwalk2009.org for info. After the walk enjoy a day of entertainment, food, fun and a whole lot more at Rainbows Festival 2009 at Heritage Square. It all happens downtown Phoenix October 3 & 4! See you there! See ads on page 43 & 58.

SEPTEMBER 2009 ION EVENTS LISTINGS DATE

EVENT & LOCATION

CITY

4 1 Voice Community Ctr. Grand Opening 5 Splash Bash at Radisson City Ctr. 5 Red Hot Salvation at Forbidden 6 Funday Sundays at The Rock 5-7 Rocky Point Weekend at Charlie’s 11 Eric Himan at BS West 12 BS West Flashlight Party 13 Sunday Brunch at Roscoe’s 16 Diva’s Review at The Rock 18 DJ Sterling at Forbidden 17 Breakout Thursday at Palazzo 20 Miss Pumphouse Pageant 20 Afterglow Party at Apollo’s 21 & 22 End of Summer Bash at Dick’s 24-27 BS West Turns 21 24 Scandalesque at Cherry Lounge 25 Scandalesque & Frenchie Davis - Forbidden 26 Casa Grande Gay Day 26 I Phelta Thi Frat Party - Forbidden 27 Aunt Rita’s Spaghetti Dinner - Z Girl Club 30 Miss Mundo Gay 2009 at Karamba OCTOBER 1-3 Phoenix Fashion Week - Valley Ho 3 Diamond Dolls at The Rock 3 AIDS Walk 3&4 Rainbows Festival at Heritage Square 3&4 “Best of” Weekend at Amsterdam 3 Foam Party at Forbidden 3 CeCe Peniston at Incognito

Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale Scottsdale Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale Tempe Scottsdale Casa Grande Scottsdale Phoenix Phoenix

Scottsdale Phoenix Downtown Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale Phoenix

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BS WEST - SCOTTSDALE

Photos by Deon Brown

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September 2009

PORNOPALOOZA

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Arizona Fall Frenzy Surf over to the Tempe Beach Park for a helluva concert-apalooza! The line-up includes Rob Thomas, Jason Mraz, B-52s, Mr. Gwen Stefani – Gavin Rossdale, Blink-182, Fall Out Boy, Flogging Molly, Ben Harper, The Bravery, Social Distortion and more! There’ll be food, drinks, carnival rides and more! Mark your calendars for September 18, 19, and 20. Log onto www.luckymanonline.com for tickets and details.

P!NK

Get this party started! Because that quirky, perky, little pixie, the Missandaztood Alecia Beth Moore more familiarly known as P!nk will be in the “Funhouse” with The Ting Tings on Sunday, September 20 at the Jobing.com Arena, 9400 W. Maryland Ave. Get your tix at www.TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000

The Killers See the super-cute jack-Mormon frontman Brandon Flowers and his syntho-pop/post-punk revival movement band do what they do best without burying their music in nostalgia. Zip over to the Dodge Theatre on Friday, September 28. 400 W. Washington. Tix at www.LiveNation.com or call 602-379-2888

SEPTEMBER 2009 ION CONCERT CALENDAR DATE

ARTIST/EVENT

LOCATION

5 8 9 9 11 17 18-20 20 23 24 25 28 29 30

The Mars Volta Nickelback Hall & Oates Lynyrd Skynyrd Legends of Funk w/ Ohio Players Foreigner Arizona Fall Frenzy P!NK & the Ting Tings Sugar Ray Bonnie Raitt Miley Cyrus The Killers Creed Billy Squier

Dodge Theatre Jobing.com Dodge Theatre Celebrity Theatre Celebrity Theatre Celebrity Theatre Tempe Beach Park Jobing.com Arena Marquee Theatre Dodge Theatre Jobing.com Dodge Theatre Jobing.com Arena Celebrity Theatre

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by Jackson David Kelly davekjackson@cox.net

Yo, DJ! What’s New? With music’s fourth quarter right around the corner, fans will be pleased to know that a parade of new releases are about to drop! In addition to these, ﬁnd new albums from The Black Crows, Nelly Furtado (Spanish album), Simple Minds, Jay-Z, Beastie Boys, Harry Connick, Jr., Basement Jaxx, Paramore, Barbra Streisand and the complete Beatles catalogue reissue

Madonna

Celebration (9/29) And so the chapter ends. Madonna’s career ending project for WB’s finally sees the ray of light. Packaged as a remastered double or single disc as well as a double DVD, this collection is sure to please and anger many fans. The fact that Madonna has had a record 37 top 10 hits makes it difficult for this to be all encompassing. And then there are the two bonus tracks, “Celebration” and “Revolver.” The first is an amped up club tune à la “Confessions” while the second and savvier of the two is a track very current of radio play today. Whatever the case, this album will surely end up in many of your stockings this holiday.

Muse

Resistance (9/15) Much in the way The Killers grew on their last album, Muse takes their music to new heights and gives us a package that is less extravagant/produced, but one that still packs a punch. First single “United States of Eurasia” proves somewhat timid with its Queen-esque vibe but it’s the lead single “Uprising” that screams of brilliance with its electric, pulsating, marching beat. Though the three tracks at the end

prove “interesting” on the whole, Muse’s trademark guitar riffs, an organ/piano cavalry and Bellamy’s falsetto make this album a breath of fresh air and a collection Adam Lambert would be proud of.

Whitney Houston

I Look to You (out now) Don’t call this a comeback; call this, “I never left!” Whitney Houston teams up with a vast array of producers including Akon, R Kelly, Swizz Beats, David Foster and Diane Warren. Initial single “My Own Strength” proves tepid comparatively, but it’s the title track that soars with incredible strength and a melody similar to Pachelbel’s “Canon.” Also proving noteworthy are the upbeat “Nothin’ But Love” and the amped up classic “Song for You.” And then there is the funky “Million Dollar Bill,” a song that shows creativity and a true desire to be current. Oh how good it is to hear this songstress so alive again.

Mariah Carey

Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel (9/15) After stalling the release of her latest effort, Def Jam hopes a new marketing strategy, including a bizarre mini magazine insert with paid advertising will help this album to perform. Lead single “Obsessed” proves to be too safe and fails to deliver a hook we’ve all come to expect. However, “HATEU” and “Standing O” make up for that, providing melody, all while sounding current yet gentle yet solidly R&B. And then there’s the signature “Impossible” where Mariah’s whispering makes a purr. Overall, it’s on par with her last album, but it’s the lack of imagination and growth that ultimately makes you want more. September 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 33

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1400+ Over 1400 friends and growing. Join the fun!

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5TH ANNIVERSARY PARTY

MICHAEL JACKSON TRIBUTE

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Special Advertising Section

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MORE PICTURES AT IONA Z.COM

LEATHERMEN

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AMATEUR STRIP SEARCH

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Legally Blonde: The Musical

Enjoy the musical ditzy girl-meets-boy adventure of Elle Woods and her Delta Nu sorority sisters, her legal internship, a murder, an engagement, with lots of dancing and singing. Omigod You Guys! Find out if blondes have more fun at ASU Gammage in Tempe. 1200 S. Forest Ave. For tix visit www.asugammage.com or call 480-965-3434

Blackbird

Critically acclaimed and controversial. He went to jail. She went home. Una forces Ray to come to terms with the effects of their past relationship and pulls him into a brutal encounter that is gripping, surprising and unforgettable. Based on a true story and presented by Tempe’s Stray Cat Theatre. Tempe Performing Arts Center. 132 E. 6th St. Tempe. Tix online at www.StrayCatTheatre.org

A Bad Friend

It’s the ‘50s and welcome to the Wallach’s! Marxists Shelly and Naomi are way Left-wing, committed to Civil Rights, Stalin and more. Rebellious teenage daughter Rose has her own principles. Never discuss politics with your family! iTheatre Collaborative shows why at the Herberger Theater Center September 11-26. 222 E. Monroe. www.itheatreaz.org. Call 602-252-8497 for tix.

SEPTEMBER 2009 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE thru 11 8-24 10-13 10-26 11-12 11-26 11-27 thru 12 15-10/11 17-10/3 thru 20 thru 20 22-27 25-10/10 thru 29 thru 10/11

EVENT Talk Radio Mighty Vandals Bill Burr 10 Minute Play Showcase Kevin Nealon A Bad Friend Triple Expresso Rent Curtains The Comedy of Errors Forever Plaid The Taffetas Legally Blonde - The Musical Blackbird Mid-Life! The Musical The Fantasticks

LOCATION Chryo Arts Venue - Scottsdale Herberger Theater Tempe Improv Space 55 Theatre Ensemble - Phx The Comedy Spot - Scottsdale iTheatre Collaborative - Herberger Actors Theatre - Herberger Theater Nearly Naked Theatre - Phoenix Phoenix Theatre SW Shakespeare/Mesa Arts Ctr AZ Broadway Theatre - Peoria AZ Broadway Theatre - Peoria ASU Gammage Stray Cat Theatre - Tempe B’way Palms Dinner Theatre Scottsdale Desert Stages Theatre

PHONE 480-321-9947 602-252-8497 480-921-9877 602-663-40323 480-945-4422 602-252-8497 602-252-8497 602-254-2151 602-254-2151 480-644-6500 623-776-8400 623-776-8400 480-965-3434 straycattheatre.org 480-325-6700 480-483-1664

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Miss Gay Western States Wigs! Make-up! High Heels! Eyelashes! Falsies! Who’ll take home the crown and the chance to compete in the Mother of All Pageants: Miss Gay America 2010? Find out which beauty has what it takes – besides enough Maybelline mascara to choke a horse. The glamour and magic happens on Saturday, September 19 at the Wyndham Phoenix Hotel, 50 E. Adams St. For more info contact Lee Revelle at Apollo’s or e-mail him at Lee.MGWSA@gmail.com

SEPTEMBER 2009 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE

TIME

First & Third Tues. 10:00p Second & Fourth Tues. 10:00p Tuesdays 10:30p 3rd Wednesday 10:30p Wednesdays 10:00p Wed. the 9th 9:30p Wednesdays 10:30p First Thursdays 10:30p Thursdays 10:30p Thursdays 9:00p Thursdays 9:30p Thursdays 10:30p Last Thursday 10:00p 3rd Thurs. 8:00p Sat. the 19th 7:00p Sat. the 26th 3:30p Saturdays 10:00p Saturdays 10:00p Saturdays 10:00p Saturdays 9:30p Saturdays 10:30p Sundays 8:30p Sundays 10:30p First Sunday 8:00p Second Sunday 8:00p Last sunday 8:00p Sun. the 20th 7:00p

LOCATION

SHOW / PERFORMER(S)

BS West Hookers In Hose with Kiki Vermont BS West Heroine Chic with Mya & Naomi Karamba Susana’s Show Pumphouse II Amateur Drag Contest hosted by Savannah Charlie’s Claudia B. & Company Apollo’s Gong Karaoke with Afeelya Bunz Karamba Diamond Dallas Hosts... Pumphouse II Savannah’s School of Scandal Pumphouse II Hot Bodz Male Revue w/ Savannah Incognito Divas After Dark with Dianna K. Shane Amsterdam Icons Live w/ Mya McKenzie & Kiki Vermont Karamba Susana’s Show Cherry Lounge Scandalous w/ Scandalesque Forbidden Ruby ‘n’ Friends Phoenix Wyndham Miss Gay Western States Apollo’s Beer Bust Bing with Dottie The Rock Diamond Dolls with Mya McKenzie icepics The Follies Comedy Drag Show Showroom at Forbidden - Barbra Seville’s Untitled Drag Project Charlie’s Pussy’s Patio Show Pumphouse II Hot Bodz Male Revue w/ Savannah Charlie’s Pussy LeHoot & Friends Karamba Galilea’s Show Apollo’s That Time of the Month with Afeelya Bunz Apollo’s That Time of The Month with Dottie Apolo’s That Time of the Month with Barbra Seville Apollo’s Afterglow MGWSA After Party

To add your drag event, e-mail dates, times, locations & pics to kbushaw@me.com Included events must be 1) Charity Beneﬁt OR 2) Located at an ION Arizona Advertiser

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by Kimberly M. Ruff kimberlymruff@yahoo.com

All About Steve

Movie Previews

Starring: Sandra Bullock, Bradley Cooper Truly, there is nothing sexier than a desperate woman – right, guys? In this ﬁlm, which seems eerily similar to There’s Something About Mary, the shoe is on the other foot. Sandra Bullock plays Mary Horowitz, a brilliant – but eccentric – crossword puzzle designer who goes on a blind date with Steve (Cooper), a CNN cameraman and falls in love. So in love, in fact, she follows him on location, quirky in her red disco boots and eager for his affection. Although he ﬁnally has to come clean about his feelings (or lack thereof) towards her, he and his friends slowly accept her as one of their own. Isn’t that one love is really about, anyway? Finding a person – or people – who want to be around you? Release Date: 09/04/09.

played by the Spanish Banderas. Yet this isn’t a matter of “good spouse confronts bad, homewrecking lover”; both have secrets to share. I wonder if Lisa’s illiterate … Release Date: 09/25/09.

Coco Before Chanel

Starring: Audrey Tatou, Benoit Poelvoorde Based on the biography of Coco Chanel L’Irrégulière, the whimsically elﬁsh Audrey Tatou (Amelie, The DaVinci Code) stars as the Titan of A-Lines herself: Coco Chanel. But before you get your vintage Chanel in a bundle, boys, remember: this is her journey to fashion stardom – not her experiences therein. That doesn’t mean it can’t be fun, though; it just means you’d better buckle up for one hell of a ride! Release Date: 09/25/09

The Other Man

Starring: Liam Neeson, Antonio Banderas, Laura Linney Based on the short story by Bernhard Schlink (The Reader), The Other Man, is tantamount to what Unfaithful would have been had Richard Gere’s character had actually become friends with his wife’s lover, instead of braining him to death with a snow globe. (Oh, don’t act all shocked that I spoiled that movie’s ending; it’s been out since 2002!) When Peter (Neeson) learns that his wife, Lisa (Linney) has been receiving emails and text messages from a mystery man, he sets out to ﬁnd him. As is typical in any movie dealing with adultery, the lover is an exotic, bedroomeyed foreigner – in this case, the Italian Ralph September 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM

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SEPTEMBER MOVIE OPENINGS DATE

MOVIE

GENRE

Extract

Comedy

Gamer

Thriller

All About Steve (see review)

RATING R R

Comedy

PG-13

Carriers

Thriller

PG-13

Tickling Leo

Drama

Whiteout

I Can Do Bad All By Myself

SciFi/Anim. Action Comedy Horror

NYR PG--13 R PG-13

Sorority Row

Beyond a Reasonable Doubt

Broken Hill

Drama

Bright Star

Romance/Drama

NYR

35 Shots of Rum

Drama

NYR

The Informant!

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

Love Happens

Romance

Jenniferâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Body

Horror/Comedy

The Burning Plain

Romance

Paris

Drama

Disgrace

Drama

Live Evil

Horror

NYR

Blind Date

Drama

Surrogates

Action/Thriller/SciFi

Fame

Invention of Lying

Pandorum

Bronson

Coco Before Chanel

Crime/Thriller

Comedy Animation/Comedy

Drama/Musical Comedy

R R PG

R NYR PG-13

NYR PG-13 PG PG-13

Horror/SciFi/Action

Action

Bio

Brief Interviews w/ Hideous Men

The Other Man (see review) Drama

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

Comedy

The Bluetooth Virgin

Comedy

The Pool Boys

Comedy

The Preachers Kid

Splice

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Drama

PG-13 NYR

Drama SciFi-Thriller

NYR PG-13 NYR

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icepics - PHOENIX

Photos by Richard Bolinski

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THE FOLLIES

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by Wes Bergman wesobergman@yahoo.com

DVD Movie Review After two years of reviewing ﬁlms for my beloved ION, I’ve ﬁnally decided to introduce some sort of rating system. True, in the early days I did have a “star” rating, but those are so passé that it quickly went by the wayside. Even still, I’ve never been entirely comfortable forgoing some sort of rating system – it’s a quick hit for the Gay-on-theGo who doesn’t have time to trudge through two paragraphs of snarky-goodness. So, in an effort to reinstitute one while still keeping it chic enough for my fan base, I’m trying again, but from a whole new angle. Let’s see if this works, shall we?

Greek: Chapter 3 Starring: Actors that have a knack for making you feel as uncomfortable and out of place as you did when you went stag to your senior prom at Harding Memorial High School in Bowlegs, OK (pop: 371), because your best friend, Marcie, got the chicken pox (late case) and you were the only gay. Greek is an hour-long dramedy (I prefer, “coma”) that centers on the single-sex, social fraternities and sororities found on campus at the fictional Cyprus-Rhodes University. Playing on the popular stereotypes that have made American cinema fabulous since Animal House, there is no absence of bubbleheaded beauties, socially-awkward nerds, sexy anarcho-hipsters, and high polished future politicians in the cast. There’s a lot of conspiring (in the juvenile, junior high school way) buffered by flip quips and nonchalant lightpole-leanings (think James Dean under a street lamp), but it all comes down to who’s boning whom and who’s going to win the highly coveted, but completely irrelevantin-the-big-picture-sort-of-way trophy for super Sor-ternity. I will be frank: I could not get through the first episode of Chapter 3 without wanting to gouge my eyes out. This is remarkable, because I usually relish watching crap for the tasty morsels of camp that feed my blackened soul. Not so with this show. Pity. I wanted to love it. D & A* Rating: I’m a woman now!

Eating Out: All You Can Eat Starring: Rebekah Kochan, Daniel Skelton, Chris Salvatore, Michael E. R. Walker, Leslie Jordan I’ve always been of the opinion that all major decisions – romantic, financial, political – are negotiated through a series of blow jobs. Apparently, so do the writers of Eating Out: All You Can Eat, who conclude their comedy not in the classic Shakespearian way by ending with a wedding, but in the contemporary gay way by ending with a some same-sexy time. Daddy like! In the latest installation of the Eating Out series, Casey (Skelton) comes to town for his cousin’s funeral and meets Tiffani (Kochan), the foul-mouthed whore-with-a-heart-ofgold, who helps get him acclimated to his new digs by volunteering him for a GLBT fundraiser, and helping him cyber-stalk its hunky volunteer coordinator (Salvatore). It’s all peaches-and-cream until a little Twelfth Night mix-up makes one of the star-crossed lovers cross, and Tiffani sets about putting Operation: One BJ, Two Mouths into full effect. As you can guess, it works. I love a happy ending, both in a narrative and as a euphemism. D & A Rating: Nothing a Trapper Keeper Binder Couldn’t Hide. *Decency precludes me from saying what D & A stand for, but you may remember a time when we talked about sexploitation films in the 70s having a lot of “T & A”...put 2 and 2 together and you get a fabulously filthy rating system! September 2009

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September 2009

with

uin! q e n n a M e h t i Heid

October 1st through 3rd

at the Valley Ho

PHOENIXFASHIONWEEK.COM

On Heidi- VMarie by Rickie Gonzales Art work by Rocco P. Menaguale

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On Heidi- Paul Lee Hazlett Exclusives

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On HeidiFeatured Designer, Bri Bridge WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2009

On Heidi- VMarie by September Rickie Gonzales 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM

On the guys: Featured Brand - Stitch Connect Photographer

Wardrobe Styling

Michael Scott Photography

Philip B. Gomez

Production Assistance

Airi Katsuta

StyledbyPhil Assisted by

Beau Becerra

Hair & Makeup

Models

Celestial Makeup Isaac Jimenez Artistry Alexander Dimov Tony Brown Gavin Tucker

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by Deon Brown

Left-ofCenter Stage C

urtains up! Light the lights! The Valley’s Theatre Season is gearing up with over thirty very different theatre companies with a wide variety of styles. Sure, you can see The Great Big Broadway Show Touring Company, or maybe some company somewhere is doing Brigadoon. Again. But broaden your horizons. Explore something that maybe you haven’t thought about. Or maybe you have. Or maybe you’re curious. That’s okay. ION presents a quick proﬁle on three of the Valley’s most popular alternative theatre companies and their Artistic Directors: Nearly Naked Theatre with Damon Dering, iTheatre Collaborative with Christopher Haines and Stray Cat Theatre with Ron May.

Theatre in Phoenix is going places. Stray Cat Theatre’s Ron May examined the current State of the Theatre Arts and said, “I still think there’s a preponderance of theatres chugging out McSeason after McSeason after McSeason – which bores the hell out of me. But people are obviously going, and if people are ﬁlling your seats and getting their asses off the couch and going to the theatre – then it can’t be all bad. We always say you may think you’ve seen everything there is to see in a theatre. But wait till you see what we drag in.” We can’t wait!

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Left-ofNearly Naked’s Center Stage Damon Dering D

amon Dering discussed what he looks for when he selects plays. “Picking a season is the hardest thing I do. I read probably 150 or more plays a year. But the main criteria is: Is it challenging to the audience and the artists performing it? Will it teach us something? Will it inspire emotion? Who else in town would do it? These questions help me decide if a play is right for Nearly Naked.” Dering continued about this season’s shows and said, “This is probably our strongest season ever! We won rights-battles for every play we wanted, so none of these shows are “second choices.” In November we have the Arizona Premiere of The Little Dog Laughed, this fantastic gay-themed play that just won the Tony for Best Play two years ago in New York. We’ve never been able to get something so soon since it was on Broadway! We’re doing our drag-infused Christmas play again

this year; Times Square Angel. It played to sold out crowds last year. We’re doing the Arizona premiere of Fuddy Meers in January. Very funny and dark. In March the world premiere of Phaedre, a play I adapted from the classic French play by Jean Baptiste Racine. Sexy and creepy! And then we close the season next June with the Arizona premiere of Evil Dead: The Musical. Zombies crawling around eating brains ... and occasionally bursting into song! Gonna be an incredible season.” And ﬁnally, the burning question that only Damon Dering could answer: Carol Channing or Ethel Merman? The answer? “Ethel Channing. Their long lost lovechild. She’s fantastic. So much vibrato that you think you’re having a seizure. And isn’t Channing Merman that hot kid from G.I. Joe?”

NEARLY NAKED THEATRE COMPANY RUN thru Sept. 12 Nov. 13-Dec. 5 Dec.11-Dec.20 Jan. 22-Feb.13 March 5-27 June 11-July 13

TITLE RENT The Little Dog Laughed Times Square Angel Fuddy Meers Phaedre Evil Dead: The Musical

The Little Theater at Phoenix Theater 100 E. McDowell Rd. 602-274-2432 NearlyNakedTheatre.org

September 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 67

Left-of-Stray Cat’s Center Stage Ron May “O

ur stuff is a little more ... subversive. For people who have a different artistic itch to scratch,” is how Ron May describes Stray Cat Theatre’s productions. “People forever have been saying that theatre is dying. Part of why we started Stray Cat was we felt we had a critical mass of people ready to collectively call ‘bullshit’ and prove it wasn’t, at all. And prove that theatre could be just as exciting, just as unpredictable, just as fun, just as sexy, just as dirty, just as scary as anything you’re gonna see on TV.” May’s wish list? “I’ve also always in a weird way wanted to do an all-Black Steel Magnolias so the feel is more Barbershop and less ‘Sally Field crying all the time’ – but that

would also require massive rewrites. And probably some drag queens. And I don’t fancy the idea of getting sued.” May highlighted part of Stray Cat’s season. “Speech and Debate is a kind of like a pre-’Glee’ Glee with a dirty, dirty sex scandal and a George Michael dance number; Play About the Naked Guy has jokes about safe words and a naked porn star – and yes ... it’s a dude. 12th Night of the Living Dead has lots of zombies along with our very ﬁrst splatter zone: the ﬁrst two rows of the theatre will be for those brave enough to risk getting splashed with blood and gore. I mean, c’mon. Where else you gonna get all that?”

STRAY CAT THEATRE COMPANY RUN Sept. 25-Oct. 10 Dec. 4-19 Feb. 12-27 April 16-May 12

TITLE Blackbird Speech and Debate The Play About The Naked Guy 12th Night of the Living Dead

Tempe Performing Arts Center 132 E. 6th St. - Tempe 480-820-8022 StrayCatTheatre.org

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602-993-4567 phx 520-791-2345 tuc

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WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2009

iTheatre’s Chris Haines C

hristopher Haines founded iTheatre Collaborative with his wife, Rosemary, in 2002. Haines described their Theatre’s future. “I am a black box theater-type person; in other words small and intimate type theater. Probably if anything we’ll just be producing more. I would like to produce more original work by local writers. Spending the time and resources to really develop new plays. There is no reason that the next Tony Kushner or Lynn Nottage isn’t from Arizona.” Selection of each play is important, too. “I read plays and produce plays that are always very meaty for actors. The kind of roles actors love to sink their teeth in. The kind of roles I love to do. I look for what I call ‘onion’ plays. Those are plays where you

can peel away a layer and ﬁnd another layer underneath and then another below that. The more layers the better. Those are the plays that audiences will see and are still talking about it the next day, the next week. There’s nothing wrong with a Neil Simon play or an old warhorse musical, but those aren’t the plays people are talking about, having to really think, ﬁnding that their opinions have been changed by seeing an iTheatre Collaborative play.” What’s the “dream play” for iTheatre Collaborative? “Jerry Springer: The Opera. It’s incredible. So over the top. First act ends with a huge KKK musical number – clansmen in sheets and everything – Jerry gets shot and killed at the end. It is loads of fun. It’s been performed all over the world and usually draws huge crowds and is always protested by religious groups.”

iTHEATER COLLABORATIVE RUN Sept. 11-26 Dec. 10-21 March 12-27 April 30-May 15

TITLE A Bad Friend Holiday Cabaret Indivisible The Play About The Baby

The Herberger Theater Center 222 E. Monroe - Phoenix 602-252-8497 iTheatreAZ.org

September 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 71

Photography by Gregory Frye

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Glenn Douglas Packard We’re excited to welcome this year’s host of Splash Bash 9 – Glenn Douglas Packard, co-starring in VH1’s celebreality hit show, Brooke Knows Best as Brooke Hogan’s gbff. Glenn is an Emmy nominated choreographer, model and actor. Joining out & proud Glenn at Splash Bash by his super-sexy, ultra-hot boyfriend, ex-Papi dancer Daniel Miagany. Glenn and Daniel are eager to make friends with everybody at Splash Bash, so let’s make them both feel extra welcome!

DJ Sister Sin Some DJ’s know their destiny from birth, while some ﬁgure it out later in life. Like when they ﬁnally get their hands on a board and turntables to discover the sound that is born in the mix! SisterSIn began spinning in 1996 in St. Louis, and in October of 2002 SisterSin moved to Scottsdale, Arizona. Since she hit the Phoenix Scene, she had climbed to the top in the local club circuit. Currently spinning at Forbidden Night Club, DJ SisterSin knows how to get the party started, and keep them dancing!

Jessika Murphy Look out, everybody! You better make some room for Jessika Murphy’s big, big voice! Jessika is a Phoenix-based singer and songwriter who has spent the last 15 years singing and entertaining across the southern United States. Jessika is excited to shake the foundations of the Radisson City Centre when she belts out a few songs you’ll never forget! You can ﬁnd out more about Jessika at JessikaMurphy.com

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Photo by Dennis Dean

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WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2009

Vol. 3, Issue 6

SEPTEMBER 2009

�� OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

��

John Hughes Sequels Scheduled Posthumously

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HOLLYWOOD – Following the death of the movie king of teenage coming of age angst ﬁlms, Tinseltown agents are scrambling to rekindle the magic he created with sequels to some of his greatest ﬁlms.

Nelson, meeting over a Luanne Platter at Luby’s Cafeteria while their children spend their inheritance prematurely in a suburban Chicago mall. Ringwald also plans to star in Pretty Ugly in Pink Mom Pants as followup to blockbuster Pretty in Pink.

“I can’t wait,” said everybody’s teen queen Molly Ringwald, Other Hughes whose gamininspired movies in like qualities the pipeline include, catapulted her to Rest Home Alone, in which Macaulay stardom beginning with Sixteen Candles. Culkin stars as Grandpa Kevin McCallister �� “My agent just called and said they got wreaking havoc in in unsuspecting the green light to shoot Forty-one Candles retirement center after his children commit where I’ll be recreating my role as aging, him to its care. Hilarity ensues. post-menopausal, divorcée Samantha Baker-Ryan.” Ringwald will also reprise The studio is currently looking to cast her character from The Breakfast Club in another morbidly obese actor as Greatthe sequel, The Early Bird Special Club Great Uncle Buck in the role funny fatty where she is reunited with fellow bratJohn Candy made famous. packers including Anthony Michael Hall, Ally Sheedy, Emilio Estevez and Judd

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��

Antiques Roadshow Finds Phoenix Crap ��

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TEMPE – The professionals and smash PBS we’re arguing hit Antiques with housewives Roadshow has from Buckeye criss-crossed about how much �� America, their George discovering Foreman Grill is long forgotten worth. Then she treasures asked if she could in attics have a threeeverywhere. way with us. Civil War Unbelievable.” sabers, Tiffany lamps, Morris Thousands chairs, Navajo of Arizonans rugs, baseballs brought their and more have personal prizes been appraised for assessment: by Roadshow Beanie Babies, experts for old oven mitts, over 12 years. broken golf clubs, Barbie dolls with missing heads, Last month fans of the show descended Bic cigarette lighters, scorpions imbedded on the Phoenix Convention Center with in acrylic, broken snow globes and plastic �� their treasured heirlooms for appraisal Kachina dolls stamped “Made in China” and dollar signs in their eyes as they toted on the base. great-great Granny’s Bible under their arm. Lots and lots of Bibles. Host Mark Walberg fumed, “If one more fat chick eating a hot dog carrying an old “We’ve never seen so much junk in our Cabbage Patch Doll asks me ‘Where’s the lives,” said wonder twins Leigh and Funky Bunch?’ she’s gonna get popped.” Leslie Keno, the show’s poster boys and celebrity appraisers. “It’s like a parking The show airs in January, 2010. lot swap-o-rama at the dog track. We’re

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BAR1 - PHOENIX

PATIO GRAND OPENING

Photos by Deon Brown and Kevin Bushaw

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IONPHOENIX 1. 1.

Amsterdam Amsterdam

718 N. Central Ave. - Downtown Phoenix

(602) 258-6122

2. 2.

Apollo’s Apollo’s

5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 277-9373

3. 3.

Bar Bar1 1

3708 N. 16th St. - Phoenix

(602) 266-9001

4. 4.

BSBSWest West

7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

5. 5.

Bunkhouse Bunkhouse

4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 200-9154

6. 6.

Cash CashInn Inn

2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 244-9943

7. 7.

Charlie’s Charlie’s

727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 265-0224

8. 8.

Cherry CherryBar Bar

E. Indian IndianSchool SchoolRd. Rd.--Phoenix Phoenix 1028 E.

(602) 277-7729

9. 9.

Cherry CherryLounge Lounge

starting January 11th Mill Ave. in Tempe Every Thursday at 9pm on Mill Ave. in -Tempe

10. 10.

The TheChute ChuteMen’s Men’sClub Club

1440 E Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 234-1654

C 11.

Clarendon Club Vibe Hotel

401 W. Ave.Rd. - Phoenix 3031 E. Clarendon Indian School - Phoenix

(602) CLARENDON 224-9977

11. 12.

Club Vibe 7th Cruisin’

3031 N. E. Indian Rd. - Phoenix 3702 7th St. School - Phoenix

224-9977 (602) 212-9888

12. 13.

Cruisin’ Dick’s 7th Cabaret

3702 E. N. Illini 7th St. - Phoenix 3432 Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 274-DICK 212-9888 (602)

13. 14.

Dick’s Dick’sCabaret II

3432 E. McDowell Illini Rd. - -Phoenix 2438 Phoenix

274-DICK (602) 437-DICK

14. 15.

The Door Flex Private Men’s Club

1126 S N.Black Scottsdale Rd.Hwy - Tempe 1517 Canyon - Phoenix

(480) (602) 967-DOOR 271-9011

15. 16.

Forbidden Forbidden

6820 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

forbiddenaz.com

16. 17.

Homme Homme

Camelback Rd. 138 W. Camelback Rd.--Phoenix Phoenix

(602) 266-0875 266-0875 (602)

17. 18.

icepics icepicsvideobar videobar

3108 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 267-8707

18. 19.

Incognito Incognito

2424 E. Thomas Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 955-9805

19. 20.

Karamba Karamba

1724 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 254-0231

20. 21.

Kobalt Kobalt

3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 264-5307

21. 22.

OZ OZ

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 242-5114

22. 23.

Plazma Plazma

1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix Phoenix

(602) 266-0477 266-0477 (602)

23. 24.

Pumphouse PumphouseII II

4132 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 275-3509

24.

Retro Bar Phoenix City Center 3600 3114 N. E. 2nd Cactus Rd. - Phoenix Radisson Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 604-4900 493-0355 (602)

25. 25.

The Rock Cactus Rainbow

4129 N.N.7th Ave. - Phoenix 15615 Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix

248-8559 (602) 867-2463

26. 26.

Roscoe’s The Rock

4531 N. 7th Ave. St. - Phoenix 4129 - Phoenix

285-0833 (602) 248-8559

27. 27.

Rainbow Cactus Roscoe’s

15615N.N.7th Cave Rd. - Phoenix 4531 St.Creek - Phoenix

(602) 285-0833 867-2463 (602)

28. 28.

Velocity Velocity

2303 E. Indian Indian School School Rd. Rd. --Phoenix Phoenix

(602) 956-2885 956-2885 (602)

29. 29.

Wild WildCard Card

801 N. Arizona Ave. - Chandler CLOSED

(480) 857-3088

30. 30.

Z ZGirl GirlClub Club

4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 265-3233

September 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 97

IONBAR GUIDE PHOENIX

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602-200-2000 602-252-5252 602-437-4000

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IF IT’S NOT IN��, IT’S NOT HAPPENING! September 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 99

CASA GRANDE

GAY DAY

IONTUCSON

CLUBS, RESTAURANTS, AND NIGHTLIFE 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Ain’t Nobody’s Biz Colors Howl at the Moon IBT’s Miguel’s Mexican Restaurant Venture-N Woody’s Yard Dog

2900 E. Broadway 5305 E. Speedway 915 W. Prince Rd. 616 N. 4th Ave. 5900 N. Oracle Rd. 1239 N. 6th Ave. 3710 N. Oracle Rd. 2449 N. Stone

(520) 318-4838 (520) 323-1840 (520) 293-7339 (520) 882-3053 (520) 887-3777 (520) 882-8224 (520) 292-6702 (520) 624-3858

445 S. Alvernon Way 5335 E. Broadway Blvd. 5900 N. Oracle Rd. 204 S. Scott Ave. 3800 E. Sunrise Dr.

(520) 881-4200 (520) 745-2700 (520) 887-4800 (877) 670-9022 (520) 742-6000

ACCOMODATIONS & LODGING 1 2 3 4 5

Doubletree Hotel at Reid Park Embassy Suites La Posada Lodge and Casitas Royal Elizabeth B&B The Westin La Paloma

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by Addison DeWitt

After many a summer dies the swan. That’s your highbrow literary reference for this column. Look it up in your Wikipedia, kiddies. And a dying swan is not the same as choking the chicken. At any rate, the old bird didn’t die without a couple of knock-down, drag-out fun in the sun Pool Parties featuring the Who’s Who with the charter members of Phoenix Fluff ‘n’ Tuck Society AAA Listers frolicking around. And when was the last time you saw hot, fully grown men really frolic? Jim Fay and Mike Gorman threw a wet ‘n’ wild pool party where the vodka ﬂowed like, well, vodka. And the good stuff, too. Not the rotgut Kamchatka crap I’m forced to drink at the WonderVu Trailer Court. Eagle eyed snitches noted that sooper-dooper handsome Grant Almquist appeared – and then mysteriously disappeared – somewhere in the house until later that night. Care to share anything with our readers, honey? I did the butterﬂy right by Mr. West Coast Latex, Pim van der Glesson (what on earth was that contest like?) to be near faves Nick Capaz and Dean McAdams. Oh-so-lickable, kissable and not-tobe-missed Ticoz waiter Jonathan bartended in a skimpy black swimsuit while his dashing and debonair bosses Tom Jetland and Mark Dillon

socialized with The Honorable Tom Simplot and Vice First Guy David Smith. Favorites Chad Christian and Joe Bushong dipped their tootsies in the pool along with Murray Sullivan and Michael de Roche. I hid behind the oleanders with Frank Baselicé while we quizzed each other with, “How Many People Here At This Party Have You Slept With?” Scores are still being tallied at PricewaterhouseCoopers. The next day Jim McCleary and Andrew MacArthur threw a pool party of their very own where the exact same guys from the party the day before showed up and talked about what the exact same guys did at the party the day before. Small world, ain’t it? Our legendary Blonde One, Barbra Seville (pictured), opened her show at Forbidden’s brand new showroom with her very own – as I like to call it – “Barbra Shoppe Quartet” including Devina Ross, Angela Dodd, and the winsome Nevaeh on opening night. Buddy Early, no Johnny-ComeLately, was there along with the rest of Babs’ adoring public, including Promotions Manager Chris Smith with Tom and Roberta Anderson. PornoPalooza at BS West was a stifﬁe-inducing event with go-go boys, strippers, porn stars and booze, natch. I enjoyed an audience with the legendary (and newly svelte) Chi Chi LaRue who has managed to make pornography, which was once regarded as something September 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 105

dirty, sleazy and nasty into something that’s – well – still dirty, sleazy and nasty. Just the way we like it. But I was shocked to discover that la LaRue isn’t even French! And she isn’t even really a woman! Quelle surprise! Kobalt’s adorable little cocktail wienerschnitzel Drew Akers (pictured above with Luke Marcum) celebrated his birthday at the event surrounded by blue movie stars’ Ryan Raz’ gluteus maximus and the pectoralis major of local boy made good-enough-to&$#%, Luke Marcum – The Porn Star Formerly Known as Josh Gollehon. I guess you could say that XXX “Markums” the spot for him these days. I wished Corbin Fisher’s College Boy Heath was on the brass pole, too. I spotted Blue Balls in the Green Room! I spotted star Tommy Defendi making out with a girl! Chock it all up to Gay for Pay. Heck, I’d pay him.

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Everyone left with a big smile on their face, a rocket in their pocket and a big bag full of motion pictures for the discriminating and consenting adult viewer. I searched for a vintage copy of the epic 1998 blue movie opus Catalinaville starring one my my favorites in the Pantheon of Porn, Vinnie Balini, to no avail. Luckily I have it on VHS for posterity. If you’d care to rent it, let me know. I can’t believe it’s taken this long to name our Party of the Penguin of the Month as none other than The Green Woodpecker’s Head Pecker, Josh Woodpecker Tomblin! Josh – and only Josh – can claim the victory and honor of making a stripper vomit. Seems that at BS West there was this lady (let’s call her a “woman”) stripper prancing around, lifting her dress up and showing off her thong. Josh politely told her “that no one here cares.” She got mad, her hand flew over the bushy Bermuda Triangle and put her fingers under his nose. Josh went mining down in the Man Canyon and put his fingers under her nose. She puked. Josh won. Maybe that’s why the swan died, too. Love me or leave me. Like me or lose me. Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me. Tell all to Addison. Write to him at RumorHound@aol.com

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make sure you don’t kiss ‘n’ tell the next day. Pisces hate that.

Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20

Your lack of inhibitions make you the life of the party! This month put a lampshade on your head and drink champagne out of somebody’s slipper! Jump in a fountain with all your clothes on! There’s a shy Capricorn out there who’s dying to join in on the fun with you.

Libra Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

Your scales are a little out of whack this month. So put down the Entenmann’s. And the Little Debbie’s. And all the Dolley Madison snack cakes, too. I’m serious. Start watching your waistline and a Capricorn will start watching you. Then eat all the Ho-Ho’s you want.

Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov. 23

Gemini May 21 - June 21

Sagittarius Nov. 23-Dec. 23

Hey, Toro! Make sure you keep any “bullshit” to a minimum this month. You’ll ﬁnd a whole new arena of opportunity wide open for you at the workplace and in your personal life. There’s a serious Sagittarius who wants to play matador for you later this month. Olé! You know the words to every song, the punchline to every joke, and the ending to every movie. But you still manage to make your audience the star. That’s just one reason people love you. So keep it up. Take note of a Capricorn front row and center and don’t leak any spoilers.

Cancer June 22 - July 22

Looks like your get up and go got up and went ... to the mall. Better watch your spending. And, no, it’s not helping the economy. Do yourself a favor and use that cash wooing a Taurus who’s playing hard-to-get. It’ll pay off. Better than that ugly Ed Hardy t-shirt you just had to have.

Leo July 23 - Aug. 22

“I like chicken, I like liver, I like tuna please deliver.” Share your Meow Mix with a fellow Leo who thinks you’re the cat’s pajamas. You’ll ﬁnd you two have more in common than you think. Have a little catnip, play with a ball of yarn and you’ll both chase the laser mouse together for hours.

Virgo Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

Pack a picnic, enjoy a nice, long Sunday drive with a Pisces and enjoy a sunset together. Then go home with them, and you can pretty much ﬁgure out what happens next. Just

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September 2009

You have the ability to make at least six people lose their self-control this month. Your lure, vivacity and sex appeal are so strong that you’ll ﬁnd people migrating toward you. Kind of like the new, magnetic north. A lot of them will be Virgos, Aquarians and a Leo or two. Who’s the hunter and who’s the prey? So get out your bow arrow, move in for the kill and you’re bound to bag a fourteen-pointer you can mount and stuff. Just make sure you’ve got enough freezer space for all that meat.

Capricorn Dec. 23- Jan. 20

You’re perky, peppy, and pugnacious! You have a certain something that the universe likes. Keep your ear to the ground and your eye to the keyhole and expect something marvelous to happen to you around the 22nd. At the very least you’ll learn something about a Cancer and Scorpio.

Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

You threw one temper tantrum too many last month. This month let a smile be your umbrella. Keep your sunny side up! It’s corny, but it’s true. That’s why they write goofy songs with lyrics like that. Sing for a Gemini and I guarantee you’ll make a musical together.

Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

Your optimism is your best virtue. You may keep shoveling out the same stable of manure hoping you’ll ﬁnd a pony in there somewhere, but don’t forget to be realistic. You may inspire a Virgo to help you. So keep digging!

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