Metra Issue 961 - JAN 2023

It’s been years in the making but couldn’t have come soon enough. Metraland’s very own Monique Madison has added a new title to her crown – bestselling author.

Serial Showgirl, which dropped online at Amazon on November 28th, is more than just your average crime thriller. It is a fictional story based on true events as seen through the prism of a young gay man from a small town who moves to the big city to chase his dreams. While in the city, he meets his better half, someone who accepts him for who he is. When that person is taken away from him in a violent manner, our protagonist snaps and is out to seek revenge!

“I’ve been told that it’s almost like a combination of American Horror Story, Dexter, Ru Paul’s Drag Race, and Show Girls all rolled into one.” said Monique. “It’s like all of the gay-cult-classics mushed into one heart-stopping novel.”

Monique stated that a lot of the story came from personal places. “This book really reveals a lot about me.” She went on to say that, “I needed to create a story where the main gay character was NOT the victim. That was very important to me. I had been working on the story for about seven years.” While Monique had the story in her head, she couldn’t quite get the words on paper. “I couldn’t put it together quite right, so I had to find the right partner to help with the proper grammar, punctuation and so on.”

“We (the LGBTQ+ community) need to be stronger than ever. We need to be sure that we’re seen. We can’t back away. We need to have visibility.” Monique said.

Serial Showgirl can currently be found on Amazon. The book should be available in LGBTQ+ bookstores, big box stores, and even audio book in the months to come, so be sure to keep your eye out for our girl, Monique Madison!

On-going Men’s

AFFIRMATIONS BY THE NUMBERS 2022

Mental health professionals (3 full time therapists, 1 care coordinator, and 14 graduate interns) have expanded our Behavioral Health department, tripling our program's capacity in the past 12 months.

Your support allows us to stand up programs and expand services that support the health and wellbeing of our community.

95%

of youth graduates (ages 13-22) from the Youth Leadership and Workforce Development Program selfreported having improved social confidence in workforce navigation, increased knowledge of problem-solving, and critical thinking.

people have used our center in 2022.

Affirmations’ COVID Vaccine Project has partnered with 29 organizations across the state including 14 LGBTQ+ centers, 4 health departments, and 3 medical/hospital services. This was made possible through the largest grant received in Affirmations' history.

Making New Year’s resolutions is as American as apple pie, or something like that. Often times we set goals to lose weight, eat healthier, reach out to old friends or make other good and positive choices to better our lives for the new year. Something to consider this year as a goal should be to get tested for HIV. As many as one if four people living with HIV don’t know that they have it. The most effective way to stop the spread of this virus is to get tested regularly if you are sexually active. Knowing your status can help you and your partner make the appropriate choices when it comes time to have sex. Getting tested is easier than dropping all that holiday weight gained, and even easier than picking up the phone to call that old friend. This year let’s make it our collective goal to be tested and to use common sense protection when having sex. Let’s make 2023 the best year yet at this House In Virginia!

Around Town

Gummed Up Hookup

When it comes to us gays and the art of oral everyone wonders what it would be like if teeth did not get in the way. The dragging and the mouth placement can ruin the mood. Am I right ? So you think a ”Gum Job” would be better, right ? Yeah, no, you don’t. Picture it, you meet this guy on Grindr.

A little bit older but Daddy AF. You go to the Olive Garden, have a nice long conversation and go to the movies. You see “Bros,” shocking, LOL. So, you get

to his place and things start happening . Shit’s getting hot and heavy. Then, all of a sudden he pops up and says, “Hold on.“

I died when I saw what happened next. This man took his teeth out and proceeded to PLOP them in a glass next to the bed.

Babbbbyyy when I tell you I got out of there so fast. I can’t even tell you what excuse I used to leave, my darlings. I was OUT!!!

Michael's Ad

Aries: January is here and, like most other months, it fills you with rage. Not a big fan of public displays of affection, you’d rather the hand holding to be left in the bedroom (minus hand holding and replace that with choking). You really go above and beyond to make your significant other feel special, like letting them lick the spoon (tee-hee) or feel like they had the last word (which they could never). Try and look at the softer side of things and appreciate the moment. It doesn’t have to always be power drills and rage thrusts.

Taurus: You’ve been sexually experimenting with things around your house. The vacuum, the paper shredder and your removable shower head (personal fave) have all taken on their own social distancing persona. Your neighbors can’t take much more of your solo moans or the Nicki Minaj rap-off’s you’re having with yourself. Once the weather breaks a little, get out and have yourself a kiki.

Gemini: Gemini’s are always sass mouthing everyone they encounter. Secretly hoping that someone either serves it back pipin’ hot or it turns into a pimp smack to the face. Gemini’s are always curious and silly. Imagining their friends in the craziest situations: Like winning the Superbowl and the uniforms are literally just jock straps, or secretly signing them up for different dating websites. Gemini’s are a little bit like Sour Patch Kids, first they’re sour and then they’re sweet, mamma.

Cancer: If wonder woman’s lasso of truth magically became a person, it would be a Cancer Lover, sis. Coy and honest, Cancer’s love seeing someone spin a web of lies and then plow right through it like a toddler using a toy lawnmower (vroom!). Cancer lovers are thoughtful and kind. Wanting to make you feel as special as possible. But don’t get it twisted, if a cancer lover feels unloved, it’s going to turn

into bad girls’ club real quick.

Leo: We love feeling safe and secure with the leader/big daddy of the group, The Leo Lover. Whether it’s holding the door open for you or pulling the chair out for you to sit down or slipping a thumb in your bat-cave or spitting in your mouth telling you that you’re a peasant. You just can’t get enough of their attention.

Virgo: Ah Virgo’s. You can’t live with them. It’s really difficult to frame them for murder. The planner of the group, who will talk about what flavor lube/what the background music will be/what kind of vibe we’re trying to have. Like girl. Calm down. It’s a free-for-all orgy. Virgo’s love to be in control, but truth be told, they just want to be dominated the house down BOOTS!

After it’s all said and done, please go ahead and walk away – leave – only communicate if you’re summoned.

Libra: Hippy Dippy Libra loves to love! Always looking at everything around them as an endless possibility of positivity. Which is normally why they’re hoarders who go hard in the sack and often become everyone’s favorite cum dumpster. Libra’s normally shy away from conflict. Which explains the plethora of daddy issues (they haven’t talked in a minute).

Scorpio: A Scorpio’s sex screams rival that of any banshee. Similar to a praying mantis, they attract their prey, I mean lover, into their love lair to have their way with them. Once their needs are met, it’s off with their head and onto the next! Lovers that encounter Scorpio’s multiple times are gluttons for punishment. Scorpio’s have top notch game and goes the extra mile to make you feel special, like you’re the one. However they are one hot hook-up away from being on Dateline.

Sagittarius: Free and uninhibited Sagittarius is a good time gal. However, this tends to mean they have a long list of failed relation-

ships. They look back and smile thinking they learned something and grew because of them. They either win or they learn. Tell that to the multiple trips to the clinic for countless shots in the ass, sweetie.

Capricorn: Ambitious and cut throat, Capricorn’s are fantastic in many roles (school coach, real estate agent, plastic surgeon?). However sometimes they look at love and dating kind of like a competition. Whether it’s getting all the numbers when they show up unannounced to a stranger’s funeral or taking their friend’s neighbor’s kid to the park to pick up trade, they’re kind of all about the score and not the chase. No-one cares how many push-ups you can do or how many times you were voted most likely to be president in middle school.

Aquarius: Aquarius lovers are a hoot. Spunky and rebellious, they spent a lot of time in detention when they were in school. You hate eye contact, but you love feet. So it is kind of a match made in toe sucking heaven. You really want to make your lover happy and proud. Even though you don’t really love role playing their favorite anime and for some reason you’re the under-bridge troll or they can’t get enough of you being Xena: Warrior Princess (insert her crazy amazon yell). You don’t mind, because it makes your boo thang happy. And people pleasing is your kink, boo.

Pisces: The silent communicator who focuses more on actions VS words. They really hate when drama starts, but trust and believe they’ll end it. You hate to tell people what to do, you’d much prefer just showing them. Which is sometimes why fights break out, since your slutty ass is always trying to sit on someone’s face (the last one was a nun!). Your favorite go to sex move is a Tonya Harding to the knee when they fall genitals first onto the 8th wonder of the world (your tongue).

When do you talk to a new partner about sex?

When I see clients, so many of the problems I encounter in relationships stem from not discussing sex. I’m talking about the real and much-needed transparency about desires and preferences couples should be discussing and negotiating even before they enter a committed relationship. In addition, as the relationship progresses, if sexual preferences change, the couple also should be having those conversations.

Partners need to have the sexual health conversations. In fact, they should have it before they start a sexual relationship to gain an understanding of each other.

Sex is absolutely central to nearly all relationships, but far too many couples are unwilling to have the conversation or afraid to approach it directly with their partners. As a result, sexual relationship problems are going to happen when some could be avoidable.

As far as pursuing an open relationship, I recommend this as the last conversation to have. Don’t feel forced to have an open relationship because your sex drive is low. That may not

be the right solution to improve your sexual relationship and it possibly can do more harm than good.

That said, there is nothing wrong with opening your relationship. For some, it is the best and right thing to do.

Neither partner should feel shamed or guilty about what is happening in the bedroom. They should ask themselves, “Am I really having the kind of sex I want to have with my partner, and if not, what can we do about it?” Talk about it.

This person potentially could be your life partner; get your desires and feelings out in the open now. If you are mismatched, now is the time to learn that. Talk with your partner, share your sexual fantasies and negotiate a sexual relationship that will work for the two of you. You may find your entire relationship deepens and grows stronger because you have a greater understanding of each other’s needs and desires. There never should be unstated expectations.

Joe Kort, Ph.D., LMSW AASECT Certified Sex Therapist & Supervisor of Sex Therapy

Affirmations Spotlight

How long have you been with Affirmations? 9 months as an intern and 1 year as a full- time staff person

What is Affirmations to you? Affirmations is a safe space. It is the first space I've worked in where I can be openly queer and accepted as I am. I have never had to hide the queer side of myself from my coworkers, clients, or community members.

When you’re not working, what do you do for fun? Playing my switch! I also love spending time with my partner and my friends. Whether it's going out or staying in, quality time with the people I love energizes me.

Favorite Piece of Clothing? My Find What Feels Good crew neck

Sara Krahel, Mental Health Therapy

What’s something you're proud of at Affirmations? I am proud to offer gender affirming care for my clients and help guide them through some challenging times in their lives. As a therapist, I can be someone my clients come to when they need extra support. I am able to provide them with resources like physicians who will affirm their identities and provide them appropriate care.

Happy New Year’s Cuties!

Let’s plan big this year, focus on your credit score, your debt-to-income ratio, and saving money for a down payment on a house!!! With the right planning it is very possible to become a homeowner within 6 months to a year. I am available to help you get on the right path to owning your first home, don’t be afraid to give me a text, call, DM or email. It is so important to own Real Estate and to have control over your own dwelling. If you are a first-time home buyer, always remember, homeownership can be the first step to financial freedom and is more accessible than you think. I am more than happy to help get you started on buying your first home! Check out my TikTok for more Real Estate tips, @realtorkory or contact me today for all your real estate needs! Email, text, or call because I do it all! My email has changed, please discard kory@jsarealtor.com and update to my fabulous new address: Kory@KorVanRealty.com

-Kory Lambarth