FOR THE LOCALS...BY THE LOCALS
www.thejungledrums.com
Come with us... A FABULOUS TRIP TO TOLEDO’S FAMOUS SAFFRON FESTIVAL
SEPTEMBER 2010 No. 75
! D E R well
st 2010 u g u A h 5t Bunol 2 a n i t inside a m To Repor t
plus!
RESIDENCE CARDS SPANISH PAPERWORK FANTASY FOOTY The trouble with... VISITORS NATURE IN SPAIN ‘Common’ TERNS?
. . . g n i r e v o c w no
GRAN ALACANT- SANTA POLA - LA MARINA - GUARDAMAR - ROJALES CATRAL - ALBATERA - HONDONS - LA ROMANA & PINOSO - HABANERAS TORREVIEJA - CABO ROIG, PUNTA PRIMA & PLAYA FLAMENCA
DID YOU KNOW? ...that the Kingdoms of Portugal and Spain were once united in the 15th century?
WISE MEN ARE ON THE BENCH… I think it can be safely said that the Jungle Drums team splattered all competition at the Tomatina in Buñol at the end of August. We came, we saw red and (using our considerable height
this month 4/5 TOMATINA...
advantage) we managed to sweep all others aside in an orgy of mush and pips that would have made a two year old proud... anyone who was there and disagrees with our victory is, of course, welcome to produce their own magazine and put their view on their own
JD and gang at the Fiesta...
page… anyway more about all that somewhere in this magazine.
9 ANDREA...
have gone back to their lives in the capital – until Easter at
residence card...
11 TROUBLE WITH SPAIN...
visitors...
17 NATURE...
bush fires...
21 NOW WHAT..! visitors gone..?
23 PUZZLES... think man, think!
24/5 LIVING THE LIFE...
life as an expat...
28/9 FANTASY FOOTY...
it’s kicked off... . 31 COMPUTERS... helpful mood..?
37 YOUR CAR IN SPAIN... be legal, and safe...
39 FUNNY.. rib ticklers...
43 HOROSCOPES... star gazing JD style...
46 DIRECTORY...
the business guide...
The Madri…Madrilene…Madrilinio... (the people from Madrid) least – and we get our parking spaces back! So have the relatives, mostly, from the UK, or wherever, and things have calmed down immensely. Unless of course if you are a Spanish bus driver… have you ever got stuck behind a bus in Spain? Thought not. It’s impossible because they drive so fast that the vinyl lettering peels off the side of the bus and rabbits in nearby fields are swept from their feet by the passing gust. Whether their timetables are so finite that they need to get their foot down or they just like going fast I don’t know – but I wouldn’t mind betting that they have a ‘lap record’ chart on the wall of the bus garage. I met a tramp this month (not that sort, this one was free, sort of) walking the road with his trolley full of possessions and the two obligatory scruffy looking dogs following in his squeaky wheeled wake. He sat next to me on a bench and asked (politely) for a cigarette and we began talking, again, sort of. I asked him where he was going, as he puffed away and he looked at me (through fairly glazed eyes and a ‘Bellamy beard’) and looked down the road which he had been heading and said ‘that way’. Ok… ‘So where have you been?’ I inquired. He looked at me again, looked in the opposite direction and said, ‘that way’. Not put off I asked what he was going to do for the rest of the day but that just about merited a shrug before he shut his eyes and went to sleep. I got up, left him the rest of my cigarettes and began walking away…only to hear him utter (with his eyes still shut) ‘you worry too much young man, enjoy today and tomorrow will still be there.’ Yeah…it will won’t it.
and much much more
3
We came, we saw, we painted
A day at the Tomatina Imagine a narrow street, about fifteen feet wide. Lined on each side by two story houses. Now picture this street so tightly packed with people (who are chanting and singing) that you can’t help but move with the surges as the crowd pushes forward. And then they drive five trucks through the middle of it. Welcome to the Tomatina in Buñol where the PC brigade would have a field day. Don’t get me wrong, the Tomatina is amazing but it’s not for the faint hearted that’s for sure. It is best described as a football crowd having a food fight, fuelled by adrenalin, machismo, and it is totally lawless – the police don’t enter the town centre while the Tomatina is going on, and I don’t blame them as they would surely end up as the main target for the revellers. As we descended the windy streets that took us down to the centre of town the fun would begin we where could hear the roar of the crowds as they prepre pared for battle. Along the sides of the streets were hot dog sellers who would suddenly throw their (red hot) griddle into the back of a van and stand behind it whiswhis
4
tling as the police strode past. Finally we arrived at the town centre, and as I said at the top of this, it is packed. So packed that residents stand at their balconies and either hose down revellers to keep them cool or they’ll empty a few buckets of water on your head – for the same effect – and trust me, it is very welcoming as the sun reaches its working temperature for the day. We managed to work our way down to the main street just as the lorries had passed, and, amazingly, not squashed anyone en route, disgorging tons of ripe tomatoes. And then it began. Bedlam. Tomatoes came at us from all directions – here’s a tip if you don’t like tomatoes stuffed up your nose, ears or rubbed on your head, don’t go. Within seconds we were red from head to foot and with the pungent aroma of squashed tomatoes fixed in our nostrils (a smell that stayed around for at least a day afterwards). An hour of utter chaos throwing, and receiving, tomatoes at anyone
STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408
the town red… who looked a likely target (not the best place if like me and my son you’re tall – trust me…). We ended up on our backsides in six inch wa deep tomato flavoured (and coloured) water while some American friends we met there covered us once again. It was great. An amazing hour of madness in the heart of Spain, doing what the Spanish do best – having a party. When it’s all over the fun continues because as you retrace your steps - back up the now quite steep roads - to the top of the town, local residents stand at their doors with a hose and offer to wash you down before you get to the top and the fiesta that is in full swing, blocking roads and stopping traffic on roads that are supposed to be open by now. The Guardia just looked on; although it must be said I didn’t see anyone who dared launch a red missile in their direction. If you’ve never been and like a bit (a lot) of wild fun – come with us next year and I can promise you one thing…you can always tell your friends after that you’re well red!
NEW LOW! LOW! ADVERTISING RATES - TEL. 606 540 408
5
6
7
8
THE CHEAPEST ADVERTISING ON THE COSTA !!- TEL 606 540 408
Cancellation of the residence card or certificate Free movement and taking up your residency in any country of your choice within the EU is a right that we have as EU-citizens. However, being registered in two countries as your habitual country of residence is not.
andrea burns
QUALIFIED GESTORA
SPANISH PROBATE/INHERITANCES
If you are registered as a resident in Spain and wish to go back to the UK to work you will have to cancel your registration as a resident in this country.
SPANISH WILLS
The authorities need to be informed in writing (and in Spanish, of course) about the change of residency.
CONVEYANCING
Attach the original of the residence certificate or card to that letter and present it at the town hall and wherever you were registered as a resident. Take a copy for them to stamp it with their number of registration and they will inform the authorities where you first obtained your residency.
POWER OF ATTORNEY
Fiscal help...
A copy of the same needs to be presented at the Police Station where you registered as a resident (or that is competent for your area at the time of cancellation) for the residence card or certificate to be cancelled. You will then be considered a non-resident again in case you still have property or bank accounts in this country.
It is not a choice to consider yourself either a resident or non-resident depending on whether you live here permanently or not. It depends on how you are registered with the authorities. Bank accounts have been opened by people claiming to be a non-resident. It is most important for the bank to have the correct status. The bank will request a copy of the residence card or certificate if you claim to be a resident. However, if you claim to be a non-resident you will only need to produce your N.I.E. form. If the banks’ data base shows a discrepancy with the police departments’ data base (the authority that issues the residencia cards and certificates) the bank will freeze your account until you prove the non-residents status with the relevant documentation. The country of your habitual residence has the right of taxation. In the case of residents, the bank will tax any income received from interest payments at source. If the account holder is a non-resident, this income is to be taxed in his country of residency abroad. For that reason banks are obliged to demand an updated nonresidents’ declaration annually.
NOTARY DEEDS PRIVATE SALES CONTRACTS FISCAL REPRESENTATION CAPITAL GAINS TAX NON-RESIDENTS' INCOME TAX N.I.E. NUMBERS RESIDENCE CERTIFICATES URB. DON PUEBLO II BW 140 GRAN ALACANT 96 669 7824 or 639 608 969 ANDREABURNS@ORANGE.ES ‘SINCE 1991’
NEW LOW! LOW! ADVERTISING RATES - TEL. 606 540 408
9
SeptemberOffers SALE! Homes in Spain La Marina La Marina
La Escuera
Ref:472 350,000€
La Marina
Beautiful detached villa 3 beds 2 baths, pool , outside summer kitchen/Bar/Washroom.
La Marina Ref:436 125,000€ Ref:471 195,000€
Superbly extended 2 Bed, 2 Bath detached Rosa.
La Escuera
Extended 2 Bed, 2 Bath detached Rosa, Private Pool
Ref:109 170,000€
Greatly reduced detached 3 Bed, 2 Bath Villa
La Marina
Ref:397 119,500€
La Marina
3 Bed 2 Bath Julia style quad excellent value
Elche Ref:467 270,000€
Stunning 5 Bed, 4 Bath Villa with Pool
Ref:470 60,000€
Extended 2 Bed, 2 Bath terraced Josefina – great price!
Ref:379
99,000€
South facing 3 Bed Julia style quad, fantastic price!
Daya Nueva Elche
Ref:430 162,800€
Daya Nueva
Large Immaculate 2/3 Bed detached Finca- sought after location
Torrevieja Ref:160 114,950€
Ref:426 225,000€
Desirable large 4 Bed, 2 Bath reformed Finca in sought after location
Lovely individual 2 Bed l Bath detached Finca
Ref:461 88,000€ 2 Bed, 1 Bath Terraced house Good Price
Ref 443 72,500€
Avda. Londres 1-A, Local 8, Urb. La Marina San Fulgencio Office: 96 679 5233 email:info@ipgspain.com Visit our website to view our extensive range of properties:www.ipgspain.com 10
ask@thejungledrums.com
TOWN CENTRE 2 Bed, 1 Bath Furnished Apartment. Very good value
The Trouble With Spain
Visitors…
They’ve gone. You pull away from the
Once you’ve paid for the drinks, everyone
you’re full those weeks, got cockroaches
airport, blow a big sigh of relief and think
heads home to start on the fridge’s stock
or perhaps a regional disease and then of-
about watching telly tonight, in peace.
of alcohol and your favourite bottles of
fer them the services of the many reputa-
You also remember, with a smile, that you
wine while you head up to bed, knowing
ble rental companies that offer properties
can have your bed back and won’t have
that you’ve got to get up in the morning.
at that time of year. They could rent a car
to make tea in the morning for, what felt
And on it goes for the next two weeks or
too (saves you driving them around) and
like, half a platoon of brightly coloured
so.
the local supermarkets would benefit from
soldiers. Actually, that’s not the best anal-
Just recently a friend has returned home
their frequent trips to top up on water as
ogy in the world…soldiers by job descrip-
to the UK following a two week ‘visit’ and
they’d ‘rather not’ drink from the tap.
tion have to be tidy and organised, but
I’m not exaggerating when I say that a
That should solve it and when they do
you get my drift?
quadriplegic would have been more help-
go home after their trip you will not be
The relatives, ‘friends’ and the downright
ful around the house than him. He did a
knackered from having spent the last
hopeless have been over to stay, spend-
bit of shopping, I must admit, when we
two weeks picking up wet towels, dirty
ing half the time of their two week ‘visit’
ran out of fruit he bought a melon…which
ashtrays and anything else that happens
(seems like months) telling you how
he ate. And some white wine…which he
to be left lying around…Or does that just
horrible the UK is and how well you’re
drank. It begs the question as to why
happen to me…?
looking. When they are in the queue at
people suddenly think that your home is
the checkout and for some incredible
a hotel and you, unfortunately, are the
reason that defies logic; the checkout
maid, chef and manager? I mean, can you
girl has taken the liberty of speaking to
imagine going to stay at their house,
them in Spanish, they’ll have looked at
during the week, when they have
you without saying a word, expecting you
to get up for work every day
to translate, which you do by reading the
and insisting that they come
amount on the digital display in front of
and eat out nearly every
them.
night after you’ve been
They will have said that they are com-
cloud-bathing all
ing to ‘visit you’ but we know that what
day?
they really mean is ‘it’s holiday time!’
However, I have
and by the time you’ve shown them to
a simple answer
their (your) bedroom and they’ve had a
my friends,
rest from travelling (because sitting on a
one that will
plane for two hours is apparently ‘ex-
benefit all and
hausting’) they are ready to head out for
allow you to
a drink, and something to eat. Despite
get on with
the fact that just yesterday you filled the
your life
freezer, the cupboards and the fridge with
while they’re
enough food to keep the Falkland Island-
over for a
ers going through a dodgy winter. ‘no….
holiday…I
you shouldn’t have to cook for all of us’
mean visit.
(not tonight anyway) ‘let’s go out and get
Get them to
something and you can relax and have a
rent some-
drink’ (one that you’ll need as you face a
where.
night on a sunbed, in the spare room).
Tell them
The wife vowed never to have the family to stay again.
11
12
your local mag’ online and FREE!! - www.thejungledrums.com
offer ends -ask instore
NEW LOW! LOW! ADVERTISING RATES - TEL. 606 540 408
13
14
THE CHEAPEST ADVERTISING ON THE COSTA !!- TEL 606 540 408
WHY PAY MORE?
the best ad prices- TEL. 606 540 408
15
16
COMMON..
AFTER THE FIRE
OH YEAH?
After the fire that broke out close to the Monte Faro urbanization on Gran Alacant, we have lost some 50 acres of
by Malcolm Palmer
the campo, you may think of this as the loss of a few scrub pines and some tussock grass.
My views on the English names of birds are well-known, so I won’t get the soapbox out, but ‘Common’ is one of the daftest handles you can give almost anything. The only birds I can think of that deserve that title on a worldwide basis are Osprey, Peregrine Falcon and Barn Owl – as they occur almost everywhere, though you can easily go a year without seeing the last of them, just about anywhere. No, ‘common’ has to depend upon geography, and that means that Common Gull, for instance, is a fair old rarity in Spain. This sets me to thinking about other familiar sights from back in Britain which get our local birders in a tizzy. I’ve seen only three Dunnocks, all in remote mountains, around here. Blue Tits are restricted to a few pairs high up in the hills around Alcoy (beware Great Tits that can sound similar) – though there have recently been odd sightings elsewhere. Yellowhammers are extremelowly rare winter visitors (I’ve seen one flock in 18 years) and I’ve only ever set eyes on one Goldcrest – in a cold winter, too. (Beware the very similar Firecrest – common hereabouts) Seabirds, of course, have a long way to travel, if they come through the Straits, and, though Gannets, Razorbills and Common Scoter do make a habit of it, all divers and the other sea-ducks are very scarce indeed. The same can be said for Oystercatcher. My sister-in-law, visiting from England, hardly noticed one we saw at La Mata,
whilst Barry and I went into raptures. Waxwings don’t turn up in Spain very often, except as windblown waifs, and Fieldfare are rare this far south, but their cousins the Redwings, can be heard ‘lisping’ as they pass over on a mucky November night. Glancing through a field guide, I notice that a lot of the old ‘commons’ have been accorded brackets – presumably for reasons I have touched on – therefore (Common) Redshank and (Common) Guillemot, but some are so entrenched they can’t do anything about them, like Common Sandpiper, Common Tern, etc. The Spanish are as bad, in this respect, bunging ‘común’ after a whole bunch of species, some of which are distinctly uncomún outside Spanish borders – Collared Pratincole falls into this category. I suppose this is all part of my plea for uniformity, but with Valenciano and Catalán having its own bird names, and, even in England, still people who refer to Dunnocks as ‘Hedge Sparrows’ there’s a long way to go. I remember seeing a ‘Marsh Hawk’ on my first trip to the States – and thinking I’d seen a new bird until I realised it was their name for Hen Harrier! Ah well, perhaps we should leave it all alone, and just enjoy these little oddities?
Unfortunately it could be much more than this if you the readers can remember back to the March issue Jungle Drums kindly published pictures of some of the wonderful flowers that grew in the same area as the fire. At best this means that the seeds produced this year have all been destroyed, at worst it could mean that the various flowers will have been completely destroyed and will not return to the area, a lot of the plants especially the orchids, wild gladioli wild delphiniums and the white narcissi are very sensitive to change the soil where they grow i.e. a change in acidity or alkalinity could destroy any plants that survived the actual fire. The flowers have also faced another ecological problem this year, although the end of this year and the beginning of this year were the wettest this part of Spain has seen for many years and most of the wild flowers had the best and longest flowering season for many years, the sad thing is that due to the global shortage of bees many of the plants were very poorly pollinated. I made two test areas in the one area I hand pollinated with a small soft paint brush the plants listed above, and left the other test area to be pollinated naturally, where I pollinated there were on average 68 % more seed pods produced. No one seems to know why there ahs been such a world decline in bees but it could be quite a problem in the future. I hope that we have not lost too many
photos from the top Female Hen Harrier Barn Owl Common Ternl Dunnock
of these beautiful little flowers from this area but we will have to wait to see what next February and March will bring Ill keep you posted. John Harris
NEW LOW! LOW! ADVERTISING RATES - TEL. 606 540 408
17
18
WHY PAY MORE?
the best ad prices- TEL. 606 540 408
19
SPANISH the world’s most expensive spice
Having been designated the job of researching Saffron I went on the internet and began my search and discovered a couple of things… firstly Saffron is the most expensive spice in the world(it can cost up to 250€ per ounce) and, secondly, Saffron is also a high class call girl from Minnesota who presumably doesn’t charge by the ounce…although if she did, being American, that would probably make her very expensive. But apparently our readers will be more interested in the spice (Minnesota Saffron also offered ‘spice’ by the way) that is derived from the crocus, or more accurately; the stigma of the crocus. Saffron is called azafran in Spanish and is a spice that has a special place in history and has always been considered very valuable. In fact, at one point it was even used as currency. In ancient Greece women used it as a cosmetic; the Roman Emperor Nero had the streets covered with it for his parades; Phoenicians made veils of it for their brides and Buddhists used it to dye their robes, while Des O’Connor uses it to achieve his tan.
Spanish saffron is famous all over the world for its romantic aroma, lovely flavour, and colouring capabilities. It is also a very delicate spice that is actually the tiny red stigma in the centre of the purple crocus flower with each bulb producing 2-3 flowers. The plants bloom in October and November and must be harvested quickly (within a day) or the stigma lose their flavour. The harvest is rapid - lasting only about 10 days and is still done entirely by hand with the flowers collected by the farmers and then, passed along to the women of the area, who sit at long tables to separate the red stigmas from the rest of the flower. The next step is when the stigmas are roasted to dry them. Painstaking work: separating the stigma from the flower
20
Sorting: Saffron is sieved to leave only the pure stigma
Although saffron traces its origins to Persia and is now widely produced in countries like China and Iran, the very best saffron is Spanish. This highly aromatic saffron comes from the fields of Castilla la Mancha in central Saffron is the stigma of the Spain. This is the land of Don autumn flowering crocus. Take Quixote. The only saffron in the a look inside almost any flower world with DO, or appellation, and you will see three threadlike status, it’s set apart by saffron filaments. These are the stigma - produced elsewhere by its bright but only in the saffron crocus are red color and explosive aroma; a these stigma worth thousands of little bit goes a very long way. euros per pound. It is so valuable because it is a very labour Unfortunately, Manchego saffron intensive crop and only 2-3 kilos is hard to come by. During its of saffron can be produced from heyday in the 1970s, produceach acre of land. This makes tion reached 50 tons a year, but saffron the most expensive regional economic hardships spice by weight (except possibly and a lack of quality control sunk our friend from Minnesota) but production to just 100 kilos by to use saffron isn’t that expen1998. sive as a little goes a long way. A single gram of saffron easily translates into golden colour and fragrant flavour in 10 recipes of saffron rice for four, several batches of bread, or a couple of big pots of paella. Just a few threads of saffron are enough to give an enhancing colour and special touch of flavour to rice, soups, stews, sauces, sweets and bakery products.
RE
AD
SAFFRON
ER
OF
FE
R!
3 days/2 nights in Toledo at the world famous SAFFRON FESTIVAL for only
149€
Don’t miss this special offer:.. ...a trip to Toledo to see the famous saffron festival Plus the amazing Alcazar Castle amd much more!
Come with us and see the festival for yourself! For those gourmet travellers amongst you, you can come
petitions. Saffron plays a prominent role in this as around
to the picturesque town of Consuegra in La Mancha
90% of Spain’s saffron production is from this region.
during the saffron festival, called “Festival de la Rosa del
The Monda competitions are a particular highlight, where
Azafrán” in October.
participants separate the saffron spice from the flower, a delicate process that only the nimblest of fingers can
Jungle drums have teamed up with ANAYMATOURS to
achieve. Held in the town’s Plaza de España, there are
offer our readers this exclusive offer of two nights in one
Monda contests for children, locals and also experts from
of Spain’s miost beautiful cities to enjoy the Saffron festi-
other Spanish regions. The National Monda on the final
val, and, of course, the beauty of this historic city.
day is worth seeing as all competitors wear traditional dress from their respective regions.
TO BOOK:
ITINERARY Collection from your nearest town. Arrive in Toledo and take a tour of the city, dinner and then overnight in your hotel 2nd day Breakfast and then off to Consuegra for a tour and then a visit to the Saffron festival Back to the hotel for dinner 3rd day Breakfast and then off to the amazing Alcazar Castle before making the journey home to your original point of origin.
ANAYMATOURS Avda, Pais Valeniano 44 Guardamar or call:
Collection from Gran Alacant La Marina Guardamar Quesada Rojales
The FIESTA DE AZAFRAN is a unique folkloric festival
Another traditional event is Molienda de Paz - flour-milling
that offers a range of activities from contests to see who
in one of the oldest and best preserved windmills in Spain.
can extract the crocus the fastest, to processions of the
Visitors can see wheat flour being made at Sancho wind-
masked Gigantes y Cabezudos (“giants and big-heads”).
mill in Consuegra.
Other sights nearby include the many wineries of La
On top of these main activities, the festival always offers a
Mancha, the beautiful village of Almagro with its ancient
brilliant food festival in D José Ortega y Munilla street, pa-
theatre and the castle of Alarcon and of course the stun-
rades, live singing, dancing, exhibitions, sports competi-
ning city of Toledo.
tions, as well as visits to the surrounding Saffron fields. All
Dating back to 1963, the event aims to promote the cul-
of Consuegra’s monuments are also open to the public.
tural identity of La Mancha through craft, food and com-
96 672 6665 or 636 388 581 and remember to take your copy of Jungle Drums!
Ana and Maria at Anaymatours will answer any questions that you have.
NEW LOW! LOW! ADVERTISING RATES - TEL. 606 540 408
21
MAYOBUILD Dean Martin Mayo
GENERAL BUILDERS PLUMBING UNDERBUILDS ELECTRICAL and much more ESTABLISHED 5 YEARS in GRAN ALACANT design and build - portfolio of work -
Tel.
96 669 5378
or 665 063 228 email:
mayobuild@hotmail.com Hablamos Espanol 22
your local mag’ online and FREE!! - www.thejungledrums.com
CROSSWORD 1
CROSSWORD 2
Alpha-Cross 01 The first letter of each answer is written next to its clue in alphabetical order. One letter has already been entered. Can you find the words then fit them correctly into the grid?
1. Turned away or aside (7) 2. Similar (5) 3. Kitchen implement (7) 9. Deport (5) 5. Commissioned military officer 10. Relished (7) (5) 11. Act of deliberate betrayal (7) 6. Unfathomable (7) 12. Movable staircases (5) 7. Periodic rise and fall of sea 13. Easily handled or managed (6) level (5) 15. Lithe (6) 8. Deceive by mock action (5) 19. Device in a brass wind 14. Assemble in proper sequence instrument (5) (7) 16. Scoundrel (7) 21. Oval (7) 17. Promote (7) 23. Slowly moving ice mass (7) 18. Prolonged period of time (5) 24. Large artery (5) 19. Undefined (5) 25. Throws out (6) 20. Live (5) 26. Sternutation (6) 22. Sum of money offered as a prize (5) 4. A forceful consequence (6)
9 5
WHY PAY MORE?
1
3
Wordoku LETTERS USED ECNAILQTP
4
1 4 2 Answers page 39
Down
1. Counting device (6)
7
L. Departing (7) R. Dried grapes (7) R. Responded (7) R. Majestic (5) S. Fusillade (5) S. Vicious (6) S. Scandinavian buffet (11) T. Topic (5) T. One of three (7) V. Assorted (7) W. Author (6)
0
A. Increased speed (11) A. Dialects (7) A. Entirely (3) A. Vacuous (7) B. Armed robbers (7) B. Stringed instrument (5) C. Vegetable (7) C. Hoard (5) C. Auto (3) C. Circus performer (5) C. Snake (5) D. Inactive (7) E. Ahead of time (5) E. Malevolent (4) K. Rope fastening (4)
Across
the best ad prices- TEL. 606 540 408
23
‘This is Spain Exhibitions’ comes to the Costa Calida
BEACH FASHION – OR THE LACK OF IT.
As I sit on what I consider the quietest and best of Santa Pola’s beaches – Tamarit, the traditional parade of the fatties walks up and down in front of me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no sylph-like Adonis myself – but one reason I like Tamarit is that the folk there make me feel slim. To wear a bikini, a woman should have the semblance of female form, I think – no need to look like Claudia Schiffer, but, well, you know, at least a bit shapely. Having said that, the idea of a beach is that you wear what you damn’ well like, and I admit to a certain admiration for the Duchess of Alba, who, at 84, wears her bikini to the beach. But some of the sights at Tamarit are just too much. And guys: whoever sold you flower-patterned bermudas? And knee-length ones at that. They must be very uncomfortable to swim in – though I suppose there’s less skin available to the jellyfish! Anyway, keep up the good work – it gives me something to amuse myself with, between the occasional passing-by of a comely wench – and isn’t it then difficult to avoid turning your head and so getting grief from the missus?
24
The next edition of the very successful ‘This is Spain Exhibition’ will be held on the Costa Calida at the prestigious four star ‘Hotel Thalasia’ in San Pedro del Pinatar. The exhibition will run from the 22nd – 24th October 2010. The venue is a brand new luxury hotel with easy access from both the N332 and the AP7 motorways. The exhibition hall is very large, beautifully appointed and has a separate access, with wheelchair/ pram ramp. It is fully air-conditioned. As you would expect in a four star hotel, there are restaurants, a cafeteria and plenty of areas where visitors can sit and relax. To reach the hotel, take the Lo Pagan coast road from the roundabout with the boat on the N332. The hotel is on the right hand side. There is ample parking. Exhibition organiser, Christine Roche, is very excited about the upcoming exhibition. “It is a fantastic venue which will allow businesses on the Costa Calida to showcase their products and services to a wide audience.” Christine started theThis is Spain exhibitions in 2002, the first being held at the La Zenia hotel. She could see that there was a gap in the market for this kind of show which would promote businesses and products to the every increasing expat population. Following the success of that first show, Christine and her team have organised shows twice a year, each attracting large numbers of exhibitors and visitors. Stands are going fast with businesses such as financial services, water filters, conservatories, double glazing, health and beauty, home and garden, schools, pools and much more already signed up. Charities such as the Help Association will also be represented and the British Legion will have poppies for Remembrance Day. For more information, and to book your stand, call Christine Roche on 627 409 881 or 965 632 835 or email her at info@exhibitions-spain.com. Also, see the website at www.exhibitions-spain.com for regular updates and details of the businesses who will be exhibiting.
STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408
www.TorreviejaForums.com For everything to do with Torrevieja and all areas from Alicante to Murcia (coastal and inland)
K9
Club Animals For Adoption
These 2 large Spanish puppies were found inside a Basura bin in the middle of Spanish summer day by a man walking his dogs in the country. Thankfully, his own dogs brought his attention to their plight by crying at the bin. The puppies were extremely hot and dehydrated and they would not have survived another hour in there, they are just 12weeks old. Both are female and although at first
FOREST FIRES
they were very weak and traumatised they spent a day in the animal hospital and have fully recovered from their ordeal. They are now in a temporary foster home, we have named them Raquel and Roxy. Alex was with many other dogs on a finca, all had been taken by the lady living there. We discovered that Alex, along with others, were going to be taken away to be destroyed as the lady rentrent ing the finca was to be evicted
What you see nightly on the news should put you
for non-payment of rent. We
off buying a house in a wooded area. Already
stepped in to save Alex and
got one? Oh dear. There are few things more
some others. He is a small
terrifying than fire – it moves with astonishing speed, even jumps over roads and other gaps, and causes immense destruction, threatening all forms of life. But how does it start? Obviously cigarette-
dog and he has a microchip. Alex is 18 months, he has a very easy going personality and he is very friendly. Harvey the 1 year Dalmation was found on the outout skirts of an urbanisation at the side
ends are big culprits, dropped bottles and other
of a main road. After examination by
glass, which concentrate the sun’s rays, less
our vet she told us that he was probably
obvious. Sparks from railway lines and roads
hit by a car because he had a hairline fracture
cause some fires. Then there are the perfectly
in his left leg, he also had a bruised left eye and
natural fires caused by lightning strikes – more
he had bitten his tongue, injuries consistent with
common than you may suppose, causing quite
a collision with a vehicle. He is receiving treatment for this and it is hoped that he
a high percentage of fires. But as for the last
will make as full recovery. He is a lovely boy.Tara is a beautiful long haired black
category – intentional fires – who, in the world,
cat that a lady found outside her house. She is currently caring for her but she
would want to set fire to hectares of woodland or mountainside? Psychologists may know what triggers a desire to see centuries of natural life go up in smoke. I’m quite sure I don’t.
is returning to the UK soon and so we must find her a new a home. T Tara is very sociable, she likes a cuddle and is used to being in a house. We believe that she is about 5 years old. Tara has been spayed.
611 606 001 k9club@lamarina.info To view more animals for adoption please go to: www.petsinspain.info
For more information please call Email:
On the first Sunday of each month the K9 Dog Adoption and Fostering Day will take place outside The Pasty Shack in Avenida Londres, La Marina urbanisation, from 10am to 2pm. Come along and meet K9 Dogs and talk to their fosterers and other K9 Club volunteers. Pick up a leaflet and browse through our manuals. If you are looking to adopt or foster a dog the K9 Club will have one suitable for you. The Pasty Shack will donate 5% of all takings on the day to the K9 Club. www.petsinspain.info
NEW LOW! LOW! ADVERTISING RATES - TEL. 606 540 408
25
Estate Agents Victoria, Fiona Edwards and Jos茅 Luis Llanos ( husband and wife), have been established in the fishing village of Santa Pola for almost 30 years. They are able to offer a large range of property on the Costa Blanca and above all a complete after-sales service, as listed below. All their staff have a good knowledge of the English language and also speak German. A free consultation, property valuation and advice is given to all those considering selling their property, also an estimated calculation on what they can expect to receive after paying all costs. You may call us for an appointment at any time , at our offices situated in Gran Alacant.
FEEL AT HOME We also offer professional advice on all the following matters. Taxes for residents and non-residents. Inheritance tax Spanish wills Application of fiscal numbers(N.I.E.) Application of Spanish residency Transfer of documents on Spanish vehicles Rent a Car Translations Help with medical enquiries Transfer of property ownership Advice on buying and selling in Spain Property insurance Health insurance Power of Attorney Advice on mortgages Advice on rentals Money transfers with excellent rates to any part of the word at no cost. Free consultations
www.victoria.es
Inmobiliaria Victoria Avda. Escandinavia, 72 C.C. Altomar II L.10 03130 Gran Alacant 路 Santa Pola Tlf. 966697779 路 966698180 Fax 966697378 sp@victoria.es
www.victoria.es
27
& the Jungle Drums
FANTSY FOOTBALL
Well, let’s get things started by congratulating all those who entered. With a whopping 45 Teams, we have possibly the largest Fantasy Football league on the Costa Blanca. Whether it was the Manager of Month Hotel MASA Meal prize, the end of season champions prize of €250 or most likely the local bragging rights that motivated you to enter, I think we are going to have a lot of fun this season. The new season kicked off with an massive blast of goals thanks, in part, to four 6-0 drubbings in the first two weeks. Interestingly, in addition to the usual goal (and points) machine that is Didier Drogba, the leading managers have unearthed some less obvious points, notably in the guise of Newcastle’s Andy Carroll and Sp**s player Gareth “ladies man” Bale. At the time of going to print there were still some points to be added, so maybe Mitch Bull’s bottom of table team The Translator still have time to learn the language of Football Management. For you Sir, I recommend an intensive course in Jose Mourhino for beginners. Sadly (from this reports point of view), Barry Jones’ team Rock Bottom were anything but bottom and managed an impressive late in the month haul of 113 points. The Gary Bilton managed Marching On started brightly but dropped away as the month
went on. Heading up the table we find team La Marina Gooner and although in 16th place, their manager is proving maybe he does have bit of Arsene Wenger in him. Better still, the formidable (sometimes) Blue & White Army under the stewardship of yours truly are delicately poised in 8th place and ready to make an assault on the the top places(well maybe 7th place). For much of the month, the early league leader from Destinations, Simon Ions was showing the rest how it is done. However after a final day flurry of points Destinations ended up in 3rd place. A fantastic pick of players has resulted in a top of the table spot for IfOnly, who are under the stewardship of Stuart Howe. Just behind him in 2nd place were Armoured FC, managed by Alan Ginn. A great effort by all and special congratulations to Stuart Howe and team IfOnly. You win the Manager of the Month award and dinner for two at the Hotel MASA. Drop me a line at paul@masainternational.com to arrange the date. If you haven’t yet joined the league, it’s not too late to enter, go to www.thejungledrums.com/football and get involved.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
ifonly
Stuart Howe
69
215
Armoured FC
Alan McGinn
57
212
Destinations
Simon ions
59
208
fcbartonini
paul barton
54
204
OT Dreamteam
Jean Byrne
66
195
endas team
enda fallon
38
195
HughesyWoosey
Richard Hughes
49
181
Blue and White Army
Paul Payne
45
180
henry the cheat
joe mcaloon
42
168
I heard English voices at the recent friendly against Real Madrid.
sunworld gunners
vic cooper
41
166
You live, I don’t need to tell you, in Spain now, and you can’t get to sup-
Yanks go HOME
Norman Whiteside
65
163
port Man United, or Scunthorpe, regularly. Get behind your local team!
World Cup Heros
Neill Flack
48
162
G.A fantasy XI
richard hart
39
162
Green & Gold
Tom Byrne
62
160
lamarinagooner
Raymond Lowe
44
158
promotion, and now your local Alicante
Hondon Hammers
Barry Gannaway
42
157
side are determined to make a good
Spurting Lesbian
evin Rendall
56
154
majors.spurs
Martin Roullier
31
154
were back!
michael howe
53
153
IRELANDS FINEST
Mrs Ireland
52
153
21
Kats Tigers
Katrina Hobson
48
151
Cortes from Getafe, French winger
22
CostaBlancaClaret
Jim Donnelly
51
151
Thomert, and several others, includ-
23
Gran Alacant 5
Bob Flitney
49
145
24
El Oasis Utd
Mark Pollitt
52
143
25
COCKNEY CREWE
VuVu Zela
45
143
26
JohnnyWarksLegend11
ADAM PARKINS
29
142
27
marraysrangers
raymond wilby
56
142
to an attractive side.
28
GATITO
keith mccormack
51
138
But just look at the opposition, this
29
Marching On
Gary Bilton
33
136
30
happydogstoo
hilary lowe
46
136
31
Swinton Reds
Old Tom Byrne
56
133
32
Milko
Graham Brown
53
121
Hercules will not be daunted by this
33
Hobbo’s Heroes
Steve Hobson
29
117
array of stars, and the new-look Rico
34
stevesden77
Steve f
48
114
35
Manc Red
G A RED
40
114
36 37
Rock Bottom
Barry Jones
56
113
campbells
Paul Campbell
35
113
38
JJB’s tall bloke
Lewis Rendall
27
104
39
Junge Drums
dave bull
43
103
40 41
Phoney Dog Poo
Jules Lowne
29
98
STORRY UNITED CL
Matthewman
28
95
42
BlueMoon Solutions
Richard Cavender
20
79
43
Gran Alacant News
jungle drums
42
42
44
THE TRANSLATOR
mitch bull
32
32
COME TO THE RICO PEREZ Come on, all you football fans... I know you’re out there,
Hercules are now in the top flight of perhaps the highest quality league in world football – Spain, after all, are World Champions. It was no easy matter to hold off Betis and company, and achieve
fist of it, and stay up. To this end, they have signed some important players – Paraguayan international striker Valdez, Argentinian midfielder Fritzler, the experienced
ing re-signing Columbian international Abel Aguilar. Add to these established favourites like captain Tote, midfield general Farinós and veteran wingers Rufete and Sendoa, and it adds up
season – Real Madrid, with Christiano Ronaldo and Kaká, Barcelona, with Messi, Iniesta and Villa, Sevilla with Kanoute and Jesus Navas – need I go on?
Perez is now a stadium befitting such encounters, with new seating an facilities. There is space for 32,000 souls in there – so let’s fill it, and hear the shout: ‘HerculES!’
foto mark welton José Mourhino -photographed during Real Madrid´s friendly last month against Hercules. He returns with his full squad the weekend 31st Oct.
29
30
STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408
“for all your home and business computer needs”
“BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca. We aim to provide high “quality computer services at realisrealis tic prices - we specialise in providing services to small businesses and home users”
Broadband Setup New Computers & Laptops in English Repairs & Upgrades Compatible Ink Cartridges Phone Calls Using Your PC Website Design Competitive Rates
Micro Loans... PC and Server Health Checks Macro Writing Microsoft Office Training Server Monitoring Backup Solutions Web and Email Hosting Windows Server Configuration Network & Wireless Setup Anti-Virus & Security No Call Out Fee No Job Too Small
Email or phone us for friendly help and advice office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es mobile: 655 044 970 Office: 902 906 200
Welcome to this month’s computer article written by Richard from BlueMoon Solutions You could be forgiven for thinking that the Internet has turned into a big commercial shopping centre - a place where you can buy pretty much anything and not a charitable place at all. We have previously, in this column, covered how you can even get things for free via the Internet, well this month we are going to look at how the Internet can allow you to help people less fortunate than us build a better life. I have been looking at two organisations, KIVA and MicroPlace. Both have websites set up to help people in poverty stricken places like Uganda to work their way out of poverty by enabling people like you and me to lend them money in a safe, structured way. Kiva say their mission is “to connect people, through lending, for the sake of alleviating poverty” where MicroPlace say their mission is to “help alleviate global poverty by enabling everyday people to make investments in the world’s working poor”. They both share the same idea - it’s the principle of the many helping the few. Both organisations allow those more fortunate (us) to loan small amounts of money to help entrepreneurs in less fortunate circumstances work their way out of poverty. You can see for yourself and decide whether you want to get involved by visiting their websites at www.kiva. org or/and www.microplace.com The one key difference between KIVA and MicroPlace is that interest is paid on MicroPlace loans up to a rate of 3% Here is the story of just one borrower from KIVA, her name is Benny Nakaggwa, Benny lives in Uganda and is a
widow. She takes care of additional family members, resides in and owns a four roomed house. Benny is a tailor/ designer on Luwum Street in Kampala City, Uganda, she designs and makes all types of fashions for women and at times she goes door to door selling her clothes Benny works six days a week and aspires to buy a plot of land so that she can have her own business premises and also have a bridal shop. She wants a loan of $325 to buy more clothing materials and currently she has raised just $25. Once she has raised the money, she plans to repay it over a term of 8 months – all of this information is available for each of the borrowers on each site. So why not have a look - remember not to lend more money than you can afford to lose, but the worst that can happen is that you make someone’s life a little better.
E.mail: Maria_cairns@hotmail.es
32
COMPLETE MOTORING SOLUTIONS
EVERYTHING YOU NEED FOR YOUR CAR IN SPAIN
E E
ITV’s
E E
VEHICLE RE-REGISTRATION
E E
CAR SERVICE CENTER
E E
VEHICLE TRANSFERS
E E
SPARES & ACCESSORIES
E E
REPAIRS SHINY LAMPS SL SPECIAL OFFER !
BUY ONE GET ONE FREE ! OIL and FILTER CHANGE 60€ Contact us for details. “
RE-REGISTRATION SPECIALISTS &
Back from our Summer Break... ...and just when you think you know it all, up
It seems that all levels of government, National,
pops a subject, that you don’t know the answer
Regional, Provincial and Local are hell bent
to!
on beating the crisis - ‘que crises?’ - by taking
Like fire extinguishers in cars!
evermore cash out of the population who don’t
According to a respected expert writing in the
have any cash to start with. We know that one
English language free press these are mandatory
result of this attitude is to convince the ex-pats
in all vehicles so we dived into all our references
that they will be better off in the UK and we are
and following extensive research we are of the
painfully aware of the numbers of our longstand-
opinion that they are not mandatory. The Official
ing customers that have taken that decision. All
line being that it is advisable to carry such equip-
this achieves for the Spanish economy is the loss
ment whilst motoring.
of a strong source of disposable wealth, which
Thought you might like to know that.
neither the local population, nor the seasonal visitors can replace. That’s my rant for this month!
Now, we all know that there are lots of things that
We are still here and we will continue to provide
you should not do, during the Summer months,
our services to the motoring public, whether it
well let me add another one……………..do not
is for mechanical ailments or dirty headlamps or
get involved with Spanish bureaucracy, during
tackling the Bureaucrats for Re-Registrations and
July and August, especially, when there is an
Transfers.
ongoing dispute concerning salaries, holidays
Whenever I meet Paco, which has not been for a
and pensions.
while, he always greets me with ‘Feliz Navidad’
Well we have, and firstly (ignoring the advice
whatever the time of year and when I query this
of one ‘Jethro Leroy Gibbs that you “never say
greeting he replies, in my crude translation, ‘It
sorry”) we do apologise to our customers that
will come round again, only the pine box will
have suffered the unfortunate delays, with their
stop you from seeing it’. That always makes him
paperwork from the Hacienda and Trafico offices,
chuckle and before you know it, two beers have
caused by staff holidays, wildcat walk-outs, work
been ordered and away we go.
to rule, new regulations, Fiestas, shortened opening hours and sheer bloody mindedness!
Until next month, adios, don’t forget to contact us
Maybe next year we will have the sense to avoid
with your questions, either by phone;
this silly season.
965 419 769 or e-mail :
SEE THE LIGHT USE THE HEADLAMP EXCHANGE EXCHANGE FULL WORKSHOP FACILITIES AVDA DE L’ALEGRIA 106 FOR ALL YOUR CAR NEEDS LA MARINA VILLAGE SPARES, OIL FILTERS, 03194 ELCHE BRAKES, TYRES ETC. ALICANTE CALL 96 541 9769 www.COMPLETEMOTORINGSOLUTIONS.ES
mick@completemotoringsolutions.es or view our website www.completemotoringsolutions.es
We can renovate your dull, dirty, yellowed and fadedheadlights back to new. All plastic lights faded by hot sun. Also all LHD headlights available at excellent rates, also lamp rebuilds & conversions for Japanese imports
TRADE ENQUIRIES WELCOME
call 96 541 9769 33
34
35
CALL PAUL
THERE IS ONLY ONE NAME IN SANTA POLA
Talleres PEREZ JUAN NEW AND SECOND HAND VEHICLES, REPAIRS, SERVICING AND BODY WORK Talleres Perez Juan S.L Ctra Elche 10 - Santa Pola. Telephone 96 541 5921 or 96 541 3746 36
‘If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?’ An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: “woman without her man is nothing”. The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly. The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.” The women wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.” Kids Are Quick
“Experience
TEACHER:
Maria, go to the map and find North America . MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ? CLASS: Maria. TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’ GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’ TEACHER: No, that’s wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O. TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are. TEACHER:
Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘ I. ‘ MILLIE: I is... TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, ‘I am.’ MILLIE: All right... ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’ TEACHER:
LOUIS: TEACHER: SIMON: TEACHER: CLYDE : TEACHER:
George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him? Because George still had the axe in his hand... Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook. Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his? No, sir. It’s the same dog.
Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher
is what you get when Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Bourne almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Lincolnshire? And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
I was at the CAM bank today; there was a short queue. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for euros. It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller, “Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat euro of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?” The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, “Fluctuations.” The Asian lady says, “Fluc you white people too”
you didn’t get what you wanted.”
Pensioners v Prisoners
Let’s put the pensioners in jail and the crimi crimipensionnals in a nursing home. This way the pension ers would have access to showers, hobbies and walks. They’d receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they’d receive money instead of paying it out. They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance. Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them. A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell. They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose. They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counseling, pool and education. Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ’s and legal aid would be free, on request. Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens. Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls. There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to. The “criminals” would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay 900.00€ per month and have no hope of ever getting out. Justice for all we say.
37
38
PUZZLES Solitions
from page 23
Easy Soduku
CARRY ON JOKING...! A nun arrives at the local bar John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. “You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!” Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive. “How do you know this, Sister?” “My Mother Superior told me so.” “But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?” “Don’t be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself” “Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life” “How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!” “I’ll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know.” The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar. “Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks”, then he lowers his voice and says to the barman “and could you put the vodka in a teacup?” “Oh no! It’s not that Nun again is it?”
Mother in law...
Hard Soduku Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. One good turn gets most of the blankets. There are two kinds of pedestrians -the quick and the dead. Life is sexually transmitted.
Wordoku
If quitters never win, and winners never cheat, then who is the fool who said “Quit while you’re ahead”? A closed mouth gathers no feet. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. It’s not hard to meet expenses, they’re everywhere.
Crossword 1
Jury -- Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
So you want to become my sonin-law? Not exactly. I just want to marry your daughter. A man who hated his mother-in-law got three wishes from a genie. Genie: “Whatever you wish for, your mother-in-law gets DOUBLE.” First wish: “I would like one billion dollars.” Genie: “Ok but mom get’s two billion.” Second wish: “I would like an island off the coast of Greece.” Genie: “OK but mom get’s two islands.” Third wish: “ I would like you to beat me half to death.” Bill: I was sorry to hear that your mother-in-law died. What was the complaint? George: We haven’t had any yet
Crossword 2
DIVE ACADEMY SANTA POLA
39
40
STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408
Should death occur in Spain - would you know what to do?
“There are two certainties in life……..Death and Taxes”
Death cannot be avoided and in Spain the issues and legalities surrounding death are completely different from your home country.
SPN FUNERAL PLANS SL CAN HELP YOU ALLEVIATE THESE ISSUES
Your peace of mind in good hands.
Look at these benefits: No health or age restrictions Funeral costs frozen at today’s´ prices, No hidden extras Dual Certification plan is operative wherever you reside 24 hour English speaking bereavement line. English speaking Funeral Directors Extra day’s mortuary available Fully operational/registered Spanish SL Company Regulated by Ministry of Economics in Spain Local offices and representatives Guaranteed provision of plan benefits
Makes you think, doesn’t it?
Pricing from €28.50 per month
For further information on our plans contact our local representative Abi Newton on 966 715 706 or 649114778 Or go to www.spnfuneralplans.com Reg no 06162147 – CIF no B92791664
NEW LOW! LOW! ADVERTISING RATES - TEL. 606 540 408
41
42
your local mag’ online and FREE!! - www.thejungledrums.com
SEP 2010 Bachelor Parties, baby showers and 65th birthday parties are whoopwhoopingly starred at different times of the month. Danger in the form of stripes, spots or just muscular animals who like to maul, chew or pound on you with their feet and noses, are well starred this month. The planets are difficult to read; this could mean that the planets are protecting you from the animals who don’t want to do you any harm, or it could mean that the kill will be quick and painless. After last months warnings on beach sports, the problems just keep coming this month. Sunscreen has come under the influence of a cynical Neptune and may be at least a factor 1 less than that advertised on the bottle. Single arm press ups with a clap in between has a 56% chance of looking hilarious if you get the timing wrong this month, up from 55.5% last month. You are about to witness a genuine ‘Me Me’ Roadrunner occurrence this month, and a wile Coyote who has acne. This almost perfect cartoon coincidence gone wrong follows on from last month’s Mr Magoo who looks like he is short sighted but isn’t and saw you do that mocking dance about him and is plotting revenge in a way only a lonely single man can do, and Stewie from Family Guy who actually had a French accent.
Honky tonk is your preferred dancing and piano playing style this month. Jupiter and Saturn are both set to waft a celestial criticism your way during attempts at rapping - that bit when you just can’t think of the next sentence? That’s the influence of Saturn that is... (Jupiter is just happy when you work the word boobies in somewhere). This month your preferred order of Banana Splits is Snork, Bingo, Fleagle and Drooper. Running, jumping, but not flying through the air head first, are all well starred. Climbing trees is well starred, especially the low ones and especially when a lion isn’t trying to eat you from below, otherwise they are badly starred with a falling from great heights advisory throughout. Sweeping, glamorous, deep blue sea, palm trees swaying in a light breeze with not a cloud in the sky scenes will either induce feelings of ‘gotta get away from this office job’, or send you to sleep this month, depending on which anxiety dvd course the planets have got you on. Neptune has been impressed by the yellow and red cards the referees in the World Cup have been using and particularly the power these seem to wield on those who have been naughty. Running Benny Hill style and slapping bald headed old men on the head is well starred this month, especially if you are the old man with the bald head. This month your lucky professional wrestler wears spandex at least to his knees and his trademark move rhymes with ‘tell him ref’. Humming mysteriously and at length may be your only hope in fighting off some kind of unexpected attack.
‘A stitch in time saves nine’ is your phrase of the month, whatever that means. (A quick stitch now means you don’t have to do 9 stitches later? We don’t think so, sounds like it’s pants around your ankles time later if you equate a quick stitch with 9 stitches, we’re just saying. And why does it save 9 stitches later, why not eight or ten? Did the writer of this saying only choose 9 because it rhymed with time? This is just proof that you shouldn’t listen to proverbs - they aren’t anywhere near as accurate as horoscopes. That ends our mystical rant over accuracy. Phaa.) Kicking balls is well starred this month in any of its forms, apart from the euphemistic ones. The king prawn balls advisory continues in place until well into November. Fouls, fowls and fjords are all well starred. This month your destiny has a chance of happiness in another constellation. After last months excursions into the joys of text messaging, now might be the time to try to stop writing u for you, 2 for to or too, and ROTFLMFAO for rolling on the floor laughing my ass off [edited for family newspaper], or, on second thoughts, maybe don’t for the last one just rolls of the tongue doesn’t it? A hearty walk, a hearty meal but not Braveheart are well starred, unless you are in the mood for painting the Scottish flag on your face. Dilemmas, paradoxes, but not enigmas or mysteries, are your private detective investigation solving strengths for the month ahead. Generally you tend for the Columbo pretending not to know what he is doing but he does routine but without actually knowing what you are doing. Saturn is keen for you to try being more like Miss Marple, or that woman on Murder She Wrote.
This month’s fashion advisory is to unbutton your shirt three buttons down from the top until dusk on the 29th. This month will be the first time in your life that you are whichever is the better one in the before or after picture. Celebrate inappropriately. In any disaster movie type situation: anyone with a plan that ‘just might work’ hasn’t thought it through properly - ignore them and bang noisily on the hull to attract the attention of rescuers.
WHY PAY MORE?
the best ad prices- TEL. 606 540 408
43
10€
ONLY in JUNGLE DRUMS
MOUNTAIN VIEW
CAT HOTEL
Hondon de las Nieves/Frailes Centrally heated houses with large indiviudual runs. Love and care will be lavished during your cat’s stay
HAIR & BEAUTY
My 29 years of experience in animal and veterinary care will give you peace of mind. STILL ONLY €6.00 per day to visit book/call: Carol or Paul 966 677 273 answerphone - we will call back Mobile 654 155 473
www.mountainviewcathotel.webs.com
avda mediterraneo 72 GRAN ALACANT Behind Thomas greens
96 669 5031
44
ADVERTISING from only
10â‚Ź
ONLY in JUNGLE DRUMS
Computer Troubles?
page
31
STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408
45 37
BUSINESS DIRECTORY COMPUTERS
AIR CONDITIONING DIGINOVA Santa Pola Tel 660 631 380 MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 670 260 684
ANIMAL RESCUE
CONVEYANCING
LEZSONJA’S BOARDING KENNELS Sax, Tel 96 112 0244 ALBERGUE Bacarot Tel 96 596 0224
BARS SUNSET BAR Gran Alacant Tel. 664 277 986
ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824
DENTAL BRITISH DENTAL PRACTICE La Marina Tel 96 679 6603 DENTURES DIRECT Gran alacant Tel. 619 185 122
DETECTIVES
BOOKS
GRUPO 2 Elche
CARDS & MORE
La Marina Tel. 96 679 0954 LA MARINA ANIMAL WELFARE La Marina Tel 96 679 5593 MALVINA BOOKS La Romana Tel. 96 569 6656
BUILDING / MAINTENANCE ALTOMAR Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 9353 CANDELA CHIMNEYS Elche Tel. 649 039 351 CLIVE COOMBER Gran Alacant Tel 669 593 212 MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel: 96 541 4040
BUSINESS ASSOCIATIONS TIBA All Areas Tel. 902 906 015
Tel. 96 543 15 54
DIVING SANTA POLA DIVE ACADEMY Santa Pola Tel. 96 541 4510
DOCTORS CLINICA GRAN ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel: 96 669 7411 EMERGENCY Tel 608 666 455
DOMESTIC APPLIANCES APPLIANCE FIX Gran Alacant Tel. 96 618 3024 EURONICS Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 5365 ELECTRICIANS/ELECTRONIC
CCW ELECTRICAL Gran Alacant Tel 617 872 405 DIGINOVA Santa Pola Tel 660 631 380 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel: 96 541 4040 ENTERTAINMENT
CAR HIRE
FLAMENCO - LOS LUNARES Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 5399 LINE DANCE La Marina Tel. 96 679 0662
XTRA RENT A CAR Santa Pola Tel 607 850 664 CARWISER All Areas Tel. 96 597 1866 HONDON RENT A CAR Hondon Tel 96 610 5205
ESTATE AGENTS
CARPENTRY MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 DAVALLOO Gran Alacant Tel. 672 795 225 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 670 260 684
CAR REPAIRS
IPG La Marina Tel. 96 679 5233 MASA INTERNATIONAL Gran Alacant Tel. 629 251 747 TOP ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7357 VICTORIA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7779
FARMACIAS FARMACIA GRAN ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7471
FISCAL
RENAULT Santa Pola Tel 96 541 3746 PERFORMANCE & DIESEL Guardamar Tel. 96 610 7606 SWAN AUTOS La Marina Tel. 96 692 4501 TYRES DIRECT Guardamar Tel. 96 678 2318
ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 WWB All Areas Tel. 96 619 6563
FURNITURE COMPLETE UPHOLSTERY All Areas Tel. 96 569 9305 SECOND HAND FURNITURE La Marina Tel. 96 644 3370
CAR SALES FWR CARS El Altet Tel. 96 568 7976 RENAULT Santa Pola Tel 96 541 3746 CLUB CARS La Marina TEL. 96 618 0006 COCHES GUARDAMAR La Marina Tel. 646 763 645
HAIRDRESSING
FRANCESC AGULLO Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 5031 BRITISH DENTAL PRACTICE La Marina Tel 96 679 6603
HEALTH & BEAUTY
CAR TRANSFERS CAR SERVICE CENTRE La Marina Tel. 650 821 082 HEADLAMP EXCHANGE La Marina Tel. 96 610 8938 LEGAL SOLUTIONS La Marina Tel. 96 679 6060 RE-REGISTRATION SPECIALISTS La Marina Tel. 650 821 082
46
BLUE MOON SOLUTIONS All Areas Tel. 655 044 970 SPANISH INKS All Areas www.spanishink.com COMENERSOL Novelda Tel. 96 560 5437
FRANCESC AGULLO Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 5031 MARINA HAIR & BEAUTY Gran Alacant Tel. 606 600 853
HEARING CENTRAL OPTICA Gran Alacant Tel: 966 698 802
HEATING
DIGINOVA Santa Pola Tel: 660 631 380 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 96 541 4040
HOUSEHOLD SERVICES MOZISTOP All Areas Tel. 659 259 319
INSURANCE ALMARCHA INSURANCE La Marina Tel. 96 572 9747 PERPETUO SOCORRO La Zenia Tel. 678 570 632 ROWLAND INSURANCE Santa Pola Tel 96 541 3076 SANTA LUCIA Gran Alacant Tel. 685 161 183 LINEA DIRECT All Areas TEL. 902 123 975
JEWELLRY THE GOLD MAN All Areas Tel. 630 867 924
KENNELS JEAN & DAVE’S Hondon Tel. 660 969 529 LEZSONJA’S BOARDING KENNELS Sax, Tel 96 618 283
MOSQUITO NETS MOZISTOP All Areas Tel. 659 259 319
NATURE MALCOLM PALMER Santa Pola Tel 96 608 2454
NURSING CARE IN THE COMMUNITY All areas Te. 96 597 5459
OPTICIANS CENTRAL OPTICA Gran Alacant Tel 966 698 802 GRAN PLAYA OPTICA Santa Pola Tel. 96 669 1208 SPECSAVERS Torrevieja Tel. 96 692 7249
OSTEOPATH ROSA MARTINEZ Gran Alacant Tel 616 779 034
PAINTERS / DECORATORS MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 96 541 4040
PETS CLINICA VETERINARIA Santa Pola Tel 96 669 2328 LEZSONJA’S BOARDING KENNELS Sax Tel 96 618 2838 MOUNTAIN VIEW CAT HOTEL Hondon Tel. 96 667 7273
PHYSIOTHERAPY ROSA MARTINEZ Gran Alacant Tel 616 779 034
PLUMBERS DMF PLUMBING All Areas Tel. 96 679 9740 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 96 541 4040
PROPERTY RENTALS INVEST SPAIN Elche Tel. 96 542 9396
REMOVALS MISTER VAN All Areas Tel. 697 775 588 TRUCK IT All Areas Tel. 96 644 1779
RESTAURANTS COCOA’S Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8509 LOS LUNARES Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 5399 OUR PLAICE FISH & CHIPS La Marina Tel. 96 679 5418 SAFFRON Gran Alcant Tel. 96 669 8098 SUNSET BAR Gran Alacant Tel. 664 277 986 WISHING WELL Dolores Tel. 96 671 1653
SIGNS / SIGN WRITING CORTES SIGNS Santa Pola Tel. 686 464 076
SOLICITORS
PELLICER HEREDIA Alicante/Hondon + Tel. 96548 0737
SUNBLINDS TOLDOS PENALVER Santa Pola Tel. 96 543 2350
SUPERMARKETS AJ’s Hondon Nieves Tel. 96 548 0718 SWIMMING POOL (MAINTAINANCE)
GA POOLS Gran Alacant Tel 628 030 184 PJ’s All Areas Tel 619 501 657 SWIMMING POOL (CONSTRUCTION)
REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 96 541 4040
TAX ADVICE ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824
TOBACCO ESTANCO 7 Santa Pola Tel. 96 669 4716
TRANSLATORS ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 MITCH BULL Gran Alacant Tel. 638 608 422
TRANSPORT AIRPORT FLYER All Areas Tel. 618 834 774 TAXI Santa Pola Tel 609 959 408
TV DIGINOVA Santa Pola Tel 660 631 380 GRAN ALACANT TV Santa Pola Tel. 677 878 210
VETS CLINICA VETERINARIA Santa Pola Tel 96 669 8463
POSTAL EASYPOST All Areas Tel. 96 672 0959
your local mag’ online and FREE!! - www.thejungledrums.com
THURSDAY MUSIC QUIZ
SATURDAY KARAOKE VARIOUS LOCAL BANDS LIVE
All live Premier league football matches on Saturdays, Sundays and Mondays on four giant plasma screens
Opening hours
Also, spanish La Liga football
FRIDAY NIGHT TONY HALL DISCO
Monday-Friday 4 ‘til late Saturday & Sunday 12 ‘til late
The pantry kitchen
F
g a an’s n n al
All cocktails only € 4.50
it’
at Flannagan’s
welcomes you to: our incredible steak nights every Tuesday from 7 pm
! HERE
Why not try our much talked about
Sunday lunches? A full three courses, with your choice of a combination of 5 starters, 5 main courses and 5 desserts
all for only 12.50€
Booking highly recommended – call 693 478 429
If that’s too much,
just the Main Course
great value at 7.95€ Sirloin steak served with home made onion or maybe you’d prefer something special rings, grilled vegetables and chips from our A La Carte menu ONLY 9.95€ ALL HOME MADE ON THE PREMISES Alternatively, Fillet steak with all the same trimmings only 14.95€
And, for the early starters, our authentic
Irish breakfasts are served daily.
Authentic Curry Nights Every Thursday from September 2nd at 7pm each week €9.95 for a choice of Curry, Pilau Rice, Naan Bread & Poppadoms
FLANNAGAN’S IRISH MUSIC MAR - PLAZA MAYOR - GRAN ALACANT
AVAILABLE FOR FUNCTIONS
STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408
47