YES U CAN

YES CAN! TURN YOUR LIFE AROUND

Be who U are, Do what U love, Have what U want!

Karen Allen

Copyright © MAD Transformations Limited

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be produced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, or except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed “Attention: Permissions Coordinator” at the email address below

MAD Transformations Publishing email: info@madtransformations.co.uk This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional service. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

Table of Contents Acknowledgements

7

Foreward

11

Introduction

17

Chapter One

YES U CAN – Change your mind

23

Chapter Two

YES U CAN – Change what you say 39

Chapter Three YES U CAN – Change your habits

55

Chapter Four

YES U CAN – Change direction

69

Chapter Five

YES U CAN – Change your life

79

ISBN: 978-0-9562032-0-5 Published by MAD Transformations Publishings Cover design & layout by David Springer Photography by Picture This Photographers

3

YES U CAN!

‘Become a student of change.

It is the only thing that will remain constant’.

Anthony J. D’angelo

4

5

YES U CAN!

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Acknowledgements I don’t believe that any book has just one ‘author’.

Technically speaking the person whose name is on the cover may get all the credit but it is those who are behind the scenes, those who were part of the making process, those from whom we learn crucial life lessons; they are the ones who deserve the credit. This book is no exception there are countless people and numerous experiences that have facilitated the writing of this book. One year ago I would not have even considered writing a book which, I guess, is a testament to how much I have developed as a person in terms of my belief and self confidence.

There are so many people to acknowledge that I am bound to forget at least one person, so let me say up front THANK YOU to EVERYONE who believed in me, who supported me and especially those who continually pray for me.

Without you there would be no book.

To my husband Len who continues to be the iron that sharpens my iron. What would I do without you?

Husband you are a gift from God. Without your insight, unconditional love, support and belief in me, my dreams to date would not have become a reality. Len because of you I am inspired to live my dreams.

I love you. xx

6

To mummy who loves me quietly and would do anything for me and daddy who loves me verbally and whose words of wisdom encourage me to do things for myself, without 7

YES U CAN!

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

your constant love and support I would not be the person I am today.

I owe you. xx

To the world’s best sister, Lisa Marie, God blessed me with you. Talk about having my back, this time you had all the pressure and the pain that came with writing this book while planning a conference.

Love you sis. xx

passion and have assisted me in Making A Difference. I was about to say ‘you know who you are’, but everybody loves to see their name in print so here goes; Len, Lisa, Darren, Joy, Pam, Pat, Mandi, Jen, Debbie, Hughie, Marilyn, Natalie, Richie Dan, Tanesha, Gavin, Josephine, Charisa, Nerissa, Nala, Chloe, Eboni, Hannah, George and Thomas.

Thank you. xx

To Marlow and Joseph, Marlow because you make me determined, Joseph because you believed I could, thanks for making it possible, you know. You are my earth angel.

Love you bruvs. xx

To my children, Jason, Charisa, Amario, Anton and Alexander. I hope that someday soon this book will inspire you to believe that you can be, do or have anything you put your mind to. Make wise choices.

I love you soooooooo much. xx

To Bishop Wayne Malcolm and Pastor David Springer two outstanding men who knew me in the genesis and never stopped believing in my ability. Bishop you saw the diamond in the rough, Pastor you experienced more of the rough than the diamond, thank you for never giving up on me.

Everybody needs somebody like both of you in their life. xx

I have to give a special shout out to my ‘Dare to Dream’ team. A team of people who have shared my vision and 8

9

YES U CAN!

FOREWARD

Foreward

The inspiration to finally write this book came from the recent inauguration of the 44th President of the United States of America, President Barack H. Obama. President Obama is the first black African American ever to be elected to the highest political office in the world. Many have said that he is currently the most powerful man in the world.

A black man, the most powerful man in the world? Who would have thought!

I say that statement not doubting the potential of black men, (because I am married to an outstanding one!!), but with a hint of pessimism in ‘people’ and ‘systems’. Would the people really vote for him? Are there enough supporters to override those in control of the system? These were questions that I often toyed with. The results extremely boosted my faith and tipped the scale in my mind from pessimism to overwhelming optimism. Obama’s victory proves that with determination and dedication absolutely anything is possible. Booker T. Washington eloquently said, ‘The individual who can do something that the world wants done will in the end make his way regardless of his race’. The election of Barack Obama speaks volumes. It says to those who think they are voiceless, you have a voice. It says to those who think they are hopeless, there is hope. It says to those who think they can’t – Yes you can!!!

10

I have big dreams. Huge dreams!!! I have secret dreams yet to share because I am convinced people will think I’m insane! I have a deep rooted desire to make such a marked difference in the world, that when my eulogy is read they 11

YES U CAN!

FORWARD

will say of me ‘She dared, she dreamed, she made a difference’.

should be at least a little bit curious about what happened in that year).

Despite the many dreams and desires that I possess, throughout my life there have been countless occasions in which I allowed some of those dreams to be crushed because of the opinions and actions of other people, because of challenging situations and at times overwhelming circumstances. There have been times when I’ve set out on a mission to accomplish a goal or pursue a dream and I have allowed something to distract me or someone to talk me out of it. There were times when I had clearly written down my goal, said my affirmations, determined to be disciplined and still fallen short completely missing the mark. There was always a reason or a valid excuse, not enough time, not enough finances, not enough help, not enough opportunities. I am convinced that the majority of the world’s population has at least one dream tucked away somewhere, something they started but never finished, something that they deeply desired to do, somewhere they wanted to go, someone they wanted to passionately help; but life got in the way.

Did I become a millionaire? Did I hit the jackpot in the housing market? Did I meet the man of my dreams? (that happened 7 years before:-) Did I land my dream job? Did I get the promotion that I had been vying for? The answer to all of the above is no.

In 2008 my life took a dramatic turn. This was my BREAKTHROUGH year.

In this year I did things, said things and accomplished things that I subconsciously thought were possible, but in my case, unattainable.

It was a phenomenal year.

In this year I believed, executed and changed things that I had wrestled with for years. I mean YEARS!!!!! (By now you 12

However, I did some things that transformed my life in such a way they positioned me to accomplish all of the aforementioned if I so desired. I put into practice (after many, many, many years of procrastination and excuses) some tried and tested principles, some ‘secret’ success strategies that enabled me to overcome obstacles, breakthrough barriers and soar to heights that previously I only dared to dream about.

Throughout this book I will share with you five things that I did (and continue to do), which enabled me to breakthrough barriers of mediocrity to experience unparalleled ‘success’.

These principles and strategies, if put into practice, will enable anyone including you, to completely turn your life around in order to yield the kind of results that you deeply desire.

If you are anything like the person I was, you may be hearing voices right now and those voices may be telling you that you’ve heard it all before, that you’ve tried it and it didn’t work. Those voices may be asking you why bother if you’re going to make a mess of it, voices trying to convince you that this kind of stuff works for some people, but not for people like you.

13

YES U CAN!

FORWARD

Voices... Voices... Voices...

I just want to silence those voices right now by sharing with you that if a woman like me, who came from a place of self hatred and self sabotage; a woman who thought that in order to be successful you had to look a certain way, sound a certain way, have a certain amount of education, knowledge and money; a woman who was convinced that it was and would always be a ‘mans world’ and as a consequence would never try too hard for fear of failure, rejection, or defeat; a woman who resolved in herself that mediocrity was good enough and that this was all there was to life.

If a woman like me can be at a place today where I know that I deserve the best, and absolutely want what’s best. If I can believe wholeheartedly that success is available and obtainable for all, regardless of how you look, sound, act, what you know or how much money you have. If I can now be convinced that this is ‘everybody’s world’ and that those who will achieve greatness and real success are those who will work hard, practice delayed gratification and remain focused. If I can be at a place today where I now believe that mediocrity is the curse of the masses and that those who choose to live in that place are choosing merely to exist and not to LIVE. If I can experience in my life, as I have done, a total transformation to the point where I no longer even recognise the first woman I described (although she comes knocking on my door occasionally). If I can undergo such a transformation, one that has allowed me to experience the kind of breakthrough that I did in 2008, then I would 14

like to let YOU know unequivocally and without a shadow of a doubt that you can experience the same and even more abundantly. YES YOU CAN!!!

The principles in this book are no respecter of persons they work because people make a decision to work them.

If you work them, they work, if you don’t work them, they don’t work. It is NOT rocket science. There is NO DRAMA. It’s simple, yet the effects are profound. The principles in this book can be applied to every area of your life, your finances, your relationships, your career, your business, your parenting, at home, at church or at play. Any where! You can decide to turn any area of your life around at any time.

YES YOU CAN!

I choose to write this book for YOU and ME (or should I say, for you and I?).

People like us.

Ordinary people with extraordinary dreams.

‘Normal’ people with ‘abnormal’ ambitions.

People who despite their past, in spite of their present and in light of their future, dare to dream. As in the case of President Barack Obama, the first black president of the United States of America, if we dream big enough and hard enough and long enough, our dreams will eventually become a reality.

YES U CAN!!!

15

YES U CAN!

INTRODUCTION / DISCLAIMER

Introduction (& Disclaimer) ‘Success is not the destination, it’s the journey’.

In writing this book I am in no way claiming to be an expert on the subject of success. I am on a personal journey myself and I thought it would be a good idea to stop, take some time out to admire and assess my progress and document some of my thoughts and the lessons I have learnt along the way.

Six months ago I had no desire or intention to write a book I didn’t feel I possessed the writing flair of the many authors I admire. Writing was a pass time for me I enjoy writing because it is a form of release and expression however, I would not necessarily label myself a writer. As a wife, the mother of three amazing boys all under the age of six and a step mother to a beautiful teenage girl aged 13, my days are often consumed with the daily routines of being a wife, mother and more recently a businesswoman. So the idea of writing a book was, in my mind, just that - an idea.

During the past three months however I was challenged by my husband to capture my thoughts and my experiences in the form of a book. He said that I should channel my frequent frustrations into something that would help myself as well as other people and advised that this would eventually enable me to do what I am encouraging you to do, live the life of my dreams.

16

17

YES U CAN!

INTRODUDUCTION / DISCLAIMER

Having four children has taught me many lessons, some of which I would not have learnt otherwise, one of the most powerful being that life is a precious gift. A few years ago a dear friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer, after undergoing intense treatment for the disease she unfortunately lost her battle and died a few months later.

What I remember most about Sylvia is she would often say to me that life was for living. When I think of her words I am reminded of a story I once read about a woman dying from a similar disease, who when asked by her close friend what it felt like knowing she was going to die replied, ‘What does it feel like living as though you’re not’.

I saw a quote once that read ‘From the moment we were born we are dying’ and another that said ‘It’s what we do with the dash that counts’. (The dash is the small line between the birth date and the date of death on a person’s tombstone).

Life is for living. It is about maximising your potential and seizing every opportunity, it is about not only daring to dream, but also living those dreams.

What is written in this book is not necessarily intended to totally transform your life (although it just might!) it is intended to offer you ‘food for thought’, ideas to ponder on, some points to consider. Although this is a quick read, the book is loaded with timeless truths and life changing nuggets, and being a lover of quotes I have also scattered them throughout. There are literally hundreds and thousands of personal development books on the market written by experts that will blow your mind. Those books are much more philosophical and much more intense than this one, and I encourage you to 18

read as many of them as you possibly can.

However, this book is a simple yet profound insight into the mind of someone who despite internal struggles and external obstacles managed to breakthrough and overcome in order to achieve success. This book contains impressionable life lessons and examples that will undoubtedly impact your life as they did mine. By applying the principles herein I went through a metamorphosis from someone who never thought they could, to become someone who undoubtedly believes she can! Now that, in my opinion is the bedrock of success.

19

YES U CAN!

How to get the most out of this book 1.

Don’t rush through it. They say that if you take your time when eating, chew your food well and digest it properly you will get more out of your meal. So chew over the ideas in this book, take your time.

2.

At the end of each chapter there is a section called ‘Food for thought’. Answer each question, apply each principle and note the transformation that takes place in your life.

3.

Use this book as a tool to continually remind you in challenging times when you think you can’t, that U CAN!!!

A personal note for busy mums (like me...)

As there are only five chapters I would encourage you to read one chapter a day when you get an opportunity and at the end of each chapter put into practice the ideas found in the ‘Food for thought’ section before moving on, even if it takes a while. Don’t overwhelm yourself, take your time. Do your best to read a chapter at a time when it is most convenient for you, in the morning before the kids wake up, while they are at school if you’re a stay at home mum (for those who have school aged children) or in the evening after they have gone to bed (if you have any energ y left!)

‘The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become’.

CHARLES DUBOIS

Top tip!!! If you find you do not have enough time in the day consider reading just one chapter every day for just five days instead of watching one of your favourite ‘TV soaps’ or ‘daytime talk shows’. When I practised this principle my life changed!!

20

21

YES U CAN!

CHANGE YOUR MIND

YES U CAN!

CHANGE YOUR MIND Thoughts are things Anonymous

...be transformed by the renewing of your mind, ...

Romans 12:2

Success is relative.

I must begin this chapter with my personal definition of success,

Success is achieving whatever it is that YOU set out to achieve Karen Allen

22

23

YES U CAN!

CHANGE YOUR MIND

That’s it. No drama. That’s my definition.

Definitions of success are neither right nor wrong they are simply based on a person’s opinion or experience. My definition of success is based upon my experience. I believe that a person is successful when they accomplish the goal that they set for themselves, when they manifest the vision they saw in their minds eye and when they realise the dream that was placed in their heart. If, for instance, you set out to become a world famous singer and you achieve that goal, then in my opinion you are a success. If you set out to become a heart surgeon in order to save lives and you achieve that goal then you are a success. If you set out to become a missionary to help AIDS victims in South Africa and you achieve that goal then you are a success. If you set out to become a housewife and mother to seven home schooled children and you achieve that goal, then you are a success. (Actually if you fit the last category you are a HUGE success!!!!)

Everybody wants to be successful and I believe that everybody can and should be successful, the trouble we have with all this talk about how to achieve ‘success’ - 7 steps, 5 keys, 10 ways, is that most people live their lives trying to fulfil someone else’s definition of ‘success’.

According to the media, celebrities, the rich and the so called famous, success is often measured by the size of the house in which you live, the make and model of the car you drive, a well paid job, a hunk of a husband (rich I might add), a gorgeous looking wife (Beyonce comes to mind) and the ability to take at least two or three expensive holidays a year. You are considered a success if you are a property tycoon, if you know all the latest trends and if you are up to 24

date with all the top name brands (and we are not talking ‘Primani’ here!).

As a result of this ideal of what ‘success’ looks like, most people are conditioned to pursue and attain ‘success’ at any cost. They frantically and often foolishly spend all their money, all their time and all their energy in an attempt to be ‘successful’ according to what someone else has defined only to find when they achieve ‘success’ that it wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It was a facade.

YES U CAN!

If you change your thinking you will change your life Brian Tracy I am a firm believer that success is variable and as such there is no one definition that encapsulates for every person exactly what it means to be successful. What may appear to be success to one person may equal failure to another. What may seem like a great accomplishment to one may be a set up for failure to another.

So how then do we define and ultimately achieve ‘success’?

The answer, in my opinion is simple, yet profound.

a. b.

Firstly you have to decide what success means to YOU? Secondly, you have to change your mind (concerning what you have been sold about success) in order to pursue YOUR OWN path to success.

25

YES U CAN!

CHANGE YOUR MIND

Transformation of the mind is the very first step, the most important key and the foundation to becoming truly successful. I say this because once you have embarked upon a journey to define what success means to YOU, you then have to continue along that course in order to transform your thinking to fit your new definition.

My parents, especially my dad, have always drummed into our heads the importance of getting a good education.

Being educated was top priority in my dad’s mind where his children where concerned. My dad would not take a grade ‘C’ for an answer. I remember getting a D in maths and the only reason he accepted a C, (after insisting that I retake the exam ‘until you pass’), was because he realised that I sincerely did my best. One of the main reasons why my dad was so adamant that we get a good education was because he wanted us to be in a strong position to get a good job. A good job represented a good, stable, consistent income. This, to my dad would equal success. I am now in my mid 30’s and I no longer equate a ‘good job’ with being successful (I don’t think my dad does either). In the past I held the same opinion as my dad but that was because of his influence, my ideas were being shaped by his. However my mind on this subject has been totally transformed because of my personal experience.

For most of my dad’s generation, a good job equals success, in my opinion however any ‘job’, especially when people are doing it just for the money often equals bondage.

Each of us were born with at least two things in common, firstly we were all naked at birth, and secondly we all arrived with a mental clean slate. From that moment on each of our minds has been programmed. Believe it or not we were not born with preconceived thoughts or ideas; we did not exit 26

our mother’s womb with our own unique set of opinions and belief systems, nor were we born with prejudices or preferences. However from the day we were born we were being programmed. We were being programmed to think someone else’s thoughts, to believe what someone else believed, to do what other people did and to go where other people went.

Due to our dependency as children, we often had no choice or opinion regarding who or what did the programming; our parents, grandparents, siblings, teachers, extended family, the TV, the media, the list goes on and on....all these external influences played their part in shaping and forming the person we would become, the person we are today. Everything we have been programmed to believe has manifested itself in our lives. .

YES U CAN

As a man thinketh in his heart so is he Proverbs 23:7

You are a product of your thoughts. Your beliefs about yourself, about money, about relationships, about children, about work, about God, about everything, are all a result of what you have been ‘programmed’ to believe. Your external reality is a reflection of your internal beliefs.

For most of us the intentions of our programmers were positive and pure, for others it was harmful and destructive. Whatever the motive, good or bad, we have all 27

YES U CAN!

CHANGE YOUR MIND

been programmed and the bizarre truth is, we are STILL being programmed. Every day in every way we are being programmed. We are being programmed to think someone else’s thoughts, to believe what someone else believes, to do what other people do and to go where other people go. I know you are probably thinking, ‘I’m not being programmed, I’ve got my own mind, I make my own choices, no one tells me what to do’. And on a conscious level you are probably right. At face value you win the argument, but let’s delve a little deeper...

According to psychological research more than 70% of our programming was negative. For the most part we have been programmed either to self destruct or to seriously fail or underachieve. Unless we are actively and purposefully taking control of what goes into our minds, unless we are determining who does the programming, some form of programming will take place even by default.

A couple of years ago I was driving to London with my three boys, Amario my eldest, was about three years old at the time. Whilst driving we passed the well known big yellow ‘M’ sign and my son Amario shouted out ‘Mum, can we have McDonalds?’ As a family we rarely eat at McDonalds and up until that time I think I had only taken him on a few occasions.

I was slightly taken back with his question wondering how on earth he was able to identify the meaning of the symbol; so I asked him. ‘Amario, how did you know that was McDonalds?’

His innocent response beautifully illustrates my point, in his sweet three year old way he sang ‘da, da, da, da, daaaaaa I’m loving it!’. He had been programmed.

28

To elaborate on my point about the power of programming I will use an analogy which is frequently used, that of a computer, the home PC. I’m sure you would agree with me that the person who is using the keyboard is the person in control of the document. If you want to control what you see on the screen you have to be in control of the keyboard.

If you leave your keyboard unmanned and your computer unlocked anyone can have access to enter whatever information they want. Once the information is entered and saved it remains somewhere on the computers hard drive even if you can’t see it on screen.

Our minds are like the blank document we see on the screen, always open, waiting and ready for someone to enter something, anything!

The hard drive is our subconscious minds where all our beliefs are stored and where our memories are held. It holds memories which have been carefully hidden from the view of others and it contains thoughts, values and beliefs which have been deeply embedded over time.

The keyboard represents our senses, our hearing, sight, taste, smell and touch.

Everything we sense is inputted on the document (our mind) and saved onto the hard drive (our subconscious minds) automatically, absolutely everything. The sound of our favourite song, the sight of a newborn baby, the taste of our favourite food, the smell of a scented rose and the feeling of our first kiss; it’s all stored on the hard drive of our minds. Even the information that we may have consciously forgotten or chosen not to remember is stored somewhere in the subconscious arena of our mind.

29

YES U CAN!

CHANGE YOUR MIND

For many years I considered myself not able to do enough or be enough, whilst I felt I could do well, I was convinced that I would never be the best, or the top of any game. I subconsciously settled for less than enough on almost every level. I never quite understood where these feelings of inadequacy stemmed from until I grasped the concept of programming.

I grew up in Hackney, East London for the first nine years of my life. My family then moved to Jamaica because my parents wanted my siblings and I to continue our education over there as the standard of secondary education is very high in most Caribbean Islands. I sailed through my 11+ exams and was accepted into one of the best school for girls in the country at the time. Although the school system was very rigid and strict, I loved school and did quite well in most of my subjects with good reports except on the ‘odd’ occasion where my teachers would point out that I did more work with my mouth than I did with my pen.

We lived in Jamaica for just over three years when my parents decided to return to the UK. Whilst being schooled in Jamaica I was one school year ahead of my age group due to the fact that I was excelling at school (I was able to skip a school year because of my academic ability) however, upon my return to England I was put back a year because in this country pupils are schooled according to age and not ability. The decision to put me back a year devastated me. It knocked my confidence in a way that I did not fully realise until many years later.

This one move programmed me to believe that I wasn’t good enough or able to do what I had been previously doing for the past three years namely, excel. This downward move along with other factors (such as being the only black girl in a class 30

of over 30 children), totally distorted my self-perception; the effects of which stayed with me well into my twenties, I had been programmed.

Unless we take full control of our ‘computer’ we leave it open to all forms of input both positive and negative, from data which is informative and empowering, to viruses that can corrupt and cause serious damage. Unlike our formative years where we had no control over our programming, as adults we now hold the power to determine what information goes onto our ‘computer’ and is stored on our ‘hard drive’.

YES U CAN!

You become what you think about Napoleon Hill The bad news is that whatever junk has been entered into our minds up until this point still remains in our subconscious and is in many ways responsible for the way we act and respond towards people, situations and circumstances.

We say the things we say because of past programming.

We act the way we act because of past programming.

We are attracted to a particular type of friendship or relationship because of past programming.

Every action and reaction is a result of programming that has occurred in the past. The good news however is that we can de junk with a good ‘antivirus’ program 31

YES U CAN!

CHANGE YOUR MIND

(like this book) and reprogram our minds at any time.

A couple of months ago after reading an amazing book called ‘The Success Principle’ by Jack Canfield and Janet Switzer I did an exercise called Goals 101. The assignment was to write down 101 things I would like to achieve in my lifetime. This was to include places I wanted to go, people I wanted to meet, things I wanted to do, people I wanted to help etc, etc. It took me quite some time to allow myself to really dream, to take the limits off my mind and to consider the possibilities but eventually I did it. I successfully wrote down 101 things I desired to have, be or do before my time on earth was up. 101 dreams. 101 visions. 101 goals. I felt so good about myself. (It really is a great exercise, you should try it someday!). However, a few weeks later I attended a seminar where I was challenged with a question. The question I was challenged with shook me to the core of my beliefs because it forced me to question my motives, my values and what was really important to me. The question I was asked stopped me in my tracks. The question was simple, yet profound. The question was,

‘What do YOU want?’

That was it. That was the question. ‘What do YOU want?

Not, what do your parents want for you? Or what does your spouse want for you? Or what society and the media say you should have? But what do YOU want? When you strip away all the demands and the external expectations what is it that YOU want? What would make you laugh, or cry tears of joy?

What would make you feel fulfilled and completely at peace with yourself?

32

There are those who may say that this is quite a selfish question and you may be right, but in my case it was a soul searching question because it made me reflect on the 101 ‘goals’ I had recently written only to realise that there were at least 73 of them that I didn’t actually deeply desire at all.

When I delved even deeper I realised that I had subconsciously been programmed to believe that achieving all these goals would in some way equal ultimate ‘success’. I did not need or even want over half of the things I had written down, they would all be nice but they wouldn’t make me a better person or in any way make me more or less successful (according to my definition anyway).

So why did I write them down? Why did I feel as though accomplishing these 101 goals would make me successful?

Because I had been programmed. The question that was asked of me at the conference forced me to redefine success as it would relate to me, my life, my family and my deep rooted desires and core values. Did I REALLY want most of the things I had written down, did I really need them? The answer was simple, a resounding NO.

I use that example to demonstrate the power of programming.

When I completed the Goals 101 exercise I did it against the back drop of what would ‘appear’ successful to others. What car I wanted to drive? Where I wanted to live? How many houses I wished to own? Would I have one chauffeur or two? Don’t get me wrong there were some deep, meaningful and charitable goals on that list but for the most part, in my case, a lot of the goals were, material and simply possessed the ‘feel good’ factor. I’m in no way suggesting that to have 101 goals is a waste of time or space, as I said earlier it is a 33

YES U CAN!

CHANGE YOUR MIND

great exercise to get your mental juices flowing, however I would now conduct the same exercise against the back drop of questions such as ‘What is your motive?’, ‘Who are you trying to prove yourself to?’ ‘Who will it really benefit?’

Most of us have been programmed to believe someone else’s definition of success and as a result that is what we pursue. Most people never stop to question why they believe what they believe. Many people never stop long enough to discover what it is THEY really want. The majority of people want something simply because other people have it.

Children are a prime example of this truth. Leading up to Christmas my five year old son Amario tried to convince my husband and I that he ‘needed’ a Nintendo DS. In his young mind it wasn’t a passing desire it was a pressing necessity, he had to have it, to him a DS would equal ultimate success for a five year old. (Unfortunately for Amario, I had recently gone through this process of looking at what was really important and what was simply greed and excess, so there was no way he was getting a DS for a Christmas present especially when his main reason for ‘needing’ one was because ‘all his friends had one’). Anyway ‘thankfully’ (his own words) he has a loving aunt who agreed to buy him a DS to share with his younger brother Anton, so he did get one for Christmas. My point? It has only been a few weeks since Christmas and my son has no idea that I have put the Nintendo DS safely away because he never uses it. I mean he doesn’t even ask for it!

Therein lies a classic example of how even us adults behave when we feel as though we must have something because owning that thing would equal success after all, ‘everybody 34

else has one’. We desperately pursue things, which when we eventually get, often we don’t even use!

I now question the whole idea of success. I ask myself what if the definitions, the pictures, the ideas and the concepts of success that we have been fed all this time are incorrect?

What if success DOES NOT mean what ‘they’ portray it to mean? What if success is an internal thing? What if real success cannot be measured by what you own materially or what you have on show?

I personally believe that real, authentic success is internal, it begins with a mindset.

It has more to do with your character and the person you become in your pursuit of your ultimate goal. It is about what you’ve had to overcome, what you’ve had to endure, what you’ve had to sacrifice in order to be where you are today.

It’s about the journey; that is real success.

YES U CAN

Finding ones true self is the beginning of success Dennis Kimbro

So, you want a turnaround in your finances, your relationship, your role as a parent, your job, in your business, wherever, the first step, the MASTER KEY is changing the direction of your mind. In what direction is your mind going? What have you been programmed to believe? Where did those beliefs come from? I mean where did they originally come 35

YES U CAN!

CHANGE YOUR MIND

from? Have you always thought this way? Was it from your parents or grandparents, was it your friends, the TV, or was it as a result of a personal experience? Think about it for a moment...

Whatever the answer, you were either programmed by someone or have programmed yourself to believe what you believe and your actions are a manifestation of your beliefs.

If past programming is leading you down the wrong road to ‘success’ you have to reprogram and turn your mind around.

If your mind is going in the wrong direction desperately seeking the approval and the attention of others due to incorrect or negative programming you have to do a U turn.

YOU HAVE TO TURN. No one else can do that for you. That’s your role, that’s your responsibility.

If you turn your mind around you can turn your life around.

Think about it.

YES YOU CAN!!!

Take Action U CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND Food for thought...

1.

2.

3.

Where is the road to ‘success’ leading you?

What is YOUR definition of success?

What do YOU want?

3 simple ideas that will help U-Turn your mind around Everything we watch, listen to and think about is part of our programming. Whether consciously or subconsciously we are continually being programmed, everyday in every way. Make a conscious effort to do the following and see how it affects how you think and feel and in what ways it impacts upon the way you behave:

1. Be Conscious

Conduct a mental audit. Be conscious about the beliefs, values and ideas that you currently possess.

Ask yourself some key questions. What do I believe (about money, love, men, women, work, etc)? Where did those beliefs originate? Do I still actually believe this now that I am an adult?

2. Be Careful

36

Junk in-Junk out! Pay attention to everything that may negatively influence or fortify any disempowering beliefs you may hold. Be vigilant 37

YES U CAN!

CHANGE WHAT YOU SAY

concerning the things you listen to, the things you watch, the places you go and the activities you engage in. Be careful, be cautious, take heed!

3. Be Clear

Remember YOU are in control. You do not have to accept every idea, concept or opinion that is presented to you. Be clear about which ideas are designed to help you and which are destined to hinder you.

Be clear about what you will accept and those you will reject.

YES U CAN!

CHANGE WHAT YOU SAY Death and life are in the power of the tongue, ...

Proverbs 18:21

‘Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me...’

That’s a lie.

38

The spoken word is one of the most powerful instruments on the face of this earth. The words that we speak can be used as healing agents or as weapons of mass destruction.

Words can be used to build up or to destroy. They can be used to bring forth life or cause tragic death. There are 39

YES U CAN!

CHANGE WHAT YOU SAY

only a few people who truly know the potential power of the spoken word and of those who do know, there are even less who use that knowledge for the good of mankind.

A mother says to her son ‘you stupid boy, why don’t you look where you’re going?’ What that mother fails to realise is that a bomb has just exploded inside her sons mind and destroyed an intricate part of who he is. That mother fails to realise that it will take her at least seven times as much effort, love, calm and persistence to restore the damage done by that one seemingly harmless statement.

A father looks disappointingly at his daughter and comments ‘Kate you’re getting fat. When are you going to stop eating so much? Look at your sister, why can’t you be more like her?’ What that father fails to realise is that he has just caused serious internal damage to the self esteem and confidence of his daughter, damage that could potentially take months, years, decades or even a lifetime to repair.

YES U CAN

Our world is created by our words Karen Allen Words that were spoken over us at a young age have had a profound effect upon our lives. Even today as grown adults many people are living their lives according to what somebody said. Many are living under the ‘cloud’ of what their mother or father or teacher or some significant other said to or about them many, many years ago. I’m sure that you can remember 40

a time in your life when someone said something so hurtful and damaging that the pain is still tangible. Likewise I’m sure you can recall a time when someone spoke words that were so kind and thoughtful that the memory of those words bring a warm smile to your face.

We all have the ability to create the kind of world we live in by the power of our words. Everything that makes up our lives today; our relationships, our friendships, our finances, our career, our homes, our cars, everything, has either been created or permitted by us. The vast majority of the population, at least 98%, may argue that this is not the case and that most of their experiences are the result of someone else’s doing, the result of someone else’s decisions, actions, or non action, but the bitter truth is, we are where we are, we have what we have (or don’t have), we live where we live, we work where we work, we drive what we drive (you get the picture...) because of what WE have created, by our words and actions, or because of what we have allowed.

Words have creative power.

Victoria Beckham is one of this nation’s ‘icons’ according to the national media. I heard someone tell a story once about an experience that took place in her childhood which illustrates my point beautifully. Apparently when Victoria was a young teenager, one day whilst watching TV, a commercial about Persil Soap Powder came on. Apparently young Victoria turned to her mother and said ‘When I grow up I want to be as famous as Persil’. She wanted to be a household name and I think it’s fair to say the rest is history.

She saw what she wanted, she said what she wanted and she eventually got what she said. Now obviously there was 41

YES U CAN!

CHANGE WHAT YOU SAY

much more action that took place in the mean time which caused that dream to become a reality (such as preparation, perseverance and persistence) but the principle remains, she had to first see it (in her mind’s eye) then say it before she received it.

Our world is created by our words. We possess the power to create the kind of world we desire to live in just by the words we speak. Our goals, our visions and our dreams can be manifested as a result of us first speaking them into being. This chapter on changing your words purposefully follows the chapter on changing your mind because words are simply our thoughts amplified. Your words give volume to your thoughts, they are a direct indication of what you are thinking.

I was in my mid twenties before being properly introduced to this life changing truth. Up until then I habitually said what I wanted, to whom I wanted, whenever I wanted. I didn’t care much for how others felt about what I said and I had no idea of the internal damage being caused not only to the hearers but also, and even more importantly the destruction being caused to myself.

This careless attitude found its root in a distorted concept I held, from quite a young age, about my inability to speak eloquently. With English not being my strongest subject, I found that I would often get tongue tied when it came to explaining things or expressing myself, for some reason I always sounded stupid. On the contrary, whenever I was angry or upset I found I could express myself excellently, mainly because in those cases the opinion of others did not phase me whatsoever. As I became more cognisant of 42

the power of words in terms of the damaging effects they could cause, my attitude and beliefs began to change, and my actions soon followed suit.

A Sign of ‘madness’

As a young child I remember hearing adults say that talking to oneself was considered one of the first signs of mental illness. However I have come to discover that talking to oneself is actually a standard practice. We talk to ourselves almost every minute of every day. Even when others are talking to us we are talking to ourselves. Not out loud but internally. We are constantly re framing what others are saying, analysing what they really mean, weighing it up against what someone else has said and measuring it against a backdrop of how others have behaved previously.

YES U CAN

People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously.

This is how character is built.

Eleanor Roosevelt This practice commonly known as ‘self talk’ is ongoing.

What most people fail to realise is that what you say when you talk to yourself often determines how you feel about yourself, about others and about your circumstances, both past and present. The things you say to yourself internally represent the steering wheel that will determine the direction in which your life will go. If you say things to 43

YES U CAN!

CHANGE WHAT YOU SAY

yourself or hear something consistently and over a long enough period of time, sooner or later you will believe what you say or heard and you will eventually become that person. The words that you speak to yourself will be the deciding factor as to whether you take the road to failure or the highway to success. These internal conversations take place on a continuous basis, most of which are unconscious and sadly most of which are disempowering.

Think about it...

P P P P P P P P P P P P

I am always late I can never remember names It’s just going to be one of those days I always forget things I can never get that right I never get invited I can’t speak in public Everything I eat goes straight to my hips I never have enough money I don’t earn enough to start saving I just can’t seem to get it together Stupid!

These are just a few examples of the things we regularly say to or about ourselves. Most people think this kind of talk is harmless but studies have shown that it is this type of talk that causes ultimate self destruction. Everything we say to ourselves, even in jest, is a directive to our subconscious mind to shape us into that person. When we talk to ourselves about the state of our relationships, about our finances, about the behaviour of our children, about our work colleagues, about our boss and about our business partner, 44

we are creating or fortifying that which we have spoken.

I heard of a woman who constantly told her misbehaving son that he was wasting his life and that he would end up on life’s scrap heap the way he was going. She would frequently call him stupid, and let him know in no uncertain terms that he would be a reject as an adult. That young man, now in his late teens, is experiencing what I call an ‘identity crisis’. He has no idea who he is and has little thought about what life has to offer, he spends most of his time drifting from friend to friend and house to house, with no real sense of what he wants.

YES U CAN

Sanity is madness put to good use George Santayana The words of his mother are embedded into his subconscious mind and he has ‘become’ what she had said, a ‘self fulfilling prophecy’. It may take this young man many years to break through the mental barriers that have been fortified over the years and it will take him many doses of contradictory input to transform the way he thinks and the view he has of himself. This mother created the world that her son now occupies by the words that she spoke into his life. In other situations the outcome may not have been the same but this would often depend upon other significant ‘voices’ in the young man’s life or the strength and determination of his own character. In this case however, the mother’s words have become his reality.

45

YES U CAN!

CHANGE WHAT YOU SAY

Redefining M.A.D (ness) I have taken the liberty to redefine the word ‘madness’ and use it to my advantage. (having been called ‘mad’ on numerous occasions I thought it would be in my best interest to do so). MAD is an acronym I use for the term Making A Difference and that is the essence of this book it’s about making a difference in your own life and in your own circumstances so that you are empowered and in a position to turn your life around.

Most people are waiting for something to happen in their life that will cause them to change or that will bring about change, not realising that true and lasting change starts from within. It starts by first changing your mind, then by changing what you say when you talk to yourself.

Talking to ourselves is something we all do. Most of us have talked ourselves into and out of both positive and negative situations. You got that job, or that promotion, that car, that house, that man or that woman because you talked yourself into it. Even if this did not take place on a conscious level, that is how you ended up with what you have. Conversely, you lost that job, that promotion, that car, that house, that man or that woman because of what you said when you spoke to yourself. Your words will ultimately fall into one of two categories. They will either be empowering or disempowering, positive or negative.

Your internal self talk has the power to potentially make you or break you.

Have you ever wondered why it is that two people can go through similar experiences but have a completely different outlook, attitude or response? Alexandra 46

Burke the recent winner of the X-factor was evicted from the same competition three years previously because X-factor judge Louis Walsh did not feel, aged only 16, she was ready for the big stage. Upon her return to the competition three years later, Alexandra stood head and shoulders above her competition and shone like a true star. She expressed her gratitude to Mr Walsh on many occasions for the decision he made years before because the ‘rejection’ afforded her the opportunity to perfect her craft and become a stronger and a better person.

There were hundreds of other contestants who had been rejected from the competition for different reasons who had completely different attitudes. Whilst Alexandra viewed the temporary setback as a future set up, there were many others who allowed their disappointment to negatively determine their destiny. Alexandra (with the support and encouragement of family and friends) told herself that she should try again and that she could be in a good position to win the competition. And win she did!

YES U CAN

When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

Franklin D. Roosevelt We have all experienced situations where we have negatively reacted to something that has happened to us, someone may have let us down at the last minute, or we may have heard that someone was spreading nasty rumours 47

YES U CAN!

CHANGE WHAT YOU SAY

about us, we may have unexpectedly lost our job, or been demoted for no apparent reason, whatever the situation, it is not what happens to you that determines where you end up, it’s how you respond to what has happened to you.

It’s what you say to yourself when things happen to you. In such situations it’s your answer to the age old question, is your glass half full or half empty?

Changing what you say when you talk to yourself is not an overnight process. There is no quick fix. You must remember that you have been talking to yourself everyday for years!!!

Every single day up until this point you have been saying things to yourself. You have either been telling yourself things that are positive or negative, chances are the negative far outweigh the positive, simply because that is human nature. You have been telling yourself that you will or you won’t, that you did or you didn’t, that you can or you can’t.

Changing your internal language will take time and much effort, concerted effort. It will not happen by chance. In order to change our thinking and ultimately our lives we must be consistent and committed. Faith comes by hearing and hearing and hearing. If you hear something consistently enough over a long period of time you will eventually believe it. What you hear will fill you full of faith or full of fear. It will leave you with a feeling of hope or a feeling of despair.

Due to the programming that has taken place throughout our lives, we are consciously and subconsciously seeking information that will support our core beliefs. For instance, have you ever met a woman who is quite obviously very stunning, I mean so beautiful that she looks as though she just stepped off the front page of a magazine, but when you speak 48

with her it’s as though she has been blinded to her beauty in that she just cannot receive any compliments or positive comments. I know many women who fit this category, these women are extraordinarily beautiful but they just don’t see it, they simply do not agree. The women that I am speaking about are not hiding behind a false sense of humility, they genuinely do not believe that they are attractive in any way, why? Because they were told for many, many years that they were ugly by someone whose opinion they trusted and consequently they eventually believed what they were told and began telling themselves the same lie. They have been programmed to believe that they are unattractive and now they simply act accordingly.

YES U CAN

We cannot change our memories, but we can change their meaning and the power they have over us David Seamans This is just one example of how programming can affect self talk. Past programming has created the person you are and present programming will determine the person you will become. You do not have to accept every aspect of the person you are today especially if you feel that you could do or be better. If you have a negative self concept, you do not have to accept that, you can change it. If you have a distorted perception of yourself, you do not have to simply accept it, you can turn it around.

49

YES U CAN!

CHANGE WHAT YOU SAY

Not so many years ago, ‘That’s just the way I am’, was a statement that I would use so often that I should have copyrighted it! I would excuse myself of all forms of behaviour because as far as I was concerned ‘That was just the way I was’. When people would challenge my bad attitude and my negative outlook on life my answer was always the same, ‘that is just the way I am’, and at times I would often add ‘and if you don’t like it....’ well, you know the rest!

The quality and components of our life is a direct product of our thoughts, therefore in order to change our lives we must first change our thinking. Our words are simply amplified thoughts with creative power, therefore we must proactively only speak those things that we want to see appear.

Apparently you can teach an old dog, new tricks!! You can change your beliefs by changing your programming, and the same applies for your words. In my experience in order to do this most effectively you must replace to erase.

Input determines output, what goes in will come out.

Although you cannot completely erase from your mind the memories of past events or negative words spoken to you, if you determine to do a U turn by creating new memories and replacing harmful words, you will eventually silence the disempowering voices and give volume to that which is empowering.

One of the great things about this book is that it is a book of hope. This book is all about the possibilities and the immediate opportunities available for you to change. There is not one area of your life that you cannot change if you put your mind to it. You can literally turn around any aspect of your life that you wish to at any time. It’s your choice.

Change in your life is not dependant on anyone or anything.

If you seriously want to change what you say, it is purely a matter of whether you want that change to occur now, later or never. The only person who can stand in the way of you and total transformation is you.

Although change can and will occur, it will not happen by accident it can only happen on PURPOSE – It’s your choice!

Changing what you say when you talk to yourself is a master key to turning your life around, it is fundamental in enabling you to live the life of your dreams. You will never experience true success or ultimate fulfilment if you are constantly talking yourself out of it. You will never maximise your full potential if you inwardly tell yourself you can’t. You can only undergo a true metamorphosis in your life when you change what you say when you talk to yourself. It is simple as replacing words like ‘No I can’t’ with declarations such as ‘Yes I can’.

YES U CAN

Successful men and women always protect their most valuable assets – their minds Dennis Kimbro 50

51

YES U CAN!

CHANGE WHAT YOU SAY

are ugly’ would be replaced with ‘I am beautiful’.

‘You will never amount to anything’ would be replaced with ‘I am a success’). The words ‘I am...’ are two of the most powerful words when used together, whatever adjective follows these two words is a direct command to your subconscious to shape you into that person. Use empowering adjectives, discard negative ones.

Take Action U CAN CHANGE WHAT YOU SAY Food for thought...

1.

2.

3.

What have you been saying to yourself about your ability to succeed in relationships, finance, family, love or life?

Is what you say mostly disempowering or empowering?

What have you said about yourself recently that has enabled you to believe that U can?

3 simple ideas that will help U-Turn your words around Replace to erase P

Replace the bad with the good – Listen to what you say about yourself both verbally and internally, are you an optimist or a pessimist? Do you build up or tear down? Do you encourage or discourage? Do you support or oppose? Write down at least 10 things that you love about yourself and repeat them out loud everyday. If you are in a flow don’t stop at 10 keep writing!!!

P

Replace the negative with positive – For every negative thing that anyone has ever said about you replace it with something positive. (‘You are stupid’ would be replaced with ‘I am smart’. ‘You 52

P

Replace the lies with the truth - All beliefs ultimately fall into one of two categories: Empowering or disempowering. The subconscious mind receives information as though it is fact whether or not it is true. Whatever information you feed into the subconscious mind it will receive and believe without question. In the same way the hard drive will not question the document and the soil will not question the seed. It is important to note that just because someone holds a particular belief does not make that belief a FACT. It may be that person’s reality but it does not make it a fact. For example: A person who is suffering from Anorexia believes that they are grossly overweight. Is that belief a fact? No, it’s their perception. The mind is so powerful that it can make things which are not, appear as though they are. You have to question whether your beliefs are facts or fiction, are they lies or the truth. You have the power to decide.

53

YES U CAN!

CHANGE YOUR HABITS

YES U CAN!

CHANGE YOUR HABITS We suffer one of two things.

Either the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. Choose discipline because discipline weighs ounces, regret weighs tons Jim Rohn

We are all creatures of habit.

The word ‘habit’ is often used in relation to negative behaviour for instance; smoking, biting your nails and talking with food in your mouth are all considered to be bad habits. Habits however can be both positive and negative.

A habit is simply a pattern of behaviour, something that 54

55

YES U CAN!

CHANGE YOUR HABITS

you do often, a way of life or a regular practice. Therefore, brushing your teeth is a habit (I hope!), combing your hair, the route you take to work, kissing the kids before they go to bed, these are all habits.

According to psychologists up to 90% of our behaviour is habitual. From the time we wake up until the time we go to sleep there are things we do everyday which we are not even consciously aware of. They have become embedded in our subconscious mind and we do them without giving them a second thought. As with our thoughts and what we say to ourselves, our habits are a direct result of our programming. We have programmed ourselves to behave in a particular way and the more we repeat this behaviour is the deeper these habits become embedded in our subconscious minds. Habits occur over a period of time, they do not occur overnight.

YES U CAN

How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.

Annie Dillard

Consistent choices lay the foundation for our habits. Most of us can identify a number of bad habits that we have developed over the years which may have cost us money, business deals, friendships and quality relationships for example, being late, unreliable, answering back, talking when we should be listening, these are all destructive habits. What many people fail to realise is that our habits will determine our future. As I have previously stated, the 56

kind of life that we dream of will not happen by chance, it can only happen on purpose and the things that we do habitually play a HUGE part in that process. The habits you have developed up until today have fashioned who you are and the habits you continue to cultivate from this day forward will determine how your future unfolds and decide who you will become tomorrow.

It is the negative, destructive and often subtle habits, that we must pay attention to and set about to change by any means necessary. Negative habits breed negative consequences.

Positive habits create positive results. For many years I would excuse myself from saving money. I would always have a ‘legitimate’ reason for why I didn’t have savings and would further cultivate this bad habit of not saving by using whatever money I did have to pay bills and other expenses, to buy things for my boys and to entertain myself. After all everybody needs a little pleasure don’t they? All work and no play, you know the saying. As broke as I was, I would still foolishly spend while convincing myself that things like going to the cinema and having a weekly takeaway were a necessity.

That was all until I read a transformational book called ‘The richest man in Babylon’ by George S. Classon. My dad owned this book for what seemed like centuries and one day while I was complaining about the state of my nonexistent finances, he suggested that I read it. One statement in this small book changed my life forever. The statement read ‘a part of all I earn is mine to keep’. This statement jumped right off the page and into my heart.

Although the statement had a profound effect on my life do you think I was able to change the ‘bad habit’ of not saving 57

YES U CAN!

CHANGE YOUR HABITS

immediately? Not in my case. This is what I did.

I put a reminder in my phone that would alarm at 10am everyday and it simply read ‘a part of all I earn is mine to keep’. Every day at 10am when my alarm would sound I would look at my phone and read ‘a part of all I earn is mine to keep’ then I would turn the alarm off. The next day the alarm would sound and I would read the message again and again and again until approximately one month later whenever money would come into my possession I would say out loud ‘a part of all I earn is mine to keep’ and I would immediately take a percentage of the money (10% in my case) and put it into a savings account. Everything and everyone else could wait. (I am a firm believer in tithing 10% of my income, so this saving principle was secondary to tithing). This good habit of saving took about two months to cultivate, but I did it. Now I don’t even think about it, if I earn it, I save it because ‘a part of all I earn is mine to keep’.

The thing about habits is that they can be changed at any time. This can be both good news and bad news. Good news if you are replacing a bad habit with a good one, but bad news if you are allowing a good habit to lapse in place of a bad one. Living the life of your dreams will totally depend upon the types of habits you are currently cultivating. If you are in a loving, fruitful relationship with your spouse, this is because you have cultivated good healthy habits. If you are experiencing a life of financial freedom, this is also because you have cultivated good financial habits. If you are fit and healthy this is because you have habitually developed a lifestyle that has manifested these results.

58

If on the other hand your relationships are a mess, your finances are solely based on credit and you are unhealthy and overweight, the root of those problems is what you do habitually. It’s that simple. The unfortunate thing, which most people fail to realise, is that the results of most bad habits do not show up until much later on in life. High blood pressure, diabetes, lung cancer, high cholesterol levels and bankruptcy are all in some way associated with the lifestyle choices made in previous years. (I am in no way suggesting that everyone who has experienced the aforementioned has practiced bad habits, but I am saying in most cases bad habits are the root of these problems). The great news is that all bad habits can be changed. All behaviour can be reprogrammed. You do not have to accept where you are and what you have. You do not have to concede defeat.

Regardless of what cards life has dealt you; you have the power to decide how you play them. U can turn your life around by ‘simply’ changing your habits.

YES U CAN

The best way out is through Robert Frost Something happened in my life within the past couple of years that has totally, completely and utterly transformed my life. When I made the decision to give up this soul destroying, life debilitating, relationship killing, ‘time with the children’ stealing habit, my life turned around 180 degrees. The relinquishing of this habit in replacement for 59

YES U CAN!

CHANGE YOUR HABITS

a more empowering, enabling, refreshing and revitalising habit has made my life much more fruitful and much more productive. This bad habit which is practised by millions of people all over the world has subtly stolen dreams, destroyed relationships, damaged self confidence and annihilated self esteem.

This habit has negatively influenced the younger generation, deceived the older generation and kept our generation (30’s and 40’s) in a state of limbo and mediocrity.

The habit that I am speaking of is the bad habit of watching TELEVISION!!!

I am being 100% serious. I tell you no lie, giving up television was like having a veil lifted from my eyes. I can see clearly now. Don’t get me wrong, giving up this habit was no easy feat as having cultivated this habit for over 33 years I was clearly an addict! However when I eventually weighed up the benefits of letting go of this habit and replacing it with the pleasure of reading more empowering books, educating myself through CD’s, books and seminars and developing my gift of writing, the value of the exchange could not be compared. I am able to write this book because I no longer watch television!

I must point out that in order to sustain giving up a disempowering habit, it works best if the bad habit is replaced with a more empowering one. I’m sure you have heard of people who gave up smoking only to start eating sweets or simply start eating more. This is because giving up in and of itself was not enough, the bad habit had to be replaced and unless a more empowering replacement is chosen, it is easy to fall into the trap of yet another bad habit.

60

Replacing a negative habit with a positive one is a process.

At times the process is quick and easy and other times it can be long and drawn out. Generally speaking it takes some time (many studies have shown at least 21 days) to kick a bad habit but a lifetime to sustain, however the results can be life altering. Bear in mind that before you can successfully change any habit it would be wise to check how long you have owned it because no doubt the longer you’ve been doing it, the more challenging it may be to change.

YES U CAN

Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm Winston Churchill I have personally found that there are three very basic stages to turning your life around by changing your habits which I will go into in brief detail:

Stage 1

Identify all ‘bad’ habits (Negative, Disempowering)

This is the first and most important stage. Many people have such deep rooted bad habits that they fail to even realise they exist. It is important to firstly identify and then to acknowledge that the bad habits exist and that the long term effects of these negative practices could be detrimental to your future success. Below I have listed some examples of the most common bad habits that people practice, if you are 61

YES U CAN!

CHANGE YOUR HABITS

able to identify any of these then you may be at a place where you can move on to stage two: P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P

I am always late Talking instead of listening Eating or drinking too much Being late Poor communication Making excuses Not returning phone calls on time Inability to say no Spending more money than you earn Working long hours and not taking a lunch break Not eating breakfast Having your mobile on all the time Forgetting peoples names 60 seconds after being introduced Leaving the house without showing your spouse and your children some love Socialising too much on the telephone Being a gossip Letting your emotions control you Watching too much TV Not spending quality time with the children Having to be in control Procrastinating

These are just a few bad habits that I am sure we can all identify with, whether it be our own actions or the actions of others. Identifying the bad habits that you possess is the initial stage of doing a U turn.

62

Stage 2

Replace bad habits

By this stage you would have identified certain habits that are potentially destructive and you will be at the place where you want to change or replace the negative for that which is positive. Let’s use a couple of the habits above as an example of ‘how to’ replace disempowering habits with empowering ones.

Let’s take being late for instance. Now, everyone knows someone who has a bad habit of being late, even if that someone is the person you see when you look in the mirror every morning. If you identified this as a bad habit the next step would be to work out a plan of action to replace it with the habit of being on, or even before, time. (Remember change does not happen by chance, it happens on purpose).

One idea may be to set your watch 15 - 30 minutes ahead of time to ‘trick’ yourself into being early, or even better an idea may be to actually set a pre appointment with yourself which is at least 15-30mins before the ‘actual’ appointment during which time you can prepare yourself and get your mind in gear.

YES U CAN

First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.

Anonymous If you tell yourself (positive self talk, as discussed in chapter two) that being early is a sign of respect for both yourself 63

YES U CAN!

CHANGE YOUR HABITS

and the person you are meeting, or an act of commitment to the task ahead whether it be going to work or attending a business meeting, this will assist you reprogramming your beliefs which will in turn compel you to change your behaviour. (Remember, if you say things to yourself or hear something consistently and over a long enough period of time you will eventually believe what has been said or heard and you will become that person).

A good start for a plan of action would be to set a goal that for the next 30 days you will be at least on time for every appointment (including work) which would mean that you would set your pre-appointment for 15 minutes earlier. You would then give yourself the amount of time necessary to ensure that you are able to fulfil this goal. If you are not serious about changing bad habits you would continue in the same vein as you have been, but if you are serious about change and about turning your life around in this or any area, putting a plan of action in place would be non negotiable.

YES U CAN

Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish John Quincy Adams Changing a bad habit, such as continual lateness, might have to start by making plans from the night before, going to bed earlier for instance so that you can wake up earlier, so that 64

you can get ready earlier, so that you can leave earlier, so that you can arrive earlier or at least on time.

Now let’s very quickly take another example, being a gossip.

This one is usually most popular among the ladies although men are not exempt from practising this disgusting habit.

How would you tackle this one? Well, first of all you would go through stage one which is to identify that the bad habit exists, then you must set yourself a goal and develop a plan of action. For instance you may decide that over the next 30 days (or for some you might want to start with a more realistic goal, like for the next 2 hours!!!!) you will make a commitment to abstain from talking negatively about anyone, especially behind their back. The goal is simple in and of itself but attaining and sustaining the goal is where the hard work comes in.

If you are tempted to say something negative about someone within that time frame, (or if you give in to that temptation) you will replace it by saying something positive about them or say nothing about them at all but instead say something empowering about yourself, for example ‘I only speak positively about others’.

Stage 3

Sustain good habits

Stage three is by far the most challenging stage in this three step process. All change can happen in an instant. Change takes place the moment you decide to change, the challenge arises when it comes to sustaining the decision to change, being true to the ‘new you’ and keeping up the hard work of maintaining change. To succeed in the process of sustaining the replacement of bad habits, I would suggest finding someone to whom you are accountable. If you set yourself 65

YES U CAN!

CHANGE YOUR HABITS

a goal to replace a bad habit with a new one it is useful to have someone who you can ‘report’ to or who will ‘keep you in check’ to ensure that you are on track. The person that you choose to fulfil this role should preferably be someone who genuinely loves you and/or who has your best interests at heart, as opposed to someone who would love to see you mess up and fail miserably.

Key points to consider during this stage are as follows:

1.

2.

3.

Failure is not a person – If you fail on the first few attempts or even the first few hundred attempts when it comes to ridding your life of bad habits, remember that YOU are not a failure.

If at first you don’t succeed, do it again – Do not allow unsuccessful attempts to stop you from trying. Consider this, if a baby falls down after its first few attempts to walk should the child stay down? Of course not and neither should you.

Take Action U CAN CHANGE YOUR HABITS Food for thought...

1.

2.

3.

3 simple ideas that will help U-Turn your habits around •

Never give up – The difference between success and failure is perseverance. Never, ever give up.

•

•

66

What disempowering habits have you identified in your life?

Consider the impact these habits could have on your life in the future?

Choose just one bad habit and determine to replace it immediately.

Identify bad habits (refer to notes in chapter three) Some people may advise you to write a list of all the bad habit can identify in your life. In my opinion whilst this exercise could be very useful it could also be very depressing. So I would advise one habit (three at most) at a time.

Replace negative habits with positive ones (refer to notes in chapter three) Work out a practical and realistic plan of action that will help you to accomplish your goal of replacing any bad habit you have identified.

Sustain good habits (refer to notes in chapter three) Keep it going!!!

67

YES U CAN!

CHANGE DIRECTION

YES U CAN!

CHANGE DIRECTION If you are walking down the right path and you’re willing to keep walking, eventually you’ll make progress Barack Obama

No U-turn!

68

Have you ever been travelling to a destination, say by car or train, when you suddenly realise that you are going in the wrong direction? Heading south for instance when you should be going north? What would you do if you found yourself in this position, would you ignore the facts and continue along your journey or would you turn around? In some cases it may not be convenient for you to turn around immediately but I’m sure you would prepare to turn around at the next junction or at least get off at the next stop.

69

YES U CAN!

CHANGE DIRECTION

I remember once having to attend an important meeting which was due to start at 10am, it was only about 20 minutes from my house so I decided to leave home at 9.30.

I took the motorway in the hope that I would arrive way before time but I missed my exit and had to drive for ten miles before I had the opportunity to turn around at the next exit. I arrived slightly late for my meeting but I got there eventually. It would not have made sense continuing in the wrong direction simply hoping for the best, turning around was my best option, my only option if I wanted to arrive at my destination without losing too much time.

YES U CAN

If you don’t know where you are going, you can never get lost.

Herb Cohen

Changing direction has everything to do with choice, that’s what this chapter is about. Every day you choose which direction to go in. Even if you find yourself heading in the wrong direction with no immediate opening to turn around, once you have made a decision to change direction, the next step is to wait for an opportunity, or create an opportunity, to do a u turn.

Decisions determine your direction.

Every decision you have made up until now has been instrumental in where you find yourself today. Every decision you make today will shape the person you will become in the future.

70

Decisions determine your destiny.

The direction in which you are heading will determine where you will end up, contrary to popular opinion situations in life don’t just happen, they take place because people have created them, people have decided to act or not to act, they have decided to speak up or to keep quiet, they have decided to stay or they decided to go. You didn’t just end up with the job you have, or don’t have. You didn’t just end up with the person you are with, or not with. You didn’t just end up being wealthy or being broke. Somewhere along the way you chose, you made some crucial decisions that took you down a road which lead you to this place.

Most people will not accept this truth. As a matter of fact most would probably skip this chapter because one of the hardest things for people to do is to take responsibility for the choices they have made, the same choices that created their current circumstances. Many struggle with taking responsibility for where they are, for what they’ve done, for how they live or for the mistakes they’ve made. We live in a culture of blame, a microwave society in which people are obsessed with having things now and quite comfortable blaming someone else for the circumstances in which they find themselves. If we were to believe the ‘media hype’, this problem of selfishness and blame is blatant and rampant among many young people. Everything they do, say or experience is someone else’s fault. According to many media reports it is easy to conclude that today’s youth blame their parents, their teachers, their peers, the system, whatever they can blame that will shift the responsibility from themselves.

71

YES U CAN!

CHANGE DIRECTION

The question I ask myself when I read or hear about these ‘findings’ is, where did these young people learn to behave this way? As discussed in chapter one, we know they were not born with these traits, this behaviour is obviously learnt, therefore my question is, from whence did they learn this practice of being selfish and irresponsible? The answer is simple they learnt it from us adults.

YES U CAN

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Where are you going?

If you were to stop and take a look at your life, a good honest look, where would you say you are going? In which direction are you heading? Are you heading down the road that leads to failure or one that leads to success? Are you heading down a pathway to lack or abundance? Remember your direction determines your destination. I often say to people you cannot look backwards and move forward at the same time, you cannot drive a car safely for any length of time while looking in the rare view mirror. You have to look where you are going and more importantly you have to know where you are going.

As with your mind, your words and your habits, you have the power and the capability to change your direction any time. It is simply your choice and your responsibility. You can choose to change direction in an instant and although 72

you may not see the physical manifestation of the change immediately, as long as you know that you have decided to change and you are preparing to take the necessary steps to set that change in motion, the results will be made visible in time. The issue for many is that they lack the courage, the energy and the motivation that it will take to bring about lasting change. They convince themselves that it will take too much time and too much energy to do things differently.

Most people are stuck in a rut and unfortunately they have accepted mediocrity as standard. There are those who think they have achieved success because they have a nice house, a nice car or a good job whilst conveniently ignoring the damaging state of their finances, their relationships or their health. Changing direction is all about making different choices, it is about taking a candid inventory of your current situation in every area of your life and choosing to change or remain the same.

YES U CAN

Things do not change, we change.

Henry David Thoreau For most of my teenage years and into my mid twenties I had an ongoing battle with low self esteem. It was actually more like a full blown war. I spent most of those years comparing myself with the way other women looked, the things they could do, the way they spoke, the jobs they possessed, the list of comparisons was endless. I would often measure my worth against what other people said or didn’t say about me and would always conclude that I was never good enough, 73

YES U CAN!

CHANGE DIRECTION

or pretty enough, or smart enough. I remember on many occasions questioning my identity and challenging my reason for being. I found it very hard to fit in although it would appear to others that I fitted in perfectly. Outwardly I exuded confidence and security but inwardly I was a mess. The way I felt about myself throughout those years was undoubtedly leading me in the wrong direction and I found that although I could fake my internal struggles for the most part, it was just a matter of time or circumstance until the ‘real me’ would be exposed. The identity crisis that I continually experienced led me to a place where I was consumed with feelings of insecurity and uncertainty, I became very reserved and mastered the art of suppressing my feelings, often preferring to say nothing due to the fear of making myself look or sound stupid, again.

YES U CAN

The future has a way of arriving unannounced.

George Will I was in my mid twenties when I embarked upon a journey of self development and self discovery, frequently asking myself the question who am I, desperately searching for answers.

It was during this season that I realised the extent of the damage that had been done to my confidence over the years due to the beliefs that I held and had continually reinforced by the actions and opinions of others. I made a decision, not instantly but eventually, after several months and numerous 74

books, to change my direction, the direction of my thoughts, my habits, my actions and my choices, because I began to see where my direction was leading me.

The transition from insecurity to self confidence was a very intense, slow and painful process, in retrospect I can honestly say that changing direction in this instance was one of the hardest decisions I ever made. It was during this season that I was forced to spend time taking a long hard look at myself. Throughout this time I discovered many of my strengths and weaknesses, my likes and dislikes, my values and my core beliefs. This was a very challenging time for me because it took a great deal of effort, a huge amount of courage, vulnerability to a large extent and much determination. It was extremely hard and extremely painful but considering where I am and who I am today it was also extremely necessary and completely worth it.

For some people, changing the direction of their life may be as ‘simple’ as deciding to start an exercise regime and cutting down on junk food, while for others it may be as extreme as deciding to escape an abusive relationship or leaving a ‘secure’ job to start their own business. Whatever the case changing your direction will determine your destination.

When I decided to change direction concerning my beliefs about myself I knew that ultimately my whole life would change. Back then no one could have convinced me that I had what it took to be an inspirational speaker and the ability to write a book, me write a book! That would have been equivalent to telling me that I could fly. Today I am at a place where I speak publicly on a regular basis without a second thought and this book is evidence that I have exactly what it takes.

75

YES U CAN!

CHANGE DIRECTION

So I pose the question again, where are you going? In which direction are you heading? If you continue along this road where will you end up? If you continue along your current path concerning the way you handle your finances where will you end up? If you continue down the same road concerning the way you treat your spouse and your children where will you end up? If you continue travelling the same route concerning your health where will it lead?

Once you have honestly addressed these questions you then have to decide whether you need to change direction or continue down the same road, you must also decide if you are ready to do what it takes to change direction or as my dad would say ‘are you willing to pay the price?’. I must add that the benefits of changing direction far outweigh any loss that may occur, I am in no way suggesting that this will be any easy feat as my personal experience has proved that changing direction can be one of the most difficult decisions you will ever have to make, particularly in areas of your life that are vulnerable and sensitive, or instances in which you may be entwined with other people. It may not be easy, but it will be worth it.

Take Action U CAN CHANGE DIRECTION Food for thought...

1.

2.

3.

3 simple ideas that will help U-Turn around and move in the right direction P

Decide – Make a decision to change no matter how difficult it may seem. Deciding is the first step, don’t shy away from change it is the only thing that is constant. Write down at least three areas of your life that require you to turn around. It could be your finances, your place of employment, your health or unhealthy friendships.

P

Do something Different – Insanity has been described as doing the same thing while expecting different results. In order to change direction you have to do something different. You must take a form of action, it may be uncomfortable, it may be painful, it may be unchartered territory but you must do something.

I am a living witness.

76

In your opinion are you heading in the right direction in every area of your life?

Can you identify at least one area of your life where you need to change direction immediately?

How do you think your life would change if you did a U turn in this area of your life and how would that change make you feel?

77

YES U CAN!

P

CHANGE YOUR LIFE

Determine never to give up - Changing direction will be challenging, you will have good days and bad days, breakthrough seasons and times when you feel as though you are banging your head against a brick wall. You must determine at the start never to give up. Determination is another master key to success, you will not succeed without it. Never give up.

YES U CAN!

CHANGE YOUR LIFE I cannot say whether things will get better if we change; what I can say is ‘we’ must change if they are to get better George Lichtenberg

Believe me, you’ve got what it takes Anonymous

This is YOUR life, so LIVE!

78

Throughout this book I have given you a few ideas that if put into practice could dramatically change the course and quality of your life. The ideas in this book are not new; they are not necessarily fresh concepts. They are foundational truths based on ancient laws of success. The 79

YES U CAN!

CHANGE YOUR LIFE

ideas in this book are not complex; they are simple ideas that can produce profound results. I decided to write this book mainly for two reasons, firstly because I realise that people have different learning styles and whilst there are hundreds and thousands of books with similar principles there is only one that has been written from my perspective. Secondly, in my opinion, the lessons I’ve learned from experiences that I have been through in the past few years are well worth documenting in the hope that they will inspire, empower or even transform the life of someone else.

Life is a gift. The gift of life has been given to us all however not everyone appreciates the priceless value of the gift. There are those who no longer have the unique opportunities that we possess because their gift has been taken from them. There are others who have the gift but who have decided to wait until the time is right to unwrap it, choosing instead to simply exist.

To exist, in my humble opinion is to live your life far below the level that God originally intended. To exist is to have no impact and no influence. To exist is to blend, to merge or to fit it. To exist is to be mediocre, average, middling.

To exist is to fail to make a difference.

You were created for greatness. In chapter one I mentioned that we all have at least two things in common at birth, the truth is we actually have at least three things in common. Firstly we were all born naked, secondly, we were all born with a clean mental slate and thirdly we were all born with a seed of greatness placed within us. Every single person was created to be great.

80

You were created not only to be great, but to experience great things and to make a great difference.

YES U CAN

The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.

Michealangelo You were created to be a winner and not a loser, a leader not a follower, a success and not a failure. The seed that was placed within each of us will however remain dormant until it is planted in good soil, and is nurtured under the right conditions in the right atmosphere. Sadly for most people their seed has failed to germinate because they lack one or all of the above and consequently they have produced very little or no fruit.

The ‘seed’ that I am speaking of is your dream, your vision or the deep rooted desire you have to become or to accomplish something extraordinary. It is a seed of hope, a seed of faith, a seed of love. The seed is but a minute indication of what is possible. In the same way that an acorn produces a gigantic oak tree, the seed that is within you has the potential to produce enormous, outstanding, mind blowing results. The size of the seed does not determine the magnitude of the tree, only time will tell how tall or how wide the tree will grow.

When I became pregnant with my third child, I entered a season of deep depression. During this season I experienced 81

YES U CAN!

CHANGE YOUR LIFE

an intense identity crisis which left me with a crushing sense of hopelessness and helplessness. Throughout this time I subconsciously abdicated my life assignment and concluded that I had no passion or purpose. This was a very trying time for me because whilst I love all my children dearly, being pregnant a third time, within four years, proved very overwhelming. My perspective on the situation was completely distorted because of other things that were happening in my life at the time. Despite having a loving husband and a supportive family I literally could not fathom how I would mentally cope with three children all under the age of four. It was a serious challenge for me and because of what I was saying to myself, the road ahead seemed very long and very dark. To be honest the light at the end of my tunnel appeared to be switched off.

YES U CAN

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself Leo Tolstoy

Prior to becoming pregnant a third time I was the kind of person who would dream, plan and strategise about how I was going to make a difference and do my bit to change the world. Being passionate about using my gifts and talents to positively influence the life of others, the vision of my future was clear and it was quite evident that my destiny involved me impacting many lives. Having three young children now placed that dream seemingly beyond my reach, the clear vision that I once possessed was now extremely hazy and obscure. I almost lost all hope.

82

Upon reflection, that time in my life was very frightening, and I virtually destroyed every dream seed that was planted in my heart. It is scary to think that everything that was placed in me was almost eradicated because of one experience. During that period the only thing I could see, hear or feel was nothing. I could not remember where I was coming from I had no clear sense of where I was going and I was oblivious to who I was. I almost lost it.

It was six months into my pregnancy when one day I experienced what I now define as my breakthrough moment. Whilst at home washing dishes at the kitchen sink, I was complaining about my situation and letting God know that this was BY FAR the worst thing that could ever happen to me at this time in my life. As I stood there irritable and argumentative, a small voice said to me, ‘things could be worse you could lose the two you already have’.

In that instant, at that very moment I experienced a ‘Eureka’ moment. It was like being hit by a lightening bolt from heaven (figuratively speaking), I contemplated for a few minutes, ‘Lose the two I already have, my two angels lent to me from heaven, you’re right, that would be worse’. Immediately my mindset changed. I’m talking about right there and then.

For some people it may have taken some time for them to get it, but for me it happened instantaneously. I did not debate the situation or argue with God, I simply said, ‘you’re right, thank you’.

As soon as I changed my mind, I changed my life. I decided right then that the same reasons why I thought I could not achieve my dreams, accomplish my goals or attain my vision would now become the exact reasons why I must; 83

YES U CAN!

CHANGE YOUR LIFE

the excuses I had sold myself as to why I ‘can’t’, became the incentive which enabled me to believe that ‘I can’. My views about everything had to change, the things I perceived as stumbling blocks had to become stepping stones and obstacles had to become opportunities.

My third child, Alexander has become the catalyst that has propelled me to do things that previously I only dared to dream about. Along with my husband and my other children, he has become the reason why I must succeed, why I must excel and why I must make a difference.

YES U CAN

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

Thomas Alva Edison No doubt your story will differ from mine in many ways.

For you it may not have been the conception of a third child that sent you plummeting into a crisis, maybe it was the loss of your first one. In your case it may have been the break-up of a relationship or suddenly being made redundant from your dream job. Maybe you are a victim in an abusive relationship, or maybe you are the victim of childhood abuse. Your story may be completely different, or uncannily the same. Whatever your story, consider the following questions, what has happened in your life that may have caused you to stop dreaming? What has taken place that has forced you to give up on your vision or your 84

goals or your pursuit of happiness? Is there something that you have done or experienced that has given you grounds to simply exist instead of truly live? What is the root cause of the mediocre lifestyle that you have chosen to accept?

What is the foundation of the folly that you allow yourself to put up with daily?

Shattered dreams, crushed visions, debt, mediocrity, broken relationships, damaged friendships, bad health, unfulfilled at work, no time to play, failed business, ineffective parent, rejected child.

What’s your story? Down which road has life lead you?

Whatever the answer, if you are not content, if you are not at peace, if you are not satisfied, if you are not successful, (according to your own definition of success) YOU CAN TURN IT AROUND!

It is all a matter of choice. Are you loving the life you live? Are you living the life you love? If the answer to any of the above is no, then I urge you to turn it around.

You only have one life to live and one chance to live it.

Life is not a dress rehearsal this is the real deal. You might be fulfilled in one area of your life and unfulfilled in another.

You might be extremely successful in one area of your life but a miserable failure in another. You might be a health and fitness fanatic with a body to die for, while on the other hand the state of your finances could easily kill you. You might have a relationship with your spouse that could turn others green with envy while on the other hand the way you interact with your colleagues at work makes them red with anger. Whatever the situation is, I personally believe that it 85

YES U CAN!

CHANGE YOUR LIFE

is possible to be completely successful in every area of your life, at home, at work and at play. However this will not happen unless you make a decision and take the necessary action to turn your life around and make it happen.

U can turn it around!!!

You may have been told for many years by different people that you don’t, but you do.

U can turn it around!!!

You have what it takes; I repeat you have what it takes.

You may have been sold the lie that you will never make it, but you will.

You may have been convinced by someone who you love and trust that you can’t, but you can.

You determine in which way your life goes; you determine where you will end up. No one else has that power unless you give it to them and if for some reason you did abdicate your position of power, at any time you can take it back, it belongs to you. Everything you need to turn your life around is in you. I am not suggesting that you can accomplish everything all by yourself, the opposite is true, it takes team work to make a real dream work, however turning your life around starts with you and it can start right here.

U can turn it around!!!

Start by believing that you can by changing your mindset.

Who told you that you can’t? Who told you it was impossible?

You have been programmed to believe what you believe about yourself but you have what it takes to reprogram and completely change your mind.

86

Start by changing what you say when you talk to yourself.

What do you mean it’s too hard? What do you mean it hurts too much? What do you mean you can’t? Yes you can, yes you can, yes you can!

Start by behaving as though ‘you can’ by replacing bad disempowering habits with empowering new ones. You say you’ve always done it this way, well if it’s not working change it. You say it’s the only way you know how, I say you are never too young or too old to learn new ways, so no more excuses.

U can turn it around!!!

Start by recognising when you are heading in the wrong direction and have the courage to turn around, even if you are the only person on the new road, be confident that you can.

U can turn it around!!!

Start by acknowledging that you can turn your life around, that it’s not too late, that you can pursue your passion, that you can accomplish any goal and that you can fulfil even your wildest dreams.

Success on any level or in any area of your life does not happen by chance. As philosopher Jim Rohn says ‘success leaves clues’. There is a formula which produces successful results every time and that formula includes every one of the principles covered in this book.

87

YES U CAN!

P P P P P

CHANGE YOUR LIFE

You must change your mind.

You must change your words.

You must change your habits.

You must change your direction.

You can change your life.

Regardless of your beginnings, in spite of where you are today, you have the power to create and determine your end. Many people have lost hope and the circumstances and environment in which they find themselves only serve to fortify those feelings of hopelessness. You do not have to live according to someone else’s standard, you do not have to accept whatever life throws at you, you can make a decision to change whatever you are not content with.

YES U CAN

What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly Richard Bach As you continue your life journey you will no doubt come up against countless obstacles and numerous signs. Signs telling you to turn left, go straight ahead, or even a sign saying no U-turn. The great thing about your journey is that it’s yours and even when the signs appear you can make a decision to allow those signs to dictate your path or you can decide to find a way around them. .

88

So which area of your life do you want to turn around?

Is it your marriage?

Is it your finances?

Is it your relationship with your children?

Is it the dead end job that you are in?

Is it starting your own business?

Is it working less and earning more?

Is it spending more time with your family?

Is it escaping the rat race and living the life of your dreams?

Is it learning to genuinely love other people?

Is it learning to genuinely love yourself?

Whatever it is, whatever your dream, you can do it, you can be it and you can have it!

YES U CAN!!!

Be who you are.

Do what you love.

Have what you want.

89

YES U CAN!

CHANGE YOUR LIFE

Take Action

P

U CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE Food for thought...

1.

2.

3.

Do you love the life you are living? Are you living the life you love?

What area of your life would you most like to turnaround?

What would your life look like if you were living the life of your dreams?

Move Forward – Lights, Camera, Action!

Every principle found within this book requires you to take some form of action. You cannot and will not become the person you were designed to be without taking action. Everything that has been said about changing your mind, your words, your habits, direction and life is all conditional. These things can only change IF you take action. Time out for waiting for things to happen, make them happen – Change your life!!!

3 simple ideas that will help U-Turn your life around: P

P

Have Faith – Faith is a master key to success.

Faith is an invisible substance that enables you to see the invisible, feel the intangible and do the impossible. Faith is the constant ingredient that will determine whether you fail or whether you succeed.

Stay Focused – An acronym my husband uses for the word F.O.C.U.S is;

Follow One Course Until Successful

Without focus, success will always be a dream, but never a sustained reality. Previously I thought that having multiple ideas was a great thing until I realised that ideas without focus and action are just a waste of time and energy. IF you stay focused you will change your life.

90

91

YES U CAN!

Recommended reading and books that helped me to turn my life around P The Bible P Failing Forward By John Maxwell P Think Big By Dr Ben Carson P Becoming a Person of Influence

By John Maxwell P Jesus life Coach By Laurie Beth Jones P Up from Slavery

By Booker T. Wahsington P The Power of Focus

By Mark Victor Hansen and Jack Canfield

a note from

- KAREN ALLEN

I hope you were inspired and in some way empowered by what you have read.

I would love to hear about how this book has helped you in your journey towards becoming ‘successful’ and living your dream. My dad often says ‘Life is not a sprint, it’s a marathon, the race is not for the swift but for the strong’. My advice to you would be not to race through life, but to enjoy the journey, the pleasure is the process.

Be the BEST!

P The Success Principle

By Jack Canfield & Janet Switzer P The Richest Man in Babylon

By George S. Clason P The Science of Bespoke Living

By Wayne Malcolm P Rich Dad, Poor Dad By Robert Kiyosaki P Change Your Thinking Change Your Life

By Brian Tracy P How to Win Friends and Influence People

By Dale Carnegie P Think and Grow Rich By Napolean Hill

Karen is the founder of Women’r’M.A.D (Making A Difference) a personal developement network ‘Exclusively for Every Woman’ and one of the directors of M.A.D Transformations which delivers personal development coaching and training to adults and young people.

Personal Email: karenallenyesucan@hotmail.co.uk www.madtransformations.co.uk email: info@madtransformations.co.uk

P What to say when you talk to yourself

By Shad Helmstetter 92

93