Manual Heart Break

Manual to heal a Heart Break

A drama-therapy approach

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“You are suffering from disappointment. But this will pass away. The saddest thing about love, Joe, is that not only the love cannot last forever, but even the heartbreak is soon forgotten.”

– William Faulkner

This is a manual to help you to pass through a heart break.

Be prepared to be open up and be healed.

introduction Heartbreak has historically been acknowledged as a condition by different cultures, and treated in a variety of ways: from medieval methods to ancient rituals have been employed. For nahuas, humans were “a corporeal and spiritual entity at the same time“; they developed a remedy for heartbreak using medicinal plants. In Chinese culture, there are different traditional medicine approaches for heart wellbeing, and heartbreaks have been treated as an imbalance. However, modern society has mostly forgotten to pay attention to this condition.

Different symptoms of a heartbreak have been described by Rosse; he describes Love Trauma Syndrome (LTS) as an experience of severe stress and accompanied with trauma (Rosse, 1999). There are significant criteria that define it: arousal associated with irritability, anxiety and sleep disorders. A person undergoing love trauma typically presents symptoms like worry, anger, disappointment, discomfort, concentration problems, sleep disorders and pessimism about future relationships, but the symptoms can vary among individuals (Soran Rajabi & Neda Nikpoor, 2017).

The delicate emotional phase faced by individuals that pass through a heartbreak is the main motivation of the following project. It consists of a self-guided manual with three different rituals. It was designed to include diverse actions focused on the senses, in order to offer a holistic approach with a drama therapy basis. This is a complementary treatment for people presenting the uncomfortable symptoms releated with heartbreak and suffering from LTS. The drama therapy approach is based in diverse theories of ritual in order to explore its nature power and the archetypes. A ritual in the context of drama therapy is described as a deliberately structured action, linked to an intention, and performed to help realise that intention (Raucher, 2011).

Each ritual considers different states suggested by Raucher: (1) actions performed, reiteratively as needed, for the purpose of, (2) invocation or evocation of some potentially powerful but perhaps elusive psychospiritual resource, in order to (3) precipitate a response from a resource leading to (4) a desired and visible change in the consciousness, emotional state, or circumstances of the participant.

Blazer (2000) proposes that linguistic thoughts can be developed and preceded by play and drama. He talks about a developmental “stage where action, imitation, play, ritual, drama, narrative, myth, religion, philosophy, rationality offer a representation of the behavioural wisdom embedded in and established during the previous stage”.

The different rituals make use of different approaches with the idea of including all senses: touch, sight, hearing, smell and taste. Others are based in Raucher ritual approach which mix dance movement therapy and art therapy tools. A self-guided perspective is crucial to understand and create a better self-image and increase strength in the individual. Supplementary resources to be employed include autobiographical and narrative tools, which are known to be essential for self-exploration (Klein, 2006). To soothe the senses, aromatherapy and tea mindfulness are also considered.

All presented rituals share the purpose of performing a series of actions that contribute to solve the heartbreak condition. The current manual works with the concept of the requestor and the responder (Raucher, 2011), where the requestor is the person performing the ritual. The responder is harder to define due to the abstraction. This abstraction can lead to symbolism, which can help to heal. Carl Jung, describes a person’s symptoms as the result of the psyche’s creative attempt to self-regulate (Jung & Shamdasani, 2009).

the rituals

Ritual 1. Remembering ourselves The first ritual consists on taking a narrative approach to start with self-knowledge and recognize one’s essence as a single individual.

-Make a story about yourself going into a journey.

After finishing it, explore your feelings: What do you recognize of yourself in it and your past relationships.

The second part of the ritual is to make a list of strengths and weaknesses you recognize in yourself.

Write down as many as you wish.

When you’re finished, cut out the weaknesses and strengths and separate them into two groups. Burn the weaknesses in order to make a symbolic approach.

As an exercise in neurolinguistics programming, tape each one of the strengths in different parts of your body. Choose symbolic parts of the body for each strength, and repeat “I am (strength)” while taping each one to it.

Ritual 2. Understanding ourselves and letting go In this second ritual, the first activity consists in making a mask. The mask is a symbolic representation of a strong version of yourself. Once you are finished, you are encouraged to wear the mask and speak to a younger version of yourself, making a retrospective of the love experiences that you have been through. Talk with understanding and compassion.

The second part of the ritual consist in burying an object with remembrance to the relationship that ended, preferably in private, in a natural location that would be difficult to find again. In the process, you are suggested to talk about negative feelings and unburden to the object. After the object is buried, you should take some time to meditate and try to find peace; leave the place when you think is necessary.

Ritual 2. the new self This ritual consists in finding a comforting scent: oil, flowers, incense or other element.

You should pass the chosen element around the whole body, and then stop for some moments at five symbolic spots where you think your body needs to be healed.

After this step, you are suggested to take a bath or shower and clean the body with your favorite tea (green tea, white tea, etc.). During this cleaning part, relaxing music is suggested in the background with the intention of representing the Orphic archetype, which illustrates music as a medium for healing and as an expression of Self.

Finally, perform a meditation and reflection about your “new Self �, accompanied with your favorite drink; it can be the same type of tea you cleaned yourself with. That night, before going to sleep the you should embrace this relief.

we really hope this manual helped to heal your heart.

References Blazer, D. (2000). Maps of Meaning: The Architecture of Belief. The American Journal of Psychiatry, 157(2), 299-300.

Conrad, P., & Adams, C. (2012). The effects of clinical aromatherapy for anxiety and depression in the high risk postpartum woman – A pilot study. Complementary Therapies in Clinical Practice, 18(3), 164-168.

Crockett, S., & Prosek, E. (2013). Promoting Cognitive, Emotional, and Spiritual Client Change: The Infusion of Solution‐Focused Counseling and Ritual Therapy. Counseling and Values, 58(2), 237-253.

Dehghani, M., Atef-Vahid, M., & Gharaee, B. (2011). Efficacy of short-term anxiety-regulating psychotherapy on love trauma syndrome. Iranian Journal of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences, 5(2), 18-25.

Foster, Verna Ann, & Foster, Stephen. (1988). Structure and History in The Broken Heart: Sparta, England, and the “Truth”. English Literary Renaissance, 18(2), 305-328.

Jung, C., & Shamdasani, S. (2009). The red book = Liber novus (1st ed., Jung, C. G. (Carl Gustav), 1875-1961. Philemon series). New York: W.W. Norton & Klein, J, (2006). Art therapy. Octaedro Editions. Spain.

Lee, W. (2012). Aromatherapy for depression and anxiety. Focus on Alternative and Complementary Therapies, 17(4), 235-236.

McClary, R. (2007). Healing the Psyche Through Music, Myth, and Ritual. Psychology of Aesthetics, Creativity, and the Arts, 1(3), 155-159.

Soran Rajabi & Neda Nikpoor (2017). Predicting Love Trauma Syndrome based on Early Maladaptive Schemas and Emotional Intelligence among the Youth. International Journal of Psychology Vol. 11, No. 2, Summer & Fall 2017 PP. 152-174 Raucher, G. Towards a Metapsychology of Ritual in Dramatherapy in Schrader, C. (2011). Ritual Theatre: The Power of Dramatic Ritual in Personal Development Groups and Clinical Practice. London: Jessica Kingsley.

Rosse RB (1999). The love trauma syndrome: free yourself from the pain of a broken heart. Perseus Publishing. Cambridge, Massachusetts: 1999.

Potvin, N. (2015). The Role of Music Therapy and Ritual Drama in Transformation During Imminent Death. Music Therapy Perspectives, 33(1), 53-62.