MANIFESTING YOUR TRUE PURPOSE

{ SHIFT+CONTROL }{ MANIFESTING YOUR TRUE PURPOSE } UNCONDITIONAL SELFLOVE

The Journey Back to Our Inner Light

Feeling unconditional self-love as an adult can sometimes feel out of reach. Yet at our core, something we all hope and wish for. Taking a journey back to our inner light and our truest essence isn’t always an easy path. Frankly, it can be the hardest, scariest road we’ve ever taken. In today’s technology-based world, where we are continually given messages about “perfection,” whether it be internal or external expectations, it can deflate even the most positive person. We’ve all been there and, especially as women, internalize the falsehood that we are not enough “as is.”

Many of my art students have come to me feeling as though they are truly not worthy of being a creator or artist. Most of them, when asked how they came to this self-belief tell me that there was someone in their lives that made them feel shame around their work. That it didn’t live up to societal expectations of what a “good artist” looked like. They put their art supplies away, sometimes for decades, internalizing this falsehood as a truth. One student was once told by his sixth-grade art teacher that he had “wasted all that paint.” Six decades later, he is valiantly and quite beautifully working towards undoing the damage that that one sentence did to his love of creating. Countless numbers of us have had a similar experience that veered us off our given path and made us feel ashamed and deeply embarrassed when that thoughtless sentence was spoken. Others have endured years of verbal abuse indicating their unworthiness. No one had no right to put that into our psyche. Yet, it stays inside of us,

BY LISA WAGNER

festering and becoming a hardened part of our self-belief system when left unchecked or challenged.

Mel Robbins talks about this in her latest book, “The High Five Habit.” She asks readers which belief about themselves would they truly like to believe? I, for one, do not care to ever believe what my art teacher told me in 10th grade about being on the side of the room for students that “weren’t talented.” But that takes work and consistency, let alone a decision to do better by me and my heart. Each of us are the only ones that decide that. The hard work must be deemed worthy and important, if not critical to our emotional well-being. If it is not, you will fizzle out by 10am every day and go back to that negative self-talk and feelings of shame and unworthiness. It’s a powerful choice.

As a kid right up through my early twenties, I had received so many messages of worthlessness and feelings of invisibility. I was only seen when I did something wrong by a major figure in my life or for my external flaws by classmates and neighborhood kids. So, I turned to hiding away in my closet or in the woods behind our house and learning to become small. It was the easier route that seemed safe and soothing.

As adults, we adopt new ways of coping with our trauma that aren’t so pretty and serve absolutely no one. Especially not our hearts. Addiction, avoidance, procrastination, self-harm, clutter and overworking all become ways that we practice in order to survive what feels daunting or overwhelming (which may just be life, in general). This leaves us stuck in patterns that reinjure us and reinforce the negative beliefs we harbor in the depths of our souls. Our hearts, despite our negative actions, never relent because they know our genuine essence better than we do on our worst days. They continue to call out to us, asking that we nobly honor it and step out of these patterns of behavior, which can feel intimidating when we erroneously believe we lack the courage and/or strength to proceed.

Here’s the thing; you are infinitely stronger than you know. You were given and have always possessed everything you need to be your highest self. It just takes the willingness to break old, negative habits and beliefs. With my students that come to me thinking they’re not talented, we begin by delving into why they stopped creating. Invariably, it’s an external source such as a parent, sibling, friend or especially a teacher that undermined their joy with a simple sentence they internalized years ago. When I ask them if they believe what this person told them, most do not when pressed. They just don’t know how to undo the damage and find their way back to joy in the act of creating. They are afraid that they will be embarrassed by what they produce in front of me, their teacher, or fellow students. Providing them with loving guidance in a safe environment to feel all their feels as I listen without judgment (and loads of empathy), is my way of allowing their fears to sit out in the open to be observed and given deep compassion.

We then move forward in small, manageable steps learning basics, even if we need to do it for multiple lessons. We look for the parts that went well or were absolute breakthroughs to buoy

“Remember that your life isn’t a social media, unrealistically filtered highlight reel, thank goodness.”

them as they continue onward. These simple steps can be applied to your everyday life. Find that safe person or therapist that can just be a soft place for you to fall. You can then begin to look for the easy things to believe about yourself, like knowing your heart/inner voice as your guidance system always leads you lovingly. That it has your best interests at heart. This proves to your deepest self that there are answers that can and will honor you. Trying that for a week can begin to build your resilience and your self-esteem. Notice when you follow that guidance and how well it served you that week. Keep a journal of those little gems as proof that you are capable of turning that ship around towards the sun again. Because you are!

As students begin to master the basics through persistence and self-loving inner dialogue, it allows them to begin opening their hearts and minds to infinite possibilities that their 7-year-old self always knew were possible. It starts to feel easier and even joyful, just through the simple act of jubilant connection to self. Their pencil lines and brushstrokes slowly become more confident and purposeful. There is a real sense of thoughtfulness to each application because they’re now invested in a beautiful outcome. Sometimes that means a failed piece. Those students that have put in the work know that their failures, although painful, have brought more information than any successful piece ever could have. It’s like a scraped knee that they quickly get up and brush off from, never forgetting where that crack in

the sidewalk was and a better place for their future footing the next time they journey down that road. They can more easily navigate those obstructions. It allows for grace, so as not to inflict more pain. It’s a brilliant misstep. Gabby Bernstein’s quote, “Obstacles are detours in the right direction.” is one of my favorites for that exact reason. Life is helping you move in a better, more loving way.

Remember that your life isn’t a social media, unrealistically filtered highlight reel, thank goodness. It’s at times, bumpy and messy and disorienting. And that’s okay! Honoring our deepest selves through shifting erroneous, unkind beliefs opens us up to boundless possibilities. We can venture down paths less taken and not be quite so quickly shaken by what lies ahead. Owning a true knowing that we are beautifully enough and capable of shifting into that light that resides within all of us empowers all of us. The world needs your light and wants to watch you shine it, inspiring all of us to do the same. Becoming beacons so that others may dig deeply into all their worthiness is a noble, divine effort that reaps countless rewards; most of all joy and contentment in your own life. You are worthy of that, my friend and merit the breaking of old habits and untruths. It is a level of higher self-consciousness that will give you an unshakeable foundation to build your new life upon with the grace of self-forgiveness that honors the offering of your uniquely beautiful gifts.