{ MANIFESTING YOUR TRUE PURPOSE } { SHIFT+CONTROL }
UNCONDITIONAL SELFLOVE BY LISA WAGNER
The Journey Back to Our Inner Light Feeling unconditional self-love as an adult can sometimes feel out of reach. Yet at our core, something we all hope and wish for. Taking a journey back to our inner light and our truest essence isn’t always an easy path. Frankly, it can be the hardest, scariest road we’ve ever taken. In today’s technology-based world, where we are continually given messages about “perfection,” whether it be internal or external expectations, it can deflate even the most positive person. We’ve all been there and, especially as women, internalize the falsehood that we are not enough “as is.” Many of my art students have come to me feeling as though they are truly not worthy of being a creator or artist. Most of them, when asked how they came to this self-belief tell me that there was someone in their lives that made them feel shame around their work. That it didn’t live up to societal expectations of what a “good artist” looked like. They put their art supplies away, sometimes for decades, internalizing this falsehood as a truth. One student was once told by his sixth-grade art teacher that he had “wasted all that paint.” Six decades later, he is valiantly and quite beautifully working towards undoing the damage that that one sentence did to his love of creating. Countless numbers of us have had a similar experience that veered us off our given path and made us feel ashamed and deeply embarrassed when that thoughtless sentence was spoken. Others have endured years of verbal abuse indicating their unworthiness. No one had no right to put that into our psyche. Yet, it stays inside of us, 318
ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE : APRIL EDITION 2022
festering and becoming a hardened part of our self-belief system when left unchecked or challenged. Mel Robbins talks about this in her latest book, “The High Five Habit.” She asks readers which belief about themselves would they truly like to believe? I, for one, do not care to ever believe what my art teacher told me in 10th grade about being on the side of the room for students that “weren’t talented.” But that takes work and consistency, let alone a decision to do better by me and my heart. Each of us are the only ones that decide that. The hard work must be deemed worthy and important, if not critical to our emotional well-being. If it is not, you will fizzle out by 10am every day and go back to that negative self-talk and feelings of shame and unworthiness. It’s a powerful choice. As a kid right up through my early twenties, I had received so many messages of worthlessness and feelings of invisibility. I was only seen when I did something wrong by a major figure in my life or for my external flaws by classmates and neighborhood kids. So, I turned to hiding away in my closet or in the woods behind our house and learning to become small. It was the easier route that seemed safe and soothing. As adults, we adopt new ways of coping with our trauma that aren’t so pretty and serve absolutely no one. Especially not our hearts. Addiction, avoidance, procrastination, self-harm, clutter and overworking all become ways that we practice in order to survive what feels daunting or overwhelming (which may just be life, in general). This leaves us stuck in patterns that reinjure us and
reinforce the negative beliefs we harbor in the depths of our souls. Our hearts, despite our negative actions, never relent because they know our genuine essence better than we do on our worst days. They continue to call out to us, asking that we nobly honor it and step out of these patterns of behavior, which can feel intimidating when we erroneously believe we lack the courage and/or strength to proceed. Here’s the thing; you are infinitely stronger than you know. You were given and have always possessed everything you need to be your highest self. It just takes the willingness to break old, negative habits and beliefs. With my students that come to me thinking they’re not talented, we begin by delving into why they stopped creating. Invariably, it’s an external source such as a parent, sibling, friend or especially a teacher that undermined their joy with a simple sentence they internalized years ago. When I ask them if they believe what this person told them, most do not when pressed. They just don’t know how to undo the damage and find their way back to joy in the act of creating. They are afraid that they will be embarrassed by what they produce in front of me, their teacher, or fellow students. Providing them with loving guidance in a safe environment to feel all their feels as I listen without judgment (and loads of empathy), is my way of allowing their fears to sit out in the open to be observed and given deep compassion. We then move forward in small, manageable steps learning basics, even if we need to do it for multiple lessons. We look for the parts that went well or were absolute breakthroughs to buoy
