8 minute read
THE LOVE FREQUENCY
YOU ARE ENOUGH. HELLO AGAIN
BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS I PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIO BY KARA KARAOGUZ
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This column is dubbed “The Love Frequency” because we explore concepts around love and energetics. In life, there is always a duality at play. There is a flip side of the coin. The paradoxes of life give us contrast and help to keep things in perspective.
Light, dark. Hot, cold. Pleasure, pain. Happy, sad. Joyful, melancholy. Masculine, feminine. Love, fear.
Now, it’s the love and fear we are exploring here today.
When in the frequency of love we feel expanded, unified, connected and stable.
When in the frequency of fear we feel contracted, closed off, disconnected and unstable.
We may find ourselves in the frequency of fear after a huge change in our lives. Something that leaves you reeling…a break up, a divorce, an illness, an accident, a sudden job loss or change, the death of a loved one, of a friendship, or even the death of a former version of yourself.
When in fear it’s very easy to be caught up in lack, scarcity and not enoughness. Maybe you’re living paycheck to paycheck in terms of your financial stability. Maybe it feels like love is out of reach for you; like you’re chasing, proving, convincing another to love you. Or the contrary, love may feel suffocating or constricting to you. You could possibly feel stuck in terms of making big (or any) moves in business. Or maybe you reach your breaking point and the day to day stressors tip you over your brink.
My background in psychology coupled with personal healing experiences, intuitive guidance, embodied somatic healing, and energy work lends itself very well to my trauma informed coaching and private mentorship.
I believe we live in a toxic culture that largely consists of unhealed, unintegrated, wounded children walking around in adult bodies. I know that is a HUGE statement but based on my experience there is much truth to it.
Dysregulated nervous systems, insecure attachment styles, lack of emotional awareness or acceptance, deep core wounding of shame, guilt, fears of rejection or abandonment that began in childhood or even from generations past, imbalanced masculine and feminine sacred energies, maladaptive coping patterns, defense mechanisms all running amuck. The dysfunction keeps a person stuck in the frequency of fear. This dysfunction is commonly normalized as the standard, unfortunately.
When in fear you’ll also find yourself in survival mode. With the nervous system activated and on high alert, the executive function of the brain is offline. Your creative process is inaccessible and your ability to selfexpress is nearly nonexistent. It’s no fun. Just think of it… When you’re in panic mode, you can’t even think straight. When emotions are high, intelligence is low.
How to know if you’re in the frequency of fear?
Aside from your heart racing, increased or decreased appetite, rapid or extremely slow breathing, the pit in your stomach, feeling a weight on your shoulders, a clenched jaw, a furrowed brow or your hands in fists, you may also find you’re a chronic over giver or people pleaser. If you have a habit of putting others’ needs ahead of your own and consistently self-abandoning, you may be living in the frequency of fear. Maybe you worry about letting people in so you keep people at an arm’s length, or you tend to make negative assumptions about what others are thinking or feeling. Maybe you have trouble recognizing, expressing, or managing your own emotions. You may be stricken with panic attacks, anxiety, or depression. You may feel fearful of not being chosen, being left behind, or abandoned. You may notice at times you have obsessive or repetitive thinking; you may ruminate over a problem again and again and again. Maybe you’re seeking approval from others, falling into codependent behaviors.
If any of these sound familiar please know that these maladaptive coping mechanisms all make sense. At one
point in your life you’ve needed them for your survival. In adulthood, you get to choose whether you’d like to continue with these patterns or start breaking cycles. So much of the frequency of fear is traced back to low self-esteem or low sense of self-worth, rooted in subconscious beliefs. And this is okay too…they’re just thoughts and thoughts can be changed. Bringing those subconscious thoughts to your conscious awareness so you can start to unlearn and relearn new beliefs. Your internal landscape will inevitably be reflected in your external environment. This is the Law of Correspondence when we think in terms of playing in the Quantum field. If you are fearful, distrusting and skeptical of others, you will inevitably be shown people in your world who cause you to feel more fear, lack of trust and skepticism because of your internal beliefs-subconscious or not. Everything is energy.
So how to get out of the frequency of fear and back into love?
If you desire to improve intimacy in your relationships and reclaim your personal power, follow these five steps:
1. Strengthen emotional intelligence. Notice what you are feeling when you are feeling it. Observe yourself and all the emotions that are coming up. This is key for increasing self-awareness and deepening self-leadership, getting yourself back to the frequency of love, peace, and abundance. This may include resourcing a memory that evokes feelings of security and a sense of calm or any other tool for self-regulation to soothe your nervous system. Depending on which branch of your autonomic nervous system is turned ON, you may need to go beyond self-regulation and co-regulate with someone you trust. We get by with a little help from our friends. Until you feel safe in your body you will be unable to process anything you’re feeling, therefore leaving you “stuck.” I have a free 8-page (nervous system) Regulation Cheat Sheet available on my website www.karakaraoguz.com for immediate access if you’d like to have more ideas.
3. Move your body. Trauma is stored on a cellular level in the physical body. We also have a subtle body that needs to stay balanced; when incorporating movement you’re helping your mental, emotional, physical, and energetic bodies move the energy and drain off the negative. As a Clairsentient, I am able to feel the energy of others’ subtle body. This is something you can cultivate too, if it isn’t already part of your sensory abilities. To support myself in staying out of the frequency of fear and in the frequency of love, my daily workouts, yoga, dance and walks in nature with my dogs do wonders to help keep me feeling confident and expansive in my love and energy thus out of survival mode, away from fear. Welcome in full, deep breaths, exhaling completely while getting out of your head and into your body. 4. Educate yourself. Know your triggers because these are what send you spiraling into the frequency of fear. It is necessary to recalibrate your energy to the higher frequencies of love, gratitude, confidence and stability. When you understand that your body and mind are reacting to a stimulus in your environment that feels threatening or unsafe, you start to view yourself through the lens of compassion and cultivate more preventative measures. Also, knowing your attachment style is paramount! Practicing new responses to triggers is essential so that the next time you swing around to the frequency of fear you’re better equipped to handle it. Somatic healing is very important and trauma informed work. This is all part of the human experience.
5. Protect your energy. Once you get your feet back under you from living in the frequency of fear, stress on overdrive, and in constant survival mode you’ll start to have more clarity, direction and alignment for your life. You begin to set boundaries and use discernment, identifying what is worth your time and energy and what is not. Sharpen conflict resolution skills so that you’re able to communicate effectively. There is nothing more powerful than feeling seen, heard, validated and accepted (by yourself and by another.) Working with a trauma-informed coach or mentor to guide and support you in implementing new skills so you can improve intimacy in your loving relationships as well as your ambition, focus and productivity in business
will shift things on an expedited timeline, bringing you more joy, pleasure, love, wealth and success than you’ve ever imagined.
Many of these concepts overlap. Healing and wholeness is available to you. You don’t have to live in the frequency of fear. I wrote about these concepts (and more) in my book “Keep Showing Up: a Memoir and Powerful Guidebook for Empaths to Embody Self-Love, Self-Empowerment, and Self-Worth” available on Amazon.
Residing in the frequency of love is the goal though now you may see that the frequency of fear provides this contrast in life.
Trust that it’s all by design. Everything is happening FOR you, not TO you. Get your supports in place so you can move through the mess to your message as efficiently as possible. When you know you’re constantly evolving you see every single situation as a beautiful lesson so your soul can ascend to higher levels of consciousness, integrating and implementing unconditional love more and more each day.
If you are interested in deepening your understanding of any of these topics, I currently have two 1:1 private mentorship opportunities open. Email hello@karakaraoguz.com for more details.
KARA
