KEMPER FAGAN selected works 2012-2020
index
detail
context. community. crib. core
3
detroit, mi | fall 2019 | team | university of michigan student show nominee
climate
temporarily bazaar 21
context
library 27
site to be determined | fall 2018 | individual
six mile, south carolina | spring 2016 | individual | clemson university undergraduate prize in design | clemson university student award for best project
application
professional work
circumstance
aggregate
experience
mixed dispositions
37
boulder, colorado | 505design | team
41
queens, ny | spring 2018 | individual
53
website | spring 2020 | individual
CONTEXT. COMMUNITY. CO-OP. CORE. detriot, michigan systems studio | team fall 2019 Affordable, well designed housing is an issue that many cities deal with. This project is an investigation into housing design on four scales: the neighborhood, the site, the building and the program details. We defined these as the CONTEXT of the surrounding land parcels, the COMMUNITY of the families sharing a residentially zoned site, the building that serves as a CO-OP for casual living, and the CORE of the kitchen, bathroom and stairs. Constraints and opportunities were designed into the project to allow points for community engagement and input as well as neighborhood consistency. The building relationship rules, informed by the compound housing typology, create opportunities for interstitial space. This can be used to create a tight-knit neighborhood on a small scale. The custom flexible core walls allow customization by the tenants and adaptability over time. The window placement and versatility are additional moments of connection between residents and buildings and serve as a method to break the long standing seam metal panel facades. We saw the project as an opportunity to address the need for small scale multi-family residential projects that integrate well into the growing warehouse district of Eastern Market. CONTEXT. COMMUNITY. CO-OP. CORE. provides opportunity in design in order to accommodate different needs on different sites. Flexibility, customization, and community were the driving forces to this design in order to create a causal living space for many people living in this light-industrial area. Drawings done in collaboration with Ruxin Xie and Roberto Corpus
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detail
4
CONTEXT
Form Form
form Form
assembly
Assembly Assembly
Assembly
Drawings done in collaboration with Ruxin Xie and Roberto Corpus
5
solid toSolid permeable toSolid permeable? to permeable?
Utilitarian buildings of agriculture and produce are often dismissed as they blend into their surroundings, but their functionality and preengineered structural system are an opportunity for lowcost customized design. The prefabricated flexible system is a tool that can be used for creating high-design moments, open floor plans and low-tech but high-resolution aesthetics. We chose a cost-saving construction method in order to invest more in the design of the highly-crafted interior spaces but still keep the cost of the buildings low.
Solid to permeable?
The opportunity of the compound is that the site can be built up in phases and over time. The buildings are organized through specific relationships we sought out in order to create connections between residents while also allowing unit privacy. These relationships are the guidelines for implementation on other sites, either smaller or larger, and are defined by the connection between the faces as well as how they create voids between the buildings. The goal of the organizational method for the buildings was that it would create diversity of space type on the land.
COMMUNITY
site plan watson st.
Our categorization of outdoor spaces was essential to defining the space created between the buildings. We defined public, semi-public/semi-private and private space based on the implied ownership on the site. Public is seen as dedicated to the greater Detroit neighborhood. Semipublic/semi-private implies the housing community holds responsibility. Private provides space to individual units.
wilkins st.
core relationships
bathroom kitchen operation stairs unit
exterior purpose driven landscaping
private semi-space public pathway
detail
6
CO-OP
standing seam metal panel
rigid foam insulation
roof decking
girts
interior finishing
concealed gutter portal frame core concrete foundation set
kalwall system
structural system Drawings done in collaboration with Ruxin Xie and Roberto Corpus
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glass glazing window
the four walls
side wall
end wall
interior partition wall
core wall
window size, orientation, and function based on spatial condition
operable windows and openings
adaptable openings to merge units or provide wall storage
modular system adaptable to activity
3D fabricated textured panel framed wall 3D fabricated textured panel
metal vertical members (legs) wood or glass shelves optional panels for privacy
insulated standing seam metal insulated polycarbonate panel panel or glazing 2 x 6 girts metal frame structural frame insulated polycarbonate panel interior finish or glazing
detail
8
CORE
modular assembly core: kitchen + bath 1 2 3 4 5
bathroom 8’-6” x 4’-9” kitchen stairs to loft/bed wet wall to service bathroom and kitchen modular system at 24” and 30” wide with adjustable shelves at every 9” adaptable kitchen components: storage cabinets fridge work surface mountable island
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vertical legs: blackened steel shelves: wood, glass partition panels: wood, polycarbonate panel
Drawings done in collaboration with Ruxin Xie and Roberto Corpus
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The custom flexible core walls allow customization by the tenants and adaptability over time. The window placement and versatility are additional moments of connection between residents and buildings and serve as a method to break the long standing seam metal panel facades. We saw the project as an opportunity to address the need for small scale multi-family residential projects that integrate well into the growing warehouse district of Eastern Market. The core placement inside each building and the window placement on the façade influence the orientation of the community. We used the kitchen part of the core to create connections over space. This includes visual connections through buildings, across buildings, and between buildings (over the outdoor space.) The window locations and orientation are place specific to each building’s location on the site. These portals serve as a connector to other buildings and outdoor spaces. Our goal was to use the site layout, building relationships, building orientation, location of the core, and window placement as a way to create a community typology that could be replicated but still customized.
window catalog A inside spot window B outside spot window C folding polycarbonate entry D folding polycarbonate window E pivot glass window F strap window, spans onto roof
detail
10
Drawings done in collaboration with Ruxin and Xie Roberto Drawings done in collaboration with Xie Ruxin andCorpus Roberto Corpus
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detail detail
12
section a
Drawings done in collaboration with Ruxin Xie and Roberto Corpus
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plan
section b
left elevation
front elevation
detail
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Drawings done in collaboration with Ruxin Xie and Roberto Corpus
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16 15 14 13 12 11
10
1 2 3 4
crushed stone bed screened gravel rigid foam insulation concrete wall
5 6 7
waterproof membrane radiant floor heating concrete foundation seat
8 9
floor truss 3/4� kalwall polycarbonate
9 8
10 glass glazing
7 6 5
11 12 13 14 15 16
exterior rake soffit portal frame purlins roof decking rigid foam insulation standing seam metal panel
4 3 2 1 42� frost line
detail
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Drawings done in collaboration with Ruxin Xie and Roberto Corpus
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We investigated the farmhouse typology as the modern day version of the quonset hut. We discovered this typology could provide a quick, easy, and low-cost shell construction in contrast to a detailed, crafted and collaborative nature of the interior layout. The barn-neighborhood supported our three foundational ideas: a mid-western sense of community, an affordable yet highly designed living space, and integration with the surrounding light-industrial building types. Multiple types of units are dispersed throughout the site in order to create a welcoming place for a diverse set of residents. The Small units are great for small families or individuals looking for a flexible in-unit studio space but offer little room for family growth. The Medium unit is perfect for a growing family that needs more space for children or elderly family members. They can also be programmed to resemble a unit relationship more similar to cohousing. The Large units are studio apartments for people who want to be a part of the community but are looking for more private outdoor space. The Warehouse can be programmed for any light-industrial use, such as food processing or a small scale production facility.
plan
section b
left elevation
front elevation
detail
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section a
left elevation
Drawings done in collaboration with Ruxin Xie and Roberto Corpus
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front elevation
1 concrete foundation 2 foundation seat 3 steel portal frame 4 radiant floor heating 5 electrical panel 6 water from district heating in xl building
structural and mechanical systems
One Unit Layout
one unit layout
One Unit Layout
Two Unit Layout Layout One Unit
Two Unit Layout
two unit layout
Three Unit Layout Two Unit Layout
Three Unit Layout
Three Unit Layout
three unit layout
section b
plan
detail
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TEMPORARILY BAZAAR: A CITY HALL FOR THE BURNING MAN PROJECT
Focusing on Burning Man as a temporary city, but also a permanent community, I asked myself who is included in the consideration of ‘citizenry’ and what defines the ‘institution’ accountable to these citizens. When a community’s needs are intangible and the people are desperate for human connection and emotional support, can a city hall deviate from its typical program? If the needs are simple and basic, how does a city hall support the community? My project is exploring the role and importance of a city hall to communities and temporary cities with non-traditional needs.
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staff: 44
A temporary city is formed by active participants with similar needs. While Black Rock is a temporary city, the community of Burners exists year-round. Tom Price saw Burners Without Borders (BWB) as a way in which the community is able to fulfill the lack of the Ten Principles of Burning Man in the other 355 days. Price frequently tells people it “is like boot camp for disaster relief.” and is a great way to attend Burning Man yearround. Not only do Burners learn to build temporary structure quickly and live off the necessities, but they also create one of the largest experiments in community and art the way fun and entertainment manifests. Human connections are one of the most important pieces of the Burning Man ideals and this is reflected in the way people interact at Burning Man.
column nesting
site to be determined institutions studio | individual fall 2018
DISTRIBUTION CENTER CAMP: CONSTRUCTION PARTS MATERIAL
QUANTITY
SIZE
DURA-TRAC HPDE PLASTIC
657 PANELS
4’L X 4’W X 2 3/4”D APPROX.
HERCULITE FABRIC
6
96” W
DISTRIBUTION CENTER CAMP: SECONDARY MATERIALS, TOOLS AND EQUIPMENT OBJECT QUANTITY SIZE PUSH PINS
2,050
STORAGE SHELVES
347
CHURCH TABLES
44
60”L X 30”W X 30”H
FOAM CHAIR - CORNER
1
31.5”L X 31.5”W X 13.75”H 31.5”L X 31.5”W X 13.75”H
36.5”L X 14”W X 72”H
FOAM CHAIR W/ BACK
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FOAM CHAIR W/O BACK
25
31.5”L X 31.5”W X 13.75”HT
FOAM STOOL
12
15.75”L X 15.75”W X 13.75”H
FOLDING CHAIRS
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climate
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theme camp: community center for commodities 10,267 SF congregation room [city council chambers] restrooms cafeteria shower house sanctuary soup kitchen generator check-out first aid center
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theme camp: local coordination center 10,267 SF (8,400 SF of program) organizational clerk [city clerk]: 150 SF office head volunteer organizer [mayor] & staff: 250 SF BWB volunteers [human resources] public relations administrator [city administrator]: 250 SF office + 250 SF space for staff ethical behavior enforcement [city attorney]: 250 SF office + 1,000 SF space for staff
climate
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A
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B
A
theme camp: recovery center camp 10,267 SF (9,500 SF of program)
C
digital lab [infrastructure records]: 900 SF accessibility coordination team [traffic]: 1,000 SF training center [public meeting rooms]: 1,000 SF heavy equipment parking: 1,500 SF storage: 1,500 SF long-term volunteer housing : 3,600 SF (sleeps 36-55 people)
B
theme camp: distribution center 10,267 SF (7,165 SF of program) donation distribution [customer service]: 2,250 SF lost & found [permits/registrations]: 650 SF storage [systems planning]: 1,900 SF reception: 865 SF donation drop-off: 1,500 SF
C
theme camp: community center for education & entertainment camp 10,267 SF child care center educational center [parks & recreation] game room & projection screen [parks & recreation] barrack housing
climate
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LIBRARY: AN ACADEMIC SANCTUARY OF SPACE six mile, south carolina synthesis studio | individual spring 2016 Defining a library not by its specific use, but by its spatial quality while in use is the innovative approach to this library research. The project serves as a study to incorporate this idea through the use of a forest. Six Mile’s branch library would serve as a serene, academic sanctuary to the community by emulating a wood encompassed by nature. The skylights and columns are key components to the emotion felt inside this library. The placement of the columns is meant to replicate the disorganization of tree trunks in a forest. The skylights are arranged to simulate light filtering through the lush canopy of a wood. The use of concrete, both polished and rough, helps to create a sense of rural serenity which supports the library’s programming. This library’s design parallels the environment of a woodland in multiple facets. Sunlight beaming through tree branches is represented with wood lattice sunlights. Concrete columns illustrates the trunks of great pines. Proposing a library, which evolves into a space for diverse public use, mirrors the communal space of nature. In this proposal, importance is put on incorporating local needs with investigative architecture. The evolution of this unused land in Six Mile into a fluid public spatial library recognizes the environmental and community impact of explorative programing and design.
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spacial quality studies
context
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site rational
form | carve | extrude
floor plate skylight pattern
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tree-column relationship
shadow inspiration
shadow study
roof relationship study
structural + spacial delineation 22’ HVAC column 12’ HVAV column one floor one 22’ structural column 12’ structural column on floor one 12’ structural column on ground floor
context
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8
1 7
2
3
6
5
4
site plan 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
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bioswale water drainage covered multi-use space bosque permeable waffle-paved parking constructed wetland sheltered amphitheater plaza permeable pave foot path
evolution of program
circulation + program
parti
grid + views
skylight pattern
context
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ard rty
u co e:
yp
et
h arc
r
da
un
bo
de
sli
n
itio
dd
a rid
g
m
r fo
ate riv
bli
.p cv
pu
33
n
sio
an
xp ye
column purpose
structural/non-structural concrete
us formliner 2/123 tennessee precast concrete panels
concrete interiors
technical section/elevation relationship
us formliner 2/156 steinwald
context
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35
floor one
ground floor
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
circulation desk main stacks study stacks children’s area presentation classrooms community meeting space think tank workspace idea generator space traditional classroom auditorium restrooms context
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UNIVERSITY TOWN CENTER SEARS REDEVELOPMENT san diego, california professional work | team: 505design This project is a full design project with an architect of record for Seritage Growth Properties. I was working closely with a project lead thru schematic design, design development, and our current phase, construction documentation. I helped to develop the pattern and design of the metal screen and the tenant portals. It was my responsibility to create all the leasing study designs used to attract specific tenants as well. During material development and selection, I took lead. I also helped to detail the material transitions in our design for the architect of record. My main role was to develop our design alongside construction documentation. It was my job to make sure the design intent was supported throughout the entire process.
renderings by Dane Spangler team: 505design, LDA Design Group, Seritage Growth Properties
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professional work project contributions bowie sears redevelopment renderings bowie, maryland dallas midtown development studies & renderings dallas, texas eastview mall leasing studies victor, new york magnolia park plaza uplift greenville, south carolina simon mall play area redevelopment studies stanford, california san diego, california southlands mall visioning aurora, colorao stony point fashion park leasing studies richmond, virginia village at newtown newtown, pennslyvania westfield galleria leasing studies roseville, california
renderings by Dane Spangler team: 505design, LDA Design Group, Seritage Growth Properties
renderings by Dane Spangler team: 505design, LDA Design Group, Seritage Growth Properties
application
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THE STANDARD AT DENVER GATEWAY denver, colorado professional work | team: 505design This project is a full design project to propose a housing typology for a new development near at Denver Gateway near the airport. I was the project design lead and housing studies lead. We started the project from visioning and continued through design FRONT ELEVATION development. My responsibilities included creating a vision book for the project, proposing design options, program options, and housing layouts T H E This S T A Nalso DAR D at DENVER GATEWAY for the client. included
SIDE ELEVATION
|
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VISION BOOK
REA
505DES
developing the design through the schematic design phase and the design development phase.
L OVER RETAIL RAL EXPRESSION
FRONT ELEVATION
THE STANDARD at DENVER GATEWAY
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SID
|
VISION BOOK
1,417 SF
913 SF 76 SF
OPTION A
913 SF
76 SF
76 SF
716 SF 61 SF
1,417 SF 76 SF
Total Footprint: 12,824 SF
76 SF
1,101 SF
61 SF
76 SF
716 SF
1,401 SF
1,109 SF
927 SF 76 SF
76 SF
927 SF
76 SF
76 SF
76 SF
927 SF
1,101 SF
716 SF 61 SF
Total Footprint: 13,107 SF Leasable Space Not Including Balconies: 10,331 SF Total Circulation per Floor: 1,364 SF Average Balcony Size: 73 SF
1,401 SF 76 SF
1 bdrm (700sf) Leasable Space Not Including Balconies: 10,346 SF Total Circulation per Floor: 1,340 SF 2 bdrm (925 sf) Average Balcony Size: 73 SF 2 bdrm (1,100 sf) 3 bdrm (1,400 sf) C total footprint:OPTION 12,824 sf leasable space not including 61 SF 76 SF balconies: 10,346 sf 700 SF 1,106 SF total circulation per floor: 1,340 sf average balcony size: 73 sf
1,401 SF
927 SF
927 SF
76 SF
76 SF
76 SF
76 SF
1,106 SF
1,401 SF 76 SF
Total Footprint: 13,515 SF Leasable Space Not Including Balconies: 10,312 SF Total Circulation per Floor: 1,354 SF Average Balcony Size: 73 SF
2 BDRM (925 SF) 2 BDRM (1,100 SF) 3 BDRM (1,400 SF)
THE STANDARD at DENVER GATEWAY
61 SF
700 SF
927 SF 76 SF
1 BDRM (700 SF)
76 SF
1,113 SF
|
VISION BOOK
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505DESIGN
|
LAND DESIGN
0 5 J U LY 2 0 1 8
application
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THE COLLECTIVE: NEW YORK DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTIONS CENTER FOR COGNITIVE EMPATHY long island city, new york propositions studio | individual spring 2019 Aggregate will serve as an informative, knowledge-based sharing space that develops resident’s understanding of the brain and decision making processes. The goal is to positively shape student’s emotional intelligence, specifically within it’s empathy dimensions and how they relate to decision making. Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand your own personal feelings and those of other people, and to consider other people’s feelings when making decision. After teaching the resident’s the tools to enhance their emotional intelligence, the facility provides a safe space that allows the students to practice their informed, empathetic decision making in a low cost environment. There are opportunities for the residents to learn the power of both their own and communal decision making. Aggregate provides design that encourages, creating an environment that fosters an individual’s ability to make the decision to be rehabilitated without undergoing additional hardship. The resident’s decision is supported by the opportunities provided by the facility to elevate their own emotional intelligence.
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needs statement
mission
While citizenship is legally black and white, many communities lack equal opportunity and therefore feel as if they as ‘less than a citizen.’ Some turn to crime as what they see is the only answer. The inequality on a systemic level has created a cycle of incarceration that deprives communities of many of their residents and resources.
empower people to make decisions and embody citizenship to break the cycle of incarceration for underprivileged communities
method advance cognitive empathy skills learned through project-based curriculum to develop better decision making practices in individuals who are tenants of choice in a program that promotes citizenry in society
impact reduce recidivism and incarceration rates for individuals who identify as disadvantaged through an increase in skill sets
behavior empowered people distribute the learned skills of cognitive empathy an their recognition of inherent citizenship from the program to the greater community, creating communities of choice circumstance
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There are 15 specific tools the project uses to address these areas: reflect, think about feelings, pause before speaking or acting, focus on your thoughts, benefit from criticism, show authenticity, demonstrate empathy, praise others, give helpful feedback, apologize and demonstrate humility, forgive an forget, keep your commitments, help others, protect yourself from emotional manipulation, and actively practice healthy habits.
empathy
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self-awareness
self-motivation
self-regulation
relationship skills
friends and community
emotional well-being
career
family
education
There are six areas the project plans to improve in the residents lives: physical health, education, family, career, emotional well-being, and friends and community.
marketability of cognitive empathy
physical health
There are five areas of emotional intelligence. The five areas are: self-regulation, self-awareness, self-motivation, empathy, and relationship skills. Improving these five areas is the gateway to better learning, friendships, academic success, and employment.
floor use
empathy
programming
15 cognitive empathy modules *double as visiting space 5 study space modules 5 group space modules 5 leisure space modules
spatial qualities kit of parts logic access
residents staff public
floor use
self-awareness
programming
dorms rooms for resident elected program
spatial qualities safe clean access
residents staff
floor use
self-motivation
programming
outdoor space technology lab therapy rooms classrooms library learning kitchen offices
spatial qualities respect caring calm access
residents staff public
floor use
self-regulation
programming
outdoor spaces gymnasium music room
spatial qualities trustworthy dignity access
residents staff
floor use
relationship skills
programming
offices convenience store barber shop gallery and performance space cafeteria and industrial kitchen volunteer area parking
spatial qualities welcoming transparent access
residents staff public
circumstance
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office
lounge
programmed spaces relationship skills
self-regulation
self-motivation
self-awareness
lounge
classroom
library
classroom
library
lounge
classroom
kitchen
bedroom
min: 0 max: 2
min: 0 max: 1
min: 0 max: 2
min: 0 max: 2
min: 0 max: 2
min: max:
min: 4 max: 15
min: 1 max: 4
min: 60 max: 75
office
therapy
therapy
kitchen
office
lounge
laundry
min: 10 max: 25
min: 0 max: 3
min: 0 max: 5
min: 1 max: 4
min: 0 max:
min: 1 max: 5
min: 1 max: 2
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therapy
library
classroom
performance
kitchen
circumstance
46
There are ten different bedroom options to choose from. Each resident chooses one of the ten rooms to claim as their own. They can also opt in for bunk beds if they would like to share this space. Each room needs to maintain a 5’-0� radius at the entrance that is free of obstructions. The furniture that is programmed into the space is built-in and would be permanent. Otherwise, the room can be decorated more or less how the resident would like.
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programmed spaces customized furniture designed for the empathy floor
support
give helpful feedback
reflect
reflect
ponder
think about feelings
apologize
apologize and demonstrate humility
pause
pause before speaking or acting
forgive
forgive and forget
focus
focus on your thoughts
deliver
keep your commitments
serve
help others
grow
benefit from criticism
expose
show authenticity
shield
protect yourself from emotional manipulation
empathize
demonstrate empathy
do
actively practice healthy habits
encourage
praise others
circumstance
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1
relationship skills
49
2
self-regulation
3
4
6 5
self-motivation
self-awareness
self-awareness
7
empathy
circumstance
50
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“Emotional intelligence is the aggregate of abilities and skills that represent a collection of knowledge meant for coping with life effectively� This model serves as a tool try out different combinations of modules. The 1/4� scale is a prototype of a new type of rehabilitative space. It encourages people to gather around the model to start a progressive conversation on what incarceration could look like in the future. Typologies of modules available to be rearranged and designed by the residents in order to support their needs.
circumstance
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MIXED DISPOSITIONS thesis investigation: fictitious space exit studio | individual spring 2020 The role of architecture in our daily lives is never neutral. However, the organizational nature of many architectural typologies can be distilled into similar programmatic plates. And yet we still recognize them as different. I was interested in the abstract differences in the programs that accompany these typologies, how space changes once it is occupied. This project uses the quotidian spaces we inhabit to investigate the importance of spatial personality. I am looking at the consequences of intimate encounters, influential experiences, significant memories, and the unique personalities of humans on the designs we inherit. Through detailed character narratives, I am investigating the creation of space once it has a persona. Does space need a person to invigorate the daily architecture of our lives or can it flourish empty? Which influence is more impactful, the architecture or the person? These questions led to a secondary interest in how the characters evolve and what impact that has on space. I focused on the way individuals change as they come into contact with other personalities. The impact we have on one another, and the secondary impact that has on the spaces we occupy, manifests as a timeline of the power of relationships. Using narrative as a method of discovery, this project investigates whether the personality of the design can be upstaged by the disposition of the inhabitant. Through a comparison of characters settling in similarly designed or similarly programmed spaces, this project asks: What is our influence on the architecture?
mixeddispositions.cargo.site
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neutrality
1 grid focus
xyz grid
relatable
2 perspective focuses
system
thing
moral value
3 typology focuses prison
monastery
privacy
4 program focuses bathing sleeping
5 compnent focuses sf per person
retreat
eating community
architecture
landscaping furnishing
material fenestration
din av os a ery nd
inv
it ta fee yl ls or g o
en
t
od
cra jor ig’s da lis t n
po au se li ste ke ma n
rily
n
bas ror ic nee y ds experience
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socializing
eating
bathing
sleeping
confining. oppressive. isolating. controlling
mixeddispositions.cargo.site
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empowering. contemplative. calming. spiritual
liberating. luxurious. elegant. comfortable.
neutral. unbiased.
experience
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character
austen
emotion
liberating luxurious elegant comfortable
room
socializing
damn peloton Luke gave me a Peloton for Christmas. I couldn’t tell if it was a ‘Hey bitch, you’re fat’ gift or a ‘I support you on your weight loss journey’ gift. Either way, I loved it.... at first. I was on it every day, motivated by the small blond woman telling me I was a superstar just for getting on the bike. But then I quit. And now every time I look at that sleek, stationary piece of gym equipment all I see is a $2,300 coat rack. See, that’s how it always goes. I do well for a few weeks, sometimes even a few months, and then something happens and I fall off the wagon. I get busy at work or homeschooling the kids takes longer than usual or they have football practice and I get back into old habits. Ever since I had kids I have been struggling to feel like myself. I want to be the fun girl I used to be and not just mom to three dirty boys (who I love with all my heart I might add). Losing the weight the first time helped me feel young again. But then I felt young and forgot my metabolism doesn’t work like it used to so the weight all came back, plus some. Right now I’m heavier than I’ve ever been. And the next time I decide to write I will probably be even heavier. I’m stressed out by it on top of everything else. I stand at the park and look at all the moms who seemingly popped out a baby without so much as a single stretch mark. I know I can lose the weight again. I’ve done it before. That doesn’t stop me from thinking, “What if I don’t?” Every time I fail at a diet, don’t make it through a gut cleanse, or forget to track my calories, I wonder if I should stop trying for good. I think: ‘Maybe this is just who I am now. Maybe I should accept this as comfortable.’ And that makes me feel better for a second, but then the stress always comes back. Because, in the back of my mind, I know that comfortable means not being a good mom to my boys. It means not being a good wife to come home to. It means not being me. So tomorrow I am going to get my ass back on that bony little seat that leaves me struggling to sit down for a week.
mixeddispositions.cargo.site
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experience
58
MIXEDDISPOSITIO mixeddispositions.cargo.site
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ONS.CARGO.SITE
experience
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KEMPER FAGAN fagankemper@gmail.com 802.207.0241
