THERAPY COUCH *NEW

Lisa (London) “My ex-husband never lets me know when he wants to see the children. He may contact me at short notice and offer to have them or break our arrangements, sometimes by simply not turning up for a pre-arranged visit. This means that I end up consoling two disappointed children and can never plan anything social for myself.” Therapist Susan’s reply: It sounds as if you need to mentally remove your ex-husband from your plans in terms of relying on him for childcare. I'm sure you've repeatedly explained to him the consequences of his behaviour, the impact it is likely to have on his long term relationship with the children. You could try discussing the situation with your lawyer to see if they could formalise your access arrangements, but if he is determined to be unreliable there is in reality little that can be done. You probably know several other parents of young children. Could you encourage your children to become friends with them so that they would be comfortable staying over at each other's houses occasionally? By alternating childcare you could provide each other with reliable baby sitting and free evenings from time to time. Grandparents can assume extra responsibility after a divorce, but often one set are neglected or become estranged. Could you utilise your relationship with both sets of grandparents? They may be thrilled to be asked and love the opportunity to bond overnight with their grandchildren. It can also benefit the children to have a loving, supportive relationship with their grandparents, one that is a little detached from their immediate family issues. They may find it beneficial to have a safe place where they can discuss their fears, problems and concerns without risking upsetting or offending you. Try being more relaxed about social events and have fun at home by inviting friends over to yours on occasion. Okay, it's not the same as a night out with the girls, but you can enjoy time with your friends, everyone can bring a dish and a bottle, the children can play safely together and you can all enjoy each other's company.

Angie (Leeds) “I dread holidays and weekends. Everyone at work thinks that I lead an amazing social life with lots of exciting friends and activities. I tell everyone that I'm busy, going away lots and have a busy social life but now regret that I may get found out, am living a lie and am excluding myself from making friends at work.”

Therapist Susan’s reply: Identify why you feel the need to invent a false life for yourself. Look at the reasons behind inventing another persona and then explore ways to remedy the situation. Perhaps consider counselling as a route to improving your confidence and selfesteem. If you feel that you or your life are unsatisfactory then look at ways to improve that situation. Building your relationships on lies in order to impress your colleagues is not a worthy long term strategy. The truth is, other people rarely remember the details of what we tell them and care even less. They have their own lives, stories and concerns to occupy them.

You may risk raised eyebrows, but you could say that your trips were cancelled or that someone was unable to make it so you've decided to defer your weekends away. Being more truthful from then on will enable you to relax and become more genuine. As a consequence, your relationships with your co-workers will become more real.

Turn your free time into special time for yourself. Maybe catch up on a few chores, do some paperwork. But equally commit to looking after yourself and treating yourself well. Your colleagues with demanding partners, children, families would envy your being able to lie in bed, read the papers, watch TV whenever you want to. Remember that and relish the freedom that you have. Be aware of the importance of taking things steady in making friends at work. Remember that you're paid to hold a senior position. That means that you cannot afford to compromise the company's standards by appearing to cultivate friendships or favour certain people. Try to keep work and play separate; then you can remain fair and professional throughout the working day. Look to establish fun and interests in a variety of areas. Some people enjoy going to the gym or attend exercise classes and make friends there. Other people use their free time to learn to paint or speak another language, or they do voluntary work or amateur dramatics. Having several areas of interest that occupy you means that you become so busy that you don't need to invent stories about how you spend your holidays and weekends.

Email your problems to VIP@RUSSELL GRANT.COM

Susan Leigh A.C.H.Qual, M.N.C.H.(Acc), M.S.M.S.(Acc), H.A.Reg from Altrincham,Cheshire, is a counsellor, hypnotherapist, relationship counsellor,writer & media contributor who offers help with relationship issues,stress management,assertiveness and confidence. She works with individual clients,couples and provide corporate workshops and support.

Email our Psychics for guidance…

Lenny asks “I am a postgraduate student studying teacher education. I've received positive feedback throughout the course but no luck with job applications. Do the stars hint at when I may be successful?”

With the Sun, Mercury and Venus in Sagittarius, Lenny has chosen a career he will excel in. Sagittarius is also an optimistic sign and despite some disappointment with job applications, he isn’t likely to give up. With Saturn linking with Pluto, there’s a strong chance Lenny will be offered a position in the autumn. This will transform his life in many ways and it may be that he will have to relocate in order to take up a job opportunity. This is the type of opportunity he won’t want to turn down. An exciting turning point will be reached towards the end of August.

Amy asks “I have always been drawn to the stars, I feel it may have been a big part of a past life of mine? How can I feel more connected to my spiritual roots.?“

Amy is a Piscean with Mars, Jupiter and Saturn in Virgo. She will always have been highly intuitive and drawn to exploring the mystical side of life. Learning about different cultures can also help her develop her own beliefs and strengthen her spirituality. Amy might take time to connect with her spirit guides through meditation. She won’t be surprised to find herself thinking more about her ancestors, how they lived and what they might have experienced. Also what she might learn from them. This could lead her to start delving into her family history. For not only is there a strong link with our ancestors through DNA but also a spiritual connection too.