Kingsland News September 2014 by KingslandLife

Kingsland News September 2014 Well the summer has continued apace and the speed of life in the Kingsland parish continues with three weddings during the month of August. It is wonderful to see those who come to make their vows before God and their friends and families, such a privileged job I have! August also saw â&#x20AC;&#x153;Half a Monty!â&#x20AC;? a wonderful evening of entertainment by the Young Farmers of Teme Valley YFC , excellent food and drink and good company. There were over 150 in the marquee at Moss Hill Farm and grateful thanks to the Vaughan Family for hosting us all. ÂŁ1800 was raised to be split by Kingsland Church and the Teme Valley YFC. A big thank you to the many who helped make this such a splendid occasion and thank you to all who came and supported the event. So September means back to school, new term, new teachers and I look forward to working with the amazing staff and school here in Kingsland. Our thoughts and

prayers are with those who are now moving on from school, college or university and onto the next challenge. Often the path ahead is far from clear and we need the support of our families and friends to make our way through this challenging world we live in. I invite you all to come to a service on the Last Sunday in September when we celebrate St Michael and All Angels our patron Saint. The Rev Preb Kay Garlick, who until recently has been Chaplain at Hereford Cathedral and is also a Queen's Chaplain, will be preaching for us on that day. The service is at 11am and will be a special service so if you come occasionally to church, then this is one to come to! There are many dreadful situations across the world at the moment and I hope that you pray and do what you can to make this world a place in which all are able to live and love. The church is always open so do go and find some space there. Julie

Letter to the Editor from St Michaelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

Hospice My colleague, Nicki Lloyd, has asked me to contact you with a direct plea to your community regarding a missing St Michael’s Hospice wind flag. On th Sunday, 20 July, you all kindly allowed St Michael’s to use the Coronation Hall in Kingsland as one of our important water stops for our Wheelie Big Cycle event. Brian and Lisa Markham manned it for us, and all went very well. We even put one of our orange St Michael’s Hospice wind flag out in front of the hall to catch people’s attention. Sadly, we forgot to take down the wind flag on the day and take it with us. Someone in your community alerted us to this, and we sent a member of our team to pick it up on the Tuesday, but it was already gone. It is a large orange flag with the St Michael’s Hospice and South Hereford Garages logos on it. We are sure that someone may have put it away for safekeeping for us, but we just wanted to ask if you could ask around for us and see if we can have it returned to us. We are happy to come and pick it up! Please can anyone with information contact anyone on the Events Team on (01432) 851000, and they will be glad to hear from you! It is a rather costly piece of equipment, so we would like to exhaust all other avenues before purchasing a new one to replace it. Thank you in advance for helping us with this. We hope to have it safely back with us soon. Best wishes, Rachel Entwisle

MARTIN CADWALLADER BUILDING AND LANDSCAPING

 Extensions  Renovations  Groundworks  Hard Landscaping

Tel: 01432 611084 Mob: 07870355734

Kingsland Flower Show 2014 Chairman’s Report There was some concern for the level of entries the week before the Show. However, as the Show date approached, it was pleasing to see the entries steadily trickling in. By the morning of the Show, the level of entries in the floral and produce classes was reasonably high and there was also a good level of entries in most other Divisions. It was only the Children and Photography Divisions that the numbers were down. The floral displays were splendid in all their classes and especially in the President's Prize, with seven beautiful, and very different displays. There were also some fine quality entries in the produce section, especially in the “Chocolate Cake” class. The Wine section entries levelled off this year, so maybe we have saturated those of you who take an interest in “home brewing”. The Craft classes also produced some attractive and high quality exhibits, with a small increase in the number of entries on recent years. The Junior Classes produced some excellent entries especially in the “Lego Model” and the art sections. The “Christmas Card” section produced some very ingenious creations, proving a very difficult Class to judge. This section was also extremely well supported by entries from Kingsland School. Although there were some splendid decorations amongst the entries, the numbers in the “Decorated Hat” Open Section were disappointingly low. This year saw a number of new Judges to the Show, and there were many favourable comments from them on the overall quality of entries in all Divisions. The cups and prizes, presented this year by Edna Pugh, were as keenly contested as ever. Many of the regular names were successful, but it was also good to see some new names and village newcomers featuring amongst the prizes list. The Garden Stall again proved popular and thanks are due to those who donated items for this part of the Show. Thank you to all those who submitted entries, judged, visited the Show, bought raffle tickets, gave prizes and donations, because without your support it would not have been such an enjoyable success. The Show has become a regular feature of the village and it is a good opportunity for people to display their horticultural, art and catering skills. If you did not enter or visit, you do not appreciate what you have missed. The date for next year’s show will be published around January 2014 so there is no excuse for not being a part of it next year. Last but not least, I thank all the members of the Committee and the other volunteer helpers for working so hard and putting their time into ensuring the Show ran so well. Chris Southgate Chairman KFS

Cup and Trophy Winners: Silver Challenge Cup (highest show points total): Perpetual Novice Challenge Cup: Reg Mayall Cup (floral arranging): FH Webster Cup (vegetables): Floral Produce Association Cup: Vera Lloyd Cup (best recipe cake): Lugg Cookery Challenge Cup: Wine Challenge Cup: Cecily Sash Cup: (Photography) Produce Association Cup (white potatoes): Garden Produce Cup (coloured potatoes): Harold Watkinson Trophy (best rose): Kingsland Challenge Cup (vegetables): Junior Challenge Cup (highest points total): Handicrafts Challenge Cup: (Art) Priday Novice Floral Cup: Judith Barker Challenge Cup (Men Division): Lady Alethea’s Cup (5 and under) Lady Alethea's Cup (9 and under) Lady Alethea's Cup (15 and under) Edna Pugh Cup John Bufton Prize (best in vegetable class): President’s Prize: Southgate’s Prize : John Tedstone Prize:

Brightwell Prize: Committee Prize:

Heather Pickering Trish Crow Carina Cooper Len Clarke Heather Pickering Nicola Harwood Jenny Thompson Chris Southgate Sorrel Derricott Sonia Priday Percy Priday Heather Pickering Len Clarke Emily Taylor Joan Lobb + Carol Davies Victoria Sowerbutts + Greta Davies Darren De Mattia Sebastian Thompson Emily Taylor Emily Taylor Emily Taylor Len Clarke Nicola Harwood Emily Taylor 1st Sarah Sharp-Smith 2nd Caroline Southgate 3rd Heather Pickering Linda Pettit Harry Paske

Parish Church of St Michael and All Angels, Kingsland Make sure you and your children don’t miss our next

Family Service Sunday, September 7th, 9.30 am.

A 40 minute service led by Mrs Wendy Maddocks Theme: Building a Church

Nick Bartholomew Building, Renovation & Joinery 07799832628

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nickbart@btinternet.com www.bart-the-builder.co.uk

Kingsland Millennium Green Trust (KMGT) There is an open meeting of the Trustees of KMGT in the Coronation Hall on Sat 6th Sep at 10am. Please feel free to come along and if you would like coffee beforehand, it will be available from 9.30am. Andrew Parsons â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Hon Sec (Tel 708592) Millennium Green Prize Draw The two lucky winners of our latest prize draw are Mr H Paske and Miss P Tighe. Both have been sent cheques for ÂŁ30.

O. Mabbort Blacksmith TRADITIONAL BLACKSMITH Gates, railings, window casements, hand rails, hinges and latches â&#x20AC;Ś Contact Owen: Call - 01568708134 or 07971979223 Email - info@omabbortblacksmith.co.uk or visit â&#x20AC;Ś The Dales, Shirlheath, Kingsland

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Nature Notes 12/8/14 So much to see and observe! The first Mushrooms are appearing – what can taste better? Gardens seem mostly productive with all sorts of fruit ripening in turn. Moles are working everywhere, lovely creatures, but not welcome under lawns and gardens. I have never seen a thin one! It is reported that a Spotted Flycatcher has been seen outside a house window trying to catch a fluttering moth inside – mission impossible! Another report notes a Hedgehog caught in a Magpie trap. When released it made off to a safer place. There are odd Wasps Nests about – have the WASPEZZE spray handy. Hoards of Crows, Jackdaws and Rooks assemble in various areas. They must all have bred well, and can be a big problem on some crops and farms. As days start to shorten there is an Autumn feel some mornings and evenings. Use of BBQ’s terminates for another year. ‘Combining’ at a stop as the rain arrived, but good for grass seeds – it’s an ill wind! Favourite smell of the month – a sun-ripened Nectarine. Favourite taste – a ripe Fig straight off the tree. What is yours?

All aspects of tree work undertaken.  Chipper Hire  Garden Woodchip Mulch  Firewood.  Fully Insured. Email: edwardstreesurgery @gmail.com

Tel: 01568 610888 Mobile: 07855353306

Bed and Breakfast With heated indoor pool available for guest use.

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Mrs Heather Pickering Gable Croft, North Road Kingsland Leominster Herefordshire HR6 9RZ

01568709190 or 07967005102 14, Boarsfield, Kingsland

Telephone: 01568 708009 (Mobile) 07790770340

R.W.H.

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DEBAUCHERY, DISASTERS, DRINK AND DEBT are the musical themes that will be brought to Kingsland by a fabulous six piece band playing a mix of western swing, blues, ragtime, jazz, cajun and country roots. Rob Heron and the Tea Pad Orchestra will be playing in the Coronation Hall on 4th December. Bring your dancing shoes! www.owlsworld.co.uk Our next event is Herefordshire Art week with jewellery, painting, sculpture and more on show and for sale in the church. It’s never too early to solve that Christmas present problem! Come along to our first annual general meeting on 4th October after which Thomas Bowes, who played at our opening ceremony, will be making a welcome return. All are welcome. not miss this band - we’re still raving about them a year later!” PC “Do

CALENDAR 6 – 14th September in the church For the first time, hArt, the Herefordshire-wide week of art exhibitions will be coming to Kingsland. Twenty exciting artists will be exhibiting their work in the Church and SMAAAK will take a commission on all sales. The hArt event brings in visitors from far and wide so will be good for the village and for our local businesses. This year there are over 100 venues, with ours being the largest. Pick up a brochure and map from the Post Office. Saturday 4th October in the church 6.00 SMAAAK AGM all are welcome. 7.30 The Arcadia Festival Tour. A septet of world class musicians led by violinist Thomas Bowes and composer and pianist Eleanor Alberga. See separate ad for programme. Tickets £14 Thursday 4th December 7.30 Coronation Hall Rob Heron and the Tea Pad Orchestra. The ones to watch on the UK’s growing Americana scene. You’ll be singing and whistling along in seconds! Bar and dancing. TICKETS FROM KINGSLAND POST OFFICE OR 01568 709579 Registered charity number 1152383

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Homes

Offices

Hotels

Clubs

Call today: Rainbow International, Unit 21, Evans Business Centre, Brunel Road, Leominster, HR6 0LX Telephone: 01568 617710

(Note New Address!!) For Your Free, No Obligation Quote

R W MANN & SON Funeral Directors 51 West Street, Leominster Private Chapel of Rest 24 hour service Pre-paid funeral plans arranged

Please contact 01568 612358 or Local Funeral Director, Tony Roberts: 01568 708483

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Quiz & Supper Evening

There will be a Quiz & Supper Evening on Friday, 19th September, in the Masonic Hall, Kington, with a Bar, Prizes, and Raffle. The maximum number of players in a team will be 6 and the doors will open at 6.30pm for a 7pm start. This general knowledge quiz with buffet supper is in aid of the Kington Choral Society Performersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Fund KCS Reg. Charity No. 13552. To make a reservation for a table at ÂŁ6 per person just text to 07968 044 853 or email ts_gardener@yahoo.co.uk See www.kingtonchoral.org.uk for more details of KCS events and future concerts

Oil Boiler, AGA and Rayburn For service and repair call:

Bill Moss Oil Boiler Services of Leominster, your local OFTEC registered oil engineer. Replacement Oil Storage tanks supplied and fitted. Tel: 01568 760815 (Mob: 07711899062)

A Farewell message from the Garden Tea Room & shop We finally close the doors at 5pm on Saturday 13th September and start the process of turning Stoneleigh into our home again. SCRUMMY BITES will continue as always producing delicious cakes, savouries, whole meals and event catering for 6 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 100 people from here tel: 01568 709142 and later, when we find the right place, in a new purpose built catering kitchen. We must say a huge thank you to all our customers for all their messages of support and good wishes. Also thank you to our ever smiling staff team, food suppliers and volunteers â&#x20AC;&#x201C; we have so enjoyed the last 4 years and especially having the opportunity for Sam to grow as a professional chef and find his unique style of cooking. He has come a long way since he started at just 19 years old! When we first took over the shop it was about to be lost and a community shop had proved, after consultation, not to be viable so we agreed to run it for a year on a trial basis. 3 years later we will be shutting the doors but are thrilled that Robert & Lori Ayers will hopefully be opening up the shop again at the Post Office sometime soon. We wish them the best of luck in the future and hope you will all do your utmost to support them. At the start of this business it was important to me that several key objectives were met and I thought you might like to see the results. Success is measured in many ways and I am especially pleased of the achievements around work opportunities for young people which many of you know continues to be one of my main areas of focus. Results 2010 -2014 25+ young people employed most in their first part time job 5 x young people have gained school work experiences 2 x young people from the pupil referral units have had supported work placements 3 x people with learning disabilities have been supported in the workplace 15 x references requested & issued 1 x NVQ level 2 Cookery placement 1 x NVQ level 3 Professional Cookery placement 1 x NVQ level 2 Customer Care placement 12 x Basic Food Hygiene certificates achieved 11 x local food producers provided with a retail outlet 62 x Tea for Two vouchers given as prizes 1 x hamper given 12 x charity events catered for at cost 6 x organisations given the tea room as a free venue 1 x Jenny Lee Teas initiative formed into a new charity The Lee Foundation (continuing)

We wish everyone the best and look forward to hearing of the developments for the new shop in the months to come. Joanna, Sam & Team

ROB MADDY BOILER SERVICES GAS AND OIL SERVICE AND REPAIR AGA AND RAYBURN GAS SAFE AND OFTEC REGISTERED

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Church Services in the Benefice for September Sunday 7th September 9.30 am Family Service 9.30 am Holy Eucharist (CW) 11.00 am Choral Mattins (BCP) 11.00 am Holy Eucharist (BCP) th 6.00 Evening Prayer (benefice) Sunday 14pm September 8.00 am Holy Eucharist (BCP) 9.30 am Holy Eucharist (BCP) 11.00 am Sung Eucharist (CW) 11.00 am Special Service (Twinning and WW1) Sunday 21st September 9.30 am Holy Eucharist CW 11.00 am Sung Eucharist (BCP) 3.30 pm Harvest Evensong th 6.00 Benefice Evening Prayer Sunday 28pm September 8.00 am Holy Eucharist (BCP) 11.00 am Benefice Patronal Sung Eucharist (CW) 6.30 pm Choral Evensong (BCP)

Kingsland Eardisland Kingsland Aymestrey Eardisland Kingsland Aymestrey Kingsland Eardisland Eardisland Kingsland Leinthall Earls Kingsland Kingsland Kingsland Kingsland

and at 10.00 am each Thursday at Kingsland unless otherwise stated: Said Holy Eucharist BCP Services at the Methodist Churches this month, at 11 am unless otherwise stated: September: 7th 14th 21st 28th

Mrs S. Jones Rev. F. Biseker Mrs J Smith Rev J. Chapman

CAROLINE NEWTON MCSP

Chartered Physiotherapist Clinic Appointments and Home Visits

TEL: 01568 709005 Hollybank, Kingsland, Leominster, HR6 9SE

Kingsland Shobdon Kingsland Shobdon

The Parish Diary 2014 September 1st RBL Social Evening Corners 7.45 pm 4 Hospice coffee morning Eardisland Tea Rooms 10am -12 noon 6th to 14th SMAAAK Event: hArt Exhibition Kingsland Church 10 am to 5 pm 10th W.I. ‘Cooking in Private Service’ Mrs Janet Wall Coronation Hall 7.30 pm October 4th SMAAAK Event; Thomas Bowes and Arcadia Festival Tour Church 7.30 pm 6th RBL Annual General Meeting Corners 7.30 pm 8th W.I. ‘Showing for W. I. Competitions’ Mrs Pat Smith Coronation Hall 7.30 pm November 3rd RBL Social Evening Corners 7.30 pm 9th Remembrance Sunday Church 10.30 for 10 50 am 12th W.I. ‘Dressing Table Items from the Past’ Mrs Colette Gray Coronation Hall 7.30 pm 28 -30th Christmas Event Church details next month December 4th SMAAAK Event: Rob Heron and the Tea Pad Orch. Coronation Hall 7.30 pm 10th W.I. ‘Canapés and Nibbles for Christmas’ Mrs Rosemary Evans Coronation Hall 7.30 pm (Editor’s note: Events for this item need to be submitted by 15th of preceding month with clear instructions on the entry – place, time, date & title are essential information. Where more than one month’s notice is given, items will automatically be repeated unless contrary instructions are received.)

Coffee morning in aid of St Michael’s Hospice at Eardisland Eardisland tea rooms is the venue for a coffee morning organised by the Kingsland & Eardisland Friends of St. Michael’s Hospice. This is a fundraiser, and will take place between ten o’clock and twelve noon on Thursday 4th September. Please support it if you can!

Kingsland Post Office Tel: 01568 708201

Open Monday-Friday 9.00am to 4.30pm, Saturday 9.00am to 12.30 pm, for all Post Office services including:

Vehicle Taxation Foreign Currency Travel Insurance Bank Deposits & Withdrawals Mobile phone top-ups

ALAN JONES TREE SURGERY Specialist tree care & Estate Management ALL ASPECTS OF TREE WORK UNDERTAKEN Fully insured and NPTC qualified FIREWOOD FOR SALE For a professional service at competitive prices call Alan on: Tel: 01568 770790

Mob: 07817 066316

Also available will be: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

Sales of Cards and Stationery Photocopying Dry Cleaning and Laundry Shoe Repairs

MARKHAMS GARAGE LTD Kingsland â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Leominster â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Herefordshire Established 1925 * Servicing & repairs to all makes of cars & light commercial vehicles * MOT Testing station * Six bay workshop * Batteries, tyres and exhausts * Electronic engine management diagnostics * Air conditioning service * Courtesy cars Telephone: 01568 708208 Fax: 01568 709059

Royal British Legion Branch Meetings The Summer Lunch on 13th July raised £385 with all costs covered. Our thanks to all the organising team for their efforts. The “special” Remembrance Night on 4th August was an outstanding success. The Corners Inn provided an excellent steak or fish course followed by a range of desserts put together by Anne Roberts, Heather Pickering and their helpers. Our thanks also to various suppliers who kindly donated a wide range of fruit, vegetables or vouchers, and to Keith Miles for some high quality wine which made up the three draw prizes. Our thanks also to the Brimfield Singers who led the large attendance (74?) in a suitable range of WW1 songs. In all, the event raised £411, which with our previous events puts Branch finances in excellent shape. Annual General Meeting Because of planned absences by key members of the Branch, the AGM will now be held on 6th October and not on 3rd November. It will be at the usual start time of 7.30pm at the Corners Inn. I will be sending a circular to all members and supporters in the next few weeks with an Agenda. Next Meeting Our next meeting will be a routine draw and quiz night on 1st September at the Corners Inn at 7.30pm. Gordon Browne (Chairman)

G. D. Lloyd TIMBER CONSTRUCTIONS The Workshop, Sodgley Farm Kingsland HR6 9PY Exterior and Interior Carpentry Bespoke:     

Stables, Garages Workshops Roofing Timber Floors

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For a free quotation ring Gary

on: 01568 708196 or: 07966 766963

Marches Planning Planning & Design Consultancy

Sarah Hanson MRTPI Chartered Town & Country Planner Advice on the development potential of property & land Submission of planning applications & appeals Advice & handling of planning enforcement issues Representations on planning applications and appeals www.marchesplanning.co.uk T: 01568 708087 M: 07837 062 494 e-mail: marchesplanning@gmail.com

GABBS Solicitors For Probate & Trusts call Nansi Webb

For family and Litigation call Anne Vincent For Conveyancing call John Thacker

Broad Street Leominster E-mail: leominster@Gabbs.biz (not for service) Website: www.gabbs.biz

tel: 01568 616333 fax: 01568 614013

Luctonians Sports Club 12/8/14 A new Rugby season fast approaches. Training commenced on July 1st attended by 35 senior players. (About 5 in August 1955!) The gym/weights room under the grandstand is now fully operational. Fixture cards are now printed and a new structure of subscriptions is in place. Booking for lunches at 1st XV home fixtures are coming in. Some new players are appearing but size is needed to compete with some of the giants in our league. It is, however, noted that some of last season’s young have bulked up muscle during the summer. Coaches and managers are in place, and the new club administrator will soon commence a gradual settling in period. The cricket season has been enjoyed by many with the cricket pavilion a popular area on Saturday afternoons. Many youngsters are taking part and developing their skills. Issue no.221 of ‘Lucsline’ is out, including a full update of events. Ask to be put on the web if you are interested. R.W.H.

The Animal Nanny House-sitter

Are you going away on Holiday or just for a few days? I am a reliable trustworthy lady available to look after your much-loved animals and home whilst you are away. Experienced with horses, dogs, cats etc. Daily visits or live in. Also dog-walking service. Contact: 07989215402

Holistic Health Practitioner Acupuncture, Massage & Bodywork, Balanced Eating Plans, Relaxation Techniques

Individual treatments for chronic pain, backache, migraine, asthma, chronic fatigue, food intolerances, allergies, stress, fertility & general health conditions Free initial phone consultation Clinic appointments: Kingsland, Leominster HR6 9QS

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SCRUMMY BITES made locally with you in mind

Delicious desserts, cakes & savouries made to order using locally grown produce. Pick up or local delivery. Food for celebrations & family events of 6 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 120 people. Call Sam Stoneleigh, Kingsland Tel: 01568 709142

Shopmobility We provide mobility scooters, wheelchairs and powered wheelchairs on a daily hire basis for anyone with permanent or temporary mobility difficulties wishing to visit Hereford, Leominster, Ledbury or Ross. Depending on the area, the service is either free, with a voluntary donation, or there is a small charge. Please contact: Hereford 01432 342166 Leominster 01568 616755

Ledbury 01531 636001 Ross-on-Wye 01989 763388

SNOWDONIA NATIONAL PARK SELF-CATERING HOLIDAY CHALET WITH VALLEY AND SEA VIEWS Including Oil-fired and Central Heating Boilers

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Advertising in the Kingsland News This monthly publication is circulated to every household in Kingsland. Advertising is accepted on completion of a form. Advertisers should make copy as clear and concise as possible. Forms are available from the editor, (01568 708672), from the

Size \ no. of insertions Full Page ½ Page ¼ Page ⅛ Page

back of the church, or from Including Oil-fired and Central the Post Office. Heating BoilersPlease return the completed form, together with the appropriate fee, to The Editor at 5, Highfield Close, Kingsland, HR6 9RS, Enquiries to noondr@aol.com

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Jokes Page! Think before you vote! While walking down the street one day a "Member of Parliament" is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. 'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.' 'No problem, just let me in,' says the man. 'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.' 'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the MP. 'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.' And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.... The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. 'Now it's time to visit heaven.' So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. 'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.' The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.' So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. 'I don't understand,' stammers the MP. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?' The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday, we were campaigning.. ... Today, you voted." Have you heard the one about the two silk worms who had a race? They ended up in a tie!