OUTSIDE YOUR OFFICE WINDOW By: Robbie Pryor Pryor, Priest & Harber
THE WEIGHT It was Wednesday, the third day of a week-long trial. The trial
wounds that come with learning even though it takes time to heal. The
was my first since the pandemic arrived on our doorstep and set in the
scars come from the out-of-bounds hit that we carry for the duration
middle of our beautiful state. I moved into a hotel room the weekend
before, a room I shared with trial exhibits, boxes of files, and an alwayspresent belief that I will prevail. We were in the Defendant’s case and in a ten-minute break. I sat slumped in my chair, my normal posture
and are the ones that sit next to you at the retirement party. You have
all experienced it. It doesn’t matter how many years you’ve practiced or the tricks you’ve learned to manage it all, the weight is always there. I
teach at the law school, and I tell the students that you must have thick
according to my family and my secretary, coming off of a long night of
skin and carry yourself with a “deliberate nonchalance.” My father loves
torturing myself over every detail of each of the cross examinations I
that quote from W.C. Fields. The weight is why divorce, addiction and
would perform. My clients were in the restroom. The only souls on the
depression are so prevalent in our world. It is why we wake in the middle
battlefield were me and my opponent. I heard
of the night or drive to the office 3 hours
my name from across the aisle. “You know,”
earlier than planned. I tell them you must have
he began. “You can’t really even explain what
things outside our weird little world to ground
this life is like to someone who doesn’t do
you, to fill in the empty spaces - love, family,
it.” I smiled. Barely. Truth on a Wednesday
spirituality, a football team, and a good dog,
afternoon.
usually of the Golden Retriever breed.
I wanted to respond, but I could only
I tell them to go to seminars, watch great
nod. What a statement. An adequate response
lawyers exercise their craft - the lions of the
break. I knew I was feeling exactly what he was
who can tear you apart. I’ve tried to learn from
needed more than the time we had left in this
bar, the superstars, and the simple mechanics
experiencing. The weight. I was a bit surprised
every one I’ve been lined up against and those
because we all have tunnel vision in a trial,
I haven’t yet had the privilege. I’ve learned
unable to comprehend the toils of others, but
more in defeat than ever in victory, but I can
I was also so surprised because he had an entire “team” with him. I had
always remember a moment from every trial that made me cringe at
had co-counsel, a clerk, a paralegal, and an IT guy who worked all of his
you think a pilot ever looks around up there and says “Wow, I’m flying
help, primarily back at the office, but I’d been impressed by his “team.” He equipment, including a printer, and audio-visual system - “The Machine,” as I call it. His was a slick operation. However, in that moment, I realized it didn’t matter - we are all in the same world, a world outside the one
everyone else sees. It is a world that requires a law degree, a client, a bit of confidence and a great deal of insanity.
Why do we do this? If you can clearly answer, and quickly, then you
are not one of us. Each of you, voluntarily, has agreed to take up a load,
a weight to move down a path and to the top of a hill. The load includes the client, their problems, your partners, your staff, your reputation,
the skills you have honed and a belief you will win. Inside all of it are
insecurities - will I make the right objections, or worse, the wrong ones? Can I meet the burden of proof ? Am I the intellectual equal of my
opponent, my witness, am I being condescending, a smart ass (that may only be in my wheel barrow). Is my best, genuine self, coming through
my insufficiency and smile at the fact I can do things others can’t. Do a plane?” We need to do that more. We are human. So much we do is
fueled by courage - putting one foot in front of the other when the edge of the cliff feels a couple of steps away all in the hope we can make a difference in someone’s life or feel the rush of accomplishment.
Still, we do it because there is a love beneath it all. I don’t care if
you’re jaded, exhausted, and beaten. You are one of those that loves to
stand when the door opens and the bailiff calls out for all to rise. You feel
the rush when the jury and judge file in the room for in that moment you feel the history of the republic, the thrill of the arena, and the weight of
it all culminating in the moment, and nothing can tell you that even the
low-speed rear-ender is anything less than the most important case ever
tried. It is because you can do something very few can. You belong to the club.
I lost the trial. It is never easy. Opposing counsel and I shook hands
the insecurities, and is it good enough? Hell, is my hair too long, coffee
and genuinely offered words only we understood. Clients always seem
outwardly confident. There is always a concern our opponent is trying to
lose. If a lawyer doesn’t, something enormous is missing. I think it is an
on my tie? We are a fascinating sort, meant to study, always on guard, but screw us over in some way, an insecurity burned into us by another lawyer whose name we will never forget. It is always an event that goes beyond
a clever or “in bounds” tactic, and he/she knew it. We can appreciate the
November 2021
amazed that we shake hands with our opponents after a trial - win or
act that defines our profession and serves as our mutual recognition of the weight we all must carry. Carry on.
DICTA
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