Good parenting

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NEKOLIKO KQU^NIH PITAWA KOJA POKRE]E OVA KWIGA Kako da se izborimo s rutinskim aktivnostima koje nas zamaraju, a koje nam svakodnevica neprestano name}e?

Ume}e roditeqstva

Kako da dete pripremite za vrti}

Kako da u porodici stvorimo uslove koji }e biti blagotvorni za sve wene ~lanove?

Kako da iza|emo na kraj s lo{im ose}awima i sukobima koji se neminovno javqaju u porodi~nom `ivotu?

Mama i tata polaze u {kolu

Kako da prepoznamo svoje stvarne potrebe i potrebe svoje dece u svakodnevnom `ivotu?

Kako da nau~imo da razgovaramo sa svojom decom tako da se stvarno ~ujemo – bez me|usobnog ugro`avawa i odbacivawa?

Xepni roditeq

Kako da porodica postane mesto na kojem }e svaki wen ~lan mo}i da dobije za{titu, nadahnu}e i podr{ku? www.kreativnicentar.rs

GOOD PARENTING

Ova kwiga donosi malu kolekciju igara za porodicu i igara koje se odnose na porodicu.

One su namewene odraslima koji su zbog brige za decu, oko novca, posla, dr`ave zaboravili da misle na sebe, da oslu{kuju svoja ose}awa i svoj unutra{wi glas.

GOOD

PARENTING

Edicija Dobar roditelj

BE A GOOD PARENT TO YOUR CHILD AND TO YOURSELF Autor Verica Sekulić Recenzent Dr Ana Pešikan, psiholog Ilustracije i dizajn Neda Dokić Lektor i redaktor Ivana Ignjatović Izdaje Kreativni centar Gradištanska 8, Beograd telefoni: 011/ 38 20 483, 38 20 464, 24 40 659 e-mail: info@kreativnicentar.rs www.kreativnicentar.rs Urednik Slavica Marković Za izdavača Ljiljana Marinković, direktor Štampa Grafiprof Tiraž 3.000 ISBN 978-86-7781-336-9

To my daughter Marija

INTRODUCTION This book offers a small collection of games for the family and games relating to the family. They are intended for adults who have because of their concern for their children, money, work and politics forgotten to think about themselves, to listen to their own feelings and their internal voices.

You may play these games by yourself or together with your family.

These games are very different from the every-day activities of modern men and women, who seek to do as much as they can in as short a time as possible. These games are governed by different rules – between the beginning and the end of the process there seemingly exists a void, a time when it is necessary to do nothing, to relax and to daydream and to allow SOME KEY QUESTIONS answers to come from RAISED BY THIS BOOK the deeper layers of your How can parents, as unique personality, almost all by individuals, develop in parallel with themselves. This means that when you decide to their children and the family as a engage in a game or an whole? activity, do not rush to How can we cope with the routine complete it and begin the chores which are tiring but which are next one until you are forced on us by every-day life? certain that you have How can we perceive our family as an really finished the one entity in which different relations are you chose first. constantly created and developed?

4 Be a good parent to your child and to yourself

The games have not been detailed in great How can we create in our family detail, but are given so conditions which will be beneficial for all that they stimulate a its members? personal experience How can we cope with the negative which may develop in emotions and conflicts which inevitably several directions. Neiarise in family life? ther do they provide How can the family become a place in ready-made answers to which every one of its members will be questions raised by the able to obtain protection, inspiration and role of parents. Quite support? the contrary – they are How can we recognise our true needs and mostly made up of many the needs of our children in every-day life? questions. The replies How can we learn to talk with our should emanate from children so that we really hear each other within – you know best – free of mutual threats and rejection? what you and your nearHow can we recognise our own unique est and dearest need. characteristics and the unique Your thoughts may help characteristics of our children? you to improve family relations or to change your point of view and motivate you in an unexpected direction.

The concepts linked with the family in this book are the family home, family time, family values, feelings in the family, imagination and uniqueness. The games are grouped by these concepts.

The origin of the games is different. Some were developed in numerous creative workshops and humanistic psychology and holistic education* seminars, some are completely original, and others inspired by the literature listed at the end of the book. It is also important to point out that they involve the intuitive segment of our being, that part of us which is sensitive, creative. Through them we can come to realise that

Be a good parent to your child and to yourself 5

knowledge of genuine human values and internal forces cannot be reached without sensuality.

Leaf through the book and think of it as a friend. Halt at those points which attract your attention. Write on it and draw on it, add your own thoughts, underline what you think is important – use it actively. Read it even after it is full of inscriptions, because only then will it become truly yours: it will contain your thoughts, your wishes and ideas in connection with the life of your family.

Ask your family members to join you. It will be a wonderful opportunity to learn more about each other, to bond together even more, to agree on individual and joint wishes and needs you can fulfil and satisfy in your family. While you are talking, it is important to abide by the rule that everyone is free to say how he or she feels and that feelings are never judged or criticised, and to spend time together so you hear and understand each other better in the family circle, in which you are all equals.

If you should experience a rush of emotions that you do not know how to control, take a look at a short chapter entitled Support at the end of the book. You should also never hesitate to consult with a professional if you feel you need their help.

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The fruits of the labour invested in learning to know yourself better will be enjoyed by you and your whole family.

Also keep in mind that it is not possible to undergo the entire process only with the help of the book. In fact it can be begun by the book. Its aim is to stimulate a search for the hidden nuggets of our internal strength. Let the joy of learning and creating new links between you and your nearest and dearest be your main signposts as you walk through your ‘internal worlds’.

* Holistic education (Greek chĂłlos: entire, complete) is a group of educational methods whose common approach is that the essence of education lies in a comprehensive development of the human being, and that learning is a process of growth and maturing on the way to completeness. In the centre of the process are humans as dynamic entities in a complex relationship with the world in themselves and around them. Besides the intellect, holistic methods also include in the process of learning body movements, emotions, artistic expression and concrete life experience.

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TESTING CREATIVE FORCES When we hear the word creativity, we usually think of artists and particularly gifted people. But the ability to create exists in all of us: it involves an active attitude to life, an attitude which encompasses a process of transforming what is around us into something new, something that had not existed before. There is no field of human activity in which it is not possible to be creative.

Creative forces are clear to see when we think about the making of a work of art, or the manufacturing of an object. But that object is only the visible expression of the creative process. A much larger and more comprehensive part of that process take place inside us. That same internal process takes place in every-day family life in which all members of the family reassess their experiences, thoughts, strengths and problems and on that basis create a unique way of reacting.

In the creative process feelings are very important. The enthusiasm and joy inherent in the process of creation possess huge motivating strength, and the life forces that are awakened give us a feeling of the value of life. Such feelings liberate us and open up new vistas for us.

There is an infinite variety of opportunities for creation in every-day family life. Instead of letting every-day life simply happen to us, we can shape it so that it helps us develop our own creativity and that of our children. We can develop imagination and creative thinking, which will give rise to our future world.

8 Be a good parent to your child and to yourself

Being creative means being independent and living a life marked by a personal stamp. If we want our children to possess freedom to create, we ourselves should also have it. By being creative we will offer our children a possibility of following our pattern and exercising their own creativity.

List a few unavoidable daily chores you think of first. How do you feel when you think of them?

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6..

Do you think it is possible that something you do routinely could become an act of creation?

Instead of the types of things you do, now consider your attitude to them.

Now think of a few every-day activities and chores which you enjoy and like doing. Please list them below:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

Be a good parent to your child and to yourself 9

Now choose one of those activities, one in which you engage when you are tired and need something to ‘pick you up’.

Think about how you begin it. What do you do then? How does it then develop and run? How do you terminate it? Can you end it easily or not? Does it inspire you?

What sort of feelings does your favourite activity arouse in you?

Answer the questions about your favourite activity.

Write its name in the middle and the answers around it.

ONCE YOU HAVE LOOKED AT ALL OF YOUR ANSWERS TOGETHER, THINK ABOUT THE COURSE OF YOUR FAVOURITE ACTIVITY. THAT IS THE IMAGE OF YOUR CREATIVE PROCESS AS YOU DO WHAT YOU LOVE DOING. FOLLOW THAT FLOW IN WHICH YOUR CREATIVE ENERGY IS BEING EXPRESSED WHEN PLANNING OTHER ACTIVITIES - IN THIS WAY WORK WILL NEVER BE FATIGUING, BUT RATHER FULFILLING AND ENRICHING. 10 Be a good parent to your child and to yourself

ROUTINE WORK AND CREATIVE WORK The development of technology has affected our every-day life enormously. It demands of us to be very efficient, like machines, and to do as much as we can in the shortest possible time span.

Routine work that has been forced on us is very tiring. It leaves us empty and exhausted. In contrast, creative work places us in the position of those who control their own lives and who shape them in accordance with their needs. People need to play an active role in their own lives and to see some meaning in their work.

Towards which of your every-day activities do you have a creative attitude? Which activities do you perform habitually, without thinking about them? Please list your every-day routine and creative activities, both those you do at home and away from home.

Which list is longer?

Is there anything you want to change in the way you perform these activities and jobs?

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Clearly, we had to learn to do many every-day activities without thinking, so that we could be efficient. But if after doing them we fell empty and unfulfilled, if the work has became more important than our own selves – we should think about what might be changed.

Look at your list again carefully. Circle those chores and activities where you would like to make changes. Think about what changes might be made, and write down your conclusions.

JUST AS FROM TIME TO TIME WE OPEN OUR CLOSETS AND TIDY THEM, THROWING AWAY WHAT WE NO LONGER NEED AND PUTTING IN WHAT HAD BECAME NECESSARY IN THE MEANTIME, WE SHOULD ASSESS OUR ATTITUDE TOWARDS THE CHORES WHICH WE HAVE EMBRACED. THE ABILITY TO CONTROL EVERY-DAY LIFE DEPENDS ON THAT ATTITUDE.

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