AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
From
THE EDITIOR Hello Kingdom Minded Women According to the Jewish Calendar, we are now in a New Year 2016 – 2017 September to September. There is definitely a shift and this new seasons entails a great walk on water. Everything God has given demands we get into the supernatural to receive His Manifested promises of blessings and to experience this means a continuous yielding to the Holy Spirit to change us from the inside out so we can look and be more like Christ. In this new season, I encourage you to stay FOCUS, there are so many things happening in the world today, and God knows all of this, people are suffering dying because of their faith. I also believe that God is pouring out His Spirit on all who care to know and do His Will, there is great Grace in this period and we’re called to walk in it. We have some great articles of inspiration, motivation and encouragement. The highlight for me was my interview with Heidi Bake, what a great woman of God who has a love and passion to the children she was called to about 20 years ago. Heidi Bake is our Woman Stepping Out! In our autumn issue and we are so grateful to share her life, her work with children and her love for God to the world. We’re also happy to announce we are now selling advertising space hurrayyyyy!!!….To find out more, look out for the flyer in the pages of this seasons issue.
A Magazine for the Kingdom Minded Woman, Promoting her Style, Wholeness and Spiritual Etiquette.
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
We’d also like to thank all our well-wishers, contributors and poets for your love, articles, testimonies and stories that seek to empower women globally, your work helps us to show Jesus to the nations. Finally to Purple Rose Creative Design and Prophetess Tamika Pusey-Squire assistant editor and partner in bringing to light God’s vision in my heart.
Be Empowered!
Jacqueline Ani Prophetess Jacqueline Ani
Editor In Chief – Women Empowering Women Magazine
EDITOR IN CHIEF
JACQUELINE ANI
ASSISTANT EDITOR
TAMIKA PUSEY-SQUIRE
magazine@empworedwoman.org.uk www.wewmagazine.com
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
CONTENTS | AUTUMN 2015 SPECIAL FEEATURE PROPHETESS JACQUELINE ANI Do Not Cast AWAY Your Confidence
6
WOMAN STEPPING OUT! HEIDI BAKER Special Interview
12
HER STYLE
22 FLORENCE UKPABI Are You A Winner of Loser 30 MILDRED TALABI How to Stop Being a Professional Quitter 34 OMOWUNMI OLUNLOYO Find Your Place, Position and Purpose 40 AYOOLA BANDELE Wrap Up In Mink Fur
HER WHOLENESS
44 COACH KEMI Renewing the Mind 50 ZINA ARINZE Can You Believe and Live Again after Divorce 56 ZOE ANDREA ONAH When All Seems Lost
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
HER SPIRITUAL ETIQUETTE LISA MAKI The Wife, The Armour Bearer
60
EMPOWERING THE YOUNGER WOMAN
64 DANIELLE BLETCHNER Raising Wonderful Women 68 RITA OKOYE Cliques and How to Avoid Them 72 CAROLINE ODOGWU The Young Woman’s Journey
KINGDOM MINDED MAN FRANK ANI Are You the Actor or Reactor of Your Own Script? 76
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Special Feature | 7
Confidence CAST AWAY YOUR
As God’s prophet, I’ve often believed, I’ve
been through was to strengthen my faith and
heard God’s Direction in everything I’ve
to develop a formidable confidence in Who
ventured into.
God is to me and who I am to Him.
I remember back in 1999, when I gave my life
The enemy is after our faith in God, if he can
to God, I was on a journey to discovering
get us to doubt God’s Word, then he has
who God says I am.
succeeded because doubting God is a sin.
I wanted to do so much, I wanted God to
When God takes us through a process it’s to
show me what He’d called me to do in His
strengthen our faith and our knowledge in
Kingdom; I wanted to see God and know
Him and all that constitutes to developing a
Him for myself; back then, I remember a
formidable confidence in His word and His
scripture I would meditate on daily….
promises to us. The bible tells us…
Do not cast away your confidence which has
Without faith, it’s impossible to please God,
a great reward of recompense; for you have
for those who come to Him must believe that
need of patience (endurance), and after
He exists and that He rewards those who
you’ve done the will of God, you will receive
earnestly seek Him. Hebrews 11:6
the promise. Hebrews 10:35-36 When I first read this verse many years ago it spoke to me profoundly as it does today.
Our faith is the key! Our faith has to be developed through tests and trials, the word spoken to us will be
Years back, when I initially started
tested and when its tested and we pass the
developing a relationship with God and
test, our faith is developed and our
developing my faith in Him, as I think about
confidence in God is strengthened. As our
it now, I realised the circumstances that I’ve
confidence in Him develops, His promises
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
8 | Special Feature are manifested…our confidence in Him and His
in Hebrews 10:35-36, little did I know then what
Word is what is tested!
I know now; I realised that every struggle,
Hebrews 10:35 –36 encourages us not to cast away our confidence; that confidence in Him is what will bring us a great reward, a manifestation of those things we are believing God for; yet we are told that in the midst of the
trials, the processes, disappointments, delayed promises, circumstances and issue of life, rejection from loved ones…we are encouraged
circumstance, trial and test would seek to develop my confidence in God’s will for my life. No matter who or what criticised my actions, obedience and trust in God, I stayed and held onto what I believed God told me and He has never disappointed me, even in the midst of my own disappointments, God has never disappointed me.
NOT to CAST AWAY our confidence in what
“Do not cast away your confidence”, that
God is doing and what He has told us. We are
confidence is an un resounding faith in God that
told not to cast away that confidence because the
no one can take away from you; the confidence
trials and tribulations can be so intense that it’s
in God is your great reward and that confidence
possible that we can lose that confidence in God
will be tested and being tested brings about a
through the trials….but rather don’t lose that
patience in you that you don’t feel the need to
confidence!
defend your actions to anyone; defend your
So it doesn’t matter what the circumstance is, never cast away your confidence – your faith in Who God is and what He has told you.
stillness in God and defend your process no matter what others may say, you don’t feel the need to explain yourself. You leave all the vindication to God, your place is to be still and
What’s the reason you must never throw away
stay humble to the process.
your confidence even when the trials are intense and sometimes don’t make sense to you?
And when you’ve come to that place of patience – the bible tells us that after your come to that
You have need of endurance!
place of confidence, then you have done the will
You have a need to be constant in your
of God and so you may receive that which He
confession in the trial; you have a need to
has promised you.
persevere, a need to continue bearing up, a need to be steadfastness; a need to hold out; a need for patient endurance. The word “endurance” is to “remain”, it describes the capacity to continue to bear up under difficult circumstances, not with a passive
But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:4 That’s when you have come into God’s Rest and He will bring you to His Promise for your destiny.
complacency, but with hopeful fortitude that
actively resists weariness and defeat.
Therefore do not cast away your confidence, it has a great reward.
Many years ago as I meditated on this promise
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Special Feature | 9 For you have need of endurance and after you have done the will of God, you may receive the
prepare others with what we have learnt. How to Move Into This New Season
promise. Avoid being distracted – I see it time and time Selah for the end. Now I see that God has been working in me behind the scenes, so that I am equipped to
understand His Assignment in my life, because in this new dispensation we are called to take our place and to deliver His Message.
again with people that I’ve mentored, coached or taught, their predominant enemy is distraction. Distraction takes your focus away from what you must do now. Our minds and circumstances can distract us from our assignment. A tip is to identify where the distraction is coming from, the enemy of our soul will draw our attention to issues we’ve been fighting for awhile and instead
He is sending us to go and make disciples of His people, make disciples of nations, make disciples of those who have been waiting, ready to work and build the Kingdom.
of taking authority we spend time worrying. When the disciples we’re going to the other side, there was a storm that frightened them. Jesus was sleeping in the lower deck of the boat and when
It’s no longer an appeal but an instruction, get
they woke Him, He rebuked the storm. Nothing
people ready, prepare them, disciple them so that
was going to stop them going to the other side.
in hearing God, they will hear direction,
Mark 4:39
instruction to strategize their move into their designated positions to be a light so that God can and will be glorified in their work.
Be relevant with God – we may be concentrating on projects that are out of season, similar to “flogging a dead horse”. It may also be that such
We’re in a new season of leadership, a now and
projects may not be bad, but rather out of season.
relevant word and we must align ourselves with
It’s important to be relevant with what the Spirit
what God is saying and doing in these times. The
of God is doing in this new season so that you are
worst thing is to be out of season, to continue
ready to “Go Therefore”. There is nothing worse
dealing with an old issue or old project when the
than praying to God to bless you in the way you
season has changed.
want, rather than in the way He wants. Such
I also discern that the season will open doors of opportunity for those who are focused on
prayers can make you miss God’s movement in your life at this time.
operating in God’s Will and purpose for their
Be equipped – do you have the necessary
lives, so we must be in preparation, so that what
resources for this new season so that when you’re
was declared to us in the past will be seen in the
sent you have the resources available for those
present.
who need it. God will always give us a period of
I believe that the great commission was given to
us as disciples/leaders to be equipped with the word, the good news and with our gifts to go and
grace to prepare for where we’re going. What
resources do you need and who can help you prepare them? Being equipped also means being filled with His Word. I have come across many
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10 | Special Feature
wonderful women of God who are hungry for
land. What is God telling you to do so that you
God and want to do His Work, but sadly they
can enter into this new season and go
lack discipleship. Some don’t know how to hear
therefore……? Micah 6:8
from God and some don’t understand how to apply God’s word to their life to solve a problem. The bible tells us the put on the full
Romans 8:19 tells us that the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of
the sons of God.
armour of God…what does that mean to you? You are the sons (daughters) of God and all of
Ephesians 6: 10-18
creation is waiting eagerly with so much Identify your nation – who are you called to? I’ve often said that your nation can most times be the person who looked like you before you were delivered. What problem have you been
expectation for you to take your position on earth to bring a move of God, for a touch from God so that they are also liberated to serve God ready for the coming of the Messiah.
called to solve? A clue would be to read Isaiah Go therefore and make disciples of your nation;
61: 1-3.
operate in your authority and bring the light of
Be obedient and Go Therefore – At the wedding of Canaan, Jesus was called to turn water into wine. His mother told the disciples to do whatever He tells them to do. The bible tells us
Christ into your world, transform life’s and be a blessing, that is what God requires of us in this season and I know that He has provided for you to do His will….not yours…..but His!
that obedience is better than sacrifice and also that when we obey, we will eat the fruit of the
Prophetess Jacqueline Ani is the founder of Empowered Woman and programme director of The Mentoring Academy; an author of 3 books, inspirational speaker and transformational leadership guru, Prophetess Jacqueline believes that we all have the ability to achieve God’s greatness in us. To find out more about her programmes, speaking engagements and workshops please go to www.empoweredwoman.org.uk. You can also email her at Jackie@empoweredwoman.org.uk.
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Special Feature | 11
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Women
Stepping Out With Heidi Baker AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Missionary & Author
Special Interview | 13
Interviewing Heidi Baker was one of the highlights
HB: I was in Asia and I was doing dance drama
of my summer.
and ministering to crowds of tens and thousands
How do I even start to describe such a woman who
of people and the Lord told me to “stop and work
encompasses the epitome of love, she is love…such
with the poor,” because I didn’t know the
an anointed woman of God who does nothing but
Kingdom. The Lord made it very clear to me that I
smile and give hugs constantly.
was going to learn about His Kingdom from the poor.
The first time I heard about Heidi Baker was when
In Indonesia it was a period in my life where God
I was having a discussion with a friend Dr Carol
told me to give away everything I had but to keep
Tomlin and she mentioned Heidi Baker, a
for myself one outfit to wear and another one to
missionary who had nursed her husband who was
wash and learn from the poor.
ill with dementure for 2 years and was on the
So they taught me their language and they took
verge of death back to full restoration.
care of me. At that time my little son was in his stroller.
Heidi Baker knows and believes in miracles because she is a witness to what God is doing in
After they gave me the treasure of their language,
and through her ministry in Mozambique and all
the women that I had been working with back
over the world in the lives of children.
then, perhaps 60 of them in total all gave their lives to Jesus within 6mths of speaking their language
What amazed me was her humble spirit to discern
I love languages and I am learning my ninth one. I
God even in mishaps
don’t speak languages perfectly, but it is the process of learning that I love and this brings me
Heidi Baker leaves a strong mark of Christ on
such joy. It’s about the kanosis. It’s about the
everyone’s mind once been with her, she left me
emptying and the self-learning. It is a humbling
wanting more of Christ and I personally believe
process because people tend to laugh at you all the
that is what every Kingdom Minded woman
time.
should do leave an unforgettable mark, a sweet smelling aroma of Christ wherever they go.
WEW: What did you learn about the Kingdom of God through working with the poor?
WEW : Who is Heidi Baker? HB: Blessed are the poor in spirit for ‘There’s is HB: I am a lover of Jesus with all of my heart. I
the Kingdom of God.’
am a little momma who loves Jesus and loves people.
God began to teach me about the attributes of the
poor. WEW: What was the inspiration behind you moving to Indonesia?
I saw that the poor were dependent on others and
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
14 | Women Stepping! not on themselves. I learnt from them that I needed
Lord ‘I don’t do children.’ The response that I got
to be completely dependent upon God in the same
back was ‘Well you do now!’ He told me not to go
manner as the poor, being humble and lowly
and speak in a church at that time, but to go and
before God! They taught me that I needed to hold
learn the language and so the kids began to teach
‘Daddy God’s hand’ for anything and everything. I
me Changana and Portuguese.
learnt that I needed to stay connected to Jesus,
From then onwards I started bringing them home
being totally needy before God. Staying poor in
one by one and now we care and feed 20,000
spirit, because after all the Kingdom of God
children per day.
belongs to the poor. WEW: I have noticed that wherever you go you WEW: When you planted the Believers Centre
seem to learn from the poor and the children,
you lead the church for 4 years and then left it to
would you say Jesus called you to learn from
go study Theology at the University of London,
people?
would you say that decision prepared you for the relocation to Mozambique?
HB: Mostly, my whole life has been about learning. I am always learning and I love it.
HB: At the age of 16yrs I encountered a powerful
Learning firstly from God and then learning from
vision that called me to Africa, Asia and England.
His people.
Jesus literally came to me and I saw Him kiss my left hand and oil ran down my arm and He said
WEW: Where you prepared for the conditions that
‘You are Married to Me.’
met you in Chihango, high population of
During that vision my hand was lifted up for 3hrs
orphans, extreme poverty, children who were
without a break. When the vision ended I was
infected etc.?
positive that I was called as a minister and a missionary to go to Africa, Asia and England. I
HB: No, I wasn’t prepared at all.
thought it would be in that order, but it turned out
I had been working with the poor for many years
to be Asia, England and then Africa and now I
with my husband by this stage, but I had not seen
travel all around the world.
the kind of poverty I was about to be exposed to. It
After I finished my PHD I knew that I was called to
was beyond anything we had ever seen in Asia or
go to Mozambique but to do what, I didn’t know.
the West before. It was completely beyond.
(Obviously I was there to lead people to Jesus, but
Children were literally starving to death and
that was all I knew.)
nothing really prepares you for that.
When the Lord told me to go, He told me ‘I want you to go and sit on the street corner and now I
You should never prepare yourself (in your mind)
want you to take in all the children.’ There were
‘I’m just going to get through with this without
just 100’s of kids (thousands) everywhere, sleeping
feelings.’ You need to be able to break. You need to
in and on piles all over the place. So I said to the
be able to cry. You need to be able to see because
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
16 | Women Stepping! we serve a God who sees, who hears, who feels and who moves and He is asking us to do the same. God is not deaf or blind. He is looking for His people who will love. Once you see dying children being sold for a piece of bread. Once you see and hear their screams or watch their silent tears, you no longer say that they are not your responsibility. God makes us all responsible. God wants the eyes of the Western bride to be healed so that we can see. WEW: What can you tell us about the transformation that took place when Iris Ministries took over the Chihango centre?
HB: Back then we started with 70/80 in the children centre but it was the governments centre and they took everything away from us after we had it fixed up, so we just kept on building and building and now we have 36 spaces. WEW: Building is something that I really take seriously, especially when God is building because He breaks you so that you can build for
Him. How long has it taken you to build up to 20,000 and what has it taken from you? HB: It has taken 20 years of our life. We have been in Mozambique for 20 years now, reaching out to 20,000 children per day. WEW: You are very humble, inspiring and an anointed woman of God and as you speak I
discern the Spirit of God. What has the rebuilding of the Chihango centre taught you?
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Women Stepping! | 17 HB: We need to really depend upon God to build and also help His people. We cannot do anything by ourselves. At first we do start the digging process by ourselves, but as time goes on people do come along to help you dig and the beauty of it all is that in due season you build a team and then you build a family. For me it’s all about family and
kids. Kids that I found dying under trees or in the garbage have now become leaders in every field. Yes we have lots of buildings, but I don’t care for the buildings, I care for building the family. We are building people and we are building teams.
WEW: What does it do to you when you see the children and how they were back then, to how they are now? HB: It’s my greatest j oy to see the children succeed. Some of them do fall and don’t do as well, but we just keep on loving them back to
God. The ones that bring the greatest joy are the ones who are just running after God. They’ve become doctors, lawyers, architects, engineers and leaders in their profession. I do cry often as a little momma. We have 20 years of celebrations, we had a huge senior governmental meeting that took place and people right under the president were sent to our Mozambique base. Although I was away here in the UK, my kids took over back there and ran the whole
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18 | Women Stepping!
thing. They are all grown up now but they will
you. Stop telling me how small your gift is. I love
always be my kids. They ran everything as Base
you and I can use you.’ There was something that
Director, Senior Director, and Administrator.
struck me that day about identity that changed
They literally took over the whole thing and did
my whole perception. I learnt that I am not
everything themselves, I am so proud of them.
insignificant to God and if God possesses me and
I love to see others sour. I’m like ‘you jump on
if Jesus possesses me, then I can approach the
my back and now spring off of it and let’s see
world through faith in Him that ‘All things are
how far you can sour.’
possible through Him and in him who believes. Now I go to work with God. I go to work with
WEW: For the benefits of our readers, how
Abba. I get the privilege to work through Jesus
important is it to offer our gifts to God no matter
and He is the significant one. He can do anything
how small or insignificant it may seem to us?
through anyone who is yielded to Him. So it is not just important to give Him your gift, it is
HB: For years and years I would cry to God
critical and once you know that you are not an
saying I am so sorry all I have to give to you is
orphan and that you are literally ‘A daughter of
this (looking at nothing in her hands). I would
God, a son of God.’ You are literally His and you
feel like my gift was so pitiful. I would say to
stop making excuses and just give Him
God ‘I don’t know what you want me to do with
everything about you things change.
this but here it is.’ I would do this for years. God once told me in the Mozambique language ‘Zippi
WEW: You’ve experienced God in miracles,
na bonga’ (Swahili) This means ‘Zip your mouth!’
healing emotionally and physically. How important is it for us as Christians to operate in
He went on to say ‘I love your offering, I love
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
the supernatural?
Women Stepping! | 19
received the ability to hear that night alone. The HB: We have to live in the scriptures and
scientists were crying and the kids were just so
always be in the scriptures. If you read the
happy. The kids are used to this type of activity.
gospels Jesus was always doing miracles. It was
We have a lot of those who are blind seeing, the
about the kingdom and it was about Him.
cripple walking and the deaf hearing, the poor
Jesus is a God of miracles!
hear the good news, lepers are healed, and we
Three times a week my team and I would visit
still do have Leprosy in Mozambique.
another village (99% of the people in the village were of another faith. Now we have 3,000 plus
In Nashville Tennessee I had a very old lady
churches in the north in 13-14 years)
who was stone deaf wearing hearing aids, I had her take out her hearing aids God opened her
We have all those churches because every time
ears and we got medical confirmation back that
we went to the village as a team, the deaf
she was able to hear. It’s so cool because this is
always hear always! It’s been proven.
happening all over the world. Switzerland, America, Asia.
We had two scientists from Herbart visit; they heard me say it and they were like ‘right! Can
I cried when that old lady’s was healed to hear
we come?’ The first night the kids and I were in
in Nashville, it was awesome and I’m never
the bush I told them not to touch anyone
going to take it for granted. I am so blessed to
until the scientist say that we can.” the two
see Jesus working, put yourself in her shoes. ‘If
guys’ went ahead and put on auditory devices
you were deaf for years and then suddenly you
on those who were deaf and my kids wondered
get your hearing back, that changes everything
what they were doing?’ So I told them ‘God
for you instantly.
wants to bless them too and this is what they have to do to understand.
WEW: Women on the frontline of ministry
have sometimes sacrificed their marriages to This is their way of learning and understanding
answer the call of God on their lives, should
things.’ My kids wondered ‘why don’t they
this be the case?
understand and just believe that Jesus still heals today?’ My kids were so confused about the
HB: No!
scientists not understanding. WEW: You are married and you work together, So my kids would pray, some of them would be
but I still see you both as an item. God is
10-11 years old and so full of God that they
using both of you mightily. How did it get to
would just pray and suddenly about 7 people’s
that point and has God always used you both
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20 | Women Stepping! in that way?
marriage and probably more than any other way. Every marriage has challenges and there is
HB: Rolland really branded the Administrative
probably no marriage that exists without it, but
side of the ministry but then he got very sick
that is where love always wins. You just have to
almost died and his brain almost shut off. When
lay your life down and love your husband
he came back, he came back with a lot of fire, a lot
unconditionally and give it all that it takes and
of Holy Spirit fire and now he speaks all over.
that in itself is a huge part of ministry.
WEW: How did you handle daily life when you
WEW: Lack of funds can be a major issue and
were going through that type of challenge as a
affects missionaries travelling, in your own
women and a wife who is on the frontline?
experience, how much preparation is practical and how much of it just believing God by faith?
HB: It was a very challenging season to be going to the bush and seeing miracles that I would
HB: All of it is believing God by faith. We went
encounter every night. The deaf hearing, the lame
with a one way ticket and $30 (dollars). We had
walking and then I would go home and Rolland
no church support and we never begged, but we
would be drooling. He wouldn’t know where he
trusted God!!! We were hungry but we never
was. He would have to be showered, fed, this
died. We were skinny but we survived and now
was a very challenging time and yet God was
there is an abundant provision.
doing the miraculous in another part of my life. We waited patiently for 2 years for Rolland’s
WEW: In this end times many of God’s people
healing to come. The Lord told me it was my job
are looking for the money first before they step
to love and it was His job to heal, so that is what I
out and trust God, but surely if God has called
did.
you shouldn’t you ‘Just go?’
WEW: Is there such a thing as separating
HB: If you can’t live simply or poor with very
ministry from marriage?
little God is not going to trust you with much. For 12 years we did not even have a vehicle, but
HB: Marriage is part of your ministry, you can’t
now we have 100s of vehicles. When we left we
separate it.
could barely feed ourselves but now we feed
If you stepped into covenant, that was something
20,000 a day. It’s a daily process of walking in
that you chose and that in itself is a very strong
faith with Him and if you are faithful with little
decision to make, so if you choose covenant then
God will give you more.
you are going to have to deal with that choice
you have made.
WEW: What is your definition of an ‘Empowered Woman?’
God will begin to refine you through your
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Women Stepping! | 21
HB: An empowered woman is fully laid down
WEW: How many children do you have?
before the Lord. An empowered woman would be a John 15 kind of woman fully abiding in
HB: I have 15 in total.
Jesus, fully laid down. All of the branches that don’t bear fruit must
Two are natural born and all of my other kids
and will be burned off of her and she would be
are equally my children although they are
a fruitful tree. Like a Psalm 1 and John 15 type
adopted. We are mom and dad to all.
of woman, fully connected to Jesus. She would be fully in love with Jesus. She will know who
WEW: Having to bring up your own biological
she is. She will know that she is a daughter and
children as well as your adoptive children
as a daughter she would not be afraid to go low
must in some way have been a challenge in
and sit with the lowliest because her identity
some ways.
will be found in Abba. She is free, a free
How have your biological children coped as
women!
you are mother and father to many children?
WEW: What do you apportion the successful
HB: There were challenges, one day my
growth of Iris Ministry to?
daughter my little blonde haired daughter, I remember her sinking down next to the car
HB: JESUS (Lots of laughter) No doubt about
saying ‘Do you love them more then you love
it!
me?’ I remember that day because she was just crying and there I was busy with everything
WEW: How do readers get up to date
that was going on around me and there were
information about Iris Ministries?
also all the other kids to attend to. I’ll never forget that day. I then begun to try and find
HB: You can j ust go on our website
special ways that I could pour into each and
irisglobal.org. I’m also excited because my
every one my children and find really unique
spiritual kids, my adopted kids and my
but creative ways to nurture them all.
biological kids are doing these video updates all the time on You Tube, so there is a lot of a
I often call my natural children on the phone. I
current footage on You Tube.
listen to them and we pray together and we talk together. We do all we can to meet up with one
For example, we have one video where this
another regardless of our busy life and plans.
witch doctor and his wife who had leper, received salvation and was healed. You can
watch that on You Tube right now and its fresh footage that happened just a few days ago before I left Mozambique.
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22 | Her Style
3
SUMMER 2015 Winning Wardrobe Essentials By Ayoola Bandele
Summer is upon us and it gives me great pleasure to share the current trends, report with you. You must have seen them in the shops, in fact I am sure you probably have indulged in adding a piece or two of the new season to your wardrobe. I am here to share the best and timeless wardrobe pieces to add to your increasing wardrobe this season.
There has not been a better time than now to invest in stripes. It's clean, it's elegant, it saves you time and it saves you money, it's also the master of disguise. Clean fashion is the next new thing everybody must embrace. It's less hassle and it creates the right attention. Stripes help you solve the problem of 'I have nothing to wear' most especially on the day you are in a hurry for that ‘special’ appointment.
Vertical and asymmetrical stripes Image Source: courtesy of Myss at mysilhouettestyle.com
are slimming for the curvaceous, well-endowed sisters and mothers. If emphasising your
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
size is your fashion statement,
Her Style | 23
Summer was bright and colourful with all its cheeriness. With the African fashion week in its third year packed with great designs on the runway and London fashion week in September topped it all with fresh trends and style, it’s so hard to let go. Unfortunately as sizzling as summer was with its variety and new designs unveiled, we have to say goodbye to summer and say hello to winter, slowly creeping up on us. After all, nobody pours new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst; the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved (Mark 2:21). No matter how much we love the past season, we have to let go that we might move into the new season of life and embrace freshness.
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24 | Her Style
Image Source: Horizontal Stripes on thenewfashion.com
Change is not always easy. It requires a lot of energy and focus. It means saying goodbye to the old and embraces the new. There’s a need to adjust and adapt to new season no matter how tedious it seems. A little bit of mental, emotional, physical and financial adjustment can be quite daunting but it’s definitely what we need to make the best and look the part without looking all sad and dowdy in the new season. After all, nobody with a reasonable experience in clothes repair would repair an old garment with a new piece of clothing. If the new fabric is sewn to the old garment and it gets wet, it might start to tear until it gets worse, then it’s of no use wearing the garment again. Both garments need to be preserved, so we must do our due diligence to preserve what we have in our wardrobes.
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Her Style | 25
New season means new trends and the shops are packed with your wardrobe essentials. I have no doubt you have stocked up on these essentials every year. I would like to introduce you to new things that would boost your clothing collection, give your wardrobe a ‘facelift’ and keep you warm during the cold season. These items can be mixed and matched with your new season stock neatly folded away in your drawers. The weather forecast has recently predicted mild winter weather until January. Between now and January, you can wrap up in mink fur poncho and or mink fur gilet worn over slightly thin knitted sweater as shown in the picture below. In January, the weather will become colder and we should expect some snow. In readiness for the harsh weather, wrap up in mink fur coat and or with the mink
Shop St
with my
fur leggings for your legs. These will definitely keep you warm and make you happy during those cold days.
Contact
don@ho fashion
your bo
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26 | Her Style
Mink Poncho is very valuable for those dinners out with your husband casually worn over your shoulders or well wrapped around your upper body will guarantee enough warmth for the night.
Reveal your chic style in these hot classic mink jackets. Either of them will transform your outfit within seconds. Paired with black leather skinny trousers or a great pair of skinny jeans and a pair of high heels is bound to take your style and confidence to another level.
Image Source: Courtesy of Stylepantry, addictedtoEtsy, lovebrownsugar, Shala Monroque, and
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Her Style | 27
A Gilet is a great coat to start the winter season with. Worn over long sleeves turtle neck t-shirt or belted up over a midi jumper with high heeled boots will show your edgy cool style.
According to Marie Claire reporting on the London fashion week, the Spotlight was on cuffs possibly AW15’s favourite zone to experiment with, the wrist. Celine went XXL with their beautifully gathered bell cuffs, while Michael Kors and Gucci chose to emphasise sleeves with muff-style fluffy panels. Read more Here
Image by Myss
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28 | Her Style
Well you don’t have to break the bank for the designers spotted mink cuffs; you can invest in the one right here for a fraction of the designer gear at MySS boutique. Order your winter warmers from MySS boutique and get 10% off your first order over £50. Simply email silhouettelondon@hotmail.co.uk or contact MySS on 07428446994 for your orders.
Images by Myss Boutique
Ayoola Bandele is an image consultant who offers unique services unique and tailored to individuals and personalities. Perhaps you are looking to portray the right image for those special occasions, or you just want to declutter your wardrobe. My services are classy, sassy, edgy, cool, decent and unique. Contact me for fashion and style advice. Are you willing to work with me in becoming the real valuable, unique you? Do not hesitate to contact me. God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly much more than you could ever ask or think of. He is about to do something GREAT. Only if you ask, seek and knock. https: silhouettetrends.com
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
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30 | Her Style
ARE YOU A
Winner OR A LOSER How to Find your Inner Winner By Florence Achama Ukpabi
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Her Style | 31
“Are you a Winner or a Loser?”
But, you were born a star and, not only that, you have the desire to bring change to the world, if this wasn’t you, you would have stopped
T
hat’s what he used to say, as he shouted at the top of his lungs to the passers-by intent on ignoring him. People probably took a quick
reading this by now but you haven’t. You’re still reading because deep down you know that you are a winner. Maybe it’s because you know this at a freakishly
glimpse at him and thought to themselves
cellular level, that you can’t help scratching your
‘loser’, but in his eyes, were it mattered most, he
head in confusion about how this will all work
was a winner.
out- you feel stuck. Maybe it seems so huge to
As someone who works to help female entrepreneurs dress their brand for success, I’m not surprised that the way this man looked was enough for the content of his message to seem inconsequential. It’s sad but true, our image
you that it looks out of place and feels unrealistic in the cut-throat world of today. You’ve gone and tucked your potential away out of harm’s reach but in doing so, you’ve tucked away your inner winner.
matters but today I don’t want to talk about that,
You’ve reached the place where you are now
today I want to go below the surface.
looking around at your peers and can see their
Your image is only one part of what attracts people and as such opportunities to you, albeit a big, unconscious part but the truth is that no matter how good you look on the outside, if you don’t feel like a winner on the inside that’s what people will see. I have a theory. My theory is that the people with the most to give to the world are often the ones who feel that they are the least worthy, unfortunately the world around them will only
success, this only fuels your sense of unworthiness and doubt. You think to yourself, why them and not me? You focus on all of their strengths and abilities, you magnify those and if you can at all notice your own strengths you discard them as unimportant, after all if they were so great you wouldn’t be where you are right now – would you? Have you stopped to consider why your friends and peers seem more successful than you?
stamp in that perspective. Call it survival of the
Could it be that they don’t have the same visions
fittest or whatever you wish, but in the animal
and dreams as you?
kingdom any perception of weakness is like a
Could it be that they are happy exactly where
green card to tear that poor creature to shreds.
they are?
By picking on the weak guy and making him feel even weaker, their chances of rising to the top
increase.
It’s much more easy for a person to be ordinary than it is for a person to be extra-ordinary, ordinary people either don’t have big dreams or
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
32 | Her Style they are too afraid to make their dreams a
fired as a TV reporter with the comment that she
reality.
was ‘unfit for TV’.
In the same vein extra-ordinary people aren’t
Vera Wang was passed over for Editor-in-Chief
afraid of failing, because they’d rather die trying
Position at Vogue, but it was the catalyst she
than die never having attempted to live their
needed to launch her career as a wedding dress
dream. Many of those people who we look up to
designer at the age of 40.
as extra-ordinary folk practiced the art of serially
failing with finesse or great gusto –
I think the lesson here is clear, if you truly want
to make an impact on the world, if you want to
Winston Churchill lost every election for public
re-connect with your inner winner then you
office until he finally became Prime Minister of
have to dig deep and find the courage to try and
Britain at the fair age of 62. His motto, “never,
live instead of settling for survival mode.
never, never, never give up”. Thomas Edison of the light bulb was another world class ‘failer’ – he failed to invent the light bulb 10,000 times but succeeded on his 10,001st attempt. When asked how it felt to fail 10,000 times he replied, “I didn’t fail 10,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 10,00 steps.” Ahhh, I see.
So, let’s look at some practical take-away steps: Write out at least 10 of your strengths, skills or abilities and stick them in a place you can see (so that’s probably the fridge or the mirror – kidding). Anytime you feel like beating yourself up with the unworthy stick, take a stroll over to your list and remind yourself why you are worthy.
Oprah Winfrey came from an abusive background, facing both sexism and harassment at work before rising to be one of the most iconic black women in television. Ironically, she was
Make a commitment today to do one thing that you would normally shy away from, it doesn’t have to be anything big even small changes can influence where we end up tomorrow.
Achama Ukpabi Florence (also called Achama) uses her training in psychology, counselling, education and colour to make the world a better and a more beautiful place. She can be found helping female entrepreneurs express their personal/business brand confidently using the Power of Colour or supporting Christians with Chronic Illness live life to the max. She is available to speak on self-expression, personal development and inner healing and shares her own journey of inner healing and dealing with Chronic illness to encourage and support others.
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Wholeness | 33
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34 | Her Style
HOW TO STOP BEING A PROFFESIONAL
QUITTER By Mildred Talabi
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Her Style | 35
A Personal Confession I cried last weekend. Not a big full on weep type of cry but the cloudyeyed 'how did it get like this? ' type of cry. I cried because I finally admitted to myself what's been a truth for most of my life without me realising it until now, and that is that I am a "professional quitter". In case you don't know what a professional quitter is, I'm going to explain. But in order to explain I have to get a little personal and take you back nearly two decades to what would classify as the beginning of my professional life.
In the beginning...big dreams I graduated from university in 2004 with a degree in Creative Writing and Film Studies. Back then, as a bright-eyed 21-year-old, I had dreams of becoming a journalist and building a media empire like Rupert Murdoch. But here's the thing – I didn't just have big dreams, I had drive, determination and action to go with it. In my second year of university I started an inspirational magazine called Deeper with the help of some student volunteers. I used £2,000 of my student loan to print 1,000 copies of the magazine to give away. This was to be the beginning of my media empire except.....Deeper started and ended with that first edition. We didn't have any money to produce another issue so I shipped boxes and boxes of
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36 | Her Style
surplus copies to my parent's attic and closed the
Quitting in business
chapter on that. That was big quit number 1.
A very early mid-life crisis
Fast-forward another two years and I was back using my journalism training, except in a slightly different way. I was now working in
Two years after graduating and during my time
communications part time and doing freelance
working as the Assistant Editor of an urban film
writing and editing the rest of the time. I wasn't
magazine, I received a full scholarship from
earning a lot, but at least I was doing what I
News International to study journalism at
wanted in life (or so I reasoned).
Harlow College where the likes of Piers Morgan, Richard Madeley and Alan Rusbridger earnt
Around this time my husband (I'd got married
their stripes.
by then) and I started a business by accident. He got turned on to raw foods and discovered he
News International had been giving out just two
was pretty good at making very tasty things
scholarships a year to bright and promising
using only fruits, vegetables, nuts and seeds in
journalists for nearly ten years. I was the
their natural state. We needed money to buy the
exception - I became the third person to be
equipment needed to sustain our intended new
granted a scholarship in 2006, and this after I
raw food lifestyle so we wrote a business plan,
was offered (and turned down) a paid staff role
got some free youth business funding, and Raw
at the then up and coming pioneering free
Love UK came into existence as a company in
newspaper, The London Paper.
June 2009.
I aced the journalism training, got my NCTJ, and
Our first six months was a crazy rollercoaster of
went to work for The Guardian as a Junior
excitement. We had clearly tapped into a
Commissioning Editor on the G2 supplement.
growing market here and had more demand
After six weeks in the role, I left the job and
than we were equipped to supply with both of
spent the next six months to a year in a
us in day jobs and, to be honest, also with our
very early mid-life career crisis. I stopped
other competing interests. But that drive,
reading newspapers, switched off the news and I
determination and action kicked in once again
really couldn't care less about Rupert Murdoch
and I won the Platinum Award for Best Business
or anything media-related for that matter. I
Vision in November 2009 at the very first Brand
abandoned my "promising" journalism career
Piano business women programme (now called
and went to work in a shoe shop at minimum
Brand Amplifier). This brought in money, PR
wage. Cue big quit number 2.
and speaking invitations, as well as being
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Her Style | 37 shortlisted for Best Woman in Business at the
a Winning CV, and my second, The Science of
Lambeth Business Awards the following year.
Successful Job Hunting; and there's also my CV Makeover Expert business which started over
Everything was great for a while and then
nine years ago and is still going today.
slowly Raw Love UK got pushed to the side as my husband returned to full time employment
The truth is there is a difference between a
and I busied myself in my other activities. Yes,
professional quitter and a regular quitter.
we had dreams of introducing a "healthy McDonalds" to London with takeaway raw
Professional quitters versus regular
foods you can order on the go; we had access to
quitters
mentors who could help take Raw Love UK to the next level if we wanted it, and we even had a seriously impressive health supplements producer wooing us for a potential sponsorship. But none of this was enough to stop big quit number 3.
The difference between professional quitters and regular quitters might be subtle but they're there all the same:
Regular quitters are stereotypically lazy and lack motivation; professional
quitters are usually hardworking, driven
Embracing the painful truth
and self-motivated.
Regular quitters are often afraid to try new
Now I can go on and on with more examples of
things; professional quitters are usually
great things I've started and quit along the way
bold and daring, charging towards new
but there's no point depressing myself, or you
things like a brave king in one of
for that matter. It was only through having an
those Lord of the Rings movies.
honest but painful look back over my life that I
Regular quitters attempt very little and
came to the realisation that I am indeed a
quit the few things they do
professional quitter and, if you're still reading
attempt; professional quitters attempt a lot
this, you might be too.
of things but might not see things through for one reason or another.
Before I go on to my definition of what a
Regular quitters have small dreams, if any
professional quitter is, it's important to point out
at all; professional quitters often have big
that professional quitters don't just have a string
dreams and big goals.
of quits behind them, they also have some
You see, professional quitters have enough
successes too - often great successes. Among my
visible success in their lives to not look like a
many quits have been some highlights of things I
failure in the eyes of other people, but like an A-
did start and finish - like my first book, 7 Keys to
star student scraping by on C-pluses, the
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
38 | Her Style professional quitter knows the truth on
2) Accountability
the inside - the truth that they could be so much more than they are.
It's so important to become accountable when you're trying to overcome anything. Find
The good news is you don’t have to stay a
someone you can trust who can hold you
professional quitter. Just like recovery from any
accountable to finishing the things you start -
other habit or addiction, there are steps you can
whether on a small or large scale.
follow to get better.
3) Action
Three steps to stop being a professional quitter
We professional quitters are pretty good at taking action so this third step is an
1) Acknowledgement If you've read and identified with this article, congratulations you've already completed this
step! Without acknowledgement of your "condition" it would be very difficult to get over it and who knows how many more years of professional success you would have sacrificed in the process.
encouragement to continue taking action - all the way to the very end. Whether it's that book you started writing three years ago, or that business plan that's been gathering dust on your coffee table, if it was worth starting at one point then it is worth finishing. Or as Ecclesiastes 7:8 puts it: Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof…” Stop quitting and start finishing.
Mildred Talabi is an award-winning UK-based careers blogger, speaker, writer and
author with over nine years of experience in the industry. As a committed Christian, Mildred is passionate about inspiring and changing lives in the realm of business and careers and enjoys sharing this message in churches and other platforms. For more information and bookings, visit www.mildredtalabi.com
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AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Find Your
PLACE, POSITION PURPOSE By Omowunmi Olunloyo AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Her Her Style Style || 41 41
A
dmit it, you've been asked that question too many times, "So, what is your life’s purpose?" in every social gathering, church event, conferences even at trainings. You smile, nod and reply, " I think (blah, blah blah) and (blah, blah, blah). Repeating your job title and where you work as your life purpose or perhaps you say I don’t know I am still searching. How do you find your place, position & purpose in life and occupy it? I’m not talking about your employment, your daily duties, or even your long-term goals. I mean the reason why you’re here — the very reason you exist. Why are you here? Perhaps you feel you have lost yourself, maybe you are beginning to worry a little or a lot about your life and maybe you are losing sleep at times? Perhaps where you want to be is where you are designing your life so it is a true reflection of your purpose and maybe you want the joy of living according to your purpose; and perhaps where you want to be in your life is where you are making a difference. According to vocabulary.com to find something means:to discover it, to determine the existence, presence, or fact of; come upon, as if by accident; obtain through effort or management; succeed in reaching; arrive at. A place is position, an area, a spot, or a space; an area set aside for a particular purpose; assign a location to; an abstract mental location.
A position is a point where something is located, as in on a map or the posture it’s arranged in such as an upright position, a job in an organisation; an item on a list, or in a sequence; the act of putting something in a certain place. When you do something with purpose, you do it with determination. When your activities have a purpose, you have an aim or intention in mind. Purpose is what something is used for; an anticipated outcome that is intended or that guides your planned actions. A woman’s primary call is to be a helper. You were made to help. Every celebrated woman has helped e.g. Esther the Queen, Deborah the Prophetess and a judge, Ruth wife of Boaz, Abigail wife of Nabal, Mary mother of Jesus and the list is not exhaustive. There is a place that God has prepared for you John 14:1-6 that is why you can approach life with calmness and peace because God has prepared a place. There is a reserved sign where your person is concerned. All you have to do is find your way into the place. Think about it for a moment; reflect on your journey so far. There has to be a reason why you survived all the challenges that happened in your life. Seriously think about it again. You persevered and endured in difficult situations, you fought back (the good fight of faith), even when you did not have any fight left in you. You weathered the storm, you withstood opposition and infact when you look back, you don’t know how you made it this far. AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
42 | Her Style You need to realise that the challenges you go through are not meant to bring you down; but to stir you up; they are not yours they are for your generation. God kept you, protected you and covered you; how in the world could you think that you went through all of that for nothing?
done? What is burning on the inside of you? What has God said to you? What makes you angry? What are you passionate about? Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, Ecclesiastes 9:10. The key lies in the answers to all these questions.
There must be something in front of you that is more important than everything that is behind you. You must be significant otherwise you wouldn’t have the opposition that you have in your life.
What self-limiting belief are you holding on to? What scares you? What is your mindset? What is stopping you? Deuteronomy 31:6, Isaiah 41:13, 2Tim1:7. Release your fears to God.
This is for you; if you are sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and ready to break out of the box and be all that God has called you to be. I want to share with you how to get from where you are to where you want to be.
STEPS TO FINDING YOUR PLACE, POSITION AND PURPOSE Know who you are: who are you? The Bible is clear about that in Gen 1:26-28. Understanding who you are makes a massive impart on how you act, behave and carry yourself. Believe and say what the bible says you are continually.
Know you gift and calling: what do you have is the question Elisha asked the widow in 2Kings 4: 1-7 and she replied nothing SAVE a jar of oil. This jar of oil is what paid her debt and changed her life. So I ask you what do you have. Romans 11:29, Proverbs 18:16.
Know your fears: what is holding you back?
Know when to start: timing is everything. Seek God’s face and spend time in His presence and God will reveal himself to you. God has all the answers. Matthew 6:33, Jeremiah 29:11 “Your life is meant to make impact”. God’s will is that your life makes impact, start living that life Now. There are lots of needs in the world, there is a ministry in you, and there is work to be done. You can only function when you are in your place. Find your place, position and purpose and stay in your place. Occupying it till Jesus comes. For further information and advice about finding your place, position and purpose www.omowunmiolunloyo.blogspot.co.uk Connect with us
Omowunmi Olunloyo/Facebook @OmowumiOlunloyo/twitter 07502207605
Know where you are: where are you right now?
Remain Elevated,
What season are you in? What works have you
Tok
Omowunmi Olunloyo or Toks, as she is also known, is an inspirational speaker and author with a true calling to motivate, educate, empower and encourage women to live their best life NOW by Finding their Place, Position and Purpose and remind them that they are Valuable to God and can live a Fulfilled Well Balanced Life. Omowunmi loves working with working mums, helping them live their best life by finding their place, position and purpose. For more information visit www.omowunmiolunloyo.blogspot.co.uk AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
44 | Her Wholeness
Need You…
I DON’T NEED YOU
WHEN ALL SEEMS LOST from Zero to Hero By Davida Yemi-Akanle
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Her Style | 45
D
ear Naomi
to die too and then Chilion your other son, that was
the biggest shocker! He was the perfect I don’t know where to begin. News
child. Complete. Everything any mother could
has finally reached us with what
want in a son. He too has gone!
happened. We are truly sorry. I,
myself just can’t understand it all.
I heard your sons were married. I hope they married women of our stock. I know you were
How are you coping? You had so much going for
living in foreign quarters. Elimech was from the
you when you were here; before the economic
tribe of Judah; they are the ones who always have
troubles hit our land. We have heard about your
praise on their lips. I hope your sons were able to
husband Elimelech, of his tragic death, and also
find good Jewish women where you lived even
that of Mahlon, your son. I recall he was always
though that would have been a tall order because
sickly, that’s why he had the name. But …for him
no good Jew would immigrate to Moab. Everyone
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46 | Her Wholeness
knows a good Jewish daughter-in-law would stick
You are right …another thing I regret is that I wish
with her mother-in-law. I myself do not trust
my sons had not married foreign women. But one
those incestuous Moabites, their women…
thing, they dealt with their husbands kindly. I
loose. Naomi, those people are cursed. Remember
can’t give them sons now. Who would want to
what they did to our forefathers?
marry an old woman now anyway? And if I did, would they wait around until they were old
Anyway, Naomi, I am praying to the God of our
enough to be married? Life grieves me so
fathers to have mercy on you. (We are all doing
much. The hand of God has turned against me. I
well here by the way. The economy has recovered
am the one who caused their pain. I can’t forgive
in Bethlehem. Naomi, bread never runs out in
myself because my daughters-in-law have always
Bethlehem! I just had my third grandson, by the
been good to me.
way). Anyway, you know how much I love you. Please drop a line and let us know how you
However, I told them yesterday to return to their
are doing at anytime.
parents’ home. I am heading back home, coming back to Judah. In spite of the bitterness of my soul,
Mary
I will yet praise God. I feel Him telling me to come
back home. But hear this. Orpah, the wife of Chillion had sense and left. On her leaving, we cried and cried. I was so heartbroken. Life can be so Dear Mary
desperately cruel. But I have hope for Orpah. She is beautiful like a gazelle. Now Ruth, on the other
I am no longer called Naomi. My name is Mara. I
hand, I don’t know what that woman is made
used to be a delight. Is that not what Naomi
of! She has always been a friend to me. Ruth
means? The God of Elimech has dealt bitterly with
would not hear of going to her people. Talk about
me. I have lost everything. Everything! There is
one strong headed woman! After all she suffered
bitterness in my soul.
looking after her sickly husband. She actually said
Mary, oh Mary I live constantly with regret. I
my people will be her people. My God her God.
wish we had not left when things got
Mary, God has given me hope through Ruth. I
hard. Elimelech was a king, is that not what his
really was not expecting Ruth to come back with
name implied. We should have trusted the God of
me. We are lodging in an inn at the
a king. Maybe God would have healed Mahlon at
moment. Don’t have any money left. Mahlon’s
Bethlehem. Why could we not see that bread
health bills cost so much money in the land of
would never run out in Bethlehem? Does not
Moab. There were no priests we could go
Bethlehem mean house of bread?
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Her Wholeness | 47 to. Another heavy regret.
I left our land full and
Dear Mara
now the Lord has brought me back empty. Yes I know Boaz very well, Mara! Boaz is a very Mara
fine rich man of good stock! If I know him well, he is just being polite to Ruth. He is a fine Jewish man to the core. A man like that needs a good Jewish girl like my daughter. He has been to our synagogue once when he was here on business. He will not marry a foreign woman who has been a pagan. He is a righteous and upright man like my
Dear Mara
husband.
I am happy you have seen sense. Maybe, just
Don’t raise your hopes too much Mara. I don’t
maybe, God will be kind to you.
want to see you disappointed further. I did not
Mary
want to say, but you and your sons sinned and offended God. You will have to pay for those sins. All I can pray is for God’s mercy on you. He
is merciful, Mara. At least now when you die, you will not be buried in Moab. Your life however, has become bitter, an old lady with no family. But thank God He gave you friends like me who can Dear Mary We are home! I mean Ruth and I are home. We are settling in. But it is hard, so many memories of happy times and how much I have lost. My life
seems over. But strangely, I feel God is saying it is not.
point you in the right direction and remind you of the Law. You know my husband is a scholar. I will be praying for God’s mercy for you as always at the synagogue tonight! Mary
Ruth has found work which is very good news. You know Boaz? She works for him. He has shown extra kindness and so much favour to Ruth. He seems very impressed what Ruth has sacrificed for me. In my hopelessness, I feel God is
Dear Mary
giving me hope! I asked Ruth to go over to Boaz’s
God is a good God. God does not count our sins threshing floor yesterday evening. Please join me in against us. He is not standing with a big stick prayer that all goes well! waiting to catch us out. He is merciful and full of Mara (Naomi)
grace. He blots out our sins. He gives us beauty for AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
48 | Her Wholeness ashes. When we think it is over, that is when life
Dear Mary
is just beginning. God is so good. Sorry I have not written in a Mary, I have good news. God has turned my
while. But 1000 years is like 1 day to God. God
mourning to dancing again. When I thought there
has really shown that He never gives up on
was no hope, God came along... Boaz asked for
us. His love is unfathomable.
Ruth’s hand in marriage. I am excited. Weeping endures for a night but joy comes in the morning.
Ruth is happily married to Boaz. I am a
God has shown that he is not like man. He
grandmother too. I am even suckling the
forgives us. He does not withhold His hand on
child. He is called Obed. What a fitting name. It
account of our mistakes. I was wrong before
means ’serving’. Yes, this child will serve
about Him…He does not use the devil’s tools to
God. God told me last night that this child is extra
punish us. I am so glad I came back to
special. A generation will come from him. This
Him. Many don’t come back to Him when they
child is the restorer of my life. A nourisher, in my
make a mistake, or even sin, or worse forsake
old age. This is only the Hand of God, Mary.
Him. But His arms are ALWAYS open, ready to receive us. He is not there with a, ‘I told you so’ look; nor does He remind us of what we did. Can you imagine such love?
Rejoice with me.
Naomi
Thanking God at the synagogue tonight. NOAMI Dear Mary I have not heard from you for a long time. Obed is growing up very nicely. Everyone is saying that Dear Mara Which is it? Are you Mara or are you Naomi?
my daughter-in-law Ruth loves me so much. That Obed is worth more than seven sons. Seven is the number of completeness. God has perfected everything in my life. Kings shall come from
Anyway congratulations I hope it works out for
Obed. I will praise my God forevermore. What
you and the Moabitess. But be careful, these
God has done for me, he can do for anyone…
Moabite woman, they love money. Ruth may just
ANYONE…and if He has never done it, ANYONE
want Boaz’s money. Just saying…
can be the first. After all, where did you ever hear of a Moabite woman forsaking her kindred for her
Mary
mother-in-law to birth a child of promise? That is our God! Naomi
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Her Wholeness | 49
Zoe A. Onah was born to write. She is the author of the bestseller and the award nominated book, DEFYING THE ODDS – One man’s struggle and victory over mental illness and his wife whose trust in God never failed. Zoe met her husband, Eze, in the 14th year of his tumultuous journey with mental illness and 4 years later, he bounced back, and defied the odds with a clean medical bill of NO mental illness! Their organization, Defying Mental Illness – Put a Full Stop, is reaching out to those faced with mental health challenges to help them not only defy the disease, but also put a full stop to the stigma and discrimination. Website: www.defyingmentalillness.com Email:info@defyingmentalillness.com
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
50 | Her Wholeness
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Her Wholeness | 51
Renewing The
MIND HOW TO THINK KINGDOM By Kemi Oyesola
F
irst I would like you to
Did you know that the mind is a part of
understand what the word
the Soul?
‘renew’ means.
Do you also know that the mind is in
When you renew a place, you
your control? Not in the control of God
make it like new again.
or of another person but in your control?
You do away with what is there already
The seat of Thought is the Mind. That
and put something else in its place,
means, when you THINK, your brain
something else; something new.
collects the THOUGHTS and they get
You do not go back to the old
stored on your mind via dendrites in your brain.
Let’s understand the importance of the
Can I actually point out where the mind
mind.
2015isWOMEN EMPOWERING is, I thinkAUTUMN not. That why we are not WOMEN
52 | Her Wholeness God. God has kept some things to
- for each of these will elicit various thoughts.
Himself.
Thoughts are so powerful that you become
To THINK about anything, you have to have that ‘thing’ inside you. For a thing to get on the inside of you, they need a ‘door way.’ ‘Stuff’ gets on the inside of you through your 5 senses – that is the sense of touch, taste, smell,
what you think. Literally..
‘As A Man THINKS In His Heart, So Is He’ – Proverbs 23:7.
sight and sound this also applies to your body (not just your hand), tongue (mouth), nose,
I know you would have heard of this verse
eyes and ears.
but, have you ever really THOUGHT it? Have
This means that you have to be selective about
you thought so long and deeply about it that
who you are around and who is around you;
you live by it?
what you listen to, what you smell, what you
Many have not.
see and what you hear; indeed what you touch
However, doing so is critical to living a
VERSE (Proverbs 4)
BODY PART
AWAY FROM
TOWARDS
20 My son, attend to my words; incline thine ear unto my sayings.
EAR
21 Let them not depart from thine eyes; keep them in the midst of thine heart.
EYES & HEART
24 Put away from thee a forward mouth, and perverse lips put far from thee.
MOUTH
25 Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee.
EYES
YES
26 Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established.
FEET, HEART (MIND)
YES
27 Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: remove thy foot from evil.
FEET, HEART (MIND)
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
YES YES
YES
YES
Her Wholeness | 53 Kingdom-Minded life. To live a KingdomMinded life is to THINK Kingdom.
“For they are life to those who find them, healing and health to all their flesh.” – v.22
TO THINK KINGDOM – ie THE KINGDOM OF GOD – IS TO THINK HIS WORD – THE
Life, healing and health is found only if you do
BIBLE.
with your ears, eyes, feet, heart and mind what
The only way to be Kingdom-Minded, that is,
the Word tells you to.
‘…not being like the world, doing what they do, speaking how they speak, desiring what
But then, there is some more work for you to
they desire - is to ‘BE TRANSFORMED BY THE do. RENEWING OF YOUR MIND.’ (Romans 12:2)
It is the ‘KEEPING & ‘GUARDING’ part. You see, it is not enough to do with your eyes,
I will point out the part of your 5 senses the
ears, etc what the Word says you should do,
following verses refer to and what you should
you have to sustain this. Many complain about
do in the table below:
doing something but being unable to sustain or maintain it.
From the table, you can see that the Bible is
If you want to both maintain and sustain (keep
particular about parts of our body. They play a up) something you have to KEEP and GUARD huge part in how our lives turn out.
it.
We have to do whatever we need to do to
We find in Proverbs 4 verse 23, the Amplified
ensure that our minds are filled and therefore
version of the Bible says:
our lives are Kingdom, period.
“Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance
The Bible, in these verses tells you what to do
and above all that you guard, for out of it flow
with your EARS, EYES, FEET, HEART, and
the springs of life.”
MIND. If you didn’t know before, now you do. Let us look at another scripture, a few verses in But there are consequences (another word for
the book of Matthew chapter 12 which really
consequence is HARVEST) to doing these
explains the concept of THOUGHT very
things – and note, YOU have to DO them. They clearly. cannot be done for you. You are in control.
A good man out of the good treasure of the
God will not do it for you either. Thought I
heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil
should make that clear.
man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things. Matthew chapter 12 verse 35(KJV)
Now, to the consequences (harvest) of the doing:
What you put on your heart is what you get out
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
54 | Her Wholeness of your mouth.
In summary, to RENEW THE MIND IS TO
This is crucial because,
THINK THE WORD. This is HOW TO THINK Kingdom. And while doing this,
“… whatever comes out of the mouth comes
KEEP and GUARD your HEART. The springs
from the heart, and this is what makes a man
of life come from the heart, thus it must be
unclean and defiles [him].
kept and guarded above all else.
For out of the heart come … thoughts …
The doorway to your Heart is your
These are what make a man…” – Matthew
THOUGHTS.
15:18-20(KJV)
Kemi Oyesola is known as The BLAST ‘IT’ AWAY! The BLACK BELT Way Coach. She is mother to 2 adult children – Sarah and Joshua, and a grandmother of the handsomest, most adorable and the cutest of all grandchildren - Josiah. She enjoys aerobics, dancing, walking, various sports and watching brilliant films as well as reading. CoachKemi has a R-O-A-R in her and will leave you living life 100%-full! Hers is a journey every person will be inspired by. 'For as a man THINKS in his heart, so is he.' Connect with CoachKemi Facebook: How2Think Twitter: @How2Think Instagram: How2Think
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Her Style | 55 Her Wholeness | 55
The Pioneer's Mentoring Franchise
Programme (PMFP) The Pioneer Mentoring for Purpose Franchise Programme will seek to apply the following activities to assist you to launch a Kingdom focused training programme using the TEACH – TRAIN – EMPOWER principle. For more information visit
http://www.thementoringacademy.com/ AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Can You Believe &
after Divorce? By Zina Arinze
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Her Wholeness | 57
W
hen it comes to divorce, the reality is that many women of faith and female professionals have to “keep up appearances” in ministry or at work
and often times to keep their jobs too. These women feel constrained to resort to mask wearing to hide the pain, shame, stigma and guilt associated with a divorce, separation or relationship breakdown. The reason being that most women in this demographic are seen as strong, collected and in control, they rarely feel able to show their vulnerability for fear of reprisals in terms of their business/professional reputation and/or their positions in terms of their faith walk, Christian or otherwise. In effect, exhibiting a tough steely exterior while inside they are hurting and but feel disempowered to ask for help, or even may not actually realise that help and support is available. This is clearly unhealthy and extremely unproductive emotionally, physically and more importantly spiritually. Daughter of Zion, understand that you are not disqualified on account of divorce and therefore you do not need to “keep up appearances”. YOU are unique, worthy, fabulous, phenomenal, unstoppable, graceful, blessed, empowered and highly favoured. You are not alone! Just like I once did many years ago, may be you are grappling with a host of issues: like the reality that your marriage is dead, and having to accept the loss of your spouse. Maybe you are struggling with feelings of rejection, betrayal, unforgiveness, shattered dreams and a life seemingly left in ruins. There is no doubt that your personal feelings of pain, betrayal, fear, uncertainty and diminished self-worth has taken a very heavy toll on your heart, your mind and maybe your faith. A breakup is huge, extremely traumatic and AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
58 | Her Wholeness devastatingly hard, I wish I could say it wasn’t.
experience all or even any of these cycles or stages
That being said, I can promise you: THIS TOO
of divorce recovery grief; however as part of your
SHALL PASS. This crisis is one you can and will
Believe and Live Again journey, it is extremely
get through, just like I did, to the other side. This
helpful to know these stages.
loss, this grief is one in which God can bring hope
There are typically 5 to 7 stages running from
and in which you can become strong in the
Denial and shock, Pain and Fear, Anger,
brokenness, empowered and whole again.
Bargaining, Guilt, Depression and Acceptance Acceptance! This is where you want to get to.
Unfortunately, there’s no way to prescribe the
Where you have discovered much about yourself,
number of days, months or years it will take to
have learnt to accept things outside of your
work through the pain and grief of divorce, it can
control and also understand that the past is not
be quick or slow, the pace is determined by power
your focus. More importantly, you are now open
of God which you allow to work through you,
to the many emotional, spiritual and mental
your mindset, your internal coping mechanisms
rewards awaiting you today, tomorrow and for
and at a speed that is right for you. Some of you
the rest of your life. Now that you have accepted
reading this might be saying yeah right Zina!
and gotten over the grief of your divorce or
After all the turmoil and trauma I have been
relationship breakup, the next strategy is to
through, Can I Believe and Live Again after
rediscover YOU,
Divorce? Yes, you can. Here are just a few of my tried and tested
2.
Rediscovering YOU - Who am I?
strategies to help you do just that: Now I am Divorced, Who Am I? What’s my
1.
Get Over The Grief
identity? In marriage you were a “we”, now you are a “me”. But Who is this “me”? It might sound
The first thing is being able to get over the grief of
trite or clichéd to answer this you need to go back
your divorce. Don’t be ashamed and try and use
to the source, the Word of God, and begin the
bravado, because grief is the perfectly reasonable
process of Rediscovering YOU. How about
response to the emotional pain that comes part
embarking upon a spiritual retreat to recall and
and parcel from divorce, you have experienced a
understand words of prophecy that may have
form of loss so it is understandable that you may feel grief as a result of that loss. Often times the grief can get so strong because you expected your marriage to last forever, you and your ex spouse had a future mapped out together and now that will no longer happen. The grief of divorce travels
through cycles or stages based on Elizabeth Kubler Ross’s 1969 - stages of grief. Not everyone will
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
been spoken over your life before and during your marriage? Next, walk by faith in the manifestation of those words of prophecy. If you are not ready to go on a spiritual retreat yet, don’t beat yourself up, start with a rejuvenating SPA day or weekend and keep a daily journal of the revelations God
brings forth, chart your progress, your daily wins – whatever you do, commit to pampering yourself and get reacquainted with YOU.
Her Wholeness | 59 3.
2.
Personal Qualities Inventory
Next to Each Word, List Something You Regularly Do
Do a personal qualities inventory. Here’s an
that Qualifies You for the
example:
Positive Trait: Spend some time reviewing
Reflective Activity
1.
List as Many Positive Things About Yourself As You Can Think of: This includes successes, good
each trait.
4.
Reframing your Life Goals
Reframe and set “SMART” goals for your new life that will encourage you to look forward, not backward. Where do you want
relationships, memorable
to be in your life in a year, in five years, ten
events etc.
years? Empowered woman - can you Believe and Live Again After Divorce? YES, “Yo u are blessed because you believed that the Lord would do what he said." Luke 1:45
Zina Arinze is a minister of the gospel, fondly known as the Divorce Reinvention Queen and the founder of Believe and Live Again, helping women of faith and female professionals swiftly heal from the grief and trauma of divorce, separation or relationship breakdown by giving them clarity for their radiant future so that they are able to transition their mind-sets from “we” to “me”, reconnect to their positive self, regain their feminine power and walk in the healing restorative power of God. A lawyer by training and armed with an MBA, Zina has over 15 years in IT Project Management Consultancy, Training and Capacity Building for both the Public and Private Sectors, she’s very passionate about building lasting relationships and encouraging the discovery, development and deployment of hidden talents. If you would like to have an informal chat about with Zina or the any one on the team, don't hesitate to get in touch to schedule a Complimentary Believe and Live Again Coaching Discovery session or a no-obligation 30 minute "Forgive and Let Go" consultation and together, you could be embarking upon the Believe and Live Again 5 R's journey to heal your heart, outgrow your challenges and let go of the past so that your glorious future can finally emerge.
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
60 | Her Wholeness
The Journey... By Harriet Khataba PART I
The Wife: THE ARMOUR-BEARER By Lisa Maki
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Spiritual Etiquette | 61
W
hat I will share with you will
preconceived notions about marriage and your
change your view of your role
expectations from your husbands. I want you to
as a wife, and marriage in
lay down your fleshly emotions – your hurts,
general. It will make you see
anger, frustrations, anxieties, and fears with
that most of your problems are not what they
regards to your marriage. Drop all these down
seem to be. It will make you realize that your
and imagine yourself as a Warrior Queen, an
husband is not your enemy; the devil is!
armour-bearer of the King.
It was a few years back when a Prophet’s wife
Now imagine that a host of army is about to
shared with me that she is her husband’s armor-
attack your King and you see it miles away. You
bearer. At that time, I’ve only heard of the word
can’t tell him because you have to protect him
“armor-bearer” a few times in my walk as a
and your Kingdom. Telling him may make him
believer of Yeshua, but never as a wife’s role. The
rush to the war zone and get killed. You now
more I grew in my marriage, the more I realized
prepare for battle and put on your whole armour.
how true this role is for us, wives.
You grab your sword, put it on its sheath, and you get your shield. You ride your horse and
According to Dictionary.com, an armour-bearer is
proceed to attack the enemies of your Kingdom.
“an officer selected by kings and generals because of his bravery, not only to bear their armour, but
Does this look like some desperate, crying,
also to stand by them in the time of danger.”
anxious, fearful, depressed wife to you? Does this look like a wife who is complaining about her
Another definition of an armour-bearer that I
husband – that she is not receiving love from
found is “one who helps, a helper, to give
him ... that he is cheating on her ... that he is not
strength, support.” Honestly, this is more like the
treating her right ... that he is not responsible ...
role of a wife and help-meet, which clearly
etc. etc. NOT AT ALL!!! This Warrior Queen
explains our role as “armour-bearers”.
knows her role and is detached from all the worldly emotions that can consume her and
In short, as an armour-bearer of my husband, my
therefore jeopardize her Kingdom.
role is to protect him in the time of danger. I believe that this includes my ability to discern
You can be this Warrior Queen. God has already
danger before it hits, to give me a better chance of
equipped you to be one. He has provided you
protecting him. This, I believe, is the reason why
with all the armour you need. He has given you a
wives have the ability to smell danger from afar.
King and a Kingdom to fight for and protect.
God did not give us this gift for nothing.
Do you now realize why the devil is taunting us Before I proceed, I want you to drop all your
with our emotions? He wants to cripple us and
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
62 | Spiritual Etiquette paralyze us so we can’t fight for our husbands
but who God has used time and time again to
and our families. Satan knows our power as
give me very timely messages.
armour-bearers. Why do you think did he attack Eve first? He could have tempted Adam but
This person shared with me that if our shield has
nope ... he chose Eve. And when he got Eve, he
holes, we can’t use it effectively. The holes are
got Adam as well.
fears and doubts we have entertained. To patch up these holes require the Word of God. In fact,
The devil loves to whisper in our ears: he doesn’t
this person said that the entire shield is made up
care about you ... he doesn’t even love you so why
of the Word of God.
submit to him? ... he is going to hurt you again, it is not safe ... he is not satisfied with you ... he
Our sword is the Word and our faith is the shield.
finds that other girl hotter ... he can’t even provide
We may have a very powerful sword but if our
for you.
shield is not solid, then we will falter.
Thus,
as armour-bearers, we have to make sure that our It doesn’t take a minute to make us listen to that
shield is intact.
voice and start believing it. Before long we are operating in the lie more than the truth. We cry
The enemy is not our husbands. The battle is not
out to God and nothing is happening. We cast out
won through arguments and even discussions.
all spirits of lust, pride, and control, and it is still
The enemy is the devil and the battle is won in the
there. You know why? I will tell you two reasons
presence of God.
why. Now imagine yourself again as the Warrior The first reason is our own underlying issues. In
Queen and you are going to face and confront one
fact, the negative feelings we have towards our
of the biggest enemies of your Kingdom (your
husbands are merely reflections of our own issues
marriage and family). It may be the spirit of a
that God is still dealing with. Unless we see
cheating husband, an abusive husband, a
things this way, we will never be able to heal
husband addicted to porn, a drug-addicted
from these issues that are getting in the way of
husband, a husband bound to alcohol, a lazy
winning our battles in our marriage. Ask God to
husband, etc. Remember, you are warring against
expose your issues to you first and to guide and
spirits here. You are getting ready for the battle.
lead you how to be delivered from it. It is a
You get your sword, which is the Bible, and you
process. What is important is that you are aware
polish it by meditating on it and even writing
of these issues and are obeying God in the steps
down the ones that talk about your victory. You
you need to take.
slowly walk into the battlefield with your sword and shield, and with the helmet of salvation, belt
The second reason is something I’ve learned from
of truth, breastplate of righteousness, and the
someone recently ... someone I don’t even know
gospel of peace on your feet. You begin to war by
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Spiritual Etiquette | 63 worshipping God and declaring all the promises
through. Otherwise my enemies will come, run
He has given you. You continue warring through
me through, and make a sport of me.”
praise and worship, thanking God for His faithfulness. The war continues and escalates as
Let me paraphrase this based on the revelation
you begin to smash all the lies of the enemy,
that the Holy Spirit gave me. Think of it as your
replacing each lie with the truth. You shield your
husband talking to you.
husband by interceding for him and breaking down strongholds. Finally, you go back and
“My beloved wife, my armour-bearer; draw your
continue to worship and praise God as your
sword, the Word of God, and thrust it into my
enemies lay before you dead and defeated.
soul. Otherwise the devil will thrust his sword into my soul and make fun of me.”
This is our role, my fellow wives and sisters in Yeshua. And if this is our mindset and
Our problems with our husbands are just the tip
understanding, we will continue to win, no matter
of the iceberg. The underlying issues run deep.
how difficult it gets. Don’t forget that as armour-
These problems are meant for us to hear an inner
bearers we are to take the bullet for our husbands,
groaning of their spirits to be released from
in the same way that Yeshua died for us.
whatever the enemy is holding against them –
generational curses, bondages, strongholds, past One last thing that I want to share with you is a
issues. They are crying out to us without them
Scripture I saw yesterday, which is the very
even knowing it. They are asking us to fight for
reason why I wrote this article. It is in 1 Samuel 31
them in the spiritual realm, to draw our sword
where King Saul was talking to his armour-
and finally thrust this Word deep into their soul.
bearer. This is how we will win all our battles in our He said: “Draw your sword and thrust me
marriage, my fellow Armour-Bearers.
Lisa Maki is the founder, publisher, and editor of God'z Gurlz, a Bible-based web magazine for women. She is a Professional Writer/Consultant with over 20 years of experience in Professional Writing, Public speaking, and Human Resources in Organizational Development. She manages a Professional Writing business which includes Résumé Writing, Business Letter Writing, Business Plans, Website Content, Editing Jobs, Press Kits, and other writing requirements. More than a Professional Writer, Lisa is an evangelist/preacher/minister with over 10 years of ministry experience including pastoring a women's prison; conduct of Bible-based seminars and Bible studies in corporate offices; preaching engagements in churches, police camps, schools, and other organizations; outreach programs for poor families and children; and pastoring a church. Lisa holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in English and some units in Psychological Services. She was commissioned as "minister" in 2006. AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
64 | Her Wholeness
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Empowering the Younger Woman | 65
I
’ve always considered myself to be a strong – willed person and believed I had the ability to pull myself out of every hole life would ever try to throw me in. I knew how I wanted to present myself to the world, and the type of woman I wanted to be A VIRTUOUS woman. However, I wasn’t familiar with this word in my teens and it’s probably not the word I would have chosen to describe myself, nevertheless I definitely knew I stood for something bigger than me. I knew I was different & carried high values and morals, without question it was part of the fabric of my inner most being. My beliefs as a Christian shaped who I was.
I had a standard I lived by, which
was at the forefront of my mind whenever I dealt with people and entered into relationships. I vowed to never compromise my standard, and thought it was a standard nobody could BREAK.
Until life happened of course, as it does to most of us - I compromised and came to realise that the UNBROKEN could be BROKEN. There are certain situations we face in life that can literally bring us to our knees, crying out to the Lord as we bear the pain of what can only be described as BROKENESS. Whether it is the pain that comes from the loss of a loved one, the breakup of a relationship, or the betrayal of a close friend. Whatever it may be the feeling of brokenness is REAL.
The Young Woman’s Journey:
RESTORATION IN CHRIST By Caroline Odogwu
These experiences can leave us feeling helpless, rejected and stuck. I once heard someone say that you can’t fix what’s not been broken. This comment rings true in my life; as for me it was my journey of brokenness that brought me closer to the Lord, but I had to be broken before God could FIX me. I realised that this standard I set for myself wasn’t enough to keep me. I had to lean on the Holy Spirit to do this thing called LIFE and walk through it with my sanity and head held high.
AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
66 | Empowering the Younger Woman In my broken state the love of Christ kept me and was one of few things that remained CONSTANT and steady in my life. I knew there was something missing and I needed more. God was calling me to have total RESTORATION in Him.
The dictionary defines restoration as the act of returning something to its former, original, normal or unimpaired condition. This is exactly what Christ wants to do for you. He wants to return you back to your former state before life happened to you. Sometimes we can get in our own way, and we start to believe the LIES of the enemy. We disqualify ourselves from Gods BEST, like our mistakes dilute Gods goodness. Remember God already knew you were going to make that mistake before you even made it. His got that covered, He knows you better than you even know yourself. The Father is saying your mistakes can’t demote you from what He has for you. In fact your very mistakes are what God will use to help you walk out your purpose with authenticity and truth and ultimately help others who have gone through to do the same.
Romans 8:28
I adore these scriptures because they ultimately reiterate what I said above. The scripture promises us that everything we go through will work together for our good and that CHRIST thoughts and plans towards us are GOOD.
If you’ve ever felt broken, lost your self worth, self esteem and identity for whatever reason, you are NOT alone and Christ wants to restore you, but there are some things you will have to CONFRONT and do. It’s not a case of if Christ will restore you, He already has you just have to walk it out, do your part and receive His restoration with the help of the Holy Spirit.
1.
2000 years ago, Jesus Christ died on the cross for you – yes YOU (John 3:16). Your happiness, joy, peace, love and purpose is found in Him – honestly it is so worth it. All you have to do is believe in your heart and confess with your mouth that Jesus is the Son of God and that He died for you.
2.
Jeremiah 29:11
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Forgive yourself and others – Sometimes forgiving others can be a lot easier than forgiving yourself. Accepting your wrongs, and allowing yourself to move forward despite the sins you’ve committed is liberating. Forgiveness helps you. As hard as it may seem, ask the Holy Spirit and He will help you.
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.
“ For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Surrender Your Life to God – Over
3.
Confess your mistakes to someone you trust - Sometimes our secrets sins can keep us bound but sharing and confessing your shortcomings to a trusted
Empowering the Younger Woman | 67
friend/family member can alleviate the power that thing has over you. Be totally true and honest, the TRUTH will set you free.
4.
Develop a positive confession – I encourage you to speak the Word out loud. Look up scriptures in the Bible about restoration and confess them daily. Vent to God – raw and uncut! Tell Him about your weaknesses, His not surprised about them, He already knows. Cry out to Him for restoration.
I pray that this short post will help you TRUST in the Lord and lean on Him totally. Your best life is ahead of you not in your past. He will restore every hurt, every confusion, every situation, and every circumstance. We serve a JUST God he makes bad things right.
God’s got your back.
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Caroline Odogwu began her career while an undergraduate John Moores University, Liverpool as the news and weather anchor for her local radio station Youth FM before moving into television. In 2009, she acquired experience as a researcher at ITV Granada in Manchester and then at the BBC in London before arriving at OH TV at the end of 2009. Whilst at OH TV she produced a vibrant series called ‘Young Achievers – The Next Gen,’ documenting the achievements of young adults from all walks of life and cultures. After leaving Business Launchpad in 2011, Caroline has acquired experience undertaking various media related positions at Sky News, Dublin South FM and Samaritans.
Caroline now currently works as the Marketing & Outreach officer at a leading youth enterprise Charity, Business Launchpad, whose core work is to help young people start up their own businesses. Caroline is presently doing The Leadership Mentoring for Purpose Programme at The Mentoring Academy.
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RAISING
Wonderful Women By Daniella Blechner
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Empowering the Younger Woman | 69
R
aising young women is a huge
responsibility but one that should not be restricted to purely the role of a mother or father. The word ‘raise’ dates back to c1200
and derives from an Old Norse word “reisa.” It translates as “to cause a rising of” “set upright” “to build and construct.” The word “raise” also means to “uplift, promote the growth of, and elevate to a higher position.” I strongly believe that we are all, in some shape or form, responsible for the raising of our young
girls and women in our community. How do we begin to elevate our young girls into confident young women and leaders of their own path and what role do we have in helping them to rise? First, we must understand that we all play a part in helping them to rise.
Self-esteem We are born into this world innocent; completely
accepting of all things and all people. We are in awe of the world around us and are blessed with the purity of non-judgment. We are totally loving and accepting of Self. Our self-esteem is high because we don’t judge, we just are. Sadly, we are born into a world full of pressures, a world that tells us, through media, advertising and music, how to look and how to think and how to behave. We live in a world that subconsciously tells us that it is not okay to be
ourselves, to make mistakes or to be left all alone on ‘prom night.’ We live in a world that teaches us to say
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70 | Empowering the Younger Woman
“yes” and seek approval of others.
Thoughts and Words
Adverts still group women into restrictive
The Telegraph (Aug 2015) states that, “A new
categories of “domestic goddess” “sex symbol”
survey by Girlguiding UK shows almost half of British
“object of desire” “mother” and “aggressive and
girls have suffered with mental health problems, with
bitchy business woman.” Homogenous stick thin
self-harm being one of the biggest concerns.” It also
models in need of a good meal still front the
states that the majority of seven to ten year olds
magazines, young women are still objectified and
said they had felt “sad” or “down, 1 in five young
sexualised in music videos, video games, films
girls said they were upset by the way they looked
and adverts. The message shouts loud and clear
and 39% said they had received demeaning
“Be like this and we will give you the stamp of
comments about their appearance. A magazine
approval!” Whose stamp of approval?
called Girl Talk also found that half the girls
We need to raise our girls to understand, on a
defined beautiful as being “fashionable” and
very deep level, that they are perfectly and
“thin.” Furthermore shockingly enough, a study
wonderfully made. We need to teach our young
carried out by The Children’s Society found that
girls to celebrate their differences and that they
the young girls of Britain are significantly
are unique in their own way. They do not need to
unhappier than children in Ethiopia and Algeria.
gyrate and whine to be liked or be popular with
Why when we have so much in the Western
the opposite sex, they do not need to lather
world are our young girls so unhappy?
themselves in foundation and plasticized make up to be attractive and they do not need to say
First we must tackle the damaging thought
“yes” to every offer they get.
processes caused by images and words these
In a culture with widespread sexual
young girls are seeing and hearing. The Bible, The
objectification, young girls as young as 12, are
Torah, Buddhism and the Koran teach us about
beginning to identify themselves as objects of
the Power of words. The Bible says, “There is one
desire. This internalized sexual objectification has
whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the
been linked to problems with mental health such
tongue of the wise brings healing.” (Proverbs
as clinical depression, “habitual body
12.18) The Torah says, “The mighty power of
monitoring”, eating disorders, body shame and
words hurt, heal and fashion reality.” Buddha
lack of self-worth. Now, more than ever, we need
said, “Words have the power to both destroy and
to impress upon young girls that they are not
heal. When words are true and kind, they change
defined by their physical appearance but by the
our world.” The Koran says,
content of their unique character. Now more than
““Kind words (spoken) and forgiving of faults are
ever we need to let our young girls know it is
better than sadaqa (charity)”
okay to switch off the TV, disconnect from Social
The pressure on young girls to be “beautiful” and
Media and work on loving themselves and
“attractive” is sky high. The Media speaks to us
finding out who they are.
every day telling us what is acceptable and what
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Empowering the Younger Woman | 71
is not. Therefore, the way in which we speak to
other. We must teach them to close their ears to
ourselves is crucial, the thoughts we think and the
gossip and open their hearts to one another; that
way we speak to others. In a world that
there is room for all to blossom and grow in this
constantly bombards us with images of who we
world and that there is strength in elevation and
should be, it is crucial that we raise our young
wisdom in understanding that, in a world where
girls to know who they are. It is easy to allow the
women already struggle to balance love,
exterior world to dictate our inner perception of
relationships, motherhood, working life, career,
ourselves. We must teach our young girls how to
hopes and dreams, trials and tribulations, they
speak to themselves with love and respect.
stand much stronger as a united force uplifting
Positive self-talk is essential. We all have a role in
the other with words and actions. We must dispel
teaching our young girls how to do this by speaking positively about ourselves, first as an example, and in turn speaking positively to and about them. Our words have the ability to harm or heal. They can be the difference between elevating a young woman or beating her down.
the myth that the other woman is “the enemy” but in fact a sister who too needs support, encouragement, uplifting and inspiration. We must raise our young girls to become young woman who know, in their own uniqueness, that “a flower does not compete with the flower next to it, it simply blooms.” When we raise our young
girls to know and love themselves from the inside Lastly, teaching a young girl how to elevate another is a powerful practise. We need to teach
out, then they truly will become a united force to be reckoned with.
them that we do not and are not created to exist as islands but to collaborate and support one
Daniella Blechner is the author of Mr Wrong and the poetry anthology 7 Shades of Love. She’s passionate about uniting, inspiring and empowering women through the sharing of stories, identifying and challenging negative belief systems and patterns, and unleashing the True inner voice. For more information on services and workshops, email info@daniellablechner.com www.daniellablechner.com; www.dingdongitsmrwrong.com
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CLIQUES & H O W T O AV O I D T H E M By Rita Okoye
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Empowering the Younger Woman | 73 Her Wholeness | 73
A
clique is a group of friends that
Listed below are reasons why you should not join
pick and choose who is in their
a clique.
group and they leave certain
LOSS OF IDENTITY
people out on purpose. When you
are with others and start to notice that you are no
When you join a clique there is always a stronger
longer yourself or you stop voicing your true
personality or a few others that want to control
opinion then you are probably in a clique.
you. And because you want to fit in and be
Every young girl wants to be respected and liked by her peers. Joining a clique may be a way in
which a girl seeks approval but being in a clique can be detrimental to her self esteem and self worth.
accepted, you may find yourself not being authentic. In other words, you are not keeping it real. You won’t speak out. You will agree with
everything that the clique says or does just to fit it. Stop it. Be your own person. Find your own
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74 | Empowering the Younger Woman voice and have your own identity.
members. Jackie said nothing but felt bad for her
LOSS OF SELF RESPECT
friend. Instead of standing up to the bullies, she allowed them to make fun of her friend. She later
When you join a clique because you have given all your powers away, you will lose yourself respect. Stop it today. Get your respect back by knowing that you are just as important as the next
person and you deserve respect. YOU RESTRICT YOURSELF If you belong to a clique you will find that you
called her friend outside of the group to ask if she was ok rather than standing up to the group. Jackie has no control of her life. Is this how you want to be? I don’t think so. Make friends. Make
lots of friends but leave the cliques for those who do not have a strong character and don’t have an appreciation of their self worth.
avoid making other friends. You may even become obbessed with the clique. Then if you leave the clique you will have to go through a painful journey of regaining your own identity and making new genuine friends.
YOU DON’T SPEAK UP This is the worst part about being in a clique. You don’t speak up. Even on matters that are important to you. Jackie was in a clique and a friend of hers was being teased by the other
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Note to parents and guardians: Teach girls to value and respect themselves. Let them know that they don’t need the approval of others. Teach them to have a wide network of friends, so that
they don’t rely on one group. Remind them that being in a clique will lead to a miserable life of approval and conforming. Every girl should stand up for herself and know she is valuable.
Wholeness | 75
www.wewmagazine.com
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76 | Wholeness
Are You the
ACTOR OR REACTOR of Your Own Script? By Frank Ani
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Empowering the Younger Woman | 77
A
re you an individual who is an
remain fresh...what do I mean by this?
actor of their own script or does
simply it is dwelling in the world but
the depth of the story say that
unaffected by the thoughts of the system, I
you are the reactor of someone
refer to a Lotus because it is a symbol of purity
else’s script?
which despite the pollution of its environment
Every individual has a part to play in their life and many times the vast majority tend to point
towards how we interpret what we perceive to be happening around us. Sometimes the choices we make or decisions we execute, whatever the options are its either you are an
Put
survives the test of time; you get thrilled by the interpretation because it was well thought out by the piper who dictates the tune, as suppose to reactors who constantly point fingers at others whenever things go wrong, they constantly moan oh! It was your fault, looking to play the blame game, ignoring the areas in
actor or reactor.
their life that need improvement. For an actor maybe the ability to interpret your lines could be your major difference while for a reactor the fear of moving forward until someone else says so is what you are battling
with in your mind. The reality however can present life issues as if the river would never flow again, when water runs dry. When this happens negative thoughts filters the air and keeps one stagnant, reactors are conformists who bury their thoughts on what does not exist, opportunities come their way in disguise and they choose to ignore it because the brain is dormant, even when it is yelling for
advancement the lack of maturity for an informed mind keeps them out from fulfilling their potential, this is a very difficult situation to be in and as such would elaborate more on it
Actors don’t judge people by their actions, they mirror themselves first and focus on measures to improve rather than drawing
conclusions on the behaviour or defects seen in others, they’re thinking stems from being wiser to focus on the issue rather than the individual involved, this is strength on its own as they don’t get carried away by what the picture depicts. A reactors mind is full of negative thoughts and could lead to bad influence in their
actions
towards
life
in
general,
understanding how important to be the actor of your script places you in real context with the world, where you interpret what life present to you and not what others might think, taking full responsibility puts you in control of every situation as the driver of
if the opportunity is presented.
change, the incubator of your talents and the The strength of an actor is
likened to a
“Lotus” such as that seen in shallow waters, they
could
be
made
to
stay
in
dirty
generator of your wealth, the challenges to become
the
actor
produces
the
tenacity
necessary to withstand every adversity, the
environments or atmosphere but their bodies
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78 | Empowering the Younger Woman reward of being a hero when the act unveils
way they do, they could start to acknowledge
unravels the strength to withstand every
the flaws in others and portray the script they
danger or obstacle and prepares the actors
read in a positive manner, allowing room for
mind to turn the threats into
a new
contingencies with the conviction that one can
opportunity, they are driven and strategic
only adapt to the future they plan. For an actor
thinkers who are constantly seeking for
the outcome of their action influence others
advancement.
positively therefore if you are guilty of being a
So‌..how can you change from a reactor to being the actor of your own script?
reactor maybe it is time to reflect and take responsibility for your action as
only then
would the future you are planning conform Maybe it is time to re-adjust that dormant mind and connect to that which is extraordinary, and
with the script as its written by you.
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when that happens it becomes necessary for a reactor to understand why things happen the
Frank Ani is an actor and seasoned writer, his acting career has seen him act in over 100 Nollywood movies and his latest film Onye Ozi (The Messenger) can be viewed on Netflix. .
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Her Wholeness | 79
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