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FASHION Spring –Summer Colour Trends
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FROM THE EDITIOR Hello Ladies,
It gives me great pleasure to present our Special Spring Issue of Women Empowering Women Magazine. WEW is a magazine for the Kingdom Minded Woman, promoting her style, wholeness and spiritual etiquette and in this issue we have a range of topics discussing areas in our lives that we need a refreshing so that we can see who we really are in Christ. I would also like to welcome you to our 3rd annual Empowered Woman Conference; A Woman’s Sacred Calling. This is a call out to you….Christian Women, precious of daughters of our Most High God of this generation to grow up to the call that has been appointed to you so that you are able to stand in the time of adversity because your children, the younger generation need you to hand to them a baton that has been tried, tested and has succeeded against all odds. I leave you with these few questions…… What legacy are you leaving for those you are impacting? How would you like to be remembered by them? Is what you’re building based on a solid foundation that will continue to stand when you hand it down?
Be Empowered
A Magazine for the Kingdom Minded Woman, Promoting her Style, Wholeness and Spiritual Etiquette.
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58 SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
IS HAPPINESS A RESIDENT FEELING OR SHOULD IT BE PURSUED
CONTENTS 06 OPENING ARTICLE 06
God is Doing a New Thing
11 WOMEN STEPPING! 11
Valorie Burton Interview
18 HER STYLE 18
Nuggets to Freshen up your home for spring 24 Is developing a successful business the same as achieving purpose 28
Dressing Up Your Body Shape
23 WHOLENESS 34 Understanding your child’s love language 37 Two is Better than One Practical Tips to Help you 44 start a healthy nutrition
50 Making the most of Midlife Crisis 58 Is Happiness a Resident Feeling or Should it be pursued 61 The Obstacles Impeding the Success of some black women 70 Condemnation and Self Condemnation 76 LMPP Testimonies
80 SPIRITUAL ETIQUETTE 80 Walking out your Sonship 83 Being Relevant as a Young Christian Woman 88 Courage Will Never Let you Down 90 5 Business Kingdom Principles to Live By 93 A Woman’s Sacred Calling Speakers’ Profile
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6 | Special Feature
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Special Feature | 7
By Prophetess Jacqueline Ani
Since January 31st 2013, there has been a ringing in my spiritual ear……..God is doing a new thing! “Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing. Now it will spring forth, will you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert”. Isaiah 43:18-19. We’re in a new season and God is using women to achieve His Purpose, His Plan and His Mandate. I am reminded of Moses in the Old Testament, who delivered the Israelites from Egypt, but he didn’t go into the Promise Land neither did the Israelites. A new season came when Moses died…. Moses my servant is dead. Now therefore, arise, go over to Jordan, you and this entire people, to land which I am giving to them – the
children of Israel. Joshua 1:2 God was doing a new thing then and he was going to use a younger generation to achieve His Plan. Moses didn’t enter the Promise Land because of his old belief system and being set in his ways, the Israelites didn’t enter the Promise Land because of their lack of faith; and whenever there is lack of faith, then fear is very predominant. Joshua was young, open, amenable, teachable and most of all willing and God used him to bring the Children of Israel into their Promise. Whenever God wants to break new ground, He will use those who have yielded their hearts to Him, who are pure, humble in spirit, willing. He never uses those who look like they know too much, have credentials from here to the North Pole, who have accolades of successes following them, who appear on TV with a SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
8 | Special Feature congregation in the thousands because with God it’s never about works, but only sacrificial willingness and obedience.
responsibility of raising their children, blaming them for not supporting them to attain a luxurious lifestyle has become an epidemic.
God is doing a new thing and I believe He is using a particular kind of woman to achieve this new thing.
We are in a season where the family unit is out of control.
For decades, the institution of the Church has been led by men who have dictated the responsibilities and role of women in the church. They have misquoted and misrepresented Paul’s scripture in Ephesians “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” And used it to subdue and oppress women into submitting out of control and compromise and as a result, women have not been able to operate in the truth out of “keeping a false sense of peace”. The enemy has used men to preach an incorrect doctrine that only seeks to create friction in relationships and in the community and as such, women have kept quiet out of compromise. Domestic Violence which also includes insulting words to demean a woman in the Christian community and including Pastors to their own wife’s has increased. Children brought up in Christian homes are either involved in gang culture and have been victims of knife crime (this is not to say all Christian children are in this situation) or they have pursued a life of reality TV as an agenda to become famous. The rate of sexual immorality and infidelity has risen and in some cultures, men abandoning their homes and leaving the wife to carry the SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
The enemy is on a rampage, attacking the minds of men (the spiritual heads of homes) to subdue and oppress women by intimidating and controlling tactics and women are not discerning that this issue is actually bigger than their homes, but he is using their homes as a starting point. Such behaviour in leadership is not from the Throne room and does not purport sound doctrine. Sound doctrine is biblical teachings that are based on the Bible rightly-divided and not on the traditions of man. Paul instructs us to “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth”. There are so many instances where the Word of God has been compromised by both the deliverer and the receiver of the word and each one seems to be reaping the consequences of this huge error, and both have become bound as a result of accepting the error. This is not the kind of church that Jesus Christ is coming back for. He is coming back for a blemished free church, a church without any wrinkles or blemish. Paul’s idea of the qualities of a sound church can be found in Titus…..and this includes all who are tired of living a compromised life in their homes, marriages, jobs, ministry and businesses…
Special Feature | 9 But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine and he advices older men, older women, young women and men in what sound doctrine really is….. God is doing a new thing and He is doing it with those who are speaking things and behaving in line with sound doctrine. In verse 3 of Titus Chapter 2, He admonishes older women in their speech and behaviour and advices them how to teach younger women to love their husbands and build their homes. God is using His daughters to bring His sons back to Him, it would seem that pride and wrong belief system stemming from pressures of daily living and a fear of failure have turned some men’s hearts away from the truth and its women who will pray them back, women with sound doctrine who will stand in the gap and pray men back to the cross, women whose purpose is to deliver their nation, women who had sound doctrine like Ruth, Esther, Deborah, Abigail, women who succeeded in delivering their nations. God is doing what He has always been doing, but in our time it’s a new thing and He’s doing it with women who are ready and willing to yield themselves to Him to be used for such a time as this. God is using women in the family through their hearts to bring the family unit in line with the Kingdom structure and mandate, but she has to be a holy woman, a woman who is pure, chaste, filled with the Holy Spirit, prayerful, discerning and most of all carrying and demonstrating the agape kind of love, this is a challenge for all of us to mature into such a responsibility, but we can do all things through Christ Jesus Who strengthens us; this is a profile He maturing us to so that He can use us to bring the family unit back to its original state. A woman with such a profile can allow the Holy Spirit in her to reach out to her husband when he is discouraged, to reach out to
her children gone astray, to reach out to those in desperate need in the community; she must know who she is in Christ, not be ruled by fear or intimidation, discern control and how to come against it and not bow to it. Resist the enemy in the adverse behaviour and he will flee, and at the same time demonstrate God’s Love to the person and in some cases such love is tough. The enemy uses pride, envy, control, tradition and culture amongst other things in men and women to subdue each other, but God is doing a new thing…. How long will you gad about, O you backsliding daughter? For the Lord has a created a new thing in the earth…….A Woman shall encompass (surround) a man. Jeremiah 31:22 Gad in this context means to move restlessly or aimlessly from one place to another Man in the context refers to a warrior, a man of bravery, courage, great strength This scripture refers to the female protecting the strong man; the weaker nature that needs help will surround the stronger with loving and fostering care. This expresses a new relation of Israel to the Lord, a new covenant, which the Lord will make with His people. And it refers to the relationship between a husband and wife. A woman who is filled with the Spirit of God can be used by God to bring her husband who was once out of the will of God due to iniquities in his heart and pressures of life back to his rightful spiritual leadership place in the family and in the church. Let’s not hold onto what was done before, or how it was done before because God is doing a new thing and he is using women with a sacred calling. SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
Founded in Georgia, USA, Punkin Patch Interiors was established in the UK in 2008, bringing southern charm to nurseries and children's rooms across the British Isles. Our vision was to create a space to stimulate the growth of children’s imaginations. For further information and to view our products see our contact details. SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Special Interview | 11
Women
Stepping Out With Valorie Burton Best Selling Author, Speaker and Life Coach SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
12 | Women Stepping!
T
he first time I heard about Valorie Burton was when I was on holiday in America, New Jersey and she was being interviewed on CNN about the work she does with women. As I also have a similar passion about seeing women being set free to soar in every area of their lives, I plugged into the interview. She was actually promoting her fourth book titled Successful Women Think Differently. I immediately went out to buy the book and since then I have invested my time in listening to her coaching advice and tips from her weekly newsletter, which I find quite refreshing. Valorie Burton is a bestselling author, speaker, and life coach dedicated to helping people get unstuck and be unstoppable in every area of life. She is the founder of The Coaching and Positive Psychology (CaPP) Institute and has served as a Certified Personal and Executive Coach to hundreds of clients in over 40 states and ten countries. For more than a decade, Valorie’s books, speaking engagements, and coaching resources have helped people: I thought it would be a wonderful idea to feature Valorie Burton as a Women Stepping Out! for our Women Empowering Women Magazine Spring Issue. As with all the other women I have had the privilege to interview this
one is no exception.
that’s who I am and that is my purpose.
Please read why WEW think Ms Valorie Burton is a Woman Stepping Out into Purpose and how she has purposefully empowered, encouraged and enlightened women all over to pursue their purpose.
WEW: What/Who defines your purpose?
WEW: Who Is Valorie Burton? VB: I am a life coach and a writer and speaker. First and foremost I am a writer that’s my calling and then a speaker and my mission is to inspire women in particular to live more fulfilling lives. I discovered that calling in 1999 I had an epiphany about my life purpose and I started writing my first book and within three weeks of that and published it that year, so
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VB: I answered that, I would say, my mission is inspiring women to live more fulfilling lives. WEW: You have written 9 books and your latest books have been geared towards women (Successful Women Think Differently & Happy Women Live Better), what do you think are the constraints facing the development of women in our society? VB: Well, the ones we put on ourselves more than anything, and we have a lot of influences, I would call them influences and not constraints; that women maybe 30, 40 years ago didn’t have in such huge doses. Influences in media not just TV and
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14 | Women Stepping!
magazine which are a huge influence but also social media, the pressure to be perfect, to look perfect, to look a certain way, to climb the corporate ladder, start the big business and have a lot of other things going on including family and so forth, I think there’s a lot of pressure that many women feel and sometimes that pressure causes them to never feel that they’re measuring up or that they’re ever doing enough, so it leads to a lot of guilt and comparison and comparing
ourselves to other women and etc. and all of that together is extremely stressful and makes it harder to feel happy. WEW: How has your experience shaped where you are today? VB: Gee, that’s a broad question….. I think anyone’s experience shapes who they are, shapes your perspective. I do believe that growing up with my dad in the air force had a tremendous influence on me because I grew up moving,
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having to make friends quickly, moving to Germany when I was 7 years old, living there for 3 years, moving out to Colorado, spending my summers in South Carolina and I think, I was in a lot of different environments, therefore, I am comfortable with lots of different people. I’ve always been interested in people and other cultures and what makes people tick and so forth and so I think, my experiences growing up have shaped my personality in many ways and of course, you’re always going to be influenced by your family. My positivity comes from both of my parents who are very optimistic, very faith filled people who have been through a lot themselves and so I think my resilience from a large part comes from my parents. WEW: There are so many women who have a desire to step out, face their fears and achieve their dreams, in your experience and the tremendous work you do with women, what would you say are the main attributes of women not pursuing their dreams/ desires to achieve in life? VB: Most people don’t pursue their dreams is because they’re afraid. Fear is the biggest thing that holds people back, whether
Women Stepping! | 15 it’s the fear of failure of fear of success and all the responsibility and the expectation that comes with success, fear of rejection, and fear of disapproval what other people are going to think, all sorts of fears and if you can conquer your fears and when you do, it changes your life and what’s possible for you. But if you’re always are focusing on what you think might go wrong, you’re always going to be filled with fear instead focus on what could go right and it completely opens you up and that fear begins to overcome by the possibilities that you see for your future. WEW: Empowered Woman believes in empowering women from the inside out, in the world today, there is so much emphasis put on women to achieve financially, whilst this is important, how much of an importance is it against pursuing personal development? VB: I think that being able to achieve at a high level financially is partly about personal development. You know…. becoming the kind of woman whose able to manifest what you desire and being able to become the kind of woman who has the disciple to be able to be a good steward over the resources that they have…I don’t like to pip finances
against personal development, I think it takes strong personal development to be able to create financial opportunities. I do believe that we put way too much emphasis on the material wealth as a sign of success and not everybody’s calling is in a financial area where they will ever be able to have financial wealth. You may be called to do something that just doesn’t lend itself to that and so what is your measure of success? I think as women in decades past our measure of success was around our relationships, our family life and I think we’ve lost that in favour of job titles and money, which used to be how men judge their success and probably do, but I think we need to balance it out and you have to define what success looks like to you and if it has nothing to do with money, then that’s your definition and you need to embrace it. I don’t equate my success with money, I equate my success with the impact I have on the people that encounter me every day and who are able to be blessed by any work that I produce. You can have a ton of money, but if people in your house don’t respect you or don’t have good things to say about you, I don’t see how you can call that success. WEW: How would you help
someone who has experienced a setback in life? VB: Just know that setbacks are normal and you’re job is to learn how to be resilient in the face of setbacks. If you can continually overcome setbacks, you will succeed and so the question you must ask yourself is what is lesson for me here? What is my vision of where I am going in the future and where will go from here? The book I published that came out in 2011 talk about these commitments you have to make for yourself when you experience a setback, I discuss five commitments. I will not feel sorry for myself; I will not stare at the closed door; I will dig deep to gather all the courage I need; I will direct my thoughts, my thoughts will not direct me and I choose to believe all things work together for good. I think when you have a setback if you commit to those things, you will see yourself navigate yourself out of a setback. WEW: What is your advice to women who are interested in speaking and or writing as a profession? VB: Know what your purpose is and writing and speaking is a vehicle to a greater purpose. If it’s just about oh I want to write and want to speak but you don’t
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16 | Women Stepping! know what your message is, you have to go back and get clear about your message, otherwise it will fall flat. Never give up, I think a lot of people go into it and think…oh it will all come together in a year or two years, you have to persevere for a long time, most writers don’t make a living unless they live very, very meagre lives (laughs). Be willing to be into for the long haul, but have passion about it and have passion about people and stick with it and know your message and deliver it in a way that is comfortable and makes sense for you. Don’t copy anybody else; I think that’s really critical. WEW: The Empowered Woman Conference 2014 is geared towards the older women pursuing eternal happiness so that they in turn can teach and guide the younger women to live healthier, happy lives (taken from Titus 2:35), as a woman who has experienced circumstances and turned it around to become a beacon to others, what is your advice to the younger woman of our generation and those yet to come? VB: Be patient, be persistent and be passionate. You live one time this is not a dress rehearsal. Quit thinking that you’re too young to do stuff, age is a number, if you feel
called to something do it. I wrote my first book at 26, what right did I have to share wisdom with people, but that’s what I felt God told me I had to do and He opened that door. You got to have the confidence to know that whatever you’re called to do, those doors will open. But you’ve got to be persistent, you’ve got to be passionate, you’ve got to be patient and we live in a culture that people expect things immediately, we expect everything immediately, we get our pictures immediately, we get our food immediately, and we get everything immediately. I can talk to you via video right now from across the Atlantic Ocean with that you don’t have to dial an operator. We live in this instant culture and I think it foster this sense that we’re entitled to have everything we want when we say we want it and that’s not how life works (chuckles) so get clear about what you want and be willing to take risks and have the courage because you’re going to be afraid while you’re doing it, but you will not regret going for the things you really want; what you will regret is not going for the things you really want, even if you fail, you won’t regret going for it.
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WEW: Finally, for all our readers, what is the best way to subscribe to your work? VB: Well I would love for them to take my Happy Woman Test, find out what their happiness portion is and find out what their top and bottom triggers are. Those bottom triggers, the power triggers are the ones that have the most potential to boost your happiness. You can go to happywomantest.com and you will find all the information on Happy Woman Live Better and of course on my website, I do a weekly newsletter called “The Coaching Session” which will give you great coaching questions every week on how to coach yourself to be happier and more fulfilled and you can find that at valorieburton.com and of course they can also find me on Facebook and Twitter. But if you start at valorieburton.com, you’ll find everything I’m talking about on there. Valorie Burton is a life coach, author, and motivational speaker. She is also the founder of the Coaching and Positive Psychology Institute. To view more on Valorie Burton, please visit www.valorieburton.com
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18 | Her Style
Nuggets to Your Home for Spring By Toks Aruoture
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Her Style | 19 Listen! I hear the voice of someone shouting, "Make a highway for the LORD through the wilderness. Make a straight, smooth road through the desert for our God. Fill the valleys and level the hills. Straighten out the curves and smooth off the rough spots. Then the glory of the LORD will be revealed, and all people will see it together. The LORD has spoken!" Isaiah 40:3-5 NLT
Springtime is a time for clearing out the old and making room for the new. We clean out the residue of winter, remove cobwebs, reach into untouched crevices in our homes and clear it all out. I am sitting on my bed, typing away and I’ve just
concentration and it is
the trouble spots. Are you
glanced up at my desk. It is
unsightly. Clutter is visual
going to do the clearing out
a sight for sore eyes. My
noise and the more of it
on the weekends or have
official excuse for an untidy
there is the louder the
you got time during the
desk is this; ‘the mind of a
clanging.
week? What is your
creative person does not work
As we are on the verge of
objective? Assuming you
in a neat, orderly fashion, like
changing seasons, there is
fall into the envied five
the minds of logical people’.
no better time to declutter
percent of folks who don’t
The truth however is that an
your home than now. The
need to declutter, your goal
adage, a place for
might be to simply freshen
cluttered living space does
everything and everything
up your space.
no good to anyone’s
in its place rings true.
Either way divide your plan
creativity. Like cobwebs it
Start with a plan. Don’t
into as many rooms as you
draws your eye towards it,
simply jump in and start to
want to clean out. Sitting
distracting you from doing
sort things out. Take a tour
room, bedrooms,
anything with full
of your home to highlight
bathrooms, etc. and tackle it
untidy desk or indeed a
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
20 | Her Style room by room.
Decide beforehand that you are going to enjoy this process. Seeing it as an unavoidable task takes the joy out of it. Some people don’t have the opportunity
For a lot of families the kitchen is the hub of the home, therefore clutter is not restricted to old plastic containers or bowls with missing or cracked lids. Clutter extends to old sheets of homework, drawings of your little ones, Easter craft work and mothers’ day cards, all handmade too the personal and affectionate nature makes this a challenge to attend to. Do I file away yet another star of the week card, or leave it on display to boost their confidence? A suggestion would be to purchase some colourful storage boxes, make sure the pattern is welcoming and the colour coordinates with your decor. There are boxes for every taste, from quirky and unusual to smart and contemporary. Your goal is to store items in a fashionable way. SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Her Style | 21 The truth is no one needs 100 old Chinese takeaway containers. Other culprits are mis-matched lids, discoloured containers, those with broken handles, etc. While you may feel it is such a waste to get rid of a ‘perfectly good bowl’ in reality, keeping it doesn’t make sense if it is taking up valuable space and it falls out of the cupboard every time you open the door. God created us to appreciate beauty, so when you surround yourself with the broken and the discoloured, it is bound to have a negative effect on you. This is also a good time to reorganise your cupboards. Frequently used items should be within reach, group items together by use, e.g. utensils and plates, aprons and kitchen towels. Need a new set of pots? Choose a bright colour that
Do you have items in the sitting room that
can double up as decor. Space is
belong perhaps in the dining room, or
sometimes an issue in the kitchen; utilise
utility room? Remember the adage, a
dead spaces like under the top cupboards
place for everything and everything in its
for hanging towels or mugs, behind the
place?
door for hanging brooms and brushes-
Your sitting room should be relaxing and
which by the way do not have to be
inviting. Relaxing as it is where you
boring and grey.
unwind after a long day at work, inviting
Open shelving is great for cookbooks,
because that is where you receive your
condiments and caddies, while closed
guests.
cupboards are great for dry foods, tins and cereal boxes.
Common issues in the sitting room include old and dated magazines being held on to for a single article, flattened cushions with pretty covers, puffy cushions with dated covers. Another SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
22 | Her Style
pretty stationary purchasering binders or display folders with transparent sleeves will solve the magazine problem. Throws and new cushion covers will instantly transform your living room. If your shelves or mantelpiece has become a dumping ground for unopened letters and broken ornaments which will ‘one day’ be repaired, either get rid of the shelf or use it for books and some handpicked decorative items. A small plant, large letters, picture frames will breathe freshness into your living space. Clothes, clothes and more clothes; shoes more than you can count? Sort out using three words- donate, trash, keep. And in the keeping, divide them into frequent and infrequent use, as well as by seasons. Shoes can go in stylish shoe boxes, especially if you don’t have the wardrobe space to store them out of sight. Shoe boxes are preferable to shoe racks, as it makes your space look less cluttered, and stops the shoes from collecting dust. Sometimes we hold onto bed linens for This storage unit from Laura Ashley can be used for storing both shoes and bags. SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
sentimental reasons. This is fine if you
Her Style | 23
have the space. But if we keep buying more linens without getting rid of the old, we do need to rethink that plan. A linen storage unit which can be used as a window seat is the best solution for storing linens and towels. Where there are constraints due to space, the airing cupboard is the next best option, or a vacuum bag.
Clear out your cupboard, ditch old and expired creams and makeup, and rearrange whatever is left and
The bedroom must be serene, calming
useful neatly. If you don’t have a
and relaxing, this is where you end
favourite fragrance, go hunting for
your day and begin a new one, so it
one, you’ll be surprised how much
does need extra care and attention. Use
difference one lotion or shower gel
this decluttering time to reanalyse your
has over another.
colours- can it do with some sprucing up? Colours like lavender, green and blue- all in light shades are calming
Is your bath panel and toilet seat in need of replacement? Go for it!
colours. Yellow can also be used in the bedroom, but make sure you keep the
Once done, reward yourself with a
shades fairly light and pastel if being
trip to the spa, or the movies, you’ve
used on the walls. Accessorize with
earned it!
cushions, throws, scented candles and a new blind or pair of curtains in your chosen hue.
Toks Aruoture is a baby and
child interior designer and the creative director at Punkin Patch Interiors- a boutique specializing in the production of luxury furniture and linens for babies and children. She is married with four boys. When not designing rooms or chasing after her sons she can be found blogging at www.pawpawandmango.com and inspiremeinc.wordpress.com Toks Aruoture ...the joy of living! Stop by my blogs! www.pawpawandmango.com www.inspiremeinc.wordpress.com www.punkin-patch.com SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
24 | Her Style
Successful Business
Purpose by Sharon Mclean BA
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Her Style | 25
W
hen I think of the word purpose, the questions that come to my mind are what is your reason for living? What gifts and talents do you have? and what are you meant to be doing with your life while you are on this earth? You could answer that question in a range of different ways. People who have businesses have set up for
service for money? Have you ever
many different reasons. Some for fame, some
considered praying for your customers in
for money, some to be their own boss, some
your quiet time or out loud with them if they
as an opportunity they have been given.
are comfortable?
What ever your reason for setting up a
What gifts and talents do you have?
business or wanting to have a successful business it is important to look deeper at the reason why. We will look at these questions individually.
Consider the gifts and talents you have been given. Is there a deeper theme to what you are doing or should be doing? Consider the following scenerio a hairdresser who has been running a successful salon for years
What is your reason for living? Some people exist from day to day going along with the flow thinking whatever will be will be. As believers we are put on this earth to glorify Christ in whatever we do. So if you are running a business and the money is coming in and you are spending think harder on how you can achieve purpose through your business. Consider the following. Is there a particular group of customers that you can share the gospel with through the way you conduct your business by being honest in your dealings, having integrity, offering special discounts to loyal customers, going that extra mile? Do you see your business as a ministry to go deeper than stopping at offering the product or
making money from it but has a passion for encouraging women and helping the elderly. She loves volunteering at a women’s group and the elderly project in her community and is very good at listening also. When she goes to these groups she comes alive and nothing is too difficult for her to do but when she goes to work she just sees it as a job to pays the bills. Judge for yourself where her passion lies and what you think she should be doing as a next step in her life. What are you meant to be doing with your life while you are on this earth? The scripture that comes to mine is “Occupy until I come” That word occupy means do business until I come. What business should you be doing? The answer is whatever you are called to do. How will you know? SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
26 | Her Style Through prayer, seeking clarification, following your passion and looking at where your gifts skills and abilities lie. Every gift you have been given should be utilised. I grew up having a heart for people. My passion has always been helping people to be their best. Between my twenties to thirties I spent my time selling jewellery, Avon, trying to make flowers, selling cakes and a whole host of things. These ventures all involved interacting with people I trained academically in business and as a counsellor. I worked in numerous jobs and was successful as a marketing manager and a financial planner. It was not until I was off work with my young son for a year that I realised my main calling was in the area of serving people in business. I spent a whole year researching my market talking to people about what they needed and launched business with excellence 11 years ago. The business is successful as I am doing what I am called to do and walking in my purpose. A successful business is not just about the money. In the early years when I was serving customers I did not have enough money to live on as the business took time to build up but I was still walking in my purpose. I did other things to bring income into my hands as it was still my responsibility and my husband’s to provide for our family. Whether you are in business, ministry, serving your family or working in a job it is always important to find out your purpose. Purpose is the reason behind what you do. What is the reason why you are doing what you are doing? My reason is to serve the people in business. If I was not paid to do this I would still do it. It is my calling and a part of who I am. For those of you who still want to find out the
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
reason why you do things look deeper into yourself and look at how you can be serving others with your gifts and talents and look at what you are passionate about. This may take time and especially in the surroundings where you have no distractions and you can think clearly. What thoughts or dreams do you have that have never left you? What have you always wanted to do but have not done yet? You are steps away from discovering your purpose. So back to our question is developing a successful business the same as achieving purpose? Yes if you are doing what you are called to do No If you are successful and not doing what you are called to do. In your heart you will know the answer. My encouragement to you is to always walk in your purpose where you will feel fulfilled satisfied and most of all be pleasing God. Here are some of the benefits to others when you walk in your purpose regarding your business
People will benefit from your expertise and skill You will continually be providing your customers with tangible and intangible products and services long after they have bought from you. Examples of this include renewed confidence, direction, peace, faith Others will be encouraged by your action
Be successful in business and walk in purpose you can have both! Contact Sharon Mclean to submit any comments or questions email info@businesswithexcellence.com
Her Style | 27
The Pioneer's Mentoring Franchise Programme (PMFP) The Pioneer Mentoring for Purpose Franchise Programme will seek to apply the following activities to assist you to launch a Kingdom focused training programme using the TEACH – TRAIN – EMPOWER principle. For more information visit
http://www.thementoringacademy.com/ SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
28 | Her Style
By Bukky Ayoade
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Her Style | 29 In our previous articles we highlighted COLOUR and how important it is to understand colours that suit your natural colouring; this is one of the fundamentals of style. In this edition, we’ll touch on another basic styling principle, which is “Dressing for your body shape”.
The outline you see would usually fall into one of the categories in the figure below:
Dressing for your body shape Once you’ve sussed what colours suit you best and make you “pop” the next crucial thing to crack on your personal style journey is to understand what body shape you are and the styles of clothes that suit that shape.
You must
have heard of the various body shapes being referred to as pear, apple, rectangle/ column etc. well you need
Further professional guidance is possibly required to help you gain further insight into the style of clothes and fabrics that suit particular body shapes but I’ll share a few tips here:
A pear shaped
to find out which category
person, with a small
your body shape falls into
top and fuller
& also the best styles for
bottom will suit A-
that shape. A quick way to
line NOT pencil
determine your body shape is to dress in a black t- shirt (slightly hugging) and black leggings and stand in front of a full length mirror.
skirts, boot cut trousers and princess seam dresses best.
A column shaped person would suit a pencil skirt and straight leg trousers best.
An apple shaped person with a fuller tummy is advised to steer clear of tops in fabrics that hug but rather try a princess seamed shirt in stretch cotton or something that eases over the tummy area rather than clinging.
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
30 | Her Style Also, you could go up a
improve any
size if necessary to
silhouette instantly.
prevent your buttons from gaping if you have
Understanding your
a fuller bust.
body shape and
A wonderful way to
clothes/fabrics that
control a pronounced
suit will help avoid
tummy is to use
your clothes looking
shapewear as
and feeling too tight
undergarments. These
as you will get the
“miracle workers”
right fit for your clothes.
It’s also worth mentioning here, ready to wear items from the stores are made to standard sizing which doesn’t necessarily take account of the “variety” of form of women’s bodies so it may be necessary to go up a size with some items and have alterations made. A classic example I find with myself is I have a size 10 waist but being an endowed African woman, have size 12 hips. I can never find size 10 trousers that work for me, so I buy size 12 trousers and have the waist altered to my waist size and “voila” I have trousers SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Her Style | 31 that fit and look perfect! You can find a professional alteration service at most decent drycleaners on the high street. Knowing your body shape also means knowing your best assets. A style savvy woman wants to show these off the most and I don’t mean flash your flesh, but modestly flaunt your best bits, be it your bustline, waist or legs etc. Some tips here:
Cross Over Tops You could wear a crossover top to highlight a nice bustline.
Skirts Belts If you have an accentuated waist then use belts creatively to draw attention to that area.
If you have nice legs then show them off, don’t keep them covered in skirts that are too long or in trousers all the time! And you can still wear skirt in winter!
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
32 | Her Style So my “Action Points” for you in this edition are:
Find out what category your body shape falls into?
Choose 3 things about your body you’d like to highlight?
Happy exploring and embrace the results you find and your wonderful body! If you want to take this any
As I close, here’s a reminder of the
further you may consider seeking the
Spring/Summer 2014 colour palette.
help of a professional.
More fabulous colours to work with, you can use these colours for tops, accessories, makeup etc. again bearing in mind what suits your natural colouring. We’re sure you’ll agree, it’s definitely a bright pallete; we recommend you embrace the colour and body shape tips we’ve shared and you’ll definitely shine bright like a diamond!! Till next time, blessings to you!
2014 Spring/Summer Palette
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Bukky Ayoade ~
“RabunaStylist” is Principal Consultant at Rabuna Image Consultancy You can contact her via: t: +2348132988304 or +447984374064 e: rabunastylist@gmail.com Facebook: Rabuna Image Consultancy Twitter: @Rabunalmage © Rabuna Image Consultancy 2014 All Rights Reserved
Our Service Bringing about transformation and a boost in self esteem and confidence by inspiring and empowering you to feel and look good . We work with our clients to help them discover and appreciate their inherent qualities and learn skills to help them look their best and become transformed. We work with teams or organisations to help them enhance their image to increase effectiveness and productivity.
Specialties Colour Analysis, Style Analysis, Personal Shopping, Wardrobe Management and Public Speaking.
Bukky Ayoade ~ “RabunaStylist� is Principal Consultant at Rabuna Image Consultancy
t: +2348132988304 or +447984374064 e: rabunastylist@gmail.com Facebook: Rabuna Image Consultancy Twitter: @Rabunalmage SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
34 | Wholeness
By Amma Frimpong
In the Winter Issue of WEW, I discussed the issues affecting poor parenting in the lack of knowledge in the spiritual battle we as parents are in. I believe that parents as warriors have not studied the enemy and his tactics so we are not armed enough with intelligence regarding his strengths and weaknesses
There are so many strategies to be
and how he can penetrate through to
implored before waging war against
our children subtly.
our enemies and one of the ways is
In this piece, I would like to discuss a
identifying our child's love language.
very powerful but subtle weapon that
The 5 Love languages has been
could be used which is called love
developed and written by Gary
language. If the bible clearly states that
Chapman to help us identify how we
children are like arrows in a warrior’s
can express our love towards one
hand, it therefore implies that parents
another in a way that is relevant to the
who have taken the position of a
individual we can relate with. It is very
warrior should obtain guidance before
easy to say that one should identify
we wage war. It says in proverbs 20:18,
your partner's love language for the
"Plans are established by seeking advice; so
relationship to grow but we hardly
if you wage war, obtain guidance".
think that a healthy relationship is not only between husband and wife but
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Wholeness | 35 also between parents and children. According to Gary Chapman’s book on 5 love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, physical tough and quality time. I call these languages subtle but highly effective weapons against the enemy because when administered effectively, it
until it becomes a moral compass in his
gives the parent the opportunity to know
journey in life as they identify their
your child and more importantly, to
purpose later on. The bible rightly says
bring out the best in him or her as God
that “train up a child in the way he should
has designed it to be. I realised that it
go [and in keeping with his individual gift or
takes a conscious effort on the part of the
bent], and when he is old he will not depart
parent to firstly, identify your child’s
from it (Proverbs 22:6 AMP).
love language and secondly to
I thank God and I can testify to the fact
consistently communicate with him or
that I had a child who was a bit
her regardless of your child’s behaviour.
challenging and rebelled against any
I made mention of the word consistent
form of authority at home or in school
because from personal experience and
until we started communicating to him
that of parents I have come across, I
in his love language which happened to
realised that some cultures for instance,
be words of affirmation and it made the
might not be used to setting time aside to
difference both in his attitude at home
in order to spend quality time with their
and on is grades in school. Basically, the
children or even hugging them. Trivial as
difference was that, we brought out the
it may sound, those subtle
king in him regardless of the behaviour
communication tools could go a long
displayed and he had no choice but to
way to show your child the love of Christ
walk in the belief we had in him. The
through you and also to nurture them
bible says in Luke 1;80 that “and the little
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36 | Wholeness
boy grew and became strong in spirit; and
them and hence will be courageous
he was in the deserts (wilderness) until the
enough to inherit every land they tread on.
day of his appearing to Israel [the
The bible says in Isaiah 11;6 AMP, “ and
commencement of his public ministry]. I
the wolf shall dwell with the lamb, and the
believe that there was a parent(s) behind
leopard shall lie down with the kid, and the calf
the scenes of this child, who nurtured the
and the young lion and the fatted domestic
little boy for him to become strong in spirit
animal together; and a little child shall lead
until the day of his appearing.
them.“
The bible says that “praise be to the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle. (Psalm 144:1 NIV). I thank God that regardless of your background, race and culture, the word of God is sharper than any double edged sword, hence we can all depend on the word of God to learn how to communicate effectively with our children as we allow God to train our hands for war to transcend culture and every kind of barrier we may have due to our background, race and mind-sets.
It is my prayer that parents will take hold of this weapon so that our children will believe in themselves that they can do all things through Christ who strengthens
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Amma Frimpong is
an ex mentee of The Mentoring Academy, a parent advisor and trainer.
TWO IS BETTER THAN ONE
Wholeness | 37
But the Wrong Two Creates a Mess…A Man’s Perspective By Charles Emeka
E
very time I meet or see people I have not seen for a while, their usual question is how is married life? And my response is usually the same. Females that are not married expect me to start painting this picture of Romeo and Juliet & males that are not married expect me to paint this picture of no freedom, lock down and fun times are over. My response usually is as simple as this, two is better than one and we are working it out. That may not sound like a great advert but it is an honest and transparent response. Two is better than one, but the wrong two creates a mess. Considering that part of my work for the last 12 years is hosting wedding receptions, I too often see couples ready for their wedding day but not ready for their marriage. Some of my clients have spent more than 2 years planning for their wedding day but less than 90 days
preparing for their marriage. The words I do are the magical words most people will one day like to hear and say in their lifetime as they tie the knot in the presence of family and friends. But sometimes the wedding day happiness comes at a huge cost. People are willing, to get loans and borrow and spend way above their means for a day. Too often the obsession with having such a special day blinds couples to the reality of what will happen next. Trying to impress the crowd leaves a lot of couples in trouble from the get go. There is life after that one day’s event and as a result, so many couples are having a false start in marriage.
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38 | Wholeness I remind my clients all the time when they start arguing over the brand of champagne, which caterer to use, what are the colours & which family member will say the opening prayer, there is a major difference between being ready for the wedding and being ready for the marriage. If you have to borrow to buy it, then you do not need it. I also think the wedding planning can reveal to some couples that they are making a mistake however some will ignore the signs because they want that memorable day. What really matters is not the ceremony but the life after that glamorous day.
on somebody else. From how fast I drove to what I spent my money on, to agreeing how many children to have, where to live, where we would go on holiday, how ? We all need assistance and encouragement but it is not your job to take on a welfare project. Being the often we would visit family and friends and the biggest one was now being willing to accommodate two purposes within one vision. I was now responsible for supporting and assisting somebody else to have a fun filled life that gave her fulfilment. Two is better than one, but the wrong two creates a mess.
A few months before I got married, my life was like a carnival and my phone was ringing as if I worked in a call centre. People were demanding seats for themselves, family members and friends. Some even said, whether they are invited or not, they will be there. There was so much excitement and anticipation and people could not wait for the wedding of the guy that had hosted hundreds of other weddings but by 1am the next day after the event, it quickly dawned on me that the crowd was gone and the phone had immediately stopped ringing. It was now down to two individuals to find out if we had signed up for a wedding or a marriage. It was up to two individuals to decide on a destination and choose a map to get there. It was down to two individuals to be willing to give up space and share space. Give up being right for what is right. It was no longer about me but us. Two is better than one, but the wrong two creates a mess.
I have not always been good at compromising, communicating at committing. I was now supposed to protect her and not abuse her. Help her, not hinder her, comfort her and not leave her discomforted. My job was now to bless her and not curse her. Two is better than one but the wrong two creates a mess. The truth is I am convinced that there is no such thing as being prepared and ready for marriage because the situation is not real until it is real but I do think it’s a good idea to separate the wedding from the marriage and make sure you are doing it for the right reasons with the right person with the right mission and mandate long term.
‘Give up being
right for what is right.’
I no longer had the right to get on a plane in a moment’s notice without consulting anybody. I had to learn that every action I took impacted
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
When it comes to relationships, we need to get real. You have issues and you have challenges and you have weaknesses, so why would you be expecting somebody that does not have anyman is not what you wear, what you drive or where you live. Being the man is about what’s happening on the inside. For me being the man is more about your habits, attitude, actions and beliefs. It is possible for me to
Wholeness | 39
dress up my ignorance & stupidity and if you have no discernment, you will think THAT I AM God’s gift. If I am the man because of stuff, what am I when I lose the stuff? Don't step to me based on what you see because tomorrow I may not have it. Two is better than one, but the wrong two creates a mess. A woman cannot complete a man & a man cannot complete a woman. What you already are, will magnify when you step into a relationship. We are different but none of us are deficient and that is
important to remember. We have different needs and operate from different stand points. A woman needs security first, a man needs respect first. You can't change that so acknowledge it. Two is better than one, but the wrong two creates a mess. Whenever we meet someone and want to take the relationship further, we need to understand we just took on a new assignment. We need to be ready for work, we need to be ready to cultivate and make better because there are no finished art pieces out there. If you are not willing to
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
40 | Wholeness invest and serve the other person, then leave them alone. One of the things God wants men to do is to cultivate which is to make things better so looking for a finished woman is counter -productive and at the same time looking for an already made man will set you up for a major accident. Your first question should always be what am I bringing to the table? I believe as men we can take the raw material of a woman and cultivate and help her fulfil her purpose and potential. Two is better than one, but the wrong two creates a mess. So if you are married and are frustrated with the man or woman you have, the real question is what role have you played in cultivating or not cultivating your better half. My personal opinion and belief is that believers should not marry unbelievers and unbelievers should not marry believers simply because relationships are no mean feat and if you start off in disagreement on core values and morals that will only magnify and cause more stress as you keep moving along in your journey. Two is better than one, but the wrong two creates a mess
& your self-esteem. You can’t trust everybody, believe everybody and fall in love too quickly. The more mistakes you make, your level of expectation starts to diminish. Your unfortunate experiences of yesterday do not have to be your final reality. A better relationship starts with a better you. You can’t give what you don’t have. If you don’t love you, then you’re not going to be able to love me. Two is better than one, but the wrong two creates a mess.
I pray you find the right person. I pray you become the right person. I pray you do not choose the wrong mate. Every time you pick the wrong person, it effect’s your confidence
The thing is, when relationships die, trauma remains even when we put our best face on it. Divorce is a death without a burial. There is never ever any real closure.
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Wholeness | 41 Even if you don't see that person, you see that person & they are still there. Divorce is the ripping apart of two souls. The wedding day looks like a beautiful cake but we need to invest time to get the right ingredients before the cake turns out bad. Two is better than one, but the wrong two creates a mess. If your mind set and focus from the beginning is I want to help this person fulfil their purpose, which is a great place to start. That is why the first questions to ask is what is it you see and where is it you want to go? Remember where purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable and guaranteed. If you don’t know where you are going, all roads lead to nowhere. If you don’t where you are going, somebody else will decide for you and then one day you wake up in a marriage and realise this is not where I want to be or planned to be. Two is better than one, but the wrong two creates a mess.
Anything with two heads is a monster. The worst thing that can happen in a relationship is competition. If your partner wants you to fail, then you’re in trouble. When we become me, you’re about to experience a train crash. You must remain the number one fan, supporter, endorser and encourager of your partner. If you are not pushing your partner somebody eventually will and the appreciation that should have been reserved for you will be passed on to somebody else and then that will create jealousy. Jealousy goes hand in hand with insecurity and before you know it, your comrade becomes your competitor. We are always reminded that there is no I in the word team and together everyone achieves more. Two is better than one, but the wrong two creates a mess.
‘Marriage can create an opportunity to fulfil purpose if there is agreement and unity. ’
Marriage can create an opportunity to fulfil purpose if there is agreement and unity. Marriage can create an opportunity to fulfil purpose if you genuinely want your spouse to win and win big. Marriage can create an opportunity to fulfil purpose if you are willing to serve and sacrifice. Marriage can create an opportunity to fulfil purpose if there is respect and one vision. One vision does not mean one person’s vision but bringing the dreams, goals and desires of both parties under one roof. Where there are two visions, there will be division.
If you don’t see your partner’s victory as your victory and your partner’s loss as your loss, then it’s only a matter of time before the gap will become apparent and when the gap becomes apparent, two things will happen, the man will no longer feel respected and the woman will no longer feel secure. When that happens, a man starts thinking about who else respects them and the woman starts thinking about who else makes her feel secure and appreciates her. The longer you have been married, I am sure the harder it gets to remember why you got married. You did not get married for the kids so don’t just say you will stay
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42 | Wholeness because of the kids. One day, the kids will leave home and what will you have left? Get back to basics and take a trip back down memory lane. Remember why the two of you decided that two is better than one. As a believer, I would say get back into the word to find your purpose as a man and as a woman, get back into the word to find your purpose as a husband and as a wife. Get back into prayer because that will make a massive difference. More word, more wisdom, more prayer, more power. No word, no wisdom, no prayer, no power. The wedding that probably caused so much stress has come and gone and all you have left is the marriage. So the question is what are you going to do with it? Two is better than one, but the wrong two creates a mess. In all you do, be the best and never forget that you were born to win.
‘Get back to basics and take a trip back down memory lane.’ Charles Emeka is
an entrepreneur, author, toastmaster & speaker that has established a reputation for delivering high quality training and personal development programmes in educational and communal institutions and within ministries. Charles is also the founder of a not for profit inspiration and growth social enterprise called Charles Emeka Youth. Charles Emeka has overcome an incredible life of untold challenges to be who he is today. No person ever needs to go through what Charles has been through to discover who they are. His first book, Against All Odds takes you on a journey through Charles past life of pain, frustration and regrets. What was a setback triggered his comeback. Against All Odds will empower and inspire you to fulfil your potential, recognise your choices and give you the boldness and courage to unleash the winner within. His mess has now become his message. www.charlesemeka.com
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44 | Wholeness
Developing a
&
Pr
Healthy Nutrition Operate in a
Sound Mind By Judy Toorie
When you think about nutrition for health, what feelings does this conjure in your mind? The word nutrition means “the process of eating the right kind of food so you can grow properly and be healthy”. The word health means, “the condition of being well or free from disease, the overall condition of someone's body or mind”- MerriamWebster Dictionary. It is used to describe a person’s mental or physical condition, which includes well-being and soundness. This does not only mean our physical outward appearance but also what is happening on the inside. Our regular daily intake of the right nutrients and fluids that our body need will help to not only keep our body nourished but also our minds. We will be more alert, having more energy to take on our daily activities and our emotional wellbeing will also benefit from this. SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Wholeness | 45
As women of purpose and destiny, it is important that we take care and look after our total well-being. Our lives are not only just to be lived for us but we must also see the bigger picture of God’s plan for us to impact and transform the lives of others. It is vitally important that we take care of our inner being by firstly taking a daily dose of the Word of God, through prayer and meditating on the Word, this helps to keep our mind and spirit strengthened. God’s Word in Joshua 1 : 8 and Rom 12 : 2 tells us that “we have the mind of Christ” In order to have a sound mind, healthy nutritional daily meals combined with
‘It
is vitally important that we take care of our inner being by firstly taking a daily dose of the Word of God…’
regular exercise and the recommended 8 hours sleep at night, is also known to help to improve our mental state and having a healthy body means, we need to also take care of our mind.
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46 | Wholeness
A daily intake of colourful fresh vegetable and fruits is part of the government recommended 5 a day. This can be in the form of freshly steamed vegetables, juicing vegetables and
dairy and fibre into daily intake of
fruit, or chopping and eating raw fruits or
nutrients, can also play a part in helping to
vegetables. With some fruits, you would
keep our bodies and mind strong and
have to be careful, as fruits like bananas,
healthy. Our mental health is key to
grapes and pineapples have high sugar
having and maintaining our well-being.
content. . Vegetables such as broccoli,
The recommended daily amount of water
carrots, spinach, sweet potatoes, beans
is 8 glasses a day. Our bodies need
and peas are some examples of the
constant intake of water to replace what
vegetables you can incorporate into your
the body uses just by doing normal
food intake. The vegetables you eat can be
everyday functions such as going to the
fresh, frozen or canned.
bathroom, sweating and exhaling. You
Incorporating protein, carbohydrates,
need to replace this lost water, in order to
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Wholeness | 47
prevent dehydration. Suggested tips to help increase your fluid intake e.g. carry a bottle of water every day in your handbag and sip it throughout the day. Have a glass of water or a bottle on your desk daily and drink it throughout the day. Drink a glass of water before every meal, this will help to decrease your appetite and help to cut down on your food intake and lose weight. If you do not like to drink water on its own, a good tip would be to add
longer. Protein such as lean red meat, and skinless chicken, either grilled or oven baked. Seafood, beans, peas, eggs and unsalted nuts and seeds are also sources of protein.
some lemon or lime to it.
Dairy
Other small changes you can make to
Try to make most of your choices of this
improve your intake of more water could
category fat-free or low-fat. Milk, cheese
be to replace the number of caffeine i.e.
and yoghurts, all have some source of
coke, coffee you drink by reducing it to 2
calcium, which is needed for the body on
times a day and having a glass of water
a daily basis.
the other two times a day. Try to limit
Carbohydrates
fruit juices, as they also have a high amount of sugar.
Whole grains Whole grains and refined grains, such as whole grain cereals, crackers, oatmeal
Sources of good carbohydrates are nuts, brown rice, potatoes, whole grain pastas and seeds.
Fitness
and brown rice. These play an essential
Being active also helps you to stay
role in your daily allowance of fibre and
healthy and feel good. It is a stage of
can also help to keep you fuller for
physical, mental and spiritual well-being.
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48 | Wholeness
On a physical level, your health reflects how well your body functions in terms of allowing you to carry out your daily activities. It is also a reflection of your
‘Anyone can change their eating habits and become healthier…’
state of mind. For example, if you’re a car owner and use the car for daily chores like school drop offs and pickups, you can walk them to school, going for a walk after your evening meal, swimming, joining a gym and attending classes. To help motivate you; you can join with a neighbour or friend and both encourage each other daily. When you exercise, it releases endorphins, which gives you that feel good factor. It has been proven to help in reducing stress levels, improve sleep patterns and give you
late at night, this habit took time to
more energy and can also improve your
create and can take time to be changed.
mental agility.
We can start off by replacing chocolate
Anyone can change their eating habits
with a healthy snack bar, fizzy drinks or
and become healthier; the way we eat
tea and coffee with some water with
and drink is a mind-set. We can change
lemon or lime. Try to cut down on your
what we eat and drink gradually by
caffeine intake, as this can also improve
taking small daily steps and being
your mental/physical agility. If you eat
consistent. Some of us comfort eat or eat
fast food regularly daily, you can cut down your intake to once weekly and
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Wholeness | 49
eventually once monthly. You can bulk cook at the weekend, packaging and freezing food for the coming week.
Try to control your portion sizes, by not over filling your plate. Introducing a healthy diet and sticking to it means being motivated……Don’t
You can also carry fruits, mixed nuts and seeds in your handbag; this also includes fresh chopped vegetables or fruits, such as carrots, celery or apples. The body gets energy from the food that it takes in. If you eat cakes, crisps, biscuits and chocolates, these are very
put it off for another day what you could do today, start now! You will reap and enjoy the benefits with time! A nutritious diet with an active lifestyle is the key to optimum health and well-being.
high in calories and can be a quick sugar fix, which does not last long but is very high in calories. Instead, have a handful of mixed unsalted nuts with seeds, which gives a slow release of energy and fills you up for a longer period of time. Or you can have a couple of pieces of fruits, such as apple, orange, kiwi or banana. These can be great as snacks, as they are filling and also nourishing to have if you get peckish in between meals. You also need to bear in mind that nuts can be high in calories, so go easy on the nuts. Wherever possible choose foods,
Judy Toorie is an ex
mentee of The Leadership Mentoring for Purpose Programme at The Mentoring Academy and graduated in 2012. Judy is an IT Teacher/ Trainer and has a passion to see women enjoy their lives to the maximum by being physically, mentally, emotional and spiritually whole. As a mentor she encourages women to eat healthy and exercise. She lives by a scripture - 3 John 2 “Beloved I wish that you would prosper and be in health, even as your soul prospers”. Judy has a passion for nutrition, health and fitness and believes that taking care of our well-being, helps to fulfil our purpose and destiny.
which are grilled, poached or baked, rather than fried. Being healthy is about your total well-being.
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50 | Wholeness
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Making the Most of
Midlife Crisis By Dion Johnson
Hands up if you are a woman over forty
you can recognise midlife crisis and
who is feeling a tad stuck in a rut…
actually make it work for you. You’ll
stifled by the mundane, humdrum
learn how to treat it like the new
routine of work and life and
beginning it really is.
experiencing a mounting dissatisfaction
When I was growing up, it was normal
with the same ole same ole… could it be
for women in their forties and fifties to
that you might be experiencing a midlife
begin looking forward to slowing down
crisis?
personally and professionally when
Many people don’t know that the
mortgages were almost paid off, the
Midlife Crisis is a normal transitional
children grown, and retirement was
phase of work and life and actually a
imminent.
massive opportunity for a new
But we are living in unprecedented
beginning, and so too many women
times and things are dramatically
miss out and fail to seize this
different now for women than they were
opportunity to experience the new lease
even 10 short years ago. women are
that midlife crisis has come to bring.
deferring having babies until later in life
Instead, they become firmly established
to make room for careers, we are
on the “getting old” “slowing down”
required to work until later and later in
“can’t-wait-to-retire” track of life.
life because many of us are the chief
In this article, we’ll look at why it
breadwinners of the home, our pensions
happens and tips on how to manage it
are less and less reliable, and we are in
so you get the most out of this rich time
debt like never before.
of life. I’ll share insights and tips on how
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
52 | Wholeness The truth is, all of this means there’s a lot
dissatisfaction with the status quo. It
more on the plate of today’s midlife
occurs between the ages of 40 and 59
women as we navigate our way through
when a woman suddenly wakes up and
these unchartered waters; yet, we are
starts questioning three things: her
expected to manage these challenges and
value, her direction, and capacity to
circumstances and cope with all this the
determine and dictate what lies ahead.
way we’ve always coped: without
The Usual Triggers…
breaking a sweat, and without making a sound.
Psychologist and sociologists agree that midlife crisis is just one of the several
So it’s no wonder, then, that in my role
normal transitional phases that we go
as a professional mentor and coach to,
through in life and it can be triggered by
specifically, professional midlife women,
significant life changes and events. Some
I see, on a daily basis, the silent
of the events commonly cited as triggers
phenomena that is Midlife Crisis.
by the women I work with are:
Fiftieth birthday looming or past
Fed up and stuck in a career rut / Conflict at work
Children leaving home – empty nest / feeling unappreciated by family
Difficulty conceiving / signs of Menopause
Marital issues and challenges
Health challenges
Although it must be said, sometimes midlife crisis can be un-associated with any obvious trigger and can seem to come “out of the blue” What is Midlife Crisis? Here’s my definition: - An uninvited,
Recognising you’re in a crisis
unwelcome season of unrest and deep
There are many symptoms of midlife
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Wholeness | 53
crisis and every woman will experience
A turning point when something
this phase of life in her own individual
changes course and suddenly begins to
way. However, there is one
get worse OR BETTER!
characteristic that I see and hear my clients express over and over again and
I love these definitions. Read them
it is the thought “Is this it? Is this my life?
carefully and you will see that unlike
Is this all there is for me?”
the widespread misconception that midlife crisis is a terrible ordeal to be
Often by the time women get to me they
tolerated and passively endured,
are, what I call, ‘battle weary’ after
Actually midlife crisis could be the most
sometimes years of inner conflict
important pivotal time of transition in
between head and heart. Heart says
your life. I think of it as an opportunity
“Surely there is more to life than this….
to choose what happens next. It’s a time
I’m certain there is more” while head
to get active with:
demands heart to stop that rubbish “No! Going for more is unsafe; we must be
Taking action
sensible and fight to maintain the status
Making decisions about the future
quo!”
But Hey! I’m pleased to announce that
Embracing Change and
Creating a better life
it’s NOT all bad news! To seize this massive opportunity start If you are experiencing a midlife crisis
by checking out the following three
fear not! There is heaps you can do to
top tips…
make this an exciting new beginning in your life. To illustrate this, first let’s take a look at my definition of the word ‘crisis’ A critical moment: A time when something important for the future happens or is decided
1.
Change Your Expectation:
When the thoughts of dissatisfaction come up, a common, often automatic response is to shoo them away, supress and ignore them, try to evict them from our mind. Women treat their thoughts and feelings as though they are an
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
54 | Wholeness intruder; a threat, like an imposter or burglar that has come to rob them of the way things have always been… and in a way that’s true, the status quo is being
‘you’ve grown, you’ve gained new unique insights, you’ve overcome adversity and learned new lessons in the school of hard knocks...’
challenged but, what if this time of life signalled a positive change… what if you chose the
you’ve grown, you’ve gained new
perspective that this season has not come
unique insights, you’ve overcome
to leave you worse off, rather, it’s the
adversity and learned new lessons in the
start of something AMAZING?
school of hard knocks, you have
Expectation is a powerful anchor that
acquired a treasure trove FULL of rich
pulls results into your life. I dare you to
experiences both professionally and
expect something great to come out of
personally, some you have not even
this? Why not write an Expectation
acknowledged yet.
Statement about this next phase of your
Ask yourself,
life:
Who am I NOW?
2.
Look For New Answers
What have I learned and how can I use my wisdom in new and exciting ways?
Midlife Crisis is essentially a time of
What else do I want to be a part of my
questions; a season of re-evaluation, and
life now?
therefore an opportunity for new insight, in particular about WHO you are, WHY
Really asking and Listening for new
you are here and WHAT you are capable
answers and insights from your heart
of achieving NOW, not 20 years ago.
takes courage but is the key to unlocking
A common mistake I see many women
the potential for the years to come.
making, is answering the questions with
Oh… and if you don’t know the answers
the answers based on the past, who you
to these questions, (and many women
were and what was important to you
don’t) that’s really great to know too
twenty or even thirty years ago. Indeed,
because if you know you don’t know,
part of the problem triggering the crisis
you can choose to find out…. right?
is that you have outgrown the life you have been living. So consider this,
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Wholeness | 55 3.
Don’t Do It Alone
useful and valuable and important in life is to play the role of the
Many women handle midlife crisis
dependable, able one. There’s simply
inwardly, secretly and many women
no time to address the ache in their
keep it hidden from even loved ones.
heart, or slow down and take time out
We suffer in silence. I see three
because their validation comes from
common reasons why women go
continuing to be active and caring and
through the midlife crisis in isolation.
meeting everyone else’s needs.
They haven’t recognised the crisis: Too many women have become so
Fearing the can of worms: Recently a
unaccustomed to paying attention to their own need, so they don’t even notice they are in crisis. They're used to putting their feelings on the back burner, they take life on the chin, go from one thing to cope with to the next… they are like Duracell batteries, they just go on and on and on until life finds a way to force them to stop! Clinging to your Cape (aka Super Woman Complex): Some women need to feel they can ‘do it all’ and seen to be coping all the time. In fact, the way they get to feel
client confessed that she thought about working with me for two years before she eventually found the courage to contact me. She explained that she had been afraid of “Opening up a Can of Worms” It’s true that the symptoms of Midlife crisis can feel overwhelming and scary. Addressing challenges can feel risky and almost dangerous; to start rocking the boat and poking around in issues connected to sensitive matters, taboos and sore points can feel like something you’d rather avoid. Are you going through it alone? STOP! Here are some tips on where you can Get Help: God: There is a vast and growing body of scientific evidence that proves that people of faith, and who practice prayer and meditation are generally better equipped to handle challenges and challenging times.
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
56 | Wholeness
Friends and loved ones: Choose
inspired and learn new things. Try
someone close to you that you feel you
google.com and meetup.com to find
can trust. It can be daunting to expose
groups that interest you. Or consider
your inner thoughts and fears especially
starting your own?
if everyone thinks you are super woman but often it will make your relationship
Contrary to popular belief midlife crisis
stronger and having someone who
doesn’t have to be the beginning of the
knows you well to be honest with will be
end. It can be an awesome new
invaluable.
beginning‌ you choose!
Coaches or Mentors: are trained to offer firm supportive challenge to help navigate your way from stuck and bogged down with the heaviness of midlife crisis to free and thriving. More and more professional women enjoy benefits of new insight, skill strategies that comes with specialist support. Support/Networking Groups: Finding networks of people with varied interests will help you continue to grow, be
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Dion Johnson is Womens
Conference Speaker; Mentor to Midlife Women in Leadership & Founder of Woman of Femfluence. Dion is a prolific supporter of MIDLIFE WOMEN in the workplace. She creates quality products, services and events that celebrate and support midlife to conceive their mission, make their mark and love their lives through their work. Want to know more? Connect with Dion Here: http://dionjohnson.com
We Support you to bring new life into your work! Just imagine what it would feel like to wake up actually looking forward to your day at work Imagine getting back in the driving seat of your work life again knowing what you want and excited about making it happen Imagine actually loving being at work again, feeling fulfilled and energized and truly engaged Imagine discovering the unique difference you were born to make and making that difference daily through you're work. T: 07813 294405 E: Connect@DionJohnson.com
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
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Wholeness | 59
Is
Happiness a Resident Feeling or Should it be pursued By Valorie Burton
“When you let go of what your life ‘should’ be, you are free to focus on what your life ‘could’ be right now.” – Happy Women Live Better I posted this quote from Happy Women
you don’t. What unfulfilled desire in
Live Better on my Facebook fan page a
your life tempts you to feel sorry for
few weeks ago, and it seemed to resonate
yourself? One secret to getting more of
with a lot of people. A major turning
what you want is to stop insisting you
point in my happiness came the day I
must have it in order to be happy
decided to quit lamenting all the things I
When you let go of what you think your
thought should be present in my life, but
life “should” be,” you can then focus on
were not. I held tightly to the belief that if
making your life what it “could” be. Stop
I could just have some of the things in
noticing everything wrong with your
my life that I didn’t have, then I could
spouse or kids, and start building on
really be happy. That’s when God
what’s right. Quit complaining about the
whispered in my spirit: Be happy right
job you want to leave, and start
now. Happiness is an attitude we choose
celebrating some aspect of your job that
regardless of our circumstances. It isn’t
you actually like. Refuse to mope about
always easy, but it is possible to notice
not being in a relationship, and start
and appreciate what you have rather
having fun and creating adventures that
than feeling sorry for yourself over what
make your life exciting – partner or no
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
60 | Wholeness
“should” be and take a step towards what “could” be. As you move towards happiness, ask yourself, what do you think “should” be in your life right now that isn’t? How has that “should” impacted your happiness? What good could you do in your life if you embraced your life exactly as it is?
Valorie Burton helps
partner. Take what you have and make the most of it. When you do, happiness follows. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy – a circle of good. Happiness causes success, not the other way around. So be grateful, enjoy life, and let the good things that follow
women get unstuck so they can be unstoppable. Learn how to trigger your happiness and discover your top happiness triggers at www.happywomantest.com and order your copy of Happy Women Live Better: 13 Ways to Trigger Your Happiness www.bn.com/ happywomenlivebetter.
delightfully surprise you. As you let go of the need to be in control and embrace the good all around you, it is amazing how those unfulfilled desires begin to unfold. Learn to let go of what
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
OUT NOW
61 | Wholeness
The Obstacles Impeding the Success of Some Black Women By Dr. Carol Tomlin
In this article we will focus on the
African
obstacles impeding the success of some
although the ancestry of most individuals
black
of
from the Caribbean originates in Africa.
success is necessary as the idea is not
Women of dual heritage, if they culturally
solely related to academic or career
identify themselves as black, are also
achievements, but is along a much broader
included in the article. Some of the
spectrum encompassing our significant
experiences of African and Caribbean
relationships with others, including men,
women may be similar but there are
children, friends and work colleagues.
significant differences in the culture of
Indeed, it entails our total wellbeing. It is
each group. It is important to note that I
important to identify what we mean by
am a black British woman, whose parents
black women and equally to stress that the
come from Jamaica so there will be a
discussion will not apply to all black
tendency for me to refer to Caribbean
women, as they are a diverse group. For
women, as this is my knowledge base.
the purposes of this article, the reference
Fortunately, I have been exposed to many
point will comprise women of colour
women from the Continent of Africa and
living in the UK, who, are either from an
have gained some insights into some of the
women.
An
understanding
or
Caribbean
background,
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
issues affecting some of these women,
hindrances to the success of some black
especially
and
women is our attitude and relationship
Zimbabwe. I actually had the privilege of
with our menfolk. By this I mean that
living for several years with a Nigerian
some
lady, who became one of my best friends,
Caribbean background, tend to have
and
many
negative attitudes towards black men
Zimbabwean women. I was intrigued by
and, throughout our relationship journey
some of the underlying commonalities in
have often contributed to unhealthy
our cultural expressions but aware of our
patterns of behaviours. We may not think
distinctions. Interestingly, some of the
this aspect of life is important and we
experiences of black women in this
may inadvertently project an independent
country
‘strong
I
those
have
from
worked
resonate
with
Nigeria
with
our
African
American sisters.
women,
black
particularly
woman’
from
the
persona.
Unfortunately, the British media can score several brownie points for the negative
I do not think we can discuss the
representation of black men. In the media
obstacles affecting any group of women
our men are consistently presented as
without including the part that men play.
criminals, aggressive etc. In addition, the
In my view, one of the predominant
advertising world rarely portrays happy
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
63 | Wholeness and successful black couples and black
slavery
families, which are inconspicuous by
sociological, economic and political
their absence. I do not think we have
damage it has done to people taken
fully
from Africa in chattels, stripped of their
considered
how
we
have
and
psychological,
internalised these negative images. For
identity
those of us who are from the Caribbean,
plantations. One may wonder about the
the
forced
to
work
on
so-called
‘wokless’ (‘Patwa’/Jamaican
‘The progress of all societies is dependent on their past. ’
Creole) translated worthless and irresponsible man who does not care for his children is often the typical discourse or
and
the
discussion
when
they
of
are
women gathered
together.
purpose of going back in time. In the
Moreover, some of us have not been
same way we are constantly reminded
brought up with our fathers, which, has
of the Jewish Holocaust and its effects
subsequently determined our choice of
on that people group, and rightly so,
men - who may be disappointing to say
blacks in the diaspora have experienced
the least. Consequently, we overlook
a similar situation that should be
the fact that there are many decent
recounted to successive generations
hardworking
are
and never be forgotten. The progress of
excellent in every sense of the word. I
all societies is dependent on their past.
certainly know them and they are from
For example, British society in the 21st
the Caribbean and Africa!
Century
As an educator and historian, I was
tremendously
from
extremely delighted by the recent film
blacks’,
its
production 12 Years a Slave, despite the
likewise, the Caribbean and indeed the
harrowing
Continent of Africa have suffered from
black
scenes.
men,
The
who
impact
of
historically and
the
empire
benefited ‘backs
of
building;
slavery on the relationships between
being pillaged and raped.
Caribbean men and women should not
During the period of Trans-Atlantic
be
fully
slavery, slaves were not allowed to
appreciate the impact of 400 years of
marry although they could co-habit but
understated.
We
cannot
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
Wholeness | 64 many families were divided and sold to
important in maintaining family and
different slave owners. There was also
kinship bonds. Clearly, black women
the practice of slave breeding.
The
historically have played a key role and
practice of slave breeding included
made an invaluable contribution to the
coerced sexual relations between male
family, and they continue to do so.
and female slaves or between master
Therefore, as previously stated, if we
and female slaves, which promoted
examine the idea of success from a
pregnancies with the aim of producing
much wider perspective then we can
slave children. The purpose of slave
state that many black women have been
breeding was to produce new slaves
involved
without incurring the cost of purchase,
successfully and in some cases have
to fill labour shortages caused by the
done so singlehandedly. However, we
termination of the Atlantic slave trade,
must not forget the pivotal role of the
and to attempt to improve the health
extended
‘relationship and family capital is important to well being.’
in
raising
family
in
their
children
African
and
Caribbean child rearing practices. However, relationship and family capital is important to well being. The idea of family capital is based on the principle of the investment we make with loved ones. I often
and
Slave
hear black Caribbean women say: ‘I do
breeding was maintained throughout
not need a man’. I would like to refute
the 400-year period of slavery because
such a claim and I think we may have
slaves
be
subconsciously bought into a branch of
subhuman. Thus one can see how the
feminists thinking. Many Caribbean
black family has been disrupted and
women and increasing numbers of
how female and male relationships
African women are lone parents. I am
have
productivity
were
been
of
slaves.
considered
seriously
to
impaired.
aware that some readers may argue that
Interestingly, research on slave women
being a single or lone parent should not
in the Caribbean by authors such as
hugely impact on one’s aspirations.
Barbara Bush explain that they were
However, it is relevant to note that
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
65 | Wholeness single parents are amongst the poorest
relationships, I have had an opportunity
group; it can have an adverse impact on
to discuss male-female relationships
the
educational
with some Zimbabwean colleagues.
outcomes of children. There are of
Apparently, some of their relationships
course child-care issues and the hours
in the UK are suffering from enormous
psychological
and
that one can spend at work are reduced, especially if there are young children. This in turn influences
the
career
development of some women in general. One study suggests
‘One study suggests that black women are among the highest achievers ...’
that black women are among the highest achievers in terms of their
strain brought about by several factors.
educational attainment, although some
For example, there are challenges for
Caribbean
both men and women experiencing
education
women later
enter
on
in
higher life
and
racism
and
issues
with
gaining
consequently there salary does not
employment matching their education
reflect
(Mitton
their
academic
achievement
&
Aspinall
2011).
This
(Connor et al 2004). There may be
inevitably has a huge impact on family
readers who want to present a counter-
dynamics. Additionally, more domestic
argument but it still remains that these
responsibilities may be required of
factors can have a huge impact on our
Zimbabwean, or other African men,
success.
residing in Britain, and who may have inherited a culturally prescribed view
Clearly, we do not want to generalize
that certain domestic chores should be
about groups of women who come from
done by women. In the absence of
the Caribbean or the vast African
‘house girls and boys,’ this may be
continent. African women in the UK, for
unrealistic and place undue pressure on
instance, have diverse experiences and
some women. There may not be the
belong to different ethnic groups with
support from the extended family,
unique cultural patterns, languages etc.
typifying
To
Consequently, a lack of sensitivity and
continue
with
the
theme
of
many
black
cultures.
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
Wholeness | 66 understanding
on
both
parts sometimes leads to conflict and unresolved issues, which may even have an adverse effect on the health of women, (as well as men). It
is
often
assumed
wrongly
that
‘During the 1960s to the early 1980s racism had a huge impact on the educational success of black Caribbean students including females’ people
on to the second generation, which
generally are not interested in education;
would have thereby helped successive
this is most certainly not the case. Again,
generations to achieve their aspirations.
we have to go back in time to fully
Coupled with this were reports of racism
understand
the
in British schools. During the 1960s to
Caribbean people were invited to Britain
the early 1980s racism had a huge impact
to rebuild the country during the Post
on the educational success of black
War period, they had extremely high
Caribbean students including females
expectations
for
(Mocombe & Tomlin 2013). Further, as a
themselves and their children. Today’s
member of the Caribbean community, I
middle-aged
had
can report that many girls had excessive
mothers who first came to the UK to
household chores to perform which
work primarily in the NHS, holding the
inevitably affected their education. In
lowest paid position in nursing. Whilst,
addition, it was not unusual for girls
these women had a career for life in the
from a Pentecostal Christian background
caring profession, concomitantly, their
to attend church several times a week. I
men worked in factories and for the
recognise that girls from other Christian
transport industry, which were transient
denominations had different experiences
jobs. Many first generation Caribbean
that possibly facilitated rather than
people came from rural societies, which
impeded their educational outcomes.
this
and
Caribbean
issue.
When
aspirations
Caribbean
women
were post-slavery and colonial in nature. Many first generation individuals were
Conversely, many Africans, primarily
not highly educated nor did they have
West African men who came to Britain
the social or professional mores to pass
during the
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Post
War period were
67 | Wholeness students. Later, women and children joined
includes the fact that we are living in a
their men and many women pursued
racial, gender and class based society. How
education. Anecdotal reference suggests
many women in the UK have smashed the
that some children in their formative or
so-called ‘glass ceiling’ or are CEOs of
early years were sent ‘back home’ or
major companies? We know the numbers
fostered by white families, thus enabling
are minimal. As black women we are aware
parents to continue in their educational
of the ways in which racism can work to
pursuits, unhindered by undue child-care
prevent
concerns. I personally know of West African
overlook the issue of sexism (Showunmi
women who have an Au Pair and others
2012). If you are from a poor, working class
with mother in-laws who play a major role
and black background then there are
with child-care. These are critical points
several external obstacles that have to be
because they laid the foundation for many
overcome. Ironically, accepting ourselves is
West African parents to serve as role
another major obstacle. For example, there
models, armed with a better understanding
are reports of black women throughout the
of the workings of the British education
world bleaching their skin to lighten their
system.
complexion.
Thus many contemporary West
us
succeeding
but
we
often
African pupils, particularly girls, have inherited educational capital. It is little
In my view another barrier to the success of
wonder
(2006)
some black women in predominantly white
highlights 79% of students of West African
professional settings is the presentation of
origin in the London borough of Lambeth,
self. I think it would be fair to say that
gaining
their
sometimes our ‘tell-it-as-it is’ style can
academic achievement is on a par with their
unwittingly be problematic for our non-
Indian and Chinese counterparts.
black co-workers. I am not inferring for one
that
Demi’s
5*A-C
GSCEs.
research
In
fact,
moment that we should not be ourselves, Some of the challenges for African women
but I think we may need to think more
are similar to their Caribbean counterparts.
strategically about how we present in
Many
certain situations. Let us take a typical
African
women,
particularly
Nigerians, tend to be well educated but
scenario that may occur in the work place:
some of them experience huge difficulties in climbing the career ladder. The main
You think your manager is making an
obstacle
unreasonable request concerning the time for
to
their
professional
success
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
Wholeness | 68
you to complete a particular project. He or she
may need to consider. Sometimes, the
sends you a strongly worded email outlining
manager's request is reasonable, but you
their targets and expectations.
could be trying to tackle other personal issues
that
are
overwhelming.
The
How many of us carefully consider how
manager may have approached other
we should approach the manager and
individuals who have not informed you
what we are going to say. How many of
about his/her communication with them.
us think about other possible ways of
You may need to consider working in a
viewing the situation. We sometimes
more efficient way. You may need to
think the manager is making a direct
develop your time management skills.
personal
Similarly, you may need to think about
attack
and
the
automatic
assumption is that the manager is being
your
negotiating
skills
and
racist and that such a request would not
diplomacy, tact and prudence.
using
be communicated to a white colleague in the same way. Of course, racism features
There are subtle cultural differences
in every area of life for black people in the
between white and black individuals that
UK, but in certain interactions in the work
may influence our perceptions. For those
place, there are other variables that we
of us born in the UK, or who have spent
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
69 | Wholeness
most of our lives in this country, we
The role of racism and sexism are also
inadvertently may assume because we
important
are British that we have developed a
challenges, which may have a significant
similar culture to our white counterparts.
impact on our ability to succeed, we can
In
overcome!
particular
our
differences
are
aspects.
Despite
these
manifested in our language style, that is the ways in which words and phrases are sequenced
and
presented,
including
body language etc. Even if we have the same accent, black women tend to have a unique tone of voice and the way in which language is used to convey meaning also diverges from our white friends, family members or colleagues.
Rev Dr Carol Tomlin has a long and established academic career spanning 30 years in universities in the UK and USA. She is also an educational consultant and international speaker. As an ordained minister and Senior Pastor of Restoration Fellowship Ministries in Birmingham, she believes in the transformative power of Jesus Christ!
Miscommunication between some black and white individuals can and often do occur which can be a barrier to success for black women especially in the professional environmental. To conclude the debate there are several hurdles for black women in the UK. Some
of
these
challenges
present
themselves in our relationships. There are other external factors including historical, social, economic and political.
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
70 | Wholeness
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
&
Wholeness | 71
Condemnation
Self Condemnation By Edna Thomas
Condemnation is the land
purpose is to take us out and
mines the enemy hides and
leave us lying wounded in
sets along the pathway of
the battlefield of life.
life. They are placed in
I believe therefore that if
strategic places to blow up
God’s people could identify
and divert us from God's
what condemnation is;
will, purpose and plan.
where it stems from; the
However, the Bible clearly
symptoms; and how they can
tells us that, “there is
free themselves from this
therefore now, no
condition, then they
condemnation to those who
wouldn’t be a prisoner to self
are in Christ Jesus, who do
condemnation; instead, they
not walk according to the
could live a more fulfilling
flesh, but according to the
life and walk confidently into
Spirit” (Romans 8:1). The
the path that God has
question then can be asked
created for them.
as to why so many of God’s
One writer wrote that the
children, young and old
word “condemnation”
continue to live under the
implies that people have
burden and guilt of
been found guilty of a crime
condemnation?
and cannot escape its
One of the reasons could
punishment. They are
be that when guilt and self-
condemned. Condemnation
condemnation wars against
is a weapon of darkness of
our mind, it is like a storm of
the flesh. If we are not aware
rapid enemy fire whose only
of its explosive destructive
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
72 | Wholeness power, we could soon become its victim
feeling and lean not on your own
handicapped on the road of life.
understanding. In all your ways
The Bible however, reassures us that the Lord will rescue his servants; no one who takes refuge in him will be
never condemn those who are in Christ Jesus. The reason being, Jesus bore all of our punishment and condemnation in His very own
your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6). Self-condemnation indicates that a
condemned.” (Psalm 34:22). We know therefore that God will
acknowledge Him, and He shall direct
person is condemning him/herself. This
‘We know therefore that God will never condemn those who are in Christ Jesus.’
body. As Christ hung on the cross, God unleashed all of His wrath and
act is a very unusual human behaviour
anger, all the punishment that our sins
because people usually defend
called for on His beloved Son.
themselves. Yet, self-condemning people
God identifies "the accuser of the
condemn themselves. What makes the
brethren" as Satan. (Rev. 12:10) However,
condition even more pathetic is the
condemnation is delivered to a person
enormity of their guilt and the
through spouses, co-workers, friends, and
overwhelming feelings of helplessness
even perfect strangers. Sometimes the
and hopelessness these people mirror.
criticism is horrible and evident;
Always remember that self condemnation
sometimes we read it in a glance. Make no
is a person’s own voice internalised; it is
mistake, condemnation, like an arrow,
self talk that communicates negatively on
flies relentlessly toward us. Sometimes it
your value, person-hood, actions, feelings
is malicious, sometimes benign, but
and behaviours. Common experiences of
always deadly. One thing to remember is
self condemnation include, you are
that whilst you cannot prevent the
hopeless; unworthy; not loveable; you
missiles from coming your way, you can
can’t do anything, you are stupid; you are
learn to refuse to accept their delivery.
weak; you don’t deserve God’s love or
You may ask how can I do this when I am
forgiveness.
barely surviving; learn to trust in the lord
Self condemnation however, is not a
with all your heart despite what you are
disassociated habit, it stems from poor
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Wholeness | 73
self image, guilt, childhood labels, shame,
insecurity, despair, defeat, depression, and
critical parenting and a number of other
discouragement. It torments God’s people
sources. Exploring the roots of self
with intense feelings of hopelessness and
condemnation will be an important step in
inferiority. It robs a person of their joy and
challenging its power in your life. The
undermines their peace and confidence in
Bible tells us that ‘whenever our heart
Christ.
condemn us, God is greater than our heart,
It is not hard to see then how the
and He knows everything’ (1 John 3:20).
symptoms of self condemnation can keep
One of the most common symptoms of self
God’s people in bondage, steal their
condemnation is a feeling of oppression
confidence and weaken their freedom. Not
and bondage. It is an extremely oppressive
only does self condemnation impact
burden which "beats down" those who
hugely on their daily lives but it hold them
struggle under its weight. It is often
captive to prevent them from walking and
accompanied by a nagging sense of guilt.
fulfilling their God given purpose.
It produces frustration, fear, anxiety,
God’s people must take courage and
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
74 | Wholeness remind themselves that God’s Word is
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is
much bigger and powerful than the
a ‘talking therapy’ that can help the
symptoms of self condemnation. His
client to manage his/her problems by
Words declare that He did not send his
changing the way they think and
Son into the world to condemn the
behave. Whilst it cannot remove the
world, but in order that the world might
client’s problems, it can help him/her in a
be saved through Him (John 3:17); God’s
more positive way. CBT encourages the
plan for your life is to prosper you and
client to examine how their actions can
not to harm you, to give you hope and a
affect how they think and feel.
future (Jeremiah 29:11). The next time
Talking and changing the client’s
self condemnation tries to take control of
behaviour can change how they think
your mind, call on the Name of the Lord
(cognitive) and what they do
Jesus Christ and He will deliver you. The
(behaviour). This can make them feel
Word of God tells us that, if we confess
better about their life.
our sins, our God is faithful and just to
Since the battlefield is in the client’s
forgive us of our sins and cleanse us
mind, counselling from a Christian
from all unrighteousness.
perspective means that he/she would need to change the way they think. Joyce
In counselling, one of the therapeutic
Meyers states that renewing of the mind
interventions the counsellor would use to
is so much more than going through
help a client suffering from self
religious motions. She went on to say
condemnation is Cognitive Behavioural
that, a person need to
Therapy also know as CBT which deals with the “here and now”.
Become aware how God wants them to think;
Focus their thoughts on God’s thoughts;
Practice the thoughts of God until they are their own;
To live the thoughts of God in everyday life.
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Wholeness | 75 The Bible tells us in Jeremiah 28:11 that,
I am Jesus' friend John 15:14
"For I know the thoughts that I think
I praise you because I am fearfully
toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of
and wonderfully made;
peace, and not of evil, to bring about an
your works are wonderful, I know
expected end." It was because of His
that full well.
loving thoughts that He sent His Son to die for our sins. (John 3:16). Earlier on, I mentioned that self
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).
condemnation is your own inner voice, it is self talk. In order to free yourself from
Pray this prayer daily:
self condemnation, you need to change the negative thoughts into positive ones and
My God and my Father in the Name of
practice the thoughts of God until they are
Jesus, I thank you for walking back
your own, for example, learn to meditate
through every second of my life up to this
who you are in Christ so that you can live
exact moment. I thank You Lord for
your life as God intended and fulfil your
healing me of all my hurts, my painful
destiny. The more you agree with God
memories, my fears, and for setting me
about your identity in Christ, the more
free. Thank You Jesus for filling me with
your behaviour will begin to reflect your
your love. Help me to love and to forgive
God given identity.
myself. Help me Jesus to love others. But
Every day try and practice a couple of
most of all, Lord, help me to love you as I
these scripture verses and repeat them
want. I thank you for giving me joy, peace
over and over again until they resonate in
and contentment. Thank You Jesus for
your heart and use them to renew your
going deep into the darkest recesses of my
mind.
mind and cleansing me. I thank you for
I am free from condemnation
healing my emotions, my mind and my
(Romans 8:1)
memories. I thank you my God for making
I am chosen of God, holy and dearly
me whole; I give you all the praise and all
loved (Colossians 3:12)
the glory in Jesus’ name. Amen!
I am seated in heavenly places with Christ (Eph 2:6)
I do not have a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and a sound mind (2Timothy 1:7)
Edna Thomas is a Social Worker and a member of the New Testament Church of God. Her ministry is in Counselling and a lecturer in Christian Counselling. SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
76 | Wholeness
Graduation Ceremony for Mentees on the Leadership Mentoring for Purpose Programme
2014 It’s been such a pleasure working with the mentees on the Leadership Mentoring for Purpose Programme. Every year, The Mentoring Academy says goodbye to another group of women who have worked hard to develop a more intimate relationship with Jesus Christ and in doing this they identify the strategy to birthing that idea that has been held inside them for so long. Please read the testimonies of this year’s graduates of the Leadership Mentoring for Purpose Programme (LMPP).
Through Every Stage of the Course You're Made to Identify the Real You...... It was the one of the best things that God has lead me to do in my whole entire life. It seems quite dramatic to put it that way but I tell you, I came seeking direction, process and purpose and God has really settled the matter in all these areas. Throughout every stage of the course you are made to identify the real you, and what makes you tick... what motivates you and your gifts, which are sometimes not that apparent. I could not have dreamt that I would have come to the point where my ministry has now been incorporated - why? because I now know my direction, it's processes and purpose. I would gladly recommend this course to anyone who is serious in wanting to be in the perfect will of God and pursue His purpose in your gifting... Angela Arnold
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Wholeness | 77 I Began to Have A Spiritual Awakening...... When I started on this course I was looking for guidance. Having retrained, I had gained a number of new skills but had no idea or direction in how to apply them. All my thoughts and actions had come to nothing. At the start of the programme I had no thought of Ministry or God given purpose. However, as it progressed I began to have a spiritual re-awakening and to understand that it was more important to have a Godly purpose in order to serve and leave a legacy than to merely had a business. The journey has not always been easy or clear-cut, but it has been worthwhile. The love and support given not just by Jacqui but by my peers has been amazing.
Cynthia Clarke
I Now Know that My Divine Purpose is to Glorify God......... Having learned the principle of mind mapping, I felt that this was the best way to illustrates what the programme has meant to me and where I am at this time. When I started on the programme, I had many ideas about the initiatives which I wanted to birth, but could not envisage how I was going to take them forward. To use an analogy, it would be that of a pregnant woman, but who had not moved on from the first trimester. My ideas were able to bear fruit, but I could not hear from the Holy Spirit, and this was because I wasn’t consulting him. Since being on the programme, I have had the opportunity to develop my thinking and strategies through peer mentoring, which has given me to tools to think SMART when action planning. I now feel that my ideas have become fertile and are being watered by the knowledge which I have gained on the programme. Jennifer Grey
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
78 | Wholeness This Course is Completely God Led..........
Over the past 12 months, I have grown so much in faith because of the virtues, the course installs in the women attending. This course strips away self, even for the more resistant Christians, like myself. Jacqueline & the tutors empower women to operate fully in the Holy Spirit & feed on God's word. That is installed from day one. The course has continued to empower me as a Christian woman, to such extent that people have commented on the changes they have seen within me. Glory be to God. Karina Jorgart
I Now Know that My Divine Purpose is to Glorify God......... Having learned the principle of mind mapping, I felt that this was the best way to illustrates what the programme has meant to me and where I am at this time. When I started on the programme, I had many ideas about the initiatives which I wanted to birth, but could not envisage how I was going to take them forward. To use an analogy, it would be that of a pregnant woman, but who had not moved on from the first trimester. My ideas were able to bear fruit, but I could not hear from the Holy Spirit, and this was because I wasn’t consulting him. Since being on the programme, I have had the opportunity to develop my thinking and strategies through peer mentoring, which has given me to tools to think SMART when action planning. I now feel that my ideas have become fertile and are being watered by the knowledge which I have gained on the programme. Jennifer Grey
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Wholeness | 79 My Walk Into Purpose is a Joyful One and Each Day is Important....... Throughout the programme I was resistant and I feel wasted valuable time, however I will not hold that against myself. I had to write a piece on a Biblical character that I could relate too and I chose Sari, there were definitely similarities and my name is now Sarah PRAISE GOD. My walk into purpose is a joyful one and each day is important, I do feel in my heart that GOD will make a way for me to fulfil his will here on earth as it is in heaven. Isaiah 55 is scripture that I read every day and know that GOD has great plans, yes indeed great plans. Florence Bruce-Annan
I Didn’t for One Minute Realise the Programme Would Empower and Elevate My Life in Such a Way……. The day I met Jacqueline was the day my thought process had changed. Turning 4o years old was a major point for me, a time of reflection, questions, thoughts, plans etc. I was introduced to the course which I started in April 2014, at this point I didn’t for one minute ever realise it would empower and elevate my life in such a way. I was working as a Senior Early Years Practitioner for 9 yrs for the council, 5 years of which I was unhappy. Empowered Woman through Jesus Christ, allowed me to understand what God has for me, my purpose and to operate as an empowered woman. At the beginning of the course we were asked to write down 3 goals which we would like to achieve whilst being on the course. One of my Goals was to be released from my Job, God did this in such a way that I had to hand in my notice. At the time I didn’t understand what God was doing, however our ways are not God’s way. Since leaving God has opened new doors, opportunities which were waiting for me. 4 months into the programme, I had achieved 3 of my goals; this showed me that all things are possible through Christ Jesus which strengthens me and also when you are working in purpose God will direct and order your steps. Since doing The Leadership Mentoring for Purpose Programme I have experience real Freedom. Andrea Wekpe SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
80 | Spiritual Etiquette
Walking
Out Your
Sonship By Miacah Huggins
Accepted, forgiven, loved and liberated are just some of the words we could use to describe when we are walking out our Sonship. The key word is walking out; it’s a choice to operate as a Son, and a fixated heart position towards God, to receive what He says and walking it out. The Heart of the Father We all know the story of the prodigal Son. But
Son. Pulling up your robe is no
for those of us who are not familiar with this
joke; it is seen as a shameful act.
story, Luke Chapter 15 describes beautifully
Our loving Father doesn’t stop
the heart of the Father towards all His children.
there in His love, he embraces His
Though we maybe like the younger brother
son, even though he smells of pig
distant from God, with our bad attitudes,
pooh, which is another NO, NO in
haughty eyes and our prideful tendencies, or
the Jewish culture to touch anything
subtly working for approval, resent our Father
to do with pigs. God goes beyond
or do tasks to be recognised, the Father wants us
cultures law, and will do absolutely
back to him regardless of the state of our heart.
anything to bring us back to Him.
We are loved, but do we recognise it.
Disgraced means nothing to God, it
You see we are never too far gone for Him; He is
was believed that once you
in the game of covering our shame. The Father
disgraced you father, you were
runs after us, the Bible tries to show us the love
forbidden to enter back into the city
of God, but translated in the Greek paints a
and the citizens had the authority to
beautiful “the Father runs as fast as the wind
stone you, if you tried to re-
would carry, pulling up His robe, to meet His
entered.
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Spiritual Etiquette | 81
There maybe things in your life that you
Father God, as a good Father and her
have done, where people feel they have a
birthright as a Son “I had a Father who was
right to slander, judge or speak ill of you.
very much interested in performance; I guess I
Abortion, fornication, low self worth,
was like the older brother, but didn’t know.
impatience, lying stealing and abuse, the list
Working to get my value from the things I did for
may go on, choose to operate as a
my dad. So throughout my whole life I received
RIGHTFUL SON and not to feel hopeless,
my identity from the things I achieved, being with
because the Father promises to protect and
good looking men, high-powered jobs, and
cover your shame, thank God that His
focusing on my appearance”. This rigid lifestyle
righteousness, makes us clean.
became exhausting, I would strive for perfection,
Godfather or Father God?
and when I couldn’t meet these standards, I
Many of us may see God as the Godfather, a Father that gives orders, and if we disobey we will be punished. We have to stick to our end of the bargain, or else we get nothing. God is not in the mob!!! This is how the older brother in the prodigal son,
would feel internally worthless. When I became a Christian this mindset transferred with my identity with God. I Suppose I saw God through the lenses of my earthly dad, I would work tiredly at ministry and feeling only successful if, I got results.
saw his father. He was near physically,
The antidote for this warped mindset is
living in the house doing all the work, but
renewing your mind with the word of God;
for what… Acceptance, love or status not
receiving truth from the Bible and take it as
knowing he already had this. Many
medicine.
Christians in the church live this hard
Walking in Sonship
laboured lifestyle, attend ALL the church
Walking out our Sonship brings such
services, lift Holy Hands, do Christian
freedom to all areas in our life, knowing who
ministry, feeling entitled because, they
the Father says we are, brings such
have accumulated the notches on their belt.
confidence and clarity to our whole being.
But their hearts are far from the Father, like
Changing the atmosphere around us shall
the older brother. Grace and engaging in a
become the norm. Katie is no stranger to this;
relationship with the Father is the key
she says “Since walking out my Sonship, I
mixture, to experience true Sonship. As the
have seen many lives transformed, around
Father said to the older Son, it’s true for all
me, because I am connected to Him. I now
Christians, I have always been with you,
know my authority and His power have had
and everything I have is yours.
an influence on my non Christian family
Marcia shares how she struggled receiving
members, who are coming to Christ. I love SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
82 | Spiritual Etiquette identity. Like the snake he is, he will try to
‘We are no longer Orphan Annie’s ladies, with a daddy warbucks wanting to adopt us, we have a better Father, known as the IAM’
lure us to live as we used to like orphans, broken busted and disgusted. The father of lies will try and deceive us with his cunning plans, by showing certain facts in our lives and displaying them as whole truths. Sound familiar to you, maybe you are in a season of financial difficulty and the enemy is telling you this is it for life, you will always be broke, or you are single
partnering with the Holy Spirit, allowing Him
woman and Satan is telling you that, you will
to do it through me”.
never be married. These are all lies, we must
Empowered woman you are totally accepted,
hold onto truth and keep rooted in His love
loved unconditionally, you can rest in Him
and foundation; I challenge you to be secure
fully, because you know, He has your best
in that.
interest at heart.
We are no longer Orphan Annie’s ladies, with a
As a Son we have the authority to ask Him
daddy warbucks wanting to adopt us, we have a
questions about who we are in Him, He
better Father, known as the IAM…….. Whatever
yearns for our intimacy. Let’s be bold in
you need Him to be, He promises to be that (He
relationship with Him, when was the last time
says I AM your healer, provider, husband,
you asked Him? Why He created you? What
comforter, and your Father, the list continues)
do you mean to Him? Why does He love you? Why did He choose you? It’s out of this place that you get your true identity. The Father adores affirming His children, just like He did Jesus when He declares “you are my beloved Son”. As we continue to receive truth from Him, it will fill us up and overflow into others. Hold onto your Sonship We are one with God, even though many may separate themselves from this truth. The enemy loves it when we are moved from the truth, this is his job, to try and steal our true
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Take joy…… Miacah Huggins is an ex mentee of The Mentoring
Academy and presently serves as a Minister for St James Church of England. Her community role involves empowering women to work out their God given purpose. For more information please contact her at miacah@stjamesnewbarnet.com.
Spiritual Etiquette | 83 Despite the increased opportunities for young women, there is identification and events to raise the awareness that your voices count, there are more opportunities to be problem solvers and contribute to building a more safe and sustainable world for everyone. Despite these great things and milestones, young women still face challenges related to their gender and often have to reconcile their
Being Relevant as a Young Christian
Woman
own dreams with expectations and idea of who “they should be” due to society. The feminist view says “you can do anything a man can do and you can be everything”. I believe YOU can do anything
By Edwina Momoh
you put your mind to do, not
Being a young woman in this day and age holds many
necessarily comparing
pressures let alone being a YOUNG, CHRISTIAN
yourself to a man. There are
WOMAN. Many are still trying to find out who they
many women who feel they
are and why they were created. The question of
must perform like a man. This
relevance is something you may think about regularly
a distorted view as you are a
and this question often rings in the ears of many. Does
woman and function in the
it matter that I am here? The answer is yes it does
role of a woman, meaning
matter that you are here and relevance is key no
there are certain things you
matter what stage of life you are in. It is about
are equipped to do that add to
knowing your relevance and finding out how to be
your relevance. Put on LOVE
relevant in society and the kingdom at large.
daily and let Gods love for SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
84 | Spiritual Etiquette you and in you shine forth so you
me and hating mentality must stop. There
appreciate the woman you ARE, the
are too many copycats in the world and
woman you’re called to BE and the women
jealousy and many women not many
around YOU.
wanting to be themselves. Do not confirm
Be relevant – love being a woman and embrace your feminine side.You are a female man with a womb with the power to birth great things into being.
to the patterns of this world. A rose can never be a sunflower, and a sunflower can never be a rose. All flowers are beautiful in their own way, and that’s like women too. Embrace your own uniqueness.
Reality shows, changing landscape of media and technology alongside reality TV and celebrity culture put pressure on women on how to look and shapes a damaging effect of using your body, beauty
Be relevant – love your uniqueness , love the skin you’re in, walk in love, love yourself, walk in your gifts and join forces with other women
and sexuality to be seen or get ahead. God says you’re “fearfully and wonderfully”
Character is not taught or shown in society
made in your unique way and you need to
but constant bad attitudes of women,
embrace that principle daily. Your body is
bitchiness, slander, gossip and tearing
a temple and should not be given away
down women. Enough of this culture!
cheaply to be on another man’s hit list for
Where are the women that build,
the sake of temporary love. Purity is
encourage and elevate. Be relevant by
power and honour Gods plan for your
being one of these! Be one of those who can
body.
be used to even show men how to treat
Be relevant – love your body, love yourself, value yourself and walk in selfworth
women in a better way and also edify and
The media also causes women to compare
Spend more time in the Word so God can
themselves and biblically we are
show you who you really are. He develops
told “comparison is not wise”. A
your character and shows you how
competitive spirit amongst other women
authentic you are. Embrace your
via “who is that girl?”, she looks better than
authenticity. Being authentic means of
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
encourage them in their journey alongside your peers and other young women.
Spiritual Etiquette | 85 undisputed origin, trustworthy and not a copy; genuine.
Lastly many feel they don’t measure up
Be relevant – be authentic.
or simply not good enough. This is a
When you find out who you are, find your inner strength and balance it with external strength you can go out and be an advocate/liberator for yourself and others, bringing change where ever you go. Knowing you have gifts and sowing your gift in church, other organisation, life causes you to sharpen your gifts. This can cause you to excel in your chosen career and also open opportunities to you even business development.
Be relevant – know who are and walk proudly I need to be in a relationship or have a partner to be relevant is one myth many young women hold. Many feel pressured to have a boyfriend/partner as they feel their problems will be solved. That special person needs to be you first, whole, complete and walking in purpose.
daily battle that needs to be overcome daily to be relevant and starts with the Word of God and prayer. Also spending time in worship helps remove fears, insecurities, doubts, loneliness, perfectionism syndrome and causes you to simply rely on God. A great support system, great friends who challenge you, build you journey is important.
Be relevant – You are enough and everything you need is within you now The lasting and most beneficial thing any young woman can do is pursuing God’s vision for their life after seeking God for their purpose daily in prayer. When you “delight yourself in the LORD, He (God) shall give you the desires of your heart” Psalm 37:4. God has placed within each person a vision that is designed to give meaning to life.
Once you are happy and work on being
Your God given vision is revealed to you
the best version of you, the best version
when you delight (take pleasure) in
of your partner will come and you both
seeking God. God has wrapped up His
can work on purpose, having a fulfilling
plans and purpose for your life in your
relation working on an assignment and
heart. As you commune with God your
not working on trying to make each other
Father and creator, He will expose you
happy.
and lead you to desire strongly what He
Be relevant – be a happy single, complete and whole first before getting into a relationship
has already chosen for you before you were born.
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86 | Spiritual Etiquette Doing what you were born to do, gives meaning to your life. Being a positive influence is very fulfilling. When you rise up, you give power, encouragement and hope to others saying they can also do it. Relevance is in your DNA, think of your future children and the legacy you will leave behind.
“The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity.” ―Margaret D. Nadauld
Continue to #breakoutthebox in all you do.
Edwina Exousia Consulting BREAK OUT OF THE BOX, IDEAS FOR IMPACT Strategic Marketing, Events,Youth & Training Consultancy
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Edwina Momoh - JOIN AND FOLLOW ME: About me: http://about.me/ edwinaexousiamomoh Twitter: http://twitter.com/ exousiaconsultn Linkedin: http://uk.linkedin.com/in/ exousiaconsulting Fan page: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php? id=100000017776688#!/pages/ExousiaConsulting/253489946542 Fan page2: https://www.facebook.com/ Breakoutthebox?fref=ts
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COURAGE
Will Never Let You Down By Anita Duckworth-Bradshaw
SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Spiritual Etiquette | 89 Courage they say is the backbone of
I have moved on and grown into my
every successful individual. A woman
own person. Courage was the backbone
with courage has the confidence to
of my ever increasing learning and
change her world. As a powerhouse your
evolution. The courage to succeed in my
courage will see you through every
chosen area of life was my source of
challenge you may come across.
strength. If you carefully study the lives
Apparently, the lack of courage creates
of all successful people (women
problems in personal and professional
especially), you will discover that
life (mental, physical and emotional
courage played an active part in their
difficulties).
achievements.
Those women who made history in
How many times have you tried to
their time had courage – no wonder a
give up on your dreams? A person
great philosopher said;
without courage unconsciously invites
“Courage does not always roar.
weakening and demoralizing elements to
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at
themselves. Courage has the power to
the end of the day saying, “I will try
challenge all unfavourable situations.
again tomorrow.” – Mary Anne
When you make courage your backbone,
Radmacher
you will be able to face all battles
It does not matter what you may
(physical, emotional, spiritual and
have been through – hold unto courage
mental) in your life. Every woman both
and she will sail you safely to your
great and small should embrace courage
desired destination. When you embrace
if they are to do, have and become more.
courage you will see possibilities in every challenge you are faced with. It took courage to leave my native land (Nigeria) to Europe. It took courage to start my business. It also took courage to de-clutter my circle of those who are looking serving my purpose. Courage will take you to places you have never imagined. As a teenager, growing up in a very challenging environment made me stronger than my peers. I never celebrated birthdays until my 20th – then
Anita Duckworth-Bradshaw
(popularly known as Anita Bradshaw) is the founder of two international organisations (La Proverbs Ltd and Woman The Powerhouse Ltd) based in London. She is an accredited coach from the Coaching Academy. A well-grounded individual with passion for positive change, an incredible Business/Life coach, motivational speaker and trainer who pride in supporting others to do, have and become more. Lady Anita is the author of two books (The Road To Discovery and Woman The Powerhouse) all motivational piece. Website: www.laproverbsacademy.net or www.womanthepowerhouse.com SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN
90 | Spiritual Etiquette
Business Kingdom Principles to Live By The advancement of the internet has given birth to so many millionaire entrepreneurs over the last few decades. With this sporadic growth comes the doctrine of acquiring more at any cost, getting ahead with no regard for those that are stepped on along the way. If we do not guard ourselves with the sword of the spirit (the word of God), it is so easy to be swept along with this same
difficult to turn down a contract that
doctrine of Me, Myself and I.
does not line up with our Christian
Below
are five business principles we ought to
beliefs, but we should consider the
live by so we ensure God is glorified in
effect on the kingdom of God and its
every business engagement.
advancement if we don’t. The margin
1.
between right and wrong is blurred
Better A Little With Righteousness, Than Much Gain With Injustice. Proverbs 16:8 NIV
and it is so easy to cross over just to make a sale. As kingdom- minded business owners we have to stand firm
The bible states that in the end-times
and refuse to be swept away by need
men will become lovers of self – desire
for gain and compromise our stand for
to excel, to get, to win and to be all they
righteousness. We must remember
can be for self glorification. It might be
that every gain with injustice does not
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Spiritual Etiquette | 91 glorify God nor does it advance His
away. The bible advices us to not let any
kingdom.
unwholesome talk come out of our
Remember - Dishonest money dwindles away, but whoever gathers money little by little makes it grow. Proverbs 13:11 NIV 2. Commit To The Lord Whatever You Do And He Will Establish Your Plans
mouth but only what is helpful for
Many of us are guilty of calling on God when things go wrong in our businesses – when sales dwindle or when the contract falls through. We fail to communicate with Him regularly so He can direct our paths. The bible promises us that if we commit whatever we do to
building others up according to their needs. Ephesians 4:29 NIV. What are you saying about your business? What are people saying about your business? Are you speaking life or death? Are you engaging your customers with words that build them up or push them away? Studying the word of God is the best way to get wholesome thoughts and words into our subconscious so they effortlessly proceed from our mouths and bless the hearers.
God, He will establish our plans. As God knows the end from the beginning - if we commune regularly with Him - He will align our paths with His will so His
4.
The Plans Of The Diligent Lead To Profit As Surely As Haste Leads To Poverty. Proverbs 21:5
promises can come to pass in our lives.
We live in a microwave, drive-thru and
God is the navigator system we need to
fast food age where we no longer want to
chart the course of our daily business. Let
build things to last. We want things
us make it a DAILY habit to commit our
NOW and very few are willing to wait for
business plans into His hands through
businesses to establish firm foundations
prayer so He (not the seemingly nice
and grow organically. No wonder so
‘other’ people) can establish our plans.
many businesses are here today, gone
3.
The Words Of The Reckless Pierce Like Swords, But The Tongue Of The Wise Brings Healing. Proverbs 12:18
tomorrow. Diligence is what separate
Our words are powerful; they can lift up
Do we fulfil orders on time or are we
and bring down low. They can also make
habitually late? Are we eager to make
a difference between the signing of a
money and thereby cut corners and
contract and investors/customers walking
deliver sub-standard products?
those who grow to succeed and those that haste to failure. Now the questions is how diligent are we in our businesses?
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92 | Spiritual Etiquette Diligence is defined by Dicitonary.com as
put more of God’s ways into our business
“constant and earnest effort to accomplish what
and become mighty ambassadors of the
is undertaken; persistent exertion of body or
kingdom – being doers of the word and not
mind.” Does this definition describe you?
hearers only.
Are you constantly building your business or just wishing it to grow? Are you putting earnest effort to accomplish what you set to
Temi Koleowo – is a business
consultant, speaker, trainer, coach undertake? Does the quality of your work and mentor. She runs Business First Steps and the networking show diligence? Does your business glorify group Business Steps 4 Women. God? These questions are part of the Temi provides practical and personalized business checklist we should apply to our business startup and development services and helps people package what they love and enjoy into viable daily to ensure we are living as kingdomproducts and services - with purpose and profit minded business owners. underpinned by the right processes and strategies to 5. You cannot serve both God and ensure business success. Temi is specially tuned to work with women who want to maximize their Money. Matthew 6:24 NIV passion and find fulfillment doing what they love God does not wish for us to live in dire solely or in addition to their current careers or straits but at the same time He proclaims businesses.
Himself as a jealous God. So how do we balance God and business? We create balance by making God the centre of our business, so He can direct us to establish His kingdom through what we do. Money is a tool and should always be seen as such. If your business generates a lot of money, how you use it determines who is in control – God, You or Money? Put God first so He can establish the rest! A salon owner, doctor, consultant, teacher, gardener and entrepreneur all have equal opportunities to establish God’s kingdom on earth within their individual sphere of influence. Let us make conscious efforts to
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Speakers’ Profiles
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Reverend (Mrs) Bola Akintola Founder/President – Women of Faith International Solicitor specialising in Housing Law, Land Law & Consumer Law
Rev. Dr Carol Tomlin Senior Pastor of Restoration Fellowship Ministries Independent educational consultant, author and international speaker
Pastor Ruth Mateola is the Associate Pastor of Perazim International Christian Center in Medford Oregon USA A gifted teacher, author, national and international speaker who inspires, challenges and encourages with boldness A Certified American Associate of Christian Counsellor A certified wellness and nutrition coach, A certified trainer and life coach
Minister Ruth Dickson is an international singer, song writer, psalmist, author, speaker and missionary. Founder & Director at Gihon Books Publishing Company.
Mistress of Ceremony MC Ms Lola Ogunbadejo is an award winning presenter and producer and Women4Africa Media Personality of the year award ‘2012. One of the main presenters of the popular magazine show ‘Afrika Rising’, viewed on OHTV, Africa Magic and DSTV, Lola has interviewed various television and media personalities. She has also hosted her own show called ‘Out and About’ with Lola. SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
Break Out Speakers Mrs Funmi Adeyi is an International Radio and Television Presenter. Presenter of the highly acclaimed programme Lasting Love presently viewed on OHTV UK (Sky channel 199), OH Box and OHTV USA. Reverend Enomfon Ntefon is a Relationship Transformation Catalyst for Women, Marriage Mentor & Bounce Back Coach. Founder & Director of Winning Women in Relationships, with over 20 years’ experience working with singles and couples in a pastoral capacity. Miss Kerryn Grocia is a mentor, tutor and the Founder of Love Life Love Jewerly & Love Life Love Face Painting. A graduate of Empowered Woman - The Mentoring Academy, writer of 3 blog s and a dance worshipper for Diamondz Dance Academy. Mrs Amma Frimpong is a mentor, tutor and writer. Founder of Crown of Beauty a Praying Ministry and writer for a new blog site she started called ‘Raising an Army’. Presently volunteering as a lecture at Empowered Woman - The Mentoring Academy. Pastor Denise Roberts is a journalist, editor and publishing consultant. Director of The Editor’s Chair and editorial and publishing consultancy Co-Founder of Christian Women in Business (CWIB) a ministry concerned with the heart of the woman behind the business.
Anneesh Elizabeth is an Entrepreneurial Business Psychologist and Chair of the Forum for Business and Consumer Psychology Author of the books Turn Your Reason into Results, and Stand out and Love It. CEO of Catapults Confederates
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