Wew summer 2014 (draft 2) by Restoration Fellowship Ministries

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FASHION Styling for Summer

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FROM THE EDITIOR Hello Ladies Welcome to the summer issue of WEW Magazine. In this season’s issue we’re celebrating the success of the magazine going international; our spring issue went worldwide and we’ve had some wonderful feedback from Kingdom Minded Women in America, China, Ireland, South Africa, Nigeria, Egypt, Switzerland and Australia with over 3000 readership and we’ve made some new and interesting connections that will spring into fruitful relationships in the coming months and years. In this issue, our Woman Stepping Out! feature interviews Princess Bola Adelani an international Total Success Coach amongst other things, find out how she’s come so far and how’s she’s used her experiences, skills and gifts to repackage herself to empower others in her world. Reverend Peter Kent is our man of the month and he discusses how to get your marriage into gear, we also have an article on defying mental illness in women and an interesting perspective about how to develop strategies to manage the deaf or disabled; and why not learn how to get ready and detox for summer to give yourself a better body image, all this and more in our summer issue. We’re also going public with the Women Empowering Women Magazine website where there will be extended versions of some of our feature articles, including video recordings of some of the women we’ve featured in Women Stepping Out! And we’ve also dedicated a corner to you our most valued readers that will allow you to have your say about articles and highlights we’ve featured in the magazine. So hold on tight to your seats ladies, relax, sit back with a warm drink and peruse through the pages of our latest issue and get into what the Kingdom Minded Women in our summer issue have to say about their style, their wholeness and their spiritual etiquette.

Be Empowered! www.womenempoweringwomenmagazine.com Be Empowered

A Magazine for the Kingdom Minded Woman, Promoting her Style, Wholeness and Spiritual Etiquette. SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

IS HAPPINESS A RESIDENT FEELING OR SHOULD IT BE PURSUED

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CONTENTS 06 OPENING ARTICLE 06

Passing the Baton

11 WOMEN STEPPING! 11

Princess Bola Adelani

18 HER STYLE 18

Nuggets to Freshen up your home for spring 24 Is developing a successful business the same as achieving purpose 28

Dressing Up Your Body Shape

23 WHOLENESS 34 Understanding your child’s love language 37 Two is Better than One Practical Tips to Help you 44 start a healthy nutrition

50 Making the most of Midlife Crisis 58 Is Happiness a Resident Feeling or Should it be pursued 61 The Obstacles Impeding the Success of some black women 70 Condemnation and Self Condemnation 76 LMPP Testimonies

80 SPIRITUAL ETIQUETTE 80 Walking out your Sonship 83 Being Relevant as a Young Christian Woman 88 Courage Will Never Let you Down 90 5 Business Kingdom Principles to Live By 93 A Woman’s Sacred Calling Speakers’ Profile

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6 | Special Feature

Passing the BATON By Prophetess Jacqueline Ani

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Special Feature | 7

s we move into summer, we are reminded of the sun, the sea, the long days and short nights. Summer brings in warm evenings with a cool breeze in some parts of the world, and other parts such as Africa, the sun burns so hot, it can darken or should I say tan your skin tone. When we think of summer we think of taking a long expected holiday, as children prepare to break from school there shouldn’t be a problem in going away for a period of a month or so if you need to. I suppose summer is definitely my time of the year as I get to sport my array of colourful clothes a hobby that allows me think and be creative with who I am. I wonder why I find it impossible to do this in winter; this is something I’m going to have to #breakoutofthbox. What about you? What do you love about summer and how do you spend it, whether with kids or without there’s still that feeling of wanting to maximise the season and all the warmth it brings. Even though summer denotes the atmospheric season in the earth, as women we also go through seasons in our lives. If you find yourself in the summer season of your life, it’s a time for looking over your organisation if you’re in business, looking over your flocks as a shepherd would look over its flock checking them out, it’s a time for looking over your family, a time for checking whether everyone in your care is happy and feeling supported. If you’re in your summer season of life, it’s a time for relaxation, restoration, recuperation, rejuvenation, in some ways it’s a Sabbath season and as multifaceted women we all SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

8 | Special Feature need to build that in to our lives. If you have a business with staff, look out for your team and staff, are they being looked after, if you’re a pastor look out for your flock/ home group, are they being nurtured, do they have time off? It’s important to maximise the time and the benefits each seasons brings into our lives, because you’re being prepared to take on what the following season has in store for you. As I reflect on the last 6 months of 2014, I realise I’ve gone through so many internal and external changes which has challenged me to think differently. One of such changes was the death of my mother who passed away in April. I lost my father just under 2 years ago and the Lord prepared me for my mother’s passing even then; my mother wasn’t ill, she was a strong woman who was also independent in her thoughts, however I realise that when it’s your time, it’s your time and one doesn’t need to be ill to answer the final call of God, you go peacefully and this was what happened with my mother. As the oldest in my family the next person after my parents, I’ve come to realise that I’m stepping into a role that demands a certain level of wisdom, grace, understanding, action and patience furthermore it demands another level of deep spiritual connection with God as I believe it’s my role and place to cover my siblings and surround them with protection prayerfully, I realise that God had been preparing me to take on the baton that my parents started and I ask myself, am I prepared for this? Can I do this? Can I be held responsible in this way? I believe if God prepared me almost 2 years ago and I see why, then I know that if He says I’m ready, I must be ready.

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But what does passing on the baton mean to you and for your children? And to those called to care for children? As a mother whether you’re biological or spiritual are your preparing the children in your care to receive the baton and take hold of it with all responsibility and maturity when it comes to their turn to step into the calling on their lives? Let me paint a picture, something I’ve seen in my own mind time and time again. We live in a world system and the system is governed by rules, regulations, policies, legislations etc, everything we do whether good or bad will produce some form of reward or consequences, our actions can either get us in trouble with the authorities or bring notoriety, some form of acknowledgment for good work and achievements, some families will invest in property, land as a form of inheritance for our children and prepare them to continue the legacy if that’s the way you want to go. Now let’s look at it from a different and perhaps wider perspective, I believe my own nuclear family has a spiritual and earthly inheritance and my mother be that as it may developed all of us in the faith, I believe that she left me a spiritual inheritance, something that I can use to continue the work of the Kingdom, therefore she passed me a spiritual baton, now it’s up to me and my siblings to continue the work of the Kingdom by taking hold of the baton and “continuing to build ourselves up in our most holy faith , praying in the Holy Ghost, keeping ourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life, and of some have compassion, making a difference” Jude 1:20-25

Special Feature | 9 My mother taught me how to discover my identity, discover my gifts and my talents and pursue my purpose in Christ and become a resource birthing all that God has put in me and I’ve never departed from that, it’s now my responsibility to use my spiritual gifts and with the help of the Holy Spirit turn it into practical resources to provide for my family and for the support and help of needs for the continued building of God’s Kingdom, His Government here on earth and I’m part of His Government. Therefore I am learning that in Christ I’m not limited to what the world says I can and can’t do, I’m also part of God’s Kingdom and I choose to use my experiences, gifts, talents and skills to serve God beyond a system that has limitations. My mother was my mentor, as she taught me always to go back to God and discover my purpose in Christ. That’s the baton I continue with and that’s what I teach my own children so that they’re not left not knowing what to do but in all situations go back to God because my role is to prepare them to take on the baton when their time to lead comes. My mother was my mentor regardless of who she was and the mistakes she may have made she mentored me, whether it was to my liking or not, because it always sent me humbly back to God. Our children’s welfare , spiritual and practical development should start from us, and as women/mothers we owe it to God to look after the children He has blessed us with, because we don’t own them, they are given to us on loan for this reason, to train them up in the gifts they are given by God and how to use these gifts for the Kingdom that I work for so that when they grow and mature, they will never depart from their gifting; I also believe that we should also lovingly show them how to go to the Holy Spirit to direct them to where they’re gifts can

be used for an eternal purpose. However, if you don’t reflect that godly part of your life before your children as a standard for good living, how do you expect them to model it? Whether you’re a biological mother, a guardian, a foster parent, an adoptive parent or a spiritual parent, if you’ve been given a child to nurture, make the most of the role and responsibility so that they can continue the work of Salvation and when you pass on the baton, they won’t look at it as if it’s foreign to them, but they will continue the work and the legacy given to your family to do. There are so many children, whose frustration and perhaps lack of good parenting skills have sent them to the adversary’s den where the longing to use their creativity and gifts becomes a device to trap them in a world of deceit and immorality. Who do we look to for help? Is it the system, the media, the schools? God’s Kingdom is a system that is already in motion, it works, it was formed with and by His Word, but if we’re not operating in the Kingdom structure, how do we expect those in the world system to know what to do with our children? We have to know, we have to learn, we have to understand and we have to perceive because preparing and passing the baton on to your child means being spiritually aware, being discerning, being prayerful and most importantly being in alignment with God’s Perfect Will for your own life. By doing this you’re securing their own future when they step into the role to lead. So I ask you today, what legacy are you building, what foundation are you laying and can you see your children being part of what it is that you’re building? I encourage you to think deeply about your kids past school level, past university level, think about them when it’s that time to hand SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

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Special Interview | 11

Women

Stepping Out With Princess Bola Adelani

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12 | Women Stepping! My first connection with Princess Bola Adelani happened 3 years ago, we found out that our conferences seemed to be hosted on the same day in different parts of the world and that has always continued to this year. She once described me as her alter ego and though we’ve liked each other’s work from time to time, I thought now would be a good time to present Princess Bola Adelani as a Woman Stepping Out! In the Summer Issue of Women Empowering Women Magazine

information enthused with wisdom from above, and a one on one meeting with her would get you thinking, speaking and acting destiny, but not only that, she has an electric energy about her and I know this energy can only come from the Holy Spirit.

Princess Bola Adelani is known as a Total Success Coach and definitely wears the title very well, amongst other hats she is also known as the Dream Mid Wife, Spiritual Money Coach, Queen of Networking to name but a few, Princess is a wealth of

Princess Bola Adelani is first and foremost a child of God; she believes in Jesus Christ, the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. She’s a woman of God, a mother, a sister, a friend and an entrepreneur.

I spent some time with Princess to find out why we thought of her as a Woman Stepping Out and achieving Kingdom purpose against the odds. Who is Princess Bola Adelani?

How would you describe an entrepreneur? A business woman in short, an entrepreneur is someone who is selfemployed who runs her own business as a means of livelihood and she does it for profit. Do you think the word entrepreneur or the activities of an entrepreneur is misconstrued for a normal business as people tend to use the word entrepreneur loosely? I think there are more entrepreneurial people stepping out to pursue their entrepreneurial dreams, maybe it’s the times we live in, however my understanding of an entrepreneur is someone who is pursuing a business endeavour for the purposes of business and profit and livelihood. That’s always been my understanding of the role and definition of an entrepreneur. What’s the difference between a social, spiritual and business entrepreneur?

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Social entrepreneurs speak more to the purpose for which they exist; if your purpose is a public purpose and you’re running it as an entrepreneur there’s also a business part. There are two aspects, the purpose and the entrepreneurial, and the profit. Your still for a profit, but the purpose is a public purpose. I notice that you hold the title “Princess” where did this originate from? The title originates naturally and spiritually. Naturally, it originates from my paternal side; my paternal grandfather was the crown -prince of our town. I’m originally from Nigeria, the South Western state of Ogun in a town called Owu - Ikija just off Ijebu Ode a town that comprises maybe about half a million people. I come from the ruling family. My father’s younger brother is actually the current king of the town

However, I didn’t start using the title until about 8-10 years ago when I got a revelation of my spiritual royal heritage as the daughter of Jesus Christ the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords and at that moment, led me to embrace the title, other members of my family use the title, but I didn’t as I didn’t really grow up in the my town, but rather in the City of Lagos. So I didn’t start using the title until I had an epiphany of my true identity in Christ. This is something that I share with billions of people across the globe and I wish that more of us would really understand and embrace that identity because that’s truly who we are in Christ. I think this question of identity impacts so many areas of our lives.

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14 | Women Stepping! 14 | Women Stepping! You studied Law at University of Buckingham what led to the career change as a Total Success Coach? I would say the frustration that I was experiencing after we had migrated from Nigeria to the States. I originally lived and had my education in the UK, went back to Nigeria for a season and then moved over to the United States and it was in the States that I started raising a family. For the first few years, I wasn’t working outside of the home and then I guess as the children grew, and ministry at the time was at a place where it was unable to support us financially, and I became frustrated, I tried to go back to practising law, I completed all the necessary exams and did very well in some civil service exams but the doors in that area wouldn’t open. It was in my frustration that I cried out to God and He gave me this idea about using my gift, my talents, my experience as an attorney and as a preacher taking it to the market place and using my passion to empower, to motivate and encourage people; that’s how my role as a Total Success Coach came about. Was this a career change? Not really a career change because a lot of my skills sets that I’m using currently as a coach, a trainer and motivator are skills that I was using as lawyer and pastor but not as full time vocation, it was as a hobby, something that I did as a ministry and I took it and turned it

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into a full time enterprise. I believe I transferred my skills as a lawyer and preacher and packaged it in a way that it would be marketable, appealing and tradable in the marketplace. What is your definition of Total Success? Total Success for me is Complete Success; nothing missing nothing broken! When I think of the scripture in the book of Thessalonians where Apostle Paul says that he prays that the whole spirit, soul, body and mind is preserved, blameless until the appearing of Christ. I think God’s Plan is for the whole person to be fully empowered, fully in sync, in harmony and in alignment with divine will and His Mandate and His Desires. Total Success is success that is holistic, it’s complete, it is work life, its business, and financial, it’s spiritual, it’s emotional it’s just whole in all these areas. In distinction, success as defined in the world as one dimensional, when people think of success they think more of the business, professional, financial and career success. Total success is a little bit more; it has to encompass the total person, the whole person. Jesus said, what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his own soul, therefore to attain the financial, the profit, the whole world, the glitz, the glamour , the fame but lose the essence of who they are spiritually at their core, because they didn’t bring it alongside

Women Stepping! | 15 and in harmony as they were pursuing success. For me the total is the holistic pursuit of God’s calling for our lives and just the desire to thrive and to excel. What do you define as the woman’s role in today’s society? The woman’s role is the same as always been. Her primary role stems from her innate God given role as a life giver; she gives birth and brings to life. She’s connected to the home as the one who brings her children to life. Her primary role is at home in terms of nurturing and caring for the children. The children are God’s heritage, they’re the next generation, they’re the one we pass the baton to, and I think her primary role is to train, prepare and empower and position them for their destiny. As for her relationship to her husband, she is a helper; her role also is to support him to be all that God has called him to be. The way I look at it is this what good, what would be my testimony if I’m going out there and saving the world, but I lose my family. They say that charity begins at home; she must never lose sight nothing she does outside must be at the expense of her home and her children, her family. However I also believe her role extends beyond the family, but as long as she has the understanding of her fundamental primary role and place and she keeps it in balance she will be fine. More of society is embracing and allowing women to pursue their destinies beyond the home. We’ve seen so many biblical examples like Deborah; she was the wife of Lapidoth and she was also a Judge in Israel the bible acknowledge her place in the home as a wife and probably as a mother and then her influence and her calling beyond the four walls of her home into the community and to the nation. Another example is Esther whose influence and role extended beyond

her home into the political arena of the day, the Proverbs 31 Woman she paid attention to the needs of her home, but she was also an entrepreneurial woman, who bought fields, who had foresight, who was visionary, invested in real estate, who invested in oils and her influence extended outside of her home even though it primarily began in her home. Do you think there are some Christian women who seem to lose sight of their primary role in the home this may be due to frustration and are spending more time doing ministry outside of their homes? I don’t think it’s the women that are losing sight of their homes, I think that most women are okay and have a good understanding of their roles in the home and in the family. I think where the problem is and what they’re revolting against is that it’s not their only role and they don’t want to be boxed in to that role; because there is more to them, yes they’re a mother and a wife, but their also entrepreneurial, their visionary, leaders, dynamic speakers, preachers. The problem becomes when men fail to understand that their wives though her primary role is in the home, they’re role is not limited to the home. The problem stems from men limiting their wife’s activities to the home. When they don’t encourage, and flame their gift, when they don’t support them, release them and work alongside them to pursue their wife’s other calling and dreams outside the home that I believe is where the frustration with many women come from and why the homes are breaking up. I believe in the radical faith revolution, in that more and more women are rising up and taking their place in the Father’s Kingdom and refusing the limitations that men are putting on them to limit their roles to the homes, because they know there is more SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

16 | Women Stepping! to them that meets the eyes. They want to use more and more of their gifts for the glory of God. So many women are being suppressed because they’re not birthing their destiny. It takes a secure man who understands his wife and her role outside of their home to really come alongside her to birth for the glory of the King.

more active in fighting for equity to level the playing field a little bit more. In USA women still earn 77cents to a dollar for the same job. It’s the same challenges, and desires and dreams and goals that women have everywhere.

As someone who has lived in different continents of the world, what do you think are the different issues and similarities that women face?

Education, empowerment, education, empowerment, education, empowerment, education, empowerment, that’s it! (Laughter)

More similarities than differences; there is a general desire in the hearts of women everywhere to make a difference to be significant, to have a voice, to feel valued, appreciated, affirmed and to give back. I think it’s a universal desire that women everywhere have. And the challenges we face are also similar, for centuries, I feel women have been marginalised, disenfranchised, rejected, abused and suppressed and this is a global thing, whether it’s the women in Africa in the village, the woman in America or on Wall Street, there is still a way women are programmed, stereotyped and viewed, like I said earlier where there are more body parts, sex objects, care givers and nurturers only. There is an inequity even when women are pursuing their dreams or in the workplace, there is an inequity in the way in which they’re compensated, promoted, acknowledged, and recognised. I feel this is a global challenge facing all women. The only difference is that more of the women in the western world are stepping and speaking out,

That’s something that is so much in my heart and I‘m really believing God for the right time for me to give back to not only in Nigeria but the continent in Africa. The reasons why some women are still oppressed and depressed in Africa is because they lack economic power, they lack economic education. In most cultures it’s the boys they send to school. There are different levels of education i.e. teaching women entrepreneurship, supporting women at grass roots, and teaching them how to export beautifully handmade woven clothing called (aso oke), whether its beads, it’s all economic empowerment and education. The more women are educated, the more they’re able to articulate and fight.

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How can women in the western world help women in Africa and create that balance?

Hilary Clinton once said, when you train a man, you train another man, but when you train a woman, you train a nation how does the work you do through Royal Proclamations support this view? Royal Proclamation supports this view by women empowerment and changing the life of one woman at a time. Most of my

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18 | Wholeness programmes are geared towards woman (laughter) they are geared towards empowering, educating and creating opportunities for women, its one woman at a time. We know the position of influence that women occupy in the home, they say the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world, you train, equip, mentor, educate a woman, you’re directly supporting educating, mentoring and training a family, from a family; it’s a nation, a community. 90% of our programmes are geared towards women. How did Royal Proclamations come about? Pretty much the same way as Total Success, Royal Proclamations was the umbrella under which I began the coaching, speaking consulting programmes that I do. It ties in with the brand for proclaiming the Royal Laws, the Royal Edits of God. You will be in England in the summer to promote the “Activate Your Big Dreams Tour, tell us what the tour is about? First I want to say that I’m so excited and looking forward to meeting some of the many wonderful sisters that I’ve been connected with socially but I’m yet to meet face to face. I will be in the UK in August and I’ll be speaking in 2 cities, London and Leeds. I will be in London on the 9th of August at the Holiday Inn Chestnut Plaza in Westfield and in Leeds on Saturday 16th of August at the Hilton Hotel in Leeds. I’m looking forward to making that face to face connection with the ladies in the United Kingdom. I’ll be hosted by Temi Koleowo of Business First Steps in London and Tosin Abbey of Activ8 Consulting will be hosting the one in Leeds.

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The Activate Your Big Dreams Tour is a programme that I created a couple of years ago to help people, equip and give practical tools strategies for people to reach their God given dreams. There is a frustration that many face in birthing their gifts and calling which is a global need. This is no more than a 3/4 hour programme. The Lord said to me part of my mandate and my call as a dream midwife is to bring to life those dreams. This tour is first and foremost to awaken people to their destinies and to give them the practical tools which are needed and to share with them, whether it is a dream that already exist and take it to the next level. We all have a big dream right? It could be to take your dream globally, to be on television or start doing work with corporate entities. Whatever that dream is, this programme is designed to equip them and to provide them with an opportunity for one to one interaction where they can pick my brains, to share authentically my journey with them and to meet and connect with other likeminded women and I am looking forward to meeting many of you on the day. God is doing a new thing….this is a prophetic Word that has been repeated continuously throughout the year and I believe this has a lot to do with women moving into their positions so that they can be spiritually effective , prepared for the new thing God is doing. What more can be done to empower women into their divine purpose? I think this new thing and this movement of women rising have created a need for leadership, this is a vacuum that I see. Women lack leadership , there is no central figure that women can refer to in terms of who has been on this journey and who is where they would like to be to provide them with leadership.

Wholeness | 19 The leadership isn’t coming from the churches unfortunately, I find that a lot of pastors, a lot of my colleagues are still resistant to women in leadership, they’re resistant to the different types of gifting’s that women have. If their gift is not traditional, if they don’t sing in the choir or they’re not in Sunday school, I find that a lot of pastors are still very resistant and very unsupportive and these women are branching out on their own and trying to find their way, to me their like sheep without a shepherd and there’s no one there to support, encourage, mentor and guide them no one whose been on the path and can counsel them and advise them. I think if anything needs to be done for women is in the area of leadership, someone that they truly know that is committed to them, pray for them, come alongside them which is why I created Conquerors Academy which I know is your next question (laughs) In your latest broadcast you mentioned you will no longer be hosting conferences; however you have instituted Conqueror’s Academy. How will Conquerors Academy help to bridge the gap and help people date their destiny? There is a lot of value in conferences and since I put that broadcast out there, there are many who have not agreed for me to do this and I’m in conversations with a college about partnership. The reason I wanted to move away from conferences is that I looked at the time involved in producing a conference and all the expense and overheads and I looked at it against the results which is the transformation and I saw that it wasn’t accomplishing the transformation that I

was looking for and I believe God is looking for, He’s looking for fruit. So I decided for a season to lay off to be able to focus on the greater need that I believe women need which is ongoing support, guidance, mentorship , leadership, encouragement, oversight and that is what Conquerors Academy is designed to do. And so for me it was a question of directing my energy into the most productive programme. However by popular demand the request for me to continue the conferences is still coming from different angles. It depends on whether the partnership and event planning can be transferred to someone else then who knows, because there is some value in conferences. However, at the moment for me it’s about managing my time and my energy and my resources in the most productive outlets, because I’d rather take a few like Jesus who focused a lot more time and energy with his 12 disciples and they changed the world, they were in His inner circle. I’m still busy and I have a television show which is a platform I use to speak to the masses. But my energy must be focused and directed to the inner circle the core of people to pour into them and they can pour into others. Conquerors Academy is delivered via 2 streams a virtual class and a live class and I’m looking for leaders to be on the programme, there are four semesters, the spring class has just kicked off, and there will be a programme in fall and other programmes next year. How has the response been so far with the Conquerors Academy Programme?

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20 | Wholeness It’s been very good. When I rolled out the programme a lot of people were interested, but after the first class, many saw that this is no joke and few decided not to continue, but I have enough to manage; which is good for me for now. Do you think that programmes such as the Conquerors Academy and others receive a better response from women in America and that women are seen to be more responsive to their development than women in the United Kingdom and why? I think there are a lot of challenges with women in the United Kingdom. Some of the things I’ve noticed is that the welfare system in the United Kingdom can be a blessing and a curse, and when it becomes a curse is when it kills the need for people to have a drive. In America, if you don’t work, you don’t eat its literal. In America before you qualify for government assistance you would need to be in a really awful situation. But I’ve noticed in the United Kingdom, people get support from the government and they have fancy cars that could never have happened in America because it’s considered an asset you’re not poor, you would never qualify, and because we don’t have that kind of support you pay for medical for everything. People I think are more driven, especially the immigrants, we’re driven, and there’s something about your creativity, your creative juices begin to flow when you’re between a proverbial rock and a hard place. I find that in America, we’re more driven and more entrepreneurial, more creative because there’s no support but in the United Kingdom there’s all kinds of support and people I see are a little bit more complacent. The other thing I’ve noticed is that there is a perceived glass ceiling in the United SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Kingdom. I was quite fortunate to have been educated and attended a boarding school so I literally went to college with royalty my college University of Buckingham is the first private university in the United Kingdom, so my mind set didn’t limit me because I had a certain level of access and exposure . But the new generation of immigrants in the UK have this perceived block in their minds were they feel they cannot rise beyond a certain level and so their dreams are not big enough, they don’t think outside the box, they don’t think limitless. Whereas in America there’s no glass ceiling, I pursue relentlessly, there’s no arena to the Glory of God I’ve not been able to break through whether corporate, media etc., my TV show Inspired Success was just nominated for an award and came number 7 with the largest amount of hits on cable television network and so there no limits, no boundaries, but in United Kingdom there’s a fear of breaking into the culture so to speak. Congratulations. How long has your TV Programme Inspired Success been going? 5 years it’s a television programme of royal proclamations and is designed to equip viewers with the power and inspiration for total success and it’s transmitted through my local television cable station and is streamed on demand via the internet and it broadens the reach. It airs on Thursday 8.30pm Eastern Time and can be watched live. (Link to the TV show is below). I’m also working on a book titled “Total Success Decoded” which I’m excited about.

How can you be contacted and please tell our readers how they can register for the next Date Your Destiny Programme?

Wholeness | 21 Dates UK Tour for London is Friday 9th August at the Holiday Inn Chestnut Plaza in Westfield Saturday 16th August Hilton Hotel Neville Street, Leeds Events start at 6pm Suitable Links Website: www.RoyalProclamations.com About Princess Bola: http:// royalproclamations.com/princess-bolasbiography/ Inspired Success TV: http:// royalproclamations.com/inspired-successtv/ Conquerors Academy: http:// royalproclamations.com/about-conquerorsacademy/

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22 | Wholeness

Get your

MARRIAGE into Gear

By Rev Kent Peters

he sacred institution of Marriage, as God intended, is under severe attack in the current dispensation under which we live in the Western world. This is facilitated by legislation enacted in various Western countries, such as the UK, mainland Europe and North America, in an attempt to support and appease those who are ‘moving with the times’, oh-sosophisticated and representing the ‘progressive’ sections of Western Society.

The groups described in the opening paragraph have subscribed to the postmodernist thinking (read scepticism or disaffection with the norm) of ‘many outcomes’ to Marriage rather than the one outcome intended by the Father.

In point of fact, such groups would refer you to pagan practices of polygyny (polygamy and polyandry) in Biblical times

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and now, in their argument for a pluralistic take on what the Father intended with Adam and his rib, Eve.

It is worth noting that this regressive situation had been in existence for quite some time, but took root after the Second World War (1939-45) and thereafter flourished in the decadent decades of the Fifties, Sixties and Seventies; when Western Society started being influenced by the thinking of the day, as espoused by popular music artistes and others who were experimenting with substance abuse and the philosophy they themselves were being influenced by; such as the erroneous teachings of the English occultist, Aleister Crowley, and others.

However, let us forget what Man has attempted to dilute, pollute and destroy and have a look at what the Creator intended by the Godly institution of Marriage.

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“When a couple make vows at their marriage, they are covenanting with each other, but more importantly covenanting with their Creator.” In the Book of Genesis, we learn that the Father instructed those He created:Genesis 1 v27-28 NIV 27 “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. 28 “God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number;….” Genesis 2 v18 and 20-24 NIV 18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” 20 “… But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman’, for she was taken out of man.”

24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” The crucial words appear in the last sentence “and they become one flesh”! When a couple make vows at their marriage, under public scrutiny, they are covenanting with each other, but more importantly covenanting with their Creator words to the effect that: Groom: “I,____, take thee,_____, to be my wedded Wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.” Bride: “I,_____, take thee,_____, to be my wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.” Then, as the groom places the ring on the

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Wholeness | 25 bride's finger, he says the following: “With this Ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.” I wonder if couples actually know what it is to covenant with God and then break that covenant with their spouse! Today we flippantly rush to the Family courts to annul marriages at the slightest hint of discord, forgetting the “for better, for worse”, the “in sickness and in health” and, most importantly, the “till death do us part”; resulting in broken marriages, destroyed families, dysfunctional children and men and women who become so emotionally unhealthy that it begins to have an adverse effect on their physical well-being. Of course, there are marriages where either due to abuse (physical or mental) to self, spouse or children, it is best to separate from that abusive individual and attempt to repair a broken marriage, but in the main some of the reasons I am seeing for divorces are simply due to either a lack of true understanding of the vows taken – under God – or totally selfish reasons! I am referring to reasons given such as: finance mistrust infidelity “falling out of love” irretrievable breakdown (very popular) “I’ve met someone else!”

“You (or I) have changed” The grass may always look greener on the other side, the cup may always appear to be half-empty rather than half-full; but if couples were to attempt to resolve their differences and to mutually achieve amicable conclusions (remembering always the vows they entered into), I do believe a lot more marriages would not only be in gear, but will purr smoothly as they notch up each year of marriage under their belts. There is an adage that says that “you never know what you’ve got until it’s gone”. My prayer for all is that: this will not be your portion; your marriages will not just survive, but thrive you will encounter Godly favour;

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26 | Wholeness

you will encounter through the years blissful happiness the trials and tribulations will make you both stronger in Him. Divine Guidance as you both go! Rev. Kent Peters and Rev. Denise Peters were saved on the same day, baptised on the same day and were both ordained as Ministers in 2005 under the hands of the late Bishop Melvin Powell and the late Bishop Donald Bernard; founders of the worldwide Organisation known as The New Testament Assembly. Both Kent and Denise minister from their home church, New Testament Assembly, Tooting, under their Pastors, Bishop Delroy Powell and Rev. Freddie Brown. Together they have a joint vision to see marriages work - the way God intended - and believe that successful marriages and relationships do not just happen; that they must be worked at! In this regard, their passion stems from their own

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experience in marriage and family life and from supporting singles aspiring to marriage; courting and newly-married couples and those relationships experiencing difficulties and in danger of separating. Kent and Denise will be celebrating 25 years of marriage in November 2014 and they are blessed with four wonderful children, Raphael (22), Vernita (17), Elisha and Eleesha (both 11).

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We Support you to bring new life into your work! Just imagine what it would feel like to wake up actually looking forward to your day at work Imagine getting back in the driving seat of your work life again knowing what you want and excited about making it happen Imagine actually loving being at work again, feeling fulfilled and energized and truly engaged Imagine discovering the unique difference you were born to make and making that difference daily through you're work. T: 07813 294405 E: Connect@DionJohnson.com

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28 | Her Style

Unmasking Your Gift By Toks Aruoture

s an interior designer my work centres on creating beautiful living spaces. Colour, lighting and pattern are cleverly used to create mood and ambience alongside functionality; it is amazing how much of a role light and colour play when designing rooms. Do you remember coloured light bulbs? As a child I always wondered why my parents

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chose not to use them. Thankfully my friendâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s parents had the insight to create a magical wonderland using red light bulbs. I enjoyed the warm glow when I visited and for hours we would disappear into an amazing world, oblivious to what was going on in the real world. I found the room cosy and full of adventure as there were nooks and corners you only discovered when you approached

Her Style | 29 them. The harsh light of the sun was shielded with heavy curtains and we would play indoors for hours and never ceased to be stunned when we got back outside, it was daylight! Interior decoration overlays the structure of a building, first drawings are made by an architect who designs the layout and the structure of the would-be house. Builders are brought in to physically construct it, they work alongside structural engineers to make sure that the building is safe for habitation. Then the completed structure is decorated by the designer. An old house that is still structurally sound can also be made beautiful again with the help of paint and decor. The crux of home design shows for many is when the before and after room shots are shown. We are often amazed at how the old dingy room has now been transformed into a beautiful space. I have been enjoying a lesson from the Lord about face value, or judging by outward appearance. The lesson started when I came to the understanding that we were all created with a unique gift, which is a reflection of the glory of God. Previously I only recognised those gifts in people who shone the brightest; the Michael Jacksons and the Bill Gates of this world. I erroneously thought that these well accomplished men and women who are celebrated were the gifted ones, which means if you are not celebrated, you are therefore not gifted. Not necessarily a bad thing, after all not everyone can be a celebrity, right? Wrong!

I now understand that we are all created with a unique gift and it shines when the gift is polished, not when our outsides are polished. I do not subscribe to the defeatist theory that says all celebrities are filled with wickedness and are therefore hell-bound, as opposed to the poor unsuccessful Christian who manages to drag their burdens slowly to heaven. We are all gifted, Christians and non-Christians alike, but the ones who work hard and are meant to shine, do. And of course if we are not successful, we need to look inside for a solution, not outside. Furthermore recognition by man is not a sign that you have excelled in your craft, it just means you appear to have done so. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s what PR companies and publicists get paid for. SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

30 | Her Style In the same vein, there are gifts inside of us that are masked by challenges & trials; the same way that a well-built house can become dingy with dirt and use over time. When our challenges are magnified it causes us to ignore the gift and abilities in us so our entire focus is on the outside. We mask our emotions and thoughts with a smile, or just the right words, like the red light bulb masked the fact that it was in fact daylight. I read this scripture recently: 1 Sam 13: 19-21 there were no blacksmiths in the land of Israel in those days. The Philistines wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t allow them for fear they would make swords and spears for the Hebrews. 20 So whenever the Israelites needed to sharpen their ploughshares, picks, axes, or sickles, they had to take them to a Philistine blacksmith.21 (The charges were as follows: a quarter of an ounce of silver for sharpening a ploughshare or a pick, and an eighth of an ounce for sharpening an axe, a sickle, or an ox goad.) 22 So on the day of the battle none of the people of Israel had a sword or spear, except for Saul and Jonathan.

Toks Aruoture is a baby and child interior designer and the creative director at Punkin Patch Interiors- a boutique specializing in the production of luxury furniture and linens for babies and children. She is married with four boys. When not designing rooms or chasing after her sons she can be found blogging at www.pawpawandmango.com and inspiremeinc.wordpress.com

Toks Aruoture is a baby and

child interior designer and the creative director at Punkin Patch Interiors- a boutique specializing in the production of luxury furniture and linens for babies and children. She is married with four boys. When not designing rooms or chasing after her sons she can be found blogging at www.pawpawandmango.com and inspiremeinc.wordpress.com Toks Aruoture ...the joy of living! Stop by my blogs! www.pawpawandmango.com www.inspiremeinc.wordpress.com

It is interesting to note that the Philistines, as part of their plot to cripple the Israelites banned Israelite blacksmiths in the land, for fear that they would make weapons to be used against them. The Israelites then had to purchase their tools and weapons at exorbitant prices from the Philistines. It wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t that there were no gifted blacksmiths, there were many. But they were stopped from using their gifts. Not using your gift is a sure-fire way to hinder your growth and progress in life. What gift are you not using? Dig deep, pull it out and start to polish it until it shines. SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

www.punkin-patch.com

Founded in Georgia, USA, Punkin Patch Interiors was established in the UK in 2008, bringing southern charm to nurseries and children's rooms across the British Isles. Our vision was to create a space to stimulate the growth of childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s imaginations. For further information and to view our products see our contact details.

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32 | Her Style

Discovering Purpose Through

Cultural Diversity by Nkiru Iweka

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Her Style | 33

was lucky enough to grow up in a cosmopolitan family (my maternal grandmother was English) AND in a cosmopolitan city – Onitsha, S.E Nigeria, was at the time filled with people from all over the world: England, Poland, Greece, Hong Kong, Russia, various Caribbean islands and the Indian subcontinent to name a few. Weekends and holidays were either spent at The Sports Club swimming and eating colonialinfluenced fare such as club sandwiches and mixed grills; or at various friends’ houses where our parents encouraged us to at least taste what we were given, regardless of whether we were familiar with it or not. At home, perhaps because of my mother’s background, in addition to Nigerian dishes, English and other food often appeared on our dining table. An excellent cook, she made her own jams from seasonal fruit such as mangoes and guavas, made her own sausages (using pork sourced from a pig farm in nearby Obosi, which also happens to be my ancestral town) and baked her own bread. Her parents went one step further and cured their own bacon. I suppose you could say that culturally diverse food has always been a part of my life. We moved to England in 1985. For a young teenager, it was very exciting culinary-wise and I was looking forward to trying out dishes I had only read about in English novels. I have to say that my first taste of “strawberries and cream” and “fish ‘n’ chips” was rather disappointing. School lunches were even worse. Still I soldiered on. I made new friends from various backgrounds. Even then, London was pretty

multi-cultural, if not famed for the quality of the cuisine on offer. Over the years, various foods have become commonplace and even usurped native dishes in London and the rest of the UK: these days, you are more likely to find a Mexican fajita or Thai green curry on offer in a British pub than a ploughman’s lunch (which used to be the norm). Schools, hospitals, prisons and other public institutions will have an Indian curry or a Chinese stir-fry on their menu. Supermarkets offer Chinese and Indian ready-meals and sauces; there are even Michelin-starred Chinese and Indian restaurants. In my opinion, Black Africa is the last unexplored culinary frontier. It is not because our food is not delicious – friends from various countries have loved eating jollof rice, egusi, beans, suya and even ‘exotic’ dishes such as ugba and nkwobi. Jollof rice and chicken; pepper soup and my famous goat curry (for the adults) always features at my children’s birthday parties regardless of whether any Nigerians were attending or not. As a Nigerian, pepper soup, jollof rice and chicken are part of our hospitality culture. Perhaps my early life (mixing with people from diverse ethnicities); the fact that I am obsessed with food (from all cultures) and this desire to see Nigerian (and by extension, African food) known and accepted worldwide has led me to where I am today: turning my passion with food into not just a business but a vocation: introducing Nigerian food to a wider audience (both at home and abroad). SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

34 | Her Style The reactions (from Nigerians and nonNigerians) to the food I cook has been uplifting: Nigerians are amazed that our food can look so appealing and at the variety of the dishes we have; non-Nigerians are intrigued and want to find out more. There are perhaps three key ways in which I achieve this: 1)

presenting authentic Nigerian food in beautiful and sometimes unexpected ways. using Nigerian ingredients (and other readily available ingredients) in new ways.

adding a Nigerian twist to dishes from other cuisines.

I have just published my first cookbook: ‘Quintessentially Efik Recipes, Foods of Nigeria’. This is the first in a planned series of seven cookbooks covering carefully researched and authentically prepared foods from the six geo-political zones of Nigeria. The fully-illustrated books will contain wellknown dishes from each zone together with some less common dishes, all beautifully presented and photographed. In creating new dishes, I sometimes draw my inspiration from other cuisines, bearing in

Efere Ine (Fisher an’s Soup) - From “Essentially Efik Recipes”

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Wholeness | 35 mind readily-available ingredients in Nigeria, some of which may be non-indigenous. For instance, the consommé below is a mixture of foreign vegetables (celery, potatoes and red peppers) with ukwa (which reminds me of pearl barley, a popular grain used in British soups and casseroles).

Ukwa & Vegetable Consommé

With the dish below, I have taken yet another French classic and given it my own twist with two of my favourite Nigerian flavours: efrin (scent leaf) and ehuru (calabash nutmeg) to produce a totally new dish. But I’m not just a chef and a food writer, I am also a director of Tupelo & Green, a culinary services company which provides advisory, consultancy, educational and capacity-building skills for catering staff of blue-chip clients and private clients. Skill development areas include: cooking, food styling & presentation, service and SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

36 | Her Style

French-t immed Lamb Chops with E in & Ehur Cr st

other aspects pertaining to the management and maintenance of high-end kitchens. I like to think of myself as a ‘Citizen of The World’: finding similarities between my culture and those of other and relishing and adapting differences to draw inspiration for the work I produce. “Food is our common ground, a universal experience.” James Beard, American chef and food writer. (1903-1985) Nky Iweka started off her professional career as a Management Consultant with blue-chip organisations across the UK and Europe. She has always been

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passionate about food and has been lucky enough to eat her way through the world as she provided professional advice to her clients. This passion has now become her profession and she has spent the last few years reworking Nigerian food to make it more attractive to Nigerians and non-Nigerians (without losing its taste and authenticity). She is the author of two cookbooks: The Modern Nigerian Cookbook - Nigerian food with a twist (currently under consideration with publishers) and Quintessentially Efik Recipes – Foods of Nigeria (published in 2014

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Women Rising The Radical Faith Revolution!

By Princess Bola Adelani

or the last couple of years, I have observed what can best be described as a phenomenon, a movement, a revolution of sorts, among Christian women around the globe, and it is a movement of; “women rising to their destinies and taking their place in their Father’s kingdom!”

pursuing their philanthropic and entrepreneurial dreams… many are pioneering nonprofit and for profit, ventures…This is the Radical Faith Revolution… a new generation of apostolic women are emerging, women like Deborah and Esther, who are utilizing their gifts, talents and influence, for Kingdom advancement and to bring about cultural Like the daughters of Zelophehad , in Numbers 27, Christian women all over the and social transformation and world seem to be saying that their gender reformation!!! does NOT disqualify them from leadership This “Revolution” is also impacting how or other prominent roles in the kingdom of women define what church is and how God… they are saying “we have an church is done. I also see a greater move inheritance in our Father’s Kingdom!” towards organic, “church without walls settings”, with an increased number of Christian women are stepping outside of Christian women opting to be part of the boxes the church has placed them in and stepping into their God given roles as prayer teleconferences and members of para-church ministries. transformers and leaders of change. I see more women of faith taking on the mantle of leadership in, and beyond, the four walls of the church. They are “defying” the traditional and stereotypical roles in ministry that restricts their service primarily to the worship team and in Children’s Church and Sunday school! An increased number of women of faith are taking charge of their destinies and

This phenomenon is what I believe will bring about the global awakening of the church and usher in the return of our Lord Jesus Christ. Of course, as with any movement, it brings with it some challenges. The first challenge being that of leadership and the second being that of mentorship/discipleship. That is why I created Conquerors Academy. To

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“...a new generation of apostolic women are emerging, women like Deborah and Esther, who are utilizing their gifts, talents and influence, for Kingdom.” equip women and offer them the guidance and leadership they require. When you think about it though, the idea of women championing Kingdom causes and leading and inspiring change is NOTHING new! After all, it was a woman who championed the resurrection message and it was a woman who led Christ’s message into Samaria. It is exciting to see that once again, women are leading the way; they have risen because they are aware that the glory of the Lord has arisen upon them… THIS is the Radical Faith Revolution… we are SILENT NO MORE!

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Princess Bola Adelani, Total Success Coach “America’s Dream Midwife, Spiritual Money Coach & Queen of Networking” Proclamations Founder/CEO & Inspired ByRoyal Rachel Toussaint Success TV Host LINKS Website: www.RoyalProclamations.com About Princess Bola: http:// royalproclamations.com/princess-bolasbiography/ Inspired Success TV: http:// royalproclamations.com/inspired-success-tv/ Conquerors Academy: http:// royalproclamations.com/about-conquerorsacademy/

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42 | Her Style

Putting Black Women on the

POLITICAL AGENDA By Rachel Toussaint

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he right to vote is a fundamental and inherent right of being a British citizen. However, it is a little known fact that Black people of African and Caribbean origin are the least likely of all groups to register to vote and the least likely to vote â&#x20AC;&#x201C; with people of African origin being the lowest. We all probably accept that black women lead the household on issues of economics even if they themselves are not the breadwinner. Equally, black women lead on other issues regarding decisions about the children, going to church, family holidays and small or large decision. It will stand to reason then that an understanding of political engagement by black women is essential for the success of the family and indeed of the community. Research has shown that people who do not exercise the most basic citizenship right, such as the right to vote are highly unlikely to take up other for civic duties such as becoming a school

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44 | Her Style governor, a magistrate or a police custody visitor. Many people are unaware that names for jury service are taken from the electoral register. So if black people are the least likely to register to vote then it follows that we are the least likely to appear as a juror. We often hear of “all-white” juries in cases where the defendant is black. However, if we do not put ourselves on the electoral roll then how can we expect to see a jury that reflects society. This situation has a devastating effect on the workings of the systems in which society our operates.

community advocate I come across women of African and Caribbean descent who, in my mind, show common trends which hinder their political progress. There is a lack of a sense of belonging. Black women will often talk very much in terms of their family life or community life but there seems to be a “disconnect” between this and the wider society. It appears that there is a failure to understand that many of the problems which impact on the community come directly from decisions made at a local or national government level.

Then when we analyse this we see that there must be very few black women engaged in the that Black women see of themselves, political life of the UK. In turn, we will findByImages Rachel Toussaint that politicians will therefore have no especially in the media, do not always incentive to answer to the needs of ourselves represent them in a positive light. This means as individual women and to the needs of our she is more likely to want to keep a low profile families and wider communities. In this rather than to put herself forward as a political article, I want to explore the reasons why leader. black women find it difficult to engage in the political arena of the UK, what are the We understand as a community that many consequences of this and what are the black families often operate in difficult solutions. The aim of this article is to circumstances, for example there is often no encourage black mechanism within the family to build women to confidence in young girls so that they grow engage actively into confident women. Often fathers are in political life – absent from the family home and may never which starts by seek out a relationship with his daughter. voting through Again, this can bred feelings which lead to a to putting low self-esteem and a propensity to shy away herself forward from challenges, particularly from entering an to stand as a arena which may put your faults and insecurities under the spotlight. political candidate. In my day to day life as an Immigration Solicitor and

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As a community in the UK, the black population, who although they do have a history of voting, they do not have a history of actually leading in the political process. Therefore, there could be a stigma against

Her Style | 45 someone who wants to break out of the mould and stand for a political office. There are so many scenarios that will play out in the mind of a woman before she even thinks about how she could really contribute to the political scene. Achieving the “Work / Life / Work / Politics” Balance There’s no escaping a major factor which prevents many women to step into her purpose. That would be the great obstacle of family life. Many women who work outside of the home are riddle with guilt at the thought of living their family for extended periods of time. In addition to achieving the work / life balance there will now be the added responsibility which comes with a political life. Many women who work choose to reduce their income-earning hours dramatically. If a women hopes get elected into office. This is turn will have an impact on the family finances as mother may be the only breadwinner in the household or father is present but the mother salary is also heavily relied upon by the family. In order to reduce any negative impact that a political career could have on the family, many mothers decide to forego their political ambitions in favour of family commitments. Political Ignorance Earlier on I stated that black women are not groomed by their families for a life in politics. Therefore, it follows that they will have a limited political knowledge. Ultimately, black women will shy away from

voting – some saying they do not know who to vote for, they did not know where the polling station is or they forgot to register to vote and therefore were unable to do so come election day. I would say that gone are the days when the electorate just voted for voting sake. Equally, we are seeing a move away the traditional political parties whilst the electorate take a greater interest in getting more for their vote. Along with this is a noticeable rise in the number of people from a non-political background who decide to stand for a political position themselves. In particular, we have seen a rise in the number of people of Asian who put themselves forward for election as a local councillor, an MP and even as a MEP (in the European Parliament). This revolutionary thinking is not so apparent among the black community where only a handful of people put themselves forward nationwide to take up a political candidacy. Many people believe that you must have particular qualifications, however this could not be further from the truth. No special qualifications are needed for a career in politics. Indeed, the life experiences that many black women have had both through their family and community life put them in an ideal position to apply their skills on a wider level and to be paid for doing so. So we want to move beyond this to explore how black women can take up an active political career. Make Voting a Habit As mentioned earlier, black people are the least likely to register to vote and in turn are the least likely to turn up to vote at elections.

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46 | Her Style As a nation, voter turnout is particularly low family members and wider community to do when it is not the year of a general election. In so as well. May 2014, we saw that Euro-sceptic party UKIP won the overall European elections. Stand as a Candidate However, although there appeared to be a media frenzy in the country about the rise of Imagine yourself as that person in your UKIP the overall national voter turnout was community who has the capacity to support only 30%. Even in the region won by the people with the challenges they face on a daily UKIP leader, Nigel Farage, voter turnout was basis. If you have an interest in your local only 35%. So you can see there is a lot of area then you may be an ideal person to stand apathy in the country generally towards as a local councillor, an MP or an MEP. voting. Therefore, we as black women must push for our families and communities to The first step is to get to know the political become involved in the voting process. There parties in your area. When you are convinced may be many people at church who do not of the politics of a particular party take the know what is involved in voting. Think about plunge and become a member of the party. involved in supporting another candidate having a “day of action” to encourage churchByGet Rachel Toussaint members to register to vote and to in the of the party in their campaign efforts. In order process in the society they have chosen to live to stand as a candidate you will need a lot of support from family, friends and volunteers in. from the party. Helping someone else will I speak to many politicians and they all give you an idea of what is involved in revealed something very telling. That up to running as a candidate and to know if it is six months from the next election they do not suitable for you and your lifestyle. focus on people who are not on the electoral register – in other words, they only seek to meet the needs of the people who are registered to vote. Of course, from a political point of view this makes sense. Clearly, someone who is not registered to vote will not be able to assist you in getting re-elected so common sense would dictate that politician focus at this crucial stage on those people who can vote. There are very sophisticated ways that political parties can ascertain who is registered to vote and indeed who has voted. So the moral of this section is to get yourself on the electoral register and then at election time, turn up to vote and encourage your

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If a full-blown political life is not for you yet, consider other areas of serving the public where you can make a difference. Become a School Governor Almost on a daily basis I come across a parent who expresses a wish to become a school governor. As a school governor myself, I would strongly recommend that you put yourself forward. A school governor acts as a “critical friend” to the school. The idea being that the school leaders will report to the governing body on issues affecting the school. The governing body then make recommendations and have the power to prevent the school from taking certain actions.

Her Style | 47 School governors appoint the head teacher. They make decisions about the finance and direction of the school. The governing body also has the final say on school exclusions. It is well reported that there is a disproportionate number of black boys who are excluded from schools each year. You can be a parent governor by running for election in the school, a community governor, or you can apply to be a local authority governor by making a simple application through the local council. Become an Independent Monitoring Board Member Statistics show that people of African and Caribbean heritage are treated more harshly when in state detention. Could you be a watchdog in a prison and immigration detention centre by becoming a volunteer Independent Monitoring Board member? You will volunteer for 2-3 days a month and have unrestricted access to the facility at anytime. Your role will be to ensure procedures are followed, standard of care are maintain and decency are maintained. You can talk to any detainee away from staff at any time. Become a Custody Visitor Custody visitors are again ordinary members of the public who are authorised to visit police stations unannounced. They then visit the detainees in the cells and check on their welfare and that procedures are being followed. A custody visitor can be very welcoming for people who have never been in police custody before.

Become a Magistrate Magistrates have a very important role within the court system. Most cases in family law and criminal law start and indeed finish in the Magistrates Court. Magistrates have very wide powers to give someone a prison sentence and in family law to decide disputes involving children and deciding who the children will live with. Being a Magistrate is voluntary but is very rewarding. You are only expected to give a few days work a year and being a Magistrate will certainly raise your profile amongst your peers. So you see there is a world of positions you could take up in the political arena and also within the community â&#x20AC;&#x201C; all of which will have a positive effect on society and on your own self-esteem. I do hope you feel empowered and confident to participate and to encourage your community to do so. About the author Rachel Toussaint is a consultant Solicitor based in Birmingham UK. She is a specialist in immigration law and family law. She is an advocate for voter registration and political engagement in marginalised communities. A wife and mother of 4, Rachel believes that politics is law in action. She can be contacted for advice and networking via her blog www.racheltoussaint.wordpress.com.

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48 | Special Feature

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

A Special collection of articles from contributors of the 2014 Conference SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

50 | Her Style

YOUR CALLING...

A Life of Significance By Anneesh Elizabeth

t is and will forever be your calling to live a life of visibility and significance. The alternative is to live a meaningless life of obscurity and insignificance.

So what is God's intention for calling us to a life of significance? The Bible reveals God's plan for us leading a life which is both visible and significant. We are divinely purposed and empowered to be salt and light. "You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men" (Matthew 5:13). Salt is used to season and flavour a meal. Likewise your life was designed to add flavour to your home, social and work environments. Salt is used as a preserving agent in food. Likewise you should be helping to maintain kingdom culture and godly standards in the environments you find yourself in? Salt adds zest and liveliness to a dish. Likewise you should be having an energising, encouraging and

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edifying affect on the people, projects and places within your sphere of influence. The Bible also teaches: "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lamp stand, and it gives light to all who are in the house" (Matthew 5:14). Light is a source of illumination and revelation. Similarly, we are called out to be beacons of light in an increasingly dark world. As we allow the Spirit of God to work in us and through us we bring illumination and revelation to our world. We make an invisible God visible. We become His hands as we flow with His Spirit and touch the soul of another. We become his mouthpiece as we speak hope, faith and love into hearts. We become His instruments of honour as we heal the sick, feed the poor, and take up positions of significance to positively influence in our communities and countries.

A City Set On A Hill According to Jesus, we are "a city set on a hill". What does this mean for us?

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52 | Her Style As a city: when seeking a life that stands out and makes a difference it is important to remember that though we have a personal vision for our lives, we are also part of a collective. God intends that each individual acts for the corporate good of the whole. We represent one entity, the body of Christ. Each member of the body is valuable to God and has a significant purpose in the Kingdom of Heaven. Our call to a life of significance is less about the "I" factor and more about the "we" factor; what we can individually contribute to the advancement of the kingdom agenda, which benefits all and gives glory to One, the Father. The question you should ask yourself is who am I building with? What partnerships can I be forming? To be set: means that you are fixed conclusively and authoritatively in position, according to your unique talents, skills and abilities. God intends that you be strategically placed in the kingdoms of this world -

business, politics, entertainment, arts, media, and education - for maximum influence and impact. The question you should be asking yourself here is where is God positioning me? On a hill: means you are being elevated to a high place. God intends for you to step out of your familiar places, away from circles of mediocrity, so that you may stand out and be conspicuous.

What's the meaning of visibility and significance? If we look a little more closely at what it means to be visible and significant it becomes clear why we ought to aspire to such a life. To be visible is to have clarity, to be discernible and visual. I've defined it as being identifiably distinguishable in your environment. To be significant is to be compelling, convincing, expressive, powerful, symbolic and valid. I've defined it as being inspiring, influential and impactful in your environment.

A life of visibility and significance versus a meaningless life of obscurity. A life of visibility and significance

A meaningless life of obscurity

Leads to freedom and fulfilment

Leads to frustration and a sense of failure

Achieves more positive and powerful outcomes, for yourself and others

Resigned to powerless and negative outcomes

A constructive life

A destructive existence

Gives you a sense of connection to your calling

Gives you a sense of disconnection from calling

Potential for greater levels of income, influence and impact

Average or minimal income, influence and impact

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54 | Her Style A meaningless life of obscurity

Purpose driven life

Purposeless life

Postures you for solution oriented living

Perpetuates struggles and problem oriented living

Produces a productive individual

Produces an unproductive individual

Promotes growth

Prevents growth

A life worth living!

A life worth changing!

Your Next Steps to Significance 1)

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A life of visibility and significance

Align yourself to the call of significance "Let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:16 You must arise and shine. And when you do you must use your influence to signpost people to the Father. Remember it's not about you, it's about what God can do through you. As Jesus was, so we are in this world. Follow Christ's example.

Agree and accept the purpose behind the call "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field." Luke 10:2 1The call is given, but like any gift, it must be well received. If we fail to heed the call of God on our lives we leave a vacancy which the enemy of our lives is only too happy to fill.

Overcome obstacles and barriers As you step out to obey the call of God on your life, you will be confronted

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with enemies common to the progressive person. Intimidation: people and situations will attempt to intimidate and manipulate you. When this happens, remember Psalms 27:1: "the Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" Be strong. Fear: people and situations will tempt you to fear. When this happens, remember Joshua 1:9: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Be assured. Family, friends and your community: do not be alarmed or discouraged that the people most familiar with you do not perceive or embrace your call or support the work God is doing in and through you. When this happens, remember Mark 6:4: 'Jesus said to them, "A prophet is not without honour except in his own town, among his relatives and in his own home."' Go to the people and places you are assigned to. It won't be everywhere, and it won't be everybody. Opposition: you will encounter people who feel it is there job to oppose, stop and block your forward progress. Don't take it personally. When it happens, remember

“Woman of God, you are called to a life of visibility and significance. You are empowered and equipped from on high — Take the first step!” Isaiah 54:17: "No weapon that is formed against you will prosper; and every tongue that accuses you in judgment you will condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their vindication is from Me," declares the LORD. And Isaiah 54:15: "Watch! If anyone does attack you, it will not be from me; whoever may attack you will fall because of you." Woman of God, you are called to a life of visibility and significance. You are empowered and equipped from on high. Take the first step! Accept your call with this short prayer: Father, I understand that you created me for a purpose and that you have a plan for my life. I forever accept the call of God on my life. I ask you to lead me into the fulfilment of Your assignment for me. I partner with you, knowing with You all things are possible. Amen.

Anneesh Elizabeth is an entrepreneurial Business Psychologist, CEO, lecturer and Chair of the Forum and School for Business and Consumer Psychology. Author of the popular Amazon book, Turn Your Reason Into Results, and her new release Stand Out And Love It. Anneesh is committed to helping failing and frustrated individuals turn your wasted potential (at home, at work and in your social circles) into winning potential. For help to pursue a life of significance which leads to personal satisfaction and greater levels of success, join the Life Improvement mailing list at www.AnneeshElizabeth.com and download your free empowering audio TODAY. Start your transformation with a personal message from Anneesh!

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56 | Her Style

YOUR CALLING...

Kingdom Business By Pastor Denise Roberts

Building a Sustainable Kingdom Business

here was a woman who hid leaven in three measures of meal. A short time later when she returned the meal was three times the size it was before she added the leaven. According to the Gospel of Matthew 13:33, that’s where the story ends but let us muse on this a little… what do you imagine happened next? At the breakout session on this topic at this year’s Empowered Woman Conference we imagined this woman went on to bake such great-tasting bread that all her neighbours began to talk about it. She eventually opened a bakery from which she supplied the whole village and became very successful. Fanciful thinking? Well, if we deduce from the kingdom message that the kingdom is an entity with a power capable of miraculous multiplication then it isn’t so fanciful a story at all. When we apply kingdom principles, its power in us is awesome. How the kingdom characterises growth

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Before we look at what it means to build a sustainable business let us look at some of the characteristics of growth in the kingdom as deduced from the parable above. The growth Jesus described is: Unexplainable – though there are certain actions on the part of the woman the growth is essentially organic; it happens independently, overnight, instantly. Transformational – it changes the properties of the flour or soil where it is applied or planted. Develops or increases – it multiplies and expands ex-proportionately in size, not just double but up to 100 times what was sown. Invisible – it cannot be grasped. People cannot put their finger on it or say there it is. It is elusive. Intangible – same as above, it cannot be touched. Omnipresent – it is everywhere, all invasive and contagious.

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58 | Her Style Attractive – people need it and are drawn to it. While they cannot put their finger on it and say “There it is”, they certainly recognise it when they experience it. They feel a sense of “goodness” from it. According to the power at work in you, when it comes to business, where can it take you? How big can your business grow? The answer is anywhere and to any size. When we get a sense of the bigness of our potential it creates room for the potential to happen. In other words, we will get what we expect. Sow sparingly even in faith and you will reap sparingly from your faith. And, of course, vice versa.

What’s sustainability?

widow, the feed the hungry and to clothe the naked, to lift up the downtrodden and to promote fairness and justice for the wronged. So, the nature of our business must contribute to creating a world environment where these things happen, as God calls us to do.

Characteristics of sustainable businesses In their book on this subject, Building the Kingdom Through Business, authors Bridget Adams and Manoj Raithatha outline the principles employed by businesses to measure their sustainability. Such a business must Byhave: Rachel Toussaint 1.

Now let’s take a look at the features of a sustainable business by dissecting the word “sustainable”. It implies that the object possesses the ability to sustain or nurture itself. It possesses certain energy that renews itself, so it has within it the power to exist. We all know of businesses that were once household names yet no longer exist. Where are they today? In the history books. They were unable to sustain themselves. Business leaders and politicians alike are increasingly recognising that today’s environment calls for businesses that do more than simply make money. They must contribute to a business environment that is predicated upon ethics and socially aware decision-making, and recent discontents and economic meltdowns show what happens when they fall short. It is interesting that the world is thinking this way as it is the standard God sets for human interaction, to take care of the orphan and the SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Financially profitability: it has a financial growth strategy in place. Social impact: it contributes to provision of employment, health, housing, care, and so forth. Environmental impact: it cares about the environment (like Adam did!)

That’s where the impact ends for most businesses but a kingdom business also has a forth dimension: 4.

Spiritual impact: it looks to eternity by adding a spiritual value to people’s lives.

The final point above is where a kingdom business diverges from the worldly business. A worldly business adds the element of social impact but the kingdom business goes further by developing the person inside based on the principles our Lord told us to teach others to observe. You may not go all out to preach Jesus dying on the cross but you can certainly make an

Her Style | 59 impact by demonstrating the principles He taught His disciples, about love, fairness, forgiveness, faith and growth. And then tell them about Jesus dying on the cross!

The spiritual impact All sustainable businesses have at their core the principles taught by Jesus Christ. They solve a real need or problem without compromising on these. They also have eternal effect in as much as they take root and grow in the hearts of people, which is where God wants us to have impact.

It is only what we do in the kingdom that will remain. Everything else is passing away, so the value of our actions in this world is measured in terms of their observable results in the kingdom. Our actions will be measured in terms of what we invested into the lives of others.

“It is only what we do in the kingdom that will remain. “

Businesses like Rowntree and Quaker, set up by Christians, had an objective over and above profit making. They provided workers with benefits unheard of in their day, like pensions, housing, healthcare and support for orphans and widows. But Richard Branson came close to point 4 in his vision for global transformation when he asked, “How can I bring more meaning, value and joy to work and make money at the same time?” Perhaps without knowing it he was describing “worthship”, which was the mindset the Hebrews had towards their work. They saw work as an act of worshipping our Creator.

If we boil this down then, your business will be truly sustainable not only when it is profitable and has social and environmental impact, but also when, through it, people’s lives are touched by kingdom principles. Now this is good news for business people because it makes it easier to grow your businesses. When we invest in people’s lives they will naturally talk about our products or services, not in the stiff tones that fill most marketing materials but with energy, inspiration and emotion.

Pastor Denise Roberts is an editorial consultant and founder of Arable Woman (previously known as Christian Women in Business), an organization that teaches on using the concept of sowing and reaping to deliver results in any area of our lives. She also runs regular workshop seminars on “Using the Power of Storytelling to Build Your Business”. Visit her at editorschair.com

Business in the kingdom therefore moves from being solely profit driven to solving problems, adding value to lives and extending worship to God.

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60 | Her Style

YOUR CALLING...

A Prudent Wife by Funmi Adeyi

wife is a female partner in a continuing marital relationship. She is also referred to as a crown to her husband. She is the home maker, a person of value and seen as a woman of beauty and worth. After God was done with creating animals and all the other forms of creations, he then created man in his own image. Adam as his name is lived in the Garden of Eden and was enjoying the coolness of the garden. He became very lonely and needed company. In my opinion , he must have seen other animals in pairs drinking, eating and mating together and must have felt really down and depressed about it. Interestingly, God felt his pain, felt his mood and therefore thought how good it would be to get him a partner and he went ahead to make him a woman from his ribs. The full story can be found in the book of Genesis 2:18-22 Important points to note here: Endeavour to teach your children and all the younger generations within your jurisdiction to always ask God in prayers for the choice of a spouse. An individual can marry the ‘good’ or probably the ‘better’ but certainly the ‘best’ is best for anyone. The

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bible says ‘He will provide an helpmeet that is suitable for you’. I am convinced that God is the all-seeing and all-knowing one and will only give the best to anyone who seeks him . Secondly, I believe that every woman is made from one man’s rib, the only thing remaining is to seek, find and locate that missing rib. How do you seek and find, by asking God and believing him. In our society today, there are lots of mismatches only because people are not rightly matched together or not matched with their best. Now, God’s requirement of a woman is not just to be a wife but to be a prudent wife. Proverbs 19:14 says ‘’Houses and wealth are inherited from parents but a prudent wife is from the Lord’’. So a prudent wife is from the lord. And who is a prudent wife? Being prudent is: Sensible, careful, cautious, wise and discreet amongst others. These are what God requires from a woman who is taught from the Lord and who is regarded as ‘Prudent’. A prudent woman is a wise woman, a woman of great understanding; she manages her household well and still

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62 | Her Style finds time to spend with the lord. She is able to govern and discipline herself by the use of reason. She is submissive in all its meanings. She has discretion, common sense, foresight and good judgmental ability. She is circumspect that is, wary, guarded, careful, judicious and cautious. As a prudent woman, her roles are held in high regards and are seen as crucial and indispensable. It actually goes beyond bearing and rearing children. It is a 24hrs 7days job. In many cases, without any day off from her duties. It also includes the basic chores like cooking, cleaning washing etc.

“A prudent woman manages her time very well always looking ahead …”

In conclusion, how do you become a prudent woman? My response here will be from Proverbs 2:6 ‘For the Lord gives wisdom and from his mouth comes knowledge and understanding. It is a wise thing to always ask God for wisdom to live life. Every day of life has its own challenges and unfortunately in A prudent woman manages her time very casesToussaint you cannot use yesterday’s Bymany Rachel well always looking ahead to planning and solution to sort out or solve todays difficulty preparing for upcoming activities and or challenge. The only thing that will work is appointments. For her, nothing knocks her of the divine wisdom of God. So as a wife, and in course; she has a clear overall view and all cases relating to family issues ,ask God for understanding of the daily operations of her wisdom and for directions.. home. She knows when to make a formal sit down dinner and when to prepare sandwiches. she recognizes the importance of rising up early to make use of the quiet time available to her to rest in the lord and at the end of the day, she still finds time to thank God for the energy and inspiration she’s had to carry out her responsibilities.. Are there advantages of been prudent? A prudent wife has a very happy family. Both the husband and children enjoy satisfaction in all its meanings. The husband desires to come home all the time and the children look forward to a very healthy meal at all times. The husband has a companion in his wife and always looks forward to rubbing minds and sharing ideas with her. The children has no secret away from their mother only because she is wise and sensible.

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64 | Her Style

YOUR CALLING...

The Empowered Parent

arents play a huge part in a child's life, hence, the way the parents act, whatever is said and anything that we do largely impacts a child's development from the moment they are born. Diana Baumrind, a psychologist made a research and found that there are four types of parenting styles which are permissive, hands off, authoritarian and authoritative. These styles are persistent patterns of behaviour of a caregiver toward one or more children. This article will seek to address the features or characteristics of two of the parenting styles i.e. permissive and hands off style, its impact on children and also the biblical characters that exhibited the different styles. As we go through these two styles of parenting, allow the Holy Spirit to help you identify whether any of these styles resonate with you. If you happen to be one of these, it is not to make you feel condemned as there is NOW no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. However, in order not for you and your children to perish due to lack of knowledge, we need to allow the Holy Spirit to bring to our attention the reasons why we parent the way we do, what we have been exposed to as a child and

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ultimately to gain wisdom by correctly applying the knowledge we have gained. Now the question is; how are we preparing our children to be without blemish, gifted in all wisdom, possessing knowledge, quick to understand and have the ability to serve before kings and queens? (Daniel 1:4) I believe that the answer lies in the paragraphs below. The first parenting style is the permissive style is high in love but low in discipline and authority. The features of this style are as follows: 

This parent equates guidance and instruction as meddling in their child’s life.



If the parent has any rules at all, these are rarely or inconsistently enforced.



Warnings are not enforced and are followed by more warnings that are also not enforced.



After being pushed to his or her limit by non-compliance, this parent usually erupts with anger and frustration.

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66 | Her Style 

They will feel like slaves to their own children, because of the constant disrespect, manipulation, and confusion that is in the home.



In reality, these parents are simply inconsistent. He or she considers discipline and parenting simply too much work.

Considering the above characteristics of the permissive style of parenting, these are the corresponding results or impact it has on the recipients who happen to be our children.

role as a parent, refuse to relinquish your values and beliefs and more importantly, bounce back and refocus on your goal as an empowered parent who is nurturing future leaders and world shakers. The second parenting style is the hands off, which expresses less love and much less or no discipline at all. The features of this parenting style is as follows; 

 

These parents who give in to most of their child’s desires will usually have out By of control children.



These children argue and talk back to their parents in a disrespectful way.



Without discipline this parenting style usually produces a very self-oriented child, because he or she is left to become what they are by nature, selfish.

One biblical character who was permissive was Eli because he did nothing to stop his sons from sexually exploiting the women at the Tabernacle where the Israelites came to worship. Eli could not prevent his sons from forcefully taking the best sacrificial meat from the people who came to worship God. He no doubt loved his sons, but he definitely could not exercise authority as a parent to discipline them. Hence he spared the rod and spoilt the children. As a result of his permissive parenting style God judged him severely and ultimately removed him from ministry. To the permissive parent, I would encourage you not to act as a victim but take charge of your

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The parent has little or no actual involvement with their child. This parent is usually detached from their child’s life, because he or she is selfinvolved with other interests that are Rachel Toussaint more important to them.



This parent is self-oriented and neglectful of his or her responsibilities as parent.



He or she has few if any expectations, little or no meaningful communication with the child, and few if any rules.

I must say that this parenting style, could be surprisingly common even among spirit filled Christians because we can be so consumed with passion for the things of God and neglect our own children. We can sometimes quote scriptures such as “seek ye first the kingdom of God and other things shall be added unto you” and “if anyone comes to me and does not forsake his …children…you cannot be my disciple. This is a deception from the enemy as we forsake our first ministry which is our family and we focus more on the secondary ministry outside of the home. The word of God says in 1 timothy 3:5 that “if anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how

Her Style | 67 can he take care of God’s church?”. Hence the impact this has on the children is listed below. 

This parent usually produces very unhappy children who are the least ready to deal with the pressures of life.



They produce a very self-oriented child because there is little correction of this child’s selfish nature.



This child believes he or she can do anything they want and get away with it.

Although David was a man after God’s own heart, he sometimes displayed this parenting style and it was seen in his refusal to discipline his son Adonijah. Scripture declares that David “had not rebuked him at any time” (1 Kings 1:5-6). He also refused to deal with Absalom for killing his brother Amnon after the rape of his sister Tamar and failed to allow God’s law and Israel’s justice system to deal righteously with Amnon’s action, or Absolom’s murder of Amnon. Even after David allowed Absalom to return to Jerusalem, he neglected to meet with him to resolve the issues.

lifetime. Hence, he took the opportunity to reflect on his role as a father and what he must have or not deposited in his children and nevertheless, chose his primary role as a minister in his household before focusing on his secondary role as a pastor of a church. Sometimes in our bid to feed the flock outside of the home first, we have exasperated our children instead of bringing them up in the training and instruction of the lord. (Eph 6:4) To the hands off parent, my advice is that, take parenting as a dragon with a gift in its mouth. When you tame the dragon, the gift becomes yours because it’s in meeting and solving problems that we grow mentally and spiritually. We can also take consolation from Genesis 18:19 - "For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just, so that the LORD will bring…what he has promised him."(NIV) Amma Frimpong Director Raising an Army Ltd

I once listened to a program on teenage pregnancy in which TD Jakes was the host. He shared his story about how his daughter was pregnant in her teen years and regardless of how embarrassing it was for them as a family, he chose to stand by his daughter. The most remarkable comment he made was that, the choice was easy for him because he knew that he could always have the chance of being a pastor but he only had the chance of being a father ONCE in his

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69 | Wholeness

Today’s woman &

MONEY

By Lara Davies-Ero

espite all the advancements made in our society in recent times, women continue to face unique challenges when it comes to money management and financial future. Modern women of today, find themselves so wrapped up in self-worth, self-image so when money comes to them, they want to use the money to feed their appetite rather than to plan for the future. Woman controlling money is a taboo until recent years. It is considered to be a men’s domain. In the beginning however it was not so, God anointed us with virtue for service. We are the bedrock of homes, families and communities. If we stand strong and prudent in the way we manage our finances, we can create lasting wealth and easily be able to hold up those we love and those who need our help.

Who We Are When we talk about money, this includes our day-to-day spending, habits, children’s education, Health plan, holiday planning, savings, investments, retirement plan etc. From money and financial perspective; women are generally more emotional. It’s part of our nurturing which is our instinctive personality. For example, the first family story in the bible as recorded in the book

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Wholeness | 70 of Genesis reveals that the natural instinct of a woman is to nurture. God made it clear that Eve will be Adams help mate. Her role was to help better Adam and to perpetuate wealth and riches from generations to generation. When Satan came and enticed the woman to eat the forbidden fruit in Genesis 3,  His intent was to stop – women from fulfilling their role in perpetuating the blessings and secondly  Because of her nurturing attributes she was able influence Adam to partake of the forbidding fruit; which consequently brought about the breakdown of family structure jeopardising the prospect of having financial security. This is why women need to be aware of their influence and impact in the society. The grace that God has placed on women has been largely undermined in many religious circles including the church. The account of Abigail as recorded in 1 Samuel 25:23 reads about a woman of strength, courage, intelligence, integrity and wisdom who understands the grace that is upon her and her place as a woman. She acted with decisiveness and integrity when her husband (Nabal) acted foolishly which nearly got him killed. Her wisdom and reasoning not only saved Nabal and the entire men in the household but more importantly his lucrative businesses from folding up. Women today cannot afford to be ignorant of current events and the culture of their environmental or ministry setting. It is obvious that Abigail

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had her finger on the pulse and purse of her home. A woman must be aware of the situations and needs in her environment. She should constantly be learning and growing as a person and as a leader. When a desperate situation arises, she must be able to quickly size up the situation and present a plan of action. The pace of change is so rapid in our current culture that we cannot afford to be caught off guard. Abigail represent a woman who is prepared to move into action when the need arises. She was resourceful and able to work pulling together an impressive gift for David and his men to calm the situation. She was intimately involved in the day to day operations of her husband’s businesses and knew exactly what was available to her and where to obtain it.

So what is the connection between Women and Money....?

71 | Wholeness

“There is nothing that reveals our spiritual orientation, relationship and faithfulness to God like our attitude toward money.” For many, money represents power, status, comfort, confidence, happiness and it can also dictate the emotional state of people. It activates a stream of emotions and it influence in decision making to mention a few. However as women, it is important for us to understand the biblical purpose of money. The lack of understanding has brought about heart ache, greed both in the immediate family and society at large. As women our perception about money must be fully grounded in the scripture. In Luke 16:10 says “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much”. There is nothing that reveals our spiritual orientation, relationship and faithfulness to God like our attitude toward money. As Women we have many resources available to train and educate us in order to equip us in financial and on money matters. For example, in scripture we know that God has conferred his blessings on the Jews. When Harman plot to alienate the Jews, we read in scripture referencing Esther that Modeccai who mentored Esther said “For if thou altogether holdest

thy peace at this time, then shall there enlargement and deliverance arise to the Jews from another place; but thou and thy father's house shall be destroyed: and who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” Esther, we read in the bible that Esther took immediate action based on the advice of her uncle, however, she sought God for direction which resulted in the enlargement and deliverance and ultimately the reservation and preservation of the promised blessing upon the children of Israel ( she wasn’t just pretty). Just as Esther acted prudently, when we see a pattern or trend that can bring dishonour, instability, disloyalty in our homes, families, marriages etc we should utilise the resources at our disposals to create a stable, peaceful and joyful atmosphere; making sure that the blessings or promises of God continues.

How to Achieve This Set Goals Know where you are now. Getting a clear picture of your financial scene is one way to break free of emotions driving your money behaviour.

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72 | Wholeness

rowing up without a father was always the norm for me. I never felt as though there was something wrong with me and I never felt awkward around 'both parent' families. I was not jealous neither upset at the fact that my father was completely absent from my life. As a child, I never lacked, my mum always had a good job and thought 'out of the box' to do creative things with my sister and I. To this day, I had always admired the relationship my mum had with The Lord; so much so, I used to solely rely on her prayers to get by in life even though I was always encouraged to know God for myself. In every decision and choice she turned to The Lord and everything was resolved through fasting and prayer. My mother was my hero and I felt very safe around her tall yet slim bodily frame with a presence that commanded respect, so when

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we got the news that there was nothing that the doctors could do to save her life, my world came crashing down. At this point the issue of my dad not being around still didn't cross my mind. I was desperate for my prayers to be answered and that God would answer as He had always done. Sadly, in three vast weeks my hero was taken away from me. Death is inevitable and ideally any parent would want to go before their children but at the mere age of 24, with a five year old son, I felt lost and confused. Now not only was I fatherless but I was parentless and depressed. Feeling over sensitive, I allowed anger and disappointment to creep into my heart and I started to ponder. As I began to think about how great of a mother and grandmother my mum was the angrier I became with a man I never knew. I was annoyed and most of all I wanted answers as to why my mum was forced to be the strong woman she became because there was no man around.

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FATHER TO the Fatherless

By Sadia Conteh-Mosere Growing up, there would always be an awkward conversation that would pop up every so often and my mum would be faced with the question she dreaded ' Where is our dad?', followed by an awkward silence as my mum would be wound up by our constant annoying questions firing one after the other as she would calmly answer 'he doesn't care about you'. Looking back, I did not understand why she was so cold towards the matter, however, I thank God for her honesty and though we were not 100% satisfied with that answer we were unaware that she was only protecting us from being hurt and rejected. As the days turned into weeks after my mums death and family started to flood our hallway with tears and emotions, sadness became my friend and God became the light at the end of a very long road. Experiencing my mother pray as she passed away in front of me left me with no doubt in my mind that The Lord Jesus reigned and that God was with us but I knew it was never going to be an easy ride. My sister and I, now parentless, had to rely on God to give us something no friend, no pastor and certainly no "dad" could give us....PEACE. Soon my number one prayer point was for God to fill my heart and my mind with His

love so that I may be at peace. I needed reassurance that everything was going to be okay but trying to stay strong for my son and sister was all just too much. I had to bear in mind that all these years The Lord had kept us as it is written in Matthew 18:12-14: What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it, truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish. It funny because when I read that scripture I think to myself but so many Fathers are supposed to be the shepherd, why are they content with allowing their own sheep get lost. But thank God for His mercies, grace and His love for us which is beyond unconditional. An uncle suggested that we inform our father of my motherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s passing and although being thrown off by the suggestion culturally and honourably, it was 'the right thing' to do. Nerves kicked in as my uncle informed us that he had got in touch with him. So many

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74 | Wholeness questions and high expectations began to rise; I was so shocked that he was so easily accessible. I could not help but think if it is so easy to get in touch with someone who seemed so far away why he had not got in touch with us. Then it really sank in, I actually have a dad which was a surreal odd feeling, there was someone out there who was my blood parent, the more I pondered the more I realised this was not right.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;One thing we must remember is that God knew us before we were even formed in our motherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s womb therefore he will either leave us or forsake us.â&#x20AC;?

Do you know there are 1.8 million single parent families in the UK alone, just imagine how many there are in the world. Why are so many children fatherless? Was this ever God's plan for His children? Scripture says in 1 Corinthians 11:3 'The head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.' Therefore, men are supposed to be the head of the family yet so many women are having to take upon this role. This is not how God intended the structure of the family to be. God's plan is that our fathers are to be the representatives of Christ, displaying the influence and character of Christ to all in his home. When a man departs from his responsibility/ calling, he brings instability and confusion into God's original plan and design for family. My uncle had given my contact number to my father and I braced myself for that dreaded call. As much as I was confused a

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part of me did long for a father and I honestly thought this could be the beginning of restoration in our lives. Eventually after a few weeks we got what we anticipated a phone call with brief words and condolences regarding the loss of our mother. Is that all? I said to myself trying not to explode with anger but yes that was it. My mum always would say to me "warning before wounded" and I guess deep down I knew what to expect. After all I was warned "he does not care about you". Suddenly I had an immense feeling of rejection and hate started to creep into my heart. I was in denial about a lot of things and did not want to come to terms with the fact I had unforgiveness in my heart. But how can I forgive someone who has not even done anything to or for me, but that was just it. I had managed to conjure up all these feelings of disappointment and frustration because I had never had to deal with him as a person but with no parent guardian around I was searching for answers. I had no one but The Lord to turn to. It took a while until I could humble myself and forgive. Matthew 6:14-15

Wholeness | 75 alternative places in the hope that my father will step up to the plate but God still steered me towards Him. He kept me from becoming severely depressed and unwell; He gave me divine peace through a chaotic and emotionally draining time.

'For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.' One thing we must remember is that God knew us before we were even formed in our motherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s womb therefore he will either leave us or forsake us. The enemy has a plan and it is to always go against God's plan for the family. As Christians we must recognise this and pray against division and ask that God will unify and mend our broken homes. How privileged are we that we serve such a great God that is incomparable to any parent, He is our father who takes cares of us every second of the day, He makes sure we have air to breathe, food to eat, limbs that move, a mind to think, if not for His grace I constantly think where would I be. I relied on my mother so much in life that I did not know God personally, when she was taken away from me I searched for love in

His word says in Psalm 68:5 'Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.' God is truly concerned with and has a heart of compassion for children and women who have been left without fathers and husbands to guide and support them, to be Christ in the home. He is, indeed, the father to the fatherless but God's original plan would prefer for men would be fathers It took me years to realise how much I was hurting and a death to realise I had unresolved issues with my father, I thank God for His grace and mercies, I thank him that He gave His only son to die on the cross so that I may be forgiven of my sins therefore I knew I had to forgive my father. Forgiveness was part of the healing process for me, it set me free and allowed to let my father to be free from a once troubled heart. Sadia Conteh-Mosere Recently I left my job to concentrate on a writing career and writing for The Lord is something I have always wanted to do. What better way to use your gift to glorify the one that blessed you with it. I have been writing for a few years and I'm looking forward to what the future holds.

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DETOXING for Summer

tâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s that time of the year where we begin to look at our wardrobe and we get the summer clothes out. We try them on in the hope that they fit us, as they did last summer. We plan to fit into a dress for wedding, birthday or social event. We think of the warm weather and shedding those winter clothing and enjoying the sunshine. We think of ways to get rid of those excess pounds, wanting to look good, feel good, in our summer wear or even getting ready for our summer holiday. Detoxing for summer is not just about decluttering your wardrobe; itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s about detoxing your mind by renewing and replacing the old thought pattern with the truth of the Word of God and what He says about us. This should be your foundation, and then you can build upon this, your relationship with Him, yourself and others. God says we are fearfully and wonderfully made Psalm 139 v 14. It takes focus, determination, and consistently doing the right thing for a period of time and then gradually you will begin to see the results, little by little.

Our daily intake of the right nutrients and fluids that our body needs, will help to give us the strength and energy we need to perform our daily activities. When the body is weak, we are very limited in what we can do for ourselves, families and the body of Christ. Research shows that little adjustments in our lifestyle can help to increase our energy levels and strengthen not only our bodies, but also our mind and spirit. If you are strong enough emotionally, then you are better equipped to handle everything on the outside. Make it a priority and start today. Spirit, Soul and Body We tend to focus more on one area of our life e.g. outward appearance, our bodies but yet we neglect the soul and spirit, which is also a part of who

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we are. The inside is far more important than the outside, as that is where our strength and energy tis needed to fuel our daily activities come from. It is important that we take stock of the right foods and drinks we put into our bodies, as this is what will give us energy. We need inner strength and energy, in order to take care of our physical body. In order for the body to be at its best impact, the soul, which is the mind, will and emotions also need to be nurtured. When you are spiritually strong, your mind is renewed daily by God’s word and you know who you are in Christ, you’re empowered, energised and you can make better choices and decisions in life. I have heard the saying “You can catch a disease but you cannot catch health”. God has promised us life more abundantly. Are we really living that abundant life daily? Only you can answer that question. Our spirit, soul and body work together, this is why we need to ensure that each part is nurtured on a daily basis.

functioning of your body. Juicing is good for helping the body to get rid of toxins, which can help to improve your energy levels. Juicing is also a good way to ensure you are getting your recommended 5 a day, without you having to eat large amounts of fruits and vegetables. God has given us such wonderful fruit and vegetables Genesis 1 v 11, 12. Below are some ideas of juicing recipes. There are many more available on the internet and various bookstores..

Cranberry Energiser Cranberry juice – 300ml/ 10fl oz

Seasonal Fruit and vegetables

Orange juice – 100ml/ 3 ½ fl oz

With the warmer weather this brings seasoned fruits and vegetables. You can start out by juicing fruit or vegetables, or even both. Summer is the season for lovely vegetables and fruits, such as strawberries, mangos, cherries, plums, carrots, broccoli, kale and ginger. There are many more fruit and vegetables that have essential vitamins and minerals that support the proper

Fresh raspberries 150g/ 5 ½ oz

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Lemon juice 1 tbsp To decorate: slices and spirals of lemon/orange Pour the cranberry juice and orange juice into a food processor and process gently until combined. Add the

81 | Wholeness raspberries and lemon juice and process until smooth. Pour the mixture into glasses and decorate with slices and spirals of fresh lemon or orange. Serve at once.

Celery Detox Apple - 1 medium (3" dia) 182g Beet Root - 1/2 beet (2" dia) 41g Carrots - 3 medium 183g Celery - 2 stalk, large (11"-12" long) 128g Parsley - 1 handful 40g Process all ingredients in a juicer, shake or stir and serve immediately.

Tips for Exercising With the warmer weather, brighter and longer days, there are various ways you can exercise. Here are some suggestions: You can go for a walk in the evening after you have had a meal, take the children, make it fun Visit your Local Park or even play outside games in your garden, it will give the whole family a workout and you get to do a fun activity with the family. If you have a WI fit computer dance/ fitness workout games, which the whole family can do together. During your lunch break, after having your lunch, you can go for a walk.

Cycle to work, walk to work and back. Get off the bus a couple of stops before your destination and walk. There are many, many practical ways you can start exercising, without having to make too much effort. So get those trainers out of the closet, dust them off and start walking today! You will begin to feel the benefits. If you are a morning person, then you can schedule in some basic 15 minutes exercise, such as stretching exercises or brisk walking around within your neighbourhood for 30 minutes. You can start off with twice a week and build up to 5 times a week. Put on music at home and dance for 30 minutes. Swimming is an excellent all over body workout. There are even free swimming classes for adults and children – check your local council website. You can join a lunchtime walking group at or even start up your own. Many boroughs have outside gym equipment in the local parks, which is free of charge to use. Find out from your local council about this. Stop saying “I can’t do this, it’s too hard”, “I don’t have the time”. We all want the microwave fix – do one fitness class or eat healthy for a day and ping, we become a size 10. I don’t mean to burst your bubble but this is never going to happen. I have heard it said, “ your health is one of the greatest gifts that have been given to you” Joyce Meyer.

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The key thing to remember is that it’s a process and will not happen overnight. See the link below for further ideas on ways to start your fitness regime. http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/fitness/Pages/ Getfitwithoutgym.aspx Forget the New Year’s resolution. It is never too late to start. You just need to start today. Find out what works for you by trying out different forms of exercising and get going! I challenge you to think or even ask yourself this question, am I really living that abundant life? If not, why not. Only you have the answer to that question.

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If you never try something, you will never know what you are missing! Please note: Before embarking on any form of exercising or making changes to your diet, consult your GP or medical person.

Judy Toorie’s passion is to help the Body of Christ to gain an awareness and understanding of the importance of nutrition, health and fitness.

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Hysteria or Just Madness? Defying Mental Illness in Women By Zoe A Onah

any years ago, whilst on vacation from university, I received a frantic call from a stranger. Another woman was at the end of the other phone sounding very distressed. Amidst her muffled sniffs, I was trying to make headway of what she was actually saying. My instinct was to put the phone down assuming this was just a prank call from some bored kid who did not know how to make better use of their summer vacation. But a notch inside me, told me that this call could be deeper than it seemed.

“I want to commit suicide”, the lady at the other end of the phone finally said. My antenna was now up. Hoax or no hoax, I was not going to take my chances after such a pronouncement! “But why?” I was swallowing hard by now.

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have lost my job!” “Oh! But many are losing jobs everyday…Imagine if they all committed suicide!” I desperately tried to reason. The dialogue continued for several more minutes. I came up with options. All seemed like that the lady was boxed to a corner. I was very young, had not had much experience in life or in suicide diversion. Finally the lady confided she had been disowned by her family as she used to be a prostitute. I remained composed. She certainly did not need some judgmental, Mrs. Keeping up Appearance Hyacinth Bucket on the other end of the line. The lady told me she was a single mother too with very young children. I pleaded that for the their sake, to hang on and see hope in tomorrow. Heaving a big depressurized sigh, she finally agreed and we rounded up our phone call. Years later, I wonder what would have happened if I had ignored that call. Was I the lady’s last hope? How many are boxed to a corner, faced with the daily pressures of life, the unexpected events that test our resolve? The challenges that threaten to tip us over the edge? I know that suicide is not something we all consider but everyday there is someone who cannot take another day in this world. Stress can contribute a

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great deal to this drastic decision and we even hear of people in the church who are driven to it. There have been high profile cases of pastor’s children who abruptly ended their lives after many years of clinical depression or some mental illness. I remember reading years ago, a well known healing evangelist who suffered this same fate with his own son. My heart was torn, desperately so, for this man of God who had helped millions in the healing ministry but had lost his son cruelly in the arms of mental illness through suicide. It was a wakeup call, that

when the media decided to have a field day with their insensitive headlines. The point is many are in the closet. And one strong factor is that mental illness carries stigma and discrimination. For people of colour, mental illness can be a double blow. Our history has shown the struggle of slavery, colonization, inequalities and many tall orders amongst the other orders of day to day pressures everyone else faces in life. Whilst other races too have histories of suffering too such as the deep affliction of the Jews, for many black people, mental illness can seem worryingly more debilitating. I am no health expert and do not purport myself as one, but in my life so far, my paths have crossed many people with mental disorders including my husband (at one time). Little did I know, that I had a compassion, a cry, towards this calling; that God wanted to use me somehow in this ministry of mental illness and healing. mental illness is not something that we can just brush under the proverbial carpet. Mental illness affects 1 in 4 people in the UK and in the USA. The statistics are startling as that translates to 25% of a countryâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s population. Yet many remain oblivious to mental health. Many think mental illness does not affect them or could never affect them. Many think perhaps that they donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know anyone affected with mental illness. But that is where we are wrongâ&#x20AC;ŚMany suffer in silence. Some of these high profile cases in the Christian world were only brought to light

Ladies talk to me the minute they find out what I stand for. Many are mothers of black young men. I often feel their pain and anguish. The roller coaster emotions that a caregiver faces looking after the mental challenged, is more frantic that a theme park ride. What is comforting is that many have held on strongly to their faith in the Gospel, not just to deliver their sons but to also keep their own sanity! You see, the black woman is seen as the one who holds everything together. The image of the strong, formidable black woman resonates in the hearts of many. This is the lady that has

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88 | Her Style prayed her family through. This is the lady Firstly, when it comes to mental illness in that has held 2 or 3 jobs to ensure food is on women in general, it can be brushed off as just the table. She is the one that never seems to being hysterical, having a PMS moment or just cry openly in front of her family. She keeps it being emotional or hormonal when clearly all inside, gives the world a sunshine and tells help is needed. History used to see mental the rest to Master Jesus. She is not the type issues as a female issue. When one thought of who would give up on her kids. No never. I asylums the image that was often conjured once heard a very touching and very sad was of a woman in these institutions rather story. A highly intelligent young man than men. suffered from psychosis. His mother was the only one in this planet who stood with her last thread bare patience in looking after her son Stereotypes paints the black lady as bringing when everyone else had given up. Everyone up her children single handedly with the joy wanted her to just get on with life. This was of the Lord being her strength especially in the Maybe the frustrations of Africa. A place where there is inadequate western world. mental health care. A place where mental society and the black man being marginalized, left some men feeling inadequate and illness equates witchcraft, cut and dry. AByhas Rachel Toussaint threatened by the apparent successes and place where when patience and long suffering of families have dried up, then life on the smooth sailing opportunities of their wife in apparent racist/discriminatory streets, till death do part, is the only place for an the deranged. But this womanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s story was society. Some black women suffer abuse in desperately touching. She held on, loving her the hands of violent, frustrated men. These child till the end. And till the end literally; abuses may not always be physical but verbal. eventually in a moment of mad madness, her Verbal abuse can be so demeaning, it can son killed her. The mother took her last leave a person feeling worthless. And this breathe loving her ill son. Sadly, when the can be the story of educated, even highly son came to himself, he ended his own life. educated, couples. I once heard of a lady The only person who had lived for him had wanting to do her PhD but was told by her been killed by his own hands and he could not husband that doing a doctorate would not make her better in the kitchen. Having taken face another second in life. years of abuse, the lady finally left her marital home with her only kid before â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;losing her Sad and rare, but true story. But in a sanityâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; as she put it. continent faced with other so-called pressing issues, mental illness is not part of the parliament agenda and unfortunately, till In the western world, some ladies are people wake up, other hushed stories goes on. immigrants who have come to foreign lands to But what happens to the black woman when she is not a caregiver? When she has her own issues?

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make a better life. They have arrived with or without their husband and have seen their dreams dashed against the stone. Some may not be as educated and feel trapped in unhappy homes. Some have immigration

Her Style | 89 issues. Some face cultural backlash if they were to leave their marital home. Some may have gone through the trauma of war, loss of their children even. Multiple losses. They may have to cope with language barriers and cultural differences.

Mental health journals and articles will tell you that physical, domestic violence, abandonment, social isolation, humiliation, are contributory factors that people face leading to mental illness. We are told that psychological risk factors that make people more vulnerable to mental illness include neglect, loss and abuse. Trauma increases risk. Difficult life events such as divorce, losing a job, drugs abuse, societal and cultural expectations can also trigger mental illness in people who are more susceptible. Everyone has a different make up and deals with similar situations differently. In my opening, the stranger who called me was ready to peg it, as losing her job was her last straw. Some can take more tension and pressures than others. It is like a bridge. Some bridges clearly do not allow some heavy lorries on them cause of the stress damage it would cause. This is just the same that some face before giving in. Some say it is a fine line between sanity and insanity...

Black woman may also be accused of having a chip on their hardworking shoulders. They have pressed ahead in society, yet they are criticised and seen as aggressive. They are seen as women taking on dual roles; being a woman but wearing a manâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s trousers. Their tongues are seen as sharp and lashing. Black women are sometimes not seen as the gentle, delicate

sex.

But thank God is not just a picture of all doom and gloom. Thank God for Jesus!

Christianity is a message of love. As Tesco would say, every little helps, so here is what we can do to buffer the suffering of those who are challenged with mental illness and take steps to defy this cruel disease: Educate and Change our mindset. Let us educate ourselves more in the area of mental illness. There are many awareness campaigns for other things and this has helped people in dealing with the corresponding awkward situations. The same goes for mental illness. Others classify every mental illness as depression or simplistically equate depression to everyday sadness. Many think mental illness can be resolved by pulling themselves together, or those who suffer have done something wrong. In the church, some may think that some are not exercising their faith. Among some cultures, many are quick to believe that people who are challenged with this are witches. African societies have more tendencies to believe in witches i.e. women than in wizards, i.e. men! So mental illness in other words then becomes a largely female caused issue. Compassion. Jesus did not do a Usain Bolt dash when the mad, naked man at Gadarene who lived in caves and could not even be bound with chain, came roaring towards Him. Staring or crossing the road, when you see some unkempt individual with all their lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s belongings in a supermarket trolley is not what that individual needs. There is something that every Christian can do and

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that is pray! Don’t become the graphic paparazzi reporter giving newsflash headlines instead. Be more sensitive. Let us be more sensitive to jokes we make regarding the mentally ill. Saying someone is bipolar, psycho or a nutter or saying someone has some screws missing even as jokes, can be so distressing. You never know who you may be talking to or is in the audience that may even be ill or is a caregiver of such. Some high executives sitting in top floor offices in the City are on some pills or the other, not everyone looks ‘m-a-d’.

Zoe A Onah Writer, columnist, coach and public speaker, Zoë A. Onah is the author of the bestseller DEFYING THE ODDS – One man’s struggle and victory over mental illness and his wife whose trust in God never failed. Zoë met her husband, Eze, in the 14th year of his tumultuous journey with mental illness and 4 years later, he defied the odds with a clean medical bill of no mental illness. All through her life, Zoë always found herself drawn to and compassionate towards friends and family faced with mental health challenges. Today, Zoë and her husband are not shy to share their experiences and are the voice of hope for mental health /illness, its stigmas and discrimination.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this article. It takes a brave person as yourselfBy to do so, and I truly appreciate your time and love. I would love to hear from you so drop me a line. Together we can defy mental illness. We can put a full stop in the enemy’s works. God bless you richly.

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Rachel Toussaint

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o t s e i g g Strate

n i p o l e v De

R O F DEA

“Y

et in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.” Romans 8:37 (NKJV)

My aim is to enable you to realise and accept that you are not a victim, you are victorious. I have heard people say that having something and losing it is worse than not having it at all. This means that people may behave differently with regards to their disability depending on how they became deaf and/or disabled. A person who became deaf or disabled in the course of their life, through an accident or because of an illness, may behave differently from someone who was born deaf or disabled. Some may be resigned to their circumstance, while others may be angry and bitter and expend their energy blaming others, while others could be depressed, withdrawn and lose the will to live. For instance, in my own case, I was born hearing and then I became deaf. I was told it

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in e B e g Mana

D E L B A S I D would be a miracle for me to hear well again; that was not good news to me. It took a toll on my emotions and brought on frustration, confusion, embarrassment, fear and anger, because I would have to tell people about my deafness. As a result, I decided that avoidance was a better option. It is natural that you will go through stages of grief, denial, anger, depression and the ‘why me?’ stage. But also at some point try to figure out how the disability may affect other things in your life. I have dealt with issues of loss and emotions in my first book ‘Help My Heart’. You can refer to this book if you want to know more about how to handle loss and grief. Some of the important strategies for coping with your deafness or disability are: • Talk about it. Let others know about your deafness or disability, especially if it is not visible. • Seek help. You may need support and

advice from other people, support groups and professionals.

but think long term – think of the joy you will feel when you see your achievements.

• Be careful – watch what you allow yourself to hear and accept about your deafness or disability.

• Be happy with every achievement, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem.

• Do not focus on your deafness or disability – because you will be thinking of and seeing their limiting effects on your life. • Stay positive. Do not stay at a support group or listen to a person who focuses mainly on the limitations or negative aspect(s) of your deafness or disability. • Keep your temper. If people are rude, ignorant or patronising in their behaviour towards you, ignore them or make an excuse and move away from them. Hold your breath, and count to 10 or 20. Do not take their comments personally or to heart. Do not get angry and do not respond when you are angry.



Reassure yourself daily. Tell yourself that you can do what you have set your mind to do, because God’s Word says: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13, NKJV).

It is important to know that you can be healed emotionally, even if the physical disability or deafness is noticeable. You need to come to terms with your deafness or disability, accept it and move on. Of course, this may take time, but I can tell you with confidence that with the help of the Holy Spirit and my family I have found a reason to live again, so you can too! They reminded me of who I am in Christ. This is very important – as we will see in the next chapter.

• Keep socialising. Do not allow anyone or anything to cause you to isolate yourself from others, because you may do yourself more harm than good.

Joy Ani Except from my book “Exchanging My Disability for God’s Ability.

• Meditate on God’s Word and focus on the future.

Ministries.

• Try new things – see what else you can do and achieve.

www.joyofmanygenerations.com email:joyofmanygenerations.co

• Try new ways of doing things. Maybe you were right-handed and have lost the use of your right hand. Why not practise using your left hand? At first it will be frustrating,

seeknfind2007@yahoo.co.uk to purchase the book

Founder: Joy of Many Generations

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96 | Wholeness Jewish Holocaust and its effects on that

breeding was maintained throughout

people group, and rightly so, blacks in

the 400-year period of slavery because

the diaspora have experienced a similar

slaves

situation that should be recounted to

subhuman. Thus one can see how the

successive generations and never be

black family has been disrupted and

forgotten. The progress of all societies is

how female and male relationships

dependent on their past. For example,

have

British society in the 21st Century

Interestingly, research on slave women

historically

tremendously

in the Caribbean by authors such as

from the ‘backs of blacks’, and its

Barbara Bush explain that they were

empire

the

important in maintaining family and

Caribbean and indeed the Continent of

kinship bonds. Clearly, black women

Africa

historically have played a key role and

benefited

building; have

likewise,

suffered

from

being

were

been

considered

seriously

impaired.

pillaged and raped.

made an invaluable contribution to the

During the period of Trans-Atlantic

family, and they continue to do so.

slavery, slaves were not allowed to

Therefore, as previously stated, if we

marry although they could co-habit but

examine the idea of success from a

many families were divided and sold to

much wider perspective then we can

different slave owners. There was also

state that many black women have been

the practice of slave breeding.

involved

The

raising

their

children

practice of slave breeding included

successfully and in some cases have

coerced sexual relations between male

done so singlehandedly. However, we

and female slaves or between master

must not forget the pivotal role of the

and female slaves, which promoted

extended

pregnancies with the aim of producing

Caribbean child rearing practices.

slave children. The purpose of slave

However,

breeding was to produce new slaves

capital is important to well being. The

without incurring the cost of purchase,

idea of family capital is based on the

to fill labour shortages caused by the

principle of the investment we make

termination of the Atlantic slave trade,

with loved ones. I often hear black

and to attempt to improve the health

Caribbean women say: ‘I do not need a

and

man’. I would like to refute such a

productivity

slaves.

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Slave

family

relationship

African

and

family

Wholeness | 97 claim and I think we may have

Clearly, we do not want to generalize

subconsciously bought into a branch of

about groups of women who come from

feminists thinking. Many Caribbean

the Caribbean or the vast African

women and increasing numbers of

continent. African women in the UK,

African women are lone parents. I am

for instance, have diverse experiences

aware that some readers may argue that

and belong to different ethnic groups

being a single or lone parent should not

with

hugely impact on one’s aspirations.

languages etc. To continue with the

However, it is relevant to note that

theme of relationships, I have had an

single parents are amongst the poorest

opportunity to discuss male-female

group; it can have an adverse impact on

relationships with some Zimbabwean

the

educational

colleagues. Apparently, some of their

outcomes of children. There are of

relationships in the UK are suffering

course child-care issues and the hours

from enormous strain brought about by

that one can spend at work are reduced,

several factors. For example, there are

especially if there are young children.

challenges for both men and women

This in turn influences the career

experiencing racism and issues with

development

gaining employment matching their

general. One study suggests that black

education (Mitton & Aspinall 2011).

women are among the highest achievers

This inevitably has a huge impact on

in terms of their educational attainment,

family dynamics. Additionally, more

although some Caribbean women enter

domestic

higher education later on in life and

required of Zimbabwean, or other

consequently there salary does not

African men, residing in Britain, and

reflect

achievement

who may have inherited a culturally

(Connor et al 2004). There may be

prescribed view that certain domestic

readers who want to present a counter-

chores should be done by women. In

argument but it still remains that these

the absence of ‘house girls and boys,’

factors can have a huge impact on our

this may be unrealistic and place undue

success.

pressure on some women. There may

psychological

their

and

some

academic

women

unique

cultural

responsibilities

patterns,

may

not be the support from the extended

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

Wholeness | 98 I posted this quote from Happy Women

having fun and creating adventures that

Live Better on my Facebook fan page a

make your life exciting – partner or no

few weeks ago, and it seemed to resonate

partner. Take what you have and make

with a lot of people. A major turning

the most of it. When you do, happiness

point in my happiness came the day I

follows. It becomes a self-fulfilling

decided to quit lamenting all the things I

prophecy – a circle of good. Happiness

thought should be present in my life, but

causes success, not the other way around.

were not. I held tightly to the belief that if

So be grateful, enjoy life, and let the good

I could just have some of the things in

things that follow delightfully surprise

my life that I didn’t have, then I could

you. As you let go of the need to be in

really be happy. That’s when God

control and embrace the good all around

whispered in my spirit: Be happy right

you, it is amazing how those unfulfilled

now. Happiness is an attitude we choose

desires begin to unfold. Learn to let go of

regardless of our circumstances. It isn’t

what “should” be and take a step

always easy, but it is possible to notice

towards what “could” be.

and appreciate what you have rather

As you move towards happiness, ask

than feeling sorry for yourself over what

yourself, what do you think “should” be

you don’t. What unfulfilled desire in

in your life right now that isn’t? How has

your life tempts you to feel sorry for

that “should” impacted your happiness?

yourself? One secret to getting more of

What good could you do in your life if

what you want is to stop insisting you

you embraced your life exactly as it is?

must have it in order to be happy When you let go of what you think your life “should” be,” you can then focus on making your life what it “could” be. Stop noticing everything wrong with your spouse or kids, and start building on what’s right. Quit complaining about the job you want to leave, and start celebrating some aspect of your job that you actually like. Refuse to mope about not being in a relationship, and start

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Valorie Burton helps women get unstuck so

they can be unstoppable. Learn how to trigger your happiness and discover your top happiness triggers at www.happywomantest.com and order your copy of Happy Women Live Better: 13 Ways to Trigger Your Happiness www.bn.com/ happywomenlivebetter.

99 | Wholeness

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

100 | Spiritual Etiquette

Rachel

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MY WOMB IS A GRAVE Jacqueline Robinson

What does a grave produce?

It’s funny

Nothing

The very period that changed me

It just houses my dead hope

From a girl to a woman

Month after month

Is now killing me slowly

I trust and pray that life Will begin to grow

Every month

Looking anxiously for an indication

My aspiration is slaughtered

That I will bear a child

My womb a grave yard

The one my soul mate

Filled with dead eggs

So desperately desires

And dead sperm Who never formed a connection

Instead I see a river of red

A place of total desolation

Representing the death of

A cavity with death as

My womanhood

A permanent resident

Leaving my womb deserted A crimson stream

I wear a smile like a dress

Ushering in tears of despair

To cover my naked grief

Affirming the longing

I need a child

Gnawing away

An emblem to the world

At the very core of my soul

Of our shared love I retch at the thought

I feel less than a woman

Of a childless life

Besieged by children

So I’ll keep trying if it kills me

Whose very presence mocks me

OUT NOW

Extract from “A voice from behind the veil” by Jacqueline Robinson (2014)

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102 | Spiritual Etiquette

Abishag

FROZEN Jacqueline Robinson

In this article we will focus on the

although the ancestry of most individuals

obstacles impeding the success of some

from the Caribbean originates in Africa.

black

Women of dual heritage, if they culturally

success is necessary as the idea is not

identify themselves as black, are also

solely related to academic or career

included in the article. Some of the

achievements, but is along a much broader

experiences of African and Caribbean

spectrum encompassing our significant

women may be similar but there are

relationships with others, including men,

significant differences in the culture of

children, friends and work colleagues.

each group. It is important to note that I

Indeed, it entails our total wellbeing. It is

am a black British woman, whose parents

important to identify what we mean by

come from Jamaica so there will be a

black women and equally to stress that the

tendency for me to refer to Caribbean

discussion will not apply to all black

women, as this is my knowledge base.

women, as they are a diverse group. For

Fortunately, I have been exposed to many

the purposes of this article, the reference

women from the Continent of Africa and

point will comprise women of colour

have gained some insights into some of the

living in the UK, who, are either from an

issues affecting some of these women,

African

especially those from Nigeria and the

women.

understanding

Caribbean

background,

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

I am a figure of outstanding beauty

Much less father another child

Skin as smooth as satin

I can’t believe this is happening to me

Hair as thick and rich as velvet A shape that my friends envy

Once taught muscles

A diamond sharp intelligence

Are shrunken within sagging skin

Everyone describes me as exquisite

Reading is scuppered by failing eyesight Worn vocal chords and reduced hearing

All my life I’ve had The ability to turn heads Leading me to dream of A gorgeous witty man one day Whisking me off to be his bride Daily I fantasised of amazing children Perfect in looks and intellect So how did I end up Spending my nights

Conspire to distort the sound of his singing A rambling mind recounts Endless stories of the past Where decades are merged with recent days I’m frozen But surprisingly, I’ve become quite fond of him.

Next to an icy cold old man Who magnetically draws All the warmth from my body

Jacqueline Robinson has been a Christian from a young

I’m frozen

age. She is the author of three poetry collections, “Silence is

The very essence of my visions

Broken”, “Passages” and “A

Are suspended like an icicle

Voice from Behind the Veil”. Jacqueline mentors

He has neither the

other poets as well as working alongside

Inclination or the stamina to

community groups to facilitate discussions around

Treat me like a wife

the issues raised in her poems. Her books can be purchased on Amazon

OUT NOW

Extract from “A voice from behind the veil” by Jacqueline Robinson (2014)

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104 | Wholeness family, typifying many black cultures.

individuals were not highly educated

Consequently, a lack of sensitivity and

nor

understanding on both parts sometimes

professional mores to pass on to the

leads to conflict and unresolved issues,

second generation, which would have

which may even have an adverse effect

thereby helped successive generations

did they

have

the social or

on the health of women, (as well as men). It is often wrongly assumed that

Caribbean

people

generally are not interested in education;

this

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;One study suggests that black women are among the highest achievers ...â&#x20AC;&#x2122;

most

certainly not the case. Again, we have to

to achieve their aspirations. Coupled

go back in time to fully understand this

with this were reports of racism in

issue. When the Caribbean people were

British schools. During the 1960s to the

invited to Britain to rebuild the country

early 1980s racism had a huge impact on

during the Post War period, they had

the

extremely

and

Caribbean students including females

aspirations for themselves and their

(Mocombe & Tomlin 2013). Further, as a

children.

middle-aged

member of the Caribbean community, I

Caribbean women had mothers who

can report that many girls had excessive

first came to the UK to work primarily

household chores to perform which

in the NHS, holding the lowest paid

inevitably affected their education. In

position

addition, it was not unusual for girls

high

expectations

Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

nursing.

Whilst,

these

educational

black

from

profession, concomitantly, their men

background to attend church several

worked

times a week. I recognise that girls from

transport

factories industry,

and which

for

the were

other

Pentecostal

women had a career for life in the caring in

success

Christian

denominations

transient jobs. Many first generation

different

Caribbean people came from rural

facilitated rather than impeded their

societies, which were post-slavery and

educational outcomes.

colonial in nature. Many first generation

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

experiences

that

had

possibly

Wholeness | 105 Conversely,

many

Africans, primarily West African men who came to Britain during the Post War period were students. Later,

women

and

children joined their men and

many

women

pursued

education.

‘During the 1960s to the early 1980s racism had a huge impact on the educational success of black Caribbean students including females’

Anecdotal reference suggests that some

with

their

children in their formative or early years

counterparts.

Indian

and

Chinese

were sent ‘back home’ or fostered by white families, thus enabling parents to

Some of the challenges for African

continue in their educational pursuits,

women are similar to their Caribbean

unhindered

child-care

counterparts. Many African women,

concerns. I personally know of West

particularly Nigerians, tend to be well

African women who have an Au Pair

educated but some of them experience

and others with mother in-laws who

huge difficulties in climbing the career

play a major role with child-care. These

ladder. The main obstacle to their

are critical points because they laid the

professional success includes the fact

foundation

African

that we are living in a racial, gender and

parents to serve as role models, armed

class based society. How many women

with a better understanding of the

in the UK have smashed the so-called

workings

education

‘glass ceiling’ or are CEOs of major

system. Thus many contemporary West

companies? We know the numbers are

African pupils, particularly girls, have

minimal. As black women we are aware

inherited educational capital. It is little

of the ways in which racism can work to

wonder that Demi’s research (2006)

prevent us succeeding but we often

highlights 79% of students of West

overlook the issue of sexism (Showunmi

African origin in the London borough of

2012). If you are from a poor, working

Lambeth, gaining 5*A-C GSCEs. In fact,

class and black background then there

their academic achievement is on a par

are several external obstacles that have to

for

undue

many

the

West

British

overcome.

Ironically,

accepting

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

106 | Wholeness ourselves is another major obstacle. For

in the same way. Of course, racism features

example, there are reports of black women

in every area of life for black people in the

throughout the world bleaching their skin

UK, but in certain interactions in the work

to lighten their complexion.

place, there are other variables that we may need to consider. Sometimes, the manager's

In my view another barrier to the success of

request is reasonable, but you could be

some black women in predominantly white

trying to tackle other personal issues that

professional settings is the presentation of

are overwhelming. The manager may have

self. I think it would be fair to say that

approached other individuals who have not

sometimes our â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;tell-it-as-it isâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; style can

informed you about his/her communication

unwittingly be problematic for our non-

with them. You may need to consider

black co-workers. I am not inferring for one

working in a more efficient way. You may

moment that we should not be ourselves,

need to develop your time management

but I think we may need to think more

skills. Similarly, you may need to think

strategically about how we present in

about your negotiating skills and using

certain situations. Let us take a typical

diplomacy, tact and prudence.

scenario that may occur in the work place: There

are

subtle

cultural

differences

You think your manager is making an

between white and black individuals that

unreasonable request concerning the time for

may influence our perceptions. For those of

you to complete a particular project. He or she

us born in the UK, or who have spent most

sends you a strongly worded email outlining

their targets and expectations.

inadvertently may assume because we are

our

lives

this

country,

British that we have developed a similar How many of us carefully consider how we

culture to our white counterparts. In

should approach the manager and what we

particular our differences are manifested in

are going to say. How many of us think

our language style, that is the ways in

about other possible ways of viewing the

which words and phrases are sequenced

situation. We sometimes think the manager

and presented, including body language

is making a direct personal attack and the

etc. Even if we have the same accent, black

automatic assumption is that the manager is

women tend to have a unique tone of voice

being racist and that such a request would

and the way in which language is used to

not be communicated to a white colleague

convey meaning also diverges from our

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Wholeness | 107

white

friends,

family

members

colleagues. Miscommunication between some black and white individuals can and often do occur which can be a barrier to success for black women especially in the professional environmental.

Rev Dr Carol Tomlin has a long and established academic career spanning 30 years in universities in the UK and USA. She is also an educational consultant and international speaker. As an ordained minister and Senior Pastor of Restoration Fellowship Ministries in Birmingham, she believes in the transformative power of Jesus Christ!

To conclude the debate there are several hurdles for black women in the UK. Some of these challenges present themselves in our relationships. There are other external factors

including

historical,

social,

economic and political. The role of racism and sexism are also important aspects. Despite these challenges, which may have a significant impact on our ability to succeed, we can overcome!

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

108 | Wholeness

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

STYLING FOR

SUMMER

ow! Its summer already… how quickly time files…it seems only a short while ago I was wishing you all “Happy New Year”. I hope you’ve all embraced nurturing your personal style in 2014 as well as working hard to excel in your professional, business or ministry endeavours. For those based in regions that have the 4 seasons, we can safely say we’re in “Summer” now! We have warmer and longer days. Summertime is generally a fun-time! More sunshine, brighter days, holidays etc. So, we are in a “new” season and in this article I want us to take a moment to focus on that aspect “New”. When seasons change we experience something different. Something new! I would like to encourage us to relate that to our “Styling”. In this new season, what will “YOU” do differently? If you’re based in regions with the 2 seasons, please don’t feel excluded…you’re the lucky ones with warmer weather and sunshine most of the time. At this stage, I’ll add that nothing different can happen if we do not set aside time from our busy schedules to invest in our “Personal Style”. These tips are really nothing we may not have thought about ourselves….but be warned, what I’ll be sharing involves an investment of time on your part! Here are a few of our suggestions: COLOUR & STYLE - As mentioned in our

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

110 | Wholeness previous articles understanding our body shape and the colours & styles of clothes that suit us is an essential basic in styling perhaps this is an area you would consider exploring this summer? In summer we can wear grey or tan instead of black & navys as a basic. We also wear lighter neutrals and accent colours in the summer, whites, creams, pastels …fabrics wise its usually cottons & linens but its best to have an understanding of what suits us. WARDROBE EDIT - The change of seasons gives a perfect opportunity to edit our wardrobes; a major step we can take- (space permitting) is to clear away our winter wear for now. Trust me, the space created in our closets will definitely help see the “wood for the trees” when we come to put our summer wardrobe together. A number of actions to take here- 1. Clear away winter clothes for now 2. Review the summer clothes left and keep only those that fit properly and are in colours and styles that flatter us. Go on, take up the challenge!! CREATE CAPSULES - Consider creating “capsules” this summer to make selecting what to wear easier. Depending on your lifestyle you’d probably need a number of capsules but let’s keep it simple: Create just 2 - A “Workwear” & “Casual” Capsule. Capsules consist of a few

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

key pieces that can be interchanged to create a number of outfits. Usually a Basic Capsule formula = 2 Jackets or cardigans (top layers) + 4 Bottoms (skirts/trousers) + 6 tops + 2 Dresses (Each jacket must work with all tops/bottoms, Each top must work with all bottoms) View pictures to serve as a guide and boost your ideas. You can choose to add colour and play around with your items to achieve looks that reflect your signature style. Also, you can probably create your capsules from items you already own, or at least start

Wholeness | 111 from there before heading out to the shops! With careful planning, shopping becomes more focused on filling in the gaps and saves time and money. So the â&#x20AC;&#x153;Capsuleâ&#x20AC;? exercise is one you might want to consider this summer? .

le r Capsu a e w k r Wo Use lighter neutrals like tan & grey for

Casual Ca psule You can add some shorts in here too!!

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112 | Wholeness GROOMING – There are a number of areas we should consider under this heading: Hair: With the warmer weather it may be wise to consider a change in hairstyle, work with your hairdresser to choose a style that will keep you “cool” this summer. I did this myself only the other day. I wear my hair natural these days and it has been in plaits for a while, I was desperate for a change and took out the plaits. I also got the opportunity to practice all the new “natural hair styling techniques” I had studied via the web and I am now sporting a little afro, which not only looks cool but will definitely keep me cool over the summer! Shave: We’ve covered up for so long, but summer is the time we get a chance to wear cooler clothes and we are more exposed. (tastefully I add!!) So especially in summer we must invest in good hair removal techniques. Choose to do whatever works best for you but shave we must! Except you are from ~Planet of the Apes” - facial, underarm, leg & arm hairs must be removed. Pedicures: The principle above applies to our feet! Summer is a time we get to wear sandals to keep our feet cool and our feet are out there! We need to invest in a good pedicure at the beginning of summer and maintain this throughout, either ourselves or professionally based on SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

what you can afford! ….but pedicure we must!! Keep those heels and toenail polish fresh at all times. Deodorant- I say this all the time, but will repeat here…perfume is not the same as deodorant! We must be conscious of the greater tendency for body odours in warmer weather so have a good deo-spray to hand. We can get a pocket sized version to carry in our handbags. So please do remember its deodorant first, perfume second!! SPA TIME – I always advocate a holistic approach to styling. Summertime is a fun-time but can also be very busy and I would recommend taking some time out for you ahead of the onslaught of summer activities. If possible for you, please do!! Even if it’s just a spa day – do it! If you can take more, even better! As I write this I can imagine all the excuses, “I don’t have time”, “who will look after the children? But as with anything, a bit of planning helps. Book an annual leave day for yourself from work or your business/ministry…..arrange with family or friends to have the children for one day or two ….that time without you won’t kill them and will do you a whole world of good. You can get coupons as well to reduce costs from places like Groupon or TravelZoo. There are lots of suggestions to run with, please choose to do whatever works for you and your lifestyle, do something new this season, it has a major positive effect on our outlook.

Wholeness | 113

Here’s wishing you a fabulous summer! We’d like to hear how you get on, so please connect with us through the following ways outlined below. Untill next time, Blessings to you! From Bukky ~RabunaSylist with Love xx

Bukky Ayoade ~ “RabunaStylist” is Principal Consultant at Rabuna Image Consultancy You can contact her via t: +447908441032 or +2348132988304 e: rabunastylist@gmail.com Facebook: Rabuna Image Consultancy Twitter: @Rabunalmage Pinterest: Rabuna Image © Rabuna Image Consultancy 2014 All Rights Reserved

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114 | Wholeness

Discovering Purpose After a

DIVORCE D

ivorce is a major life change that can leave a person reeling. Suddenly being on your own dealing with issues such as money, children, career changes and downsizing the family home can seem overwhelming. From a Christian perspective it still carries a stigma. For those of us who find ourselves in this position I would like to encourage you by saying that man may reject you or misunderstand you, however but you serve a God who’s love and acceptance is unconditional. “God loves you” please affirm yourself with the following statement on a daily basis, look in the mirror and repeat these words “God loves me and I will fulfil his plans and purpose for my life”. “The Lord will fulfil his purpose

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.” Psalm 138:8 ESV Separation: If you are currently separated from your spouse, there is hope in the word of God which states in Thessalonians 2:16-17 (NIV): New International Version (NIV)” May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, 17 encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.” For those of you who want to reconcile with your husband, please do not give up or lose hope, God is able to work a miracle in your

Wholeness | 115 marriage regardless of the way the situation appears to you. This may sound strange right now, however know this Jesus said John 10 v 10 “I come to give life and give it abundantly”, that means you may be feeling like you are slogging a dead horse and divorce is the only answer, you need to pray and seek God for his final word. As woman we tend to talk to too many people and seek advice from wellmeaning friends and while I encourage communication and support at this vulnerable time, what is needed is godly counsel. As differing advice from family, friends and church folks can be very confusing. The final word on your marriage should always be God’s word as it takes two to make a marriage succeed with the help and grace of God Just as it takes two to build a marriage, it can also takes two [sometimes only one!] to destroy and kill a marriage with the help of the devil who is always behind a marriage break up. The word of God states 2 Corinthian 10: 3 NIV, “for though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh”. However when we are going through a trying season in our marriage, followed by a separation we argue and fight with our spouse which distracts from taking authority over the enemy who has entered our home. While you remain separated there is hope as God is able to intervene through prayer, fasting and intercession, to work on the hearts of each spouse to bring about the needed changes for reconciliation. Please don’t give up, let go and let God.

If you are divorced, “there is no condemnation in Christ” Romans 8:1. You are not a reject; you are a strong woman of GOD created in his image to do dynamic works within the body of Christ. The process of going through a divorce and adjusting to single life again will feel like going through the loss of a family member, which you need to allow yourself time to grieve and come to terms with your new life. God has not changed his mind about you and He never will. He is waiting on you to fulfil the calling he has on your life. What you’re going through has not surprised Him as He knew before you did, that you would be going through this season in your life and He has already set a plan in place for you to move on and fulfil his purpose if you seek His face in humility and repentance. The word of God states that He hates divorce, based on this I encourage those who are divorced for whatever reason to repent to God and know that while he hates divorce, he has unconditional love for the divorcee Malachi 2:16 For the Lord God of Israel, that he hates divorce; for it covers one’s garment with violence says the Lord of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit that you do not deal treacherously You may be asking yourself as you read this article “I don’t know what my calling is?” What’s your passion, what could you do even if you were not going to be paid? Could you be working with toddlers, setting up childcare or retraining yourself to open a secular nursery or SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

116 | Wholeness within the church or fostering? Perhaps if you love children you may want to look into being a Sunday School Teacher or perhaps working with the youth as this is a huge area for development and ministry. Another area worth consideration is working with the retired, as many of them would love a home-visit and times of prayer and fellowship and friendship. How about creating a book club, coffee prayer mornings, life coach counselling, charity work for example feed the homeless, drug counselling. Another area could be to set up a ministry in marriage? Can you share the experiences you’ve been through in this area? What you’ve learned that could help couples who are going through a similar experience?. In the body of Christ, there is a huge gap for Health and Fitness specifically for health farms, weight loss and detox centres also food and nutrition using biblical principles could be another area you may feel called into and could be trained to minister in. However, before you make a decision, you would need to seek God’s leading into where He has assigned you. Ladies, there is so much to do for the Kingdom we need to renew our mind because you are not defined by a failed marriage. You are who God says you are. God has a plan and a purpose for you and His grace will keep you and sustain you as you rediscover who you are in Him. Perhaps you may no longer be a wife; you still have a ministry to fulfil and a purpose

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

to your life with or without a husband. I would like to conclude by encouraging all women who have experienced divorce or are going through a divorce that the Lord our maker is now our husband he is available 24/7 Isaiah 54 (New International Version)

The Future Glory of Zion

54 “Sing, barren woman,

4 “Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. 5 For your Maker is your husband— the Lord Almighty is his name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. Sonia Morgan is a minister, marriage counsellor and ex mentee of the Leadership. She is very passionate about empowering women who have been through a marriage breakup or separation and couples who need to be encouraged to fulfil their marriage mandate on earth.

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7 Pillars

The

of Society

hen I think of the word pillars I think of stability, structure and support to a foundation. It is with this in mind that I encourage us all to realise how important we are in contributing individually to the stability structure and support of our society through our foundation who is Jesus. We will be discussing the first 2 pillars in this issue namely the family and education and the other pillars in subsequent issues. Luke 19 13 â&#x20AC;&#x153;And he called his ten servants, and delivered them ten pounds, and said unto them, Occupy

till I come.â&#x20AC;? We have all been given gifts and talents and we are to use these on a consistent basis We occupy positions that will shape society. Everyone has a circle of concern and a circle of influence. To find out your area of concern answer the following questions. What are you passionate about? What upsets you? What would you like to see change? Once you have answered your area of concern you can then do something about it which is called your circle of influence.

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Wholeness | 118 The Pillar of Education At a recent event I hosted called Ministry in the Marketplace a few of the attendees answered these questions. Those who had a passion for education answered they were passionate about gaining knowledge, sharing knowledge, having a knowledge of themselves from an early age and helping people to discover themselves. Others shared they were upset about the lack of opportunities available to different genders, race, social status and wanted people to have a second chance. Others stated knowledge is power. When you have a concern about something you will be able to influence it. For those of you who are concerned or passionate about education it is important to pray first and ask the Lord to show you where you can influence. Is it on a local, national or international level? Here are a few tips to get started in being a pillar in education     

 

Take up positions of responsibility Be a role model Inspire children and young people Be aware of the current trends and statistics Sit on education boards where you can have an input in the decision making process Vote Speak out

There are many ways to be educated. This can be done academically, vocationally, experientially and through lifelong learning. If you look at your life you can see that you have been taught in a range of different ways without even realising it. As we are all individuals we learn in different

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ways, at different times and paces so it is not one way or one size fits all. If you feel the call to education identify the individual, group or groups of people you feel led to work with and find out as much about them as possible so you can meet them at the point of their need. You can change and influence one life at a time. This is what Jesus did.

The Pillar of Family There is a special place in Gods heart for the family. There are many definitions of family. I would like to define a kingdom family as a family committed to reflecting Christ-likeness in their mind-sets and behaviour and therefore raising up a generation to know, love and serve the Lord. Psalm 78 Vs 1-4 Gods promise to Abraham in Genesis Ch12 Vs 3 was he would use Abraham’s family to be the vehicle for blessing all the families of the earth what an honour and a privilege. Do you know what your family is called to do. Make it your mission to find out. There is a key point here kingdom families bless the communities of earth. What has God called your family to do?

Family make-up. There are so many ways families are made up. Below is an explanation of the purpose of roles in each family. Marriage was instituted by God and the husband role according to Ephesians 5 2529 was one of headship being a provider and leadership. The wife role is one of

119 | Wholeness support wisdom submission resting leaning and respect.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;There is a special place in Gods heart for the family.â&#x20AC;?

The role of parenting is for nurturing training directing. Ephesians 6 1-3 encourages children to obey their parents, fathers to be patient with children. To be the best father and mother the key is vibrant fellowship with the Lord to his unlimited wisdom and vast resources so we can access them. What areas are you to serve with your family in? Think about stewarding and your resources. You do not own your family they have been entrusted into your care treat them well. How does family life look today? Some families look completely different from the one that is described above which could be due to pressures of life, lack of teaching, our own individualism, varying culture and mindsets. Many family relationships have been broken down. If the family is on your heart there are many ways you can cause a positive impact for it to be restored.

What impact can families have on society? For those of you who have a concern for the family you can start by Encouraging your own family Be clear on your role within the family as God intends Seek out how you can support and bless other families Pray for families Speak out regarding injustice of family members e.g. children, women, men,

those who are vulnerable Promote healthy relationships amongst families Signposting them to support groups and counselling available.

1 Corinthians 12 V 18 God sets members in body as he pleases so he has a plan for each and every family. The Kingdom of God advances through families and the relationships that stem out of them. Jesus had a good relationship his heavenly father it was out of his relationship with his father he built a relationship with his disciples and out of that relationship the Church was birthed. The Kingdom advances through the church, which are made up of families that will influence communities, nations and the world. Be the family that you are called to be and encourage the families that you are called to. Sharon Mclean BA Author Practical Business Trainer, Counsellor and Motivational Speaker Contact Sharon Mclean to submit any comments or questions email info@businesswithexcellence.com

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eulah, which is taken from Isaiah 62:4, means married to God. Isaiah 62:4: No longer will they call you deserted, or your land desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah and your land Beulah; for the LORD shall take delight in you, and your land will be married. (NIV) It is an absolute certainty that every born again woman is married to God. He therefore takes delight in you. We are the bride and He is the Bridegroom. This marriage union is unique by virtue of the fact that God takes us as we are and if we allow Him, by giving Him our all, He will prune us into the beautiful flowers that He has created us to be. Woman of God what percentage of your life have you dedicated to God your Father? Is it 30%, 60% or 100%? Woman of purpose, regardless of your predicament, circumstance, situation or dire need, God is waiting with His arms wide open to receive all of you because nothing less will do. As women who live in a real world, we are constantly bombarded with issues that pose as a distraction and a veil, which prevent us from seeing the Father as a partner who is ever present to deliver

us. Most of the time we find that we are trying to achieve and do things in our own strength rather than relying totally and without reservation on Him. I quote these words from Cece Winans’ beautiful song titled: “Just like You, Jesus”: I wanna walk like You, I wanna talk like You, I wanna live like You, Just like You, Jesus. I wanna pray like You, I wanna love like You, I wanna look like You, just like You, Jesus. Is this your heart’s cry? I know it is. But you say, there are obstacles, hindrances, issues … Surrender your spirit, soul and body to the LORD and you will sing the same song Cece sings. There are an astounding number of women who are being abused by people who promised to protect them. To compound issues; there is a staggering number of Christian women who are also being abused by their Christian spouse, father etc. We do not stand in judgment of these men who abuse their wives, children or siblings, as without a shadow of doubt, they are in need of deliverance from deep rooted issues themselves. But, woman of destiny, God is calling you for your deliverance. To all you women out there, who have been or are in an abusive

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“God has deposited in you all that you need to fulfil your destiny.” relationship, I cry with you my sister. But believe me; God is able to deliver you from abuse whilst you are in that abusive relationship. (We do not advocate that you in a relationship where there is a threat to life. Get help immediately.) He is also more than able to deliver you from the scars and insecurities that are a by- product of your afflictions and you will make it. Yes, you will make. Beautiful daughter of Zion, do not let your past or your present circumstance prevent you from being all that God has created you to be. God has deposited in you all that you need to fulfil your destiny. You are obligated to discover the gems that God has deposited in you. You are beautiful, precious, unique and one- of- a kind. You are fearfully and beautifully made; His works concerning you are marvellous and you know that full well. This is a paraphrase of Psalm 139:14. The word of God says that you know that God’s works concerning you are marvellous; you must therefore walk in this knowledge and let the person on the inside manifest on the outside. Be bold and therefore rise to your calling.

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Beulah Women International was established with the mandate to assist women realize and overcome the deep rooted issues that prevent them from fulfilling their God ordained destinies. Women are carriers, not only of children but of dreams, poetry, aspirations, accounts, and assignments; they are created to give birth to all that they carry. But the devil, the adversary, does all he can to stop a woman’s creativity. But you must take a stance by standing on the Word of God and not allow the oppression and/or supression any longer. Beulah Women International teaches women how to give birth to the ideas, businesses, dreams, books, etc. that they carry. They are taught how to identify hindrances and obstacles and how to overcome them. Women from all cultures, backgrounds and dispositions are nurtured, taught, trained and counselled. The objective is for women to be free to be themselves. As a consequence, they are productive mothers, wives, daughters, sisters, employers, employees. The family, the Church, society and community therefore reap the benefits of fulfilled and fruitful women.

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To start your journey on the road to total recovery and total restoration, may I suggest that you begin by reading, mediating and putting into practise Psalm 19:14 May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. (NIV) You should let the words that proceed from your mouth be Spirit led words that build you up. When you speak the word of God the Angels of God get business bringing it to pass. The Bible says that you will be satisfied with the fruit of your lips. When you meditate on Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s word, you will eventually begin to speak it out in faith and then you will act it out. We stand on the word of God until we see the manifestation of what we are confessing. The word of God will be fulfilled in every facet of your life. Arise and shine for the Lord is with you to set you free. For it is for freedom that Christ has come to set you free. Stand Woman of God. Stand on the word of God and it will bear you fruit.

Till I come your way again, it is love from me to you. Rev. Bola Akintola Founder Beulah Woman International Contact: bolaakintola@beulahwomeninternational.org

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THE CONTINUED

Cry of Chibok By Edwina Momoh

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hilst minding my own business and having one of those rare moments to relax. I was scrolling my Instagram news feeds and stumbled upon a

picture posted, that literally caused the course of my life! Your thinking, how can one picture do this? I will explain shortly. The Instagram post was concerning over 200+ girls being abducted and no one was reporting it. It sparked me to send a tweet to BBC Africa and BBC World news as they had not reported it themselves. This then created a Facebook post and conversation about why the news or the media was not reporting it too. I found the #bringbackourgirls hashtag

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126 | Spiritual Etiquette and was then connected to people who were

girls to make a huge point. Boys have also

passionate about getting the news into the

been abducted in regards to this same issue,

media regarding these abducted girls. This

but as gender matters in our world, the news

led me to protest, which I have never done

of the girls being abducted made it more

before and then I was interviewed by a

serious, as the girls could be used as sex

London TV network and CNN. My aim was

slaves and sold as child bribes, as was

not fame but to use my promoting gifts to get

rumoured or even more startling incidents.

the message out, so something could be

This #Chibok issue captured mainstream

done. Even numerous petitions were signed

attention via the #bringbackourgirls hashtag

and sent out.

which started in Nigeria and quickly moved

The issues were in relation to education and

widespread across the world, as many

as a teacher I could not stand back and see

famous icons were outraged by this for

injustice happen. I was passionate, I was

example Michelle Obama etc.

angry and I was determined to do

Issues of political security came up, the

something. The fact that there were over 200

similarity of the Taliban was even

girls was irritating enough and I later found

highlighted, but despite this, a grassroots

out that 50 or so young boys had also been

social media campaign made the Nigerian

abducted by Boko Harm for the same issue of

government sit up to see that the complex

western education. But they wanted to make

issue was not a local one, but a global issue.

a bigger impact by abducting these innocent girls. A passion I had never known before surged inside me for injustice, speaking out

Three key points came out:

about rape, sexual violence and the need for

standing up and being counted. Many of my

out for injustice is key. The unity from many

networks were informed about it and I urged

young people, who instigated the protests,

them to do their bit to protest, sign petitions,

came together in unison, which was amazing.

write letters, pray but at least do something.

You don’t have to be from the same place, be

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s mentioned in

the same colour, in order to be touched by

her interview, that it was a “cynical”

the plight of the cause and bold enough to

abduction by Boko Haram. It was an un-

take action to make a change. Many of us

gendered message of the issue of western

think someone else will speak up or take act

style education,’ not being liked ‘ was being

when the nudge in your heart may be

sent by the greater abduction of the 200 plus

saying ‘it is us that needs to stand up and be

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Protesting, standing up and speaking

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counted now â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;. Young lady what will

you be known for? What will you

learning and yet penalised for it. Will you

have stood for in your life time? 2.

There were many negative thoughts

The Chibok girls were at school

understand the power of the education you receive in school, college, university and use it to help, enhance and empower those

that came from this cause and many said

around you? Self-education is also very

nothing will be done. Countless took

important. Young lady what education

advantage of the cause for their own gain. Many tried to turn it into a political issue, even though basic human rights of every

and personal development that you receive now can affect you, your

child, has the right to go to school, without

family and your nation. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t waste

being violated. Numerous people from the

any precious time you have to learn.

same country as the girls turned a blind eye

We perish due to lack of knowledge

which was very disheartening. Young lady, and you have no excuse for not finding

despite negativity will you still rise

the information you seek with the

up for a cause on your heart?

internet. Learn, do, take action and share the knowledge. Many are dying

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just to receive learning. The girls still remain in the hands of Boko Harm and need to be brought back. Although it was reported, that they are alive and well but forced to convert to Islam. Many young Nigerians and others have stood for the cause, in hope with many others in prayer. This has led to action and in their strength, even marching, filling in petitions and sending to Number 10 Downing Street in London. The #bringbackourgirls campaign brought awareness but still no further news which is heart-breaking. No matter what happens, at least we tried, at least we did our best but we still want the girls to come back home. The fight for the cause still continues that education shall be a right for every child in every part of the world no matter their colour.

Edwina Momoh - JOIN AND FOLLOW ME: About me: http://about.me/edwinaexousiamomoh Twitter: http://twitter.com/exousiaconsultn Linkedin: http://uk.linkedin.com/in/ exousiaconsulting Fan page: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php? id=100000017776688#!/pages/ExousiaConsulting/253489946542 Fan page2: https://www.facebook.com/Breakoutthebox?fref=ts

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Her Style | 130

The Pioneer's Mentoring Franchise Programme (PMFP) The Pioneer Mentoring for Purpose Franchise Programme will seek to apply the following activities to assist you to launch a Kingdom focused training programme using the TEACH – TRAIN – EMPOWER principle. For more information visit

http://www.thementoringacademy.com/ SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

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EmpoweredWoman Empowering women to empower nations If you have any comments on any of the articles featured in this magazine please send them to:

magazine@empoweredwoman.org.uk

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