Mamas&Papas June 2016 by Kwenta Media

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Mamas & Papas | June 2016 Cover

Model: Andile Gumbi and son, Bhekani Photographer: Gareth Jacobs Styled By: Tebatjo Manamela Make-Up: Lucho Mhlongo Dressed By: Guess, Mango

64 On the cover

Features

32 C-Tucks: Diva Or Dangerous?

12 Top Secret! My Vagina Leaks.

38 His And Her Post-Baby Satisfaction

21 Tone Down The Unsolicited Advice

49 Is Your Child The Superhero Or The Villain?

26 Nicotine Effects On Fertility And Pregnancy

52 High Alert! Problems With Parental Drug Addiction

34 Supply And Demand: Is My Breast Milk Enough?

56 An Alternative To Separation: Living ‘Happily Together, Apart’?

45 Developing Executive Functions

64 Andile Gumbi Lives A Legacy Of Kings

52 M a m a s & Pa p a s

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Mamas & Papas | June 2016 In every issue 06 From the Editor’s Pen

Section guidelines

08 Contributors’ Page

10 Pre-Pregnancy

09 Your Letters

15 Pregnancy 32 Labour & Birth

61 Subscriptions

34 Babies 0-1 year

96 Stockists List

46 Toddlers 2-3 years 48 Preschoolers 4-7 years 52 Special Needs 56 Working Moms & Dads

72 Cancer Column: Zoleka Mandela

11 Gogo’s Advice

73 DeConstruct To Construct: Fumani Shilubana | FatherFigureZA

15 Preggy Diaries

86 Motoring: Melissa Jane Cook

24 Preggy Fashion 29 Baby Names 30 Philips AVENT Hall Of Fame 60 Kids’ Fashion 70 Parents With Pizzazz 74 Exercise: Mommy Bloggers 76 Recipes: McCain Family Favourites 82 Décor: Wallpaper Wonders 84 Reviews 88 GEMS Baby Showers

92 Travel: Route 62 To Touwberg

Your columnists 10 Fertility: Dr Antonio Rodrigues 18 Dr Herman (Gynaecologists): Dr Herman Netshidzivhani & Dr Birgit Katharina Bothner 20 Family Law: Advocate Veerash Srikison 42 Dr Dad (Paediatrician): Dr Ashraf Ahmed

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COVER PHOTOGRAPHY: GARETH JACOBS.GRAFFITI RETAIL SOLUTIONS, MCCAIN, ISTOCK, SHUTTERSTOCK, FARNELLLANDROVER.COM.

Your regulars

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Parenting... Your Way!

CEO of Kwenta Media & Founding Editor of Mamas & Papas

Nawaal Nolwazi Mdluli

Fashion & Beauty Editor Fashion Assistant Proofreader

Tracy Maher Loren Stow Cathrine Versfeld, Thina Mthembu, Hlulani Masingi, Melissa Jane Cook Tumi Mdluli Tebatjo Manamela Hayden Horner

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Kelly Moyo Tebatjo Manamela Yusuf Msinyi, Gabriel Mashishi Grace Masuku, Mohammed Bhabha, Lethepu Matshaba, Dr Herman Netshidzivhani, Dr Ashraf Ahmed, Dr Bongani Khumalo, Dr Alessia Gioliano, Major-General Jackie Modise, Maria Sterrenberg, Dr Sumayya Ebrahim, Veerash Srikison, Dr Birgit Katharina Bothner, Dr Antonio Rodrigues Dr Ashraf Ahmed, Dr Antonio Rodrigues, Veerash Srikison Dr Herman Netshidzivhani, Dr Birgit Katharina Bothner, Zoleka Mandela, Fumani N. Shilubana Peta Daniel, Sameerah Karolia, Dr Sumayya Ebrahim, Claire Maher Kwenta Media (Pty) Ltd. Fourways View Office Park, Block C, First Floor, Cnr Sunset Ave and Sunrise Blvd, Fourways Tel: 011 467 5859, Fax: 011 467 2808 or 086 672 6468 Mamas & Papas: P.O. Box 4437, Dainfern, 2055 www.mamasnpapasmag.com / www.kwentamedia.com subs@mamasnpapasmag.com advertising@mamasnpapasmag.com editorial@mamasnpapasmag.com info@mamasnpapasmag.com / info@kwentamedia.com

CTP Web Printers RNA Mamas & Papas Magazine, TV show, Website and Webzine are 100% owned and published by Kwenta Media (Pty) Ltd. The editor and publisher reserve the right to alter copy and visual material as deemed necessary. Copyright by Kwenta Media (Pty) Ltd. All rights reserved. BBBEE Level 1

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M&P|from the editor�s pen

STRONG FATHERS RAISE

Strong Daughters

ome losses are just that. They call for silence to feel the pain, nothingness to fill the void. There are no poems in my heart. No songs are heard, not even a hymn. A son of Africa has fallen. Dr Herman Netshidzivhani – ‘Doc’ as we fondly called him – lives no more. He rocked my dream of publishing Mamas & Papas magazine. He called for a turnaround in the hopeless situation of many childless couples, which now stand tall as parents who achieved against all odds. The presence of this very magazine is testament to his faith in me and so many others who sought him as a mentor and counsellor. He became the first fertility and gynaecology contributor and columnist to our magazine, and he informed me so well about IVF and infertility matters that today I’m able to converse with men and women about fertility with great confidence. I knew him and his family for just over a decade. When I told him and his wonderful wife, Dr Birgit Katharina Bothner, about my dream to start the magazine, they jumped on the bandwagon with encouragement. Dr Netshidzivhani was the founder and medical director of the Park Lane Fertility Centre. He was the first black fertility practitioner and received his fertility training in South Africa and the United States of America. He is one of the greatest medical icons of the modern era and his untimely death has left a huge void, not only in our hearts, but also in the parenting fraternity of the African continent. I am one of the lucky ones who got to know this extraordinary man and his family, and our deepest condolences go out

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to his family and loved ones. On this Father’s Day, certain to be one of the most painful ever for his family and many other children who are victims of father-loss, I pray that God gives Dr Bothner the wisdom and the strength to carry on his legacy, both in the field of gynaecology and fertility, and in their two daughters. May he rest in peace. He will be missed. Which brings me to this list. I know that Doc loved his daughters dearly and I know that he followed every one of the following ‘50 Rules For Dads To Daughter’ by Michael Mitchell. I was in tears as I read through this list, thinking of my papa and how much I appreciate my relationship with him. I would like to dedicate this list to all the fathers who step up and play their role. Mothers, bookmark this list of rules and encourage your daughter’s daddy to read them, memorise them and put them into action. Dads, be sure to pay close attention and heed these wise words. 50 Rules For Dads Of Daughters 1. “Love her mom. Treat her mother with respect, honour, and a big heaping spoonful of public displays of affection. When she grows up, the odds are good she’ll fall in love with and marry someone who treats her much like you treated her mother. Good or bad, that’s just the way it is. I’d prefer good. 2. Always be there. Quality time doesn’t happen without quantity time. Hang out together for no other reason than just to be in each other’s presence. Be genuinely interested in the things that interest her. She needs her dad to be involved in her life at every stage. Don’t just sit

idly by while she adds years to her… add life to her years. 3. Save the day. She’ll grow up looking for a hero. It might as well be you. She’ll need you to come through for her over and over again throughout her life. Rise to the occasion. Red cape and blue tights optional. 4. Savour every moment you have together. Today she’s crawling around the house in diapers, tomorrow you’re handing her the keys to the car, and before you know it, you’re walking her down the aisle. Some day soon, hanging out with her old man won’t be the bee’s knees anymore. Life happens pretty fast. You better cherish it while you can. 5. Pray for her. Regularly. Passionately. Continually. 6. Buy her a glove and teach her to throw a baseball. Make her proud to throw like a girl… a girl with a wicked slider. 7. She will ﬁght with her mother. Choose sides wisely. 8. Go ahead. Buy her those pearls. 9. Of course you look silly playing peek-a-boo. You should play anyway. 10. Enjoy the wonder of bath time. 11. There will come a day when she asks for a puppy. Don’t over think it. At least one time in her life, just say, “Yes.” 12. It’s never too early to start teaching her about money. She will still probably suck you dry as a teenager… and on her wedding day. 13. Make pancakes in the shape of her age for breakfast on her birthday. In a pinch, doughnuts

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M&P|from the editor�s pen with pink sprinkles and a candle will suffice. 14. Buy her a pair of Chucks as soon as she starts walking. She won’t always want to wear matching shoes with her old man. 15. Dance with her. Start when she’s a little girl or even when she’s a baby. Don’t wait ‘til her wedding day. 16. Take her fishing. She will probably squirm more than the worm on your hook. That’s OK. 17. Learn to say no. She may pitch a fit today, but someday you’ll both be glad you stuck to your guns. 18. Tell her she’s beautiful. Say it over and over again. Someday an animated movie or ‘beauty’ magazine will try to convince her otherwise. 19. Teach her to change a flat. A tyre without air need not be a major panic-inducing event in her life. She’ll still call you crying the first time it happens. 20. Take her camping. Immerse her in the great outdoors. Watch her eyes fill with wonder the first time she sees the beauty of wide, open spaces. Leave the iPod at home. 21. Let her hold the wheel. She will always remember when Daddy let her drive. 22. She’s as smart as any boy. Make sure she knows that. 23. When she learns to give kisses, she will want to plant them all over your face. Encourage this practice.

IMAGES: ©KWENTA MEDIA, SHUTTERSTOCK.

24. Knowing how to eat sunﬂower seeds correctly will not help her get into a good college. Teach her anyway. 25. Letting her ride on your shoulders is pure magic. Do it now while you have a strong back and she’s still tiny. 26. It is in her nature to make music. It’s up to you to introduce her to the joy of socks on a wooden ﬂoor. 27. If there’s a splash park near your home, take her there often. She will be drawn to the water like a duck to a puddle.

28. She will eagerly await your return home from work in the evenings. Don’t be late.

and Christmas. Instead, give her the gift of experiences you can share together.

29. If her mom enrolls her in swim lessons, make sure you get in the pool too. Don’t be intimidated if there are no other dads there. It’s their loss.

42. Let her know she can always come home. No matter what.

30. Never miss her birthday. In 10 years she won’t remember the present you gave her. She will remember if you weren’t there. 31. Teach her to roller skate. Watch her conﬁdence soar. 32. Let her roll around in the grass. It’s good for her soul. It’s not bad for yours either. 33. Take her swimsuit shopping. Don’t be afraid to veto some of her choices, but resist the urge to buy her full-body beach pajamas.

43. Remember, just like a butterﬂy, she too will spread her wings and ﬂy some day. Enjoy her caterpillar years. 44. Write her a handwritten letter every year on her birthday. Give them to her when she goes off to college, becomes a mother herself, or when you think she needs them most. 45. Learn to trust her. Gradually give her more freedom as she gets older. She will rise to the expectations you set for her. 46. When in doubt, trust your heart. She already does.

34. Somewhere between the time she turns three and her sixth birthday, the odds are good that she will ask you to marry her. Let her down gently.

47. When your teenage daughter is upset, learning when to engage and when to back off will add years to YOUR life. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

35. She’ll probably want to crawl in bed with you after a nightmare. This is a good thing.

48. Ice cream covers over a multitude of sins. Know her favorite ﬂavour.

36. Few things in life are more comforting to a crying little girl than her father’s hand. Never forget this.

49. This day is coming soon. There’s nothing you can do to be ready for it. The sooner you accept this fact, the easier it will be.

37. Introduce her to the swings at your local park. She’ll squeal for you to push her higher and faster. Her deﬁnition of ‘higher and faster’ is probably not the same as yours. Keep that in mind.

50. Today she’s walking down the driveway to get on the school bus. Tomorrow she’s going off to college. Don’t blink. by Michael Mitchell

38. When she’s a bit older, your deﬁnition of higher and faster will be a lot closer to hers. When that day comes, go ahead… give it all you’ve got.

Happy Father’s Day

39. Holding her upside down by the legs while she giggles and screams uncontrollably is great for your biceps. WARNING: She has no concept of muscle fatigue. 40. She might ask you to buy her a pony on her birthday. Unless you live on a farm, do not buy her a pony on her birthday. It’s OK to rent one though. 41. Take it easy on the presents for her birthday

FIND US ON: We want to hear from you! Write to me at nawaal@kwentamedia. com or post a comment on our Facebook page.

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M&P|contributors FERTILITY COLUMN

Dr Antonio Rodrigues MBBCH(Wits) FCOG(SA) MBA(Henley) Infertility specialist, founder developer and director of Medfem Fertility Clinic, along with fellow directors, Dr Johan van Schouwenburg and Dr Johan van Rensburg. Co-author of the book Faster, Better, Sicker and co-developer of StaminoGro (Georen Pharmaceuticals). The doctor’s special medical interests lie in lifestyle management to improve fertility. Dr Rodrigues is married to clinical psychologist Mandy Rodrigues and together they have six children, ranging from 28 to 6 years in age. Contact Dr Rodrigues on 011 463 2244

FAMILY LAW

CANCER COLUMN

Zoleka Mandela Although the unexpected and tragic loss of two of her children surpassed her battle with addiction, her early breast cancer diagnosis catapulted Zoleka from a journey of pain and struggle to one of hope, faith and inspiration. Zoleka is an author, a motivational speaker and founder of the Zoleka Mandela Foundation. Visit www.zolekamandelafoundation.org www.zolekamandelafoundation.org.

DECONSTRUCT TO CONSTRUCT (FATHERHOOD)

Fumani N. Shilubana Father, actor, producer, social entrepreneur, founder of Father Figure ZA and DeCon2Con Talks “If the passion and talent that God gave me won’t make a better difference in people’s lives, then I don’t want to do anything.”

@zolekamandela

@FumaniShilubana @FatherFiguresSA

zolekamandelafoundation

FumaniNShilubana FatherFiguresSA

DR HERMAN (GYNAECOLOGISTS)

FAMILY PSYCHOLOGIST

Dr Sumayya Ebrahim Dr Herman Netshidzivhani & Dr Birgit Katharine Bothner

Advocate Veerash Srikison Advocate Veerash Srikison is an internationally accredited mediator at Fair Practice in Johannesburg. For more information on mediation and how you can benefit from it, visit www.fairpractice.co.za.

Contact the doctors on 011 643 8492 or 011 480 4143

Contact Veerash on 011 046 2644.

DR DAD (PAEDIATRICIAN)

Obstetricians and gynaecologists These two doctors are partners in work and in life. They run a fertility clinic together at Park Lane Clinic in Johannesburg and have two children.

MOTORING

Melissa Jane Cook

Dr Ashraf Ahmed Dr Ahmed is a Johannesburg-based paediatrician and father of 5 children, Iman (16), Mehreen (9), and 8-year-old triplets Jazib, Taheem and Alman – conceived naturally! His wife Aneesa is also a doctor. Contact Dr Dad on 011 875 1845 or 011 875 1840

Bewitched by the magic of France, Melissa Jane Cook is an intrepid explorer. A lover of traversing the globe, she eagerly absorbs different cultures and laps up the magnificent oceanic experiences. Wooed by words and writers alike, her penchant for facials, chocolate, owls and bugs, is surpassed only by her fascination with the stage aglow in lights or bookshelves that heave with stories, where characters invite her along on their marvellous journeys. @jwanderlustmjc

Dr Ebrahim is a registered psychologist in Johannesburg. She holds an Honours degree in Applied Psychology, a cum laude Masters degree in Psychology and a PhD. Her academic interests are Wellbeing, Emotional Intelligence, Positive Psychology, Critical Psychology and Infertility. Dr Ebrahim is both an academic and a practitioner and is the author of Investment in Self: A comprehensive well being construct. Contact Dr Ebrahim on 078 864 2007 or email doctor@psychologiste.com. Visit Psychologistse.com.

ED. PSYCHOLOGIST

Claire Maher Claire works fulltime at a school in Johannesburg and maintains a private practice. Claire is interested in attachment, barriers to learning and fair assessment practices in South Africa. In her free time, Claire enjoys drinking tea, cycling, photography, cooking and spending time with her family and friends. Contact Claire on 071 150 1863 or clairemaher. psych@gmail.com. @Educ_Psych

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M&P|letters

I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES After multiple unsuccessful attempts to fall pregnant, I have learned the value of faith. After yet another early miscarriage due to an ectopic pregnancy, God blessed me with the pregnancy of my little princess. Months later, your magazine has introduced me to a wonderland I have never seen before and it just feels like a big surprise birthday party I once had that I will never forget. As I turn the pages while my baby girl sleeps, I thank you for your great publication, and God for my tiny miracle. Madona Nkoenyane Limpopo

PLAYING WITH MY BABY I don’t like to tear pages out of magazines, especially ones in public places like doctors’ rooms, but the pages with mommyand-baby activities are now safely tucked in a file, where I keep any research on anything important that I should know when it comes to my newborn and me. I think that every other mom or dad who reads your magazine should keep these pages aside before a friend borrows their magazine! You’ve got a very happy reader here! Amrita Rathore Durban

MY BREASTFEEDING FEARS When I read your article ‘Learning To Latch’ (May 2016 issue), I realised that despite having read up lot about pregnancy and parenting, I hadn’t touched much on breastfeeding. I’m glad I came across this article before delivering my baby. I guess I’ve always been a bit nervous about this, but knowing that I can contact a breastfeeding professional from IBCLC has put my mind at ease. The article answered most of the questions I didn’t realise I had. Thank you so much! Lungelo Mkhwanazi Newcastle

I LOVE MY SISTER’S KIDS BUT…

IMAGE: VECTORSTOCK.COM.

Find us on:

We want to hear from you Share your thoughts, opinions, suggestions and touching family stories. Log on to our website www.mamasnpapasmag.com or drop us a mail at letters@mamasnpapasmag.com. We reserve the right to edit all letters for the purposes of publishing.

I love my sister’s kids and I usually babysit for her, but the way my niece and nephew always fight is just ridiculous! While I was going through her magazine rack, I came across the last issue of Mamas & Papas magazine and read an article that suggested ways to end sibling rivalry – JACKPOT! I think every parent or babysitter like me would find this article very useful, as it helps you to understand and deal with each situation better. Madeline Rains Pretoria

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M&P|fertility follow a vasectomy sterilisation. PESA can also be used if there is failure to ejaculate during an IVF/ICSI procedure (if vibrator stimulation fails and electro-ejaculation is not available).

SURGICAL SPERM RETRIEVAL Dr Antonio Rodrigues explains how surgical sperm retrieval has enabled many men with zero sperm count to become biological fathers.

n the past, the only options for treating azoospermia (a zero sperm count) were reconstructive surgery (if there was obstruction) or donor insemination. Now, many azoospermic men are able to father their own children biologically with sperm retrieved from their epididymis or testis using a group of procedures known as surgical sperm retrieval or SSR.

1. PESA PESA is the retrieval of sperm from the epididymis (the storage tube next to

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the testis). This is a generally painless procedure performed in a sterile environment by passing a small needle into the epididymis and aspirating or suctioning the sperm into a syringe. The sperm is then prepared for immediate use or frozen for future use. The technique works best in obstructive azoospermia â&#x20AC;&#x201C; this is found when the cause of a zero sperm count is due to obstruction of the duct that transports the sperm from the epididymis to the sperm that is ejaculated. This blockage may be due to a birth defect in the duct or can

TESE is the retrieval of sperm directly from the testes under anaesthetic. There are a number of different procedures used to achieve this, including a biopsy through the skin (needle biopsy or tissue cutting biopsy) or open testicular sperm retrieval. The principle of all these techniques is the same and the end result is to retrieve an adequate amount of live sperm from the testes that can then be used to fertilise eggs that are retrieved with an IVF procedure. There can be post-operative discomfort, bruising and occasional swelling. Testicular retrieval is used for the following problems: l Obstructive azoospermia due to a blockage in the sperm duct and there is failure to retrieve sperm by PESA. l Non-obstructive azoospermia. l Total astheno-/necrozoospermia â&#x20AC;&#x201C; when all sperm are immotile (not moving) they may be viable but immotile, or nonviable and hence immotile. In case of viable, non-motile sperm, these can be identified by the hypo-osmotic swelling test and used for ICSI. However, in the case of necrozoospermia (nonviable, immotile sperm) it is necessary to use sperm aspirated from the testis since these are usually viable and may sometimes even be motile. These SSR procedures do not affect sexual function and normal sexual activity can resume when the male feels comfortable. It is important that a full hormonal work up is done before the procedure and any hormonal imbalances are treated for at least two to three months before carrying out the sperm retrieval. This will ensure that the best quality sperm is retrieved when the surgical sperm extraction is carried out.

WORDS: DR ANTONIO RODRIGUES. IMAGE: depositphotoS.

2. TESTICULAR SPERM EXTRACTION (TESE)

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M&P|gogo’s advice M&P

FEND OFF COLDS & FLU When the cold gets you down, visit Gogo and see what she can brew for you.

CLOBBER THE COLD VIRUS The next time you feel a sniffle coming on, try gargling with a dash of Tabasco sauce in water. Gogo is a big fan of the sauce and swears it’s the fastest way to open up blocked airways. If you can’t take the heat, try Echinacea, the herbal virus killer. Method: Add two teaspoons of Echinacea to a cup of warm water and gargle three times a day. This will ease throat pain and give your immune system the boost it needs to fight the infection.

COMPILED BY: THINA MTHEMBU. IMAGES: ISTOCK, DEPOSITPHOTOS.

PREVENT THE SNIFFLES It may just be a cold, but it’s certainly nothing to sneeze at. Gogo suggests preventing a cold before it keeps you up all night. l Wash your hands regularly with soap and water, especially after using public toilets. l Don’t touch your face with unwashed hands. Carry a small bottle of hand sanitiser to use when you can’t reach a washbasin. l It may be rude, but try to avoid shaking hands with anyone who has a cold. l Use a cool-mist humidifier to counteract the drying effect of central heating and keep indoor air moist. l Get some rest. Most people get colds or the flu when they’re run down.

WARNING! HONEY AND YOUR INFANT Never give raw honey to children under the age of one, as it may contain a small number of spores called Clostridium botulinum. The spores don’t thrive in the intestines of adults and older children, but they are able to multiply in babies, possibly causing a serious form of food poisoning known as infant botulism.

Remember: Although you trust Gogo’s advice, it’s always best to ask your doctor or nurse at your local clinic first!

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2016/05/04 21:40

M&P|pre-pregnancy

TOP SECRET: My Vagina Leaks!

Far from occurring in polite conversations, the subject of vaginal discharge, although natural and real, never gets a mention. Cathrine Versfeld provides the low-down on this mysterious and embarrassing bodily function. e live in an age where sharing our daily personal experiences have become an acceptable part of society. Everything from photographing your cup of coffee for Instagram to posting the exact time and date of your engagement on Facebook and Twitter are quite normal activities. But imagine sitting at a brunch table and casually introducing the subject of vaginal discharge to your female friends. Sadly, (or perhaps mercifully) it is not yet common to put it all out there.

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And yet, the vagina is an extraordinary part of the body. Unfortunately, the lack of conversation around the subject also means that we don’t benefit from the knowledge of shared experiences. Because of this, many women may not be aware just how natural and varied vaginal discharge can be throughout the month, and the span of a woman’s life. Dr Alyssa Dweck MD, the co-author of V is for Vagina (2012, Ulysses Press), is a fulltime practising Ob/Gyn. Her book sheds light on every possible question about the vagina, from puberty to young adulthood and pregnancy and menopause. Doing away with the stuffy and confusing ‘medical speak’, the issues of vaginal discharge are elegantly demystified.

WHEN DOES IT BEGIN? Starting about a year before puberty, vaginal discharge will continue until around the end of menopause. Although the volume and frequency differs from woman to woman, there are some definite times of the month (and in life) that your discharge can indicate specific physical and hormonal occurrences:

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M&P|pre-pregnancy Clear A clear discharge can indicates ovulation. According to Dr Dweck, this is a good time to identify if you’re trying for a baby. Or conversely, double-check protection if you’re not. Creamy Approximately two weeks before your period, you may find a slightly creamier discharge. This is also perfectly normal, and varies in volume from woman to woman. Small amounts of blood Although a small amount of blood in your discharge usually occurs when you are about to start your period, it’s important to watch out if it occurs at the wrong time of the month, or if it looks suspicious. It may require medical intervention, including; breakthrough bleeding from the pill, infections, an ectopic pregnancy or normal pregnancy or a range of other causes. Under these circumstances, Dr Dweck recommends that you have it investigated by your healthcare practitioner, as the range of possible issues are extremely broad. White or lumpy As most women will attest, white and/or lumpy is usually the sign of a yeast infection. It is accompanied by itching, which can get worse if untreated. Thankfully there are a range of treatments available over the counter, or in tablet form from your doctor. For women who regularly experience this problem, recommendations include getting out of wet gym or swimming gear sooner and sleeping ‘commando’ (without underwear) from time to time, to help the area get a bit of air. Heavy An unusually heavy discharge is often the result of a contraceptive pill or IUD device. The main rule of thumb is, as long as the discharge remains clear or white and does not smell bad, there is no need for concern. However, it may also indicate an allergic reaction to a chemical, such as bath salts or a new type of body or bath product. Lighter The transition phase before menopause is called perimenopause and is often signalled by the volume and consistency of discharge becoming lighter. Although this process does not begin for most women until their 40’s, many women may begin to experience it in their later 30’s, and, for some, even earlier.

“The main rule of thumb is, as long as the discharge remains clear or white and does not smell bad, there is no need for concern.” WHEN TO WORRY There are signs that all is not as it should be down there: Yellow/greenish A yellow or greenish discharge often indicates an STD like trichomoniasis, gonorrhoea or even Chlamydia and will require medical treatment. Note: Chlamydia can also often go undetected without any symptoms at all. Green/grey with a fishy smell This generally indicates a bacterial infection that can be treated with a course of antibiotics. The vagina has a specific balance of micro-organisms and flora that, when disturbed, may lead to a bacterial infection. Risk can be minimised in frequent sufferers by not using vaginal cleaning products and using condoms during sex (sperm can sometimes affect the balance.) Watery Although this may indicate herpes, as internal blisters may weep and cause a watery discharge, Dr Dweck points out that there are many other symptoms of herpes. It is usually painful enough for a sufferer to already know that something is wrong.

The distinctions between the various types of discharge may not always be that clear-cut, but a good rule of thumb comes down to colour and smell. The vagina is self-cleaning and healthy discharge should not smell like anything and the colour should always be clear or white. Although the amount of discharge can vary greatly from woman to woman, it is also important to take note when your personal pattern changes. Although many women continue to feel embarrassed about it, vaginal discharge is just one small way in which our amazing bodies go about cleaning themselves and communicating with us. M a m a s & Pa p a s

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KEEPING DRY AND HEALTHY Maintain or control normal discharge the following ways:  Don’t stay in wet gym clothes or swimwear.  Make use of panty-liners or spare undies on ‘heavy’ days.  Avoid scented intimate cleaning products (normal discharge does not smell bad).  Select ‘breathable’ fabrics for your underwear, such as cotton (nylon and lycra are not ideal).  Go ‘commando’ at night when possible.  Monitor your vagina’s response to new bath products.

“Although many women continue to feel embarrassed about it, vaginal discharge is just one small way in which our amazing bodies go about cleaning themselves and communicating with us.”

IMAGES: huffingtonpost, depositphotos.

M&P|pre-pregnancy

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M&P|preggy diaries

KHOMOTSO MOYO

WORDS AND IMAGE SUPPLIED BY KHOMOTSO MOYO.

1st Trimester

hen I was 27, I married the man of my dreams. We had met at university six years before and both had no doubt that we wanted to start a family right away. Conceiving wasn’t as easy as we thought it would be and we had to deal with the disappointment of negative results several times a month for five months. We were living in Zimbabwe, when one of our dearest friend invited us to his farewell party as he was relocating to the UK. We couldn’t wait to take a road trip to Johannesburg to see family and bid our friend farewell. On the morning of the long awaited farewell party, soaking in the bath tub, my husband noticed that my breasts were red and engorged, and full of veins, which was unusual. They were tender, but I just assumed that it was because my period was due in a day or two. After experiencing strange symptoms, like my breasts being extremely painful whenever someone hugged me and the fact that I couldn’t enjoy a glass of wine at our friend’s farewell, I decided to take a home pregnancy test on the morning of 14 September, while my husband was asleep. I sat there on the toilet seat half asleep, not really expecting much after so many disappointments, I saw the first line appear. After waiting a few more seconds the second line suddenly appeared and I couldn’t believe my eyes. ‘I’m going to be a mom’ I said to myself, looking into the mirror, as feelings of joy and disbelief simultaneously rushed through my body. I quietly got back into bed and when my husband turned to me and asked me if I had taken the pregnancy test, I looked into his eyes and told him, “You’re going to be a daddy.” He burst into tears, overcome with joy and excitement (and probably a little bit of fear) and we just lay there in each other’s arms. On that same day, we decided to go to the hospital to verify if we were really pregnant. We found out that we were five weeks along and that our prince would arrive in May 2016. We couldn’t wait to share the news with our family and told them as soon as we could get everyone together on the very same day. A new career opportunity arose in Johannesburg; this was bittersweet news because I had to leave my husband behind to round

things up in Zimbabwe before he could join us. On the first day of my new job, I was eight weeks pregnant. I informed my new employers of the wonderful news and they were thrilled and supportive of my pregnancy. During that time I could feel my body changing; there was a lot of nausea and I was constantly tired. Waking up early in the morning was very challenging, especially with my body telling me to go back to sleep. Brushing my teeth and my tongue wasn’t pleasant, as it made me vomit almost every time. It was all very strange and very exciting at the same time, and besides, it brought me great joy once I arrived at work knowing that I would be working hard for my little bundle. At 12 weeks, I eagerly anticipated my that my body would be overcome with cravings and a big appetite, but my body wasn’t changing in that department. In fact, I felt better than ever. The nausea I experienced in the mornings subsided significantly and so did the fatigue. I felt somewhat like myself again. M a m a s & Pa p a s

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M&P|preggy diaries

DEIDRÉ LINDEQUE

oth my husband, André, and I (pictured on the right) are 32 years old and for the past five years we’ve been the proud parents of three fur babies, a Labrador, a Golden Retriever and a very fluffy cat. We are also the parents of a very cute, busy, determined, adventurous and affectionate little girl, Isabella, who will turn three in July. When asked (which is often!) when baby number two is expected, I always set my sights on a three-year age gap. Having taken a little while to fall pregnant the first time, it was rather daunting trying to plan for baby number two. I am, however, very grateful that things worked out and this baby is due one month shy of my anticipated three-year gap. As a very practical mom, I am so

Preggy Diary.indd 16

grateful that my new little pink bundle will share the same seasons as my first baby; all my gently used baby clothes from Bella will be suitable sizes for Number Two. Having suffered terribly with morning-noon-and-night sickness for the full nine months the first time around, it was no surprise to me that the nausea started when it was time to take the home pregnancy test – just two weeks after I had completed the Cape Town 10-kilometre peace run. Although the baby was planned and, being a few days late, I was pretty certain I was pregnant, it’s amazing how we still trusted no fewer than three home-pregnancy tests to confirm the news. Once confirmed, the initial signs of nausea didn’t subside and the strong aversion to smells, indescribable fatigue and the need to pee every two hours through the night set in with full force. I LOVE being a mom, but I am not the greatest fan of pregnancy. As excited as I was about having a new baby, I had to mentally prepare myself for the months to come and the physical challenges ahead. Daytime napping or 5:30pm bedtimes are less realistic with a very busy little toddler running around all day and 10-kilometre races were definitely not an option for the rest of the first trimester, when sleep was the only thing I could think about. The next big question was pink or blue? With my first pregnancy we were only able to determine the gender with certainty at 24 weeks. I was ecstatic when the foetal assessment specialist told me at the 12week scan that, with 85 percent certainty, Bella was going to have a sister. She is brilliant, so for me that was as good as 100 percent. At 12 weeks already I couldn’t resist taking the bags of baby clothes out from storage and reminiscing about the special times I had with Bella as a newborn. Our next little pink bundle is due to arrive around the middle of June and I cannot wait for the smells and cuddles of another gorgeous little baby. I am often asked if Bella is excited about the baby and whenever I try to explain it to her, she responds with glee that Barney is in my tummy. She seems convinced that I will be delivering a little purple dinosaur as the new addition to our family.

WORDS AND IMAGE SUPPLIED BY DEIDRÉ LINDEQUE.

1st Trimester

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M&P|preggy diaries

BUYI XABA

WORDS AND IMAGE SUPPLIED BY BUYI XABA.

2nd Trimester

e are almost halfway through our pregnancy and so far we have enjoyed every moment. The pregnancy is now official in the public eye; my face looks fuller and my belly is popping out, so hiding it is no longer an option. The second trimester seems to be easier than the first. I’ve said goodbye to the dreadful morning sickness, but there’s a bit of backache. Cravings have been replaced by a very hearty appetite; would anyone be willing to share vetkoeks, atchaar, mangola or mutton bunny chow with me? Don’t worry too much though, I do try to throw in healthy foods in-between, like fruits, raw vegetables, nuts and a bit of dairy. I still go to gym and jog, and I can still wear my high heels. I have put on a bit of weight, but that’s supposed to happen so it’s all good. We were looking forward to our last gynae visit and, like always, both my boys were with us. We were very excited to hear that we are expecting another baby boy. I was over the moon, but my younger son was very disappointed as he was hoping for a baby sister. Poor baby (not the one I’m carrying!) After the gynae visit we had to cheer the boys up with a professional photo shoot, and the photographs were simply stunning! My husband and I went for a babymoon in Mpumalanga and I was spoiled rotten, I’m talking full-body massage, facial, pedi and manicure – it was really refreshing. We certainly needed that time alone to reconnect with one another before the sleepless nights begin. We have already started collecting baby gear and have bought wallpaper, a cot, a stroller and a car seat. We will finalise the rest of the baby shopping during the next trimester. I am really enjoying every moment, from the daily spoils I get from my husband to my swelling ankles. These are the joys of motherhood and moments that I would never trade for any amount of money. M a m a s & Pa p a s

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hen you go for your women’s health check-up, it’s very important to say what’s on your mind, whether the questions are uncomfortable or the confession embarrassing. This will give your gynaecologist an idea of what to look for during your physical exam. To help you through these awkward moments, we have compiled a list of issues you should never be shy to raise with your gynae. Q. I often have an itch down there. What could be the cause? Vaginal itching can be an embarrassing problem and many women often assume they have a yeast infection, which leads to them spending money on over-thecounter yeast medications that may make their problem worse. Different things, such as sensitivity to your laundry soap, an STI or a bacterial infection, etc., could cause itching. Have your gynae check it out and advise you on a course of action. Q. Is it safe to have sex while I’m on my period? Can I fall pregnant at this time? No time is ever perfectly safe, but women who understand their ovulatory cycle can tell more or less when they are at risk of becoming pregnant. It is always advisable to use condoms (to prevent pregnancy and STIs) or other forms of birth control.

It’s always better to go for your annual gynae exam prepared for a fairly quick ‘in and out’ experience.

10QUESTIONS EMBARRASSING

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M&P|dr herman Q. I sometimes leak urine. Why is that? Urinary incontinence affects women of all ages, but it’s more common for pre- and post-menopausal women, and more so in those who have had children, where the pelvic muscles have been weakened due to pregnancy and childbirth. Q. How much daily discharge is normal? The amount of discharge varies from woman to woman, and the colour and consistency changes throughout your cycle due to hormone levels. Monitor your body and work out what is normal for you. As soon as you notice a sudden change in odour, colour or consistency of your discharge, make an appointment with your doctor to help determine the reason and a course of action.

COMPILED BY: THINA MTHEMBU. IMAGES: istock.

Q. I never seem to be in the mood for sex. What could be the cause of my low libido? A low libido can be the result of different psychological, relational and physical factors, as well as the stage of life you are in, such as post-baby, perimenopause, or if you are taking any new medications. If this is bothering you, speak to your doctor. Q. Why does it hurt when I have sex? Many women think that it’s normal to feel pain during intercourse so they bear it, but in actual fact, genital pain is a problem that can be treated. Speak up and you and your doctor can work on a treatment plan or your doctor can refer you to a sex therapist if need be. Q. My partner told me that I have a ‘funny’ smell down there. Is this a sign of an infection? Everything we consume can change the smell and taste of vaginal secretions and semen. If your normal scent has changed greatly, if there is lot more discharge than usual, or if it turns fishy, see your doctor as these could be signs of infection.

Q. How will I know if I have an STI? If you have had unprotected sex with a new partner, you should go for an STI screening because the majority of STIs have no symptoms. A bloody discharge between periods or lower abdominal pain, blisters or lesions on the outside of your vagina or the vulva could be signals. Q. I’ve never had an orgasm. Am I normal? If you have had sex, but have never experienced orgasm, it could be because you do not know how to stimulate your body and you cannot show your partner how to stimulate you. Only a small percentage of women have an orgasm through penetration alone. Read up as much as you can about clitoral stimulation

and have your partner play with you to find out what you like best. Sex doesn’t begin and end with penetration. Q. Do I have to share my sexual history with my gynae? A lot of women don’t open up about their sexual history because they are afraid that their doctor will judge them. You need to know that your doctor is not there to judge; rather, they’re there to help and they do need all the information you can give them for them to make the best possible diagnosis. If you feel that you don’t want something to be recorded, you can ask your doctor not to write it down but remember that if it’s not on record, the next time you come in, your doctor may not remember what you shared. M a m a s & Pa p a s

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M&P|family law

THE RESPONSIBILITIES & RIGHTS OF THE BIOLOGICAL FATHER

urrently, according to the Centre for Child Law, approximately 60 percent of children in South Africa are not raised within a twoparent conventional family environment, making their biological parents either divorced or unmarried, or either or both parents are deceased, or their whereabouts are unknown. With this in mind and in light of the Children’s Act 38 of 2005, which states that children have an inherent right to family care or parental care, where does the role of the father fit in?

CONTACT AND CARE In terms of section 20 of the Children’s Act 38 of 2015 a father, who is married to the biological mother or if he was married to the mother at the time of the conception or birth of the child or anytime between the child’s conception and birth, will have full responsibilities and rights in respect of his child. If the marriage ends and he finds himself living the life of a single father, this does not mean these responsibilities and rights have been diminished. What the end of the marriage means is that the contact he has and the opportunity he has to care for his

child is based on a routine and structure he creates with the mother of his child during the divorce process.

PARENTAL AUTHORITY Prior to the Act, unmarried fathers held no parental authority (now known as parental responsibilities and rights) over their child and had to show special grounds as an interested party for the court to hear his circumstances and provide him with custodial rights (now known as care). Since the inception of section 21 of the Act, the position of an unmarried biological father has changed. He now only has automatic parental responsibilities and rights if he is living with the mother in a permanent life partnership or consents to being identified as the father and has contributed or attempted to contribute for a reasonable period to the child’s upbringing and maintenance. Any dispute as to whether or not the unmarried father has fulfilled these requirements must first be dealt with in mediation before taking it to court.

MAKING A PLAN It is clear from these provisions of the law that a father’s responsibilities and rights to his child are not automatic but conditional, as it

SPECIAL MOMENTS The parenting plan has also allowed moments like Father’s Day to be set aside in the contact schedule as a special day. Children who know their fathers want to be a part of their lives and fathers who want the same, provided the child’s safety and well-being is accounted for, should not be denied the opportunity to spend special days together or maintaining a healthy and encouraging relationship with one another where the father’s presence will be a positive one. All fathers who make their child’s best interest a priority qualify being called ‘dad’. May the life lessons you teach your children and the humility they teach you be the foundation of ever-lasting love and wonderful memories. Happy Father’s Day to you!

WORDS: ADVOCATE VEERASH SRIKISON. IMAGE: ISTOCK.

Advocate Veerash Srikison examines if just any father in South Africa can automatically be given the opportunity to be a dad.

depends on his relationship with the mother and the status of their relationship. How then can this relationship be created if they are not together? The Act makes provision for a parenting plan, for previously married parents, and a parental responsibilities and rights agreement for unmarried or divorced parents to be discussed and decided on by the parents preferably in mediation. The purpose of this document is to promote the child’s right to develop a relationship with both parents. The parenting plan has opened the doors for unmarried and divorcing parents to build a relationship and communicate how best they can raise their child separately. It provides fathers the opportunity to share in the responsibilities and rights over their children, and does away with the age-old belief that sole custody’always goes to the mother.

The information in this article is not legal advice. A professional must be consulted for your particular circumstances.

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M&P|pregnancy

TONE DOWN THE FREE ADVICE Women have a knack for offering unsolicited advice, especially when the topics are men, pregnancy and child-rearing. Cathrine Versfeld says what you might not be able to say… enough is enough! n 2007 I was a new mother, only a month in and proud of my baby. My husband and I decided to venture out for our first cup of coffee in the ‘real’ world, the newborn warmly ensconced in a cocoon of blankets in her pram. We were enjoying the occasional passerby, usually an old woman, who would stop to admire the baby. At some stage our baby started to get a bit niggly and I realised that she was getting hungry. I had nowhere to breastfeed her, so I brought out a small bottle of formula to tide her over until we got home. All of a sudden the admiration from the soft-hearted public turned to raised eyebrows at the bottle and eventually a woman gave me a hard time about it. I protested that I was breastfeeding at home, but she shook her head. “It’s supposed to be exclusive breastfeeding. You’re basically poisoning your child there!” I was horrified because, as a new mother, I was making every effort to do things the ‘right’ way. I jettisoned the small tin of formula that I’d bought for outings and tried desperately to start pumping. It wasn’t very successful and my desperation to become some kind of breastfeeding

superstar took its toll on my body’s supply. But I was determined, despite the fact that I could sense my child was constantly hungry. By my baby’s three-month check-up, she was very underweight and I had to sit in the paediatrician’s office, while the doctor patiently explained to me that my child was undernourished and anaemic. Far from being the supermom I had intended, I had instantly become the woman who couldn’t even feed her baby in this day and age. Failure! But why had I failed? Up to the age of six weeks, my baby was a fat, happy tot who hardly cried or wanted for anything. The wheels started coming off when I deviated from my own instincts and doubted my ability to recognise what my child needed. I walked away from that paediatrician’s office wracked with guilt. I bought a tin of formula and replaced the bottles that I’d thrown away and when I got home, that child drank with such deep satisfaction and slept for six solid hours afterwards. Looking at my poor tot, sleeping there like a little angel, I made a personal commitment. A: I would follow my own instincts and B: I would only take the advice of childcare professionals. Within a month, M a m a s & Pa p a s

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M&P|pregnancy

my baby was a wonderfully round, well fed, happy baby again. And today, she is a healthy, glowing eight-year-old with a good appetite. That decision changed my life. I had only been a parent for three months and I’d messed it up. When you start out on your parenting gig, you fear that you’ll be bad at it and everybody will recognise that you don’t know what you’re doing. Unsolicited advice makes that feeling worse and if you’re young and a bit insecure, the know-it-alls can cause devastating trouble for new moms and dads. I have had four more babies since then and I am pleased to report that I followed my own instincts, which got better with each subsequent child. I also learned to be selective about what to take to heart and what to take with a pinch of salt. It is amazing that, with childrearing specifically, the unsolicited advice comes from so many stereotypical sources, such as: 1. Know-It-All Non-Parents Most of us fell into this category before we had children. It can be pretty intimidating when you’re pregnant and can’t really defend yourself, or be sustained by your own experience. These will be the friends who question everything you eat and drink during your pregnancy, including diet Coke, coffee, white cheese, shellfish or public enemy number one, a glass of wine. The same friends and family will get annoyed when you’re too tired to go out on the town in your third trimester and will also ask repeatedly if you’ve chosen a name for your unborn baby – and declare loudly when they don’t like it – as if your child’s name has anything to do with them.

2. In-Laws And Older Friends Or Family Members You will come to value and appreciate the advice of your mother, older sister, or a down-to-earth friend with experience. However, there is a reason why there are so many jokes about strained relationships with in-laws and the fact that these family ties can become infinitely more difficult when a baby comes along. Everything from family names for your child to religious rites, godparents, what/how you will be feeding your child and where he/she will go to school and/or when you decide to go back to work becomes free reign. These ‘helpful’ comments or questions can often have the opposite effect, leaving couples feel insecure about their decisions. 3. The War Story Veterans When I was pregnant with my first child, a distant, older family member told me the story of a baby who was left in her chair, to be eaten alive by ants. It’s a fantastical story and obviously never happened, but I was in my third trimester and mostly irrational, at best. War veterans love to tell war stories and usually aren’t too concerned about details like facts, or whether or not it really did happen to their cousin’s best friend’s brother. This is the scariest sub-set of advisors, because they will also say things like “Oh come on! Just a bit of *blank* won’t hurt!” and recommend that you dip your baby’s dummy in brandy when they’re teething. 4. The Entire Internet I may have quipped in the past about the fact that the Internet is a kind of double-edged sword of valuable connection and hair-

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... the know-it-alls can cause devastating trouble for new moms and dads.

IMAGES: istock.

WAYS TO TACKLE UNSOLICITED ADVICE 1. Have a few responses lined up. “Thank you, we might consider that!”or “That is a very interesting perspective”or “I will certainly quiz my doctor on that!” 2. Cut off stories you don’t want to hear. The best way to stop a war story veteran is to simply interrupt them with a phrase like “Wow, it sounds like you/they really had a rough time!” and then change the subject as quickly as possible. 3. Be vague… they’ll get the hint. It can be difficult to assert yourself with close family members, who are going to be an indefinite part of your and the baby’s life. When they ask if you’ve bought that wet-wipe heater they suggested, or if you’ve decided about the child’s second name, say you’ll get around to it and change the subject. 4. Don’t be afraid to walk away. Whether it’s a stranger who’s getting on your nerves and you simply mumble something and walk off, or an online conversation, it is not impolite to stop replying or pretend you don’t have time to hear the rest. You deserve a break, mommy!

Beyond the Blue S53713

brained, peanut gallery observations. Nowhere is this more prevalent than in pregnancy/mommy groups. For every mother who believes that baby should sleep on their stomach, there is another who will call them baby-suffocating monsters. And that’s just in the groups you may have willingly joined or been added to without your knowledge. I’ll never forget the beautiful photograph of a friend of mine, out on her first dinner with her husband and newborn triplets. There she was, smiling with her three sleeping babies in their modified pram and their glowing father on the other side. Just off to the left of the frame was a glass of wine. Among the admiring comments underneath, I noticed this gem… ‘I hope you pumped and dumped!’ There isn’t really a way to completely stop unwanted advice from coming your way and, sadly, pregnancy is just the beginning. The life of your children, their milestones, academics, extramural activities and even the way they play with their toys will be scrutinised by family, friends and strangers alike. Developing a thick skin and learning when to be patient and when to walk away are valuable skills that will stand any parent in good stead for years to come.

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M&P|preggy fashion

BILLIE WRAP SCARF, R399, FACTORIE.

JANELLA ANKLE BOOTS, BOOTS R1 699, ALDO.

IN A PONCHO Match your favourite boots with a trendy poncho for a comfortable winter look. 24

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M&P|preggy fashion BELTED PONCHO, R799, REVENGE, SPREE.

TRIBLOCK PONCHO, R899, WOOLWORTHS.

STRIPED FRINGE PONCHO, R1 399, COUNTRY ROAD, WOOLWORTHS.

WORDS: TEBATJO MANAMELA. IMAGES SUPPLIED BY STOCKISTS, PINTEREST.

SARAH MONOCHROME LONG BOOT, R1 799, POLO.

KERRY HIGHNECK PONCHO, R499, ONLY, SPREE.

BELLA ANKLE BOOT, R999, POLO.

LEATHER FRINGE BOOT, R1 549, MANGO.

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M&P|pregnancy

NICOTINE EFFECTS ON FERTILITY & PREGNANCY We know that smoking is bad for us and bad for our children too, but did you know that smoking might affect your ability to also have a child? Whether from a past habit or current exposure, Peta Daniel explores the nasty effects of a nicotine addiction. ccording to ASH (Action on Smoking and Health), of smokers, 22 percent are men and 17 percent are women. Two thirds of smokers start before the age of 18. Doctor Richard Van Zyl-Smit, a lung specialist and head of the Lung Clinical Research Unit at the UCT Lung Institute, says children of smokers are more likely to become smokers themselves when they grow up. This makes it all the more important to avoid exposing your child to tobacco smoke during pregnancy or thereafter. Second-hand smoke has proven almost as harmful as first-hand smoke, resulting in an increased risk of recurrent ear and chest infections, as well as asthma in children.

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M&P|pregnancy

IMAGES: DEPOSITPHOTOS.

“Second-hand smoke has proven almost as harmful as ﬁrst-hand smoke, resulting in an increased risk of recurrent ear and chest infections, as well as asthma in children.” The first danger, however, starts during pregnancy. Tobacco smoke contains around 8 000 different chemicals, all of which have negative effects. Some are known to cause cancer; others poison cells in the airway and compromise the body’s immune system, while others damage the tissues causing emphysema, wrinkles and hardening of the arteries. In short, says Dr Van ZylSmit, tobacco is nothing short of poison. Both sperm and ovaries are affected by smoking, whether first- or second-hand smoke, reducing chances of falling pregnant. Smoking increases the risk of miscarriage and can severely impact on your baby’s growth in the womb. Smoking can also cause the premature rupture of membranes, placental abruption and even stillbirth. Babies of smokers are usually smaller due to poor blood and nutritional supply during the pregnancy. This results in a condition called intrauterine growth retardation (IRGR). IRGR refers to poor growth of the foetus while in the mother’s womb. In this case, the causes include poor oxygen supply. At the end of the pregnancy, IRGR could mean a low birth weight and babies born with IRGR have a higher risk of mortality. Many parents, while aware that smoking is bad for their unborn children, are not fully aware of the dangers of exposure to tobacco smoke, especially for the unborn foetus. Jenni-Lee Corfield, a 33-yearold PA from KZN has three boys between the ages of five and nine. She started smoking when she was around 10 years old and while she stopped during her pregnancies, both her and her partner are still smokers now. Jenni says that they do smoke around their children, but not in a closed off area and that they don’t really think about the issues related to exposing their children to tobacco smoke. While 27-year-old mother of two, Jessica Robinson, and her partner both smoke, she is constantly worried about exposing her sons to tobacco smoke. “I always go outside when I smoke, we don’t smoke in the car with the boys, and I try not to even let them see me smoking,” she says. “I plan to give up very soon, but it is so hard! It will be worth it, though,” she finishes. Share Tidbury, a 28-year-old photographer from Port Elizabeth, hopes to have children of her own in the next few years. She has been a smoker for the past 13 years, but in April this year she decided to quit. “I made the decision because I don’t want to poison myself anymore. It’s a waste of money, your clothes stink, your hair stinks and you’re always out of breath,” she says. “I want children one day soon and there’s no way I’m doing anything to put them at risk.”

It may be tough, but the benefits of giving up far outweigh the difficulty of doing so. Within a few minutes of your last cigarette your blood pressure and pulse rate will return to normal. In a few hours your blood oxygen level increases to normal and in just two days your damaged nerve endings start to regrow and with them, your sense of taste and smell begin to return to normal. In three months, your risk of heart attack has begun to reduce and your insulin resistance has normalised. The health improvements and tangible benefits continue to grow for up to 20 years after stopping. Best of all, you don’t have to do it alone. There are many therapies, treatments and medicines designed to help you quit, ease cravings and other withdrawal symptoms and help you stay away from cigarettes. There is a range of support systems you can utilise. Visit your GP for help, or simply go to www.cansa.org.za for information, help and support.

Dr Richard Van Zyl-Smit is a lung specialist and head of the Lung Clinical Research Unit at the UCT Lung Institute. He is also head of the smoking cessation services at Groote Schuur Hospital Respiratory Clinic. Dr Van Zyl-Smit looks after adults and adolescents with asthma and older patients with emphysema, as well as researching new medications for asthma. He also researches the effect of smoking (tobacco and electronic cigarettes) on the body’s immune system.

Read about the Laws regarding Tobacco and Smoking online. Click on Live Well.

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M&P|baby names

NAMED FOR NATURE Our lumberjack spirit comes out this month with names inspired by rustic beauty.

GIRLS

Name

MEANING The sky

Sanskrit

Aurora

Dawn

Latin

Birdie

Little bird

Old German

Dove

Bird of peace

Hebrew

Dawn

Daybreak

Old English

Eden

Delight

Hebrew

Eve

Life

Hebrew

Flora

Flower

Latin

Hazel

Plains

Old English

Iris

Goddess of the rainbow

Greek

Kai

Ocean

Japanese

Savannah

Treeless plain

Spanish

Tale

Green

Egyptian

Willow

Slender wood tree

English

Zain

Flower

Swahili

boys

name

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origin

Amber

MEANING

origin

Aaron

High mountain

Hebrew

Aditya

The sun

Hindi

Akaash

The sky

Hindi

Brooks

Running water

English

Cedar

Tree

English

Crane

A bird

Old English

Forrest

Of the woods

Latin

Hunter

Pursuer

Old English

Garrett

Brave with a spear

Gaelic

Kai

Earth

Greek

Kyle

Coal

Gaelic

Reed

A reed

Anglo-Saxon

Utpal

A water lily

Sanskrit

Wyatt

Wide

Germanic

Zaim

Flowering

Swahili

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M&P|baby M&P|baby names names

CELEBRITY NAMES INSPIRED BY NATURE

Jordin Sparks (Jordin – down-flowing)

WORDS: THINA MTHEMBU. IMAGES: ISTOCK, ALL4WOMEN.CO.ZA, BET.COM, COCOAFAB.COM, FARAITODAY.COM, OKMZANSI.CO.ZA, ROLLINGSTONE.COM, SACRICKET.COM, SOWETANLIVE.CO.ZA, THE-PERKS-OF-BEING-BLACK.TUMBLR.COM, U92SLC.COM.

Forest Whitaker (forest)

Pearl Thusi (pearl – jewel)

Aaron Phangiso (Aaron – high mountain)

Eve Jihan Jeffers-Cooper (eve – life)

Baby Names.indd 29

Lilian Dube (Lilian – flower)

Willow Smith (willow tree)

Amber Rose (the sky; flower)

Dawn Matthews (dawn – daybreak)

Zahara (flowering) M a m a s & Pa p a s

2016/05/04 21:52

M&P|hall of fame

WIN* WITH PHILIPS AVENT! Send snaps of your picture-perfect baby moments to us at photos@mamasnpapasmag.com to feature on our Hall of Fame. Include your baby’s full name, gender and age, as well as your full contact details, with Hall of Fame in the subject line.

LAST MONTH’S WINNERS... Delana Wandipa Lotsu Nthatise Naledi Moloi Bohlokwa Retlhotse Mabusela

YOUR BREASTFEEDING Q&A Breastfeeding brings its own unique rewards and like so many aspects of parenthood, it is an art that has to be learned. To some it comes easily, others may need more patience. Here follows some of the questions that are most often asked by new mothers: Q. How do I boost my milk supply?  Eat as much as you need to satisfy your hunger.  Drink to quench your thirst.  Check for effective positioning of the baby at the breast. If it hurts, phone your counsellor.  Include extra ‘not asked for’ feeding sessions.  Cut out any other source of sucking (juices/ teas/boiled water).  Don’t organise any major social events for the time being (take the phone off the hook).  Cut down on household chores.  Don’t use a nipple shield or formula feeds – this will interfere with your supply.  Try dual pumping to express milk.

Azande Mhlongo Elona Zobusa Shozi

BREASTMILK PRODUCTION FROM BIRTH Age of baby Volume per day Volume per feed Range Average On average Refs Day 1 (0 – 24 hours)

7 – 123 mls 37 mls

7 mls

1,3,5

Day 2 (24 – 48 hours)

44 – 335 mls 84 mls

14 mls

Day 3 (48 – 72 hours)

408 mls

38 mls

1,2,3

Day 4 (72 – 96 hours)

625 mls

58 mls

1,3

Day 5 (95 – 120 hours)

700 mls

70 mls

1,3

3 months

750 mls

6 months

800 mls

4 Qhawe Qalinge

Babies must be 0 to 3 years to qualify. Closing date for July 2016 issue Hall of Fame entrants: 30 June 2016. *M&P terms and conditions apply. See page 96. Available at Baby City or online from www.takealot.com. Alternatively all products can be viewed on www.babies.co.za.

M a m a s & Pa p a s

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2016/05/04 23:54

Sponsored advertorial

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AVENT Hall Of Fame.indd 31

2016/05/04 21:54

M&P|labour & birth

TH E

C -T U C K T R E N D:

DIVA O R DANGERO US? Some women may find it appealing to welcome their new baby into the world, while simultaneously undergoing cosmetic surgery to deliver them from their ‘pregnancy-shape’. Loren Stow talks about C-tucks and why such a decision must be exercised with caution. he notion of combining a Caesarean section with a tummy tuck – now referred to as a C-tuck – seems to be gaining traction in the private medical sector. Although the reasoning behind this trend is sound, the reality begs to differ. A C-tuck involves having two surgeries at the same time; first your C-section and birth of your baby and,

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once your gynaecologist is done, a plastic surgeon takes over to remove excess abdominal skin and possibly do some liposuction at the same time. There is only one operating theatre, one dose of anaesthesia and one recovery period. On the surface, if this is something you can afford and are prepared to do, it should make good sense, right?

M a m a s & Pa p a s

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M&P|labour & birth NOT SO SIMPLE However, the C-tuck trend has been proved to hold many risks for a woman who has literally just entered the postpartum period. It goes without saying that a woman’s body immediately after delivering a baby, even via a C-section, is very different to a non-pregnant body.

IMAGE: myplasticsurgeon.ca.

Risk 1: Higher incidence of postoperative complications Compared with non-pregnant women who undergo the same tummy-tuck procedure, those undergoing C-tucks are far more likely to experience complications, according to a study published in the International Journal of Women’s Health (Feasibility of abdominoplasty with Caesarean section, 2012). The study found that compared to non-pregnant women, the risk of wound infection more than tripled from five percent to 18 percent; wound dehiscence (or rupture of the surgical incision) doubled from 2.5 percent to six percent and, finally, the risk of skin necrosis tripled from 3.75 percent to 12 percent. The combined result is that 36 percent of the C-tucks studied resulted in serious postoperative complications. The researchers explained this is most likely caused by a C-tuck being a prolonged surgery; the fact that there is likely to be contamination from the natural postbirth fluids; the fact that blood loss occurs naturally during a C-section anyway, which leads to anaemia and finally results in a decreased ability to fight off infections. Risk 2: Not getting the desired results More than half (52 percent) of the women in the study reported that their C-tuck did not give them the results they wanted when questioned nine months down the line; their tummy bulged, their waist was not defined and they still had excess skin. Of course, the most probable reason for this is that at the time of the C-tuck there’s a big old uterus in the way, which also

… 36 percent of the C-tucks studied resulted in serious postoperative complications. stretches the skin and muscles to the point that a plastic surgeon cannot accurately see how much of the skin they need to remove at the time. It takes several weeks to a couple of months for the uterus to return to its typical size and position, and for the tummy skin and muscles to relax back to their usual shape and size, allowing any ‘redundant’ skin to become apparent. Risk 3: Rougher road to recovery The first six weeks following the delivery, no matter how the baby arrives, is difficult for any woman. Add to this a tummy-tuck operation and it is bound to have a serious impact on the road to recovery for the mother. Imagine then the very real risk of coping with an infection and the question soon becomes is it worth it?

ALTERNATIVE TO C-TUCKS The study concluded that over half of the women who underwent C-tucks either developed postoperative complications or were dissatisfied with the results of the procedure. As such, the study found that C-tucks should not be recommended or encouraged and all patients were to be made well aware of the possible risks and complications if they requested one. A C-tuck should not be confused with a ‘mini tummy-tuck’, where the gynaecologist offers to remove previous Caesarean scars and/or a little bit of extra skin. If this is something that interests you, have a word with your doctor first about whether it is something they can offer and/ or have experience with. However, when it comes to undergoing a more serious plastic surgery, it is advised that you speak with a plastic surgeon well in advance and weigh up all the pros and cons from an informed position.

LOCAL EXPERT WEIGHS IN Howick-based consultant plastic and reconstructive surgeon Dr Bronwen Schoenfeld advises against a C-tuck. “I remember a colleague of mine did a survey a few years ago to see how many plastic surgeons in South Africa would do a tummy-tuck surgery at the same time as a Caesarean section, and I think there were only one or two in the entire country who replied ‘yes’. That alone tells a story.” Although it may appear that C-Tucks are becoming increasingly popular, Dr Schoenfeld has never been asked to perform one and, in her opinion, there are no benefits to a C-tuck. In fact, this doctor believes that the risks far outweigh any possible benefits. “Pregnancy is associated with many changes in normal physiology. It is important to deliver a baby in the safest way possible to minimise the risks the mom is being exposed to, so that she can heal as soon as possible and take care of her new baby,” she adds. “Surgery during labour and delivery is more likely to have complications such as infection, bleeding and deep vein thrombosis, all of which could be fatal. In addition, the anterior abdominal wall is abnormally stretched and the accurate assessment of the excess tissue to be removed is very difficult. The hormonal changes associated with pregnancy and breastfeeding affect tissue tone. It is best to wait for all these physiological factors to return to normal before considering such an operation.” In her expert opinion, Dr Schoenfeld recommends a woman wait at least a year after the birth of her last baby before undergoing tummy-tuck surgery, so that they are as close as possible to their ideal weight. M a m a s & Pa p a s

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SUPPLY & DEMAND

Is My Breast Milk Enough? Not having enough breast milk is a common fear among new moms. Cathrine Versfeld explores the dilemma of new moms whose babies demand more than their breasts can supply. 34

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M&P|0-1 babies reastfeeding is the way to go. It is recommended exclusively for the first six months of life by both the World Health Organization and the South African Department of Health. The benefits of breastfeeding are widely known and for the last 30 years, South African midwives, doctors, clinics and education programmes have campaigned for it.

THE BIGGEST BREASTFEEDING FEAR Pretoria midwife Heather Pieterse believes that the most important factor for successful breastfeeding comes down to support and mothers being regularly reminded that they can and will overcome the challenges. In her experience, she says that the most common concern that new mothers have is that they will not be able to supply enough breast milk. Her solution is demand feeding, which is to feed your baby whenever they seem hungry, as the more your baby feeds, the more milk you will produce.

HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU’RE FEEDING YOUR BABY ENOUGH? Midrand marketing administrator and mother of twins, Tumi Mahlangu, was concerned that she wasn’t supplying enough milk and for a brief while in the beginning, she considered bottlefeeding. “I was extremely tired in those first few months and I couldn’t get them to feed at the same time. On some nights, I wasn’t even sure if I’d fed both, or made a mistake and fed the same baby twice!” For her, the clinic vaccinations and check-ups became very important, just to get them on the scale and confirm that they were picking up weight. “I was so keen to get them weighed that I’d insist on that before anything else.” She experienced the great

“It is a myth that the size of a woman’s breasts will determine her output, but if she believes this, it can affect her supply.” dilemma that most breastfeeding mothers face. Apart from producing enough nappies (minimum six a day) and regular weight gain, there’s no sure way to gauge exactly how much milk a breastfeeding baby might be drinking. Breast pumps do not provide a reliable gauge of the amount of breast milk being produced, either, since the amount expressed may not necessarily indicate the amount being produced. Babies still suckle harder than most breast pumps are able to pump!

FACTORS AFFECTING SUPPLY Colostrum is produced in the first few days after birth and is so high in concentration that a baby does not need much to be satisfied. It is an incredible substance that is extremely high in antibodies and very good for your baby. This provides a good system, because in the first few days, moms and babies are still learning the ropes. The actual milk supply will only start from day three or four. Pieterse points out that mothers’ concerns with supply are M a m a s & Pa p a s

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M&P|0-1 babies “The more relaxed I was when my babies fed, the more they drank, and the more they drank, the more milk my body produced.” almost always in the first two-week period. This is mainly because, for first-time moms, the process is new, stressful and a bit painful. It takes time for the nipples to toughen up and for some babies, to get the ability to easily latch on. Medical complications during childbirth for either the mom or the baby may be a factor. In extreme circumstances, mothers may require medication that will render their breast milk undrinkable by the baby. In these circumstances, hospitals will try to make contact with a milk bank, which may be able to supply donated breast milk for at least the first few months of the baby’s life. Mastitis is another factor and can be deadly when untreated. This is when an infection has occurred in one of the milk ducts in a breast, causing inflammation. It is extremely painful and the breast usually hardens and feels warm to the touch, getting darker or going red. If it is diagnosed early enough, doctors will prescribe an antibiotic that can be taken by the mother while breastfeeding. It is highly recommended to continue breastfeeding during mastitis, despite how painful it may be.

WHAT IF THERE JUST ISN’T ENOUGH MILK?

WHAT IF IT’S NOT JUST ABOUT SUPPLY? After 30 years of ‘breast is best’ in the media, mothers now find themselves having to defend their decision to formulafeed their babies. It is even worse when mothers elect to bottle-feed their babies because they simply do not WANT to breastfeed. Although paediatricians recommend breastfeeding, they are not concerned with formula-feeding, as long as the baby gets enough milk. Even forms at the clinic will allow moms to tick ‘formula’ or ‘breast’ under the feeding information for their babies. And yet, the ‘breast bullying’ continues and almost always by other women. It is time that women stood together and supported one another, regardless of the choices that individual moms have made. It is time that we stand by our fellow moms, whether that means being visible at a ‘public breastfeeding protest’ or reminding others that it’s okay for a mom to make decisions about her own breasts. Let us embrace new moms and stop making the tatas the be-all and end-all of motherhood!

IMAGES: ISTOCK, DEPOSITPHOTOS, CHARNWWOD-BRAS.

It is a myth that the size of a woman’s breasts will determine her output, but if she believes this, it can affect her supply. Mahlangu explains that her confidence had everything to do with her supply. “The more relaxed I was when my babies fed, the more they drank, and the more they drank, the more milk my body produced.” Although doctors and midwives assert that a lack of milk supply is extremely rare, it happens to many women a lot of the time. Although it is possible that stress, pain or insecurity might be the cause, knowing the cause may just as easily lead to feelings of failure and inadequacy. It is worth investigating what you can add to or eliminate from your diet to increase milk production. Traditional and conventional suggestions include drinking enough water, oats for breakfast, garlic or garlic pills, carrots, fennel, nuts, sesame seeds and ginger. Doctors can also prescribe medication. However a mother chooses to deal with the problem, the most important thing is that the baby gets enough milk. The instincts of even a new mother will often raise a red flag and in those circumstances, it is better to focus on the health of the baby. In the end, judging how good a mom you are by breastfeeding or choosing to formula feed is irrelevant if your baby is hungry all the time. M a m a s & Pa p a s

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Ads.indd 8

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SATISFACTION 38

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M&P|0-1 babies When the baby comes, the marriage goes. Melissa Jane Cook looks at the satisfaction levels of men and women after the first year of having a baby, and why these differ. hen you are expecting a baby, much of the fun lies in the endless shopping for character nappies, decorative wall murals and cute little clothes. Rarely is much thought given to how your little cherub will change your adult relationships. Numerous studies have shown that a couple’s satisfaction with their marriage takes a nosedive after the first child is born. Sleepless nights and fights over whose turn it is to change nappies can suck the fun out of a relationship. A growing number of mental health professionals are advising couples to undergo pre-baby counselling to hash out marital minefields, such as divvying up baby-related responsibilities, money issues and the expectations for sex and social lives. As such, more hospitals, midwives and doulas (birth coaches who provide physical and emotional support) are teaching relationship skills alongside childbirth education classes ,and encourage parents to keep their marriage from self-destructing by practising empathy with their partner. Hostility between parents can seriously harm a newborn baby’s nervous system. When parents fight, the baby doesn’t feel safe and this is one of the most important things for proper emotional, intellectual and even physical development. Although seemingly oblivious, pooping blobs, babies are also highly attuned to the world around them. They may not understand what their parents are fighting about, but their nervous systems detect that something is wrong.

OUT OF SYNC WITH EACH OTHER The research states that a woman’s time of greatest satisfaction is just before birth, while a man’s is around 18 months after birth. “For those that experience an increase in post-baby satisfaction, it is normally due to new found meaning and purpose. Many new parents, however, feel somewhat disillusioned by the transition to parenthood when it is not experienced as magical and joyful,” says Louise Bolton, clinical psychologist at The Couch. She adds, “In cases where new parents are primed by others (family, friends and media) into expectations that are somewhat unrealistic, they may experience guilt when having a child is not as amazing as it is supposed to be. Often both partners have a drop in personal contentment levels and their relationship with each other suffers during this challenging transition period.” Bolton maintains that personal and relationship dissatisfaction often comes about due to individual expectations. “Things change more significantly than was expected if new parents do not have realistic expectations on post-baby living. Babies are born helpless, necessitating a great deal of focus and care from their primary

caregivers.” Relationship roles change significantly because of this, as partners that were attuned to each other may now focus more of their attention on the new baby. Some new dads may feel uncertain of what their role entails, which can also compromise their involvement. Bolton elaborates, “This may compound if a new mom insists on dictating the ‘right’ way to parent. In these circumstances, uncertainty and correction may lead some men to withdraw.” Witnessing the mother-baby bond and feeling like an isolated outsider can create resentment. Ironically, and because of misunderstanding, this can lead to mothers resenting their partners for not playing a more active role in childrearing.

THE ISSUE OF SEX According to Bolton, research indicates that post-baby dissatisfaction is often gender divided. “Female dissatisfaction is often created by an unequal division of domestic workload and too little paternal involvement in childrearing practices. Men, in comparison, often experience relationship dissatisfaction due to feeling neglected and may resent the absence of sex, affection and friendship.” She further adds, “While men tend to express a need for affection and attention, and women a need for help and support, these are generalisations and may differ vastly between couples. This is why couples’ therapy pre- and/or post-baby may be of benefit to those who want to strengthen the understanding and communication within their relationship. Significant dissatisfaction, post-baby, may also be mitigated by being realistically prepared for the new baby transition.”

“Female dissatisfaction is often created by an unequal division of domestic workload and too little paternal involvement in childrearing practices.” THE ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP Positive aspects of the couple’s relationship, such as friendship and intimacy, often change when they start a family due to factors such as time constraints and fatigue. These relationship-enhancing elements should purposefully be introduced if under strain. It may not be possible to dedicate a significant amount of time hereto, but not spending any time on laughter, friendship, fun, affection and intimacy may damage the romantic relationship considerably. M a m a s & Pa p a s

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M&P|0-1 babies HEADED FOR DIVORCE Studies show that the pitter-patter of tiny feet does not bring joy to most couples. Two thirds of parents suffer unhappiness comparable to unemployment, the death of a partner or a divorce when their first baby arrives. Research finds that most new moms are unhappy in the first four months of a baby’s life. Dads, however, are unhappy typically when a baby turns nine months old and they stay unhappy well into their child’s second year. By the time the child is three, half of the two thirds (of couples found dissatisfied in the first year of parenthood) are miserable and well on their way to divorce. Some reasons for this include sleep deprivation, irritability and lack of intimacy and desire – a women’s sex drive slows way down in the first three years of a child’s life.

“Two thirds of parents suffer unhappiness comparable to unemployment, the death of a partner or a divorce when their first baby arrives.” 40

Post-Baby Satisfaction.indd 40

Bolton maintains that it is valuable to express mutual expectations and negotiate what either partner needs from the other. Reacting to a partner’s needs can often facilitate your own needs being met (for instance, a wife responding affectionately to her husband because he is assisting her with domestic chores). Protect the relationship from destructive communication patterns by practising empathy with your partner. Empathy does not need to translate into agreement, but means that you are attempting to gain an understanding of your partner’s experience, which will resolve conflict and lead to an improved relationship. Conflict may arise when one partner reacts emotionally to the situation rather than focusing on the content of the conflict. For example, a new mom acts in an emotional and accusatory manner towards a new dad after he comes home slightly later than usual. New dads may improve their relationship by acting with empathy rather than defensively, for instance, by replying that he can understand that she must have had an exhausting day home alone with baby and that she would appreciate some relief from baby duty (rather than ask her what she has been doing all day!) Empathetic responses diffuse conflict situations and communicate understanding. Empathy should be practised reciprocally for the best possible outcome to be achieved. Both parties can experience considerably more satisfaction, if considered by the other. Empathy and compromise are key elements to all successful relationships and will assist in mitigating times of relational challenge. For more information or advice, contact Louise Bolton, Clinical Psychologist, The Couch at weezeltjie@gmail.com or visit www.thepsychologycouch.com.

IMAGES: shutterstock.

ALIGNING EXPECTATIONS

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M&P|dr dad

Dr Dad.indd 42

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M&P|dr dad

BURNS &

Babies

Once mobile, your child’s curiosity knows no bounds and exploring their surroundings as they play with new objects can sometimes result in burn hazards. t only takes seconds for burn injuries to happen, but they can change a person’s life forever. It is one of the most common and devastating forms of trauma that have the potential to cause death, lifelong scarring, disfigurement and dysfunction, often resulting in prolonged hospitalisation, stigma and rejection. The Red Cross War Memorial Children’s Hospital (RCWMCH) helps Dr Dad to look at burns in children and what to do when you’re faced with such emergencies.

CATEGORISING BURNS Burns are categorised depending on the severity. 1. First-degree/superficial burn: Involves the outermost layer of the skin (epidermis), which will be dry and red and can present swelling or peeling. A flame, scalding or the sun can cause the burn. Healing time: Three to six days. The superficial skin layer over the burn may peel off in one or two days. 2. Second-degree burn: Involves the epidermis and dermis. The skin will appear very red, moist and mottled (uneven coloured). Will present with the defining

Dr Dad.indd 43

characteristics of second-degree burns – blisters. Can be caused by flames, a flash flame, hot liquids, hot objects, chemicals or severe exposure to the sun. Healing time: Varies depending on the severity of the burn, but it can take up to three weeks or more. 3. Third-degree/full thickness burn: The epidermis, dermis and subcutaneous layers are burned. Sometimes the burn will extend into the muscle, bone or organs below the burned area as a result of contact with an extreme heat source, such as electricity, prolonged exposure to flame, boiling liquids and chemicals. Healing time: Depends on the severity of the burn.

LIQUID VS. CONTACT BURNS According to the World Health Organization, nearly 75 percent of burns in young children are from hot liquid, a hot-water tap or steam. Another 20 percent are considered contact burns, from touching a hot object such as a clothes iron or hair appliance.

It all begins with Purity.

Nutrition Health Care Mother

2016/05/04 21:58

M&P|dr dad

Any hot substance, such as steam, boiling water or oil can scald your child. Remember to always treat all hot things as if they are as dangerous as fire. It is well known that everyday items used around the house cause most scald injuries. These include:  Hot drinks, such as cups of tea and coffee  Water from saucepans, kettles and jugs  Hot food solids and saucepans with hot liquids  Coal ashes  Friction burns  Running hot water taps, showers or bath water  Lighters and matches  Fat and hot cooking oil  Steam and vapour.

FIRST AID ADVICE FOR BURNS Stop the burning process while considering your own safety by:  If on fire – stop, drop, cover and roll.  If electrical – carefully turn off the current.  If chemical – remove the burning agent and irrigate with water.

If your child is burned, there are a few things you shouldn’t do:  Never use butter, oils or ointments to cover the burn as they may retain the heat. N ever use ice; children can be dangerously chilled in ice water.

IMMEDIATE FIRST AID

WAYS TO PREVENT BURN INJURIES

 Apply cool running water (never ice or iced water) to the burn for at least 20 to 30 minutes.  Carefully remove wet clothing, only if the skin is not blistered or stuck to the clothing.  Remove all jewellery and watches because burns can cause swelling and it may hinder circulation.  Cover the burn using a clean dressing, a clean sheet, non-fluffy towel or cling wrap.  If the burn is severe or spread over a large area, keep your child warm and calm and call an ambulance.

Applying the following safety tips can help prevent burn injuries caused by steam or liquid:  Invest in a cordless kettle. Kettles are ‘weapons of mass destruction’. Nearly 70 percent of all burn admissions at RCWMCH can be attributed to this seemingly safe device. Keep kettles and kettle cords out of the reach of children.  Put all hot drinks, hot cooking oil and hot porridge out of reach of children.  Don’t carry urns or pots of boiling water around while there are toddlers on the floor or children running about.

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the big dont’s!

 Turn pot handles away from the front of the stove. L ock paraffin and other flammables, including ‘safe’ gels, away.  Pour cold water in the bath first and then add hot water. Set your geyser to low temperatures (about 55 degrees Celsius).  Always test the bath water with your elbow before bathing children.  Avoid using tablecloths or anything a child can pull on and cause hot food or liquid to spill.  Never hold a child while you are cooking.  Test and stir all food before serving it to children to make sure it is cool enough to eat.  Fire gels should be used with caution. Pouring gel fuel into a device that is not completely cool may result in a fire or injury. It should never be poured directly from the container onto flames. Burning fire gel sticks to skin and is difficult to extinguish, causing prolonged burning with severe scarring. Dr Dad and M&P would like to thank the Red Cross War Memorial Children’s Hospital for their contribution to this column.

COMPILED BY THINA MTHEMBU. IMAGES: macgillfirstaidkit.com.

WHAT CAUSES SCALDS?

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M&P|toddler

DEVELOPING

Executive FUNCTIONS

‘Executive function is the brain wrestling with its emotions’ So says Walter Gilliam, Ph.D., the director of the Edward Zigler Center in Child Development & Social Policy at Yale’s Child Study Center. Cathrine Versfeld investigates how these processes can be developed in your toddler and preschooler. he human brain is an incredible thing! There are infinite numbers of small and large processes required when we make decisions, control our impulses or choose to focus on a specific thing at a specific point in time. These processes were not very well understood or even recognised until the mid-1900s, when a British psychologist by the name of Donald Broadbent first suggested that there must be a unique part of the brain that controls these executive functions.

WHAT ARE EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONS? Thought to reside in the frontal cortex, the executive functioning part of the

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brain controls impulses, decision-making, planning, gauges consequences of actions and analysis new or difficult situations. In short, it is responsible for the ability in human beings to overcome temptations, and make small and large decisions or reach individual conclusions, based on the information we’ve been given. According to the Occupational Therapy Association of South Africa, executive functions develop slowly but steadily throughout childhood and into adulthood. Although it is possible to improve and exercise this part of the brain at any time in life, studies have shown that strong executive functioning skills in preschool have a lasting effect on later schooling and career success in adulthood.

It all begins with Purity.

Nutrition Health Care Mother

2016/05/04 21:59

thREE components of executive functioning When playing with children, consider how they develop executive functions: Attention flexibility – Being able to pay attention to an instruction while ignoring distractions or to move and focus from one task (or person) to another. Working memory – Being able to keep information in short-term memory for long enough to complete a task or instruction. Inhibitory control – The ability to resist temptation in order to follow an instruction or complete a task.

WHAT IS SCHOOL READINESS? School readiness is when a child has reached a sufficient level of executive function to be able to handle the challenges of the classroom; resisting the urge to run around when asked to sit and concentrate, and the ability to focus on a lesson. When absorbing new information, essential planning and problem-solving skills are needed to understand basic maths and the alphabet, as building blocks for complex arithmetic,

reading and writing. In South Africa, Grade R forms a part of the public and private schooling systems. There is overwhelming data from various studies throughout the ‘80s and ‘90s that have shown the link between early executive competency and later success in learning. By giving children these mental tools at an early age, we equip them for the demanding rigours of foundation phase education (from Grade One to Grade Three).

THE BENEFITS OF PRESCHOOL Where many parents may sometimes feel guilty sending their children to preschool while they go to work, the benefits of a good preschool curriculum are overwhelming in future education. Mastering executive functions begins with the ability to resist temptations and choose harder, or less interesting activities and decisions over more immediately rewarding ones. When children are taught from a young age to share toys, make their own decisions on the playground, and sit quietly during story time, they get the opportunity to exercise these brain functions. The Occupational Therapy Association of South Africa asserts that another essential part of the puzzle lies in the ability to plan and arrange decisions and actions around their impulses and feelings. Most small children will struggle with this in the beginning, as

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M&P|toddler

they grapple with the balance between wanting things and accepting that they won’t be immediately rewarded. By engaging in regular games with other children, a child learns to wait their turn. The ability to delay gratification for future reward, in this case, being allowed to stay in the game, is an excellent executive function to learn. Because most children develop in their own way and at their own pace, it is not always possible to immediately recognise delays in executive function until your child is put in an environment where these abilities will be needed. Conditions such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder will include symptoms such as a lack of concentration and difficulty to focus. If you are concerned that your child may be lacking in certain areas of executive function, an occupational therapist can assess your child and recommend sessions, home activities or alternative treatment.

IMAGES: ISTOCK, depositphotoS.

SHAPING THE FUTURE A 2014 paper by Caroline Fitzpatrick titled ‘Bridging the gap between advantaged and disadvantaged children: Why should we be concerned with executive functions in the South African context?’ looks at the longterm effects of limited preschool education in the area of executive functions. Looking at all the data of disadvantaged children in South Africa, she was able draw a direct correlation with a lack of early learning and the rate of high-school drop-outs further down the line. By promoting healthy executive function development and school readiness in South African preschoolers, the paper suggests that it could significantly affect the future education and job prospects of our children. Government intervention and various programmes have taken this ground-breaking information on board and platforms for disadvantaged preschoolers are underway.

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… promoting healthy executive function development and school readiness in South African preschoolers … could significantly affect the future education and job prospects of our children. five fun executive functions to practise with your preschooler Simon Says – An excellent way to improve concentration and focus on specific instructions. I Spy – This game forces your child to find their own unique thing to spy and wait for their turn. Red Light, Green Light – Mark out a track around the house or garden, with areas where you will either let them through (green light) or not (red light), forcing them to make another plan. It’s a lovely opportunity to develop some problem solving skills. Best for last – While at the dinner table, let them choose the food they like most on their plate and then challenge them to see if they can save’it, and eat the less pleasant items on their plate first. Spot the car – While driving in the car, let your child find cars in specific colours. It’s a brilliant short-term memory and focus game. For more information about executive function therapy, or to find an occupational therapist near you, contact OTASA on 012 362 5457, email otoffice@uitweb.co.za or visit www.otasa.org.za.

It all begins with Purity.

Nutrition Health Care Mother

2016/05/04 21:59

M&P|kids’ voices

What gift would you buy your daddy

LISETTE NSAMA CHISUNKA (5) “I will buy him some flowers and a watch. Flowers because DIVINE JOEL NJOVU (4) he bought me flowers for MUYEMBE (5) “I will buy Papa a jet so my nursery graduation and a “I would buy Daddy a car that we can fly around watch so that he can because Daddy together.” have more loves cars.” [time].” THABO ZAZA KABO THABO MUKOSHA (5) WALAMBA (4) SENOSI MUKOSHA (5) will buy daddy a car “I am going to buy Dad a (21 MONTHS) “I“Iwill buy mymy daddy a car and and can I tell you what it’s suit because he likes “Ice cream and sweets!” can I tell you what it’s going to going be? It will wearing suits.” be? It willtobe a Volvo!” be a Volvo!”

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WORDS AND PHOTOGRAPHS SUPPLIED BY PARENTS, IMAGES: SHUTTERSTOCK..

FOR FATHER’S DAY AND WHY?

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M&P|preschoolers

Cops and robbers, Spider-man and the Green Goblin, cowboys and Indians... Our children’s young lives are filled with games and stories about good versus bad, or good triumphing against evil. Educational psychologist Claire Maher explores the risks of these games, as well as the risk of play involving toy guns and weapons. hen children begin to play, particularly imaginatively, there is a general movement toward rough-and-tumble play for boys and more nurturing play for girls (this is, of course, not always the case, but generally speaking is true). Boys will wrestle with one another, while girls will play ‘families’ or ‘school.’ Many of these games and stories can teach valuable life lessons, but there can also be some negative consequences, which we may fail to consider. For years, guns and weapons will have been part of a child’s playroom or a school fantasy room. These may be accompanied by handcuffs to play ‘police’, a hook to play ‘pirates’ or a Stetson hat to play ‘cowboys’. M a m a s & Pa p a s

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M&P|preschoolers With an increase in violence, particularly gun violence, there has been concern about supplying toy guns to schools or in playrooms at home. As a psychologist, I’ve seen children in my personal and professional life whose parents have not given them guns to play with and children who have toy or even pellet or BB guns. Some of the children who don’t have guns at their disposal will run into the garden and pick up sticks and pretend to shoot their peers, or they use Lego® pieces and make a gun that they point at me as therapist or around the room. On the other hand, some of the children I’ve seen who have guns at their disposal as part of their toy box, or in the therapy room, are often not in the slightest bit interested and never pick it up. Having a gun doesn’t mean a child will play with it, just like not having one doesn’t mean they won’t try and make one themselves. When asked about her thoughts on giving children guns to play with, Karen Smith, a teacher from Pietermaritzburg says, “Definitely not! Not in today’s world.” Smith explains that there is enough violence on television and that giving children guns seems to condone aggressive behaviour. She understands that children will make guns out of sticks or blocks, but feels that there doesn’t seem to be as much aggression behind that behaviour. She explains that when war in Iraq initially began, the school at which she taught removed army toys from their sensopathic trays. She also feels that, in the same way that corporal punishment and physical discipline has been reassessed over the years, so must access to violence-inducing toys be reassessed.

cause for concern for parents or caregivers. When gun play becomes hurtful and about cruelty and abuse, as opposed to imaginative and focused on power, then parents may need to start worrying. When gun play is accompanied by violent verbal threats and language, there may be cause for concern. When a child’s only conflict management strategies are hurtful or violent ones, there is cause for concern. Apart from in sport such as clay pigeon shooting, guns cause harm and damage to people, animals and property. In the police force they serve to protect, but using them generally results in harm to somebody else. Condoning of guns suggests that violence is an appropriate way to deal with anger and strong negative feelings – towards ourselves or others. As role models for our children, whether as parents, teachers, therapists or religious leaders, we need to model appropriate ways in which feelings can be dealt with, instead of violence. Our children need to be encouraged to find outlets for their frustration and anger that do not involve hurting themselves or others. While toy guns cannot harm, they can be realistic and make light of deadly weapons. Children also need to know that guns can cause harm and that in real life

people do not get extra lives like in video games, or recover from injuries like in cartoons.

“When gun play becomes hurtful and about cruelty and abuse, as opposed to imaginative and focused on power, then parents may need to start worrying.” WHAT ROLE CAN PARENTS TAKE? Crime, particularly violent crime, is an unfortunate reality that South Africans are exposed to daily in the media. As much as we may try and protect our children from seeing or hearing too much, they will inevitably be exposed in some form of it, whether via school friends or social media, or when listening to the radio on the way to or from school.

WHEN IS IT SERIOUS? Shooting of a toy gun to a young child may simply be play, imagination, fantasy and more about power than causing harm. Children may not realise what shooting somebody means and their intention is not inherently aggressive or violent, or intended to cause harm. There are times, however, where this play becomes more serious and should be a

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It is important for parents and caregivers to create a healthy balance in terms of exposure to crime and violence. While we want to protect our children from news that is too horrifying or graphic, we need to also be realistic in explaining news to our children and creating awareness in them on how to protect themselves.

IMAGES: morphsuits.com, pinterest.

WITH GREAT POWER COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY It is generally the villains fighting against Superman, Spider-man and Batman who make use of weapons, but these superhero movies or series do glorify physical attacks and violence as being ways to manage conflict. Superheroes are admired and often become role models for our children. While they have positive characteristics such as bravery, loyalty and the well-being of humanity at the core of their missions, they are more often than not defending themselves against their attackers – sometimes giving our children a warped sense of conflict management even amidst the positive messages behind the story. Superheroes can be useful tools for teaching life lessons, provided that their positive attributes are emphasised, and less focus is placed on some of the more outrageous or less desirable characteristics (such as using physical harm to gain power). As human beings, every day is a struggle of good versus bad. We try to be better people and admire the positive and good in ourselves and others, while dismissing the bad or the parts we don’t like. Children are no exception, but their forum to explore these feelings is play. Cops and robbers and cowboys and Indians are two popular childhood games. Duos such as Batman and the Joker, Spider-man and the Green Goblin, or Superman and Lex Luthor are classic examples where good fights bad. Both involve the use of weapons in the fight against the other. One party is good, one party is bad. The important part is that the lesson or moral of good overcoming evil (which invariably takes place) should

not be synonymous with violence and physical power struggles. There needs to be a balance between teaching our children how to do what’s right in the face of wrong, but also to do so without harming somebody else. In the end the choice does come down to the parent. If the toy gun is being used in such a way that suggests fantasy and imagination as opposed to cruelty and harm, then it feels acceptable to let a child have a gun as a toy. If the gun and using the gun becomes an outlet for aggression and frustration, it is perhaps necessary to reconsider; more effective and appropriate coping mechanisms need to be established in this case. As with anything, parents need to model appropriate behaviour and coping strategies for frustration, and allow their child to openly express themselves in a non-harmful manner.

“Superheroes can be useful tools for teaching life lessons, provided that their positive attributes are emphasised, and less focus is placed on some of the more outrageous or less desirable characteristics (such as using physical harm to gain power).” M a m a s & Pa p a s

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M&P|special needs

HIGH HIGH ALERT! 52

Sameerah Karolia looks at how we can help children who are victims of parental drug addiction. recently came across a quote by an unknown author that read: â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Sometimes the strongest people are the ones who love beyond all faults, cry behind closed doors and fight battles that nobody knows about.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; This particular quote so perfectly describes the struggles a family endures when one parent suffers from drug addiction. But the struggle need not be endured alone, especially when the victims are children. In order to find solutions to any problem, you need to first understand the problem.

WHAT ARE DRUGS? Drugs can be defined as any substance other than food, that when inhaled, injected, smoked, consumed, absorbed by the skin or dissolved under the tongue causes a physiological change in the body. These include opiates (heroin), stimulants (cocaine), depressants (alcohol), hallucinogens (magic mushrooms), cannabis (dagga), solvents (aerosol cans, glue)

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M&P|special needs and tobacco (cigarettes). According to Sharon Rosen, a social worker and research psychologist from Randburg, overthe-counter medications, if addictive, such as tranquilisers, sleeping pills and painkillers with codeine are all highly addictive and are therefore also classified as drugs.

UNDERSTANDING ADDICTION “An addiction is a disease whereby an individual has no control over their behaviour,” says Rosen. Individuals may become addicted to a psychoactive substance, such as alcohol or drugs, or even to behaviour, such as sex. “In the case of drug addiction, the relationship one has with the drug would determine if that makes them an addict or not.” One can become physically dependent on a substance, but that does not necessarily mean that they are addicted to it. For example, someone may smoke dagga on a recreational basis. “When an addiction is prevalent, a physical and psychological dependency occurs; tolerance of the effects of it and withdrawals from the lack of it all occur as the process increases.” The person’s lifestyle begins to support their addiction, for example, they may start lying to cover their tracks.

“If there are no appropriate interventions in place, the child might internalise and normalise the abuse of drugs. They too may start using and this might continue into adulthood.”

THE EFFECTS OF DRUG ADDICTION ON THE USER According to Vicky Fabricius, a counselling psychologist from Cape Town, when using drugs one may initially experience: l A feeling of euphoria l Feeling energised, alive and at one with the world l Visual and other hallucinations l Decreased anxiety. However, over time these effects tend to wear off and are replaced with negative effects that have a direct impact on all individuals exposed to the addict, particularly the spouse and kids: l Depression l Anxiety l Conflict with loved ones l Health and financial problems l Moral development, judgement and impulse control can also be negatively impacted.

THE EFFECTS OF PARENTAL DRUG ADDICTION ON KIDS “Children who come from substance-abusing families are more likely to have learning disabilities, repeat more grades, attend more schools, and are more likely to be truant, delinquent and drop out of school,” says Principal Jan Malan of Laerskool Jongspan in Carletonville. M a m a s & Pa p a s

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M&P|special needs mixed emotions Children of parental drug addition may also experience the following emotions: Mistrust When the parent stops using drugs there is often a feeling of hope that the problem has been solved. If the parent relapses, the result is intense disappointment and mistrust. Guilt Family members may blame themselves or each other for the parent’s addiction. Shame Kids often feel deeply ashamed of the ‘family secret’ and avoid friendships with other children. They may feel they cannot invite friends home because the parent might be high and embarrass them. Confusion A child sees the parent high, but is told by the other parent that they are sick or tired. The addicted parent may also make promises while under the influence, which they later do not remember. Ambivalence Strong positive and negative feelings towards the parent may co-exist in the child. Even though they love the parent, they may feel anger towards their behaviour. Fear Some children fear that the addiction could cause the parent to die. Insecurity Low self-esteem, tension, anxiety, depressed feelings and acting out are often reflections of insecurity due to a difficult home environment. Principal Malan adds that these kids may: l Take on developmentally inappropriate responsibility, such as taking care of siblings. l Witness physical or emotional abuse between family members, or experience it themselves. l Experience stress-related illnesses. l Endure child abuse and neglect.

REACHING OUT FOR HELP The spouse of an addict may be afraid to reach out for help in fear that the kids may be taken away by Child Protection Services. They may also be afraid of the legal consequences for their partner. This is an extremely difficult situation, hence they may all suffer in silence. Rosen emphasises that it is important to remember that the user is sick, so if there is any way possible to get the user into rehab (inpatient or outpatient) this will be the first source of intervention. Dumisile Nala, the National Executive Officer of Childline South Africa points out, “It is important for a non-using parent to realise

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that the family needs professional help. Professionals are there to help and support the family rather than being punitive.”

THE ROLE OF THE NON-USING PARENT First, and foremost, it is important to ensure that the children’s needs are met. According to Principal Malan, when even one parent in the home is abusing alcohol or drugs, the home is significantly more likely to exist in a state of uncertainty and even chaos. The orderliness and predictability that should make the home a safe environment are often sacrificed to the parent’s addiction. They often experience severe mood swings, leaving children unsure as to how mom or dad will be feeling/reacting on any given day. Household rules may be non-existent because the parent(s) simply is not dependable enough to establish and uphold them. This state of uncertainty creates a deep sense of anxiety for children. The role and responsibility of the other parent is to try to stabilise the situation at home and to try to create a safe environment. If the situation gets out of hand, the parent is definitely responsible to get help from the authorities.

COMMUNICATION IS KEY “The non-using parent needs to have an open discussion with the child about what is happening. Allow the child to talk about their feelings and concerns about the experiences at home and the impact on their day-to-day lives,” says Nala. She further adds that

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M&P|special needs communicating with the school is also crucial to ensure that the child progresses well and receives the support they require.

COMMUNICATION VS. CONFIDENTIALITY “All communication between the school and home is confidential,” assures Principal Malan. The school will do its best to support the other parent and the child. However, in the case of abuse and neglect, the school must physically protect the child by reporting the case to the relevant authorities.

FALLING VICTIM TO ADDICTION According to Fabricus and Rosen, it must be noted that there are certain factors that make children more vulnerable to developing addictions. These include: l Anyone with the genetic predisposition. l Early exposure to addictions in the family. l Difficult challenges while growing up. l A lack of trusting and open relationships. l A co-occurring mental illness, such as depression or anxiety. l A lack of coping skills. l Neglected children.

IMAGES: .istock, theparentscorner.blogspot.com.

Principal Malan agrees that the use of substances by parents and their adolescent children is strongly correlated. While Nala does not necessarily feel that parental drug addiction is a predictor of a child’s future she does, however, admit that it is possible. “If there are no appropriate interventions in place the child might internalise and normalise the abuse of drugs. They too may start using and this might continue into adulthood.” In addition to this she adds that parents who are addicted to drugs tend not to be available to supervise, support and care for their children. Hence, kids may have access to the drugs used by their parents because there is no supervision. Rosen, however, believes that kids whose parents are recovering addicts, are taught good coping mechanisms and have a stable life, have a much better chance of not becoming an addict.

THE ROLE OF THE SCHOOL According to the experts, even though teachers are not always trained to deal with such situations there are a number of things they can do: l Refer the learner to the school psychologist. l School-based support teams can tackle problems with all the teachers involved, to find a workable solution. l Always remember that these are just normal kids who are trying to cope in an extremely stressful and chaotic environment. Their biggest problem is usually not having anyone they trust with whom they can talk. Opening up and sharing from the heart in a safe atmosphere is a tremendously healing experience. Schools must make sure to provide time for such experiences.

l Constantly work on building positive self-esteem. Teach kids that every person is the creator of his own downfall and nobody can take the blame for other people’s actions. l Learn to identify children with problems so that these kids can get the necessary help they require. l Develop strong links with local NGOs and departments that deal with drug addiction. This will ensure that if you suspect or identify a child whose parents or caregivers are involved in drugs, you are able to refer them for appropriate services and support. l Schools should be continuously updated on drug-related matters. l Have regular talks by professionals letting kids know a bit more about what to do in such situations

warning signs for teachers According to Principal Malan and Rosen, kids whose parent(s) are addicts may appear dishevelled, tired, insecure, emotional and angry. They may also work below their potential because their energy is focused on the substance abuser, and be unable to focus on homework because of fighting, tension or worry at home. The child would portray the same behaviour as a neglected child.

GETTING HELP If your spouse is addicted to drugs, always remember that you are not alone. You can: l Speak to the school about the possibility of your child seeing the school psychologist. l Get the kids into counselling and groups (children of alcoholics and addicts). l Seek professional counselling so that you can support your spouse and the kids. l Get a full assessment with a private practitioner who specialises in addiction. They can then make the best referrals.

Contact Childline on 08000 55 55 5 to be referred to their nearest support structure.

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M&P| working moms & dads

Together

A-P-A-R-T First comes the engagement ring, then the wedding ring and then for some, comes the suffering. Do we push through and make it work or do we follow the latest trend of staying together yet blissfully apart? Dr Sumayya Ebrahim explores why many parents opt to stay together commonly â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;for the sake of the childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;.

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ngagements, marriages, divorces, separations, conceptions and birth are all part of the natural course of adult life in the modern world. In recent times, a new, yet to be officially labelled phenomenon has come into being, the notion of apart-together or togetherapart. And as the terms suggests, a growing number of partners in failed or failing marriages are deciding to stay together yet live separate lives, often but not always, for the sake of the children. According to the latest available statistics in South Africa, the last decade has seen a spike in the rates of divorce in South African marriages. Conversely there has been a decline in the number of civil unions in the last 10 years.

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M&P| working moms & dads

Being married to the love of our lives is something many of us fantasise and dream about. There are endless plans, hopes and visions of a happily ever after with our significant other. Every last detail to the flowers on the table and the names of our future babies is picked out with glee. No one ever plans, imagines or anticipates discussions and acts of dissolving the union that was once dreamt about. Most often relationships break down gradually and, for many, beyond our awareness and control. While there are some couples who do manage to salvage whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s left of their dwindling relationships, there are many relationships where the rift and damage between the partners becomes so irreparable and irreversible that there seems to be no other option other than to go their separate ways. But does this always mean full and final divorce or separation?

â&#x20AC;&#x153;It takes a fair amount of forethought and emotional resilience to be a successful together-apart couple.â&#x20AC;?

TOGETHER FOREVER

TOGETHER NO MORE

Together-forever couples are those couples who believe that the marriage commitment is unbreakable and that the marriage should be maintained at all costs, usually because of the cultural and or religious sanctity of the union. Couples who maintain the bond of marriage due to familial, financial and or business grounds also fall into this category. It is important to note that although the couple choose to remain married, the proverbial marital bliss need not necessarily feature in their relationship.

These are couples who are well aware that the marriage is over and decide either mutually or one partner exclusively, to divorce or separate. Most times the course of the divorce or separation depends on if the marriage can be dissolved amicably or if there is hostility on the part of one or both partners. The course of the divorce will have consequences for both partners, as well as their children. It goes without saying that a divorce or separation that is handled with care and kindness for all will result in an easier transition to an undoubtedly challenging event, compared to a divorce filled with hatred, hostility and disdain.

TOGETHER-APART In recent years there has been a trend among married couples to remain together even though they are both aware that their relationship is over. One of the most common reasons cited for this is that it is in the best interest of the children. Another reason includes the age of the children.

Many parents decide to part ways only when they believe their children are at an age where they will be better suited to handle the separation. Other couples cite financial stability as one of the reasons to continue to live together in the absence of emotional and or sexual involvement, which most people consider to be the core of a traditional marriage. Couples who are together-apart share the sense of family and share the same home. However, there is a disconnection and a separation on all other levels. Couples sometimes have separate bedrooms, separate sets of friends, and may even have romantic and or sexual relationships out of the home, which their partner may or may not be aware of. The couple resume life for family and or social events (school functions, birthday parties, weddings, etc.), but other than this, the couple do not share the kind of married life that most deem as the norm. As mentioned, there are many reasons and circumstances that may lead a couple to this M a m a s & Pa p a s

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“Facing a life as a divorced or single father or mother is potentially overwhelming and some people prefer to still be together and have the safety of their partner there so that they have an ‘in case of emergency contact’.” 58

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are you thinking about living together-apart? Couples en route to changing their relationship status to together-apart ought to ask the following questions: 1. What is the real reason? Is it really for the children or is the reason to stay together based on a deepseated fear of loneliness and the unknown? There is a certain safety that is felt when one is in a dyadic relationship, and this may be more pronounced when there are children in the mix. Facing a life as a divorced or single father or mother is potentially overwhelming and some people prefer to still be together and have the safety of their partner there so that they have an ‘in case of emergency contact’, even though there is no fulfilment or happiness in the relationship. 2. How are you going to handle your partner’s other life? If you are going to follow this course, are you going to be able to watch your partner move on while still technically being with you? What kind of life will you actually live as a together-apart couple? The question also needs to be raised, what happens if either partner finds someone else? What will happen to the together-apart status? Will the marriage then end officially? Having a few boundaries in place will help set the expectations and limits of interference and involvement in each other’s lives. Open, honest and brave discussions need to be held between the partners. 3. What are you saying to your children? What exactly are you modelling for your children by raising them in a home that is built on pretence? An illusion of an intact family is created, but in reality, the foundation of that family is fragmented. This factor is so nuanced.

The concept of the modern family is changing. We live in an era where the definition and understanding of family have moved beyond the mere distinction between nuclear and extended. Togetherapart families, provided that the children know the truth, do have the advantage of teaching our children tolerance and diversity. Ideally we should be raising consciousness in our children that there are indeed many types of families. Today we have families that are run only by a mom and dad; some are run by two dads, others by two moms; some are run by adopted parents or donor families and some families are blended; some are run by a mom and grandmom, and some homes are run by older siblings only. The possibilities are limitless.

Remaining together-apart is not for everyone. Difficult questions need to be asked and answered and, realistically, it is difficult to do the right thing because right by the family may not be right by you or vice versa. Either course takes courage and bravery. And if this is the path down which you may be headed, seek the help of an objective professional so that you are comfortable and have realistic expectations with your decision to stay together-apart. And while families based on togetherapart couples may not be problematic in and of itself, the reasons that road is embarked on need to be fully explored by both parties, and sometimes the children too, where appropriate.

IMAGES: istock.

together-apart status and both in theory and practice there are many couples who are able to make this work successfully. However, although this may seem like the kindest, most logical and straightforward solution, it is not without its perils. Human beings, relationships and couples are dynamic and there are no guaranteed formulas for relationship success. It takes a fair amount of forethought and emotional resilience to be a successful together-apart couple. As tempting and as easy as it may be to see a together-apart couple as an eitheror, when it comes to children this situation is not black and white. There are pros and cons to the decision to stay together for their sakes. Pros of living together-apart for the children: l You are modelling commitment. l The family will have the benefit of being ‘intact’. Cons of living together-apart for the children: l You are modelling inauthenticity. l You will be teaching them how to live a life that they are not happy to be in. l The question that you may want to ask yourself is: If your child was in a space or relationship that was not fulling, how would you advise him or her?

M a m a s & Pa p a s

2016/05/04 22:04

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M&P|subscriptions

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M&P|kids’ |kids’ fashion

SLEEVELESS, HOODED PUFFER JACKET, R320, WOOLWORTHS.

PADDED PARKA, R599, H&M.

KHAKI JACKET WITH FAUX FUR HOOD, R219.95, ACKERMANS.

WORDS: TEBATJO MANAMELA. IMAGES SUPPLIED BY STOCKISTS.

BOYS’ ANKLE BOOT, R435, RAGE.

DOUBLE LACEUP BOOT, R320, WOOLWORTHS.

SNEAKERS, R1 699, TIMBERLAND.

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Legacy OF KINGS

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M&P|cover story From the land of the Zulu royal family to playing royalty on stage and screen, Andile Gumbi has much to celebrate as he becomes a father for the ﬁrst time. Loren Stow catches up with Andile and his wife Hlengiwe, as they share their new parenting joy with the world. he world has been Andile Gumbi’s oyster for some time now, yet he will always return to the country and culture of his, and now his son’s, birth. The internationally acclaimed performer and his wife Hlengiwe, a self-employed businesswoman, have started off their family with the birth of a son, Bhekani, who is everything to them. Better known to local audiences as Zweli from Mzanzi Magic’s Isibaya, Andile played the stage-role of Simba in The Lion King musical for a decade, performing on stages across the world from Melbourne and Sydney, to Shanghai, Johannesburg, London and, finally, Broadway. However, after 10 years of travelling, Andile was ready to return home to his roots and tackle another challenge – television – and if his popularity on screen is anything to go by, he’s made the right choice.

OF MEN AND WARRIORS The Zulu Kingdom is the birthplace of the couple, both 32, and as such they show an immense pride in their shared culture and heritage. Andile was born in KwaNongoma in rural KwaZulu-Natal. It is the place the Zulu king, Goodwill Zwelethini kaBhekuzulu, now calls home and, as such, the rich heritage and culture of being Zulu has not escaped Andile. “The kingdom of the Zulus is one of the greatest kingdoms across the continent of Africa. Maybe even across the world. It’s a culture I, as a Zulu man, can be proud of. Any South African can be proud of it as well because, alongside other cultures, it adds another colour to the flag that is our rainbow nation,” says Andile proudly. Although Hlengiwe was born in Embumbulu on the fringes of the Zulu Kingdom, the couple were both raised by their respective families in Umlazi, Durban’s largest township, and third largest in South Africa, after Soweto and Tembisa. Legend has it that when King Shaka passed through the area he refused to drink from the local river, claiming that the water tasted of umlaza, the Zulu word for the sour milk, and since then the area was called Umlazi. Andile describes how his parents, Sabelo Gumbi and Philile Mncube, ensured his childhood was supportive, loving and traditionally Zulu. “We were taught to acknowledge, respect and honour our culture, because it’s what makes us different to other cultures and clans.” Hlengiwe’s father, Delani Khuzwayo (who sadly passed away when she was

still young) and mother, Ellen Ngcongo, raised her and her brother, Skhosiphi Ngcongo, and sister, Thandeka Ngcongo, in an equally supportive and loving, goal-driven family. “I was also raised to celebrate and respect our culture, as it defines who we are as black people,” Hlengiwe says.

FAMILY, BLOOD AND OTHER TIES The couple contemplates the meaning of family and have a deep belief that it is actions and beliefs, and not always blood, which bonds people together. Hlengiwe elaborates, “Love, respect, honesty and faithfulness are the determining qualities of a solid bond between people who call themselves family. They don’t have to have a blood bond, but it makes for a solid connection and creates a good foundation for years on end.” Andile agrees these are qualities are usually found in blood relatives, but admits that they do experience a sense of family with their close friends and colleagues. “Family implies a lifetime bond that is honoured with love, faithfulness and honesty. This is the basic recipe to forging a family.” Culture influenced the way the couple was raised and will inevitably impact the way in which they raise their own family. “We both believe that every house is a castle, where the man is the king and the woman is the queen. They should treat each other as such and also pass this onto the next generation of princes and princesses, so that they learn to honour themselves and the house they come from,” Andile advises. When it comes to the next generation Hlengiwe hopes to reinforce in her children the way she was raised to have a deep respect for all people, especially elders. “I want to teach them how to speak to, address and converse with people in a deeply respectful manner. It is one of the things I pride myself on,” she admits. Andile, on the other hand, wants to rewrite his upbringing with his children. “My family was not together a lot of the time when I was growing up. I was raised by my grandma and my mom worked in the city,” he explains, adding that he wants to create as many opportunities as possible to spend time together as a family.

MOVING FORWARD WHILE GLANCING BACK The Zulu Kingdom and its distinct culture is almost 350 years old and legend has it that the word ‘zulu’, which means ‘heaven’ or ‘sky’, is the name of the original ancestor M a m a s & Pa p a s

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â&#x20AC;&#x153;Family implies a lifetime bond that is honoured with love, faithfulness and honesty. This is the basic recipe for forging a family.â&#x20AC;?

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M&P|cover story

who founded the Zulu royal line in about 1670. Those who call themselves Zulus originally formed part of the ancient Nguni tribes that migrated down the African coast over centuries, arriving in what is now called South Africa as early as the ninth century. With a strong oral and cultural heritage, it is easy to see why Andile, Hlengiwe and other proud Zulus want to continue to honour their history, while finding themselves in an altogether modern world. “We both understand that some of the ways our parents did things were ways of those times. We must move with our times and do things differently, but we will maintain what we call a cultural blueprint of respect, as well as our cultural definition of who we are, especially as black people,” Andile underscores. For Hlengiwe the ‘culture of umhlanga’, where young girls are taught and raised to appreciate and respect their womanhood by keeping their virginity until marriage,

is still very important. “But these are just a few of the many other lessons that come with our culture,” she adds. The young couple believe in the importance of a mother and father in a family and as such they honour the men who have led by example. Andile has found role models in American actor, comedian and writer Kevin Hart, whose dedication to his family, career and success is described by Andile as overwhelming. “A good friend of mine, Sandi Msimang, has this never say die attitude when it comes to being there for his wife and kids. This is how you’re supposed to be as a husband and father. Another person I learn a lot from is Vusi Kunene.” For Hlengiwe, Father’s Day is not only about remembering her own father, who passed away when she was young, but honouring the significant role that her uncle played in her life by stepping up and filling the gap that her father had tragically left. M a m a s & Pa p a s

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PHOTOGRAPHER: GARETH JACOBS. STYLED BY: TEBATJO MANAMELA. MAKE-UP: LUCOH MHLONGO. DRESSED BY: GUESS, H&M, MANGO, STEVE MADDEN.TRADITIONAL OUTFIT SUPPLIED BY: ROCHELLE SELLING.

M&P|cover story

That said, wherever you find a successful man you are bound to discover a supportive woman standing by his side. “With a woman at his side, a man will remember that he deserves to play the role of provider and that, as a team, they are an unstoppable force,” Hlengiwe explains. Andile adds that the loving and nurturing qualities women possess are far more abundant than in men and these are the natural driving force men need to help them achieve their goals.

“The man may plant the seed of a dream, but the woman is the fertiliser, water and sunshine that makes that seed grow.” PLANTING SEEDS, GROWING THE FUTURE The birth of their first child, Bhekani, on 14 December 2015 was the start of their own small kingdom and the happy parents want to grow their family by another one or two children. Like most parents, they want their children to know the opportunities that they did not have. “They must want for nothing, but appreciate the value of everything,” says Hlengiwe. And while it is important to Andile that they have as much family time as possible, the reality of busy working lives, meetings, shoots and events means that they need help. “It is always beautiful to have family constantly ready to support you,” Andile says with a smile. “We rely a lot on family and they really help to lighten the load.” If there is just one lesson that the couple hope their children take with them into the world one day, it would be to remember three simple statements: please, thank you and sorry. It is clear that this young family is firmly rooted in culture, tradition and especially, love. “Andile is loving, caring and supportive as a husband. He tells me he loves me every single chance he gets and I fall in love with him every day.” As for Andile, he claims his wife is the most amazing woman he’s ever met, and besides being beautiful, smart and sexy, “she is loving and caring and the mother of my only son. And she’s a damn good cook on top of that!” he says with a grin.

THE REED DANCE CEREMONY ‘Umhlanga’ is also called the Reed Dance ceremony or Umkhosi woMhlanga, and forms part of the annual Zulu calendar. Every September girls come from all over the country to take part in the ceremony at the Royal Palace in KwaNongoma. The Swazi people have a similar ceremony and gather yearly at their Queen Mother’s royal village, Ludzindzini, in Swaziland.

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It’s very evident, even this early on as a father, that having clear boundaries is the key to everything. Hopefully our hard work can help James develop into a person that is valuable to and invested in society. He has a kind heart and a great sense of humour. We consider ourselves very lucky to have had the upbringing we had. If James can look back and feel the same way about us as we do about our parents, then perhaps we will have managed to find the right balance.

Gate MIAGI Centre for Music, Soweto

What role do you think men, especially fathers, should play in the community and in their families? Much of my work involves projects around developing strength and possibility in communities. The more time I spend reinforcing such opportunities shows just how any community functions like a family. For me, the responsibility for any parent, as with community leaders, is to demonstrate, encourage and provide opportunity for achievement of potential. The hardest part is to try and facilitate this without obstructing growth through ego or expectations. What did you love most about your partner’s pregnancy? My wife, Rozanne McKenzie, and I ate a great deal and our relationship deepened in an indescribable way. What changes have you made careerwise to accommodate having children? I am lucky that my working hours can be quite flexible, should I need to shift things around to do ‘Dad’ things. The most obvious change has been that when I have time to get my work done, I don’t procrastinate as much as I used to. The same goes for time to spend with the family, which is surprisingly brief once your child heads to crèche. Wasting what little time you have is not really an option. What values would you like to instill in your children? Kindness, good nature, manners, respecting others’ space and feelings. Above all, aspiration and belief to achieve well in everything they can. To be a person they like themselves, and who is liked by others. What parenting methods did you emulate from elders in your family? My parents and grandparents were always very patient, giving and fair. This has emerged as fundamental to our parenting of James.

Describe any family tradition that you particularly enjoyed as a child? I have always loved time as a family, particularly when we visited my grandparents. It is so important that we all get to spend as much time together as possible and, given that James’s relatives all live so far away, we make the extra effort to be together. I also enjoyed spending a lot of time outdoors when I was younger, something I intend for James to replicate. Being a father has taught me… How difficult it is to be a father (thanks Dad!). It’s more about personal character development and trying to be the best person you can be, than anything else. What advice would you give to expectant dads? Go for a few pints with your friends who have young children. When I had two friends who were both expecting their first children, I got a group of us together once a month just to go out for a few hours. We managed to tell each other some horror stories about parenting to break the ice. Just knowing that friends have been through it, had the same terrifying worries and love their roles as parents is reassuring. I think it is important for new dads to know that they do have the support of other fathers should they need to ask a stupid question, over a manly pint of course.

RAPID FIRE Your favourite car? One on which I don’t have to spend money for repairs. Your favourite gadget? My iPhone for podcasts. Your favourite band? Check out Johannesburgbased Bombshelter Beast for a unique and enjoyable performance experience. Your favourite dish? Currently my wife’s nachos, but you can’t go wrong with a big medium-rare fillet and Bernaise sauce.

COMPILED BY THINA MTHEMBU. IMAGE: CHRIS BISHOP.

CHRIS BISHOP Classical Musician & Principal of the Cape

What would be a perfect gift for Father’s Day? Family morning at the park followed by a big lunch, a cold beer and a good nap.

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M&P|parents with pizzazz want your child to be. Each child is unique, with oftentimes different values to their parents. What role do you think men have to play in society at large and in their families? I think it’s everchanging and difficult to pinpoint a specific role these days. My wife isn’t a traditional mom. She probably works harder than I do and it’s finding a model that suits us and our individual family. So I guess if you can create a model that works for you and your family situation, then you are winning.

MATTHEW MARINUS Drummer for the Graeme Watkins Project/ Videographer/ Creator of ‘Born To Perform’

COMPILED BY THINA MTHEMBU. IMAGE: MATTHEW MARINUS.

What are your most memorable moments about your partner’s pregnancy? One moment that stands out is when Gemma was in P.E. for a job. She had a close call with the baby (Malakai) and was instructed to stay in bed in P.E. for the following week. The company that was hiring her at the time (360 degrees) flew me down to be with her, paid for our hotel and rental car for the week, and we relaxed, rented movies and ate takeout, which was quite special in its own little way. A big thanks to the company for looking after us during that time. Describe any family tradition that you particularly enjoyed as a child. Going to Wild Coast Sun for holidays each year. It was simple, but always the best. How has having a child affected your relationship with your partner? We are very lucky that we have grandparents that are very close to us and that are very involved in Malakai’s life. They help Gem and myself to still connect as a couple. Having said that, life is still much more complicated than it was, but being able to kiss your wife and kid before bed at night is worth the extra effort. What parenting methods did you emulate from elders in your family? The main thing that I would like to think that I have adopted from my parents’ approach is to not put too many expectations on what you

What changes have you made in your career to accommodate being a father? I usually have to work later into the evenings to accommodate family time in the late afternoon/evenings, but since I’m a freelancer, I’m fortunate that I am able to schedule my commitments around important events. What values would you like to instill in your child? Self-awareness, good manners and respect for others. Who is your biggest inspiration? Describe how they have influenced the choices you’ve made in life. My dad, Lionel Marinus, has lead such an interesting life as a Karate instructor. Then at 33 he chose to study to become a chiropractor in the UK, so he packed up his family and did just that. With that in mind I feel really free to pursue my passions and goals, knowing it’s never too late to make a change and do something new. It really broke the mould of having to get a stable job straight out of school and I guess it’s his influence that really allowed me the freedom to discover my path without any pressure. What advice would you give to new dads who are still trying to adjust? Drink Lucozade! Where can we find you when you are not working? Conceptualising the next ‘BORN TO PERFORM’ event with my wife. It doesn’t feel like work, but does take up most of our free time. Or you might find me rehearsing with my bandmates from The Graeme Watkins Project.

RAPID FIRE Your favourite song? You Got Me by Gavin DeGraw. Favourite car? Hyundai H1. Favourite gadget? MacBook Pro. Favourite Getaway Spot? Holiday Inn Express, Cape Town.

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M&P|cancer column

Zoleka Mandela advises that followup care is essential in preventing or detecting other types of cancer at an earlier stage, as well as tackling ongoing problems that are a result of cancer treatment. aring for your body after cancer treatment requires personally taking up recommendations any other person not living with cancer would seek to improve the status of their general health. All cancer survivors are advised to receive follow-up care, including regular medical check-ups, where physical and psychosocial effects that may have been acquired months to years after treatment has ended can be assessed. Although, survivors generally return to the doctor for a follow-up appointment every three to four months during the first two to three years after their treatment, and once or twice a year thereafter, there are other benefits to maintaining a healthy weight, exercising, avoiding tobacco, eating a balanced diet and controlling the amount of alcohol you consume to promote your own health. Despite emotions that ensue, the expectancy of returning to a normal cancer-free life, an overwhelming fear of the cancer returning is always quite common in those who have completed their treatment.

THE 5R’S (RECOVERY) OF CANCER SURVIVAL Survive Cancer informs on natural laws of good health and explain them as follows: 1. Incorporate an anti-cancer diet and nutritional supplements. 2. Stress control – the use of relaxation and visualisation techniques. 3. Exercise should be regular, aerobic and to one’s ability. 4. Detoxification – this requires the removing of both internal and external environmental pollutants. 5. Pursuing spiritual, emotional and psychological healing.

It can take a while for the body to recover from the effects of cancer and exactly what you experience will depend entirely on the type of cancer you have and the treatment you received. Here are some suggestions on how to relieve the problems you may encounter once the treatment is over: Intimacy and sexuality 1. Kegel exercises to regain muscle control. 2. Medication to relieve vaginal dryness/erection problems. Pain caused by cancer treatment 3. Acupuncture/physical therapy. 4. Hypnosis, meditation, yoga/relaxation skills. Lymphoedema: arm or leg swelling 5. Keep your skin clean and moist. 6. Exercise and special bandages to assist the body in draining lymph fluid. Problems with mouth or teeth 7. Keep your mouth moist by drinking a lot of water, sucking on ice chips and using saliva substitutes. 8. Keep your mouth clean by brushing your teeth after meals/at bedtime; flossing your teeth every day and rinsing your mouth with a baking soda, salt and warm water solution several times a day. Weight changes 9. Strength-building exercises/talking to a dietician/nutritionist. 10. Start with small meals and focus on favourite foods when you want to regain your appetite. Trouble swallowing 11. Make use of a blender to process solid foods. 12. Tilt your head backwards/forwards when eating. Bowel and bladder control 13. Medication 14. Kegel exercises and additional physical training problems. Menopause 15. Maintain a healthy diet, exercise and eat wisely. 16. Quit smoking and drink loads of water. Fatigue 17. Have rest breaks between activities/take short naps. 18. Be more active during the times when you are most alert and have more energy. Some people may experience long-lasting and complicated physical effects, post cancer treatment. Having sources of emotional support may go a long way in helping you to establish a routine like the one you had before you began treatment.

WORDS: ZOLEKA MANDELA. IMAGE: ISTOCK .

EFFECTS OF CANCER TREATMENT

RELIEVING THE AFTER-EFFECTS

This column is dedicated to the late Feziwe Radebe, the courageous cancer fighter who died in October 2008.

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M&P|deConstruct to Construct

WE ARE THE ‘ENABLER’ FATHERS

WORDS: FUMANI SHILUBANA. IMAGE: ISTOCK

There is no manual for raising kids. Fumani Shilubana implores parents to realise that what they put in during the formative years, the world will get when their children become adults. Leave a positive mark!

e hear so much about women’s intuition and a mother’s instinct. But what of men and fathers? What of their guiding spirit that allows them to help develop the leaders of the future? Sadly, the statistics of South Africa’s social ills reflect many missed opportunities by men to impact on their children’s development, an ommission that has dire consequences on the daughter or son they didn’t raise, and ultimately, on society. Chances are what parents put in when raising their children isa what the world will get out when the child emerges as an adult. Some parents might be thrilled at the idea of there being a manual along with their firstborn, but given the concept of free will, they’d most probably end up winging it anyway. This doesn’t mean that every day should be a parent-as-you-go scenario. Rather, try creating a personal parenting plan that works for you and allow for flexibility where needed, such as the toddler years, bedtimes, teenage rebellion and establishing curfews, etc. I remember when my school friend, Komana Rakoma, and I were 16 and we’d talk about how we’d raise our children one day. It was only 1996 and we were already speculating about the future! Interestingly, both Komana and I have applied some of those ideas we bandied about so long ago. Truth be told, I have learned that the earlier a father becomes involved with his children, the better for him and the whole family. Establishing firm household boundaries and family structures will allow your children to grow up understanding how they should relate and interact, first with their inner circle and then slowly with school, friends and society. A strong, united front of both parents will show their children that home is a place of trust and strength. Keep the inevitable parental disagreements behind closed doors, where the children cannot see or hear them. In this way, your children will grow up knowing the value of a strong support system and not play one parent against the other in a manipulation to get what they want. I recently read about an incident reported in the newspapers,

where a known troublemaker, while under the influence of narcotics, committed an unlawful act that led to the loss of someone else’s life. Understandably, the community was up in arms about the incident. However, if you look beyond the delinquent drug addicted murderer, you will find a police commissioner whose son committed a felony. Unfortunately, this police commissioner had used his position in law enforcement to enable his son, rather than bring the full force of the law down on him for his first misdemeanour when he was as a child. Sadly, another family faced the consequences when one father failed to do his duty and teach his son about boundaries. I use this example to demonstrate that a lack of positive parenting is not only a plight of the unemployed or the poor, but a tragedy that spans the strata of society. We need to stop and think for a second. Think about who formed your earliest thoughts and who informed your opinions as you got older. Without a doubt, it was first your parents and close family, and thereafter your school and neighbourhood. Consider how much of your own parenting model has been devised from the way you were raised you. What did you keep, use and reinvent, and what did you swear you would never do to your own children? More importantly, we have to understand that our reality as children will carve out a new truth for our own children as they grow up. The best gift we can give them is to be a consistent male presence in their lives. It is time to Construct an environment where our children are aware that every action has its own consequence. This safe environment should be created in such as way that they always know if they do something to go against the rules or boundaries that you have established for them, they will have to face the music. At the same time, we need to deConstruct the entitled attitudes and spoiled behaviours we have allowed to fester in our children. A consistent father will make sure that reward and discipline are balanced for the good of the child and that both are meted out fairly and with love. Let’s build a future of accountable, honourable and fair human beings that will enable society to break free from the shackles of manipulation. M a m a s & Pa p a s

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M&P|exercise

WORKOUT Exercise comes in all shapes and sizes. We get you started with a selection of ďŹ tness blogs for pregnant and busy moms.

DIARY OF A FIT MOMMY Tips From Sia Cooper Cooperâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s blog is dedicated to prenatal and postnatal diet and fitness. Fitness was the number one aspect of her pregnancy that kept her sane and feeling her best. She could not have imagined going through her pregnancy without some type of workout plan. She experienced round ligament pains heading into her second trimester and upon entering the third, it was all lower back and sciatic pain from there on. There were times when Sia had little to no energy left, but she pushed through, set the alarm, put on my workout clothes, and headed to the gym anyway. Was it worth it? Most definitely! Visit fitmommydiaries.blogspot.com

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M&P|exercise

COMPILED BY TRACY MAHER. SOURCES AND IMAGES: BUSY MOM GETS FIT, DIARY OF A FIT MOMMY, FIT TO BE PREGNANT, RUNNING RACHEL, WORKOUT MOMMY.

FIT TO BE PREGNANT Fit To Be Pregnant began as a way to document Deana Schober’s first fit and healthy pregnancy after three unhealthy ones. It has since evolved into a valued source of information for other expecting moms who seek their own fit and healthy pregnancies. Schober researched tirelessly to provide the most up-to-date information regarding exercise and nutrition during pregnancy, postpartum recovery and weight loss, and breastfeeding. She is the co-owner, writer, and editor of Coach Calorie alongside her husband, Tony, and ebook author of Fit To Be Pregnant: 12 Steps to a Fit and Healthy Pregnancy (available on Amazon). She is also a certified nutrition coach (PN1) through the elite Precision Nutrition programme for fitness professionals. Schober’s personal philosophy is that all fitness and nutrition should stem from self-care, especially during and after pregnancy, when it can be so tempting to put ourselves second to the needs of our babies. They deserve the best of us physically and mentally. Visit Fittobepregnant.com

WORKOUT MOMMY Fitness Secrets From A Badass Single Mom! In her life before kids, Lisa was a personal trainer, group fitness instructor, marathon runner and overall fitness junkie. She woke up early to workout and stayed up late to workout and didn’t think much would change when she had children – she clearly had no idea what being a mommy was all about! Now a single mom of four little boys, she admits to struggling with finding the time to commit to her fitness and health goals. Workout mommy was established in August 2007. Being a mom requires that you work 24/7 for someone other than yourself, so finding time to exercise and stay healthy is a challenge. Workout mommy and Lisa are here to help you with that challenge and to keep you motivated and on task. It can be done! Visit workoutmommy.com

BUSY MOMS GET FIT Get Strong And Empowered Fitness coach Valerie Solomon specialises in helping women find a lifestyle of fitness without taking them away from their families. As a busy mom of four boys, she understands the busy mom lifestyle and knows how important fitness is to your overall wellbeing. Valerie started Busy Mom Gets Fit on social media, because she wanted to share her passion for fitness with other busy moms. Her goal is to empower every woman to live a fit lifestyle without feeling like it’s a sacrifice of time with her family. Valerie tells moms that they don’t have to slave away for hours at the gym in order to achieve a fit, strong, and healthy body. You can achieve amazing results in a timely manner in a gym, or right in the comfort of your own home, and on your own time. Visit www.busymomgetsfit.com

RUNNING RACHEL One Mom Running Through Life One Day At A Time This never-at-home, stay-at-home mom is not an expert; she is just simply an overworked, overtired mom who spends most days chasing her three superheroes around town, seeking their next big adventure. As a homeschooling mom of three boys, every day is a learning experience. Having her children close in age makes for wild adventures in parenting and in life. Exercising as a family is a great way to burn energy, as well as spend time together hiking, biking, camping, swimming and basically anything that gets them out and about! Rachel’s fitness love is running. She has always been a runner and even though she has never loved racing, it helps keep her motivated with her fitness journey. She is always up for a fun fitness challenge. Fitness should be fun, and she loves making it fun! Visit www.runningrachel.com M a m a s & Pa p a s

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M&P|recipes

FAMILY FAVOURITES SWEET PUMPKIN FRITTER BITES Ingredients 500 g frozen McCain Pumpkin Chunks 120 g white flour 5 ml baking powder 1 jumbo egg 500 ml oil 63 ml brown sugar 5 ml cinnamon powder

Let dad and the children do a little bonding in the kitchen this month, as they whip together some fussfree family recipes with ingredients you are sure to have in your fridge, freezer and cupboards. 76

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Method Pour frozen McCain Pumpkin Chunks into a bowl and cook as instructed on packet. Mix cooked McCain Pumpkin Chunks and flour together with the baking powder. Stir in the egg to make a thick batter. Pour a tablespoon of oil into a frying pan and heat to moderate temperature. Spoon mixture into the frying pan and cook until golden brown on each side. Place cooked fritters on paper towel to absorb excess oil. Mix the cinnamon and sugar together. Liberally sprinkle over the warm fritters. Squeeze fresh lemon juice to enhance flavours.

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M&P|recipes CREAMY CHICKEN PIE WITH McCAIN CRISPY CUT OVEN CHIPS Ingredients 3 chicken breasts, halves 30 ml olive oil 15 ml thyme 15 ml pepper 10 ml salt 30 ml butter 250 g frozen McCain Diced Onions 400 g frozen McCain Sweet Corn 60 g flour 125 ml white wine 750 ml chicken stock 125 ml cream 1 pack puff pastry, thawed 1 small egg 750 g frozen McCain Crispy Oven Crinkle Cut Chips Method Preheat oven to 220 degrees Celsius. On a foil-lined baking sheet, lay breasts skinside up and drizzle with olive oil. Rub the chicken with seasoning of thyme, pepper and salt. Roast chicken for 30 to 45 minutes, until juices run clear. Allow chicken to cool. Shred, removing any bones, skin or fat. In a large saucepan, combine butter and pan drippings from the roasted chicken. Bring to medium-high heat, add frozen McCain Diced Onions and frozen McCain Sweet Corn. Cook, stirring occasionally until onions are translucent. Stir in the shredded chicken, then sprinkle the flour over the top. Stir and cook for an additional minute. Deglaze the pan with the white wine, stirring up any bits that have stuck to the bottom of the pan. Slowly add the chicken broth, while continuing to stir. Cook until sauce has thickened. Add salt and pepper to taste. Add the cream, continuing to stir. Let the mixture bubble and thicken, cooking for three minutes or so. If too thick, slowly add a little more broth. Pour your filling into your chosen dish. Roll out the puff pastry just enough to cover your dish, with about 2cm excess. Press the dough against the sides so that it sticks. Using a knife, cut little vents in the surface of the dough. Beat egg and water and brush mixture over the top of the crust. Place your dish on a baking sheet, as it might bubble over a bit. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes or until your crust is golden brown and filling is bubbly. Serve with McCain Crispy Oven Crinkle Cut Chips, as directed on pack. M a m a s & Pa p a s

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M&P|recipes

MEDITERRANEAN MARINATED CHICKEN WITH DELECTABLE McCAIN CRISPY OVEN CHIPS Ingredients Â˝ cup olive oil 2 tbsp. balsamic vinegar 2 tsp. salt 1 tsp. white sugar 1 tsp. dried herbs of your choice 1 tsp. garlic powder 1 tsp. black pepper 1 tsp. paprika 4 chicken breasts 750 g Frozen McCain Crispy Oven Sea Salt & Pepper Flavoured Chips Steamed asparagus

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Method Combine all ingredients (excluding McCain Crispy Oven Chips, asparagus and chicken) and mix well. Pour into a ziptop bag and add chicken breasts. Marinate for 30 minutes to two hours. Place the chicken breasts on an aluminium foil lined tray and bake at 200 degrees Celsius, for about 45 minutes or until the chicken is fully cooked. Serve with McCain Crispy Oven Sea Salt & Pepper Chips. Preheat the oven to 220 degrees Celsius. Spread the frozen McCain Crispy Oven Sea Salt & Pepper Chips in a single layer on a baking tray. Bake for 10 to 12 minutes, turning occasionally until crispy and light golden in colour.

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2016/05/04 22:25

M&P|recipes

VETKOEK WITH MINCE & CHIPS Ingredients For the vetkoek 240 g flour 10 g sachet instant yeast 8 ml sugar 3 ml salt 300 ml lukewarm water For the mince 500 g mince 100 g frozen McCain Diced Onions Â˝ medium green pepper, cubed 5 ml curry powder 15 ml tomato paste 50 g frozen McCain Sweet Corn 50 g frozen McCain Diced Carrots 100 g frozen McCain Garden Peas

For the Chips 750 g frozen McCain Crispy Oven Steakhouse Texan BBQ Flavoured Chips Method For the vetkoek: Mix all dry ingredients together. Add water and mix until everything is combined. Wrap the dough, let it rise for 15 to 20 minutes. Shape, dust with flour and deep fry. For the mince: In a pan, using a tablespoon of cooking oil, fry frozen McCain Diced Onions with green pepper until soft. Add the curry powder, let it cook for two to three minutes and add tomato paste. Add the mince, and let it cook for eight to 10 minutes. Add 40 ml water and add frozen McCain Sweet Corn, frozen McCain Diced Carrots and frozen McCain Garden Peas. Cook between two to three minutes. Serve with McCain Crispy Oven Steakhouse Texan BBQ Flavoured Chips (Bake and serve as directed on pack). M a m a s & Pa p a s

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2016/05/04 22:25

TRIPLE TREAT: CHICKEN, CHEESE & CRISPY MCCAIN OVEN CHIPS

Method In a pan, fry the onions with the butter until translucent and soft. Then add the chicken, paprika and tomato paste. Allow to brown. Add chicken stock and flour to the pan. Stir until combined, allow to simmer until thickened for about 10 minutes. Add cranberries to the chicken, allow it to heat through. Serve with McCain Crispy Oven Steakhouse Cut Chips: Bake the frozen McCain Crispy Oven Steakhouse Cut Chips until golden as directed on pack. Once baked, place chips into a serving dish. Pour the chicken strips in gravy over; add cheddar to the chips and melt under the grill. Finish off with crumbled blue cheese or feta and a sprinkle of rosemary.

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RECIPES AND IMAGES SUPPLIED BY MCCAIN.

Ingredients Oil for frying 20 g sliced onion 10 g butter 100 g chicken strips 5 ml paprika 5 ml tomato paste 200 ml chicken stock 5 ml flour 50 g fresh cranberries 200 g frozen McCain Crispy Oven Steakhouse Cut Chips 40 g cheddar cheese 60 g blue cheese or feta Fresh rosemary

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2016/05/04 22:25

HEALTHY LIVING

THE

KIWI WAY!

Kiwi is an exotic fruit that originated in China, with a fuzzy outer skin and juicy flesh. Rich in trace elements, minerals and vitamins, the kiwi quickly conquered the global market with its unique, exceptional sweet and sour taste! Why introduce kiwi into our daily diet?

How to enjoy kiwis

It is rich in vitamin C. Consumption of a single kiwifruit can cover the human organism’s daily requirement in this vitamin. It is also an excellent source of vitamins A, E and B complex, and it contains potassium, phosphorus, and magnesium.

There are several dierent ways to incorporate kiwis into your vdaily diet: • Serve your friends a refreshing fruit drink made with kiwi and melon. • Make delicious and healthy kiwi-based smoothies. • Enrich your breakfast by adding freshly cut slices of kiwi to yoghurt or to your cereal. • Enjoy chocolate kiwis! Cut the kiwis in slices and dip them in melted chocolate. The taste is a revelation! • Simply add kiwi to your favourite green salad.

European kiwis conquer the global market! European kiwi stands out for its quality, both in taste and in nutritional value, because it is harvested by hand. Kiwis are placed in suitable refrigerated storage areas within 24 hours from harvesting, thus guaranteeing that all of the fruit’s nutrients are preserved. European kiwis stand out and are sought after in many international markets, and are exported to over 51 countries in Europe, Africa, Asia and America.

www.hellokiwi.eu

mamas_papas_KIWI210x275.indd 1 Ads.indd 16

So let your imagination run free and pleasantly surprise your friends and family, by using kiwi in various recipes. The results will amaze you!

PROJECT CO-FINANCED BY THE EUROPEAN UNION AND GREECE

5/4/2016 12:38:34 2016/05/04 21:17

M&P|décor

WALLPAPER

WONDERS For the most impact, it’s best to choose a wall with no windows and no doors.

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IMAGES: GRAFFITI RETAILS SOLUTIONS, PINTEREST.

TRICKS OF THE TRADE Graffiti Retail Solutions provides the following tips for a DIY wallpaper adventure: 1. Durability If you are using wallpaper in a room where steam and condensation impact the longevity and look of a wall, be sure to use washable, vinyl wallpaper thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s easy to wipe down. The same rule of thumb should be applied to nurseries and playrooms. 2. Colour Scheme Light paper will make a room appear bigger, while vertical stripes add height to a room. Pastel shades and horizontal stripes add width, and a large print will make a room feel smaller. Consider the colour of the wall paint and the other furniture already in the room and make sure it complements each other. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t introduce wild geometrics if you already have a busy floral look. 3. How Much Is Enough? Once you have selected your design and colours, calculate how much paper you need: Multiply the height of the room (in metres) by the number of widths needed to get the total length of wallpaper required and divide this by the length of a roll. If installing yourself, be sure to order a little extra in case things go wrong.

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M&P|reviews

Kerryn Ponter (Penguin Random House SA) R60 Angry Owl is fed up with the weather and sits on the branch of a tree, watching as a huge storm brews. He is caught in the rain, wind, thunder, snow, hail and even a tornado. When at last the storm passes, Angry Owl is surprised to see the most beautiful rainbow in the sky. He realises that next time there’s a bad storm, he needn’t be angry or upset because sometimes there are wonderful surprises at the end of a difficult time.

FAMILY HANDYMAN 101: DIY Guide and Home Maintenance Tips With Video Guide R59.99 iTunes Dads, do you want to learn more about how you can maintain your home by yourself, with the help of handyman DIY Tips from professionals? Then this app is perfect for you! With its detailed illustrations, it’ll let you know if you’re bringing you’re ‘A’ game. The DIY tips from experts and video learning guide let you enjoy your step-by-step achievements.

THE PATH Arianna Michael Puett & Christine Gross-Loh (Penguin Random House SA) R340 The first book of its kind, The Path draws on the work of the great but largely unknown Chinese philosophers to offer a revolutionary guide to living well. The authors show that the way to live well is not to ‘find’ ourselves and slavishly follow a grand plan, as so much of Western thought would have us believe, but rather to follow a path of self-cultivation and engagement with the world – and even the tiniest changes, from how we greet our colleagues to how we talk with our family, can start to have powerful effects.

TASTE OF HOME SIMPLE & DELICIOUS Free iTunes Is mom away this weekend? There’s no need for you and the kids to eat out when the iPad edition of Simple & Delicious is here. Home cooks share their speediest recipes and smartest tips to make your family mealtimes a lot more spectacular. Take your iPad along for impromptu grocery store stops so that you don’t forget anything on your ingredient list. Download the app now – and the kids will love your cooking more than mom’s!

URBAN DICTIONARY Free iTunes and Android Teenagers speak their own special language. Luckily for you, dad, Urban Dictionary has all the content from their popular website and ‘people-powered slang dictionary’. Search the app and find the definitions for all words and phrases that teenagers use today – just be prepared to be shocked! You might not like everything you learn.

WORDS: THINA MTHEMBU, TRACY MAHER. IMAGES: GOOGLE PLAY, ITUNES, PENGUIN RANDOM HOUSE SA

ANGRY OWL

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M&P|news & tips

GET RATTLED Snookums has just launched two brand new baby rattles, The Twisties rattle and the Crown teether rattle, both designed with colour, shape, texture and sounds to stimulate your baby. They both double up as teether and can be washed. Available from leading baby retailers for R54.95.

SOURCE AND IMAGES: OPEN FIELD, S&A MARKETING, SOULS SISTERS PR & EVENTS, WIRED COMMUNICATIONS.

SPA TREATMENTS FOR KIDS The Mangwanani African Kids Spa at uShaka Kids World is tapping into the latest trend of spa treatments that are specially designed for children aged three to 10. Specially formulated for children and for parents, the whole family can benefit from the pampering. Wild Child Pamper Parties – Includes a hand and foot massage, a glitter stick-on tattoo and African Warrior face painting. African Princess – Includes a hand treatment, a soothing foot massage and a mini facial (with glitter tattoo) that the children do themselves under the guidance of an expert spa therapist. Spa Diva – Includes a ‘Twinkle Toes’ Pedicure and a ‘Flocking Fairy’, with modern nail art, as well as a DIY facial. For bookings and enquiries, contact Mangwanani Spa on 072 811 8240 during office hours.

NEW TEETHING EGG The patent is still pending on this one-of-a-kind teething soother, manufactured in the USA. The non-porous, seamless soother is made with food grade silicone, is nontoxic, BPAfree and Consumer Product Safety Commission compliant. It checks all of the following boxes: l Small enough for a baby to hold in one hand for lightweight sensory play. l Orthodontic-friendly, and promotes natural development of teeth and gums. l Curved shape and textured to soothe inflamed gums. l Conveniently clips to a baby’s clothing to stay in reach and off dirty surfaces. l Comes in various colours, works as a pacifier and can be used as a modulated soother for special needs children. Visit www.theteethingegg.co.za or call Kerry on 083 344 6855.

NEW PANASONIC BABY MONITORING KITS

THE PANASONIC HOME NETWORK SYSTEM IS A WIRELESS SYSTEM THAT INCLUDES A BABY MONITORING SYSTEM.

Panasonic has launched a new baby monitoring system as part of a Home Network System. The Baby Monitoring system includes a hub and an indoor camera and allows parents to use their smartphone or tablet to watch live images and listen to the camera – even when out of the home. According to John David, Panasonic South Africa Sales and Marketing Manager, the baby monitor is more than an observation tool for parents. It allows visual and audio interaction, as well as offering soothing music for babies, which can be controlled by the parents. The camera’s built-in sensor triggers a recording and sends notifications to your phone. It also has night vision, five recorded lullabies and a two-way communication function. With an easy Wi-Fi setup, no monthly fees, one-push pairing and a free app for smartphone support, the baby monitoring kit uses DECT ULE standard, which helps prevent hacker attacks. For more information, visit www.panasonic.com/za

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M&P|motoring 2. SPEED Your driving speed is very important when it comes to fuel efficiency. If you constantly adjust your speed, for instance running up on the car ahead of you and then slowing to wait for room for another burst of speed, you will burn more fuel. Driving at constant speeds cause no acceleration. No acceleration means little fuel is being burned. This is optimal and an advantage of cruise control.

3. ENGINE TYPE

REDUCE YOUR CARBON FOOTPRINT With the fuel price always on the rise, Melissa Jane Cook says it has become more important for new cars to drive for a longer distance without having to ďŹ ll-up each time you pass a petrol station. uying a car that is more efficient in terms of fuel consumption than another option can easily save you a fortune over the time that you own the car. Fuel economy saves you money, reduces climate change, reduces oil dependence costs and increases energy sustainability. The following aspects contribute to the fuel efficiency of a vehicle:

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1. AERODYNAMICS If you take a look at the design of a pickup truck and compare that to a hybrid, you will notice the hybrid is much smaller and shaped much better. Aerodynamics has to do with the air around the car. As you drive, the car actually has to push the air out of its way. An aerodynamic design allows the car to flow through easily with the least amount of fuel needed. A smaller car will have much less drag than a big truck.

Diesel engines are more efficient than their petrol counterparts and the amount of power that the engine creates also determines the fuel economy. A fourcylinder engine will be more efficient than a V6 or V8 engine. Oftentimes, trucks have V6 and V8 engines in addition to poor aerodynamics and weight; hence they have poor fuel economy.

4. SIZE AND WEIGHT The bigger and heavier the vehicle, the more energy and power it needs to run. The ability of the car to achieve speeds and carry the mass of the vehicle, as well as that of passengers and cargo, is dependent on the power it can generate. As a result, bulky vehicles tend to be less fuel-efficient.

5. AXLE RATIO Many vehicles do not come with the option of selecting the axle ratio, but for those that do, it is advisable to pick the combination with the smallest numbers, as this means there will be greater fuel economy. A smaller degree of axle ratio means the vehicle will be able to run smoothly at a distance, and the engine will function at a lower intensity for a prolonged standard speed.

6. LOW EMISSIONS While not directly linked, fuel-efficient vehicles are typically low on emissions as well.

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2016/05/04 22:29

M&P|motoring

TOP

TOP 4X4’S FOR DAD Whether your dad is contemplating a replacement for his daily drive or looking to expand his existing fleet, take a look at these beauties to add to the big guy’s garage.

RANGE ROVER SPORT SDV6 HSE Strong combination of status and practicality More than just a pretty face, this seriously capable off-roader is also very good on tar, and in HSE trim is loaded with luxury features. It boasts four-corner air suspension with adaptive dynamics, so several settings are on offer. It also remains a true Range Rover with excellent off-road ability. With its large 21-inch alloys, narrow LED-infused Xenon headlamps and macho stance, the Range Rover Sport cuts a very handsome figure. This model also gets a sliding panoramic roof and privacy glass. Build quality all-round is excellent, with soft-touch surfaces and convincing metallic trim.

LAND ROVER DISCOVERY SDV6 SE Ticks so many boxes and has huge charm The Discovery 4 is a big machine, but the 3.0-litre, six-cylinder turbodiesel manages to endow it with very good performance. With its high centre of gravity and comfort-oriented suspension, the Discovery 4 is most definitely not a ‘sports’ SUV. It promotes an altogether more relaxed approach to driving, which is very addictive and calming. It features the trick Terrain Response system, which allows the driver to adjust the drivetrain and suspension settings for the prevailing conditions, and the ground clearance can be as high as 310 mm, depending on the selected setting. Want to cross a river? It has a wading capability of 700 mm. Want to tow your horse? The Discovery 4 can tow up to 3 500 kg. It’s truly a multi-talented all-rounder.

IMAGES: REALSTREETTECH.COM, JEEP.CO.ZA, FARNELLLANDROVER.COM, LANDROVER.CO.ZA.

JEEP GRAND CHEROKEE 3.0 CRD OVERLAND The stuff legends are made of Jeep’s continuous refinement and improvement of the Grand Cherokee has seen the current model evolving into a very serious alternative to the premium-brand SUVs. In Overland specification, just about every feature is included as standard and then there’s the legendary four-wheel drive ability to consider, too. This particular model makes use of a VM Motori-sourced 3.0-litre turbodiesel engine that delivers 179 kW and 569 Nm of torque. The Grand Cherokee was developed with off-road ability being a high priority and offers Jeep’s latest Quadra-Trac II active all-wheel drive system, as well as SelecTerrain, which adjusts the various drivetrain systems for the prevailing conditions. You also get Quadra-Lift air suspension. Tailored for five occupants, the Grand Cherokee is a spacious and practical long-distance hauler. With its chrome-jawed front-end, narrow-slit bi-Xenon headlamps and LED driving lamps, the Grand Cherokee makes for quite an imposing vehicle in the rear-view mirror. M a m a s & Pa p a s

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2016/05/04 22:30

M&P|baby shower

GEMS CELEBRATES PREGNANCY The second and third legs of the GEMS ‘54 baby showers in 2016’ initiative commenced in Mangaung (Free State) and Pietermaritzburg (KwaZuluNatal) on Saturday, 2 April and Kimberley (Northern Cape) and Rustenburg (North West) on Saturday, 16 April. All four events were well received by audiences of excited mommies in their third trimesters willing to share their experiences and enjoy a day of light physical exercise, dancing and games.

VANESSA BOOYSEN

Protea Hotel Willow Lake, Mangaung

REBECCA LIBITSE, PALESA MOTSIE AND THATO MNGOMA

REBECCA MOTETE

MOMS SETTLING IN

THUSO MOKHABANE

MONIQUE BOUWER

BIGGEST TUMMY GAME WINNER WALKS AWAY WITH A HAMPER FROM PURITY

MOTHERS GETTING DOWN

PHOTOGRAPHS: KWENTA MEDIA.

MOMS SHARE A LIGHT-HEARTED MOMENT

Protea Hotel Willow Lake, Mangaung Guest Speakers: Ms Rebecca Motete, an advanced midwife, spoke to the women about the importance of having a midwife during pregnancy. Lead neonatal facilator, Vanessa Booysen, took the moms through a fantastic, emotional presentation on the importance of breastfeeding and bonding with your newborn.

PALESA MOTSIE

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M&P|baby shower

MOTHERS LISTENING INTENTLY

PIETERMARITZBURG GEMS’ MOTHERS

LADIES ON ARRIVAL HELPING THEMSELVES

SISTER JABU HANDING OVER A PHILIPS AVENT HAMPER TO A LUCKY MOTHER-TO-BE

M&P SUBSCRIPTION WINNERS MIDWIFE FROM HEALTHICHOICES, JABU MHLONGO AND GRAND PRIZE WINNER

WINNERS SHOWING OFF THEIR HAMPERS

Hilton Protea, Pietermaritzburg ONE OF TWO LUCKY MOMS TO WIN A HAMPER FROM PHILIPS AVENT

DR TANDISWA NQAYANA GIVING A TALK ON DELIVERY METHODS

MOMS MINGLING BEFORE THE EVENT

PHOTOGRAPHS: KWENTA MEDIA.

MOMS GETTING SOME REFRESHMENTS

PHYSICAL FACILITATOR, NHLE MAVUNDLA, ADDRESSING THE MOMMIES

Baby Shower.indd 89

BIOKINETICIST GIVING LADIES A FEW EXERCISES

Hilton Protea, Pietermaritzburg Guest Speakers: Gynaecologist, Dr Tandiswa Nqayana shared information about various delivery methods. Nhle Mavundla, the GEMS physical facilitator, got the mommies moving as they did appropriate exercises.

2016/05/04 22:43

M&P|baby shower

EOH PHYSICAL FACILITATOR, TSHEPO BOS

KHOLO MABOKA PRESENTS A BENNETTS HAMPER TO THE WINNER OF THE ‘BIGGEST TUMMY’ GAME.

ELNA VAN STRATEN AND RIANA PRETORIUS

SHIRLEY STYDOM, NETCARE REPRESENTATIVE

KHOLO MABOKA PRESENTS THE CHELINO CAR SEAT TO KOKETSO GAOTIME.

Protea Hotel Hunters Rest, Rustenburg SAKHILE LEKHULENI

GUEST, LINDIWE JELE

GUEST SPEAKER, ELNA VAN STRATEN

GUEST, TINTSWALA MANGANYI

MOMS EXERCISING

GUEST, MASANYA RANKAWA

GUEST, ANNAH MABELENG

Protea Hotel Hunters Rest, Rustenburg Guest Speakers: Midwife and lactation consultant Elna Van Straten talked about the importance of breastfeeding. Audrey Phatswane held an interactive session on pregnancy nutrition. GUEST, BRENDA TAU

GUEST, KGOMOTSO MOTLHAKE

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AUDREY, HERBALIFE REPRESENTATIVE

KHOLO CHRISTY MABOKA, HEALTHI CHOICES MIDWIFE

HAPPY MOMS!

PHOTOGRAPHS: KWENTA MEDIA.

GUEST, KOKETSO GAOTIME

GUEST, LESOGO MAIFALA

2016/05/05 12:12 AM

Protea Hotel, Kimberley

M&P|baby shower ALET-MARIE VAN ZYL ADDRESSES AUDIENCE ABOUT HEALTH AND NUTRITION

GUEST MOMS POSE BEFORE GOING HOME

LELETHU TOBI FROM M&P THANKS ESMÉ JANSE VAN RENSBURG FROM HERBALIFE

ALET-MARIE VAN ZYL

YOLANDE CHIMALIZENI WINS A HAMPER FROM BENNETTS

THANDIWE STOFFEL

GUEST SPEAKER SANTIE NEL

GUEST MOMS STRIKE A POSE

EXERCISING WITH JOLENE HERSELMAN

PHOTOGRAPHS: KWENTA MEDIA.

DANCE-OFF COMPETITION

HERBALIFE WINNER, LINGIWE NTANDA

BIGGEST BELLY WINNER, LUCIA THIBELA

THANDIWE STOFFEL, WINNER OF THE DANCE-OFF

CHELINO WINNER, ANGELIQUE JACK

Protea Hotel, Kimberley Guest Speakers: Alet-Marie Van Zyl and Santie Nel both spoke about nutrition, health and wellness. EOH physical facilitator, Jolene Herselman.

M&P and GEMS thank their prize sponsors Chelino, Philips AVENT, Purity, Herbalife and Bennetts for contributing to the success of the GEMS ’54 Baby Showers in 2016’ initiative. GUESTS

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M&P|travel

TO TOUWSBERG If you’re still looking for a way to spoil the dads this Father’s Day, it isn’t too late to plan a meander down the longest wine route in the Western Cape, to Touwsberg Private Game and Nature Reserve in the Klein Karoo.

ake dad on an unforgettable stop-and-hop holiday along the Mountain Route, through scenic passes, rivers, vineyards and orchards. The attractions are yours for the choosing, depending on how much time you have, and range from visits to wineries and game reserves, to museum and cultural tours, to the more adventurous 4x4 routes or mountain climbing, as well as caving, ostrich riding or fishing.

LOOKOUT POINT FOR BREATH-TAKING VIEWS

TOUWSBERG PRIVATE GAME AND NATURE RESERVE Comprising seven thousand hectares of spectacular views of Klein Karoo landscapes, the game reserve was established in 2007 and offers unrestricted access to the southern slopes of the majestic Touwsberg mountain range. According to Hugo La Grange, Sales and Marketing Manager at Touwsberg Private Game and Nature Reserve, it is only a threehour drive from Cape Town’s city centre and offers a convenient escape to an altogether different kind of life, one off the grid and at a slower pace.

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LIVING OFF THE GRID

FISHING AT TOUWBERG

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M&P|travel

ABOVE AND BELOW RIGHT: THE NOSY NEIGHBOURS

COMPILED BY: TRACY MAHER. SOURCE AND IMAGES: TOUWSBERG PRIVATE GAME AND NATURE RESERVE, ROUTE62-INFO.CO.ZA.

KAROO SUNSETS

WHERE TO STAY?

AN ECO-RESERVE

When booking a weekend getaway, there are three self-catering accommodation options available: 1. Uitkykpos sleeps eight, with four bedrooms and three bathrooms. Operating on solar electricity, there is a gas stove and an electric fridge. The house is situated close to the entrance of the reserve for easy access and offers an amazing view ideal for watching game from the patio while enjoying a late afternoon braai. 2. Kyknet sleeps six, with three bedrooms and two bathrooms. Also solar-powered, with a gas stove and electric fridge, the house has a 360-degree view of the Touwsberg Mountains and the Karoo landscape. 3. Ankerbos sleeps six, with three bedrooms and two bathrooms. Solar powered, the gas heaters keep visitors warm on those cold winter nights. It comes with an additional one bedroom/ one bathroom flat.

Aside from breathtaking natural landscapes, the reserve boasts an abundance of crystalclear drinking water and indigenous flora and fauna in self-contained biological and geological ecosystems. As such, their focus is on ecotourism and how visitors, property owners and tenants can care for the land in a way that maintains its ecological balance.

ALONG THE WAY There is so much to do along Route 62, but the following are always good suggestions closest to Touwsberg: Ronnies Sex Shop: You might be disappointed if you are expecting kinky toys! This is a farm stall that sells fresh produce that became a pub/biker pit stop and general hangout spot for local and international travellers. Barrydale Heritage Garden: A definite must-see during the winter rainfall area of the Klein Karoo, with the succulent floral treasure, such as aloes flowering in red or orange. You can also visit the nearby Barrydale

Wine Cellar to taste the local wines. Diesel & CrĂ¨me Vintage Diner and Motel: A quirky stopover to stretch the legs and indulge in creamy deliciousness of truly inspired milkshakes. Red velvet or Nutella shakes, anyone? Warmwaterberg Spa: The hot mineral spring, surrounded by mountains, is perfect for this time of the year and offers different accommodation options. Take a dip in private Roman baths fed by the hot spring. Parmalat Cheese Factory: You have to make a stop at South Africaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s largest single cheese factory. Enough said! For more information or booking enquiries, contact Hugo La Grange on 082 823 9777 or visit www.touwsberg.co.za.

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New Magazine On Sale Now!

ONLY

R30

PER ISSUE!

A WOMAN’S JOURNEY

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2016/05/04 22:32

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ESSAYS A WOMAN’S JOURNEY

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TERMS & CONDITIONS

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DIGITAL MAGAZINE just R15 per issue! To subscribe, visit www.essaysofafrica.com

Mamas & Papas standard terms and conditions for competitions, giveaways and promotions 1) Entries are open to South African citizens aged 18 and over only, residing in South Africa (proof of identity may be requested). 2) Competitions, promotions and giveaways are not open to employees of Kwenta Media, their immediate families and agencies. 3) Only one entry is allowed per person, household or immediate family members; no bulk or third party entries. 4) No responsibility is taken for entries lost, delayed, misdirected or incomplete due to server functions, virus, bugs or any other causes outside Kwenta Media’s control. Proof of entry is not proof of receipt. 5) Prizes are not transferable and cannot be exchanged for cash. 6) All prize values are correct at the time of publication. 7) Kwenta Media and promoters retain the right to substitute the prize with another suitable prize in the event that the original prize offered is not available due to circumstances beyond their reasonable control. 8) The winner will be notified by telephone or email. 9) Winners must be willing to be photographed for possible publication in Mamas & Papas free of any fee. In the event of nonacceptance, Mamas & Papas will re-draw and select a new winner. 10) The promoter’s decision is final, and no correspondence will be entered into. 11) Mamas & Papas, its employees, directors, representatives or agents will not be liable for any loss or damages incurred or loss of whatsoever nature however arising. 12) Allow 60-90 days for prize delivery. 13) Winners are not eligible for another prize for 30 days after the previous win.

EOA terms and conditions apply. See www.essaysofafrica.com.

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2016/05/04 21:18

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2016/05/04 21:19