W T SECOND QUARTER 2019 VOLUME ONE ISSUE TWO
“It seemed like the adult thing to do.“ — Grace M. Clarke
“Folks get married for the wrong reason.” — Sharon Boone Wright
“As long as there are no surprises, it will run smooth.” —Bakeman Global
For the past 6 years I have been intentionally celibate
SO WHY
SHOULD I GET
MARRIED?
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W T PREMIERE
ISSUE
2019
VOLUME ONE ISSUE ONE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
TILSA WRIGHT CREATIVE DIRECTOR
RANDELL PEARSON ASSOCIATE EDITOR
CHANEL C MORGAN CONTRIBUTING EDITOR
J BLAIR BROWN CONTRIBUTING WRITER
J E N N A H ER C H E BEAUTY CONSULTANT
C I N D Y L AW R E N C E ADVERTISING SALES
STEPHANIE DAYE WE TALKIN “THE UNCONVENTIONAL MAGAZINE WITH CONTENT YOU WON’T FIND IN CONVENTIONAL MAGAZINES.” FOLLOW ON INSTAGRAM @WETALKINMAGAZINE
Cover Photographer Asafo Artistry Instagram: @asafo.artistry Email: asafo.artistry@gmail.com Cover Make Up: Sapphire Instagram: @_slayedbysapphire Hair by Marian Haye
FROM THE EDITOR HERE COMES THE BRIDE! Preparing for this issue was a priceless experience, and I am overwhelmingly thankful to all who shared aspects of their intimate relationships, whether they had tanked or sailed. And also to those who disclosed in brief quotes, why one should get married. Life, as most would say is a beautiful experience and how we choose to live it, is our God given right! Camille Fanfair, my sunshine yellow bouquet has a permanent place of honor in my room! The young and talented makeup artist Sapphire, is truly her mother’s best mentee. Girl had me looking like a stunning 25 year old vibrant blushing bride. The glamourous hair was slayed by the one and only Marian Haye. All 3 of these extraordinary ladies are based in Brooklyn New York, doing what they love phenomenally and effortlessly. Hail to you my Queens. This issue’s MVP is the loyal professional and spiritually rooted, Grace Clarke, a true Sister Friend. Thanks for your honesty and most importantly your healing journey as emotional healing is one of my personal goals.. Hey 2020, reveal yourelf and tell a sister...Why Should I Get Married?!! WE TALKIN MAGAZINE IS PUBLISHED FOUR TIMES ANNUALLY IN ENGLISH. WE TALKIN @ 2019 BY PEARSON DESIGNS, BROOKLYN NY, USA. REPRODUCTION OF ANY PARTS OF THIS PUBLICATION REQUIRES EXPRESS WRITTEN CONSENT OF THE PUBLISHER. WE TALKIN ACCEPTS NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR UNSOLICITED MANUSCRIPTS, PHOTOGRAPHY OR ARTWORK.
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STEVEN VAN PATTEN
PASSIONATE AND HARD WORKING BY JENNA HERCHE Steven Van Patten’s passion became his profession right out of college as he was set on writing or working in television production. Boasting a BA in Media Arts from LIU off a full scholarship, he paid his dues as a production assistant for HBO, Comedy Central and The Apollo Comedy Hour before he landed a position as one of the stage managers for the original version of TRL for MTV. He freelanced outside of the show occasionally, (most notably for BET Tonight w/Ed Gordon) but ultimately remained there until 2008. The position proved to be stressful and was geared more towards logistics and personality juggling, ultimately leaving his creative drive unsatisfied. While at MTV, he began writing what would become his first vampire novel. Brookwater’s Curse Volume I starts in the 1860s and climaxes in 2001 Senegal. “With all of the historical research that went into the first book, it took forever, but I got it done. Now, I’m several books in with no desire to stop.” I was curious as to what sparked his specific interest in horror. He candidly admits being a fan of “nerd culture,” which he describes as encompassing horror, science fiction and comic books. Inspired by the various genres, he was disappointed with the diversity and lack of representation within various subcultures. “I want to see people of color represented, because too many times I have watched a movie or read a book and thought to myself, ‘that’s how they see us, that’s not us.’ But don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to just tell the same old horror stories in blackface. I want to write good, original horror stories.” Whereas he does not credit one person, he is motivated by Jordan Peele, with all his recent success. Additionally, he has been a fan of everyone from Stephen King and Dean Koontz to James Baldwin. He credits Thomas Harris, the creator of the fictionally famous serial killer Hannibal Lector, for providing inspiration for Kendra, a hyper-intelligent black woman turned socially-conscious serial killer in his Killer Genius series. When asked who he would like to work with in the future, he mentioned that he would love to retell the 70s classic, Kolchak: The Night Stalker, with a more culturally diverse cast and flair that the 2005 reboot lacked. As for the material he’s already written, he would love to see his work on either the big or small screen. He is aware that these things don’t come easy and is still finalizing the scripted versions of his novels. “Don’t worry, I’ll get there,” he said with a wry smile. An extremely hard worker, Steven is still splitting his time between stage managing and writing. “These bills aren’t paying themselves!” he laughs. Despite the slammed schedule, he still makes time for social media, so if you want to check out his novels, ask him to recommend a horror movie or just encourage the brother, you can find him on Facebook by his full name, or Twitter and Instagram via the handle @svpthinks. His website is www.laughingblackvampire.com.
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THE CLASSIC GROOMING MAN IS
CHIC BY JENNA HERCHE
CLASSICS, is a trendy line of unisex eyewear designed by Adrian Haye; he launched his brand in 2018. In 2019, Adrian added to his vision and introduced grooming products for men, specifically an organic beard grooming kit. Inspired by his own unique sense of chic, Adrian has always been passionate about eyewear; his personal style is clean and classy. After years of receiving compliments, on his various styles of frames, his wife, “ultimately started researching companies that does private labels, and the rest was history,” he said. I learned that the process was relatively quick for him; six months to one year with respect to his vision coming to fruition. “The eyewear launch went so well that Classics added its newest item to the mix this year; an organic beard grooming kit. I am always impressed by a good-looking beard, so I could see the connection with respect to hygiene, appearance and accessories”. Mr. Haye confirmed what I already knew. “My wife loves my beard but complained about it being dry,” he confides. He made the connection to various barbers and their clients and proceeded to produce his own organic grooming kits; a clear hit with both men and women alike. He peaked my interest with the various styles of eyewear, so I wanted to know what other items he wanted to add to his repertoire in the future. He simply replied, “Belts”. With brick-and-mortar becoming a thing of the past, I wanted to know how he was making his merchandise available to his clients. In addition to his website, his primary source of traffic and revenue, he is inclined to do several pop-up shops this year, to expand his brand. “The ultimate place I want to be this year is the Circle of Sisters; a really big expo that focuses mainly on small businesses,” he quips. I’m well aware of the COS and have not missed one in years. It is the ideal place to promote to your key consumer; educated, working women, with families. When asked what one of his biggest pet-peeves in fashion was, he responded with a question of his own; “Why does fashion need to be overpriced?” As a self-proclaimed bargain shopper in my own right, this hit the mark for me. With major fashion houses like Gucci and Moncler stirring up drama with their hidden racist innuendos and even more obscene prices. It opens various opportunities for consumers to support an independent business owner that understands his fanbase and caters to his demographic accordingly; price point and all. This issue speaks to marriage and whereas you have already expressed how much of an impact your wife has had on your business with respect to the creative components, you have also expressed that she has invested into your brand financially. He gushes, “She is my biggest motivator.” He and his wife met in high school and have been married for fifteen years; they have two beautiful children together.
Below: Adrian Haye with his wife of fifteen years, Marian. “The eyewear launch went so well that Classics added its newest item to the mix this year; an organic beard grooming kit. I am always impressed by a good-looking beard, so I could see the connection with respect to hygiene, appearance and accessories�. He made the connection to various barbers and their clients and proceeded to produce his own organic grooming kits.
@ ASFRO. ARTISTRY BOOKING INFO : ASAFRO. ARTISTRY @ GMAIL.COM
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THE ESSENCE OF LOVE IS BY JENNA HERCHE
THE ESSENCE OF ASE is derived from the Yoruba culture and embodies the concept of manifesting outcomes by setting clear intentions and speaking them into existence. Camille K. Fanfair is the woman behind the experience; hand-crafted candles, clearing mist, body butter and scrubs are just some of the featured items. “Beautifully scented, through special crafting that includes herbs and essential oils, each candle stimulates senses, opens awareness, and aligns energy with desires,” according to Camille. “I was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York, however, my parents are from Trinidad & Tobago,” she said. Speaking to her parents, she is most inspired by her family. God, a dominant force in her life, is her motivation. As a self-proclaimed “overall superwoman” she is a woman of many hats. She is a wife, mother to four children, entrepreneur, teacher, mentor and priestess. This issue of We Talkin Magazine focuses on marriage, and with Camille and her spouse Carl celebrating over nineteen years of marriage, I was curious as to the secrets of their success. She attributes the success of her marriage to, “their strong faith in God”, as well as their ability to, “communicate their feelings, openly and honestly.” I acknowledged that whereas no union is perfect, at this stage of the game, what would improve their marriage? Camille quipped, “By having a million dollars”. As far as her home and professional life, I wanted to know how involved her husband was in each facet. She confides, that Carl has always been “hands on” even as their family has grown. He also makes the shea butter for the product line, which I found to be very interesting. She boasts, “We can truly say we are best friends”. As a professional, single mother with one child, I just had to know how someone like Camille juggled and prioritized her day, with respect to work, family and personal time. She told me that she starts her day with “me time”, she meditates and prays daily; that sets the tone for everything else to fall into place. This is something I will consider, as I sit in a tub engulfed with products from The Essence of Ase.
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SO WHY SHOULD I GET
MARRIED? TODAY’S WOMEN SPEAK OUT ON THE SACRED INSTITUTION BY TILSA WRIGHT WITH
CONTRIBUTIONS
SHARON
BOONE
GRACE
FROM
WRIGHT
M. CLARKE
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SO WHY SHOULD I GET
MARRIED?
‘‘You don’t mar r y ever y person you love, right?’’ We Talkin reached out to blogger and freelance writer Sharon Boone Wright, whose work appears in Essence Magazine, AARP Sisters Newsletter, Family Circle and Brides. Sharon and her husband will celebrate their 10th anniversary in October. Why should you get married? Let me start by saying, I got married later in my life and I’m glad I waited because I think there are a lot of folks who get married for the wrong reasons: they feel they are at the “right” age, all their friends are getting hitched, pressure from family, they’re afraid if they don’t do it soon they will miss their chance. All recipes for mistakes. Nothing wrong with getting married young, mind you. But being young shouldn’t be the main reason you’re doing it. I got married because after meeting this man and we’d gotten to know each other, living without him no longer seemed logical. It was almost not an option. You get married because you love each other, obviously, but you don’t marry every person you love, right? You marry because you know that love you have, when combined over time, with you both working together to nurture and grow it will be more than the sum of its parts. That you are better together than you are separately. That you’ve found the person you trust to look after you when you get sick, get broke, are discouraged, at your lowest, and the one you know you want by your side tomorrow when you are at your highest. — SHARON BOONE WRIGHT
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SO WHY SHOULD I GET
MARRIED?
‘‘M a r r i a g e i s n o t a piece of paper— I t’s a c o n t r a c t i n L o y a l t y a n d Tr u t h’’ BY TILSA WRIGHT Once upon a time, a pretty young woman with a big heart met a man, yes a man, it was love at first sight. Kind of like a well written novel. So naturally the charming Prince proposed and with grace and a broad hat smile she accepted. It just so happens that her name is Grace, ironic right? Anyway, Grace, her family and close friends were super excited! All were involved in the planning of her memorable wedding to Rodney. Well I am calling him Rodney, because this name rhymes with rotten, actually to me it does. Rodney Rotten, get it?-humor me please. In life we learn nothing lasts forever and not every perfect matching pair of shoe fits the same after a few years of wear and tear. Grace M. Clarke, a distinguished, academically accomplished and assertive woman in her early-forties willing agreed to share her story. Adding a black and white perceptive to marriage and finding a new partner, who undoubtedly makes hers maturely happy. WTM What line of business are you in? GMC I am what is known as a Process Improvement Executive with 10 years of, strategic financial services and program man-
agement experience. I specialize in transforming legacy business operations while highlighting compliance and risk mitigation practices in the technology industry. I am a Brooklyn, NY native, currently living with family in our Prospect Heights home. WTM Grace let’s say like most teenage girls, what was your idea about intimate relationship with a man? GMC I didn’t have any ideas about relationships outside the family experience. I was not encouraged to date until graduating
from college. My father’s firm instruction was “Study your books – I’m not sending you to school for THAT!” Being raised in a Latina - Caribbean household with honorable parents was my safe haven. My lessons on intimate relationships were as a result of the example set at home. My parents’ marriage was the ultimate partnership and a genuine fairytale marriage that I mistakenly believed was replicable. They lived to make each other smile - they practiced heartfelt authentic love. My first marriage was a sort of dream also, just not the fairytale type. Yes, Tilsa nightmares are dreams too. Fortunately for me, in my book of life there is still time for a fairytale. WTM What was your dating life like in your early 20’s? GMC I dated very little in my 20s. I had a couple of serious relationships with genuinely decent guys and spent most of my
time learning my craft as a financial services computer software project manager. Dating was less of a priority as a result of my own desire to become an executive before starting a family. Occasionally I miss-stepped by dating a “bad boy” or 2 – but I retreated to my safe place quickly. Fortunately for me, I was blessed with my son (through adoption) and had the support of my parents to help him transition from a one parent household to our big heartwarming family. He and his little family are one of the best things to happen to me – but that’s a different article. WTM Given your hectic career lifestyle, what made you decide to get married? GMC This is my truth from my perspective and I am not entertaining a rebuttal of any sort. It was a mistake. After a couple
of years of dating, I entertained the idea of marriage because it was an adult thing to do and we seemed to like each other enough. My first marriage suffered from the deliberate results of the defendant not fully grasping the concept in the marriage vow of “forsaking all others”. In less than 4 years it all disintegrated and all was done save the paperwork - which took another 3 years while I worked to support the family and also because I was the only one who remembered that there was a paperwork requirement. Church ministries often instruct folks to pray for the divorced. From experience I say folks should pray for those in bad marriages which is definitely more heartbreaking.
WTM Did you see yourself making the sacrifice to balance the ship? GMC One woman’s sacrifice is another woman’s crossed boundaries. As the elders say, I should have stuck to my first mind.
Some people like the idea of getting married until they experience the limitations. Marriage is not a piece of paper – it’s a contract in loyalty and truth. The choice of many spouses is an attempt to turn a blind eye to questionable behavior. In my case that choice resulted in being accused of being disloyal - when the boundaries of monogamy had been trampled. Many mature adults understand that staying married effectively requires self-examination and resolution that you deserve what the universe is giving you – a successful marriage. My first marriage was a self-inflicted wound on my otherwise spotless reputation of being discerning and unattainable. WTM Do share with our readers, what did you think caused your marriage to start breaking down?
Poor communication, bad financial responsibility practices, misogynistic behavior coupled with unresolved addictive dependence and self-medication. Many people do not heal from the wounds of their past and therefore mistreat their loved ones. The same reasons I was attractive are the same reasons that the marriage failed. Those closest to me would say that I bought a bag of beans hoping for gold at the end of the rainbow. Problem is that in the beginning, I didn’t have to settle. But all that glitters is not gold and after a few years that seemed true, the mask came off and the behavior was no longer adult like. I had mistaken age with maturity. I had ignored the clear indication that there was no compatibility. I had betrayed myself by trusting without verifying. WTM Did you make any attempt to attend counselling?
Absolutely. My older sister is a medical professional whom provides mental health care for the least of our population. By her guidance I sought local professional support and learned that I was over functioning as an adult in the many areas of my life. As a result my life was filled with people that did not “do”, because I would as “do”. If the bills needed to be paid – I paid them. If I was hungry – everyone ate. If the house was in need of cleaning – I did it or hired help clean. After understanding how I contributed to the dysfunction – I elicited assistance. My request was met with reluctance and resentment. I found it amazing that I had to explain why adults had to clean up after they used the facilities. When I suggested family counseling – there was additional reluctance, however, after a handful of visits that stopped. The last question I recall coming from the counselor “Why do you think that as a healthy adult – you don’t have to work? You claim to love your wife – so why should the financial burden be hers alone?” The response – get this “Because she can afford it!” WTM At the dissolve of your marriage was it dramatic or mutually reasonable? GMC It depends on what you call dramatic. Divorce papers with a financial agreement sat out in the open for months until
the defendant invited the police to arrest and remove him from our home. Once my divorce was eminent, I had fewer financial responsibilities; my home atmosphere reverted to being safe, comfortable and warm. I no longer had to concern myself with erratic negative energy or having an ungrateful dependent. My mom used to say there is nothing worse than a house enemy – someone who is close to your heart, an opportunist - extracting the life out of you. As a result of my own error, I was subjected to the importance of everyone else’s opinion and the false perception of a Christian home being more important than the painful reality. WTM Your parental household consisted of two people who were in it until death shall we part. Do you think this type of
commitment still exists? GMC You are asking about loyalty and monogamy. My parents’ marriage was a result of both mature adults forgiving the behavior of their youth and pressing forward to raise a family. So yes I believe in loyalty and monogamy but for different reasons than the bond of one partner for the rest of your life. Maturity gives birth to an image of what an ideal spouse looks like including values. Successful marriages are a result of two people who selected each other because they agree with physical and emotional attributes including looks, intelligence, and behavior. I am confident that the ideal partnership is the first place there is forgiveness, patience, and acceptance. The softest, safest place to land is in that relationship. Marriage is a about the commodity of the ultimate partnership. Failure in my eyes is as a result of the disconnect that comes from settling for less than the picture you have in your head and the warmth you have in your heart as it relates that partnership. WTM Give me a fair and unbiased answer. Why should anyone get married? GMC Everyone shouldn’t get married, because marriage isn’t for everyone. Additionally, the contract of marriage should not be
identical for everyone. My first marriage is the perfect example of being unequally yoked emotionally, spiritually and intellectually. They call it a ‘”starter” marriage for a reason. Similarly to a starter home – marriages need affection and effort but ultimately as a result of experience you move into a much better situation that feels, looks and is just the relationship growth needed to be healthier and genuinely happier. First marriages that are built on insincere perception can end amicably with intention. W E TA L K I N M A G A Z I N E
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Truth is once I was separated, I forgot that I had been married – that I had failed myself by accepting less than the universe truly wanted me to have. Being a divorcee has been the best life ever. I loved myself before I was married and now that I am free of that mistake the love affair is unstoppable. A miserable marriage is way worse than a happy single existence. This is not new news to adults. Please note that a good relationship is not about romance and a bad one isn’t always about heartbreak. Truthfully, my heart wasn’t in my first marriage. I didn’t say there wasn’t love – I said my heart wasn’t in it. I refused to change my name and I entered it with the caveat that if we lasted 10 years and the stars aligned where my driver’s license/passport needed to be renewed I would consider changing my name. I called it practical – that was not a popular decision. I knew that I did not want to be his wife because I was already my own successful person and there was nothing being married could do to make me better. I knew without question that my heart would beat with or without him and I was content. Your marriage is successful by what the 2 parties define as a marriage; could be open; could be monogamous; could be roommates; could be supportive. Just make sure that if you change the definition, the second person to know should probably be your spouse/partner. Getting married again would be an option not simply because I am being asked or because companionship is necessary for adults, based on my parents’ generational understanding. I would get married again because the currency of a successful marriage would net tangible profits to a healthy existence and most importantly – a safe place to land. My perspective, I am too old to be anybody’s “girlfriend” and besides, I am really good at being a wife – by my own definition. I am a decent cook, I keep a reasonably clean household, I am hard working, well respected by those who matter and I give good….massages. A childhood friend of mine says it best. A good marriage is where you matter to someone other than immediate family. A good marriage is where you are when you are sick, incapacitated and at your worst – yet someone else is fighting to protect you from everything and everybody that would inflict harm. A successful marriage is a soft place to land after a long hard day when life has beaten you down - not to be mistaken with a good mattress – a good marriage is when you look at that other person with all of your/their faults and inadequacies and the goal remains to do what is necessary to carry you both to the finish line. A successful marriage requires heartfelt dedication and selfless behavior that only results from maturity. A good marriage means hard conversations and standing in someone’s way when they forget their own importance to remind them to be sensible. WTM For some divorced women, a percentage tend to give up on men, a fraction cross the line and date the same sex and the remaining do believe that their heart will go on. Which category do you fall in? GMC Both. There are lovely wonderful people in the world and everyone deserves love, heterosexual as well as homosexual. You raise a good point – because if your heart isn’t in the decision then you will not win at love. I do not mean romantic love – I mean through the fire love. I also believe that we as human beings give up on ourselves too quickly. We don’t believe that universe wants us to experience bliss. Therefore, we start out in these relationships not liking ourselves and seeking validation openly or indirectly. I am rare in that my parents taught me very early that no mistake was forever and I may not be everybody’s cup of tea but I am beautiful and I am the cream of the crop. They impressed upon me regularly that my loyalty, ambition and kindness would be rewarded by the universe rather than some random other human being. I have never expected another human being to be responsible for my happiness. In essence I am the main course and everybody else is gravy or dressing – without them I can be content – with them I will still be content but with a little more flavor. WTM Describe how you connect with your now matured and forever yours partner? GMC The universe blessed me and I have no misgivings that it could be forever. I take our bond one day at a time and praise
God for the opportunity. If it ends tomorrow, I am confident that it has been the best few years of our lives; and it helps that he is an incredible friend, provider, professional and lover whom I cherish and wouldn’t trade for the world. He is the kind a man’s man that women crave and if he doesn’t choose me for the heartfelt fairytale, I am grateful for our time together. WTM Do you see yourself getting married again or are you keeping a fraction of your heart protected? GMC Protecting myself is not necessary because he provides a safe place for my heart, my thoughts and my dreams – every
day of this romance nets a return on the investment 500% of my original offering. The universe promised me great things and so far that is what has been delivered. Celine Dion’s song, My Heart Will Go On surely fits a lot of divorcee stories, however Grace’s story is better suited by blasting The Honey Cone’s version of One Monkey Don’t stop No Show. So if you are still asking, “Why Should I Get Married?” Then perhaps watch Tyler Perry’s movies for the answer. Follow Grace on Instagram @gmclarkem S E C O N D
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Star Boy —
‘Cricket Wicket He Knows How t o S t i c k I t ’— Author T ilsa Wright May Jump the B r o o m i n 2 0 2 0. “IN MY YOUTHFUL YEARS I THOUGHT I WAS IN LOVE. AGING WITH EXPERIENCE HAS TAUGHT ME TO QUESTION EMOTIONS, INTENT AND HONESTY.” BY TILSA WRIGHT
It took me years to get over a few sour grapes. My emotions weren’t realistic, I believed he would stick around because I gave him transparency. Oh boy! I was wrong, naïve and stubborn to say the least. As menopause approaches, I am being encouraged by the community to find a companion for the golden years. So the question is for me and many women; do I really need a Mr. Right, ‘Why Should I Get Married?’ The character in my second book, Star Boy somewhat mirrored my true life story. The plot is that I wasn’t like Tania though, she forgave and took her Star Boy back, not to mention, procreated a mini Brian Lane or two. Brian and Tania’s love story is identifiable for some real life couples. You will have to read the 3 part series to know how strong Tania’s heart is truly built; and if Brian Lane is a stand-up guy worthy of the power couple partnership. My girlfriend literally just text me. “Men consider themselves the prize, however my dear you ARE!” This tug and pull between men and women as to who is the catch in the relationship, often time leads to settling and selfishness. But I am not a marriage counselor and let me just share a little about me and this “dude” we call LOVE. I truly admire and require loyalty from a man I consider my heart throb. A ride or die soldier, is a code I live by when I consider my man to be the ONE. If he’s on top of his hustle, I am there. Tables do turn and in this case, if the legs fail, I will find the wood, carve them and nail the table back to its original and stronger form. The mature fact, I refused to comprehend as do some partners, is that nothing last forever. Preparing for the ending is like standing at a coffin especially when the death is sudden. Our hearts are ripped out and smashed into pieces. My high school love button is who gave me a great experience in friendship. When the union ended after 5 years, my mental capacity to accept the outcome shrank. The D’s lived within my soul for a number of years. They were Doubt, Depression and self-Destruction. I folded and crumbled into a popular phrase- “A woman scorned”. I totally destroyed any and every intimate relationship and hopeful situation that was around me. In retrospect, I honestly thought the world was against me and my views. But it took life changing experiences, of solitude, religious cleansing and most importantly my calling for the creative genre to bring me around. Results have allowed me to heal and slowly build an open mindset. ‘Thank God for music and writing! Therapeutic to say the least.” For the past 6 years I have been intentionally celibate. I used to categorize all men as cheaters and some outright opportunist as an added trait. But there are a few “Mr. Right’s” in this world. For me right this second, I am guarded with my time and impatient when a man comes across as a source of entertainment. A year ago I met a fellow music creative, we conducted business and kept it moving. Four months after our initial encounter, I called him with a progress report. I recall telling him, I had to keep him updated as something significant took place for all parties involved to gain from. I was totally oblivious; the young man had been attracted to my-finesse from day one. Ok I am blushing here. But it took him 8 months to submit his application for courtship. Who knows what 2020 will bring, just perhaps I will be on the cover of #WeTalkin with him as my leading MAN! Or maybe I will keep it to myself….Or maybe we will enjoy each other’s company and grow together as compatible professionals….See you in the next episode.
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AND SO... THE QUESTION REMAINS… WHY SHOULD I GET MARRIED? “Because the person I am with, I will have to be completely in love with them and I could not see my life without them.” @calliemore “He is the love of my life. I center his soul.” @ayoundaly “You should get married because you operate like you are married already, coupled with you have an understanding of your mate and why they are the way they are. No religious, pregnancy, financial or friend, family or professional pressures should trump that.” @hhpovpresents.heroeshq “Because the union between two people is beautiful. I believe in it. Spiritually and also physically through child. I’m not sold on the contract.” @shanikulture “One should get married if and only if they find the person willing to do the work and go the distance. Getting married is one of the most important decisions one will ever have to make. Many spend too much time preparing for the wedding and not enough time for getting ready for the marriage. Marriage isn’t designed for selfish individuals so ensure that you create a friendship and eventually a marriage that is a safe space for both parties to cry, love, laugh, make mistakes together and win. Put your spouse at the top of your to do list!” @caribammedia “Any man or woman will know when it’s time to be married. It’s not a decision you make based on years you two spent with each other. Although time equals experience but the importance that time will tell is compatibility. I have been with my wife for 10 years and married for 4. Her actions over a period of time drove my instinct to embark on our matrimonial journey. Trust me you will feel it when it comes… Love and Marriage.” @reggae_rage “I think marriage is a union founded on the balance of attraction and security. Love is a waste byproduct of this compound. The ‘Fear’ of losing my partner to someone else’s attraction causes on to secure the ‘id &ego’ with the ‘security’ blanket of marriage. With that being said, marriage isn’t a necessity for everyone (especially not for me) but it’s a sweet comfort that someone is ‘eternally in debt to you, however long your ‘eternity’ lasts…” @butters_basics
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THE BIGZ PICTURE BY JENNA HERCHE Andy Benjamin, more commonly known by his stage moniker “Bigz Benjamin” calls East Flatbush home. Bigz has had a passion for music since he was very young; lyrical, versatile, fun and relatable is how Bigz describes his style. Intrigued by rap battles, he was engaged in cyphers early in his career; he got his start with T.P. Elliston, who let Bigz record for the first time in a studio. He was fortunate enough to be mentored by Ronald Bostic, who is (best known for producing a hit single for SWV back in the 90’s). Ronald ultimately signed Bigz to his label. His mentorship with Bostic prepared him for his present day situation, as co-owner of N.B.A. management. He also went on tour and opened for Reggae veteran, Junior Reid, in Tuscan, Arizon. He has performed at Summer Jam (Out Stage) as well. I see you had the privilege of meeting BIG in person, at a cypher you won; did he inspire your name at all? If not, what was the inspiration? “Honestly, that day created Bigz Benjamin; I was seven years old and just being told that, ‘I had next,’ was something that I will never forget. Biggie made it okay to be you, in a judgment driven world; he was a fat dude with swag and this energy, that just made everything feel like there was no stress,” he reflects. Bigz was also inspired by an entire era of music; Big Daddy Kane, DMX, Big Pun, Jay-Z, 50 Cent, Big L, LL Cool J, Busta Rhymes, Nas and MOP for starters. Video Music Box, hosted by Ralph McDaniels, is also credited with giving Bigz the visual behind his biggest motivators. Who would you like to work with in the future? Bigz replies, “I am fortune to have the opportunity to do music, with any of my N.B.A. (Never Broke Again) or fellow Shark members. A collaboration with anyone of us on a track with each other is classic.” Speaking of which, True Love features Bigz and Yung Cassius is certainly timeless. “We have a crazy family being built by my brother Yung Cassius.” Bigz explains. With the passing of Nipsey Hussle, has he inspired you to do better personally and professionally? If so, how? Bigz responds, “C.I.P. to the late Great Neighborhood Nip; man, great job family and thanks for your blessings. I can’t say that Nipsey inspired me because I have always been an uplifting, let’s get together and build for us, type of person.” He does admit that, “He showed me that it is possible to do so as long as you align yourself with people thinking on your level and believing in your dream. Professionally, Nipsey did it without the big labels and that definitely gave me hope that it is reachable.” What legacy would you like to leave behind for future Hip-Hop enthusiasts? “I just want to be remembered as the one that made everybody feel accepted; no matter color, size or shape. We are human; catch a vibe and have fun with the fat guy,” he envisions. “I want the future not to be afraid to be themselves; don’t follow the wave, create one,” he continues, and I happen to agree. I would like to see more individuality and originality on the forefront. This issue of We Talkin discusses relationships; I understand you are married. How long have you been married and where did you meet? He gushes, “Yes, I am and have been for eight years now. Best decision I ever made; my wife is amazing, and I’m blessed to share life with my queen.” They met in Tilden High School, where he would cut class and go to her class. “Her teacher was a rookie and overwhelmed by all of the kids, she never noticed me” he explains. “We started off cool and little by little, we became who we are today, inseparable!” he continues. I was curious as to what their favorite type of date night consists of. “May sound crazy but, we honestly enjoy each other’s company, doing anything from bowling to movies to clubs to family parties to just walking by the lake sipping, wine and talking,” Bigz confides. As someone who is single, I wanted his perspective on how hard it is for someone to be married in the industry. His feedback was candid. “It honestly is a challenge for an artist if you are constantly away from your loved one and faced with temporary temptation every day; I would be lying if I said it was easy, but the key is realizing that the temporary temptation is temporary and you have a lifetime of love, security and happiness waiting for you to come home.” He also keeps an open line of communication with his wife and they talk about everything; he credits that with helping them to stay strong.
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BAKEMAN
LET’S SEE WHAT HE HAS COOKIN’ BY JENNA HERCHE BAKEMAN GLOBAL is a rising star, who has been on my radar for several years now. Hailing from Bedford-Stuyvesant in Brooklyn, New York, this lyricist has been busy building his resume. Currently, he has four songs in rotation on various platforms; Netflix, VH1, Power 105.1, ABC, HBO and BBC TV, for starters. His last project, Pen Wallace was released this past February and the title has a lot to do with the former NBA player Ben Wallace and Christopher Wallace. Ben Wallace represented blue collar hard work, the clean-up guy and we all know the story, back spin behind the late great Notorious BIG. “Pen Wallace relates to my style of me being a hard working artist from Brooklyn. These observations aren’t self-proclaimed. The people recognize this. The fan favorite single from this project is the track “Brooklyn.” It’s just a well put together record representing a lot of legends from Brooklyn. There are no visuals out as of yet.” The track, “Brooklyn” was debuted by DJ Self. Speaking about DJ Self, I saw that you were on his radio show recently. How many hoops you had to go through to land this opportunity? “It was a dope feeling being on Power 105.1 with DJ Self. As an artist anytime you can get your record push from one of the top DJ’s in the city, it’s very motivating. I didn’t have to go through any hoops to get there either. Several people that I’m connected to as well as DJ Self recognized that I’ve been working hard and they presented me with that opportunity that I am grateful for.” A lot of people think that success is overnight. One can be in the game for over ten years and face numerous obstacles throughout their tenure. So, I had to ask what’s his biggest hindrance was thus far, he replied, “The lack of a lengthy budget. On the come up, we are often stopped in our tracks when we can’t pay for certain services. Just like in many areas of entertainment, things cost and you have to be able to invest in yourself.”
Bakeman has been fortunate enough to have his music played on various networks, which I know, is no simple task. He credits his connections with certain people, and their relationships with the platforms, for this exposure. He exclaims, “It’s a great feeling when you hear your music played in a movie or television series. I’ve been fortunate to have mine in both.” Seeing Bakeman on tour with VH1 Love and Hip-hop cast member Bianca Bonnie this past April, was indeed another accomplishment. He describes it as being a very dope experience. “Going to other cities gaining new fans is a crucial part of the artistry. We can get the support of the locals, people who know us, very easily but it’s always good to win over the outsiders. I had a dope response in the other cities.” Bakeman Global’s moniker is more than just a name. As a former basketball player, he has traveled abroad extensively, prior to pursuing his music career. Based on his travels, he would like to return to Australia. “I fell in love with it immediately. The people are very welcoming.” He continues, “Due to the fact that I’ve had a very successful professional basketball career there, I’ve managed to win over many of those same fans with the music.” I was curious who Bakeman would like to work with in the future, with respect to producers. He notes, “There are so many dope producers in the game; both past and present. But the one I would choose if I had to pick one would be Swizz Beatz. His sound fits me the best.” Speaking to peers in the industry, Nipsey Hussle was recently killed. When asked how this will affect the game in general, he responded, “We lost a humanitarian, somebody who genuinely cared about the betterment of the people. It’s sad how we don’t realize someone’s greatness until they’re gone. His passing has motivated many of us to become more unified. We have to continue where he left off. The Marathon Continues!” Nipsey was a community leader and tried to increase awareness amongst his constituents. I was intrigued as to Bakeman’s level of community involvement and was impressed with his feedback. He said, “I do my part by being present at community events and making sure my message is sharp and positive. I am around a lot of artists who are on my level or above, but when it comes to the positive messages, we don’t see them at community events that involve performing songs. It feels great when I am constantly called on for these situations. It keeps me humble and reminds me of how strong my presence is.” This is a position that I hope more people in the industry adopt. In the same spirit, Bakeman is starting a non-profit organization called YPOP, an acronym for “Your Problem, Our Problem”. YPOP is a course that teaches you how to make lesson plans for your classes; a certification that the majority of educators require. He reflects, “Being able to have a huge impact on the young kids coming up is very important to me, so it’s up to me to be the best I can be. The more equipped I am, the better it will be for them.” Considering this issue speaks to marriage and relationships, I just had to know if he was single, dating or married. He is in a committed relationship and states, “The communication is strong; dealing with someone who doesn’t have insecurities, trust issues or holding on to old baggage, has been great. He acknowledges that dating someone in the entertainment field can be tough, but “As long as you are truthful, and there are no surprises, things run smooth.” W E TA L K I N M A G A Z I N E
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